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genshinluvr · 2 years ago

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Our Dear Creator

Pairings: Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader/Creator!Reader

Summary: The men are assigned to be at your side at all times and even though they are your most loyal followers, you consider them to be your friends and protectors. These men are not only devoted to you, but they will not hesitate to kill for you if they have to.

Note: The summary made the story feel like it's a yandere story, but it's not 100% yandere (or yandere in general tbh)! To be honest, I didn't really plan on writing another "SAGAU" fic, this idea just popped up in my head when I was daydreaming in school 💀 This is just like a mini-ish collection of the men dealing with the reader, their dearest creator. The reader isn't a weak creator (they do have bad eyesight though), the reader is just too nice in certain circumstances. I think that's the best way I can put it. Anyway! There's a new series (that is in the current ongoing Isekai'd!reader series) coming very soon! Anyway! I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).

Warnings: None that I know of other than it being religious-themed. There are some things hinted at but not fully mentioned in the story itself. Mentions of blood. Slight yandere theme? Tbh, it's nowhere near it, but I'm throwing it in just in case.

Word Count: 9.7k

Want to read another SAGAU fic? Read The Lonely God!

Ever since you arrived in Teyvat, everyone has been scrambling to try and meet you or be in your presence. Your arrival was sudden and unannounced, but it wasn’t unwelcome. Everyone was ecstatic to see you and have you present in their world. Because you’re widely worshipped throughout Teyvat by many, you’re more likely to be hounded by those who worshipped you and desperately wanted you to grant them a blessing or answer their prayers. For the sake of your safety, twenty-five men are tasked to be your protector while you reside in Teyvat.

“Uh, Your Grace, you’re going in the wrong direction,” Diluc chuckles.

You pause in your steps, turn to look at Diluc, and blink at the redhead owlishly. “Ah, I am? Also, please, Diluc. How many times do I have to tell you all to call me by my name and not my title?” You sigh.

A small smile appears on Dainsleif’s face. “Yes, Your Grace,” you give Dainsleif a dissatisfied look, which he ignores. “You’re walking in the wrong direction. The way to Mondstadt is in the other direction; you’re walking towards Liyue,” replies Dainsleif.

Your eyes widen, and you look over to the left, completely forgetting about Dainsleif calling you by your title rather than your name. If you squint your eyes and look very closely, you will be able to see the anemo statue of the seven from a distance. But unfortunately for you, you don’t have the best eyesight. It’s a bit ironic, isn’t it? An all-powerful god such as yourself has a terrible vision. You squint so hard your eyes nearly shut. Zhongli and Al Haitham sigh, pinching the bridge of their nose.

Al Haitham says, “Your Grace, I believe once we get back to the city, we should get your visions checked out,” Al Haitham says, crossing his arms over his chest.

You blink at Al Haitham. “Are you calling me blind?” You tease, poking Al Haitham lightly in the biceps.

Al Haitham’s eyes widen, and he begins to stutter out a response, his cheeks flushing pink. You giggle and shake your head, quickly reassuring Al Haitham that you’re merely teasing him. Al Haitham sighs and looks away, his cheeks crimson red with embarrassment while Kaveh snickers beside Al Haitham, earning a glare from the Acting Grand Sage.

Kaveh takes a step toward you and holds his arm out for you to take. “Unlike these fools, I’ll lead you to Mondstadt, Your Grace!” Kaveh announces proudly.

You smile and link your arms around Kaveh’s arm. “Then lead the way, Kaveh! And please just call me [Y/N]. I understand you’re all used to calling me by my title, but I’ve insisted that all of you call me by my name many times already,” you sigh.

“I don’t know….” Xiao trails off, propping his hands on his hips and staring at you intently.

Aether interjects, “Is it not disrespectful for us to call you by your name? You’re our creator, and we all respect you very much.”

You give Aether a big smile and shake your head. The warm glow around you seems to brighten whenever you smile; the tiny sparkles and glitter in the warm light shine brightly, nearly blinding the men around you. The warm glow around you is what makes you stand out from the citizens of Teyvat, and it makes you recognizable and easy to spot from afar. The glow around you is like a mood meter of yours. The light will shine brightly when you’re beaming with happiness, and when you’re sad or in an awful mood, the light is dimmed, but it’s still there nonetheless.

The sight of your smile and the warm glow around you brightening made Aether feel some type of way. He can’t pinpoint what it is exactly, but seeing your smile made him feel warm and soft on the inside, his cheeks turning bright pink.

“Calling me by my name isn’t disrespectful, Aether! I am giving you all permission to call me [Y/N]. But if you all want to continue to call me by my title, then I’m not going to stop you!” You said, shrugging your shoulders.

Tighnari holds his hands up. “If you don’t mind me asking, why do you want us to call you by your name? We don’t mind calling you by your name. Still, we don’t want other people to question why we’re not calling you by your title,” Tighnari says, crossing his arms over his chest while looking at you curiously.

“Not only that, but people will call us disrespectful for not calling you by your title,” Cyno interjects.

You smile at them sheepishly. You’re not entirely sure if they’d be okay with you wanting to form a friendship with you. Yes, you’re a god, and you created everything that exists in Teyvat. However, the events that took place in Teyvat thousands of years ago aren’t your doing. You created the people and the world. The things that happen in Teyvat aren’t your doing. Heck, you don’t control the weather either! Why did it feel like you had deja vu just a second ago? All these thoughts, these feelings of yearning for friendship and connection, feel all too familiar.

You hum thoughtfully. “Alright, well, you can all call me by my title when other people are around. When it’s just the twenty-six of us, you can either call me [Y/N] or Your Grace!” You said simply. You turn to Kaveh. “Anyway, let’s continue our walk to Mondstadt. Please lead the way, Kaveh,” you say.

The birds are chirping, and the sun is high in the sky, beaming down on you and the twenty-five men. If it weren’t for the cool breeze, you and the men would’ve been feeling your skin burning. Zhongli brought an umbrella with him earlier to shield you from the sun and its UV rays, but you felt bad the others weren’t going to be protected from the sun either.

Zhongli sighs and looks around. “Are you sure you don’t want me to shield you from the sun?” Zhongli asks.

“I’m sure! As I said earlier, the others didn’t bring an umbrella. I don’t want to be the only one that is being protected from the sun and its UV rays,” you reply, looking over the bridge and at the ducks and swans swimming in the lake below.

Scaramouche scoffs to himself. “Who said we didn’t bring an umbrella with us?” Scaramouche asks.

Everyone pulls out an umbrella and holds it up to show you. You blink at the men and unlink your arms from Kaveh’s arm. Okay, so everyone has an umbrella, after all. But you know they won’t be using it for themselves; they’ll be fighting each other to see who will be the one to shield you from the sun with their umbrella.

“You know what? I don’t need to be shielded from the sun with an umbrella. I’ll be fine! Besides, we should arrive in Mondstadt soon anyway,” you say.

The men around you grumble under their breaths, watching you walk away from them after refusing to be shielded from the sun. They wanted to protect you from harm, and UV rays are harmful to the skin. You stifle your laughter and continue your walk while the men remain in their spots, waiting for you to realize you’re walking in the wrong direction.

Heizou runs after you and grabs your arm. “[Y/N], you’re walking in the wrong direction again! Our dear creator really does have terrible eyesight, huh?” Heizou teases. You sigh and let Heizou steer you in another direction toward the City of Freedom.

You are their creator. Everyone in Teyvat adores you. It’s not a secret that everyone worships you and has a shrine of you in their homes or at a huge shrine in each region of Teyvat. Without you, Teyvat wouldn’t have existed, and the citizens of Teyvat wouldn’t be here, standing before you and your shrine, worshipping you. The men swear to protect you with their life; no matter what they’re tasked to do, they will do it if you ask them to.

“Um. Does anyone know where my glasses are?” You ask, holding your arms out in front of you to make sure you didn’t bump or run into anything or anyone.

Kaeya chuckles and leans against the table. “Why are your glasses not on your face, Your Grace?” Kaeya asks, smirking while watching you feel around for your glasses.

“I’m not used to wearing glasses,” you huff, continuing to blindly search for your glasses. “I could’ve sworn they were here somewhere— Ow!” You screeched, clutching onto your toe and groaning and hissing in pain.

Childe runs to you, pulling you in his arms and carrying you bridal style. “Snookums— I mean, Your Grace! Are you okay?” Childe asks, holding you close to his chest and walking to the couch to gently set you down.

You’re too engrossed in your stubbed toe that you don’t notice Childe’s slip-up. However, the men stop what they’re doing and look at Childe with their eyebrows raised. Their hands are either propped on their hips, or they cross their arms over their chests. Childe mouths a “what” at the men before turning to you, grabbing the foot you stubbed and massaging it.

You sigh and cover your face with your hand. “I am rendered useless without my glasses,” you sulk, resting your head on the couch cushions. “But to answer your question, Childe, I’m okay. My toe hurts, though,” you whisper.

You don’t wear glasses, and now you do! After arriving at Mondstadt, you had an eye exam, and needless to say, your vision is so bad you’re almost considered legally blind. Therefore, you now wear glasses, and you have lost those said glasses. You have been wandering around your abode, searching for your glasses, only to fail. You could’ve sworn you placed them on your nightstand, but when you went to fetch your glasses, they were nowhere to be seen.

“I’ll be returning to my room now. Since I cannot find my glasses anywhere, I’m assuming they’re still somewhere in my room,” you sigh.

You remove your legs from Childe’s lap and get up from the couch. Kazuha quickly stops you by grabbing your arm and gazing at you with amusement. Of course, your vision is too blurry for you to make out the expression on Kazuha’s face. You squint at Kazuha, gazing at him quizzically. Well, technically, you look like you’re trying to look at the sun.

Kazuha grabs something from the collar of your outfit. You look at Kazuha’s hands, not seeing what he’s doing to the object in his hands. Kazuha tilts your head and places something on your face. You blink, and your vision becomes clear; you’re able to see clearly, thanks to Kazuha. Kazuha found your glasses, and he put them on your face for you.

“Your glasses were hanging on the collar of your clothes, [Y/N]. It seems you have put it there and forgot about it after,” Kazuha chuckles.

Ayato chuckles and shakes his head. “It seems like our dear creator is quite forgetful,” Ayato says, taking a sip of his boba.

You giggle sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. You’re not entirely a forgetful person, but because you have been occupied with visiting nation to nation, you forget about the little things. For example, leaving your glasses to hang on the collar of your shirt is one of them. You didn’t recall picking them up and folding them on your shirt collar. Maybe you need to rest and take a break from your duties as the creator of Teyvat. Starting now by going back to your bedroom and taking a much-needed nap. You’ve answered many prayers already, performed many blessings for the people of Teyvat, and spoken to those who have dropped by your shrine to worship you and drop off offerings to your shrine.

“Your Grace, would you like for us to walk you back to your bedroom?” Baizhu asks, walking toward you and Kazuha.

You smile at Baizhu and shake your head. “Thank you for your offer, Baizhu, but since I have my glasses now, I won’t need any assistance to my bedroom,” you reply.

Venti giggles. “Besides! It’s not like [Y/N] is a senior citizen like block-head over here!” Venti pats Zhongli on the back roughly, making the former Geo archon put on a fake smile to mask his annoyance with the anemo archon.

You snort at Venti’s comment. “Oh, please. I am older than both you and Zhongli. After all, I’m older than Teyvat and the universe as a whole! Did that, perhaps, slip your mind, Barbatos?” You tease.

Venti blushes and looks away, the tips of his ears turning just as red as the apples of his cheeks. You have grown quite close with your loyal acolytes. Technically, even if they are your loyal acolytes, you consider them your friends rather than followers or worshippers, despite that is what they are before you arrive in Teyvat. You’re glad you’re able to form a close friendship with these men and not have it be awkward between the twenty-six of you. You’re grateful for the companionship, and you’re thankful for their assistance and willingness to protect you from harm.

You walk upstairs to your bedroom after informing the men you’re going to your room to rest. When you arrive at your room, you take your glasses off and place them on the nightstand beside your bed. You lay on your bed and close your eyes, feeling yourself slowly drift off to sleep. Even though you’re a god and sleep isn’t necessary for you, you would take a nap and sleep as a way to rejuvenate. The days have been long and dragging for you since your arrival at Teyvat, but it’s something you’re not used to. You have been performing miracles and answering prayers day and night. But for some reason, when you arrive at Teyvat, you feel tired. Maybe it’s because you’re a part of their lives now, and you interact with the citizens of Teyvat almost every day because they will stop by at every chance you get.

Fast forward to a week later, you informed the men (now your friends; you get giddy when you call them your friends) you wanted to explore Teyvat, and they raised their eyebrows at you. You stand in front of the twenty-five men, bouncing on the balls of your feet. Even though you’re the higher power and the creator of the universe, your asking them for permission to explore around Teyvat (a world you have built yourself with blood, sweat, and tears) was comical to you for some reason.

“I don’t think you need our permission for you to go out and explore Teyvat, Your Grace. You’re the one in charge here,” Albedo says, crossing his arms over his chest.

You laugh sheepishly and play with the tassel hanging from your lavish robe. “I know that, Albedo! But still! You’re all with me almost every hour of the day, and I wanted to ask if it’s okay with you guys if we go out and explore!” You say.

Gorou nods excitedly, his tail wagging fast behind him. “I wouldn’t mind going out and exploring Teyvat with you, [Y/N]! It’ll be fun, and you get to see the things you have created in Teyvat!” Gorou speaks up, smiling from ear to ear.

You giggle and clap your hands. “Great! I’m relieved you’re excited to go out and explore Teyvat with me! Perhaps be my guides while you’re all at it,” you say, reaching up and pinching Gorou’s cheek without thinking.

Feeling your gentle touch on his cheek, your skin against his skin, nearly made Gorou faint. Gorou’s cheeks heat up, the apples of his cheeks turn bright pink, and his tail wags even faster than it already was. You let your hands fall to your sides and turn to look at the men, who quickly act like they weren’t glaring daggers at Gorou not too long ago.

Itto takes a step toward you and throws his arm around your shoulder, pulling you toward his chest. “Well, if that is what our dear creator wants, then that is what they will get!” Itto announces, patting your head with his other hand.

“Great! Let’s get going now!” You say, getting out of Itto’s grasp and walking to the door to put your shoes on.

Thoma blinks at you and laughs nervously. “Uh, now? I thought we would be going tomorrow or maybe the day after tomorrow!” says Thoma, gazing at you curiously while tilting his head to the side.

You turn to look at the clock on the wall. It’s only ten in the morning. It’s not too early, nor is it too late to go out and explore Teyvat! Plus, it's not like you’ll be dragging everyone to the corners of Teyvat. You want to explore one region first, then explore the following six regions after.

Pierro crosses his arms over his chest. “Do you have a region in mind if we’re going to take you around Teyvat to explore?” Pierro asks, raising an eyebrow at you.

Before you can answer, Pantalone quickly interjects, “We will be exploring the cities and villages. Ruins are out of the exploration options, Your Grace.”

You nod. “Alright, deal! We will not be exploring the ruins, only the cities and villages!” You say. Then something dawns on you. “Wait, what if I want to explore the forests or the mountains?” You ask, propping your hands on your hips as you slip your shoes on your feet.

Dottore raises his eyebrows at you, but you don’t notice it because he’s wearing a mask. Dottore sighs and looks at the men around him. You’re a divine being, and yet you wanted to test to see whether you can withstand the sheer cold or not? You might as well visit Snezhnaya instead of Dragonspine if that area is an option in your exploration.

“Your Grace, I don’t think we should go to the forest to explore. While there are many of us, it’s easy to get lost in the forest,” Dottore says, frowning at you.

You purse your lips and point at Tighnari. “We have a forest ranger with us, Dottore! I’m sure he can guide us all in the forest of Sumeru without any of us getting lost!” You say, smiling widely.

You trot over to where Tighnari stands and loop your arms around his with a big smile. Tighnari blushes and nods in agreement while trying to keep a blank expression on his face. If you look closely, you can see the faint tint of pink on his cheeks. Since he doesn’t have human ears, Tighnari doesn’t have to worry about his ears being the same shade as his cheeks.

Capitano sighs and rubs his temples through his helmet. “If we explore the forest in Sumeru, please try not to wander off or get lost. We don’t want you to get lost in the forest,” Capitano says.

“Hehe, no need to worry about me getting lost, Capitano! If I do get lost, I’m sure all of you will be able to find me in no time!” You say.

You all immediately set out to explore the forest in Sumeru. To be more specific, the forest you’re all exploring is the Avidya Forest! It’s beautiful, and it’s enormous! You never cease to amaze yourself with the things you have created. You created so many things it’s hard to keep up with the things you have made and what randomly sprung into existence.

“What do you think of the Avidya Forest so far, Your Grace?” Heizou asks, walking beside you.

You look at the surrounding trees in awe. “It’s beautiful! The temperatures here are quite nice as well. It’s not hot, and there’s plenty of shade that’ll shield us from the sun!” You say. You turn to look at Heizou and nudge him lightly. “And please call me [Y/N]! I know you’re all used to calling me by my title, but we’re all friends here! I’m not going to smite anyone for calling me by my name,” you say, reaching out and letting your fingers brush against the moss-covered trees.

Baizhu and Tighnari rush to your side. “Your Grace— I mean, [Y/N], you’re not allergic to anything, are you?” Tighnari asks, gently pulling your hands away from the trees.

You blink at the forest ranger and shake your head slowly. “I’m sure I’m not allergic to the things I’ve created, Tighnari! I’m sure moss won’t pose a danger to me,” you say.

“[Y/N] is also a god, and I’m sure it’s rare for a god to get sick,” Thoma comments.

You and the men progress on your exploration in the Avidya Forest. It’s quiet between all of you. Not one person speaks aside from Tighnari. Tighnari leads the group through the thick forest, pointing at the interesting things you all come across during your exploration. Cyno decides to be the first one in the group (aside from Tighnari) to break the silence.

“What would a stand-up comedy team call itself in Sumeru?” Cyno asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

Tighnari drags out his sigh. Tighnari rubs his temples and shakes his head. “Oh, no. Don’t start now, Cyno,” Tighnari pleads, closing his eyes.

You tilt your head to the side. “I don’t know, Cyno. What is it?” You ask.

A small smile appears on Cyno’s face, and he says, “The AHAdemiya.”

Almost immediately, everyone around Cyno gives Cyno an unamused look. You snort and shake your head. You’re still unfamiliar with each man in the group, but the joke Cyno cracked just a few seconds ago is a huge contrast to his exterior.

Al Haitham rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. “Are you going to continue to crack jokes while we’re exploring the Avidya Forest for [Y/N]?” Al Haitham asks.

Kaveh huffs, propping his hands on his hips. “In all honesty, I would rather listen to Cyno crack his jokes for hours rather than listen to you complain about the littlest things,” Kaveh interjects, shooting a glare over in Al Haitham’s direction.

Albedo raises his hand. “Personally, I like Cyno’s jokes. I think they’re funny,” Albedo says nonchalantly.

Scaramouche raises his eyebrows at Albedo. “You do?” Scaramouche asks, finding it hard to believe that the Chief Alchemist enjoys jokes as horrible as the ones Cyno told.

You laugh nervously and rub your arms, unsure of how to react to the men bickering with each other. You turn to look at the other men, only to see Kaeya and Diluc arguing with each other. Through the sound of endless chatter, you made out the words “stepped” and “shoes.” You assumed Kaeya stepped on Diluc’s shoes while it was wet from walking through a pond. Then there’s Itto and Childe, getting ready to hit each other with a tree branch. You’re just relieved that they don’t have their weapons drawn out. It would’ve ended badly, and you’re not looking forward to parenting two adults.

“Can you two not fight right now?” Zhongli sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Especially in front of our dear creator,” Zhongli adds under his breath.

Childe huffs and pulls the sleeves up to his elbows. “Oh, lighten up, Mister Zhongli! I’m just here to teach this Oni a lesson about who’s the strongest and is capable of protecting [Y/N] without needing any assistance!”

Itto chortles and tightens his grip on the tree branch in his grasp. “You being a Harbinger does not mean you’re automatically stronger than the rest of us! Get off your high horse unless you want me to knock you off of it,” Itto proclaims, pointing the tree branch at Childe dramatically.

Just when you’re about to intervene and grab everyone’s attention, you see something move from your peripheral vision. You didn’t know what moved from the corner of your eyes, but you’re curious and tempted to see what the movement was. Since the men are too engrossed in their arguments, you decide to follow after the movement.

It’s not like the men are going to continue the exploration of the Avidya Forest without you! Plus, you’re only going to check and see what was moving. Once you get a glimpse of the moving object, being, or creature, you’ll head back to where the other men are at. Sounds easy enough, no? Wrong. You were wrong because the minute your eyes landed on the thing that was moving in the corner of your eyes, you found yourself sitting on the ground in the middle of the forest, occupied by the creature that was waddling away.

“Let’s just continue our exploration of the Avidya Forest! Seeing you all bicker in front of [Y/N] is humiliating, and I’m getting secondhand embarrassment,” Aether says, crossing his arms over his torso and glaring at the men around him.

Venti nods. “I agree! We all came out here to protect and guide [Y/N] while they see more of their creations in person. Instead, we’re arguing instead of doing what we were supposed to do!” Venti says, closing his eyes while rubbing his temples and shaking his head.

Baizhu interjects, “Let’s complete what’s left of the exploration and get something to eat. We’ve been in the Avidya Forest for a few hours now, and I believe [Y/N] might be getting hungry.”

“What do you think, Your Grace? How about we finish the exploration and get something to eat after?” Ayato sighs and turns to where you were standing a few moments ago.

Ayato and the other men freeze when they don’t see you standing in the spot you were at moments ago. Gorou and Tighnari have their ears perked up, listening to every sound very closely to see if it was you in any way. Alas, they did not hear you at all. There’s no sound of your voice, your laughter, your sigh, etc.— nothing at all.

Gorou runs his fingers through his hair. “Great! We lost [Y/N], and we have no idea where they could possibly be! We’re doomed, we’re doomed,” Gorou panics, pacing back and forth.

You couldn’t have wandered off somewhere far; it had only been a few minutes since you had up and left to who knows where. They have thought about splitting into groups to make it quicker to search for you, but some men objected to splitting up and searching for you in groups.

Kazuha scans the area with his red eyes. “The last time Childe, Itto, and Zhongli saw [Y/N] was a few minutes ago. They shouldn’t have strayed too far from the group,” Kazuha murmurs, closing his eyes and feeling the cool breeze against his skin.

“Keep in mind that [Y/N] has a glow around them. Perhaps that will make the search a little bit easier when we’re looking for them,” Kaeya suggests.

Diluc sighs and pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue, the feeling of frustration starting to set in when he couldn’t find you. How can he be so careless? Diluc was so occupied with arguing with Kaeya that he didn’t realize you had wandered off somewhere. And now look at where they’re at now. Searching for the divine being somewhere in the Avidya Forest.

Diluc presses his lips into a thin line. “I hope they’re okay and unharmed. I understand that it’s been a few minutes since they have wandered off, but I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault,” Diluc sighs.

Xiao scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Don’t blame yourself. You’re not the only one that didn’t keep your eyes on our creator. We were all distracted and didn’t keep a close eye on [Y/N],” Xiao says, letting out a frustrated sigh and running his gloved hands through his hair.

“Xiao’s right. It’s not your fault for [Y/N]’s sudden disappearance. None of us were keeping a keen eye out for them. Therefore, let’s not blame ourselves for [Y/N]’s disappearance,” Dainsleif interjects, dragging out his sigh.

The men immediately start searching around the Avidya Forest for you, searching behind the trees, bushes, and shrubbery. It’s possible that you could be playing a prank on them or testing their skills on their people-searching skills— well, in this case, god-searching skills. The more they look around, the more they become frustrated after not being able to find you in the areas they’re searching about.

“Any luck?” Pantalone calls out.

Pierro sighs and furrows his eyebrows. “Unfortunately, there’s no luck on my end,” Pierro replies.

Dottore pinches the bridge of his nose, letting out a sharp exhale. “We’ve searched the vicinity. Where could they be?” Dottore asks, gnawing on his bottom lip.

“Are we certain they weren’t taken by Eremites or Treasure hoarders?” Capitano asks, his eyes scanning each person underneath his helmet.

Tighnari and Gorou shake their heads automatically after hearing Capitano’s question. The chances of you being kidnapped by treasure hoarders and eremites are highly unlikely. For starters, Tighnari and Gorou would’ve heard them coming from miles away because of how good their hearings were. Second of all, if you were kidnapped by the two groups mentioned, everyone would’ve heard you struggle and scream.

Gorou sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. “We would’ve known they had taken [Y/N] if they did. We would’ve heard them, and they would’ve made themselves known,” Gorou says, trying to keep his voice calm.

“Then where could they be? We searched around for them, and we couldn’t find our dear creator!” Kaveh exclaims, running his hands through his hair.

Before Al Haitham could interject, Tighnari and Gorou froze in their spots. Everyone gives the two men a quizzical look. Tighnari presses his index finger against his lips and gestures for the others to follow him. Tighnari leads the men to the small cave that is well hidden behind the veils of vines. The men cram into the cave and stop when they see the sight in front of them. There, sitting in the center of the cave, is their dearest creator, watching a floating dendro fungus twirl around and bounce in the air happily.

Al Haitham sighs in relief. “Your Grace, you’re safe,” Al Haitham speaks up, startling you and the floating dendro fungus.

You look at the men and wave at them happily, getting up from the ground and brushing dirt off your clothes. You didn’t look hurt, nor did you look scared of the floating dendro fungus in front of you. Speaking of floating dendro fungus, the men notice the creature shrinking back in fear and hiding behind you when you stand up. The floating dendro fungus peeks from behind your legs when you smile at the men after making sure to dust the dirt and grass off your clothes.

You rub the back of your neck sheepishly. “Ah, I assumed I was gone for too long,” you say.

“[Y/N], we were looking everywhere for you! You gave us a scare, Your Grace!” Heizou whines, hunching over with a dramatic sigh.

You give the men a sympathetic smile and approach them with the floating dendro fungus following close behind. You pull Heizou into a hug and sigh, rubbing the young detective of the Tenryou Commission’s back. Heizou freezes up in your arms for a second before melting in your arms, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his cheek on your head.

You close your eyes and sigh. “I’m sorry for making you all worry. I should’ve said something before wandering off,” you murmur.

“Uh! I think you shouldn’t be wandering off in general! I get that little fungus little guy is cute, but he is dangerous and will kill you if he gets the chance to!” Itto interjects dramatically, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the floating dendro fungus behind you.

You pull away from the hug and pout at Itto, petting the floating dendro fungus behind you without taking your eyes off the twenty-five men in front of you. The floating dendro fungus squeaks happily and leans into your touch.

“He didn’t hurt me! He’s the sweetest!” You say.

You turn around, pick up the floating dendro fungus and hug the fungus to your chest. You pet the fungus before holding it out toward the men, some flinching away from the adorable creature and taking a step back.

You smile sheepishly. “Can we keep it?”

Scaramouche scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Absolutely not,” Scaramouche says.

Ayato sighs and analyzes the fungus in your grasp. The fungus stares back at Ayato, blinking at the Kamisato heir owlishly. “It’s adorable, but you know they harm the people of Teyvat, [Y/N]. It may not have hurt you, but it can hurt other people around you and us,” Ayato gently explains.

You visibly deflate, letting out a tiny “oh,” before putting the floating dendro fungus back on the ground. The floating dendro fungus squeaks sadly, rubbing up against your leg. You pout and let out a few sniffles. You kneel in front of the floating dendro fungus, saying a few words of comfort and encouragement before watching it scurry out of the cave.

Aether clears his throat awkwardly. “So, do you want to continue to explore the Avidya Forest, or do you want to return to the abode?” Aether asks, scratching his right arm while waiting for you to reply.

You pucker your lips and think for a second. “Do you guys think we can order something and bring it back to the abode?” You ask, stroking your chin. “It’s been a while since I’ve had something cooked in a restaurant.”

Thoma raises his eyebrows at you. “What do you mean? Since you arrived in Teyvat, you’ve always had food cooked for you at the abode and when you’re having dinner with the leaders and archons of that nation,” Thoma says, crossing his arms over his chest.

You give Thoma a smile. “Whenever I’m bored, sometimes I would sneak into Teyvat and get something to eat. This isn’t my first time visiting Teyvat. It’s my first time exploring Teyvat out in the open without having to wear a disguise,” you reply.

Venti stares at you with his mouth agape. “You’ve visited Teyvat before?” Venti whispers.

Xiao rolls his eyes. “[Y/N] said that not too long ago, Venti. You’re just repeating their comment back to them,” Xiao mutters.

“I’ll explain everything over lunch. I’m starting to get hungry,” you say, putting both your hands over your stomach and feeling it rumble.

While you and the men are walking in Sumeru City, Cyno decides to break the silence.

“What did the mushroom say to the other mushrooms that all grew together and away from him?” Cyno asks casually, his eyes scanning the lively city.

Venti hum and taps his chin, trying to think of an answer. “I don’t know, Cyno! What is it?” Venti asks, looking at the Mahamatra curiously.

A small smile appears on his face. “Hey, let me join you guys. I swear I'm a fungi!”

The men around you let out a collective groan and give the Mahamatra a side-eye. You snort and shake your head. While the twenty-three men are groaning and rolling their eyes at Cyno’s jokes, Albedo cracks a smile and shakes his head, laughing under his breath while searching for a place for you all to eat.

Ever since that day, when you and the twenty-five men go out and explore, they made sure to keep their eyes on you in case you wander off like last time. Luckily, you didn’t wander off and stray away from the group during the explorations. You knew the men were protective of you. Still, you never knew how crazy protective they are of you until this one specific incident happened.

It’s a known fact that everyone in Teyvat worships you. Everyone, even the archons from the respective seven nations, worships you. When you have worshippers, there are those who casually worship you, there are people who are very devoted to you, and some devotees take it to the extreme and make things incredibly uncomfortable for you.

You and your friends, who are also your bodyguards, and most loyal acolytes, are walking to your nearest shrine in Inazuma. It’s a beautiful day out in Inazuma, and you want to take a stroll around the City of Eternity to admire the view and feel the nice cool breeze under the sun. Of course, since it’s a stroll under the sun, the men brought their umbrellas to shield you from the heat and the UV rays. Though you insist they use their umbrellas to cover themselves from the sun while you share an umbrella with Capitano because he is the one that’s guiding you to the shrine.

“It’s hot out today, isn’t it? It’s a good thing it’s a bit windy today, or else we would all melt because of the heat,” you say, sighing with contentment when you feel the cool breeze on your warm skin.

Baizhu nods. “Indeed it is. I was quite surprised when you said you wanted all of us to take a stroll to your shrine when we could teleport there instead,” says Baizhu.

“Perhaps it was a mistake, but you know what? It’s fine, and on the bright side, we’re almost to the shrine!” You say, wrapping your arms around Capitano’s biceps as he walks beside you.

The men have positions where they let you hold their arm while you’re out in Teyvat. While there’s no need for them to do that, they insist on doing it anyway because it’s to make sure you don’t trip or stumble on a pebble or uneven pavement when out of the abode. This position was established when you didn’t have glasses, but it remained after you got prescriptions. You think it’s kind of them to care about your safety! What you didn’t know is the reason why the arm-holding position remained is that these men wanted you to touch them. Not in an obscene way, but they like being close to you, and seeing you touch them, link your arms with theirs, hug them, etc., makes them crave for more of your touch.

“What are we going to be doing after we visit the shrine?” Kazuha asks, watching the sakura blooms fly and dance in the air.

You hum softly. “Ei invited us to have lunch with her, Kujou Sara, and Yae Miko at the Tenshukaku! How could I turn down an invite?” You say, turning to look at the men.

You hear Scaramouche make an audible “ugh” as he crosses his arms over his chest with his face pinching up with disgust and annoyance. Then there’s Itto, his face scrunching up at the mention of Kujou Sara. Gorou, on the other hand, looks anxious. His pupils are dilated, and his ears are pulled back while smiling at you nervously. Poor Gorou looks like he’s about to pass out at any moment. It seems like these three men aren’t fond of the women you mentioned. You blink at Itto, Scaramouche, and Gorou and turn to look at the others, who shrug in response.

Albedo clears his throat. “Is it just a lunch, or did the Raiden Shogun invite you for a meeting and then lunch after?” Albedo asks.

“I believe it’s just lunch! She didn’t mention anything about a meeting,” you reply.

When you and the twenty-five men arrive at the shrine dedicated to you in Inazuma, the shine is bigger than you remember. There is an enormous marble statue of you, cradling Teyvat in your hands with your eyes closed while sitting on the cement block. In front of the statue are offerings made to you. From flowers to food, Mora, alcohol, and many more things you could barely make out.

“What’s that?” Diluc asks, reaching for the pink envelope that is decorated with heart and flower stickers.

Kaeya takes the envelope from Diluc’s hands, ignoring the glare the redhead shot in his direction. Kaeya is about to open the envelope, but he stops himself. Kaeya walks over to where you’re standing and hands you the letter. You look at Kaeya curiously, grab the pink envelope from Kaeya’s hands and begin to open the envelope with care.

“I was going to have a look at it, but it wouldn’t be right for me to open a letter that is written for our dear creator,” says Kaeya, giving you a charming smile.

You smile at Kaeya and continue to open the envelope. “How generous of you, Kaeya,” you say.

Everyone, including yourself, assumed there was a prayer written in the envelope. The twenty-five men back up to give you some privacy to read the letter once you pull out a pink piece of paper. Your eyes skim the letter, and your facial expression quickly morphs from curious to horrified. A paper falls from the envelope, landing on the ground in front of you.

“Oh? What’s this?” Albedo asks, picking the paper off the ground and flipping it over.

The men crowd around Albedo to look at the paper in Albedo’s grasp. You cover your mouth with your left hand and crush the letter in the other. The men all equally let out gasps and quickly looked away from the scandalous image. You let out a shaky breath, giving the men a fake smile.

“You know, I knew I have devoted worshippers, but this person takes it to the next level,” you say, letting your balled-up fist fall at your side. “Judging by your reactions, I don’t even want to look at whatever you all have witnessed.”

Pantalone shakes his head. “You don’t want to see it, Your Grace. For the sake of your sanity, it’s best you never glance at that picture,” Pantalone says.

“I know we arrived at the shrine not too long ago, but I think it's best we leave the shrine to inform the Raiden Shogun of this situation,” Pierro says gruffly.

You press your lips into a thin line and nod. You and the men are about to leave the shrine when all twenty-six of you hear rapid footsteps approaching the shrine. Diluc snatches the letter from the ground along with the paper from Albedo’s grasp and burns it. You watch the letter and paper disintegrate into ashes, pieces of the paper and letter fluttering to the ground.

The footsteps get louder and louder, and before you all know it, the owner of those footsteps stops a few feet away from where you and the men are standing. The owner of the footsteps lets out a loud yet strained gasp, grabbing everyone’s attention.

“Oh my gosh! Your Grace! You’re really here!” A man whispers, covering his mouth with his shaky hands in awe.

You smile at the man. “Indeed, I am! I was stopping by the shrine to check on its condition,” you say.

The man looks starstruck, his entire being trembling with excitement and anxiousness. You and the men trade looks with each other, unsure of what else to say other than act polite. This man could be stopping by the shrine to pay his respects, but given the look in his eyes, the feeling of dread looms over you. The man rushes toward you, but Capitano and Pierro immediately block him from getting toward you while the other men surround you in a large yet tight circle.

“You dare to get close to our creator?” Dottore demands, glaring at the man behind his mask.

The Inazuman man glares at Dottore with pure hatred. “I am our creator’s most devoted follower! How dare you try to get in between them and me!” The Inazuman man exclaims.

You squeeze your hand around the pink envelope, crushing it in your grasp. The envelope crinkling under your grip grabs the man’s attention. His eyes fall on your hands, his eyes widen, and he looks at you in shock and in awe. The Inazuman man seems almost giddy.

The man whispers, “You’ve read my letter, Your Grace? A-And you’ve seen the….”

Childe’s expression sours, his hands itching to draw out his weapon. “You’re the one that wrote that letter and sent that picture?” Childe demands, his hands trembling with anger.

You look at Childe quizzically. “What was the picture?” You whisper.

Dainsleif shakes his head. “It’s best you don’t know, Your Grace. You will be revolted if you were to know what the picture contained,” Dainsleif says, looking at the Inazuman man with disgust.

Realization dawns on the Inazuman man; the look of horror and rage flashes across his face. His face pinches up with anger, his lips scrunch in a thin line, and his eyebrows are knitted together. The Inazuman man points at the men surrounding you.

“How dare you all look at the letter and picture I sent to my creator! It’s an invasion of my privacy, and you not only disrespected me, but you disrespected my dearest creator!” The Inazuman man bellows.

Zhongli’s eyes begin to glow ominously as he approaches the angry Inazuman man. Zhongli grabs the man by the collar of his shirt and yanks him forward. The two men are now face to face; the Inazuman man’s feet are dangling off the floor.

“You are the one that sent our creator an obscene image. You are the one that disrespected our creator but have the audacity to be upset?!” Zhongli hisses, tightening his grip around the man’s shirt collar.

The Inazuman man thrashes in Zhongli’s grasp and starts hurling profanities at the former Geo archon. You sigh and rub your throbbing temples, closing your eyes. Today was supposed to be an easygoing day. Yet, someone like this Inazuman man is making it hard for you all to have a relaxing day at the shrine before having lunch with Ei, Yae Miko, and Kujou Sara.

You step forward and tap Zhongli’s shoulders, grabbing the funeral consultant’s attention. “Release him. We’ll inform the Raiden Shogun about the situation, and she, or Kujou Sara, will handle the situation,” you say.

Aether huffs, glaring at the black-haired Inazuman man after Zhongli releases the man from his grasp. “I think we should go to the authorities first to report this situation before heading to the Tenshukaku for lunch,” Aether mutters.

Heizou nods. “I agree! How about you all go to Tenshukaku while I file a report. In the meantime, I will take this man to the Tenryou Commission,” Heizou says, approaching the Inazuman man and slapping handcuffs on the man’s wrists.

You nod and cross your arms over your chest. “I would hate for it to turn out this way, but it seems like we have no other choice,” you murmur. You turn to Heizou and place your hand on his shoulder. “Please try to return to me as fast as possible,” you say.

Heizou’s eyes widen with surprise, and he nods, trying to act like your words had no impact on him at all. Heizou grabs the man and pulls him out of the shrine, with a few men (Childe, Zhongli, Al Haitham, Pierro, Capitano, Xiao, Ayato, and Diluc) following him. After they left, Thoma volunteered to be the one to take you to the Tenshukaku.

Here you are, sitting across from Ei, Yae Miko, and Kujou Sara. You have a porcelain teacup in your hands, lightly tapping your fingers on the cup nervously. The men stands close behind your seat, eyes scanning the Tenshukaku. Ei raises her eyebrows at the men behind you before turning to look at you.

“Your Grace?” Ei asks softly.

You pull your eyes away from your teacup and make eye contact with the electro archon. Ei smiles at you worriedly and places her cup down on the saucer.

“Yes, Ei?” You murmur.

Ei gazes at you intently, leaning back in her seat and crossing her right leg over her left leg. The electro archon studies you for a moment, not saying anything. You look skittish and frazzled, and it worries the three women sitting across from you.

Yae Miko clears her throat. “Are you alright? If you’re not feeling well, we can always have lunch next time,” says Yae Miko.

You shake your head. “No, no! I’m feeling alright! I…” you trail off, taking in a deep breath.

You turn to look at the men behind you. They all stare back at you worriedly, unsure whether they should speak on your behalf or not.

You clear your throat. “You may have noticed that some of my protectors are not present with us at the moment. That is because they have some businesses to deal with,” you say, tracing the small intricate designs on the teacup with your index finger.

Kujou Sara sits up straight. “Did something happen, Your Grace?” Kujou Sara asks stiffly, her eyebrows furrowing.

The doors to the Tenshukaku open, and the nine men walk into the building. A wave of relief washes over you. You let out a long exhale and get up from your seat. You walk toward the nine men, with the other men following behind. You stop in your tracks when you see blood splatters on the men’s clothes and their faces.

You point at them. “Why is there blood on your clothes?” You ask.

Childe smiles at you and pulls you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and resting his cheek on your head while sighing with contentment. “You won’t have to worry about him anymore, Your Grace. We made sure he won’t be bothering you anymore,” Childe says, pulling away from the hug.

Tighnari looks at Childe skeptically. “You guys didn’t kill him, did you?” Tighnari asks cautiously.

“Of course not! We taught him a lesson first before turning him to the Tenryou Commissions,” Al Haitham replies, crossing his arms over his chest while scratching the dried blood off his right shoulder.

Yae Miko raises her eyebrows and stands by your side with Ei and Kujou Sara. “He? Tenryou Commission? Did something happen on your way to the Tenshukaku?” Asked Yae Miko. She crosses her arms over her chest and taps her bicep with her perfectly manicured fingers.

Gorou laughs nervously and turns to look at you. You nod, signaling for Gorou to explain to the three women what had happened before your arrival at the Tenshukaku. Before Gorou could explain the situation, Ei raised her hand to stop Gorou.

Ei gestures to the table where you all were before the nine men arrived at the Tenshukaku. “Let’s talk over lunch. You haven’t touched your food since your arrival,” Ei says.

You nod and follow after the electro archon with the men following close behind you. You sit in your seat and reach for the chopsticks, stirring your noodles and sighing. Ei looks at Gorou and gestures for Gorou to start explaining what had happened on your way to your shrine before going to the Tenshukaku to meet up with the three women for lunch. After explaining what happened to Kujou Sara, Ei, and Yae Miko, Ei shakes her head with distaste.

“I will head over to the Tenryou Commission right now to deal with him,” Kujou Sara declares, her hands clenching into tight fists at her sides.

Diluc shakes his head. “There’s no need to do that. We have already taken care of him,” Diluc says.

Yae Miko looks at Diluc with amusement. “Oh? And what are you implying?” She asks, leaning back in her seat and raising her eyebrows at the redhead wine tycoon standing behind you.

Pierro huffs behind you, glaring at the kitsune sitting across from you. “That is none of your concern. We have handled this situation already,” the first Harbinger interjects, crossing his arms over his chest.

Ei narrows her eyes at Pierro and sighs. Ei looks at you, who’s too busy eating the noodles in front of you while trying to drown out the conversation around you. Ei gets up from her seat and walks around the table, kneeling before you. You’re pulled from your thoughts when the electro archon places a gentle hand over yours.

Ei says in a soft tone, “Your Grace, I understand your,” she looks over at the group of men behind you, “bodyguards are here to protect you and can handle the situation, but this happened in my nation. As the ruler and archon of Inazuma, please, let me handle it,” Ei pleads.

Capitano sighs and points his thumb over in Heizou’s direction. “If you want to talk about the situation, you must go to Shikanoin Heizou for information. After all, he is the one that turned this Inazuman man to the Tenryou Commission,” Capitano says.

Heizou nods his head stiffly. Ei looks at the men, then at you before sighing quietly. She nods and stands, walking back to her seat and sitting between Yae Miko and Kujou Sara. Lunch proceeded, and the tension wasn’t at an all-time high like how you would expect it to be after Gorou explained to the three women what had happened.

By the time lunch ended, you were drained and ready to go home and relax. You bid the three women goodbyes before leaving the Tenshukaku. Before leaving the Tenshukaku, Kujou Sara quickly informs Heizou that she will need to see him and the other men for information on the strange Inazuman man the next day.

“How are you feeling, [Y/N]? It’s been a long day for you, and you had to deal with someone as atrocious as that Inazuman man,” Ayato says, guiding you into the estate.

You give Ayato a small smile, rest your head on his arms, and close your eyes. “I’m feeling drained, Ayato. I need to relax in the bathhouse to get my mind off what happened today and what the letter contained,” you shivered.

“We’ll get the bathhouse and hotspring ready for you,” Thoma says, dragging Itto and the other men with him.

Itto’s eyes widen. “What?! I wanted to stay with [Y/N]!” Itto protests, groaning loudly while letting Thoma drag him away from you.

While you’re getting ready to go to the bathhouse in your bedroom, the men are downstairs, speaking to Heizou and the other eight men that went with him to the Tenryou Commission. Gorou sits on the armrest of the couch, his arms crossed over his midriff.

“You nine are covered in blood. Did you guys kill that lunatic?” Kaveh asks, raising his eyebrows at the nine men that stand before him and the others.

Xiao shakes his head. “We didn’t kill him, but we did teach him a lesson and made sure he wouldn’t do such a thing ever again,” replies Xiao.

“Why didn’t you kill him? If we don’t get rid of him, he will continue what he’s been doing if he recovers,” Dottore huffs, rolling his eyes underneath his mask.

Dainsleif frowns at Dottore and pinches the bridge of his nose. “If we got rid of him, then [Y/N] will know. We only kept him alive so he could rot in prison for his crimes. People like him don’t deserve an easy way out of their crimes,” Dainsleif interjects.

The men fall silent when they hear your bedroom door open. You trot down the stairs and tighten the robe's rope, giving the men a small smile. You look exhausted, but the warm glow and tiny sparkles around you don’t dim. Despite being in your presence every day, you never cease to make them feel breathless with your presence and warm smile.

Baizhu quickly approaches you. “How are you feeling, [Y/N]? You won’t be at the bathhouse for too long now, are you?” Baizhu asks, looking at you worriedly.

“I’m feeling a little bit better! I think relaxing in the bathhouse for an hour would make me feel better. Thank you for asking!” You reply, wrapping your arms around yourself.

Kaeya raises his hand. “Would you be okay with us standing outside the bathhouse to make sure no one sneaks in while you’re taking a dip in the hotspring?” Kaeya asks.

You shake your head. “I don’t mind!” you say, walking toward the door and slipping your sandals on. “Besides, I feel safe with all of you. None of you have posed a threat to me, nor have any of you made me feel uncomfortable,” you said, turning to look at the men with a faint smile on your face.

Gorou looks at you with stars in his eyes. “You feel safe with us?” Gorou whispers, his tail wagging behind him.

“Of course I do! You all kept me safe while I was in Teyvat. You all guided me to places I needed to go when I didn’t have glasses. You all made sure to protect me from the people who are my most devoted follower,” you say shyly.

Scaramouche clears his throat, looks away, and crosses his arms over his chest with a huff of breath. “Of course, we’ll protect you! What kind of protectors and friends would we be if we didn’t protect you at all costs?” Scaramoche asks, his cheeks turning crimson red.

Kazuha approaches you, gently grabs your hand, and presses a kiss on your knuckles. “We will always protect our dearest creator,” Kazuha says softly.

The men nod, approaching you and stopping near you and Kazuha.

“We are devoted to you, and we’ll do anything to protect our dear creator,” Albedo adds.

Pantalone adds, “Even if it means we have to kill someone to protect you. We’ll make sure that no one touches a single hair on your head, Your Grace.”

The men collectively bow to you with their right hand over their chest, catching you off guard. You’re very well aware of their dedication and loyalty to you, and you appreciate them very much. There’s not a time when you wish you were alone and could walk around Teyvat on your own. Their presence, friendship, and guidance mean everything to you, and you’re truly grateful for each of them. You’re grateful for them just as much as they are grateful for you, their dear creator.

Note: I kind of want to make a new Isekai'd!Reader series, except it's a chaptered fic rather than a collection of one-shots like the current ongoing Isekai'd!Reader series. But instead of posting the entire chapters on Tumblr, I'll be posting one chapter/preview on Tumblr and the rest of the story will be on AO3, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm still thinking about it. It's just a floating thought in my head, idk when I'll make it a thing. Anyway, I will be making my AO3 fics available for nonregistered users to view today (once I have updated). It's been almost two months, I think? To my new and/or returning readers, please keep in mind that I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

Taglist for my Isekai'd!Reader one-shot series and my overall taglist: @xyji, @chirikoheina, @yoru-trash, @kaoyamamegami, @kwelibeeery, @deartoru, @luminarymoonlight, @toobytub, @ins4nebish, @bokuto-kinnie, @honeybedo, @exhaustedcommunist, @jadedist, @mompt2, @chalksdreams, @thelost-in-time, @ventisweetheart, @hispasian-otaku, @juuuuuj101010, @alteeeeyang, @samarill, @testsubject0012, @irisxiel, @kazuhaprnt, @lunarapple, @emilymikado, @mabie, @vinnie-w, @n8mareee, @bajifairyy, @heyimkay, @milkpeanuts476, @eliciana, @blesstosuisen, @goldeneclipsedragon, @jjvr4yxc, @sovermike-21-blog, @vox34, @wynncrites, @skyyyyackerman, @undecidingfate, @nightlysunn, @faeryminnyx, @simpcreator, @lucifarts-boxers, @thelovebuggs, @urlocalheizousimp, @sunlightstarr (Accounts that I was unable to tag have been removed. Those who don't want to be tagged in certain stories are not tagged in this particular post. Remember to check your settings if you're allowing people to mention you/tag you in posts or not)

Read more of my works on my Masterlist | Maybe support me by tipping me on Ko-Fi or by reblogging my fanfics! ^^ I will also be posting exclusive fanfics on Ko-Fi as well very soon! I might post all of my stories on there too, but who knows. You can also tip me on Tumblr if you'd like as a way to show support! ^^

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abyssal-author-and-artist · 19 days ago

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My blog is generally pretty lighthearted and I stick to reblogging art and fic and fun stuff, but you know what. I feel like I need to say this.

I am a trans teen in the US. I'm seventeen, so too young to have voted. I'm terrified for my life right now. I usually post about college but I'm actually concurrently enrolled in high school still and the kid who sits behind me in first period government is a massive Trump fanboy. I'm going to have to go to high school Monday and talk about the election. I'm going to have to hear my deadname called and hear people in my super conservative high school talk about how happy they are Trump won. Everything is terrifying. I walk outside of my house and I'm scared I'll be shot. Several months ago I promised that I'd kill myself if that bastard won.

He did and I'm still here.

I'm not thriving. I'm not living my best life. I'm barely living. But I'm surviving. I'm coping. I'm trying my goddamned best. It's hard. I want so bad to just go and take as much medication as I can and slit my wrist for good measure and pass away in my sleep. But I'm still here. And I will be here.

I am in so much pain. But I'm living on spite and determination and everything I can scrape together. I know I need support and those around me need support. So consider this a support masterpost.

Support:

First thing you should see if you're a trans person in the US.

Here's a link to the Trevor Project and here's a link to their suicide hotline page. They've already saved my life once before. Please note - they recommend calling if you need immediate support. Donate if you can, please.

This post is both a suicide hotline masterlist and a post mentioning how something feels deeply wrong here with this election.

On the topic of something being wrong, sign this petition. I'm only seventeen but I did this and it might not feel like much but if we couldn't shoot that bastard (I am not pro-gun but I am when it comes to him) then we'll do the next best thing. Here's the link to the petition itself. Make sure to check the post every once in a while - the original petition got taken down and this is important.

I follow a lot of gimmick blogs, so I got to see this post encouraging us to be loud. Because we should be. Because if we die they've won and my mom didn't smoke weed on the steps of the state capital of Colorado to legalize it just so her son could roll over and die.

Here is the Tumblr Hot Beverage Masterpost, as I've taken to calling it. My personal favorites are the London Fog in the replies, earl grey with milk, honey, and vanilla (in the tags), and some additions from me are hot chocolate with peppermint melted into it, earl grey with lavender, caramel apple tea, and really anything else you can think of. Trust me. This post works better than you think.

Read this post if you haven't seen it already. It's half poem, half Tumblr being Tumblr, all wonderful to read.

Things I just like to see:

PM Seymour and Bettina Levy both have shown their support for everyone struggling right now. It might not be much, but I still really appreciate it and seeing support can really help.

The cat with the kind and reassuring face. No other context.

Four panel comic of hope. Because you're more than enough.

Can't find the post where I found this but this is a link to a virtual toy where you can make your own galaxy.

Please. Eat something. Drink a hot beverage. Draw, write, read, knit, sew, sculpt, bake, do something that helps. Reach out to friends, even if they're online friends. Talk to someone you trust. Make vent art. Write vent fics. It doesn't matter what you do as long as it helps.

Do not roll over and die. Live. Live on spite. Live on determination. Live on shitposts and live on heartfelt stories like this one. If you have anything to add to this post please do. Add more resources. Add more love to this post. I know I'm just a guy on the internet saying shit, but I still care about everyone who sees this post.

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typicalopposite · 4 months ago

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PLZ READ TAGS FOR TRIGGER WARNINGS

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝙸 𝚃𝚛𝚢 𝚃𝚘 𝙵𝚕𝚢 (𝙸 𝙵𝚊𝚕𝚕)

BuckTommy Fic | M | Chapter 2/? | 5817 words

Prologue | Chapter 1 | ao3

I also made a Tommy Begins-esque tumblr story a little while back which ties into this fic, and since it won’t be added directly to the story I’ll share it here (killing two ideas with one fic… if you will 😂)

Parts: one | two | three | four of the backstory

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚠𝚘: 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝… 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎

As soon as Tommy pulls Buck’s front door closed, every ounce of anger, all the annoyance, the jealousy—everything his mind had been so desperately clinging to up until this moment—dissipates. He doesn’t know what makes him feel worse: Tommy’s lack of anger that Buck had gone through such great lengths to uncover his past, Tommy not fighting him on the break up (regardless of the tears in his eyes, and the hurt on his face saying he desperately wanted to), or Tommy calling him Buck.

Or, maybe they’re all equally combined in making it so the second that latch clicks, and he hears Tommy’s footsteps fade off down the hall, he immediately regrets everything.

The intensity of it surges through his body and overstimulates him. He stands in the middle of his loft while the reality of what just happened—what he’s just done—comes crashing down onto him. He wants to scream, but he can’t breathe. He wants to chase after Tommy, but his feet are cemented to the floor. He squeezes his eyes shut, pinches his arm as hard as he can, and hopes this is just a nightmare and he will open his eyes, and have woken up.

Instead, when he opens them all he sees is the closed front door. When he finally manages to break them away from that, he sees the flowers, the wine, and the card… He grips his phone in his hands… his fingers are already itching to call Tommy so he can beg him to come back. It was never supposed to come to this. Sure, he was upset… but not relationship ending upset.

He feels so stupid, and hot-headed… he feels like an asshole… He feels like he definitely doesn’t deserve another second chance, or forgiveness for his once again loose and hurtful lips. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t call, and instead just goes back upstairs, and collapses onto his bed.

He doesn’t think he really deserves to succumb to the tears building in his eyes, because he did this to himself; but if he does cry it out… at least the exhaustion it will bring might help him fall asleep. He needs to sleep; he has work in the morning. He doesn’t sleep, though. He just lays, curled around his pillow, and spends the night going through all of the pictures of them.

What was supposed to be years, and years and years spent growing old together… now will only exist as yearly memories.

Before he knows it his alarms are going off and he has no choice but to drag himself back out of bed. A pot of coffee, black, and an ice cold shower… do nothing to help the exhaustion. He doesn’t even change clothes before sulking out of his loft and down to his Jeep. The drive to the station feels like it takes an eternity. His head has never hurt this bad in his life. Not to mention…

…he now has to tell everyone he ended things with Tommy.

A new wave of dread, nausea, and exhaustion wash over him, and the amount of energy it feels like it is going to take to make himself get out and go face the music is far too great. He considers just driving back home; Bobby would understand.

“S’up Buck!” Eddie says, slapping the hood of the Jeep. Buck jumps so hard it causes Eddie to jump, too. “Whoa, you okay?” Buck looks out the window blinking slowly—because he is too tired to do much else—until Eddie starts to look concerned.

“I– I’m fine,” Buck lies. “Just… tired.”

“Tommy told me he was heading over there after his shift…” Eddie says, Buck tenses up, dreading talking about it. “The hell did he do when he got—You know what… I don’t want to know.” Eddie’s face relaxes back into his warm, bright smile—which has finally returned after months of it being nonexistent or just plain forced during everything that happened with Christopher. What’s Buck supposed to do, ruin that with his self-inflicted drama.

No.

So Buck just goes along with it. He slaps on his best, cheesy, classic Evan “Buck” Buckley smile, laughs at Eddie’s discomfort from the images he put in his own head, and tosses all his woes and regrets into the negative thoughts bin. He tiptoes around any mention of Tommy, he says the bare minimum when he must, he lies where it is necessary…

He goes on about his day as if nothing—no major life-altering thing—has happened, and he makes it to the end of his shift managing to leave the team none the wiser about his relationship status.

He does this for a week.

Everyone has lives, and their lives are busy, so he plays on that and keeps them talking about themselves instead of him. Apparently Tommy isn’t too keen on sharing the news of their break up either, because he doesn’t mention it to Eddie or Chimney during their game on Thursday. Buck wonders how long he can avoid it; logically, as he gets back into his regular clothes (trying to not look at the picture of him and Tommy hanging up on the inside of the door he hasn’t been able to take down yet) he tells himself this was the last day. He hasn’t spoken to Tommy—not that he thinks Tommy wants to speak to him—and he hasn’t been able to get the courage up to reach out himself. He decides to break the news when he comes back to work.

“What are you and Tommy doing tonight?” Chimney asks, stopping Buck just as he reaches his Jeep. Buck can feel the color drain from his face, so he keeps his back to him for a moment to compose himself. At least he remembers Tommy’s schedule for the near future so he is able to get out of whatever this invitation is with: “Oh—uh—actually Tommy has a shift today.”

“I thought he said he was taking a couple days off,” Eddie interrupts. Buck is sure he looks like a deer caught in the headlights. His brain sputters to a stop rather than working on a back up plan, but before he is sure he has to come clean, Eddie snaps his fingers; “No wait, that’s right. He said he was taking time off after this shift.”

“So you two finally have snagged a few days off together, then?” Hen chimes in, joining them at Buck’s Jeep. “He planning on taking you up to meet Mrs. K, yet?”

Chimney lets out a dramatic Ooo; he nudges Buck with his elbow. “Those are the big steps, Buckley.”

Buck tries not to react.

They had made plans to take a trip up to NorCal to visit Tommy’s mom actually; before… everything. Buck has only spoken to her on the phone—never FaceTimed because she’s older and doesn’t like smart phones—because they were taking it slow. Tommy didn’t want to rush bringing Buck home to his mother; Buck didn’t push, his nerves always in hyperdrive at the thought of her not thinking he was good enough for her baby.

Tommy’s an only child, and they are extremely close. It was such a big deal to him for her to meet Buck. Tommy swore she already loved him, and she made it seem as such the few times they had spoken. That’s all unimportant now, though…

“Yeah— yeah, I know… right?” Buck says, a nervous (very unconvincing) laugh bubbling out of him. “We’re definitely taking some… big— big steps on our time off.”

Chimney narrows his eyes, and Buck is certain he is about to start asking questions. “I feel like this just pivoted into sexual territory,” he says, and Buck has to force himself to not sigh in relief. “And I’d very much love to not go there… so changing the subject—”

“Yeah, great… let’s do that,” Buck blurts before he can stop himself, nervously shoving his hands down into his pockets.

“Uh huh,” Chimney says. “So anyway, do you have plans tonight?”

Buck should say no. He should go home and get his head straight about all of this… he should consider calling Tommy… and if he decides to not—if he decides to stay broken up—he should figure out how he’s going to tell everyone. “I’m free,” he says instead.

~~~

The bar is noisy and packed; it’s definitely doing wonders for Buck’s already pounding headache. He has to squint his eyes at the brightness of the dimmed lights just to navigate his way towards the table Chimney is frantically waving him over from. “Hey! You made it,” he says, moving further into the booth so Buck can sit. “Everyone else should be here soon.”

“Cool,” Buck replies. “Cool, cool, cool…” He swallows around the nausea that everything—the lack of sleep, the pounding headache, the entire situation—is causing. A young bubbly waitress comes up, pad waiting to take his drink order. “Water,” he tells her, and that’s enough to get Chimney curious.

“You ok?”

“Uh— uhm— yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Chimney cocks a brow, Buck knows why. “It’s just… I think I’m coming down with something,” he lies. “Figure I should avoid making it worse with alcohol.”

Chimney keeps eyeing him like he’s not buying it, but Hen and Ravi thankfully walk in to distract him. Of course the distraction is short lived because both of them question his glass of water the second the waitress sits it down in front of him. “He says he’s sick,” Chimney fills them in.

“Buck’s sick?” Eddie asks, joining them. He furrows his brows at Buck, concerned.

“I’m fine!” Buck manages to laugh. “I just feel like I could be catching something.”

“Keep it to yourself please,” Ravi says, letting Hen in before him so he’s furthest from Buck. “I can’t afford to get sick!”

Buck sighs, taking a sip from his water, and looks around the bar. “Is Bobby coming?”

“Nah he and ‘Thena have the house to themselves tonight,” Hen replies.

“Oh god… I don’t even want to think about what they’re doing,” Ravi quickly says, cringing. Everyone agrees. Buck kind of feels a little bit better.

That is until he sees an oh too familiar body slump down on a stool up at the bar. What the hell… he thinks, as he watches Tommy order a drink from the bartender. No one else knows he’s there; the booth they’re in isn’t facing the bar… Buck was just looking around and happened to see him, and since he has not looked in their direction since Buck spotted him it’s likely he doesn’t know they are there either.

So back to Buck’s original thought; what the hell… is Tommy doing here? He was supposed to have a shift… not that he owes Buck an explanation of his whereabouts… but still.

Then some guy walks up to the bar, right to the seat beside Tommy; and Tommy looks at him and smiles. It probably shouldn’t make Buck’s blood boil the way it does… but it most definitely does. The next thing he knows he’s out of his seat and walking towards them. He thinks someone at the booth asks where he’s going; he thinks he hears someone ask if that’s Tommy; he thinks he is maybe just overreacting about halfway across the room…

Then Buck is spotted by the guy— he looks up directly at him, and he is very familiar. Buck stalls; it’s Sal. There’s a sudden relief in recognizing the person there with Tommy… not that it matters if he were on a—

Sal says something to Tommy, then grabs his face and kisses him.

Buck feels like the wind is sucked completely out of him. Tommy jolts away from Sal and frantically turns around, locking eyes with Buck instantly. His eyes go wide and he scrambles to his feet and towards Buck, who is already walking back to the booth as fast as he can. He blinks back his tears and tries to not think about the many eyes on him (most notably from his team).

Tommy catches him and grabs his arm just before he reaches the booth. “What?!” He snaps, bitterly.

“You don’t understand— that wasn’t what it looked like!” Tommy cries, he sounds winded, or desperate. Buck is hurt enough (justified or not) that he doesn’t care either way. “Evan, please let me—”

“Oh,” Buck scoffs. “So now it’s Evan again?”

Tommy deflates, he lets go of Buck’s arm and stares at the floor. “That was— I’m sorry about that…” he says softly.

There’s a split second Buck wants to just let it go. He was considering trying to fix things already… This is his chance, and Tommy is willing to talk, but he sees Sal watching them from the bar and the anger comes rushing back. “What’s there to talk about? You don't have to explain yourself, Tommy… it’s not like we’re together anyway, right?”

“What?!” He hears Hen ask from the booth.

“Since when,” Eddie adds.

“Apparently long enough for him to already move on,” Buck says. Sure, it’s petty… but he’s having a hard time making himself care. He grabs his keys off the table, throws some money down towards the tab, and is walking towards the exit… leaving everyone watching after him in confusion. Everyone, of course, except for Tommy who is hot on his heels.

“Evan, stop…”

Buck ignores him for the most part, getting all the way to his Jeep before he finally turns around. “No, Tommy, you stop. Stop making excuses… or trying to make me understand. It’s— it’s pointless… I don’t want to hear it.”

“Then what do you want to hear? I’ll tell you anything you want to hear!” Tommy’s eyes already look red even just under the dim street light. “You’re right, I was way too guarded about my life…” he continues. “So I’ll tell you everything: About Jay, about the army, about my childhood… I don’t care— I can’t— Baby, I have been losing my mind this past week… I can’t live like this—without you. Please…”

Buck feels like his heart is being ripped in two. “You sure seemed like you were living just fine without me in there…” he says, biting his tongue after.

Tommy covers his face, Buck can hear him sniffling and whimpering behind his hands… he has never seen Tommy like this. It makes him want to grab him and hold him and apologize. He should be the one apologizing! The thought gets shoved back down by the louder, angrier ones. “I’m so sorry, I fucked all this up, I know that. But that was just Sal being an idiot!” Tommy says. “He thought it would make you jealous…”

“So you let him kiss you to make me jealous?!”

“No! I didn’t know— Evan please…”

“Maybe you should… just stick with Buck,” Buck says. Tommy’s face falls more. He takes a step, his mouth falls open like he’s going to speak. Buck turns back to his Jeep, opens the door and climbs inside. “I’ll— uh… I’ll see you around.” Then he pulls the door closed and jams the key in and takes off, leaving Tommy standing there, dumbfounded.

He spares one glance in his rearview mirror—catches Tommy just as he pulls a fist back and connects it with the light pole.

~~~

It’s not like Buck has never been through a break up before. He’s been through a few of them, actually. Bad ones… This time shouldn’t be any different.

Except for the fact that there are a plethora of reasons this time is completely different.

Everyone likes Tommy, for one. He has potentially been Buck’s only partner that not a single person in his life has disliked. His parents even like Tommy. (That is saying so much it makes Buck sick to even think about having to tell them it's over.)

There’s also the little (extremely significant) detail of everyone telling Buck to leave this whole mess Gerrard stirred up alone. Now, Buck has to face the fact that he, in fact, did the exact opposite, then used that as the fuel that ultimately blew up the relationship.

It shouldn’t have surprised him when everyone tries to tell him maybe he needs to step back and reconsider this decision. It shouldn’t have surprised him when after all was said and out there they seem to sympathize less with Buck and more with Tommy. It really shouldn’t have surprised him—after he walks in to work the next day, and overhears Chimney telling everyone Tommy shattered his hand with that punch—when all eyes turn judgingly onto him.

Doesn’t make it suck any less that it seems like no one is on his side.

“Of course I’m on your side,” Maddie says, after he confides this to her. She reaches across the table to squeeze Buck’s hand. “I just want you to be one hundred percent sure this is what you want. I mean… you were so happy together.”

“And then I found out he was hiding stuff from me…”

Maddie’s face shifts, she tries to shift it back but Buck sees. She sighs: “Was he really hiding it from you… or had he just not told you about it… maybe because it was a difficult memory.”

Buck scoffs and pulls his hand away. “But you’re on my side…”

Surprisingly Maddie’s face doesn’t soften. “That’s not fair,” she says. “I can be on your side, and still point out the flaws in your reasoning, Buck.”

And even if he wants to argue with that, he can’t.

Hen and Chimney haven’t necessarily been avoiding him at work, but they haven’t necessarily tried to stop Buck from avoiding them—like they normally would—which tells him all he needs to know about where they stand. Eddie has remained neutral, but in remaining neutral he has distanced himself from them both. (Well… he has definitely distanced himself from Buck.) Bobby gives Buck that worried papa bear look everytime he sees him, but he pointedly doesn’t bring it up…

Ravi is— At least Ravi is still Ravi. He blurts out needing to call in air support when they are at difficult fires. He asks if Tommy is still available for car problems, given everything… He asks when they are all going out again—Buck included—as if anyone wants to be around Buck at the moment.

Regardless… Buck would have never guessed when the Buckley-Kinard divorce era finally happened (maybe a part of him always planned on this ending, like his relationships always do…) Tommy would be the one to be granted custody of the 118 family… his family.

That jealousy that had taken root inside of him from Jay, begins to grow and blossom; logically Buck knows the rage he feels from it should be aimed at himself, but instead he turns it outward. He projects onto everyone around him who clearly sees Tommy as the fan favorite. Clearly no one wants to see Buck’s side of the story… Clearly they don’t care about him as much as they used to act like they did…

Clearly he is reaching. Logically he knows this. Unfortunately he is too lost in his own head to stop himself.

Then the 217 starts to reach out.

It’s about a week after the blow up at the bar. First, it’s a call from Lucy, asking him—demanding him, really—to talk to Tommy. “He’s a wreck, dude… just— I don’t know… Just consider hearing him out?”

“Hear him out about what?” Buck snaps back.

“About all of it! God damn, Buck, do you even fully know what you’re mad at him about?!”

“I— what— what the hell is that supposed to mean? Of course I do!”

She laughs, actually laughs at him and hangs up.

Next it’s an older pilot, James McCarty, who comes into the station requesting to speak to the kid. He just wants him to know Tommy is starting to slack at work. He’s getting careless. Buck looks from McCarty to the team eavesdropping from upstairs. He feels his face heat up. “What am I supposed to do about that…” he asks, trying to ignore how bitter and petty he sounds.

“Look, kid, maybe whatever you two had was one-sided… I’m letting you know what’s going on.” Buck tenses his jaw, pushes back the bile that statement brings, and how it reminds him of what he said to Tommy about Jay. “I guess I just figured he meant a little more to you than that, maybe I was wrong.”

Buck itches to correct him, instead he stands firmly planted in place and watches him turn and leave.

When reaching out to Buck gets them nowhere the 217 starts reaching out to the 118… and then the 118 starts trying to convince Buck to talk to Tommy; which only makes the anger grow despite the little voice in the back of Buck’s head telling him maybe he should listen to them.

“Why are you acting so childish about this, Buck?” Hen blocks the exit to the lockers when he groans and tries to leave. “Stop getting so defensive, no one is attacking you… It’s a legitimate question.”

“I really don’t want to do this, Hen…” Buck says. He crosses his arms tightly over his chest and leans back into his locker. Hen gives him that look; she’s not backing down either… they might be here a while. “I told you what I found,” he tries, and her glare intensifies. It’s true, in a last ditch effort to not be painted the bad guy in this Buck told them everything he found—ignored how grimey it made him feel to bring up Tommy’s personal business—and just stood there waiting for them to jump ship. It didn’t happen, of course…

“Buck, all that proves is that you went digging for something to be mad about,” Hen sighs. “Look… I get it, okay? I’ve been there… feeling like you’re doomed to be unhappy in love… and then you find someone who is different. Someone who is good, and honest, and just too perfect to be real. So what do you do? You sit and wait for it to go south… and when it doesn’t you end up sending it there yourself.” Buck shifts his feet, looks at his hands instead of Hen… so maybe she won’t be able to read him like an open book… so maybe she can’t tell he knows she’s right. “Buck, you remember when you asked me what I thought the secret to happiness was?” Buck finally looks at her… “I really thought—I’d hoped you’d finally figured it out…” Then she’s gone, and Buck is left with that to weigh on his mind the rest of the night.

It’s still on his mind when he walks back into the station for his next shift.

Everyone is gathered around the engines, looking up to the second floor; to where Bobby and the captain of the 217 are having a very serious looking conversation. “What’s going on?” Buck asks, about ninety percent certain that conversation is about him. Everyone looks at him, no one says anything.

“Buck,” Bobby calls down, both men now looking at him. “In my office.”

Captain Collier says something to Bobby then turns and starts down the stairs, eyes remaining fixed on Buck until he feels like he might come out of his skin if he doesn’t get away from them. He pushes through the small crowd and goes into Bobby’s office to wait. Bobby barks for everyone to stop being nosey; he sounds pissed… Buck dreads this conversation.

Bobby walks in, shuts the door behind him, and slowly crosses the room to his desk. He sighs as he drops down into the seat, and motions for Buck to do the same in the chair in front of him. “I’m sure you already know what that was about,” Bobby starts, running his hands over his eyes tiredly. Buck nods. “Listen kid, I’m not about to tell you what to do; I can’t demand you go talk to Tommy. I do, however, think you should.”

“Cap I—”

Bobby throws a hand up, and Buck snaps his mouth shut. “Look I don’t know the full story, and it's not my business. I don’t want to play favorites; I’m not here to take sides. If you don’t want to be with Tommy… don’t be with him. I’ll set my opinion on that to the side and let you be a grown up and make your own decision. But Tommy is not the only one who needs closure from this; you do too, Buck.”

“What— what do you mean?”

“You’re letting this drive a wedge between you and your team,” Bobby says. “You have to have each other's backs out there and you are barely speaking to any of them.” Buck goes to say it’s more they aren’t speaking to him, but is met with Bobby’s raised hand again. “I want you to consider talking to him…”

Buck fidgets in the chair. “I doubt he wants to—”

“Buck stop… if Tommy didn’t want to talk to you he wouldn’t be grieving this hard over losing you.”

“He— he’s grieving…” Buck says quietly.

The look Bobby gives him is almost comical; it's so exhaustive. “Have you just been tuning everyone out who’s been trying to tell you that, kid?”

Buck shrugs; he kind of has. “I don’t know why he’s grieving me.”

Bobby groans: “I really didn’t want to get in the middle of this,” he mutters, before pushing himself to his feet and walking around the desk. “You ever think it could have something to do with him loving you? Or maybe that you actually do matter to him.” Bobby sighs. “You know… I was so happy to see you grow up in this relationship, given your history… but it seems like maybe it got a little bit too real— too serious— too grown up. So you turned and started running in the other direction ”

“But— But he—”

“He what, Buck? Didn’t tell you about something from his past.” Bobby crosses his arms and sits on his desk. “Look, kid, just because you have no problem over sharing doesn’t mean everyone can. Sometimes things are too big, they hurt too bad… Did you ever think maybe he was planning on telling you one day? Bottom line is he didn’t owe you that information… and you let it sit and fester until it turned into a problem… and rather than fix it you got mad that people called you out on it.”

“Wh- what about him kissing Sal… he seemed to have moved on pretty—”

“Again… did you even stop to think maybe you had it wrong?” Buck falters; he did think that… he didn’t really dwell on the thought long though. “Chimney said Tommy talked to them after you stormed out. It turns out Sal was in town, so Tommy took off a day earlier than he was going to, to catch up. He confided in Sal about the break up, and Sal suggested going out for drinks… Sal saw you were there, and thought maybe if he gave you a little competition… you would get jealous and take Tommy back.”

Buck is… confused, if not dumbfounded… but mostly confused. “Kind of a bold move,” he says more to himself, but Bobby still laughs.

“Yeah Sal’s good for making some questionable heat of the moment decisions…” Bobby says with a sarcastic laugh. “Kind of reminds me of someone, actually.”

Buck can feel his cheeks heating up. “So— so your saying I should try to fix this?”

“I’m saying you should take a moment and look at this whole situation. Then do what you feel like needs to be done… whatever that may be.” He tells Buck to go home, and to take a couple days to get this figured out; that he wants it resolved and for Buck to have a clear head (and hopefully Tommy will too) when he comes back to work.

Buck reluctantly agrees, and leaves, trying to avoid everyone and their curious judgmental stares as he walks out of the station. He climbs into his Jeep, feeling every bit like the terrible person he’s sure everyone thinks he is—feeling like he definitely deserves to feel like it, too.

~~~

Buck spends most of the morning trying to work up the courage to call Tommy. It’s past noon before he finally manages it. The call goes straight to voicemail. He waits an hour and tries again. Again, straight to voicemail. Buck groans and collapses on his bed. Maybe he should just go over there…

Of course, Tommy’s not home.

Buck contemplates just sending a text for him to call after he gets off… except when he gets back in his Jeep he drives straight to Harbor. He’s met out in the lot by Collier. “Damn, that was quick,” he laughs. “If I’d have known Nash would be able to get you over here that fast I’d have come to him to begin with.”

“Uh… yeah, well…” Buck feels like his face is on fire. “Is— Is Tommy here?”

“Should be back soon,” Collier replies. “He is flying over Angeles Forest; got some calls about a possible fire… a ground crew already checked it out, we’re just following up. You’re more than welcome to wait for him here,” he offers.

Buck should say no, if the glares around the station give any indication how the time will be spent… “Uh, yeah— yeah, sure, that would be… great,” he says instead.

Collier leads him into the station, towards where Lucy and Morris are sitting. The two are watching him and whispering to each other instead of their usual greetings—teasing jokes about how much Tommy talks their ears off about him. “I’ll let him know you’re here,” Collier says, gesturing for Buck to sit on the couch; both firefighters get up and leave the area as he does.

Not even an hour passes before Buck is too antsy, awkward, and annoyed to stay seated.

He goes to Collier’s office, knocks, and pushes the door open. “Hey listen I’m just gonna—”

Like a mirror of Bobby, Collier throws a hand up, silencing Buck. “Are we certain this isn’t a prank call,” he says into the phone, before lifting his walkie to his mouth and panickedly radioing Tommy, only to get no answer. “I understand— it’s just that I recently spoke to him, ma’am.” Buck wonders if Collier told Tommy he was at the station. “I want to be sure they are positive they saw a helicopter go down—” is the last thing Buck hears.

Then he is moving.

Away from Collier’s office, out of the station, across the lot to his Jeep. He doesn’t even put his seat belt on before he is driving in the direction of Angeles Forest.

Buck throws the Jeep into park at the edge of the forest; doesn’t even lock it and slams the door closed behind him. He doesn’t even know what direction to go in. He doesn’t even know if they saw it go down in this forest, or in a forest at all… he just knows he has to find Tommy.

He is running blind, he knows that. The forest is massive and his chances of getting lost are far higher than his chances of actually finding Tommy.

But he has to try.

He runs until he loses track of which way he’s going, or where he’s already been. Until the land is no longer flat that he is running on, and he is leaping over fallen trees and boulders and brush. Until his legs—specifically his bad leg—are burning and aching and ready to give out… but then he just pushes himself to run faster.

And as if by some miracle… he finds the helicopter.

Off a little ways in the distance—just as Buck is almost ready to give up hope… or at least slow down for the sake of his legs—he spots it. Part of the propeller is broken off, the front window is busted out, the tail is snapped in half… and it’s caught between two trees, about thirty feet above the ground. “Oh god…” Buck gasps, faltering his running to take in the sight. The helicopter is tilting and the door has fallen open. “Tommy.”

He is hunched over, seemingly unconscious… possibly worse—Buck can’t let his mind go there, not yet. He has to stay focused because Tommy is literally hanging out of the open door. All that is holding him in is a single strap across his chest.

Buck tries to pick up speed, but his legs are so tired; too tired. He screams at them—at himself—to go, move, run faster. He has to get to Tommy. He has to save him. He has no idea how… but he has to.

“I— I’m coming!” He calls out to him, doubtful that it’s heard; between the noises all around them, and the fact that Tommy doesn’t appear to be alert, Buck is sure he doesn’t hear—

Tommy moves.

He groans.

“T- Tommy,” Buck gasps, barely above a whisper. He thinks there’s no way he is heard that time but still Tommy’s head lifts, his eyes instantly meet with Buck’s. His face is covered in blood and so swollen that one eye is completely closed; and yet he smiles. He looks directly at Buck and even from the distance Buck still is away from him, he can see the wave of relief that seems to wash over Tommy. Like just seeing Buck has made what is an incredibly dire situation into a simple walk in the park.

He shifts his body, and the helicopter creaks. The limit that the tension being put on the belt can take is being tested. “T- Tommy! Tommy, don't move!” Buck screams; reality rushing back to him as he tries again to somehow get more momentum into his now limping feet so he gets there faster.

“E- Evan…” Tommy calls out to him, and Buck suddenly loves his name. He swears he will call and thank his parents for giving him that name and even allow them to use it again. If he can just reach the trees and get Tommy out safe.

Buck mentally pleads with his legs to move faster. He has no idea what he’s going to do; he will climb up to him if he has to, crawl across the wrecked helicopter and then carry Tommy down on his back… if that’s what it takes. He doesn’t care. He will do anything.

He’s so close.

There’s another creak.

A snap.

The belt suddenly goes slack.

It no longer matters how fast Buck runs… there is nothing he can do. Tommy falls from the helicopter—his hands frantically reaching around, trying to grab something to stop it—and he collides with the ground just as Buck reaches him.

My little tag list for this fic 🫶 @bucksxkinard @30somethingautisticteacher @do-androids-dream-ao3acc @girlwonder-writes … I think that’s everyone (let me know if you want to be added 🫣😂) hope y’all like the next chapter of angst!

#911 abc #911 fic #bucktommy #bucktommy fic #evan buckley #tommy kinard #118 firefam #heavy angst #major character injury #tw sui implied #this fic got away from me… and is now going to be my personality until it’s done 😮‍💨

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utilitycaster · 1 month ago

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1 & 3 for the ask game?

Character who everyone gets wrong: obviously, cherished mutuals exempt from this, but: Essek. I think Essek is interesting because he's gotten wildly wrong in such different ways. On the "pro-Essek" side you have people who smooth away all of his bitchy, secretive, morally suspect traits in favor of an uwu soft sad queer wizard romance narrative; or alternately people who play up the bitchiness and vanity specifically in order to basically recreate what they wanted between Caleb and Molly except with a different purple guy while ignoring his curiosity, intelligence, and withdrawn personality traits. Then you have the people who hate him, and none of them actually would give a single solitary fuck about Yeza or Adeen Tasithar as NPCs if it wasn't something they could point to about Essek, and a lot of those people treat Essek as, as I've said before, mold that just mysteriously grew on the campaign instead of an NPC Matt put before the party who grew into something much more than his original concept because of how the Mighty Nein changed him. You get people who insist that any narrative in which Liliana or Opal isn't redeemed will be bad and then claim Essek's narrative is bad because he was redeemed. Anyway, the truth, that he's a complicated character who is indeed standoffish and selfish by his own admission and frequently petty, but who consistently has put in effort to change, is the best character, and there are absolutely people who get this! but a WHOLE lot of people don't.

worst take you've seen: so I'm not going to screenshot, though boy I considered it, but there's a whole mindset that I outlined in this post (now rebloggable, btw, because it hasn't stopped) that is unfortunately at a terminal stage in a (thankfully) small portion of the fandom, where they just. lie or fabricate alternate realities that assume the worst of everyone else and essentially use characters' identities to attempt to shut down any criticism of said character. The latest example I've seen is that Ashton obviously can't be falling for dangerous violent fascist-adjacent ideologies because their lace code is "queer pride" which is. the argument that queer people can't fall for hate groups is truly horrifying, particularly in a conversation that's already about people ignoring fairly common dogwhistles because the disabled nonbinary person is also falling for them. Like, it's a shell game, because almost every character in CR and the vast majority of fans on Tumblr at least fit into at least one systemically oppressed identity, so you get this group of people who will just be like "you CAN'T be mean to Ashton, they are disabled and nonbinary" except Imogen (wlw, fits into a disability narrative) is getting tired of their shit, and among the fans saying that the titan ideology is a MASSIVE red flag, most if not all are queer, several are disabled, and several (myself included) are from ethnic/religious minority groups. The reason these fans keep getting away with it is that most people aren't so morally bankrupt, egotistical, and tacky as to outright say such blatantly false statements as "you can't disagree with me, I'm neurodivergent" or "you can't disagree with Orym, he's gay" and really, we need to start calling it out more because it's unbelievably damaging to any sort of meaningful discussion, if you just invoke about your nebulous nameless disabled/nonwhite/queer/whatever friends to argue against people who are disabled and/or nonwhite and/or queer themselves who disagree with you, especially since they have actual textual arguments.

#answered #ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 #choose violence ask game #cr tag

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demigod-jack-hearth · 2 months ago

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As the original Anon who sent the FIRST ask, I am a male victim of SA, by a woman who has since changed the history by claiming that I SA'd her instead. You calling me a little bitch, multiple times, going into multiple different rp threads to bring it up, and call me a bitch.

I had to leave tumblr for a few weeks.

I was not the second Anon. And even if I were, while I may not have approached in the friendliest way, calling me a bitch for telling you that it's not alright to remove male rape victims

Especially when Circe is a victim of SA, just mot by Odysseus. I agree with some others I've seen. Stop burrying your apology with roleplay, take a few days to think. I'm sorry this is hard on you, but when you use SA as a simple plot line this is what you need to consider.

Look, I don't know whether you really are the first anon like you say you are, but I'm just going to take your word for it and trust you are.

I know I fucked up. I really know that, and I'm sorry that I called you a bitch

I'm not going to try and defend myself.

Like I said in the apology, I know that it isn't enough. I was in a bad place at the time with shitty people, and honestly, I'm still in a bad place (although that might change soon)

Don't take this as me making excuses, because I'm not trying to, and I'm sorry if it seems that way.

But yes, although I was being influenced by shit people, those were still my actions and words that I wrote. There is no excuse for that. There is no excuse for what I did and how I initially handled the situation.

If I could take it all back and start from the beginning, I would. Not because it would prevent backlash, but because it would mean that I would be able to stop myself from making a stupid and idiotic decision

I also know that no matter what I do, no apology will be enough to rectify what I've done. And I know there is no 'forgive and forget' in this situation, and although on one hand I do want forgiveness from people who were affected. I know and completely understand that I don't deserve forgiveness from anyone no matter what I do.

At this point, I've made a formal apology and I've done what I can to rectify what I've done. So there's not much else I can do except receive what I deserve.

Your other point, that I'm "burying my apology in role play" I'm not trying to do that. But for me, roleplay is an escape from my irl life. I'm in a situation where, sometimes, I don't feel that I'm safe from myself.

I know that sounds like another excuse, but it's not, it's just the truth.

I know I need help. I've been told that by several people (friends and people I'm close with) but for me, that's something that's very difficult to receive

Regardless of that. I'm not trying to "bury" the apology. When I began roleplay in early June (I think), it became something that I deeply enjoyed.

However, along with that passion, a problem was created, that I easily became addicted to Tumblr and the roleplaying community. It was not something I did purposely, it just happened.

I've tried several times to try and at least reduce the amount of time that I spend on this app. But every time that I try, I always end up coming back (the most I was able to stop for was 1 day).

I'm completely aware that this is a major issue (and writing it down makes both it and me sound completely pathetic) it's not something I can easily fix, but to start with I'm going to attempt to roleplay less. I'm not sure how successful it'll be, but I'll try

But I never meant to make it seem like I'm trying to hide the apology. Roleplay is just something I can't stop myself from doing.

I'm not going to talk about the other stuff, based on the reason that I've already addressed this in my main apology/explanation, and I don't want to just repeat myself

Because of how this has been worded, I've got the idea that you are someone that I've interacted with before, so I'm just going to tag everyone.

I'm sorry if you didn't want to be tagged

@zariahthewitch @thegroovydaughterofhestia @if-chaos-was-a-boy @the-gods-strange-children @silena-daughterofaphrodite @fabulousdaughterofhecate @weakest-son-of-sun @chaos-pers0nified @neoptolemus-achilles-son @bast-the-best26 @goddess-of-bubblegum @hispanic-child-of-hermes @gaygirldoodles @luck-is-crucial @reyna4ever @vicious-daughter-of-zeus @feral-hermes-child @oopsies-i-did-a-thing @unfortunate-daughter-of-hestia @that-girl-cupid @ariathemortal @love-lightning-forethought @emdabitchass @kaiaalwayswins @champion-of-revenge @i-was-never-sane @clown-energy-skyrocketing @zoe-aura-of-d3ath @itsyourboyezra @lunar-eklipso-r @pink-koi-lovejoy @that-daughter-of-athena @sleepy-as-a-song @smileyalater @gellyhelio @daughter-ofthe-moontitan @demeters-daughter-is-done @the-smart-and-the-dumb-one @trinket-snatcher @southerndaughterofeos @creature-under-ur-bed @burnt-out-bitxhes @cloak-of-ares @heraaaaaaaa @unproblematic-hestia

#sorry

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mumms-the-word · 3 months ago

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Love Letters

Alistair and Lucy Amell

These letters were written as a collaboration between @callmethebrightness and myself for the lovely @elspethdekarios's birthday. callmethebrightness wrote the AMAZING letter from Alistair (and I'm obsessed with it, she nailed his voice so well) while I wrote Lucy Amell's reply letter <3 This was so much fun to work on and I am in awe of the talent my friends have in this little corner of tumblr. Thank you @elspethdekarios for trusting us with your OC! I hope you have the happiest of birthdays and that you adore these love letters!

Full text under the cut!

Alistair's Letter by @callmethebrightness

To Warden-Commander Lucy Amell, Hero of Ferelden: Lucy, I love you. I know, bad form to start a letter like that; without even a hello and how are you, but it's literally the only thing that comes to mind when I think of you, so I had to write it down first. I love you. There. Now to the rest. We're making strides looking into the Wardens and Corypheus, this "false Calling" he's managed, though it's not the sort of progress I'm particularly excited about. Every time I think I've figured out the worst of it, more bad news rears its ugly head. I'm a bit less skeptical now that we have some proper allies: not only the Champion of Kirkwall, but Inquisitor Sulah Lavellan, who has all her people putting their heads together to do something about all this. We should consider having an army at our disposal for all our problems, it's really marvelously convenient. Skyhold is an amazing place. Not just the fortress itself, where I've gotten into all sorts of places I shouldn't be ("Oh, I haven't seen this door before" -- surprise, it's a dungeon. No, thank you.) but the people and the activity here. It feels like everyone from the servants to the Inquisitor herself is committed to working together. I've met Fereldans, Orlesians, city elves, surface dwarves, ex-Templars, mages, farmers, nobles, Chantry sisters, Dalish spies, qunari, Tevinters...I could go on. If anything might be able to actually unite all of Thedas, the way the Chantry says it does, it's this thing. It's this place. Maker, I wish you could see it. Every time I see something incredible in my travels, I think that, you know. "Lucy would love this, I wish she could see it." And every time I see something horrible I think, "Maker, I wish Lucy was with me." You get the idea, don't you? You, with me, all the time, no matter what. Sometimes you're all I think about. But you knew that already. We're going to figure this thing out, Lucy. I'm going to make sure the Wardens have nothing more to fear from this Elder One, even if I have to fight him myself. And when you return, whether you've found what you're looking for or not, and I see you again -- I'm going to take you in my arms and never let you go. I mean it. That's not an exaggeration. I never want to be apart from you again, Lucy. Nothing is more important to me than that. What else? I love you. I miss you. Leliana is scarier than ever, but in a good way. I've eaten Orlesian cheese and do not care for it. I miss you. I told the Inquisition's ambassador I would include a small note in their missive to the Hero of Ferelden but my letter is now longer than the official one. I hope those creepy ravens of Leliana's can carry a little extra weight. When you see it, write her back and tell her it's creepy; she won't listen to me. There are less terrible birds, Leliana. Maker, I miss you so much I don't want to stop writing to you. Is that odd? Probably. But you wouldn't say odd. "Alistair, you're too sweet." That's what you always say when I'm being a fool, especially a lovestruck fool. Can't say I don't appreciate it, though. I'll write you again soon. There's talk of the fortress at Adamant, a potential siege. All sorts of military talk I do not care for. Whatever happens, you'll hear from me soon. I never can stand to wait long. Yours forever, Alistair

Lucy Amell's Letter (by me)

To Warden Alistair: [In a smaller script] Leliana, don’t be nosy! You’ve got your own letter! My darling, I love you. I don’t care if it’s bad form, just seeing those words at the start of your letter gave me so much joy and comfort that I couldn’t even read the rest of letter at first. I just wanted to linger there on those words and imagine them in your voice. I love you. I love you. I love you. And, Maker’s breath, I miss you, too. As my journey out west bring me farther and farther away from recognizable society, I find myself traveling alone more often than not. There are good people out here, and plenty of interesting distractions, and more than enough danger to keep my mind occupied, but again and again I wish you were at my side. I know taking down the Elder One is important, but these days I wish I had been more selfish and brought you along. But what’s done is done, and it’s good that you’re there, trying to shake some sense into our fellow Wardens. Someone has to. What you’ve told me about the situation, and what little Inquisitor Lavellan has included in her letter, troubles me. It sounds like Corypheus is more dangerous than we thought…but if the Inquisition has the army and the resources that you say it does, then I trust them to succeed. And I trust you to survive whatever comes your way. We’ve gotten out of worse scrapes, the two of us, haven’t we? Regardless, I’ve asked Inquisitor Lavellan to look after you. I know, I know, you would say I’m fussing over you too much (but I know you love it). But if she’s your ally, then she’s my ally too, and I feel no shame in asking this much of her. I want you in one piece when we meet again, my love. Be good for me. Don’t wander into dungeons that you can’t wander out of. Avoid the Orlesian cheese if you hate it so much. Remind Leliana to eat every now and again. I know her work keeps her busy, and I can only imagine that the death of the Divine has shaken her more than she’s letting on. And take care of yourself, too. Oh, and I’m not telling Leliana that her birds are creepy. Just be glad she’s not sending missives via nug, or we’d never get letters to one another. I’ll write soon, my darling. I love you. I miss you. Yours always, Lucy [below, in a messier scrawl, as if added to the end of the page in haste] Alistair, I’m glad I didn’t send this letter right away! I’ve got big news. I think I’ve found something, and if I’m right, it means the end of this journey is in sight. I don’t want to say what it is just yet, but…I have a really good feeling about this. This might be the cure we’ve been hoping for. But if not, I don’t care. If it’s not this, then I’ve got nothing else to investigate out here. If this isn’t our cure, then the silver lining is this—I’m coming home, and nothing is going to stop me. Meet me in Redcliffe when all of this is said and done. Whether I’ve found the cure for our Callings or not, I will be there, in the place we first started to fall in love, at the start of the next summer. And once we are together again, my love, I swear that nothing will ever separate us again. With all my love, Lucy

#happy birthday friend!!!#it was so much fun working on these letters #and getting to work with the talent callmethebrightness??#truly amazing #dragon age #dragon age origins #dragon age inquisition #dao #dai #alistair theirin #warden alistair #warden amell #other wardens #lucy amell

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meowzilla93 · 10 months ago

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So I’ve seen so much ragging on Baxter calling himself a rebel or a bad boy, and it hurts me! ( I know most of it is in jest, its okay!) But I wanted to explain how he really IS what he claims to be, even though may just seem like a privileged individual

(I really had to reduce this from an essay to fit tumblrs character limit, I am talking like a 2k word essay, so its condensed but covers my points lol also please keep in mind I have taken canon information and given my interpretation of the information to this)

Lets look at the definition of a Bad Bay archetype – a cultural archetype often defined as a male who behaves badly, especially within societal norms. Qualities associated with this archetype is confidence, independence and/or assertiveness (though there are the negative connotations such as manipulation, dishonesty or a lack of consideration for others, but we are not focusing on those as these do not reflect Baxter)

And what is a rebel? At its core, it is a person who resist any authority, control, or tradition. Rebels like to change up the status quo, refusing to conform to societal pressures and controlling figures.

So lets look at Baxter Alexander Ward’s life:

Brought up in wealth

Was sheltered and raised with certain values

Parents were controlling and dictated a lot of his life

Was never treated like a child, but as an adult his whole life

More than likely taught to think himself above everyone (which he confirms)

Raised with very bigoted, misogynistic, homophobic and just cruel morals and notions

If we look at those specific points, where does the Bad Boy archetype fit first?

By the time he reaches 19 years of age, he wants to be able to make connections outside of the circle of money he was raised in

Though he keeps up appearances for his parents, he tends to thumb his parents way of life, not wanting to become the same type of people they are

Rather than endorse their way of thinking, he becomes more open and accepting

(this boy might have mighty expectations for himself, but for others, he will never expect more than they can provide)

He is the very thing his parents do no approve off; Pansexual, accepting of others, opposite to what they want

By the time he is 19 years old, he is already snubbing his parents and their values, wanting to move outside of their circle of life and live his own life. There is the understanding that he was already sleeping around in high school, and considering his partners would be of all genders, the rumors circulating him would affect the image of the family, which his parents would not approve off. His visual looks, moving heavily into the black/ white monochrome and more alternative fit outside the expectations of what his family would expect of him. He dresses as he pleases, not as someone else would want him to.

These may seem like little actions, little acts of rebelling against his family, but these are MASSIVE in the context of his life. To flip the entire narrative that he learnt from his parents, and continues to do so in every way that he is able to. Sure, he gets a fake ID to just get a car to sight see in and get booze for himself to drink when out for dinner or even at home. But these acts are against what his parents expect or event want of him, what their social circle would expect of him, and as such, he fits the Bad Boy narrative within THAT social circle. And that is what matters in this context.

So, of course, this feeds into the rebel label. Going against everything he was taught, becoming the opposite person his parents expected of him. Resisting the control that his parents try and enforce on him and finding ways to escape the grip of expectation. I repeat myself a lot here but its that constant push back on what his parents expected of him, the morals, the views, the way he should handle himself and what they wanted of him. Baxter's rebellion is deep,y rooted in a sincere desire for authenticity, change and self-discovery, making him a truly compelling character.

Baxter at 19 years old was the Bad Boy Rebel of his families social circle. From the outside he just seems like a typical rich kid that was a bit strange, but from the inside, that’s where the rebelling sat.

Baxter at 24 is the man that continued in that path of rebellion. He further cut himself away from what his parents wanted, stood on his own two feet and tried to become the type of person he could be proud of. He separated himself from their morals, their visions, their actions. His mother who held charities to make connections and get a tax kick back? He does it to actually help people and does it almost pro-bono, no expectation to gain anything further from it. His father who holds a franchise and makes money from others manual labor? He takes the labor from others and takes it on himself to ensure that the day that they have (be it wedding or birthday or another event entirely) goes swimmingly and they have less stress than where they started.

Baxter continues to be a Rebel and Bad Boy as he grows and matures, as he continues to shun the way he grew up and becomes a better person for it.

There are probably other key points I have missed, but these are the ones that stood out to me, cementing the idea that Baxter Alexander Ward is a through and through

Rebellious Bad Boy

Thank you for coming to my (slightly unhinged) TED (tumblr) Talk.

#baxter ward #our life beginnings and always #olba #our life #olba baxter #meow drabbles!

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baejax-the-great · 1 year ago

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ao3 exists, plus it doesnt even matter what terms i search for on tumblr 100% of the time theres fanfiction. literally you can search any words on this website and some kpop guy/ reader fanfics flood the results every single fucking time. plus some of us are not here for fandoms??? your circus/clown analogy is stupid

So I'm incredibly allergic to shrimp-- to the point where if I ate a single shrimp I would die, to the point where I don't really consider shrimp food anymore--and it's the weirdest thing, yesterday i went to Target to buy hair conditioner, and they were selling shrimp. Don't they know it wasn't what I was looking for and I can't eat it anyway? Why would they do this? Totally fucked up of those shrimp catchers to try to poison me like that.

But analogies clearly aren't your thing, so let me break this down for you.

AO3 does indeed exist, but your suggestion that fanfic live there and ONLY there is akin to saying that imgur exists, so nobody should be posting images, whether they be photos or art, on any other website. Twitter exists (sort of), so really nobody should be posting shit posts or hot takes that are fewer than 140 characters or whatever.

Not everyone uses AO3. There is no law saying that if you write fanfic, you must post it on AO3 and nowhere else. There will never be a law that says that, because that's not how the internet works. Tumblr, one of the few social media sites that allows longform blogging, is in fact a great alternative to AO3 for one-shots. It's a little trickier for multi-chapter posts, but I've seen people make it work.

AO3 is not social media. People can't DM there, send asks, make friends, bump their post to the top of the feed (unless they are an asshole who is about to get blocked by half of fandom for pulling that move). Do you like social media? I mean you're here, on tumblr, bothering a total stranger, so you must see some value to it. Guess what--fanfic authors also enjoy being on social media and sharing what they've been up to, including their WIPs.

Things you aren't looking for being part of your searches is literally just life on the internet at all times forever. Earlier this month I was looking for a reference of draped fabric for drawing purposes. I googled 'chiton drawing' (chitons like the ancient Greeks used to wear), and all I got were drawings of molluscs of the genus 'chiton.' Alright, I did a google search for "toga drawing" and learned that there is an anime girl named Toga and people very much enjoy drawing her. Were the artists of the molluscs or the anime girl to blame for me having to slog through a bunch of irrelevant pictures to find one that could help me with my drawing? No. They correctly labeled what they were doing. That's just life.

Seeing fanfic in the tag doesn't harm you. At all. It doesn't matter if you find it cringe, or it's a ship you don't like, or it's xReader. For like ten seconds you looked at words you didn't particularly like, and then you moved on. How is that different from literally any other post on tumblr? I see bad takes and essays I don't care about on this site all the time. It's called scrolling. Again, this will be the case for every website on the internet forever. Are you telling me you read every tweet in your feed? Every reddit post? Sometimes you see irrelevant stuff. I guarantee some of my mutuals have already deemed this long ass post irrelevant and are scrolling on by. What makes fiction that much more abhorrent to you than the rest of the nonsense?

If you really hate seeing fanfic, tumblr has content blocking and tag blocking. You can block the phrase "x Reader." You can block the tag "fanfic." You can block all sorts of things, and if that doesn't work, you can just block the writers whose existence annoys you.

Sorry man, you personally not liking fandom and not using tumblr for it has really no bearing on what everyone else is doing. Like it or not, tumblr is a hub of fandom, and fanfic authors are going to be a part of every fandom on this green earth. Just because you came to the circus in order to admire the pretty fabric used on the tents doesn't mean the performers are in the wrong for doing their thing.

#ao3 #get a load of this clown #tumblr #surprised it took me this long to get a braindead take in my inbox about this #this really feels like genZ bullshit where they see one thing they don't like online and become karens of the internet #honey other people exist doing things that have nothing to do with you #and occasionally you will see them and the only correct response is to move on with your life #by all means anon call up tumblr and explain to them that people are posting fanfic on their website and you just don't care for that

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fuck-your-proana-blog · 3 months ago

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TW: Doing really bad right now-ALL BECAUSE OF ANOREXIA, MY EXERCISE ADDICTION, AND MOST RECENT SUICIDE ATTEMPT!

I'm in so much pain from both my older and newer diagnosed physical conditions I just want to throw in the towel. On top of the full-body pain conditions, I can't enjoy a meal without the torture of my throat trauma from being intubated making me feel like I'm choking and like stuff's constantly stuck in my throat ALL DAY after my first meal. I can't cook a meal or do any chores without my wrist feeling like the hole in my ligament that I needed surgery for (and never got, yet continued to lift weights with for years like an idiot) is brand new, so I need to ice my wrist and back for hours after I cook (even with my husband's help). Also the spinal pain is getting worse and more extensive every damn day; obviously worse when I'm cooking because I'm standing, measuring, grabbing ingredients, etc. Food used to be my favorite thing- sure I starved, but when I ate it was the highlight of my day.. but now there's no more joy from food due to my throat issues and the pain from preparing it. Nothing gives me joy but the quality time my husband and I spend together and my cat- but the good times with my husband are limited because I'm always so miserable and he's sick of doing all the chores, so we argue a lot now.. and my cat is not as cuddly as our other super senior cat that died last year (my cuddle buddy and constant companion😔).

I know I did this to myself, but I didn't mean to. I just focused on getting my "perfect body" to distract myself from my actual life.. I was trying to (for several years literally) run from my sexual trauma/C-PTSD that was very emotional-abuse heavy, with broken family shit, physical and emotional bullying, etc. because I only started facing the fact that this trauma existed in 2010, and with no other way to cope with my sexual revulsion due to the facing of my trauma, exercise helped me feel better and get out frustrations. I was already psychologically disabled, and being denigrated for that by everyone in my family, I felt like I had nothing else to offer the world than what others have often referred to as my "beauty." (Note: I do not now or ever have considered myself beautiful- only others have) Now my stupid, excruciating as well as dumb way to obtain more so-called (and mainstream) "beauty" through overexercising and starvation has made it so I haven't showered for two days despite my OCD SCREAMING at me that I'm not clean, I'm filthy, I'm disgusting, etc., (more trauma-reactions) but due to my many excruciating physical disabilities I can't even get out of my damn recliner to shower more than a few times a week, when I used to shower up to 3 times a day.. and forget restful sleep- I wake up every few hours to change my ice pack and readjust my 6 pillows to help cushion my broken apart bones, lack of cartilage, damaged nerves, osteoarthritis, etc.

It's not worth it. I wish what I tried worked.. my life is only worth living now because if it ended my loved ones would suffer. I am only alive so I don't hurt the people who love me.

YOU CAN AVOID THIS FATE- if you plan on having a long term restrictive ED, and think that it's some "perfect solution" to be skinny forever, you're wrong. So wrong- I spent 13 years wasting my life to get the "perfect body," I was used as thinspo on here, praised for my tiny body, called "body goals," everything the pro anas on here claim to want. But you can only live that life for so long.. with my routine, the length of that particular life was 13 years (and that was pushing it). Now I am suffering more and more each day, with no relief in sight.

I will continue to post these reality checks- sure they're good for my need to vent my frustrations, but if just one person reads this and thinks twice, it has served a purpose beyond my ability to complain into the void of Tumblr.

Get help. You are never "not sick enough"- if you abuse your body in any way with food, exercise, or medication you deserve help.

You do not want this life. I gained all the weight back due to being so unintentionally immobile due to the damage anorexia/overexercising caused; the osteopenia from it definitely helped progress the degeneration of my spine and other bones, as the weight gain was aided by the complete destruction of any metabolism I had.. so now all I have is the triggering memories on Facebook, old pictures shared by family- most of whom do not know how much it hurts to see my sick pictures.. they all knew what was happening, but I've only confessed it to a few- they all make sure to talk about it behind my back though!🤬

Save yourselves from this. Save yourselves from a life much worse in EVERY WAY than not being "the skinniest girl in every room." 🙄

If you have any recovery questions or need help trying to recover, please reach out to me on any of my blogs- you're not alone.❤️

#ana #mia #pro ana #pro mia #ed #ed not sheeren #anorexia #anorexia athletica #anorexia recovery #bulimia #bulimia recovery #eating disorder #ed recovery #used some dumb tags for reach.. but damn do i hate those “ana” tags #pro recovery #recovery

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tea-and-secrets · 24 days ago

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A few weeks ago, there was this guy on discord who I was friends with for about two months, and we were pretty close. We’ll call him William for this. He read my fanfics, I listened to the music he made, etc. One thing you need to know for context? He vented. A LOT. Which isn’t a problem in itself, but in this situation…

Anyways, we both decided we were questioning if we liked the other, and we were gonna be honest while figuring this stuff out. At which point, he would dm me almost NONSTOP throughout the course of the day. I couldn’t always respond, of course, which made me feel bad. He was usually sweet about it. But the amount of times he messaged me (we’re talking 100-200 DMs a day, even when I wasn’t responding, and most of those were vents), it was stressing me out a LOT. I have really bad anxiety, and I had other things going on my life at that point. So in a mutual server, I made a ping to my friends (including him) that I was going to be offline for a day or two due to mental health reasons. The majority of my friends were really sweet and understanding, told me to take my time. But William just spammed me more.

He accused me of not pinging him about the situation but pinging everyone else (which, I made sure he was included in the role I was pinging; if he wasn’t, I didn’t know, but he shouldn’t have gotten angry so fast), and he was really mad. He continued to constantly vent about our relationship, still messaging 100-200+ times a day, even though I said I was on break. Eventually he asked if I wanted him to ignore me, to which I finally responded with a “no”. I learned later that he was really asking me if I wanted him to give me space, AND the reason he kept spamming me is because he thought that, because we were considering dating, I’d still respond to him, even if I wasn’t to other people. Which is fair, I guess. But… 100-200 messages or more, every day, most of which are vents when I’ve already said I’m going on a break because of a depressive episode…?

And THEN. After I had come back from my break, I told William that I was so sorry but I didn’t think I could handle an online romantic relationship with him. I told him I was going to go offline for a few minutes after saying that because I was a coward (I literally said THAT; keep in mind, I’ve never been in a relationship before. I know what I did probably wasn’t the best way to handle that, but… He’d been saying some things that were kind of obsessive while I was on break.) When I came back, he’d completely flipped out, said some things that sounded downright obsessive, and I didn’t respond because he was scaring me, and then said he was going to (tw) unalive himself if I didn’t respond.

At that point, I’d also checked his messages on a mutual server, where he’d been talking with one of my friends who I’d introduced him to a week or two ago. We’ll call this friend Stella. Stella messaged me and sent me some screenshots of what had happened between them and William after I left… and here’s where I learned who he really was. He called them some nasty things (some slurs), accused them of turning me against him, and later said he’d done it just because he knew it would cross my boundaries to insult one of my closest friends. So, of course… I sent one last message to him, telling him to call the su!c!de hotline and that I was so sorry, and blocked him.

Aaand then the online friends I had who he also sent crappy things to made a spam account and talked with him like a friend- there’s more to the story but this is already WAY too long and I have no idea how to use Tumblr TvT

#long post #suicide #suicide mention #tw suicide #suicide tw

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reriart · 2 months ago

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In Joy And Sorrow - Chapter Two: The Dinner

Plot: Returning to Whitestone doesn't seem so bad, thanks to Kiki. However, something inside seems out of place.

Tags (for whole fic, not only related to this chapter!): AFAB!Reader, first kiss, lovemaking, PiV, dancing Percy, non-canonical events, a lil bit of angst and slowburn, Kiki is reader’s best friend, depression.

(Please remember that English is not my native language - if you find mistakes, please send me a private message). Read it on AO3 too! Also, first chapter on Tumblr here. (Dividers by cafekitsune)

As predicted by the elf (who had taken her human form in the meantime), the castle was already crammed with people, many who had come from out of town and all glammed up for the event. In comparison, you were wearing the battered and even rather smelly armor. You were so embarrassed to be seen like that. Not that the others were any better tanned: Grog was practically naked, Scanlan would soon become one, and Vax looked like a bum. Typical Vox Machina style.

The only difference was in their smiles. For you, staying there was a nightmare. Beyond the endless annoying chattering in the background, the whole castle was screaming in agony. It was so overwhelming that you were out of breath.

However, it was important to keep your secret safe. Kiki winked at you and created a small white flower around your arm, like a bracelet, and two other small ones around your neck, mimicking a necklace.

Suddenly, the pain in your chest faded. “Did you enchanted them? Everything seems much less... loud.”

“Consider it an experiment. You deserve some quiet,” she said. “Especially now.”

“Now?”

The girl pointed to someone with her head, before turning on her heels and walking away whistling, making her copper-red hair sway.

That someone turned out to be Percival.

Holy shit.

“Hey, Percy! So, what a great job your sister Cassandra has been doing! By the way, where is she? She is in need of...”

The man's dark eyebrows arched, and for a split second, maybe due to a play of light, his complexion seemed less pale to you than usual. He was wearing a coat very similar to the one he wore daily, but with some gold embroidered details, including branches around the sleeves. His eyes immediately fell on the flowers around your body.

“Hey-”

And, as if by magic, his sister, a little shorter than him but taller than you, appeared with impeccable timing.

“Cassandra! We were just talking about you!” you greeted her with a hug, trying to act like everyone else in the room and not like an unsociable person.

She smiled, adjusting her tight jacket. “Oh, I hope positively. My brother sometimes tends to be a little, you know, edgy.”

He tried to speak up, raising his hand to adjust his round glasses. “Actually, I don't...”

The woman's statement had caught your attention. “What do you mean?”

Cassandra's eyes lit up. In spite of the suffering related to the past, she was quite happy to talk about the fondest memories. A mocking smirk brightened her face.

“You must know that he was really awful. Not that he's better now! He was a real know-it-all as a kid, though!”

A laugh escaped you, and your eyes chained back to Percival's. They were so green. You wished you could have taken off his glasses, seen them more closely, but you just lost yourself in his gaze for a moment, before returning to reality and shifting your gaze to, well, anything but him.

Curiosity took hold of you. “And now ... what would you call him?"

Cassandra tapped her right index finger to her lips. “Mmmh. He's grown up. He's proud and a shithead, but he's got some good sides, too.”

Percival's eyebrow quivered. “Excuse me? ME? Shithead?”

The woman approached him and pressed a finger against his chest. “Oh yes, Percival Fredrickstein...”

Their comical bickering was interrupted by the limpid ringing of a few silver bells, waved in the crisp party air by what sounded like a waiter.

“I kindly invite the ladies and gentlemen here to take a seat at the tables present in the next room. Dinner will soon be served.”

Your belly muttered a little. Kiki's flowers were working for real.

Lost among the many nobles, you walked toward the huge table, already familiar to you. Despite the inhibition of your senses, brushing against it caused you a vague sense of unease. Discomfort that deepened as Scanlan sat down next to you, accompanied by a guy significantly younger than him with caramel-colored skin and blue eyes. The two already seemed lost in their most vivid perversions (mental, for the moment). Between glances and a fleeting neck kiss, the bard already had his hands directed toward his dick-

“Oh gods.”

“Hmm? Would you like to join the party, my dear?” he asked, smirking as usual. “The more the merrier.”

“Huh, Scanlan,” you rolled your eyes. “I'm sorry, but I like tall men.”

“Did anyone ever tell you that the small barrel holds the good wine?” he whispered in your ear. “And I'm a whole wine shop...”

You were about to throw a boot at his head when the waiters began to serve the courses: plenty of meat, bread, wine, desserts. It had been a long time since you had had the opportunity to have such a filling meal. Better to take advantage of it.

“I-I don't eat meat,” Keyleth murmured. “There are, ehhhm, vegetables?” whispered to Vex, beside her. The half-elf took a bite of a chicken leg. “I'm afraid not. I guess you'll have to settle for pudding.”

The druid puffed, crossing her arms. You laughed, noticing how Vex watched her sneakily, vaguely shielding himself with the chicken. As much as he was one of the strongest of the group, when it came to his (well known to all) crush, he suddenly became a dork.

Between that, Scanlan stretching out his hands in places where the sun surely shone very little (thankfully not on you), and Grog intent on flirting with a big woman as big as he was, you felt like you were home: your friends intent on doing what they did best, which was being dicks. On the one hand, though, you couldn't help but feel also ... lonely. Maybe you really wanted to join Scanlan's red-light festivities. Intrusive thoughts began to corrode you, until something pulled inside you, like a string.

#reriwrites #percival de rolo #percival x reader #the legend of vox machina #tlovm #critical role #cr #percival fredrickstein von musel klossowski de rolo iii

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blaisenova · 9 months ago

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I got a request, and if it's okay can it be platonic?

If it can, how about classic and Error friendship? Cause Error hates aus, and classics the original.

but of course!!

i fucking love the man child, and, naturally, i adore myself some classic too. funnily enough, this is actually a dynamic i don't often see explored, and it's one i've definitely neglected in my own years of making undertale content. BUT THAT ENDS TODAY!!

i'm not sure if you had anything specific in mind, but i just kind of came up with an idea and ran with it, so hopefully it turned out okay LOL. i'm pretty content with it. i always love putting error in space, as a treat.

story is below the cut, and i'll reblog with the ao3 link once it's posted there, but you, my dear tumblr user, get to see it first <3

thanks so much for the request!!

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The multiverse was an infinitely expanding place, much to Error’s chagrin, and that meant that there were some rather peculiar concepts out there. Error had never been one for the unusual, though, so the more bizarre corners of the multiverse served to do nothing but piss him off. Really, there were very few universes that he genuinely appreciated the existence of, and those were Undernovella, Outertale, and Undertale. The first and second were, admittedly, born out of a particular bias – Asgoro was just such a compelling character. And who doesn’t like space? Sue him! – and the third was because Undertale was the only real universe out there; the rest were nothing but mistakes; accidents; copies that didn’t print quite right. So, naturally, when given the opportunity to bother one of the Classic Sanses of the multiverse, Error leapt at the opportunity.

It wasn’t exactly uncommon for him to be met with a Classic in his line of work, especially considering the special care he took with them; all it took was one fool’s mistake to turn an Undertale into something else entirely, after all, and that was the last thing Error wanted. There should only be one Sans per universe, both in and out of the timeline. Any… extras were glitches already – Errors, if you will – so, really, it was a mercy to get rid of them. Spare everyone the trouble of another him.

As often as Error was met with Classic, however, it wasn’t until his last Genocide that he actually struck up what might be called a “friendship” – admittedly, Error had never quite figured out the meaning of the word despite Blue’s attempts to teach him (though, Blue had also admitted that their whole “friendship” was a ploy, back in the day, before there was another error in the universe, so, really, who was to say what he knew) – but, sometimes, it was hard to tell if people really wanted to hang out with him or if he was just holding them captive on accident. Again.

It was especially complicated when Error was Classic’s “ride,” if you will. Classic had completely forbidden Error from spending time in his universe – which was insulting as much as it was understandable – and Error had forbidden the two from spending time in the anti-void – because the last thing he needed was another Blue situation – so the two, often, passed their hours in other universes, particularly Outertale. Not every Sans had the ability to travel from universe to universe, however – and thank the fucking stars for that. There’s no telling what kind of universes would be made if people could just go wherever they pleased – so Error was Classic’s taxi to the rest of the multiverse. It created a bit of an odd power dynamic that Error, admittedly, kind of enjoyed; he could go see Classic whenever he wanted, but Classic would always have to wait for him to show up first. If that’s what friendship was, then maybe it wasn’t so bad, after all.

Either way, Classic was everything that the rest of the multiverse wasn’t in that, unlike everyone else, he was meant to be there.

In all honesty, Error didn’t particularly enjoy the actual personality of his companion – there was something about it that made his bones buzz unpleasantly, like static, and reminded him of a past long gone and just out of memory’s reach – but it was so impossibly rare to meet someone that wasn’t an anomaly that Error found himself enjoying Classic’s company nonetheless.

Which was why – as he normally did when he was too caught up in his own thoughts to realise what he was doing – Error found himself stepping through a glitch in the fabric of the multiverse, met with the pleasant sound of snow crunching beneath his slipper. The slush immediately soaked through his shoes, chilling his toes and making him shiver with glitches. He peered upwards at the blurred cavern ceiling that hung above, dappled with the sparkling cyan gems that he used to pretend were stars; it was easier now, to pretend, when his vision was so awful. Though, even then, nothing compared to the real thing, and what was the use of pretending when, now, he could access the stars with a mere flick of the wrist?

With that same unconsciousness that came with years of habit, Error, after a short walk, easily found himself before the forest’s sentry station, where a nearly identical copy – if you ignored the marks of the anti-void or their lack thereof – snoozed away his shift, as he always did.

“Hey,” he called, voice particularly distorted with his effort to project, and a pleased smile fell over his face as the sound effectively roused his companion.

The skeleton blinked awake with that same bleary slowness that all tale Sanses did, rubbing the sleep from his sockets with a closed-mouth yawn. It took him a moment to register what had woken him as he shook the snow that had fallen onto his skull back to the ground, and his smile widened at the sight of the glitch before him. Admittedly, it was a welcome change in greeting than the usual wariness or screams that he received in the typical universe, but, then again, Classic had always been a special case in every way involving Error.

“Hey,” he returned, in that same languid tone as always. “Long time snow see.”

With a distorted bark of laughter, Error returned, “Yeah. It’s ice to see you again.”

“Good one,” Classic snickered. He stretched, slowly, filling the air with the soft pop of bones, then, as if to refute his efforts, hunched right back over into the same horrible position as before; head leaned on his arms, looking like he was still half asleep which, knowing him, he probably was. “Seriously. It’s been a while. Where’ve you been? Or do I wanna know?”

“Busy,” was all he answered, and the strings that stuck to his cheeks itched at the notion.

Sockets slipping shut in a poorly concealed cringe, Classic hummed. “I guess I don’t.”

“We’re going to see the stars,” Error said, instead of responding. With a flick of his wrist, a door opened to the rest of the multiverse, and the dark vastness of space shone through, spotted with all manner of colourful stars, both big and small; the heat of their presence could be felt through the opening, and the feeling prompted Classic to sit up.

He peered through the portal with that same uncertain fascination as he always did, eyelights darting over each celestial body with increasing longing. Nevertheless, when he managed to tear his gaze from the beyond and back to what was right in front of him, he fixed Error was a peculiar look with squinted sockets. “That a request?”

Error followed suit in his expression, head cocked to the side. “What?”

“Are you asking me to go?” he elaborated with an almost mocking deliberation. “Or making me?”

With a confused shake of his head, Error glanced back at the expanse of space for a moment before returning his gaze to the other him. His eyelights moved over his face, in the same way Classic’s did to the stars, as if searching for something. “Don’t you want to?”

For reasons Error couldn’t possibly hope to discern, Classic seemed to relax at the question, his expression turning back to that half-lidded smile. Having friends was weird. “I guess I can make some space in my schedule,” he said. “Beats working.”

“You were sleeping,” Error corrected with another confused frown.

“Yeah,” Classic agreed before, with a shit-eating grin that gave Error a better idea of why Papyrus was so annoyed all the time, “on the job.”

Frowning, Error let out a distorted sigh and considered how attached he really was to the multiverse’s veritable “original.” Attached enough, perhaps. It was fortunate that Classic was, overall, quiet, especially when faced with the silence-inspiring view of the stars that he was so seldom met with in his own universe, or, at least, not in ways that he properly remembered. Surrounded by something so vast and beautiful, what was there to say? Words seemed meaningless, small; som

“Are you coming or not?” Error grumbled, jerking his head towards the portal.

Finally standing to his feet – which, hilariously, didn’t grant him much extra height compared to when he’d been sitting – Classic nodded shortly and flashed him yet another grin. “Not in the mood for comet-y, are we?” he huffed. “Yeah, I’m comin’.”

Without gracing the pun with a response – though, admittedly, it had been a good one – Error stepped into the other universe. Immediately, the distinction between the soggy snow beneath his feet and the crumbly softness of the planet’s surface was clear, and, despite the distinct lack of oxygen, it felt easier to breathe. They’d ended up where they always did when they went to Outertale: some place on the other side of the planet, where the sun didn’t touch and, so, neither did the monsters. Without the mark of monsterkind, the planet itself was overwhelmingly grey, feeling rather underwhelming in comparison to the infinite picture of stars, and planets, and space dust that sprawled outwards before them, impossibly more vibrant and colourful once the portal snapped shut behind them and shut out the light of Snowdin. Though, Error supposed, just about anything would feel underwhelming in the face of something like this. Even he felt small beneath the expanse.

“I always forget how big it is,” Classic mumbled from somewhere close behind, and Error couldn't help but jump at the sound.

In a wave of glitches, he glanced back towards his companion. There was something about space – about being faced with what he could never have – that seemed to make Classic vulnerable in a way that Error hated; the way that he stared out into the void that somehow felt kinder than the other voids lacked that guarded nature – that wall – that usually stood so unwaveringly. It was a display of genuineness that Error didn’t quite feel he deserved, though he couldn’t say why.

Tearing his gaze from the other him, Error forced himself to peer at the stars once more, focusing on a particularly vivid patch of space dust. “It’s infinite,” he hummed. “‘Course it’s big.”

“Infinite’s a terrible descriptor,” Classic said with a huff of laughter. He carefully sat himself on the planet’s sheer edge, legs swinging in the open space with that characteristic recklessness that Error couldn’t help but wonder if it, from time to time, could be attributed to a certain call of the void that he, too, experienced. “It’s meaningless,” he continued. “So large that it’s incomprehensible.”

Following Classic’s example, Error perched himself on the edge. It was more of a crouch than a sit, really, leaving plenty of space and the ability to leap up and away should he need to. The first few times he’d done it, Classic had questioned the behaviour, and Error hadn’t really known how to answer. Now, the other skeleton didn’t even bat an eye. It was nice to be understood; or, if not understood, at least tolerated for his peculiarities. Maybe that was enough.

“This is nothing compared to the rest of the multiverse,” he finally answered. “Just an infinity inside of an infinity.”

The words were met with a shiver so subtle that Error might not have picked up on it if Classic weren’t so exactly like him. “Geez,” he said, with a bit of a breathless laugh. “Existential.”

“Existential?” he echoed, browbones furrowing as he peered back at his companion.

“Yeah,” Classic confirmed. “Makes you feel meaningless, knowing how small a part of the multiverse you are. So small you can’t even comprehend just how massive the rest of it is.”

A short huff of laughter fell from Error. “Everyone’s equally a part of infinity.”

“Equally meaningless, maybe,” came the grumble.

Another snort. “Yeah, most of ‘em.” His eyelights turned back towards the multiverse’s pocket infinity. The view was blurry without his glasses, but maybe it was the bigger picture that mattered more than the parts of it. What did it matter if he was missing a few stars? “It’s crazy how unlikely it is that some of these universes should exist, but they’re here, anyway.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah,” Error huffed. He ran his hand over the rough ground beneath him, rolling a pebble around with the tip of his finger in an unconscious attempt to dispel the frustrated energy that was building in him at the conversation topic. “Like, Underswap – the one where you and your bro are, like… swapped around – you wanna know how likely that is to exist?”

“I get the feeling you’re going to tell me either way,” Classic mumbled, but Error ignored him.

“It’s a probability of 1 divided by 9,109,043,495. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did.” His fingers habitually moved up towards his sockets, running over the grooves left by his strings and blinking away magic. “Isn’t that ridiculous? It’s like the multiverse is just trying to spite me; to spite itself.”

“That’s pretty incredible, actually.” The words were accompanied by a shuffling sound, and Error peeked towards the other, idly noting the way that he’d pulled his legs up into a cross-legged position.

“Incredibly annoying, maybe,” he grumbled.

For reasons Error didn’t quite understand, his frustration earned a laugh. “If something with such a low probability of existing, nevertheless, exists, then I guess it’s got to have meaning, after all. Maybe we all do, even in unquantifiable, improbable infinity,” Classic snickered. That thoughtful vulnerability was back in his gaze, and Error watched his eyelights trace invisible constellations. “You’ve got a real interesting way of reassuring someone, you know.”

Frowning, Error cocked his head to the side. “What? Who am I reassuring? Of what?”

#blaise writes #undertale #undertale au #error sans #errortale #sans #sans au #sans undertale #undertale fanart #undertale fanfiction #fanfiction #god i've missed writing for this fandom #it's been too damn long

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