#like my self control does not exist
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hi guys i accidentally did it again (spent so much time locked tf in on a wip that i neglected my actual life to a point that it is not functioning super well) SO !! everyone keep sending asks about dad lando and for the oscar win game BUT you are now legally required to assign me a chore when you do it. you can ignore the prompts associated w them if you want to ask about one of those other things. ok thx peace & love !
#ask game#personal#chore time#it’s soooooooo bad i’m rlly bad at denying myself when the wips are wipping#like my self control does not exist#priorities are to-do lists!!!! and laundry. but pick whatever speaks to you and i’ll be happy
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something i've been thinking about:
Wally is set up as a sort of "main character" by the whrp. he's said in the site's description of the show to have introduced the main theme/lesson of the day's episode, and then the rest of the neighbors join him on his escapades. but then we have our first glimpses of everyone's actual dynamics and characters through the audios and you look at Wally and its like
first of all, thats an npc. second, nearly everybody else has severe main character syndrome
but its fascinating how Wally is just kind of... There. he doesnt talk much. he doesnt contribute beyond a couple of lines. its more like he joins the others on their shenanigans. he fades into the background. he's off to the side while everyone else holds conversations & leads the moment
Wally, despite being described as Thee character, is borderline background.
& whats even more interesting, within his individual secret audio files and interactions - he's almost chatty. not only that but the way he talks is more confident and faster paced. he's taking initiative. he can be kinda pushy. when talking to the qa/whrp/Us, he acts more like the character his descriptions portray. he acts more like a person instead of a puppet waiting for his next cue
I cant tell if - when around the neighbors - his tepid milk behavior is a purposeful act or if he's masking. and if he's masking, is it deliberate or involuntary? and in regards to both, why is he acting so different? It could be tied to what he's trying to accomplish. if he's trying to "restore" Welcome Home, it would make sense for him to act as he does around the neighbors - he wouldnt want to clue them in that he knows so much more than he's letting on, would he?
but then that begs another train of thought - what if he isn't acting or masking? if there is a time discrepancy between Wally's interactions with the qa/whrp/Us & the more 'official' audios, that could explain the difference in behavior. we could be getting glimpses into "future" (read: current) Wally, who's had much more time to figure himself out since we can safely assume he started out as a blank slate. we could be seeing a more experienced Wally than the one seen with his friends.
of course that line of thinking loses some merit when considering the 14 "bug" audios. or it could lend to it... if we're seeing a more experienced Wally but his friends are only seeing what he allows them to. it's still him, just... a carefully curated version.
in general it could really tie into the themes of identity and change and being other, to me. when you're so different - or you feel so different - that you can't bring yourself to be your most authentic you around your friends. when you feel like you have to hold back and be who you think they expect you to be, or what would be most palatable. most normal. will they accept you as you really are? there's always the fear and terror that the people you consider closest to you won't. or when you're so scared of change that you'll shove down & lock away parts of yourself so that you can keep things as you are. because once they know you've changed, so will they. and really, do you want to even accept that you've changed? what if that's what scares you most of all - that you're different, you've metamorphosized, you can't go back to the way things were because you yourself are no longer the person you were before. there is no reversing this no matter how much you try or pretend
#its just so fascinating#the whrp: wally's The Guy!#wally (with his friends): the most lukewarm dude ever#then he's alone or alone with home and its like Hi My Name Is Wally Darling & Welcome To Jackass *off-tune guitar riff*#bbg has ✨problems✨#and like - im giving all of his stuff a re-listen to make sure im not misremembering or completely talking out of my ass#but his phone call? the way his VA is delivering the lines seems So fuckign different than in the shared audios#his tone is flatter. he sounds more sure of his words and himself. he Sounds like he's in control and knows it.#immediately going from that to a shared audio where he puts more inflection in his voice & doesnt talk much#and when he does talk its slow. meandering. his lines are more befitting of his audience surrogate role#which only makes me feel more like he's acting/masking (again: if that time discrepancy does indeed exist)#which - as someone who kinda compulsively masks around Literally Everyone no matter how much i want to Not - it kinda hits hard!#i suspect that he Is masking instead of acting. he's The Most Autism as we all know so it would more than fit#and that could add an extra layer if it's automatic and he can't turn it off. or if he doesn't want to turn it off#but also acting... a misplaced attempt to protect his friends and world? not feeling like he can share his 'true' self? augh#wally darling you make me unwell. i want to dissect you#wh speculation#welcome home speculation#homebogging#and then listening to his little record audios#he starts out talking like he does in the shared audios and then slowly gains confidence until he's speaking more like he does in the call#just. wally not being talkative in the neighborhood to the point where everyone's like 'yeah wally isnt much of a talker'#vs him chatting away to the qa/whrp/Us#of course it could be because he has to carry the entire conversation on his own#But. but. you can still carry a one sided conversation and be hesitant or awkward or um. missing the word rn but short-sentenced#brief? succinct? concise?#wally's fully trying to make conversation with someone he knows can't reply. which is interesting#so many ways to take that. well. three#maybe he doesnt feel listened to in his day to day life / he feels more comfortable and can relax / hes been alone for a long while#anyway there may be more ways to take this but this is all my tiny poppyseed brain can reach atm
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I feel like SV girlies haven't seriously considered "codependent mutually obsessive JuliNemo" yet and that's a shame, really. I've seen a lot of wholesome ChampionRank (really cute but a rehash of every wholesome yuri I've ever seen, not much original content here and that's okay) and one-sided obsessive yandere!Nemona ChampionRank (REALLY do not like the villainization of Nemona's neurodivergence but eh, you can do whatever you want forever) but not as much "these two get on like a house on fire. and boy, it's dry season" ChampionRank.
Where is "battle-hungry socially starved trainwrecks who have no one but each other" JuliNemo. Where is "oh god these two exacerbate each others issues into the stratosphere and this can only end in disaster but I can't look away" JuliNemo. Where is "bringing out the worst in each other and scaring the hoes" JuliNemo. Where is "you two are perfect for each other. Never change, just never involve anyone else in any of this" JuliNemo. There's so much potential here. Toxic codependent yuri save me
#pokémon#pokemon sv#championrankshipping#julinemo#babbles#my juliana is such a mess#she does not make friends easily and can't keep relationships for long at all#whenever someone enters her life she aants to make the best impression so she lovebombs them incessantly#and that either comes across as too much too fast or causes people to get too attached.#but she's young. she is very young. and the people who bothered to match her energy had ulterior motives#so now she's too afraid of getting too close to someone#she'll act the part but never show her true self#and at the slightest hint of genuine connection she'll RUN.#this of course clashes horribly with Nemona's own overbearing personality and loneliness#you know how she wants you to be her ideal rival. and you end up becoming exactly that.#yeah to my Juliana this was kind of a nightmare because. as much as this toed her boundaries#she isn't so inept as to not recognize a bit of herself in Nemona. so she decided to ride this out and appease her#and UH OH! she got attached. fear and need for control and validation from feeling wanted mixed in her head#and she started matching Nemona's energy and the two jumped into dating too fast and oops. they're codependent now#they literally can't handle being away from each other for more than two days or they start going feral#i wish i had the energy to write this one because i'm fascinated by this horrible dynamic. i want to study them in a rat maze#edit: i feel like i should clarify that this interpretation relies on Florian existing and being the one to help Penny and Arven#Florian isn't without his issues. he's a huge people pleaser too. but he's more of a doormat who can't say no
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from the bottom of my heart i am so, so tired of my mother, she's not a terrible person but my patience is so thin i just feel like doing something drastic
#the amount of self pity she does when i ask her to let me exist is insane#as long as im quiet and listen and take her shit it's fine#but the minute i open my mouth im like my father who always blames her and never takes responsibility for his actions#which is very ironic given she always says she is the one carrying my parents' marriage#that as long as shes quiet and listens and takes his shit its fine#but the minute she opens her mouth shes the villain of his life#like. god i am so so so tired#i am having a shitty few months#i need a vacation.#i need to be allowed to grow up.#like jesus fuck man you raised me to have a one track mind surely the fact that i now have a one track mind can't be a surprise to you?#surely the fact that im not interested in other tasks and do them the lazy way rather than the perfect way#can't be that much of a shock?#perfectionism can sometimes just be another name for being a control freak
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i think something moonage daydream was really good at doing was capturing a vibe
#sir.txt#the thing it was second best at was painting a picture... that movie is a watercolor rendition of a galaxy to me#i feel like the linear progression of bowie's life in the movie never being marked by any specific dates not even years... it gives it that#not cut and dry feeling. none of these events exist solely in one day of one year they are something that will span longer than ourselves#one day- a couple of hours- stretched into infinity simply by the fact that they were not confined within a date#i think that's something worthy of bowie. to be immortalized not through the medium itself but by how the medium refuses to cage him within#any set parameters that would be too extreme and unsatisfying for him would he be there to choose#instead letting him trespass all those barriers and just be and transcend#my boyfriend says the film is like bowies superstar cosmic journal well i say the film is like bowies watercolor rendition of a galaxy in#formation- and all the stars are still forming and the watercolor still hasn't dried as another layer is added so shades melt within-into-#each other#like how bowie refused to keep himself caged within one style one look one identity he surpassed all of those boundaries and transformed#into something else... it is only fair that the film capture it in a similar way... all of the flashy colors and editing is just a#projection of bowies spirit itself in all its vibrancy and extravagance without being supercilious#this movie was touching but also fun for the sake of fun and eccentric for the sake of eccentricity. it's a must watch for whoever loves#bowie at his most raw and unrestrained and undefined... i felt like falling through the screen to bw held by him at several moments#BECAUSE that's what the movie is it's the galaxy wrapping its arms around the unknowing astronaut#and welcoming them into itself because nobody in this reality is actually an outsider of life- nobody passively observes the universe-#that's something that i found very moving in the film was how bowie surpassed that feeling of all-encompassing loneliness that was#what propeled him to create art... and found acceptance and loving and understood he wasn't alien to all of it.#it's very moving again like i said. but specially movingfor someone like me who struggles so hard not to simply idly observe things and let#life reject me. I can't keep letting these things write themselves into existence over and over and maybe just maybe#that film helped me snap back into a higher sense of lucidity where i realise i have to take control of my life#but like. anyway.#bowies life is very mythologised but in part it is very much a self constructed myth which he himself took the time to skillfully architect#and its such that myth ceases to be only in suspension and untangible: bowie being extraterrestrial.#he.... he integrates so much into the planet he does become an energy traversing through earth. he becomes life itself but in the least self#important way this sentiment could be expressed.#there will never be another bowie- as there will never be another dylan or reed or lennon. there will never be circumstances which will come#but to quote the movie. his life hasnt ended. only changed. thats beautiful. anyways my tags are up
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Justice for jolyne wdym emporio defeated pucci
#can i say maybe i dont like where this is going bc i dont like the priest. like why not have dio do all this. i have to endure his boring#self while not having any motivation bc i still dont know why he wants to do all this bc that backstory doesnt justify anything#while dio is in the background and he has a motive to hate the joestars and create a world without them. idk#this is like light and near but unjustified#i would have prefered the priest resurrecting dio in some strange way than him doing all this i think#and i still dont like his powers ☝🏻 they dont make sense to me and the evolution doesnt either. how can you just flip stands.#also his rant about how he killed all his enemies... josuke and giorno are out there now lmao#retracting my statement they changed the opening but just this last episode#i do like the destiny stuff like the same thing happens in a new world bc of necessity and the whole plot has been about things happening#because it needs to happen but why does this reset need to happen??? why does pucci want it?? so everyone can be happy?? why??#literally nothing that happened to him has been the joestars fault. dio brainwashed him? ok SHOW IT#like the plot is okay but the priest doing all this makes no sense it could be anyone at this point#okay i get it now destiny is like gravity.... but his stands changing makes no sense still. the disc thing got out bc of the plant baby. ok#but the gravity just changed to something else entirely??? to time??#he kept repeating time and space but a space stand would be the hand. gravity is something else entirely#its not like velocity>acceleration or star platinum and the world velocity>time. that makes sense#gravity and time is like my stand makes anything into ice cream and then it makes things disappear#rant at this point but yeah#okay control. the priest wants to know exactly what is going to happen at all times to be prepared and evolve?? and why would dio want this?#weather report...... i mean it was meant to be#yeaaahhh emporio roast him#irene and anakiss ajdhaisjaisjakakakak#i might be crying but this doesnt change my pucci criticisms#the ending song..... incredible choice#i think i liked golden wind too much and i cant control myself and not compare#but pucci doesnt make sense to me here apart from being a priest and wanting to fulfill 'god's' purpose or whatever that means#so now there is a new world but with joestars but they dont have stands?? or just pucci doesn't exist (or dio)#so just the prison gang doesnt get them. but ermes didnt go to prison either. idk#talking tag#watching jojo
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i said it on my swiftie blog last but fuck it i'll say it here too bc i woke up still annoyed about it:
for a website that does a ton of bitching and moaning about media literacy and and saying all this "you all clearly didn't pay attention in high school english", funny how suddenly none of y'all know what a fucking metaphor is.
of course taylor wasn't literally raised in an asylum! the public eye is the inescapable asylum!
i think about all the genuinely shitty and harmful things i've said and done across all my nearly 30 years. i have said and done some awful shit, because i am an incredibly fallible person who was raised by incredibly fallible parents and relatives, raised in a fallible community (things i literally had ZERO choice in) and surrounded by incredibly fallible friends. i have hung around some horrible people who said and did horrible things.
if i had to learn everything i've learned all while under a microscope from the public-- yeah! i'd go fucking insane! i wouldn't last ten seconds in that!!
and i really reckon you wouldn't, either, because the unfortunately reality is we're all fallible. most of us just have the luxury of being complete nobodies
#i'm not saying anyone has to LIKE the album#i'm not even saying everyone HAS to listen to the album i really don't care and honestly i'm glad we're weeding out some of the normies#but the way some of y'all act like you've never said or done ANYTHING shitty in your life#idk maybe i'm too forgiving bc ever since i was 13 i've just been existing from one mental health crisis to the next#also it does continue to be LAUGHABLE at how little self control some of y'all have#like it's so fucking easy to ignore the artists bands and celebs i hate or don't like#y'all probably don't even know who that list includes apart from the obv musk and bezos bc i waste no brain space on any of them#anyways it's probably time for another small tumblr break because THIS asylum regularly drives me insane lmao#i get being a hater can be fun now and again but at what point are you doing nothing but engaging in being a hater as a form of self harm#trust me:#surrounding yourself with nothing but other haters and negativity actively makes you see and think the world is worse than it already is#been there#like one of my psych professors would say: cathartic behaviours are only helpful up to a point. they can quickly become a form of self har
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...
#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the#best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b#like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional#control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood#weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start#crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way#not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi#now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in#this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do#moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an#then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose#things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the#picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to#absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal#away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i#still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop#switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping#would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is#but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually#unrelated#i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static#but focus is not a thing i cna control
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🙃🔪.
#i'm mad about being treated badly and i wrote two very long draft posts but it doesn't matter. the details don't matter.#u just cannot treat me like i'm an incidental object while depending on my support while also berating me passive aggressively for something#-i did not cause and was out of my control#i literally just existed near it and was an easy target to lash out at.#while also being completely uncaring about & not acknowledging any of the support i agreed to help u with or the factors that made-#any of that difficult for me.#like u just can't.#i'm not even the focus of this person's ire i'm literally incidental to her#it's ok tho i matter to people and i have self esteem and i'll be fine.#there are ppl hurting more than me so i'm finding good places to air my own stuff w/o that getting messy#reminding myself that being kind to and offering support (with healthy boundaries) to strangers usually does not feel bad like this.#i can and will offer support again in future but i can also change or revoke it when i'm being dehumanised.#me#ramble#(this is a vagueblog but it is not about anyone who would be able to read this.)
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there are many things i could make this post about, endless and endless options; but i can't get my hands on any of them right now so here's this pocket lint i found -> *
#just me hi#i have so many thoughts they cancel each other out so i have No Thoughts <3#//i started Another writing project last night cuz i have no self control and :D#why does word hate me :D#/i keep meaning to finish that fpaa chap too but i am Not happy with the dialogue i've written so i'm waiting for it to come to me in a#fever dream hvbhdjf#//ALSO GUESS WHO;S GROWING MARIGOLDS AGAIN :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#the sun BLASTED my last ones out of existence but not this time baby !!!#i named her Maria :DDD she is very pretty <333 [the plant has only recently sprouted]#/maria mariaaaaaaaaaaaa you remind me of a west side storyyyyyyyy#eurgh my sister keeps asking 'wait is its name Mariana?' no baby that's the wrong song <3#but now i have Both songs revolving orbiting my head loll#//i have Got to organize my time better smh#i've tried a couple things but they do Not work since we operate on Out Of Sight Out Of Mind hvbhfjfs#does anyone want to trade brain software? this thing has some bugs but it's pretty ok. if you'd like a lifelong project to yell at for a#lifetime :)#i think my hardware is fine- wait no#my knee has been weird recently! not sure what's up with it but every now and then it'll start hurting unless i walk kinda weird hhh#think that's it though! my hardware's a little worn but that's just how a beloved item gets its fingerprint ykno#//i also had another homemade burrito yesterday and it had SoMuchCheese.jpg i couldn't finish it hvhfdbjhvjf#it was sharp cheddar too eurghughuge#all in moderation !!#apparently ma had some leftover cheese and my burrito happened to be the last one made fvshhhdh#i like cheese but i also hate milk. cost#ykno what tho mozzerella is rly rly good !!! like the Best cheese ever !!!#parmesan is p nice too but you have to have it with food so beh#sharp cheddar is ok‚ i like to take tiny nibbles cuz it's a lot lol :>#//aw crackers i think i'm out of tag space-- or am i ?? i can't tell‚ they bubble-wrapped my tags !!
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Hell hath no fury like an agility trainer told their sport is easier than obedience/protection sports.
#but the dogs can be on leash for obedience sports! they say forgetting that that is not true for more than half of even rally#But you need control in high arousal! they say forgetting that protection phase even exists#it's not to say that agility is easier to be a champion at#but it does have a beginner appeal and is relatively self-reinforcing for a drivey dog#so my point was that it is not a sport that many people start in with good control on their dogs like obedience or protection sports#and that it is often because the environment and training style puts less pressure on the handler to have as much precision or control#I'm a newbie at agility#but I can say that even at the foundation level the dogs are allowed more leeway to be silly and less precise and intense#so the full sport might even be harder but oh boy do agility people have big opinions about it being the god tier sport
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So by the time they even meet Amaldyne will 1) have preconceived judgements (despises him) and 2) be in so deep with Eityr that neither of them have room for close relationships of any sort in their lives, but I think there’s an alternate universe where Leoshgon and Amaldyne date. It would HAVE to happen after her family dies and while Leo has the sword (aka when Amaldyne is enough of a control freak and Leo is at his most useful). But like. It definitely COULD.
I imagine it would be much like the Overseer’s relationship with Leo in terms of the dynamic, but the internal forces driving it would be different. The Overseer enjoys control and possession for its own sake. He likes that one of the most powerful forces currently at play belongs to him. Leoshgon is a tool and a possession, and a trophy, but the love goes beyond that. He’s a person who isn’t magically bound but chose to stay anyway, and the Overseer loves THAT most of all (I imagine some of that love fades after Leo loses the sword, which I think Leo would interpret as the Overseer seeing him as a tool, but is more the Overseer wanting a partner who chooses him). I think Amaldyne would lean less “posession” and mor “objectification.” Leoshgon would be, to her, an extension of herself and her values. Leo is in her corner. Leo is fighting her battles. For her cause. For HER. She loves that Leo never disagrees with her (or at least that he always sides with her in the end), that he’ll do anything for affection and validation. And even if parts of Leo want to be his own person (want to be a person) he loves having somewhere to belong and someone to love him, even if it means being a doormat for someone who’s love is very much conditional.
And I think that’s why, if Leo was in a relationship with Amaldyne instead of the Overseer when he gave up the godslayer sword, she would kill him for the betrayal when the Overseer would keep him for coming back at all.
#lemme just be pretentious about my lizards#does this make sense?#idk so much Lizard Lore exists only in my brain and nowhere else#and i don’t know how much people know/remember from my posts/can intuit based on context clues etc.#anyway for the record these relationships are both different brands of awful#like leo is fucked either way#honestly the only difference is that amaldyne theoretically gives him a moral high ground#because he isn’t fighting to bring the world under the control of a murderous autocratic necromancers#However much like eityr he does enable amaldyne’s worst impulses and feed her ends justify the means mentality#like fully uncritical of her even as she gets more self-serving and violent and questionable and rigid#idk if he’d return to her after giving up the godslayer sword#i feel like he’s pretty good at reading people he just has very skewed ideas of how relationships should work#so much like with the Overseer he’d probably get to the point where he realizes that his partner wants him Fucking Dead and abandon ship#(for the overseer the murderous impulse is an extension of love. for amaldyne it is Not)#should i tag for some kind of warning or something? i feel like i should#tw abuse#abuse tw#idk if that’s the right tag but i feel like better safe than sorry#because yeah these would both be TERRIBLE for leoshgon#anyway sorting tags#the lizard crew#amaldyne#amaldyne rotwing#leoshgon#leoshgon varmillius#the overseer#leoshgon/the overseer#leoshgon/amaldyne#<- not officially canon but a fun concept i like to rotate#i am but a scientist putting two chemicals into a beaker and seeing how they react <3
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“As a biologist, the terms biological woman and man don’t make any sense to me” okay then you’re an idiot and a terrible biologist. I swear to god, morons like you only become biologists just so you can hold it over others, when in reality, if biology deniers like you can become biologists, then being one really doesn’t mean much anyway. But this probably just gave an autogynophile like you a boner to read, anyway.
Oh fun! Haven't gotten one of these in a while. Disregarding the fact that you somehow think the qualification for being a biologist entirely hinges on defining womanhood, I do need to ask some clarification. I know I'm feeding the trolls here, but here we go: does your definition of "biological woman" mean:
Sociological woman? Eh, context dependent, I'm not fully out of the closet, but oftentimes, I am and present femme. So let's call that one 50/50.
Psychological woman? Because I am one.
Neurological woman? Because I am one [1].
Physical woman? My soft tissue redistribution is handling that well.
Hormonal woman? My blood tests are within cis female ranges.
Transcriptional woman? As a signalling molecule, the downstream effects of estrogen have broad transcriptional effects, completely changing the profile of gene expression and functional genomics of my cells. [2]
Genetic woman? I mean, see my above point- as far as my genes that are actually active, I have all of the same transcripts being produced, controlling which genes are expressed.
Karyotypic woman? I actually have a few signs pre-HRT that might point to a non-XY chromosome pair, but I haven't had a karyotype. We'll put that down as unknown. And hell, even if its XY, there's plenty of cis women who are karyotypically XY, with suppressed sry or complete androgen insensitivity. Interestingly enough, a completely androgen insesitive woman can go her whole life without knowing- and functionally, is very similar to a trans woman, actually. Fancy that. [3]
Reproductive woman? I can't produce an egg cell, but neither can significant fractions of cis women. Also, this is all gonna change soon, which is fun. [4]
There's also a lot of understudied aspects to the biology of HRT and even pre-HRT that are emerging, largely demonstrating widespread cellular and genetic remodeling of trans individuals undergoing hormone therapy. The field is a bit behind due to constant political pressure to revoke funding, but a lot of the results are extremely exciting in both testosterone and estrogen hormone therapies. I'm sure that, as a self professed biology As someone who presumably has a lot of expertise in biology, I'm assuming that you're aware of all of this cutting edge research, and are keeping up with modern papers, including but not limited to these cool findings:
Trans men on HRT exhibit significant genetic and transcriptional changes that make them biochemically male. [5][6]. It's a good hypothesis that the same happens with estrogen treatment, but those studies don't exist yet- I'm sure you're reserving judgment until more publications exist, of course.
Trans men on HRT develop male cell types and tissues. [7]
Trans women experience muscular and blood cell changes that align with cis women moreso than cis men [8]
And many, many more! This is an exciting, underserved, and groundbreaking field of research, and I'm sure you're keeping up with the latest in scientific journals about it.
I'm sure, of course, that you understand that it becomes impossible to draw a distinct line anywhere in here, and that words like "woman" are shorthand for the myriad of traits that invisibly synthesize in our mind and in society to represent a concept? I'm sure you understand that science is fundamentally descriptive, not prescriptive? I'm sure that you understand that these findings, while really cool and interesting, actually don't mean jack shit about what the word "woman" means or not?
As someone who is the ultimate decider in what a biologist is, I'm sure you know that bioessentiallism is a childish mindset that completely ignores and disregards the constantly changing, dynamic nature of biological systems, something that extends well beyond biological sex and its relation to gender.
I'm sure that also, that you understand that beyond just this, that the role of science in society is to advise how to achieve our moral principles, not create moral principles in themselves. And I'm sure that understanding means you know that trans affirming healthcare and supportive societal treatment leads to reduced mortality and increased happiness for everyone, right?
So great to talk to someone who is surely a scientist on this. You are a biologist, if you're talking like this, I assume? I assume you're not going to spit complete misreadings of scientific language from the background sections of these papers that only reveal you've never read a scientific paper in your life if you're thinking this way? I assume you have experience interpreting data like this?
Also, imagining my genitalia while writing this? Ew. Please stop projecting your fetishes into my inbox.
Works cited:
Kurth F, Gaser C, Sánchez FJ, Luders E. Brain Sex in Transgender Women Is Shifted towards Gender Identity. J Clin Med. 2022 Mar 13;11(6):1582. doi: 10.3390/jcm11061582. PMID: 35329908; PMCID: PMC8955456.
Fuentes N, Silveyra P. Estrogen receptor signaling mechanisms. Adv Protein Chem Struct Biol. 2019;116:135-170. doi: 10.1016/bs.apcsb.2019.01.001. Epub 2019 Feb 4. PMID: 31036290; PMCID: PMC6533072.
Gottlieb B, Trifiro MA. Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. 1999 Mar 24 [Updated 2017 May 11]. In: Adam MP, Feldman J, Mirzaa GM, et al., editors. GeneReviews® [Internet]. Seattle (WA): University of Washington, Seattle; 1993-2024. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK1429/
Murakami, K., Hamazaki, N., Hamada, N. et al. Generation of functional oocytes from male mice in vitro. Nature 615, 900–906 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41586-023-05834-x
Pallotti F, Senofonte G, Konstantinidou F, Di Chiano S, Faja F, Rizzo F, Cargnelutti F, Krausz C, Paoli D, Lenzi A, Stuppia L, Gatta V, Lombardo F. Epigenetic Effects of Gender-Affirming Hormone Treatment: A Pilot Study of the ESR2 Promoter's Methylation in AFAB People. Biomedicines. 2022 Feb 16;10(2):459. doi: 10.3390/biomedicines10020459. PMID: 35203670; PMCID: PMC8962414.
Florian Raths, Mehran Karimzadeh, Nathan Ing, Andrew Martinez, Yoona Yang, Ying Qu, Tian-Yu Lee, Brianna Mulligan, Suzanne Devkota, Wayne T. Tilley, Theresa E. Hickey, Bo Wang, Armando E. Giuliano, Shikha Bose, Hani Goodarzi, Edward C. Ray, Xiaojiang Cui, Simon R.V. Knott, The molecular consequences of androgen activity in the human breast, Cell Genomics, Volume 3, Issue 3, 2023, 100272, ISSN 2666-979X, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xgen.2023.100272. (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666979X23000320)
Xu R, Diamond DA, Borer JG, Estrada C, Yu R, Anderson WJ, Vargas SO. Prostatic metaplasia of the vagina in transmasculine individuals. World J Urol. 2022 Mar;40(3):849-855. doi: 10.1007/s00345-021-03907-y. Epub 2022 Jan 16. PMID: 35034167.
Harper J, O'Donnell E, Sorouri Khorashad B, McDermott H, Witcomb GL. How does hormone transition in transgender women change body composition, muscle strength and haemoglobin? Systematic review with a focus on the implications for sport participation. Br J Sports Med. 2021 Aug;55(15):865-872. doi: 10.1136/bjsports-2020-103106. Epub 2021 Mar 1. PMID: 33648944; PMCID: PMC8311086.
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yandere! parasite who decides to inhabit your body after observing you from his previous host. you're so cute! you'll definitely be a lot more comfortable to be in over this... fumbling fool that's obsessed with you.
the switch is seamless and you don't even realize that you have a parasite in you until he speaks.
you were stunned, where did this voice come from? you look around you, thinking your boss or coworker had called for you... only for the face of a... translucent and handsome looking man to appear right in front of you.
"hey!"
"what the- where did you come from? wait a minute who even are you?"
"you're so silly. isn't it obvious that i'm a parasite and you're my host?"
"a... parasite?"
you freak out, thinking you have brain eating worms in you as you break down in the middle of your job. fortunately, the lovely parasite in you takes the time to comfort you through your brain.
he tells you that he won't kill you and that he's a symbiotic parasite. that he'll just co-exist with you for as long as you live. that he won't interrupt your life whatsoever, he just needs a place to stay, you know?
at least that's what he tells you and himself.
unbeknownst to him, he had... unfortunately adopted certain characteristics from his previous host. and what did that include? his obsession of course.
he doesn't notice it at first. he was just acting like his normal self, observing your day to day life for about a month or two while interacting happily with you through brain messages. everything was fine and dandy! nothing out of the ordinary for the both of you except for the fact that you now had a parasite in your brain.
and he was quite useful actually! improving your health, boosting your physical strength and stuff... it was so freaking cool! you never knew you could do all these things!
plus, he was so sweet! you two were definitely like a pair of really good friends even if you just met a month or two ago! he's just perfect!
that was, until he saw someone confessing to you.
he didn't understand what was going on. why did his chest tighten up at the sight of some other person confessing their love to you? why does he feel a sudden rush of... anger?
he turns to watch what you do and he swears he only feels more anger at how you react. cheeks flushed, pupils dilated...
no, he couldn't have that.
meanwhile, you were totally flattered by the sudden confession. especially when it was from this cute nerd from the IT department! maybe you'll accept- wait, wait, wait! why was your body moving on its own?!
"you belong to me."
the parasite in your brain mumbles as you lose all control of your body and begin walking away from your admirer. what the?! he's never done this before! why's he taking control of your body?!
"hey! give my body back!"
"how could you do this to me? i am hurt, my dear host."
you couldn't even respond, too shocked to even say anything before you try to resust again. obviously it wouldn't work but it doesn't hurt to try.
"hey cut it out! i thought you said we're just living together? what's this? you totally messed up my chances of getting with someone!"
you were about to snap back when you feel a cold dread creep up your spine. shit, you forgot he could control everything in your body.
you could only watch in horror as he brings your body back to your apartment before he forces your body onto your bed. his translucent body appears in your vision once more, pinning you to the bed. you couldn't even resist even if you tried. he controlled your brain after all.
"you're my host, therefore, you are mine. i do not understand what's so hard to understand."
gritting your teeth, you could only allow this parasitic admirer of yours to stare down at you while grinding his hips into yours. damn, what's he trying to-
"hah... you're so cute... i love you so much... can i explore you? I'm so curious. I've always looked away when you were bare but..."
you couldn't even say no if you tried. your body was responding on its own. damn it! his brain controlling abilities were too good! maybe you should be a parasite in your next life.
"ah... is that a yes? god, i love you. i love you, i love you... i love you so much my darling host."
...
were you about to have mental sex with the parasite living in your body right now?!
#yandere#tw yandere#yandere x reader#yandere drabbles#yandere scenarios#yandere imagines#yandere concepts#yandere parasite#yandere parasite x reader#gn reader#suiana rambling#suiana brainrotting
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Rivalry | Bakugou Katsuki x F!Reader
katsuki catches feelings for his new rival
Bakugou Katsuki has a crush, and he refuses to admit it.
There’s a girl in his class who drives him absolutely insane. All throughout middle school, he’s had the top grades. His attitude, foul mouth, and appearance may fool people into believing he’s a delinquent—and to some extent, he is—but the truth is that he has a rigid, early bedtime, he does all his homework diligently, he studies at great length for tests, and he’s never missed a single day of class.
He’s the best student there is. Or rather—he’s just the best in general.
But this year, everything changed.
There’s something about you that seems to catch everyone’s eye. You showed up at the beginning of the school year, a new transfer student, and from that moment onward, Katsuki swears his life got flipped upside down.
You’re gifted. You’ve got the best grades not only in the class, but out of everyone in the whole school. Every time exam scores are posted for others to see, Katsuki is forced to grit his teeth at the sight of your name at the very top, time and time again.
It’s not just your grades, though. You’ve got a powerful Quirk, too. It’s some kind of energy control that allows you to levitate objects, enhance your physical strength, and also defend against attacks. It’s strong and versatile. Perfect for becoming a hero—which is exactly what you plan to be.
The final nail in the coffin is that you’re also popular.
Katsuki is used to being the center of attention wherever he goes. He’s used to being complimented for his intellect, his talent, his strength, and the sheer magnitude of his presence. Thanks to everyone praising him to high heaven, ever since he was a kid, his ego has become massively inflated.
So, when he realizes that people are paying more attention to you than they are to him, he doesn’t know how the hell he’s supposed to handle it.
Katsuki finds himself glaring at you just about constantly. You’ve always got a group of students gathered around you. You’re always smiling and laughing, looking carefree as can be. You’re also the only person in the whole class who doesn’t treat Izuku like dirt—which just pisses him off even more.
One day, you stop in front of his desk with a bright smile.
“Here you go, Bakugou,” you say, handing him a cookie. “This is for you.”
Katsuki looks up at you in disbelief. “Why would I ever want this shit?”
“I dunno. It was my birthday recently, so I baked cookies to hand out to the class. Don’t you want one? I thought everyone likes cookies.”
“I would rather die than eat that,” he snarls, and he angrily shoves the cookie back into your hands.
He’s dramatic as all hell, of course, and that kind of vicious remark would have been more than enough to make anyone feel self-conscious. It was needlessly harsh. He obviously didn’t mean it. Given the option of eating your cookie or dying, he would definitely eat the cookie.
Not that it really matters, though.
You’re completely unfazed.
“Damn, I didn’t know you were deathly afraid of cookies,” you muse. “I’ll have to keep that in mind for next time. What about cupcakes? Are cupcakes safe for you to eat?”
Katsuki’s entire face turns red. “That’s obviously not what I meant, asshole!”
“I know,” you giggle, and for some reason, the sound makes Katsuki’s heart skip a beat. “Sorry for teasing. You’re really funny, Bakugou. I like you.”
He parts his lips to respond, but he’s incapable of forming any words. It feels like whatever he was about to say just died in the back of his throat. All of a sudden, he’s frozen in place, brain running haywire.
“I like you.”
You’re making fun of him. You have to be. And why should he even care whether you actually like him or not? He doesn’t give a shit about you. He can’t stand you. You’re the bane of his goddamn existence.
…fuck.
That’s what he keeps telling himself, but given how red his face is, it’s sounding harder and harder to believe.
“I’ll make something else next time,” you beam. “I’m sure one day, I’ll figure out something you like. I’ve noticed you eat spicy food a lot. Maybe I should try making a curry. Ah, but if it’s good, you have to be honest with me, okay? You’re not allowed to lie.”
Katsuki’s heart does another flip. It’s so stupid. He can’t believe his mind even bothered to read into it, but…
The fact that you know what kind of food he likes means you’ve at least been paying some attention to him, right?
“I’m going to beat you,” Katsuki blurts. His voice wavers slightly, and he grinds his teeth together in embarrassment, but still, he persists. “On the next round of exams… I’m going to place first. Just you watch.”
Normally, Katsuki can’t stand to lose. He can’t stand the feeling of inferiority. The idea that someone else might be better than him.
And yet, despite his frustration, despite how much he claims you drive him up the wall, he actually doesn’t mind the challenge. It’s exciting. It makes him respect you that much more.
“We’ll see about that,” you grin—and he’s convinced you have to be the prettiest girl he’s ever seen.
No doubt about it.
Something about you just gets his heart racing.
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#bakugo x reader#bakugo katsuki#bakugou x reader#bakugou katsuki x you#katsuki bakugo x reader#x reader#bakugou katsuki#bnha bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugo mha#bakugo#katsuki bakugou#bnha x reader#anime x reader#bnha x fem!reader#bnha x you#oneshot#bnha fanfiction#my hero academia x you#my hero academia x reader#reader insert#my hero academia fanfic#bnha fanfic#my hero academia fic
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weeping dragon
pairing: neuvillette x fem!reader
summary: neuvillette thinks he isn’t deserving of your love.
content: cliche !!!, reader trapped in his house bc of rain, lil antsy but happy ending
wc: 800
a/n: mm hii!! first fic here! I hope you enjoy it I kind of wrote it in twenty minutes and I’m just publishing it without beta reading bc (we die like men) I’m just too in love with neuv and I want to share it with the world lolol
Neuvillette couldn’t bring himself to even think about making a move.
He kept many secrets, and every time he faced your bright smile he would remember it was not his place to disturb your peace. After all, how could a young woman like you endure the dangerous claws of a dragon?
You had stopped by his house to discuss the latest trial and his emotions got the best of him, causing a rain to start pouring.
A storm was approaching; lighting was seen through the window and low thunders could be heard. Neuvillette plagued himself under his breath, hoping there would be a day where he could better control his feelings.
“Here,” he said as he handed you the cup of tea. You watched the lighting curiously, “I do not think the storm will pass for a few hours. You should stay. For the night, I mean.”
You took the cup of tea and averted your eyes from the window to Neuvillette’s face. You studied him with caution, as if it was the first time you ever saw the man — even though you worked together for many months.
“Are you okay?” you asked, ignoring completely his offer.
The words got stuck in his throat and, for a few seconds, he really thought he wouldn’t answer. The man sipped on his tea, his mind racing while trying to figure out why you would ask that all of the sudden. “May I ask why are you asking me such a question?”
It was a small gesture, but he saw it all the same; the way you flexed your hand. There was something you wanted to grab?
Something you wanted to hold?
“They say… It rains when the Hydro Dragon weeps. Yeah, that's what they say,” you murmured and once again looked out the window. To the storm. “The Hydro Dragon. That would be you, right?”
Neuvillette almost choked on his tea, every part of his body malfunctioning and leaving him with only one thing for sure: in his entire existence, this was the first time he was left completely and utterly speechless.
Your warm and comforting eyes turned to him, and you grabbed his cup of tea to put it alongside yours on the coffee table. “Neuvillette,” you spoke his name as if it was a piece of poetry you were yet to learn — eager to do so, “Talk to me.”
And then— your hands, so small and fragile if compared to his, touched him. Your fingers traced his, and you embraced his hand between yours. He could feel the warmth of your skin contrasting against his cold one, pulling him closer, closer, closer.
“When did you figure it out?” was the first thing he said, scared it may be recent. If so, there still is time for you to run, for you to escape. To turn your back and never see him again. It’s probably the best for you, he knows, but this little selfish part in him can’t stand the thought of seeing you gone.
“A month ago or so, it doesn't matter,” you’re quick to cut the subject. “I didn't mention it because I knew you didn't want me to. I’m just worried, that's all.”
Worried.
She is worried.
The realization clicks in Neuvillette’s mind, for the first time in so long acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, he was too, deserving of someone’s concern and care.
“You are saying it does not matter,” he repeats as if to confirm what he just heard.
I pushed you because I cared about you. I pushed you because you made me feel good and comfortable. I pushed you because I thought my true self would frighten you.
Yet, you’re here. And you’re telling me it doesn’t matter.
“It doesn’t. Never did,” you frown. “I just wanna know, no— I need to know why it is raining, Neuvillette. Why would you weep? I’m here with you, talk to me.”
Without giving it a second thought, Neuvillette’s right hand finds your lower back and in a split second you're pressed against his chest, the tightest hug you have ever been given. He’s much taller than you, and you can feel perfectly as he inhales your scent and hugs you tightly.
“Neuv—”
“I thought I had to restrain myself from you. I thought I was no good,” he finally speaks his mind, distancing himself enough for you to see his face; the weeping Dragon. Oh, the melancholy in his eyes.
The eyes of someone who almost lost something precious.
“Neuvillette,” you whispered. “There’s nothing better for me than you.”
And it was true; so you pulled on his hair just enough to have him connecting your lips, a sigh of relief escaping him as if there was nothing in this world he had anticipated more.
#wbysaber#neuvillette#neuvillette x reader#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#fontaine#neuvillette x you#neuvilette#neuvilette x reader#fanfic#oneshot#drabble#imagine
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