#like its one thing to ban it from your blog or personal discord

[myfandomrealitea]

I wish I had a place to post my fucked up arts without being cancelled 😭

Honestly I think the drawn arts have suffered perhaps the most out of modern censorship. Especially the communities, too, because when sites ban things to please advertisers, investors and the handful of people squawking about protecting the children, it creates this mentality of; 'if its been banned its bad, so whoever makes it or enjoys it is bad too.'

There will literally always be at least one person who comes after you for what you create. Lord knows I enough enough angry anons in my inbox on a daily basis and all I do is rant about antis and occasionally knock my braincells together with enough force to say something vaguely helpful.

My best advice for avoiding being 'cancelled' is to heavily, heavily curate your online space and the people you aim to include within it. This could be by:

Following specifically other blogs who post similar content or express interest in similar content to what you produce or your interests.

Pre-emptively blocking blogs who express disgust or hatred for the content you produce or like, blogs who express moral stances conflicting to yours, ect. This is expressly helpful on sites like Twitter where options to limit engagement are limited.

Tagging properly, and including trigger and warnings tags whom others are likely to have blocked. This prevents people from seeing something they don't want to, and also gives you coverage if they try to accuse you of 'spreading it around.'

In cases of art that may have more extreme content, try using spoiler flags or any filtration option that requires viewers to actively consent to viewing it. Relevant to above, nobody can cry wolf about 'being exposed' because they would've had to physically reveal the work to themselves.

DeviantArt unfortunately recently changed its policies to a frankly ridiculously constrictive degree, so while I previously would've recommended that as a place to host your artwork and find a safer community, I can no longer. Hopefully someone is successful in pushing for the site to reform to its previous rules soon.

ArtStation is an option. The site is not eligible to anyone under 18 and sexual, gore, fetish, and 'mature' content is allowed provided the usual stipulation that you aren't using it in order to cause, infer or threaten harm against someone. A lot of the site is geared toward marketing artwork, though, so you might be hard pressed to find more of a community aspect to it.

Rule 34.com is... Objectively one of the best places you can host your artwork if you create content that is based on sexual themes. The protective rights aren't the greatest, but anyone who uses Rule 34 has no leg to stand on regarding morality and censorship.

Reddit has a lot of subreddits for sharing art, and a bonus is you can find subreddits specifically geared toward artwork based on things like gore, violence, sexual content, ect. Filtering options and monitoring are basically non-existent, however. Also, Reddit sometimes spontaneously decides a specific post is against its TOS and yeets it.

There's also the option of building a Discord server based around sharing artwork of certain themes, which is objectively the format that allows you the most control over who views it, but it also means your art has a limited presence. (Can't be reblogged, ect.)

If you do check out any of the websites, always be thorough in reading the Terms of Service and the Community Guidelines.

[rpsearchhub]

𝗥𝗼𝗹𝗲-𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗦𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵 𝗛𝘂𝗯

❧ about the blog this blog is run by one person currently, aiming to be a place for people over eighteen to find new role-play partners. please read through the guidelines for ads below before submitting them.

hello, i'm your admin, Rikkieboo, feel free to call me Rikkie. I use any pronouns, and i am also here to role-play. here are a few role-play related resources I am cooking up currently. because this blog is so new, many of these are not quite available yet.

rikkies' rp face-claim hub {check out the construction here} this is a resource where I will post face-claims tagging them with eras/genres/genders/appearances etc. to help those who struggle to find face-claims for their ocs! will include non commission gif packs.

rikkies' graphics pack shop {under construction} this will be a resource where people can order custom gif packs of face-claims/ships, icon packs, video edits, or gif edits. these will likely work through a ko-fi tip. this is not finalized yet.

role-play search hub discord {under construction, available soon}

❧ submission guidelines

✘ no matter the fandom or genre you are role-playing, we will only be accepting asks from those over 18, and you may not accept role-plays through this blog from those under 18. ✘when submitting an ad, please include the following. Your age/age range and the age range you are comfortable role-playing with. your pronouns. your style of writing {i.e.; texting style, descriptive, literate, novella}. what genre/fandom(s) you want to role-play, and what kind of role-play you are looking for {i.e.; oc x oc / oc x canon / mxm / mxf etc} { for your convenience, a template is located at the bottom of this post } ✘ this blog will not post requests that include asking for role-play of real people {i.e.; actors, athletes, celebrities, youtubers, etc.}. ✘ i ask that you have a maximum of 10 fandoms/plot ideas/genre requests per ad. When mentioning fandoms, write the full name of the fandom rather then the abbreviation. I don't know all the anime names, or comic series names, I won't know what to tag them with if you just write SVTFOE instead of 'star vs the forces of evil'. ✘ because this blog is strictly catering to those over the age of 18, you may include requests for role-plays including NSFW content, or problematic Deddov content { please include this in your submission for problematic content;🪦🕊️}. please be aware, when posted they will be marked with 'mature', and tagged with the content you mention so that those wishing to avoid that content can do so. It is none of my business what you role-play, however, requests for anything including those under 18 will be deleted, and the sender will be placed on a ban-list located on this blog. Once again, that is my only boundary when it comes to what you want to put in your role-play ad, please do not violate that boundary. There is literally one. Its not that hard to avoid. ✘ things you are allowed to send in the ask box that are not role-play partner ads; role-play group advertisements {provided the group is not open to minors}, questions about role-play or the admin, requests for role-play resources or assistance, advertisement for other role-play finders. I {admin rikkieboo} don't bite, I am a friendly person, don't be afraid to send questions in the ask box and I will answer them to the best of my ability.

role-play ad submission template

[greeting] [introduce yourself here with your age/age range, pronouns, the age range you are comfortable role-playing with.] [here is where you tell us your preferences for role-playing. i.e. platform (tumblr, discord, docs, etc.), style, length, ships and pairings you prefer such as oc x canon or canon x canon etc. as well as male x male or female x male etc. here is where you would also include mentioning if you wanted problematic or nsfw content included.] [here is where you tell us what fandoms/genre/plots you are actually looking to role-play. list fandoms with full names, and write down your pairings for said fandoms or plots so people reading get all the information they need.]

[cyberpunk2077positivity]

Cyberpunk 2077 Positivity

Hello, welcome to a space to share all the things you love about Cyberpunk 2077 - be it the game, its characters, fellow fans you like or creators you appreciate.

What is the Cyberpunk 2077 Positivity?

Vets might call this a "Confession Blog", but its purpose is to open a platform of positivity that is entirely anonymous and strictly lacking of negativity.

For more information on what this blog entails and how to participate, please keep reading:

Who can participate and submit?

Everyone. This blog was made on a fresh account, has no filtered tags or filtered people.

How can I participate and submit?

Simply leave a message on the Inbox. You can leave it Anonymously or not, but know that your confession/message will be posted without mentioning the sender name.

Is it limited to Cyberpunk 2077?

Not at all. From the classic Cyberpunk RED all the way to the brand new Cyberpunk Edgerunners, anything related to this franchise is accepted and encouraged here.

Can I just submit anything my synth heart desires?

No. Here's a few rules to follow:

Your submission must stay under 300 characters of length.

Shout out submissions must list a valid tumblr blog username.

You can include any sort of positivity, from the game itself, the characters, your friends, a modder/artist/virtual photographer you admire... But:

This blog has an extremely strict conduct when it comes to allowed content. If you cannot submit a confession without including a backhanded compliment, including "ifs and buts" or generally turning an otherwise pleasant message sour, it is not for you.

If your submission is considered mostly positive aside from one or two sentences, these will be removed and the rest will be posted.

NSFW confessions are allowed, but NSFW confessions about another person will be deleted.

Submissions promoting Discord Servers or inviting people to join Discord Servers will not be posted.

Can I get banned from this blog?

Yes. Anyone submitting hate, negativity or attempting to harass other members of the community or the Borg behind this blog will be blocked permanently. If Anonymous is used to do such thing, it'll be IP blocked.

This also includes unkind reblogs, so be wise what you add to a post or include in the tags. Borg keeps watch.

If you cannot handle the possibility of seeing positive comments being made for a character you do not like, a person you do not like, a mod you do not like - this blog is not for you.

FOR MORE QUESTIONS, REFER TO THE F.A.Q

[true-to-the-rp]

RP Request (Open)

(Update: 2024)

Hi, Im Satan, Im 24 years old. Im looking for an RP partner for Discord (but can be convinced to RP on Tumblr never done it before). This is also my side blog for RP search, and probably looks terrible dont mind it. I dont have a computer to fix it.

I have fandom RP Ideas right now, and only do Canon x Cannon. I like Original stuff, and have a few original ideas but I have been craving some Cannon/Cannon action. There are some AU ideas for some, and Headcannons for the characrers Im playing. I'm open to work on a different plot or ideas that you have in mind, Nothing I writen for the character section is Set and Stone! Dm me - lord_satan_ on discord or on tumblr messanger

If there is another pairing you wanna do instead of the ones listed just ask! Even if there from a different fandom! I might be willing to rp them.

Information

Im 25

He/Her/Them

EST Time Zone.

I like making playlists for the rp, sending art of the pairings (not my own, I only draw clothing) and when Im really in the mood yammer about stuff.

I have moments where I go silent, sorry about that. I sometimes just not in the mood to chat.

I have Autism, and sometimes suck at spelling.

I RP mainly on Discord but I can be convinced to RP on Tumblr if you are comfortable with it.

I write in 3rd person

Canon/Canon Pairing Only (M/M)

Semi lit to Lit, depending on the partner.

Rules

Be patient, I sometimes forget or get busy with life. If its been more then 24 hours please ping me again.

Be honest, if you arent enjoying the rp, or getting tired tell me.

No 1st person

No one liner, Im looking for Semi Lit.

No Minors, 18 plus Partner (I want 21+, but Im not gonna be picky). If You lied to me about your age, and I find out. Ill ban you.

Limits

Nothing with Eyes, Im down to clown withgore (cause I have two killers in this list)

Dont jump to sex please. I want build up.

No R*pe in the rp, the person can be sexually herrassed and it can be a thing that happened to the character in the past. But no R*pe in the rp.

Fandoms, Bold and coloured are character I can play!

Persona

Akechi Goro × Kurusu Akira

Akechi and Akira are from the same school/collage, and both are rivals. Enemies to friends to Lovers.

CoD | Call of Duty

Horangi x Kongi

Horangi has been a big fan of a ex porn star, unknown to him that star works right next to him and Kongi is clueless that he is big fan of Horangi music when he was an idol. (Based of a Fanfic I read)

Price x Graves

Graves didnt want to betray the group but he had to, for his young daughter. Group unaware of this, even Price someone he was having a romantic relationship with. (Am Open to other stuff turn to page Soup x Ghost (x roach?) for AU ideas if you don't wanna do this plot)

Soap x Ghost (x Roach?)

Monster AU, Camboy Au, Streamer AU, Flower shop/Tattoo Shop Au, Mermaid Au, or anything

South Park

Butters x Kenny

Theres a rumor that Choas has crated a formula that could give people superpowers. Making heads turn. Enemy to lovers.

Tweek x Craig

Collage AU. I dint have a detail plot idea, but open to discuss stuff for these two!

Evil Within

Sebastian x Ruben "Ruvik"

AU: Ruvik is a doctor at a hospital, he cares for his younger brother. Sebastian as a daughter who lways in and out of hospitals cause of her health. (AUs and Other stuff Welcomed if plot doesnt interest you)

Outlast

Eddie Gluskin x Waylon Park

I dont really have a plot idea for this one, open to suggestion and AUs!

You made it to the end, perfect. Hit me up with headcannons for the character you wanna play, Im so down to discuss Plot and Themes, also send ne your Triggers and No Nos.

[problematicfactive]

wow that's fucking disturbing, hope you're taking care of yourself today as a treat after that /g

Thank you!

Host is going over his lines but the stress is making us tic :(

It's a pretty common occurrence but it still gets me pretty badly every time.

On the note, I want to talk about manipulative source hate,

This came in immediately after I was banned.

Actually, let me clarify.

This person said this in MY own discord after I was banned from revenge.

I'd like to break it apart and explain why this kind of behavior isn't okay. You think you're being genuine, you're actually being an asshole.

"I kind of understand where they're coming from"

It is okay to have your own opinions, however, this person did nothing but make assumptions on how I live my life and my connection to source. They understand the other side because they were willing to hear out that sides "reasoning" for banning me (which can be seen in my last post) but they weren't willing to hear out how I live my own life. I have said it before and I always will say that hatred for problematic factives comes from ignorance on the subject. The idea we can just "get help" when in reality, this is the way our brain manifests "help." I am the help.

Also. That one person said "kys" -- this person is1 they understand where someone who wants me to commit suicide literally just because I exist "is coming from"

It IS okay to have your own opinions. But when a person is talking about how they got banned for being alive, maybe don't speak on your negative opinions of them in the moment. If you really want them to know how you feel, maybe give them time to calm down just a little? Dm them later and ask if it's okay to ask questions

This blog is primarily to educate. If you have any form of questions feel free to ask. If someone is asking you questions you feel I can answer, feel free to direct them to me.

"I don't want to see your icon, it makes me uncomfortable."

Being made uncomfortable by something is totally valid. Watching people eat makes me super uncomfortable. I'm not going to go to people who make eating content and try to manipulate them into feeling bad for EATING. Yesterday I had a different icon. It was the guy who played me but out of character. I hated it. It made ME uncomfortable and I felt like I was lying to myself. Deciding to change it to something that felt right was hard for me, but it was the decision I made. It means a lot to me and nothing to others. Just don't talk in the channels (need I remind, in MY server) where I'm talking? We have so many channels so you can avoid people that make you uncomfortable, its in the rules.

This person is focused on letting me know about their feelings, but they not once stopped to ask me about mine. That leads me into the next bit

"I know you deal with a lot of hate, but it isn't about you."

This is want I call "fake sympathy" "I know you deal with hate" is this person's way of pretending to have cared for my feelings and to justify only worrying about their own feelings throughout all of this. They don't mention how receiving this daily hate must hurt me or even how hard that must be on my health, they say "It isn't about you" (and give no further indication to whom this is about because at the end of the day, this is, in fact, about me. I'm the one who goes to bed every night hated by the internet and wakes up hated by the internet. I'm the one who can't be accepted in public places, I'm the one who people genuinely want to kill themself because of who I was sourced from. That's about me.) its simultaneously the most manipulative excuse I have EVER seen, and the poorest attempt at manipulation I've ever seen. "This isn't about you" because they are making it all about them. Again, literally just because I am alive.

"You need to show you aren't your source. Change your icon or your name."

First off, telling me what to do without me asking for anything of the sort. I've done both of these things. For a period of time, my display name was that of a creepypasta, and as I had already told that person, I also go by anxiety. Having my sourcename is not illegal, but when I didn't, I was still recognized and banned from servers in situations literally just like this one. Changing my name is doing nothing but lying to myself about my identity. Even though I am very very not connected to source, my name and appearance are the most important parts of myself to me. I've already spoken on my icon.

"Ill go. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable but this is how I personally feel"

1) the only thing you did throught all that message was make me beyond uncomfortable. You saved NO ONE the discomfort because nit only did I have to read that, the other people in the server did too

2) Why should I be expected to give half a fuck about how you feel if all you were gonna do is brush my off and side with people would literally want me to kill myself?

3) if you were gonna go, you should haveleft. Staying and giving this attention seeking speech is doing nothing but trying ti manipulate me into feeling bad for existing and making you feel uncomfortable in my server. You could have just left. You could have tried to understand things better, you could have said you were uncomfortable and left. You gave a whole shpill about how my existence makes you uncomfortable trying to get people to feel bad for you because the only thing you can do when you see me is judge me based on my source.

That is manipulative source hate.

Thank you for coming to my blog and also for being here for me.

Being able to throughly analyze this and warn others on it honestly and genuinely made me feel better

[ibbys-dump]

twitter sucks, so I'm mainly posting on here now, mind joining in?

heyoo! it's been a while since I've been on here but I think I'd like to start somethign new :)

if you don't mind, could I take ~20 minutes of your time (maybe less if you get the gist of it and scroll)? it'd mean a lot ♥

twitter...

twitter is a GREAT app!

before, this account used to just be reposting art and spamming random thoughts like it's twitter, but I've learnt since then that this isn't twitter at all. twitter has some great stuff, I get to talk to friends, find more through mutuals, share and reblog art, and become more immersed in the communities I love! that's great to me, but it resulted in me being stuck with it... and I mean stuck.

twitter is the ONLY app I can use!!

I've tried to leave the app several times, but the thing is all my friends are on it, so I have to use it to talk to and stay updated on my friends. I barely tried a discord server, but starting conversations really aren't easy when there's nothing to talk about. the thing with twitter is that it lets you be updated on what your friends are doing, so you can chime in and talk about whatever, it's a cute ecosystem that messaging apps and stuff like reddit struggle to maintain (reddit posts and replies are messy but I can't pin on why lol, just take my word for it [also who has a private subreddit lol]). BASICALLY twitter is too good to leave.

twitter kinda really sucks...

now you may ask why I'd want to leave the ideal app? well, twitter DOES have its problems and I think many are aware of it. it has a practically unmoderated void of the timeline that you can't help but check out to find new people, but you just get an unrelated mess of people posting 7 word phrases for interactions from randoms and it becomes an addicting cycle to scroll. just checking the app after being logged out awhile resulted in 20-40 minute scrolls, and it's taken away from my morning sometimes.

on top of this, GOD twitter is depressing.

HEY, HERE'S A HOT MORALLY CONCERNING HEAVILY DEBATABLE DEPRESSING TAKE THAT'LL RUIN YOUR MOOD‼️‼️👈👈♻️❤️ (1/14 tweets of slowly increasing dread!)🧵

... is an inevitability that you'll see often while just trying to look for your friend's posts, or sometimes they'll even repost it on their page... and it gets depressing. I don't want to see the world falling apart while I'm talking to friends, I get politics is important but my #1 rule is that it isn't shoved down my throat, and twitter is the biggest discriminator without a doubt.

twitter is also a huge unmoderated pit of posts, I've muted all that I can but people still find a way to be sexual, even minors but that's a whole other rabbit hole. there's no real way to mute it all, and it sucks. nobody uses spoilers on images, and twitter's timeline is a mess so you'll get some random's TOP 10 WACKY OPINIONS ON RANDOM WOMEN out of nowhere ┐⁠(⁠´⁠ー⁠｀⁠)⁠┌

the thing is, twitter was made back in like 2008 to post very short phrases on what you're doing, but now it's evolved poorly into a mixed mess of becoming THE social media app

so use Tumblr, PLEASE..!

the good without the dreadful

I didn't realize that 2010s web-blogs were the future, but blogs actually are a perfect solution! I read this article not too long ago, and I loved it. isn't it cool being able to just read some person's cool opinions and thoughts on their little journeys?! from there I got to thinking...

"didn't Tumblr have a blogs system as cool as this??"

it does!! I can check in on my friends on one page dedicated to them all, I can support cool artists, I can meet new mutuals, find new people with the # pages actually being useful (twitter's one sucks, don't you lie to me), the For You ONLY shows tags I follow, sexual content is banned, people actually use #s in posts which I can mute easily, there's like no politics and I can enjoy my space in PEACE!

so can you help me out and use Tumblr with me?

this is literally the best app for literally any community, but the tragic thing is not enough people use it. I get that new can be scary, and a month ago when I did use it, it was pretty difficult, but once you get the hang of it, you'll learn to love the new side of your communities! you also have your own space, so you can post your slick rhythm game scores or live posts of tv shows, it's great!

so with the whole essay I made, totally consider adding Tumblr to your ecosystem! make an account, get started talking to people, share the love for this app getting new people in here, and have fun!

you're gonna need some basic "get started" tips and get some extensions maybe, tumblr is an old place and has its own style, so I wouldn't skip these (they're short, promise!)

here's a twitter thread I used ages ago, super useful!

apparently my friend used this and got good tips, some extra pointers if you're interested!

as for me, I'll be talking more about things with you people on both apps, but mainly on here, this is the return I'm comfortable with, I'll still be on twitter for random silly posts, but general stuff goes on this blog. I hope this works well enough and I really would love to see all of you guys on here too!

> thanks for reading this, it means a lot

- ibby❤️

[yanzinator]

1. Name? Saul Goodman (or some other alias)

2. Prounouns/Gender? He/Him cis supervillain

3. Sexuality? No I'm fat

4. Country? Very anti

5. Top 5 fandoms? Terraria, music in general, hypixel skyblock minecraft dungeons (only f5), earth, scp

6. Whats your most forbidden snack? I don't eat illegal stuff! I only eat normal things like chocolate butter sandwiches, peanut butter n butter sandwiches or jelly and butter sandwiches

7. Would you pet a bug? I probably would accidentally kill it if I tried

8. Weird fact or story? Im an extremely religious leftist and because of that, political opinionwise i fit in with no one i know because everyone around me is either non religious (or not jewish entirely) or exteremely right leaning except for my mom.

9. What does the color blue taste like? A cool refreshing glass of water

10. What was the most beutiful thing you've ever seen? My little brothers getting along!

11. What was the stupidest thing you've ever done? I'm not comfortable talking about it. Instead I'll tell you about the time i tried climbing over the fence seperating the porch and a 30 story drop in the hotel my family was at when i was i think 8. Thank God my mom was there to stop me, she wouldn't let me on the porch alone for the rest of the trip and a few trips after that.

12. Stupidest thing youve seen/heard? My first younger brother doing the above 5 years later. This time I was responsible enough to know that I should stop him because my mom was inside

13. Hyperfixiation song? I always have one but it changes ever two weeks to a month. Right now its kill the lights by set it off, but it will probably change soon.

14. Profile story? My name has two parts, yanzin is a combimation of my irl nickname and last name, ator was added because it sounds cool, it goes really well with the in in the end of yanzin. The blog title comes from when i was big into among us and i got into this discord lobby where half the lobby was wearing toppat hats and calling themselves the toppat clan. I really liked the joke so i kept it going into other lobbies, it rarely landed though. Eventually i made a discord server for my friends and called it the toppat clan because i was still doing the joke. By now the server is dead but it still holds a special place in my heart after two years of awesome interactions i had there so I decided to put it into my blog. The profile picture is a character art that i commisioned of sort of an original concept. The first iteration was when i discovered that minecraft added an option for a second skin layer, I always wanted to have my own skin and at the time i had a single layered custom skin so i wanted to make something with the new feature, after a lot of expirementing i ended up with a black green layering thing that made it look completely black in 2d but had a cool visual effect in 3d, later i added a face and "hair" shapes to the head as well as unique shapes to the arms and legs. I wanted to use my minecraft charcter as a pp for discord so i tried to draw him and decided to change his features to be more person like in my drawings, the drawing turned out terrible but they were good enough as a reference picture that the person i commisioned on fiverr could make the masterpiec on my profile! Since then I use it for pretty much everything and my current mc skin is modeled after tbat drawing.

15. Child dream career? Videogame maker

16. Adult dream career? Programmer

17. Thoughts on cilantro? Idk sounds like something id put on creamcheese.

18. Have you ever been banned from a location? I dont know if this counts because my mom banned me not the establishment but the porch in the hotel my family was staying at. See above.

19. Most cursed food combo? I'm very picky with what i eat so the most cursed thing i can think of would be corn on pizza

20. Trans rights? What are you asking me for? I haven't studied any driving theory or drove a car ever, i don't know the first thing about transitioning let alone when to go right or left.

@bettinalevyisdetermined @89animegirl @pukicho @friarpants @agelessorca @hotvampireadjacent @seven-oh-four @red-swimmerz @max-out-of-ten @questionablepastries

Sorry if one of you is already tagged i cant possibly go through all the notes.

“I just came from r/196” ask game

Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.

Name? Frankie

Pronouns and gender? he/they/it, transmasc

Sexuality? Lesbian

Country? USA

Top 5 fandoms? Bungou Stray Dogs, Cosmere, All for the Game, Fundiesnark (not a series but I'm too deep in it to not consider it a fandom), .....the tornado fandom? (they're my special interest)

What is your Most forbidden snack? The preserved bones at the Atlanta Bodies Exhibition. They looked so crunchy...

Would you pet a bug? If it's big enough, it is pettable.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. I like to drive around rural areas and photograph old, sometimes abandoned locations in the dead of night. I have been literally chased out of towns by foot and by car on two separate occasions. The second time this happened, "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus came up on shuffle and that's the soundtrack my friend and I tore out of town to. Also every "guy" I've dated except for my most recent ex (who has big egg energy) is a lesbian now.

What does the color blue taste like? Creme brulee

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? The appalachian mountains of Tennessee in the middle of summer. There's kudzu everywhere. On the backroads, there were several old, dilapidated Baptist churches barely hanging to the side of the mountain. I wonder how many of them were still in use.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? Short version: my friend's house almost got broken into by this dude who'd been stalking us for months while we were home alone. Instead of calling the cops, we decided to confront him with a bow and arrow (me), a hatchet, and a baseball bat (him). The plan was that if it went badly, we would simply throw his corpse into one of the many lakes in the neighborhood and let the alligators eat his remains (this was Florida). Why? Because we were afraid of having our home-alone privileges revoked. Luckily for us all, the guy fucked off and we never saw him again.

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? My ex thought that Jackalopes were real. Also, a nurse I was doing rotations with apparently thought that "Witness Protection" was for Jehovah's Witnesses.

Hyperfixation song? Young Enough + Bleach by Charly Bliss

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? Profile pic; I'm transmasc and I'm currently obsessed with TriStamp. Username; It was my fake internet name when I was like 13. I won't change it because I want my mutuals to recognize me, and because I do have a viral post associated with this name.

Dream career as a child? Doctor (funnily enough I'm now in nursing school)

Dream career as an adult? Professional Jester. Not a comedian. I just want to be some weird little guy who dresses silly and you can hire me to roast your boss at work parties.

Thoughts on cilantro? Delicious

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I honestly can't remember? Probably... but in recent memory I've mainly banned people from places.

What is your cursed food combination? Pineapple on a hotdog with grilled onions. It Slaps.

Trans rights? TRANS RIGHTS

Tagging: @rocket-mankoi @mostlymarco @atleast8courics @jazzlike39 @gemsweater72 @limbobilbo @ameliaaltare @redcrane112 @theoneofwhomisblue @twinkenjoyer @theultimatecarp and anyone else who wants to jump on

[transarsonist]

.

[meimae]

1/09/22

久しぶり! It's been a long time since I've written one of these.

I've taken quite a long break from both immersion and blogging, but I think based on my effort from August, I'm finally rested enough to start again.

So, let's dive right into it!

First off, what was I up to in the time I was away? It's honestly going to be a bit of a weird overview this time around, since I'm compiling six months worth of kinda immersing, but I feel its only right to also show my struggles with learning a language. I also pursued some things in real life such as opening a new business that I have been putting more focus on. It's a small venture, but I believe it has potential to be better, so please keep me in your prayers.

All graph images are from a Discord bot that I use to track my immersion for points in a language learning server called The Moe Way. Please feel free to join!

MARCH

February was a great month for me. I read and listened far more than I had ever before and I was and still am very proud of my effort. I think because I was about to hit my two year immersion mark, so I was pushing myself to the limit everyday.

I am quite the competitive person for things I truly desire, and so of course I wanted to beat my previous record. Unfortunately around my birthday in March, I came into a very rough patch which left me really questioning what it is I truly desired to achieve with my whole pursuit of Japanese. It didn't seem like the two whole years of dedication I've had (and the several other years I've tried to get past the beginner stage) for this language would come to fruition soon and if at all. This started my relapse into depression and my descent to, and I'm really sad to say, hopelessness.

Now at this stage I was still immersing quite a bit, but not as much as I had hoped. I still immersed everyday, but with varying consistency levels. I was also very much struggling to stick to one reading material at a time, not because they are disinteresting, but because I was losing my motivation, albeit slowly. By the time the month ended, I didn't even feel like it was worth talking about on my blog anymore, which was not the correct response obviously, but it was my reality and I had to deal with it in some way.

Reading material: Sakura no Uta, Stardew Valley (in Japanese), Steins; Gate, Summer Pockets

Listening material: Youtube, American Life Podcast, Hiikibiiki, Anata no Ban Desu, JP News

APRIL

I didn't give up just yet. With every new month, I always saw a sliver of hope and a chance to try again. The burnout was cruel though, and all my energy tapered off halfway through the month. This still wasn't a bad effort. If anything it looked like my minimum immersion amount when I was just starting, so looking at it now, I can at least still give myself a pat on the back for trying. I also hung out a lot in Discord voice chat and joined immersion streams a lot more so I didn't feel as if I quit entirely.

Reading Material: Fate/Stay Night, Umibe no Kafuka

Listening Material: Youtube, CardCaptor Sakura

MAY

May was my whitenoise era. I talked to my Discord friends a lot, tried every possible thing I could if I found the energy for it, but ultimately was just not in the mood for Japanese, and even if I was, I could not understand anything to save my life which felt like how it was when I was at the height of my depression for every language I knew. The disappointment I felt in myself was unreal and I'm glad I at least had some friends who understood my struggles.

Reading Materials: Shingeki no Kyoujin, Fate/Stay Night, Umibe no Kafuka

Listening Materials: 1 Litre no Namida, CardCaptor Sakura, 100 Man no Onnatachi

JUNE

I don't even have a graph for this month. I mostly just hung around with friends whenever they streamed. I was so excited by a bunch of new reading material, but I was in whitenoise hell and couldn't even enjoy them.

Reading Materials: SpyxFamily, Hakuoki, Fate/Stay Night

Listening Materials: 461 Ko on Obentou, Youtube, Hajimete no Atsukai, Kung Fu Panda 1 & 2 dubs

JULY

Once again, don't have a graph. The worst month of my language learning journey. I swear I have given more effort to studying with textbooks than whatever happened this month. Did however try reading out loud on stream again, and just had fun laughing at my silly pronounciation mistakes with a friend.

Reading Material: Ohayou Ibarahime

Roudoku Material: Akaya Akashiya Ayakashino

AUGUST

And so we finally arrive to August. I felt so much shame and disappointment, nearing my 2.5 year mark without much to show that I tried really hard to correct it with some success! Again, of course it could be better, but with the help and encouragement of friends, at least I'm trying again.

I read 105,126 characters of Fate/Stay Night on the 10th of August and that gave me so much hope that not all was lost. I also crossed the 1M character mark on it which is a really good milestone to reach after struggling for so long. I may still have tripped this month, but it was still way better than the month previous.

Reading Materials: Fate Stay/Night, Sakura no Uta, Shingeki no Kyoujin, Stardew Valley

Listening Material: Porco Rosso

Moral of the Story?

Burnout is real. Depression and anxiety are the worst. Take care of your mental health. Learn when to take breaks and when to distance yourself from things that make you feel bad about your progress.

Find people who you can trust and rely on. Find new hobbies! Pursue new goals! Don't quit and never stop trying.

I love this language. I may have struggled, but I am stronger for it. One day, I'll find my footing again, but for now, just knowing that I have come so far and that I can still have fun and improve this skill is more than enough.

-☆-

Thanks for reading, and I hope that you who waited for me and took the time to read are doing well. ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hi, thanks for answering, i appreciate it. also that you didn’t just call me toxic or some shit and tell me to fuck off. i’ve actually never thought of joining a discord server but it’s a good idea, thank you, i think i could try that. i guess on another account though to prevent anyone from accidentally finding out bc you know for yourself how it is. i’ll look up if i can find some kind of dbt workbooks online as well.

the journaling idea is good as well, i’ve actually been trying for a while but i end up rarely using it as a past experience left me with kinda bad trust issues about writing / drawing things down where someone could see them. but i guess i could try hiding it better this time or something. it’s just this thing that also sometimes venting like that actually ends up making me even more frustrated, as i realize i’ve already written about this exact thing countless times before yet still nothing has changed.

i’m trying not to make a too harsh judgement of my therapist yet, considering i haven’t been seeing her for that long, but… yeah. when i said that i’ve been going to therapy for years i meant going to a lot of different ones in this time. no one ever gets me. their advice is always so fucking useless. honestly at least this current one actually listens and doesnt make me feel uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. i think she’s the one i’ve been the most honest with because of that (and also because i just started telling her everything from the first session on already bc i’m tired of everyone always turning out to be nothing but a waste of time and money and effort), i generally lie to therapists esp my psychiatrist so i can get the meds i want (or else im 100% she’d just put me on some shit like antipsychotics, which ive been on in the past and i’d honestly rather kill myself than take them again, idk if you’ve tried them before but i basically felt r*tarded [idk how some ppl are sensitive of slur use like i personally dont care but i dont want your blog banned or smth] and tired all the time and it “”””helped”””” in the way that it made me too slow to be able to think about my problems. thanks psychiatry. not a traumatizing experience at all). i mentioned that i suspect i could have a personality disorder to her once or twice and she seemed to agree that it could be a possibility, but obviously no one can diagnose that fast. but i guess i’ll see. i really just want to know whats wrong with me, why do i think the way i do, why i can’t just be more fucking normal no matter how hard i try. but getting an actual diagnosis of a PD esp if it turned out to be this one would just mean i’d get treated even worse by every single doctor, not even necessarily a mental health one, bc physical doctors see all your records as well,, i’ve already been told my legitimate physical issues are just bc im depressed, or even if they dont straight up tell me they definitely treat me less seriously and i just know its bc i have mental illnesses diagnoses & im female.

i just … ugh. i feel so sick of it all and misunderstood. i know i can get genuinely abusive in arguments when someone upsets me but i really dont know how to stop or control myself. i hate that people act as if it’s all my fault. like everything i’ve gone through doesn’t even matter and i’m just an inherently evil person. like i didn’t have some kind of a terribly traumatic childhood, but i’ve always been either bullied or excluded by almost everyone i’ve ever met and all the social isolation honestly really fucked me up. i think that’s why i developed such a strong individuality complex as i’ve never been able to think all of it must be simply because i’m worthless. like fuck no, 99% of the people are dumb and shallow and ignorant towards reality of the world and i’m supposed to feel like i’m somehow worse than them? at least i have self awareness and my own thoughts. i mean i do think we’re all worthless because nothing in life has any value, so why should humanity be the exception? that still doesn’t stop me from hating everyone though. i may be a hypocrite but so is everyone else; and at least i don’t pretend to be a gOoD pErSoN. lacking empathy and not having morals doesn’t make me any less deserving of help even though i know how many people unironically believe people like me should just be shot. fucking brainless hypocrites, all of them.

but anyway yeah my point here is, fuck people who think anyone chooses to be this way. all of this has done nothing good for me other than made my life much harder. and not to mention unable to ever get genuinely close to anyone because what is the worth in a relationship if i can’t even bring myself to care about anyone? i don’t think “empaths” even realize how alienating it actually is. which is once again so ironic because THEY should be the ones to try to understand it, but no, they just generalize everyone and share the nonsense propaganda that we’re incapable of change.

so yeah, this turned into another vent but i really lack any people in my life who i could be honest with. i feel so lonely all the time. it’s not even really missing a friend group or romance or physical touch, it’s more of this feeling of feeling completely alone and that no one (other than a few people whose writings and actions i admire but they’re all dead) would ever be able to truly understand me. so yeah as cheesy as it is, sometimes it’s nice to be reminded i’m not alone by someone other than a generic social media post made by someone who’d 100% hate me if i told them even half this shit. can i maybe dm you sometime btw? i felt like staying anon while writing this bc i tend to get anxious with ppl at first but idk, maybe, if youre comfortable with that ofc

btw if its alright to ask can i ask how did you get diagnosed? what was the process like and how long did it take? did they suspect anything else at first? do you feel treated by ppl any differently now tjat you have a diagnosis of such a stigmatized disorder? (^ i mean these previous questions if youre diagnosed by a psych, if not its perfectly valid as well ofc) whats personally helping u to cope?

Good luck! I’m glad I could offer some help/reassurance. Maybe instead of a physical journal you could use a private blog or even just a notes app on your phone/computer if that sounds safer?

I do hope things improve with your new therapist and that things work out, it’s good that she at least agrees you might have a PD. Normally I’d recommend a therapist who specializes in PDs, maybe even especially NPD, but idk if that’s accessible for you and/or if you’ve already tried it and had no luck.

But again, I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and what you’re going through and what you feel is 100% relatable to other pwNPD. I truly wish that more people understood us and the irony isn’t lost on me that it’s always “empaths” who are the ones who have the LEAST empathy for us. And I feel like the societal lack of understanding contributes to the more “ugly” or “stigmatized” traits of our disorder even more, tbh. Anyway, my point is that I definitely don’t mind at all if you vent, so please do feel free to DM me if you want to or feel more comfortable that way!

As for my diagnosis, it’s a bit messy — for context im a recent graduate from college and the bulk of my therapy came from campus services, where it was acknowledged I very likely had a PD especially within cluster B but I never got an official diagnosis while I was seeing the school-based therapist, and at the moment I’m trying to find a new therapist who can help me. At first we thought I just had a really intense form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria due to ADHD, then realized it was likely something else. So I’m a weird mix of “self diagnosed, but likely wouldn’t have admitted it to myself or realized it if a professional hadn’t pointed me in that direction.” Until I can find a professional im honestly just doing the best I can to help myself. Sometimes I get tempted to turn to substances to cope bc they make me softer and more open, and if you feel the same way I highly recommend avoiding this, ofc. I mostly use relatable music (lmk if you want my NPD playlist!) and DBT workbooks as a way to help myself, and I also just try my hardest to avoid or remove myself from situations where I might lose my cool and become toxic. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there are ways to do it. For instance, if I’m in a group chat where I feel like people are getting more attention than me, I’ll mute the group chat and maybe text someone from a different group one-on-one (not necessarily about my issues, just in general).I know that answer is pretty mild and entirely social media based lol, but it’s the best example I can provide.

[bondsmagii]

Hey read (some of) this blog post (long as hell), tries to pick it up where your old scp cult post left off: lackoflepers medium com/scp-is-not-a-cult-196e87ce6b11

(link)

this is insane. I've never written anything that's ever received a full response before, so that's exciting. what's even more exciting is that this piece does raise some really interesting questions, and is very well-written and thoughtful.

the strange thing is, I think we're both in agreement -- but I'm calling it a cult, and the author of this piece is calling it a "fledgling religion". I agree with this outlook, if I'm honest -- but at the same time I can't help but think that this has filled a hole in my cult theory, rather than poked a hole in it.

when I wrote the original cult post, the one thing I couldn't quite equate was the religion aspect. there was a lot of things to consider from that aspect, in terms of cults requiring a certain doctrine, rituals, etc, and while I was able to draw comparisons to the site culture and these things, it didn't quite fit. this article explains and illustrates exactly what all of these things are, and the sheer amount of similarities between the SCP wiki culture and religious fundamentalists. it's absolutely incredible, how it all still adds up.

however, some things are way off. I understand the author has a history with site and with staff, and they obviously understand that there's a complicated relationship between the two. the piece certainly tackles the question from an educated site-critical standpoint, but I can't help but notice some glaring omissions and in some places, assumptions which I feel are quite simply incorrect. under the cut we go, because this is long.

the author seems to be very ignorant of the site's cyclical patterns. one of their main arguments for the wiki's not being a cult is how people like Dr Gears and thedeadlymoose don't have more power over the masses, being such important figures. the problem with the wiki is that it is very cyclical, and big names of one era do not translate over to new eras. big names replace old ones, and the old ones either become fond grandparent figures (like Gears, who had the sense to take a step back before the tides changed against him) or they become irrelevant or reviled (like thedeadlymoose, or pixelatedharmony (Roget).) this means that if the former appeals to the group, they will get essentially a pat on the head and a gentle dismissal, or if the latter speak out they will be silenced, harassed, banned, etc. this is very cultlike behaviour -- if somebody goes against the grain, they become an immediate enemy of the people. the only way to survive fame on the wiki is to retire quietly, at your peak, and keep yourself to yourself.

going on from this, there are also different levels to how a staff member is seen. there have been eras of the site where the site admin might not be as impressive as one of the prolific writers, for example. who these days knows about The Administrator? it's all Dr Gears to them. different authors have different levels of unofficial authority, and the author of the piece doesn't seem to realise that it's a cult of personality as much as anything else. there are constant divisions among staff, even if they present a united front; frequently those not toeing the party line have been ostracised or purged, and this filters down to the average user. just because a person is on staff does not mean they immediately skyrocket to godhood, if we're using the religious metaphor. this is why it seems as though "staff" as a whole isn't uniformly worshipped -- they're not. there are complex currents of power at work here, and it's frustrating because at first glance it seems to invalidate the very real fact that a few site members have all the authority. the staff worship extends to staff members. those in lower tiers will act similarly to those in higher tiers as a new member would act towards all staff.

the author draws attention to thedeadlymoose's impressive efforts to bring the site forward from its 4chan beginnings and make it more inclusive to LGBT members -- something that has undoubtedly had an effect. however, the author does not mention that to date, the site's only successful splinter site (as in, a site that lasted more than a few weeks) is RPC, and while this website came about for multiple reasons, it's undeniable that one of these reasons was because of the fact that the wiki was openly supportive of LGBT people during Pride Month. it's also interesting to note that the author is also a member of the RPC site, so it's odd that this piece of the site's origins is not mentioned.

the acceptance of these pro-LGBT policies also seems to be less wide-spread than the author believes -- most people don't care, there does exist users who are homophobic or transphobic, and -- something I'm surprised wasn't mentioned at all in the piece -- when LGBT members of the site spoke up and said the new logo made them feel pandered to, and the resulting blowout made them feel targeted and unsafe, they were mass banned from the subreddit by a rogue moderator who, incensed by the fact his authority was so challenged, then ragequit and abused people on the threads for several hours. this is a typical staff response to discontent in the masses. so yes, thedeadlymoose did have some significant sway in the attitude changing somewhat, but it was not as widespread (nor as cared about) as the article's author seems to think.

now, I shall move on to specific quotations.

Furthermore, as a gaggle of creators, SCP should never feature the mass conformity of thought that defines a cult; theirs is an ecosystem that predicates itself upon creation, and obsessively on the new and original — that is to say, the different (but tempered).

while the author does elaborate on this idea of creativity and conformity, this is just wrong. again, I blame the author's ignorance in regards to the cyclical nature of the site -- which isn't the fault of the author, in my opinion. such cycles are slow, measuring out in years rather than months, which is insanely long for an internet community. in order to notice them, you would have to have been observing for some time -- which I have been. since I have been observing the site (which has been since its very creation -- I was on the 4chan thread in 2007 when 173 was created and I have seen the wiki from its infancy on EditThis over to wikidot) I have seen this happen countless times. a type of writing, be it style or genre, takes off. it could be LOLFoundation, grimdark, whatever -- it takes off, it runs the site for a year or so, and then it crashes and burns. when it takes off, there are rules for writing it that must be obeyed lest you be downvoted to oblivion. as the attitude turns against it, those who still write it are vilified and ostracised, and the new one takes over. there have been mass purges in the past, and there has always been, since the wiki's inception, conformity of thought. one of my oldest complaints about the wiki is that, for a site full of writers, they have no imagination and absolutely no desire to step out of the approved style.

To put it very broadly, things get accustomed to the status quo in a highly regulated environment, and get better at simply remaining and surviving in that.

this could be a decent rebuff to my previous point, but the fact is that while the SCP wiki harbours cultish behaviour, a vast majority of the users are casual readers who maybe write one or two articles. the stagnation is, at least partially, because of the fact that most users sign up, read some articles, think "cool, I have an idea for one!", write it -- and have it emulate the articles they've read, thus sounding similar in tone and content to the rest of the recent articles -- get a semi-decent response if lucky, and then move on after a few months or years.

the people who power the wiki, however -- who are prolific, who churn out insane amount of articles -- are suffering from what I outlined in my above point. a small percentage of the wiki dictates the direction it goes. it has always been like this -- and people who go against the grain that staff have employed, be it old user or new, will pay for it. this payment is often in downvotes, but occasionally comes in harassment, bans, or deletions, too.

Lastly a cult is really the most extreme version of a religion, it is a religion on steroids.

this is straight-up incorrect. cults began as religions gone hayware, yes, but the idea of a cult as a Jonestown-style compound in the middle of nowhere is outdated. cults are the most extreme version of an ideology -- be it religious, political, or otherwise. they are ideologies on steroids. thanks to the internet, they also no longer have to be in real life spaces. you can be in a social cult on Twitter or on Discord; you can be in a cult of ideology on an incel forum or in a social circle of TERF blogs. all of these things are cults. they have cult-like behaviour and thinking.

this is where the author proves my point beyond all doubt. the author says the following about the wiki's increasingly left-wing inclusive policies:

What was intended to be an executive extension in peace has, due to the force required to counteract the sheer hostility and persecution once leveled at this group at its peak, instead overshot its mark and has become a brutal bureaucratic sanctioning of political identity. (I can hear someone saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.)

the biggest shift in this cult-think, for me, was observed when the shift towards Terminally Online Woke Left attitudes began to be increasingly observed. I'm not talking about getting people to tone down the homophobia and whatnot. I'm talking about this culture of purity and suffering that the author outlines very well in the article; if you have read the article, I needn't go over it again. the wiki now holds a monopoly on suffering using the same kind of Oppression Olympics as other spaces devoted to purity culture -- and purity culture is a cult. this is straight-up fact at this point. it is my belief that staff identified the power available to them in a) targeting people from oppressed and vulnerable groups and giving them a so-called safe space and b) using their various oppressions to their advantage.

something that is prolific in purity culture circles is that somebody who is oppressed in any way cannot be held to blame for their actions. they cannot be a bad person. this is ideological armour, and staff wields it. they also use purity culture and apparently progressive ideology to shut down anyone who dissents, and to smear their name and have then ostracised as an enemy. why do they do this? liking the power and fame of their position is a big part of it, as the author outlined, but something major is missing.

throughout the entire article, the author does not once mention the detailed and extensive history of staff sexually abusing minors on the site.

this is well-documented by this point. staff has seen many predators in its ranks, including one of the most prolific site members of all time -- AdminBright, or The Duckman. staff has known about these staff members and has covered it up over years. I myself have heard testimony from countless victims, but whenever we raise enough of a stink, a staff member does an "internal investigation" and nothing comes of it. the fact that the cult-like behaviour of this website can be discussed without one of the cornerstones of cult activity -- using its members for financial or sexual gain -- is astounding to me.

to go on from this, there is also no mention of the SCP lawyer fund, which raised over $30,000 and then faced staff actively resisting transparency as to the case and the funds. financial manipulation is another major example of cult behaviour.

without acknowledging these two things, I do not think that a full argument against the idea of the SCP wiki as a cult can be possible.

the author raises a good point that illustrates both why staff acts the way it does, and why the users are so eager to imitate:

The answer is something that can turn someone into their nemesis; something that would make someone sell their soul for 1000 upvotes; that tragic commonality that binds all individuals who feel the need to write; the need to be received, but more, to be loved for it.

this is a big reason why staff clings to its power, and why people sell out their creativity, and why people emulate this behaviour, and why prolific authors burn out so fast. however, running through all of this at its core -- through the need to be received and loved -- is the power that comes with it. this is all about power.

to mention the specific example of LordStonefish, and his reaction when he found out that his interviewer was enemy of the people pixelatedharmony, now of "burning out, ragequitting the site, and going to talk shit on KiwiFarms" infamy:

[...] it was as if LSF was speaking to a leper, and that the ongoing participation in the salvation of public approval (not to mention site participation as well) was directly dependent upon LSF’s rebuke of pH as a demon who is only worthy of a terrible fate and, as we see in the screencaps, even death.

leaving my personal opinions on Harmony out of this, going from a perfectly civil interview to finding out that the interviewer was an enemy and not only dumping all of his private information to offset doxing, but also going into detail about some highly personal stuff for shock value... I don't think Harmony quite required that treatment. the fact is that, as the quote outlines above, the only way to ensure that he wouldn't be completely ostracised for fraternising with the enemy (KiwiFarms -- of which Harmony is apparently the ambassador) was to behave like a man shunning a sinner. Harmony has sinned -- she rejected the status quo, she defied the group and its authority, and LordStonefish, in order to remain safe from being tarred with the same brush -- has to react with suitable horror to her presence.

it should be noted here that while KiwiFarms has a reputation for being a hive of scum and villainy, its main reputation regarding the SCP Wiki has been for being the one place where complaints against the site are openly discussed, often by defected staff members such as pixelatedharmony and Cyantreuse, and perhaps most telling of all -- the place where a lot of accounts of sexual harassment and abuse have been filed. staff rails against it on the grounds of it being filled with people who use slurs and have questionable ideological beginnings (ironic, coming from a website which began on 4chan) -- but as a leftist myself with extensive knowledge of the wiki, I can confirm that no criticisms I've seen on there have been unfair or inaccurate, and in fact a lot of the evidence and testimony posted there is damning. it would be fair to not wish to associate with the site because of its content in other places, or even its past reputation, but the fact staff rail against it so hard when it's currently one of the only places (and certainly the only public place) where their deeds are on display? it's interesting.

of LordStonefish's reaction, the author says:

This is the behavior of a deeply religious figure.

it is. this is the reaction of a Mormon meeting an old friend who has left the church. this is the reaction of a Jehovah's Witness crossing the street to avoid a shunned neighbour. it is the behaviour, you could say, of a cult member.

in the conclusion, the author states:

And if anyone is to shoulder blame for the creation of this pathology and its complex, it are those true bigots of history and today, who don’t have the spiritual maturity to understand that someone’s sexual preference or identity shouldn’t be enough to categorically separate them from a definition of humanity; to beat, maim, and wish death upon them.

perhaps this might have been true, perhaps this might have drawn a thoughtful and damning line under the whole affair, if not for the fact that this behaviour has been occurring since long before the internet became known for its progressive and now increasingly often, ridiculous takes on inclusion and sensitivity. this kind of cultish groupthink has been ongoing since the wiki's very first inception. the cyclical worship of a group of staff members and other prolific writers (though the group are often one and the same) and their chosen theme or genre has occurred like clockwork since the late 00s. it has occurred when the website was still entrenched in its 4chan days and saying slurs was barely blinked at. it was still there back when staff was predominantly (or at least presumably) cis, white, and male. it was there when being gay was the butt of a joke and being trans was all but unthought of. it has always been there, and while the latest progressive policies and attitudes have had an effect on how the power is wielded, it has not changed the power itself. if the tides ever turn on the Terminally Online Woke ideology, staff will change with it and adapt their policies and ideologies to keep their power.

if anyone is to shoulder the blame for the creation of this pathology, it is the elitist attitude that has allowed a select few to be worshipped unquestionably. it is the power-hungry individuals who seek out fame and respect on a writing website and then use this fame and respect to treat others badly and their fear of a fall from grace to shelter others treating people worse. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who use their position to groom and sexually assault minors. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who keep it silent. as the severity of staff's secrets has increased, so has their attempts to silence dissent and reform at all costs.

the author agrees that this kind of religious think might lead to a cult in the future. the author says the cult will be a cult of vulnerability, but I disagree. I believe the cult is already there, and it is -- and always has been -- a cult of power.

[chirp-featherfowl]

summertime is not a good friend.

 -       Tommy is 12 when he's assigned as a right hand man to a war general.      Far too young, the world thinks. Far too immature, the world says.        It is a war for peace, but not one a child should not carry the burden of. It is a war for hope, for prosperity, for freedom, but not one a child should be the right hand man of.       The child that is the subject of discussion does not understand, nor does he disagree with his placement. It is not for a long, long, time that he realizes.  -       In a few months time, the ages of the rest have been revealed.       A friend that is 13. An enemy that is 19. An outsider that is 19. A son that is 15. A girl that is 18.       The words pass through the minds of the watchers, only fueling them to have the world they carefully spectate fall in shambles. Some say it's sadistic, that it's cruel, but no one listens. Not even they can stop themselves from seeing what comes next. -  [Discussion Board Opened!] all hail sir billiam 23 min. ago lmao these losers saying its "problematic". get off of ur skyblock island sweetie, they're fictional <3 -- 18 replies  Skye [on hiatus!] 23 min. ago  Um they're not fictional? These are reall people   - Hati 20 min. ago       Lmao yes they are. They might as well be seeing as they shouldve known            what they were signing up for  -- 4 replies  ami | MOD | 18 min. ago  hello! please get off this discussion board and delete this post. we do not   condone discourse here, try and find another site! thank you.   - all hail sir billiam 18 min. ago       um no thanks. the mods here r shit anyways, go get the owner if u wanna            talk to me -- 8 replies -       Tommy is 13 when he learns that his suffering is being watched and condoned by millions of other people. He is angry, and rightfully so.       It just so happens that his anger has fallen on deaf ears, though, as his brother, his dear brother, is trapped in delusions of his own creation.       It is too late for his brother, and it is too late for himself. - puddle ;; shay @soggy_mem0ry Stop stanning problematic world groups and go back to playing on fucking mineplex or something. This site disgusts me 456 Retweets 34 Quote Tweets 6,282 Likes

el \ DON'T PRIV QRT @el_i god the discourse on here is horrible. i'm not going to be on this site for a while. i don't like what it's becoming. 293 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 1,497 Likes -       It has been over six months since Tommy has been without trust. He cares for his brother, he does his best for him, and he knows he loves him back, despite the situation they're in. Tommy has done his best to bring his brother back to the way he was once before, and even though they both know it won't last long, they both put on a facade for each other. -       A young boy, the age of 16, watches as another boy, only three years younger than him, loses almost all his hope. This young boy does not matter to the state of this world, and he never will, but it is the impact that makes it so important.       The boy sits near a tree on his island, giving up hope himself. -        A girl slaughters her way to victory in small matches in her area, knowing much due to her ability to find sufficient role models.       Sufficient role models that happen to be revenge-filled adults that seem to not know they're torturing children, but it doesn't matter to her. It doesn't matter to anyone, in fact. No one cares when the world hinges on the fate of 14 year-olds who shouldn't know how to handle a crossbow, but so do nonetheless. -  frog-enthusiast - Follow man. i never thought i'd be making this post, seeing as i'm one of the more popular members of the dsmpblr community, but i'm done. i won't deactivate this blog so other people can still see it, but i probably won't be posting ever again. fuck everyone who condones this shit. -       Tommy is 14 when he begins to finally lose his hope.       He hasn't yet, despite what everyone else thinks. He is still holding onto it, not for long, but he hasn't let go.       But the world seems keen on having him release his grip, and he does, eventually.       That day is not today, though, and Tommy Simons still lives. He lives in a, sadly, different and changed mindset, but is still the same Tommy Simons.       He cannot say the same for his brother. - THEORIES ABOUT THE DSMP Kadoodles 696K views - 3 days ago MCC 9 Interview - Tapl's thoughts on DSMP, HBomb94 talking about L'cast, and more! MCC Highlights 3.2M views - 5 months ago Tommy confronts Wilbur about Manberg Obli Intel 52K views - 1 day ago - TAPL: Well, I'm not surprised you've asked me this. More that I was the first one to be asked, I guess? TAPL: If I'm being honest, I don't really want to talk about it. What does on in that world is none of my business. Though, that's not the answer you want, is it, huh? TAPL: I don't like it. It gives off such a bad energy, if that's the way you want to put it. I just... don't think it should exist, really? It shouldn't be shown off. -       Tommy is 15 when he finally, finally, crumbles. Where he, the final judge, the youngest, is corrupted, is taken down to be who he finally is.       Prey. -       Various teenagers from all across the world watch as friend gets separated from friend, and foe takes over foe. It's no surprise to the people who chose this demise, but it still is a burden to carry. To be known as one of the people that sentenced a child to an early grave is something not a lot of people personally like.       They keep on watching, though. Nothing will stop them. (But it is not as if people try.)       The world might crumble there, and they will watch. The world might disappear there, and they will watch. - Replies jumpy-the-alien - frog-enthusiast I'm sad to see you go, but I totally get where you're coming from! I really hope you come back, I love your art, but don't feel pressured. vlaired-spear fuck off with the "fuck everyone" thing. you watched this shit too. you can't put down other people while still doing the same thing. flameo-hotman @vlaired-spear holy shit this is why i hate this website. suck a dick flowgastrell @vlaired-spear I know right! Its not like the ccs will see this anyway flameo-hotman @flowgastrell yeah, maybe not in a discord server, but there's still a high chance when you post it on the fucking internet - TAPL: I know I'm probably going to lose a lot of people saying this, but you asked for my opinion, and here it is. I don't want to lie about it. Especially not when fucking children are at risk. -       Tommy remains 15 for a very long time. It is not of his own volition. He is bored, and time passes slowly.       Not until his friend arrives, that is. His friend with the mask, his friend with the lies. His friend that's not his friend.       But Tommy doesn't know that. - [Discussion Board Opened!] all hail sir billiam 45 min. ago it will be a long day in hell when i give up dsmp content lmaoooo got banned from that other board the other day mods were toxic as shit might report it idk  -- 4 replies  Gertrude Supremacy 44 min. ago  :O Oh no what happened  - all hail sir billiam 44 min. ago    just the antis being toxic again lol  -- 2 replies -       Tommy remains 15 when he his abused by the one he thinks is a friend. He remains 15 during the explosions, the traps, the hitting, the fighting, the party, the-       The things a 15-year-old should not have to deal with.       He stops saying sorry for being too weak-willed. He starts saying sorry for being too disobedient. He does both, and gets punished "suitably" for both.       It is a game, and he does not know the rules. to be continued!! may make a follow up post explaining the au

[beelspillowpet]

I just wanted to explain why a lot of people don't reblog these days. You have every right to be mad and you're free to complain and talk about it. I think that you're very talented but the reason why me and a few others won't talk like this on your Discord is because we don't want to get kicked. You're a nice and talented person but when it comes to confrontation and/or even slight criticism you tend to take it extremly personal and then everything gets out of control

you clearly havent seen any conversation happen proper ever in that server than so im just going to ignore this moving forward

i dont take it very personal in a wrong way. i tend to listen instead of get angry. you absolutely dont know what youre talking about and i dont have the energy to try and educate someone on something they could just observe plainly and figure out for themselves.

content creators give you guys stuff for mostly free and the very least anyone could do who enjoys it is to reblog it in hopes that they get the exposure and attention they deserve. likes just dont do enough to help anyone.

plain and simple, if you cant talk to me about this on discord, doing it on tumblr wont do you any amount of good. it only does worse.

making excuses does not help you when all anyone asks for is for any individual to do 3-4 clicks minimum to help an artist. it doesnt disrupt the flow of their blog, its not a break in aesthetic if its just one post even; these are excuses for the spoiled to consume content while the person making it gets very little back in return. how is that fair?

and ill say it again; you really dont know what youre talking about if you feel the need to come and talk to me about how 'i take things personally' and youre afraid of getting kicked. when have i ever done that? the only people who have been banned from the server have been banned for breaking the privacy rule of the void, and being downright disrespectful to me or other members of the server. simply disagreeing with me isnt even worth the effort of banning you or kicking you, when all ive done to avoid someone in my OWN SERVER is block people ive been annoyed with for a short duration of time. so you have no idea what youre talking about and id advise you not dig the hole any deeper

[will-o-the-witch]

if you don’t want to get into this further than your addition to your post i totally understand. but i’m honestly really shocked and don’t really know what to do with all the information being thrown around about Prim. i’ve never been in any of her servers, but have been a long time follower and i never got cult vibes from her. i never felt pressured to always uphold her words, i never felt pressured to pay her for anything(and i never have) and she was still always kind and thorough whenever

i asked for advise or help with gaining information. idk i guess i’m just really confused now and don’t really know what to believe. do you know if there are actual receipts anywhere of all of this? in an effort to learn more i looked through blogs from the other side like jbird and therainshallmakeadoor but really the only stuff i saw there was those people disliking primrose in general, saying pretty terrible and threatening things and not giving any actual places to go and look at proof the nastiness that radiated off the blogs made them hard to continue to wade through. it sounds like you maybe had first hand experience with this side of prim or with her server so i guess i was just hoping to hear from someone that’s on the other side that i trust the opinion of(ie. you) if that’s not uncomfortable or too personal for you. thank you very much if you’re willing to answer! (this was the last part of 3 part ask i’m so sorry i forgot to label them!) --- Hey there! I don’t have as much first-hand experience as some other people who were deeper in than me, but I do still have some experience (enough to make me not trust them, at least.)  I used to be a part of the Nightshade Network back when it was still around. On the surface it looked like it would be a really chill and safe space, right? But then as things progressed it got more and more apparent who was actually being protected and who wasn’t. Prim’s word was law, and anybody that questioned that authority was demonized and banned. Sometimes there would be people who actually were being nasty, but LOTS of people got banned for raising genuine concerns. More than once someone said (essentially) “Hey, you talk a lot about how your mental health is affecting you and how much of a burden running the server is, and there’s starting to be a lot of issues with management, are you sure you’re still fit to be the sole owner of the server?” only for that person to be banned and publicly shamed for ableism (with no chance to explain themselves, of course.) The MO was to ban the person, then paint them as bigoted/problematic and make sure the server knew to demonize them.  No (or very few if you pitched it exactly right) criticisms or concerns were ever treated as legitimate, it was the Nightshade Network (with Prim as the cult of personality behind it) as a perfect safe haven of good people vs. a legion of horrible bigots who just had it out for her and the server because they “just didn’t get it.” That was legit the narrative. The environment was very “trust no one and blow the whistle on any of your peers who step out of line.”

Sometimes the server would threaten to be permanently deleted only to go “just kidding!!” Which made the people who saw it as a virtual home get even more devoted. I remember modmin’s ko-fi’s/paypals/etc. being displayed and people were encouraged to donate. I knew if I raised any kind of stink I would be put under fire and it would follow me to my Tumblr, so I just left quietly and without notice one day. I kept my head down and sort of kept tabs on it through pals who were still in, until eventually everything imploded on Discord and made its way to Tumblr.  When that happened, Prim went real life with it and legitimately threatened litigation and tried to mess with people’s school enrollment. They actually made calls and threatened people and tried to f with people’s actual lives over... what could be considered moderate cyberbulling at worst? Over a discord server? There were definitely no grounds for an actual legal case but it’s still super threatening and not okay.  Later on they made a new server which tried to be a legit organized religion, fair enough, live your dreams. But Prim and another mod from NN included encouraging members to blow the whistle on each other for behaving incorrectly (which like, holding each other accountable is good but the NN already demonstrated how toxic this could be under their leadership) and referred to the High Priest and High Priestess (them) as Emperor and Empress. Prim’s bio is changed now, but I remember it used to say “certified High Priestess of ___” Which while technically true, it feels super misleading and manipulative to say you are ordained as a high-ranking member of a group you made yourself and gave yourself that title. And also, of course, Prim’s ko-fi/patreon/venmo links were accessible to everyone in that server even before they were verified members. It’s hard for me to get receipts for these moments because 1) I never expected it to blow up like this when I left and 2) it was over a year ago, so most of these servers don’t exist anymore.  Another user posted this recently highlighting some events in whatever server they run now. Prim has always taken a very vocally anti-appropriation stance (which like, good,) but this shows that their approach toward Kabbalah and Jewish mysticism is apathetic at best. I think some of the other stuff they’ve done is much more serious, but I think this helps flesh out a picture, and as a Jewitch it’s a little more personal for me.  So TLDR; 1) Prim uses social justice rhetoric in order to gaslight and demonize any criticism sent their way, taking on the identity of a martyr even when other people get hurt in the process and 2) threatened and went real life on people who shared any public criticisms all while 3) asking people to give them money or join their movement.  Prim is very nice and helpful on the surface for sure! But behind that is a very sordid track record. Could they improve one day? Absolutely! I never want to say that somebody is just a horrible person who must be permanently shunned from society. People grow. But I have never once seen them make any kind of reparations or apologies to the people affected, and everything I’ve seen suggests the same MO under a different username. They have not earned my trust back.

[joie-university-rp]

OOC Statement:

Hello, All.

My name is Moe, or Admin/Vice Provost O, and it was brought to attention of myself and Daisy/Admin/Vice Provost D that there was a list of claims about us, the admins, and Joie as a whole, posted a few hours ago. 

Part of me worries that addressing this will create a sort of opposite-Streisand Effect where acknowledging this brings it to the attention of a multitude more people than who would have seen it if we chose to simply ignore it. But the main goal and mantra of this RP from day one has been transparency, and I refuse to renege on that now.

The tl;dr is that these claims are falsified. They come from ex-members who, for any number of reasons, left or were removed on poor terms.

Now that the tl;dr is out of the way, please take a breath and prepare yourself for the tl.

Utilizing everything that I have at my disposal, I will dispute each of these claims to the best of my ability. 

For all screenshots, I will block out the names/icons of other people since at the end of the day, the point of this is not to expose anyone. We simply want to clear our name of these false claims. The ace flag Grant Gustin icon is me. The Andy icon is Daisy. 

During these refutes, I will be picking out specific screenshots, but, for the sake of transparency, in the morning, I will edit this post to post the full conversations at the very end.

I will be jumping around a bit, but I will start in reverse order after the cut.

False Testimony 4 has a lot of moving parts, but I will do my best to address each one. (With screenshots, when applicable.)

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #1: “It became very clear within a matter of a few weeks that they didn’t really like minority characters. I was among one of two minority charcters among mostly white males who were gay.”

To say that we don’t/didn’t like minority characters is absurd. At Joie, we have always loved and cherished all of our characters, but especially muses that tend to be neglected in the community, such as POC, nonbinary/genderqueer, and muses with disabilities. We even do our best to celebrate that by having the ability to sort our followlist via some of those identities, and by doing our best to suggest POC FCs when our current members consider picking up additional characters.

As anyone who runs an RP for a while knows, the makeup of an RP moves in waves. For example, there are definitely times when there are far more male FCs in comparison to other genders--especially in an RP like ours that doesn’t believe in placing bans on certain types of characters. With that in mind, without being able to go back and see exactly who was apart of Joie when this player joined, they are more than likely correct that there were few other POC muses. But in no way does that translate into saying that we ‘don’t like’ or are somehow against POC muses.

Similarly, I am a black female myself. Not only that, but I am plus-sized, and considered Mercedes to basically be my mirror while growing up. (Picture of my hand below as evidence.) Meaning that false claim hurts in more ways than one.

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #2: “Both an admin and another character wanted their character with Sam but Sam was interested in Mercedes.”

This claim is solely their word against mine, and it is definitely small potatoes in comparison to some of the larger claims, but I find this important to dispute for two reasons: 1, it continues to break apart this false claim that the admins in some way ‘didn’t like’ or ‘had it out’ for this player, and 2, it showcases that the person making this claim is, unfortunately, an unreliable narrator.

My dispute to this is the following: At the time that this Mercedes player was with us, I had 2 characters and Daisy had only 1. My first character and Daisy’s single character where in a slow-burn ‘will they, won’t they’ plot with each other that lasted the entire time Mercedes was there and then some. My 2nd character, Spencer, was/is a lesbian. If anything, I feel that maybe this player felt I was interested in having Spencer be with Sam because they were best friends. However, as previously mentioned, Spencer is and always has been a lesbian. So that simply is not the case.

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #3: “ It all came to a head when Jeff and Mercedes got into a fight because Jeff’s new boyfriend had hurt Sam’s feelings and Mercedes took up for her boyfriend. Jeff started being really disrespectful to her and then wrote a text to his boyfriend saying if Mercedes showed up to the sorority house he would kick her ass and kick her out by her nappy ass weave. That pissed me off. I felt like that was extremely disrespectful and racist. You don’t say things like that. It hurt me OOC as a black woman and IC as a Mercedes player But the admins did nothing.”

Thankfully, we’re to our first claim with hard evidence to dispute with. While it is true that this situation did, unfortunately occur, it is completely false to say that the admins did nothing. Here is a conversation between myself and the player showcasing the exact opposite.

(The text conversation in question was unfortunately written over so I cannot link to it, but I’d like to mention some additional things about this situation:)

Much like I said in the conversation, I originally didn’t read the texts to be inherently or explicitly intended to be racist. I read it more in the way of how talking about ‘weave’ and the like has/had started to become just as prominent in the gay community as it is the black one. But, also like I mentioned in the conversation, I recognized that she more than likely had a different background/history with the word than I did, so I wanted to still address the situation however I needed to in order to make sure that she, as the victimized party, still felt comfortable.

As seen in the conversation, she said all she needed was to get it off her chest. And even with her saying she did not need any more action to be made, I still took it a step further and spoke to the other party, gave them a strike (Joie works on a 3 strike policy except in the case of egregious offenses), and had them remedy the situation by changing the text.

To say we did nothing is, once again, just simply false.

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #4: “Then the player and their friend started harassing me. I told the admins over and over and they said there was nothing they could do. The player even lied on me with no proof ( I showed the admins proof of the hate) and the admins basically pressured me saying I was welcome to leave if it bothered me so much. I was really upset and hurt. The hate just continued and I finally had enough and left.”

Once again. It is false and unfair to say we did nothing. Even though we could not get an understanding from either party of where this quarrel came from, we kept an eye on this quarrel at all times.

The tl;dr of this quarrel is this: The harassment was something that was almost non-stop from both sides, and it would come in waves. We would be approached by one of the two players, we would diffuse the situation, and then a few days would pass, and another would spring up. It was a constant thing.

While I don’t have many screenshots, I do have some screenshots of things started to reach its peak. Within this screenshot, you can see that we did do everything in our power to fix this situation by urging the two to try to finally talk things out with admin moderators present instead of continuing to hash things out unhealthily on the dash via character bleeding.

(This came up as part of a larger conversation regarding this character’s lack of general activity and choice to bubble and have Mercedes be extremely argumentative/aggressive whenever they were on. This is the most relevant part, but, again, for the sake of transparency, I will post the entire conversation after this full statement is done)

Quick clarification: “We can see your custom status” refers to the custom status on discord. The status vagued about the situation in same way, although it’s been months so I can’t remember exactly what.

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #5: “I hadn’t even thought about Joie after I left. But they hate continued. One of the admins ( I recently found out) joined a group pretending to be me with my name and was extremely rude playing Mercedes as a stereotype, thank goodness a few people who knew me told me about it and the admin left the group. Turns out she was just there to spy on their group so they could steal ideas. ”

This claim is just straight up false. It is not even ‘misremembered’ or ‘unreliable’. It is just false. 

Since Joie started, I have not joined any other RP of any kind. Daisy has joined other RPs, but none of them have been Glee RPs, and none of them have been this weird ‘stereotype/stealing information’ claim. 

Also, if one thinks about this claim for a few seconds longer, the whole thing makes less and less sense. If someone’s goal was to ‘steal ideas’ from an RP, why would they draw attention to themselves by: A, pretending to be someone else in the community--Especially someone who plays a rarely-picked up character? and B, playing a black woman as a stereotype--something that almost all admins would address immediately? Additionally, what ‘ideas’ would someone be stealing from an RP? And additionally, additionally, if there were somehow ideas to steal, why would someone need to join an RP to see them? Nothing regarding that claim stands up to logic.

I have come to the table with screenshots left and right. I encourage this player to please give screenshots of whatever group this supposedly is/what, pictures of the supposed blog, and/or more information about which admin this supposedly was and how they know. 

Because on the off-chance that this isn’t just a completely falsified statement pulled out of thin air, it is definitely a situation where this player simply thought that we did something when we absolutely did not. Which brings us to claim 6:

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #6: “Then they started sending hate to the Sam player pretending it was me mad at a new ship. I tried explaining that I didn’t even follow Joie anymore but the damage was done and I lost a friend and writing partner. The group the admins they are all toxic and I am still paying the price for making the mistake of joining that group.”

Much like claim 5, this claim is just false. Straight up, 100% false. Not ‘misremembered’, not ‘unreliable’. False.

And also much like claim 5, if this is not pulled completely out of thin air, it is a situation where this player simply thought that we did something when we absolutely did not. And for this claim, I actually am leaning a bit more towards it being this one.

It is obviously difficult to prove that you didn’t do something, but I have proof that the Joie main was also receiving odd and hate anons talking about Mercedes/this Mercedes player. 

I logically have my suspicions that this is the Mercedes player themselves because on August 3rd, they had been away from the RP for over 7 months, and I highly doubt a ‘friend’ would be able to know we even had a Mercedes--let alone specifically her--after all that passed time, but this is about disputing claims, not making them myself, so I digress.

If nothing else, this screenshot shows that if there was someone other than the player sending weird Mercedes-specific anons, it was not us.

With ‘Testimony’ 4 out of the way, I will move my attention to ‘Testimony’ 2.

‘Testimony’ 2, Claim #1: “Hey! I just want to warn people about Joie. I honestly thought it would have died by now with the toxic admins. I joined that group near the beginning and was kicked without a single word from the admins AFTER they internet stalked me and found out my exact location. They held, and probably still hold, a grudge against me for no reason, or at least none that has ever been explained to me. It's super creepy and I'd be wary.”

There’s actually two false claims in this one statement. I will refute them in opposite order starting with the bit that’s bolded.

The tl;dr is that no one internet stalked anyone and, more importantly, no one has their exact location. (I will explain that further after giving background to the whole situation.)

This situation is another long one, but here’s the gist: The reason Daisy and I (and originally two other admins, but they are long gone) created this RP was to leave a different RP where the admins and some members were not kind to us. Not too long after Joie got off the ground, we received 3 new apps which we then accepted. Within a few moments of meeting them in the OOC, suspicions were DMed to us (both by one of our now long-gone admins and another regular player at the time) that at least one of the 3 apps was actually a person that I’ll call Z for the rest of this story, trying to pass as someone else by using a different alias and a brand new fake Discord account. Z had a negative history with one of our players, was a part of the group all 4 admins were fleeing from, and additionally had a particularly negative history with one of our long-gone admins.

Like implied in the story, we already had a history with this person, so we knew vaguely where the person lived (in the same way that all internet people talk to each other). In order to see if this person actually was Z, we checked the ping that submitted the app (more on that in a second), saw it was from the same country we know Z had mentioned living in, and then approached them about it. 

While talking to Z, G (another one of the 3 apps) came forward to admit in a rage that they and the 3rd app, X, were all people with similar negative histories all doing the same thing in order to try to sneak into our RP.

Z and G left on their own accord while X was told by admins that they were going to be removed (more on that in a second).

You can see these conversations below.

Here’s Z’s convo:

Two quick clarifications: “Why both of you?” is me asking why both Z and X did this (we did not know about G’s involvement at this moment).

“There will be.” was me in the middle of preparing a server with all the admins in it so they could all be in the loop about this situation.

Here’s G’s conversation:

Two more quick clarifications: One, this is in the middle of a larger conversation where G came to me discussing IC problems with the player that all three of them had a negative history with (At this time, I had no clue G was with X and Z, so I was handling it like I would a normal quarrel.) Like others, I will put the whole conversation as a footer at the end, but above is the relevant part.

Two, like I said before, I am about transparency, so I’ve posted this conversation piece as a whole even though there is false info it in. Much like I will explain further in a second, no one stalked anyone. Nor was anyone harrassed past asking them why they chose to do this instead of just being truthful from the jump.

Now, onto addressing the “stalking” claim head on:

No one was stalked, nor did anyone find anyone’s ‘exact location’. We realized who Z and X were by looking at their pings. 

For those who do not know what pings are, pings are the little dot that shows up when you go on a blog that has the ‘[blank] people online, [blank] total visitors’ code on it. This thing here:

A majority of Glee blogs nowadays have them. If you click on the links, it takes you to this page where you can see your ping. 

The ping above is mine on Seblaine RPH’s blog. And I have no problem showing you this ping because it is nowhere near my real location. These pings are based on cellphone towers, so they’re vague to begin with (the really only show the state/country, and they also are usually fairly off (at least a few cities away in any direction).

This, completely readily available information that almost all Glee blogs have, is all the information that was used. The only reason it helped at all was because Z did not live in America. Something we already knew. And it confirmed that the alias we were suspicious of also didn’t live in America.

Otherwise, it told us nothing. No city, no IP address, and definitely no exact location. 

To give further context, people get more personal information when they reverse search anon hate than someone could get from this ping. And people give more personal information when they simply post a picture of themselves than someone could get from this ping.

And since there are probably some people who didn’t know that’s what happens when you go on a blog, I want to add this: 

In addition to this being something many Glee blogs have, we also (again in the efforts of transparency) have never shied away from explaining this process to our members when they ask. 

I have screenshots of me explaining this to a member in more--and arguably, better--detail below (and this is the only conversation I will not post in full because they have nothing to do with the larger convo, and their reason for asking was personal.)

For a bit of context, using this same tactic, we found, months later, that a different player had created a fake alias and was playing more roles through that account after she was told to up activity before applying for another on her main account. 

Now moving on to the other half of that false claim:

‘Testimony’ 2, Claim #2: “Hey! I just want to warn people about Joie. I honestly thought it would have died by now with the toxic admins. I joined that group near the beginning and was kicked without a single word from the admins AFTER they internet stalked me and found out my exact location. They held, and probably still hold, a grudge against me for no reason, or at least none that has ever been explained to me. It's super creepy and I'd be wary.”

Unfortunately, my conversations with X (the person I’m assuming sent this, as G and Z left in a huff on their own accord) are long deleted and gone, but I can assure that we explained to them the reason why they were removed. And the reason why I know is that because, like I said before, Joie’s mission has always been transparency. 

So once they left/were removed respectively, we explained the situation to the main OOC as well. Most of it was via VC for ease on my poor fingers (unlike right now), but there’s still enough to hopefully get my point across.

Moving on to false Testimony 3 and 1:

‘Testimony’ 3, Claim: “If you are not a gay or bisexual white Male then stay away from Joie they pretend to be accepting but are not. As a minority female I was bullied constantly and the admins did nothing. But the moment the same person bullied a white male they kicked that person out. Joie is toxic.”

Much like previous false testimonies, this never happened. It’s as simple as that. This is false.

Much like mentioned before, whenever there is a situation, Daisy and I work hard to make sure that things come to a resolution as soon as possible. 

Additionally, as I also mentioned before, I am also a minority female--specifically a black female. Why would I ever do something like that?

‘Testimony’ 1, Claim: “Joie Academy treated me like crap as well and practically told me that 'I seem like the kinda person no one would get along with in the real world'... I am surprised people are still there cause the admins are the worst and put me through so much.”

This is another testimony that is just completely and utterly false. Not ‘misremembered’, not ‘unreliable’. False.

I don’t have much to say on the topic past that that I haven’t already said multiple times over in other places throughout this.

In closing, I would just like to say that although I recognize and appreciate what Seblaine RPH is trying to do by warning people of problematic/toxic RPs, I am pleading that they please get both sides of a story before making such a bold post with such bold claims as he did.

False claims travel 6 times faster than real ones, and if the trend becomes that all it takes to get an RP to be considered blacklist-able is people sending false claims about it, Joie will unfortunately not be the last RP to fall victim to this.

To those of you who read this whole thing, I thank you.

~Vice Provost O

---

Full conversations will be posted here in the morning. I will indicate that this post is edited at that time.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

DoA megapost (22 confessions)

Mod: So https://true-bjd-confessions.tumblr.com/post/189300138511/mod-due-to-excessive-offtopic-arguing-in-the

All you guys’ pending DoA confessions presented in no specific order, before we move into the hold, as announced above.

To be clear: I think this is a feature DoA should have yesterday. It’s completely inappropriate to force people to use deadnames and names which are related to traumatic life experiences, or be banned. 

However, *weary sigh, gesturing at the multiple 70+ reply confessions on this topic* people told me they were finding the rapidly escalating discussion to be upsetting and offputting, and that’s not my goal for this blog. ❤️

1.

I am exceptionally weary of all the DoA hate over the person who got banned over making a new account after not being allowed to change their user name. DoA isn’t the only doll forum out there. If you don’t like their rules, don’t join. I for one find their rules about on- and off-topic dolls to be unfair and arbitrary as hell, but in the end it comes down to their house, their rules. Move on.

~Anonymous

2.

Us: Sure would be nice to maybe be able to change your name on DOA.

Some of y’all: Are you asking for anarchy?? If we allow this, what’s next?? A reasonable review of outdated rules??? The rules are there for a reason!!1! The reason may be antiqued because technology has updated and changed since then, meaning there are better solutions available, but it’s still a reason so we DEFINITELY should NEVER change!! Change is too scary for me. :( You’re bullies who want to be special :((( Stop that :(

~Anonymous

3.

I love seeing people get so offended at anon saying “bigots”. How do you know it was about you ? Guilty conscience? DOA could allow name changes if they really wanted to. There are other hobbies where they forbid certain people from entering forums while still allowing name changes. It’s not hard if you really care.      

~Anonymous      

4.

Honestly the way people fall all over themselves to defend DoA against any sort of criticism (regardless of how you personally feel about the validity of said criticism, reader) makes me glad I never got into the community aspect of this hobby. It's just... stressful.          

~Anonymous  

5.

The transphobia in the comments on this blog in particular are so gross. Being a bigot makes your dolls instantly hideous. And no, I’m not saying everyone who is defending DOAs decision is transphobic. I’m talking about the one who thinks trans people transitioning is wrong and their friends. You’re gross and so are your dolls.

~Anonymous  

6.

scammers can & will get around DOA's no name change policy, it's really not that safe. also, DOA isn't the only website which allows the sale of high-value items.

~Anonymous  

7.

First it's "if you want name changes coded in DoA, offer to do it yourself!", then it's "why tf would DoA accept some rando to help code their site?" make up your goddamn mind, your argument is falling apart. 

Also when did this issue become "DoA vs trans people"? Like, I like DoA yet I also recognize it should be more accessible and updated for the modern userbase. I want it to become as good as it can be because I like the community and would hate to see it die out like so many other forum sites do. Yes, it has flaws- and believe me, the folks who get extremely upset about the idea of admitting that embarrass me- but I liked the format since I was new to the hobby. I just wish it was more inclusive!    

~Anonymous    

8.     

girlisav3rb: "this isn't about exclusion or leaving anyone out". Also girlisav3rb: "I'm just kicking your punk ass off [obvious metaphor for DoA]" yyyyiiiiikkkees      

~Anonymous    

9. 

The DOA username debate is really starting to feel like 4 people's personal beefs against each other. It isn't really about dolls and I wish it wasn't dominating all the confessions here. I don't really care about watching pomoaples, pupkinspce, aigisthewlve and tellmeifthursday make fools of themselves daily.        

~Anonymous      

10.

Say it louder for the people in the back: IF YOU INSIST ON NAME CHANGES FOR DOA, THEN VOLUNTEER YOUR CODING EXPERTISE. Don't know how to code and are just squawking about something you can't directly contribute towards? Then shut up or offer up money so the mods can hire a computer programmer to make the changes you're DEMANDING from a FREE service.        

~Anonymous

11.

God it's so painfully obvious to see how many of the people defending DoA on the grounds that name changes would destroy the integrity of the website have never ever worked on or even been part of a forum or really any website of any kind in their lives. Seriously arguing that "the database" would break if you changed a name like?? No??? Have you ever seen a server backend before? You can automate this shit, you know, keep a log of former names, just... it's not some big huge challenge??? 

~Anonymous 

12.           

I don't have a horse in the trans name change race but calling DoA one of the friendlies communities around is abject bullshit lmao. There's not a more elitist, paranoid, abusive community this side of comic books -- but that kind of goes for this hobby as a whole, let's be honest.           

~Anonymous     

13. 

THE RULES ARE IMPORTANT WE CAN't cHANGE THE RULES IT WILL LEAD TO CHAOS IF WE CHANGE ONE RULE WHERE WILL IT END THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!! In my town it used to be THE RULES that POC have to go to separate schools and use separate bathrooms, but sure, the rules are the most important thing, not the people. And before anyone says cOmPaRiNg DoLlS tO rAciSm, 1) shitting on trans people IS a form of prejudice you smoothbrains, and 2) my ass is POC and I call it like I see it. Check yourselves.            

~Anonymous   

14.   

I personally think DOA should just.. go away? It’s been around for years, most people use it as reference rather than a community anymore. Everything is on FaceBook and Instagram now, DOA is pretty much just a glorified Dolly Dictionary at this point. Besides, if they aren’t going to change an Incredibly simple, easy thing to change just to accommodate transitioning people, it’s not the best place to be.

~Anonymous  

15.

I mean about the whole rules is rules is rules thing about doa: the thing is, some rules are there for a reason and obviously do need to be respected whether you agree with them or not, like don’t block fire exits, murder is bad, etc. but some rules eventually become outdated and need to be changed to keep up with society, and that doesn’t make the people pointing out that they need to be changed evil or entitled or spoiled. Imagine if we all still had to drive 10 mph everywhere because when someone pointed out that car technology had improved since 1915 and the speed limit should be increased accordingly everyone had just shouted them down with “BUT TEH RUUULLLEESS!!!” You’d be pretty interested in getting some of this “special treatment” yourself so you could get to work on time, huh?

~Anonymous  

16.

Honestly the easiest solution would be let people change their names only once and have it trackable.. as a trans dude its NOT that deep.     

~Anonymous        

17.

I notice that the unrelenting attacks on DoA are now even using the same phraseology along with the name-calling and implications of sinister motives. These are textbook bullying tactics. Next is the boycott, except that most of these people already say they don’t use the forum because they are just too “21st Century” for it.

Luckily this is just a confession board and no matter how many folks you manage to rile up here, it’s not going to affect DoA. Now, this is why I love DoA–you can’t go on their own site and spew this nonsense. They have Rules. They are Strict. They attempt to avoid drama, especially off-topic drama, and they don’t allow meanness, vulgarity or obscenity. If you’re looking for a pleasant, safe space, it’s your best bet.

~Anonymous

18.

Easy to lay bigotry, laziness, stupidity and worse on DoA mods for not just accepting tales of trauma and pasts to erase.  But the internet has always been full of lies by people trying to get their own way or escape consequences. Not just pro scammers. People who cry things like illness, trauma, disaster, family or pet problems over and over to get sympathy for demands or as all-purpose excuses. Recast ownership lies. People who never got a no before, and don't like being turned down no-how.

~Anonymous

19.

I just realized that no one understands the people saying DOA can allow name changes are the people who have actually modded forums before, most forums unless they’re running a totally outdated system use user id numbers that are linked to display names, which can be changed, and you can write a simple string of simple-baby-code to show old display names on a profile, to explain it in simple terms.   

~Anonymous                    

20.

Honestly I think that the anti-name change people are mostly just shilling for DoA because they can't believe that their precious forum with its volunteer mods could be anything but flawless. Or something like that, given how indignantly these people have *always* reacted to confessions criticizing DoA, even before the trans controversy was a thing. There have definitely been some obvious transphobes as well though, whose bile is really more suited to conservative FB pages or something. Go away!          

~Anonymous

21.   

the DOA mods can obviously change people's usernames because it's 2019 and basically every other site in existence can do it. they might have to change the site slightly to accomplish this. maybe there are reasons for them to choose not to do that, but let's stop pretending it's some technological impossibility.

~Anonymous

22.

How about this: Implement a system on DoA that indentifies users by a unique code and allow users to have a changeable display name. Changing the display name could become a paid feature to pay for the technical changes. Think of a system like discord has. It's a win-win situation. Thoughts?            

~Anonymous