#like i probably had it done when I posted that

[moonchild9350]

Before You Go

Summary: you’d give or do anything for your boyfriend, especially if he pouts cutely at you.

Pairing: established relationship Han x fab!reader

Genre: smut-18+ MDNI

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: teasing, masturbation, handjob, oral sex (m & f receiving), clit play, clit slapping, dirty talk, unprotected sex (don't), squirting, creampie, taking nudes, thick cock Han lol

Notes: Jisung's pouts, that's it that's the post. I'd do anything for him if he pouted at me lol

Divider by: @cafekitsune

If you enjoyed please reblog, comment, or like ♡

Please do not copy, translate, modify, use, or repost this work elsewhere without my permission. ©moonchild9350 (2024)

“Babe, lemme fuck you.”

These four words stopped you in your tracks, your head snapping to look at your boyfriend sitting on your bed. You eyed him as he lounged on the bed, his hand placed behind his head as he smirked at you.

“What?” You responded you voiced laced with disbelief.

You were packing your suitcase, preparing for a trip with your girls in three days. You would be gone for one week and your boyfriend Jisung had much to say about it. He’s been nagging you nonstop, saying he’ll miss you and what will he do when you’re gone. Every chance he’ll get he attaches himself to you in some way…not that you cared much.

“Lemme fuck you!” He repeated, this time with a little desperation in his voice.

You stared at him, watching as he squeezed his thighs together, his bulge very much present in the gray sweatpants he was wearing.

Taking a deep breath you said in a sing song voice, “No.”

You walked away to gather more clothes as Jisung whined, his bottom lip jutting out like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

“Well what am I supposed to do about this?” He inquired, gesturing toward the tent in his pants.

“Go jerk off babe…without me,” you added as you noticed his eyes get big and bright as he probably thought of some grand idea to get through this slump.

“You hate me!” Jisung said as you walked out the bedroom, to go grab a snack.

“Whatever you say babe!” you teased as you smirked.

The next two days passed in a similar fashion with Jisung flashing his boba eyes at you and begging for sex, claiming he’s had blue balls for the last two days. You knew the last part to be true, but that just made him more whiny and desperate which you loved.

He tried everything from cooking you a nice dinner to even helping you pack, his little brain thinking you’ll give in and have sex. However, you were steadfast in your task, not budging in your decision.

The afternoon before your departure, you needed to make a quick drugstore run, picking up some last minute supplies. You pressed a chaste kiss to Jisung’s lips, chuckling as he chased after you hoping for more.

“I’ll be back babe!” You said as you shut the door, a little whimper from Jisung reaching your ears last minute. — — Once you were done with your errands, you made your way back to your apartment. You made it in record time, wanting to finish up packing as soon as possible so you could relax.

As you unlocked the door, you heard a low moan, the sound drawn out and laced with frustration. You tossed your keys on the hallway table, kicked off your shoes, and made your way towards the sound.

It seemed to grow louder as you neared your bedroom door. You smirked, knowing exactly what was going on behind the door, the thought causing your pussy to clench.

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door, your eyes zeroing in on your boyfriend laying spread eagle on the bread. His head was tossed back as he rhythmically stroked his cock, lewd wet sounds echoing in the room from the copious amounts of precum that was leaking from his tip.

“Fuck! Y/n, please!” Jisung whined as he canted his hips upwards as he picked up the pace.

You decided to stop his fun, walking over to the bed and slapping his hand away. He let out a loud groan in frustration, his wet eyes snapping to yours.

“Why’d you do that?” He whimpered, his cock twitching pathetically as it lay against his stomach neglected.

“Awww, are you having trouble babe? Hmm?” You teased, rising your eyebrow at him.

Jisung nodded his head, his lip jutting out as he wiggled on the bed. He was so hard it was almost painful, his length seeming to grow with each passing second.

“Answer me babe,” you cooed, crawling onto the bed as you shucked your top off.

Jisung’s eyes widened at the sight of your tits, the flesh all but spilling from your bra.

“Mmm yes baby, need- need your help…please, please,” he whimpered, his words trailing off to a whisper.

You chuckled as you approached him, licking your lips at the sight of his chubby cock.

“Poor baby,” you hummed, as you wrapped your hand around his length.

Jisung let out a hiss as you slowly stroked his shaft, your wrist circling around the head to gather more of the leaking pre cum. With your other hand, you fondled his balls, squeezing them gently as he thrashed around, high pitched moans leaving his lips.

“Mm close baby,” Jisung panted as he thrusted his hips up into your hand as you matched his pace.

“Already?” You smirked as you squeezed his cock causing him to yelp. “Aren’t you just desperate.”

Jisung whimpered as his breathing increased, his words a jumbled mess as he chased his high. You chuckled before leaning down to take him within your mouth. You bobbed your head once, twice, three times before darting your tongue out to press into his slit.

“I’m…I’m coming!” Jisung wailed as he shot ropes of his cum down your throat.

You suckled the head as he came, moaning around his length at the taste. Once he relaxed, his body going limp, you continued to suckle his cock, teasing his slit again and again until he was whimpering from the overstimulation.

He tugged on your hair, attempting to get you to stop, mumbling that it was too much. You released his cock with a pop and licked your lips, grinning at the man below you.

“Help me out babe,” you said as you popped your bra off and rid yourself of your sweatpants and panties.

You laid down and chuckled as Jisung eagerly laid on his belly, grasping your legs in the process. He spread your legs, moaning as he laid eyes on your wet folds, your arousal glistening in the light of the bedroom.

He leaned forward and licked a stripe up your folds and pressed a kiss to your clit. Jisung repeated the action again and again, grasping your legs tighter as you thrashed around.

“Mmm love your pussy,” he mumbled before sucking your swollen clit between his plush lips.

You moaned as he alternated between licking and sucking, his nose pressed flush against your mound as he ate you out like a man starved. You ran your fingers through his hair, grasping some of the strands as you rocked your hips against his tongue.

Jisung relaxed the muscle so you could get off as you pleased, the vibration from his moans sending little shocks through your core.

You were close as he was at your mercy, your belly tightening with each thrust of your hips.

“So close Sungie, so good, lemme just use you,” you said as you grasped his head harder and pulling him further flush against your pussy.

Jisung wrapped his lips around your clit once more before sucking hard, the sudden switch causing you to tip over the edge, your orgasm racking through your body. You continued to ride his face, coated his nose and chin with your arousal.

Once the last ebs of your high faded away, you released your hold on Jisung and tried to focus on your breathing. Jisung sat up with a huge grin on his face, his chin glistening.

He brought his hand to his hardened cock, stroking the length a few times before pinning your legs down to the bed.

“Can I fuck you?” Jisung asked as he looked down at you desperately, his big boba eyes traveling from your tits down to your pussy and then to your face.

You pretended to think for a moment, your eyes on his face. You thought about saying no once more, but you needed him just as much as he needed you. Your pussy clenched around nothing, your slick continually leaking out and dripping down your ass.

Jisung smirked, his eyes trained on your core. He brought a thumb to your clit and gently circled it, biting his lip as wet sounds echoed in the otherwise quiet room.

“Let me fuck you baby,” Jisung cooed as he continued to tease your bundle of nerves. “Your pussy needs me, listen to it, she’s talking to me.”

You whimpered as a wave of pleasure settled in your pelvis, the need to be filled by his thick cock on the forefront of your mind.

You gripped your thighs and held them open as you looked your lover in the eyes.

“Yes, fuck me Sungie,” you said in a sultry voice.

Jisung smiled and pushed the head of his cock through your folds, the flesh parting at the intrusion. He dragged his length from your clit down until the tip caught your entrance.

With a breath, he pushed in, your little hole stretching as it accommodated his length. You moaned at the pressure, loving how he filled you so good, so perfect.

Jisung thrusted his hips slowly, fucking just the tip within your entrance, mesmerized at how you took him so well.

Your walls were warm and wet, the sound your pussy made driving him insane. He needed to be within you and he needed it now. With a powerful thrust, he sheathed himself fully within you, letting out a loud groan as he settled within your thighs.

“Ahh!” You whined at the sudden intrusion, your eyes rolling back as he begin to pummel into you, his balls slapping your ass with each thrust.

You gripped your thighs, his biceps, the sheets, anything you could get ahold of as he fucked you deep and hard, his cock massaging your walls just right.

Jisung adjusted his hips so he could fuck into your sweet spot, sending little waves of pleasure through your core.

“Faster Sungie!” You begged as you took him in, watching as he fell apart above you.

His eyes were trained on his cock, watching as your entrance stretched around it, leaving behind your cream assisting with the glide. He let out a groan as you clenched around him, trying to keep him snug within you.

“Look at this mess baby,” he said as he watched your arousal mixed with your cream drip down your ass, coat the little hairs on his pelvis and your folds.

You groaned as his words, clenching your walls again and again as your pleasure built within. Jisung brought his thumb to your clit and flicked it, his cock twitching at how you responded, your body jerking at the shocks of pleasure he was giving you.

“Don’t stop,” you mumbled so close to your high, the warm feeling slowly spreading throughout your lower region.

“Gonna come? Come for me baby, give it to me,” Jisung growled as he slapped your clit.

You yelped at the sensation as he chuckled. Jisung loved your pussy, worshipped it, would do anything to make it cum, cream his length, and milk him for what it’s worth.

“Damn, im gonna miss this pussy,” Jisung whined.

He was close, your pussy too much for his sensitive cock. He thumbed your clit in earnest, needing you to reach your high so he could fill you up.

You began to pant as your pleasure mounted, coming to a crescendo as Jisung continued to fuck you and finger your clit.

With Jisung’s name on your lips, you let go, squirting your release around his cock. You moaned as you listened to the lewd sounds, so wet and filthy as your arousal dripped onto the sheets.

“That was hot, so hot. Gonna cum, gonna…” with a strangled moan Jisung came, filling you up with his cum until it dripped out of your hole mixed with your slick.

Jisung looked down once more before grabbing his phone off the table.

“What are you doing?” You asked as you watched him search through the device.

He didn’t answer but instead you heard a shutter click as he took photo after photo of your pussy, his cock still buried within your warmth.

“Gotta have something to remember you by while you’re gone,” Jisung said as he tossed his phone to the side.

“And you thought to take photos of my pussy,” you chuckled.

“Mmhmm, I love her just as much as I love you baby,” he said as he withdrew his now softened cock.

“You’re unbelievable,” you said as you waited for him to clean you up.

“Maybe, but you love me!” Jisung shouted from the bathroom.

That you did. And how could you not with that adorable cute face and pout of his.

taglist: @jehhskz @jeonginsleftcheek @simpforleeknaur @armystay89 @palindrome969 @slut4hee @ivydoesit23 @amarecerasus @kaysungshine @fun-fanfics @baby-stay92 @velvetmoonlght @baby-stay92 @possum-playground

[thefreakandthehair]

snowfall.

written for @steddieholidaydrabbles & @steddiemas | prompts: snowfall and cold | wc: 989 | rating: teen & up | tags: mutual requited pining, post-canon, eddie pov, getting together, love confessions, first kiss, winter fluff, smoking weed

Eddie used to love the cold. 

He could layer up tee shirts and jackets with his vest comfortably; could disguise the smoke in his mouth as just his breath in the icy air. But then he nearly died shivering on the frigid, unforgiving ground of the Upside Down and the cold lost its luster. 

Now, as he stands outside of his trailer smoking a tightly rolled joint— he’s a professional, thank you very much— he shivers again. Normally, Eddie would just smoke in the trailer, all the way in the back and blow smoke out of the window, but the kids are over and even Eddie understands that that’s probably not the best idea. Dustin is a blabbermouth and if Claudia or Hopper found out… well, now he shivers for a different reason. 

Smoke coils its way down his chest and he looks up at the sky, staring at the flickering stars and crescent moon. The Upside Down had been an empty, angry place devoid of light, but the real world— his world— is peppered with blinking points of light that only disappear temporarily when they’re obscured by fluffy clouds. For a moment, he closes his eyes and lets his shoulders sag, head dropping with his chin to his chest and the joint still smoking between his fingers. 

It’s fine, he reminds himself. It’s not the same. It’s just December in Indiana. 

“Hey,” a familiar voice interrupts the silence, footsteps crunching over frosty grass and dried leaves. “I was wondering where you went.” 

Eddie clears his throat and slaps on a smile before he turns around. 

“Didn’t wanna hear it from Hopper if I exposed the innocents to Satan’s lettuce, y’know?” He wiggles the joint between his fingers and offers it to Steve. “Wanna share?”

Steve rolls his eyes— a fond gesture, Eddie’s come to learn— and accepts, taking a hit and passing it back. 

“Thanks,” Steve says, a mixture of smoke and breath puffing out like the clouds passing above them. 

“Just got a little…” Eddie trails off and waves his hand, gesturing at nothing and everything all at once, dropping the joint to the ground. It was almost done anyways, he sighs to himself as he stomps it out. 

Steve huffs a laugh through his nose and nods knowingly. It’s far from the first time that Steve’s found Eddie hiding somewhere, collecting himself. Steve’s admitted to the same, that he loves when everyone gets together but it can be a lot all the same. 

“Yeah, I get it,” Steve agrees, stepping closer and leaning up against the tree, just arms’ distance from Eddie. 

Something symbolic there, Eddie thinks to himself. As close as they’ve gotten, as catastrophically in love with Steve as Eddie’s fallen, he always feels like this: just out of reach. 

Under the translucent glow of the night sky, Eddie tries not to stare at the pink flush of Steve’s cheeks, his nose rosy from the cold. It’s hard not to reach out and close the distance. It’d be so easy— just stretch out a hand and rest his equally chilly palm against Steve’s cheek— but he shoves them into his pockets instead and digs his fingernails into his palms as he curls them into a fist. 

Something cold hits Eddie’s nose, and then another, and another. He looks up to find big, fat snowflakes falling from those puffy clouds, a shower of white, frozen flakes. 

“Oh shit, it’s sno—” Eddie starts, but his words die on his tongue when he looks over at Steve. 

The falling snow loves Steve almost as much as Eddie does, sticking to his eyelashes and the tips of his hair, melting against his cheeks and clinging to his bomber jacket, to his lips as he tilts his head up towards the stars. They part just slightly, just enough for Eddie to lose himself in what it might feel like to kiss him, to press his own lips against Steve’s— perfectly pink, welcoming. 

Steve’s never looked so beautiful and Eddie has never been more in love, never been so worried that his heart might crack a rib. He’d done enough physical therapy for one lifetime, but if this is how he breaks another bone, then so be it. 

“You alright?” Steve asks. 

And maybe it’s the weed, or the magic of the moment, or the precarious levee rupturing that was never going to hold anyways, but Eddie doesn't hesitate, doesn’t even blink.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, and I’m so in love with you.”

His lips part and his eyes widen, Eddie freezing in place. Despite the snow, his skin burns with the acknowledgment of what he’s just done.

“Shit, just— y’know what, just ignore me, man. Super strong weed, that’s all. I didn’t, uh—”

Steve steps forward, closing the distance and leaving mere inches between them, just enough for the snow to fall between their jackets. 

“You think I’m pretty?” 

“Yeah, I do. That’s— that’s what you got out of that?” Eddie sputters. 

“Just making sure I heard that right. And the part about being in love with me? You meant that, too?” 

“More than you know.” Eddie swallows and shrugs, digging his hands deeper into his pockets as he chews on his bottom lip. 

Steve closes the distance, eyes bright and a smile blooming from one corner of his mouth. He smooths over Eddie’s lip with his thumb and traces his jaw up to his ear, cupping his face like Eddie’s dreamed of for as long as Steve’s existed in his orbit. 

“Well, that’s a relief. Now I finally get to do this,” Steve breathes. 

The snow falls faster over their heads as Steve closes the gap and presses their lips together, soft and warm despite the bone-chilling cold. Steve’s lips slot against Eddie’s, and it doesn’t feel new. It doesn’t feel novel, or unfamiliar. 

With snow beginning to pile up at their feet, Eddie feels like he’s come home. 

[hellobykittys]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 (𝐈𝐌)𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓.𝐈𝐈 ✦ 𝐂𝐋¹⁶

SUMMARY: Charles Leclerc, a Formula 1 star, faces the decline of his reputation after breaking up with art curator Alexandra Saint Mleux. Under pressure from his team, he is forced into a fake relationship with one of the most popular influencers of the moment. NOTES: English is not my first language, so there might be some writing mistakes. I apologize for that, and feel free to point out any improvements. WC: 1.9k WARNING: teasing, fake relationship

PREVIOUS PART | MASTERLIST | SMAU VER | NEXT PART

The next morning, Charles was already regretting it. Or maybe just annoyed. Or both. He hadn’t decided yet. The truth was, the plan had started before he was even awake.

“Did you like her photo?” Lorenzo asked, barging into the room without knocking.

“Good morning to you too,” Charles replied, throwing a pillow at his brother.

“Charles, I’m serious. Did you?”

“Which photo? She posts like fifty a day.”

Lorenzo sighed and handed his phone to his brother. On the screen, Y/N’s latest post glowed—a seemingly casual photo but so flawlessly composed it was impossible not to notice the meticulous planning behind it.

“Liked it yet?” Lorenzo pressed, pointing at the heart button.

Charles mumbled something unintelligible but tapped the button anyway.

“There. Done. Now let me sleep.”

But it wasn’t done. The second his like went live, the internet worked its obsessive magic. Gossip accounts picked up on the move almost immediately. “Charles Leclerc likes Y/N’s photo. Coincidence or something more?”

Meanwhile, across the city, Y/N was sitting in a chic café, laughing quietly as her phone blew up with notifications.

“They’re fast, huh?” she commented to her best friend, Clara, who was rolling her eyes as she stirred her cappuccino.

“Are you actually enjoying this?” Clara asked, sounding a little skeptical.

“It’s not about enjoying it. It’s a job.” Y/N shrugged, though the smirk on her lips said otherwise.

Charles was never a fan of hosting dinners at home. He was more of a fine-dining restaurant kind of guy—or, when no one was looking, fast food in his car. But tonight, his apartment had turned into Sofia’s mission control.

He opened the door still in sweatpants, his hair a mess, and looking just a little tired.

“You look like a teenager,” was the first thing Y/N said as she walked in, holding a bag of desserts.

“And you always look ready for a runway,” he shot back, taking in her flawless outfit: skinny jeans, a white cropped tee, and sneakers—casual but calculated.

“Thanks. I practice.”

She waltzed in, ditching her shoes near the door and taking in the space. His apartment was minimalist but not soulless. Trophies were scattered across a shelf, abstract art he clearly didn’t choose hung on the walls, and a big couch dominated the living room, probably the epicenter of his social life.

“Do you actually live here? I expected it to be… messier,” she remarked, flopping onto the couch.

“If it were messier, you’d complain. If it were tidier, you’d say it’s fake. So, please, tell me the exact level of chaos that would make you happy.”

“You’re starting to figure me out,” she said with a laugh.

The dinner, as it turned out, was delivery that took so long to arrive they were already brainstorming the next steps of the plan before eating. Y/N sat cross-legged on the floor, her laptop open and notes scattered across the coffee table.

“Okay, we need something for the first public appearance. Nothing too obvious, but not so subtle that people miss the point.”

Charles, slouched on the couch, watched as she spoke, distracted by the businesslike tone she used.

“Do you talk this seriously all the time, or is it just when you’re in work mode?” he asked, resting his chin on his hand.

“This is serious, Leclerc,” she replied without looking up. “If you want to salvage your reputation, you’re going to have to trust me.”

He sighed, knowing she was right.

“Our first appearance could be next week, just before the Monaco race weekend. We could stroll around the streets in your car or stop at a café,” she suggested. “It’ll look casual, but everyone will notice.”

“What if we just let the rumors do their thing?” he tried.

“Because that would be too easy for you.” Y/N finally looked up. “You need to give people a reason to believe this story. And I’m very convincing.”

At that moment, the delivery arrived. Charles went to grab it while Y/N rearranged the table to make it look casually perfect.

“Let’s start small,” she said, stretching her arm out to snap a photo. He watched as she worked, following her directions like a puppet.

“This will drive people crazy,” she commented, showing him the image before posting it.

The picture showed Charles’s hand holding a wine glass and part of his torso. On the table between them sat two pizzas.

Charles rolled his eyes. “You’re good at this, I’ll admit.”

“Not just good—excellent,” she corrected.

As they ate, the tension between them grew more noticeable. While they discussed details like when she’d start appearing in the paddock, the teasing didn’t stop.

“Do you think people will actually believe I fell for you?” he asked, smirking.

“If I can pretend to find you interesting, people can believe anything,” she shot back, taking a bite of pizza.

He laughed. “Interesting? I thought you were having fun.”

“I’m a great actress,” she said, giving him a playful wink.

“Now we need more pictures,” Y/N said after a while, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Something a bit more… intimate.”

“More?” Charles sighed, clearly exhausted. “Wasn’t that last one enough?”

“Of course not! People need to believe we’re in love. Think of something subtle: holding hands, your hand on my thigh… something like that.”

Charles raised an eyebrow, a teasing smile immediately forming on his lips. “For someone who made the ‘no touching’ rule, you seem pretty eager for this. Trying to relive that night at the club?”

The comment was bold, but Y/N didn’t even blink. She simply stared at him for a moment, her calm almost irritating, before replying, “What night, Leclerc? You must be confusing me with one of your dreams.”

He chuckled, but there was something about the way she brushed off the topic that left him unsettled. After all, she had walked out that night without a word, pretending like nothing had happened. And it still nagged at him.

Unbothered, Y/N stood up and moved to the couch behind them, sitting like someone who knew exactly what they were doing.

“Come here. You need to sit next to me,” she ordered, patting the spot beside her on the couch.

Charles raised an eyebrow but stood up, following her instructions without protest. “What do I need to do now, boss?”

Y/N firmly took his hand and placed it on her thigh. With her other hand, she adjusted her phone’s camera.

“You just need to sit still,” she said, winking at him before snapping the picture. “Look, it turned out so cute!”

She showed him the result, a satisfied smile lighting up her face.

He glanced at the photo, then back at her. “You seem pretty excited about this. I’m starting to think I’m not the only one dreaming here.”

Y/N let out a small laugh, ignoring his comment as she went back to adjusting the photo’s filter. But Charles couldn’t help but notice: as much as she tried to stay in control, there was something in her eyes that hinted she might be enjoying this more than she let on.

Later, as they cleared the empty plates and went over the plan’s timeline, their eyes met. For a moment, silence filled the room. It wasn’t awkward, but it was heavy with something neither of them wanted to acknowledge.

“Well, this was… productive,” Y/N said, breaking the tension as she stood up to grab her bag.

“‘Productive’ is one way to put it,” he replied, following her to the door.

Once she left, Charles collapsed onto the couch and grabbed his phone. The picture she had just posted was already blowing up with comments. He liked it quietly before tossing the phone onto the table.

At the media day press conference, Charles had already memorized the answers Sofia had prepared for him. When someone asked about his personal life, he replied with a cryptic smile:

“I’ve been spending more time at home, enjoying it with people I like.”

Meanwhile, Y/N was doing her part. During an Instagram live, someone asked,

“Do you like Formula 1?”

She smiled, as if she knew exactly what she was doing.

“I didn’t think I did, but lately… I’ve been watching it more.”

tαglıst: @charlesgirl16 @sltwins

[k0mmari]

SYSTEM! SHEN YUAN PT.3

Too tired to do my obligations, but too stressed out to sleep, so here we find ourselves again.

This, once again, got horribly long- so long, in fact, I think this is the longest post in this 'trilogy'-, so I apologize in advance (╥ᆺ╥;) I also apologize for the lack of doodles, but dont worry! Im preparing a special one for later <33

After that night where SY offered Binghe an umbrella, things have certainly… changed. Unlike before, where SY spent most of his time mapping away at the ridiculously complex castle hallways and carefully marking away which times it was most likely for SY to be able to get close to Xin Mo, alongside doing his ‘servant’ duties of gathering dirty laundry and cleaning a room here and there, his routine had been suddenly adjusted; now, while he still needed to do everything he was doing before, his servant duties consisted of accompanying the chosen Wife Of The Day.

Or, well, that’s how one of the higher ranking staff had put it, that he was to attend to whatever wife Lord Luo decided to entertain for the day, but honestly, SY was starting to suspect that that had been a convoluted way for Binghe to have SY around whenever he wanted, which…. Was frankly quite worrying! To have the golden protagonist keep his eyes glued on his back almost every second they were in the same room, which - if SY looked back- usually led to Binghe looking away in a (bad) attempt to pretend he wasn’t glaring daggers at SY was more than enough for SY to think the Emperor was probably plotting his demise.

What else could it be? Specially with the way Binghe’s hand seemed to always be lightly tugging at the tassel on his hair every time SY caught him looking, he suspects Binghe had caught onto SY not actually being a servant, and instead that weird guy he saw before he fell into hell that one time. What if Binghe thought SY was somehow involved into the Abyss Incident?? Lord Luo, please have mercy on this servant!

Though, maybe the strangest part of it all, was that sometimes Binghe and SY would just… talk. Usually when the Wife Of The Day was doing something else (e.g. playing music for her husband, or practicing archery, or doing anything that didn’t involve LBH 100% at her side), Binghe would just start musing out loud about the strangest things. It started with questions that were all fair to ask, like ‘How come this servant is a human in the demon realm’, or ‘How come this servant has such short hair’ (SY bullshitted something about being a former slave) but eventually it shifted to questions that were a bit more… random. Or, well, not even questions, musings that Binghe muttered out loud but clearly wanted SY’s input.

It started with minimal things, like Binghe wondering about some type of monster he wanted to fight but he forgot how to do it without damaging the fur too much, which, after a minute of silence and a not-so-subtle look at SY, led to SY nerding out and saying not only the monsters weakness, but what could be done with every important part of the body. Though, the day after that SY realized how strange it was that Binghe was wondering that out loud, since he only fought that monster well into his time as an Emperor, and he swore he remembered one of the wives gushing about her new bracelet that was made from the rare bones of that creature just a few days ago…

Anyways, it continued with questions of similar nature: musings on how to kill a monster Binghe would have no problem killing, to what he should eat for dinner, to what gift should he get for Wife Of The Day. Of course, SY answered all the ‘questions’, and sometimes they even made it to having an actual conversation! Sure, it was a little stilted, SY could not figure out for the life of him why the great Lord Luo was interacting with a random servant, but one day it all finally clicked to him. Binghe had been in the middle of ‘musing’ about hair oils(??), when SY couldn’t help but interrupt him:

“Ah…. Apologies if this lowly servant is overstepping, My Lord, but does My Lord just want someone to talk to?”

A few emotions flashed through Binghe's face quickly enough for SY to not be able to decifer any of them, but eventually landing on a sheepish smile. "This Lord has been found out."

Oh, how cute! And how sad! SY had noticed when SQH was just showing him his shitty story how sad that LBH, even after getting the world to bow at his feet, never really had friendships. Sure, he still had all the love he could want, but sometimes people need friends to talk to, not lovers!

While he knew that he shouldn't interact with characters in world overlooked by the System unless they were transmigrators, SY couldn't help but feel that the situation was dire enough that LBH would turn to a no-name servant in this time of desperation. And it would be a great opportunity to study Xin Mo more closely as well! If SY showed LBH the wonders of friendship, maybe he could pass by his supervisor that he only had to do what was necessary for this world to not implode on itself.

Besides, who could even say no to such a handsome man such as LBH? Is as the old saying goes: what the protagonist wants, he shall have.

*

SY's friendship plan has been going great! After figuring out Binghe's intentions, it seems all of the protagonists reservations flew out the window, and SY was now responsible for being Binghe's personal retainer. Not that that meant too much, since Binghe liked to bend the rules to his liking, and some tasks that should be SY's responsability sometimes were pushed to another servant or Binghe himself made them (which, ???)

Mostly, SY stood at Binghe's side, served tea, was used so Binghe could bounce ideas off of someone, and tended to finer details. All of that very much manageable, if not for the weird mood swings LBH would have sometimes. Yuan, as he has told Binghe was his name after being too scared of the repercutions of using 'Shen', was to accompany him all the time, but sometimes not all the time, or else LBH would get moody; Yuan was to listen to LBH's ideas and plans, and should always comment back or else Binghe would feel neglected, but not too much or else, as LBH had put it, could 'bring back bad memories'; Yuan was to tend to LBH's night routine, even as far as to brush his hair, and if he refused LBH (again) get all moody, but he couldn't brush too much, and he had to do at least one braid but NEVER touch the old, frizzy braid that still had that damn tassle-

Honestly, it was a careful game of balance, which reminded SY more often than not of a child that got mad when their older sibling didn't quite understand the redundant rules they made for a make-believe. Any other person would get fed up, and probably scared of Binghe's constant mood swings, but SY had him all figured out, and his resilience proved to be useful time and time again, since most of the time after his sour mood passed, Binghe would come crawling back with the most pitiful face ever, and what was SY to do? As LBH's friend, it was his duty to hug him and pat his head! (And no one could judge him for that, since if he didn't pat Binghe's head, his mood would plummet all over again.)

Though... SY did feel kind of bad. He wouldn't be able to stay with Binghe forever, and would even need to potentially steal his all-powerful sword for a little bit so everything wouldn't get corrupted. Honestly, the only thing keeping SY from worrying about being labled as a traitor and potentially getting killed was that he would just go back to the System's office and go on with his life.

*

LBH, eventually, caught onto SY's plan on leaving - really, it was only a matter of time. After that fateful encounter with that other SQQ, LBH had found himself in rather pitiful state, questioning everything he knew until that moment and wondering why he couldn't achieve that happiness, and desperately trying to search for a SQQ of his own. He had contemplated going back to that first world, but what would it even matter? Even if he took SQQ by force, his heart would still be with that other LBH, and Binghe couldn't bear the thought that he wouldn't be everything in SQQ's world, as he had become for LBH.

Specially after Meng Mo had one day interupted his carefully crafted dream of an idelic world and pointed out some curious memories he'd almost forgotten about. That day, when back in his childhood, when he'd been beaten up by a buch of older kids and hallucinated a man in strange clothes before passing out and waking up protected from the rain. Or when he thought he'd lost his jade pendant forever, only to magically appear in the cabin later.

Or the strange man in the Immortal Alliance Conference.

After SQQ- SJ , that good-for-nothing scum- pushed him to the Abyss, he tried his best to never think about that day again, too scared by how weak he'd been, pleading to man that would sell his soul for one more night at that brothel of his if he could, but now... Now that he could mold his dreamscape any way he wanted, he could look back with a clear mind, which eventually led to the conclusion: It must have been the same person. The same strangely dressed man that helped him in his childhood somehow appeared at the Immortal Alliance again, and even had left provisions right next to where Binghe had fallen.

He'd convinced himself, after many, many years of wishing for a miracle, that he's simply imagined the man, one last thread to keep himself from going insane, but after meeting the other SQQ...

And then Yuan came in. A new servant that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

It took some observation, and a lot preparing himself to face dissapointment that maybe he was just projecting, putting the image of someone else onto a random man, but that day, when LBH was wondering if he was just wasting time, that that beautiful dream of having his version of SQQ would not happen any time in this world, that maybe he really should just go look at other worlds; after all, if it happened once, it had to happen again, right? Not that it mattered in the end, since while he spireled, much to Xin Mo's pleasure, an umbrella was put over his head, and all his doubts had washed away.

Yuan had to be his version of SQQ, it had to be. And after all his effort of getting close to him, after going so far to keep Yuan at his side, even if he still battled with that his perception of SJ and the other SQQ sometimes overlapping with Yuan's image, even if he still wasn't ready to let go of that one braid, he was becoming more and more sure in his assumption that his SQQ had come to him. Everything was going as planned, and LBH was in track to finally begin to properly court him, and yet-

He was sure Yuan wanted to leave. He wasn't sure why, not how he would do that, maybe just dissapear like he had all those years ago and either only appear again 5, 10, 100 years in the future or go back to wherever he came from in the first place. But LBH knew Yuan wanted to leave, that he needed to complete whatever mission he had (after LBH managed to pry that out of his dreams, which where another source of confusion, with how absurdly difficult they were to even get a grasp of), and that, under any circumstances, he could let Yuan escape his sight.

Not again. Never again.

Binghe had become even stickier in the last few weeks. Not that SY minded, it was very cute to see such a different side from the cool, badass Lord Luo, but SY was running out of time. Since Binghe became stickier, his mood swings had worsened even more, now not wanting SY to be anywhere that Binghe wasn't, and Xin Mo seemed to be thriving off of whatever was making Binghe extra protective, though it was becoming a genuine problem now, since Binghe suddenly refused to see any of his wive's to deal with the Xin Mo problem, and he seemed to be on the verge of qi deviation at all times.

In fact, the only reason Binghe hadn't already qi deviated was because SY was abusing his Personal System and chipping away at the qi deviation in Binghe's night routine, since it was the only time where he was physically very close to Binghe and could spend long periods of time manually coding away at the System screen without it looking suspicious.

But, as if that wasn't enough of a problem, since Xin Mo was having the time of it's life recently, the virus clinging to the sword was also getting stronger, leaving even more residuals all along the castle and bordering on infecting Binghe himself.

His Scissors where thankfully, repaired, and his sweet, sweet manager was even kind enough to send him some extra energy supplies, but at the rate the virus was spreading, he was worrying that he would have to deal with the source as soon as possible or else it would become to strong to deal with it in a non-destructive way.

He... Didn't want to leave Binghe just yet, specially since he wanted SY's attention more than ever recently, but...

No, he needed to do this; their time together was never supposed to be eternal anyways, and if he let the virus spread, he would only be putting LBH's life in danger, and he couldn't continue living with himself after that. He decided he would fix the virus at night, while Binghe slept, and by the next morning he would be gone - he would have, after all, just enough energy to go back to the office.

He just hoped Binghe would be able to forgive him later.

When night came, and SY got to doing the usual night preparations, it just felt like an extra needle being stabbed in his heart when, while brushing Binghe's hair, Binghe looks back uncharacteristicly anxious, and asks if SY can undo the braid and remake it. SY does, and if Binghe notices SY takes extra long to pamper him that night, he says nothing.

When SY is sure Binghe is asleep, he sneaks out of his room and heads to back to Binghe's. Yeah, maybe he stalls a bit with snipping off every piece of the residual virus he came across, but one could argue he was just being extra thorough with his job.

The excuse, unfortunately, didn't last long and eventually he found himself in front of Binghe's room, staring at the door as if he was about to be sentenced to death. After a few minutes of reminding himself that he needed to do this, he took a deep breath and slowly opened the doors. Binghe usually slept with the sword perched right beside his bed, so SY would probably have to use the System and put Binghe in an extra deep sleep if he wanted to make sure the other didn't wake-

The moment he places a foot inside, though, he realizes something is wrong; the room is empty, Binghe is not asleep in his bed and Xin Mo is not besides the bed. Oh, oh no, had Binghe-

"A-Yuan." Binghe says, and SY nearly jumps as he turns around. There LBH stands in the middle of the hallway, not even in his sleeping robes, with a hand clutched tightly on Xin Mo's handle. His eyes are watery but no tears spill.

SY tries to speak but finds he doesn't even know what to say, he can't even try to deny that he's up to something, since his gigantic Scissors are just out an about. Still, he tries to make Binghe understand, say that he needs to do this, and after this Binghe won't have to worry about anything anymore. Though it barely seems like Binghe is listening, and eventually just cuts in when SY starts to say anything in his panic.

"This is what A-Yuan wants, right?" He asks, extending one arm and presenting the glitched out Xin Mo. SY doesn't even have the chance to find an excuse, as Binghe immediately continues. "Than take it."

"Wh- Huh?" "Take it."

He's so shocked he almost drops his Scissors. What does he mean 'take it'??? Binghe has to know everything that's at stake here! He doesn't even know what SY wants to do with it! He tries to say that, how Binghe shouldn't just hand the sword to anyone like that, but a sudden burst of energy set his priorities straight. Shit- The virus! It's growing by the second, at this point SY will have to cut Xin Mo-

"...Binghe, I-" "I don't care what A-Yuan wants with Xin Mo! Take it, use it, break it if you want, I don't care! But if A-Yuan takes it, than he will have to stay." "Binghe, that's not..." "Why not?! That's your goal, right? Do whatever it is that you want to do with Xin Mo? Than here you go, A-Yuan can do it, but I won't let you leave me again."

SY can't even mask when his eyes dart towards the tassle on Binghe's new braid. Binghe just clenched his jaw, but it feels like confirmation enough.

He adjusts his grip on the Scissors, and, as he has nothing else to hide, dispels the System's illusion, his simple clothes glitching out to reveal the System's uniform. Binghe's eyes fill even more with tears, but none fall."

"I... I'll have to go back, Binghe." "No." "Binghe, listen to me, I-" "No. No! A-Yuan will get Xin Mo, and then he will stay." "I-" "You will stay! I can't-" Binghe can't even finish his sentence before he has to choke out a sob.

The virus starts warping the air around it, and slowly crawling up Binghe's arm. SY's decision has practically been made for him. He lifts the Scissors. Binghe pushes Xin Mo forward.

"...I'll come back." "A-Yuan-" "I'll come back, Binghe." One single tear falls and his arm jerks, not knowing if he trusts SY's words or not. He still his arm as the Scissor blades encircle Xin Mo.

"A-Yuan..." "I'll come back, I promise." "..." "I promise."

"......Okay."

Shen Yuan cuts Xin Mo.

[ladykailitha]

Spellbound Part 1

Normally I would post Caged Bird today, but this has a much larger backlog, sooo! Happy himbo witch time!

Summary: It's a quiet, idyllic life in the town of Hawkins. For everyone but Eddie Munson. You see, his look and cottage scream witch. The long, curly, dark curls, the black clothes, and dark and broody cottage all point to Eddie as a witch. But no. That title belongs to Steve Harrington down the way. In bright and cheery house, dressed in green and a sunny disposition. Things start turn in the town when Chrissy shows up on Eddie's doorstep thinking he's the witch.

~

Eddie Munson was everything one expected a witch to look like. He had long, curly, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. He wore dark makeup and painted his nails black. In addition to the only color palette liked was reds and blacks, he wore lots of jewelry, including many things that people associated with witches like pentagrams, animal teeth, and beads.

The house he shared with his Uncle Wayne was light grey, ramshackle, little cottage with black roof, door, and trim. The front of the house was overgrown with vines and wild flowers.

So he really shouldn’t be surprised when people would knock on the door looking for a witch.

He opened the door with a sigh. “Can I help you?” he asked the stranger.

She was pretty thing, a little younger than him. She had bright green eyes and her strawberry blonde hair was neatly arranged on the top of her head. She wasn’t very tall, but her green dress gave her long lines.

“I need a love charm?” she asked with a blush. “I just want to know if the man my father wants me to marry is the right one, you know?” She twisted her handkerchief nervously in her hands.

Eddie sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “The witch lives two houses down and across the street. Great big sign that reads: ‘Harrington Witchery, charms, curses, and wishes performed here’.”

She looked down the way at the bright yellow house surrounded by neat plants and the perfect ray of sunlight on the door and then back at him in confusion. The door opened and the witch stepped out. He had honey colored hair and hazel eyes. He wore bright blue robes today and had the sunniest smile.

Eddie could feel his face flush as the witch waved over at both of them.

“Here he comes,” he said with a pinch of dismay.

“Hi,” the witch said brightly. “Are you looking for the witch?”

The young woman looked back at Eddie and then at the witch. “Yes?”

“Fantastic!” he said beaming at her. “I’m Steve Harrington, witch extraordinaire. Please to meet you!”

“Chrissy Cunningham,” she said shyly. “I was wanting a love charm?”

“I’d be happy to help you with that,” he said putting his arm over her shoulder, “let’s leave the grumpy Gus to his music playing, shall we?”

Eddie huffed. “That’s Mr. Grumpy Gus to you!”

Someone smacked him on the back of the head. “Don’t you go antagonizing the man who makes my arthritis medicine, boy.”

Steve stopped and turned around. “When do you need a top off on that, by the way?”

“I’m running a bit low,” Wayne admitted. “It was bit rougher this week with that huge storm we had.”

Steve nodded. “I’ll be over with the packet after I’m done with Chrissy.”

“I’ll have the tea ready for you,” Wayne said with a fond smile.

~

Chrissy looked around the house as he led her through to the back of the house. It was neat and tidy with every clearly labeled in a neat cursive hand. There was something bubbling on the fire, but from the smell it was probably dinner and not a potion. She could smell the beef and vegetables.

There were two rooms off the one side and the privy to the other. It was everything the opposite you would expect of a witch’s house. The animals on the other hand fit. One was a raven sitting in the windowsill being fed by a beautiful woman dressed in a dark blue gown. The other was a Tortoiseshell cat with bright green eyes, who meowed at her and jumped away.

“Merlin!” Steve admonished. “Be nice.”

The cat stopped in its hasty retreat and meowed back at him.

“Well she can’t help that,” he answered as if he understood what the cat was saying. “Now, run along and actually catch the mouse that has been stealing your food.”

Merlin meowed again and was off.

“He’ll never catch that mouse,” the woman said.

The raven crowed, seemingly in agreement.

“Then you catch it, Circe,” Steve huffed, hands on hips. “I know you can and you complaining about Merlin’s abilities doesn’t catch the mouse any faster.”

The raven crowed and flew off, causing the woman to laugh. “She won’t catch it either.”

“Yes,” Steve agreed, “but with her it’ll be because she doesn’t like being told what to do and not because she can’t.”

Chrissy shifted nervously from one foot to the other. “So about that love charm?” she asked tentatively.

Steve jumped. “Oh! Oh my god! I got so wrapped up in familiar politics I nearly forgot you were there. Here, just let me...” he began gathering supplies.

Some twine, a bit of silk, some herbs and oddly a couple of flowers too. Ivy, lilac and pansy. He swiftly made them into a doll and handed it to her. “A lock of your hair, and snip of your petticoat will finish the job. Then whisper into its ear all the things you want in your true love. Then the next time you touch your betrothed, you will know if he is your true love.”

“That’s all?” Chrissy asked, staring down at the doll, no bigger than her palm.

“Yep!” he said brightly. “Robin will help you with the hair and petticoat. I’ll be in the front room preparing Wayne’s medicine.”

Chrissy blushed and nodded. Robin stood up and wandered over to the desk to grab the scissors.

“Are you a witch, too?” Chrissy asked as she held still for Robin to clip a bit of her petticoat.

Robin stood up with a smile. “Not yet, but I hope to be. Steve is teaching me. I’m still a little clumsy with the potions but I’m good with the herbs. Steve says that I could be a hedge witch!”

“Oh!” Chrissy cried. “I didn’t know there were different kinds of witch. What kind is Steve?”

“The tired kind!” Steve huffed from the front room.

Robin giggled. “Don’t make me laugh when I’m about to cut her hair!” she admonished.

Steve looked over his shoulder and gave her a completely unrepentant grin. Robin huffed and gently took a bit of curl from the base of her head near the neck. She took the doll back from Chrissy and tied both pieces to the doll.

“Now,” she said brightly, “just whisper all your wants and desires for a future soulmate. It’s actually good you’re doing it now. A lot of people do it as kids with childish hopes and dreams which isn’t great for adult relationships.”

Steve came into the room dusting his hands off on a towel. “That’s unfair,” he huffed. “It’s not childish, it’s childlike. And who knows love better than someone who hasn’t been taught to hate yet.”

Chrissy tilted her head to the side. “I think I’m with Steve on that one, Robin.”

“Yeah, well,” Robin said rolling her eyes and stepping back. “Doing it as a child hasn’t done Mr. Witch over here any good. He had his made by his mom when he was seven and fifteen years later, he still hasn’t found his true love.”

Steve threw the towel over one shoulder and put both hands on his hips. “I still maintain that it’s because I’m witch and can’t get out much that’s why I haven’t found them yet.”

“I still thi–” Robin began and then was cut off with a wave Steve hand. She glared at him.

“It won’t last very long,” Steve growled, “but long enough that Miss Cunningham won’t be here for that particular argument.”

“She thinks you’ve already met your true love?” Chrissy surmised.

Robin jumped up and down and nodded with a huge grin.

“Robin is operating under the delusion that the goth down the road is my soulmate,” Steve huffed putting his hands back on his hips. “Never mind, it’s a guy, he absolutely hates me because people keep mistaking my house for his.”

Chrissy blushed a deep red. “Yeah, sorry about that. But it’s the commonly held belief that witches are–”

Steve held up his hand. “I’m going to stop you there. I won’t gag you like I did Robin. But I don’t know where those ‘commonly held beliefs’ come from, but witches have never worn black or had black cats or flew on brooms. Hedge witches in particular favor nature’s colors of blues and greens and browns. But you’re all set to go.”

Chrissy recognized the dismissal that it was and turned to leave. She barely got a single step when she turned around.

“What about payment?” she asked, uncertain. “Surely you need something in payment.”

Steve’s eyes seemed to glow gold for a moment as he spoke. “There is no need to pay for a love charm, there being more love in the world is enough for the spell. And it is only spell that does so.”

“Your other charms and spells have payments?” she asked, now a little nervous.

“Most of them require a trade or a simple favor,” Steve said, seriously, “like running an errand for me. But if you ask for a potent charm, one would almost call a wish, that is all you will get from me. You’ll never be able to find my house ever again. You’ll see me around town and I can visit you. But you require some powerful magic, then that’s it. I will not be used to fix every problem you see fit.”

Chrissy gulped and nodded. She clutched the doll to her chest and ran off.

“Steve...” Robin said, darkly. “There was no need to frighten her.”

Steve leveled her with a glare. She backed off, hands in the air in surrender. He stomped back to his potion, the small cottage darkening with his foul mood. The raven flew into through the window and landed on his shoulder, rubbing her beak on his temple.

“I’m fine, Circe,” Steve mumbled, scratching the raven’s neck. “I think Merlin was right about her. She wasn’t here for a good reason. I think she just wanted to prove to everyone that Master Carver’s son isn’t her soulmate. I don’t think she’s actually interested in finding true love.”

The raven crowed and cawed.

“Of course you caught the mouse,” he huffed, gently shaking his head not to dislodge her from his shoulder. “What did you do with it?”

Circe cawed again and Steve laughed. “Of course you did. Merlin is probably pouting. He’ll play with its corpse once he’s done.”

The raven made a sound suspiciously like laughter and then flew away. Robin came up and put her hand on his shoulder and then pulled him into a hug.

“I heard what you told Circe,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “You’re right of course. Merlin, too. She was trying to hard to believe in your magic. She was just looking for an excuse not to marry dickface.”

“That’s Master Dickface to you,” Steve teased halfheartedly.

Robin snorted. “Yeah well. That’s probably the last we see of her. He’ll turn out to be her soulmate, she’ll be forced to marry him and she’ll live in the ivory tower the rest of her days.”

He let out a shuddering breath. “I’m heading over to visit Wayne to deliver his medicine. I’ll be back later.”

She grinned and jumped up and down. “Maybe the hottie gothy will be there and you’ll finally touch and it’ll be...” she clutched her hands together and batted her eyelashes, “true love!”

He pushed her off of him and wrapped up the blue packets of medicine. He paused for a moment and then took a jar of Mrs. Henderson’s homemade raspberry jam and added it to the basket.

Robin took a loaf of bread from the cooling rack and wrapped it up. “There you go, little yellow riding hood! Of to Wayne’s you go! Don’t let the big bad goth eat you!”

~

Part 2

Tag List: TEN OPEN SLOT REMAINING

1- @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog @sadisticaltarts @dolphincliffs

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @cryptid-system @kultiras

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @dreamercec @blondie1006

5- @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @genderless-spoon @fearieshadow @thesecondfate

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

[kpopwerewolf]

This is why sometimes we actually just drop the pronoun altogether. Rather than saying something like "I came across this post on Tumblr" we'll often just say "Came across this post on Tumblr"

So far no one's questioned it, even when Justin awkwardly dropped the pronoun in the middle of a sentence (it was something that Skye had done, not him, and it went something like "Yeah so then decided probably better to just walk away" [idk if that's the situation he was talking about or not; just needed a filler and that's what I thought of])

Plurality is so weird sometimes because sometimes you go to refer to yourself and it’s like. I? we? wei? I/we? I/[headmate]? I (blurry)? I (system “I”)? all of these feel subtly different and sometimes figuring out which one to use in a given moment is weirdly difficult

[alexandraisyes]

500 FOLLOWERS

Wow. 500 of you. That number feels surreal, especially after everything these past few months. (Don't scroll away there's a surprise at the bottom of the post.)

In July, I faced harassment over a rumor about being hired as a TSAMS writer. In August and September, it escalated—stalking, harassment, and widespread slander over SolarNexus, a ship I don’t even ship. October brought betrayal as someone I trusted turned out to be a predator, slandering our friend group, faking their death, and running away upon confrontation. Last month, I had to take a stand against someone sharing NSFW with minors, leading to more slander and harassment.

Now it’s December, and honestly, fandom discourse feels inevitable. But you know what? I don’t care.

This community has been so supportive to me throughout this. I have grown close with friends, made new ones, and gained so many supporters and I don't know how to say thank you enough. I've reached so many of my goals for this year, and there's always going to be more work to do.

I'm starting a new fic. I'm updating my old ones. I'm making art for a voice actor. I'm a mod in the community server. And I'm finally working on a project again that I started in August.

I’ve been really hesitant to show this project off on main, beyond reblogging things here and there. I won’t reveal which character I specifically play—though it probably wouldn’t be hard to guess.

This project started as a way to support the mod who plays Lunar, who was receiving harassment simply for enforcing their boundaries. Yes, you read that right—they were harassed because they didn’t want to post negative confessions. When we saw that happening, my friends and I got together, and I said, “Haha, wouldn’t it be so cool if we just made a bunch of confession blogs to dunk on the haters and roleplay and shit?”

Within 24 hours, two new blogs popped up. One hasn’t done anything to hurt me, so I won’t name them, but we all know who they are. The second? Biased-tsams-confessions—a blog that was one of the leading forces behind the harassment I faced in August. They would flip their lid if they knew I was the leading force behind TSBS CVAU and remain its head administrator and manager. Honestly? That makes me even prouder of this project.

Of course, I couldn’t do this alone. A huge thank you to my partner in crime, @lyrical-hue, who has been my rock throughout this journey. They’ve helped smooth out the bumps along the way, making sure I don’t handle everything solo.

I’m so excited to finally share this project with my fanbase publicly. We’re expanding our world and currently looking for new members to join the group! If you’re interested, you can apply here:

Okay so now the real question. How am I celebrating this milestone? The past two times I made a post like this I did a raffle (one of which I'm still finishing the artwork for). This time I'd like to do something different.

I want to make some free emotes for the community. My community. To give back some of the support I've been given.

To be applicable for this, reblog this post with references of your character designs, AU designs, OCs, or sonas. As many as you want. They can be your own characters, or personal designs for preexisting characters. Or even just. Characters. I will literally just take canon designs of characters too. I'll even take requests for my own designs. As you can see there are a LOT of emotes there, so I need a LOT of characters from the community.

RULES:

Characters must be submitted through REBLOGS

You do not get to choose which emote is made, I do, I'm doing this for free after all

You HAVE to be following me, this is an event to celebrate my followers after all.

And uh, yeah that's kinda it. If you want to join the discord you can join here:

[cocodotgreen]

Simynthos - (almost) cc-free

With all testing done I am happy to share with you the (almost) cc-free version of Simynthos today! I was actually surprised by how quickly it could be transformed, and I have to say I'm very happy with how it turned out!

For this version I removed all decorative cc. The only cc you now need for full functionality are the rabbit hole rugs. The lots are so small, there wouldn't have been nearly enough room for the in game rabbit holes. The rabbit hole rugs can be downloaded here.

I still recommend using the performance mods from the original post here, just to make things a little more smooth and enjoyable during gameplay. But they are not strictly necessary. You could also go completely vanilla (more on that below).

There are a couple of things to note:

Some of the double beds are placed against a wall and therefore only one sim can sleep in them now. You can replace them with the one sided beds for two sims, the ones I used in the original version, if you like. The mattresses by sketchbook pixels can be found here, and some nice custom bed frames from @aroundthesims can be found here.

I did make use of @omedapixel's S3DT (Sims 3 Decorator Tool) in two or three places, just to place decorative items on surfaces where they cannot be placed in a vanilla game. You do NOT need the mod for these items to stay in place, as long as you don't move them when redecorating. Then they may slip back into normal mode and you will only be able to place them back with the mod. But it's only in a couple of places, so even if that happens, it will not have a significant impact on your game.

Replacing some of the cc did result in some interactive items not being usable at first, but I hope I caught all of those cases during the (quite extensively 😉) play-testing. So now all interactive items should be usable. If you find any place where an item can't be reached by the sims, please notify me and I will update the world.

How does it run?

I have tested this version of Simynthos in two scenarios: With the routing optimization mods I recommended for the original version (that's the save all the screenshots are from 😉), but also in a completely vanilla game, playing just a small family with one child, and it actually ran pretty well on my gaming laptop, even without any routing improvement mods (my game is optimized though)! If you're going completely vanilla, it may get a bit annoying in some places though, with sims not being able to pass each other, and toddlers not being able to be put down on the ground due to lack of space. But if you do not want to use any mods at all, it would probably still be playable with a small household that doesn't host huge parties 😉

Thanks again to the creators who have made this world possible:

Thanks to @nilxis, the creator of „Sa Pineda“, for the beautiful base to this world. The island on which Simynthos was build is entirely their creation. I did not change the island itself or the terrain painting outside the lots (except for some places where I placed the walkways/paths). All credit for that goes to them! You can find the original version here. Also make sure to check out their other worlds, while you‘ re at it. They are some of my favorite worlds!

Thanks to @nornities for their extremely helpful CAW guide here. Unfortunately I only found this guide when Simynthos was almost finished. I could have avoided some of the mistakes I made, had I found it sooner!

Some of you may know, that I am not the first to make a Greek version of Sa Pineda. Back in 2016 Vendela created Simtorini. This super cute world has the typical blue and white houses another Greek island, Santorini, is famous for. Go check it out here.

Download Simynthos (almost) cc-free

Link to original post for Simynthos (version with cc)

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

How I would re-write Stella Goetia, Backstory + Season 1

Probably my most popular posts on this blog are about Stella from Helluva Boss. I like to talk about her because I think she had the potential to be a really nuanced character, and I really would’ve loved to see her and Stolas have a more complicated relationship.

So I’d like to talk about the direction I would’ve taken her characterization and story in.

I do need to stress that this is NOT a writing “fix-it” post. Canon Stella may be an evil bitch, but she’s MY evil bitch and I LOVE HER. I’ve already talked quite at length about how her character and conflict with Stolas being purely black and white is not a bad story decision, but to me is less interesting than having a grey or nuanced conflict.

I just want to go over a rough outline of what I would’ve done with her as a character. Just because it’s different, doesn’t mean it’s better or is “fixing” the canon story. I also am not trying to make Stella inherently more sympathetic/likable/or “woobify” her—this is just a ROUGH outline of what I’d do to flesh Stella out as a person, and ideas I’ve had for her character that would make her (and her relationships with Stolas and Via) more appealing to me personally.

I just really wish Stella had gotten more depth, and wanted to talk about it.

(LONG) Rewrite Summary below!!!

While I think there’s also an interesting re-write where Stella and Stolas are not in an arranged marriage, and may explore this idea as well, this time around I am going to be sticking with the canon background that their marriage was arranged.

Instead of having Stella be an evil heartless spoiled child who strangles puppies, I would give her a very strict upbringing where from birth she was groomed to be the “perfect noblewoman and wife”—I would base her upbringing and the expectations placed on her on what was expected of Regency noblewomen.

Basically, Stella would be raised to be able to run the house/estate when Stolas was away, be accomplished in the “domestic arts” (hosting events such as parties and balls, being able to do embroidery and other hobbies “befitting” of her class, and being involved in charitable efforts). She would be taught to be quiet, graceful, courteous, and to always anticipate the needs of her husband.

Stella’s “true” personality as a young child would be boisterous, loud, and precocious. Stella loved playing outside, singing loudly, and dancing.

She would have gotten in trouble with her parents often due to this (“Dancing for fun is what the poor do, Darling. You should only dance to find a suitable husband”) and would be punished by her Father by his ordering the rest of the family and their staff to ignore Stella completely and act like she didn’t exist. This would usually result in Stella acting out even more to try and MAKE everyone pay attention to her, until she’d get too tired to continue and start acting “proper” (I.e. quiet, not speaking too loud or speaking out of turn, being obedient, etc.)

Her relationship with Andrealphus would have been strained, as he would have been the “golden child” while Stella would be the scapegoat. I’d also like to give Stella magic fire powers. Because honestly why does Andre get Ice Magic and Stolas get space magic and Stella is the same type of demon as them apparently and gets nothing??? Boring.

Maybe this is basic, but honestly I love characters with fire powers who have to learn to control them. As child, Stella would have difficulty controlling her fire abilities, and would be not be taught how to use or maintain her powers, but would be taught to suppress them.

As an aside—again, I’m not giving Stella a traumatic childhood to make her more likable and more pitiable. I have two reasons I’m giving her this backstory—1) I believe that even people with great parents still end up with some childhood trauma, because being alive and growing up *is* traumatic. And 2) I think that there’s a lot of pretty good evidence that ROYAL upbringings, and the expectations and restrictions that come with them, are especially traumatic in a very particular and very intense way.

Doesn’t mean that they’re not extremely privileged, but that privilege also doesn’t take away that trauma.

I think it’s very realistic for both Stella AND Stolas, as children of royalty and nobility, to have a lot of childhood trauma surrounding their upbringings, and that’s something I really want to explore in my rewrite—how they cope with their traumas and how it impacts their relationship and their ability to raise their daughter and navigate conflict.

By an older teen to young adult, she would have learned how to behave as a “perfect noblewoman”. This is when she would meet Stolas for the first time (with a a Chaperone of course).

There would be a little bit of time shortly before and after their marriage where they would have their “honeymoon” period—both Stella and Stolas were very infatuated with each other and mistook that infatuation for “true love”.

This time where they were extremely infatuated with each other would last about a year, after which they would slowly begin to realize that the idealized images they had of one another was false. They would start to argue more, have a harder time compromising etc. until they finally realized they fell out of love, and maybe were never in love in the first place.

Even though the two of them would have come to this realization, it would be separately, and due to their upbringings (where you don’t really talk about your feelings and push them down) they would NOT talk to each other about it.

This would be the first big crack in their relationship, and they would both have a lot of guilt over it.

I like the idea of the two of them really, really want to stay in love with each other, but after they get to TRULY know each other they just…never fully “click”. They realize they don’t have the same interests, they can’t really find anything to talk about, and they just. They don’t stay in love.

Stella would be very in denial about her true feelings after this turning point, and would still try to convince herself that she really loves Stolas. She would have a lot of deeply buried guilt over not loving him, and see it as a failure of her “duties” as his wife.

After this, they would find a way to keep their relationship would be cordial and respectful, but it would always tinged by an unspoken awkwardness. It would be almost business-like in nature, and they would start spending more and more time apart.

To cope with this lackluster relationship that they were both now stuck in, Stolas would throw himself fully into his duties (which I would want to show a little more of…seriously what does…what does he do??? What does he use the grimoire for????) and Stella would do the same—throwing herself into her duties as the lady of the house and a Goetia Princess.

Stella would host parties and balls, she’d make sure manor was always clean and orderly, she’d become a patron of the arts.

The basis of their relationship would become one of them sticking to the roles that were thrust upon them since birth.

Things WOULD change for the better though after Octavia’s birth.

Because for a while, Stolas and Stella would have something, someone, that brought them together, that they both loved and cared for dearly.

Something that Stella and Stolas would have spoken about before having Octavia is that they did NOT, under any circumstance, want to raise Via like they were raised.

As I already went over, both Stella and Stolas would have dealt with abuse and neglect growing up—Stolas’ abuse stems from his parents being LARGELY absent in his life and him being very neglected as a child, while Stella’s stems from her parents being extremely controlling and giving her very little, if any, freedom.

They would firmly agree on letting Via be her own person, on making time for her, on not putting too many expectations on her.

And, in this rewrite, I would not have them be abusive or neglectful parents. But I would have them be very flawed parents, whose own traumatic upbringings negatively affect their ability to raise Via.

I would want to explore Stella and Stolas fighting to break the cycle of abuse they went through, but still struggling because they don’t have a good frame of reference for what being a good parent looks like.

Stolas doesn’t realize that he’s not always giving Octavia all the time with him she needs, because in his eyes he’s spending tons of time with her—it doesn’t occur to him that he’s actually being neglectful towards her, because to him, spending any long amount of time with her is more than he ever got from his father. He’ll spend time with her, and talk to her, but not really LISTEN to what she’s saying she needs, and doesn’t understand why she doesn’t like the things she used to, or is mad at him for not taking more time for her.

Stella doesn’t realize she’s still being controlling or pushing her expectations onto Octavia by making passive aggressive comments suggesting she wear more “appropriate” or “feminine” clothing, or take up a “nicer” hobby like needlepoint and drop taxidermy. She gives Via the freedom to choose what she wants to do, but doesn’t fully SUPPORT those choices, and doesn’t understand why that’s so important, since in the end Octavia is still enjoying freedoms that Stella only dreamed of as a child.

Still, they manage to be a fairly functional and loving family towards Octavia. And Stolas and Stella maintain their cordial and business like relationship for Octavia’s sake, and to keep up appearances.

During Octavia’s teen years, when she’s 14-17, is when more cracks begin to show—Stella and Stolas have been keeping their relationship together, but it’s stagnating more and more. Stolas throws himself even more into his duties with the stars (or whatever) and Stella begins to become gradually more and more concerned and anxious about making sure her family maintains a “perfect” reputation among the other royals of hell.

Stella begins to throw more balls and parties for Hell’s charities (if this version of hell has banks, and police and prisons, they can have charitable organizations, okay.) As her and Stolas’s anniversary starts to get closer, she begins planning a HUGE ball for Hell’s nobility to celebrate. It’s hugely important to her.

While she’s doing all of this, Stolas is beginning to have an early-to-mid-life crisis. His work and duties that used to be engaging and fun are feeling more and more like a chore, his relationship with Stella has stagnated and is purely for show, he’s getting more and more anxious about Octavia approaching adulthood, and his whole life is beginning to feel more and more claustrophobic.

So. Stolas decides to do something wild, spontaneous, and very selfish, before he loses it. On a night where Stella is attending an Opera, and Via is spending the night with friends from school*, Stolas dresses in clothes he assumes “the common folk” would wear, and goes to shady bar in IMP city, with the goal of meeting someone to hook up with.

This is where Stolas meets Blitzø. (Sorry, I’m. I’m not doing the whole “paid childhood friends for one day” background.)

They have what both assume will be a one night stand at Blitzø’s place. It goes. MUCH better than either of them would have expected sex-wise. The two start meeting up more and more when they’re able to. Stolas begins to open up more to Blitzø, but it stays VERY sexual—eventually Stolas comes clean about who he is and they start to hook up at Stolas’ place whenever Stella is out. Stolas is very much infatuated with Blitzø (and the sex they have). Blitzø thinks they’re having non-complicated fun.

During AAALLL of this is when Blitzø learns about the Grimoire, and asks if he can “borrow” it for I.M.P. Stolas is impressed with Blitzø’s confidence and drive, and agrees to let Blitzø use it anytime, with the one exception being the night of the full moon. There is no full moon “deal” beyond the agreement that Blitzø cannot accept clients on the full moon because Stolas needs the book back that night.

During all of this is ALSO when Stella begins to notice Stolas acting differently, he’s slightly more energetic, he’s spending less and less time in his study and the manor in general, he doesn’t look her in the eyes when they do have time to chat briefly. It’s odd, and she’s suspicious of SOMETHING going on but she’s not sure what.

Stolas DOES feel guilty about cheating on Stella, but justifies it by telling himself that they’re not in a “true” marriage, and it’s “just sex”, so he’s not really cheating on Stella.

The night of Stella and Stolas’s anniversary ball arrives. To Stella, everything goes as expected, and it’s a huge success.

During the ball, though, we get the same scene we get in the Circus—Blitzø gets caught trying to sneak into Stolas’ room. Instead of the guards bringing him into the party, they call Stolas outside privately to deal with it (because why would the disrupt the party by dragging a party-crasher through the middle of a fancy ball?? I didn’t really understand why they did that in the og episode)

Stolas dismisses the guards, and we learn that Blitzø has been sneaking in (with Stolas’ permission+ knowledge) to get the grimoire after the full moon when he and Stolas don’t have time to meet up in person. Like tonight.

Instead of just handing off the grimoire like usual, Stolas and Blitzø end up hooking up (mutually and wholly consensually). Stolas does not return to the party.

Stella is really concerned about how Stolas’ absence looks, especially at a ball she planned with so many high profile demon lords present, but she’s able to wave it off as Stolas feeling a little tired and retiring early, due to it being the day after his full moon duties and all.

Instead of returning to their room, that night, Stella sleeps in one of the many guest rooms. She doesn’t know where Stolas is, but she’s mad at him for leaving early without saying anything on such an important night, and is hoping not coming to their bed will send a message—she’s tired anyway and doesn’t want to get in a big fight before bed that will tire her out more.

The next morning she has tea in the garden with some close friends. And this is where we get the infamous “Sorry, I fucked your husband!” scene.

After this, well. Stella kinda loses her shit. She had been pushing down all of her negative feelings and thoughts and frustrations surrounding her life and relationship for YEARS, because in her mind, as long as she was able to maintain the facade of having a “perfect” life, it would be worth it.

And now in a moment she’s lost the thing that, after her daughter, mattered to her the most.

She essentially explodes in fury in a way Stolas has never seen before—they get in a huge argument—Stella’s fire powers come out and burn down the manor’s garden, things just really get out of hand.

So. What would follow would be most of what we see of Stella in season 1 of HB—now that that floodgate has been opened, she finds she’s struggling to control her feelings, she’s mad and sad ALL THE TIME, and she’s deeply deeply hurt in a way she didn’t know she could be.

She can’t show her face in society, she doesn’t know WHAT to say to Octavia, she can’t believe Stolas could be SO SELFISH after EVERYTHING she had done to make sure their family was in high standing—and she can’t push down her feelings anymore. She’s never been so furious in her entire life.

And so she contacts a hitman, Striker.

I really like the old fan theory that Stella hired Striker in a moment of irrationality and anger because of how hurt she was—obviously her hurt does not justify trying to have her husband MURDERED, but I like the idea that she called the hit because she was deeply hurt and unable to cope with those feelings—not because she just hates him to the core of his being and has for their entire marriage. Her anger would be a coping mechanism, if she’s so busy feeling furious she doesn’t have to actually sit with her feelings of betrayal and sadness and hurt.

From here, the rest of season one would play out like in canon, we don’t see Stella in person again, just the apparition of her in Ozzie’s.

I’m going to stop here because this post is already way too long, it it’ll help me to think more if I split it up.

If you read this far please tell me what you think! I think I’d like overall for Stella and Stolas’ relationship to mirror Blitzø and Verosika’s, or maybe become a foil to it. From here we could honestly go either way—either Stella becomes a true villain, or she becomes an antagonist turned hesitant ally like Fizz, Ozzie, and Verosika.

I can see both being interesting, so maybe I’ll do a rewrite for both. We’ll see I guess.

*it weirds me the FUCK out that we don’t know anything about what Hell’s kids do, like I assume schools exist but ???anyway in this rewrite Stella and Stolas send Octavia to a fancy private school—cause the thought of her having NO friends or social circle makes me so sad)

[demon-country]

I still remember seeing someone say that because of the penguin short they think that Blitz probably doesn't do aftercare, and I'm just like there's no way he wouldn't. There's no way he couldn't, what with Stolas' history of sex-based trauma. Not getting aftercare can be legitimately traumatizing for both the Dom and the sub, especially if they already have a history of it. And also, we've seen over and over how Blitz reacts to the sight of Stolas getting hurt or being in distress; is there really any doubt that he would do just about anything to prevent Stolas from having a sub drop?

And aftercare isn't just for subs! It's an important part of BDSM for Doms as well, and it's not like Stolas would ever not take the chance to openly show Blitz love and affection. He'd fucking jump at the chance provide comfort for Blitz and take care of him. And since Blitz was able to hide behind the excuse of "I'm just giving him what he wants to make it the best possible experience for him, so he doesn't get bored or unhappy and stop lending me the book", it was a safe way for him to both give and accept that kind of care, when he would otherwise shy away from it.

So they both would have inevitably had to provide aftercare for each other, and I can absolutely see this being part of Blitz's routine, since Stolas seems to enjoy baths in general. Blitz taking care of Stolas like this is probably almost second-nature by now, especially because Stolas is in a very delicate state of mind and can't take care of himself, similar to how he would be during a drop.

Which is to say: yes, I totally agree with both the original post and the addition! This is almost definitely something he's done before, and it's very likely that aftercare contributed heavily to the start of Blitz's romantic feelings.

Blitz taking care of Stolas after the trial gave me such "he has probably done some of these things for Stolas before as aftercare" vibes. Like it seemed so natural to him, or maybe practiced? Like he'd taken care of him before.

[begrudging-fudanshi]

So i stared reading windbreaker after i saw your post about it , it's wholesome manga with amazing fights

in your opinion Why didn't nii satoru reveal Sakura's past until now ? Why was Sakura alone ?

Hell yeah. Welcome to the fandom. I'm glad my propaganda has been working.

To be honest, I've been thinking about this series way too much over the last couple weeks, so this is probably going to be A Lot. I am dumping a lot of accumulated thoughts in here and simultaneously trying to keep a bunch of other thoughts from cluttering it up. If any of this feels disjointed, it's because I've been trying (I swear) to not make this like 10,000 words long lmao.

(CW: Wind Breaker manga spoilers + discussion of child neglect, trauma, feelings of worthlessness, parental loss, grief, and a suicide attempt in the context of the series. Hope you're ready for some pain.)

I'm going to answer your questions in reverse order, because I think they're actually very closely connected.

Sadly, my read on Sakura's past is really dark. Based on what we know so far, there's a lot to suggest that Sakura has been badly neglected for a long time, both physically and emotionally. Based on his lifestyle and the way he talks about himself, I really struggle to believe that he's received any genuine affection or care in many years, if ever. (I'm so glad he was able to go to Furin.)

The flashbacks at the start of episode 1 of the anime suggest he was taken in by relatives who didn't want him, and I think they basically set him up for failure in every way. They seem to have done the bare minimum required of them by the law, like sending him to school, but I can see no evidence that they did much of anything else. Like, what kind of asshole sends a 15-year-old kid to live alone in a barren apartment with literally nothing to wear except his school uniform? Caring people wouldn't let a kid live like that. (That said, I have a bad feeling that his lifestyle seen in chapter 56 is an upgrade compared to what he had before.)

Given this, it's clear Sakura really means it when he says he's always done things by himself. I think this is why he looks so torn up when his friends show him real kindness and why he's so sensitive to anyone showing affection. I also think this means that he really wants to forget his past. This is a big part of why we haven't seen it revealed yet: Sakura isn't ready to revisit it, himself.

---

Something interesting about Wind Breaker's backstories is that they all (as far as I and my notes can remember) follow a consistent pattern. They're not just lore dumps that tell us about the character's past. They actually follow each character through a process of changing their beliefs about themselves, often based on their view of the past. This is why they're all in the first person. Some of these changes happen in the present while others are part of flashbacks, but either way the process is basically the same.

In each backstory, the character starts out believing something about themselves that gives rise to a contradiction that keeps them trapped. This belief somehow keeps them from living their best life and, often, stops them from changing their ways to make their best life possible. However, someone else helps them challenge that belief, giving rise to a revelation that lets them change how they see themselves. This change enables them to see new possibilities and lets them move forward towards the life they want.

For example:

Umemiya believed his parents would blame him for their deaths, so he couldn't let himself grieve them nor believe that he deserved to live. His guilt blocked out his memory of the event, keeping him from remembering what really happened. However, a nameless(?) Furin student and Shitara helped him realize that his parents saved him and were happy to see him survive. Thus, he was able to grieve and imagine a future for himself other than his self-destruction.

Kaji believed that his rage was uncontrollable and couldn't even see himself as human. Hiragi helped him realize that he could manage his triggers and change his behavior to be able to find acceptance and live his life.

Tsubaki believed that she couldn't like pretty things or express herself how she wanted. Ito and Yui helped her learn to dress up and present herself the way she liked, allowing her to accept herself and transition. (I know she's not canonically transgender but that's still the best way I can see to describe it.)

After Yui's death, Ito believed that she might never have truly loved him. Tsubaki, Sakura, Suo, and Nirei help him realize the secret meaning of the tree that she planted in his garden, letting him live his life without worrying if she was truly happy.

What's important here is that the character must be ready to have their beliefs about themselves challenged so they can understand their full truth. Otherwise, their story of their past would be incomplete. (Consider what Umemiya's backstory would have sounded like if he still believed he was a murderer.) In fact, we already have an example of this that I'll get to, next.

Because Sakura isn't yet in a position to challenge the beliefs holding him back, he can't reveal his past, either. He has friends helping him, but it's going to be a while before they've truly shaken his most unhelpful beliefs.

---

That said, this process has actually played out with Sakura once before and I think it tells us a lot. It shows us exactly why he's not ready to reveal his past.

In chapter 1, Sakura starts out believing that he's meant to always be alone, leading him to initially reject the people of Makochi. Then, Kotoha helps him acknowledge that he does want to be accepted and convinces him to give it a shot. However, while this is great progress and very necessary for Sakura's growth, this isn't a complete resolution. He still has an even more deep-seated belief that has to be addressed.

In addition to asserting that he's meant to be alone, Sakura also lays out another belief in chapter 1 that I argue really gets to the root of his deepest trauma. He doesn't quite say it explicitly, but it underpins both his belief that he's meant to be alone and that he's worth nothing but his fists.

The closest he comes to naming it is when he describes Furin. He says it's "The lowest of the low, hated by all others, worth nothing but their fists … It's a battle to determine the trashiest of the trash. That suits me perfectly."

I have to admit, the first few times I heard and read this, I completely missed how fucked up it is for a 15-year-old kid to say this about himself. I think I've gotten so used to taking shonen protagonists' confident declarations at face value that I just didn't question it, in the same way I've learned not to question, say, 12-year-old Gon deciding to become a pro hunter and travel the world fighting adults. The way it's presented very deliberately (and, I think, cleverly) blunts the impact as well, making use of shonen stylistic conventions to disguise it as stereotypical shonen protagonist bluster. This mirrors how Sakura masks his deeper feelings about himself.

However, as I read through the rest of the manga, it became clear that this is what Sakura actually, deeply believes. He's 15 years old and he truly sees himself as trash—in other words, worthless. The only way he can imagine finding worth in himself is through his strength. Even then, this is only for Sakura himself. He can't let himself imagine anyone else ever valuing him for any reason, so he must find self-worth all on his own. To put it more sharply, he can't imagine deserving unconditional love. Based on what little we do know about his past, this belief stems from a lifetime of emotional neglect.

The thing is, Sakura's belief that he's worthless is actually, paradoxically, a coping mechanism. As horrible as it is, it helps him rationalize his life in a way that lets him keep living despite his neglect and isolation. If he's truly worthless, then he's never had a reason to expect being loved or accepted by anyone—he's always been meant to be alone. This is how he can tell himself that he doesn't care and has given up. This lets him bury the pain of his isolation and pretend it doesn't truly hurt. By believing that he has always been worthless and unable to be (to deserve being) loved, he has had no reason to get his hopes up for the future, nor any reason to question why he's been treated so badly in the past. He can accept it (has to accept it), even if he hates it, because it was always inevitable.

Notice how Sakura reminds himself that he's given up right before punching the Spaltips' leader in chapter 1. This is the story he tells himself to contain the hurt. He does something similar in chapter 56, reminding himself that he's supposed to be alone as he grapples with his friends' kindness. He bludgeons himself with this reminder as a way to push away thoughts about his past. He then shifts his focus to thinking about his growing care for his friends rather than his feelings about himself. Once again, Sakura makes himself turn away.

The trouble is, this belief is his only means of holding back an unfathomable amount of pain inside of him. It's the only way he knows how to live with all the myriad ways he's been treated like shit. To doubt his own worthlessness, therefore, is to expose himself to overwhelming grief. Because, if he isn't worthless, he then has to ask himself why he had to suffer for so long. That kind of question is too awful for him—for pretty much anyone—to face on their own. This coping mechanism protects him, but it also traps him and prevents him from finding relief.

This comes to a head in chapter 1, as the townspeople surround him and the old woman tries to tend to his wound. As she reaches towards him, he screams at her to stay away. This act of genuine kindness fills him with terror. It's not just that he fears eventual rejection—Sakura fears the idea he could be accepted at all. Remember, he's just "failed" to win the fight and, worse, ended up having to be protected because he got hurt. Sakura could accept Kotoha's kindness earlier because he "earned" it by stopping her attackers, but now there's someone trying to help him for what feels like no reason. For Sakura, who must believe that he was never meant to be loved or accepted, being shown kindness for no apparent reason feels like an existential threat. It threatens to undermine the walls that he's built inside of him to keep going. This is why he allows Kotoha to help him instead—he can still rationalize her help as transactional.

This rationalization provides his means of escape. To accept his place in Makochi, he only has to accept that he doesn't have to be alone. He doesn't have to believe that he can be valued or loved unconditionally, nor that he deserved anything better. Instead, Sakura finds a way to "earn" his acceptance: The chapter culminates with Sakura accepting Bofurin, which he shows by leaping over all the others to kick the Spaltips' leader in the face.

By showing his strength, by upstaging the heroes and claiming his place among them, Sakura proves (to himself) that he is strong enough to be accepted. Rather than accept that he could always have been valued and accepted unconditionally—that he always could have been loved—Sakura would rather believe he's earned his acceptance based on his strength.

In this way, Sakura can continue to believe in his own worthlessness, saving himself from having to face his past. Because of this, even as he's learned that he can be accepted, he still maintained his belief that he was meant to be alone from the start (again, see chapter 56). This lets him continue to justify his past suffering and minimize his own pain.

This comes back around in chapter 162, when Sakura's classmates talk about his low self-esteem. Despite their efforts to show him that he's loved and valued, Sakura ultimately still believes he's only worth his strength. We see how he rejects Umemiya's praise, unable to understand how he could be praised when he "failed". Sakura can't believe he could be valued when he couldn't even single-handedly save the town.

But, as long as he believes this, his past will remain a mystery, not just to his friends and to us as readers, but even to Sakura himself. Just as Umemiya's repression kept him from realizing that his parents loved him, Sakura's repression keeps him from realizing that he has always deserved to be loved. He cannot acknowledge, can't even recognize, the pain he's endured in his life, because he still has to believe it didn't matter. Because of this, he can't let himself grieve or admit that he has always deserved better. He's still trapped believing he must always prove his worth through his strength alone.

Of course, changing this isn't going to be easy. He will get there. His friends will help him through it. Still, it's going to be rough. I think it'll be a while yet before he's ready to tell us about his past.

---

Addendum

All of that being said, something I really love about Wind Breaker is how hopeful it is and the way it shows Sakura living despite his past. To that end, I want to note one last thing: Sakura can still smile, despite everything else. No matter what he tells himself, he still feels hope.

I mentioned above that I didn't recognize Sakura's low self-esteem at first because it's masked with stereotypical shonen protagonist confidence. I think this is very deliberate by the author. We're supposed to see Sakura as cool, confident, and badass in the beginning, only to realize that he's also hurting inside. (Emphasis: that's also, not instead. These aren't mutually exclusive.) Sakura's cocky grin is part of a mask he wears, but it's not a lie.

While I believe Sakura has suffered a lot, it's important to emphasize that he's not broken or doomed to drown in grief. What I've laid out here is what I believe is going on beneath the surface, and I do believe he's going to have to face his trauma eventually, but let's not forget that our boy can still smile after all of that. The fact that he can smile doesn't mean that he's not hurting, but the fact that he's hurting doesn't mean he only feels pain. Let's not do him dirty by miring our view of him in grief. Instead, as we acknowledge how much he's suffered, let's also be happy at just how far he's come and hopeful for how far he'll go in the future.

[britts-galaxy-brain]

I don't know if you were aware, but one of Lily's favorited artists on Sankaku (dongatuno) beat the shit out of his wife. He was also charged with sexual exploitation of a minor, but ultimately it was ruled it wasn't possible to prove he had done what his wife and son alleged (masturbating and ejaculating onto his son's face at night). I wouldn't normally bring it up, because what happened is so heinous just casually discussing it feels wrong. But the thing is, I checked the dates on your screenshots. Lily was favoriting his work after he got out of prison. Not his early work circa 2011, his modern, post-prison stuff, after we all already knew he was at a minimum a wifebeater and quite probably a child molester. And again, I try not to bring up something as gross as child molestation. It's not a topic I can stomach much of.

Then I remembered what Courtney had said. I remembered the Violate Arc. And I realized dongatuno is eerily similar to Lily in some ways that feel like more than coincidence. I don't think she just liked his art for the photorealism or the 3D child sex.

I think she favorited his art because Sankaku hosts the facial pics he made that other sites took down due to his past legal charges. The pics he had uploaded during the end of 2021/the start of 2022.

Lily's accounts weren't discovered until late 2022. She was on there when that was uploaded. He was in her favorites.

She found someone who could give her the closest thing to the real thing there is.

....I'm not even shocked anymore.

So that's three of the artists in Lily's favorites that have been confirmed to have done horrific things to children IRL and used it as inspiration for their "art".

[pixeltwix]

-Fiddleford Missing His Family-

To me, one of the most heartbreaking details of Gravity Falls is just..everything McGucket related, but specifically him before he starts even getting his family back after Weirdmageddon

Because he spent the entire series and probably the last thirty years trying to recreate his family

It speaks volumes to me that despite a shunning son and a divorce on his pallet, and zero memory or how any of this even happened, that he’s desperately trying to recreate a life he doesn’t even remember but knows he at least had at one point and wants again

Obviously we know he did have a wife and son, hell he’s introduced as a father first and foremost in the story and I think most people forget that, but through and through he is inherently a family man

I myself struggle to understand this mindset, and most do as well, but some people genuinely want to have a family. Like that’s genuinely their dream and their goal in life alongside their occupational dreams, and Fiddleford completely comes off as that kinda guy. I think he just struggled to balance himself thinking he couldn’t do fifty fifty and instead put one hundred percent into things separately and fell short in both categories here and there

Regardless, we know Tate, and even though season one never planned on making McGucket anything other than a comedic side character we know that changed with season two in the shows new direction

All that really does is complicate things for why Tate is here. Obviously we can fill in the blanks with the lore later given last minute, maybe he wanted to see if his father was actually up in Gravity Falls, maybe he wanted to see if he could get through to him and it ‘wasn’t as bad’ as what he had heard or assumed, but that’s not relevant in this post at the moment

What I’m focusing on instead is the fact that just because Fiddleford can’t bridge the gap and connect with his actual son, because he has zero clue what it is he’s done, it doesn’t stop him from being in the community and playing roles that a ‘normal father’ would be doing for his kids

Ie reading town history to local kids (even if he just wound up eating the books after) it’s usually still an important thing parents tend to want to do with their kids (the teaching aspect)

Being there as a chaperone on a first date (I know it’s not the first for Gideon & Mabel, but the point is still there) as most ‘normal’ parents want to be active in their kids lives and make sure they’re being safe, & making good choices in the world

Being at the Sev’Ral Times concert (later seen crowd surfing, which honestly still cracks me up) but nevertheless he shows up out of the blue to be vocally supportive of the girls excitement for the concert and their plans

Yknow, as a parent ought to be when taking their kid to their favorite bands concert

Annnd then of course, far less subtle to anything else mentioned before regarding an image to general parenthood, we have raccoon wife

Again, there’s nothing subtle about this, it’s raccoon wife and it is bizarre that no one in town questions this. “Crazy local coot thinks he’s married to a raccoon? Yeah, makes sense.” (Though tbf there’s a local man married to a woodpecker, so ig it’s whatever for everyone)

Again x2 I’m not sure what to add on here because it feels pretty blatant what bro is shooting for mental wise here, it just makes me wonder wHAt about a raccoon reminds him of Emma May?

Maybe it’s just the pale round face, dark eyes, and brown hair that makes it click in his head

Regardless I still think it’s sweet that even when he’s gotten some recollection of himself back he’s still concerned for the raccoons in the apocalypse

Anywho, call me an emotional loser if you want, but the concept of this old man wanting his family back for some thirty odd years and not knowing how to get them back so he substitutes it with other things is horribly depressing

I can at least rest easy knowing his relationship with Tate has improved after Weirdmageddon :)

[interzoneinhabitant]

There is something that rubs me the wrong way about those sorts of posts where a trans guy shares a misdirected hateful message he received telling him something along the lines of, "You'll never be a real woman!!! You'll always be a man and you can't change that!! Even if you get a surgery it will be a gaping wound and everyone will know you're a fake!!" or whatever that was clearly sent because the bigot in question though he was transfeminine, with the OP captioning the screenshot something like "I saved this message because it is so unintentionally gender affirming haha."

On the one hand, I can sympathize. I get it, it's probably nice to have someone aggressively gender you as male, it probably is really quite affirming. I recall once getting immense gender euphoria at a customer service job I had once when a customer angrily cursed me out while continuously gendering me as female and it was pleasant to know that even someone who hated me saw me as a woman in that moment, and I imagine this is a somewhat similar feeling, though obviously different in structure. And I'm not denying that i see the humorous aspect there too, it's fun to feel smarter than people sometimes when they make ironic mistakes. On the other hand... You are just sort of broadcasting transmisogynistic hate speech as a funny joke and reminding any transfeminine people reading the post that we are the primary target of most transphobia.

You may find it unfair that I specify a transmasculine poster here, but I only say this because I have never once seen the reverse occur. I've never seen a trans woman share a humorous anecdote about having been sent hate speech that assumed she was trans man. It is always the other way around, because always the assumption will be that transsexuality means perverted men dressing in women's clothing and infiltrating woman only spaces to commit acts of sexual violence. As per usual, the hypervisibility that transfeminine people "enjoy" is a panopticon.

It's just like when people post screenshots of conservative transphobes on twitter saying things like, "Trans men are men, period. Are you #triggered?" because yes, on a surface level this is funny, but you do understand that what they're actually saying is "trans women are men" right? They aren't using the correct terminology because they don't care about that; they just want us to commit suicide. All you're doing is broadcasting hate speech and making fun of them for being inarticulate about it.

And ultimately some guys on the internet lacking tact and making me feel uncomfortable isn't the end of the world, I'm not saying that anyone who has done this should be "cancelled" or whatever, but I would like if people would think before they post things like this.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Your ginny metas are always so good! In yhe last one you ended it talking about Luna and Harry cause she's the only one girl Gunny wouldn't consider a threat, but now I'm wondering how would Ginny react to Harry figuring out he is gay after the war? Bet she never thought she had to stop him from looking at boys too, that will probably hit her hard

Thank you so much! 💛

(Anon is referring to this post about Ginny and this post where I explain why I think Harry's gay)

And oh boy, Ginny is not going to like that. I don't think she is particularly homophobic or anything like that, like, if one of her brothers came out as gay, she'd probably be pretty supportive. I just think that if Harry, the boy she's been fixated on being with and idolized and convinced herself she loves (even though I'm not sure I'd call it love), came out as gay, I think she'd be insulted a little.

Like, it would be like a punch to the gut. Like, I mentioned in the post I linked, Ginny has tied up a lot of her self-worth and who she is as a person on being Harry's girl. Like, she changed her behavior for him. She makes sure to be agreeable and never cry in front of him because she can't have him see her as weak and weepy like Cho... I think Harry coming out to her and breaking up with her seemingly for good would force her to acknowledge her fixation on Harry wasn't great, and that maybe her and Harry's relationship isn't perfect and wasn't meant to be.

I honestly think she'd be happier with another guy who actually is attracted to her, but she's going to struggle with this realization a lot before she reaches that point.

I think she'd end up being pretty cold and bitter toward Harry in the immediate aftermath, again, not out of homophobia, just out of how much of her own identity got wrapped up in the concept of their relationship.

So, yeah, I think something like this would hit Ginny hard, but it also depends on when after the war it happens.

Like, if immediately post-book 7 (no epilogue) Harry tells her they aren't getting back together because he realized he's gay, I think she'd be more chill with it. Disappointed, yes, a little bitter at first, definitely, but, it won't be as hard of a hit to her self-worth if he told her that after they got back together post-book 7.

Like, I think, if they got together for Harry's 8th year, and during that year he figures out he's gay — that's the point Ginny would take it the worst, probably. Like, they're just done with the war, Fred died, so many people died. Harry was left as Teddy's only family besides Andromeda. Both of them are traumatized as fuck and don't actually know how to relate to each other and talk about their trauma. So, their relationship is already pretty rocky. Add to that the fact I don't think Harry told Ginny much about the Horcruxes, or himself being one, and she knows he isn't telling her everything, and you really have a mess of a relationship. So Hinny at this stage, are likely not very healthy as a relationship and are a little resentful of each other (Ginny probably does resent Harry a little for keeping her in the dark and leaving her at Hogwarts and not coming back earlier, while Harry probably gets annoyed whenever Ginny tries to talk about what they went through because Harry's way of dealing with trauma is bottling it up), but like in year 6, they snog and distract each other without really talking through their issues.

And then Harry comes out (if it happens in 8th year, there's a high possibility because he fancies someone else — a guy).

I think Ginny would be hit hard. I think at first she wouldn't really believe it, like: "if you want to break up with me you don't need an excuse," but when she realizes it really isn't an excuse, that he's serious, I think she'd accept it, she wouldn't really blame Harry. But a lot of her own identity is mixed up in dating Harry Potter, so I think Ginny would be having a miserable time and would go back to avoiding being around Harry until she built up her self-confidence again or found a better relationship (or both). Like, I think she'd spiral a bit if it were to happen during 8th year (or a bit after) after they were back together for a bit. For Harry, he'd feel a little bad about Ginny, but, like, he was never as invested in their relationship as she was, so he'd take the breakup easier.

If they actually got married and had at least one kid and then Harry tells her, that's gonna be a mess for both of them (but better than if it happened in 8th year, I think). Harry would feel so incredibly guilty that he'd probably decide not to tell her for the longest time so he wouldn't ruin it. Once he does tell her, though, Ginny would be devastated (and still won't show Harry any of it, or maybe she would, depends how her character developed up to that point). I think an illogical part of her would always blame herself a little — like she could've done something different to avoid this outcome even when she knows it doesn't work that way. But I think in this scenario their divorce wouldn't be as bad as if Harry was interested in another girl. Like, I think Ginny would prefer him falling for a guy rather than another woman for her own ego's sake. Even if I can't see their relationship being amazing after this, they'd both be mature enough to make it a decent divorce by this point, I would like to believe.

It would be pretty awkward as Harry is still invited to the Weasleys for all the holidays and could maybe make a fun oneshoot fic of the first Christmas at the Weasleys after Harry's and Ginny's divorce.

[laconchadetumadre]

"broke all of his stuff"

cartman gave kyle aids, and while kyle did laugh at cartman it WAS ironic that cartman was always threatening to give kyle aids and then got aids himself, kyle was not to blame for cartman getting aids and he wasnt mocking him, cartman's situation is ironic and thats intented on the creators side, kyle is meant to be a stand in for the audience (since only the audience would remember cartman's aids gag).

"stole his girlfriend"

kyle didn't set out to "steal" heidi from cartman, he recognized that she was in an abusive relationship and wanted to help (because he related to her unbalanced power dynamic with cartman, hence the whole "we are all going out with cartman"). although i do agree he should have stayed out of it, i don't believe this is enough to justify cartman's harassment towards kyle.

"sabotaged his happy future with a wife and kids"

cartman was planning on murdering 10-year-old kyle, and at the end it isn't even kyle or any of the boys who ended up activating the time traveling machine, it's cartman's baby who does after shouting "Fuck you, Uncle Kyle!". It is the hatred against kyle that Cartman himself had instilled into his own family that ended up wiping them from existence. It might not be super on the nose that cartman had been badmouthing kyle to his family even since before reuniting with him, but it is definitely hinted at in the Post Covid special given that Yentl recognized kyle right away and didn't seem happy about him.

"REFUSED to help him when he was sucked into a parallel dimension"

kyle wasn't looking when cartman was sucked into the portal though, he was skeptic about the whole thing so he probably didn't even think cartman was in danger. cartman also tends to overreact or emotionally manipulate the boys so it is pretty reasonable that kyle is doubtfull whenever cartman asks for help. kyle is also usually critized for "sticking his nose where he shouldnt", so i actually think it's nice when he gets to walk away from things tbh. Also, Kyle isnt responsible for cartman, its not his job to care for him or do anything whenever he is in trouble.

"still kept fucking harassing him for being fat even when cartman stopped making jew jokes for the most part"

did you skip the cupid ye episode? cartman has definitely not grown out of his antisemetisism or harassment of kyle quite yet.

"and ya'll have the nerve to shame cartman just for lightly teasing kyle at the end????"

people are allowed to have their own takes on the specials. i personally did like the final punchline even if kyle was the butt of the joke because it was very in character for cartman.

"the reason why this episode was such a breath of fresh air was bc it finally showed kyle being nice to cartman for once and being a good friend BACK"

there are multiple other instances of kyle being nice to cartman or helping him out, this isnt the only time this has happened. off the top of my head i can list off a few episodes here: jewpacabra, tegrity farms (when kyle tried to pay off cartman's and butters debt to some vape dealer), mexican joker, "help, my teenager hates me!", manbearpig, etc. the biggest difference between kyle and cartman when they are helping each other out is that cartman is often forced into helping kyle out (tonsil trouble, mexican joker if you squint, since stan got cartman deported) or is doing so in order to make up for some atrocious thing he has done to kyle previously (mexican joker); on the other hand, kyle is often helping cartman out of a shitty situation that cartman put himself in (tegrity farms, jewpacabra, manbearpig, its a jersey thing, etc).

"cartman helps kyle with shit all the time too i mean deadass remember when he got out of the hospital bed to save kyle from the PC people????"

while there are moments where cartman's actions end up benefiting kyle or the other boys, what happens more often is that cartman realizes helping out the others will result in something beneficial for himself, just like in the very example you provided. kyle says so himself in the end of the episode "It just seems to me like we all lost in this, and that the only person who won was you" his opinion may be biased but, at the end, cartman did get to pull a very racist scheme with the whole mexican pregnant women and tacos thing and faced no consequences for this in particular and, to top it all of, it isn't this particular scheme what solves the problem, it's kyle deciding to succumb to peer pressure that fixes everything.

"yet, kyle didn't appreciate it and still broke all of cartman's stuff"

correct me if im wrong but if this is referring to that one time kyle threatened to break cartman's xbox then we are talking about "tounsil trouble" (12x1), which happens before cartman "saving" kyle from the PC people in Stunning and Brave (19x1) so it's imposible for kyle to "appreciate" something that hasnt happened yet.

"and tried sabotaging his relationship the next season"

cartman self-sabotaged his relationship with heidi, he had already attempted murder and kidnapping on her and successfully jeopardized her health by tricking her into eating junk food and then fatshamed her for putting on weight.

"kyle going out of his way to help cartman with a weight loss drug is honestly the LEAST he could do"

considering how many times cartman has endangered kyle's own health, i dont really think so. even if they were both on even terms, no one really owes you any help to get your own medical records straight (except for the health system itself but that's besides the point).

"to make up for all the times cartman was nice to him and tried helping him and he was an ungrateful little bitch about it."

like i said, kyle has helped out cartman just as many times, and kyle actually does it out of the kindness of his heart, unlike cartman who is usually trying to get something for himself.

"that's why i'm rlly not that mad abt cartman making that ginger jew joke at the end"

this is the only thing i agree with from this whole rant.

"at least they're even now"

i think cartman would end up getting screwed over a thousand times more if kyle tried to make things "even".

ya'll forget how much cartman unconditionally supports kyle

ok so i HATED how after the end of obesity special all the people who shit on cartman while blindly supporting anything kyle does were all like "ugh i can't believe cartman insulted kyle even after how much he helped him in the episode!1!1 😤" or "wow kyle is such a good person he's still willing to help cartman even after everything cartman's done!1!1!" like ok i'm gonna stop you right there LOL. are ya'll forgetting how much of an ASS kyle's been to cartman the past few seasons?!?!? (and rlly the whole series lol) that piece of shit deadass broke all of his stuff, stole his girlfriend, sabotaged his happy future with a wife and kids, REFUSED to help him when he was sucked into a parallel dimension where everyone is replaced with a diverse woman, and still kept fucking harassing him for being fat even when when cartman stopped making jew jokes for the most part. and ya'll have the nerve to shame cartman just for lightly teasing kyle at the end???? the reason why this episode was such a breath of fresh air was bc it finally showed kyle being nice to cartman for once and being a good friend BACK. ya'll are forgetting the fact that cartman helps kyle with shit all the time too i mean deadass remember when he got out of the hospital bed to save kyle from the PC people???? yet, kyle didn't appreciate it and still broke all of cartman's stuff and tried sabotaging his relationship the next season LOL. so yeah kyle going out of his way to help cartman with a weight loss drug is honestly the LEAST he could do at this point to make up for all the times cartman was nice to him and tried helping him and he was an ungrateful little bitch about it. that's why i'm rlly not that mad abt cartman making that ginger jew joke at the end bc i mean at least they're even now and it's rlly nowhere near as bad as all the unappreciative ways kyle has tried to screw cartman over after cartman was there for him.