#like it's not that i want to lose weight

[oars]

[eyesclosedsleeping]

Ate a single slice of cheese for dinner, unsure if this counts as a win (forced myself to eat something) or a lose (it was literally a single slice of cheese)

[housecow]

I think you’re wasting yourself. I’m a hardcore feedism fetishist, I have always been. The thing is that nowadays feedees aren’t feedees anymore they’re all gainers or people with food disorders. There’s no shared experience anymore.

You regularly talk about being someone’s feedee wife but don’t you think that a feeder husband would want to enjoy the process as well ? A process which you are already going through on your own and thus not sharing it with someone ?

first—not having a current feeder does not make someone any less of a feedee. in fact, you must be comfortable with being fat alone in order to have any strength as a fat person/feedee, imo. otherwise you get people that hate themselves the moment they don’t have someone to rely on.

second—do you know how hard it is to find someone in this fetish?? lol!!!! i’ve had several odd feedist relationships. i don’t enjoy being public about this on tumblr because some people get weird as fuck about it. parts of the gain have very much been a shared experience 🤷‍♀️ i would love to have shared it with someone consistently but it just hasn’t worked out so far.

plus… i’m like halfway thru my gain, lol. i want to be BIG. if anything, my size now dissuades those that wouldn’t want to be with me at those higher weights. i count it as a good thing—my time won’t be wasted, i am not wasting myself.

[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

[writhe]

really fighting to accept & make peace with the ways i will never find the things i lost, or never again have them in the same way. also trying to be liberated by this

[zeb-z]

I'm actually unbelievably unwell about Etoiles character you don't understand. He's always been a sword, protecting by attacking first, by fighting back, offense as the best defense. He jokes a lot about dying for the island, dramatic and half sarcastic, but there's truth in his jests. He would kill, and he would die, for his daughter, for the rest of the eggs, for the safety of everyone on the island. He does not hesitate, for what good would that do him?

Then he gets the shield, and it changes the entire game. And while he can still kill to protect the island, he can no longer truly die for them.

His role is functionally the same - he draws attention to himself, he's just as ready for a fight as he's always been, he fights the codes to protect the island - but its the difference between a sword and a shield, because of his literal shield.

He's the only solid defense between the codes and the island, and all the eggs. The only one who can tank the hits and negate the effects of their crazy powerful swords.

A sword cannot hesitate, but a shield must consider it - he cannot take risks when he’s fighting in the Colosseum, because if he dies he’d lose the shield. He cannot risk attacking the fake Pomme without hesitation, not until he’s sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s not his real daughter.

A shield must be sturdy. It must hold up under pressure. It must stay strong and reliable, no matter the circumstance - as the eggs go missing and everyone else crumbles, Etoiles cannot follow suit. He will play his part and defend the island, shouldering what the others cannot, because who else will do what he does?

To lose the shield would not only mean to lose himself, but to lose his family. He cannot fall without failing the entire island, his loss would mean disaster, for who is he if he’s not standing between the ones he loves and the monsters that threaten them?

He's as much a shield as the one he carries.

[jo4ndarc]

Just paid a witch on Etsy for a weight loss spell, I’m fucking insane.

[huellitaa]

i hate the phrase "you're perfect just the way you are". life is fluid and changing and in constant motion. growth is beauty and beauty is perfection and you want me to stay stagnant and still and unchanging because i'm "perfect the way i am?"

[dinofur]

Nobody understands William Afton like I do

[lesbiantrish]

“ten is a bad person” you never even tried to understand him

[faunandfloraas]

"Seungmin would be SO hot if he got muscle like, can you imagine?" You would be hotter if you shut your mouth but we can't always get what we want so <3

[housecow]

Are you worried about long term health consequences of being so fat? I mean it’s hot but still.

oh yeah 😭😭 i actually had a huge medical phobia growing up (i would have fainting episodes in the lobby lmfao)—but honestly i plan on trying to mitigate it if i can? i try to stay active and believe it or not i make attempts to stay away from sugar… regular dr’s appointments, supplements, staying hydrated… fat people in my family generally live until their 70s so i have a good shot at being relatively healthy for a while haha

[ijuswanabeth1ny]

fuck my life

my girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me. i ate like 1000 cals worth of chocolate kill me. i was on hour 96 of my fast. she now likes this skinny Rugby girl. im going to get th!n and make her jealous. that bitch shattered my heart. im fasting for aslong as possible now. I weigh in at 69.25 kg after the food. im going to make it to 60 by october.

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

I've been doing some body studies and one of them had a body type I've really been wanting to learn to draw!! Which is someone who has lost weight and has some loose skin on their tummy/body! This is always how I've wanted to draw soul punk Patrick, I just never knew how so here's my first attempt at it :> I love him so so much 💕

If you want to view the body studies early they're all posted on my Patreon rn! 🫶💕 Otherwise they'll be like little treats dropped throughout the day

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

People who are like "oh yeah my faith in God is growing and I feel so icky when I watch popular movies or listen to secular music" kind of bug me bc like... if that was me I would lose every interest I've ever had? like?? "consecration" doesn't mean you have to be disgusted by anything that's of the world... I prefer a "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" approach

[astranauticus]

stultifera navis rerun AKA thinking about Iberia hours again because a lot of the Iberians have such fascinating relationships with the concept of home but specifically Thorns and Lumen are eating at my brain. like where do you call home when the place that is your home Just Fucking Hates You? Elysium's rewinding breeze specifically makes a point to hammers home how differently Iberia treats its Liberi and its Aegir

(which is especially interesting since this comes right after a conversation where Purestream commented on how despite Leizi being a high ranking government official, there are still some experiences that are universal for all Yanese people - because the experience of what Iberia itself is like isnt universal for all Iberians)

But all that being said, Thorns also straight up states that Aegir is not his home, and yeah, how could it be? How could a place you've never been to, never truly known, ever be your home? How could it ever feel like a home?

so where do you go when the place that you are from hates your people and the place your people are from is completely unfamiliar and alien to you? Thorns' answer at the end of the conversation with Aya is: my home is where i chose it to be. my home is where there are people I care about and people who care about me

in the complete opposite direction, Lumen's oprec asks: why do you still stay in a place that wants you gone? because the people of Gran Faro like Jordi well enough but when push comes to shove, they will want the only Aegir in town gone

and yet, when Rald the messenger offers him a chance to leave Jordi turns him down and when he's forced to escape Gran Faro after the people there literally try to send him to his death (or worse) at the hands of the Inquisitors he keeps trying to go back because like everyone in stultifera navis, Jordi is clinging to his own dreams of a golden age

but the shape of that dream is unique to every character and for Jordi, his dreams are deeply, inseparably bound to the Eye of Iberia, the legacy his parents left behind

and it's this dream of becoming someone great, of bringing about that golden age that his parents devoted their lives to help create that ties Jordi to this nothing town because despite everything, despite the mistrust of the townsfolk and the hostility of the Inquisition and the danger from the ocean, he simply cannot leave it behind

(or, because i personally dislike the official translation,)

"I just see this place as my home"

so yeah. not sure what overall point i was trying to make here i'm just. deeply in love with these stories about chosing what is and isn't your home, of saying you will not call a place your home because it has given you no reason to or saying you consider a place your home even though it has given you every reason not to. deeply unwell about them <3