#like its fine he knows shes not doing it to hurt anyone
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thunder-wolf64 · 2 days ago
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Ugh okay I'm about to get very not silly.
Content warning for: Sexual Assult, Body image issues, self harm, probably some depression.
Hmm. I want to talk about this incase I can give strength to anyone else. I know my problems are not as bad as others, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and it's not valid.
Ive mentioned my fear of small children, I've mentioned really not liking a family friend (to a point that being forced to stay in a cabin with them made me feel so bad I dug my nails into my skin and scarred my arm and hand)
This all partly relates to one incident many years ago. I dont remember how old I was? Must have been earlier middle school?
The family friends I'm referring to have a son. He's a lot younger than me. He's neurodivergent in some way, he doesn't have the best idea of social anything.
I was staying at the family friends' cabin, my family and theirs. There was a guest cabin. I had just taken a shower to clean off the lake water. I was standing in the guest cabin looking at myself in the mirror by the beds, brushing my hair. I had major body image issues with good ol' puberty. I hated how I looked and i felt shameful when my shirt clung to my chest extra tight. I knew I would dry off more, and it would be less form fitting. I thought i could just stay in the guest cabin until then.
Then all the little kids, the boy and my two sisters, burst in, chasing each other around as kids do. I was still brushing my hair.
Something immature boys find funny is the word "boobs" he laughed at me and kept repeating the word. I adjusted my shirt as best I could I wanted to tell him off, but I was scared I would get in trouble if I made him upset.
I went back to looking in the mirror and brushing my hair. He ran past, giving my boob a poke as he sprinted out the door, my sisters in tow. That was it. That is what the warning was for. A touch. Over in a second.
I was panicked, I didn't know what to do. I sat on the bed for awhile, crying and thinking of what to do. It felt like forever. And as embarrassing as it is to say... at that time in my mind I felt as if it was my fault, as if I had a sign pointing to me saying "touch me". And with that in mind, I calmed myself down, told myself i wouldn't say anything, and walked back to the main cabin.
And when I walked in, it was tense. The boy was getting a talking to from his mother, and mine walked over to me.
She asked me if i was okay.
I said I was fine, confused. Thinking its not like he shoved me, punched me, hurt my physically. My mind did not corelate the emotional anguish rushing though my head as I felt even more shame that people knew. that they had told on themselves somehow.
I was not okay, i am still not okay. And it really sucks. I can't blame everything on one incident. But oh man can I corelate a lot of my problems with that incident.
Tight clothes made me feel like scum. Ive only ever worn sports bras that leave me with terrible chest pain. I still cant stand a tight fitting shirt, a v-neck. I can't stand my feminine traits. Because that's what got me into the mess in the first place.
Something so small can mess you up so much. And I'm sick of not acknowledging it. Everyone has forgotten or said nothing. And I feel like I'm going crazy.
So if you made it this far, your struggles are valid. Your feelings are valid. No matter what happend, everyone takes things differently.
And i don't know if I'll can call this sexual assault, but it feels like it was, and that's what should matter.
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Everyone stay safe
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sugashook · 19 hours ago
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ANALYSING GAMBIT's SYMBOLISM IN D&W : Logan's feelings and his love, and how they relate to wade's feelings of love:
Logan and Wade's feelings in Deadpool 3 are represented with the characters of Gambit and Althea. Let's analyze the two characters of Gambit and Althea quickly first.
Althea represents wade's love and feelings. which are blind . his feelings can't see other people, their hearts, traumas,feelings,their 'fangs'. they can only hear and touch them, etc. she's also fragile,kinda unhealthy and defenseless.
Gambit represents the feelings inside of Logan. They're pretty powerful, full of magic and tricks, never got the chance to show themselves properly. Explosive, at first unassuming. very pretty! a smidge younger also, which would make them more innocent.
Logan's feelings never left his headspace, he never allowed people into his life, his defenses were extremely high, so his feelings of love are very innocent inside of himself, actually.
its just a lot to get through to them, damn!!
WHILE on the opposite wade's feelings are double his own age, it's like his feelings are soooo worn out...they lived two lives more than wade.
emotionally he's a wiseish, matureish person, I think when he's at peace he's actually wise and mature though, compared to logan's innocent feelings. he knows more, he knows how to treat people, he also knows that he'll probably get hurt if he lets logan into his life. he's a bad boy....he's troubled....he's stronger and bigger than him
like his presence, his importance, his bluntness, i think he's not the nice sweet stripper vanessa, he's a big deal and i don't think wade is too ready to be a big deal, or wants to be anymore, to be deadpool, he just wants to hide. and with logan as your lap cat it's pretty hard to hide! but you gotta nurture him and take care of him cause you love him damn!!!
he's like a really angry important nuclear cosmic bomb of importance in your apartment.
wade's been through it in every way okay, and he WILL do it again. very easily. very easily.....
wade has been through IT. logan has been kinda through less emotional hardships than he could be at his age, even in comparison to wade or other logan's.. they're just different types of people that way.
one is out of his mind, one inside his mind. both can manage some things better. of course love master wade will help logan out.
Logan's feelings, Gambit, were also born where he met Wade. And his feelings never saved anyone before because he was born in a bad, tough place... but that will change!
Wade meets Logan's feelings:
Wade meets logan's feelings in the form of Gambit, and basically says, your feelings are useless like they won't help at all. Feelings don't matter, ever! Especially wade's, that's why he's projecting onto logan.
he's also projecting his less than premium feelings(althea) to logan's feelings who are quite young and healthy, and powerful (gambit). logan is just fine, and useful actually.
it doesn't matter how much wade loves something, it will usually leave him. or something bad will happen, because of his sick mind. his mind will win over his own frail feelings.
wade can love someone as much as he wants but as long as he's selfish, distant, self sabotaging, anxious,insecure,etc.etc. his feelings will never matter. they're not strong enough to help, he has to help them and they have to help him.
while outside forces are destroying the peace in his mind. wade can't handle life anymore. his feelings are literally old, near the end. his heart, his unvierse, it's falling apart.
he will continue hurting because of his feelings, while he sabotages himself, and while the world moves on from him and leaves him behind.
that's why he's always being rude to althea basically. he's scolding himself constantly on how his feelings are and how they act, etc.
Gambit doesn't even have anything special or high quality about them to wade (close up magic joke), so wade probably sees Logan's feelings as pretty dull and bleh, probably because logan is so closed off and stoic, and aggressive... he's unsurprising and uninteresting to wade emotionally.
and mean, and wade doesn't see anything past the surface most of the time. And if you don't treat him well, even though he's a jerk to you, he won't like you.
But logan's feelings have explosive tricks up his sleeve for wade.
So the first thing Wade does to speak to logan's feelings is lie, complimenting them on how beautiful and gorgeous they are, but wade's feelings can't see other peoples feelings. and the first time gambit walks in, he doesn't even talk. so there's nothing to compliment, since he didn't hear him talk.
wade also can't understand gambit, which translates to him not understanding logan's feelings , he constantly needs clarification. and he's very confused.
while his feelings (gambit) yes they attack wade for what he's done but they also quickly calm down, they attack logan for drinking as well. so logan is angry at himself for drinking and not dealing with his pain, but he can't stop himself ALONE.
wade can only HEAR peoples feelings straight forward when they tell him. he can't read vibes and body language, etc. can't see things for what they are.
and logan's just been threatening and yelling at him, at best responding with silence. wade can't process subtle emotions in others, he can barely handle them when they're straight forward. So he sees logan as an aggressive jerk who won't help him, who won't save him. but he needs people to constantly save him and make him feel good.
he doesn't quite understand peoples complexities, or gives a damn to figure them out mmuchhh...
so wade is straight up lying when he says gambit is gorgeous and beautiful. and it's working very easily on gambit he's smitten, but quickly realizes wade is kind of a sociopath jerk. so logan sympathizes , then wade stars wadeing and logan gets mad.
(but the second compliment could be true, since if he understood a little of what gambit was saying he could be complimenting him genuinely, while being frustrated at the same time at them)
then wade starts trying to connect to logan's insides by sharing how he feels in clear words, like how he himself likes being told about other peoples feelings.
and logan's feelings respond very well to straight forward emotions. he immediately gets smitten again ' it's like you're speaking to my soul'
so logan empathizes with wade a lot, immediately after wade's screw up, even though his heart and FANGS, elektra and blade, won't admit it and act tough, his feelings give him away.
wade hearing logan's feelings:
the first time wade really HEARS logan TRULY understanding him and connecting with him was when logan finally speaks up on how he feels and repeats what wade told him and says
"i understand that you didn't mean anything bad by dragging me here and you truly thought my world can be saved too. to your deadpool core i can see that i've been to your core. " it could be that he's just endearing and dumb to logan probably like thats logans pet deadpool he gave up fighting it.
thats the first time wade HEARD/saw logan's feelings. like could have logan just said that...for it to be a nice farwell to a new friend, maybe. but i think he saw those deadpools and he was like they're so simple and...hopeless they can't do anything ill save the planet i guess.
but it could also be, and what i think it is, like once you dig enough to find the well of logan's love you will be rewarded by innocent, pure, strong, magical love. logan could be very innocent in this regard and love very very easily.
his feelings are hard to understand and tricky,
but obviously...wade is a master of love he's been through it all he will trick you in the end and hit you over the head with a fire extinguisher. he hits you over the head with his love its not like.....tricky or hard to understand or hard to find. he's just like i love you dude ill say it straight up to you how i feel. there's nothing to hide behind.
BUT that's only because before that althea(wade's feelings) opened a window to his insides, cussing at the ruckus, wishing she was deaf so that she couldn't hear logan. opening the window to wade's body and his house.
one of wade's senses for love is basically gone, he's extremely mentally unwell so he can't see peoples love, that's gone. but everything else is working well in order.
but anyway, she kept it open so that she could hear more clearly. he opened himself up to hear logan fully and got rewarded for it!
and then he's like, i love this guy ,he simply gets me. because after they save the world, logan doesn't go back to being quiet as before, he processed his feelings and now he is comfortable with wade, he doesn't leave it at 'i understand you'.
he says 'they would be lucky to have you' like not only do i see how you meant well you did really well the like most successful group of heroes on the planet would be lucky to have you. which is the highest compliment. and well kids this is a hint that we'll be able to use later.
ERM LOGAN WILL BE LUCKY TO HAVE HIM~
::: then wade invites logan into himself and logan meets wade's love for the first time(althea). and she goes from angry, distressed, hysteric, BLIND!!! to immediately being calm and happy to meet logan ^v^ ! that's how wade feels!
and wade calls her by a more polite name 'althea' ~
and he moves in with wade..... and logan he keeps trying to run away but wade wwwwwwont let that happen~ because...hes annoying..the end
also gambit aka logan's feelings are free tooo do what ever they want now they're not TRAPPED in a void where they were born in anymore wade got them out together with the rest of logan. out of logans headspace into the free world.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 16 days ago
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...
#ugh. fuck me im so tired. im getting sucked back into that workaholic mindset and now my body hurts and my nerves are fying. but it feels#good to b productive. if only i didnt have to teach and could just work with data :-(#anyway. the last 2 weeks have been good in that i feel like im actually hitting my stride a bit#bc we're seeing cool things in our genomes and its gonna b really fun to explore. and i met with the terrifying#prof who is on my committee to pitch a project for a final in her class and it seems it went over well. it was kinda funny bc we were#meeting and she was like: so how would u tell which gene was lost 1st? the phytochrome or the genes that r triggered by activation? and i#was like: uhhhhh idk. and then my advisor walked by and she grabbed him and asked him the same question and he was like: idk we'll have to#figure it out. which made me feel way better abt not knowing lol. then my superior lab mate asked me a question abt taking confocal images#and i was actually able to figure out what her issue was. and my old advisor was asking me if i knew anyone to ask for using a pam on cyanos#and i was like: here is what i think my advisor would say and linked her a paper. then i asked my advisor and he said what i expected and#linked the paper that id already sent. so im like. ok. ok. maybe i actually sometimes do kno what im doing. sorta.#and then my old advisor said she was so proud of me. and i was like aw. its so funny bc my relationship is so different with my new advisor#hes great but its all very professional. with my old advisor i would text her after hours bc she was a workaholic like me and went on long#car rides and handed out Halloween candy with her. she was more hands on and doesnt have kids so work is her life. its just interesting#so things have been going well. but there arent enough hours in the day. and my committee meeting is in like 16 days. and i am afraid for#that but not as afraid as i was in april when i had a full on breakdown and canceled it the day before it was set to happen lol#itll b fine. i just have to work thru the weekend so i can get my preproposal done. and prey that the fucking splitstree download site will#start working bc i want to do gene networks dammit#unrelated
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ajdrawshq · 5 months ago
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i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game
#an octopath ze au would be kinda fun actually.. especially the octo2 party#would love to see these guys in an escape room . it would be so awful#temenos would fit in perfectly and might even make a good mc given his 'truth lies in the flame' segments..#i could see partitio doing well bc of his creativity and general demeanor#osvald is great at math but idk how trusting hed be of everyone in this situation.. especially if they assume zero is one of them early on#throné . girlie im so sorry#i think shed do fine for the most part (hard to say how much her thieving skills would be of help here) but she did not deserve this </3#do not let ochette into any pantry or food storage room. i dont trust any of that food#i wonder if shed have her partner(s) here tho.. how do u handle an owl and/or jackal in this situation..#she would be great for morale tho#same for agnea tho i worry for her emotional state a lil bit . help her#who am i missing .. CASTTI#shes good at managing stress (both hers and others) in awful situations . thank god#and shes there if anyone gets hurt 👍#not that its likely outside of bad end situations ? tho i may be thinking of the 999 map too much..#would it be more fun to use that as the setting or something else altogether.. more modern or more like octopath 2..#how the fuck would someone even make an escape room in . what is it like the industrial revolution. steam era#would it make sense to be able to use magic in universe to pull off something similar..#the canonicity of some ingame mechanics is dubious so its hard to tell how malleable magics uses and effects are..#itd probably be easier to place everyone in a modern setting but i have no idea what some of them would be that way#.. modern fantasy setting ??????#what if they had smartphones in octopath. would that be fucked up or what#also who the hell would be zero . would anyone be in kahoots w zero.. or at least Know Things but be unable to say smth abt it#i straight up forgot to mention hikari earlier but hes prolly like. fine#his intrusive thpughts would probably Suck Bad here but hed want everyone to get out alive as much as everyone else combined#wait who would even be the 9th person. would it be zero. but who..#if it were octo1 id say kit but its harder to get a good octo2 equivalent of him.. hm..#oh god im out of tags . tho what would the game style be like.. nonary game ab game etc etc.. what would be unique but fitting..#am i gonna look into actual scientific theories for this . and how would the morphogenetic field come into play.. and Why..#octotag
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fire-in-my-woods · 1 month ago
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Oc thots on da mind alwayssss
#thinking about vrai going from “ill never take a life” to “leave no one left to tell the story”#vrai put a special value on life because of how much he saw it snuffed out as a kid#when he started merc work hed only agree to do some sneaking around and stealing jobs#eventually agreed to do some “rough them up” jobs#at the beginning of the game hes willing to hurt people in a way that lasts#then hurt them in a way thats DEFINITELY deadly but he walks away before he can actually see them die because hye maybe they survived right?#long as he doesnt SEE them die from the injuries theyre totally fine right!!! theyre alive and he has never killed anyone#the first time he outright kills people is during the heist trying to get injured jackie out alive#headshot after headshot and he swears he'll never do it again#but as the clock ticks down and the chip slowly eats away at him... why shouldnt he?#if theyre in his way why shouldn't he kill them? they know what theyre getting into the same way he does#this is just the rule of the world and he was naive to put it off for so long#the sinner man gig def fucked him up. like. really fucking bad#sobered him up but its already too late for him. too fucking late and he wonders what his mother would think and say if she saw him now#and if a gods out there he hopes when (not if) he dies that they can forgive him. if only a little#he wants to be good so bad but hes not. hes a mercenary in night fuckin city. he couldnt be good if he tried.#and god knows he tried#Vrai Fike#[ RJ ]#[ RJ'S OCS ]
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pentaghast · 2 years ago
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if im honest i like king alistair w a warden queen! theyre happy ur honor!!!
#ACTUALLY im taking over the wardens story now. looking for a cure to the calling? whatre u talking abt#theyre supposed to have 30 years or so!!!!! granted alistair has only been a warden for 6 months or so when he says that but#and maybe joining during a blight also speeds up the taint but actually it doesnt ive decided. theyre FINE#anyway. alistair is fine bc of the therein bloodline ig? like how fiona is cured somehow bc of it#and.... dare i say..........#They Have A Child Sir. everything's a okay#ugh but the thing w morrigan. can u imagine wanting a child but knowing its unlikely to happen while one of u has one w a woman they cant#stand and the other still feels incredibly hurt#bc of the fact the morrigan knows the whole time#and i get it!!! morrigan is young and her mother is Flemeth and this is what she's been told to do and she becomes friends w the warden#knowing this so like. i see how torn she must be#she calls her a SISTER while knowing this and i can see it must tear at her but how can you just tell them that#oh it hurts. oh its bitter#i mean the betrayal of howe and then loghain has to make morrigans seem much harsher than it really is#and i dont think of it as really a betrayal from an objective pov but in the situation its already a lot what w the landsmeet and the news#that a warden has to die#i mean its all got to hit hard. there's no way ANYONES comin out of this in a healthy headspace#alistair thinks of his son he will never meet and rhia thinks of a stepson she never wants to meet and UGH.#i think they shouldve handled the whole thing differently. like morrigan should speak to both wardens instead of one#when u speak to just the hof and they have to go to romanced alistair it seems. unfair#ANYWAY!!!! IM NORMAL ABOUT IT#wytxt
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babieken · 2 months ago
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this is random and mildly embarrassing but does anyone watch Grey's Anatomy here?
#wtf is going on anymore???#like. is anyone going to even acknowledge the fact that Katherin has been abusing her power over so many people?????#i know Richard has his own demons to face but... is he not going to do anything???#why is everyone pretending like the whole thing wasn't her fault to begin with#like is this how medical research work irl?#i feel like new discoveries (especially for illnessed that we have no cure for yet) are bound to contradict some old ones? its natural#i cannot fathom that she wanted to pull the plug on meredith's research bc some old rich dudes get butt hurt over the results#ISN'T THAT HOW IT WORKS?????#IF THE OLD FINDINGS WERE EFFECTIVE A CURE WOULD HAVE BEEN FOUND BY NOW WOULDN'T IT HAVE????#you're just mad that you were wrong and meredith was right to pursue the research. YOU FORCED HER TO GO BEHIND UR BACK.#ANYWAY#thats not the only thing im mad abt#i honestly cannot care less about these new relationships that spawn left and right. aren't the writers tired of this same BS repeating?#I still really like the medical plotlines and stuff (even the friendships are interesting) but the romances... please stop#the last romance I cared about was levi and niko and that ended so disappointingly... and the way it was handled on s20...tf was that#jo and link. fine. meredith and nick. fine.#but GAWD the lucas and simone romance is SO ANNOYINGGGG. they tried so hard to make them aprilxjackson 2.0 but failed#they don't have any chemistry and every decision they make and everything they do is dumb af#i don't care abt kwan and jules. idc abt mika and the chief resident girl. idc abt any of it. im tired.#and im still mad abt the ep last season where niko came to the hospital and gave levi a whole speech abt how he's found the 'one'#like. what did we achieve there? what was the point? levi is better than me bc i wouldve spat in his face#i almost forgot. whatever is going on with ndugu and the new doc who clearly had a thing with amelia....?#anway again. for real this time#no actually im not done complaining abt how dumb and petty katherine is. what do u mean he fired Hant and Baily OUT OF SPITE?????#BYE#niki screaming into the void
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jimvasta · 6 months ago
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Humans and their pets
The sentient races of the universe have just about started to get their heads, or approximate similar in function body parts, around the odd nature of humans but only recently have humans begun to bring other Earth creatures into space with them.
“Don't worry about Fluffy, he's totally ship trained.” the human designated Bradley spoke with frightening casualness about the creature sat at his side. It's muzzle was level with his hips and it's forward facing eyes showed it had predator history just as much as humans did.
“It has fangs.” Captain Mota'tog was unimpressed. The permissions were correctly stamped on the file and yet such a creature hardly appeared inoffensive.
“He does not, he's not poisonous. Of course some of his teeth are sharp, he's an omnivore.”
“He's a hunter.”
“He mostly hunts biscuits. He'll scavenge in the canteen from anyone soft enough to feed him. He's a certified well-being dog. People stroke him, he's got really soft fur, it makes them feel better. Look, he's wagging his tail, it means he likes you.”
Mota-tog whistled uncertainly.
“Oh wow!” One of the human engineers arrived at the airlock and dropped her bag as she stared at the dog. “So cute!”
Fluffy jumped round, tail wagging furiously, nuzzling in as the woman buried her hands in his warm soft fur.
“You are totally gorgeous. You're so fluffy and beautiful, you're like a little polar bear. You're here to stay, yes you are.” the woman happily baby talked to the dog who was more than half her size.
Bradley looked at the Captain and indicated. “See. Dogs make us happy.”
“You do all the care for it.”
“Of course.”
There were some false starts with the rest of the crew who were not so trusting of the huge pack hunter in their midst, but over the next few months they slowly learned to trust that the worst he would do was beg for food off their plates at meal times. Some of the braver aliens even began to pet him.
Then an alarm sounded.
Everyone raced to their emergency stations.
Bradley was in the cargo hold, his duty was to check the cargo was safe and secure.
He had quickly trained Fluffy to sit in a corner out of the way. It kept him safe in case anything shifted. The last thing he wanted was for his pet to get hurt by moving cargo.
The clang of magnetic grabs was deafening.
The alert was for a boarding raid.
Pirates.
Bradley cracked his knuckles and picked up a pry bar.
Through the rest of the ship there were varying degrees of panic.
A few of the other species could fight but most looked to the humans, having learned the way they fought when cornered and knowing their best hope to survive was to stay back and wait for the screaming to stop.
“What the fuck is that?!” the shout was shock and outrage. More anger than fear in the moment.
Crouching as it came through the main airlock was a creature taller and broader than anything else on the ship.
“Star spirits preserve us,” Mota'tog whistled. “A Batath.”
“It's a bloody troll is what it is.” Martins snapped.
Everyone froze as they heard the snarling and growling.
It was not coming from the Batath.
Fluffy arrived at speed and leapt, not caring can his opponent was huge. His fur was already matted with the blood of pirates and this was just another opponent.
The humans charged.
The Batath could only concentrate on one enemy at a time, it was used to picking off creatures as they ran, not fighting them off as something had its teeth deep around a knee trying to rip it apart.
The pirates ran when the Batath fell and the gore covered humans turned to face them.
Bradley let himself drop to the deck. “Don't worry, I'm fine. Good boy, Fluffy.”
Mota'tog shook his feathers as he watched the dog go back from snarling killing machine to placid fuss receiver. “I swear to the spirits, all Earth creatures are insane.”
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i-cant-sing · 2 months ago
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TT AU PART 13
Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Part 6 is here. Part 7 is here. Part 8 is here. Part 9 is here. Part 10 is here. Part 11 is here. Part 12 is here. Time Traveller au masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!
"I cant do this."
He rolls his eyes. "Not with that attitude." He runs a hand through his hair before nodding at you to follow him. You both enter the dance studio that his grandfather built for his wife inside the house because he loved her and well, he had the money.
"Silas, no one can learn ballet in a month." You state again and he lets out an exhale while Cadbury is bringing in about a dozen of ballet flats. "Even if your grandmother were to try and teach me, I still wont be good enough to perform in front of the queen-"
"Your voice is shrill and piercing and thoroughly unpleasant."
You blink at him before scowling. "A simple "shut up" would suffice, you know."
Silas glances at you. "What is this really about? Are you pretending to have low self esteem so I could offer you sympathy?"
"Excuse me?" Your tone sharpened. "Not that I like to remind anyone of the favours I do, but maybe you have forgotten that I literally saved your social image and status from being tarnished yesterday? Or did you forget about our Nikkah?"
Silas suddenly leaned down, bringing his face close to yours. You backed away, and he tilted his head slightly. "And I'm eternally grateful for that, missus, but the Nikkah saved your image too. Must I remind you that I converted to Islam too?"
"Because it benefitted you, not me." You spat out, only to inhale sharply as he gripped your chin firmly.
"As is the stipend I've been paying you, yet you fail to write a single article on the murders."
He pouted, feigning hurt. "Besides, are you saying I am not a real Muslim? That I have malicious intentions? Doesnt that go against your teachings- what is it? Not to judge someone?"
"I dont need to judge when its all so apparent-"
"Ah, good to see the love birds again!" Sarah's voice made you two pull away from each other. She clasped her hands as she made her way towards you two.
"Nana." Silas greeted her and kissed her cheeks. "Thank God you're here. My sweetheart is so concerned over this performance, even though I've assured her many times that she will be learning from the best. There's just no way she would mess this up!"
Sarah laughed heartily. "Stop buttering me up! And she is right to be concerned. Anyone would be nervous to perform in front of an audience, especially the queen!"
Silas wrapped one arm each around your and Sarah's shoulders, pulling you two close to him. "I only see a queen and a princess here. There's no need to be nervous. Just have fun!"
Just have fun? What kind of bullshit motivation is that-
Sarah smiled and nodded. "He's right, Y/n. As long as you're having fun, you're going to be just fine darling!"
-
Colin never thought he'd have to resort to day drinking.
And yet here he is, adding whatever he could grab his hands on and fill the flask with and mixing it in his coffee.
I need this. He reasoned with himself. Its not that much, just small doses to keep me sane when Y/n comes.
And then you do, in your Sherlock Holmes disguise, cheerfully greeting him before going to Will's office to work on the murder story.
He takes another sip of his coffee as he tries to process... well, everything.
Why was I attracted to you? Why am I still attracted to you even though I acted as a witness to your wedding with that rich bastard-
Another sip. He scowled before adding some more liquour, then he sipped it. Better.
Whats the best way to get over a crush? Crush? Is that what you were? An infatuation, a passing by fancy? So, how do I get over-
Wait. He set his mug down. You know that he and the boys all know that your marriage to Silas is a sham. You never really hid the fact but now they had all witnessed that it was just a rushed, possibly contractual marriage that Silas wants to save his ass.
So the marriage is bound to end. He doesnt have to get over you. No, not really. If anything, I should be spending more time with you. Yes. Yes! This way, when you and Silas end things, Colin will be right there to comfort you and support you! He needs to be the first man there after you dump Silas, lest anyone else gets ideas and wants to marry you as well.
Colin got up and managed to make his way to his boss's office without bumping into anyone. He's going to ask to work on the murder story and then you two will spend time-
"No. Keep working on the asylum story. We have enough people on the murder case." His boss dismissed him.
Colin slumped in his desk as he looked at the coffee mug. Eh, what the hell? He took another sip and another solution popped in his head.
If he cant help you with the murder story, then perhaps you can help him with the asylum story!
-
Silas handed you the invite.
"How did you get it so fast?" You asked, examining the small paper with elegant writing. It was the invite to the Gentleman's club, the one Henry owns. You'd asked Silas to get you an invite to what was an exclusive, members only club (when you tried entering the club, the men at the front laughed you out.)
Silas looked at you unamused, with his arms crossed over his chest. "Must I remind you who I am?"
A pompous ass?
"Of course not, my duke." You said mockingly, before raising a brow at him. "I suppose it would make sense for you to get easy access to shady places like this. You might be their popular customer."
"Oh darling, I'm popular everywhere." Silas shot back before dismissing you with his hand. "You can go now."
"What? You arent going to ask me why I'm going there?" You asked him. "Maybe you dont care that I am going there, but arent you worried about Mrs Fitzgerald or Duchess Y/n being in a place like that?"
Silas shrugged nonchalantly. "No." He leaned back in his chair. "I trust you not to screw up or entangle yourself in scandals. But even if you do end up in trouble, I will stand by you."
"You will?" You couldn’t hide the disbelief in your tone.
He nodded. "Of course. Look, I know we are in this... unconventional relationship and it appears that I couldnt care less about your existence, but you still carry my surname next to yours. And I wont allow anyone to disrespect what or who is associated with me. So, rest assured-" He leans forward, resting his arms on the mahogany desk and clasped his hands. "you have my support in all your endeavours, Mrs Silas."
A small smile formed on your lips. Maybe he's not so bad.
"Thank you, Silas- oh, can you drop me off there?" You knew he was going to leave in the carriage soon.
"No, I dont want my beautiful, pure bred stallions to go through those dirty streets. You can walk."
Jerk.
You stomped out of his study, not noticing the butler going in after you with the dessert you'd made for yourself last night.
"And what's this?" Silas asked him as he took a bite of the decadent, gooey chocolatey dessert.
"Uh, the duchess called it "brown-ies", but I've never heard of it before." Cadburry watched Silas ate it and sighed dreamily. "Do you like it, sir?"
"No." Silas pushed the empty plate towards him. "But I'd rather not have grandmother eat her cooking and say something. Bring me the leftovers."
"Y/n- oh, are you going somewhere?" Sarah asked just as you were about to leave.
"Yes, um- I'm going to meet my friends." Its not like you could tell her that you worked in the paper disguised as a man.
"Male friends?" She asked.
"Yes. My old flatmates." You watched her smile falter. "What?"
"Nothing, dearie. Enjoy your time with them! I hope you'll join us for dinner." You nodded and left while Sarah looked for her grandson.
"Where's Silas? I must speak to him this instant." She asked the maid, who informed her that the duke had went to play tennis just moments ago.
"Tennis?"
The maid nodded. "Yes. With his uncles."
Sarah was a little surprised to hear that. Not the tennis part, no. Silas is extremely well at any sport he plays, but she knows her sons arent ones who are good at athletics, let alone at a sport as strenuous as tennis.
An idea popped in her head.
-
You stood outside the Gentleman's club, watching people go in. Smoothing your hands over your black velvet dress, you made your way to the door.
After handing them your invitation, they let you inside and you saw a waiter handing everyone masquerade masks from a silver tray. Perhaps it was the theme for the club tonight, or maybe the club just gave masks to everyone to conceal their identities.
You were given a black and gold mask that covered the upper half of your face. As you adjusted the mask over your face, you heard a familiar voice.
"I need to see her. Now." You looked over your shoulder and saw Benjamin harshly whisper to one of the waiters. "She told me to come and I'm late as it is. Dont make her wait any longer!" You turned your head away as the waiter lead Benjamin into the club, all while Benjamin yanked a mask off the tray and pulled it over his head.
What is Benny doing here?
You quickly followed him inside, lest you lost sight of him, which you did as soon as you stepped into the main hall and were immediately stunned to your place at the sight.
Loud jazz music played by a band live, smell of smoke and alcohol filled the air and people. There were so many people, despite the club being "exclusive". And as your eyes scanned them, trying to spot familiar faces, your heart dropped at the realisation of what they were doing.
This was... an adult club. That kind of adult club, the one where there are absolutely no limitations on who is doing what with whom, all drunk on pleasure and drugs of course, no inhibitions. You spotted men with men, women with men, and more than one person pleasing another man.
Thats why this is an exclusive club, why they gave everyone masks. Because if word got out that a someone was here doing.... something that was generally a taboo and even punishable by both God and the law, well it would put them in huge trouble. People came here to let loose, to give in to their darkest desires.
What the hell is Benny doing here?
Averting your eyes, you looked for Benjamin and spotted him from afar, going into a room.
Oh God, please dont let it be a- please dont let sweet Benny be a depraved creep.
You waited for him to come out and after about 20 minutes, the door finally opened.
Benny walked out first, adjusting his mask again and then leaving. You're about to follow him, perhaps even confront him for being here when someone else walks out of the room as well.
A tall woman wearing a bright red, backless dress and a golden mask concealing her identity. But what really stood out were two things- first, her fiery red-orange hair that was styled into voluminous Hollywood waves. And second was her figure, her athletic built, or more specifically her broad shoulders and muscled arms.
Everything about this woman screamed important. And if it werent for her looks that demanded attention, then it was certainly her aura. People parted the way when she walked past them, all looking at her as if she was their saviour, an angel or divinity among men, which is ironic considering where you were.
You jumped as you felt an arm snake around your waist.
"What the hell?!" You looked at the culprit, who turned out to be a blonde woman drunk off her head.
"Oh dont be like that! Come on, love, let me show you a good time-" She tried to touch you again but you backed away before she could.
"No, thank you." You dismissed her, going back to looking at the red head.
"Prude." The blonde muttered before following your gaze. "Oh so thats what you're into? Well, put me in a red wig and we can play like that!"
"No, thanks." You huffed, eyes still trained on the woman in red.
The blonde scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Well, its not like you'd be able to sleep with the club owner."
"She's the club owner? I thought Mr Blackwood owned this place."
"He does, but Lady Scarlett there runs this place, from entertainment to management. She does it all!"
Lady Scarlett? Fitting name.
Pushing away the blonde one more time, you looked for Lady Scarlett, except you lost sight of her now. You scanned the entire ballroom, but she was nowhere in sight.
"Shit." You mumbled, turning around only to stumble back as you came face-to-face with her, or well... face-to-chest. She towered over you.
Her bright red lips smiled knowingly at you. "Looking for me?" She asked in a sultry voice, stalking towards you until you were backed up against the wall.
"N-no-" You yelped as she suddenly grabbed both of your wrists in one hand and pinned them above your head.
You stared at her wide eyed as she leaned down, hovering inches away from your face and thats when it hit you-
Lady Scarlett is a man.
Of course! The muscled arms, the manly built, and now on close inspection, you saw the clean shave under the makeup too.
"Y-you're a man." You stated in disbelief, hoping to catch her or him, off guard. What even is he? A drag queen? A trans? You dont know if they existed in victorian era.
Scarlett tilted her head. "So? Are you the only one who is allowed to cross dress as the other gender?"
What? No, no way she knows-
She leaned in closer, whispering in your ear. "Did I catch you off guard, Mr Holmes?"
She knows!
"How- how did you-"
She smirked. "I know everyone that is associated with Mr Blackwood." She brought a hand up to your face, and you noticed a golden ring on her ring finger. She cupped your face. "And I know for a fact Henry wouldnt like his latest infatuation snooping around in a place like this. So..." She leaned into you again, staring into your eyes. "Leave."
You didnt have to be told twice. Lady Scarlett, that cross dresser creeped you out, even more so when she already knew you.
Stumbling out of the club, you removed your mask, dropping it to the ground. The fresh night air filled your lungs and cleared out the smokey air from the club. It was quiet outside, considering it was way past midnight and everyone was home now.
And I have to walk all the way home. You huffed, rubbing your arms. Because my husband would rather I get hypothermia than let his precious ponies walk through these streets.
You turn around, walking away from the club to see if there was a carriage available at this time, when you hear a shrill scream from the alleyway you're walking past.
And there it is- a woman lying in a puddle of her own blood as huge, dark figure slashed her face over and over again. The moonlight hit the woman's face- a blonde woman-
-the blonde from the club.
Frozen in your place, the figure stood up and looked at you, not at all looking startled at being caught mutiliating someone. It was definitely a man, huge stature, and he stared at you, the dark night concealing his identity. He slowly bent down to pick something up, a top hat, dusting it off before placing it on his head.
And then he tipped his hat at you.
What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck-
It wasnt until he took a step towards you that you finally broke out of your trance and ran. You ran and ran, not even risking a look back, not realising where you were running off to until you burst through their door, out of breath and paler than white paint.
"Y/n?" Colin rushed towards you, the Shepherd and Liam rushing into the living room as Colin helped you inside. "What happened? What's wrong?" He feared, as did all the boys, that Silas had done something to you.
"I- I- I-" You shake your head, the image of the dark figure running through your mind, the hat, the long cloak, the knife- it finally pieced together.
"I think I saw Jack the Ripper."
-
You sat at the police station with Colin. After explaining everything, he'd convinced you to report the murder.
The detective lead you inside the interrogation room, motioning for you to sit down as you began giving your statement.
"And who did you think the murderer was?"
"Jack the Ripper." Your answer made him roll his eyes. "And who might that be, miss?"
"I dont know." The investigator shook his head exasperated. "Of course you dont." He muttered, then sighed.
"So, what were you doing at this club?"
"Me?" You didnt pause for long. "I was invited there. My- my husband wanted me to attend on his behalf."
"Your husband-" he paused, reading your surname on the paper. "Fitzgerald? Wait, you're Mrs Silas Fitzgerald?" You nodded, making him sigh. "Guess it makes sense for you to be there..."
Whats that supposed to mean?
"Did you see anyone familiar there?"
"No." You answered curtly, before adding another detail. "Everyone was wearing masks. Couldnt recognise anyone even if I wanted to."
What? I'm not gonna rat out Benjamin and make him the prime suspect without gathering all the facts before.
It's definitely not because I have a soft spot for him since he reminds me of Qasim so much. Nope.
The door suddenly swung open and in walked what you assumed was the detectives superior since the man got up.
"Is this the witness for club murder?" The higher up asked him.
"Yes sir, she was just giving her statement-"
"No need. Dismiss the witness and the case. It's been handled." He told the detective who only nodded.
"Handled by who? You can't just dismiss the case!" You exclaimed getting up. But before he could reply, someone walked in from behind him.
"You can go now, Smith. I'll see Miss Y/n gets home safely." Henry patted the higher ups shoulder who left with the detective.
"What are you doing, Henry?" You crossed your arms.
"I could ask you the same." He leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms as well.
"I'm reporting a murder that happened outside your club! I saw him-"
"Saw who? Jack the Ripper?" He scoffed. "You think you saw him, but all you really saw was a dark shadow."
You shake your head. "I did see him-!"
"And how do you know that he's Jack the Ripper?" He pushed himself off the door frame, walking closer to you. "How do you know that he's the Ripper when no one knows who the man is?!"
You pursed your lips. You could argue that the victim profile and post mortem show a matching pattern but you doubt Henry is going to listen to reason.
"Even so, you should still let me give my statement. Why are you adamant on me not giving one? A woman was murdered for God's sake!" You try to walk past him, but he grabs your arm and yanks you back, making your chest collide with his.
"She was my employee. She worked for the club. And you-" his face hardened. "-you are insulting her death by making it a public frenzy. By stating that some sick nobody, someone who was nicknamed by the papers just to strike fear in people's hearts, killed her. I will not let you use her death so that your paper could make a quick buck! Jack the Ripper is a nobody!"
-
"Why do you think Blackwood's trying to cover up the murder?" Colin asked you as you two made your way towards your next destination.
"I dont know." You huffed. "Maybe he knows who the murderer is? Maybe he's protecting his business? Surely, if people were to hear that a serial killer made an appearance near his club, he'd lose clients."
"Or maybe he's the killer." You stopped and looked at him. Colin looked at you knowingly. "It would make sense for him to be Jack the Ripper, or at least the man who murdered that woman. It is very suspicious of him to probably bribing the coppers to drop the case."
You shake your head. "Its too obvious."
He rolled his eyes. "What? So Henry cant be the murderer because its “too obvious?” People make mistakes-"
"Not Henry." You cut him off. "He's too smart, calculating. There's got to be another reason for him to be sweeping this all under the carpet."
Colin shakes his head in disbelief, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looked ahead. "We're here."
You followed his gaze and saw the building. The sign on the gate read-
"Aveline's Asylum"
"Really? Right now?" You asked Colin, who just smiled cheekily.
"It'll take your mind off things. Just take a break and help me on this assignment and we can go back to speculating what Blackwood's motives are." He raised his brows. "Plus, I think you'll enjoy this one."
You followed him inside the asylum, walking through the lush green gardens and seeing the pristine white building ahead, you wondered how this would help Colin's "exposing horrendous hospital environments and patient care" article when all of this reall just screamed "rehab for the rich".
"Shouldnt we go to an asylum that is in much worse conditions than this? Possibly next to a workhouse?" You asked him, but Colin just smiled. "Why did you choose this place, Colin?”
"You'll see." He says before whispering to you. "Remember your script. And... action!”
While pretending to be insane (which was easy because all you had to say was that you don’t think being a mom or stay-at-home wife is your life’s purpose), you saw a familiar figure there. And he saw you too.
“Y/n? Colin?” Benjamin looked surprised. “What are you two doing here?”
“Working on an article.” Colin replied, glancing at the way you’d gotten quiet, staring at Benjamin.
“Oh. Right, the horrible healthcare environment. But why this place? Its practically one of the finest asylums, housing mostly the wealthy of London.”
Colin nodded. “I know! But I have a hunch about this place-”
“What are you doing here?” You cut him off.
“Me? Oh, I’m here to give haircuts.” Ben chuckled nervously. “Its not a noble cause, but the wealthy unwell patients do pay a lot.”
“Mmhm, where’s your hair kit?” You remember distinctly that Ben was very particular about using his own scissors, so he often carried his own.
Ben looked caught off-guard by your question, but he quickly recovered. “The nurses provided me with their own. Cant carry scissors around an asylum now, can I?”
How convenient.
Colin continued to make small talk with Ben, while you studied him. Even if you didn’t tell anyone that you saw Ben at the club the night of the murder, doesn’t mean that you didn’t suspect him. For all you know, appearances can be deceiving and this sweet man may just be the infamous Jack the Ripper.
Blonde haired, the kindest eyes, the sweetest smile, a golden retriever in human form- could Benjamin really have killed all those women so brutally? Then again, Ted Bundy was also known for his good looks and superficial charm.
Am I really comparing Benny to Ted Bundy? God, I hope I’m wrong.
“I should go now. See you at home?” Ben asked you, hopeful.
“Maybe.” You shrugged, Ben’s smile faltering at your answer. He then raised his hand to shake Colin’s and thats when you noticed a distinctly familiar golden ring on his hand.
The same one you’d seen on Lady Scarlett’s hand.
And just like that, everything fell into place.
-
By the time you’d reached home, you’d pieced out the story. Ben being at the exclusive club and being discrete about it, seen in a room with Lady Scarlett, both wearing the same rings-
He’s in a relationship with her. Or him.
Thats why Ben was at that club! Homosexuality or anything else that isn’t heterosexuality was simply not accepted in Victorian England, and was possibly punishable by law! Just look at Oscar Wilde! Ben is dating Scarlett, keeping it discrete, he never committed any murders because he’s not Jack the Ripper. He’s just not straight!
Oh, I’m so glad you’re not the Ripper, Benny. I knew you weren’t capable of committing such heinous crimes.
As for why he was at the asylum, maybe he’s telling the truth. He did come to give the rich patients a haircut because he needs the money to maintain Scarlett’s lifestyle or maybe be rich enough to whisk her/him away from the club.
Benny is such a gentleman.
Now that Benny is no longer a suspect, that leaves Henry to be the main suspect. Maybe he’s not the one killed the woman, maybe he hired someone? Or maybe Henry’s not the killer either, its just too- obvious.
“Why do you think Henry stopped me from reporting the murder?” You asked Silas as you whisked the eggs before adding them to the pan. Silas had entered the kitchen the moment he heard you were cooking, though he did shoot you a weird look for making scrambled eggs at 11 pm. With you running around London all day, you hadn’t found time to eat until now, and you were just looking for a quick meal really.
“He probably doesn’t want you scaring off his customers. If word gets out that a murderer, or as you claim- “The Ripper” was seen near the club, then people wont be frequenting the place. Or perhaps he’s protecting the murderer?” Silas suggests, swallowing as the smell of butter wafts through the kitchen.
You add cubes of cold butter in, then look at him. “What? You don’t believe that I saw the Ripper?”
“I believe that if you really saw the Ripper, then you wouldn’t still be alive. He had the time and the opportunity to get rid of you.Why else would the notorious killer would let a witness get away?” Silas crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the kitchen counter near the stove.
“Maybe because he targets prostitutes? All of his previous victims match that profile.”
“Like he could tell a difference-”
“Are you saying I look like a prostitute?” You dished out the eggs. “No, you’re saying that. I’m saying that the man you saw kill that woman was just an amateur who was caught offguard by you, otherwise he would’ve attacked you too.” Silas states before grabbing the plate of buttery scrambled eggs on toast from your hands.
“Hey! Thats mine-” “My kitchen, my eggs.” He smirked before walking off. “You can make yourself more, I need to feed my dogs first.”
You glared at him until he left the kitchen, not knowing whether he really was going to feed it to the dogs or it was just a lie disguised as an insult so that he could eat it himself.
It was the latter. Always.
-
The next day, after you’d taken another ballet lesson from Sarah, you were about to go out to investigate the club again but Sarah had other plans for you.
“Y/n, I need you to stay at home today.”
“Oh, is everything alright?” You ask. She never made you stay home before. “Are we having company?”
“No. I think that you should play some sports to keep yourself fit. As a ballerina, it is important to keep both the mind and the body sound, and what better way to achieve that than by playing in the sun!” She lead you outside towards the tennis court, hidden by the huge bushes for privacy from outsiders.
“Tennis?” You ask her, and she confirms it. “Yes. Do you know how to play?”
Do I know how to- if I wasn’t so obsessed with history and sciences (and my mom scared that me wearing a skirt would attract predators), I had plans on playing professionally. Qasim and I used to play tennis at the club he’d won a membership in. We were both very competitive but he was just always a little better than me. He always knew my moves, he read me like an open book.
I was second only to Qasim though. Everyone else? They ate dust.
“Yes, I do.” You smiled at her. “Who am I playing with?”
“Me.” Silas spoke from behind you, dressed in all-white tennis wear. He looked at Sarah unamused. “Nana, I thought you said you had a worthy opponent for me.”
You shot him a glare, but Sarah came to your defense. “Now, now. You don’t know how capable your wife is. And I’m willing to bet that she’d make you run out of breath, Silas.”
You smiled cheekily as Silas scoffed. “We’ll see.” Sarah places a hand on your back. “Why don’t you go get changed, dear? I had the maids prepare an outfit for you.” When you left, Sarah looked at Silas. “Now Silas, I know you play exceptionally well but you must remember that this match is more of a way to spend time with your wife. Not a way to show off. So, be a gentleman, hm?”
You huffed as you returned to the tennis court. What the hell is this? Silas gets to wear a shirt and pants and I have to wear a full length dress with a corset and a hat?!
Mom would probably have let me gone pro if this was the official tennis wear for women.
Sarah sat on the side lines and watched you two play. Silas let you serve first and after a couple of back-and-forth, you won the first point. And then the next. And the next.
“Ah, you’re doing fantastic, Y/n!” Sarah cheered before standing up when the butler informed her that a guest has come to see her. “I’ll be back! You two keep playing!”
As Sarah left, you couldn’t help but tease Silas. What? He still makes you sleep on the floor! “So, how does it feel to lose to a girl?”
“I wouldn’t know.” And with that, Silas threw the ball in the air and served.
The ball shot past your head, just centimetres away from hitting you.
“What the hell? I wasn’t ready-”
“Lame excuses dont work on me.” He pulled out another ball and bounced it. “Are you ready now, duchess?”
You scowled at him before getting in position. “I’m ready, jerk.”
You lost two of the three matches. The first match you almost won was because Sarah was there and Silas was going easy on you, but when Sarah left, Silas regained all those points by serving topspin and slice serves. By the second match, you were finally able to return his fast serves, but now Silas used his speed and your lack of because of your heavy dress and made you run around all over the court trying to return his fast shots. By the third match, you were all out of breath but not out of determination. So, Silas decided that now would be the time to use your body as target practise and he hit the ball over your legs and arms, only stopping when one shot hit you in the head and made you fall on the ground.
“Are you okay?” He asked, barely suppressing the glee in his voice. He held out a hand to help you up, but you swatted it away and got up on your own.
“Finish the game.” You growled and he raised his hands in surrender before returning to his side of the court. For the rest of the third match, he missed all the shots you served and let you win. And he did it so openly, not even being courteous enough to hide his intentions.
Sarah watched you return inside the house, looking all sweaty and angry as you stomped unto your room. Silas trailed in behind, a satisfied grin on his face and Sarah shook her head at him disappointedly. “What did you do, Silas?”
“Nothing. I even let her win the last round, but she’s still angry.” Sarah looked at him admonishingly, making him sigh. “Fine, fine. I’ll go talk to her. The things I do for you, Nana.”
“The things you do for love, Silas.” She corrected him.
Sure. Silas rolled his eyes mentally. I “love” Y/n.
Silas entered the bedroom and saw you had showered and changed into new clothes. “Going somewhere? Perhaps to get some handkerchiefs to wipe all the sweat and tears?” He watched you glare at him through the mirror and he chuckled, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Alright, I’m sorry. I’m just teasing. But seriously, where are you going? I could give you a ride.”
“I’m going to an asylum with Colin.” You huff, packing some things in your small purse. Silas nodded. “Good idea to get yourself finally checked-” He dodged the hairbrush you threw at his head, chuckling. “Now now, duchess. It isn’t exactly speaking much for your mental health for you to be chucking things at your dear husband.”
Ignoring his antics, you slipped on your shoes, walking out of the room. He trailed behind you. “Dont be mad. I’m just playing around. Come on, I’ll drop you off at Saint Peters asylum. Its on my way to work.”
“I’m not going to Saint Peters. I’m going to Aveline’s.” You stated, ready to walk off but he grabbed your arm.
“What?” You looked at his shocked face. “What?” You repeated his question. Why did he suddenly look so pale.
“Where are you going?” He asked, his grip tightening when you tried to move. “Which asylum?”
“Aveline’s.” You frowned, grabbing his hand and removing it from your arm. Silas expression paled further.
“Why?”
You shrugged. “Colin wants to do an article on horrible asylum conditions and treatment of patients-”
“Dont.” Silas ordered more than he suggested. “That place- don’t go there.”
“And why not?” You looked at him skeptically. “Colin wants to do a piece on the place-”
“Pick another asylum. I can get you access to any other.” Silas ignored your question, averting his eyes. “You will not go there, and you will not write a piece on that asylum.”
You grabbed his arm to make him look at you. “What are you hiding, Silas?”
Silas stared at you before yanking his arm out of your grasp. “I don’t have to explain myself to you. Just- do as I say.” He raised finger, wagging it at your warningly. “I’m telling you- you will not go there again, Y/n. And if I find out that you or Colin or anyone else tried to write about that place, I will shut down that paper and make sure none of them find a job ever.”
You watched Silas leave you there standing dumbfounded.
Did he really just threaten me?
This bitch.
-
Silas watched you leave from the window. He knows you wont listen to him, knows that its inevitable to try to stop you from going to Aveline, so he already sent someone to bribe the staff to not let you on the asylum premises. He’s not worried about who you’re meeting or where you’re going, just as long as its not Aveline.
No. He closed his eyes, painful memories flashing through his mind. You cant know. You cant know.
He sat down on his chair, trying to think of ways to divert your attention from the asylum. You’re as stubborn as a mule, you wont listen to him. So he has to create distractions for you.
Jack the Ripper!
Of course, the murder case!
“Cadburry!” He called his butler. “Arrange me an invite for the Gentleman’s club. Now.”
You were sitting in the boys apartment, Benjamin playing with your hair out of habit, braiding it, unbraiding it, then braiding it again. Colin sat confused. “Why cant we go to the asylum today?”
“I’m not in the mood to see depressing white halls today. Besides, I have an errand to run.” You lean your head further back for Benny.
“And what that might be?” Colin was intrigued.
“Girly errand. You wont understand.” You dismiss him. “But we’ll go to Aveline’s again, thats for sure.” You felt Benny tug your hair at that statement.
“Ow! Benny!” You glare at him. Ben shakes out of his daze, apologising profusely. “Sorry, sorry! I was just lost in my thoughts.”
A coy smile formed on your lips. Lost in thought? Oh, I know exactly what kind of thoughts you’re having, Benny.
Colin stood up with a sigh. “Alright then. I’ll go to office and start writing down a draft.” You nodded as he left you alone with Ben.
Once you heard the door click, you immediately turned around. “Hey, Benny.”
He gave you a gentle smile. “Hey, Y/n.”
“So…” you wiggled your brows at him. “What’s going on with you?”
“Hmm… nothing much really. I got a new customer who wanted a toupee. Apparently word got around that I’m a very skilled barber, no matter how much hair one has or lack of, I can make it work!”
“Yes, thats lovely Benny, but-” you cleared your throat. “I meant, whats going on with you, personally. You look happier, livelier these days.”
He shrugged, offering you another sweet smile. “I guess that’s just the effect you have on people around you.”
Ugh! Stop being so charming, Benny!
“Thanks, Benny. But… I don’t know, I feel like there’s something different about you.” You tried another approach. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I wont ever judge you or anything.”
Though he was smiling, you saw something flicker in his eyes. Doubt? Fear?
“What do you mean, Y/n?” He asked, his voice stable as usual.
Your eyes studied him.
“Did you meet someone new?”
There it is! That flicker in his eyes. His face didn’t let anything away but his eyes, you saw it.
“Yes.” Finally, we’re getting somewhere. “I met you.”
Stupid Benny. Annoying Benny.
Sighing, you realise that maybe he’s just not ready to come out yet. And that I shouldn’t take it personally because I am close with him and he could tell me anything, just like Qasim would. It would be unfair to force Ben to tell you about Lady Scarlett before he’s ready.
“Thanks, Benny.” You said, hiding your disappointment. “I have to go now. Have to go… run that errand.”
“Oh, need me to come?” He got up with you. You shake your head. “No, I’ll manage on my own.”
Why would I tell you when you wont tell me about your love?
-
You were now standing outside the club again. You had initially returned to the back alley to investigate the crime scene again but it had been scrubbed clean and Henry had somehow managed to get a permit to start construction to expand the club further.
He was erasing the crime scene. Henry was trying to hide something.
Speak of the devil, you saw Henry exit the club and get in his carriage. Once you were sure he’d left, you made your way towards the club entrance, still having the invite from last time, only for the guards to stop you.
“I’m sorry but Mr Blackwood has forbidden you from entering the club, Miss Y/n.” One guard said, holding a hand up to halt you.
“Mrs Fitzgerald.” You corrected him, hoping to use the name to get by. “I am the duchess of Westminster!”
“Forgives us, Miss Y/n, but Mr Blackwood specifically instructed us to not let you in and he also instructed us not to address you by anything but Miss Y/n or- um…” The other guard trailed off, making you narrow your eyes at him.
“Or?” You sneered at him to continue.
“Or… future-Mrs Blackwood.” He mumbled but you heard him loud and clear.
I’m going to kill him.
“Listen here and listen clear!” Your voice took a threatening tone, though you’re sure it would look comical to an outsider seeing a woman of your stature trying to intimidate men who were towering over you with their buff physiques.
“I am going to only be addressed as MRS FITZGERALD and you will let me in this club right now or I will have my husband, the duke of Westminster, shut this place down before your twat boss would dare to associate his name with me again!” You yelled with your nostrils flared. “Now, you will march in and inform Lady Scarlett that I’m here to see her. And if she says no, tell her I know about the rings!”
The guards shared a look, probably trying to communicate telepathically whether to let you in or not.
Fortunately for you, your huffing and puffing seemed to work and one of them walked in before returning moments later.
“Please wait for a short while Lady Scarlett entertains some guests.”
After about 20 long minutes, during which you were sure Henry would turn up and have you carried off the premises, the guards finally lead you inside.
“This way, future Mrs Blackwood.” You shot him a glare but didn’t say anything since you were inside the club anyways. They lead you up the stairs towards the room that you had seen Ben go into the last time you were here.
The door opened and you saw a large bed on one side, silk sheets and plush cushions adorning it, and a huge vanity in the other corner, full of makeup and expensive jewels, all arranged in an orderly manner. Then there was a table next to the vanity on which sat a variety of beautiful red haired wigs.
“They’re made from real hair.” A voice said from behind you. You turned to see Lady Scarlett, wearing a maroon robe and a black mask covering her identity. Her trademark red hair, still styled as beautifully as the first time you saw it and that bright red lipstick on her lips. “Benjamin was sweet enough to get them for me.”
She walked past you and sat down on a couch next to the window that opened to the balcony outside, and then she lit up a cigarette, holding it in a vintage cigarette holder.
Not that I would ever condone a nasty habit such as smoking, but she looked absolutely badass in that moment.
“What do you want, Mrs Blackwood?” Scarlett let out a huge exhale of smoke.
“Fitzgerald. I know about the rings.” You state, watching her take another drag.
“What rings?” She asked, feigning innocence.
“The golden rings.” You narrow your eyes. “I saw it on your hand that night and I saw it on Benjamin’s hand as well. I know whats going on, and I’m here to talk about that.” Taking a deep breath, you blurted out your suspicions.
“I know you and Benjamin are in a relationship.”
She looked up at you expectedly, not at all alarmed at being caught. Then again, why would she be caught off guard? Considering the line of business she’s in, she probably has practiced her poker face.
“Is that so, Mrs Blackwood?” Scarlett’s lip’s curled up. “So what?”
So what?
“Look, I mean no harm, but I- I care about Benjamin a lot. He’s like family to me, and I know its not my place but I am very protective of him and I just… I’m just here to make sure that this is not some sort of game for you. I don’t want you playing with his feelings, so if you’re not serious about him then I suggest you end things with him now before it gets too messy.”
Scarlett looked at you before chuckling. “As you wish, Mrs Blackwood.” He stood up with a click of his tongue. “Now, is that all or do you have any more shocking news to pass on to me, Mrs Blackwood? I suggest you do it now because you wont be stepping a foot in this club again.”
“Its Mrs Fitzgerald. And I don’t plan on returning to this depraved scum either.”
“Depraved scum, huh?” Scarlett tilted her head slightly in a mocking manner. “Since you insist on calling yourself Mrs Fitzgerald so proudly, let me show you something as well.” He opened the door and lead you towards the top of the stairwell, from where you could see everyone and everything down below on the dance floor.
She nodded her head to the far right corner and your heart dropped for a second. Is that-
“Mr Fitzgerald seems to be enjoying himself. Though not all that much.” Scarlett said as your eyes remained focused on Silas who was sitting on a chair, looking uninterested by the different women who surrounded him. “Maybe he likes boys. I’ll send some his way-” You rushed out of the club, not able to hear another word or see Silas for another moment longer.
-
Its been a couple of days since you went to the club. Of course, when you arrived home and waited for Silas to return, who upon your questioning about his whereabouts claimed he was meeting a businessman.
He lied.
You tried to distract yourself by taking more ballet lessons from Sarah, but still your attention lingered on him.
Why was he there?
You then tried to divert your mind towards work, and then here you are, sitting on your desk with a blank paper, ready to be filled with words.
Why was he there?
Dropping your pen because you knew you weren’t going to be able to get anything done until you processed your feelings about this.
What feelings? Certainly not jealousy because I am far more mature than this. Its just-
I thought he had standards. Taste. Sure I might not be fine wine, but I’m certainly better than those skank-
Nope. I am a woman. I will not be bringing other women down because of a man.
But Silas… how dare he? Yes, how dare he?! I am not jealous, I am insulted! How dare he act like he’s a polished aristocrat and I’m just ditzy, poorer than a church mouse, a NOBODY, when he goes around prancing his repute and himself in the utter gutters of London?
Maybe he’s just hypersexual. Yes, he’s a depraved, disgusting individual and I married him. Great. So the first man I married, had a NIKKAH with, turned out to be lying, cheating, piece of-
Why did he lie?
Its not like he expects me to sleep with him. If he did, why would he still make me sleep on the floor?
Baldwin would’ve never made me sleep on the floor, always covered me with his cloak because he knew how much the cold bothered me.
And he’s always so rude to me! He beat me at tennis, quite literally!
Salauddin always lost to me in chess. And he let me rub my wins in his face too!
Not to mention, how uncaring he is to my feelings!
Ibrahim always put my happiness above everything. He chose to wait for me, until I was safe- felt safe.
And of all of them, I ended up marrying Silas.
How dare he?
Pushing yourself back into your desk, you began writing down furiously. Fuck Silas, fuck Henry, and fuck Lady Scarlett! I WILL go back to Aveline Asylum, I WILL expose the the Ripper and- if I have time, maybe find Benny a better significant other!
“Woah there- what are you writing?” Colin came up behind you, frowning at the title he read.
“The Ripper strikes again! Murder outside the exclusive club for the wealthy freaks!” Colin looked at you. “Have you gone bonkers?”
“Yes.” You snapped. “You cant talk me out of it, so why don’t you go and get us access into Aveline asylum again. Discreetly, this time.”
By the time everyone was going home, you had finished your article and dropped it on the editor’s desk just as he was about to leave.
“Read this. Trust me, its worth it.” You look over your shoulder. “And I have a witness ready to go public- Mrs Fitzgerald.” Of course, the editor wouldn’t ever figure out that you are Mrs Fitzgerald, not Mr Holmes.
-
However, you were a little surprised to see that he hadn’t published your article in the paper the next morning. Storming to work, you quickly made your way towards the editor’s office, barging in without knocking.
“Hello there, love.” He smiled cheekily. Instead of your editor, Henry Blackwood sat in his chair, his legs propped up on the desk. “I was waiting for you.”
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“What? You can barge into my business, but I can’t swing by yours?” He asked, feigning hurt.
“No. Now leave.”
“Well then its a good thing that this is also my business now.” Henry grinned, removing his feet from the desk and replacing them with his arms, resting his head in his hand as he stared at your fuming self.
“What?”
“Oh love, you’re looking at your new boss. I just bought the paper this morning.” He winked, standing up and making his way to you. “See, I told you not to come by the club again, I told you to drop the Ripper case, and you didn’t listen either time. So, I’ve come here to tame you. Personally. Seems like you need my undivided attention, kitten-”
“I did drop the Ripper case. I didn’t give my statement to the police!” You exclaimed.
He tutted, wagging his finger at you. “No, but you did write an article. You’re lucky I was here before it got published.”
You frowned. “How- how did you know about the article? I wrote it yesterday, I gave it to the editor at the last moment-”
“I have eyes everywhere, Y/n.” He smirked, leaning down to whisper. “Especially on you, naughty kitten.”
Henry chuckled as he looked at your flushed face, mistaking your anger for bashfulness. He walked out of the door but not before passing another comment to tick you off.
“Nice moustache. Or shall I say… whiskers, kitten?”
-
For the next 3 days, you didn’t leave the house. You didn’t even leave your room. It seemed like all your previous pettiness-driven motivation had run out and dropped you into the well of depression. And here you wallowed in your sadness, taking Silas’s bed even when he was away and looking like a pitiful lump of sadness under the covers.
“What is wrong with you?” Silas asked, exasperated as he sat down on the bed to tie his shoes. “How long will this go on? You have missed your ballet classes and you are worrying grandmother.”
“I’m just sleepy, okay?” You mumbled from under the sheets. “Its not like sleeping on the cold, hard floor is helping me.”
“And it seems like sleeping in my bed hasn’t helped either.” He raised a brow. “Its been 3 days already. This has gone long enough. Now you can either tell me what is wrong or I will have Cadbury drag you out and hose you down in the gardens.”
You shoved the covers down to glare at him. Asshole. You don’t doubt that he would have his butler hose you down.
“I miss… I miss my brother.” You mumbled as you averted your eyes. “Qasim would fix everything for me. He always had a solution, always. And I- I need him right now. To guide me, to handle things for me.”
“So… why don’t you ask for his help?” Silas asked, fixing his tie.
You stared at his back before looking down at your lap. “We’re not on speaking terms… I’m mad at him.”
Silas rolled his eyes. “Well he’s your family, isn’t he? I’m sure you can still talk to him.”
“Cant.” You muttered gloomily, making Silas’s annoyance trigger off.
“And why the bloody hell not?” He turned to glare at you. “You cant get out of my bed! You cant attend work! You cant take your classes! You cant tell me what’s bothering you! And you cant talk to your own brother! Why!? Why?! WHY?!”
You flinched at his harsh town before tears filled your eyes.
“Because… he’s dead.”
Your statement rung in Silas’s ears like a daunting bell. Dead. Dead. Dead.
God, did he feel like shit now.
You threw the covers off you, getting out of bed as you fixed his sheets.
“Sorry for hogging your bed.” You sniffled, using your sleeve to wipe your tears as you walked past him, only for Silas to catch your wrist. With a gentle tug, he had you sitting back down on the bed.
“I’m sorry.” He said, sincerely. “I was just… frustrated due to things at work. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“Its fine, whatever. You’re right, I’ll go to work and classes-” He tightened his grip on your wrist when you tried to leave.
“No.” He tilted your chin towards him. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong. I may not be your brother, but I am your husband.”
You stared at him conflicted. Did he really mean it?
He answered your silent question with a gentle squeeze of your hand. “I will fix your problems, Y/n.” He offered a smile. “Your duke is at your service.”
-
After you told Silas your work situation with Henry and how he’s stopping you from writing anything about Jack the Ripper, how you cant get anything done with his shadow looming over you and monitoring everything you do, Silas explained that solution to it was all simple.
“I will buy the paper from Henry.” He stated nonchalantly, as if he was talking about buying eggs not a newspaper company.
“I dont think he will give you the company. He wont put it up for sale-”
“Everything is for sale, Y/n. You just need to find the right price.” He stood up, assuring you he will buy the company. “I’ll get the company, if you promise to put on a great show. You focus on the ballet classes. After all, the show is only a week from now.”
The following seven days were filled with you doing ballet for hours and hours, all with one motivation.
Not to let Silas down.
Because if I let him down, if I embarrass him, then he wont get the paper from Henry. And I wont be able to find Jack the Ripper or help Colin with the asylum! And Silas will lose trust in me and wont let me have my space at the Westminster palace or wherever so that I can work on my time machine-
Time machine! You face palmed. I’ve been so busy with the murders and shitty men that I forgot to build my machine! My way home!
No, after the show, I’m- I’m demanding- I’m moving out. I don’t care if I get the paper or not, I need to build my machine.
“Oh Y/n, what are you doing in the storage- honey, are you alright? You look like you’re about to pass out! Cadbury! Hurry and open the windows!” Sarah guided you out of the dusty store to sit down, fanning you with her hands. “Oh dear, do you hate confined spaces like Silas too?”
You took deep breaths as fresh air flooded in through the windows, furrowing your brows. “What?”
“Nothing dear, I just thought you felt suffocated in closed spaces, like Silas!” She explained. “He cant stay in a room with closed windows for too long, you know.”
Now that she mentions it, she’s right. You don’t remember Silas being in a room without at least a window open, even as winter rolled around. Hell, he still opens the balcony windows in the bedroom as soon as he wakes up, but you thought that was because he hated your guts and wanted to give you an early wake up call by letting the cold air slap your face and rattle your bones.
“Why does he hate confined spaces?” You ask, letting her loosen your corset.
Sarah looked a little hesitant to tell you, but then relented when you asked her again. “He never told me the reason, but I figured it was the night when his mother passed away. Silas… he was just a young boy, he was hiding in his closet. He liked to scare his mother when she came to check on him, and so he often hid in the closet to give her a fright. He saw his mother get murdered while he was in the closet.” She looked down sadly. “Unfortunately, the killer’s identity was hidden by the dark night. Silas wasn’t able to identify who killed his mother, and I suppose he’s blamed himself a little for that incident.”
Damn. Thats… dark. And sad.
Maybe I can excuse Silas for being rude to me at times. Maybe. Just a tad.
The night of the ballet show rolled around quicker than you’d expected. And despite all the hours of practice and Sarah’s countless assurances that you’d be amazing, you knew the reality.
Your performance was barely passable.
From a young age, you were able to critique yourself very well. As Qasim said- “Only you know yourself the best!” And you knew right now, as you stood backstage, peeking through the curtains at the audience and spotting the queen and her family, you were utterly, truly set up for failure.
NO ONE CAN LEARN BALLET IN 2 MONTHS! AT LEAST NOT ENOUGH TO IMPRESS THE QUEEN!
Your stomach churned, you felt bile rise up your throat, your legs wobbled as you backed away from the curtain, stumbling away, right into Silas’s arms.
“Silas- Silas, I cant do this! I can’t! I can’t!” You cried out and Silas tightened his grip on your arms.
“Okay.”
Okay?
“What?”
“Okay. You cant do it.” He squeezes your shoulders. “I guess I’ll just tell everyone to go home. I’ll apologise to the queen and make up an excuse as to why she wont be seeing a performance by my wife tonight. But hey, she’s family. She’ll understand, right?”
You stared at him in confusion. Silas ran a hand through his fingers. “As for all the journalist who came here to write about you, and all the influential people I’ve invited over because this was your formal introduction into high society, I guess I’ll just have to make something up. But you-“ he gave you a warm smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “-you don’t worry your pretty little head over this. Its okay, I… well, if I’m being honest, I never really expected you to perform.”
“What?”
He shrugged. “I knew you’d back out at the last second. Oh well, what can we do. Now-” he rubbed his chin in thought. “Should I tell the guests that you’ve broken your leg? Or perhaps you cant perform because you’re with child? If we go with the first excuse, people may call you a ditz, maybe unprofessional. And they might come to check on you. But if we go with the second excuse, people will talk about- well, it has been only a month into our marriage-”
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Is he… did he set you up?
“You expected me to not perform?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
“No, Y/n. I expected you to fail to deliver what I require of you. I expected you to perform in front of an audience, and that was all I asked. I didn’t ask you to become a prima donna, I just wanted you to be good enough. Which you are in my opinion. But your doubt in yourself right now is only because you clearly haven’t spent enough time practising because you were too busy running around town, going to clubs and asylums and chasing after a murderer when all of your attention should’ve been on becoming a competent wife!” Silas fumed, tightening his grip on your shoulders. “I asked you again and again to focus on the ballet lessons, and you ignored my advice repeatedly and for what? Because you wanted to prove yourself? Because you wanted to play detective and solve murders? When you cant even do a simple job as putting on a show? And I knew- I knew you would abandon me like this, so you know what, Y/n? While I keep my end of the bargain, while I invited Henry tonight to talk him into selling the paper to me, you continue to let me down. So go on stage or don’t, I really don’t give a shit now. I can’t take your word ever again.”
Silas stormed off, leaving you shell shocked backstage. You sat down on the steps, trying to control your breathing. How could he- how can he say all that to you?
Does he not understand the pressure you’re under? Does he not understand how hard all of this is for you?
You really thought that after you told him about Qasim, after he assured he that he would help you out, that he would fix your problems-
I thought he understood. I thought he had my back.
You let out a shaky exhale, rubbing your chest to ease your ache. Why is it so hard to breathe all of a second?
Tonight, you didn’t invite Colin or Benny or any of the boys, and it only hit you now how truly lonely you were. There’s no Colin. No Benny. No friends. No family. No Qasim. No… Silas.
“Ma’am? Ma’am, are you alright?” Cadbury looked alarmed as he spotted you looking shell shocked, struggling to breathe.
“I… I cant-” You couldn’t speak, and the butler quickly took your nervous, trembling form in and sprung into action.
“Here, duchess- ma’am, drink this.” He brought you a cup of tea. “It’ll calm the nerves, ma’am. Drink it.”
You let the bitter, warm liquid slide down your throat without a second thought.
“You’ll be alright now, ma’am. You’ll be all… right.” The butler assured you kindly, helping you stand up. In just a matter of seconds, your anxiety had melted away and was replaced with… unbridled confidence.
“What did I just drink?” The words slipped out as you felt your heart beat faster. Your eyes snapped towards Cadbury. “What did you give me?” The words came out quickly.
“Nothing special. Its just tea to calm you.” He said, ushering you up the steps towards the stage curtains. “Are you ready now, ma’am?”
Your eyes zeroed in on the white particles on his collar. Like powder.
“Is that snow?” If you weren’t so hyper focused on his collar, it would concern you how fast you were talking. “Is it snowing outside already?”
Cadbury looked down on his collar and suppressed a smile. “Yes, duchess. You could say that. Now- please return your attention to your performance. We are all rooting for you.”
“Not Silas.” You snapped again, your eyes looking at the dark curtains as you take your position. “Not that twat.”
Cadbury’s brows shot up in shock. “Ma’am-”
“I’ll show that twat.” And then the curtains opened.
-
Silas sat down in his seat with a satisfied sigh. Everything is going according to plan. You’re nervous and he just chewed you out so the stage will now be empty because you’ve ran off to cry a river, the royal family will once again be embarrassed as they happily welcomed Silas and his Muslim wife into the family (by making them the duke and duchess) and with all the journalists he invited, the news will now spread like wildfire that Silas rejected a princess, Queen Victoria’s daughter to marry an embarrasment.
The princess was one upped by a fool. A commoner. A failed ballerina.
Did Silas feel bad for you? Just a little, because he didnt like the way you looked at him, hoping for support, maybe even motivation, only for him to break your heart. Broken hearts can be mended, but broken reputations? Nope.
Besides, he’s sure that when he buys the company from Henry and give it to you, you’ll forget all about it! Everything will work out just as he’d planned-
What the hell?
The curtain opened and instead of being met with an empty stage like he’d planned, there you stood in your white tutu skirt, face completely devoid of any expression.
What are you doing?
The pianist began playing a tune he didn’t recognise. Sarah did tell him that of the three songs you had chosen, there was one she hadn’t heard ever before. You’d worked with the pianist to get the tune right, and at that time, he was impressed at how much work you were putting into this.
As the music played, you began dancing. From what his grandmother had told him, he was expecting soft, gentle, shy dance.
And yet you were doing anything but that. Your movements were strong, powerful, determined. You were nothing like the woman whose hope he’d crushed just moments ago. You were all alone on that big stage, but you practically leaped from one side of the stage to the other, your legs faster than lightening.
By no means did you look like a mess, or that you didn’t know what your were doing. Your eyes were wide open, as if hyper aware of your surroundings and your audience. From beside him, Silas could hear his grandmother whispering the choreography.
“En pointe. En pointe. En pointe.” You were now dancing on the tip of your toes, and Silas could only imagine how painful, if not destructive this could be to your feet.
“Tendu. Chaine turn. Chaine turn. Pique manege.” Now, you were moving across the stage while making turns.
And finally, the big ending. “Pirouette. Pirouette. Keep spotting, Y/n. Pirouette.” Silas knew about the pirouettes. He watched you spin around your own axis, in a fixed position on a ground, your body moving first, your head later, your eyes focused on a spot in the dark so that you don’t lose your balance. You turned- 1,2,3, he lost count because you were turning too fast.
“34- was that 34 turns, Silas?”
Thirty four? Thirty four pirouettes?!
The performance ended with fouetté turns, which according to Sarah were about 28 and you exited the stage dancing en pointe, on the tip of your toes.
The ballet hall erupted in applause and cheers, and Silas stood up with everyone else to give a standing ovation to a now empty stage.
What the hell just happened?
-
Its hot. Its hot. I’m burning up!
As soon as you were off stage, of which you have no memory of your performance, you almost fell to the ground if it weren’t for strong arms catching you. And the moment your eyes caught sight of the broad shoulders, you instantly pushed yourself away, throwing yourself against the wall to support yourself.
“Careful there, love.” Henry grinned, clapping his hands in mocking manner. “That was quite the performance you gave, kitten. I’m very impressed.”
“What are you doing here?” You spat out, wiping the sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand. He tilted his head, amused at the sight of your flushed cheeks. “Silas invited me. He wanted to discuss business. I wonder if the little kitten went to her owner for help because she couldn’t scratch me with her tiny paws?”
“Owner?” You heaved a shaky breath. His smirk widened. “What else would you name it? He bought you to be his wife, because you know and I know that there isn’t and there never will be love between you two. He’s just using you. So drop the charade and come to me-” Henry caught your wrist before you could slap him, and while he may have stopped your physical assault, he wasn’t able to stop your verbal one.
“What would you know about love? You’re here, pursuing a married woman who has insulted you from the very first moment. Those skanks at your disgusting club have more self esteem than you do right now. You’re fucking pathetic and I’d rather eat a cactus and shit it out before I marry an entitled, emasculated prick like you. Fuck off!” You shoved him away and stormed out of there, unaware of just how much Henry wanted to wring your neck (just for a moment) and how a certain someone had overheard this little spat.
And he smiled proudly.
Good job, Y/n. He thought to himself.
-
“Fuck!” You screamed as you burst through the doors and landed out in the gardens, falling to the snowy ground, letting the ice cool your burning temperature.
How the hell am I burning up when its literally snowing?!
You grabbed a fistful of snow and threw it to your face, trying to cool down your body temperature. When that didnt work, you dove face first into the ground, before flipping on your back, letting the snow engulf your body from all sides. Your ballerina costume was thin and sheer as it could be, finally allowing the cold to creep into your skin and slowly into your bones.
Now that the adrenaline rush and whatever the hell was in that tea wore off, your body immediately went into fatigue and became aware of all the aches in your body, especially the pain in your feet. You tried to move, but your muscles didn’t budge. They were tired out, strained beyond their limits.
The cold suddenly became too unbearable and your teeth rattled. You tried to lift your head, tried to yell for help but it was like your mind had suddenly went autopilot and decided to shut down to let your body recover from its fatigue.
“No…” You whispered, as tears slipped out of your eyes. Everyone was inside, the party was loud, no one would even hear you scream for help even if you tried, no one would come to your aid. The realisation that you would freeze to death had you panicking, but alas, your brain refused to cooperate with you.
You heard the sound of footsteps and a glimmer of hope rose in you. Turning your head to the side took the last bit of energy, and your brain put you out of your misery when you saw the daunting shadowy figure that imprinted itself in your mind from the night of the murder.
The cloak, the top hat, a golden ring on his hand and the shiny glint of the knife.
The Ripper is here.
Your mouth fell open in a silent scream before you blacked out.
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So??? Thoughts??? Also nobody @ me for not putting a "keep reading" button because I had to edit 12k words TWICE on mobile, I have pulled an all nighters for yall. I have to go to clinic in loke 2 hours.
Yall better send comment and send ask.
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lipringlrh · 6 months ago
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HE DOESN’T WANT ME WHEN HE’S SOBER PART 2 (LANDO ENDING)
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read: part one | logan ending
summary: lando’s your best friend but seems to like you when he’s drunk. but then again, he seems to like everyone when he’s drunk.
pairing: lando norris x gn!reader
wc: 1.8k
Lando wouldn’t admit it to anyone but that night was the worst sleep he’d ever had. He left as soon as he found out you’d left with Lily and Alex, and made his way to your house just to find out you weren’t there. He messaged Alex to get no response and contemplated waiting outside your door until you came back, whether it be days or months, he’d wait for you. But, after almost falling asleep numerous times and getting laughed at by a group of teenagers, he made his way back to his apartment, knowing you’d be looked after.
He was awake almost all night, messaging and calling you and regretting everything in its entirety. He didn’t fully know if you had even seen him kiss the person that resembled you, he only felt it deep down, but even if you hadn’t, he shouldn’t have done it, and he could never apologise enough. He thought of how to explain his thoughts but nothing would suffice; nothing would ever be able to explain how he felt.
At some point in the early hours, he finally drifted off, but awoke not much later to an aggressive banging on his door and a voice screaming at him to hurry up. He wished the voice was you but it wasn’t and he hated it. He rushed to his door, barely having time to pull on some grey joggers before opening it to an angry Alex, very close to breaking the door down.
“Are you stupid?” Alex questioned, fuming, pushing his way into Lando’s house, “I know that you’re in love with her so what are you doing?”
Lando looked like a deer in headlights. He couldn’t explain his actions, he didn’t even want to think about them. All he remembered feeling was grief at watching you walk away, so when he found someone that looked eerily similar, he took the chance to kiss them and create the image in his mind of kissing you. It didn’t last long. He realised too quickly that they didn’t smell like you and the way they kissed wasn’t the same. He hated it, he didn’t want to kiss anyone but you.
“I know, I didn’t mean to-”
“What, you just tripped into her mouth then?” Alex questioned, pushing a finger against Lando’s chest.
“No- no. I don’t know why I did, I really love them I promise. We almost kissed but then they walked away, I was hurt, I didn’t think they wanted me,” Lando almost cried, his voice cracking.
“You do this every time you go out. You kiss her every time you go out and she follows, you don’t get to pull that card. You might be upset but I promise you’re not even feeling half of it,” Alex spat, not caring if he hurt Lando because he hurt you much more.
“Help me apologise. I need to apologise, please Alex, please help,” Lando begged, wanting you to more than anything, “Please Alex, I’ll do anything.”
Alex sighed. At that moment, he hated Lando for what he did, but he’d been wishing for you both to get together since he first saw you both together, making heart eyes at each other. He contemplated in his head whether to help or not. He always envisioned you together but always wanted what's best for you and right now he couldn’t tell if that was Lando or not. But looking at the state of him, red, wet eyes, begging for his help, he wanted to believe Lando regretted everything and would do anything to prove he loved you.
“Okay, but I’m not letting you be forgiven easily, I want you to prove it,” Alex sighed, running his hands over his face. A feeling of simultaneous relief and guilt eating him alive.
Lando promised Alex over and over again, and in between each syllable, promising himself also that he would give you the world in apologies, and whatever happened he deserved it, but even if there was the slimmest chance you could forgive him, Lando would take it and cherish it.
Alex messaged you and you told him it was fine to bring Lando over, as long as he didn’t expect much, and so they turned up less than five minutes later. Alex left you both alone in the kitchen to sit with Lily in the living room after repeating countless times he was a shout away.
You almost broke down just seeing him but managed to keep it in. You didn’t want him to explain, you didn’t care to hear it at the moment, but as soon as Alex left he began spilling out apologies and trying to explain himself, which you quickly shut up.
“I want some space,” you sighed. You wanted Lando close but you wanted everything you felt for him gone first. You couldn’t believe he ever felt the same, not after that.
“Of course, I understand,” his voice broke as he stepped back, trying to show you he would do anything you said.
“Not like that, Lando. I mean it, I don’t think I can see you for a while.”
“Oh-” he said, “When can I see you again?”
“I’m not sure, I’m sorry-”
“Don’t be, this is my fault,” he sighed, clearly upset and looking at the ground, “I’ll go, I’ll see you soon.”
After he left, you broke down crying, debating your decision on if you handled it right. You already missed him, and still loved him, but you also didn’t want to see him. Alex explained the whole morning, and his perspective, giving you hope you could fix it with Lando, especially after Alex’s approval, which you trusted more than anything.
The next few times you saw him were at hangouts with your shared friends. You knew he’d be there as none of your friends would invite him unless you were completely sure you didn’t mind him there. He stayed away, but didn’t make it awkward to the people around you, and always gave you a shy smile when you caught his eye.
He didn’t try to text or call again, despite wanting to more than anything, and instead waited for you to make the first move whenever you were ready. You had missed him more than anything, in both an “I love him” and “he’s my best friend” way, and it was killing you from being away from him, especially after how well he listened to your instructions.
You were at a mutual friend's get-together, a small barbecue in a back garden when you decided it was time. You had been debating texting him but after seeing him, you decided you couldn’t wait.
He was standing alone in a corner beside a flower patch and some grass, drink in hand, and surveying everyone that was there when you walked over. He didn’t know how to greet you and so awkwardly moved his hands between going for a hug or a handshake. You laughed and hugged him, both of you holding on tightly, unhappy to let go.
“I’ve missed you,” you whispered gently, looking down and playing with your fingers, slightly nervous to admit it to him after all this time.
“I’ve missed you too,” he grins, adding on, “So much,” with a quiet whisper.
“How’ve you been?” you asked, trying to make small talk before delving right in.
“Okay, I’ve not really done much. Races have been okay.”
“I saw,” you smiled, “You’ve done really well.”
“You watched?” he questioned, a little surprised. You met his eyes and nodded, explaining how you could never miss one.
“Do you want to talk inside?” you asked, heart pounding as you said it. He nodded immediately, without hesitation, and followed you in through the double glass doors into the kitchen, but only after picking out a daisy from the grass next to him and offering it out to you, causing both of you to grin.
He closed the doors behind you both, blocking out as much other noise as possible, ready for you to begin. “I want to know how you feel about this and about me,” you started, voice shaky.
“I’m sorry, I’m still so sorry. I love you and I want what’s best for you and I can’t even find an excuse, I was being stupid and thinking how you’d never want me. It was all nothing, you’re the only person that’s ever meant anything, I’m so sorry. I will do anything to fix this- anything.”
“Lan,” you let out a breath, “You still want me?”
“More than anything,” he grinned and you stepped forward to reach him, locking your arms around his neck.
Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair as you pull his face down until his lips are almost touching yours. He was smiling so much you thought it might be impossible to kiss him but you pulled him into you anyway, finally kissing him again.
“Stop smiling,” you laughed, pulling away to say it before immediately kissing him again.
“What? Can I not be happy? I’m getting my girl back,” he pulled away, grinning harder, then trying to drag you back in, which was almost successful until you pulled away at the last second.
“I can barely kiss you like this and I’d really, really like to,” you giggled, tugging him back again to enjoy another impatient kiss.
Your hands were running all over his head, completely ruining his hair, but he didn’t care. His hands were wrapped around your waist, holding you impossibly close. When you finally parted he still kept you close, resting his forehead on yours.
“Are you sure you want this?” he questioned, his breath still heavy.
You kissed his cheek and looked straight into his eyes, “More than anything, I promise,” you paused for a moment, “But you’re going to have to grovel to repay all the lost time we’ve had.”
“I’m going to prove to you that I’m all in, that I want this more than I could possibly explain,” Lando promised, meaning every word. He was already planning out exactly what he wanted to do - he knew he had to work to become your official boyfriend, but he would do everything possible for you.
You just stared at him, showcasing the biggest smile you’ve ever had, eyes full of love, knowing you weren’t ever going to let each other go or even risk it again.
“God I love you,” he grinned, ignoring the fact he still hadn’t caught his breath and pulling you into another, more intimate, kiss.
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xothatnerdykid · 28 days ago
Text
read your mind
You’re a newly minted pro-hero with a quirk that lets you to read the mind of anyone you touch. So imagine your surprise when you accidentally read a certain stoic, brooding hero's mind and find out he doesn't hate you like you thought, but rather, something dangerously close to the opposite.
Aizawa Shouta/Eraserhead x fem!reader. NSFW but not very explicit. 5,002 words.
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“Your form was sloppy,” he says in lieu of a greeting.
You used to cringe when he’d tell you things like that, become sheepish and apologetic. Now, after months of knowing him, you'd simply smile and quip, “Awww, you watching my saves on the news again?”
You hated bumping into him. He was the reason you tended to leave mission briefings early: the ever-stoic, perpetually unimpressed Pro Hero Eraserhead.
As a relatively new hero working in the same city, you were thrilled at the chance to learn from someone as experienced as him. But your excitement quickly dimmed the first time you met as you noticed his gruff demeanor and critical, scrutinizing gaze.
You knew he was tough on everyone, but there were times when it felt like his criticism was directed at you more than anyone else. And no matter how hard you tried or how much praise everyone else gave you, he always found something to correct.
So, for the sake of keeping your self-esteem intact, you’ve resorted to treating his criticism like a game, teasing him back whenever he dropped one of his classic deadpan remarks. It was either that or crumble under the weight of his seemingly endless disapproval.
But today, all you can muster is a grunt in response, head throbbing from fatigue and chronic sleep deprivation.
“That’s my line,” he says flatly. Because apparently, someone always has to be the cheeky one between the two of you.
“Can we just…” You rub your temple, wincing as the pain spikes. "Can we just not do this today?”
“Are you feeling alright?” His voice loses a bit of its usual sharpness as he steps closer, eyes narrowing in concern. “You’re not hurt, are you?”
“I’m fine,” you huff, waving him off. "Just tired. We can't all function on only ten shots of espresso a day."
"Seven actually. I'm not a maniac. And you don't sound fine."
You roll your eyes, feeling too drained to banter with him. "I said I'm fine. Can you spare me the lecture?"
You mean to walk past him when you feel his hand wrap around your wrist, startling you. Suddenly, there’s that familiar buzz in your mind — your quirk activating with the skin-to-skin contact. The headache momentarily takes a backseat as his thoughts flood in.
Is she really okay? She looks like she’s about to collapse.
Why does she always push herself so hard?
You look up at him, eyes wide and unblinking.
He yanks his hand away as if he’d been burned, the flood of his thoughts abruptly cut off. His dark eyes flicker with something—surprise? Guilt? He takes a step back.
“Sorry,” he mutters, his voice rougher than usual. “Didn’t mean to…”
You open your mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. How are you supposed to respond to that? All this time, you thought he was just cold, that he only ever saw your flaws. But just now, he…
He was worried about you?
“I—” you start, but your voice falters. He’s still staring at you, his expression carefully guarded again.
“I’ll see you around. Feel better." His voice is clipped, betraying none of the thoughts you just heard. The words sound so casual, so dismissive, that for a moment you wonder if you imagined it all.
You want to say something to break the tension between you, but you're suddenly nervous. Your heart races, pounding with the weight of this new knowledge. Before you can compose yourself, another hero calls his name, and he mutters a quick response before leaving.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ 
You promised yourself you were going to avoid him like the plague.
Later that day, when you were tossing and turning in bed, still overthinking your last encounter — you promised. You even came up with (what seemed to you) a solid game plan: You were going to focus on hero work so much that you won’t even have the time to think about him, much less see him.
But the mission had gone from bad to worse in a matter of minutes.
What was supposed to be a simple recon had turned into a full-on chase through the streets when the criminal you'd been tracking for weeks unexpectedly showed up at the deal you were sent to bust. Orders be damned, you vaulted over the rooftop ledge and ran after them.
You leaped across buildings, adrenaline spurring you on. Your mind was focused, heart pounding in rhythm with your footfalls. You’d chased this villain twice before, and both times, they’d slipped through your fingers. You weren’t about to let that happen again.
The villain was fast, but so were you. With each bound, you closed the gap, watching as they darted into a narrow alleyway below. This was your chance. Your heart surged as you prepared to drop down and cut them off.
Suddenly, a figure descended from the shadows, blocking your target from your sight. Your stomach dropped.
Of course it was him.
"Stay back. This is too dangerous for you to handle alone.” His voice was firm and authoritative. Even with the goggles on, you could feel his dark eyes trained on you with that same stern expression you’d come to dread.
"Dangerous? I've been on this case longer than you have!”
You stepped forward but so did he.
“I said stay back,” he warned you. “Don’t be reckless. He’s already evaded you twice, and now he’s cornered. Desperate villains do desperate things.”
“He’s getting away! You’re ruining my chance to finally catch him!”
“And you’ll get yourself killed,” Aizawa snapped. “I’m not going to let a rookie run into a trap.”
Anger flared in your chest. You knew he didn’t respect you, hadn’t from the start. Always criticizing, always watching with that disapproving scowl. You try to push past him, but it’s no use. He’s stronger than you, and maybe even more stubborn.
“Wait here and let me handle it,” Aizawa growled, his voice low and commanding. His scarf moved like a serpent around him, a silent warning that he wouldn’t hesitate to use it if you pushed any further.
You clenched your fists but did as you were told. Much to your frustration, the villain was apprehended quickly after that. You watched from the rooftop, fuming as Aizawa cornered them with ease, his scarf tangling around the villain's limbs like it was second nature. Within minutes, the situation was over, and backup arrived to escort the criminal away.
You stayed put, your heart still racing with the adrenaline of the chase and the frustration of being sidelined once again. The cool night breeze did little to calm your heated emotions. It wasn’t fair. You’d been so close, only for him to swoop in like you were some rookie who couldn’t handle their own mission.
Now, you watch as he finishes giving his statement to the police and then make his way towards you.
You cross your arms tightly, readying yourself for whatever critique he’d throw your way this time. But when he stops in front of you, he doesn’t say anything right away. He simply takes off his goggles and looks at you.
His silence is almost worse than his usual condescending remarks. When he finally speaks, his voice is gravelly, strained. More measured than you expected.
"Are you okay?"
You blink. "I…I'm fine," you answer, maybe a bit too defensively.
Aizawa's eyes narrow, and for a moment, you think he’s about to call you out for your tone. But he just stares at you, his expression as unreadable as ever.
You shift on your feet, feeling the weight of his scrutiny. The silence stretches between you both, heavy and awkward, until he exhales and rubs the back of his neck.
"Good," he mutters, his voice softening just slightly, but there’s something behind his eyes—a flicker of something you can’t quite place. His hand lowers back to his side, and as it brushes yours for the briefest moment, something happens.
Skin contact.
Before you can stop it, his thoughts are bleeding into yours, loud and clear.
I should’ve handled that better. She probably thinks I hate her…
Dammit, I don’t want her to hate me.
Your breath catches in your throat. A rush of emotions flood your mind: frustration, concern. Genuine fear.
She doesn’t need to prove herself to me. She’s already good enough. More than good enough.
Heat floods your face, your pulse quickening. He… cares? Before you can process it fully, the connection snaps. A sudden coldness washes over you as your quirk is forcibly erased.
Aizawa’s eyes lock onto yours, his irritation visible in the sharpness of his gaze and the tight line of his mouth.
"I…I didn't mean to," you tell him, your voice barely above a whisper.
Something like uncertainty flickers in his expression, and his hair falls down in waves as he shuts off his quirk, too. His jaw tightens but his brow furrows as though he’s trying to decide what to say.
“I...know you didn’t,” he finally says, his voice low and rough.
You flinch, guilt bubbling up in your chest. “I’m sorry,” you murmur again, dropping your gaze to the ground. You didn’t want to invade his mind, but now you couldn’t unhear what you’d discovered.
Just like before, he turns to leave.
“Wait—” you blurt out, reaching for him instinctively. You don’t know what you’re going to say, but you can’t just let him leave like this. Not again.
He pauses, half-turning to glance at you over his shoulder. Your heart is pounding in your ears. The words are there, but they feel jumbled in your throat, tangled up in the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions swirling through your mind.
“I—I didn’t know. About any of it.”
Your eyes search his face for any sign of what he’s thinking, but his expression remains impassive. You fight back the urge to touch him.
“I thought you couldn’t stand me,” you admit in a small voice.
Aizawa heaves a sigh. His hand rises to pinch the bridge of his nose, and for the first time, you notice how tired he looks; exhausted, worn down in a way that makes him seem more human, less the untouchable figure you’ve always seen him as.
“I’m not trying to be hard on you,” he says after a long pause, his voice softer now, the anger draining away. “But you don’t always think things through, and that’s dangerous. You’re talented. You don’t need to prove anything to me or anyone else.”
His words surprise you, and you look up, meeting his gaze again. There’s no scowl, no biting critique, just honesty. You swallow hard, feeling an odd mix of warmth and discomfort settle in your chest.
Before you can think better of it, your hand moves instinctively, brushing against his arm. You freeze, realizing what you’ve done, but this time, he doesn’t pull away. And though he has every opportunity to, he doesn’t erase your quirk either.
I’m too close to her. The thought is faint, hesitant. She’s already in my head… and it’s getting harder to push her away.
Your breath catches in your throat. He’s not just frustrated with you — he’s frustrated with himself.
You pull your hand back, not wanting to intrude further.
You don’t know what you expect to see on his face; surprise maybe, or even anger. But for the first time since you’ve met him, you see something warmer in his eyes — something that sends a flutter through your chest.
Aizawa takes a half-step closer and your pulse quickens at the proximity. Then, in a voice so soft it’s almost a secret, he murmurs, “Don’t make me worry like that again.”
“I won’t,” you manage to whisper, your heart caught in your throat.
He takes a step back, as if remembering himself, and his usual stern demeanor slips back into place.
“Go home. Get some rest.”
You nod, still too flustered to speak. The warmth of his touch lingers long after he's gone.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ 
It’s well past midnight, the city quiet except for the soft hum of distant traffic and the occasional sound of wind rustling through the streets. Your patrol route brings you to the edge of a quiet park, where you catch a familiar figure standing in the shadows, keeping watch.
“You really like brooding in the dark, don’t you?" You smile at him from over your shoulder, though your usual sarcasm is gone.
“It's my favorite pastime,” he deadpans, but you don't miss the way his dark eyes hold yours a beat too long.
“Right,” you snicker. “The city’s most stoic hero. I bet you even scowl in your sleep.”
Aizawa’s lips twitch, the tiniest of smirks threatening to break through. “You can’t prove that.”
"Oh?” You smile sweetly, batting your eyelashes for good measure. “Something tells me I can.”
His gaze sharpens slightly, and for a moment, you’re sure he’s about to call you out on your teasing. But instead, he steps closer, his tall frame looming over you.
“You’re bold tonight,” he says, his tone somewhere between amused and intrigued. “Careful, I might start thinking you’re actually enjoying my company.”
You bite your lip to keep from smiling any wider. “And what if I am?”
He steps just a fraction closer, and you can feel the heat radiating off him in the cool night air. His voice is low and smooth when he says, “Then I’d have to wonder what it is you think you’re getting yourself into.”
The air between you thickens, the playful banter now laced with something a little more dangerous, a little more exciting.
“You know, I could buy you a coffee sometime,” you offer, hoping to diffuse some of the tension, keep the conversation light. “To say thanks for helping me out with that last mission.”
He pretends to mull it over but, before you can react, he reaches out and grabs the coffee cup you’re holding. He takes a deliberately long sip, watching you with an intensity that makes your skin tingle.
When he lowers the cup, he meets your gaze with a half-lidded look that sends your pulse racing.
“Consider it done.”
Your face feels impossibly warm now, and you’re sure your blush is painfully obvious, but you manage to keep your voice steady as you quip, “An indirect kiss? Maybe you’re the one who needs to be careful, or else other people will start getting the wrong idea.”
With a low laugh, he hands the cup back to you, and the subtle brush of his fingers against yours sets off another wave of his thoughts.
I wonder if she realizes how much I want her.
Your breath catches.
For a split second, you think you might’ve misheard it, but the heat in Aizawa’s gaze as he watches your reaction tells you otherwise. The cup is back in your hand, but your fingers are numb. Your focus is entirely on him, his thoughts still rattling around in your mind.
His lips twitch again. “You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden,” he teases, his voice low, almost a purr. “What’s going on up there? Something I should know about?”
You swallow hard, trying to gather your composure. He’s looking at you like he’s daring you to admit what you heard.
You take a deep breath and decide to play along. “Oh, nothing. Just wondering if you always flirt this shamelessly.”
“Maybe I just wanted to see how you’d react.”
Your heart is racing now, fingers trembling around the cup in your hand. His gaze is dark and intense. Unwavering. He's looking at you like he knows exactly the effect he’s having on you and he’s enjoying it.
Your quirk had always been a double-edged sword; sometimes it revealed things you wished you hadn’t known, and other times it brought clarity to situations that seemed hopelessly opaque.
This time, it left you with a dilemma.
“Go ahead,” he murmurs, as if sensing your thoughts. He’s close enough now that you can feel the warmth of him, his presence overwhelming but not uncomfortable. “Since you’re already in my head…why stop now?”
Your breath hitches. His invitation is dangerous, yet impossible to resist. There are a dozen reasons why you shouldn’t — you work together, it’s an invasion of privacy, you hated his guts just a few weeks ago — but the temptation is too strong, his presence too intoxicating.
Hesitantly, your fingers brush against his once more, and his thoughts flood in again, more intense and vivid this time.
She’s braver than I thought. I like that.
I shouldn’t be doing this. But damn, I can’t stop thinking about her. The way she looks at me…
“Good girl,” he cooes, his voice a low rumble that sends a flutter of excitement through you.
You feel lightheaded, dizzy with the weight of his thoughts, the tension between you at a boiling point. You swallow hard, trying to regain some semblance of control, but the way Aizawa’s eyes are fixed on you — dark, intense, hungry — it’s making it hard to think straight. He wants you to know. He wants you to feel what he’s feeling.
And you do.
You feel everything.
His desire is a palpable thing, hanging in the air between you, electric and heady. You can see it in the way his gaze lingers on your lips, the way his breath hitches ever so slightly when you lean in.
“Hardly seems fair. I don't get to know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.” His voice dips lower, enough to send another wave of heat crashing over you. “Are you going to keep me guessing?”
Your voice wavers slightly, but you manage to respond, “I’m not sure you’re ready for what’s in my head.”
He chuckles, a dark, low sound that makes your stomach flip. “You might be surprised.”
You can barely breathe as he brushes the back of his hand against your jaw, his thumb pressing lightly on the corner of your mouth. You feel his thoughts ripple through you again, even stronger this time.
I want her. God, I want her so badly…
Your knees feel weak, and it takes everything in you not to lose yourself completely in the moment, in him. The tension between you feels unbearable now, as if one wrong move could send you both over the edge. And you’re not sure how much longer either of you can hold back.
Aizawa smirks, just a hint of satisfaction flickering in his expression.
I could kiss her right now. It would be so easy.
The thought lingers between you, thick and heavy, and you can’t tell if it’s yours or his anymore. All you know is that just the idea of his lips on yours is making your entire body hum with anticipation.
Aizawa watches you carefully, as if waiting for your reaction. He knows you heard him, and he’s not backing down.
You swallow hard, the weight of his gaze pinning you in place. “Go ahead then,” your own voice sounds small and distant to your ears, but it’s enough to tip the balance.
His lips are on yours in a second.
The kiss is soft at first, tentative, as if he’s testing the waters, but it quickly deepens as the tension that had been building between you finally breaks. His other hand slides around your waist, pulling you closer, and you feel his thoughts rushing through you again.
God, she tastes even better than I imagined.
Your knees nearly buckle, and you can barely focus on anything except the way his lips feel against yours — firm, warm, demanding yet tender. He’s kissing you like he’s been holding back for far too long.
When you finally pull back for air, your heart is pounding, your breath shaky. Aizawa’s forehead rests gently against yours, his eyes half-closed as he catches his own breath. His thumb brushes lightly over your cheek, a small, affectionate gesture that has you smiling up at him in a tizzy.
“Still think I hate you?” he murmurs, his voice low and full of heat as he slides his hands into the curve of your waist.
You laugh softly, pulling him closer by his scarf. “I think I might need a little more convincing.”
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ 
The days that follow your little late night tryst at the park are deliciously unbearable.
It’s as if you don’t know how to be around him anymore. There's tension during training sessions. The gym hums with its usual energy, but you can’t focus. Not with him in the room. You’re sparring with someone, half-heartedly dodging and throwing punches, but your mind is elsewhere, replaying the feel of Aizawa’s lips on yours, the heat of his body pressed against you.
Across the room, he’s speaking to a group of trainees, the same unreadable, stoic expression in place. But there's a flicker of something else in his eyes when they briefly meet yours, a look only you recognize.
Your opponent lands a hit on your shoulder and you nearly stumble. You grit your teeth and bring yourself back to the present moment. When the sparring session ends, you grab a bottle of water and try to catch your breath.
He walks over to where you’re sitting off to the side, seemingly doing the same. His voice is low enough so only you can hear. "You're distracted."
You flush, struggling to keep your expression impassive. “And what if I am?”
“Focus, or I’ll have to give you some private training later.”
His words are a promise, dripping with intent, and your blood sings. You can’t find a response quick enough before he’s already pulling away, leaving you flushed and even more distracted.
It’s not much better during night patrol, when the city streets are dimly lit and mostly empty. Although the two of you are supposed to be overseeing different sectors, you know when you turn a corner into a dark alley that he's following silently, closely behind.
You walk deeper into the alley, pretending to scan the area, but the quiet crunch of his footsteps has your heart racing. Just as you’re about to turn back, a hand wraps around your wrist, pulling you into the shadows, away from prying eyes.
You open your mouth to say something, but he’s already on you, crashing his lips against yours.
“You’re making—it hard—for me—to concentrate,” he murmurs between kisses, each word punctuated by the soft graze of his mouth against yours. His hands press against your hips, pinning you gently yet firmly to the wall, and a wave of heat spreads through you.
Suddenly, an image flashes in your mind: him trailing his mouth downwards until he’s on his knees, hooking your leg over his shoulder and eating you out. A thought that isn’t your own.
“You’re one to talk,” you shoot back, though there’s no real bite to it. If anything, your voice is barely steady. “You’re supposed to be patrolling your own area.”
He runs his fingers along your jaw. "And let you wander into dark alleys alone?" He leans in, lips brush against your ear, nibbling. "Not a chance."
He crooks a finger under your chin and tilts your head up, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the column of your throat, his teeth and lips lingering just enough to make you gasp.
I want to taste you. All of you, he thinks. I want you to make a mess on my face, on my fingers, and then lick it clean.
You grab a fistful of his hair and tug. He presses you harder against the wall, and it’s dizzying, intoxicating—
Until the sharp crackle of comms cuts through the haze.
“Report. Any activity?”
You both freeze, breaths mingling, still pressed close. His eyes flick to yours, and there’s a hint of amusement dancing in them.
“Nothing to report,” he says, voice calm and collected as if he hadn’t just been kissing you senseless a moment ago.
You look up at him, dazed and wanting, heart pounding. He tilts his head at you and you realize they’re expecting a response from you, too.
“N-no activity here either,” you manage despite the tightness of your throat.
The comms fall silent once more. Aizawa is looking at you through half-lidded eyes and a self-satisfied smirk. You hate him as much as you really don't.
“We should get back to our routes before someone decides to check on us," he murmurs.
“Oh, so now you’re concerned about protocol?” You arch an eyebrow at him, though you’re sure your flushed cheeks betray any semblance of teasing bravado.
"For now." He leans down to brush the shell of your ear with his lips. "But if you keep looking at me like that, I might just break a few more rules.”
A few days later, you find yourselves seated across from each other during a mission debriefing. The room is full of other pro heroes, but it might as well be empty for all the attention you’re paying to anyone else.
Your thoughts scramble every time Aizawa's knee brushes against yours beneath the table. He, on ther hand, is the picture of composure, listening to the debrief with his usual detached focus.
This meeting’s dragging. I can think of better ways to pass the time with you.
You try to focus on the mission details, but half way through, he moves his hand atop your thigh and you shiver.
How long do you think it’d take if we just slipped out, right now?
You steal a glance at him, and there’s the barest flicker of amusement in his eyes when they meet yours.
You force yourself to look down at your notes, but your mind is elsewhere, his presence impossibly distracting. Fuck it, you think before you slide your foot up his calf.
He sputters a cough, a rare crack in his usually unshakable composure, and you feel a surge of satisfaction. Under the table, his hand tightens on your thigh, his grip firm, almost possessive, and the thrill of it has you biting the inside of your cheek.
Keep doing that and I won’t be responsible for what happens after this.
As the meeting draws to a close, everyone rises to leave, and Shota gives you a barely perceptible nod toward the hallway. You follow at a careful distance until you reach his office, entering a good few minutes after he does so as not to arouse suspicion.
He backs you gently against the door as he locks it behind you, his gaze pinning you in place. His eyes are dark and stormy, with that half-focused look you’ve come to love so much. When he speaks, his voice is soft, a murmur meant only for you. “You’re going to get us caught, you know that?”
You smile up at him sweetly then tip-toe to give him a soft, lingering kiss. "You’re the one who can’t seem to keep things professional,” you coo, your fingers tracing along the collar of his shirt, teasing.
A muscle in his jaw twitches. “Is that so? Funny, I don’t remember you objecting."
“Of course not,” you confess breathlessly, head thrown back in pleasure as you tug at his hair. You can’t make out the sound of your own voice over the blood thumping in your ears. “Do you know how many times I’ve imagined us doing inappropriate things in your office?”
Your words seem to snap the last of his restraint.
A low growl escapes him, and before you know it, he’s gripping your hips and lifting you just enough to press the hardness of his length against you. You gasp. His mouth finds yours with a raw, pent-up hunger that has you clinging to his shoulders, heart racing wildly.
“And here I was, thinking I was the only one losing sleep over this,” he murmurs between kisses, tugging your bottom lip gently between his teeth.
He pulls you flush against him as his tongue explores your mouth, and you trail your hands down his chest and the ridges of his abdomen just as eagerly. You grind your hips down on his erection and he lets out a deep, guttural groan, burying his face in the crook of your neck.
“Fuck, baby,” he pants, his warm, rough hands slipping beneath the hem of your shirt. “You’re lucky we’re alone.” His tone is half-warning, half-promise, and you can feel his heartbeat racing beneath your hands.
"I know somewhere we wouldn't have to worry about being interrupted," you tell him breathlessly. “My place. Tonight. If you’re up for it.”
He lets out a quiet chuckle, thumb brushing over your lower lip. "I'll clear my schedule.”
469 notes · View notes
goldfades · 7 months ago
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𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 ─ PB⁵
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���ৎ ─ summary | request -> "STOP IM SO HAPPY UR MAKING PAIGE X WBB MEDIA MANAGER A SERIES BC I SENT IN THE FIRST REQUEST 😽😽😽 fic with paige and reader being out and a little wasted and getting interviewed by fellow college student about their relationship and working together etc. (could end in smut if u like ;)) // inspo: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTL9fH1p1/" (love you nonnie thank you for giving me the idea to make this series, ur the best mwahhhh hope you enjoyed)
─ word count | 1k
─ warnings | so much sexual tension its bad, paige being possessive (in a cutesy way!), interviewer being kinda weird/suggestive, mentions of drinking/getting high, some language, nothing else?
─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson @euphternal @uraesthete @hello-nah817 @wanderlusturous and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!
─ ev's notes | okay so this is kinda part of the manager series (if u guys want it to be) or if u have no idea what it is, thats fine!!!! i wanted to make it a standalone cus it felt better to me that way but whichever you'd like to read it, read it!! idk why that specific tiktok is my roman empire, it's just the way she talks and EVERYTHING makes me physically so like..... obsessed i don't even know, like GODDDDD im so attracted to her
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YOUR FEET HAD begun to hurt an hour ago and your entire body felt sore, though you didn't feel very tired though.
You were two and half redbull vodkas in and let's just say you were tipsy; you weren't quite drunk yet but you were definitely on the way. As you stumbled slightly through the sidewalks of the UConn campus, your only guide was Paige's hand on your waist. The combination of the alcohol and Paige's presence made everything seem surreal, like you were walking through a really good dream.
You felt giddy, that was the only way you could describe it. You were drunk, sure but mostly off of Paige's lingering touch. You were excited by it, as if every brush of her fingers against your skin sent a jolt of electricity through your body. The night air was crisp, but you hardly noticed as you leaned into her warmth, reveling in the sensation of her warmth.
Paige's laughter bubbled up beside you was infectious, pulling you deeper. You found yourself laughing along, not entirely sure what was so funny but not exactly caring either. The world seemed to shrink to just the two of you in a bubble of tipsy euphoria.
You and Paige leaned against the railing, a cup in her hand as she gazed at you while you spoke about god-knows-what, she wasn't really sure anymore. She was zoned out until she felt a tap on her shoulder, to be met with a pair of new eyes.
Her face contorted into confusion as she sat up, glancing at you then back at the stranger. "Are you Paige and Y/N?"
"Yeah, what's up?" She replied quickly as she straightened up, a forced smile on her face.
He returned the smile gratefully, "I'm a big fan, uh... can we interview you two?" The guy spoke quickly as he glanced back at his friend, who was waving awkwardly.
Paige glanced back at you with a smile of her own as she waited for your approval. You nodded slowly as you glanced back at the guys as you surveyed the surroundings. "Just be chill, okay?"
He nodded as his friend pulled out his phone as he took out his phone and began using it as a microphone. He cleared his throat as he smiled, looking at his friend to start recording.
"Who are here with today?" He spoke as he brought it up to Paige's lips, then yours.
"Paige Bueckers,"
"And uh, Y/N L/N. By the way, she's not drinking alcohol," you added with a smile as Paige laughed.
Paige nodded and gestured to her drink. "I'm drinking a shirley temple, no alcohol."
"Yeah, we don't do that around here." The guy added with a laugh as the two of you glanced at each other, holding in your laughter.
Paige grinned, her tone amused as she played. "Y/N's here to keep in check though,"
"So you guys are actually close, like outside all the sports stuff?" He glanced in between you guys, noticing the close proximity between you.
You shared a knowing look with Paige. "Oh yeah, Paige and I are practically inseparable," you replied with a grin, your voice laced with fondness.
Paige nodded as she gazed at you, a smirk playing on her lips. "Yeah, Y/N's my girl, on and off the court."
You couldn't help but feel warm under her unwavering gaze as you laughed and averted your gaze back to the guy who was watching you two closely.
"As in like, best friend?" He clarified as he looked back at the camera with a laugh.
"What else?" Paige replied with amusement and slight agitation as she finally broke her gaze, a small laugh leaving her lips. "Obviously,"
"How is it like working together though, if you guys are really close? If I had to spend all that time with my best friend, not sure I would make it." The interviewer joked as he glanced back at the camera.
Paige furrowed her eyebrows as she laughed. "It's not bad at all, it's really fun. We hang out a lot, we get to go on trips together and share hotel rooms, it's a blessing."
She glanced back at you with a smile as you nodded slowly, feeling yourself draw closer to her. "Yeah, it is a blessing," that was all you could get out as you watched Paige wet her lips and laugh, turning away slightly.
You were pretty sure that the interviewer had caught on to the obvious tension but you didn't care at this point, you were lost in the moment, captivated by Paige. The interviewer's words seemed to fade into the background as you found yourself drawn closer to her, your heart pounding with a mixture of excitement.
"Why do you wear Paige's jersey rather than anyone else's?" He asked, his tone laced with amusement as he watched you zone back in.
Paige's eyebrows furrowed as she looked at the guy, clearly getting annoyed by his stupid question. But before she could respond with a less polite answer, you did with a laugh. "I don't only wear her jersey, it was one time and it was because it was her first game back after her injury."
Paige's expression softened as she nodded in agreement, her irritation dissipating. "Yeah, it meant a lot to me to see her wearing my jersey that day."
The interviewer nodded before he glanced back at the camera before to you two again. "Okay, okay. Last question, do you think you could beat me in a 1v1?"
"Absolutely," Paige replied with a laugh as she grabbed your arm and pulled you away, beginning to walk off before the interviewer kept talking.
"Okay bet, whoever wins gets to take Y/N out," he called out, his tone playful as he flashed a smirk toward the camera.
Paige turned around to give him the nastiest glare of all time as she kept walking forward. "I already do that, bro."
You stifled a laugh at Paige's quick retort, her playful possessiveness bringing a warmth to your cheeks. The interviewer's eyes widened in surprise at Paige's response, clearly caught off guard by her boldness as he laughed, turning back to the camera.
You two just walked off as Paige's hand moved down back to your waist as you continued on your way. Despite the slightly heated exchange, you couldn't help but feel a flutter of warmth in your chest at Paige's possessiveness.
──── COMMENTS
cam 🎀 | this has to be their hard launch or something cus DAMN😭 ♡ 792
↳ user893492948493 | ngl i can't even deny it anymore and i was the biggest anti paige and y/n person OUT THERE
↳ lily :p | "my girl" 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Jake | is it just me or does paige like girls? ♡ 701
↳ ella :) | ????? yeah????
↳ Jake | this is news to me uhh
lovergirl <3 | okay what about sharin hotel rooms now... ♡ 432
ZM | bro why would u say that 😭😭😭 in front of PAIGE BUECKERS 😭😭 ♡ 1.1k
✌🏼💥💁🏻‍♀️ | am i interrupting something... 😰 ♡ 994
cailey ☀️ | okay who is y/n whats her instagram where does she go who is she is she dating anyone wow shes beautiful ♡ 2k
↳ 💯💯 | everyones collective reaction when they first see y/n
↳ cailey ☀️ | going through a rabbit hole rn brb, she's so pretty what 😭
↳ #1 swiftie 💍 | cailey watch out girl ur on paige's watchlist now....
🤗🤗 | the damn tension in air damn im not even y/n and i feel hot ♡ 118
Thomas W | they are both drunk as hell bro what is up with the laughing 😭 ♡ 1.2k
user83948928932 | bro met y/n l/n and paige bueckers and continued to ask the worst questions of all time ♡ 591
↳ uconn luvr | and paige was good with the comebacks like okayyy baee protect ur girl!!
↳ 💥 bow | they are not dating, can two girls just be friends anymore?
↳ uconn luvr | she literally calls her "my girl" in like the first 2 seconds of the video
Isabelle Reece ✨ | paige was too quick w that reply to just be "best friends" with her 💀 ♡ 903
↳ ur fav aries | bro i know she was smooth with it too like💁🏻‍♀️
y/n's bitch 💙 | idk who i wanna be more y/n or paige ♡ 252
↳ mikey 🤑 | theyre both so hot
↳ 🧚‍♀️ | mike ima have sit you down for this...
↳ taylor! | ohh... thats not...
Chris | shes cooking you respectfully ♡ 1k
i 💙 uconn wbb | if this doesn't prove y/n and paige are together idk what will
♡ 853
────
part 2?? cus i lowk wanna write smut for this now... lmk
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↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !
↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
984 notes · View notes
lizzyiii · 1 month ago
Note
The Dragon’s Treasure has my WHOLE heart 🥹
thank you, babe. i've really enjoyed writing her and aemond
The Dragon's Treasure (3)
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pairing | young aemond targaryen x niece!reader
word count | 11k words
summary | “...and for the first time in what felt like ages, you felt a glimmer of happiness for the future.”
tags | as we all know ANGST, ANGST, ANGSTTTT, and eventually rainbow after the storm, SA! (aemonds brothel scene), things do get better y'all, targaryen incest, reader is described to have silver hair and lilac eyes, reader being a sensitive queen, and FLUFF and young love, aemond being a SIMP, TOOTHROTTING FLUFF
a/n | I cried so much, while writing this. I loved writing young aemond, I loved writing young helaena but especially loved writing young reader. I promise you guys this, when I have the time I'll write a one shot of them when they're older and more post-episode 7. When they're older (16&18). Also I really went overboard ngl
likes, comments, reblogs are always appreciated ✨
𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 1 — 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 2 — 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
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You weren’t eating again.
Aemond had overheard his mother’s worried whispers as she discussed your condition with the maesters. He was still angry with you—hurt by the thought that you would try to leave them all behind, leave him behind, without a second thought. But no matter how deep his anger ran, his concern for you ran deeper.
After a long and contemplative ride on Vhagar, the weight of the sky above him and the sea below doing little to settle his thoughts, Aemond sought out his mother.
“Aemond,” Alicent began, her voice weary as she looked down at him, her exhaustion evident in the fine lines around her eyes. Between preparing for Aegon and Helaena's wedding and your worsening state, the strain was taking its toll. “I don’t think she’s in the mood for any visitors.”
She still didn’t know the full truth of what had happened—the attempt to run away with Helaena, the plan you had kept hidden from them all. All Alicent knew was that you had retreated into yourself once more, refusing to speak to anyone, even to Helaena, the one who had once pulled you from your darkness.
“It’s her nameday tomorrow,” Aemond murmured, his voice quiet but steady.
Alicent’s face tightened, pain flashing in her eyes as she thought of how you had been before all this—brighter, more spirited. Aemond continued, his tone soft but resolute. “She likes strawberry cakes. Let me bring her one, Mother. Please.”
Alicent’s gaze softened as she looked at her son. Her sharp, determined boy, scarred both in body and soul, yet still showing more kindness than anyone would expect after all he had endured. He had lost an eye, but his heart—his heart still carried a tenderness that surprised her.
She sighed, her shoulders drooping with the weight of her worries. “Very well,” she said softly. “You have my leave to visit her tomorrow.”
Aemond didn’t smile, didn’t show any hint of relief, though inside, the resolve in his chest tightened. He simply nodded in acknowledgment. His mind had already begun to turn over what he would say to you when he saw you—how he might reach you through the walls you had built around yourself.
Tomorrow was your nameday, and whether you liked it or not, Aemond would be there for you.
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Aemond’s heart raced as he approached your chambers, his hands gripping the tray carrying strawberry cakes. He had spent much of the morning thinking of what else he could bring—perhaps a necklace, something to match the sapphire that lay hidden beneath his eyepatch. You loved jewelry, and he knew how your eyes lit up at the sight of anything that sparkled. But in the end, he settled on simplicity—just the cakes you loved, hoping they would be enough.
As he neared your door, he was greeted by Ser Rowan, your loyal guard, who stood as firm as ever, his expression stern.
“My prince,” Ser Rowan acknowledged with a nod, his voice gruff. “The princess is in no condition to receive visitors today.”
Aemond stiffened, his chest rising as he squared his shoulders. He would not be turned away so easily. “It is her nameday,” he said firmly, his voice laced with authority. He took a step closer, meeting Ser Rowan’s unyielding gaze with his own, violet eye sharp. “The queen has granted me permission to visit her.”
Ser Rowan remained still, but Aemond didn’t back down. He tilted his head slightly, his tone low and challenging. “Will you disobey the Queen’s word?”
There was a moment of silence as the guard’s eyes flicked down to the tray Aemond carried. His stern expression softened just slightly when he saw the strawberry cakes. Ser Rowan let out a heavy sigh, his duty to you outweighing his hesitation. He too wished for your recovery, and perhaps, he thought, a visit from Aemond might bring some light back into your eyes.
“Very well, my prince,” he said at last, stepping aside. He opened the door with a creak, allowing Aemond to enter.
Aemond took a deep breath, holding the tray steady as he stepped into your chambers. The door closed softly behind him, but the room was dim, heavy with silence. His heart clenched at the sight of you curled up on the bed, facing the wall, your small form barely stirring.
"Niece," Aemond’s voice echoed softly through the room, breaking the heavy silence of your chambers.
There was a pause, and then your voice, quiet and tired, reached him. "Go away."
He pursed his lips, setting the tray down gently on the bedside table. The room was dim, shrouded in a pink hue from your curtains, and he made his way over to the window, pulling the drapes wide open. Sunlight poured in, casting the room in a golden glow.
From behind him, you hissed, "Close them." He heard the rustle of your blankets as you pulled them over your head, shielding yourself from the brightness.
Aemond couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips as he turned back to face you. "Happy Nameday," he said, his tone lighter than before. "I brought you something."
"I don’t want it," you muttered from beneath the covers, your voice muffled and distant.
He sat beside you, his movements careful, placing the tray of strawberry cakes within arm’s reach. "I’m sure you will," he replied softly, hoping to coax you out from your cocoon of blankets.
For a few moments, there was nothing—just the faint sounds of the breeze outside and the distant chatter from the courtyard. Aemond sighed, the weight of the silence between you heavier than he could bear. He reached out, his hand hovering just above your arm, but then hesitated. His fingers twitched before he pulled his hand back, unsure of how to communicate with you.
"You know," he began quietly, his voice careful, "I wouldn’t force that on you. To bear children you don’t want. One would be enough."
There was a sharp scoff from beneath the blankets. "How generous of you," you replied, the bitterness in your tone unmistakable.
Aemond’s jaw tightened, but he kept his gaze steady on the blankets that covered you. His mind drifted to the records he had been reading, the histories you both loved to discuss. He knew how much you valued stories of the past, of old kings and queens, of the lives they led. Swallowing, he decided to share what had been on his mind, hoping it might reach you.
"I’ve been reading more since our last talk," he murmured. "About King Jaehaerys and Queen Alysanne. Even after many children, he made her bear more when she didn’t wish to." His voice was soft but steady, the weight of his words hanging in the air between you. He had been thinking of you, trying to understand your fears.
The sunlight streamed across your bed, casting shadows as Aemond spoke. He knew that love was rare among their kind, especially in Targaryen unions, but he hoped. Hoped that maybe, in time, you would not just be duty and title to him.
"I would never do that to you," he added, his tone sincere, almost vulnerable. "I want our marriage to be different."
The room was still. The only sound was the faint rustling of the breeze outside, and the quiet breathing of Dreamfyre from somewhere far beyond your window. Aemond’s words lingered, waiting for you to respond, to show him something—anything—that might bridge the gap between you.
Slowly, you lowered the blankets just enough for your eyes to peek out, meeting Aemond's gaze. "He was a bad man," you mumbled, referring to King Jaehaerys.
Aemond, ever the scholar, couldn’t resist. "He was a good king," he pointed out, his tone firm but calm.
You rolled your eyes, a small defiance shining through your sadness. "Still a bad man." For a moment, the two of you just stared at each other, and then you added thoughtfully, "Aenys Targaryen was a good man."
Aemond let out a scoff. "He was weak."
You narrowed your eyes at him, but there was a flicker of something behind your lilac gaze, something like amusement. "A weak king, yes. Only because he tried to make everyone happy."
Your eyes shifted towards the tray on the bedside table, where the strawberry cakes sat. After a moment of hesitation, your voice, still tinged with sadness, broke the silence. "Is today really my nameday?"
Aemond nodded, his own expression softening. "Yes."
"Oh." Your response was quiet, almost absent-minded, as if you were still processing.
Aemond reached for the tray and held it out to you, offering a tentative smile. "Would you like one?"
You eyed the cakes, and though your sadness still lingered, something softened in your expression. "Those do look nice," you murmured. Finally, you pulled the blanket away from your face and sat up slowly, your movements careful and deliberate. Though your face remained neutral, devoid of the joy that used to light it up, you gave a small nod. "Alright."
Aemond couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his face as he handed you a cake. It wasn’t much, but seeing you like this—out of bed, talking to him—felt like a small victory.
As you took a bite, your eyes flickered to his once more, and Aemond stayed beside you, content with the simple moment of shared silence, hopeful that things might get better.
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Aemond felt as though he were trapped in a cage of unbearable heat, the air around him thick, suffocating. The wine—a dark, bitter liquid that Aegon had forced upon him—now churned wildly in his stomach, its taste sour and unpleasant. He longed to rid himself of it, to escape the strange and unfamiliar sensations overtaking him.
It was after the grand feast in honor of his thirteenth nameday that Aegon, with a sly grin and a glint in his eye, had promised him a "surprise." Aemond, still naive to the darker aspects of his brother’s humor, had followed without protest, his curiosity outweighing his caution. They had ventured deep into King’s Landing, to a shadowed place Aemond had never seen before—a pleasure house filled with laughter and the soft rustling of silks.
Before Aemond could voice his hesitation, Aegon had disappeared into the throng of bodies, swallowed by the merry voices and whispers of the women within. And Aemond was left alone, standing awkwardly, unsure of what was to happen next.
He was led into a small chamber, dimly lit by flickering candles, their soft glow casting strange and unsettling shadows on the walls. The tapestries that adorned the room depicted scenes he barely understood—men and women entwined in ways that seemed more confusing than enticing. He felt a knot tightening in his chest, and a cold wave of dread settled over him.
Then she entered—a woman far older than his mother, her presence overwhelming in the confined space. She smiled at him, her voice soft and syrupy, laced with sweet lies that made his skin crawl. She cooed over him, her hands reaching for him before he had the chance to say anything, her touch gentle yet intrusive as she began to undress him.
Aemond’s heart pounded in his chest, and every fiber of his being screamed for her to stop, to leave him be. But his voice—his strength—had abandoned him. He remained frozen, his limbs stiff and unresponsive as she whispered things into his ear, words he wished he hadn’t heard, promises he didn’t understand.
When it was over, Aemond was left numb. He sat there, silent, as if his body no longer belonged to him, as though he had become something entirely separate from himself. Trembling, he fumbled with his clothes, his fingers shaking as he struggled to dress. His mind was a whirl of confusion, shame, and anger, but above all, he felt the desperate need to flee.
He didn’t care where Aegon had gone, didn’t want to face him or anyone else. The only thought that filled his mind was reaching you, his niece, his betrothed, his future wife, the one person who might make him feel whole again.
His feet carried him through the secret passageways of Maegor’s Holdfast, each step heavy with fear and sorrow. His breaths came in sharp, ragged gasps, his chest aching as he pushed himself to move faster. His tears—hot and unbidden—ran down his cheeks, blurring his vision, but he did not stop.
He passed his own chambers, the rooms of his mother, and everyone else, not wanting to explain the mess of emotions swirling inside him. He only wanted you.
It felt as though the gods had granted Aemond a moment of mercy when he reached your chambers, finding Ser Rowan absent from his post. Without hesitation, he pushed open the door and stepped inside, his heart still racing, tears brimming in his eye as he struggled to hold them back.
You were fast asleep, your back turned toward him. Aemond let out a quiet breath of relief. He hadn’t come to disturb you, only to be near you—just your presence, your warmth, was enough to calm the storm inside him.
Quietly, he made his way to your bed and carefully, as if afraid to wake you, slid in beside you. He kept a respectful distance, not wanting to intrude, but just close enough to feel your presence. The motion stirred you from your sleep, and you sat up, blinking in confusion.
Your eyes widened when they fell on Aemond, and for a brief, horrible moment, he realised it was because of his face. He had forgotten—he had left his eye patch behind at the brothel. The clear ragged sapphire was bare for you to see.
Panic surged through him. You would be disgusted, he thought, repelled by the sight of his disfigurement. He moved to leave, heart pounding, but your voice reached him before he could retreat.
“Aemond, breathe,” you whispered, your strained voice soft and steady.
He froze, his chest tight with the effort to suppress his panic. He needed to leave—he couldn’t bear for you to see him like this. Not you, his dearest niece, who always knew him as strong, as whole. He couldn’t let you witness the broken, ruined side of him.
But then, you reached out, grabbing his trembling hands in your own small ones, your touch warm and gentle. "Please, stay," you whispered, your voice filled with concern. Slowly, you began rubbing his cold hands, trying to bring warmth back to him, both in body and spirit.
His breathing was still uneven, but your soft words and the warmth of your touch soothed him. He looked up, meeting your eyes for the first time. There was no disgust there, no fear—only worry and care. Just like before. Slowly, the tension began to leave his body, and for the first time since he had fled that terrible place, Aemond felt a glimmer of relief.
He swallowed hard, his voice barely a whisper. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
You shook your head, squeezing his hands a little tighter. "I don’t care about your face, Aemond," you murmured softly, your tired lilac eyes meeting his. "I care about you."
As you gently laid back onto your pillow, you looked at Aemond with concern, urging him to lie beside you. He hesitated for a moment, but slowly, he did as you asked, his awkward frame seeming out of place in your small bed. You turned to face him, your wide lilac eyes full of care, while Aemond’s own single violet eye struggled to meet yours.
With quiet care, you reached out, placing your small hand on his scarred cheek. He flinched at first, his breath catching in his throat, but you didn’t pull away. Your fingers traced the jagged line of the scar that ran down his face, the skin rough beneath your touch. It was as if you weren’t looking at the scar at all, just him—Aemond, your beloved uncle, the boy who protected you, who read to you, who you always knew to be brave.
He shivered under your touch, his emotions twisting inside him. But you said nothing more, just a quiet, simple comfort.
“Sleep, Aemond,” you whispered softly, your voice gentle and soothing. “I’ll be here when you wake.”
The words wrapped around him like a balm, a promise in the soft glow of the dim candlelight. For so long, Aemond had carried his burdens alone, but in this moment, with your hand on his face and your soft breath mingling with the night air, he felt something he hadn’t allowed himself to feel since Driftmark—peace.
His eye fluttered shut, and with the rhythm of your breathing beside him, he let himself drift away, finally surrendering to sleep.
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Aemond entered your chambers quietly, the weight of the box in his hands almost insignificant compared to the heaviness that lingered in the air. He had been allowed to visit freely now, thanks to Ser Rowan's softening stance, but each visit felt like walking on a thread, delicate and uncertain.
He paused when he saw you on the chaise, struggling with your embroidery. The soft light from the window highlighted the paleness of your features—still recovering, still distant, but better than before. You were eating now, and though your mood hadn't brightened, that small improvement brought Aemond some comfort. He cherished these moments, even if they were shrouded in silence.
"I've brought something for you," he said, his voice steady yet quiet as he approached.
You glanced up from your work but said nothing. The tangled mess of threads on the pillow caught his eye, and he bent slightly to inspect it, attempting to mask the awkwardness he always felt in the wake of that night. He hadn’t been ready to speak of it, and thankfully, neither had you.
"That’s a nice lion," Aemond offered, pointing to the uneven form stitched into the fabric.
Your lips parted slightly, a faint glimmer of amusement mixing with frustration as you murmured, "It was supposed to be the Queen."
Aemond’s lips twitched in response, nodding solemnly as if in deep thought. "Now that you say it," he replied, his voice light, "I do recognize her hair."
With a small sigh, you tossed the pillow aside like it was something offensive, watching as it tumbled to the floor, forgotten. Your eyes flickered towards the box in Aemond’s hands, suspicion mingling with curiosity.
"What have you brought me?" you asked, your voice quiet, but holding a hint of anticipation.
Aemond didn’t reply at first, simply stepping forward and offering the box to you, his expression unreadable. You hesitated for a moment, then carefully took it from him.
Your fingers trembled slightly as you lifted the lid, pulling back the fine paper that covered the gift inside. A soft gasp escaped your lips as you uncovered a stunning gown—lilac silk adorned with delicate embroidery, tiny jewels catching the light like stars. Your hands traced the fabric, feeling the softness beneath your fingertips, the craftsmanship clear in every stitch.
Aemond watched you intently, his eyes never leaving your face. For the first time in what felt like forever, there was a shift in your expression—a glimmer of something that almost resembled joy.
"Do you like it?" he asked, his voice low, holding his breath as he awaited your response.
You glanced up at him, and for the first time in many moons, you smiled. It was small, barely there, but it warmed Aemond's heart like the sun after a long winter.
"Yes, I do," you replied softly, still admiring the gown. "What's it for?"
"Helaena's wedding."
At once, the warmth in the room seemed to drain away. The smile you had given Aemond, fleeting as it was, vanished, leaving a hollow silence in its wake. His heart sank, watching as you carefully folded the gown, tucking it back into the box with deliberate gentleness. The delicate fabric crinkled under your hands as though it were something too precious to be touched, something that no longer belonged to you.
"I'm afraid you've wasted your efforts," you said, your voice barely above a whisper, your gaze fixed on the gown. "I'm not going."
Aemond's brow furrowed, frustration bubbling beneath his calm exterior. He stepped closer, his voice steady yet urgent. "You have to go."
But you refused to meet his eye. You knew how intense his gaze could be, how easily it could pierce through your defenses. Staring at the box instead, you shook your head, your words coming out firm, resolute. "I won't."
Aemond's lips pressed into a thin line, the familiar weight of your stubbornness settling between you both. "Helaena needs you," he urged, his tone softening, as if pleading might sway you.
You let out a bitter sigh, your fingers tracing the edge of the box, a dull ache settling in your chest. "Well, perhaps I can hurt her the same way she hurt me," you muttered, your words tinged with petulance, though the pain beneath them was clear.
Aemond stood in silence for a long moment, weighing your words, the tension in the air thick between you. His voice, quieter this time, broke the silence like a whisper carried on the wind. "Will you really not go?"
"No," you replied, though your voice softened now, the sharp edge of defiance fading. You hesitated, a flicker of doubt crossing your face. You raised your chin, trying to hold onto the last bit of resolve. "Now, is that all you've come to visit me for?"
Aemond's heart ached at the sight of you—so distant, so caught in your own sorrow. He stood there, unsure of how to reach you, the distance between you feeling far more than just the space in the room.
The day of Helaena’s wedding arrived, and just as you had promised, you didn’t go. Aemond had come to your chambers in the morning, his expression pleading as he urged you one last time to change your mind. His words were careful, filled with the weight of his disappointment, but still, you remained firm.
You had refused.
As the sun set, casting a warm golden hue across the castle walls, you lay alone in your chambers, curled beneath the thick blankets on your bed. The echoes of the celebrations reached your ears in faint murmurs, muffled by the heavy stone of the keep. The joyous sounds of laughter and music only seemed to deepen the ache in your heart.
It was when night fell fully that the tears came, slow at first, then faster, spilling onto your pillow as regret took hold of you. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, but it did little to stop the sadness that had finally caught up to you. You could see it so clearly in your mind—Helaena standing alone in the grand Sept, a pale and fragile figure, her face drawn with sorrow. You imagined her forced to marry Aegon, the brother you both knew was unfit for her, and the weight of your absence pressed hard on your chest.
How could you not have been there for her?
The thought made you feel smaller, childish even. You had let your anger and hurt guide you, and in doing so, you had abandoned Helaena on one of the worst days of her life. She was likely miserable, her heart heavy with sadness, and you, spiteful and stubborn, had stayed away. You bit your lip, choking back a sob.
Your gaze drifted to the gown Aemond had gifted you, still lying folded neatly in the box by your bedside, untouched, its lilac fabric gleaming faintly in the moonlight. You reached for it now, pulling the soft material through your fingers as though it could offer you some comfort.
But it didn’t.
It only reminded you of the mistake you had made.
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You missed your mother.
For all the hurt she caused, all the ways she had abandoned you, there was still a deep ache for her, like a wound that wouldn’t heal. You wanted to hate her, truly despise her for leaving you behind. But no matter how much you tried, you couldn’t. The love for her still clung to you like a shadow you couldn’t lose.
As the days passed in the quiet isolation of your chambers, you began to understand things you hadn’t before. With each lonely hour, the weight of your thoughts pressed harder on your heart. Your mother had been selfish, more than you had ever allowed yourself to admit. She had promised you the world, and yet, in the end, she had given you nothing.
You were her firstborn, the eldest of her children, and yet the title that should have been yours had been passed to Jace. He was her heir to the Iron Throne, the future king, while you were left to the shadows. Even Driftmark, the seat of your grandsire, should have been yours by birthright, but it had been given to Luke instead.
The bitterness inside you grew with every thought. You hated them now—your brothers. You knew it was childish, petulant even, but the feelings were there, and they wouldn’t leave. They had taken everything from you. Titles that were rightfully yours, the pride of riding dragons, and worst of all, they still had your mother. They were together as one big happy family on Dragonstone, while you had been left here in King's Landing, a forgotten daughter in the midst of their enemies.
“It’s fine,” you whispered to yourself in the dark, trying to believe it. You had never liked Dragonstone anyway, with its cold winds and sharp rocks. But even as you said it, your heart tightened with the lie. You missed the place, the warmth of the hearth, the sight of the sea from your window, and the feeling of belonging—something you hadn’t felt in so long.
And in the quiet moments, when the anger settled and the room was still, you knew the truth. It wasn’t your brothers’ fault. They hadn’t asked for this, to be born as they were, with all the whispers and shadows cast over their lineage. No, it was your mother’s choices that had led to this. Her indiscretions. But even as that truth formed in your mind, you found that you couldn’t hate her.
It was easier to be angry with them—with Jace and Luke—because hating her, the one you loved most, was something you just couldn’t bear.
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"I hated you, you know."
Aemond's head jerked up, eyes widening at the unexpected words. He had been sitting quietly in your chambers, absorbed in a thick tome about the horrors of Essos. You stood across the room, brush in hand, painting the pink walls of your chamber as if it were any other day. But there was a tension in the air, a weight to your voice that made his heart quicken.
You didn’t look at him, your gaze fixed on the canvas as you murmured, "When you claimed Vhagar, I hated you."
The words hung in the air, sharp and heavy. Aemond’s mouth parted slightly, but no words came out. His heart pounded in his chest as he watched you. The stillness of the room was broken only by the soft strokes of your brush against the canvas.
"I feel as if I hate everyone," you continued, voice tight and strained. "I hate Luke and Jace for stealing my titles." Your brush moved faster, more aggressively. "I hate Daemon for stealing my mother. I even hate Baela and Rhaena, if only because they get to have her now, as if she’s theirs instead of mine."
A scoff escaped your lips, but the sound was bitter. Aemond noticed the way your hand trembled slightly, how your breath caught as tears glistened in your lilac eyes.
"I hated Helaena for not running away with me," you whispered, the words coming out choked. "And I hate myself for not having a dragon, for not being someone important, someone worthy of a title."
Tears began streaming down your face, and yet you kept painting, as if the act itself could somehow keep the flood of emotions at bay. Finally, your gaze lifted from the canvas and met Aemond’s. His heart clenched at the sight of your tear-streaked face.
"And I hated you," you said, voice breaking, "for claiming Vhagar and leaving me alone in this world."
The sob that followed was wrenching, and Aemond couldn’t stay still any longer. He moved toward you, closing the distance between you both with careful, deliberate steps. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you into his chest, your head resting on his shoulder as you wept.
"I don’t want to feel this way," you cried into his tunic, voice muffled and raw. "So pathetic, so angry at everyone. But I can’t help it. And yet, no matter how hard I try, I can never hate her."
Aemond’s chest tightened at your words, his own emotions swirling in a storm he didn’t know how to express. He rested his chin gently on your head, holding you as tightly as he dared, feeling the weight of your pain as if it were his own.
"I know," he whispered softly, his voice rough with emotion. "I know."
And so he held you, offering no more words, just the quiet comfort of his presence as your tears slowly soaked into his shoulder. He wished he could consume your pain and take it away, wished he could make things right. But all he could do was stand there, arms around you, as the world outside seemed so far away.
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“How is Helaena?”
It was the first time in what felt like forever that you had left your chambers. Aemond had been persistent, urging you to take some air, to leave the four walls that had become your prison. Reluctantly, you agreed, and now the two of you sat beneath the heart tree in the Godswood, surrounded by the stillness of nature. Aemond had brought a stack of books, ones he knew you both enjoyed, hoping they might distract you.
“The same as ever,” Aemond answered absently, his attention flickering between the pages of the book in his lap and the rustling leaves above.
He paused, glancing up at you. "She’s set to give birth in three moons' time," he added, his voice soft, as if the thought still surprised him.
You looked down, your heart aching at how quickly time had passed. It had been almost two years since you had returned to King’s Landing, and though you tried to avoid thinking about it, you knew things would never be the same. “Is her pregnancy going well?” you asked quietly, your voice small against the whisper of the wind.
Aemond pursed his lips, his brow furrowing in thought. “She has strange cravings," he said, his voice low. "And her belly is… large, perhaps too large for just six moons.” He hesitated for a moment, his gaze lingering on you. “I’m sure a visit from you would lift her spirits,” he suggested, his tone careful, as though he didn’t want to push too hard.
You shook your head almost immediately, your silver curls spilling over your shoulders. “I’m not sure it would,” you murmured, your voice full of doubt.
Aemond studied you for a long moment, his sharp violet eye watching the way your expression shifted, the way your gaze seemed to turn inward. "She speaks of you sometimes," he said quietly, trying to find the right words to reach you. "She misses you."
You sighed, pulling your knees to your chest as you looked away from him, your fingers tracing idle patterns in the grass. You missed her too.
Aemond, noticing the sadness clouding your face, cleared his throat, quickly steering the conversation elsewhere. “Perhaps when you feel better,” he began, his voice lighter, “you could join me on a ride with Vhagar.”
Your head snapped up in surprise. “Me? Ride Vhagar?” You shook your head. “I’m not sure Vhagar would like me. A loud, annoying girl.”
Aemond raised a brow, his face dead serious. “If that were true, Vhagar would’ve eaten Baela and Rhaena years ago.”
For the first time in what felt like an eternity, you laughed. A real laugh, bubbling up from deep within, spilling out in a way that felt foreign yet so relieving. Two years of being shut away in your chambers, and now here you were, laughing at Aemond’s dry humor. The sound filled the Godswood, bright and full of life.
Aemond, momentarily stunned, blinked at you in astonishment. He hadn’t expected it, not after everything, but when his mind caught up, a broad smile tugged at his lips. The kind of smile that was rare for him, genuine and unguarded.
“Vhagar will love you,” he said, his voice quiet but sure. He hesitated for just a moment, his thoughts turning to words he longed to say but didn’t. Just as I do, he thought. But instead, he insisted with a warmth in his tone, “I’m sure of that.”
You gave a small shrug, murmuring, "Maybe," without truly committing to the idea.
Aemond studied your face for a moment, his heart lighter at the sound of your earlier laughter, and before he could stop himself, the words tumbled out. "I claimed Vhagar for the both of us."
Your expression shifted in an instant, the color draining from your face as you stared at him. "What?" you mumbled, barely above a whisper.
Aemond averted his gaze, trying to appear casual, though his heart raced. "I remembered what you said—about sharing a dragon. And when your dragon egg didn’t hatch, I decided... Vhagar should be for both of us." He looked up, meeting your startled lilac eyes with his steady violet one. "For you and me to share."
Tears welled in your eyes without warning, and Aemond’s calm composure crumbled. He immediately scrambled to your side, kneeling in the grass and reaching out to comfort you. "No, no, I didn’t mean to make you cry," he said, his hands hovering nervously, unsure of what to do.
You waved his hands away, though a small smile began to form through your tears. "I feel a bit foolish now," you admitted, as tears continued to fall down your cheeks.
Aemond took your hands gently in his, bringing them to his lips in a tender kiss. "And so?" He whispered, his gaze filled with sincerity.
As the tears dried on your cheeks, you let out a shaky breath, though your nose remained a bit red. "But... I think Vhagar is much more suited for you," you finally said, your voice still soft but calmer.
Aemond nodded, willing to agree if it brought you comfort. "Will you still consider joining me?" he asked, his tone hopeful.
You looked at him, your smile returning, this time more playful. "I shall," you said with a teasing glint in your eyes, your hands still resting in his.
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"Princess, are you almost done?"
Ser Rowan’s voice was tinged with exasperation as he stood with arms raised, holding the pose you had instructed. You had begged him to model for your painting when he arrived to greet you at dawn, and now the sun was climbing high in the sky, casting warm rays through the window. Despite the time, he remained your patient subject.
"Almost, Ser Rowan," you replied cheerfully, your brush gliding across the canvas as you focused on capturing the details of his expression.
The knight let out a weary sigh, feeling his muscles beginning to stiffen. Yet he would endure anything to keep the smile on your face; he was your willing captive, devoted to your whims.
Suddenly, the door burst open, and Ser Rowan instinctively straightened, positioning himself protectively in front of you. He relaxed his stance when he saw Prince Aemond enter, though a worried look darkened the prince's features.
"Aemond, what’s wrong?" you asked, your brow furrowing in concern as you set down your brush.
The prince was out of breath, urgency threading through his voice. "Helaena went into labor last night. It’s been long and difficult. She’s calling for you."
Your eyes widened, and you opened your mouth in shock, struggling to find your voice amidst the sudden rush of fear and worry.
Before you could respond, Ser Rowan spoke softly but firmly. "Princess, we must go."
You nodded, the news settling in your stomach like a stone, heavy and cold. You hurriedly followed Aemond and Ser Rowan out of your chamber, your heart pounding with a mix of concern and guilt.
Thoughts raced through your mind—what would you say to Helaena? Would she forgive you for not being there these past months? You hadn’t seen her in nearly ten moons, too consumed by your own sadness to leave your room.
As the three of you made your way to the birthing chambers, the air felt thick with anticipation. Upon reaching the door, you encountered another guard who bowed respectfully at your approach.
"The princess has successfully given birth, your Highnesses," he announced, his voice steady.
You and Aemond exchanged a glance, relief washing over you, and he offered you an encouraging nod. You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to enter and see Helaena, the weight of your past decisions lingering in the back of your mind, but hope beginning to spark within your heart.
As you stepped into the chamber, your eyes immediately found Queen Alicent standing in the center, cradling a tiny bundle in her arms. A soft glow of love radiated from her as she looked down at Helaena's babe, a precious life nestled against her.
Your gaze shifted, and you gasped softly when you finally spotted Helaena on the birthing bed. To your astonishment, she was holding another baby as well.
"Twins," you murmured, the words slipping out louder than intended, catching the attention of both the Queen and Helaena.
Alicent's eyes widened in surprise, and a warm smile spread across her face at the sight of you. "Princess, it brings me joy to see you out of your chambers," she said, her voice gentle.
You nodded, feeling a rush of embarrassment as you shifted your gaze back to Helaena. She was already looking at you, her expression filled with a mix of fatigue and joy. Slowly, you approached the bed, holding your breath as you took in the sight before you.
The babe in Helaena's arms had the unmistakable silver hair of House Targaryen, a stark contrast to the dark-haired children of your brothers. You couldn’t tell if it was a boy or girl, but the sight of the tiny face, so fragile and perfect, made your heart swell.
"What are their names?" you asked softly, careful not to disturb the babe's slumber. Your voice barely rose above a whisper, filled with wonder.
A tiny smile bloomed on Helaena's weary face, her eyes lighting up with pride. She gestured to the babe nestled in her arms. "This is Jaehaera," she said, her voice tender. Then she nodded toward the child cradled by Queen Alicent. "And that is Jaehaerys."
You nodded slowly, feeling a swell of warmth at the names, though a shadow lingered in your mind. You didn’t dare ask where Aegon was; the thought of him missing the birth of his children felt too heavy to voice. Carefully, you settled beside Helaena on the birthing bed, the air filled with soft silence and the smell of newborns.
"I'm sorry," you whispered, unable to meet her gaze as your eyes traced the delicate features of Jaehaera. The babe's tiny fingers curled and unfurled, and your heart ached with a mix of joy and regret.
Helaena's hand found yours, giving a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry too," she replied, her voice thick with emotion.
Looking up at her, a relieved smile broke through your sadness, tears glistening in your eyes. In that moment, the past felt a little lighter, the bond between you strengthening. But then Helaena's expression turned hopeful. "Would you like to hold her?"
You immediately shook your head, anxiety creeping in. "I don't know how."
"I didn’t know how either before this," Helaena said, her voice soft and encouraging. She carefully passed Jaehaera into your arms. You cradled the babe as if she were made of glass, your heart racing with both fear and delight. "It’s very easy."
A small laugh escaped you, bubbling with nervousness. "She’s very small."
"Yes," Helaena murmured, a hint of nostalgia in her tone. "Just as we were once."
You gazed down at the sleeping babe, feeling the weight of her tiny form in your arms. You glanced up at Helaena, her eyes shining with love and hope, and for the first time in what felt like ages, you felt a glimmer of happiness for the future.
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You let out a huge yawn as you finally walked back to your chambers, the weight of the day settling on your shoulders. You had spent most of your time in Helaena's chambers, cradling Jaehaerys and Jaehaera in your arms. Queen Alicent had eagerly encouraged your visits, saying it was good practice for when you would have your own children with Aemond.
The thought felt strange yet comforting. After so many hours spent with the tiny babes, you found yourself warming to the idea of one day having a child with Aemond. Of course, that was a distant thought; you were only twelve now, and marriage was still years away. Yet, the notion no longer filled you with dread.
As your health improved and your mood lightened, Queen Alicent insisted you return to your princess lessons with Septa Agertha. The strict septa had been happy to resume your lessons, and to your surprise, she seemed kinder and softer than before, guiding you patiently through your studies.
Despite your busy days, you always tried to carve out time for Aemond. You cherished those moments, whether you were reading together in the library, basking in the sunlight of the gardens, or watching him train with his sword. Today, you couldn’t help but admire how effortlessly he took down Aegon during practice, his movements fluid and precise.
As you entered your chambers, your eyes immediately narrowed at the sight of Aemond standing amidst the soft pinks of your room, a striking contrast in his dark green leather. He looked entirely out of place, and the nervous smile tugging at his lips only deepened your suspicion.
"It is highly improper for you to visit my chambers so late, Aemond," you teased, crossing your arms as you arched an eyebrow. "Does Ser Rowan know about this?"
Aemond’s smile grew as he replied with a hint of mystery, "Ser Rowan does not know all the entrances to your room."
You rolled your eyes, amused but unconvinced. However, something behind Aemond caught your attention—a small object sitting on your table. You moved closer, but Aemond swiftly stepped in front of you, his hands gently resting on your waist to stop you.
"Wait," he said quickly, clearing his throat. "Before you get angry… don’t. Just trust me."
You eyed him suspiciously but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at your lips.
"Happy Nameday," Aemond said quietly, almost as if he were embarrassed by the gesture.
You blinked, raising an eyebrow. "Aemond, my nameday was a week ago."
"Still," he muttered, avoiding your gaze for a moment.
With curiosity getting the better of you, you gently pushed past him, approaching the table where the mysterious item sat. There, on the table, was a small brazier pot, the kind used for hatching dragon eggs. Your heart quickened as you slowly lifted the lid.
A heavy sigh escaped your lips when you saw the sparkly navy blue egg resting inside, hot as ever. "Aemond," you whispered, feeling a mix of exasperation and affection.
Aemond stepped up behind you, resting his chin lightly on your shoulder as he whispered in your ear, "I know. But you know what they say—fourth time’s the charm."
You let out a soft laugh, rolling your eyes as you turned to face him. Your noses were practically touching as you corrected him, "It’s third time’s the charm, you stubborn idiot."
"I also brought strawberry cakes," Aemond said, seeing that the sight of the dragon egg had done little to lift your spirits.
You tilted your head with a small smile, "You know the way to my heart, Aemond Targaryen."
The two of you found yourselves lounging on your grand pink canopy bed, nestled among the cushions, feasting on strawberry cakes that Aemond had brought for you. The scent of the sweet berries filled the air, and for a moment, all seemed simple and light in your world.
“Aemond, I’ve been thinking,” you began thoughtfully, wiping a bit of cream from your lips.
Aemond raised an eyebrow, his lips curving into a mischievous smirk. “My, my, that is worrisome,” he teased, his voice playful.
You shot him a sharp glare before rolling your eyes. With a lift of your chin, you said firmly, “I’ve decided our first child must be a girl.”
Aemond blinked at you, stunned by the declaration. “You understand we do not get to choose, yes?”
You waved his words away dismissively, as if the very idea of leaving such an important matter to chance was absurd. “I believe if I am firm in my belief, then I shall have the choice,” you replied with the confidence only a twelve-year-old could muster.
Aemond gave you a long, bemused look, as if weighing your words for any sense. After a moment, he sighed and shook his head. “Why?” he asked, indulging your fanciful notion.
“Do not mistake me,” you began, leaning back into the pillows with a thoughtful expression. “I love both Jaehaera and Jaehaerys equally. And if we were to have a son, I would love him just as much.”
A big, silly grin spread across your face as you continued, “But I want a daughter. I want to dress her up, match with her, and have her follow me around in little gowns.”
Aemond gave you a knowing look. “You have Jaehaera for that.”
You pouted dramatically, the cake in your hand momentarily forgotten. “It’s not the same. Jaehaera is Helaena’s, not mine.”
Aemond chuckled softly at your logic. “Alright, alright,” he conceded, raising his hands as if surrendering. “I shall pray to the Seven for us to be blessed with a daughter first.”
Then, almost as an afterthought, he added, “Perhaps a daughter and a son at the same time?”
You glared at him, flicking a cake crumb in his direction. “Why would you wish something like that upon me? Twins?” You shook your head vehemently.
Aemond’s amused smile only widened as he met your deathly serious gaze. “You’re right, my bad,” he said with a chuckle, brushing the crumb off his tunic.
You huffed, but your irritation quickly melted away as you stuffed another bite of cake into your mouth, a small smile tugging at your lips. Despite his teasing, you knew that Aemond would pray to the Seven for whatever you wished—even if that meant asking for something as impossible as choosing your firstborn's gender.
You glanced down at the strawberry cake in your hand, scrunching your nose. "With all this cake you keep bringing me, Aemond, I’m going to grow fat."
Aemond gave you a thoughtful look, his expression serious yet teasing at the same time. "And? Do they not say that more is always better?"
You tried to hold back your amusement, but despite your best effort, a smile tugged at your lips. You sighed, shaking your head as you chuckled softly. "You’re incorrigible."
Aemond tilted his head, the corner of his mouth lifting ever so slightly. "Perhaps. But I speak the truth." His eye glimmered as they held yours for a moment longer. "A bit of extra weight would not lessen your beauty."
You blushed, looking away from him as you fiddled with the edge of your dress. "You say that now," you muttered, trying to sound annoyed, but your heart felt light.
"I shall always say that," Aemond countered smoothly, his voice unwavering, as if he truly meant every word. "No matter what the years bring, you will always be perfect to me."
A warmth spread through you, making your cheeks burn even more. You tried to dismiss it, waving a hand at him. "You just want me to keep eating cake so I’ll be too heavy to run away when you’re being impossible."
Aemond smiled at that, his violet eye gleaming with mirth. "Perhaps. Or maybe I just enjoy seeing you happy. And if it takes cake to do that, so be it."
You laughed then, shaking your head at him. "You’ve won this time, but I’ll have my revenge when I’m too fat to walk."
Aemond smirked, leaning closer to you with a satisfied look. "I’ll carry you, then."
You tilted your head, rolling your eyes at Aemond, wondering why he was looking at you like that, as if the world had shifted between the two of you. Somehow, without realizing it, you had drifted closer, your faces mere inches apart. You could feel his breath, soft and warm, as he leaned in further. His eye fluttered shut, and your heart skipped a beat as you sensed what was coming.
Before anything could happen, your hand instinctively shot up, covering his mouth. Aemond froze, opening his eye wide to see you staring at him with confusion. "What are you doing?" you asked, your voice full of suspicion.
He mumbled something beneath your hand, and you lowered it, giving him a curious look as you tried to catch his words.
Clearing his throat, clearly embarrassed, he murmured, "I was trying to kiss you."
You squinted at him, still doubtful. "Aemond," you began cautiously, "Septa Agertha says if a maiden and a man kiss, she’ll become with child. And I think we should at least wait until the twins’ first nameday before we bring another baby into the castle."
Aemond’s lips pressed together tightly, trying to suppress a laugh. His ears turned red as he responded, "Maidens do not become pregnant because of kisses."
"Then how do they become with child?" you asked, raising a challenging brow, your tone daring him to contradict what you’d been taught.
Aemond’s face flushed deeply, and his gaze flickered away in sheer embarrassment. He seemed to search for a way to avoid the topic. "Your Septa will tell you... in time," he muttered, clearly hoping to escape further questioning.
You were about to protest, about to accuse your Septa of lying again—how could you trust her after she said that about kissing? But the sight of Aemond’s bright red cheeks and the way he squirmed told you it was better to drop it. So, with a sigh, you decided to change the subject. "So then," you asked, "why do people kiss if it’s not to make babies?"
Aemond shifted awkwardly before murmuring, "To show affection. It’s what people do when they love each other. Married couples especially."
You raised a skeptical eyebrow, folding your arms. "I’ve never seen my mother and father kiss. And I’ve never seen Grandsire and the Queen kiss either."
Aemond made an exasperated sound, running a hand through his hair. "Well... they’re different," he said, sounding both frustrated and amused.
You tilted your head again, considering his words. "Different how?"
"Just different," Aemond replied, a faint smile tugging at his lips as he looked at you. "Not everyone is... affectionate like that."
"So, you want to kiss me because you’re affectionate?" you teased, a small smirk growing on your face.
Aemond’s ears burned again, and he glanced away, muttering under his breath. "Something like that..."
You tilted your head, watching him with amusement before shrugging nonchalantly. "Alright," you said, as if it were the most casual thing in the world. "You may kiss me."
Aemond's head snapped back toward you, his eye wide in disbelief. "Really?" he asked, unsure if you were being serious.
You nodded, offering him a small smile before puckering your lips in a way you thought was appropriate for a kiss. "Go on, then," you said, your lips pursed in a dramatic display.
Aemond stared at you for a moment, utterly bewildered. "You can't stare at me like that," he finally managed, his voice a little strangled as he glanced away again, clearly nervous.
Rolling your eyes, you sighed, "Alright, Aemond," and then did as he requested, squeezing your eyes shut. You sat there, waiting for him to make the first move, your heart thumping in your chest even though you tried to act as though it didn’t matter at all.
The room felt strangely quiet, save for the soft crackling of the fire in the hearth. You could hear Aemond shift slightly, feel the warmth of him as he leaned in closer. The air between you felt charged, as if something important was about to happen.
His breath ghosted across your lips, soft and hesitant, and your heart skipped a beat. But just as you thought the kiss was going to happen, Aemond hesitated again.
"Are you certain?" he whispered, his voice soft and uncertain, as if he didn’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable.
Without opening your eyes, you replied with a huff, "Yes, Aemond. Just do it."
Aemond finally leaned in, pressing his lips gently to yours in the briefest of kisses. It was awkward and tentative, like neither of you really knew what you were doing, but it was soft and sweet in its own way.
When he pulled back, you opened your eyes, blinking at him. The two of you sat there for a moment, staring at each other in silence, unsure of what to say or do next.
"Well?" Aemond asked, his voice low, his cheeks still a little flushed. "How was that?"
You pursed your lips, considering. "It wasn’t so bad," you admitted, then smiled, a hint of mischief in your eyes. "But I don't think that’ll make me with child, so Septa Agertha must be wrong after all."
Aemond let out a small, relieved chuckle, the tension easing from his shoulders. "No," he agreed quietly, "that won't make you with child."
You both shared a soft laugh, the awkwardness melting away as you realized it wasn’t as strange or nerve-wracking as you thought it would be.
Still, after a moment, you tilted your head and added thoughtfully, "Mayhaps we can try again another time... just to make sure."
Aemond’s face broke into a wide grin at your words, and he shook his head, still amused. "Whenever you like," he promised softly, his voice full of warmth.
Aemond’s smile remained as you shared a quiet moment, a comfortable warmth settling between the two of you. His words, soft and full of promise, made your heart flutter a little, though you tried to ignore it. Just as you were about to speak, a strange sound filled the room.
You paused, frowning in confusion as the sound persisted. Aemond’s brow furrowed, and he gave you the same puzzled look. "What is that?" you asked, your voice low and uncertain.
Before Aemond could answer, the sound came again, louder this time—a soft, irregular rattling, like something gently tapping against metal. Both of you turned your heads toward the source of the noise, your eyes settling on the small brazier pot resting on the table beside your chaise.
The pot was trembling slightly, the lid shifting ever so subtly as if something within was stirring to life.
You exchanged a wary glance with Aemond, both of you too stunned to speak. Hope flickered in your chest, a fragile, cautious feeling that you tried desperately to suppress, even though it grew with each passing second. You didn’t want to feel it—not again. Not after so many failed attempts, so many disappointments.
But as the rattling continued, you couldn’t help but let that hope bloom, filling your chest with an almost painful intensity. You could feel Aemond's steady gaze on you, as if he too shared your mixture of anticipation and disbelief. His hand lightly touched your arm, offering silent reassurance as you both stood frozen in place.
Finally, the rattling grew louder, more insistent. Aemond moved first, stepping cautiously toward the brazier pot, his movements careful, as if approaching something fragile and dangerous all at once.
Your heart pounded in your ears as Aemond gently reached out and lifted the lid.
For a moment, there was nothing but silence. You held your breath, waiting, expecting the worst, but then—
A small, sharp crack echoed through the air, and your breath hitched in your throat. Aemond’s eye widened in astonishment as he stepped back slightly, motioning for you to come closer.
With shaky steps, you moved forward, peering into the brazier pot. Inside, nestled among the glowing embers, was the dragon egg—your dragon egg. And it was moving.
Tiny cracks began to spread across the surface, like delicate lines etched into stone. A tiny chirp escaped from within, soft yet insistent, and your heart leapt in your chest.
Aemond’s voice was barely a whisper, full of wonder. "It’s hatching."
You didn’t dare speak, afraid that if you did, the fragile moment would shatter. Instead, you watched in awe as the cracks grew wider, the shell breaking apart bit by bit.
Slowly, a tiny snout poked through the shell, followed by a pair of gleaming, sapphire-blue eyes that blinked up at you curiously.
Aemond’s hand slipped into yours, giving it a gentle squeeze, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, you allowed yourself to smile.
"It’s really happening," you whispered, barely able to contain the joy welling up inside you.
Aemond stood beside you, his gaze never leaving the hatchling, and he nodded, his voice low but filled with a kind of quiet awe. "Yes, it is."
The tiny dragon stretched its delicate wings, the membrane translucent in the firelight, revealing the rich, dark blue that shimmered against the glow. It was so small, fragile even, yet there was a certain strength in its movements, as though it knew its place in the world. Its scales appeared nearly black in the dim light, but with each flicker of the brazier’s flame, a glint of deep sapphire blue reflected back at you, shimmering like the ocean at night.
You couldn't hold back the soft laugh that bubbled from your lips, a sound of pure, unrestrained joy. Your laughter caught the attention of the little dragon, whose head turned sharply towards you. It blinked, tilting its head, studying you with wide, curious eyes before letting out a sharp screech in response. The sound, though high-pitched, was surprisingly strong for such a tiny creature.
Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over, as you knelt closer, your hand trembling slightly as you reached out, but you stopped just short of touching it. It felt too precious, too delicate to handle without care.
"Hello," you murmured, your voice soft and gentle, as though speaking to an infant. "Aren't you absolutely beautiful."
The little dragon blinked again, watching you intently. Its tiny nostrils flared as it took in the scent of the air, its wings fluttering slightly as it made a sound that almost resembled a purr. You couldn't help but smile wider, your heart swelling with affection.
Aemond crouched down beside you, his hand resting lightly on your shoulder as he watched the dragon with a look of pride and admiration. "You were meant for each other," he said, his voice filled with certainty.
You looked up at him, tears still brimming in your eyes, and nodded. "I think so," you whispered.
For a long moment, the two of you sat there in quiet awe, watching as the dragon stretched its limbs, adjusting to the world it had just entered. It was strange how something so small could carry such weight, as if this tiny creature already held within it the potential for something great, something magnificent.
As the little dragon shifted closer to you, its warmth radiated through the air, and you felt a bond forming, something deeper than words could express. This was more than just a pet, more than a companion. This was a piece of your soul, reflected in scales and wings, fire and strength.
Aemond’s smile softened as he watched you with the newborn dragon, his gaze flicking between the two of you with a quiet fondness. "What will you name it?" he asked, his voice barely above a murmur, as though speaking too loudly might shatter the moment.
You beamed at the little creature before you, a warmth blooming in your chest as you finally dared to reach out. Gently, you brushed your knuckle against her soft, dark scales. She—yes, she was definitely a girl, you were certain of it—immediately leaned into your touch, her tiny body pressing closer, as if seeking comfort from your warmth.
"Treasure," you whispered, the name slipping from your lips without hesitation. A wide, contented smile grew on your face. "Her name is Treasure."
Aemond blinked, momentarily taken aback by the unexpected name, but then a grin spread across his face, lighting up his features. Of course, you would name your dragon something soft, something sweet and endearing. It was just like you to choose a name that carried such a feeling of warmth, rather than something fierce and grand.
He chuckled softly, shaking his head in amusement. "Treasure?" he repeated, his eye twinkling with affection as he looked at you.
You looked up at him, still stroking the dragon’s scales, and nodded firmly. "Yes. Because she’s my treasure," you said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Aemond’s grin only widened as he crouched down beside you again, watching as Treasure nestled closer to your hand, clearly content with the name and her newfound bond with you. "A fitting name," he said quietly, and in that moment, as he watched you and your dragon together, he could see how the two of you were meant for each other.
Treasure let out a soft, sleepy sound, curling closer to the warmth of your hand, and you couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of peace. The bond between you and your dragon was only beginning, but it was already something special—something that would only grow stronger with time.
this is anything but the end
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guyssss help, im literally crying thinking about young rhaenyra (milly) and reader as a baby. how reader probably became rhaenyra's new best friend and was the only thing keeping her going in court. And how rhaenyra would talk to her as a full-grown person, while reader, being a baby, would just babble back. And how rhaenyra would probably walk around taking her baby everywhere and riding on Syrax with her. BYE lol that just makes it all sadder
(side note in my head ive decided to give reader/y/n the most basic hotd name and name her aemma. because when she has her own daughter with aemond, she'll name her laenora after her father)
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Treasure The dragon
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I can just imagine reader doing that Sweeney Todd trend with Treasure:
ohh mr.todd 💋 i'm so happy 💋 I could - 💋 eat you up I really could. you know what I like to do mr. todd 💋 what I dream 💋
Ser Rowan
(it's rick grimes because I say so) (note I've only watched two episodes of the walking dead)
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Reader's Mind in a nutshell
(I feel if I made this into a full time fic, reader could lowkey have saved the family and avoided the dance of the dragons entirely)
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Hope you enjoyed!
Names that are in bold are ones that couldn't be added :(
@evernores @jouryuu @dbd-mommy @g-cf2020 @sl-ut @radiantdanvers @sillysillygyalsmh @callsignwidow @missyviolet123 @thelastemzy @lechat-rouge @sonichkkaaascreams @djarinsstuff @yovrnewromantic @waiting-fortheupdate @strawberymilktea @ninihrtss @kenqki @winter-solstice24 @darlingcharling-blog @feyresqueen @momoewn @literishdegree99 @xxxkat3xxx @6000-fandoms
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ellecdc · 9 months ago
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Can i request something bit angsty? 🥺 its totally fine if you dont wanna write it tho!
I was thinking, wolfstar x reader got into an argument and reader started to occlude and the boys got scared they might be out of line bcs she only occlude when shes really hurting?
this is my SHIT - love me some hurt/comfort. thanks for requesting, lovie 🫶
poly!wolfstar x fem!reader
CW: hurt/comfort, arguing, mention of past family discourse, toxic family memories
“I’m sorry. You did what?” Sirius beseeched, walking into the living room from the kitchen and interrupting the points (arguments) you and Remus were each in the process of making. You gave him an unimpressed look, knowing he wasn’t actually asking you to repeat yourself, he just couldn’t believe what he had heard.
“She gave Mary-Ella over a grand.” Remus muttered bitterly.
“I did not give Mary-Ella money, I loaned her money.” You were quick to correct.
Sirius just scoffed. “Sure you did, dollface.” He sneered, making his usual pet-name burn to the touch. “You are never going to see that money again.”
“What were you thinking?” Remus implored.
“I was thinking that my friend was in a bind and needed help. I hardly think that’s a crime.” 
“You didn’t just loan a little bit of money, though. You loaned a lot of money to a friend who is not reliable in the slightest.” Remus asserted.
“We have been working so hard trying to save up to move. To move closer to Diagon Alley so that Remus can be closer to work, and we can finally get out of my uncles flat.” Sirius added.
“I know we’ve been working hard, Sirius. I know this because I too have been working hard. But I’m not going to watch my friend struggle when there’s something I could do to help!”
“This choice impacted all of us. You had no right to make this decision on your own.”
It was your turn to scoff as you turned to glare at Remus incredulously. You had been trying to stay patient, knowing that this close to the moon, Remus was feeling extra sensitive. But him ganging-up on you with Sirius quickly found what little patience you had running thin. “I 'had no right' to make a decision about money that I made on my own?”
“You have no ground to stand on, buttercup. You’re now out more than a grand because of this choice; we’re all out more than a grand because of your choice.” Sirius growled, tone full of derision.
“If the roles were reversed, Mary-Ella would help me out!” You tried to reason, only for Remus to bark a laugh.
“That doesn’t even matter, dove. Because you’d never be in her position and likewise, she’d never be in yours. She’s irresponsible, unreliable, and a mooch.”
You tried to ignore the burning sensation in your sinuses as you spoke to the back of Remus’ head; he apparently had grown so disgusted with you that he couldn’t even look at you anymore. 
“I don’t like you talking about my friends like that. I don’t understand why we’re making such a big deal about this, I jus-” but you were cut off as Remus stood abruptly and turned on you. 
“We’re making this a big deal because it is a big deal!” he bellowed. “You leave this apartment in the morning and it’s like Sirius and I don’t exist anymore. You conduct yourself like some single woman with no responsibility to anyone else but herself.”
“You’re being selfish. You can’t possibly expect to drop a bomb on us like this and, what, expect us to just reply with ‘yes dear’? You fucked up, Y/N.” Sirius added, arms crossed defensively over his chest and cold silver eyes glared daggers that permeated your entire being. Remus carried on, unperturbed by the effects this conversation was having on you.
You felt like you were seventeen again, like you were eleven, nine, six. You felt like a babe whose hand had been slapped for reasons beyond your comprehension.
Do you ever stop and think about the consequences, Y/N?
You were sitting at the dining room table as your father lashed you with his words, each sentence punctuated with the slamming of his fists on the table. You were standing on the platform having just reunited with your parents after the school year as your mother’s claws dug into your arms, warning you that punishment was to come later if you didn’t smarten up. You were cowering in the backyard as your father screamed at you in front of the entire neighbourhood – a free show for all to enjoy. 
You think crying will earn you any sympathy here? You’re a manipulative little witch if you think that will work on me. Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about. 
You felt naked – like your figurative clothes had been violently ripped from your body – and there you stood, stripped bare for all to leer at. Standing before two people...who were meant to love you unconditionally...as they laced their words with venom and spat vitriol at you.
You couldn’t even hear the point Remus was trying to make anymore. It didn’t matter anyway.
He hated you. You were hated. You were a disappointment, a burden, unwanted.
But you couldn’t cry – could never cry. You’d just be manipulating them. You were deceitful. Emotions were deceitful. The way you felt was wrong. And they were right.
Always right. 
So, you did what you always did; you made it quiet. 
You began layering rows of stones around your being. Protection. Space. Distance. Safety.
They couldn’t hurt you from all the way in here, not from the other side of your wall. You’d be safe here. Here in the quiet.
It was safe in the quiet. 
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Sirius felt disgraceful at how long it took him to notice the signs of you pulling away from the conversation. Away from them. Away from him.
Remus – always more sensitive than the two of you when it came to the likes of money, combined with feeling extra flustered with the upcoming full moon – had no reason to expect nor recognize signs of occlusion. 
Suddenly, Sirius was fourteen again. Walburga was standing over him with her wand aimed at his chest, but all he could see was Regulus. He had prayed at the time that his brother could hear him begging in his mind:
Turn it off, Reg. Just turn it off. It can’t hurt you if you turn it off. 
Sirius himself sat in an almost constant state of occlusion during his fifth year, knowing somewhere deep in his gut that the beginning of the end of his life as the heir of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black (or the end of his life in general) was near. 
Growing up wasn’t a whole lot easier for you, it seemed. And he knew that when things got to be too much, you did what you needed to do to protect yourself.
He suddenly hated himself. You weren’t supposed to need to protect yourself from him and Remus. It was their job to protect you; just like you always protected them. 
How you protected Remus from wasting away on the days leading up to and recovering from the full moon. You never let him go hungry or thirsty, you always made sure the space was clean and tidy, and you never let him fall into his typical pre- and post-moon self-loathing.
And you protected Sirius from himself; from saying things that he wouldn’t be able to take back, from being the worst version of himself, from losing you and Remus completely. 
He didn’t deserve you.
You didn’t deserve this.
For fuck’s sake all you had been doing was being kind.
Being a good friend, someone that others could rely on, protecting people who meant so much to you. 
All you were doing was being your kind, courteous, protective, generous self that Remus and Sirius had fallen in love with from the very start.
“Moony!” Sirius pleaded, causing the lycanthrope to pause in his tangent. You didn’t even flinch at the sudden change in the atmosphere as Remus looked at Sirius bewilderedly. 
“We’ve lost her.” Sirius murmured quietly, causing Remus to spin to observe you. 
“Well...” Remus began, still struggling to shake off his anger and the need to argue. “But I-”
“It’s enough, Remus.” Sirius hissed quietly, staring at Remus with a look he hoped conveyed no nonsense.
He apparently succeeded as Remus let out whatever breath he’d been holding as he turned again to face you.
“Dove, I’m sorry.” Remus whispered as he tried to move towards you, but you instinctively took a step back to maintain the distance between you; your arms wrapped around your middle protectively as if that was all that was holding you together. 
Sirius’ heart felt like it split in two – and based off of the look on Remus’ face, he wasn’t fairing any better.
“Y/N?” Sirius tried. You didn’t turn to look at him, but you hummed in quasi-acknowledgement.
“Can you look at me?” He tried quietly, but you shook your head no. 
Remus made a pained sound as he tried to move towards you again, ducking his head down in an attempt to make eye contact with you. You didn’t back away from him this time, but your arms tightened in their hold around your middle.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry I...I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I’m...I was out of line.”
“Come back?” Sirius pleaded. “Please.”
You took a deep breath and turned your face towards your boyfriends, but Sirius could tell your eyes were still foggy – you were still hiding.
“We won’t talk about it anymore. That conversation is done.” Sirius said.
“But-” you started, voice grating from the tightness in your throat, but he cut you off.
“The conversation is done. You did what you thought was right, you were being your kind lovely self, helping your friend when they needed you. We shouldn’t have yelled at you, sweets. I’m sorry.”
Remus made another pained sound and moved closer to you again.
“Dovey, I’m so sorry. Please, can I- would you like a hug?”
Sirius watched as you looked at Remus, seeming to weigh your options before you nodded once at him. Remus needn’t any more invitation and quickly (though gently) made for you, enveloping you in his arms. 
The three of you stayed like that – Remus with his arms around you, you with your arms around yourself and your face pushed into his chest, and Sirius standing helplessly at the side – before Sirius started to notice some tension leaving your shoulders.
“Why’d you go?” He asked you quietly, gently placing a hand in the middle of your shoulder blades and rubbing in a way he hoped was soothing.
“I didn’t want to cry.” You admitted into Remus’ chest, neither boy missing how tight your voice seemed to be, even as your voice barely raised above a whisper. 
“Oh, dolly. Just cry. Cry, okay? Make us feel like tossers, but don’t leave.” Sirius said.
“I didn’t want you to feel bad.” You muttered wetly, finally turning so Sirius could see your red and wet face. 
“But we deserved it. Oh, my love.” Remus cooed as he all but picked you up and locked your legs around his hips, forcing you to move your grip from around yourself to around him.
“I’m not s’posed to make you cry. I’m s’posed to make you smile.” He muttered pitifully, pressing his lips into your hair.
“And cum.” Sirius spoke in the same pitiful tone, brushing a strand of hair from your forehead.
You laughed wetly and the last of your occlusion appeared to slip away which was what Sirius had been aiming for. It didn’t make him feel all that much better though.
“Oh, my girl. I’m so sorry, Pads is right. You were just being your lovely self, and I’m a bastard.”
Sirius watched as your brows furrowed. “You’re not a bastard.”
“No,” Sirius agreed readily, “he was just being a bastard. Both of us were. Do you think you can forgive us?”
You nodded quickly but Remus tsked in response.
“Don’t let us off so easily, dovey. Make us pay for it. What do you need? Do you need a foot rub? You want cake? Ice cream? What about a kitten? You’ve always wanted a kitten.”
You had been shaking your head at everything Remus said until the last one, your curiosity obviously piqued.
Fuckin’ hells, Sirius thought, if she gets a kitten everytime one of us acts like an arse, we’re going to be overrun with cats by next month. 
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luveline · 1 year ago
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i see ur thinking abt the marauders and i was just thinking abt them too!! i just saw a thread on twt abt how much men hate their girlfriends but wont break up with them (😖😖) and couldn't stop thinking abt how james would be so BAFFLED reading it!! would you be able to write something for that? its perfectly fine if not!! ily <33
I luv you! I'm not sure what thread you mean but I made a guess, sorry if it's not right ♡ fem, 1k
modern au. cw mention of toxic/hurtful relationships
"What is that?" James asks, pushing the sheets back as he climbs in beside you. His bowl of cereal is heaping, upwards of ten weetabix doused in milk, sugar, raspberries, blueberries, and a generous squeeze of honey.
"What?" you ask, showing him your phone screen. 
James leans over you to scroll back up. "Men who hate their girlfriends?" 
"Oh, it's like, people posting their screenshots, I think." You click on the tweet he'd been pointing at and show him the replies underneath. "It's just boys who act like they don't love their partners but won't break up with them either, there's loads on there." 
"What?" he asks, holding his bowl in one hand. "Can I?" You give him your phone happily, watching as he reads through some of the examples, screenshots from different websites and forums. "'Recently had to tell a friend's bird that he was calling her all sorts of names. I'm loyal to my friends, but you could hear the hatred in his voice sometimes. She left him two days later and he was surprised, for some reason.'"
James' eyebrows pinch. He continues, "'Am I in the wrong for asking my husband to stay awake with me during my early morning labour? He keeps bringing it up.'" James shows you your phone screen. "Like, he's mad she didn't let him sleep through the birth of their child?" 
"You know, there was a video on there a few weeks ago where a girl had put together a compilation of her boyfriend play fighting with her, and each video got nastier and nastier." You reach for the spoon to his bowl to start chopping up the weetabix the way he likes. "He was kicking her legs from under her and she was laughing it off. Once or twice, I'd think it was funny, but he wasn't even laughing himself." 
"Why the fuck?" James asks. 
"I don't know. Can I have a raspberry?" 
"They're in there for you to steal…" James watches you chew. You try not to pay too much attention to his staring, plopping your phone down in the sheets between your legs. "Why are these boys getting with women they don't like?" 
"I don't know, Jamie," you tell him honestly, wading through his bowl for another raspberry. "I think they get comfortable." 
He accepts the spoon back from you and you slouch down the fabric headboard together. James eats his weetabix slowly, the TV sending a light blue light into your otherwise dark room. "It's a bit late for supper," you murmur. "Were you hungry?" 
James puts his bowl on the nightstand. Coils of curls brush your forehead as he leans down, one big hand on the back of your neck and the other stretched across the shoulder furthest away from him, holding you in place as he kisses the top of your head. It's a weighty kiss, full of love. "I love you. Don't ever let anyone treat you like those boys on your phone, yeah?" 
You hum lightly. "That's what boys are like." 
"I know. I'm just begging you not to let people do that to you." He rubs your shoulder roughly, a massaging that hurts in the good way. "You know, if you can. I get that it's not their choice." 
"Yeah. I think people want so badly to be loved that they'll take the pretend kind. I was lucky to find you before you found someone else. You always make me happy." 
"This is what I mean," he whines, resting his cheek on your forehead. You sigh happily at his touch, more than ready for a night of his arms around you, a heavy leg thrown over your hips to lock you in. "You think you're lucky because of those dickheads." 
"No, it doesn't have anything to do with them. Just you." 
James sits up to turn your face to his. "Love you," he says, kissing you quickly. 
"Love you too. Don't stress about the phone, babe, you're not the audience they're looking for." 
James hears your teasing tone toward the end, poking your side. "What's that for?" 
"Nothing, just, you tried to follow me into the bathroom last night even when I told you I wasn't showering. If you're that eager to sit with me while I pee, I doubt you'll be the kind of guy who ends up on that forum." 
"It wasn't about the peeing, stop trying to shame me," he grumbles, again pulling you in for a hug, "it was separation anxiety. I miss you."
"I get why these women end up like that, though," you say quietly. "I get why they stay. If you started shoving me for a laugh or whatever, I'd think about this, because you love me. Does that make sense? I'm so happy right now that I wouldn't want to believe that you didn't love me anymore." 
"I know. It's fucking sad. I can't believe they do shit like that, it's pure selfishness." James settles back in his pillow. "I wouldn't ever do that shit to you. I know everyone says that, but I have to say it anyway." 
"I know, Jamie. Don't worry. I'm not worried about it, only talking." 
You offer him your hand. James takes it, rubs the back of it, brings it to his lips for a barely felt kiss. "Is there anything happy on that app?" he asks. 
"Uh, I saw a video of a baby girl who only stops crying when her cat comes to check on her. Or a pregnancy reveal where the boyfriend starts crying and begging her to get married." 
James rests his face on your shoulder, snuffling into your skin contentedly, "Ah, so my future. Put it on, angel." 
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stubz · 11 months ago
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Injuries and a ship invasion, no one dies
"Why do they let humans take care of our younglings? If it hadn't been for the coalition then it would've been another century till they realize our existence. Their senses have dulled to the point where its laughable that they are the dominating species of their planet. And lets not forget the fact that they're at constant war with each other over the most stupidest things, color of skin, where one lives, who they love, what they believe, etc."
"Calis stop it! Your being a xenophobe. And while some of that is true you should know by now that the humans care deeply for our children."
"I am simply being concerned parent who worries for their young's safety and well-being...we are in a dangerous area right now, the middle of a war zone, and it would make me feel safer if we had some others at the care centre till reinforcements arrive."
"Trust me my brightest, the humans will do everything they can to ensure the safety of our Dali...and knowing them they'll likely surprise you and live up to their reputation."
"...fine, fine, I apologize, you are right. The humans have surprised me so far, what's one more?"
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"WHERE IS DALI?! WHERE IS MY YOUNGLING CAPTAIN!"
"Calis calm down! Your arm!"
"NO! YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN ENEMY FORCES HAVE INVADED OUR SHIP AND NONE OF US CAN FIND OUR YOUNG!!"
"Calis, your hurt and so is your partner. Think of Gala, they need you right now."
"...Gala is hurt because they were looking for Dali. They got shot because they were heading to the centre...I have to find Dali. For Gala, Captain."
"I'm sure that Kim and Max are doing everything they can to keep them safe."
"With all do respect Captain, how could 2 unarmed humans survive what our force couldn't."
"...I don't know but its probably going to be one hell of a story we'll be telling for the ages. Now go get your arm treated. That's an order."
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"WE FOUND THEM!"
"CAPTAIN WE FOUND THE YOUNGLINGS!"
"WE NEED A CRANK AND SEND EVERY AVAILABLE MEDIC!"
"oh great stars please no...nonononono DALI!" the Delzah rushed forward, breaking through the search party, only to be stopped by their captain.
"Calis...you have to let them do their job. We, we just have to hope." he could not help the hitch in his breath. Hoping, praying, that his own child was okay underneath the wreckage that was once the youngling care centre.
They fight and thrash until eventually grief overtakes them. They collapse into the captain's arms wailing.
"...what hope do I have that my child is alive under all that rubble. Captain...the only hope I have is that they died quick and that they are with the stars now..."
"Oh Calis..." he sobs. He knows it. There was hardly a chance that anyone was still alive underneath there. Only the strongest younglings who were from a strong species may survive and his child was not one of those few. They were strong but his child was like him...a runt, the joke of the family. Too small, too weak, too soft. She was surely dead...why couldn't it have been him?
"MAPA!"
"PAPA!"
One by one, children emerge from an opening made in the rubble, and at the front of them was Dali and a small feline like child.
"my glorious star" flinging themself from the Captain Calis dragged themself to meet Dali who leaped into their Mapa's arms.
The captain was not too far behind, running to his daughter and cradling her close. Words were not exchanged but Calis could feel the vibrations coming from their purrs.
"See...I told you they would be waiting..."
last to emerge from the rubble was the humans, carried out on stretchers. Only one was conscious. Glass glittered from their skin, dirt and dust blended with vibrant red blood, staining their white bandages, and a rebar was poking out of the unconscious one's side.
"You...got everyone right?"
"Yes, human Max."
"Good...that's good..." and finally did they lose consciousness.
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"Apparently they covered the windows and hid the kids in the storage room, putting them to the farthest corner while they formed a human wall in front of the door.
When those quiznaking bastards couldn't break down the door they rigged the centre with explosives. Lucky for us the humans personally requested that the storage room be made durable for the equivalent of their disasters on earth so it held up decently well."
"But how did they get so injured?"
"Decently well, meaning the room wasn't completely stable. Eventually the walls started to give and the humans had to improvise by becoming the new pillars. They took shifts until they both had to hold up the weight for what the kids guess to be 3 hours...imagine holding up all of that weight until you were on your hands and knees with rebars, broken glass, and debris piercing into your body."
"...Gala said that Human Max nearly flatlined and Human Kim needed 2 liters of blood."
"You seem confused."
"...Humans are impressive but how did they do all of that? They were already injured and yet managed to hold up a collapsed ceiling for hours until help arrived, I thought they were completely average and even weaker than us."
"Apparently when their loved ones, especially children, are in danger they tap into their more primal instincts. Allowing them to withstand a shot to the side, a slab of concrete to the head, and hours of keeping a ceiling from collapsing until they know everyone is safe.
Heard a story of a human who died only after he saw his kids was safe from a fire."
"Looks like Gala was right. Humans have surprised me once again."
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