#like i said seeing relationships like these is healing

[itsastrobixch]

Astrology notes part ?

I've honestly lost track of it all ಠ⁠﹏⁠ಠ

Also a/n : it's very short cause i just wanted to get back into the swing of things. College is sucking my brain juice dry and tbh i barely get the time to come to Tumblr much less make content.

So enjoy 😃

♡ Wherever Pluto sits in the chart, it attracts jealousy and irrational emotions. For example, my friend has Pluto in 4th house, the IC is associated with home mother etc. Her mother has expressed multiple times that she's jealous of her, and sees her as a competition to her fathers affections. All of this with no actions on my friend's part.

♡ Mercury dominants or especially geminis they need to stay updated on everything thats happening in their immediate surroundings. The tv show everyone's watching ? Yeah they watch it or atleast watch recaps. The drama or gossip everyone's talking about ? They know the deets on that ish. They have an inner urge to stay connected and relevant.

♡ People always have a negative opinion about saturn. Its a karmic planet and the planet of delays and lessons. Everyone is a bit cautious around the saturn placements of your chart. But imo saturn is a harsh judge yes. But if you understand what its trying to teach you, the lessons then you'll get bountiful returns in the very same endeavours as well. Lets take me as an example, i have saturn in 7th house and my first relationship was abusive and horrible. After that the flings i pursued were all emotionally unavailable men. But once i learnt my lesson and was brave enough to imagine a life without a partner, i was blessed with my current boyfriend. Saturn forces you to confront your worst nightmares, and when you've mastered it it rewards you plenty.

♡ Sun conjunct Mercury is a powerful aspect and it manifests in different ways depending on the house of conjunction, the signs involved in the conjunction etc. But one thing in common between all of them is that these natives will be known for their speech like the way they speak. Whether it be the tone or way of putting things. It'll make people admire them for ghat specific quality and they maybe famous for their speech as well.

♡ Second house rules money, and the ways in which a person can gain money easily. Positive planets in the second house can lead to them retaining the money they make and malefic planets there can point to natives losing money easily. That being said, the planet in 2nd house can point to how they can earn money easily. Neptune in 2nd house can earn money through metaphysical endeavours such as tarot, reiki healing, pranic healing etc.

♡ intercepted houses are a menace in peoples' charts. They will create chaos, confusion and will pull the native In two directions at once.

♡Aries in 4th house or IC were either bullied or were bullies themselves in their childhoods.

♡ People with mars in first house can either have a prominent scar or a mole in their face. This can also apply to people with mars-ascendant aspects whether positive or negative.

♡ Capricorn in 2nd house people have very expensive tastes in clothing and jewellery imo. They like the "classics" - Gucci, Swarovski, Ysl, Louboutins etc. they dress for class rather than for making a statement about themselves. Neither is wrong. I am just suggesting they prefer class over expression.

©itsastrobixch Do NOT repost my content or plagiarise it.

[calypsocolada]

SEVEN MONTHS | r. itoshi

synopsis: a seven month relationship has it's turbulent moments... author's note: hello! this will be part of a three part series. first part will be rin, second nagi and third Isagi. I'm gonna try and tie them all together like a little bow. anyways enjoy this first part! this was lots of fun to write and ended up a bit longer than I intended but ya know. wc: 5.2k cw: fluff, use of y/n, not proofread, fem reader, angst click here for my masterlist!

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In high school you dated this boy. It lasted seven months. Being young makes everything feel so heightened, so… pressing. The love you felt and the hurt towards the end was nothing you���d ever felt before. Like something from the books you’d read or the movies on screen. It felt that important. That serious. Seven months turned you cynical. Because the heart you handed out was taken and never returned. And what’s a body without a heart? 

When you graduated high school you went into the world like that. Closed off and careful. You’d been burned once with no way to properly heal. You wouldn’t make that mistake again with someone new. 

Rin Itoshi had already ruined that for you.

And when a couple months passed after graduation and snow had started to fall that last thing you expected was Rin on your doorstep. Black hair dusted with snowflakes. It was obvious he’d walked to your house. His cheeks red from the cold, shoes and the cuffs of his pants wet and partially frozen. You had months to sit and stew with your feelings. With the hurt he’d left you. With the good memories that liked to cloud the bad ones. When you met him he was a completely different person from the one you fell in love with to the one you barely knew as he stood on your porch. 

“May I please come in?” He asked politely, a slight tremor in his voice. It was obvious he was cold. 

“You should’ve called.” You answered coldly. He shivered, from the cold or your tone you weren’t sure. 

“Would you have answered?” He asked, a sickeningly hopeful look on his face. But behind that, resignation as you answered the way he expected. 

“No.” It was a resolute answer. But you surprised him as you moved to the side, an unspoken invitation to come inside. Your Mom was out for the weekend, she’d be back Monday to see you off to the airport and off to college you’d go.

You pushed the door shut behind him, clipping off the cold air. Rin’s back was to you, broad shoulders fitted with a black suede jacket, snow sprinkling across it. The walk from his house to yours could’ve easily been an hour. And although this was someone you felt strong negative emotions for he was also someone you would’ve given your own jacket to months before. Letting yourself face that cold alone just so he wouldn’t know what it felt like. But this was also someone who just… wouldn’t do the same for you. He might’ve cared in his own way but… you were always going to be second in his mind. 

“Go sit by the fireplace, I’ll make some tea.” You said, brushing past him towards the kitchen, not looking back. You fell into a routine as your mind drifted. Traitorous thoughts pouring in because this exact moment had happened before but the circumstances were different.

~

You used to study at a park near your house. Had been going to it for a little bit, at least two or three months since you moved back here with your mom. Your mom worked as a saleswoman so throughout most of the day she was arguing with people over the phone and since your apartment has thin walls you could barely focus. The park was usually very quiet. The occasional few kids playing at the jungle gym or jogger passing by, the gentle pat of their shoes on the pavement. The only thing as punctual as you was the determined boy practicing soccer across the field. He went to school with you but was a grade above you so you didn’t have any classes with him. You’d only see him in passing periods and occasionally out in the courtyard during lunch. But now almost everyday at the park around 5:30. The boy was wildly punctual. You’d be engrossed in your studies and suddenly hear the sound of a cleat smashing a ball into the goal. That’s how you’d know you had about thirty minutes left to study. You didn’t like being out when it got dark so you usually left by 6. 

This particular day you were reading homework chapters from a book. You heard the usual cleat smashing the ball and flipped your page. Thirty minutes left. The wind picked up as your papers on the picnic table were carried from the table. You jumped to your feet, grabbing them as they hit the grass. You straightened, your eyes naturally falling across the field. You spotted the boy sat in the grass, wrapping something around his ankle, his face twisted in silent discomfort. You sucked in a breath, placing your papers back on the table sliding your book atop them so they didn’t fly away again. You watched as the boy pushed himself to his feet, he wobbled for a moment then took a step. You could hear the curse fall from his lips across the field as he fell to his knees in pain. You gasped slightly, swallowing nerves as you jogged across the field towards him. 

“Hey! Hey are you okay?” You called out to him as you approached from behind. It was a silly question since you’d seen him fall to his knees in pain. The boy with the black hair waved his hand dismissively. 

“I’m fine.” His voice was clipped, you didn’t have to be a master in body language to know he was not fine at all. You walked around towards the front of him and met his eyes. 

“I don’t think so. Did you hurt your ankle?” You asked, searching his face. You’d never been this close to him, never looked at his face this long. His eyes were sharp, like a cat’s, sharp and blue with long lashes and a downturned mouth. Must’ve been used to frowning. 

“No.” He answered shortly, his hand lingered by the wrap on his ankle. For a moment you just stared at him, surprised by his attitude. He was sort of an asshole. Slowly you nodded your head in understanding, you knew when your presence wasn’t wanted. 

“Ah, must’ve just imagined you falling to your knees in pain, my mistake.” You answered back just as shortly, walking on past him back towards your picnic table. You got about ten steps away before…

“Wait.” His voice just barely carried over the wind. You turned, his eyes drilled into the grass, not meeting yours. “Could you help me to my car?” He asked but his voice was still a bit sharp, as though it physically pained him to ask for help. You grew up with manners, you knew how to say please and thank you, there was no shame in asking for help. But there was shame in being a dick about it. 

“Please.” You said and his eyes cut to yours, the wind blowing his hair slightly, his dark brows furrowed softly. 

“What?”

“Ask nicely.” You said evenly. You watched his lips part in surprise. He clearly wasn’t used to someone sticking up to him. You could see it in his face, the annoyance he felt over your two words. You raised your brows expectantly and turned to remind him you could just leave. He raised a hand to you, an outstretched hand. 

“Wait,” he said again, swallowing dryly. He sighed, letting his hand fall to the grass. “Could you help me to my car… please?” He pouted. Actually pouted. 

“That sounded more painful than your hurt ankle.” You regaled, walking towards him. He raised his hand again and your freezing fingers slid into his warm palm. You gripped him tightly, pulling him with all your might to his feet. The man was a giant, at least two heads taller than you. He leaned heavily against you, his right arm sliding over your shoulders as you wrapped your left arm around his hip, your right hand reaching up and holding his hand by your shoulder. You helped him towards the parking lot, listening to his try to hide the pain he felt. He’d suck in a quiet breath or you’d feel his hand tense. 

“You gonna make it?” You asked, turning and craning your neck to meet his eyes. He stared straight. 

“Of course.” He said through gritted teeth. It almost made you laugh. This boy was a stubborn creature.

“Lean more on me. I’m here for a reason aren’t I?” You asked, hearing the boy swallow dryly. 

“I’ve seen you… before.” Changing the subject? He wasn’t sly. 

“I come here to study.” You answered, tightening your hold on his hip. 

“Not here. School.” He amended. 

“Yeah… yeah I’ve seen you too.” You answer nonchalantly. “You hurt that one girl's feelings the other day.” You felt him stiffen. 

There were a few whispers about the boys in your school, you were never one for gossip but you had ears and sometimes that’s all the girls in your grade wanted to talk about. The soccer prodigies, Rin, Isagi and Nagi. There was a girl in your grade that decided she wanted to be different from the other girls that had asked Rin out. She got him flowers and chocolates, and made a big embarrassing show of it. You didn’t know Rin that well but you had a feeling it wouldn’t go well. The girl did it during a passing period so a lot of kids were passing by. Your locker just happened to be in view of the whole thing. You didn’t want to watch but most kinds were blocking your path. You missed the first bit of her speech but caught the obvious question. Will you go out with me? You peered behind a couple students, just barely catching Rin’s response as well as the completely uninterested look he gave her. Who’re you? He had asked. The hall was silent. Forty, no fifty kids all surprised and embarrassed into silence. The tears came first and then the girl was pushing through the laughing crowd. The girl was in your next two periods but she didn’t show up. Rin had completely embarrassed the girl. She didn’t show up the rest of the week.

“What… was I supposed to say?” He asked. You furrowed your brow.

“If you weren’t interested you could’ve been polite about it.”

“I wasn’t interested. And I didn’t know her.” He says as though that gave him reason to embarrass the poor girl. You sighed. This was none of your business, you’d talked to the girl maybe once or twice in passing. You just simply shook your head. Who were you, a girl he didn’t know, to lecture him on turning down another girl he apparently didn’t know.

“She was just hurt, that’s all.” You said dismissively as you crossed over from the grass towards the parking lot, you two paused as you gathered up your book bag and papers, shoving them into your bag. You pulled him towards your car as he slowed, showing some resistance. 

“My car’s that way.” He pointed. 

“I’m aware.” You continued walking. “But you hurt the foot that you drive with so I’ll give you a ride.”

“I live across town.” He said as though it was too far.

“Then give me gas money.” You groaned, fishing out your keys from your pocket.

“I… I can’t.” He stuttered. He sounded… nervous?

“I’m joking, it’s fine. I have gas.” You informed him as he pulled you both to a stop.

“I can’t go home just yet.” He said quietly. You looked up at him.

“What?” 

“I can’t go home just-”

“I know what you said.” You sighed. “What do you mean you can’t go home?”

“I practice until ten, every night. I can’t go home. Or he-” Releasing he might’ve been revealing something too personal Rin stopped talking. You stared up at him, brows curved in confusion.

“You’re hurt, you can’t practice.”

“Please.” His eyes met yours imploringly and for a split second you saw what that girl who made a big show of asking him out saw. A handsome boy, whose eyes weren’t as sharp as you initially thought. You blushed and looked away towards your car. 

“Okay…” You trailed off. “Do you have any friends you could go to?” You looked back up at him, his silence was an answer in itself. “My mom usually makes dinner around this time… I guess you could come with me?” You felt like that girl in the hallway suddenly more than ever. You forced yourself to keep your eyes on him, if he showed the slightest bit of discomfort you’d think of something else. But instead… he blushed, looking out towards your car.

“Okay.” He said simply, voice soft and low. 

“Okay?” You questioned.

“Okay… please take me home-… with you.” You both blushed this time.

Your mom wasn’t home, you were actually pretty thankful. The last boy you had brought home to her had left your house in tears and stopped speaking to you at school. You were mad at first but later found out he was texting multiple girls while seeing you. You asked your mom then if she had any idea and the older woman had just shrugged her shoulders and claimed, ‘he just seemed weak and not fit for my little girl’. She’d probably saved you from a lot of heartbreak. 

You pulled Rin in through the front door and kicked it closed behind you, helping him towards the living room. You helped him to the couch and sighed an exhausted breath when you lost his added weight. 

“Here,” You said as you helped him prop his ankle on the coffee table, placing a pillow underneath it so it was elevated. “I’ll get some ice.” You said, pushing to your feet. 

“Wait, Y/n?”

“Hm?” You hummed, pausing in the doorway towards the kitchen.

“Uh… thank you… for your help.” He said and once again you watched the poor boy blush. You gave him a soft smile, nodding your head as you disappeared into the kitchen. Moments later you were back by his side, doting on him for reasons you did not want to understand. You help the ice pack on his ankle and bite back a laugh at his red face. What was he so nervous about? He spied that reaction.

“What’s funny?” He asked as you met his eyes, shrugging. 

“Nothing.” You answered simply. “Want something to eat?”

“I’m okay.”

“Drink?” 

“N-no thank you.” 

“I could fetch a blanket, or maybe turn on a movie.”

“Just your company is fine.” He answered before his brain could stop him. You raised a brow at him and watched that pretty face turn even more red. 

“Just my company is fine?” You teased.

“Please stop talking.” He sighed, hand over face. 

“Since you asked so nicely.” You obliged, leaning back on the couch beside him, balancing the ice pack on his ankle. It was quiet for a moment but surprisingly it wasn’t uncomfortable. “...Why didn’t you wanna go home?” You cautioned, he could very easily shut your question down but… he didn’t.

“My brother’s back from college for a bit.” He answered. You knew his brother, a big shot soccer guy, played for japan.

“Oh?” 

“He’s… good at what he does. Too good. He used to practice everyday. From 5:30 to 10 pm.”

“Just like you.” You smiled, rolling your head to face him as he spoke. You thought he was reminiscing but he looked… sad. 

“Sae never got hurt. He could practice for hours and not work up a sweat.”

“Yeah… he’s good. I watched a few of his matches with my cousins. They’re big fans.” You said, Rin turned, insistent eyes meeting yours. “What?”

“What do you think?” He asked, his eyes searching your face. You raised your brows.

“About what?” 

“Sae.” He said, there was sadness in his eyes. A deepness to his words that you didn’t understand. You pouted slightly in thought.

“Hm… I… I think he’s good? I honestly don’t know too much about him.” You responded. His eyes were expectant of something you were unsure of. “The girls in school like him.”

“Oh.. And you?” He asked a little too quickly to sound natural. Something clicked then. He was… jealous? No… no that couldn’t be it. 

“Honestly?” You asked as Rin immediately nodded his head, he really needed to know your answer. “Not a fan of red heads.” You shrugged, not exactly true, you had nothing against them but you couldn’t exactly say that Sae seemed like a stuck up prick. Or maybe you could because the genuine, albeit, small smile that spread across Rin’s face was surprising. He chuckled, it was a warm sound that filled your chest. 

“Is that so?” He murmured as you smiled, giggling. “What is your type then?”

“Hm…” You trailed off, pretending to think. “Blondes.” You teased and laughed when Rin’s smile turned into a small pout. “I’m joking… I don’t really have a- mhm!” His lips cut off your sentence, you hadn’t noticed how close you two had drifted as you spoke. You hadn’t thought about what the boy's lips felt like until this very moment as his lips pressed against yours, his hand sliding desperately on your face, thumb stroking your cheek as his hand rested on your jaw. At this very moment there wasn’t much going through your mind. It was confusing but warm, shocking but your insides were twisting and fluttering as the kiss deepened and his hand slid past your face into your hair. Your hand feebly gripping the front of his shirt as the front door cracked open. You jolted back away from Rin, wide eyed and blushing, the same expression reflected on Rin’s face.

“Honey, you home?” Your mom called out from the front entrance. 

“Yeah!” You called out shakily, forcing some room between you and Rin. “I’m in the living room… my-- my friend was hurt at the park so he’s here too.”

“He?” Your mom echoed as your heart felt right into your stomach. You pushed to your feet, rushing towards your mom. She gave you a strict look. “You have a boy over? Alone?”

“It’s not… like that. He-- Mom he sprained his ankle.” You explained as your mom raised her brow as if to say ‘so what?’.”Please… please don’t embarrass me. Nothing was happening.” You whispered back imploringly. Your Mom squinted her eyes as she pushed past you to the living room.Sure enough Rin sat there, the blush on his cheeks still apparent. You hoped she wouldn’t notice.

“Sorry, Miss… my brother’s on his way to pick me up. I’ll be out of your hair.” Rin answered. You lips parted in silent protest as your Mom huffed. 

“It’s fine. You sure you're okay?” She asked as you breathed out a sigh of relief. Rin nodded his head. 

When Sae showed up you helped Rin to the front door, you reached for the handle but Rin barely grabbed your hand, making you give pause. 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you… like that. I’m sorry.” He said, eyes on the floor. You pursed your lips, brows furrowing. 

“Like that? So you had another way planned?” You asked as his cheeks pinkened in an instant, even his ears turned red. 

“What? N-no.” He stuttered. Where was the cool, suave boy that hurt that girl in the hallway over a week ago? He was a blushing stuttering mess around you and had been like that since the parking lot.

“I’m just teasing.” You smiled, but he hadn’t let go of your hand and your mom had gone upstairs for bed and the way he was looking at you right now was the same way he looked at you earlier before planting one on you. You felt your heart speed and wondered if your face was gradually matching the same blush ratio as his. He looked away.

“There’s… a park closer to my house.” He stated.

“Hm?”

“God… this is embarrassing.” He sighed, swallowing and gently biting his bottom lip. “There’s a park closer to my house but I… like the park you go to better.”

“That’s… nice, Rin.” You said confusedly, not following this one bit. Rin sighed frustratedly. 

“I like it better because… because I get to see you. Only if it’s for half an hour.” You sucked in a breath.

Oh.

Oh.

He liked seeing you. If only for half an hour. He turned that girl down in the hallway because he liked seeing you. He caught your eyes in the hallway because you caught him staring without even realizing it. He kissed you. This entire time… Rin Itoshi had a fat… major crush on you and you were none the wiser. The poor boy probably wasn’t trying to be an asshole when you offered him help earlier he was probably embarrassed out of his mind, Then when you offered to take him home with you and he blushed like a schoolgirl. And just your company was fine? Yeah… it sure was fine. Probably more than fine. 

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Rin asked and you felt bad because you had let him stew for a few probably long seconds as everything dawned on you. 

“You have a crush?”

“I… I--,” He stuttered, obviously embarrassed. “Yeah…” He sighed, resigned to his fate. “I do.”

“Wow. That’s… cute.” You laughed. His eyes snapped to yours, defensiveness in his posture.

“It is?” He questioned. 

“Yeah. It’s cute. I mean we… barely know each other. Today was probably the most we’ve spoken in the last three months.”

“I know…” He said, a sickeningly sad look on his handsome face. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have kissed you… I shouldn’t have-”

“Hush.” You chirped. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” That shut him right up. “I’m just saying… we don’t know each other that well… but I didn’t say it couldn’t change, did I?” You looked up at him and he nodded at your words.

“Practice with me.” He said suddenly.

“What?”

“When my ankle heals, I could teach you some soccer.”

“That’s how you're going to ask me out?” You asked, eyebrows raised in amusement.

“I think you’d be good at it.” He recovers slightly. “If you beat me in a game I’ll take you out.”

“You’ve got to be joking.” You laughed at his audacity. He’s the one who was crushing on you! And he wanted you to play for his affection?

“I am.” He smirked and Christ did that little action make your heart skip a beat.

~

You’d forgotten what it felt like to feel your heart in your throat, to feel it skip a beat. To feel butterflies in your stomach.

“Here,” You handed Rin his tea as he warmed by the fire. 

In hindsight seven months wasn’t the longest but he was your first relationship. Your first love. You knew after four months. Knew after he let you beat him in a practice match when you scored the final goal and he rushed to you, sweeping you off your feet and spinning you around until you were dizzy and giggling only sitting you back down to press and even more dizzying kisses to your lips. But after six months his practices were getting longer. Some nights he’d be out there until midnight. You had once found him passed out on the field after his mom had called you and asked you where he was. It scared the shit out of you. That was your first fight. He was consumed, not with soccer, but with being better than his brother. He’d lost sight of the game he loved and had twisted into a game of jealousy. He didn’t like hearing that from you. Didn’t like that you saw right through him. You drove him home that night and he didn’t speak to you for almost an entire day. A rock in the road that seemed insistent. You tried to move past it, you loved him. But when he missed your birthday dinner, where he was supposed to meet your entire family, you decided it was better to let him be. Let him do what he said he really loved to do. But really he was just running himself ragged in the pursuit of bettering himself to challenge his brother. You weren’t really the type to settle for second best and you wouldn’t let something like this grow out of control. You wouldn’t let yourself fall any deeper because then you’d just be lost. A lost fool chasing after another lost fool.

“Thank you.” Rin replied softly, his cold hands crushed yours as you passed the cup to him. He looked… different. Bigger, like he’d somehow grown another inch or so. His hair was a bit longer, his eyes tired as they stared into the fire. You almost reached out to him, almost ran your hand through his hair. It always calmed him before. But that wasn’t your thing anymore. He wasn’t yours to care about. “You leave monday?” He asked as you swallowed, taking a seat a foot or so away from him.

“Yeah. Mom’s dropping me off.” 

“That’ll be a mess.” He remarked. You almost laughed. He knew your mom, he knew she’d be a mess the entire drive to the airport. Just like she’d been for the past few months after you graduated. She was proud to say the least.

“Rin,” You sighed. “Why’re you here?”

“I didn’t come to mess things up further, if that’s what you're thinking.” He sipped his tea before setting it down.

“It’s too late for an apology.”

“It’s never too late.” He rejoined but you shook your head.

“In this case it is.” You sighed tiredly. “You can say what you want but… don’t expect anything.”

“I didn’t come here to make myself feel better. I came here for you.” He implored, his tone switching from tired and defeated to beseeching. “I… should’ve never gotten involved with you.”

“That is a horrible fucking apology.”

“Let me finish, Y/n.” He sighed, running a stressed hand through his hair. “I... I knew how insanely driven I was. I knew and I still chased after you. I shouldn’t have dragged you into my mess. I should’ve let you be but instead I was… I was selfish. I always have been when I came to things I wanted. And god… Y/n… I wanted you more than anything else.”

“Rin, come on. Let’s be truthful. You may have wanted me but not more than anything else. Not more than being better than Sae.” You cut in as Rin’s eyes darted away from yours. You thought about the few times you got into it with Rin’s older brother after Sae carelessly put him down. What a wasted effort. 

“I entered this competition, called Blue Lock.” Rin said suddenly. You sighed.

“I know. I heard. You mom still texts me.”

“I was top in the competition. I was picked to play against my brother. The games tomorrow.”

“You better not be asking me to come.”

“I dropped out.” You sucked in a breath, your brows immediately going up, your lips parted in surprise.

“You…what? You dropped out?”

“Uh huh.” He confirmed. “I joined Blue Lock to prove I was better than my brother but over time I found myself not really even thinking of him but… of you. I worked harder and harder to punish myself for losing you. I thought if I could make it to the end… be the best striker, win the trophy, that losing you wouldn’t have been for nothing. But I was only at my best when I had you. And I don’t mean my best on the field, I mean my best as a person.” Rin turns to you, he reaches for your hands and you let him take them. “I loved soccer once but I lost it. I never stopped loving you, not even for a second. You were never second, I was just an idiot. I’m not expecting you to forgive me because I don’t deserve it… but I just had to let you know.”

“You just had to let me know.” You echo, sighing into your cup. “Seriously Rin, I despise you.” Rin’s eyes cut to you as you place your cup on the floor. He watches you closely, your words hurt him clearly. 

“I know… I’m sorry-”

“Hush.” You say, grabbing the front of his shirt and yanking him against your lips. He gasped against your lips, surprised but soon second hand nature set in and his hands were sliding over your hips and drawing you closer to him. He didn’t need an explanation, he'd settle for anything little scraps you’d give him. “I’m gonna need much more groveling by the way. You broke my heart.” 

“I beg on my hands and knees for your forgiveness.” He breathed out against your lips sending shivers down your spine.

“Go on then.” You encouraged and although he hated the idea of unlatching from your kiss he moved to his knees in front of you, gently taking your hand. He pressed a kiss to your knuckles.

“Please… please forgive me for being a massive fucking idiot.” He begged, voice soft like the fire glow that caressed his face. Your stomach twisted, it was a feeling you thought you’d never feel again. 

“If you hurt me again that’ll be the last time, Rin.” You caution as Rin swallows, nodding his head. He understood, but there wouldn’t be another time, he wouldn’t squander this chance. “It wouldn’t even be me that you’d have to worry about it’d be-”

“Your mom.” Rin shivers at the thought. You laugh at that and Rin almost sobs, he didn’t think he’d hear that ever again, let alone see that soft loving smile on your face. You stood suddenly, stretching. 

“Alright, let’s go.” You said as Rin blinked up at you in surprise. 

“What?”

“What? You think I’m just gonna let you throw away all your hard work? Fuck that.” You said, brushing past him as he pushes to his feet. 

“Y/n… What’re you-”

“The game. I’m not letting you drop out, Rin.” You said over your shoulder as you marched towards your room to get changed. You had a long drive ahead of you if you were going to get Rin to the stadium before tomorrow. Rin’s spending fingers wrapped around your wrist, stopping you. 

“I dropped out, baby, I can’t play.”

“Your team needs you. You can’t let them down.” You said as Rin’s face softened. “Plus,” You pulled him to you. “I wanna see you play.”

“You do?”

“Uh huh.”

“And what if I’m shit? What if we lose?”

“It won’t change a thing, Rin.” You say, bringing him down to meet your lips. 

“I love you.” He whispered against your lips as you smiled into the kiss. 

“I know. Now get in the damn car."

[thewrothode-if]

Omg sorry for bothering again but i just thought of this. Would MCs dad care if MC got into a same sex relationship with one of the ROs?

Whether we forgive him and also not.

Like is that something he would be weird about. Especially if it was with one of his damn favorite fake sons. 😒

Both gungir and the hot new grumpy guy. I forgot his name lmao sorry.

I’ve ranked how the MC’s father would feel about the ROs here, but I realize I’ve never really considered his perspective on same-sex couples before.

Before, the ranking went like this:

1. Thyra. 2. Gungir (very close first). 3. Raud. 4. Anne. 5. ??? (he’s not even on the list, tbh)

If a male MC was the "woman" of the relationship, he would see it as an insult to his name basically. With Gungir especially (on the route where you don’t forgive him), he would see it as you corrupting or perverting him. I feel so mean even writing this. 😭

If you guys are healing your relationship, he would try his best not to let it bother him. Traditionally, he believes you should marry and have children. With a same-sex relationship, you can't really do that. However, he would get used to it over time, growing to feel happy for you.

With a female MC, he would find it strange too, but wouldn't care as much compared to a male MC. In his eyes, he would see it as you fooling around rather than it being something serious. But like I said above, after he notices he's wrong, he would be glad they bring you joy.

List of MCs father ranking their partners:

Forgave:

Male MC:

Gungir (obviously lmao).

Ingmar.

Raud

??? (as I said before, not even on the list).

Female MC:

Thyra.

Anne.

Sassa.

Did Not Forgive:

He would not approve of anyone. Instead, this is his list of who he would rather you "corrupt."

Male MC:

???

Raud.

Ingmar.

Gungir

Female MC:

Sassa.

Anne.

Thyra

Basically the opposite of the list above.

[notiddygothgf]

15. An Affair

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝ I'm not going home with you. ❞

★ c.w.: domestic violence, confessions (bad ones)

★ a/n: HEY GUYSSSS!! its my day off today and instead of studying I wanted to put somethin' out for my girlies. im ngl, this chapter was so hard to write, but the ending was so worth it. Y'all are gonna have such a love/hate relationship w me after this. Anyway! I hope yall enjoy! Keep those wonderful comments coming! I hope you have all been well. If not, I hope this chapter cheers you up (it prob. wont.)

★ w.c: .5.8k

shameless ; chapter index

PUBLIC SAFETY ALERT:|  Your presence has been requested at Public Safety Tokyo HQ. A mission is being assigned to you.

Seen

The morning air hung thick around the quiet school grounds, carrying a chill that made your skin prickle. Each step forward felt measured, heavy, as you walked alongside your husband, the space between you humming with unspoken tension. He walked with his hands tucked into his pockets, his gaze darting toward you now and then, searching for an opening to break the silence. But you kept your eyes fixed on the road ahead, determined to keep this quiet, to push down the remnants of last night’s argument until you could forget it entirely. Or at least pretend to.

Finally, he spoke, voice soft and wary. “About last night…” He trailed off, pausing to clear his throat as if that might help the words come more easily. “I didn’t mean for things to… go that way. I was just worried. I shouldn’t have…” He let out a short, strained breath, his gaze fixed on the ground.

The apology hung in the air between you, awkward, unfinished, and you felt it tug at something inside you—a part of you that almost wanted to forgive him. Almost.

But the way he’d looked at you, the words he’d said, were still fresh, lingering like a bruise that hadn’t fully healed. A quiet, distrustful part of him had surfaced last night, and even though he seemed sorry now, that part of him was still there, waiting.

You swallowed, keeping your voice steady, measured. “Can we just… do this job?” Your words were a plea wrapped in exhaustion, and you could feel his shoulders slump, the small fight in him deflating in one slow exhale.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Sure.”

The building finally came into view, its pale brick walls rising against the sky like an empty, blank stare. Division 4 waited by the entrance, their expressions serious, their stances taut with quiet anticipation. Aki stood slightly off to the side, his posture rigid, arms folded, his gaze fixed on the school’s shadowed entrance. And even in the cool, gray light, you found him instantly, drawn to that familiar, unshakable steadiness.

You caught his eye, and for a fleeting moment, the tension in your chest eased, his gaze steadying you like an anchor. There was a question in his eyes, something soft and understanding, though it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. He held your gaze just a beat too long, as if reluctant to let it go, and you felt a quiet understanding settle between you.

“Good morning!” Himeno’s voice sliced through the tension, her warm smile easing the air around you all as she approached. She waved, the familiar glow in her eyes brightening her face. “Glad to see you’re here.”

Your husband shifted beside you, his face flickering with something unreadable as his eyes lingered on Aki before he turned to Himeno, offering her a small nod. Then, as if reminding himself of his role, he extended a hand toward Aki, his expression carefully neutral, voice formal. “Captain Hayakawa.”

Aki’s gaze drifted to the offered handshake, his expression barely shifting. There was a flicker of something—disdain, perhaps, or maybe just indifference. He didn’t bother to hide it. Instead, he straightened, his face a mask of calm detachment as he looked toward the group. 

“Let’s head in,” he said smoothly, his tone level, almost too controlled. His eyes flicked back to you and your husband, impassive. “You’re late.”

Himeno’s gaze flickered from you to Aki, a faint smile tugging at her lips, as if she could read the silent tension, though she chose not to comment. She was sharp that way, perceptive to the smallest changes, though she kept her observations to herself, a quiet ally in the awkwardness.

He’s so hot when he plays captain.

Your husband’s hand dropped back to his side, his face momentarily tightening before he carefully masked it, his expression becoming a careful blankness. He took a step back, composing himself as he fell into line behind you, saying nothing.

Aki kept his gaze forward, ignoring the unspoken friction that lingered in the air, his posture steady, unbothered. But you could sense the tension simmering just beneath the surface, in the slight shift of his shoulders, in the way he held his jaw just a bit too tight.

As the group began moving toward the building, you found yourself drawn beside Aki, his presence a steadying force that you clung to, even as you kept a careful distance. The two of you fell into step, shoulders almost brushing, and you could feel the warmth radiating from him despite the cold around you. He kept his eyes forward, his expression giving nothing away, but the quiet understanding between you both was enough.

Your husband walked behind you now, his steps deliberate, and though he said nothing, you could feel the weight of his gaze flickering between you and Aki. There was a guardedness in his posture, a watchfulness that lingered in the space between you all, like he was waiting for something to confirm whatever suspicions still lingered in his mind.

The school loomed closer, its windows dark, reflecting the dull gray sky back at you, and as you approached, a strange, unsettling stillness settled over the group. The building seemed to watch you all with an empty, silent gaze, as if daring you to step inside, to disturb whatever lay waiting in its shadows.

The building swallowed you up the moment you stepped inside, closing in around the group like a mouth with bated breath. Aki’s flashlight flicked on, cutting through the darkness in a narrow beam that skimmed over half-open lockers and scattered shoes left behind in haste. Stray papers littered the ground, pages from abandoned notebooks catching the flashlight’s glow, rustling softly with each step, as if stirred to life by your passing.

You stayed close to Aki, moving at his side, careful not to draw too near but finding comfort in his steady, unwavering pace. Beside him, you could let your own unease simmer beneath the surface, half-hidden, masked by his calm. Every now and then, he shifted the flashlight to scan further down the hall, his expression as unreadable as ever, and yet, in the quiet, a tension simmered. He was prepared, senses sharpened; you knew by the way his shoulder brushed yours in the narrow passage, felt by the slightest tightening of his grip on the flashlight.

Behind you, your husband walked a few steps back, his silence no less present. He didn’t have to say anything for you to feel the way he observed, his eyes moving between you and Aki with a cautious deliberation. The weight of his gaze lingered on the spaces between you, where he seemed to search for something neither spoken nor visible, yet unmistakable.

The halls echoed with your footfalls and the quiet hum of distant lights that hadn’t yet died out completely. The building had the eerie feel of a place left suddenly, like whoever had been here had simply vanished mid-motion. The lockers were open, contents strewn about as if someone had been in too much of a rush to close them properly. Shoes and scattered backpacks lined the floor, small details that added an unsettling familiarity to the strangeness around you. It felt like walking through a memory someone had tried to erase.

“This place is giving me the creeps,” Himeno whispered, her voice breaking through the quiet like the flutter of a bird’s wings. She kept close to Denji, her eyes darting around, and he gave a tight grin, though his shoulders were wound tense, his hand twitching at his side.

Aki didn’t respond, just kept his eyes forward, his flashlight sweeping the walls and floor as he led you through the darkened hallways. The silence settled back over the group, thickening as you continued deeper into the building. You reached the cafeteria, its entrance looming before you like the mouth of a cavern. Aki stepped over a fallen backpack just inside, his flashlight catching on the glint of scattered utensils and trays, and Denji followed close behind, moving with a quiet intensity that belied his usual carelessness. He lingered near the doorway, casting a quick glance at Aki before slipping further inside, putting a bit of distance between them as though seeking his own sense of direction, away from Aki’s unspoken authority.

You stepped in as well, your heart beating faster as the room stretched before you in a dim, empty sprawl. Anxiety simmered in your chest, the stillness of the place pressing down harder with each step. It was as if something waited just beyond the edges of the flashlight’s reach, lurking in the corners, lying in wait. You forced yourself to take a steady breath, though the question lingered, unsettling in its quiet persistence: Why hadn’t anything happened yet?

Then, Aki’s voice, low but clear, cut through the quiet. “Do you hear that?”

You stopped, tilting your head to listen. “What?” you whispered, your eyes scanning the dim shadows around you.

“There’s a… ticking sound,” he replied, his brow furrowing as he tilted the flashlight upward, his gaze following the beam to scan the high, shadowed ceiling.

Himeno stepped forward, moving cautiously, her eyes narrowing as she glanced around the room. “I don’t see anything,” she murmured, her tone wavering.

Aki’s attention sharpened, and he moved deeper into the room, his flashlight focusing on the rows of overturned tables and chairs, like soldiers abandoned mid-march. He stopped in front of an industrial oven, the source of the faint ticking that had drawn his attention. He bent down, inspecting it closely before he turned back to you all, his voice tense. “Stand back,” he ordered, gesturing for everyone to move away as he prepared to open it.

The group took a few steps back, a collective breath held as Aki swung the oven door open. The flashlight revealed only empty racks and dust, nothing to suggest any real danger, and yet the ticking persisted, faint but insistent.

Aki straightened, glancing back toward you all with a small shake of his head. “Nothing in there.”

The moment he spoke, a low rumble began, a tremor that sent vibrations through the floor. You looked to him, worry blooming as he took a step backward, his attention still on the others as if to reassure you all—but before he could say a word, the wall behind him burst open with a deafening crack.

Dust and debris exploded into the air, and Aki was thrown forward, his body slammed by a wave of rubble that crashed over him. He fell hard, hitting the ground as chunks of concrete and metal scattered around him. You staggered back, your breath catching as the sound of the explosion reverberated in your ears, muffling everything but the thundering of your own heartbeat.

Your ears were ringing, your head was throbbing, yet all you could think was – Aki.

The moment you saw him lying there, still and silent, everything around you faded into a muted blur. A distant voice, your husband’s, drifted from behind you, sounding strained and far away. 

“I’m here,” he called out, steady but cautious, like he was trying to anchor you, but it barely registered. 

The sight of Aki’s limp body, his chest unmoving, was all you could see. You moved past everyone—blind to the dust, the debris, and even the sharp sting in your own side—your legs carrying you to him without thought.

“Aki!” The shout tore from your throat before you could stop it, raw with a panic you couldn’t hold back. You rushed forward, your hands trembling as you stumbled over the debris, your focus locked on Aki’s crumpled form amid the settling dust – professional names be damned.

Dropping to your knees beside him, you reached out, cradling his head in your lap, your hands trembling as you gently lifted his face toward yours. Your fingers found their way to his cheeks, then to his brow, tracing the slight furrow still etched into it, as though he had fought to stay conscious even until the last moment. He was still warm, but his skin was too pale. It was as if the entire world had come to a halt around you. Somewhere behind, you could sense the others standing in stunned silence, unmoving. How could they just stand there, watching? The love of your life could be slipping away, and they were frozen.

Love of my life…

The thought stopped you cold, a rush of fear and realization so profound it almost hurt. Had it really taken you that long to realize it?

“He’s alive,” you whispered, your voice hoarse, so quiet you could hardly recognize it as your own.

From the corner of your eye, you saw your husband watching, his face tense but unreadable, taking in the scene with a look of guarded apprehension. He didn’t say anything, though you felt his gaze linger as you checked Aki’s pulse, letting yourself believe, even if for a moment, that everything might be okay.

Himeno limped toward you, her face pale and streaked with dust, though her eyes were focused. Denji hovered nearby, his gaze shifting nervously between Aki and the rest of the room, his usual bravado strangely absent.

A slow, mocking laugh echoed through the darkness, slicing through the tension. The sound sent a chill down your spine, and Himeno’s gaze snapped toward the source, her mouth twisting into a grimace. “Shit. He’s here,” she muttered, glancing down at you. “You’re bleeding.”

You blinked, looking down at your side, only just noticing the thick patch of blood soaking through your shirt. A sharp pain throbbed beneath your ribs, and you inhaled unsteadily, trying to keep your focus. You had been so concerned with Aki, you hadn’t noticed that a stray piece of metal from the inside of the wall had embedded itself into your side.

“He’s barely breathing,” you said, fighting to keep your voice steady. “We have to call for help.”

Your ears were ringing, the edges of the room swimming slightly as adrenaline surged and ebbed in rapid waves. Himeno looked at you, her expression torn, her face bruised and her breathing labored. But then she nodded, her decision clear. “Call for help,” she instructed firmly. “You stay with him and keep checking his pulse until they arrive. The rest of you,” she turned to Denji and your husband, “are coming with me. Let’s put this bastard down.”

Nodding, you reached for Aki’s walkie-talkie, your fingers slipping slightly as you clutched the radio and pressed the call button. Your voice cracked as you spoke. “This is… this is urgent. Aki’s down. He’s unconscious, barely breathing. He’s bleeding out—we need immediate backup.”

The rest of the group slipped away – Your husband cast you one final glance before following suit, leaving you and your lover alone with nothing but the deafening silence to accompany you.

The silence that followed felt endless, punctuated only by the faint static from the walkie-talkie and Aki’s faint, irregular breaths. You swallowed, trying to keep your focus even as your hands began to shake.

“Stay with me, Aki,” you whispered, brushing a lock of hair from his face, your fingers lingering on his cheek, willing him to open his eyes, to just look at you. But he remained still, each shallow breath a reminder of how close you had come to losing him.

Fifteen minutes later—though it felt like hours—help arrived. Three officers rushed in, their faces taut with concern as they took in the scene. One of them, a man you vaguely recognized, gave you a solemn nod before crouching down beside you, reaching for Aki. His hands were gentle, but the thought of someone else touching him, moving him, felt like a knife twisting in your chest.

“We’ve got him now,” he said quietly, but when he reached out to lift Aki, a desperate surge of protectiveness made you tighten your hold.

“No—” The word left your lips before you could stop it, raw and laced with panic. But they gently pried him from your arms, and the separation felt like a wound opening wide, a visceral ache that made it hard to breathe.

You clutched your bleeding side, your vision blurring as you tried to steady yourself. A thick, aching pain throbbed in your chest as you watched them begin to lift him, every instinct screaming to stay by his side. You had to follow. You had to make sure he would be okay.

“Aiko,” one of the officers said, his voice firm yet gentle, nodding toward the door. “Take them outside.”

He moved beside Aki, lifting him carefully, and without another word, he threw one of Aki’s arms over his shoulder, giving you a brief, determined glance. “Come on. Grab his other side.”

Wordlessly, you nodded, stepping forward and slipping your arm around Aki’s waist, bracing him as you lifted his other arm over your shoulder. The weight of him pressed against you, grounding you, and you forced yourself to keep moving, even as every step felt like a jagged edge digging deeper into your side.

With each step toward the exit, the fresh air grew closer, yet the world felt hazy, every breath heavy with worry and the knowledge that nothing would ever feel certain until he opened his eyes again.

As you moved to lean over, easing Aki into the seat beside you, a sharp, searing pain suddenly tore up your side, fierce enough to make you gasp. Your hand slipped, and you nearly dropped him, his weight sagging as you stumbled back, struggling to catch your breath. It took everything you had to hold steady, to keep your balance, gritting your teeth as you fought to ignore the blooming heat spreading across your ribs.

Aiko, his face furrowing with concern, caught sight of the blood soaking through your shirt. “Shit, are you bleeding?” he asked, eyes widening as he looked from you to the deep red stain.

The pain was settling into something fierce and relentless, throbbing with each shallow breath you took. You nodded, barely able to speak through the tightness in your chest, feeling the sting pulse along every nerve.

Without hesitation, Aiko steadied Aki, shifting his weight to settle him securely into the back seat of the car. Then he turned to you, his tone calm but firm as he took in your paling face and shaking hands. “We’re taking you to the hospital too. Both of you,” he said, cutting off any protest before you could muster one. “Get in the car. Other side.”

The finality in his voice made it clear there was no room for argument, and even if you wanted to push back, your strength was dwindling. You bit down against the pain, making your way around to the other side, sliding in opposite Aki. The weight of the seat seemed to press into your side, aggravating the wound as you struggled to find a comfortable position. You glanced over at Aki, his face still pale, breaths shallow as he lay slumped against the seat.

As the car started up, you shifted carefully, reaching over to lay his head in your lap. The feel of him there—fragile, the warmth of his skin faint against your touch—steadied you. Your fingers brushed over his hair, gentle and soothing, a small comfort as you tried to hold back the trembling in your hands.

Aiko turned to the driver. “Take them both straight to the hospital, now.”

The engine rumbled to life, and the car jolted forward, pulling you away from the scene, the night blurring past as the streetlights flickered over you in a stream of dim light. You adjusted yourself slowly, angling your body to support Aki’s head in your lap without disturbing your wound, even as the pain persisted, gnawing with every bump and turn. But you didn’t care; all that mattered was keeping him close, reassuring yourself with each faint breath he took, each barely-there rise and fall of his chest.

You focused on his face, his closed eyes and furrowed brows, his features softened in unconsciousness, untouched by his usual sharpness and guarded restraint. It was almost peaceful—if not for the bruises beginning to form along his cheek, the small streaks of blood that marred his skin. You reached up, wiping away a smudge of dust from his forehead, the simple act anchoring you to the moment, grounding you in the steady silence of the drive.

The pain in your side was starting to numb, fading into a distant ache as the adrenaline dulled your senses. But the reality of it all—the weight of what had happened, the fear that had gripped you—settled heavily over you like a thick fog, refusing to lift. You leaned back, eyes never leaving Aki’s face, your hand resting gently on his shoulder as the car carried you both toward the hospital, away from the shadows of that place.

In the quiet, with the hum of the engine and the soft darkness around you, it was just the two of you, a fragile peace holding steady as you waited for help, the tension of the night still lingering but softened by the small, steady assurance of his presence in your lap, the nauseating fear as you whispered again, 

“Stay with me, Aki.”

The moment you had been cleared to leave the hospital some three or four hours later, you found out what room Aki was staying in and rushed right over. There he was – stable, albeit not in very good shape. He was still asleep (which the attending nurse had said something about earlier, something along the lines of a medically-induced sleep). His skin was a little more colorful now, but still pale. He was donning the same hospital gown you had been wearing a few hours earlier, hair down out of it’s typical style and splayed out over the pillow. His vitals were being monitored on a screen on the other side of his hospital bed – an IV dripped syrupy-looking medicine into his veins.

He was achingly beautiful, even now. You stood off to the side of his bed, arms crossed nervously over your chest, fingers being chewed by your teeth. You didn’t know how long you had been waiting there – hell, you hadn’t even checked your phone since you had been discharged.

A pit in your stomach made it impossible to eat, even if you had certainly worked up quite the appetite. You didn’t want to leave his bedside, even for a moment. Any moment, he could slip away – slip through your fingertips and leave you for good (even if the doctors told you he was stable).

You stood at Aki’s bedside, rooted in place, the room spinning slowly around you as the weight of your own feelings sank in, cold and unstoppable. You’d been forced to confront it back there in the rubble, but now, with him lying so still before you, there was no denying it. Aki was the love of your life. 

The realization hit you again like a wave crashing over your head, pulling you under. He was it—the person you’d been circling, moving toward all this time without even knowing it. And if you lost him, you didn’t know how you’d survive it. The thought alone was enough to make the air feel thin, the walls closing in as you struggled to catch a full breath.

Aki looked almost serene under the fluorescent hospital lights, his face softened and bare, no longer hidden behind his usual quiet guard. His hair lay messily across the pillow, spilling across his forehead, casting delicate shadows over his cheeks. He looked painfully beautiful, achingly real in a way that left you feeling raw, vulnerable. And you knew then that you had been clinging to him, maybe all along, without even realizing it. There was something in his presence that grounded you, something you couldn’t name, but now that you had it, you didn’t know how you’d live without it. Without him.

A hollow ache twisted in your stomach, and you crossed your arms tightly over your chest, as if you could keep yourself from unraveling entirely. What if you’d lost him before you ever had the chance to tell him—before he knew what he meant to you? The thought stabbed at you, fierce and unrelenting. You tried to imagine a world where he wasn’t here, where he’d slipped away in those moments of silence and chaos, and the thought alone felt like stepping into an endless void, cold and unforgiving. 

What would you do if he left, if he was gone? How would you wake up each morning knowing he wasn’t there, wasn’t just a few steps away, grounding you in the only way he knew how—without even trying?

You swallowed hard, biting down against the well of emotions, feeling the sting of it all build in your throat. Your fingers trembled, itching to reach out, to grasp his hand, to feel the pulse of life beneath his skin. But you couldn’t bear it—couldn’t bear to feel the fragility of him, couldn’t stand the thought of his warmth fading, of his presence slipping away from you forever.

It was the one thing you couldn’t lose. Not him. 

And as you stood there, heart pounding, head spinning, you swore that if he woke up, you’d find a way to make him understand that—how much he meant to you, how deeply he had become a part of you. How he was the only one who ever truly had loved you.

A knock on the door snapped you out of your thoughts. Without waiting for an answer, the door slid open, and in stepped Tanimoto, brown eyes somber like he knew he was the last person you wanted to see.

You looked at him, and suddenly, your mouth ran dry. What more was there to say? One look into his eyes, and you knew there was no need to clarify.

He understood, now. Everything.

He cleared his throat, “Hey.”

“Hey,” You said back, voice hoarse from all of the crying you had done before he came, from shouting Aki’s name the moment that wall blew up. “How’d the mission go?”

It was then that you realized – you couldn’t possibly have been less concerned with his well being on the mission since he had left you there with Aki in your arms, too preoccupied with the state of your lover to care.

“It went alright,” He sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He didn’t dare to move any closer, standing a considerable distance away from you, like he wasn’t sure whether or not approaching you would be the best idea. “It wound up being the school lunch devil, or some shit like that. A real small fry, but he wound up having a piece of the gun devil’s flesh. That would explain the…” He glanced over at Captain Hayakawa’s sleeping form, wincing at his condition, “Explosion.”

There was a pause. A long, drawn out silence, during which neither of you made eye contact. Your husband was the first one to breach it.

“Look, I was going to apologize about what I said last night, but… after today– after what I saw back there, I… I’ve been thinking of what I’d say to you,” He finally – finally – approached the elephant in the room, avoiding your gaze the entire time (not that it left Aki). He paused again to release a trembling breath. “Am I… mistaken? About you and him?”

Your eyes began to water before you knew it. It was as if everything from the past few hours – past few days had finally come crashing down on you. In one heart-aching moment, the world you had spent all of your time building up – the lies, all of it – came to a standstill. 

And it was then that you realized you didn’t have the strength to lie to him anymore. Not when the love of your life was sitting right there.

So you swallowed the lump in your throat, taking a moment to build up the icy resolve you desperately needed before you answered slowly.

 “No. You’re not mistaken,” You breathed. “I’m his mistress. I’m having an affair.”

And there it was.

The words hung in the air, heavy and irreversible, cutting through the sterile quiet of the hospital room. You could see the impact ripple across his face, a flicker of pain breaking through his carefully maintained calm before he composed himself again, pressing his tongue into his cheek as he nodded, slow and mechanical. The look in his eyes sharpened, darkening to something you could hardly recognize, and a tremor of fear crawled up your spine.

You had expected this moment to feel like some kind of release, like pulling off a bandage and letting the wound breathe. But as you looked at him, at the silent fury and restrained hurt carved into his features, a different kind of fear settled over you—one that made your body tense, instinctively bracing for whatever he might do next.

You couldn’t stop the shaking. It started in your hands, then moved through your shoulders, until your whole body felt unsteady, as if it could collapse under the weight of what you’d just admitted. The question pressed itself into your mind, unbidden: would he hit you? Here, in this sterile, fluorescent-lit space with Aki lying beside you? It felt like a violation, the idea of violence in a place that was supposed to be safe, where people came to heal. But even as the thought crossed your mind, you knew it wasn’t impossible.

To your shock, though, he didn’t raise a hand. He only let out a slow, exhausted breath, his shoulders slumping, as though the anger was something that would consume him from within rather than burst out. "I knew it," he muttered, his voice tight and shaking. He swallowed hard, but there was no break, no moment of hesitation as he spoke again. “I knew it from the start, but I thought—” He cut himself off, staring at you with that cold, assessing gaze that felt like he was searching for any sign of regret, any hint that you cared about what this was doing to him. “You don’t even sound the least bit sorry about it, do you?”

There it was—a blow sharper than any slap or strike, his words digging in deep, meant to hurt. You opened your mouth to respond, but no words came, just a hollow, empty ache that left you frozen. Because the truth was, no matter how you tried to twist it, he was right. You weren’t sorry. Not about loving Aki, not about the way you felt when you looked at him, even lying in a hospital bed, his face softened and beautiful in the stark light.

“I’m not. I don’t regret it,” You retorted, a little bolder, now that the cat was finally out of the bag. What more was there to lose? Straightening your shoulders, you added, “We’re in love.”

He glanced at Aki. A cold, humorless laugh left his lips. When he glanced back at you, there wasn’t even an ounce of affection for you – all that was left was hatred, the same hatred you felt for him.

Before you could part your lips to speak again, he was craning his hand back – then there was a familiar sting.

He had hit you. Again.

And the worst part was that you couldn’t even bring yourself to oppose it. A moment of sickening silence passed before he spoke again.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” He spoke calmly, calculatedly, but you could hear the anger that seeped through his words. “This will be the last time you see him. You are to never speak of him again, or of this, and in exchange, I’ll let you keep the money and the house… and your life back at home.”

You swallowed, refusing to let him see the full extent of the hurt. It was nothing you hadn’t weathered before. And besides, the pain only sharpened the resolve forming inside you, stealing something that had felt soft, uncertain before. You weren’t backing down this time.

He watched you with an icy expression, something gleaming in his eyes that made you feel small, like a child being reprimanded, caught out in a lie you could barely understand. You gnawed the inside of your cheek, forcing yourself to hold his gaze even as your eyes stung. He’d hit you, yes, but it was nothing compared to the ache in your chest, the hollowed-out feeling that had grown deeper with each beat of this tense, bitter silence.

His voice was sharp as he leaned in, his words clipped and venomous. “You can see him this one final time, and then it’s over,” he sneered. “That’s what you wanted, right? To see him?”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, and without thinking, you shot back, “Yes, but not to say goodbye.”

He stilled, his expression darkening, mouth twisting into something half incredulous, half enraged. “I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

But you’d started now, and there was no way to take it back. The words spilled out, gathering momentum as you spoke, voice steadying with each syllable. “Yes,” you repeated, stronger this time, voice firm. “But not to say goodbye.”

He looked at you like you were unhinged, something unfamiliar and unfathomable to him, and his lip curled with distaste. “You’re insane,” he spat, barely keeping his voice in check. “You’re hopeless. You’re married. It’s time to wake up and go home.”

The word married twisted inside you, feeling more like a chain than a bond, something cold and suffocating. And in that instant, as he spat the word out, you knew there was no future left here, no home in this hollow arrangement he was calling marriage.

And then, you dropped the second bomb of the evening.

“I’m not going home with you.” Your voice was quiet but clear, the words like iron. You felt something break free within you, some final tether to the life you’d been clinging to.

“I want a divorce.”

a/n: MUAHHHHHAHAHAAA!! OH MY GODDDD. it feels so good to finally write those words, you guys have NO idea. sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger, tho, you know i couldn't resist. To think that hours and hours and hours of my time have been poured into reaching THIS moment. Omg. We're reaching the climax of the story! Please let me know what you guys want to see happen before the story ends in the comments, or just drop by and say hello. I hope yall are as hyped for the next chapter as i am. Will y/n stand her ground? Or will she pussy out? Who knows (I do)? Stay tuned!!! Q of the Day: have you heard Rauw Alejandro's new album? (If not, what are you doing?)

credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

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wanna join the taglist? | shameless ; chapter index

[babyrdie]

What kind of misinformation about Patroclus have you seen?

Here are some:

The most absurd one is that his father is a titan. No, Menoetius is NOT a titan. If we consider the version where his mother is Aegina (for example, as said by Pindar), then he is a demigod since she's a nymph, but he isn't a titan. "But I read that there was a titan named Menoetius and…" yes, there was! Menoetius, son of Iapetus, is indeed a titan. He is in Theogony, for example. Menoetius, son of Actor, isn't. I've seen some people (fortunately, not the majority) repeating this and, dudes, no!!! I understand that it might be appealing to make your favorite seem more badass by saying he's the son of a titan, but that's not necessary. He doesn't need to be the son of a titan to be badass, he's already badass.

I've also seen the claim that the information that Patroclus was trained by Chiron came from Homer…it didn't come from Homer, in fact Homer implies the exact opposite. In The Iliad, it says that Achilles learned to heal from Chiron and later taught it to Patroclus. Patroclus didn't learn from Chiron, but from Achilles. He probably wasn't in the Pelion in Homer's version, apparently. If you, for example, said "Statius said that Patroclus was trained by Chiron", then I would agree. And again I understand the potential for him to be trained by Chiron because that's a great thing, but honestly…Achilles certainly taught him correctly what he himself learned from Chiron, so again I don't see a problem with Patroclus not receiving the knowledge directly from Chiron.

There is a claim in The Iliad that Patroclus was peaceful and hated war… and again, Homer has nothing to do with this. The guy literally wanted to dishonor the body of his defeated enemy in Book 16, what kind of peaceful people who hate war are these?

There is the claim that Patroclus was bigger than Achilles, which there is literally no existing evidence for. It's a headcanon, not a fact.

The claim that he CERTAINLY ALWAYS had a beard, and in this case there is evidence to the contrary (visual depictions, both Greek ceramics and Roman frescos, in which he doesn't have a beard).

Patroclus is CERTAINLY of the Myrmidon lineage. It's debatable. There are more than one Actor in mythology, and it isn't easy to know who is the Actor descended from Myrmidon. You, of course, can consider him to be the grandfather Actor of Patroclus, but to say for sure is different. An example of this is how Pseudo-Apollodorus describes two Actors, each with a different lineage.

Patroclus and Achilles were never cousins ​​and that is a modern invention. They were literally cousins ​​in more than one version, for example Hesiod and Pindar. No, this doesn't get in the way of romantic relationships. Alcmene and Amphytrion were cousins ​​and Orestes and Hermione were cousins, for example.

Patroclus isn't in any other texts besides The Iliad and The Odyssey. He's literally in other texts!!!!!!!!

Patroclus wasn't considered a hero like the others/was forgotten. He…literally was a hero like any other? As if there were texts stating the existence of cults and monuments related to him, what are you talking about. Philostratus portrays him s a heroic cult figure, a text attributed to Clement of Alexandria says he had a cult in Pontus, a text by Strabo mentions monuments in his honor near a temple of Achilles, Arrian says that Patroclus is worshipped alongside Achilles in Pontus. The supposed tombs of Achilles and Patroclus were literally used for political reasons, like the famous visit of Alexander the Great. Detail: the cult of Achilles in Pontus, the one in which some texts include Patroclus, has been archaeologically proven.

Patroclus is only shown fighting in the tenth year of the Trojan War in the sources, so we have no evidence that he fought any other time besides the time he wore Achilles' armor. Objectively wrong. Pindar and Philostrathus describe him fighting on the road to Troy, for example. Also, that famous kylix shows Achilles healing Patroclus…he certainly didn't heal Patroclus after the battle in Book 16, since he died in that, so it was in another fight. "But in The Iliad…" yes, in The Iliad he is only shown fighting in the tenth year because… The Iliad is only set in the tenth year! Diomedes and Ajax also only fight in the tenth year in The Iliad, are you going to say that they went the other nine years without fighting?

Patroclus is always a prince of Opus. Pindar and Strabo disagrees with you, my guy.

[wisefoxluminary]

Arcane Season 2 Act 2 my thoughts (+analysis)

Wow just wow…this show really is a rollercoaster and this set of episodes really delved into the family dynamics of Vi and Jinx, two broken characters trying to fix what was lost between them. Jinx being forced to reckon with who she is as a leader in Zaun, inspiring those to stand up against the injustice wrought by the enforcers and this time we get to see the innocent and more soft side of her as she realises all these people look up to her as their saviour when all her life she was led to believe she was a monster who gets everyone she comes close to killed but she realises that she is making an impact on everyone around her including Isha who reminds her of her past self that she buried and is bringing that back out to the surface. Their sibling relationship was really beautiful to witness because they would save each other every damn time. It was cruel watching that get taken away from us because Isha’s final act was saving Jinx from Warwick’s rampage, though her life was short lived just like Powder’s, her sacrifice really showed the impact Jinx had made on her life and that act of preservation and love will help her finally embrace the role of a saviour complex the people of Zaun need, in the shadow of Viktor’s passing, a fallen messiah who used his power of healing for good. Jinx takes that chance and must weaponise her own destruction for good, to liberate her people and what remains of her family from Ambessa and the Piltover Guard and also Jayce who seeks to wipe every last remnant of Hextech.

I really liked the twist that Vander was Warwick as it added loads of tragedy to his character and really fuelled the emotional beats for the reminder of the story, in particular Vi and Jinx’s journeys respectively. The idea of Vander's love being the one thing that ties the sisters together was really beautiful to me because every time he saw Jinx, he was reminded of Powder which brought back his humanity which was slowly being corrupted by the beast. Powder is his tether to humanity thus why he protects her with all his might (“they don't touch my daughter” scene comes to light). This link to humanity, his memories of Ponder is what helps him overcome his monstrous impulses. He's a dead man who has turned into something unrecognisable and yet the memory and warm love Vander once embodied still resides within him and Vi and Jinx are working so hard to persevere that. This is shown in the memory sequence Viktor observed in his mind because Vander's impact is always felt on Vi and Jinx. He gave Vi her name, he was a loyal friend of their mother. His dying words to Vi was for her to protect Powder. That's why he recognises Jinx and sees her for who she used to be, why he saved her. Jinx may blame herself for his death but that only brings him closer to her. So when that perfect image of family was taken away from them, the monster from within won and every last memory of Vander is stripped away from him because that light Viktor was trying so hard to untangle from him was gone the moment he was killed.

Jayce really lost his mind because who knew one senseless action could cause this horrific chain of events to happen because being trapped in that anomaly caused him to see a false and corrupted vision of the future and it descended him into madness. Jayce is the reason Viktor loses his humanity because as he said in his dying moments the greatest good can also become your greatest evil. So what Jayce believed he was doing right by killing Viktor and stopping him from going down the wrong path only was the fuel to the fire that caused it. Betrayal and the tragedy it brings and how it melds us into the worst version of ourselves is a very integral theme in Arcane as seen with Vander and Silco, Vi and Powder, Vi and Caitlyn etc. Jayce and Viktor is just another representative cursed by the narrative and the ramifications of this betrayal will be dealt by them in terrifying ways and how they'll overcome that is going to be very central heading into the last three episodes. There is no changing the past, but there must be a way to make a better future with it as well.

The only way this show can end is if Vi and Jinx finally forgive each other and themselves and finally use love as their greatest weapon against the evil that threatens to supress them, how sacrifice impacts them and encourages them to carry on what the people who are gone had taught them. Love is what united them rather than hate and I think that's a beautiful thing. The resolution of their arc would be those two sisters reconciling, living in peace knowing their family is in a better place. For Vander to be ressurected and for Zaun to return to what it used to be under his resistance, finally at a peaceful agreement with Piltover where no more blood is shed. Where Hextech isn't used as a weapon anymore.

But overall, this episodes truly were a masterclass in storytelling and animation with its vibrant and colourful visuals. Truly can't wait for Act 3 because the symbolism of this show goes crazy.

[futuretrain]

very good post, thank you. i love the idea of fuyumi, but her execution is very shallow and isolated, if it makes sense? and not in the way that the childhoods of todoroki kids were isolating, but in terms of storytelling. all of the todoroki siblings are like that, including shouto, because each of them and their experience and trauma get evaluated separately, and then they simply have to come together to stop touya. they talk for a bit, sure (like the very and i mean *very* brief discussion that shouto and fuyumi got to have after the family dinner in the endeavor agency arc), but we don't get to see them have much in way of interaction together without endeavor being just. there and dominating the panel space and sucking up all the oxygen in the room.

it's disheartening, because it leaves so much unaddressed. each of the siblings circle their recovery/processing around endeavor, when, considering how the subplot of the todoroki family started, it should have been about the siblings, together. shouto said "i forgot all about you", and that helped him self-realize for a moment as a whole person, not one part of a quirk and one part of legacy expectation.

and yet endeavor's presence entirely dominates the subplot thereon and to the very end of the story. the todoroki kids become extensions to endeavor's character and tools to prop him up as needed, and fuyumi, especially, i feel gets it terrible. she gets to say once that she feels a lot of the same as natsuo, yet she never gets to actually express it - it's just a throwaway line. what she is written to do (and what is never explored in relation to shouto himself or his relationship with fuyumi or fuyumi's mental state and thought process) is create convenient opportunities for endeavor to engage with shouto in a non-professional atmosphere. it's fuyumi who gets used to organize the family (and interns/friends) dinner during endeavor agency, so endeavor doesn't have to force his son who's just declared that he won't behave to him like his son during the internship to endure his presence in a personal setting, because that would make endeavor look like even more of a selfish insincere dick. it's fuyumi who gives endeavor shouto's phone number so endeavor can blow his phone up with messages during school hours(!!!), so endeavor doesn't have to work to obtain his number in a different and more intentional and forceful way, because that would make endeavor look like even more of a selfish insincere dick.

i feel like you may be on to something with the fuyumi-eri comparison, because they are characters who are used as plot devices/props and as ways for the story to answer difficult questions without really answering. for fuyumi, it's this. for eri, it's the unspoken question hovering menacingly over the entirety of mha: what should be done with people whose quirks are too strong and dangerous. even though i find the saving of eri very powerful and an overall very good moment, the logic itself that deku uses - saying that eri's quirk is healing him, ergo it's a kind quirk, ergo eri deserves to be saved - i find very dangerous, for the simple reason that it refuses to engage with the possibility that someone's quirk may not be capable of kind things, so the answer in the end by exclusion posits that people whose powerful dangerous quirks cannot perform good actions do not deserve to be saved. and that idea permeates the story till the end - if only toga had known love before, if only she'd been better, she would've wanted to be kind - to give blood instead of taking it. afo could've been the kindest quirk. till the end, the story refuses to consider that a person may not be kind, and still deserve salvation, and only dreams of worlds where that they were just kinder, so as to fit the profile of someone who deserves to be saved.

TW: ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE

“He wants to air this dirty laundry to the world does he…? Dabi, you fiend…you’ve been waiting for this moment…when they couldn’t prevent mass destruction…and faith in heroes is wavering.” - chapter 292

I truly, wholeheartedly, believe that MHA as a story upholds the myth of the perfect victim. I do not want to discuss if Horikoshi did that on purpose, or subconsciously because of inner bias – I find no meaning in doing so. For me the execution of an idea, in the grand scheme of the narrative, holds more value than the intention of the author. I’ve also had my fair share of people infantilizing Asian authors in the anime community for their poor writing decisions for one lifetime. It’s patronizing to both the author and the people reading it. Whether or not Horikoshi intended for his themes of abuse to paint the picture they did does not matter, because that’s how it reads as.

MHA puts victims of abuse in narrow boxes and softly dictates what’s an acceptable reaction to said abuse. Victims are continuously walking a tightrope between being deserving of compassion and sympathy and being unredeemable monsters who are too far gone and are only good for martyrdom after being put down.  

Eri fits the clean cut depiction of abuse victims that media usually gears towards. She is untouched by the cruelty around her - she preserves her innocence and kindness. She isn't assertive, but rather meek and passive. She doesn't fight back with force. And when offered help, she is receptive to it. That is not to say that Eri's depiction doesn't have a place in fiction, or that her portrayal can't be representative of the experiences of some - as we all deal with trauma and the inhumanity people throw at us differently. We see the same thing in the portrayal of Fuyumi, who shares many of the qualities discussed above. The same thing applies to her - i personally love the idea of all the siblings having different reaction to their childhood trauma and abuse. It shows that victims are not some type of monolith.

But the narrative treats the "forgiving" or "receptive to help/support" victims of abuse with more grace and with much more kindness. if you are willing to forgive, or the very least be quietly tolerant, the story grants you a happy ending. Forgiveness isn't a bad thing, it is an individual choice - but an abuse victim shouldn't have to do it for them to have a happy ending.

In a vacuum Eri and Fuyumi's character arcs and depictions of abuse are good but it becomes a problem when that's the only experience and type of victim we ever hold in high value or recognize as valid and deserving of compassion. Which the story reinforces.

Touya and Tenko's backstories aren't pretty nor comfortable or easy to sit through. Their responses to abuse aren't either. Reactive abuse is very much real.

[fan-kingdoms]

god i wish we had gotten more of twelve with river song. he just meshes so well with her and since their time streams are finally (almost) synced up you don’t feel the imbalance of maturity/knowledge that you get in a lot of eleven’s time with her, and less general timeline “where are they right now what the fuck is happening” fuckery to sort through. just a husband and wife who have lived so much together and know it’s coming to an end very soon so they have to relish it (even if river doesn’t have the knowledge of her own death the way the doctor does, she knows it’s almost over because her diary is running out of pages). and i love watching this older, less theatrical, more rough-around-the-edges doctor with her because it develops their dynamic and the passage of time for the doctor so well. he's not eleven, trying to hide the pain and damage anymore. he doesn't spin off lies and deflections. he wears the hurt and is comfortable in it, and river is there to bring the joy and wonder out. they just have a more mature, beautiful relationship to me.

more thoughts and elaboration under the cut bc i care for your dash <3

twelve and river were such a delight to watch because (this is getting into hot take territory here sorry) once capaldi took over from matt smith, the show basically gave up on the whole “the doctor is very attractive and all the women want him” narrative that it pushed for eleven. of course it was there with ten but i think it got Egregious with eleven. moffat really wanted us to believe matt smith was the hottest man in the universe (and he’s not unattractive! i admit i thought he was attractive when i first watched doctor who years and years ago! the writing was just over the top with it!) twelve is not some young whimsical prettyboy anymore— he’s abrasive, blunt, and old. the show doesn’t treat him like he’s supposed to be attractive, which makes him and river’s relationship feel so real.

first off i want to point out that river is still very much attracted to the doctor in his new body which was so exciting for me because how often to we get to see romance and desire and (sexually) intimate relationships in people past the age of 35??? hardly ever! how often do we see a beautiful woman expressing desire for a man that’s not young or conventionally handsome NOT because she has ulterior motives or we’re supposed to believe he’s actually the sexiest man alive but because she simply loves him? how often do we see relationships where no matter how much change they go through, even when one of them has turned into an entirely different person (figuratively or literally), the love stays steady and unchanged? especially when these changes involve aging? there isn’t nearly enough. and seeing it is kind of healing for me, just a reminder that you can have love and intimacy and passion even when you’re not “young and beautiful” anymore

twelve and river’s relationship is just charged with so much shared experience and trust and i wish we had gotten to see more of it. in conclusion i want a special that recaps the 24 years on darillium thank you and goodbye

[here-comes-the-moose]

The Bad Batch makes even more sense when you remember that they’re basically all in their twenties.

[vaguely-concerned]

sophia seeing cailan's body hanging there when they go back to ostagar, and suddenly all she can see even through the rot and the ruin is just how much he looked like alistair...... :'(

a mental image that totally will not haunt her through alistair's many years on the throne as rebellions and assassination attemps come and go. doesn't send her unhinged and unwise even a little

[chatdae]

Grace FUMBLED Ryan! BAD parenting to preach respect and then act contrarily (ie saying she wants him to feel safe, then not allowing him any autonomy). She should've let him leave and come back... or at least explained why she didn't want him to leave before deciding (ex: 'Homelander will kidnap you', etc). She needed to let him make the decision for himself... agh. AAAAA.

And now Butcher's no use because he's committed to being evil and can't offer ANYTHING good to Ryan!!! He was so right, they NEEDED to give Ryan more space... I know the external pressures seemed impossible, but dammit, Grace, this was no way to beat the odds!

(this is about The Boys season four)

[wat-zu]

Absolutely love your art. I want to nom it.

Also, Hollow Heads Siblings my beloveds,,,

Theyre the doomed siblings ever its not even funny

[ldpdluvr]

it was lowkey crazy to me that when i was making a playlist for ldpdl and one for myself at the same time, i kept adding in all of the same songs, like back then i didn't realise just how similar we were...idk maybe i'm projecting too much on him but his character is just sooooo relatable to me and some of my experiences and just his general feelings/vibe too

[soft-serve-soymilk]

Actually I’ve come to the conclusion that Cynthia would like Kingdom Hearts for the exact same reason she likes Graces f (the homoerotic tension,,,,,,)

[chuchayucca]

Discussions of implied fictional CSA & SA

I recently been wondering if there’s a chance Richard thinks Roy’s aggressive and distant behavior is normal and not a sign of CSA because he acted similarly to Roy when he was younger

Reasonings in the tags

[dairine-bonnet]

Hardly a fairy tale

Looking back, Malak sometimes wonders how real their feelings for each other were. Or they simply reveled in forbidden desires, condemned by the masters, conscious violation of the rules of the Order and passion caused by the excitement of the competitive spirit, which might have easily mixed up with something more menacing.

P.S. Here Malak is thinking about Revan and their relationship, of course.