#like i really got a fucking A+ in anxiety 😭 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

learn-and-accept · 2 years ago

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I restarted therapy again today and had to take a mental health screening test and hoooly shit my brain is fucked lol

#like the only thing that wasn't moderate or severe was substance abuse #i honestly just couldn't stop nervous laughing because i knew shit was fucked but wow it is really bad #i scored a 94 in both social and generalized anxiety #like i really got a fucking A+ in anxiety 😭#anyway my therapist is also helping me set up an adhd assessment and she was so nice about it!!!#like not at all condescending or overly questioning why i feel as though i might had adhd #she was so nice and lovely and i felt so safe #it sucks that I'll only be able to see her for a couple months but i really think that this is going to be super beneficial #honestly just getting official diagnoses will be super helpful since im hopefully going to grad school next semester #personal

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cemeterym · 4 months ago

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i'm begging my uni to stop making every fucking student social activity something where you have to walk around a bunch if you are a slow walker who cannot help it they literally want you dead

#i try to walk as fast as i humanly can. which i shouldn't bc it hurts and makes me dizzy. and i'm still slower than everyone else #last week we divided into groups and had to walk to checkpoints around the city to do tasks #i had a friend in my group who knows abt my issues and they walked slower with me which was nice. everyone else walked like 10 20 meters #ahead and it was fucking embarrassing bc for every checkpoint they had to wait for me #and i felt bad my friend couldn't talk to anyone else in the group bc they were zooming way ahead of us and i'm the one who couldn't keep up #and like. they didn't know my body's fucked. but these are people i do not know well at all and maybe i don't wanna disclose my medical #history to everyone i interact with #and like this event wasn't mandatory. i could've skipped it #but it's every fucking time #most nights we end up going to a bar and to these people “walking distance” is like a half an hour. and they walk fast #i can never keep up #i don't reallu enjoy bars either and i don't drink but you just kinda have to endure to socialize. some days i can't handle it tho #this week there's another checkpoint type activity. i know i shouldn't. i know i'm gonna slow everyone down #but i got specifically asked and invited to be a part of a team. i can't remember the last time that happened #also we're doing a group costume and mine includes platform heels on the streets of a very old city i am so cooked #my friend is nice tho. they know the basic lore and check up on me a bunch which always catches me off guard 😭#i'm used to pushing through and also used to people not really taking my shit into consideration so i don't know how to respond sometimes #2 people in the group know the issues and i just sent the gc a “sorry in advance i can't walk very fast” so like what else is there to do #only accessibility info we're ever given is if it's wheelchair accessible. and that's good. like you should do that. but it kinda ends there #like how much walking is there. where are the stops. are there places to sit.#i love having to either push through or be excluded disabilities are awesome #been in soooo much pain lately and have to take breaks walking uphill. functional body #i live in an area where everything. literally everything. is uphill one way or another. so as you can imagine it's going great #also “you have to endure to socialize” as if i don't end up hovering around my friend like a lost puppy with separation anxiety anyway #the group costume is winx club. btw

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silverselfshippingchaos · 2 months ago

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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

#ash rambles 💚#negative #part of it is definitely the weather #it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed #but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today #im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up #and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see #me as more than a friend and other stuff like that #i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and #i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that #if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore #what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked #to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s #just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me #being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO #I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot #and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as #though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and #i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA #holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always #bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles #(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if #I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later #i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..

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girlivealwaysbean · 3 months ago

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im so excited that i want to go rn!!!!!!!!

#u guys. living life like it's going to end in a few days makes it so fucking awesome #cause like im moving right so every time i go out or something it feels like borrowed time like #i stole last few moments of happiness from fate #and i can let go so easily and it just feels sooooo much better without all the anxiety #like damn people just live like this 24/7??#i CANNOT wait to be done with my exams in a year then i won't have any big stress always weighing over me all the time #tho probably adulting responsibilities will be overwhelming and stressful in a different way but i hope it's ol #what the fuck man life is really just hanging out with people you love and understand you best #meeting new people sucksssssss i love hanging out with my sisterand my childhood bestfriend and nobody else #well unless they've been vetted and verified by my girlies like my sisters guy was really fun to hang out with tooooo #life is really just about like 3 to 4 people you love and having fun om weekends festivals occasions huh😭#seems obvious but i think all this kinda got lost in the self isolation and depression lol😭#nyway im excited to buy some glittery eyeliner!!!! and a new top!!!!!!! god i love having money #i got it now friends money family secret to happiness

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radgeorgie · 5 months ago

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had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#AND!!!!! AND!!!!!! IVE GOT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF FOR A SOLID WEEK!!!!!!!#i guess ill know monday if i can get high that night or tuesday but like.... i want to have one now lmao #like.... the paper i signed was more worried about being drunk on the jo #and OBVIOUSLY i wouldnt show up to my folder customer service job high off my ass..... but that thc can stay in your system for awhilw #i had one last nigbt tk celebrate the interview so idk if im even in the clear to begin with #and like.... i told them my start date would ve the 20th & im out of town vefore that so the goal is like.... they go to achedule #and we have to schedule it way out so i have time to like.....not worry & get my pee clean #like.... it wouldnt matter so much if my parents werent LEAVING this E N T I R E week... like.... this is MY vacatioj too!!!!!#and i just bought it after a horrid week 😭😭😭😭😭 worked my ass of it for it in order to relax this week #like #i know i shouldnt be dependent on it and im really trying not to ve #but the anti-anxiety relaxing of it all helps so much #and im reeeeeally not the biggest fan of drinking....i pee too much 😭😭😭😭😭 ironically 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like.... at this point.... its like..... do i care about getting this job more than i care about letting my brain and body relax this week #i always put myself first & listen to my heart & soul to dictate what to do #but my mind just keeps thinking about getting that failed drug test back and going back to the job hunt #but im still IN the job hi t #*hunt #AND HERES THE THING!!!! walking around that damn office.... seeing what people were wearing.....#its professional but i know damn well theres people in there smoking weed #like.... 25 of the 50 employees i saw showed up in casual loungepants these people are not prestigious #and like.... the paper i signed.... they didnt even edit to include the company name????#it kept saying “the Company will not like you to drink on the clock and assumes you will not get behind company vechiles drunk either”#like.... tooooootally understandable i just wanna eat some edibles before im an official employee of your folder business my loves #let me have a 50mg and zone out for the night while im finally free from all these losers..... PLEASE #anyways......personal problems that my brain needs to expel so it doesnt tumble all around for the next few houes #WHILE I DOORDASH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck me #like..... i got this interview through indeed ill just keep going till i cant if it fails

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sugarmilk · 9 months ago

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oh so the exhaustion is never-ending huh

#bro i'm TIREDDDD 😭#the last six weeks have just like. put me through the fucking ringer in so many ways man #and my anxiety has been SO bad ever since i got really sick last month #and it's so hard now to mentally stabilize myself and be like 'hey chill it's only temporary' like i'm actually about to run into traffic #anyways. sad!

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permanentreverie · 1 year ago

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Would like to respectfully throw my uterus into the sun

#in my 8 years of having my period. I have been on time maybe. twice?#AND TODAY I HAVE TO BE ON TIME!?#I HAVE A FUCKING CONCERT TO GO TO 😭😭#like instead of vibing in the shower this morning I was almost crying thinking about how I don't have any friends #and I've never been anyone's first choice #et cetera et cetera #and I've actually got anxiety cause I'm looking forward to the concert I love the artist #but I'm going with my brother which. I don't know if we have a good relationship or not #I'm just on guard around him ever since he said I was a bad person and treat everyone horribly a few weeks ago #which made me feel v suicidal 🙃🙃#also I'm trying to get over this fact but I ordered a shirt from etsy #to wear to this concert #in MAY #and it hasn't arrived #so I requested a refund ofc #and I have a different outfit I can wear I was just. really looking forward to wearing this shirt #trying to not cry over that because in reality it's NOT that big of a deal but it feels like a big deal to me #also I don't have all the lyrics to the set memorized? which im nervous of actually?#idk guys im just. im so not fucking feeling great rn which sucks cause todays supposed to be a good day

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running-in-the-dark · 1 year ago

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my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.

unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.

#I mean. if I get... idk like 3-4 hours of sleep that should be enough #I only have to be awake until the meeting is over. then I'll probably go back to bed.#and that way if it goes really really badly I can escape from that by being asleep lol #I hope it'll be okay 😭 I'm so scared #but it's this... much more quiet subtle kind of scared. I never experienced that before the anxiety meds #so it feels weird.#I haven't even cried yet! no panic attacks or anything! there have been a few meltdowns but not specifically about this #so I have to keep reminding myself that this is fine! I can handle this! it used to be sooooo much worse and I somehow got through that too #so I will definitely get through this and it will be okay #after all - no matter what happens. I'll be done with uni in February. I won't have to speak to my advisor ever again (so if he thinks I'm a #fucking idiot it doesn't matter at all!)#this is far from the hardest thing I've done! I was my dad's carer. I got my driver's license (yes that was very hard for me). I was in #therapy. I lived in abusive households until I was 25! this is easy in comparison #it just feels hard because I can't stand the feeling of being judged. and this is. just. me being judged (for what I write)#but it will be okay and I'll never write anything like this ever again and I'll get a break and I'll find a job I don't hate and it'll all #be worth it #personal #posts about my thesis

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kkujo · 1 year ago

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and everything has consistently sucked since we got back from that trip.. not a week after that i got covid and was really sick the beginning of august was truly the last time i felt properly happy. word

#the past few months have just been. so bad idk i've been feeling so unwell and throwing up daily at times for like 2 weeks straight #it's been like. a week since i last threw up so i'm hoping it's done #but fuck man #it's been awful my anxiety has been through the roof my skin is terrible i feel so lonely #like. it's all just happening fr #on the plus side i've been finding a lot of comfort from small things.. going to the gym and watching my shows n making music #i'm so glad i can hyperfixate rn though bc. during like. my really low couple of weeks i couldn't hyperfixate #and it was genuinely hell bc i couldn't find comfort in anything and i essentially lost all interest in everything #i started watching nana during that time as like a distraction so that was nice but i couldn't focus on anything except feeling bad #now at least. i still feel bad but i have the comfort from my hyperfix 😭 been rewatching csm and it's making me feel just like #safer and comforted which god knows is what i need rn #idk i just. i wish i could go back to july man. i wish i never got covid i wish my mental health wasn't like this #it's just so fucking hard my god. it really is #and i'm trying i swear to god i'm trying to stay strong and take care of myself and not be terrible

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wasteland-lover · 2 years ago

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post concert pics

#me. [🧍🏿‍♀️]#everything was amazing im literally never gonna stop thinking about it #first of all my friend’s older brother (who basically came as out chaperone) was fine as FWAK #and his girlfriend was so sweet😭#but anyways the concert itself was such a life changing experience im being so serious #maybe cuz it was my first time going to a concert but everything was amazing #except the heat cuz the venue was hot asf #like i was afraid i was gonna pass out #and people kept pushing in tenge beginning so my anxiety was lowkey acting up #but as it went in it got so much fun #and all the other fans there were so chill like damn we really built such a health community here🥹#AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE ACTUAL PERFORMANCE #im literally never gonna forget when intak was looking at me more like in my general direction but imma just imagine he was looking at me)#AND TELL ME WHY I WAS IVER HERE FIXING MY LIP GLOSS LIKE A FUCKING DUMBASS #speaking of intak he is so fine like he definitely cemented his spot as my bias wrecker #and after one of the performances i shouted that i think it got me pregnant and everyone looked back at me🧍🏿‍♀️#ALSO JIUNG LOOKED MY ASF LIKE MY MAN WAS REALLY GLOWING #he looked hella skinny but he was smiling thru the whole thing🥹#and i got a photo card of him too🤭#anyways imma probably skip school tomorrow cuz im tired and i got a headache🚶🏿‍♂️#actually no imma go write some jiung hcs while the juice is still flowing🏃🏿‍♂️

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yoohyeon · 1 year ago

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My mom used the complain I told her in secret to win her argument so now my dad is mad at me for complaining to my mom… my mom was at mad at my dad for making me do something, that actually didn’t even bother me, while I’m unwell just to make my situation worst by making me panic 😐

#Idk if I make sense i don’t care #like I was finally feeling pretty good my body wasn’t feeling that much numb but now it’s numb again cause I panic I got mad at my #mom*#she just wanted an excuse to get mad at him for no reason #if I didn’t wanna do what my dad ask me to I wouldn’t have done it #and yes I told my dad that what he told me made me mad but he got annoyed #i just wanted to complain to my mom like I usally do when one or the other day something bad and won’t understand #she never use what I say in secret against him I don’t understand what went to her head this time #now she’s the one making me physically feel worst not him #but she said I make her feel like the villain and oh no everything is her fault IT FUCKING IS #it would have been fine if she said nothing #Idk if my problem really is anxiety cause even not stress I kinda feel numb but it sure make it worse #i get she’s mad that my dad said that but it was no reason to to #tell* him something I trust her with #anyway my dad got back inside she ask him something and he answered normally to her #so either he calmed down or he’s just mad at me I’m scared to find out 😭#anyway I have enough of my body can I feel normal again please 😭#alex.txt

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noxtivagus · 2 years ago

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guys i've been improving a lot lately i'm happy w myself

#🌙.rambles #I MADE A NEW FRIEND TODAY FR BCS I GOT OVER MY ANXIETY. LIKE FUCK THAT YK 😭😭 no regrets !!!!#i've been. hesitating less lately. just yk being more comfortable being myself fr #i'm.. really happy i've managed to find more peace in that aspect #n i haven't been like. writing as much as i used to. like uh. pushing myself too much to write in order to remember like #in my spotify playlists yk making them organized n i used to be very consistent w writing a lil thing for this playlist i make each day #it's nice but it ended up stressing me for a while. but now i'm so much better. so much kinder to myself #n then w things i haven't done yet.. no i know for sure i'll do them one day.#i've been pushing myself a bit more lately but now not in a stressful way. like yk in a good way like i'm not settling when i know i can #do more n i can manage it n i know i'll be kind to myself while i'm doing it n regardless of the outcome yk?#guys sorry to that new friend i made tho i cannot text ppl like during convos.#LIKE NO WAIT I CAN BUT I LIKE TO THINK A LOT BEFORE I DO INTERACT W OTHERS YK T_T #WHICH IS WHY I GET SO ANXIOUS TYPICALLY WHEN OTHERWISE..#guys i want to bring back writing letters to each other so badly like i want to. to my future lover can we pls send letters to each other #OR EVEN TO MY FRIENDS BCS LETTERS R JUST SO CUTE YK !!!! A WHOLE LOVE LANGUAGE FOR ME 🥺#like you can start w smth cute like yk 'dear __' orrr hmm yk decorating the letter hehe n then #writing things w handwriting is so cute ! so personal so sweet ARGHHH #the way i used to like message one of my twt/tumblr friends was often by sending like long messages n thennnn #tumblr asks c: i feel so at home w them yk #i write. long. n GOD IF I WERE TO WRITE LIKE YK ACTUAL LETTERS.. I WANT TO MAKE THEM LIKE #YK THOSE LETTERS THAT THOSE OLD WRITERS USED TO SEND !!!! THEY'RE SO LOVELY #hang on i have smth due in like less than an hour n i'm nearly done just one more simple thing but i got distracted help #DUDEEEE LOOKED AT MY NOTIFS AGAIN N I CAN READ SOME OF THEIR MESSAGES BUT I CAN'T SEE THE PIC ????#okay this means a lot to them bcs it seems me n apollo r genuinely the first ppl they've met that #are fellow enthusiasts of yk smth personal for majority of their life. GODDAMN #I RELATE W THAT 😭😭 n then i don't mean this in an arrogant or idk egotistical but it seems. me n apollo have been like #special ppl in other's lives..? idk i don't want that to come off the wrong way but.. yeah 🥺#DUDE I CANT SEE THE PIC YOU SENT AFTER 'DUDE READING ALL YOUR MESSAGES GOT ME LIKE' IN MY NOTIFS N IT'S #DRIVING ME INSANE BCS I HATE INSTAGRAM SO MUCH N HOW IT SHOWS IF YOU'VE SEEN MESSAGES 💀#hi hello this is me in live action n why making new friends is hard for me :^) I GTG NOW BUT AAAAAAAA I'M PROUD OF MYSELF

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trendfag · 3 months ago

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these are my results for that learning assessment they made me do and then didnt so much as glance at for my student services meeting btw

#kind of really funny. also so funny that i got ranked like 95th percentile for anxiety because it was only asking about test anxiety 😭#anxiety / attitude / concentration / information processing #motivation / selecting main ideas / self testing #test strategies / time management / use of academic resources #literally all she did with it was look at the last column and go ‘see! you need to use your resources!’ what the fuck does it look like im #trying to do. i scheduled a meeting with you a resource of mine to try and get help and youre just telling me well use your resources!#do you see the issue there?

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somefisher · 8 months ago

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Im gonna throw up im sick of feeling awful all the time

#dont want this to become a vent accoutn but i dont like venting on servers 😭#anyway i cant tell whats wrong with me. i dont even know if this is even depression i think i just really hate myself guys #because ive been depressed my whole life and i know what that feels like? maybe its a different kind. i got depression v2.0 #but what do i even do about hating myself . like how do i even fix that.#i get mad at myself for not doing anything and then i actually accomplish something and im like. you didnt do it well enough? hello #i think one of my biggest current problems is that i dont like anything. like nothing is enjoyable to me anymore enough to commit to it #but i dont have anything else to do right now so im just sitting around wasting away and starting things but not finishing them #like what am i supposed to do. im not unhappy all the time but nothing is fun im just existing #i was joking but maybe I actually did unlock depression 2 #which is another problem because none of my mental illnesses have ever been treated in a helpful way in my entire life #and i have some kind of if not multiple undiagnosed neurodivergences definitely. but im scared to try and get them diagnosed #because the last time i did i got told it was anxiety (IT WAS NOT I DONT HAVE ANXIETY ANYMORE AND I STILL HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS)#and i cant even get anything done because i need help to do anything!#i feel so useless i cant do anything on my own because i just dont care enough id rather just like. sit here and die i guess #like im not even close to being s******* i know what thats like and its so much worse. thats part of why i feel so bad im not even that SAD #i just dont care. i think ssris fucked up my brain can i be real #oughh whatever. rant over back to playing pokemon #vent #talking #can i get an emotion. please one spare emotion #reading all of this back i truly think i just need to be pit on stimulants. but how do i get there i dont even have a psych rn...

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scare-ard--sleigh · 9 months ago

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what makes This mercury retrograde different from every other mercury retrograde : |

#silver jelly #so the passport office was supposed to send me something last night. no idea what it is.#and the deliverer ;;; who only seems to fuck up mail delivery when its Really important or expensive ;;; brought it to the wrong house #and gave me Their Package instead #i called usps i have a service request number im gonna go over to the other place and be like 'this i think happened lets trade' but AUGH #not what i needed !! : \ !!#anyway prayer circle that my new passport is in there and this shit is DONE as soon as i retrieve said package bc the anxiety otherwise is #going to give me hives again and i just got them back to normal 😭😭😭

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vinilsoup · 11 months ago

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Every time I'm near my period I'm like "pls god don't send me to the psychiatric hospital" and sometimes he hears me. This time however may not be the case.

#oh my god i literally can't take this anymore #i don't get it???? am I going insane??? why is life so unbearable rn #i really really hope I don't have a harder crisis it's fucking carnaval here the hospitals are gonna be full #so I'll probably have to go straight into the psychiatric hospital. I mean it's probably not that bad i hope its just gonna be stressful #I haven't gone full breakdown yet but yesterday was shit and i literally couldn't sleep tonight bc of anxiety #but life circumstances aren't helping I'm unemployed indebted bc I had to quit my job at the mall due to my mental health #and everything I touch breaks! i don't have money to fix it literally every eletrical appliance I have is broken #i dont have family and have like one friend #there's gotta be something wrong with me #oh and it's too hot here its like 37 celsius some days it's unbearable #i got the opposite midas touch i guess everything i touch breaks 😭#anyway why pms makes me like this. its not the only factor but god it would make me so much more sane to not have a uterus

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