#like its almost a compulsion | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

see-y0u-space-c0wb0y · 8 months ago

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how many times do you have to obsessively think about killing yourself (like daily) after having a breakdown over cake and how shitty your parents are before you get put in a psych ward or diagnosed with some shit?

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alteredsilicone · 5 months ago

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i feel like such a dumbass for how i impose rules on myself that don't really matter

i feel like i need a signature look for my frames for the purpose of being recognizable but im like... it doesnt always work

esp since i like a rotating arsenal of frames and some frames look better in different colors and i also have multiple tenno OCs so i try a unique look for everyone

i've settled on Citrine being my "main" for art purposes... but i feel like i sometimes like other frames better xD like i really struggle to choose between citrine and ivara

#wf tag #this is a weird neurosis i cant get over #sorry just menthol illness #this is one of those things where im being 100% irrational but its almost like an ocd-esque compulsion #where i feel Wrong if i dont address it

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skitskatdacat63 · 2 years ago

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Toyota Fernando is soooooooo

#if i manage to stick w it and watch all of it ill try and make one gif per ep haha #i cant help myself #i got through almost the whole first ep and was like 'ah okay good no compulsion to screen record'#and then got hit with this 🥺#but anyways i think red white and black reallyyyyyy suits him #i think people who genuinely hate nando for his personality should watch this to understand what hes actually like :)#i can still tag it f1 even if its not him while he was in f1 right?#its weird tho to watch this bcs its right after his retirement but im watching it like hehehe ik you couldnt help but come back 🤭🤭#fernando alonso #f1 #formula 1 #fa14 #we do a little bit of f1 #fernando(show)#Fernando s1e1

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pears-trinkets · 7 months ago

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I love how i randomly found out through tumblr that my antidepressants are old as fuck and aren't usually prescribed anymore especially because one of the biggest side-effects is weight gain... which is why i asked to change my previous prescription in the first place because it complicates my life and makes me more depressed... and she just ... gave me new ones... with the same side-effects..........

#also its supposed to help me sleep in the first place. .. why not give me sleeping pills......#yeah its for the anxiety compulsive stuff and depression too but if thats from the autism its not gonna help anyway #and tbh it never did #thats why this is like the 6th antidepressant im trying because i feel NO CHANGE #so ive gained almost 25kg just so i can fall asleep #cool

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

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habitual-creatures · 2 months ago

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Fine, I can't force you to. Just stay out of my way.

(Moving to Kevin/observer after finding one of many med kits)

Good teapot, we can handle this now.

(Carefully pulling his arms away cleaning and trying to wrap it up so he can't claw at it)

-Mystery guest

(IDOL is a wild card. His motives are hard to understand)

No,stop- it hurts, I can't- stoptouching...

#mystery guest lol #anonymous asks #???#answered asks #ask response #( ooc > )#they're saying “it hurts” about the wound cleaning #and also their voices are still doing the fucky thing of blending together #they're still trying to claw at it. and actively fight against IDOL's attempts to stop them #almost like its a force of habit or a compulsive action

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wylansworkshop · 5 months ago

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Realizing you have ocd is so wild bc like what?? I thought that was normal anxiety

#i never had any of the somebodys gonna die or get hurt obsessions #just bad feeling/vibes if i didnt do the compulsion #hehe #but its been so nice being able to be like #this is ocd #and knowing how to help myself lmao #mine #i havent really been active in the last year bc my social battery is nonexistent #and if i have people irl i cant focus as much online #its annoying #i wish i could balance it better #but ive learned so much about myself #and gone so far in the healing journey #im so much better #and i almost cant believe it #turns out all i needed was someone to say its okay to pause #and focus on yourself instead of work #and now here we are :D

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siobhanromee · 1 year ago

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Everyone: Its fine to have one B, it wont hurt your future prospects, it'll only effect your GPA a small amount. A B is a perfectly acceptable grade

My brain: I cannot get a B because B stands for "bad"

#Its feels like a compulsion almost. Like inside my head #And I dont want to be obnoxious to my professor bc hes a wonderful instructor #Just horrible at grading #Its literally a grade error too that is the reason for this #And internally I'm screaming abt this #Also i have a different class he teaches next semester so I dont want to be remembered as that person who kept bugging him about grades #But I also dont want my one b to be in a beginning acting class. Not something really technically challenging like... calculus or whatever #And grades are due tomorrow and he hasnt graded ANY of my stuff. I have an essay and a final that he hasnt posted the final grade on #And everyone is like stop worrying abt it it's not that serious. But it is to me tho. Bc I have The Brain Worms

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monsterbisexual · 1 year ago

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its so weird how id been seeing the same therapist for like yrs so ofc ive talked abt intrusive thoughts n my whole deal etc n then i talk to 2 different mental health professionals (different therapist while mine is taking time off + psychiatrist for trying meds again) n both of them are instantly like oh well yea buddy thats ur ocd!!

#p #like alejdk idk my original one had never called it that but it does make sense #i think cuz i dont have lots of (external especially) compulsions that i notice it was hard to wrap my mind aroind it #like my dad n brother have it im sure n its like more what i expect thinking of ocd than like. me n my stuff #i know ppl have different opinions on getting stuff diagnosed or not (idk if they wrote it down all official or what but still)#but its helpful n comforting to me at least. if id never gotten the autism one officially id never be sure i have it #n its kinds nice to especially for ocd be able to look at it as a different thing from myself n how i feel n think #the therapist ive been seeing (might keep seeing tbh ive rly liked her) has said its important to put a space/distance #between me n The Thoughts. which is meant to make it feel less like how i usually do if smth gross/awful comes up #like that im evil n will hurt ppl/secretly want to etc #but thinking of it as this almost separate entity is meant to help w that #like ya theyre in my brain n they suck n cause me distress n theyre not My thoughts in the sense that im intentionally havinh #them or want them #lost track of what this post was but w/e idc aldjdk

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1o1percentmilk · 1 year ago

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bruh my hands r so sweaty all the time now i need to go to the bathroom 1000x times a day to wash them bc i can't type when they feel icky

#ehhhh i think most of these effects go away with time #other weird effects #- literally zero anxiety now. i have talked to more random strangers in the last two weeks than the last two months #- sex drive almost completely gone (yay!) can't nut anyways #- the tiredness is getting better but idk if its bc im consuming more coffee. brain fog etc etc #- way more relaxed with spending oops #- freaky ass dreams and also wake up 5 times a night (getting better tho)#- compulsive smiling #- havent hurt myself in 3 weeks #- tend to not care abt things anymore. or like i still care but in a different way. its not obsessive anymore #so it was literally all a chemical imbalance thing for me #milk struggle tweets

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lovecatsys · 1 year ago

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my OCD obsessive and intrusive thoughts have been really bad lately :(

#havent had trouble with any physical compulsions in a long time but #but these thoughts are SO bad its like. ugh #its almost constant #maybe thats why im getting this tension headache....

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femmefaggot · 1 year ago

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what if i umm... like... gave u smth for the pure enjoyment of it for the first time

#^ kind of pales in comparison to other things in a way #IDK I FEEL SELF CENTERED SAYING THAT I GAVE ANYONE LIFE even tho its canonically objectively and in my heart true #like um idk i didnt do nothin but love n believe in you <- important but also as natural as breathing #dont think i shld b given credit for that... idk. like. almost guilty in a way???#i shouldnt b the reason anyone exists you deserve more outside of me ): but also im so happy it is the case jst um #WEIRD BRAIN SORRY #normal hi maya love u happy 2 elaborate in dms bc i have so much to say n this is already SOO vulnerable but #adolin post #sprenposting #its memories. must keep. strength. before weakness.#7777777 #^ no reason exactly. compulsion adjacent. grins.

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maxellminidisc · 2 years ago

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Genuinely preferred when my OCD made me extremely obsessed with checking body signals and my health or like even when it made me so paranoid I may have been possessed enough to start doing stupid routines and "rituals" to make sure I wasnt, than it having manifested into intense intrusive thoughts (i had them every now and then over the years when I was super stressed but they fucking skyrocketed and persisted about late in the year two years ago and worsened until now). Idk how the fuck I got the strength to start managing them on my own with no support, because its genuinely so so distressing you dont ever want to tell anyone about it ever lest they see you as monstrously as you see yourself.

#the demonic posession phase was genuinely pretty bad too like im talking insomnia for almost a year #and only time i could sleep was when my mom would let me vent about how genuinely paranoid and out of touch with reality i felt #and she would pray for me until i realized that was just another way for me to satisfy the compulsion #so its telling id rather fucking go back to THAT

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235uranium · 11 months ago

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actually my hot take on the dibala arc is that house wouldn't have killed him due to his compulsive behavior regarding death + fake objectivity. he'd do something that would allow for another person to get him, but nothing directly.

wilson is the one who would decide to kill the patient, likely because he knows house won't despite his personal opinions.

#☢️.txt #house would want to kill that guy he just couldnt.#the episode with the active shooter proves to me that house just. cannot handle harming people like that. not even for the greater good #he cant pull the trigger. it doesnt matter that its the right choice. he cant do it. he cant stop caring even with a gun to his head #no wonder he avoids people like the plague! almost got someone he cares about killed because of his compulsive behavior

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fairwinds-safetravels · 1 year ago

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#haha love how ocd is based around feelings of powerlessness and lack of control #i honestly have improved so much overall that i almost forget i have it until i either forget meds or something real shit happens #most of my really bad compulsive behaviors are gone other than maybe 3 #but the one that keeps rearing up is compulsive cleaning #and i dont mean like #gotta clean room hehe #its like. the world flashes because i get triggered by something either germ or emotional and i have to clean nonstop until The Thing #is gone #usually piles of stuff or like actual nasty #even if it belongs to someone else i have to clean it or else I just cant feel better #which is bad bc boundaries #like i generally can step back and be normal about it but when in an episode i cannot #big sigh #home is the worst bc family is v messy #i do not care about the clutter but dishes dont get cleaned for days and days and sit in stagnated water #and my mom doesnt believe in paper towels or scrubby sponges so i have to use wet rag and then leave it dirty to dry and reuse it :(#no value judgement bc i got that executive dysfunction from somewhere but damn #makes it hard to enjoy food #adhd and ocd combo is so bad bc youre both the cause of stress and your solution #lowkey feels like the manic depressive cycle where its struggle bus then massive surge to fix it and then struggle bus from burnout again #sigh

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splatfest · 1 year ago

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18, 20, 23 (Music asks) <3

from the year that you were born (2002):

+ headfirst for halos - my chemical romance + the fix is in - ok go

that has many meanings to you:

+ cable through your heart - bryan scary

that you think everyone should listen to:

+ sad boys - dazey and the scouts + saturdays for the boys (saturdays for the boys) - 1 trait danger

#i have 2 meanings for most songs bc i terminally misinterpret the artists intent. so ill use the q to explain some fun alt meanings i have #1. clean eyes i take as internal representation of ocd esp intrusive thoughts #'i fear what i dont believe' because the thoughts are against ur values but ur brain convinces you its because you secretly believe them #'you cant change me can you save me' and the references to being cared for are asking for reassurance #also describes not being able to put 'the pieces' back together. ie contamination ocd bc it makes u feel like youre forever dirty #or the notion that if you resist a compulsion the damage is already done + you can only prevent the next thing from happening #'it even has 'i check the lock on the door 3 times' its incredible thats not the intended meaning LMAO #2. i thought cable thru ur heart was about resuscitating someone with an aed T_T i clearly didnt listen to the lyrics and just made stuff u #i cant think of any others but my art captions almost always rely on a slightly different analysis of song lyrics if u wanna check those ou #i struggled a bit w the last one bc i feel that way abt everything i rec LOL #chose ones with an interesting first listening experience #fun fact that 1td song got me into car seat headrest (eventually. genuinely thanks pasta) which is my top artist of all time now #this took so long i had 5:30pm classes lolsies #ask game #catgirltitties #asks

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