#i like cheese but i also hate milk. cost

[princessnijireiki]

had to include this reply for the absolute vibe • @astralikacastle

Humor me, Tumblr,

Your extremely nerfed fairy godmother appears and offers to magically resurrect one discontinued corporate food item for you, in perpetuity.

What do you ask her for?

Personally I'm still pining for peanut chexmix.

[squid-socks]

Just to vent.

I hate my food intolerances why?

If people know I can’t eat that food they act like they caught me red handed lying if I eat that food. SOMETIMES I CAN CONSENT TO THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS✨

Easy meals are dead. I can’t eat pasta and bread and cheese and cream. Any wheat really. So whilst everyone can get a sandwich or a pastry on the hand when out and about I CANT. I have to cook my breakfast lunch and dinner 😭 it’s just annoying and I don’t have the energy for it. (And why are all the “easy meals” on Pinterest just fucking pasta??)

People treat me like I have a silver spoon in my mouth bccs I eat vegetable rich and protein rich clean foods. WHEN I ASSUE YOU THE STARBUCKS COFFEE AND TREATS THEY EAT IS HIGHER IN COST.

I can’t eat fast food - basically at all. So people hate eating out with me bcs if I say nothing and go to the fast food place with them and eat a bland salad they feel like I’m not participating or something. But if I say I can’t eat that - I’m being too prissy or picky! IM NOT TOO GOOD FOR FAST FOOD IT SEEMS TO BE TOO GOOD FOR ME 😭😭

Everyone has some alternative to recommend I probably can’t eat anyway. No gluten free pasta does not work for me. No lactose free dairy is not solving the issue. Oat milk makes my joints hurt. No fake cheese tastes like shit and is full of even more crap than the regular cheese.

Every food I can eat is now “wrong” in other people’s eyes. Oh if I can’t eat dairy due to inflammation I now also can’t cook with ANY oil except bla. Oh how DARE I eat cabbage - so so inflammatory!!🙄🙄

Servers will lie to your face about what’s in a food if you don’t look sick enough or don’t state “allergy”. I don’t have an allergy bcs I won’t die if I eat pasta. But I will feel like shit for a fucking week so don’t lie to my face and act like IM THE PROBLEM!

In my house - if you cook you HAVE to cook for everyone. But my family never wants to buy MY needs in grocery so I always have buy EXTRA for them bccs im not allowed to just cook my own tolerance meal. WHEN ALL THEY FUCKING EAT IS BREAD. 😭

Ok so clearly my main problem is; other people up in my fucking business. 👀👀

[esta-elavaris]

Flufftober Day 6: Hot chocolate - alternate prompt ~ James Norrington/OC [1,365 words]

My Flufftober '23 masterpost can be found here, and my behemoth of a main fic about these two is here 💜✨

Notes: Drinking chocolate was actually the most common form of chocolate in this time period, but I have decided that I am flouting historical accuracy here. Alternatively, given that this is a world where Beckett existed and he was a horrible little fuck who hated joy, I like to think he and his ancestors were on a lifelong campaign to stamp out drinking chocolate from the lives of those in their sphere of influence, and James has therefore never heard of or tried it. Not only is this a reasonable headcanon to have, it’s also so valid and so wise. Okay? Okay.

James had lost count of how many voyages he had undertaken under the banner of Norne Maritime Protection at this point. Enough for the crew of their flagship to stop grumbling over Theodora’s presence – both in matters of business, and on a literal level – which could only mean that there had been many. A combination of James’ firmly making it clear that disrespect would not be tolerated, combined with Theodora’s nature, the one that had her rubbing shoulders with pirates like it was nothing, soon disabused their men of any notions that she should be sneered at or talked down to. Those who did not come to this realisation in a timely manner soon found themselves without employment.

Unsurprisingly – at least to James himself – those who lasted any sort of time before ultimately being let go only did so at her insistence. He would have them off the ship from the first moment of disrespect, to make the no-tolerance policy very clear. It was Theodora who insisted on having a chance or two at cracking them. Usually through stomach-dropping feats like scaling to the top of the rigging to do some repairs herself or, on one memorable occasion, almost costing a man his finger in a game that involved taking turns with a knife and unfailing hand-eye coordination. Unfailing in his wife’s case, at least.

James struggled to decide which of the tactics he liked least. More often than not, however, they worked – especially now that the bulk of their growing pains were behind them, and this…this thing of theirs was running smoothly. Consistently. This voyage had been a particular success. There had been but one glimpse of a pirate ship, and it had turned around the moment its captain realised that the merchant vessel they’d sailed with was accompanied by a force to be reckoned with. Their fiercest foe had proven to be the cold, with winter swiftly nearing, but Theodora adored the cold so that he could hardly grudge her the happiness it brought.

Conditions above deck were frosty as he moved about, looking this way and that for the telltale red hair of his wife. She hadn’t been in the cabin, and with the day drawing to a close he was hoping they might eat together and then retire, but he would have to find her first.

It was one of the men aboard who directed him to her in the end, answering his enquiry of ‘Mrs Norrington?’ with ‘the galley, sir’ which boded…suspiciously. James wondered what combination of bread and cheese he was about to be confronted with this time. The crew having long since eaten, he found his wife alone in the galley, an enormous simmering pot of milk to her left and a slab of chocolate to her right, which she was massacring with a vigour that was both fearsome and oddly enticing.

“What are you concocting?” he asked in the way of greeting.

Theodora looked up, then she smiled at him – something he always had no choice but to return – before she returned to her efforts.

“Concocting?” she echoed. “Are we resurrecting the witch rumours, then?”

“Didn’t you know? I was the one to start them the first time around. It was my way of warding off any competition I may have had.”

Approaching, he moved to stand behind her, his chest at her back as he watched her work from over her shoulder. Theodora chuckled.

“Oh? You like your women on fire, then?”

“Evidently,” he teased, lifting a hand to tug gently at an errant strand of her hair.

Laughing softly, she set the knife down and leaned into him, taking up a chunk of chocolate she had not yet cut to shreds and holding it up towards him in offering. After a quick glance ensured none were about to bother them, James leaned forward and ate it directly from her grasp, his lips enveloping her fingertips and sucking the swiftly melting chocolate off of them as he did so.

“Your hands are cold,” he murmured, feigning ignorance to how her eyes had become hooded as he teased her.

“You needed your mouth to assess that, did you?”

“An old naval trick,” he said with a great deal of mock-solemnity.

“I’ll verify that with Groves, you know. We write.”

James doubted it was an empty threat, knowing Theodora.

“I’ll confiscate your quill,” he countered casually.

“This is how it’s going to be, is it? Not allowed to read or write…what’s next? Chaining me to the stove?”

“My love, if I was going to chain you to something, it would not be the stove.”

A beat passed – not because it took that long for her to understand him, he knew, but because she was second-guessing whether she’d understood him correctly. Turning her head, but remaining in his arms as she did so, she caught sight of his smirk and her eyes widened in dismay that he knew her far too well to believe.

“James Norrington!” she gasped, before smirking up at him. “I’m sure we’ve spoken about your threatening me with a good time.”

He chuckled lowly, keeping the close proximity and watching as she worked. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

His intrigue grew as she loaded the pot of simmering milk up with the chocolate she’d just demolished, stirring it until the milk turned to a pale brown colour and a sweet smell permeated the galley. Then, she added a pinch of cinnamon and, after tasting, a touch of sugar.

“I do hope this isn’t some strange manner of soup,” he commented.

“It’s hot chocolate.”

“You’re…warming chocolate? Wouldn’t that just be melted chocolate, then?”

“Not literally hot chocolate. Drinking chocolate. I’m surprised you’ve never had it – then again, it’s not really suited to Caribbean climates. I knew it’d get cold while we were out here, so I brought what we’d need with us. Then I started making it and realised I’d feel guilty if I didn’t make enough for everybody…hence the vat. But we get first crack at it.”

James watched, intrigued, as she ladled some of the hot chocolate into two tankards she’d set aside, evidently expecting him to root her out sooner or later. He smirked at that, and only stepped away from her when she handed one of the tankards towards him, knowing if he tried to drink that from her hand things would take the gesture from flirtatious to ridiculous. Then again, given his wife’s penchant for the ridiculous, perhaps she’d enjoy it.

She turned to watch him, sipping from her own cup as he tried this hot chocolate – and then beamed when he, after scarcely a mouthful, stopped to stare at her in amazement.

“See?” she grinned.

“I can’t believe you’ve kept this from me in all the time we’ve been married,” he hummed, taking another sip, relishing in how it warmed him after all those hours above deck.

“Have to keep a few things up my sleeve to keep the spark alive,” she said drily, topping up their mugs despite the fact that neither were yet half-empty.

“Oh?” he played along. “What else do you have stashed up there?”

“Well I know you’ve got chains up yours, so I’ll have to set about outdoing that.”

He chuckled – not least because of the pink tinge her cheeks adopted as she said it, however much she tried to act unbothered as she teased him. There would never come a time, he knew, when he’d tire of making her blush. Not least because it seemed a privilege granted only to him.

Links: AO3 -- FF.net -- flufftober masterpost -- dividers by cafekitsune

[loominggaia]

What fancy and decadent dishes do the Great Kingdom leaders and their families love to eat? Do they secretly eat food that’s more “plebeian” as they might say?

Good question! I think it would be tedious to go through every single character's tastes, so I'll just talk about the most notable ones.

FOLKVAR: Juvella loves traditional Folkvaran fudge bars. It's her biggest weakness. This woman tries so hard to stay in shape, attending aerobics classes every day, turning down so many junk foods at the royal feasts, keeping track of everything she eats to stay healthy...then every night, she hides in a closet while she secretly scarfs down a plate of these damn fudge bars. She's deeply ashamed and hides this behavior from Gultopp, believing he would think her weak for having so little self-control. In reality, he'd just be like "o shit u got fudge?? pass me some of those! :D"

MATUZU: Marghan has a taste for exotic cuisine, and it must be authentic! He has every meal imported from faraway lands, and he does so in the most impractical, expensive way possible. Of course he's not using his own allowance money for this, oh no...he's using Matuzan tax dollars for his cross-continental DoorDash orders, the little prick.

LAMAI: Chua hates gruju, but pretends to love it because it's synonymous with Lamaish culture. They force themselves to chug that crap at every gala to keep up appearances. Every one of their conjoined siblings has their own likes and dislikes, which makes dinner time a complicated ordeal. One sibling has an addiction to xamali and sneaks this alcoholic beverage whenever Chua isn't looking. Of course, Chua suffers the consequences of whatever their siblings consume...on more than one occasion, Chua has found themselves randomly drunk or on the verge of shitting themself because of things their siblings ate.

YERIM-MOR: Roz brews his own kombucha, believing it has all kinds of crazy health benefits. He drinks this stuff all day long and encourages his son Jaq to drink it too, but Jaq thinks it's gross and his dad is weird. Roz is also a fan of yogurt, cheese, and all things probiotic. This is a guy who tries to nurture life wherever he goes, but that's hard to do when his kingdom is such a pit of death. If he can't breathe life back into his kingdom, at least he can nurture microbial life.

ZAREEN: Qara and her husband are junk food junkies, but Qara is particularly fond of sweetpork burgers. In fact, her love of these burgers is so well known that she endorsed a Zareenite burger chain, appearing in their ads for many years. This chain quickly became the most popular fast food joint in the empire. Some would say it's unprofessional and uncouth--perhaps even unethical--for an empress to advertise such unhealthy slop to her people. But this deal scored Qara a lifetime supply of free burgers, and she regrets nothing. Her endorsement of such plebian cuisine won her points with blue collar Zareenites, convincing them that she was ~*~relatable~*~. Other people think her tastes are just as trashy as she is.

EVANGELINE: Indiga strikes me as the type of woman who eats the exact same things every day. A traditional blue breakfast, meat pie for lunch, blue dinner, and a couple cookies for dessert. Every day. For decades. She's so xenophobic, she doesn't trust any sort of foreign cuisine.

MOGDIR: Oberon has a thing for mushrooms, especially truffles. He demands only the finest specimens, no matter their cost. After snorting a long line of pink sugar off a hooker's ass, he washes it down with some silk milk tea, his favorite drink. His daughter, Winnie, is a bugs rights activist who refuses to eat any bug-based dishes. This is hard to do in a place like Mogdir Kingdom, as its traditional cuisine is based almost entirely around bugs. That's because in this culture, farming animals for meat is forbidden, but bugs are not considered animals here. Winnie is like a Mogdiri super-vegan who subsists on scrap rice and carrot mash. She won't even consume bug byproducts such as honey or silk milk.

ETIOS: Hethor loves to eat grass. She's a typical Etiosi grass snob who insists that different types of grass have completely different tastes. Other than that, she enjoys quite a bit of Folkvaran cuisine, which is shipped to her regularly by her pal Gultopp as an act of good diplomacy.

DAMIJANA: Serafeen regularly visits different Damijani restaurants and eats their food as a PR stunt. In reality, she can't stand her empire's native cuisine and much prefers Mogdiri food. Of course she can't possibly let her people know this, and they would flip their lids if they saw their god-like leader put a bug in her mouth. Most foreign cuisine is viewed as "dirty" and "uncivilized" in Damijana. Serafeen must endorse only the sterile, hyper-processed cuisine of her native land.

SEELIE: There is a cup of chocolate coffee within arm's reach of Titania at all times. It's one of the few little joys she has left in her grueling, never-ending life. She has grown sick of all flavors, having tasted them all too many times...but there's something about that chocolately coffee that never gets old to her.

UNSEELIE: Morgause enjoys pickled squid. She'll sit on her throne and eat it straight from the jar with her fingers, she doesn't give a shit. She seems to have a taste for bitter, vinegary things in general.

AQUARIA: Sovereign is infamous for eating live baby dolphins, considering them a delicacy. He insists they must be alive until the moment he bites into them for peak freshness. This makes him sound like a picky guy, but in reality he's a total glutton who will eat damn near anything you put in front of him. He'll even eat stuff he hates as long as it's convenient. Bro has a pretty bad eating disorder, to be honest...It's less about enjoying food and more about the act of consumption for him, which fits his greedy nature.

*

Questions/Comments?

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[princesscolumbia]

I'm starting to believe I may be autistic based on the overwhelming amount of the autistic experience I thought was...just normal, and since I have 4+ decades on this Earth trying to be Normal™, I've come after these foods over and over and over again trying to find something that makes it good, and in every single case here (for me), it's a matter of preparation or taste and because every one is more a category than an actual individual food item, very often you can find a variation in that category that you actually like.

If that's confusing, I'll do an example: There's basically two types of "chicken nugget" (technically, nothing is a "nugget" on a chicken, but that's another post), the kind that's breaded with batter and the kind that's breaded with crumbs. The batter is, IMHO, the clearly superior, but even in that category there's variations that change the taste, texture, etc. The crumb kind can suck my left ass cheek because it's like eating fucking dirt and I have crap all over my fingers and it gets in the dipping sauce and WHY does this shit exist?!

So that said, a breakdown of...

Things I've Discovered That Make This Shit Better (for me)

Chicken Nuggets

Batter breaded 100% of the time, but I prefer to think truly laterally on this one; bone-in chicken wings with rub (NOT sauced) and a dipping sauce on the side (usually blue cheese, but ranch will do if no blue cheese is available). No breading, no crumbs, no sauce getting all over your fingers. Yeah, you gotta deal with the rub, but that's what the term "finger lickin' good" is for. Also? The spicier the better.

Pizza

Do:

Find a LOCAL store/chain that PERFECTLY matches your taste. I'm talking the kind where there's one, maybe two locations in your city and they exist nowhere else

Figure out which of the Big 3 you can tolerate the most and order from them whenever you need to feed a crowd. Sure, you'll get that one asshole who complains about the brand of free pizza, but as you're dealing with someone who complains about free pizza, they can safely be ignored

Learn to make your own pizza sauce, both the "this shit took me two hours to make but it's goddamn ambrosia" and the "fuck, I forgot it was pizza night!" kinds.

If you need devices to take the load off of you because your spoon supply is low when it comes to cooking, get a bread machine and a food processor. Between those two you have all the tools you need to make home-made pizza.

If you like pepperoni, buy extra and keep it in stock, even if you don't home-make that often. Shit keeps for fuckin EVER and when you properly toast it under a broiler (yeah, I'm from America, deal with it) that shit slaps SO hard!

If you like Italian sausage, buy it pre-cooked from your grocer's

Do not:

Get frozen, shit's way marked up unless it's dollar store, and then you're getting dollar store pizza

On that subject, bread machine prepped dough is super cheap, like, "you don't ever think about the cost" levels of cheap and you have to restock the ingredients, like, once a quarter, if not year, and some of these ingredients can actually be bought at the dollar store, so DON'T buy crusts from the freezer section, it's SUPER marked up even at the dollar store

Buy from one of those "take and bake" places. Markup, markup, MARKUP and totally not worth it. Pay the employees to bake the damn thing or make it yourself

Mac and Cheese

Stop buying the boxes. Just...STOP. I get canned milk and a block of cheese to shred, and before I got comfortable with a box grater I used a food processor with the shredder attachment. I restock my elbow macaroni pasta once a month or so and have Alton Brown's stovetop mac'n'cheese recipe. It takes a little practice, but once you start making this, you will HATE how much you were LIED to about how mac and cheese is supposed to taste by those gawdawful boxes.

And it's customizable! Don't like sharp cheddar? Get medium or mild. Not a fan of cheddar? Pretty much any melting cheese will work and can be 1:1 subbed out. Too creamy? Cut down on the milk. Too dry? Add more milk. Not a fan of elbow pasta? Get fettuccini or penne or spiral, and since you're using a recipe that measures by weight and not volume, you can still do a 1:1 substitution with no calculator fussing

Oh, and if you prefer the shells 'n' cheese variety...surprisingly, the boxes are pretty good, 'cause the cheese is pretty much the same kind, and if you get the block from the dairy section it's got to be stored in the fridge and WILL go bad eventually if you forget to make it. Those boxes can sit on the shelf for a YEAR and once your executive dysfunction clears up you can make 'em in, like, 10 minutes.

Spaghetti

Wine. Specifically white wine or a light rosé. I'm not even kidding. It doesn't even have to be expensive, getting a cheap (sub $10) bottle from the liquor aisle at the grocery store is fine, you're not drinking it. Whether you cook a meat (I like Italian sausage for mine, but cheap hamburger is good, too) or are going meatless, you ADD ABOUT 3/4 CUP OF WINE TO THE SAUCE! Either you use the wine to deglaze your pan after cooking the meat or you pour it directly into your sauce once it's bubbling in the pot, but you LET IT COOK while your pasta is boiling. The wine REVOLUTIONIZES the flavor and if you've been raised on the sauce that doesn't have this because your parents were either clueless or bought into the lie about cooking with alcohol is bad or whatever, I guarantee you HAVE NOT had properly made marinara sauce for your spaghetti.

Also, SALT YOUR PASTA BOIL WATER! If you can't understand why people would shove strips of gluttony, wet dough in their mouths and call it food, well, neither can I, nor does anyone else with TASTE BUDS. You're missing the SALT! Two tablespoons for every gallon of water, adjust up or down based on the taste of your tap water. Also, once you've drained (DON'T RINSE YOUR PASTA OR I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND THROW POOL NOODLES AT YOU WHILE YOU'RE TRYING TO HAVE SEX!) your pasta, pour about 1/4 cup of olive oil (OLIVE OIL! NOT THE "Partially hydroginated ultra processed can by used in your car and also will outlast your grandchildren" 'VEGETABLE' OIL!) in the pasta pot and dump the pasta back in the pot and "toss" it to coat the pasta in the oil. This adds a subtle flavor to the completed dish.

KEEP YOUR PASTA AND SAUCE SEPARATE UNTIL YOU'RE PLATING! I cannot emphasize this part enough.

If you wind up with leftovers, add some room temperature drinking water to the container when you reheat! Give that bitch a stir and you WILL thank me. The pasta absorbs the moisture from the sauce and leaves it a bit tacky, so the added moisture returns some of the 'brightness' to the sauce on re-heat.

Scrambled Eggs

Milk. I'm not even kidding. If you were raised on scrambled and they always came out tough and rubbery instead of light and fluffy, it's because some asshat taught whoever made it for you to scramble the eggs without milk. Also, remember this: Scrambled Eggs are supposed to be LIGHT YELLOW with shades of white. If it's coming out orange or even brown, it's overdone.

When you crack your eggs into the bowl, add about 1 teaspoon worth of milk per egg. Use a fork and beat that bitch like the dead horse point you argued on that Internet post that one time. Get your NON-STICK pan on the heat (you're not a professional chef that uses stainless steel to cook eggs, and even they use non-stick for eggs) and use a coating of SPRAY OIL. Butter burns too easily and too quickly unless you're REALLY good at what you're doing. Keep beating the eggs as you're pouring them, then GET THAT GODDAMN FORK AWAY FROM THE NON-STICK PAN I SWEAR TO GOD KEVIN IF YOU USE METAL UTENSILS ON MY NONSTICK PANS AGAIN...!

Get a silicon scraper/spatula and turn the eggs. You're not stirring them and you're not beating them any more, they've been beaten and broken, this is egg aftercare, you're treating them gently at this point. Let them cook, but don't keep 'em on one spot of the heat too long. Turn and fold until they look slightly damp. Not even kidding. Slightly...damp. If you cook 'em until they're dry they'll be overcooked by the time you sit down to eat. They will continue cooking between the pan and when you sit down to start eating.

Burger

Your burgers have been overcooked and are being topped with a ton of shit you don't like. Get the pre-frozen patties from the grocery store freezer section. Get foil, you're going to need a rectangle of foil about 1' x 1.5' for every 2-4 patties you cook.

Also, get a small sledgehammer, not even kidding.

Get a BIG pan to cook your burgers. Get it on the heat and WAIT for it to come to temperature. Use the sledgehammer on the outside of the package of patties to break apart the ice holding the patties together. One good tap should do it. If you don't have a sledgehammer by this point, make a reminder for yourself on your phone to get one later (do it now, pull out your phone and add the reminder. You don't have meat on the burner yet so YOU HAVE TIME TO DO THE REMINDER RIGHT NOW) and bang the package on your counter until the patties separate. Kinda wish you'd gotten the sledgehammer first, now, don't you? Put the frozen patties down on the hot pan and sprinkle with salt. Yes, do it now. NOW. Shut up and add the salt. Wait until you can see enough brown creeping up the edges of the patties that it's about 3/4 up, then flip. If you timed it right you should see just a bit of darker brown compared to the rest of the brown of the patties and no pink. If you flipped too soon, that's okay, wait until the other side is more cooked and flip 'em back.

DON'T PRESS DOWN ON THE PATTIES. Don't. I will come by your house in a slutty nun cosplay and smack your knuckles with a ruler if you press down on the patties while they're cooking.

Once they're browned on both sides, put 'em in the middle of the foil you got out earlier, stack 'em if you gotta, then wrap those bitches up for 10 MINUTES! NOT ONE MINUTE LESS, KEVIN!

While you're waiting, warm up your buns. The hamburger buns. Get your ass off the stove, that's gross. Put your hamburger buns in the microwave for, like, 30 seconds. That should soften them up just enough to make splitting them a zero-effort thing.

Once your buns are plated and 10 minutes has passed, put the patties on the buns.

I kinda gotta have some sorta goo (mustard, mayo, etc.) on my burger, but I HATE relish. Pickles are okay, but I prefer not if I have a choice. My GF, though, likes the burgers I make with no goo on them at all.

Cereal

If you don't like cereal, I don't blame you. That said, if you want to power through and learn to love it even if it feels like you can't, make popcorn.

For real, make yourself some popcorn. Use a popper that'll salt the popcorn as it pops (air poppers are clean out for this, so is microwave popcorn, too much oil or butter) and once you have a batch popped, put it in a storage container overnight.

No, I'm not kidding.

Pour your slightly stale popcorn in a cereal bowl (YES, I'm serious!) and have a sweetener handy. I started with sugar (go with the basics to start, right?) and pour your milk, then sprinkle with some sweetener. Take a bite. Too bland? Add more sugar. Too sweet? Add a bit more milk.

Super cheap, fairly low effort, and you can sweeten to YOUR exact taste.

Do this on the reg and you'll probably never buy cereal from the store again.

Bagel and cream cheese

DO...

...NOT...

...OVERTOAST...

...YOUR BAGEL!!!

Bagels are already fully cooked. If you don't even care if it's toasted, don't bother. It's ultimately an unnecessary step that just adds heat, and if that's all you want a microwave works better for that application. If cream cheese is too "heavy" for you, there's other spreadable cheeses that aren't nearly as heavy that you can try instead. Find a cheese shop and say, "I have no idea what I'm doing here, but I need an alternative to cream cheese for my bagel, what do you have that's easy and spreadable?" They'll let you try samples, and the cream cheese the actual cheese shop has is probably better than that grocery store crap anyway.

Oatmeal

Your oatmeal is overcooked and overprocessed.

"Instant" oats should only be used for no-bake drop cookies. Never, ever use instant oats for your oatmeal breakfast.

Rolled oats are good for breakfast if you don't have the spoons to set up a slow cooker for steel cut oats. Just make sure to ONLY boil the oats for EXACTLY as long as the packaging says and NO LONGER.

Find the additives you like, there is no one way to have oatmeal. If you like your oatmeal with butter, salt, pepper, and a fried egg on top, nobody can stop you. I like a tablespoon of butter, a spoonful of brown sugar, a shake of cinnamon, and a pinch of salt. Find what you like, go wild.

of these foods that I consider classic, cliche autism "safe" foods, which one do you not like?

[pumpkinstep]

please tell me the ad campaign on milk story :3

I don't remember all the details but there was this whole thing about trying to increase the national consumption of milk back in the late 90s early 2000s or something like that.

Apparently it's a lot easier to target school children when it comes to these kinds of things so a lot of these ads were targeted towards them.

a lot of famous athletes got in on it and there were all kinds of posters for it in schools and commercials on TV channels during times cartoons would air.

the issue was that due to some kind of oversight, the country ended up with way too much cheese and milk.

Actually, drinking milk, and consuming a lot of cheese isn't really that good for you. Most people can't digest milk or diary properly, lactose intolerance is actually pretty normal, especially amongst adults.

anyway, the government needed a way to get rid of all this extra dairy, so they basically convinced the folks across the nation that milk was super super good for you and you should be drinking lots of it. It was kind of in the same vein of advertising that the sugar industry used to pin the blame of childhood obesity and overall obesity on Fat, like fats on meat or fats like butter and lard. Also the same tactics used by Gatorade to convince people it was really good for them when working out, when really pickle juice is just as effective and often used instead. From what I've seen and heard, anyway. I think it's the sugar content that outweighs any really strong benefit of the drink long term.

Anyway, this tactic is using TV doctors and overblown statistical data to get the point across.

In the end, the most effective way was to make schools add pizza to the menu for lunch. They could make it cheap, especially since the gov was already providing the cheese at a pretty low cost I think.

That's why pizza became a pretty big deal at the time as well. It wasn't just schools using it, but other places like papa johns, papa murphys, pizza hut, dominos, and the like.

overall, the campaign was just getting rid of tons and tons of excess diary, primarily cheese, as a side effect of some oversight or something.

It's a pretty sloppy retelling but there's tons of vids on yt on the subject if you wanna get into it.

it's a super weird campaign to be sure lol

I'm no expert so please don't take what I say as 100% fact, I'm sure I got something wrong haha

edit: Here's a fun fact, the milk industry hate hate hates milk alternatives like Oat and Soy milks, they fought pretty hard to keep them out of the cold section where normal milk is stored. The issue was, they were afraid people would buy less cow milk of there was a non cow alternative present in the same section. It would cut into their profits if it was presented like a normal milk.

it's easy to see why, when the product is staged as shelf stable like those weird tasting boxed milks that don't need to be refrigerated, it's not a big jump to assume it'd taste just as similar and weird, if you haven't had it before.

Already having it cold and presented like a normal thing you could buy like a typical carton of milk on the cold section really raises its odds of being purchased. increases visibility and gives it a better image right out the gate.

eventually they lost the battle and now you can find milk alternatives in the cold section with the cow milks. cool huh?

[hanemiso]

Operation: Dairy For Dazai

>>>a dazai osamu x reader<<<

request: "omg i love your post about Dazai and his possibility of having lactose intolerance hahaha, i wish you could do a fanfic out from that"

a/n: um this is such a great idea??? this was so much fun to write omg i hope y'all like it! also i know dazai doesn't necessarily drink coffee with milk and sugar/creamer, but for the sake of the story he does! also sorry if the gif looks weird, i couldn't find his weird little run anywhere else.

synopsis: no one has seen dazai drink milk or consume dairy of any kind...it's up to the agency to figure out if dazai is lactose intoleralnt or not!

warnings: one swear word, dazai not being able to handle dairy

"hey atsushi, you ever notice that dazai doesn't consume dairy?"

"what do you mean, y/n?" atsushi asks, glancing up at you from the computer.

"think about it. have you ever seen dazai drink milk? eat cheese? buy ice cream?" you press on, raising your brows.

atsushi takes a second to think before responding with, "now that you mention it, no i haven't...why are you asking anyway?"

"i think dazai is lactose intolerant."

you now have atsushi's full attention as he rolls closer to your desk and furrows his brows. he looks around the room for the brunette you're talking about before turning back to you, "you think so? i don't know...maybe it's like a dietary thing."

you deadpan, "you really think the man who goes out of his way to try new attempts at committing suicide--the one who came into the office with a hallucinogenic mushroom from a random mountain--is concerned with his own nutrition?"

atsushi goes silent and nods his head in agreement.

"come on, atsushi. i mean, why would that be the one thing out of his entire diet that he'd choose to cut out?"

"that's true, i've seen the kinds of things he eats...but why is this something you're interested in?"

"because, atsushi, the thought of THE dazai osamu even having one slight weakness--and the fact that it very well may be dairy, of all things-- is amusing. you don't find it interesting? that he can survive things like bullet wounds and getting kidnapped without any problem, but a glass of milk could completely ruin him?"

atsushi was beginning to take interest in what you were talking about. you had a point, he couldn't deny that. they don't know much about dazai and his life as it is. just as it began clicking in his brain, kunikida walks over to your desk to tell you both to get back to work. at the sound of his footsteps, you turn towards him and before he can say anything at all, you ask him the same question as atsushi. kunikida has a smiliar reaction and response to atsushi, which just adds to the curiosity of dazai's possible dairy problem.

"i don't pay attention to that idiot's diet anyway, nor do i care." he says matter-of-factly.

anyone could tell that kunikida was slightly interested, just by the way he was continuing to linger by your desk as you continued talking about it with atsushi. soon enough, tanizaki had joined the conversation; then ranpo and kenji, and soon everyone in the agency other than fukuzawa. everyone was huddled around your desk, sharing memories of dazai's lack of dairy consumption. it was then decided that this theory of dazai being lactose intolerant would be put to the test when dazai returned to the office.

ranpo had come up with the idea, it wasn't too elaborate but a simple plan that could trick even the likes of dazai into drinking a glass of milk. during the discussion of dazai's dietary habits, it was also brought to everyone's attention by kunikida that it seems dazai doesn't have a high spice tolerance either. with that in mind, the plan was for the agency to have a joint dinner tonight, with curry on the menu tonight; spicy curry to be exact. dazai always flirts with you in the office, so it was your job to distract him by indulging in his pick-up lines and such. once he takes a bite and realizes it's too spicy for him, he'd try to find water to alleviate the pain, but coincidentally there is no water in sight. because of this, he'd be forced to drink the glass of milk you hand him. of course, if this didn't work, for dessert you'd give him a cup of coffee with milk and sugar (he uses non-dairy creamer in his coffee anyway).

you and kyouka set up a table to put the bowls of curry on, while atsushi and kunikida began bringing in the curry. tanizaki, naomi, and ranpo were in charge of getting the desserts to really sell the image of a nice gathering. kenji and yosano were in charge of tinkering with the water pipes to close off any possibility of access to water. this task was treated with such care, as any mission brought into the agency would be. each and every one of you were interested in learning about this side of dazai; are you going the extra mile for such a minuscule detail of someone's life? yes, but will it be amusing to find out the truth? also yes.

soon enough, dazai is spotted out the window. the truth is about to be revealed, and you are all nervous but excited.

"remember guys, act natural! operation: dairy for dazai starts now!" you exclaim quietly.

you can hear everyone take a deep breath and begin "talking" amongst themselves as dazai walks in. he stops in his tracks as he eyes the table holding all the bowls of curry and widens his eyes in surprise.

"oh? what's this?" he asks, gesturing to the table.

"y/n suggested having dinner in the agency tonight, so we got some curry and desserts." atsushi explains.

"have a bowl, dazai-kun." you smile at him as you hand him the bowl of spicy curry.

"ah, you're too nice, my belladonna!" he exclaims and grabs the bowl.

so far so good, you think.

you can feel the tension in the room as everyone waits for dazai to take a bite. the conversations carry on amongst people, but no one was truly paying attention to what was being said. the gazes of each member of the agency shifted to dazai as he raised the spoon up to his mouth. you could hear the sound of everyone in the room holding their breaths, even kunikida was sweating.

once the spoon had been placed in his mouth, everyone froze in place. you and atsushi tried to pretend to not be paying much attention to dazai, but it was so hard not to when all of a sudden he stopped chewing. you both slowly turn your head towards him and see his eyes go wide once again. he hurries to the nearest trashcan and spits out the spoonful, quickly turning and looking for a cup of water on the table.

"w-what's wrong, dazai-san?" atsushi asks, also sweating.

"h-hot! spicy curry! atsushi-kun, i need water! please!" dazai exclaims.

you run to the table and pretend to look for a cup of water before grabbing the glass of milk and hurrying towards dazai.

"sorry dazai-kun, i couldn't find any water, but i heard milk helps with the pain!" you hold out the glass of milk.

it feels like time stops as dazai sits there, breathing shallows breaths in attempts to stop the fire in his mouth, and contemplating whether he wants to try his luck with continuing to gasp for air or drinking the milk. he hates suffering, after all. in his mind, all that matters at this moment is extinguishing the flames dancing on his tongue. he grabs the glass, just as planned, and drinks a couple big gulps. everyone is now turned to him, asking if he's okay.

"i'm...fine." he says between pants.

now it was only a matter of time. the dinner continued as normal, but dazai wasn't as social as usual. he sat down with you and atsushi as you continued to talk about different missions.

"oh yeah, dazai-kun, do you remember--" you turn to look at him but realize he's staring at the ground intently as sweat beads on his face, "dazai?"

he blinks once and tries regaining his composure as he looks up at you with his usual smile, "yes, belladonna?"

"are you feeling alright?" you ask with concern laced in your voice.

"of course i am!" dazai tries to reply cheerily, but his bright tone is cut off by a rumbling in his stomach that makes his face twist.

he tries replacing his expression with a smile again, but it looks more pained as another low rumble emits from his body. at this point, everyone in the office is stealing glances. he looks back at the ground as his eyes widen yet again, and only two words are uttered before he takes off running to the bathroom:

"oh shit."

everyone stares at the door, processing what just happened. it was so silent, the only sound you could hear was dazai's rapid footsteps echoing down the hall.

"i knew it." you smirk a bit to yourself.

but your feeling of victory is brief as the horrid smell invades your nostrils. your poor co-workers get assaulted by the same stench, and you all are forced to evacuate.

operation: dairy for dazai was a success, but at what cost?

------------------------------------------

BONUS: how chuuya found out about dazai's lactose intolerance

chuuya was the only person who knew of dazai's problem with dairy, but the way he found out was purely accidental and scarred him.

the event took place when they were 17, and they were both stopping for a drink at a local cafe after a mission. the mission wasn't too bad, but it was early in the morning and chuuya wanted coffee. dazai told him it would stunt his already lacking growth, so chuuya wasn't in the greatest mood; he never was around dazai.

"i wanna sit down so you can order for me!" dazai claps his hands together.

"hey! i don't wan-" chuuya begins to protest but dazai cuts him off while walking away.

"you know what i like!"

chuuya grumbles in annoyance as he heads to the counter and orders two drinks. in his fit of anger, he accidentally ordered two coffees with milk and sugar, but failed to notice as he brought the cups to the table dazai sat at. he narrows his eyes as he sets the cup down in front of dazai and sits across from him. chuuya stares out the window to try and tune out dazai when he hears dazai ask him something quietly.

"is there...milk in this?"

chuuya scoffs and replies, "what's wrong, can't handle a bit of milk?"

he was obviously joking, but the sound that emits from dazai's body in response makes him realize it was no joke. dazai quickly stands and runs to the bathroom while chuuya sits there in disbelief, but with the hope that the rest of the day won't be ruined because of it.

that was wishful thinking though, as they frequently had to stop at public restrooms on their way home and chuuya had to deal with the rancid odor that followed dazai as closely as his own shadow.

taglist: @justmycupoftea93 @loveliestmolly @darlingimawitch @b-i-t-t-i-e-s @browneyespinkhair @silverstar22x @stupidfrogfreak @anotakugardener @jhopesstickeredcarrier @joyfulartisanstudentlamp @spacedoutcoffeebeans @puddingowo66 @kaeyapng @beomluvrr @imobsessedwithskkanditshows

[stilemawillow]

Evidence Acquired [Thug! Levi | Reader | Modern AU!]

evidence: i - enough / ii - needed / iii - acquired

Carrots, milk, apples, ham, cheese, bread.

Carrots, milk, apples, ham, cheese, bread.

Carrots, milk, apples, ham, cheese, bread.

The list went on repeat every time you'd turn into a different aisle. The supermarket was big and new so you were having trouble finding everything, not to mention doing it fast. So far you'd already picked up the carrots and apples, and were currently hunting down the milk and cheese aisle. You'd passed by shelves full of tea and coffee and had to hold back ever so desperately as to not buy any since your budget hardly allowed it. The unhealthy snacks aisle didn't really help you - you got out with a pack of jelly beans and nothing else.

From afar, you gazed upon a row of freezers and quickly pushed your cart forward, eyes lighting up with excitement. Normally, you didn't like shopping but lately it had turned into a very good way of exhausting the bottled-up energy in your body. You still didn't have friends, your graduation ceremony had been just half a month ago and now you were a free woman applying for different colleges in the area with low tuition and looking up scholarships every chance you got.

It had been a month after your last encounter with the charming foul-mouthed thug whose name turned out to be Levi and you dared say you wanted to see him again. You had, in actual fact, less than two weeks ago, but it had been very brief and included nothing past a plain greeting. Maybe it was mostly due to the fact he was running away from a police car and you happened to bump into him round a corner. He'd caught you, graced you with a mildly surprised expression and nodded in response to your muttered 'hey' before rushing off once the sirens got a bit too close for comfort.

You hadn't seen him afterwards. Of course, mentioning the fact you kept his torn up shirt was unneeded - who refused a free comfy pyjama nowadays? It was also useless to mention that the aforementioned piece of clothing and your creepy act of preserving it sometimes prevented you from sleeping calmly these days.

Were you acting creepy? Totally.

Would the male ever find out? No.

Would you let him? Over your dead body.

In conclusion, did you have to fret over it? No, but you still did occasionally when your conscience felt especially guilty and in the mood to make you feel like you were socially retarded, which, maybe, you actually were.

The wheels of your cart wheezed as its front hit the line of freezers and your shoulders jumped. You woke up from the trance your thoughts had gotten you in and frantically looked around for a carton of milk. Once it was acquired, you put it in your cart and started hunting for cheese. You needed something cheap that didn't taste like trash and wouldn't mould too fast. High quality and a low price, you were one with high standards that were rarely met.

On your quest, instead of cheese, you encountered a freezer full of ice cream. Of course, you stopped pushing your cart forward and started wishing it could push you instead before you made a bad decision and bought yourself a bunch of frosty treats. There was chocolate, vanilla, chocolate chip, strawberries, mint, even caramel and cheesecake. They were in boxes and cones and on sticks. And you were drooling at them longingly, as if letting them see how pathetic you were being would make them jump inside your cart and erase their cost once you drove them to the register. It took you a while to realise you weren't alone in your desperate endeavours.

Next to you stood a short girl with a pair of pigtails and an expression of longing on her face. The ice-creams in the freezer were a childhood friend, her emerald eyes spoke, and she desperately wished for a play date like before. You wondered if your eyes gave out the impression of the ice cream being like a first love that never faded away. Your attention usually wouldn't have wavered further but then you noticed the book in the girl's hand.

Hate Comes Easier Than Murder by Frederic T. Harper. You gasped. Loudly. The girl's trance was broken and she looked at your excited face before following your gaze to the book in her hand. Her expression, previously defensive, turned soft and elated as she met your sparkling gaze.

"Lonia or Logaret?" Was the whisper that tore itself from her lips like a death threat. Her grip on the book tightened as her emerald eyes narrowed. To the question, your pupils dilated and your mouth formed a disgusted grimace. It seemed like an answer enough, but you needed to provide a vocal clarification of your opinion as well - this was your duty as a fan.

"Who the fuck even ships Logaret anymore? Lonia forever. It's canon." You awaited a reaction. The girl might've been a Logaret shipper instead - meaning Logan and Margaret got together in some crazy universe where Silvania didn't exist because that was what it would take to make Logan fall in love with her biggest rival instead of her. The girl in front of you however only grinned.

"Of course it's canon. Fred Harper ships it, so any sane person who's read the book should too." Her statement came forth, determined and curt, and at that moment you knew - you liked this girl. You could probably talk about the book with her for hours. Maybe until the supermarket closed its doors and security came to shoo you away.

"Favourite chapter?" You questioned with twinkling eyes and an excited smile. Her face immediately lit up.

"Pray Tell Who Killed The King." The answer was immediate and you gaped her way before clapping your hands together.

"Mine too! I loved the kiss at the end, it was kind of unexpected." You were getting familiar and your cart was leaning against your way as a reminder of what you were supposed to be doing instead. But you couldn't help it - you rarely met people you could connect with so fast, not to mention on grounds that were ever so familiar to you both.

"But very much needed. If those two hadn't gotten together soon everybody would've gone bonkers." She lifted a knowing index finger in the air and you nodded your head affirmatively.

"Sure as hell they would've. It's the ultimate OTP we're talking about here."

"I'm guessing Logan's your favourite guy?" She lifted a brow and inspected your face suspiciously as if she already knew the answer. You tried to calm yourself and not jump into an overly excited discussion about that since you might've actually met him in real life and it didn't really help that you were literally in love with him as a fictional character.

"Sure, he's cool. I like how he's a complete asshole and still gets what he wants, it kinda breaks the cliché good guy in the role of the protagonist image." You explained leisurely, making the girl in front of you huff whilst nodding in agreement.

"The fact he's based on an actual person makes it all the better - you could literally meet him in real life, wouldn't that be great?" Her face and her voice weren't as excited as they should've been, you told yourself as your shoulders went rigid. Sure as hell it would've been great, only, you didn't meet him at a convention, he pressed a knife to your throat and then lent you his hoodie. And a month later you almost kissed, twice. To say it was a 'great experience' wasn't something that easy. A lot of other words suited the situation better.

"... yeah." Your voice seemed awkward and choked up. A normal fan, moreover a female one, wouldn't have wavered in their fangirling, but you literally seemed to go tense with awkwardness. The girl in front of you noticed that. "It'd be superb, but wouldn't it be kinda weird? You know a lot about him and he doesn't know shit about you, and you're all over him. I doubt it'll make you the best of friends."

"Maybe it won't." She admitted slowly, her eyes had narrowed considerably at you. Your gaze suddenly averted.

"Anyways, I guess I should be resuming my cheese hunt already or it might mould waiting for me." There was a small smile on your face as you started pushing the cart in the opposite direction. You were looking down, staring at the things on your list you'd already gotten and repeating the ones left in your head once more. And then you heard him.

"Isabel, I told you so many fucking times, stop running off. You're always in the ice-cream aisle in the end anyway." He grumbled and before either of you could look up, your carts collided and made your shoulders jump. Then you came face to face with Levi, the live version of Logan. And behind you was his little sister - Isabel, who you'd spent the last few minutes talking to.

"Hi." You wheezed with a wavering smile as his eyes widened in mild surprise. Obviously, he hadn't expected to bump into you at the supermarket of all places - you two usually tended to meet up under circumstances that endangered your physical health, it was almost like a tradition at this point of things.

"Hey." His voice sounded no less awkward than yours had despite the look on his face not managing to help the overall impression. You pulled your cart back just a bit and then Isabel stepped forth, small pigtails swaying and emerald hues glistening suspiciously.

"You two know each other?" You and Levi snapped out of your respective dazes only to look at her and the book she kept clutching in her hand. The book didn't make only your shoulders stiffen, you realised upon glancing in the raven-haired thug's direction.

"We've met... once." The pause wasn't convincing but you figured only the second time counted since the first was more of a trespass and a bunch of threats that might've escalated into a knife versus elbow fight. You felt Levi looking at you as you rubbed the back of your neck in supposed discomfort. Maybe you had to get on with your cheese.

"Twice." He added coldly, making you shrug as you glanced at his sister.

"Sure."

"And?" Her eyes were big and curious exactly like a child's despite the fact the male had previously stated she was fifteen years old. That meant high school? So basically she was just three years younger than you. That kind of made you question his age. Was he younger? The same age as you? Maybe even older by a few years? He certainly didn't look like a guy in his twenties though.

"Nothing." You answered curtly, hoping not to have the raven jump in and explain everything that had happened between you two. If she just read specific chapters of the book she was holding she'd acquire a very decent idea of how your relationship with her big brother was going. Your eyes strayed from her emerald orbs to his shoulder. "How's the wound?"

"A scar." He managed a calm answer but that totally didn't mean he didn't look bothered. It was like a strange reunion that might've been filled with sexual tension and smug nicknames only if his little sister wasn't also there.

"I hope your arm overall's fine?" Your hands fidgeted over your cart and he nodded briefly, shooting Isabel a look you were unable to decipher.

"It is, you managed to bandage it properly."

"Wait!" The teenage girl's eyes widened in shock as she looked at you and then Levi wondrously. "Is this the girl who bandaged you back then?! So then she's the one who you were telling me about all this time!" A certain set of words caught your attention, along with the constipated expression on the thug's face right after his little sister's exclamation.

"Isabel, shush it." His earrings flashed in the fluorescent lighting as his head snapped in her direction, features contorting in a sharp scowl full of reprimand. The girl shrank back into herself but then you spoke up, gathering both's attention with your cocked eyebrow.

"All this time?" You echoed, a smug undertone sneaking into your voice. You gave Levi a pointed look and huffed wondrously at how the tables had turned. Maybe Isabel's presence at the scene wasn't such a deterrent as you had first deemed it. "Am I sensing some familiarity in here, bad boy? Last time we talked I remember you telling me how we didn't know each other."

"It's nothing of the sort. I mentioned you once. Isabel's memory tends to exaggerate things." His gunmetal hues were on yours in their normal way but behind the wall of grey you could almost see the flicker of tension go on and off in the span of milliseconds. His eyes didn't move away from yours, not even when you moved your hands to your hips.

"No, it doesn't! I'm turning sixteen in three months, my memory's just fine!" Isabel's defiant exclamation put a stop to your staring contest. You nodded slowly in her direction, a hum purring at the back of your throat pointedly. Yes, well, certainly the girl with the pigtails knew exactly what to say to protect you and embarrass him. You did like her.

"Hmm." You shot Levi a smug look before redirecting the topic ever so briefly. "Okay then, opinions visibly clash in here. So this is your sister?" You threw the aforementioned sister a small smile which she warmly returned as your shoulders relaxed from the lack of tension in them. You felt more comfortable knowing you weren't the only one thinking (or talking, in his case) about him, it brought you a bit of confidence.

"Obviously." He snorted before gesturing for you two to get on with the official introductions. His sister rolled her eyes at him as you stepped forward and reached out a hand. She took and shook it before you started talking.

"(Y/N), yes, I know who you are. I didn't really expect us to meet like this." Isabel announced after cutting you off. Your eyebrows raised as you glanced at Levi but he only shrugged his shoulders.

"Then how?" You asked curiously, making her snort and shoot her big brother a pointed look.

"When my brother introduces you as his girlfriend once he gets the balls to ask you out maybe." You could literally see the way in which every single muscle in the male's body stiffened. His eyes widened and his mouth curled downwards. Levi stepped forward from behind his cart and Isabel lifted the book in her hand in front of her face as to shield herself from his glare. You, on the other hand, cut off his incoming rage with a loud fit of nervous laughter. The siblings looked at you in surprise as you tried to balance your breathing and wheezed uncontrollably.

"Sorry, it was just unexpected and I tend to laugh in all the wrong situations. I'm sure it wasn't an actual invitation, just a joke or something." Your gaze bounced between the two, making them slowly back down as they had time to calm themselves. There was a small uneasy smile on your lips. Your mind might've been filled with a bunch of indecent thoughts about the raven, but you surely hadn't considered him ever asking you out. "Right?" There was a high-pitched end to the short question that only proved you were seriously hoping for a 'yes' because you wouldn't know what to say if you heard a 'no'.

"I'll go pick up a few boxes of black tea. Maybe you should sort this out." Isabel had left a second after that, quick as the wind and almost as soundless. Contrary to your former thoughts, now you dreaded the moment you and Levi were left all alone - what miracles a simple set of twenty seconds of dialogue can do. Your hands started playing with the hem of your shirt as your previous confidence made its way to the depths of your body almost as fast as you liked to end conversations with people who weren't your reflection in the mirror... or Levi. Said male was silent and still looked like he wanted to punch something.

"I like your sister." You blurted out suddenly, having thought of nothing else to say that would make this conversation less awkward for both of you. The raven-haired thug, already used to how you handled uncomfortable situations, settled with regarding your statement and ignoring everything else his little sister had told you two to 'sort out'. There was nothing to sort out here. Nothing that needed sorting. Was there?

"I don't." He grumbled darkly, glare arriving at your averted eyes. You were eyeing the products in your cart because that way you didn't have to look at him. You didn't know exactly why you didn't want to look, but you were sure it would spare your poor virgin heart not to face him and his attractive frown directly.

"Certainly not when she embarrasses you, but she's cool." You put some emphasis on your opinion for her since that seemed to make him react the most and though you were intimidated by the idea of looking at him, you wouldn't mind for this conversation to last some more.

"You're saying that only because you don't live with her." Levi rounded his cart and picked out a carton of milk from the freezer you'd been standing next to just mere minutes ago. The fact he probably did that just to avoid this whole interaction in some way made your shoulders tense.

"Maybe." You muttered in agreement, not adding anything that would keep the discussion going. You looked down at your cart.

Carrots, milk, apples, ham, cheese, bread.

No, scratch that second one.

Carrots, apples, ham, cheese, bread.

Carrots, apples, ham, cheese, bread.

It was somewhat soothing not to think of Levi and how uncomfortable you felt at the moment for a few seconds. Maybe you could get out by saying a plain 'bye' and resuming your adventures in this maze of a supermarket, and if you truly got lost at one point during your food hunt you wouldn't regret it one bit because the siblings would've already gone past the register and that would leave you alone and not socially pressured one bit.

"Do you always quote Silvania when you don't know what else to say?" The thug's question brought you back to reality from the not-so-distant future you kept imagining, only to slap you across the face with its bluntness. Your head whipped in his direction promptly and your fingers clung to the handle of your cart tightly.

"No! I do tend to laugh in all the wrong situations." Your voice had lowered in volume by the end of your sentence, but the protest at the beginning was heard by a number of oblivious bystanders who just wanted to pick up their dairy products. To avoid total humiliation and simultaneously free yourself of the binds the restless question had grounded you with, you mustered all your courage and spoke of something you thought you'd never come to address. "By the way, I think it would be best to be frank and just ask, so..." There was a small pause where the internal struggle was most intense, but then it came - like a cork flying off a champagne bottle, but with less grace. "Are you the person Logan's character is based on?" There it was, out on the open at last, the question that had been tormenting your everything since the very beginning of this little adventure of yours. Levi looked like he hadn't even heard you talk, but his clenched jaw and the additional hostility in his glare were indicators enough of the exact opposite - oh, he'd heard loud and clear.

"I certainly didn't expect that." His voice sounded bored, but his eyes were downcast. And they never were. He never looked down and he most certainly never looked like he was pensive enough for it to bleed through his stoic expression. You were suddenly wary - what if you said something that would trigger a negative reaction? And, in order to ease the tension off your own shoulders, you started explaining yourself in great detail.

"Well, all descriptions are either close to the truth or match perfectly and let me tell you, I've spent quite a few years picturing Logan and..." It came to your own self as something like a shocker - the brick wall you finally walked into. "... and you're exactly how I pictured him." Your voice had grown softer, its pace was slower and you were making direct eye contact with Levi during the exchange.

"The secret's out I guess." The sigh, along with the few fateful words, tore itself from his lungs in defeat, but his orbs didn't leave yours. Your eyes had widened briefly as you processed the notion - you'd been right the whole time. All those similarities you'd noticed weren't ironic, they were natural for him. And fate for you.

"So you actually are...?" You trailed off questioningly, expecting a more detailed explanation. He couldn't just tell you 'yes' and not give you a proper backstory. Levi sighed again, getting a hand through his ebony locks. The piercing on his left eyebrow reflected the fluorescent light into your eyes before his bangs hid it from sight.

"I am. My uncle is friends with Harper and he told me he'd write me into his new book if I had nothing against it. I said fine as long as he doesn't turn me into a total Prince Charming or something I wasn't, but I didn't know I'd be the biggest jerk of a protagonist of a whole-ass book." The explanation wasn't what you'd expected, but it sounded like something that could happen. You couldn't believe your favourite fictional character was created because a simple teenager had nonchalantly agreed to something that usually required the presence of a lawyer.

"Wow." You breathed out, awe coming off your body in waves. Waves that obviously couldn't reach the ebony-haired thug, since he just scratched the back of his head in mild discomfort and let his glare travel from your face to the cart by your side.

"Kinda ruined all that jazz you got going on with it, right?" His question greatly stunned your very soul, mostly because you were looking at him as if you were a star-struck five-year-old and he was suddenly the awkward guy who might as well be blind with how oblivious his act was. You were somewhat offended - he could never ruin the book for you. Not with how cutely he shifted from being smug to being awkward, how caring he appeared to be and how he'd never once wanted to include you in the dangerous stuff he did. You being completely and utterly incapable of saying that to his face was beside the point.

"... no. You made it better. Believe me, I've never imagined this," your hands gestured to the space between you as a way of conveying the oddity this whole acquaintanceship was, "happening, so meeting you has been like a dream come true, though maybe this is the first time we've seen each other when I don't have a knife pressed against my throat." A small smile had settled on your lips, but Levi just wouldn't stop acting like he was at fault for the global warming or World War II.

"Sorry about that." His arm fell to his side but his eyes never once left your cart. You figured that maybe it wasn't his own thoughts making him uncomfortable - maybe it was you. And as a person who wasn't used to being vocal about their thoughts in the least, you assumed that was the only acceptable option.

"Not a problem." Your smile had fallen and your fingers were clutching the handle of the cart like it was the only thing stopping you from literally sprinting away from the scene. Your gaze was on the purchases in the cart, not daring to move, and Levi was suddenly aware of the subtle change in the air. "I should continue shopping. A bunch of cheap products are waiting for me to sweep them off their shelves." You forced a half-assed smirk, but your voice was small and you wanted to disappear altogether.

"Until next time." Levi decided not to pry, but he'd seen the downcast eyes and the furrowed eyebrows.

"Maybe the register." You muttered, pushing your cart past him, careful not to bump into somebody in the process. That would bring you a big amount of first-hand embarrassment you didn't exactly need at the moment.

"Maybe." Levi's response sounded after you'd gone down the aisle, but he wasn't really talking to you anyway. He was talking to himself whilst mentally chasing down the stupid part of his idiotic brain with a sandal and a gun. Each would come to its respective use during his process of self-castigation.

"Yep, the register." The mumble was almost inaudible as you looked back at Levi and Isabel, last in line, while the grumpy cashier bagged your purchases and you paid for them. You glanced back at the duo and this time Isabel noticed you, suddenly nudging her big brother's ribcage as the line moved forward and you fled to the side to count your change. The raven next to her glared down at her.

"So did you ask her out?" The redhead inquired eagerly, emerald orbs trailing all over her big brother's face for a reaction she could read. Unfortunately, before that could happen her eyes were forced to look at the floor due to the slap the ebony-haired thug had placed at the back of her head. A small 'oof' escaped her lips at the violent behaviour. He only hit her when he was really embarrassed. Which meant...

"Shut up, Isabel." He scolded harshly, immediately turning to face the tea boxes by his side as if they would help him with his little sister. The independent teenager scoffed knowingly prior to making her way to the free space on the other end of the line. You felt a tap at your shoulder which made you jump and drop the coins in your hand on the ground. You turned to look at the intruder and breathed a sigh of obvious relief once being met with Isabel's emerald gaze. You crouched and started collecting the shiny coins before somebody else got to them as the girl spoke.

"Hey, (Y/N), you know you're a lot like Silvania?" Had you been drinking something you would've spit it out all over the decently polished tiles.

"I'm more of an opposite." You stated with a small voice, trying to focus your mind on detecting the shiny pieces of metal on the floor rather than the girl's words. Your fingers clung to each newfound one like a sinner clung to the spider's web which would lead him out of hell.

"Actually you talk like her. And act like her." The determined girl had put her hands on her hips cockily, like she knew better than both you and Levi combined. She was also obviously very very set on making you stutter or at least blush in public. The fact you had less than three people as a direct audience was beside the point.

"Don't have nearly as much sex appeal, though." You looked up, hand full of coins you probably had to stuff in your pocket as to prevent a second spillage. Your smile was twitchy and you were very well aware you were nowhere close to being like your ultimate female role model so getting compared to her was very underwhelming. Silvania was tall, intelligent, strong and independent. She had a silver tongue and a smirk that made Logan's mind go blank. And you, well, you could never be anything like that.

"Well, Logan doesn't like her because she's pretty." Isabel argued as you carefully slipped the coins into the pocket of your jeans one by one after making sure you'd collected everything from the tiled floor of the supermarket. A snort escaped your nose as you grabbed your purchases in hand and finally met the emerald-eyed girl's gaze.

"He likes her because she doesn't let him get what he wants just because." You smiled, knowing Silvania wasn't your usual girl. She fought to the death for what she considered important, she didn't whine when she broke a nail and she preferred thinking to reacting emotionally to things. All you did was jump to conclusions and spare your voice the waste. If mental excuses to leave a social setting were crackers you'd be a thousand pounds.

"She's a challenge." Isabel added with a determined gaze. "She can talk her way out of things as well as he can, she just doesn't flaunt it. He's the only person she trusts enough with her vulnerable side." Yes, Silvania was admirable. You were nothing in comparison. The redhead's irises bore into yours and you tried not to look away. "You remind me of her." The sentence made your shoulders slouch in slight guilt.

"... thanks." You mumbled with a small smile, eyes back to the ground as if you still had coins left to pick up with your hand clutching the plastic bag's handle so hard your knuckles turned white. Levi was closer to the end of the line now, but Isabel didn't pay attention to that - or all the warning glares he threw her way when you weren't looking.

"So has my idiot of a big bro asked you out?" The girl cocked a curious eyebrow your way, eyes narrowing slyly up at your figure and its suddenly tense shoulders. Frank was good for Isabel - it was the best course for people who were so dense they couldn't see attraction even if it slammed an actual book in their face.

"No." Your curt reply sounded more like an inquiry of sorts, but the thug hadn't asked you out. Not that he ever would. That was a faraway dream you couldn't allow yourself to have for the sake of... well, everything.

"Would you say yes if he did?" She questioned slowly, almost softly so. She was prodding at the tip of a topic you didn't really want to discuss, but if you didn't answer she'd keep asking and you realised that. So, betting on the fact she knew very well her brother had no romantic feelings for you whatsoever and would respect that, you opted for being honest. Maybe for the first time in quite some months.

"... I don't know. I guess." You licked your lips and bit down on the bottom one in uncertainty, not daring to glance upwards and look at Levi. You shrugged your shoulders in an attempt to seem nonchalant, but all it did was show you how rigid your whole body felt. "Maybe if it doesn't involve us using knives and running from the police."

"Really?" Isabel's eyes, contrary to your expectations didn't narrow in suspicion and overprotectiveness. They widened abruptly and shone so brightly you were taken aback by the pure enthusiasm her hopeful expression oozed. You blinked at her for a few short seconds, considering your answer. Then reconsidering it. And then reconsidering it again. Who knew a simple 'yes' or 'no' question would faze you this much. Then again, the answer options didn't matter as long as the topic was a matter of inner conflict. And in your case, it was a full-on mental civil war that would most likely end in genocide.

"... yeah." It was a choked up mumble but you were sure it was the truth. Your eyes were on your feet and you contemplated facing Isabel and telling her you'd been joking. When you did you saw Levi over her shoulder and a gulp slid painfully down your throat.

"Are you two talking about the book again?" He asked with a bored expression though his glare was quite successfully attempting to pierce his sister's very skull. She only grinned and snatched the plastic bag from his hold.

"Not exactly. Hey, big bro, you know what? I'll take these and call Farlan and maybe you should walk (Y/N) home since it's getting late." Isabel winked at you and set off towards the exit, pigtails bouncing as her big brother called out to her with furrowed eyebrows. "Grow a pair!" She exclaimed before the sliding doors closed behind her back, making quite a few people turn at the vulgarity and check who it was directed to. Isabel rarely said things without some ulterior motive, though. It might've not considered you this time because Levi seemed to get it - whatever it was. He clicked his tongue and stared after her, feet rooted to his spot. His eyebrows had visibly relaxed.

"You can run after her, you know. I can go home on my own." Your voice was considerably smaller than it should've been around him but you couldn't help it. You still thought your presence made him uncomfortable and the fact his little sister had purposefully left you two alone made you overthink things a bit too much.

"With your luck, you might get mugged." He returned coldly but the amused flicker in his hues had returned due to some very strange reason. You snorted and started walking to the exit, subconsciously switching the hand with which you held the plastic bag of purchases so it could now stand between your bodies. You guessed it was just your defence mechanism at work.

"There's always the possibility of making it back safe, too." You argued softly, not attempting to make eye contact that would only embarrass you further. You were outside the supermarket and the light wind brushed against your faces, making you sigh ever so simultaneously.

"Too late for that bullshit, I've already started." He stated, hands stuffed in his pockets since he had nothing to carry and he seemingly didn't want to make you feel like a damsel in distress by suggesting to carry your bag. "What were you talking about?" The question came, sudden yet slow, and it made you realise Levi wasn't looking at you either. You decided to pin it on the discomfort you made him feel and leave it at that. It was easier to create an excuse and not bother with explaining something you didn't understand.

"Stuff." You blurted out, dead set on never admitting you'd talked about how you'd say 'yes' without a second thought if he were to ever ask you out. It sounded ridiculous in your brain so you needn't imagine how big a fool it would paint you as if you ever said it aloud.

"Us?" Levi cocked an eyebrow in your direction but you only scoffed and waved your free hand around in so supposed dismissal.

"No, no. Isabel's just worried you're lonely." Your eyes were following your feet and the steps they made. You compared them to Levi's, you counted them - anything to make you not think of this particular conversation you were having. You noticed Levi was walking rather slowly for a man with that big a stride. Then you realised he was purposely matching it to yours and the tips of your ears burned a crimson shade.

"Bullshit." The male spat accusingly, not seeking any more information yet. You walked in silence for another half a minute, crossed a boulevard and stepped onto the cemented curb with your right foot. "What did she really say?" His voice was softer this time, like he would settle and stop asking if you didn't answer him honestly once more. You swallowed and felt your fingers playing with the plastic handle of the bag you were holding.

"She didn't say. She asked. If you'd asked me out." The statement came short and steady, but it didn't prevent the awkward atmosphere from suffocating you ever so efficiently. Levi scoffed and took a breath.

"I haven't." You could almost picture the way in which his jaw would flex because of self-restraint. He didn't want to say more and you understood that perfectly well.

"That's what I said." You piped, attempting to fix the heavy mood that had befallen your shoulders and head. Maybe it was storing itself in your plastic bag, making you lean more to your left.

"And?" He prompted some more, knowing fully well Isabel wouldn't waste her time asking you two the same question and not taking things further when she received a certain answer. Your stride seemed to hasten, as did your breath had it not gotten caught in your chest first.

"She asked something else." You spit it out like a nasty piece of food and he looked at you with curious eyes. You were nervous to admit it because it would lead to more questions. Then why were you admitting it at all? Why were you putting yourself in a situation like that? "If I would say 'yes' if you did." Your gaze was pointed forward, in the direction of your apartment complex and the window on the first floor that equalled the protection of your safe haven.

"No." Levi's one-syllable answer to a question you never asked confused you until you got the gist of the fact he was supposedly answering for you in that situation. It made you face him for the first time after you'd started your walk together and this time he was the one looking at the front like he actually had something to observe. "You don't like me, princess, I kinda doubt your virgin highness would pick me for your first date." His sharp canine dug into his bottom lip in a way that almost made you trip and you found the gesture strangely attractive in a situation where you probably had to stick to your usual 'teenage lacking hormones' behaviour and mindset.

"Why do you think so?" You asked in return, trying to mask your surprise on the matter. He actually thought you disliked him - just great. It meant he'd never ask you out for real.

Fuck. The sentence sounded like you'd actually hoped he would. Hormones were, as understood by your shy self the hard way, something you were better off without. Especially around male specimens named Levi with teeth you'd imagined biting into your shoulders and lips you'd vividly pictured moulding together with your own. Oh, no. This was so inappropriate. How did normal people think such stuff without fainting? Did normal people even think such stuff? Did being this indecent mean you were a freak? Goodness, you were a freak!

"Am I wrong?" The ebony-haired male's husky baritone snapped you out of a near panic-attack experience and you thanked him inwardly prior to scoffing at his face as to pretend you were totally okay emotionally. Which you weren't. And he was the one to blame for that.

"I'm just asking why you think you're right." You stated plainly, making him hum.

"You're the one always pointing out we never meet under normal circumstances." He started, making your eyebrows furrow in offence as your mouth opened to object.

"And you're always the one pointing out we don't know each other." You attempted to wound his pride, but it was a futile thing to do.

"That was just last time." He argued, making you scoff as you looked at the destination of your walk, five feet away from where you stood.

"Anyways. We're here. Thanks for walking me home even though you didn't need to. Now, since we're strangers I'll go inside and not invite you to come in." You stated with newfound confidence and a diminutive smirk. You stepped to the side, not waiting for Levi to react, but when you felt his fingers grasp your wrist your whole body froze up.

"That's cool with me as long as you give me a bonus minute of your time." His words had suddenly pressed the 'worry unnecessarily' button on your control panel and your sweat glands were just waiting for the command to start producing buckets worth.

"Why?" Your voice was squeaky and suspicious, and you thanked God you weren't part of a suspense novel because you'd ruin every scene you were present in. Levi stood in front of you, wearing yet another hoodie that let his neck tattoo show and trying to make himself look suave and cool. You saw under the composed layer a male who was ready to break out into a sprint. Why, though?

"Because I fucking hate my sister but she has a knack for these things and I'm guessing she obtained enough information before giving me the 'go'." His words made no fucking sense whatsoever to you. You thought he'd say something stupid or something profound or something offensive. You'd mind any of those less than the confusion that made your eyebrows furrow at the moment.

"What are you talking about?" Your nose scrunched up and the male got his hands out of his pocket with a strangely sharp sigh. It almost sounded like the sigh you let out when you were nervous about something you wanted to say.

"Since it wasn't painfully obvious, I'm asking you out on a date, princess." His voice was harsh but it died out at the end as if he didn't even know how to finish his sentence. His eyes weren't on yours and you probably had to get your ears checked. Your mind was the living embodiment of the phrase 'blank canvas'. There wasn't even the usual little Loading... icon in the middle, there was nothing. Then Levi spoke up again in a hushed voice you found barely recognisable. "There's... no other way for us to get to know each other after all." Silence settled between your bodies as he waited for an answer, his patience thinning. You had a long way to go if you wanted to actually accept the fact you'd just heard him ask you out on a date. "So?" He pressed once the last string was cut and you exhaled a shaky breath with an unbelieving expression.

"I really don't know what to say." You blurted out slowly, feeling small and weightless in a world so big and full of wonders. Levi's eyebrows had furrowed as per usual and his eyes were all over your face, looking for a messenger of rejection your features might've sent out. There wasn't one, though.

"If this were scripted I would've helped by mouthing a 'yes' at you." He stated, awkward yet supposedly composed, and you suddenly felt like chuckling. The notion was still getting processed by your brain, but, as cliché as it sounded, your mouth knew exactly what each and every other part of your body wanted.

"Okay." The word hung in the air between you like a death sentence, but in the good way. It had finality you thought of no other way to voice. 

Then Levi had stepped closer to you, hand warily moving upwards to cup your face. Had you had the chance to observe his features in the afternoon sun you would've come to the conclusion he looked exactly like he had that time in your kitchen when you'd finished treating his wound. Soft, almost confused so. You didn't know each other, he'd argue with himself - but since the first time he laid eyes on you he knew such a moment was on its way. Strange, your stomach was now constantly doing those pleasantly unpleasant flips when he was around. It didn't annoy or weird you out anymore. Maybe if you actually went out on a date with him you'd just have to get used to it.

"Okay what, princess?" You could see the blue specks as his whisper sent a pleasant shiver down your spine. Your free hand's fingers had latched onto his hoodie, set on stabilising you whatever it took them because the look in his gunmetal hues was quite successfully making your knees give out.

"Okay, I'll go out with you, bad boy." You murmured, a pout at the corner of your mouth before the thug in front of you smirked, lips ghosting over your own in a way that drove you crazy. Press them against mine, your hormones would scream and you'd agree ever so eagerly, let me get a taste of that tea you've probably drunk earlier.

"It’s Levi." He warned lowly, slender fingers making you lean into his gentle touch. A smile graced your lips and you uttered his name prior to making the first move and pressing your lips to his. Black tea, just as expected, and you melted into him. You heard a hum bubbling at the back of his throat. It vibrated against your mouth and he pulled your face closer, stealing the breath from your lungs. All blood you had in your body decided to move and temporarily reside in your face when his teeth nibbled on your bottom lip - a long-awaited fantasy finally coming to life.

Your knees briefly buckled but he used his other arm to steady your body and press it flush against his with the smallest (and sexiest) of chuckles. You were having a hard time processing the situation still, but you knew one thing for sure - finally, after months of research and theories, the case was closed. It was official now - it was evidence acquired.

[miekasa]

idk grocery shopping with levi sounds hella cute

😔🙏

IT DOES DOESN’T IT!!

Because, for one, Levi looks cute as hell in the grocery store. He’s focused, but also a little aloof all at once, a rare combination. He’s got a list and he sticks to it, but even he is easily swayed by products on sale. He loves a good sale. 

He always picks out the produce. He’s very particular about the vegetables, especially. He’s not the guy spending 15 minutes analyzing the perfect bell pepper, but he doesn’t want a mangly, weak looking one either. There’s a balance, and he’s got the eye for it. 

He pushes the cart, too. Sometimes he’ll walk away to grab something if you’re in line for something else like cold cuts, to make it more efficient, but he always ends up pushing the cart after. 

The cart is pretty organized, too. The meats do not touch the produce, and nothing cold touches any plastic, there is no unfortunate condensation when Levi is around. Eggs in the little seat holder where kids are supposed to go, so that they don’t break. Toss something in the cart all willy nilly and see if he doesn’t twist your ear for it. 

Makes his grocery list by things he’s gonna cook, mostly. He’ll pick up essentials, or small things you’re out of, but it’s mostly by what he intends to prepare for dinner. Lists a lot of options, so he always asks you to help narrow it down when he’s stuck. 

He does not like the freezer aisle. There’s nothing in there for him, except maybe ice cream on occasion. You drag him to it and he just sighs, begrudgingly, but affectionately, as you convince him to try one of your fav frozen foods. 

(If you really break him down, he’ll try them. If he doesn’t like it, tho, he’s vocal about it. And he also claims he can make it better. And he does).

Grumbles about the price of cheese. As he should. Cheese is ridiculously expensive. But he also loves it, so, yes, he’s upset that it’s gonna cost him $13 dollars for a block of cheese, but it’s worth it. Hopefully. 

Like I said, sometimes, he’ll leave to pick up nearby things if you’re in line for cold cuts or the butcher/fish place thing, but for the most part he likes to stick with you/likes you by his side. He likes the small talk you make in between, and asking you your opinions between two different brands of the same product, and hearing you bitch about certain things you hate. It’s a weird little moment of... public intimacy. Strange, but he likes it. 

You try to put some general, name brand, boxed tea in the cart to mess with him. He throws it right back at your head. 

If you fall for the last minute sweets and gum and magazines they have at the checkout, Levi will physically hold you back. You don’t need anymore gum. In his opinion, you don’t even need to be chewing gum at all. No more... but he’ll let a pack of Starbursts slide every now and then. 

Actually, I think he would prefer self-checkout, because that would mean less people touching his things, and he can go at his own pace and pack things in his bag as he goes. What he does not like is the giant ass camera and the image of him on the screen in front of his face. He’s trying to bag his groceries in peace, trust him, if he wanted to steal something, they wouldn’t have caught him 🙄🙄

He doesn’t understand how there are so many different kinds and different brands of milk. He just wants his 2% bye. 

He carries the majority of the bags back to the car--but, then again, he also uses, like, 4 big reusable bags at most because he’s really efficient at packing them. So, he just takes them all up when he’s done. Don’t ask to help him out, in fact, by the time you ask, he’s probably already at the car. 

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

The post I wanted to do today was “pulleyverse characters and how they deal with breakups” bc I thought that would be fun, but I realised that it would just be a bunch of gifs of the self destruct buttons from Phineas and Ferb, so instead I’m gonna do Pulleyverse Characters and Their Starbucks Orders:

Raphael: he goes to like Fancy Coffee Shops that sell Real Coffee and ends up paying $8 for a small cappuccino, but at Starbucks he just goes for straight espresso bc if he’s at Starbucks he’s not looking for taste, just caffeine. Also hates to admit it but he’s a sucker for the cake pops.

Thaniel: he wants to try the funky drink combos every time he goes but he doesn’t like making the baristas do extra work so he just gets like a hazelnut coffee and that’s it. He also tips very well.

Six: it’s either a vanilla bean frappuccino or a straight black coffee (I can’t decide which is funnier), but she gets the same thing every time so no one bothers to ask her what she wants. Will occasionally ask for a slice of the iced lemon loaf if she thinks she’s done something that deserves a reward (and her parents are complete softies so she gets it every time she asks).

Merrick: he definitely goes for whatever seasonal drink they’re advertising when he goes in, but if there’s nothing seasonal he goes for some sort of mocha contraption that changes slightly every time he orders it. Or a chai latte. Idk why he just gives me chai latte vibes.

Grace and Matsumoto: Grace is Not Like Other Girls so she goes for a straight black coffee, but she hates the bitterness of straight up coffee so Matsumoto gets whatever fruity drink she wants and they switch in the car. She will not go to Starbucks without him for this exact reason (Matsumoto is not a fan of straight coffee either, he just loves his wife enough to help her defend her image).

Mori: he despises the tea they have at Starbucks and won’t even look at any of the tea drinks, so he just goes down the list of coffee drinks and orders a different one each time. He also tips well, but only because he has no idea what an acceptable tip is, so he’ll give them like a twenty for a drink that costs $4.29.

Kite: my man drinks Dunkin’ I know it in my heart and soul. Medium caramel iced, regular. That’s his order. And a bacon egg and cheese because they’re SO GOOD-

Joe: he’s an iced tea kind of guy, so he will usually get one of their iced tea lemonades, but cannot stand the texture of the dried fruit they put in it some of them. If he accidentally gets one with the fruit on there and can’t go in and ask for a new one, he’ll steal other people’s straws and use them like chopsticks to pick each individual piece out before taking a sip.

Pringle: the most god awful contraptions you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Frankenstein’s Creation levels of fucked. And chugs it in the store no matter what it is. But he always gets egg bites no matter what, and they’re the main reason he goes to Starbucks.

Takiko: she gets french vanilla almond milk lattes like the classy bitch she is, I will accept nothing else.

Midori: is the one who got Takiko hooked on the french vanilla almond milk latte because she is also a classy bitch. Plus a croissant bc she’s bougie.

Agatha: she’s also a latte kind of person, but her guilty pleasure drink for when she’s not too worried about image is the most sugary frappuccino known to man; she orders it after a particularly long day of dealing with investors and whatnot, and just has herself a night every time. I’m talking 5 shots of vanilla and caramel each. Just pure, teeth-rotting sweetness. It’s her self care.

Wellesley: she always orders some “secret menu” item she found on like social media or something, or she just makes one up herself. It’s usually pretty good, but she’s made a couple that she absolutely despises, and she marks them all down on a big chart that says “worst drinks known to man” and ranks them. Occasionally she’ll trick people into ordering one of the bad drinks as a prank, but will always get them a new one they actually like afterwards.

Vaulker: he gets a boring ass venti hot coffee with whole milk, but every time he purposefully says “large” and corrects the barista every time they say venti bc “A gRaNdE sHoUlD bE a LaRgE bEcAuSe SpAnIsH” like an annoying little prick. And even if they say large just to go along with it he’ll go on a rant to them about how stupid the naming system is thinking they agree. He tips no more than 50 cents, if that.

Kuroda: again, large black coffee, nothing special, but he openly makes fun of people who order any of the specialty drinks bc they’re “not ordering coffee in a coffee shop”. The opposite end of the “annoying middle aged man in Starbucks who orders a plain coffee” spectrum.

Tanaka: iced water with whipped cream. And he drinks it in front of the baristas. Every last drop. And chews the ice when he’s done. He’s just trying to establish dominance.

[nastybuckybarnes]

In a Heartbeat  -  Five

Pairing: Fireman!Bucky X Reader

Summary: You’ve always been careful with your heart. With your condition, you don’t exactly have any other choice. The last time you let someone in, you paid the price. A price you don’t plan on paying again. Until Bucky comes in and shatters your carefully crafted world.

Warnings: Language, Fluff, Smut (18+), 

Word Count: 3.7K

A/n: hi I hope you enjoy this! So I’m thinking this will probably have two more parts and maybe an epilogue. I’m very very excited. Also my carpal tunnel has been hurting a lot lately so I haven’t been able to write much, plus I've been super tired. I hope to post more regularly and update stuff more often but I make no promises. Anyway, Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

~*~

“Going somewhere, Barnes?” The brunet smiles, raking a hand through his damp hair.

“Hell yeah, I am. I’ve got a date with the most gorgeous woman in the world.” Steve chuckles, shaking his head at his friend.

“Barnes doesn’t stink. What's he planning?” Sam asks, eyeing the way the brunet towel-dries his hair as he gathers his things.

Showering at the firehouse is something he likes to avoid at all costs. But smelling like sweat and fire before meeting you for another date? That’s ten times worse.

“Shut up, Sam.”

“He’s just jealous that no one wants to go out with him,” a female voice calls.

The men look to the doorway, smiles growing as they see Natasha standing there.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky asks, eyeing the cupcake in her hand.

“I come bearing gifts. Some better than others.” She steps aside and you smile from where she was standing, a Tupperware of cupcakes in your hands.

“Hey, (Y/n)!” Steve calls. You wave weakly at him, smiling nervously as you walk over to the table where he sits.

“Hey, doll. What are you doing here?” Bucky asks, eyes devouring your figure.

“Hi. Nat said she was popping by so I thought I’d go with her. Save you the drive over to my place, too.” You look at Bucky as you say the last part, smiling timidly at the grin on his face.

He walks over to you and leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your lips while his arm wraps around your waist.

You pull away when Sam whistles, giggling softly and shaking your head.

“I uh... I brought some cupcakes for you and the guys. Nat said I should leave them for her but I thought you guys might want some.”

Sam and Clint are diving for the container before you’ve even finished speaking, and you can’t help but laugh at their eagerness.

Bucky moves to stand behind you, his chin on your shoulder and his arms wrapped around your waist.

“You okay?” He asks softly. You nod, bringing your hands up to rest on his.

He knows how you get around his friends, nervous that they won’t accept you. When he introduced you to them for the first time you’d had to excuse yourself to take nearly a double dose of your pills.

“We can head out right away. I just need to grab my things.” You nod your understanding and he presses a soft kiss to your cheek before letting go of you.

“Well if you’re trying to win us over, it worked. These cupcakes are amazing, (Y/n).” You smile at Clint then over at Nat who gives you a knowing look.

The drive over was filled with you panicking and freaking out, hoping that they didn’t hate the cupcakes or think you were weird for making them.

“If Nat kept these to herself I think I’d die,” Sam says, interrupting your thoughts.

“These are the leftovers from our Halloween party. I’m not gonna eat them all and I don’t think it’s healthy for Nat and James to share two dozen cupcakes between the two of them.” Bucky pinches your butt and you yelp, swatting his hand away.

“I could’ve devoured those in ten minutes.” You nod, smacking his chest. “That’s what I’m worried about. There’s only room for one of us to have a heart problem in this relationship.”

Steve chokes on his cupcake and Nat cackles, shaking her head at you.

In the time that you and Bucky have been together, your confidence has grown so much, and for that Nat is very grateful.

“It’s okay to laugh,” you say, noticing the way Clint and Sam are staring at Bucky. The brunet shakes his head, hugging you tightly and chuckling into your hair.

“Always a comedian, huh?” You shrug, “one of us has to be funny.” Sam laughs then, Clint snorting while Steve coughs the cupcake out of his lungs.

“Alright. Enough of that. Let’s get going.”

You bid goodbye to everyone and walk with Bucky to his truck, smiling when he starts driving.

“So you’re my girl then?” He asks after a while, a smile on his face.

“I thought it was obvious after our first date,” you reply coyly, heart skipping a beat as you remember everything that took place.

Since then you’ve had your fair share of make-out sessions, each ending in him pulling away with the excuse of wanting to wait.

He chuckles softly, eyes on you for a long moment.

“Well, I just never know. Don’t want to assume anything.” You hum, pondering this for a moment.

“Have you been ‘playing the field’ then? Waiting ‘till we’re a real item to put yourself off the market?” You’re half-teasing, but he can hear the nervousness beneath your words.

“No way. With a sweet thing like you by my side, I’d never even dream of someone else, even if we weren’t official.” You feel reassured and relax into the seat.

“Where are we headed?” You ask after a moment, realizing you don’t know what his date plans are for tonight.

“Well, I figured since it’s the start of the weekend, we could have a delicious dinner of Italian bread, tomato spread, cheese, vegetables, and meat. Maybe top it off with some gourmet pureed milk with fresh vanilla, frozen to the perfect temperature.”

You blink at this then shake your head. “Pizza and ice cream?”

“Pizza and ice cream.”

~*~

You’re cuddled up next to him on his couch, head tucked on his shoulder and legs thrown over his lap. He’s got his metal hand on your knees and his flesh around your shoulders, holding you close to his body while the two of you watch the movie.

You’re tracing tiny patterns on the back of his metal hand, marvelling at how warm the material is beneath your touch.

Your fingers gradually make their way up until you’re drawing on his forearm.

He shifts slightly, hand resting on your hip and tugging you up until you’re seated on his lap. The position is nice, but not the one you want to be in, so you quickly shift to straddle his lap.

His eyes snap up to your face, beautiful blues capturing your gaze and looking straight into your soul.

“Hi,” he murmurs, tongue darting out to wet his lips. Your fingers find their way to his hair, combing through and nails gently scraping against his scalp.

“Hi,” you reply, voice just as soft as his.

Something in the atmosphere changes at that moment, the two of you taking note of it at the same time. The tension grows swiftly between the two of you as you each glance at the other’s lips.

“It’s been over a month,” you whisper, lips just hardly brushing over his. He nods, hands gripping your hips tightly as he pulls you hard against him, forcing you to feel the outline of his hardening cock.  

“It has. And you haven’t run away screaming yet so I must be doing something right.” You chuckle, lips pressing gentle kisses to his neck. “If tonight goes well, I don’t think I’ll ever run away.” He groans and his hips thrust upwards, making you gasp.

“A-are you sure?” He asks, genuinely concerned as he pulls back.

“I don’t wanna hurt you... and I don’t wanna get your heart going too fast.” You smile softly at him, cupping his cheeks in your hands.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything, James. I want you. And if my heart gets too high, we’ll put my pills on the nightstand. I just want you. Please.” He lets out a big breath and you sigh, pushing off of his lap and scooting away from him until you’re at the opposite end of the couch.

“Babydoll, I didn’t say no. I’m just worried.” You say nothing. Instead, you keep your arms crossed over your chest and stare at the TV screen.

“C’mon doll. You’re not gonna be mad at me for caring about your heart, are ya?” You look over at him finally and sigh.

“It’s my heart, James. And if I wanna risk my health to have sex with you, that's my choice.” He chuckles and shakes his head, crawling over to you. His hands are on your body then, flipping you so you’re laying with your back against the arm of the couch. He climbs between your legs and grinds his hips against yours.

“If your heart needs a break you tell me, okay? I don’t care if I’m about to cum, you stop me and you take your pills. Your health is more important than anything to me.” You nod, eyelids fluttering closed as he grinds against you again.

“Do you promise? I won’t do anything unless you promise to tell me if it’s too much.” Yo open your eyes when he stops moving, hands coming up to his shoulders.

“I promise I’ll tell you if I need to take a breather, okay?” He nods, happy with your answer, then dives down to press a searing kiss to your lips.

The passion behind it is like nothing you’ve felt before, and you’re startled for a moment before kissing him back just as forcefully.

He grinds his length against your core through your clothes and you moan softly against his lips.

His tongue darts into your mouth, getting re-acquainted with every inch while his flesh hand shoves your shirt up just enough for some skin-to-skin contact.

You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him down harder against you and rocking your hips up to meet his.

“You gonna let me eat you out?” The way the words fall breathlessly from his kiss-swollen lips makes you moan, nodding desperately. He chuckles softly, mouth making a wet trail down your neck.

His fingers come to the neckline of your shirt and, with little effort, he tears the fabric straight down the middle.

The blatant display of strength has you wiggling your hips in a pathetic attempt to alleviate the growing tension between your thighs.

His fingers dart behind your back, unclasping your bra expertly and tossing it aside.

Lips wrap around your nipple, tongue darting out for a moment before he nips at it with his teeth.

Your back arches up into his touch and he uses that to his advantage, groping your other breast and pinching at your nipple.

He pulls away after a moment, eyes dark and focused on your face while his hand slides up to rest on your throat, fingers pressing against your pulse point. You roll your eyes but he seems determined to make sure you’re not overworking yourself.

“Just checking,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your lips quickly before climbing down your body. He tugs your pants down, panties coming with them, and lays on his stomach between your legs.

You bring one hand up to cover your face, heart skipping a beat as he places kiss after kiss on your inner thighs.

“Relax for me, doll. Lemme treat you right.” You nod, taking deep breaths to try and calm down while he brings your thighs over his shoulders.

His tongue darts out and licks you from entrance to clit, sending sparks shooting from your core to your toes.

He repeats the action a few times before focusing on your clit, tongue swirling and massaging over the bundle of nerves. Your thighs clench around his head and your heels dig into his back.

“F-fuck.” You’re surprised at how quickly he gets you to the edge, but you pay it no mind for now. Instead, you bask in the feeling of his mouth on your core and his beard scratching your thighs.

Your hands grab at his hair, pulling him in while your hips buck up off the couch.

Mouth open in a silent scream of bliss, you convulse. Your thighs tremble atop his shoulders and your hands nearly rip his hair from his head, but he doesn't mind. No, if anything the pain spurs him on.

It isn’t until you give an intentional tug on his hair that he lets up, eyes finding yours as he slowly lowers your legs and sits back on his haunches.

His hands rub gently over your thighs while you catch your breath, his tongue darting out to lick his lips.

“You okay?” He asks, concern lacing his voice.

You nod, heart beating fast but not nearly fast enough to be concerning.

“Do you wanna take this to the bedroom?” He’s genuinely wondering if you want to continue and you find yourself smiling softly at him.

“Yeah, I really really do.” He nods, a smile spreading on his handsome face before he scoops you up in his arms and carries you into his bedroom.

He’s so gentle in his movements, carefully placing you on the bed, kissing every inch of skin he can reach.

He only stays with you for a moment before standing up and darting out of the room. You prop yourself up on your elbows in confusion, waiting nervously for him to come back.

When he does you feel your heart warm.

He’s got your pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“Just in case. So you don’t have to go far.” He sets them down on the bedside table then stands sheepishly beside the bed, cheeks pink. You crawl up onto your knees, grab the collar of his shirt, and yank him down onto the bed with you.

He collapses on top of you, catching himself at the very last second with his metal arm. Your lips find his in a kiss that's all teeth and tongue.

“Take off your clothes,” you whisper against his lips, fingers toying with his belt buckle.

He pulls back and yanks his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor in a quick flash. Before he can come back, you’re tracing your fingers gently over his chest, eyes finding the angry red scarring on his shoulder.

His eyes are focused on your face as you trace over the scars with feather-light fingers, a frown tugging on the corners of your mouth.

“What?” He asks, worried that you’re disgusted with him.

“Do they hurt?” Your voice is a hushed whisper, almost as if you’re afraid of breaking the atmosphere of the dark room.

“Sometimes. But I deal with it.” You shake your head and look up at him, tears glistening in your eyes. “You shouldn’t have to.” His arms snake around your waist and he pulls you tight against his chest.

“We all have things that we shouldn’t have to deal with but we deal with them. I’m no exception.” You lean your head against his shoulder and press soft kisses to the place where metal meets flesh.

His fingers dance along your spine for a few minutes before he pulls away. You tilt your head back to look at him just as he leans down. His lips find yours, moulding against them so gingerly and expressing things that words could never.

Your arms wrap around his neck as he slowly leads you to lay down on the bed. Your legs come up around his waist, squeezing his waist and holding him tightly.

“You gonna fuck me?” The words slip out before you can stop them, but the growl that rumbles in his chest is enough for you to feel no regrets.

He leans back on his haunches and nearly tears his belt in half in his haste to get it off. His jeans are pushed off next, boxers coming with them until he’s naked before you.

You relax on your back as he leans over you, his hands coming to rest on either side of your head. You hold his biceps as he spreads your thighs with his knees.

“M’gonna treat you so well, darlin’.”

You nod, mouth dropping open in a gasp as he slides his hot length through your dripping folds.

He repeats the action a few times, coating himself in your slick before positioning the tip right at your entrance.

His eyes are locked on yours, holding your gaze as he slowly pushes into you, fire alight in his eyes at the choked moan that leaves your lips.

You finally manage to tear your eyes from his, staring down at where he’s pushing inch upon inch of his thick cock into your tight cunt.

There’s a brief moment of panic when you wonder if you’ll be able to take him fully.

“Look at that,” he murmurs, lips brushing gently over your temple. “Fuck, you feel so good... so nice...” You tilt your head back, relaxing further into the mattress as he bottoms out, hips flush against yours.

Your breathing hard, eyes shut and hands holding his biceps tightly as you adjust to his impressive size, the intrusion so foreign after so long.

“You okay?” He asks gently, voice laced with concern. You nod, taking a moment to actually check in with yourself. Your heart is beating fairly quickly, but it’s nothing you can’t handle.

“I-I’m okay. Can you...?” You trail off but he gets the idea, pulling his hips back only to press them forward. You moan softly, nails biting into the sensitive skin of his right arm and he hisses at the pain, snapping his hips forward harder and finding a steady pace.

Your head digs into the mattress, pleasure bubbling up and filling up the space inside of you with sparks as his cock hits the spot inside of you that makes your toes curl.

“Fuck... right there... fuck...”

He assaults your neck with rough kisses, his beard scratching at the sensitive skin and adding to the intense feeling of euphoria like gasoline to a fire.

Each thrust of his hips pushes you closer and closer to the edge, and your heart picks up speed as your climax approaches.

His metal hand pushes its way between your bodies down to where the two of you are connected, immediately working your clit and successfully pushing you into your climax.

Your entire body ignites, every nerve on fire and every cell up in flames. It rolls over you in wave after wave, drowning the rest of your senses so that all you can focus on is the feeling of him between your legs, pushing you headfirst into the most intense orgasm of your life.

The feeling of your walls clenching around his cock brings him rushing to his own release, hips faltering as he tries to maintain his composure and fuck the two of you through your highs.

He cums in hot bursts, painting your walls white and filling you with his seed. Your chest heaves, breaths coming in hard and fast in both an attempt to get oxygen and slow your heart, and also come down from your high.

Bucky pushes himself off of you upon hearing your laboured breaths and after one glance at your heaving chest, he’s pulling out of you and reaching over to grab your pills and the glass of water.

He balances them both in one hand and helps you sit up carefully, handing you the small bottle and then the glass of water.

You take your pills as quickly as you can, avoiding his eyes until your heart stops racing, and even then you don’t look up.

“Hey, look at me,” he whispers, taking the objects from your hands and setting them back on the table.

You slowly do, eyes glossy with tears as you bring your knees up and hug them to your chest.

“What’s wrong? Why the tears?” You shake your head, closing your eyes tightly and taking a few deep breaths.

“I ruin everything,” you whisper softly, pressing your forehead to your knees as tears drip down your cheeks.

He’s quiet for a long while, trying to figure out what’s making you say something so ridiculous.

“What... why would you say that, sweet girl?” You shake your head, sniffling.

“My stupid heart ruins everything. We were having a moment and I-” “Hey, you listen to me.” The urgency in his voice has you looking up instinctively, but you find nothing but softness on his face.

“Your heart is anything but stupid, okay? Your heart is amazing and it makes you who you are. I couldn’t care less if you have to stop and take your pills every time we have sex. If you wanna have sex again. I mean, I enjoyed it and I hope you did too, but if you didn’t that's okay, but maybe let me try again so that you can enjoy it more. But if you don’t want to that's totally fine, I don’t want you to feel pressured into having sex with me again if you don’t want to.” He stops himself and shakes his head, sighing heavily.

“What I'm trying to say, is that you could quite literally stop me as I'm about to blow my fricken load and take your pills and I wouldn’t be upset. We could be fighting, and if you need to take your pills it’s all behind us. Just because your heart needs a little help doesn’t make it any less important, okay? I will always put your health above anything.” You let out a shaky breath then nod, new tears welling up in your eyes at his words.

“Oh no. No more tears, doll.” You shake your head, a teary smile spreading on your face.

“You’re the nicest man I’ve ever met. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.” He’s got you wrapped in his arms in an instant, metal arm tight around your back and flesh hand holding the back of your head gingerly.

“Oh, darlin’...” His own eyes prickle with tears as he presses his lips to your shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, pulling back after a moment and giggling softly.

“Don’t be. This is how I want things to be. I want us to be able to cry and laugh right after sex. It’s how we should be. And I’m so happy that you’re comfortable with me.”

You sniffle and nod, fingers toying with his metal hand.

“How about we go take a shower then get nice and cuddled up in bed? I’ve been meaning to catch up on some of that show you introduced me to.” Your eyebrows raise and he chuckles.

“How’s that sound, pretty girl?” You nod, a small smile on your face. “It sounds perfect.”

[maybe-itll-be-someday]

After The Rain

For my beautifully bright friend, @sequinsmile-x. 

Happy Birthday, sweet girl. I’d only ever be able to pull 2.5k words out of my math riddled brain for you. 

Read on AO3

--

Aaron always did hate the rain.

The rain always meant that he would have no choice but to stay inside, a witness to the bottles of whiskey that his father would consume and his mother’s indifference to the situation. The rain meant that he’d have to stay home from the library, where he spent hours perusing through books and living in between worn out spines. Instead, he’d stay holed up in his room until his father’s booming voice beckoned him out, the rain aggravating his already delicate temper another notch.

It drizzled the day that they lowered his mother into the ground. Barely 25, his only suit hanging off his shoulders and circles under his eyes from nights he spent reading through cases and making his life more than his father’s ever was. He doesn’t cry as her casket gets lowered six feet beneath them, so the sky softly weeps on his behalf.

It rains the day that Haley leaves him. He comes home to their apartment, a light smattering of rain drops on their window as he takes in the empty space of their living room. Jack’s favorite toys are gone from the living room floor, where he spent hours stacking blocks and attempting to shove shapes into the wrong holes. The clothes she left in their closet were non-essentials - not anything they needed to live their everyday lives.

(It’s only fitting that he gets left behind too.)

It storms the day he makes the decision to send Emily off to Paris, his heart in his throat when he tells their superiors that the only way they could keep her safe is by letting everyone think that she was dead. Tears sting in his eyes and his fingers cramp from the intensity in which he’s holding the pen as he signs away to her new life, one that just recently slotted him in like a neat puzzle piece.

Thunder rumbles above them when he squeezes her hand, promising her that he would find Doyle and that he would bring her home. The skies crack open and the rain starts to fall when he gets to stamp his affection for her on her lips, sealing whispered promises he had no idea if he could keep.

So he takes the assignment in Pakistan, because when the sky splits open on a Wednesday night, he feels like he’s drowning.

At least it didn’t rain in the desert.

--

It rains on their third date, much to his dismay.

He should’ve checked the weather forecast before committing to taking her on a picnic in the park on a rare weekday off. He even goes to a boutique wine store in DC, asking for advice on what kind of wines would go best with which cheese because he wants to impress her. He wants the flavours to melt on her tongue to be the same sharp contrast of salty and sweet that lingered on his tongue when he tasted her. He buys her favorite wine, wrapped in a label that’s worn with time, because he wants to show

He just wants to tell her how he feels, but it’s way too soon. She’s only been back in the States for a few months, their romance rekindled in the past few weeks.

So instead, he tries to plan every moment of their date to the perfection she deserved.

If only he had checked the weather.

Emily had shown up at his door, white linen flowing down from thin straps and cinching around her waist, delicately draping right above her knees and his mouth going dry at the sight of her. She wrapped her fingers around his neck and kissed him in greeting, his own hands greedily grabbing the fabric under his hands and internally debated if they could forgo the picnic and instead eat the overpriced cheese he bought off of her skin.

But her eyes brightened when she saw the picnic basket he had prepared, running a finger and reading the labels of everything he bought in perfect intonation to their native languages.

“Where did you get all of this?” She had asked, cheeks dusted in a light pink at the realization that he had done this all for her.

“Maybe if you’re good, I’ll tell you.” He’s always been attuned to her movements - a careful eye thrown in her direction. It had started just as a precaution, his opinions on her joining the BAU still up for debate.

It had slowly and too easily transformed into something else completely. It was probably the reason why he had gone to four different delis in DC, tracking down cheese he couldn’t pronounce the names of and two bottles of wine that he thinks cost him more than all the wine he’s ever bought in his life.

He remembers the first time he caught it. Reading a report from over her shoulder, their relationship refining its rough edges as they slipped closer and closer together. He remembers the smell of her perfume, the soft scent of something floral in his nose as he read through her report.

“Good.” He had said, a soft hand on her shoulder in approval when her shoulders tightened ever so slightly. Not in annoyance, or in anger, but in a frustration that he thinks had to do with the way her hips shifted in her seat. He was just starting to learn about her, of the mole that was tucked on her collarbone, of the small rose tattoo on her ribs and the dove that flew across her hip bone.

He spent his time exploring which patches of skin produced which noises, which angle of his caused her to grip whichever part of him she was holding tighter, and which words caused his name to roll off of her tongue in a sweet cacophony of moans.

Her pupils darkened at his approval, his touch igniting something under her skin that when he said it later that night, wrapped in her silk sheets - the words good girl dropped in the middle of unintelligible mutters - she had arched into him and her thighs clamped down around his hips as she urged him to go deeper and faster, chasing her release by embedding him under her skin.

Another button he’s learned how to press and his delight grew as her pupils widened at his words.

“As long as I can hold you to that.” He wanted to tug her back into his bedroom, taking advantage of the fact that his apartment was kid-free for once but she just cackled and tugged on his hand, telling him to grab the picnic basket because she was starving .

They find a secluded area of Potomac park and he asks her to explain whatever it is he bought, because he really was only working off of the recommendations of the elderly Italian woman at the first deli who had written down all the cured meats and cheeses that he should buy when he mentioned it would be for his girlfriend.

Emily tells him which wine would go best with which cheese and he feeds her grapes and cherries that stained her lips in a soft pink, stealing soft kisses when he lingers close enough and enjoying the blush that spreads on her skin when his hand draws soft circles on the inside of her knee.

The dark, grey sky looms over them without warning, the clouds splitting open to let fat drops of rain land on the very expensive cheese that he thinks is an absurd amount for pressed curds of milk. Aaron starts to quickly pack their picnic, calculating the amount of time that it’s going to take to get to the car that they’ve parked on the other side of the road and wonders why the rain was determined to ruin what was going to be one of his favorite memories.

“Aaron.” She says, chuckling and running a hand down his back. “It’s only the rain.”

But she also notices the way his body has gone rigid, jaw set in a tight line as he continues to pack the food back into the basket. He flinches when a particularly fat raindrop hits the back of his neck and she frowns at his reaction.

But she doesn’t press, instead helping him pack away all of their food and letting him coral her under a nearby tree just as the rain pelts the ground in heavy, loud waves. The rain was torrential, their visibility limited to the first twenty feet in front of them and Aaron already knows that they won’t make it back to the car without getting soaked, if they could find it in the downpour.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He mutters, fists curled tightly and Emily pushes the wet curls across his forehead and brushes off his apology.

“It’s not like you can control the weather.”

“I should’ve checked--” He protests.

“It’s okay, I actually like the rain.” Her head cocks, appraising him with a careful eye and Aaron knows that he doesn’t have to tell her that he isn’t a big fan of the rain. She stares at him for a moment longer and as he is about to suggest they sprint back to the car, her hand slips into his and she tugs him out from under the shade of the tree and right into the downpour.

“Emily, what are you doing ?” He asks, his voice loud to try and compete with the rain that was battering the ground beneath them. Emily doesn’t respond, instead keeping a firm grip on his hand as the drops of water soaked her skin, causing the white fabric around her to cling to her skin.

“Dance with me.” She says, a gentle tug on his hand pulling him closer.

“There’s no music.” He says and she just laughs, his pedantics having the opposite effect on her as she steps closer to him, lifting the hand in hers as his arm loops instinctively around her waist. He’s about to protest again, because they really should be getting back to the car because the food is in a wooden basket under a tree, but she tips her lips on his and effectively stops his protests before they begin.

Her temple brushes against his cheek, and the taut pull of his muscles releasing slightly. She curls into him, her hand resting on the small of his back as his palm flattens across her shoulders, his thumb edging the outline of its blade. A shiver runs up her spine at the contact, the warmth of his fingers a sharp contrast to the rain that slid on their skin. She starts leading him in a gentle sway, their movements oddly on beat with the beating of the rain.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never danced in the rain, Hotchner.” He shrugs, a playful smile gracing his lips.

“I’m not in the habit of catching a cold or freezing in wet clothes.” Emily laughs, the soft lilt of it wrapping his heart in a warmth that causes those three words to curl dangerously at the end of his lips.

“The rain isn’t all bad.” She says, glancing up towards the dark sky as she lets the rain pound on her skin. “It brings the flowers. It cleans the air. It helps us savor the sunshine just a little bit more.”

Her fingers twine around a damp strand of his hair at the base of his neck, the scrape of her nails eliciting the release of the tension in his shoulders. He pulls her a little closer, taking the lead her in a soft shuffle

“The rain brings the rainbows.” She says, a soft smile curling at the edge of her lips, as if she was telling him a secret he wasn’t supposed to know about.

He didn’t think he’d ever find himself dancing in the rain. The torrential background of some of his more unpleasant memories is the same background that makes his chest want to split open to let all the light that was building inside of him out. To let the three words that curl dangerously at the edge of his lips to tumble out laced in a million promises and praises he wanted to give to her.

He didn’t think he’d find himself here, her soft figure pressed against his as the rain soaked their skin. He didn’t think he’d get to imprint his affection for her against her lips, tasting the sweet tartness of the cherries that stained her lips. He didn’t think he’d ever get to have her.

The words slip from his lips, his affection for her pouring from him with no warning or forethought. He just needs to tell her because he’s happy, and he doesn’t think he’d ever be this happy in the rain .

“I love you.” He says breathlessly, panic rising in him as she stiffens in his arms. “You don’t have to say it back. I just needed you to know.”

But she giggles, bright and brilliantly, and tugs his lips right onto hers and says that she loves him too.

If this was his rainbow, he’d happily let it storm for the rest of his life.

--

The next time it rains, he is the one to tug her into the park across the street. He takes her hand and leads her in a waltz he definitely doesn’t know, the cadence of her laugh sweet and light in the air. He sings Blackbird in her ear, low and whispered, because she’s always brought out a side of him that he thought he could keep buried under steel-reinforced walls.

He’d give every side of him to her, if she asked.

Maybe they’d make enough of these memories, of the rain soaking them to the bone but they would laugh and he’d make her hot chocolate after and he’d peel the heavy fabric of her dress off of her skin as she laughed and tell him to hurry up because Emily Prentiss was anything but patient.

Maybe they’d make enough memories to clean the stained ones that followed him whenever it rained.

Aaron always did hate the rain.

But with her, he hated it a little bit less.

--

[loudestcloud]

Character inspired meals: supernatural

Starter: Caesar Salad - Romaine lettuce

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sam~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dessert: Dairy free Strawberry cheesecake -

parmesan cheese, crisp croutons, caesar salad dressing

Main: American Pasta Salad - Bow-tie pasta, feta cheese, sweet basil, sliced black olives, halved grape tomatoes and it should have creamy balsamic dressing BUT I hate balsamic dressing so no.

Crust = raw pecan, almond flour, cinnamon, coconut oil & a tiny bit of salt. Filling = raw cashew, canned coconut milk but I'd assume lactose free would also work, (I say this because I HATE coconut milk) fresh lemon juice, coconut oil, maple syrup, vanilla extract and a shit ton of strawberries. Sam has joked about being lactose intolerant before and true or not i am and id like to have these meals plus Dairy free options are usually more healthy and that's probably what same would go for. While there is cheese in the first two, it's only a little and we'd be fine but a cheese cake? No way, but I love cheesecake so we're gonna make it safe for us lol

Drink: Fresh apple juice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dean~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Main: Kansas style Hunter’s chicken -

Starter: Mozzarella sticks - Mozzarella cheese and bread cumbs, no surprises in that. Anyway, in 15×10, Dean finds out he is also lactose intolerant but canon aside, he is DEFINITELY the type to say fuck it and eat anything anyway no matter the cost and mozzarella sticks slap so who cares? Not us. Mozzarella sticks are a classic starter but If you think that they're too light, even though it's a starter and its ment to be light, you could always go for my personal homemade tomato soup - Canned tomatoes, All purpose flour, fresh cream, butter, sugar, salt, pepper and I tend to top it off with basil or parsley. Dean mentions in a flashback that Mary would make tomato soup all the time when he was little so it's why it came to mind.

Kansas barbecue sauce, olive oil, finely chopped onions, chicken breast , tomato paste, bacon, grated cheddar, lettuce, chopped cucumber

Chopped radishes with lemon juice drizzled over it and a dash of black pepper, served with bread to eat the left of over sauce with. I recommend tiger bread. I thought this would work for dean cos it's 2 types of meat, it's messy and he feels like the kinda person to hear 'Kansas style' and go nuts for it.

Dessert: Apple cinnamon pie - Filling = Apples, golden caster sugar, cinnamon & flour. Pastry = butter more golden caster sugar, eggs & plain flour. Not much suprise here either. Dean's food needs are simple. I know y'all want me to say cherry pie but the meal I've made would go better with apple as a nice pallet clean. This is accidentally a very American meal but fun fact, Apple pie first originated in England, where it developed from culinary influences from France, the Netherlands, the Ottoman Empire and apple trees weren't even native to America until europeans arrived so idk why y'all decide to take it as if you did something here. Y'all did nothing here, that pie is my blood not yours. 😤 /hj Anyway, all this to say, apple pie will taste better with this and also gives a hint of Men of letters to the meal.

Drink: Cola. Simple man, simple needs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Cas~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starter: PBJ mini parfait - yogurt, crunchy peanut butter, granola & strawberries. The jam is made of frozen mixed berries (like blackberries, blackcurrants, blueberries, redcurrants, strawberries ect), chia seeds, orange juice & maple syrup. Because cas canonically likes PB&J & i think mini parfait are neat.

Main: American style honey & banana pancakes with vanilla ice cream on the side - Honey for the bee obsession, bananas for the monkey obsession he also has the the same episode but people over look that part. "How important is lipstick to you, Dean?", American style pancakes are fluffy like angel wings lol and vanilla ice cream also reminds me of angels, i cannot elaborate on it, it just does.

Drink: Butterfly pea flower tea latte - cashew milk, blue butterfly pea flower powder, maple syrup, vanilla extract & dried rose petals for garnish. It's a bright blue, sweet, all natural beauty. Makes my heart flutter just looking at it, just like Cas. Lol what a simp. If you don't want to empty your wallet on one drink, you can have cinnamon coffee instead because his coat gives the vibe and Misha said he uses cinnamon sprays all the time and so always smells like cinnamon no matter what hes doing.

Dessert: Angel food cake - Plain flour, caster sugar, eggs, cream of tartar, lemon juice & zest, unsalted butter served with double cream, mango sauce, juiced lime, strawberries & passion fruits cos *place angel joke here*

Drink: Ice cream cola float - Cola + vanilla Ice cream. This was the most childish drink I could come up with, it's very hit or miss for people and you get the combo of Deans Cola and Cas' ice cream because it's very cute to me. I very much feel Jack would like this drink and Sam would hate it because it's far too unhealthy and weird, making it a perfect drink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jack~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All i have so far is

[loominggaia]

What is the economic model and bases of each great kingdom? Where do they fall on the free market to planned/command economy scale? What are each of their chief exports and imports?

I'll be honest, I don't know enough about economics to get too deep into this stuff. But I can tell you a little about each kingdom's biggest industries.

Folkvar: Exports lumber, ships, and fish. Folkvar's shipmaking industry is second to none; they build solid water crafts and sell them to buyers all over the globe. Most of the world's everfloe crystals come from Folkvar, which are essential for refrigeration and air conditioning.

Matuzu: Exports a little of everything because Matuzu owns a huge, megadiverse chunk of land with lots of resources. Most of the world's spices come from Matuzu. Its most famous exports are palm wine, culture, and schooling. The World Athenaeum generates a lot of money for the kingdom.

Lamai: Exports lumber, sugar, and pharmaceuticals (and lots of illegal drugs too...) Lamai is quite independent resource-wise and doesn't need to import much. It has abundant jungles above its vast underground labyrinths. These labyrinths are where most of its people live and they are expanding all the time. The excess dirt and rocks have to go somewhere, so its biggest exports are actually soil and minerals.

Yerim-Mor: Known for exporting a lot of dreamleaf, coconuts, and dates, all of which grow well in its territories. It also one of the last places on Gaia that still exports crude oil, which it sells to Zareen and Damijana. But its economy relies on its dirty factories the most, which produce goods for kingdoms bound by the Nymph Pact. Nymph Pact kingdoms outsource production to Yerim-Mor to keep their own native nymphs from revolting. Yerim-Mor suffers nymph revolts, but the Divine of Hate helps protect the kingdom from these nymphs in exchange for blood sacrifices. It's complicated. This kingdom is a mess...

Zareen: Exports factory goods similar to Yerim-Mor, but is also the world's top exporter of entertainment media (books, music, films, etc.) This is the only place where advanced technology like bucketheels and motor vehicles are manufactured, which they used to sell to the Burmek Commonwealth. Since Burmek collapsed, they can only sell their great technologies domestically. Zareen is unable to produce its own food, so they rely almost completely on food imports to feed their populace--mainly from Evangeline. Zareen once had a robust petrol industry but today it is dwindling as their oil wells run dry. Their media/entertainment industry has replaced oil as their main source of income.

Evangeline: Its main export is food, but slaves/trafficking victims make a big chunk of dark revenue thanks to Kelvingyard's illegal foreign dealings. Evangeline exports its meat and produce all over the world. It's only able to do this because of its slave labor, which keeps food costs low for foreign buyers. Also exports a lot of fertilizer and leather thanks to its huge livestock populations.

Mogdir: This kingdom has many prestigious arcane schools that make a lot of revenue. Its main exports are magical goods and services, such as potions, enchanted objects, and magical procedures. It also exports unique foods and ingredients like pitter cheese.

Etios: Exports food, lumber, and minerals--particularly salt. Etios is bound by the Nymph Pact and doesn't allow refineries in its borders, but it does export raw materials like wood and iron to be refined elsewhere. Etios also happens to be the biggest exporter of minotaur milk in the world. This milk is very nutritious and well-tolerated by all species, so it's used in care settings like hospitals, nursing homes, and orphanages worldwide. It's also marketed as a health-boosting supplement in some regions.

Seelie: Exports many unique specialty goods you can't get anywhere else. Goods like sheener wings (metallic beetle shells used for crafting), glimbee honey (used in cuisine), unique crystals (used by mages), and so on. Seelie has a surprisingly big fishing industry too, mainly harvesting corals and mollusks.

Unseelie: Its main exports are controversial items that usually end up on foreign black markets. We're talking about the bones and blood of peoples, shrunken heads, illicit potions, hardcore drugs, brutal enchanted weapons, and questionable porn. There aren't many laws in the Seelie Court, so these things are produced quickly and exported freely. The hard part is getting them into other kingdoms, but criminal gangs have made an entire business out of that...It's more "legitimate" exports are pot ash, crude oil, and minerals.

Damijana: Its the world's biggest exporter of pyre crystals, thanks to its prison mines on Slegelse Island. But actually its largest export is bureaucracy. Damijana boasts uniquely high literacy rates compared to other kingdoms, meaning most of its population can read and write quite well. Because of this, other kingdoms outsource a lot of their paperwork like drafting, editing, legal documentation, and so on to Damijana offices. Damijana boasts the most efficient offices in the world, able to crank out everything from written documents to animated films very quickly. Even Zareen Empire outsources a lot of their paper-pushing to Damijana because it can get done faster, cheaper, and more reliably here.

Alliance: Whatever it exports is done so under the table, because the World Athenaeum has deemed the Aquarian Alliance a "terrorist group" and condemns any kingdom who openly trades with them. But the Alliance has many valuable goods to sell, such as slaves, potions, food, and rare minerals, and it can do so cheaply to whoever is willing to defy the Athenaeum. Aside from black market dealings, the Alliance makes most of its money through raiding and foreign extortion. They're like the big kid who shakes everyone down for their lunch money and somehow turned that into a career.

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

[gemsofgreece]

@cathyhearty replied:

I'm planning on a trip to Greece as soon as it's safe... Do you have any reccomendations of good and budget friendly places to try Greek food in Athens? Thanks!

I personally know too little about Athens, I am afraid. I could recommend some based on critics and articles etc but I don’t even know when the borders will open and how much things will have changed since then so... I’ll just give you some general tips to make safely good and budget friendly choices all over Greece because I’d hate to leave this completely unanswered.

How to find Cheap and tasty food in Greece

First things first, odds are in your favor. You might not be lucky enough to find the best place ever in the first try but finding truly bad food in Greece is not common.

Greek restaurants are cheaper than Western Europe’s and maybe a little more expensive than Eastern Europe’s. Depends on where you go too, obviously, but overall prices are very reasonable and portions tend to be large.

If you come with a tourist group, avoid the restaurants where tour guides take you and tourist traps. They offer mediocre stereotypical dishes accompanied with stereotypical music and the slightly cringey obligatory plate breaking. I mean, we don’t do that in normal everyday dining, so it’s cringey to me. Run away and make your own choice. Important: choose places that target Greeks, not tourists! Found a place that doesn’t even have menus in English? Honestly, even better!!! This means the restaurant targets Greeks who know well what to expect. Go there and ask for their specialties. But if the English menu is first or more showy than the Greek menu, run away.

Don’t buy Greek salad in hopes of getting something cheap. Greek salad is expensive because of its reputation and the huge chunk of the trademarked feta cheese. You can buy a tasty main dish with as much. Also, I think if you order an “Agourodomata” salad and a feta cheese seperately you basically get the same stuff for a little cheaper. But also, try other salads too. Or appetizers (orektika) instead of salad. Trust me. 

Tripadvisor is a good friend and also ask random locals for recommendations.

These are the most common / basic kinds of shops that offer Greek food :

tyropitadiko - snack / Greek pie shop

souvlatzidiko - Greek fast food restaurant

psistaria - grill restaurant

taverna - traditional tavern

ouzeri / tsipouradiko / mezedopolio - sea food & fish restaurants and appetizer restaurants

estiatorio - restaurants / fine dining

In a tyropitadiko you can eat and get completely full for 2 euros. A Snack / pie shop offers traditional Greek pies, many cheese pies, the spanakopita (spinach pie), other vegetable pies, mushroom pies, chicken pies, ground beef pies, sweet pies like milk pie and bougatsa, other snacks like koulouri and drinks etc. *Greek pies are different from pies in the west

Souvlatzidiko is a souvlaki / gyros / pita place. They also offer burgers and stuff like sausages, patties, chicken nuggets, kebab, fillets. The key here is pita. As long as you order everything in a pita (or a bread), you can get more than full and happy under 3 euros.

If you eat meat, in a psistaria you can have the best food experience ever or a disappointing one. It’s a bit of a hit or miss. But if you find a place with good reviews, definitely give it a try. Prices there are mostly cheap and most dishes cost under 9 - 10 euros. Also, you can share a dish with somebody else and if you get too full, you can ask for a package to take the rest of your food with you. This is perfectly acceptable in Greece (except in very fine / prestigious dining places) because it means you loved the food so much that you don’t want to leave any of it behind.

A taverna has similar prices and offers a bigger variety of Greek dishes, ideally resembling home cooking, for all tastes, especially meat / fish / vegetable based. Some of them can be tourist traps but the good Greek-targeting ones are a dream. You can also ask for a package for the rest of your food (I’m repeating this because you can save money this way).

From the appetizer shops, Ouzeri and tsipouradika focus on seafood and fish, while mezedopolia on meat based appetizers. The portions there are smaller but IMO these often offer the most tasty things. Depending on what you order, prices might be lower than in the psistaries and tavernes but of course they can also go much higher if you order fresh fish and big seafood dishes. However, if  you like fish and seafood, you should experience it at least once in Greece. We are a nation of the sea, after all. A package is acceptable but more rare here because portions are smaller by default.

In estiatoria, prices can easily go over 12 euros for a dish but that’s not always the case. They all offer a few more budget friendly choices.

So, if you want to exclude estiatoria, my suggestion is this: based on your personal taste, find the best reviewed places for these types of shops or ask locals for all types you are interested in and then make a mix of all of them where in the most pricey ones you can share with your co-travellers and take packages with you for the evening if you like the food but left some.

This is my recommendation because while all these are very tasty, I see most of the time tourists only eat a Greek salad throughout their trip or spend all days and nights with a souvlaki and... I mean, that’s not enough to experience Greek food, you know?

[audible-smiles]

Portland Burger Week!

4 veggie burgers (which were created specifically for a local annual food festival and which will never be seen anywhere else) REVIEWED for no particular reason

(All of these were $6, + sides/drinks; that’s part of what makes it fun!)

First up: New Seasons with ‘Slaw, Spice, and Everything Nice’

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New Seasons apparently has some really great lunch options; who knew??? Their veggie alternative was a Beyond patty, and I actually didn’t hate it! It still had that heavy meaty aftertaste that makes me want to brush my teeth (mammals taste bad, I stand by that) but whoever put this burger together is good enough with balancing flavor and texture that actually eating it was a great experience. They were liberal with that tangy, spicy sauce, so it was moist throughout and topped with a unique, crunchy slaw (kale, red bell pepper, corn, red onions, etc?) as well as one of my favorite cheeses. Overall, just a really well executed concept, and possibly my favorite burger of the day, right out of the gate at our first stop!

Next up, the West Coast Grocery Company with the ‘Beer Cheese Pretzel Burger’

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My review: This one was also a Beyond patty, and unfortunately they did not succeed at making it taste good. The burger was bland and generic, with the beer cheese and the pretzel bun much less flavorful than I hoped. They didn’t have a veggie alternative for the bacon, so they just left it off, which is rough because this burger needed all the advantages it could get. However, the place was packed, with a line out the door. They had sold out of so much alcohol (homemade and otherwise) that they ended up serving my roommate a mystery cider, the name and origins of which the server couldn’t remember. There was a guy outside with a parrot on his shoulder. It seems like they took on more than they could handle with Burger Week, but the place had charisma for sure.

Interlude: a trip to the Mad Greek Deli. Their promo claimed to have a veggie alternative available, but the enormous man at the counter dismissed the idea out of hand, so I watched my roommate chow down on a meat burger while I drank a can of Mug root beer that cost $3.22. Fun fact: this place’s house sauce is called “Omega Sauce”, which is terrible.

Next Up: Next Level Burger with the “Beyond Cluckin’ Good” Burger

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My Review: Can you truly call something a burger if it features not fake beef, but instead fake chicken and fake pork, and neither in patty form? I thought the...Beyond Chicken... (sigh) was thick and dense enough to make for an unpleasant chew, but my roommate declared it “better than most real chicken” (which made me profoundly sad for the state of chicken in this country). I actually really liked the tempeh bacon, which was smokey and lightly crisp, and of course chipotle mayo is an easy crowdpleaser. Vegan cheese is always risky, but this one wasn’t offensive. And we also had a really good coconut milk blackberry shake as well. A solid effort for sure. I’ll be back someday to try their housemade black bean burgers with avocados, which look amazing.

Last Up: Sunny’s Diner with the Flaming Hot Vegan Bumb (Big Ugly Messy Burger)

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My Review: Hey, turns out pickled onions are pretty good, actually?? I don’t seek them out on a regular basis, but they were freaking great on this burger. I didn’t get any “flaming hot cheeto” flavor whatsoever, which was sad because I was excited about how crazy it sounded, but it was still good. VeganCredible is a local food distributer, and their patty was noticeably better than the Beyond patties for the lack of that meaty aftertaste, but damn do I miss a classic veggie burger with visible chunks of beans, grain, and veggies. Real cheese wouldn’t have hurt either. But I get the appeal of a totally vegan burger...for vegans.

Postscript: There were 5-6 other places on the official list offering veggie burgers, but we decided to go home (after a brief stop at Boke Bowl for my roommate to pick up the Boke Vaxed Burger and take it home to eat later) BEFORE we died, rather than afterwards.