#like i'm going to learn how to stop being angry about it but i dont know if i can stop being sad

[eclarinet]

same soup... different day

[every-captain]

really cool to feel unliked constantly

[a-random-weeb]

Bsd men when their S/O is on their period

I'm currently making my monthly blood sacrifice, so why not make headcannons? My emotional stability on my period be like: 📉

I get really angry, pissed at everything, clingy, and sad (mostly angry) while on my period, as well as really bad cramps, and the mood swings are horrible, so that's what I'm writing for.

Also, sorry I haven't been writing, remember how I said I was sick? Yeah well I'm so sick I can barely eat, I'm going to school but I constantly feel like I'm gonna throw up, I feel like shit, and that's why I'm posting as much. I've been trying to post once a day though

Characters: Akutagawa, Chuuya, Dazai

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Akutagawa:

•he probably doesn't even know what a period is

•When you begin to get mood swings, he's so confused

•When you explain what a period is, he thinks you're dying

•He offers to call an ambulance, and is so confused when you say it's normal

•you have to bleed your guts out every month and there's nothing you can do about it?

•I mean- he knows what a period is from gin, he's not completely ignorant

•Gin probably never talked about it much though

•she was probably one of those girls who was really embarrassed to be on her period, and still kinda is.

•When you try to struggle explain it's physically impossible, he's even more confused

•he thinks periods are so complicated

•He still secretly thinks you're gonna bleed to death, and is really worried 💀

•He also thinks it's kind of gross😭

"Why are you in so much pain?! You're bleeding?! What the hell?! Wdym, you're dying, do I have to call an ambulance?! .... What do you mean by 'period'? Oh wait, Gina told me about them..."

─── ⋆⋅ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ⋅⋆ ──𓂃········╮-`♡´--`♡´-___________༄-

Chuuya:

•Unlike Akutagawa, he's a little more educated

•He doesn't know EVERYTHING, but he knows a bit

•He definitely knows about the mood swings and cramps from the girls in the Mafia (Gin, Higuchi, Kyouka, Kyoyo ←(idk how to spell her name), ect.)

•He's too afraid to ask questions, he has to keep his pride!

•you both probably got in a big fight because of how angry you get and his anger issues, resulting in you crying and clinging to his side.

•He kind of likes it when you're on your period, even though it's not the end of the world, he treats it like it is

•what? Its an excuse to take care of you. Plus he loves how clingy you are

•He buys you pads or tampons while in your period, aswell as those cute animal heating packs

•He also buys you chocolate.

•He cuddles you while you're having cramps, whispering sweet nothings in your ear as you hold the heating pack to your stomach

•other than the mood swings and cramps, it's pretty normal

•I mean, it doesn't change your whole day-to-day schedule (depending on how bad your cramps are)

"You're on your period? Are you good on pads and whatever? Alright, we can buy more? You want chocolate too? Jeez lady... Oh nononononononono, don't cry, we can get chocolate!"

˖๑‧˚꒷꒦︶︶₊꒷꒦︶︶₊꒷꒦˚‧๑˖˖๑‧˚꒷꒦︶︶₊꒷꒦︶︶₊꒷

Dazai:

•He feels bad for all the cramps you have

•That doesn't stop him from teasing you though

•He's an asshole about it at first

•Until he learns his lesson

•He's scared of your period after you snap at him

•Though, he finds it adorable when you cuddle up to him, all apologetic after snapping at him

•if he teases you about it... well... He's probably too scared to 💀

•He buys you pads, heating packs, and chocolate with Kunikidas black card

•His excuse is "My baby is on her period, you want her to bleed her guts out in pain?" He guilts Kunikida into letting him use it (manipulative bitch- )

"Oh? My belladonna is on her period is she? Aren't you being a little dramatic about it- I TAKE IT BACK I TAKE IT BACK PLEASE DONT HURT ME!" (he's not serious btw, you're not abusing him 😭)

���༘⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖*.+𐦍༘⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖*.+𐦍༘⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖*.+𐦍༘⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖*.+𐦍༘⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖*.

[yvannahaleth]

Hello, i hope your having a fantastic day and i was wondering if i could request mukuro, miu, kaede getting jealous because they saw there S/O's ex talking to them and their S/O looked really uncomfortable, then their ex starts getting a little touchy- Sorry if this is too specific- you can just ignore the ask if you dont want to do it

Jealous! Mukuro Ikusaba, Jealous! Kaede Akamatsu, Jealous! Miu Iruma x Reader That Met Their Ex

SFW, Fluff, Mentions of violence

Mukuro Ikusaba:

This girl is furious.

You could've notice it when a mutt isn't hovering over you, trying to caress your skin slowly

She thought she could have you for herself, since her Ultimate makes it easier for everyone to fuck off.

But it seems that a particular someone decides to ignore her wall she built to protect her beloved.

So, as usual, she did what she does whenever that jerkheads rebels; havoc.

Her kick arrived to your ex's stomach before you could react her coming this way. As she stepped their neck, she threatened them to simply fuck off.

You could notice how hard your ex was trying to breathe, trying to launch back to Mukuro and put her in her place. Well too bad for him, your girlfriend is not his match.

She's lucky her shoes have heels today, because if she doesn't, then she could not watch this terrified look of your ex. The heels are making it impossible for him to not come back with a hole in their neck when they're done with her.

Whether or not you object, you could not do anything.

This is what happens when someone is messing with you or hitting on you.

This is what happens when bastards like them don't know when to stop. To stop touching you like you're not the stars of Mukuro.

Why, she could've accepted your complaining when she's trying to finish someone off because they were flirting with you.

But when they don't respect you? Oh, fuck off.

She would never look at you like the way they look at you, yet some bastards like them dare to do that? How could they?

The nerves to even hope they will be alive and well after doing that to you.

Ah, she knew that love makes her crazy, but she never would've thought that love is going to make her broke someone's arm.

Your ex learned their lessons. Luckily, the people around you noticed what they did to you and said nothing when Mukuro punished them.

With your ex screaming and screeching, she turns her back, facing you with a smile. A sad smile, it seems.

"I'm sorry i was too late, butterfly."

Kaede Akamatsu:

Her heart dropped.

Not because of her being terrified.

Instead, it's because she saw your frustrated look. She watches as you furrowed your eyebrows, chuckles awkwardly, trying to get off that jerk. Yet that dweeb didn't notice how uncomfortable you are.

Which made her more angrier than ever.

Well, you clearly never really saw her getting angry before. She was never angry at you. Probably, when she's slightly annoyed, she will pout, making you chuckle at how her cheeks grow bigger.

Hence why, it startled you to see her being this mad.

She shoves them away, quickly throws her arms on you while checking on you, and glares at them. She didn't even say anything. She just quietly stares at your ex, expecting them to apologize and leave you two alone.

Yet, your ex seems want this to last longer.

They were rambling about it was never their intention to touch you, they just want to check on you, like she did.

The way they compared what they did to what she did, made her hands tightened on you more.

She could've plunge a punch on their face right now and everyone here could watch. But she has to be the bigger person, especially since she has to comfort you after what they had done.

So, without saying anything more, she pulls you away from them. You were trembling, not much, but enough for her to notice. Her gaze didn't leave yours.

When you both are alone, her lips parted,

"Sweetheart, my apologies for not doing anything. How about i buy you your favorite drink when we get home?"

Miu Iruma:

The second she spotted you, she rushes over you and grabs you into her arms, leaving your ex with no time to react.

With her arms over you, she caresses the part your ex had touched, trying to get off the sensation that they left. She's trying to make sure you know that the arms that is over you right now is hers. Miu Iruma's.

Checking on your safety is her first priority on the list.

And bitching over your ex is the second.

"What the actual FUCK did you just do?! You could've give them some warnings before actually touching them with your disgusting, bare hands!"

She is pissed and she will not hide it.

She will not hesitate to make a scene.

I mean, you are hers! Bold of them to assume you want them back when she's literally right here! You're happy with her, right? There's no way you will choose them over her, right? Well, she's the Ultimate Inventor, you don't want anyone else but her, definitely.

She'll literally gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss her way out of this. Gaslighting your ex that they're sooo insecure that they have to crawl back to you, gatekeep you, and be a girlboss; leaving them breathless.

As she leads you leaving them behind with her hand on your waist, she smiles proudly of herself.

"I did great, didn't i, hot stuff?"

[deliriumbubbles]

After all the discourse about who was "more" wrong, It's exciting to see Apology Tour put the foot down and remind us that this is Blitzo's story. It's about how he changes and grows. It's not about just letting it go because we know he hates himself. You actually have to take steps toward improvement, and that's really fucking hard to do.

Are there psychiatrists in Hell? Cognative Behavioral Therapy?

So first off, anyone who was dying for Blitzo to be the one sending tons of text messages and coming back trying to talk to Stolas, congrats because he's definitely doing that. And annoying the crap out of Stolas and just hurting him more every time he talks to him because he keeps trying to make them revert their relationship BACK to "I'm just here as part of a transactional fucking." The big problem between them, that he can't believe that Stolas would like him even though Stolas has told him multiple times by now, remains because it's not something he can just hear once and get over.

Moreover, this is his story, so he's just going to say more hurtful things, but Stolas at least, this time, manages to use his own words (likely bc he's not triggered at that point and has some defenses up), and is able to tell Blitzo that his words are hurtful. Instead of magicking him out. Because Blitzo would just pop back over the wall.

So we get a brief, humorous montage of Blitzo going around and apologizing to everyone and not meaning it and he ends up at the Fuck Blitzo party and by degrees, and after Stolas singing a song that suggests that he still kind of blames himself for being foolish and thinking Blitzo cared, it does start to sink in and they talk a bit.

Interesting that this is the first time Blitzo has SEEN Stolas knocking it back because we the audience know he does this kinda regularly. Along with his own damn meds. Geez, these guys.

I also like that they didn't have to villainize Verosika in their conversation. She got hurt because it seems like their relationship was going pretty well until she let an ilu slip and that just sets Blitzo off because he can never believe that. It's like being compliment shy to a million degrees. And so he turned on her, he hurt her, on purpose, and she's angry because of what he did but also because he acts like it's her fault.

IS this party a monument to pettiness? Oh fuck yeah, it is. Maybe people should just learn to let go. I dont' think that's her entire career, but now whenever they're near each other, they both snipe at each other because she was hurt and doesn't feel like forgiving him when he's not sorry. But it was a good conversation between them. Blitzo hit another milestone, admitting out loud that he doesn't want to have to be like this forever. He does it deliberately, and it doesn't excuse it, but he's seeking change. He had to get here before moving forward.

So. Now he's had "a fucking minute" to process what Stolas said, has said, keeps on saying. He's heard that Stolas craves someone to love and want him. It's out there that Blitzo stopped Striker the first time. Unspoken things are moving forward.

I heard people fussing about this being their make up episode, but given the next ep (which probably will be in October), Blitzo needs to be at a low before he starts turning things around. It's his show and more than anything, the arc with Stolas is highlighting how he can't accept good things happening to him.

Stolas still has things he needs to work on as well. Highlighted in this episode is getting a more realistic sense of what romance is kind of like because he's basically a babygay rn. He doesn't have to have another full on relationship to realize that other people could want him. It could happen, but it's not necessary. He just has to recognize that he's not unlovable. That's not the problem with Blitzo. And for him to heal from his father and Stella he does need a little more experience.

Headcanon for me: Stolas and Verosika are gonna be besties after this until I'm proven otherwise.

[pseudowho]

Hi Haitch 🥺 I’ve never sent an ask in but I really need some guidance with how to deal with the adults in my family

To cut it down into simple terms I’m in my early years of studying psychology and I’ve just about had it with the taunts I get in response to that. I have to preface that my mom has never taken part in this, she encouraged me to study this in the first place, but she also doesn’t speak out against it ever

From the day I applied, my family (specifically my dad and brother) has been really .. i dont even know, just off about it.

I remember them being like “are you /sure/ you want to do it? why not do something else? why dont you want do to [blank] instead? think about your personality… do you think you can handle dealing with people like that?”.

Throughout my first year they kept on checking in on me like “do you /still/ want to do psychology? have you considered switching? its /really/ hard”

It’s like this curse I’ve placed on myself? Every time I get angry or upset or emotional, or just about do anything that isn’t what aligns with what they want the response is “you’re a psychologist, you should change the way you think” “people are going to sit in your office and say something and you’ll end up crying instead.” “if you’re so sensitive how will you become a psychologist?”. Another instance is that I’ve always been a picky eater and it was never an issue, but ever since I started uni it’s been a constant “you’re a psychologist. why don’t you like this? please, fix yourself” as if I didn’t hate those foods since I was like 7 or 8. I can’t understand if I’m truly overreacting or not.

Whatever I started out of self interest and (however limited) passion is now twisting into hate and anger. In the beginning I used that energy to continue with spite and prove them wrong but I genuinely dont have the bandwidth to deal with it for another 4 or 5 years, especially considering we’re not a culture that moves out of the house.

Sorry for the overload Haitch, but I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this. I hope you’re having a good day!

Counterpoint:

If you're not sensitive, how will you be a psychologist? I should think that with emotional sensitivity and empathy, you'll be able to uniquely connect with and understand people in a way that could only be enhanced through an education in Psychology.

Let's break down the systematic way your male family members oppress the female ones in your family.

Your mother was all for it at first; now she's not. Why? Because your father has bullied her into submission, and to toe the line to be 'concerned' that you cannot do it. You can help your mother, if you like, once you have helped yourself. Let's focus on you, now.

Your brother has learned how to be a 'man' from your father, whose cock fragile ego can only feel big if the women and girls in the family are beneath him. So he treads on them. He makes them feel small, and ensures their self-esteem is quashed. Often, this walks hand in hand with demeaning their academic pursuits as well.

He failed at stopping you going into Psychology in the first place. Yikes! He's afraid you're going to get an amazing education and subsequently be above him, and unsquashable.

So what's the next step? Ah! Convince her that she's too emotionally weak to do it. This is a great tactic, because undoubtedly, your emotional reactions have been systematically (and at points, I'm sure, simultaneously) diminished and told that they're over-reactions. You've been taught that your emotions are weak, and annoying, and fragile, and simply wrong.

It's a brilliant tactic, because he has rendered you and your mother fragile and bullied over the years. Welcome to Gaslighting 101! Please remember, if you are systematically abused to the point where you believe this is normal, this is the behaviour you would come to expect from a romantic partner, too, and that generational cycle will continue.

You are made of porcelain and covered in cracks, so he seeks to apply just enough pressure to crush you. Your brother, who has learned how to be a 'man' from your father, is doing exactly what he's been taught. Men like this are afraid of powerful women, and education is power.

So now, you repair yourself with gold. View their words for what they are; bullying, and an attempt to oppress you.

Get your education. Access therapy and counselling services, because you need to unravel how this systematic male oppression has woven itself into you. There are roots in you, and they're rotten, but they can be remedied. YOU are not rotten. YOU are not weak. YOU are a threat to your father and brother; wear that as a badge of honour.

Physician, health thyself.

These weak little men are threatened by you.

Right now, they are winning. Don't fucking let them. You have a choice here; get sad, or get strong. The path you choose will determine the fabric of you as a person, and you are in charge.

Come on, kiddo. That little central part of you is telling you that they're wrong, and it's absolutely correct. That's why you Inboxed me, right?

I wish I could be there to tear them apart for you, but this ball is in your court. The majority of the men in my family are like this, too, and you will find even now, as a powerful woman, they attempt to belittle me. It doesn't work and it is met with scorn, and god, it's so satisfying to watch these men shrivel.

I swear to god, work for this. You dedicate your time to yourself and your work. Absolutely smash this degree. Learn, and learn, because knowledge is power. Understand yourself, and forgive yourself.

You can do it, baby.

Be strong.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[sugar-omi]

Hi Naeomi!

I have a Baxter ask, but it might be a bit angst? It's all good if you are not comfortable doing it 🤗🤗

I was wondering how Baxter would react to an MC who is kind, goofy, and easygoing with her friends but not to everyone. When Baxter goes to say, "You dont have to go out with me just to be polite--" MC scoffs, "Please, I would never date a boy I didn't like just to be polite." Seeing Baxter's surprised expression, my nervous MC laughs and goes on. "But I like you, so..." Or Baxter would tell her she's too kind or nice after giving him a compliment or treating well on a date, and she would chuckle, "No, no I'm not."

MC had a hard time in school during puberty (as in mean gossip, boys brazenly checking her out and making comments, and small instances of bullying for being 'different'). That is the MC's history, and she has learned from Liz how to stand up for herself and not let anyone disrespect her--she has instilled a mean girl essence in herself with the most cutthroat comeback that has Cove recoil at her side (she has him cover his ears for this reason).

MC finishes high school with a jaded view of boys (except for Cove and Derek, her standards are high because of how kind and sweet these two are) and developed a bit of a sharp tongue when angry, something she is not proud of. And when MC meets Baxter, her crush from 5 years old, she is nervous and blushy and treats him with the utmost consideration. She worries that Baxter would see her spitting vemon one day and not like her anymore.

crying...... your mc reminds me of myself as well bc I'm also jaded n mean sometimes 😬 I will see your mc's in therapy LOL

anyway here you go anon<333 also I had fem reader in mind but I realize it's not very implied either so I hope that's OK

n i will edit the format a bit later bc I'm on my phone again 👍👍 ALSO NEW HEADER WHAT DO WE THINK it's suppose to be coves tattoo but I shrieked it bc I didn't like how bulky it was but now I feel like u can't tell it's the ocean so.... I try I try

tags: hurt/comfort, ok for fem/masc/nb readers, shy/nervous reader, mentions of bullying/harassment, headcanons at the bottom ft step 4, perhaps I'm using this to tell everyone that I think baxter finds assertiveness/"mean"!mc attractive but we won't talk abt that <3333

the first time baxter hears about the issues you had in the past, it was when your cousin laughed about how you look like a cinnamon roll but you slapped a guy hard enough his nose bled.

baxter took note of how your face scrunched up, and you looked at him to scout out how baxter reacted to the comment.

you mutter something quickly, "he deserved it. anyway..."

the mood was a little damp for a moment after that, the joke not well received because of the new addition and baxter felt bad that you had worries about how he'd take what Lee said.

after your group parted ways, and before you could retreat to your bedroom, baxter stopped you.

"forgive me if my words are unwanted, but... if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here." his voice was soothing, but his pitiful gaze was off putting...

you did appreciate the gesture, baxter is always so considerate but you didn't want him to feel bad for you. you didn't want him to know how vulnerable you were.

when you were still in school, all the bullying had you feeling like a stray ally cat in front of a pack of dogs.

you didn't want baxter to know about the rougher side of you...

after that, baxter starts to notice your mannerisms even more.

you just nod and thank him, hugging him goodnight.

one morning, you brought him a breakfast sandwich and coffee.

"you spoil me y/n. who knew sunset bird was hiding such lovely people."

you just laugh humorlessly, no shyness or humility in it just a pained expression. "I try, glad to know I'm doing good..."

baxter smiles, trying to bring back your good mood. "you are. that must be why cove gravitates to you so much."

you laugh a bit, thinking about your clingy neighbor. "maybe, but he's the sweetest between the two of us. cove always takes care of me, more than I do him in fact.."

when he's in your living room and you're fluttering around the house with haste and fretting over every detail...

baxter doubts that, thinking about how the stories of your childhood he heard from your family and cove when you graciously invited him on the boat trip.

"no need to be humble. now, shall we eat together?"

when he first showed up, you were in a tank top and leggings, but after seating baxter and leaving him with a bottle of water you ran upstairs to get ready and came back in shorts and flowy top in your favorite color.

not that baxter minded, you were beautiful. but you were comfortable before, and it was the middle of the day, so why the sudden change of clothes?

then it was how jittery you were while making some tea, hovering over the pot and fixing baxter's cup diligently.

"y/n..." baxter decides to approach this lightly.

"yes?" you smile but it doesn't reach your eyes. you look so worried, like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"can we talk about what's going on? I don't mean to intrude, I know I'm only here for the summer.."

the reminder stings you but you listen on.

"but you're still someone dear to me, so if it's something you don't mind sharing, I'd like to know what'd bothering you. I want to help, y/n..." baxter places his hand on top of yours.

you swallow but inhale and prepare to tell him enough to paint the picture, at least.

"i.. don't want you to hate me." you hang your head. "i like you so much, baxter. I'm worried that my jaded view will make you run away..."

baxter nods, choosing his next words carefully.

he brings you into his side, holding your hand and the pressure is grounding.

"nothing like that can make me dislike you y/n. of anything, I like you even more." baxter grins at your surprised expression.

"there's nothing wrong with you for being assertive when defending yourself." baxter smiles soothingly and he decides to bring up a moment of weakness he had early in the summer.

"remember when I was a half asleep mess when we went to get drinks that day?"

you nod.

"its like that, I'm not always so prim and proper." baxter laughs, ignoring the flush of his face as he recounts the blunder. "just like I'm a mess in the mornings, you can be a bit snappy but it's all about the situation."

you grin and let out a watery laugh. "are you seriously comparing your inability to be a functioning human in the morning to me being mean when someone pisses me off?"

he grins shamelessly. although with the blush on his face, perhaps bacter feels a bit more humble than usual. "perhaps."

you laugh loudly, "you are!"

baxter grins. "it worked didn't it?"

you nod, wrapping your arms around him, allowing yourself to melt into his body as he hugs you back. "yeah.. yeah it did. thanks baxter..."

baxter loves when you stand up for yourself

seeing you snap at some douchebag hitting on you at the bar even though you said you have a boyfriend and he's right here?!

finds it hot when you're angry

always reassures you that you don't need to bring him breakfast in bed every day for the rest of his life just bc he saw you snap at some nosy Karen after she made a nasty comment about your outfit

it's a beach, what does she expect people to wear???

don't verbally or physically beat someone in front of him bc he Will kiss you

"fuck off! I'm not interested asshole!!"

baxter, heart eyes: "please kiss me, do u wanna get married?????"

[tigerdrop]

Hi I pre-ordered the keychain and I'm very excited for it!! I wanted to know how you think it would go if Bill and Ford were to reunite at some point post Weirdmageddon, Bill is still incredibly obsessed with Ford (and likely that will never change), but Ford is angry at him because of the past, do you think they could work something out?

oh i absolutely do. i was just thinking about this the other day.......sure it would be healthier for both of them to cope and move on, but would it be more fun?? NO!!!!!!!!

i can make it work. im going to write this eventually but right now im working on a fic about the first time bill and ford hook up. but i can make it work

consider bill taking a lot of misguided lessons from his therapy sessions and thinking "well clearly the way to fix all of this and get sixer back is to go back in time and redo everything. but better this time". envision this going haywire in every way you would expect going back in time to fix things to do

even funnier if bill decides hes going to break out of the theraprism to do this. he Did not learn a fucking thing other than "if you are mean to somebody they might not like you anymore". mission accomplished

i think he could fuck things up so bad with time travel bullshit . it would be so funny. we all saw the fucking time travel episode, ok, now imagine something like that except with bill desperately trying to interrupt the timeline to show sixer that hes got Emotional Intelligence now, he did therapy, he made collages and lumpy clay hearts that he DIDNT smash into goop, and hes Better than the bill ford knew when he was younger. it would be so embarrassing to watch

my vision is that bill makes such a huge fucking mess of the timeline and of their dimension and it causes so many problems for so many people and they are all So mad at him. except, weirdly enough, for ford

the guys on trial for time crimes and the only one willing to say a nice thing about him is his dipshit ex with an ego bigger than god. because he actually feels touched that bill did all of this stuff just for him. and bill apologized, even if he doesnt fully understand the purpose of "apologies" or "contrition"

it hits ford square in the emotional intersection of "i never stopped thinking about bill even though he fucked me over and i never want to see him again" and "bill would cause this much trouble and this much chaos out of a misguided attempt to patch things up". he actually cares!!!

and its cartoons. its not like bill has to go to fucking time jail if i dont want him to. ford can abruptly interrupt to defend him out of nowhere while every single member of his family thinks he has lost his mind. the power of love (and time community service) can get him out of it. And it can work

ford never stopped being easy to flatter and having a god move heaven and earth just to make him happier is like the biggest ego boost known to man. so even if hes still hurt over everything i dont think he could resist feeling that special. that powerful

but now hes older and smarter and he doesnt have anything to offer bill. and bill doesnt have anything he wants anymore. except, you know. company

so i think ford is easily stupid enough to have one last pity date that turns into a second and a third and so on. its not like everything is fixed but bill showed that he was actually capable of emotional growth. he Did change. just for some dumbass human. which is crazayyyyyy

(and now at least 7 different people/creatures/entities would explode bill into 1 million pieces if he throws another fucking tantrum. and fords got that aluminum plate in his head......hes the one in control now. bill cant do anything except, maybe, break fords heart. which would also make everybody explode him)

everybody hates that bill shows up to family functions now but what can you do. sometimes the interdimensional dream demon that possessed you and slammed your hands in drawers ends up dating your grunkle. Its basically the same as having a stepdad

and they could fuck about it. The end

[spikeinthepunch]

the other thing i really wanted to mention about CotC in more detail, esp after watching new episodes, was the times the series tackles abusive family in a way thats heavily implied or straight up shown.

most obvious example of this was the episode "Scoutguest", where Craig allows Jason to come home after he says he lost his keys. What is actually most interesting about this episode is it focuses on how Craig is completely oblivious, and how Jason's home life shows his submissiveness in home environments. The first example was Craig and Bernard fighting about chores, and Jason just goes and does the chores for him, stating he wanted to save them the argument. I'm sure many who can immediately find this familiar- the act of doing something good in order to stop your parents from yelling at you or others in the house. You just want it to stop. But Craig not knowing any better, uses this behavior to his benefit. going through the episode, Craig's mom eventually calls the number shes given (which, we dont actually know was Jason's mom, and i think it probably wasnt- probably another source that knows jason's situation) and learns/understands whats up, and is kind to him as a guest. She doesnt tell Craig anything- he's a child, itd be hard to explain, and it may be invasive to Jason to explain it to Craig. regardless, she encourages Craig to be kind and when Craig hears Jason say somethings on his own he comes to realizing how different things are- and pieces together things. There is a lesson in realizing you should watch how you treat others, not presume about other's lives, and that some times someone seeking help may be doing so in a very discreet/not obvious way.

but (spoilers for newest episodes) i actually found this topic interesting to look at with Xavier. Xavier is a bully, hes mean. We learned that Xavier never had friends because he realized they just liked how he has cool stuff, and because of that, he just bullied people back, and felt that being King got him attention enough to feel good. hes a child, and Craig intervening right now is what he needs- Xavier can change. So onto my thought- The episode where Xavier explaining his story made me uncomfortable. We havent seen much of his family life. Things we do know: his oldest brother Kennith is at college, his oldest sister Cheyenne is in highschool, an unnamed/presumed mother. Unclear about another parent.

I shouldn't assume what i don't know about Xavier (his parent situation, mainly) but its interesting that we see so little of his family outside of his siblings, because the show has been very good at showing us entire family dynamics (we saw parents for characters that hardly show up!). His family is rich, his brother is distant as he is in college, and so Xavier is basically around his sister all the time. Previously I think I just took as her as the moody highschooler who thinks her little bro is annoying. But, in episode 2 of season 5, we get his story (which again, notably, does not show anything of his parents) where he eventually shows how he wanted to get stronger to i guess, beat up Craig. This is where i got uncomfy with the implications- his sister. Cheyenne works out, and the little we saw of her as the former queen did show she was also likely a bully, and i think it may be safe to say she is toxic and abusive towards Xavier as well tbh. Like, the way she start getting physical with him in that episode... getting angry, belittling him, hitting him. It made me anxious to see, feeling what is implied about her character. she does seem 'proud' of him improving but, i think its a situation of control (as she encourages in him too) and passed off like "tough love" when its actually really bad.

Xavier is 12 years old, we cannot and should not hate him like he is unredeemable. He turned into what he is for reasons a child likely would- be it the lack of people wanting to be his friend, or the implication that his older sibling pushed him around and bullied him herself. i did not really expect to see that in these new episodes honestly- it would have been easy to just say its how Xavier didnt make friends, but i think looking harder, you can again see how abuse affects kids, in ways that are very different but both bad.

[humantargetss]

been awhile since ive posted so ive got a lot to get off my chest bear with me also how is everybody its been nearly a month since I've talked to like anybody on here so..!!

i dont think my parents know i hear literally everything they're talking about down the hall bc ill occasionally hear my mom say something about me to my dad out of the blue and its usually passive aggressive i guess. like for example i guess we're doing something at some point this week and I've told my parents i don't like when they spring plans on me all of a sudden, i don't really know why, it just kinda ruins my day bc most of the time i plan my day around doing things i like and then suddenly that's taken away from me to go do something i really hate so if I'm told like a week in advance i can better prepare i guess. but anyways my mom was like "make sure to tell him bc he'll get really mad at me if you don't" and idk now i just feel like a bad person for wanting to know I'm going to do things i don't want to do in advance and its really annoying bc i understand its not totally absurd that i want to know things I'm doing in advance and not learning the day we're doing it but me doing literally anything that someone else doesn't like feels bad. like i need to stop immediately so they like me. bc I'm so scared of people not liking me, especially my own family??

i know ive established this like soo so many times but i genuinely hate this planet and believe humans are a virus that is slowly killing the earth (and itself). which is probably why i am obsessed with this random globalist propaganda i get while scrolling. I'm pretty sure its for some fandom I'm not apart of but it gives me so much hope that maybe one day militaries wont exist and people wont kill each other to get access to land they can easily share peacefully. i don't know much about globalism as an idea other than being a world-wide government so I'm not going to say anything about it cause I'm really uneducated about it. but these propaganda videos are like so !!! most of them are space exploration based too, quotes like "we were born to inherit the stars" i just love it love it lvoe it!!

does anyone else feel like a terrible person when complaining about a problem when you know other people have it so much worse . oh suddenly my problem is magically fixed (its not ) but I'm fine now bc i realize my life could be a lot worse and idk i guess it gave me a new perspective. like maybe i shouldn't get so angry or sad when things don't go my way, especially if it isn't life-altering bc at the end of the day it probably doesn't matter and i am thankful for how my life has turned out so far

anyways ive come to the conclusion that i don't care if i go to heaven or hell because eternity in itself is torture. and why would finite beings with finite sins be sent to infinite torture or infinite luxury?

gus when life is meaningless because the universe is on a never-ending cycle of doing the big bang, heat death, and then big bang again, but then looking at some pictures of cows and some mountains and like proximal centauri b and suddenly life is worth living

i think parts of christianity are beautiful and i don't have a lot of trauma from Christianity (because i don't think you can count having everyone around you support genocides and thinking being gay is the same thing as murder as trauma) but like some Christians just ruin Christianity. we can have a whole talk about the bible and all the shitty things it says, or all the good things that most Christians conveniently ignore for some reason because they like capitalism and not giving their belongings to the poor, but i do think that generally Christianity in its nature is not bad but its been twisted to be really bad and most people practicing don't realize?? and then they try to justify the verses that literally condone slavery by claiming that slavery and the slavery the verse is talking about arent the same thing (wow its almost like slavery has looked different in different societies, that doesn't stop the fact its still slavery tho!!!) but i especially hate christians that think separation of church and state is stupid, think that because christians in other countries are being killed for being christians they think they personally (a 40 something white man from ohio) is also being persecuted (christians built, have run, and currently do run this country), or christians that genuinely cant handle the idea of other people not being Christian. "love this song but hate this lyric, hope she changes it" its a song about struggling with faith while being a lesbian the song isn't for you!! or christians that think that morality cant exist without religion. oh gee whiz i don't need an omniscient all-powerful god to tell me murder is bad for me to know that murder is bad.

anyways. sometimes i wish i wasnt born then i look up in the sky and see a comet and go "ooo pretty!!" and suddenly I'm ok. or ill literally be at the lowest point I've ever been and then i eat some cheez-its and take a nap and suddenly I'm fine. I've never encountered a problem where eating, taking a nap, showering, or going outside hasn't solved. not necessarily solved, but made me feel so much better when i wasn't doing great. i go outside for every rainbow, to look at every deer wandering in my yard, because earth is so cool!! and it makes me feel so much better to just sit and watch.

i cant stop thinking about how food is completely different on other planets. no potatoes. no tortillas. no burgers. no chicken. no corn. what the fuck!!!! what do these fictional animals eat! they will never know what a strawberry tastes like. is milk, and therefor dairy products, unique to earth? they will never experience sweet potato casserole!!

im done here, please leave me a detailed comment about how you are doing bc i hope your doing great I'm sleepy and I've been typing for a while and ill probably message you tomorrow night by

[violentviolette]

Do you have any advice for approaching violent and homicidal urges or just general anger with a therapist that's a little. Gentle? Anger is a very large portion of my problems, and I'm just concerned that my therapist will be more freaked out than she already is by me.

i think everything is in how u phrase it. im gonna be very real, a lot of traumatized ppl (myself included when i was younger so no judgement) tend to phrase what we say in the worst most extreme and shocking manner possible. some of that is intentional, because getting negative reactions from ppl and making them uncomfortable gives us a feeling of power and control over other ppls emotions. and sometimes its unintentional, because weve been conditioned to seek out negative reinforcement or have learned that our feelings are not taken seriously unless we explain them in the extreme

but either way it does mean that when ur trying to avoid a negative reaction it can be difficult to get those feelings across. but its actually pretty easy when u stop and give it some more thought. a good idea if u have trouble doing that on they fly would be to write down what u want to say and bring it in to read it/consult it while talking

a good place to start is to break the feeling down to its base parts and describe more of how ur experiencing it. this helps to avoid the initial emotional knee jerk ur therapist might have. so instead of being like "i have homicidal urges and fantasize about killing my family" something more like "im really struggling with my anger, when things happen, my first reaction is to get angry and then i cant move past that feeling to think clearly"

also always avoid actionable statements. don't say things like "i want to shoot my classmates" or "when someone talks i just want to take a brick to their face" those can get u in trouble but they're also just more likely to get a negative reaction because now ur therapist has to choose between u and the people they think u might harm. dont put them in a situation where they would have to even hypothetically choose ur feelings over someone elses safety cause thats when things get sticky. it puts them at odds with u and makes things go from simply "helping u" to now "protecting other ppl" a good quick trick for this is to just replace ppl with objects. instead of "i want to punch them" using "i want to punch something" or instead of "i want to kill them" using "i want to break things" if u absolutely must talk about ur urges being directed at living objects, its a good idea to qualify that u know thats wrong and lie that its not what u "really" want to do. things like "but i know thats not okay" "i know thats not healthy" "thats not how i want to react" "i want to find a different way to handle that feeling"

also using more broad language that is again centered on urself can be more productive. describe what the sensation physically feels like for u to experience as opposed to what it makes u want to do "when ppl talk to me at the wrong times, it feels like my skin is on fire and i get very antsy, it becomes hard to focus on anything else except how angry its making me" or "sometimes i get very restless, it feels like my body is buzzing and i cant get that to stop until i break or hit something, but i know thats not a good solution"

this will again help to keep ur therapist focused on helping to relieve ur feelings rather than protect others from potential violence. u stay the center of the conversation and they can focus on addressing the individual parts of ur feelings instead of being worried about how ur actions are affecting others

[murkystarlight]

Screw it.

Dreamzzz season2 spoilers pt.1

(And my personal comments)

Alright. Starting from episode 1

I didn't realize that Cooper having a sudden interest in chips would be a hint to something later(it probably isn't but it seems like it to me). Cooper apperantly had a full list of things to fix and make... also the Night Bureau really can't do their job done properly can they. How does Cooper go to school? And study? And get good grades?? Also love how everyone names their cars

It was cool seeing Sneak working with them. And Nova, too bad they... uh- dissapear after like... episode 4? I think

Mateo trying to find a way to get z-blob back, and the Nightmare king... why is he such an icon all of a sudden?? Like-

Also, I like that how Mateo got the kid show treatment. Might as well sing 'we're all in this together'

And Dallas joining the knitting club!!

It was pretty nice. Just a simple small detail, but I like stuff like that so... Looks like he's not going to be bullying anyone now

It was very fun watching the crows(ravens? Don't remember) snatch their memories. When I saw what the memories that was stolen were about I started screaming like-

I actually think they all have a good reasoning. Logan always loved his music(would've been better if he forgot how to sing entirely) , Cooper... well he's the tech guy, and for Izzie, she was the who accepted the dream world the fastest. Who liked it the most in the first season right? There are more cool and amazing reasons than this but my stupid brain can't think of anything else right now

Episode 2

Apperantly there's a lava realm? Cool

Mr. Oz being angry, Logan being.. well, Logan. And Cooper is just adorable. He's having so much trouble. His purpose in life kinda snap

And when everyone else just jumps into the castle, Izzie takes her time to take the stairs

And Izzie having trouble with "dont open your mouth" she's so funnn

I had trouble understanding Astrid-

Royce guy has a weird whistle.

Cooper looks so happy until his mind went blank and his face is just- 'dude wait, what was I doing?' I thought he lost his tech skills?? Why did he become... dumber? It's cute though

"Sorry-" _ Izzie

Also, Logan said a lot of smart stuff in this episode. One of my favorites was

"If I forgot it, how would I know?"

Mr. Oz trying SO hard not to swear. I could see the struggle-

And the flash cards 😭 when did they get a rule book?!!(first ep)

Also, how many eggs do you think Cooper cracked. How does he not remember how to not but a bolt and screw together?? Just- stick it in! Learn to do it again? Poor thing

And the Night Hunter! +Susan and Snivel. They're a bunch of sillies

Cooper getting pressured by his family again- (is it just me or does he get his character development after like... two episodes and be the one stable guy holding the team together? He's useful. Like actually useful) Cooper's voice also wouldn't stop cracking

"Do you ever get sand in your eyes? Or your shorts?" (The Sandman had legs?? Yes, had. He... he gone now.)

Also kinda funny how all of Mateo's dreamcrafting gets blob-ified

"The one time! I actually want to hear your beats, and you forget?!"

Zoey! Why would you randomly jump into a cauldron!! (Also, the Night Hunters memory being Zoey- I already had a feel)

Mrs Castillo is the best

I'm also very curious of... what or who the Never Witch is??

There is a lot of pushing and shoving people. And it's only the second episode

Also-

"So you're not the tech genius you used to be. You still got- ....uh.... what other talents do you have?"

Oh godddd noooooooooooo he said it- Oh god........

"I'm gonna go drown my troubles in the candy realm" (kids. Too much sugar isn't good for you)

(He can't even figure out how to put his phone on silent anymore) he got an A+ in a science project, by cooking?? I thought it was a SCIENCE PROGECT??

Imagine a kid suddenly pulling out an apron and asking for a kitchen to work in. During a science project (he's a chef now), he also just... kept the flan? Thing, in his locker-.... is that... okay?

I mean... I did watch this science show on Netflix about these super smart girls and their names being mc². And one of them bakes. Using science. I mean... science works in everything... and I guess if the teachers said okay then its.. okay?

Sandman and Never Witch fighting, he will be remembered. It was pretty cool actually. I wonder if they have any history

Next part

Bonus(also the reason of why I said screw it)

[thetraingotsetonfireonmidnight]

IM SORRY I ASK SO MANY MARVEL CROSSOVERS I JUST LOVE THEM.

Bakugou x spiderman reader who doesnt show his face :3

DONT APOLOGIZE, I LOVE THEM

AND I LOVE THIS UGH

𝔅𝔞𝔨𝔲𝔤𝔬𝔲 𝔵 𝔪!𝔰𝔭𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔯-𝔪𝔞𝔫 ℜ𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯

Warnings: mentions of death, the reader is kinda an asshole at the end my bad, angst cause I got carried away

Let me start this off by saying that he did NOT mean to fall in love with you.

You had crashed into his room while handling a villain.

The villain of course decided to use Katsuki as a hostage, because he was just there, and your villains never seem to give you a break.

You saved him, thankfully.

You dropped him off at his house, quickly telling him to stay safe as you tried to run off and go change

"WAIT!"

You stopped, worried that the blonde angry guy had been hurt.

No, he just felt the need to go on a long rant about how you didn't save him and how he didn't need your help.

Not everyone in the city liked you exactly, but never once had you saved someone and get this as a response.

You found it entertaining for a moment

You kinda tuned out for the most part

Just more Spider-man slander, the usual that you had to deal with

Until he said

"So that's why you owe me!"

You raised a brow, your cartoonishly huge mask eyes following the movement, "I owe you? I think I repaid you by saving you."

The spikey man scoffed, "Yeah and you destroyed my house. And you were the reason why I was in danger in the first place. If you hadn't crashed into my house like a dumbass, we wouldn't be here!"

You stared at him

Was he being serious???

"So," he continued, "make it up to me by checking out my designs."

"Designs?"

"Yeah. I made...designs...for gadgets. They aren't for you, but I guess you could find them useful."

You did in fact check out his designs.

You soon learned that Katsuki Bakugou, the same man who cursed you out, was an absolute genius who had been designing gadgets for you in hopes you two could partner up some day (though he never would admit it).

You visited him regularly to test out his latest idea, web bombs.

You visited him so often that you often forgot that you were supposed to be a superhero, and he was supposed to be a civillian

You both had grown so close. Equals at this point because he did demand that he'd also become a vigilante.

He also demanded that he'd learn on his own and that he would surpass you.

Bakugou was insane, but you loved that about him.

You loved him in general, you soon realized.

And that was bad.

You couldn't do that.

Using his gadgets was bad enough, but to date him?

You'd be putting him in danger.

You tried to hide how you felt as much as you could.

And thankfully, Bakugou was more of a fighter than a lover, so he made things easier by not reciprocating.

At least that's what you thought.

Until Mr. Tough guy started blushing whenever you got too close.

God forbid you compliment him, then he curses you out.

Other than his embarrassed outbursts, you realized that he was...different around you

He didn't yell as much.

He was calm...it was weird.

You tried to ignore the signs, but you couldn't.

Not when you both had been sitting on his bedroom floor, fixing up a few pieces of equipment that had gotten damaged.

"Why won't you take it off?"

You nearly choked, "Excuse me?"

"The mask. Why won't you take it off? That shit can't be comfortable." He wasn't looking at you, instead focused on fidgeting with his tools. He tried to make it seem like he was fixing it, but he wasn't. You could tell.

"I don't get a date first? Jeez, chivalry really is dead."

"Shut up, I'm being serious." He finally looked at you, with those blood red eyes of his. "How come you won't show me your face?"

You frowned. You knew eventually this would be brought up, you just wished you could stall it a little longer.

"It's too dangerous. You know that, Bakugou-"

"Katsuki. Call me Katsuki, damn it. Stop acting like we're just business partners or something! I know how you feel about me, so why won't you show me who you are?"

You froze in place.

So your worst fears had been true.

Bakugou Katsuki fell for you.

Just as you had fallen for him.

It was a shame that Spider-man couldn't afford to fall.

It was a shame that Spider-man had already promised his commitment to his city.

It was a shame that you had to promise your commitment to the city.

"It's not that simple." You set the tools down and stood up. "It's too dangerous."

"And coming to my house everyday isn't? I don't see you giving me a speech about how a villain could follow you here? My safety isn't what you're worried about!"

Perhaps he was right.

Maybe his safety was a scapegoat.

Something you could blame to avoid the underlying problems you had

But if there was anything you hated more than seeing Bakugou upset,

It would be to see Bakugou dead.

Dead like a past lover who you had stupidly thought you could protect.

"I'm sorry, Bakugou."

You turned around, heading to his window.

You opened it, pausing

You wanted to take it back

But you couldn't

You had to do what was right

Bakugou cursed you out.

That was fine

He had every right to

You'd rather him be mad at you than see him get hurt

So you left

And you hoped he'd forget everything the next time you'd need to get gadget updates.

[polyamorouscultureis]

Hey, I was wondering if you could maybe help me with this, because I am incredibly now at polyamory, I have no onw around me that I could talk to and I don't know how to act.

Okay so basically, i have been with my partner for almost 3 years now. We were completly monogamous until a few months ago, when they went to study abroad. We have a huge time difference (9h) and we have never been apart for more than 1 month, so long distance has been hard on us. Not even 2 weeks of being aborad they met someone and started to develop a crush.

I had no worries and said it would be okay for me if they would try something out, but I also said that i don't know if I would be comfortable with them developing feelings for each other. Fast forward a few weeks, they actually developed feelings for each other and I stopped feeling comfortable with them kissing or having sex. My partner and I talked about it and we came to the conclusion that we want to try to actually open our relationship.

See the problem isn't with my partner or the guy they found, because both of them are 100% okay with everything. I am the only one who feels terrible about my partner having romantic feelings for someone other than me. But I really want to try for my partner. (I dont know if a non-monogamous relationship is for me, right now it doesn't feel like I can do this, but like I said I really want to try for them).

I feel jealous and anxious and sometimes angry. I don't want to feel this way. We talked about things that could help me get over these feelings, including my partner spending more time with me and me actually getting to know the other person.

(I also thought that it could maybe help if I also had someone else, but I don't know if I actually want that. Also it hurts when my partner says that they don't care if I have someone else.)

Moreover we made the "rule" that we should take it slow and that I am currently not comfortable with them sharing bodily affection, like kissing or having sex. We're hoping that as time passes my bad feelings would go away and they can slowly start doing these things again.

Now coming to my question: Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation? How can I figure out where my bad feelings are coming from? What else can we do to reduce my bad feelings? I would appreciate your help soo much. Thank you!

To me, it sounds like you love your partner very much, but the two of you aren't romantically compatible.

It absolutely sucks when this happens, for everyone involved. But do not compromise your own comfort just to appease your partner. Don't hide your feelings of jealousy and blame yourself for not "trying hard enough" to be poly "for them" if it's genuinely something you're not comfortable with.

It's okay if this is a dealbreaker for you. If you would be happier with just one person, and they would be happier with more than one, it's okay to end the relationship and wish each other the best. You can still love each other, still root for the other's happiness in life, and date separately. You both deserve to have the types of connections that you want. If this isn't what you want, the best you will be able to do is learn to tolerate it. Being actually happy with it may not ever happen.

It's so, so hard. And I'm sorry you're going through this. But I hope both of you can take a look at your relationship together and determine whether it's something you still want or not. It's okay if it isn't. But don't force yourself to change for them. <3

[lastoneout]

I do actually think part of the reason I've never brought up my palilalia to a doctor is because I got made fun of for it as a kid so I very quickly learned to mask it, and now it only really happens when I'm doing so many things I legit can't mask it because my brain is too busy to allocate energy to that task, and I cannot do it on command. It's also way less noticeable bcs I wear a N95 everywhere so people can't see my lips, which is the main give away that I'm doing it since the repetitions are so quiet you have to be right next to me to hear them.

But like...the other reason is cuz as I've learned more about it the more angry I am that I was forced to learn to mask it at all. Like so many resources are all about how to treat it and get it to stop, and tbh I don't want to treat it. It's just part of the way I talk, it's never been hurting anyone, it doesn't make me less competent or anything. But I learned to mask so well I don't even know how to unmask it, and I'm worried my doctors/therapists will just be like "well you learned to stop that's good" when it's like no!! I don't think it's good!! I dont like knowing that I was just being myself as a child and then got forced to stop because people thought I was weird!!

Idk I'm probably going to bring it up to my therapist next time I see her. Just to work through the like....mourning? I guess?? Or just the bad feelings around being forced to silence part of myself to be respected.

[studioboner]

Hi! I actually am wondering about trying watercolors for the first time but feel a little anxious haha.. how you go about drawing on the paper with confidence? Like, watercolor paper isn’t exactly cheap. I think I got the cheapest one avaible from Canson but still the anxiety is real… do you pick very light pencils like 2B so you can sketch veryyy lightly, or before sketching on the paper itself you do a planning sketch in another paper?

Im asking this cos I really love your art and it’s so cool that it’s mostly traditional! And the way you draw Tails is too adorable and consistent while being in your style, it always feels like you have confidence when you draw him.

oh i think this is gonna be a long one

all in all?i have the same anxiety as you. but i've confidense that i can make something good sometimes, but not that i will get it right every time. So i keep trying, but heres some stuff that helped

a warning though, i keep going on and on in this reply and can get pretty negative at times

my watercolor paper i use costs 2 dollars and has 20 sheets so that's 10 cents per sheet. which i feel helps with my anxiety... it's the canson multimedia block too, 140 msg .....

watercolor sketchbooks i'd find online were around 80 or more BRL, and then 20 BRL shipping.... that's 20 USD in total...

but a block of this plus getting it binded costs me 4 USD.....so i think that one [price] helps alot lol.....

as for the confidence.....

i've had enough time to do quite a bit of trad art, specifically ink and watercolors so im USED to the material and now quite as scared to "mess up" as when i first started it.... [hint, i still am] this is one example of a sketch page, they vary in size, and how "done" they are... i dont really worry too much about maintaining a rule of "everything in this sketchbook must be fully rendered " bc it ended up stunting my creativity

i did try the "sketch it onto a sketchbook and then pass it to watercolor paper" approach and tbh...? not really my thing... i've found that to me the first sketch always end up being looser than when i pass it on... i'm always more focused on getting the flow, composition and pose there than i am getting the right details or right lines or colors etc....

like this one, im more happy with the sketch, it's mroe dynamic, mroe fun

i DO sketch stuff on cheaper paper first when it's for trad art commissions though, just bc there i HAVE to make sure the client is getting what they asked

and i do use 2b pencils AND a "soft lead" mechanical pencil, btu tbh it's mroe bc of the feeling of it on paper than for the look of it...

here for example you can see the circle i used to have a basis on where tails would be.. i didnt erase it as i continued painting bc tbh it was just the sketch. i ended up liking it tho

i actually got quite MAD and angry at myself recently bc i noticed how much my sketches were looser in the sketchbooks when i did try the passing onto watercolors thing and i had a full on discussion with a fellow artist about daring myself to be bolder in the future, it has been working well

I sadly have to say though, that figuring out how to build confidense is more of a personal journey, and i cant claim that what worked for me [trusting my first sketch] would work for you.....

It's time, practice, trial and error....

OH, one thing though that DID help me. is:

-There's no art wasted, even if it doesnt turn out how you wanted it, you still learned something.

-Makins these personal art/fanarts isn't some school paper you have to hand it to be graded and then not get it back. You can re-do a piece as many times as you want until you get it right! I have quite a queue of pieces i plan on re-doing in the future bc i didnt like the first ones i did. im not perfect on confidence and i get scared of fully committing to drawings alot, many of them are pale not for choice bc bc i got scared of making my art too saturated and overworking it

i am about to get negative now so stop reading if you dont want to see that.

HERE NOW i's a alot of pieces i made that im unsatisfied with and plan on re-doing one day: too dull, simply way too watered

which led me to make THIS piece and do better colors

i hATE the way i did the lineart here. it's boring, the anatomies are wonky. it's a good concept but i didnt excecuted it as well as i wanted. but this piece has made me just go and try inking MORE so i could make up for it

which lead to this piece here eventually

This one here.... the colors look so muddy it just makes me SAD, bc i had been so scared to use high saturation that i went with the muddier colors by choice, if i had allowed myself to experiment i wonder how happier i'd be about it

which led me to make THIS piece with softer in value and more saturated colors

The colors and blending of this one are too soft and not bold enough for what i had envisioned it, i made it as fanart of a friends fic and it made me feel like i failed my friend and insulted her fic when i finished this. I dont think the piece looks bAD, mind you. i know it looks cute. and good even. But i had such high hopes for it.

which led me to make this one

THIS ONE OH MY GOD HOW I HATE IT. sonics expression is SO creepy hes like a horror movie weirdo , honestly not my best work when it comes to anatomy

so i've been doodlin sonic now and then as practice so that i could make this one eventually

The perspective on knuckles could be better and the characters look out of place on this scene, the background is ok

but in this piece here i was able to get a better harmony between colors, background and whatever sparse linework i threw in

Theres so many more haha but i'll stop for now....

Dont get me wrong i dont ACTUALLY think those pieces are HORRIBLE horrible,,,, i see the flaws in them yes, but theres always something i like too, and i know people like them, and that people wont throw away a whole piece over one small detail that in the end doesnt even affect the overall thing....

i've just been getting into the headspace of "ok. at least this one is done, onto the next"

plus the whole thing i told you of realising my first sketches are looser....

sorry im not too good at talking about this and my points arent very clear, i dont think this is going to be quite the help you expected it to be because the truth is that the struggle with your art is soemthign that doesnt go away no matter what skill you have...

at times to me it feels more like a mentality practice than skill, reasurring myself that it's ok to get it wrong and try again, etc etc....

i used to go to therapy and one of the things we talked about was my perfectionism, how i used to be so scared to mess up a piece. that i wouldnt even start, and wouldnt draw for months. this has been going for years now and hey i've gotten better.

but..... yeah im in the same boat as you.... except mine is no longer just about the paper quality!

Sorry this got so personal now, i hope that this hasnt killed your hopes on getting better at the anxiety. it does get way better haha... trying to force your brain to not judge yourself so harshly is half the battle in my opinion, the practice of drawing is the other half....

good luck i hope you have fun painting, i know i do, i love the process even when i dont like the result, good night and thank you for the question