#like its life or death
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I have literally never been happier with my life except for school
Like genuinely everything is so much better than it has ever been before
And i am still getting to the point where I can't stop crying for hours, and it is entirely school based
#moss mumbles#i am trying not to care#but like#idk#im just. meant to?#like ive always been told that school is so important and i need to get A*s#but like realistically what do i want to do well for?#i dont know if i even want to go to uni#if i do go to uni idk what degree or job i want#like im just working towards some nonexistent goal#like its life or death#there is no end goal#the only end goal is happiness#and working myself to death is the exact opposite of that#anyway all this to say. idk whay do bc im trying so hard and school is a mess and its basically the only thing in my life rn thats shit#but its so shit that i literally do not get to experimec the yood stuff for longer than like 15 minutes at a time#and i am also exhausted 24 fucking 7#moss vents
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Birds of a Feather previous / next
#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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My favorite thing about this week's episode of pjo is the epic boss battle music playing in the background when Percy was driving the car. The way the music makes it so a 12 year old driving a car and crashing into things has the same sense of danger as a fight scene, the triumphant music when Percy manages to make a turn without crashing, the way the music stopped the moment Percy ran into the wall. An excellent choice
#they treat it like a life or death situation when its just#a 12 year old driving a car in a (mostly) abandoned parking garage#and driving said car like its a bumper car#pjo#pjo spoilers#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo show#annabeth chase#grover underwood#pjo ep 6
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Il mare eterno nella mia anima
#They were crazy af making the lyrics of his death scene be like ‘my love will be in your life forever’ or something#caejose#jojo’s bizarre adventure#jjba#my art#battle tendency#joseph joestar#caesar zeppeli#jjba part 2#anyway its that time of year where i get sad about them again
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entertaining the idea of eeveelutions as survivors of their own type. evolving when struck by lightning or caught in a fire/explosion as a way to survive
#pokemon#jolteon#flareon#art#fanart#burning#scars#scarring#eye trauma#<- sorta? just in case#skeleton#ask to tag#myart#eeveelutions#i didnt have time for vaporeon but id like to go back to the idea next week when i can draw again#basically eeveelutions as caught between life and death and harnessing the power of what should have killed them#to evolve and get a resistance to it#and theyre all dual type specter.#the idea is that the lightning strike that hit jolteon still resides within. the flame that burnt flareon down still consumes its body#so theyre always fighting against it. 80% of their focus/energy is devoted to that & bc of it they have poor control over their element#so they cannot deal heavy attacks. but they CAN tank any incoming attack of their own element#basically volt absorb and flash fire abilities#many thoughts to be had here
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"Why do the kids in the show know everything about Greek Myths"
Well idk if I was told my parent was a Greek God and that put a target on my back for Monsters/Titans/Other God's to use to kill me, I'd learn everything I can! To Demigod's myths are lists of ways they could die, so it's in their best interest to learn them.
#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo tv show#pjo#pjo series#batcavescolony watches#batcavescoloy watches the PJO tv show#they seem to know everything because its life or death for them.#like theirs a saying that regulations and safety instructions are written in blood. its the same here they gotta learn or they'll become a#a stroy used to teach the next generation what not to do.
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binding vow
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#done....collapses#up until 3am last night n sitting fr another 8 hours today to finish....#g o d#the things i do fr him.....#let it no longer b said that i only do elaborate paintings rife with symbolism tht feature gojo. megu my one true muse#as is Correct and Just#real talk tho i was just sketching th things i wanted to include without giving much thought to the Themes#w the exception being the spider lilies lmao I Know What Those Mean#but i ended up with a REALLY good life/death/marriage/loyalty thing going on????#w the lotus/spider lily being purity+rebirth/death#((not 2 mention 'far from the one he loves' like HELLO?????))#also w the temari balls being associated w femininity but having him dressed in groom's attire#like???? 90% unplanned but i ended up both cooking And eating#also happy 2 report that betta fish were kinder 2 me than the koi were :) no trouble from these lil guys#in fact everything abt this piece kind of came easily beyond the initial colour swatch??#thank u fr being an easy subject megu ilysm im sorry abt all the death imagery i dont mean it pls focus instead on th Life imagery :((((#i put a ring on it so u gotta wake up.....cant leave yuuji @ th altar ....#SPEAKING OF THE RING IK ITS ON THE RIGHT HAND we've been over this and its Okay#if i read a single comment .........#sorry 2 that one person who was like 'the next binding vow better be at itfs' wedding' ik this probably wasnt what u meant#but it did inspire me smile :)#anyway i need 2 stop looking at this its been over 24 hours
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional
#I know he has a tendency to go deranged on his red lives but idk something about him beginning to lose it after Jimmy died and killing Grian#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans fanart#trafficblr#Again its his red life shenanigans but... If only Jimmy had known how affected someone was by his death. I'm choosing to believe this#and him then going out like a sad pathetic wet cat even with Grian's sacrifice... He really deserves a win one of these days lmao please#Also I cant stop thinking about how Jimmy wouldn't have left him. Grian was sensible to and most players probs would have#Joel really does become a lost cause so its fair and Grian did still care (and went to say goodbye as well as sacrifice his time for him)#But Jimmy would have stuck by even if Joel were in this state (and they'd both get themselves killed pathetically but)#And Joel having shown such genuine care for Jimmy and concern over his limited time... man anything w Jimmy makes me so emotional lol#I love them so#oh Ig about the art itself. I dont like it but hey thats how it tends to go when you try smth new. And no shame in trying#but if one person likes this then yayy I will still feel accomplished and happy#Im looking at this again and hey its not that bad actually yay I love to approve of my own art. self love hell yea#tubby art
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Suspirium - Thom York
#this is my very favorite song and i think ive been wanting to make this for abt a year#when i was at my most compulsivly unwell i would be focusing so hard and sleeping so little that i would feel physically sick#like the world was tilting around me and i would think: all is well as long as i keep spinning#bc i would stop moving and suddenly id be in pieces on the floor. but now i think my favorite lines are: when i arrive will u come and find#me? or in a croud be one of them? bc its such a profoundly lonely idea. i dont believe in a life after death. i think when ur gone ur gone#your brain stops and the thing that made you you is gone forever. but if i imagined an afterlife image getting off a train onto a crowded#platform and searching for my mom through all the chaos. when i arrive will u come and find me? would our connect extend past a lifetime?#or would u be in a crowed one of them? would i stand alone in a sea of people waiting for someone who was never coming?#its a very upsetting thought#im glad i waited to make this bc i feel the song more deeply after the death of my mom. it feels more sad and more ethereal.#there r like 2 different versions of the lyrics bc thom york is so fucking hard to understand#so i use the version i like better#original art
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The transgender contrast of loving your parents but also for Trust Reasons longing for an additional external authority figure you can count on more unconditionally to support or protect you that totally doesn’t risk becoming a kink
#my stuff#haha yeah i’m so loyal and trusting and will serve you unto death#this in no way is derived from the agony of being misgendered by my parents all my life#which is ongoing btw bc ‘there’s nobody we know that i trust to talk about your transition with’#LIKE HM MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK ABT WHY THAT IS#MAYBE ITS BC THOSE PPL ARE IGNORANT CUNTS THEN#anyway haha what if you were my superior officer and i killed for you like a dog#what if you were my god and i followed your compulsion to kill and eat until you were satisfied#what if you kept me to yourself and looked after me in private as i do you in public#what if my loyalty was rewarded#what if i had no obligation but duty to you#what if you made it all ok
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so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with
but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."
#i dunno i've been thinking about grief lately#and i think the nature of humanity is everyone's grieving something#it might not always be as straightforward as the death of a loved one - sometimes it is#but sometimes you're grieving a life you never got to live#the person you used to be#hell an old toy you just realised you lost years ago and are never going to get back#we're all just a little bit sad all the time#and i think looking at the world like that makes it a lot more friendly place#because everyone is someone who needs a bit of comfort - or just someone to say hey its okay to be sad and angry and confused#and when you're finally ready to let whatever you're grieving go the world will be a happier place#and you'll find a new thing to grieve because there's always something to be a little bit sad about#but the world keeps getting better for every one you get through and every friend who helps you through it#and sometimes you just need to throw a dumb joke in there at the end#that's what it means to be human#the good place#tgp
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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
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king merlin after meeting lady guinevere and sir lancelot’s baby and falling in love: arthur. i want a baby.
king arthur, not looking up from his paperwork: …what?
merlin: give me a baby.
arthur, sighing: merlin, you studied to be a physician. i don’t think i have to be the one to tell you how impractical that is.
merlin, rolling his eyes: this is why i’m the brighter side of the coin
arthur, finally looking up: wha-
queen merlin using magic to transform her body: i. want. a. baby.
arthur:
arthur:
arthur: *stands up from his desk so fast his chair topples over, multiple parchments flutter to the ground, his tunic is already off*
#genderfluid merlin#the real genderfluid experience is answering ‘shapeshifting’ to that ‘which power would you pick’ question#every. time.#merlin is lucky enough to have magic to accomplish this#i am Envious#merthur#i am a firm believer in top!merlin#but i am also a believer in emrys being the incarnate of nature and longing to make life#all the people hes killed#all the death hes caused#he wants to balance it out with children#obviously thats not the only reason but yk#all of their kids have birthdays in the winter bc merlin really really REALLY wants a baby in spring#for SOME reason 👀#(psst its bc hes connected to nature and has a (i dont want to say heat but) heat)#(and bc dragonlords are like part dragon so that animalistic quality to him absolutely does not help with the heat allegations)#queen merlin#king merlin#merlin emrys#king arthur#arthur pendragon#incorrect quotes#bbc merlin#incorrect merlin quotes#headcanon#head canon#hc#fic#fanfic#fanfiction
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so i've been thinking about this
panel for awhile and, it's not even the first time Batman has threatened to beat Joker up with the precise intention of putting him in a full body cast but not kill him.
You know, that threat actually takes a rather maticulous amount of mental planning and physical control. Gettint someone within 3 inches of death but not kill them takes conscious read on the opponent's body language cues, their physical capacity and their thresholds, their highest pain point before their body gives in, and technically a rather comprehensive intimate knowledge on their internal organs and their medical history. Knowing how to bring someone close to collapse but not straight up flatline is actually a rather intricate controlled process that is subject to each individual's physical state at the moment, especially for the fact that we see Batman getting really really really close to the killing line and very much flirting with it, but never crossing it.
And honestly the presence of that threat —which he keeps telling Joker— is so bizarre and fascinating to me. Pray tell Bruce, how much time have you exactly spent mapping out Joker's body and cataloguing each and every point of it inside and out, enough that would enable you to read his minute physical responses in order to know when to pull a punch and how much?
#just normal dude things. bro things you do for your arch nemesis#everyone knows their bro's point of collapse and teeters them over the edge of death in almost delicate ways#fully assured of their own read on their bro's minute physical impressions and dancing to its tunes#just an average day in the life of a dude being averagely obsessed with his bro#godd what's wrong with them. <3<3<3#it'd be easier for them to fuck but also Bruce would rather die this instant than have anything go easy in his life#and this is from the humiliation+bondage comic too. so like#keeping very much in character Brucie#batman#batman meta#batjokes#batjokes meta
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