#like i keep coming across interesting looking videos but they never SITE SOURCES

[thegooblet]

what is it with revolutionary girl utena video essayists and not citing their sources

[wirewitchviolet]

A Little Horrifying Primer on Transphobes

Some time ago, I put together a Little Fact Checking Primer on Trans People, as a basic resource for disabusing people of some of the many completely ridiculous yet absurdly widespread beliefs about trans people that simply have no basis whatsoever in reality. And wouldn’t you know it, every single lie exposed in that primer is not only still widely believed, but is presently being used as a basis to sign some absolutely horrific human rights abuses into law. So it’s high time I follow that up, in this case focused more on who keeps actively spreading these lies and why. I’m going to try and keep things as light as I can here, but we’re going to be looking at the most monstrous side of human nature, so apologies in advance if this is a dark read.

First, let me just note that there are two things I don’t plan to do in this piece. I’m not going to waste time debunking the arguments of the people I’m highlighting (much of this is already covered in my earlier primer, others have done the work in cases where I haven’t, and frankly these people’s claims should be self-evidently utter nonsense to begin with). I am also going to be very selective in what I link to, or even share related images of, as I would frankly not like to fill a post on a blog I generally try to keep safe for all audiences with media directly dealing with, for instance, child sexual assault, and much of the relevant information also involves stochastic terrorism against innocent people, and I would prefer not to throw more fuel onto such fires.

Transphobes lie constantly, about everything.

To some degree this is obvious. We’re talking about people who scaremonger about the possibilities of trans women dominating competitive sports and assaulting people in restrooms, despite the status quo already reflecting the conditions they insist would make these inevitibilities for decades and centuries respectively, and their grim visions never once having come to pass, and also constantly insisting that the woman in the photo below is actually a man, going further to say this is evident to anyone giving her the merest glance.

It goes beyond that though. There’s at least a little plausible deniablity in claims like this, or that “science is on their side” if they were simply uninformed about the world they live in, never actually looking into what laws exist, what science actually says, and never actually meeting a trans person or even seeing a picture of one of us. I’m talking really bold lies here. Like wholecloth fabricating a story that a convicted murder was trans, including anecdotes about wigs dresses and a planned name change, in a major newspaper. Or to cite an old favorite of mine, the time a pack of bigots walked up to a crowd of people peacefully picketing a transphobic legal proposal, started roughing them up and taking closeup photos of members of the crowd to stalk online when they got home, got sufficiently riled up for one to straight up assault an innocent person half her size, filmed the whole thing, uploaded it to youtube, and used stills of that assault as acomanying photos when they went home to write articles about the assailant being a “grandmother” attacked by rowdy trans women. And yes, they did monkey’s paw my wish to see that specific image on newspapers. Interesting side note, when it came to real public light that J.K. Rowling endorsed this sort of hatred, it was because she accidentally pasted some profanity laden rambling about how the imagined moral character of the other party in that incident, years after the fact, into a post praising a child’s fan art of her work.

To be a little less niche, transphobes can’t get enough of spreading the lie that the young fellow in this photo is a girl. Specifically a trans girl, providing proof that all their scaremongering about the dastardly threat of trans girls in competitive sports has finally come to pass.

To be fully clear, that’s a man (or a boy if you want to split hairs about him being 17 in that photo). Mack Beggs. A rather insidious choice for this sort of story, considering the actual context for that photo. See, Beggs attended high school in Texas, during a (still ongoing as I write this) period wherein that particular state had caved to this exact sort of propaganda, and in order to head off a wholly imagined wave of trans girls competing on girls’ sports teams, and enacted a law mandating that in all such competitions must compete under whatever gender is stated on their birth certificates. And as it happens, the first, and to my knowledge ONLY time this has come up was with Beggs here, who again, is a man, as no one with a grip on reality could argue against, has “female” on his birth certificate. Which is another way of saying he is a trans man. The guys in the same boat as trans women who we talk about a whole hell of a lot less because their existence is extremely inconvenient to the majority of transphobic propaganda. Case in point. And this is all information it is really impossible to come across if you’re coming across this photo in any sort of respectable source. Take this story, which is as unambiguous about this as you can get. And yet, in the very comments section of that story, there they are. Carrying on like this story about a trans guy, forced by a transphobic law to compete as a girl, which he absolutely did not want, and received horrific threats over, using phrases like “female to male” and bringing up that he was assigned female at birth and is on testosterone-based HRT, is about a trans woman cheating the system. Or to quote word for word, “Now also transgender female want to be male also compete in female sport. biological born“ That’s not “being confused,” that’s standing next to you in a white desert and complaining about being adrift in a black ocean, bald-faced, not even trying to be convincing just make a power play, lying through one’s teeth.

I could spend this whole article on just this point. Lying about who they are, various people’s falsified credentials, whole websites full of “anonymous parents of children who think they’re trans” turning out to be one single woman documenting the abuse of her very much trans son, or of course the people behind the whole “bathroom bill” panic candidly admitting it was all based on utter fiction. I do have other points to cover though.

Transphobes are firmly entrenched in the media.

It is extremely difficult to find oneself in a position of having to explain to people that a particular group of people is effectively in control of press outlets, as that is rather classically a claim conspiracy theorists absolutely love to toss around at various marginalized groups (including trans people hilariously enough, but of course the most common and lingering version of this is the antisemitic variant). I really can’t get around it here though. Specifically in the U.K., you honestly can say that transphobes control the media. I already touched on this with the assault case I mentioned above and the fabricated story about the murderer, but this is a pretty well-documented situation. I mean, even The Guardian calls out The Guardian on this, and that’s the outlet that gets the most attention because it’s the one with the most otherwise respected name, but every paper in the country has been running transphobic propaganda pieces on a weekly if not daily basis for years now, and while they do get reprimanded by watchdog groups and have mass walk-outs over the worst of it, it’s not like there’s some governing body with the authority to step in about it. Meanwhile the BBC is constantly inviting diehard zealots like Graham Linehan to news programs where he compares being trans to being a nazi, and hosting debates where someone just sits down and repeatedly chants the word “penis” at a trans woman.

Things are better in the rest of the world, but we still have right-wing creeps like Jesse Singal both writing horrific propaganda pieces (we’ll get back to that one) and blackballing trans writers out of covering trans issues ourselves (and personally stalking the hell out of those of us who try). We’ve got our Joe Rogans and Tucker Carlsons out there (no way in hell I’m linking videos here, have a real information link and a still).

The line between diehard transphobes and straight-up nazis basically does not exist.

What even is there to say here? You can easily poke around havens for nazi activity for yourself and compare the particular unique vocabulary used there to the primary bastion of anti-trans hate speech on the internet (the “feminism” section of what was originally a site for parenting tips before violent fascists took the forums over) or just peruse the follows of the thousands of people I’ve blocked on social media and see if you can sort out a clear division in the networks of channers with frog avatars and the accounts with names like GoodieXXrealwoman, or you can read up on Gab and Spinster, the two twitter alternatives that are just different portals to the same server, set up by the same guy. Maybe do some research into “the LGB Alliance,” or WoLF but any way you slice it the only real difference to be found is the general purpose nazis take a little time off now and then to watch borderline pedophilic anime and the really dedicated transphobes think to use language that sounds vaguely well-educated and left-leaning. I mean, this came from the “feminist” side of the fence:

And not to belabor the point here, but the ones claiming to be a bunch of “feminist mums” sure do let the mask slip any time they’re confronted with the fact that “women” includes black women, and oh just have a whole thread about all the weird conspiratory theories these people have about how trans people’s whole existence is some sort of Jewish plot for world domination. I swear a few months ago they were all passing around a story about some bank having an above average number of trans employees and they were all just “and we all know who controls the banks, right?” about it.

Transphobes endorse an awful lot of people who are openly pro-pedophila.

This is the part where I am really loath to link the many many specific examples I have on hand. Or to talk about this at all for reasons of good taste. Or, for that matter, to talk about this in a tumblr post when there’s an ongoing problem of people with backgrounds strongly tied to this site making baseless accusations of pedophilia against every queer person they can find, so let me be very clear just what I’m talking about while avoiding anything too graphic.

That’s James Cantor. Transphobes love him for being one of the closest things they have to a scientist on their side. And I am featuring him in a screenshot here showing that he is followed by current queen of the transphobes J.K. Rowling, while speaking to both another big name in transphobic circles, Debra Soh, and based on their names, what I’m guessing is at least one straight-up nazi. And in case you think “the P” he’s talking about adding to LGBT (or “GLBT” as weird anti-queer bigots who also have issues with women often write it) might stand for “poly” or “pan” he’s all too happy to clarify that.

This is the entire thrust of Cantor’s work and life. He is the world’s biggest pedophile rights advocate. He wants it declassified as a mental disorder, all stigma on it removed, and tirelessly pushes forward the idea that the majority of.. people who feel compelled to sexually assault children are good people who present no potential harm to anyone and should in fact be lauded.

I am not generally one to claim that someone with a PhD is spewing out questionable garbage with regard to their field, but the reason I am aware of Cantor at all is that other transphobes keep trying to hold up a particular post on his blog as "a study” (which it is not) that offers “proof” (in the form of a blurry jpeg of basically some random numbers) of some ridiculous quackery about how trans kids will “grow out of it” if exposed to conversion therapy (another way of saying torture), which Cantor himself seems to be pushing, so I am somewhat skeptical of his academic chops. And I am, of course, REALLY suspicious that all these other bigots gravitate to him purely because they’re that desperate to find anyone with a PhD in anything that backs them up against literally every scientist in a relative field, to the point that they merely forgive his particular advocacy they are plainly all aware of, particularly when such a common fig leaf used by transphobes is “keeping children safe from sexual deviants.”

And of course, Cantor is most often invoked when coming to the defense of Kenneth Zucker. This Kenneth Zucker.

Those are separate papers. Zucker isn’t controversial though for organizing panels to discuss how attractive people agree small children are (at least not exclusively). Mostly, he’s known for running a conversion therapy center which subjected gay and trans children to various sorts of torture in an effort to “fix” them, which at least for those trans "patients” I have spoken with involved a fair amount of having them strip completely naked and talking a lot about their genitals.

Zucker is something of a controversial figure with the transphobic scene, as they are extremely on board with his sexual torture of queer children, but he does actual work (for some value of the term) involving trans people and thus is not able to commit as fully as they would prefer to making life horrible for trans people, due to a professional obligation to acknowledge reality now and then. As an aside, the similarly positioned Ray Blanchard, while not to my knowledge particularly interested in the attractiveness of children, lives in a similar purgatory of trying to reconcile his career, bigotry, and sexual hangups, yielding compromises like this:

Of course, that’s just looking at the straws transphobes grasp at when looking for scientific credibility. Real leaders of the movement include Germaine Greer, author of The Beautiful Boy, which is about what you are afraid it might be, and features a very young child in a cover feature he did not consent to posing for. Or Julie Bindel, who among other things is rather infamous for writing whole articles on subjects like whether a teenage girl she came across maybe has a huge penis you can totally see if you really squint at her skirt. Again, I will not share a link to go along with that one.

Transphobes terrorize and attempt to defund charities and other unambiguously good organizations.

Graham Linehan, previously best known for cowriting some sitcoms and possibly spending a year angling to get into my pants so awkwardly I didn’t pick up on it is now best known for trying to pull the plug on a children’s charity, in a story that somehow also involves Donkey Kong. Well, and the interview about nazis. And possibly the other interview about “defending me from nazis” until it got into his head that I might not be as young and hot as he imagined. Rather not link to a far right extremist youtube channel though.

There’s also a current effort to replace Stonewall (an organization named after the location where a pair of trans women kicked off a riot which is generally agreed to be the start of the LGBT+ rights movement) as the UK’s primary LGBT+ rights organization with the “LGB Alliance.” The hate group mentioned above, with the skull face and the rifle. Closest I can find to an article on that effort on short notice that isn’t propaganda.

Transphobes paper areas in truly disgusting propaganda.

I don’t want to directly link to grown adults skulking around children’s playgrounds and bathrooms plastering surfaces with mass printed stickers of crudely drawn penises, but would encourage you to read this very long post, being sure to load all the images, to really understand how deeply strange this behavior gets.

Finally, I cannot stress this enough, this really extreme behavior I’m citing, and the specific people involved in the examples I’m giving, these aren’t random cranks on the fringe of things. The people going on televised panel discussions, writing up news stories, and testifying before lawmakers in efforts to pass horrifically discriminatory if not literally life-endangering laws (there is a major ongoing effort to legally end all medical care for trans people, and I don’t just mean care directly relating to being trans) are literally the same people involved in the sexualization of children, nazi collaborations, and roving gangs assaulting people in the street. At a bare minimum I urge people, when booking guests and handing out writing contracts, to do background checks and see if they’re platforming actual terrorists. If we could actually bring legal consequences to bear against the worst of this, that would be great too. As things stand though, the whole world is just consistently citing a bunch of racist, woman-hating, serial liars with no real credentials, and questionable attitudes towards the sexual abuse of children, as “trusted experts” and refusing to seat actual trans people or people who have legitimately committed lifetimes to academic and practical work with trans people any seats at the table.

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Kindness & Kidnapping

A JSE Fanfic

I’ve written something that’s less than 6000 words for the first time in a year, whoo! I was planning to include more plot but after a while I realized there was too much to put into one chapter so I broke it into two. And now, this chapter is short, but it has some important and...interesting developments. Let’s just say, Anti makes his move. I don’t know what to say beyond that, so just read on ;)

You can find the other stories under the pw timeline tag!

It was a bright morning outside, but Chase didn’t know that. He was inside, sitting at a hastily-done computer setup inside his closet. It was cramped and dark and honestly kind of dusty. But he hadn’t wanted to keep this setup out in the open. Because this was the computer he’d been using to access Anti’s website, and if he kept it out in any other room of the house, he knew he’d keep glancing towards the windows and doors, waiting for something to happen.

Though...nothing had happened in the past week or so since he’d first found the website. He’d told the police about it, contacting that detective, Nix, who was in charge of the search for Jackie and JJ. Nix had been really appreciative, saying that this was a helpful clue and the police would be right on it, but he’d warned Chase to not go looking at any websites like this again. “These are dangerous,” he’d said. “And many of them use trackers to gather information or worse.”

Yet here he was. First thing in the morning. Staring at a creepy hitman website while sitting in his closet.

Part of his mind was yelling at him to stop. That even though he’d waited a few days before accessing the site again, that didn’t mean anything. This was dangerous. But...he couldn’t help it. This was the first time he felt like he was doing something, like he was actually helping the search for his friends. So, he stayed there.

His study of the website mostly consisted of scrolling through the anonymous reviews and trying to find ways to look at the source code. Chase...wasn’t that good with computers. Despite the fact that recording videos and putting them on the Internet was his job. He’d basically absorbed all his knowledge from Jack and his editor and only knew how to do things like editing because of that. Anything beyond what was required for YouTube was a mystery to him. But he was trying.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he gasped, then felt silly. It was just a text notification. Sighing at his own jumpiness, he took out his phone and looked at the message on the screen. It was from Marvin. Hey do you know any quick ways to get food? Other than ordering.

Oh? Chase responded. Are you out of bed this early? Thats a 1st. And he didn’t just mean because Marvin was having trouble getting out of bed recently. Marvin never woke up before ten, even before JJ disappeared, so this was strange.

Luna was yelling at me because i forgot to fill her bowl last night and i couldnt deal with it anymore so i got up and thought i might as well get breakfast.

Thats great bro. As for food I bought you some microwave mac n cheese and noodles.

Marvin instantly replied, I’m not eating fucking noodles for breakfast. That’s weird.

Chase laughed a bit. Sorry, Marv. I know your sense of order is a big thing for you, but sometimes you need exceptions.

This time, the reply was slow. The typing bubbles appeared and disappeared a couple times before finally: i just cant. maybe another time.

Ah. Of course, even if he was out of bed, Marvin was still struggling. Chase thought for a moment, then said, Alright, Marvin. No problem. How bout toast and butter? It takes five to ten minutes depending on how much you want it burnt. That was a frequent go-to for him. I know u have bread and butter, too.

Alright. Thanks.

No problem. Chase paused, then added, Hey I was gonna go visit Jack again later today. Do u think youd be up for coming with?

Another long pause. I dunno. Ask me again when it’s closer to time.

Got it. And with that, Chase set his phone down and returned his attention to the website.

About an hour later, he gave up. He couldn’t find any clues at all, and reading this was really starting to get to him. Carefully standing up, so as to not knock over the computer setup in the tiny closet, he turned off the monitor and CPU, then edged around to the closet door. He hesitated, feeling uneasy anxiety rolling in his stomach, then slowly opened the door.

Nobody was outside. Well, of course not. He took a deep breath, and stepped out into the hallway. It was time to get ready for the day.

But still, that anxiety followed him. And he couldn’t help but remember the notice that Anti had put at the top of the website. Something about business being closed until something was “taken care of.” That just...sounded very bad. And Chase couldn’t help but think about what might be happening to Jameson and Jackie.

—————— 

Nearly a month had passed since Anti had taken JJ. For nearly a month, Jameson had been stuck in this room with Jackie. And with no means of escape that he could see. He’d looked, of course. But even with Jackie’s help, they couldn’t find a way out of the room. The closest thing he could think of was somehow unscrewing the door hinges, and he’d actually spent about a week trying to do that, but without any tools, there was no way those hinges would budge.

The only opportunity that he could see was when Anti visited, which he did often. But even that would be difficult to pull off. Jameson and Jackie might have numbers on their side, but Jackie was pretty weak after almost a year of captivity, and JJ had never been that athletic. Still, he was starting to consider it. Maybe Anti wouldn’t be expecting it, if he could just convince Jackie that they could do it, and if they could find an opportunity...

But even if they were going to try, today would not be the day. Anti had come into the room for one of his visits, which were becoming worryingly frequent, and Jackie had decided to hide in the attached bathroom. Jameson refused to look at Anti, in the vain hope that he’d go away if he didn’t engage.

“Jamie.” Anti pulled a chair away from the table, and then indicated the one across from him. “Come s...sit down.”

Jameson shook his head. He folded his arms, and stayed where he was, standing next to the bunk bed.

Anti stared at him for a while, then sat down. It didn’t ease the tension at all. For some reason, Jameson still felt like he was looming over him. “Alright. F-fine.” He paused. Waiting. Watching him with his mismatched eyes. Today, the fake one was brown, not green. Odd, but it didn’t lessen the intensity of his gaze.

After a few silent moments, Jameson couldn’t take it anymore. He slowly walked over to the table and sat down. God damn it. Why was just the silence enough to get him to respond?

“Ah, there we are.” Anti smiled. “About time. You’re always so...so tense, Jamie, when you really shouldn’t be. I won’t h-hurt you.”

What do you want this time? Jameson signed stiffly.

“Why do you keep asking that? I don’t want...anything, I just want to...talk.” Anti leaned back in the chair. “I don’t understand th-this. You’re so...different. And I’m trying, you know. Know. You know—I know, by now, that this wasn’t the best starting point. But I’m trying to...to get everything back to the way it was. You want that, don’t you?” His voice was soft, like he was talking to an easily startled animal. Or a child.

No, I don’t. Jameson said firmly. I don’t want everything to go back to how it was, because back then, you were making me help you throw bodies in the river.

“That was a mistake, okay? Oka-ay?” Anti sighed. “I shouldn’t...should never have gotten you involved in all this. So, I’m not going to, ever again.”

Jameson laughed. You’re a bit late for that! Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you kidnapped me!

“That was another mistake, and I’m sorry that you f-f-feel I was out of line. I can see what you...what you mean. But you’d never talk to me otherwise, let alone go anywhere with me.” Anti’s fingers tapped an irregular rhythm on the table. “But I can pr-promise you, no more dead bodies. Ever. Ever again. You’ll be safe.”

He sounded genuine, and JJ had to admit that at least there was still a part of him that cared about—no! Jameson stiffened and pushed away that softening feeling. It didn’t change any of this. Anti still abducted him, and he was willing to bet that ‘safe’ to Anti wasn’t the same as ‘safe’ to him. It would be more of this, most likely. Trapped inside, unable to go anywhere, always under Anti’s watchful eye. Why was he even continuing this conversation? Jameson balled up his hands and shoved them under his arms, physically preventing him from saying anything more.

Anti’s expression shifted slightly. “You’re being so difficult, my god. We’ve been doing this for a-a-a month and gotten nowhere. If you would just li-listen, we could go—past—move past this.” The tapping rhythm increased slightly, nails on wood. “But alright—okay. Fine. Yes. I-I-I have a pro—” And then the tapping stopped. Anti’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh. That’s it.”

Jameson leaned back a bit, waiting for something. Those last words sounded like a threat. But—

Out of nowhere, Anti slumped forward onto the table. JJ gasped and stood up. In an instant, he was moving automatically, rolling Anti’s head to the side and looking for anything dangerous nearby. There was nothing. Could he breathe? Was this a good position, or should he move him? He should’ve recognized it, Anti was having difficulty with his words, he knew that was a sign—Wait, the watch. The watch he was wearing around his neck, the chain it was on had tightened a bit. JJ grabbed the chain and adjusted it so it was more loose.

A few seconds later, Anti gasped, and pushed JJ away. He stepped back.

“I...fuck.” Anti blinked, eyes glancing around the room. For a moment, he was confused. JJ could see the recognition slowly fade back into his expression. “Thwshnnbad.”

JJ watched anxiously. For a moment, he glanced over towards the door. But...he just couldn’t. Not now. Maybe he was too nice, but it just felt cruel to try and leave after that.

Anti took a few deep breaths, then looked over at JJ. “You helped.”

Jameson hesitated, then nodded.

“Hmm.” Anti didn’t say anything, but there was a look on his face that made Jameson squirm a bit. Almost smug. Almost. There was a fair share of gratitude that prevented it from being fully self-satisfied. Anti reached for his pocket, and after a few tries, pulled out his phone. “That was...not that long?”

Just a few seconds. Maybe fifteen or so, JJ said. No twitching or jerking. 

Nodding, Anti tapped on his phone for a bit. “It’s...been a while,” he said quietly. “They’re not that bad anymore, you know.”

Unsure what to say, Jameson just nodded again.

A few moments later, Anti took a deep breath, and returned his phone to his pocket. “Anyway. As...I was saying. I have a proposal.”

Immediately, all Jameson’s sympathy was gone, replaced by cold fear. What is it? he asked warily.

Anti didn’t answer for a bit. Instead, he reached inside his jacket, and pulled out a small keycard. “Do you know what this is?”

A card? Like...for a hotel?

“No, not for a hotel.” Anti smiled a bit. “Though I guess...it’s sort of like it.” His eyes darted towards the bathroom door, slightly ajar. “He’s been telling you about what happened. With him and the doctor.” It wasn’t a question. So Jameson didn’t answer. But he didn’t have to. “Did you ever meet that doctor?”

Jameson started to shake his head, then reconsidered. Once, he said. He thought I was you.

“We do look similar. Even more so than all these...these doppelgangers do to each other.” Anti tried to twirl the keycard around his fingers, but failed. It fell to the table, and he quickly picked it up again. “So, you only met him once. Hmm...I expected you to interact with him more. You’re part of this...this friend group now. I thought, surely, they’d introduce you to each other. Well, I guess they tried. I’m assuming it didn’t go well.” He paused. “But still. You’re a good person, Jamie.”

What are you saying? Jameson almost didn’t want to ask.

“You wouldn’t want anything to happen to him, right?”

Anti fell silent, but Jameson didn’t dare to answer. He couldn’t. 

“This keycard happens to give me...access to the hospital where he’s staying,” Anti continued. “I’ve already been there. I know how to get him out.”

Don’t hurt him, Jameson said, all color gone from his face. Please.

“That depends on you. Well, and our friend in there.” Anti indicated the bathroom door again. “Originally, I was going to use him, but then I thought, that didn’t stop that doctor woman from leaving. But he might try to leave himself, especially with the two of you...here. Together. So I thought I’d use something that’ll affect both of you.”

He hasn’t done anything to you. Leave him alone.

“That doesn’t mean he’ll never do anything,” Anti suddenly snapped. “The cops know I exist now. It’s only a matter of time before they start to ask him questions.” The anger drained away. Now his face was still, unreadable. “Besides, that didn’t stop me before.”

Why did you even take him in the first place? Jameson asked. Why? It wasn't for your...work. All of this could’ve been avoided.

“I was...curious. He thought I was his friend Jack, you know. When I ran into him that night. And I thought to myself, this man is clearly delusional. But I figured it would be easier to play along. After he realized what happened, he explained his whole condition to me, and I wondered. I wondered how I could use that.” Anti’s smile was sharp. “It’s not every day an opportunity like that runs into you on the street.”

Jameson backed away, horrified. Too late, Anti noticed his reaction. And for a moment, he looked hurt. Then angry. Sad. And finally, determined. “Think about what I said.” He stood up, and headed towards the door. For a moment, Jameson considered following him. But he hesitated for a second too long, and Anti was gone, the door locked behind him.

The room was silent. Jameson stood there for what felt like forever. Then he moved, walking towards the bathroom. He slowly pushed open the door, peering inside. “Hmm?” he hummed.

“Down here.” Jackie was sitting on the tile floor, up against the shower in the corner of the room. The bathroom was sparse and small, containing only the necessities of a toilet, sink, and shower, along with a bonus medicine cabinet that was empty. There was nowhere to sit except the floor.

JJ stepped inside. Did you hear all of that?

Jackie nodded silently. His hands were covering his head, fingers digging into his scalp. Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes, and judging by the tracks, a few already had. “H-he can’t—Schneep is going to—he won’t be able to—”

It’s going to be fine, JJ said, kneeling next to him. We won’t let anything happen to him.

“The—the only way to make sure of that is—but you can’t—you could get away if you—but not if he’s—”

It’s going to be fine, Jameson repeated uncertainly. I’ll make sure that it’ll work out. Maybe I can get Anti to listen to me. We can find a way. The police would notice Henrik disappearing, they’ll find us.

Jackie choked on a sob. He pulled his knees up to his chest and folded his arms on top of them. “They haven’t,” he said quietly. “They’re...not going to.” And he buried his face in his arms, shoulders shaking. 

Jameson didn’t have anything to say to that. All he could do was stay close, and hold Jackie tight as he cried.

—————— 

It was a lovely day outside. For late-November-near-December, that is. Though the sun shone bright in a cloudless sky, there was still a chill to the air that forced people to wear jackets, or even coats. But Schneep didn’t mind. He hadn’t been outside in so long that anything would feel refreshing.

Silver Hills had itself a back garden where some patients could spend time. It was fenced in, for safety, but it was still quite large. Dr. Laurens had told him the news at the end of yesterday’s session: she’d gotten approval for some supervised time outside. Schneep had been hesitant at first. Some of his old paranoia and fear resurfacing. When he’d been with Anti, he hadn’t been allowed out without permission. And even when he had permission, Anti always found a way to keep an eye on him, either via cameras and GPS or by accompanying him himself. What if—what if this was another trick? A test? And if he failed the test—

No, of course not. Everything was alright here. There were other patients out and about, going on walks along the paths and stopping to look at flowers nearby. Schneep watched them from where he was sitting on one of the garden’s benches. He twirled his medical bracelet around his wrist. They’d also finally decided that he could wear clothes—besides the standard issue white shirt and pants—again. As long as they didn’t have any hard fastenings or dangly bits like strings, but that was understandable. So now the bracelet was the only sign that he was a patient here. Which was the same as everyone else. That...helped, actually. Somehow.

“Schneep? Is everything alright?”

“Hmm?” Schneep blinked, realizing he’d been gone for a while there. Oliver was nearby, as always. In this case, sitting at another bench nearby, far enough away to give Schneep his own space but close enough in case of an emergency. “Yes, I am fine. It is just a bit chilly.”

“Well...you’re not wrong there,” Oliver muttered. The orderly uniform was short-sleeved, and evidently, they weren’t allowed to wear anything over it.  His arms were covered in raised goosebumps. “Anything else?”

“No, I was just thinking.” Schneep looked down at his lap. Laurens had given him one of her notebooks and a box of markers. He’d said that he wanted to try drawing, like they’d done in one of their sessions, and she’d been encouraging. So now he was trying to draw the gardens. It was hard. He wasn’t particularly artistic, and he was pretty sure a twelve-year-old could do better than him. But it was...nice. Focusing. Grounding.

Oliver nodded, and went silent. Schneep returned to his paper. The markers were a bit annoying, since they couldn’t be erased. But it was fine. He worked around the mistakes.

Quite a bit of time passed before he was ready to go inside. A few clouds had appeared in the clear sky. Schneep stood up, closing the notebook. Oliver looked over at him again. “Ready to go?”

“Yes, I’m going back to my room.”

“Alright, then.” Oliver stood up as well. “Let’s go.”

They made their way inside, winding through the halls and then up the stairs. It was so good to have his old room back, from before that tiny, featureless room on the first floor. Apparently those rooms weren’t supposed to be lived in for that long, a fact that the lovely Dr. Newson had neglected to mention. But that was in the past. Now he had a window! And some battery-powered lamps, and a bathroom joined to the room, and more furniture than a bed and a single table. It was amazing.

“Alright, here we are.” They stopped outside Room 309 and Oliver unlocked it with a swipe of the key card. It was only ever unlocked when nobody was inside; another difference between this one and the tiny first-floor room. “You remember to push the button if you need anything?”

“Yes, yes.” There was a call button on the wall inside. Pressing it would bring an orderly to the room, hopefully within minutes. “I remember.”

“Great. I’ll be around.”

“Thank you.” Schneep opened the door, adjusting his grip on the notebook and box of markers before heading inside. “I will be seeing you, then.”

Oliver smiled a bit. “Of course. See you.” He waved a bit, then walked off, disappearing down the hallway. Schneep waved after him, pulling the room door closed shortly before he started to turn the corner.

By now, it was solidly in the afternoon, and the sun was shining its beams directly into the window. Schneep blinked in the sudden brightness, then once his eyes adjusted, he walked over to the table and put down the notebook and markers. He opened up to the page with the garden drawing and considered it. Not bad, really. For someone who wasn’t an artist. Jackie and Marvin would’ve done much better. Maybe they could have given him advice, if they were here.

It would be some time before dinner. A little over an hour, judging by the numbers on the digital clock on the table. In the meantime, he could get some reading done. The room had a shelf, and Laurens had been providing him with some books for it. He was just barely starting a new novel, but it had already sucked him in. Yes, that was a good idea. Get through a few chapters of that.

Schneep headed over to the shelf, running his fingers over the spines of the books until he reached the one he was looking for. He was just about to pull it off the shelf when there was a movement in his peripheral vision.

He stiffened instinctually. Even though he’d been seeing strange movement in his vision for years now, he’d only been uneasy about it ever since his time with Anti. But he wasn’t supposed to acknowledge it. It was better that way. Just ignore it, just ignore it, just ignore—

There were footsteps behind him. And he couldn’t help but turn around. The first thing he saw as he turned was the door to the adjoining bathroom. It was open. Hadn’t he left it closed? Could he have not closed it all the way? Then some sort of shift in the air could’ve opened it, causing the movement he saw?

No, that theory was disproved when he saw the second thing of note in the room: a man. Who hadn’t been there before. He was wearing the orderly uniform, but Schneep didn’t recognize him.

No.

No, he did recognize him.

His eyes were a different color, and his face wasn’t scarred, but there could be no mistaking him. Anti.

Schneep froze. No. No, it wasn’t real. He was just hallucinating. He’d done the same a few days ago, thought he’d seen Anti in the rec room. That couldn’t have been real. So this couldn’t be real. So it wasn’t. If he just ignored the hallucination, it couldn’t do anything to him. Slowly, he turned back around. He reached with trembling hands to take the book off the shelf.

More footstep sounds. He saw in the corner of his vision the image of Anti again. Anti was circling around him to his left, staring, watching, staring, watching—why is everyone always watching him?!—No, no, don’t let it get to him. It wasn’t real. He pulled the book off the shelf, and knocked down its two neighbors in the process, grabbing those as they fell. It was fine. Everything was fine.

He took a few deep breaths and turned away, taking the three books to an armchair near the window of the room. The image of Anti watched him, watched him with interest, curiosity. He always did that. He’d done it in the beginning, when he’d trapped Schneep in that house with him, always curious about how far he could push his limits.

“Es ist nicht real,” Schneep said to himself. Just a reminder. It couldn’t be real. How’d he get into the room? The front door hadn’t opened, and it was impossible for him to be inside beforehand. The room had been locked. Nobody could get in without unlocking it with a keycard. “Es ist nicht real. Es ist nicht real.” It was impossible.

Footstep sounds. Schneep could see the image of Anti approaching out of the corner of his vision. He didn’t turn his head, and focused on stacking the three books on the window sill. “Es ist nicht real, ist nicht real, ist nicht real, nicht real, nicht real,” he continued to whisper under his breath. “Nicht real, nicht real, nicht real.”

The image reached out and—

It grabbed his arm. 

He felt a sharp pain.

Panic flooded his system. Schneep screamed and spun around, picking up one of the books and throwing it at the man. The book connected solidly, hitting with enough force to snap the man’s head back and cause him to let go. He yelled out in pain.

No, someone was here. It wasn’t a hallucination. Someone was here and they weren’t supposed to be. Schneep ran across the room, heading for the door.

“You—!” The man recovered quickly, and ran to the door as well. He was faster, and Schneep skidded to a halt as the strange man who looked like Anti blocked the door. 

Okay, no door then. Schneep’s eyes scanned the room, and—the call button! Of course! He lunged to the side. The man saw where he was going, and pounced.

Schneep’s hand landed on the button for a split second before the man grabbed his wrist. He started to yell for help, but the man covered his mouth. “Shush,” his voice hissed as he wrapped his other arm around Schneep’s torso.

No! Schneep immediately started struggling, kicking his legs and trying to wriggle free. For a moment, his right arm pulled away, and he hit the strange man in the face. But the man was quick, and recaptured the escaped hand before it could do any damage. “Calm down, you’re going to be asleep in a few moments anyway,” the man said. “Don’t make this hard on yourself.”

That voice—it was—but it couldn’t be. It was impossible—how would he get inside? That—no. Schneep’s thoughts swirled in broken fragments, unable or unwilling to finish and come to the natural conclusion. He shook his head and continued to struggle. The man’s grip was firm. Unbreakable. It was...a familiar feeling.

There was something on his hand. Something powdery, chalky. Like...some sort of makeup. Like...something that could be used to hide blemishes. Or scars. It was on his right hand, the one he’d used to hit the man’s face.

Where Anti’s scars would be.

No...it wasn’t possible. This couldn’t be happening! It wouldn’t be—was it all a trick? All of it? Was he always planning to come back? Or maybe it was all in his head—no. He refused to believe that one.

Strangely, the longer he struggled, the slower his movement became. Sluggish...weak. And Schneep recognized these effects immediately. A sedative? But when...oh. Oh, that sharp pain he’d felt when he had grabbed him...that was a needle, wasn’t it? It was too late, wasn’t it?

Too late...yes, his vision was starting to waver. Schneep gave up on the weak escape attempts. They weren’t doing any good, anyway. Maybe he’d managed to hit the call button, and someone would be coming. Maybe...maybe they could...stop this...help him...please...please...

He looked up into the eyes of his captor and the world faded away.

[dirtykpopsnaps]

Watching Dramas- Cha Eunwoo

Warnings: Slight spoilers for True Beauty

Contains: JinJin’s sister, Y/N, and why she doesn’t watch Astro’s kdramas

Requested: no

Words: 2, 055

A/N: Okay, this fic doesn’t really relate to Eunwoo much, but it also kind of does, so??🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

———————————————————————

Outside the shop window, the street is filled with people underneath umbrellas. Large drops of rain splatter the window and blur the street outside. Inside the shop, everything is nice and warm. Customers chatter happily with their friends, talking about millions of different things. “Are you serious?! You haven’t seen it? I thought everyone had at this point!” Across the table, my best friend, Hayoon, is talking animatedly. I laugh lightly, shaking my head.

“I don’t watch any of their dramas,” I tell her honestly. Immediately, Hayoon’s jaw drops open.

“None of them?! You know these people and you don’t watch their dramas?!” She asks in shock. I smile softly and laugh again.

“I see enough of them on a day-to-day basis. I don’t need to see them in my dramas, too,” I giggle.

Right now, Hayoon is talking to me about this new drama, True Beauty. She’s absolutely obsessed with it and has been following it since it aired. I listen to her talk about it, but I know that I won’t be watching it myself. Although it sounds like a nice story, the drama has one cast member that I refuse to watch...Cha Eunwoo. Also known as my brother, JinJin’s, group mate. Ever since JinJin joined Astro, I haven’t watched any of the dramas that the members star in. As you just saw, Hayoon is definitely surprised that I don’t want their dramas.

Across the table, Hayoon rolls her eyes. “Why not?,” she whines, “It’s so good!”

“I’m sure it’s a good drama, but I don’t watch them,” I say plainly, shrugging my shoulders.

“But why?! Just because you know them?” She pouts.

“Well, I kind of have a bad habit of ‘falling in love’ with characters from my dramas and stuff. I don’t wanna put myself in the situation where that character could be played by someone I know,” I shrug lightly. Hayoon sighs at me, shaking her head. “Besides, it’s weird to see them like that,”

I say, scrunching up my nose.

“But...the shows are so good!” She pouts. I nod my head lightly.

“I know they are. I just have trouble watching these guys that I know, act. I mean, I used to love watching Boys Over Flowers. It was one of my favorite dramas. I thought the little F4 were so cute. And then JinJin joined Astro, I rewatched Boys over Flowers, recognized little Moonbin and it all just went downhill from there,” I giggle. Hayoon’s jaw falls open and she stares at me.

“Do you have a crush on Moonbin?!” She asks in shock.

“Oh, God, no. I meant that all I could see was my friend as a little kid and it kinda ruined the separation between the character and actor,” I explain.

Hayoon and I talk between ourselves, picking lightly at the food we had ordered. Even as we’re finishing, Hayoon still hasn’t dropped the subject of True Beauty. “Well, I don’t care. I want you to watch it with me at the sleepover tonight,” she says.

“Hayoon, no, no. I really don’t want to,” I protest, trying to reason with her.

“No, we’re watching it. It’ll be your introduction to Eunwoo’s acting,” she smiles. I sigh defeatedly, resting my head in my hand.

“Fine, I’ll watch it. But, it’s gonna be weird,” I mumble in annoyance. Hayoon squeals loudly, doing a little dance across the table.

“You’ll love it!” She smiles, getting up and starting to throw our trash out. I help her clean up and we grab our umbrellas before leaving the shop.

Quickly, Hayoon and I make our way through the streets back to her apartment. The rain splatters loudly on our umbrellas, falling down in pools around us. By the time we get back to her apartment, my shoes are absolutely soaked. I groan in annoyance and take them off, trying to find a dry spot by the door. Hayoon opens up the door and we both head inside. For most of the night, we just goof around and talk. We watch some videos on YouTube and even some kpop game videos, like ‘Save One Drop One’ and ‘Kpop Dating Game’. It’s just a fun little sleepover.

About an hour or two before we decide to go to sleep, Hayoon shoots me a look. “Time for True Beauty,” she giggles, grabbing her laptop. Instead of watching it on TV, Hayoon decided that we should start from the first episode and watch on Viki. She opens up the site and signs in, humming happily. Once she’s on the site, she finds True Beauty very quickly and clicks on the first episode.

For the most part, the show is actually very good. It’s an interesting story and Hayoon and I keep stopping the episode to talk to one another. About halfway through the episode, Jugyeong is standing at the edge of a building. I stare at the laptop with wide eyes, not able to tear my eyes away in case I miss anything. Suddenly, someone comes onto the roof of the building and pulls her off the edge. All you can see is the outline of a guy, but I make a guess and laugh, covering my eyes. Hayoon sighs in annoyance and stops the episode. “Really, Y/N? You’re gonna miss it!” She whines.

“It’s Eunwoo! I don’t wanna watch it,” I laugh. Hayoon pulls at my hands, trying to force them away from my eyes. Finally, she just sighs and lets the episode play again. I listen instead of watching the parts with Eunwoo.

When the scene seems to have passed, I look through my fingers. “Is he gone?” I ask, watching the laptop again. Hayoon sighs, nodding her head.

“Yeah, Suho is gone,” she sighs, resting her face in her hand. I giggle at her and continue watching the show. As we watch, I realize that I like the show a lot. Just as the show is ending, I’m actually able to watch a scene with Eunwoo without feeling like cringing internally. As the credits roll, Hayoon smiles happily and pats me on the back. “See?! Eunwoo is a good actor!” She squeals. I nod my head lightly.

“That was a pretty good show. I’ll need to keep up with it,” I smile. Hayoon squeals again, throwing her first in the air.

“Yes, success!” She says.

Looking back at her laptop, Hayoon sighs. “We should go to sleep, it’s late,” she says. I yawn loudly, agreeing with her.

“That’s probably a good idea. I’ll need to go to the studio tomorrow and work,” I say, grabbing some blankets and pillows. Hayoon flashes me a throwing smile.

“The studio? As in...,” she starts. I roll my eyes at me, hitting her with the pillow.

“Yes, as in with Astro. I always sit in on their practices,” I remind her. Hayoon giggles loudly.

“Tell Eunwoo that he’s hot,” she laugh. I roll my eyes, hitting her harder with the pillow.

“Oh, shut up. I will tell him no such thing,” I groan, laying down and covering myself with the pillow. A short silence follows.

“Then...maybe tell Moonbin,” Hayoon says, bursting into a fit of giggles again. I groan, covering my ears.

“Stop talking about my brother’s group mates like that,” I whine, holding back my laughter.

—————————

In the morning, I’m woken up by a loud ringing nearby. I groan, rubbing my eyes and grope around for the source of the noise. Finally, I pick my phone off the floor and answer it without checking who it is. “Hmm?” I mumble sleepily.

“Did you just wake up, Y/N?” JinJin’s voice asks. I sigh lightly, pressing the phone closer to my ear.

“Yeah, Jin, you woke me up,” I say. He sighs at me and I hear a rustling as he adjusts the phone.

“We’ll be at the practice studio, okay?” He questions.

“Alright. I’ll get there soon,” I say. JinJin ends the call and I sigh, throwing the blankets off my body. Next to me, Hayoon rubs her eyes sleepily.

“Was that JinJin?” She asks. I nod my head lightly, grabbing the bag of clothes that I brought here before we went out to eat yesterday.

“Yeah, it was. He was just telling me that they’re heading to the studio,” I say, pulling out some random clothes and gathering them in my arms.

When I have all of my clothes, I press the bag against the wall again. I walk into the bathroom and quickly change, checking my hair in the mirror. When I come out, Hayoon is in the kitchen, looking around for some breakfast. “Do you want something before you go?” She asks, looking over her shoulder at me. I shake my head lightly.

“No. I’ll probably get food for them on the way to the studio. They almost never eat before practice,” I tell her. Hayoon smiles and pulls me into a tight hug. I hug her back and grab my bag, waving goodbye before I head out the door.

On the way to the studio, I stop by a street vendor and order some street toast. The vendor gives me a very strange look when I order 7 of the same item, but he finally just hands me the toast. I give him some money and thank him before making my way to the studio. Every once in a while, someone will stare at me as I carry all the food, but no one really talks to me. I’m able to make my way to the studio without much problem.

When I finally get to the building, I head inside and the receptionist points me to the right practice room. Everyone in the building basically knows me, so they always help me whenever I come in. I walk down the hall of practice rooms and step into the room where Astro is practicing. Thankfully, everyone is already on break, so I just walk in and set my things down. Calmly, I walk around the room and hand out the street toast. JinJin raises an eyebrow at me. “What’s this for?” He asks curiously.

“For you to eat, doofus. I figured you guys didn’t grab breakfast because you almost never do,” I sigh, rolling my eyes at him. JinJin chuckles lightly and takes the sandwich, hugging me softly.

“Thanks, Y/N, you’re the best,” he chuckles. I pull out of the hug and give the last sandwich to Eunwoo, smiling.

“And, the last sandwich is for Lee Suho,” I giggle.

At the mention of his character, Eunwoo laugh lightly. “I thought you said you don’t watch our dramas,” he asks, eyeing me and smirking. I shrug my shoulders.

“Hayoon insisted, so we watched the first episode last night,” I explain. He takes a bite out of the toast, then swallows and smiles.

“What did you think?” He says, smiling widely.

“It was...interesting. Hayoon got annoyed with me because I kept hiding my face whenever you came on. But, by the end, I was almost able to get through your scenes without cringing,” I giggle. The members all laugh loudly and Eunwoo pinches his nose, scrunching up his face.

“That’s really not comforting,” he laughs. I shoot him a bright smile.

“It was good,” I say, patting his head lightly.

Across the room, Moonbin speaks up. “So, does that mean you’ll watch some of my dramas soon?” He asks excitedly. I shoot him a skeptical look.

“We’ll have to see about that. I literally couldn’t even rewatch Boys Over Flowers because you were in it,” I remind him. Moonbin pouts, crossing his arms.

“Hey, that’s mean!” He pouts at me. I laugh loudly, walking over and pinching his cheek.

“We’ll see, Bin. Maybe we can watch together and I can hide my face in your chest whenever you’re on screen,” I laugh. He rolls his eyes, pushing out his bottom lip.

“Maybe,” he says.

Calmly, all of the members eat their street toast. After about 15 minutes, JinJin calls everyone’s attention and practice starts. I sit on the wall, watching all of them practice dance moves and singing the songs. Eh...maybe I will watch some of their dramas. ��I’ll just have to sit down and watch with them so we can all cringe’ I think to myself. Now, *that* sounds like a plan.

[casually-shipped]

Jeff Wittek is DUMB! Means well, but DUMB!

     That interview. Where to begin? The turn this interview took, I didn’t even want to write this. I’m more torn for metoo which is further harmed by, and at the expense of this shit show. From Jeff’s handling of this, to Ethan and Trisha’s involvement in this conversation. Jeff was thrown from the very beginning. He fucked up. As genuine as he wanted to be, Ethan dominated him because Jeff was unprepared. I am shocked Jeff didn’t refresh his memory on the situation, that he would speak out when he didn’t know fully the information to even speak out about. From the moment Jeff released his own video on his YouTube, he was working without the complete information. Which unravels anything he hoped to achieve. 

     I was very disappointed to realize that Jeff is, and was more interested in protecting himself (excluding his employees) his business, than the concerns of any allegation. I’m glad he realized that too, and said as much. I get Jeff, I get his history, and I see how this situation is not easy for someone like him, his self esteem, his past, secrets, and new found success. He wants to protect himself so much, but at the same time protect his friends, those he loves, and the alleged victims, and he is tripping all over himself. For the morons on the internet, in the court of public opinion, this did him and this situation no real favors. 

     Ethan and Trisha are master manipulators, and very smart when it comes to this. Jeff was very much out matched especially with this team up. The worst part in all of this is Jeff resorted to past problematic behavior imo. He lied! You see, when you choose not to speak truth to power, or speak truth out of fear of saying the wrong thing, or to protect someone, you lose credibility immediately. As you should. I didn’t expect Jeff to take this turn, but I can see it because he was backed into a corner, and when this happens to him, this is the result. He panicked, and fucked up. From this point on in the interview when he says he doesn’t remember the photo Ethan showed him, the interview went further down hill.

      The photo was used by Ethan to trip Jeff up. It was a brilliant move, but someone with actual brain cells would know, that the picture wasn’t time stamped. That was an upload time, but Jeff didn’t realize this, nor understood that, so he doubted his own memory, which I wouldn’t be surprised is screwed up especially after his so called “near death car accident.” (EDit: Further analysis, I thought the photo was an upload from a social media site, it might actually be a time stamp.)  “Which means his memory of events are very questionable, but his entire statements are in doubt regardless!”

     Not only did he doubt his memory, but the situation doesn’t truly matter to him because he believes his truth, that he didn’t bother to do the work. It showed. It showed Jeff doesn’t actually believe the victim, and even if he is telling the truth, even if the victim is lying, this isn’t how you handle this situation. Believe victims, for the sake of the movement until proven otherwise. He tried to walk this line, but ultimately failed. He failed to tell the right truth because he doesn’t truly understand this. He shouldn’t have spoken at all to this degree outside of a court of law in the first place, for his sake, his friends, the metoo movement, and the alleged victim.

      Once he doubted his own memory because of the photo and Ethan’s clever rues, he crumbled. From this moment it was very hard to watch. There came a point where it seemed Jeff was trying so hard to distance himself, it really sounded like, and I believe this is what he was doing, throwing everyone who isn’t him under the bus. Intentionally or not, that was publicly damning.  He acted as if there was a cover up that he wasn’t aware of, and tried to protect himself which came across as confirmation of the allegations. Which again began to destroy public confidence and his credibility. As well as his character. He quickly became an unreliable source. If Jeff wants to remember where he was, if he had his location turned on his phone, he can look up his location from that time maybe? lol Just a thought! Well, the authorities will anyways. 

     Ethan’s way of asking questions was to project a truth that he believes or wants people to believe and plays off that. He makes people think that his opinion or point of view is fact, as well as making shocked faces, using certain tones and inflections, being accusatory, twisting words, ignore and not following up statements, moving past answers in favor of his own answers, talking over Jeff and retailing Jeff’s point of view and the point of view of the allegations, with his own narrative. At points Trisha did the same, which Ethan allowed and played off of. This interview was a hit job, not getting any other side or truly getting to the bottom of something. Ethan disgusts me! This interview DISGUSTED ME! If you can call this an interview outside of an opportunity for exploitation, and monetization. After the interview even began to make jokes was disgusting do to the serious nature of all of this.

      I’m glad I powered through the interview because it was so cringe, too cringe, but I got through it. What a waste of time. I walked away knowing more than I thought I would, but I put myself through mental anguish just to end up with more questions. I have an idea what Jeff is hiding about his eye. I have many theories about Jeff, and David. These theories is pretty eye opening for me when it comes to this situation. I do still give credit to Jeff and surprisingly even Trisha for this situation to a degree. Trisha will however always be trash for me. But she isn’t wrong about how David in some ways treated her, even if it was mental health driving her physical, emotional, and mental abuse towards others and Jason. There’s just no excuse for her. No excuse for David either. David is and was a very insensitive self involved individual. To the point where his pranks deffinetely crossed a massive line. Brandon even thought he was a psychopath, he truly believed it. David had to beg for forgiveness and say even sorry to his parents for what he put Brandon through. An emotionally traumatizing moment. Shit like that David needs to own, and hasn’t.

     If what happened with the victim happened, then she as well as everyone involved has to speak out. Even if it didn’t! That’s just doing the right thing for the movement. Let’s say the victim messed up her story or is lying? You still treat this with the respect it is owed until it becomes a criminal case, or defend yourself in court for defamation and we hear otherwise. If you have privilege then you will gain back anything you lost when the truth is finally known, if you are innocent. Some thing you don’t allow to play out in the court of public opinion, literally fuck the public, it’s the only way to protect victims and the movement from being destroyed by outrage cancel culture, the way it has been. David and others who were there, not speaking is a mistake. However, I disagree with how far you have this conversation. Jeff in my opinion has gone a little too far. Some truths you keep to yourself, even if it makes you look bad, until court. It comes out then not before to respect the victims involved publicly as well as the movement.   

     What are my final thoughts? Personally, I don’t really know what to believe. I in all honesty am not sure I truly believe the victim, but, I choose to because of the movement, and that I wasn’t there. So I don’t know shit! But if you want just my honest opinion, I believe Jeff wasn’t involved in that way, I also don’t believe David would go as far as being insinuated, he’s dumb and careless, but not that. But even then, who really knows? Anything is possible. I just don’t think that part of the story is correct, but that’s just me. I have always at that time when I saw this vlog, thought it was faked. I remember David peaking and nothing was happening. They were all dressed, but that could have been shot at a different times, again no one knows. This is edited footage here.

      David in the past has been involved in edgy sexual content when it comes to consent. Heath (and I can’t remember who else it was, maybe Zane,) were in a hot tub clearly drunk, and David used that moment when they kissed for a fun video moment and that was a moment David took advantage of for content. They may have consented for that video to be uploaded after the fact, but it seems David has always had a problem with consent, AFTER THE FACT! I do believe David has grown and changed a lot, but he still imo hasn’t come far enough. There are things he still needs to take accountability for, and he never has. His video, very much wasn’t that. The whole situation is just awful. I can however mimic some of Ethan’s words at the end to Jeff. I hate Ethan, but damn if he wasn’t right. Credit where credit is do. But fuck Ethan! David HAS to treat this issue with more respect that it is owed!

[theabundantlion]

Do you struggle to network with people? Here are some strategies that will help you improve

Let’s talk about networking with people today.  Networking is like building a support system.  One of the ways to get successful and to move forward is to have a support system.  If you don’t have a support system then it’s time to network and build one. 

 I would like to share an example with you before moving forward so that you can visualize this.  If a total stranger walked up to you and said, ‘’Hey I want you to give me something and I’m going to absolutely give you nothing in return and I want you to be happy about it,’’ how would you react to that?  This sounds similar to a robbery.  Wouldn’t it seem odd to you?

 Here is a very important thing to keep in mind when you’re networking.  Don’t be a parasite.  What is a parasite?  A parasite is someone who just wants to take, take and take.  They are only concerned about what they can gain from it.  It’s best to have the mindset that you’re going to be open to making it a win-win situation.  At least ask someone how they are doing and be genuine about it.  It’s important to build relationships with people when you network.

 When I network, I genuinely care about people.  Networking is easy for me because of that.  If you’re someone who struggles with networking or struggles with how to approach people that’s understandable and I’m here to help.  If you think that your people and relationship skills need work, that’s understandable as well.  The main key to keep in mind is that you want situations to be a win-win situation.

 If you just met someone for the first time and you’re getting to know them, then you are going to take your time and go through the getting to know them phase.  For some people, this time may take longer than other times.  It’s no different from that when you’re networking.  Networking can be viewed as taking the time to get to know someone and keep in touch.  That doesn’t mean that you have to talk to that person every day but you can keep in touch from time to time. 

 Let’s say that you met someone in your industry, maybe you can touch basis once a month or once every two months.  It will vary depending on how receptive the person is to you.  It can be as simple as hoping they are well or asking how they are doing.  It’s important to be genuine about it when you have a conversation.  People feed off of each other’s energy and someone will know if you’re faking it. 

 I genuinely keep in touch with people and ask how they are doing and truly mean it.  Listen up, this is called ‘’being a decent human being.’’  If you are a decent human being, it’s going to be easy for you to network because people won’t see you as a cold stranger that’s just trying to rob them. 

 Every connection is important and should be treated preciously.  You never know who knows who.  If someone comes across to me in a bad or negative way, I usually don’t talk bad about them.  If you were to look at all of my videos, podcasts, socials, and website, you won’t catch me talking bad about someone.  That’s just not my style.  Now I might give a scenario for the purpose of teaching, but it’s not for the purpose of blasting people.  That’s just not my personality.

 When it comes to networking, here’s how you can meet people.  Look up associations, organizations and people in your industry.  For example, I’m in the music business and a songwriter under BMI and my publishing company is registered to both BMI and ASCAP.  Those two organizations have workshops, meetings and different events.  Over the years, that’s how I met people.  And from time to time after meeting people, I send them how are you messages.  This is called being a decent human being. 

 There is great technology at your disposal that will help you keep track of these things.  You have to allow people to warm up to you over time.  Some people will connect with you and some won’t.  You can’t expect people to treat you like their bestie overnight.     

 For those of you who struggle with networking, here’s something that may help you.  Look up random general stuff.  It can be the news or other sources.  The purpose of this is to see what is at the top of people’s minds nationally.  It doesn’t have to be anything controversial but a topic that the majority of the population would have at least heard of.  Nine times out of ten, that will give you something potentially to talk about. 

 You have to keep in mind, when you’re networking people may be just as nervous as you.  Allow them time to get to know you and just be a genuine person. 

 Here is another thing that can help you if you’re struggling with networking and this may sound a little crazy.  Take improv acting classes.  You don’t have to be an actor.  Here is why improv classes are awesome.  They will help to teach you how to be on the spot with people.  Improv teaches you to think on your feet.  When you have conversations with people you’re going to have to think on your feet. 

 There also other things that you can do as well.  You can go online and have conversations with people.  This will serve as great practice to help you improve your networking skills.  There are websites where you can meet people.  Some of the sites are LinkedIn, meetup.com and other similar places.  You also can also take a chance with social media.  You need time to practice. 

 Networking is as skill.  I had a meeting with Mike Smith recently and he’s a global president of a record company.  One of the things mentioned in the meeting, he said that networking is a skill.  I agreed with him whole heartedly.  I was telling him that I was sharing these things with people on my podcast and videos.  This is an important thing for people to understand. 

 The reason why that conversation was such a big deal is because that was the fourth time that that topic came up from different people.  That pointed out to me that this is an issue and I want to write a book about it because it’s not enough time to cover it here. 

 The takeaway for you today is that you can network.  You can absolutely do it.  You can teach yourself how to network.  You can learn it.  It starts with one connection at a time.  Organize your contacts.  If you don’t have them all on a list, then organize them on a list.  Don’t just have contacts in your phone.  Phones can get lost or broken.  Make sure they are backed up. 

 I love Gmail and I will tell you why.  They have a wonderful tool called scheduling messages.  Even if you have a web domain, Gmail can be an email provider.  

 It’s a wonderful tool on Gmail because you can use Gmail rather you have Gmail or rather you have an email through your domain that uses Gmail as a server.  If you think you’re too busy, then block out an hour or 30 minutes in a month and schedule emails. 

 You have to remember, people are not their titles.  They are human beings.  Keep in mind the analogy that I told you at the beginning about a stranger coming up to you demanding something and offering nothing. 

 This is the beginning of networking.  Here is my challenge for you today.  If you already have people that you know, make it a point from time to time to reach out and ask them how they are doing.  Say hello.  Some may be warm to you and some may not.  They may not be used to you doing that, but start doing it from time to time.  It could be twice a year or whatever time.  You have to determine what time is good for you, but that’s the first challenge for you today.

 The second challenge for you is to sharpen your networking skills.  Practice networking.  Getting to know people doesn’t have to be forceful.  Just find some common interests and do it.  There are plenty of places that you can do it.  Now if it’s just some random person on social media, that can be a little bit more tough because they are there to be entertained.   It still doesn’t mean that you can’t try. 

 Here’s another piece of advice as to how you can find people to network with.  When you’re looking up someone in your industry, see if they have a website and subscribe to their email list.  If you’re on people’s newsletters, eventually they might have a workshop or give you some good information about what’s coming up.  I will tell you another little secret.  Most of the time, you can hit reply to the email and it will reach them.  That’s an opportunity to be a decent human being.  Tell them how they are helpful to you and again be genuine about it.  People can tell if you are not being sincere with them. 

 I’m not suggesting that you stalk anyone, but if you are networking, check out people’s social media and see if they have an interest posted.  Maybe they have a dog and you have a dog and you can say something nice about the dog.  I’m just giving examples.   

 Be friendly but don’t be pushy.  People will let you know what temperature they want the conversation to go. You can tell by the response.  If someone’s responding to you in an engaging way and it shows that it’s left open, then it’s ok to respond back.  But if they are responding in a way to where they have closed the conversation, leave the conversation alone in that moment.  Trust me you will know when this happens.  If this happens, then you may want to give it breathing room before reaching out again.

 I would recommend also that you stay away from controversial topics.  But again, it’s going to depend on who you’re talking and what’s going on.  It just appears that people tend to argue about politics and religion.  Those are some of the top two things that people disagree about.  I tend to stay away from those topics in general.

 Networking does not have to be hard.  The reason why it’s important to share this with you today is because networking is a part of your support system.  It gives you the opportunity to meet like-minded people and people that you can associate with.  Essentially networking builds a support system. 

 If you want to build a support system, then be a support system.  How do you be a support system?  By being a genuine human being that actually cares about people and to not go into situations looking at what you can gain from it.  Approach situations with the mindset of how you can exchange.  That’s it.  It’s not scary.  And again, sign up to people’s email list and attend workshops.  There are a lot of virtual things happening if you don’t want to go in person.   

 Here is another topic in the networking conversation for you, masterminds.  I love masterminds.  For those of you who may not know what it is, masterminds are when people collaborate, come together and exchange ideas.  They talk and can share their experiences, what they’ve learned and if anything positive has happened to them.  I attend masterminds every month.  Although I’m busy, I make the time.  I usually go to three different masterminds monthly and they are all different.  Sometimes I talk and sometimes I don’t.  It just depends on the meeting.  If I have something to share, I definitely won’t hold back. 

 There are other types of meetings going on as well such as zoom sessions and other virtual meetings where people are interacting and engaging.  There is absolutely no excuse not to network, especially in today’s age with all the technology that we have.  I’ve given you some great ideas today.  The only thing that you have to do now is apply it.  You never know who knows who.

 Do you ever wonder how people get connected?  How do they have connections?  It’s very simple.  Follow these concepts and eventually you will get those connections too.   You have to put your time in and give people time to get to know you.  That’s what you have to do.

 I’m a member of plenty of associations and organizations.  I definitely take advantage of the meetings that they offer.  It’s a fantastic way of meeting people.  There are also different groups out that such as Facebook, discord and other groups.   

 I want you to challenge yourself to get better at network.  We all can always improve.  Although I consider myself a great networking, I still learn all the time on how to be even better.  Even while I’m sharing this information with you, I’m in the same boat as far as learning.

 One of the biggest things that I’ve learned is that you have to be organized enough to stay on top of networking.  Once you start getting to know a lot of people, it can be very easy to neglect people.  You don’t want to just contact people when you need something.  Say hi sometimes and see how they are doing.  Remember the word I’ve used three times now, be a decent human being.

 I won’t name drop but I’ve met some very well-known people over the years using this same concept.  It was serendipitous.  They are normal people just like everyone else.  We all bleed.  We all go through pain.  We all get headaches sometimes.  Everyone has something.  Keep in mind, those are normal people behind their brands.  People are so caught up titles and who’s who, that they can forget that people are human beings.   

 I consider myself just an average Joe although a lot of people call me smart.  I don’t walk around proclaiming myself as a genius.  It’s just that the things that I know, I know well and the things that I don’t know, I’m willing to learn.  I will be the first to admit that I don’t everything, but one thing that I know for certain, if you want to be great at networking, you have to be great at being a genuine person.  If you are not a naturally genuine person, then learn it.  Thank you for reading this today.  If you would like to receive weekly motivation to your inbox, then join the family at www.theabundantlion.com

[paullicino]

On the Internet

Taken from, and thus generously funded by, my Patreon. The above image via ExtraFabulousComics.

Do you have a flashlight nearby? A lamp, or other light source? Keep it to hand, it might become relevant for something, something I’d like to demonstrate later. The demonstration is simple and entirely voluntary, the flashlight is not essential. It works just as well as a thought experiment in your head.

Meanwhile, I’m going to write about the internet on the internet. Because that’s what we all do these days, isn’t it?

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I still remember the excitement of our first explorations online. It was a kind of hidden, secret space of unknown dimensions when we found it as young adults. A weird sort of Narnia. A modem meant you could open this door to an entirely different place full of entirely different people obeying entirely different rules. You had to find ways of telling one another about what you’d found this week, either the next time you were together in person, via an email or, God forbid, by printing out a webpage. Twenty-five years ago, the internet was a collection of imperfect search engines (crawlers) taking you to out-of-the-way websites that were as likely to have been made by someone just like you as they were to belong to some major company or organisation. Its mess was egalitarian. It was a decentralised place full of curious corners and sudden surprises. It wasn’t somewhere we logged on to with an expectation of finding the familiar. It was a place of discovery.

It wasn’t simply that the tech wasn’t as good as it is nowadays. That much is obvious. It was the fumbling newness of the place. It was a primordial soup, we were all blobs and we blobbed around together, testing out the water.

It was a tremendously international space. It was easy to stumble across websites in other languages, to find places that weren’t for you, that were never created with you in mind, and at the very edges of these places their owners and their users might just blend together. Spill over, even. Everyone was from everywhere and they were all mingling, uncontrolled. It was liberating. It was mind-expanding.

The internet was exciting, it was new, it was unfamiliar. It was a place to learn. It was a place without an agenda.

It was also a place to be different. Niche interests found their audiences and young people could be united by what they enjoyed, not marginalised. There was no need to fit in when the place didn’t even fit together properly. For those of us bullied, bored, or worse in tiny homogenous hometowns, isolated or upset by the toxic social dynamics and popularity contests that school can create, it offered little judgement about what you should want or who you should be. It was a place to be genuine. 

I still remember the end of the 1990s, too. It was a decade of growth and change not just for a young generation, but for the wider world we were learning about. There was a peace deal in Northern Ireland, there was optimism in the media and there was a coming millennium that was supposed to be defined by technology and communication, the internet at its forefront. I was not a young man who could identify with very much of this optimism, but I was at least a young man looking forward to change, who could be accepted as who I was on the internet and who could be excited about what it represented. I’d never tried to be anyone else, even though being different rarely works out when you’re young, but now I knew for sure that I didn’t need to.

As my friends and I grew, so did the internet, and it became a place where we could share more about ourselves, where we could play together and where we found a bunch of ways of keeping in touch whenever we were apart. It became a tool to help me work, that kickstarted my career as a writer, as well as an ever-widening window on the world. It wasn’t yet too corporate, its websites and its tools not yet too monolithic.

I remember some of that early sharing. I remember talking to total strangers, a world away, about some part of my life or theirs. I remember talking to one internet friend of many years, who I never met, about British and American spelling. And about spelling in general. I remember they told me they weren’t sure how to spell a particular word and I said they could look it up in but a moment, since they were online there and then. “I can’t be bothered,” they replied, and that frustrated me so much.

The 90s passed and on September 11th 2001 whatever vision there was for the coming century was erased. The course of world events shifted immediately and dramatically. Never before had mass murder been so visible and so immediate. I remember talking not about how different the world was going to be, but that we had no idea how big a difference this would even make. In a very short space of time, it felt as if the world became not only so much more cruel and so much more cynical, but also so much more divided. I remember the weeks and months after those terror attacks as being my first experience of seeing people sharply divided in their politics, divided enough to be extremely angry, extremely offended, by the many suggestions of what should be done next. It set the scene.

As the decade continued, technology and communication certainly did change us. More of us were using the internet not only to talk, but for more and more of our everyday tasks. We were also sharing ourselves, too, in ways more personal and profound, and there was so much to know. I read a blog post by a Black woman from the American South describing the ways she had to bring up her son to interact with the wider world, how angry he was about it, how unfair it all was. I read updates from those caught in the civil war in Myanmar, talking about what they claimed the news didn’t show. I read about the realities of the rapid growth in Dubai, the working conditions and pollution. I read diary entries by people surviving the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, weeks without power and wondering when help would come. I read about the world in a way I’d never been able to before.

More than ever, the internet was a library of lives.

The first trip overseas I took by myself was all planned, booked and executed with the help of the internet. I flew to Chicago, in the United States, and I stayed in the most average hotel in the most average neighbourhood and it was wonderful. I heard real cicadas for the first time and walked through concrete valleys between towering skyscrapers that my tiny mind couldn’t process. In the evenings, I watched a plethora of American news, which was only ever about America, and that frustrated me so much.

The first interview I ever conducted with someone who wasn’t making a video game was with the writer Mil Millington. The interviews I really wanted to do were about people, their experiences, what they liked and why they do the things they do. Mil Millington was the perfect subject because we had both written about games, we both understood the reach of the internet and we were both interested in what the future of this medium would be. He had recently scored a book deal and written his first novel, Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About, based on his semi-autobiographical, tongue-in-cheek blog of the same name, listing comic domestic disagreements. I asked him what it was like to share all of his personal life online and he told me that, actually, he didn’t:

“I'm, honestly, almost obsessively private. It's just the way I write that, for some reason, if I say, 'Margret won't let me watch a film in peace,' causes people to think, 'My God! Mil's laying his whole life bare!'”

And then I realised that he had, of course, chosen to share all the things that he had. And carefully. It didn’t mean that those things were less honest, less real or less interesting, but he had been doing what all of us writers do: picking his words and his moments. We should all get to share on our own terms.

I liked his honesty. He wasn’t trying to prop up any persona.

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A little after this time, I was asked on a date by a conservative American woman who I met in my first year at university in London. We saw each other a few times and stayed in touch when she returned to California. A couple of years later, the American Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin spoke about “death panels” run by Britain’s National Health Service. Online, I expressed my annoyance and anger both at Palin just making things up, as well as at the volume of people who seemed to simply accept her words. My former date said that Palin was allowed to “express her opinion” and I didn’t know how to begin to explain, to an adult in her mid 20s, the difference between fact and opinion, or that she could check such things in a moment, since she was online. That frustrated me so much.

This discussion played out over a relatively new website called Facebook, which had become an invaluable way to connect with my fellow students. I had feared being alone at university, lost in a big city, but the opposite had happened. As soon as we all finished our first year of studies and were hurried out of our student residences, we scattered across the capital and the closeness I had taken for granted was suddenly lost. But Facebook became a directory of friendship, another library of lives. In its early days, I made jokes about people oversharing, or using the site to attract attention, but this wasn’t any different to how some of us might behave anywhere else. It wasn’t such a big deal. That’s just humans.

And anyway, I like to share. My whole life, I’ve enjoyed sharing things I think are important because I feel like it helps me make genuine connections, express myself and feel useful. I saw the internet becoming another way of doing this, another way to be genuine. The younger me had played in bands and held dreams of reaching other people through music, in awe of those moments when an audience sings an artist’s lyrics back to them. I still wanted that, that connection, or some version of it.

On the ever-growing internet, we could all share ourselves more. It could become a new medium for acceptance and understanding. What a glorious future it promised.

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In time, I adopted all of the social media platforms that I use because I enjoy human connection and I think one of the fundamental traits of people is that they can be so interesting. They do stuff, they make things, they go places, they inspire and they pull humour out of the most difficult of situations like a conjurer tugging an elephant from a beanie. I’d like to be able to do those things. Some days I can barely make a pancake.

Social media allowed me to make and share even more, and now I was sharing things with two people at dinner, ten people at a party or a hundred people online. The number mattered less than the creation’s ability to connect, because it all helped me figure people out and it helped me figure myself out. It helped me figure everything out so that, perhaps one day, I might also learn the trick that lets you tug an elephant out of a beanie. I would be able to say to people “Ah yes, you start with the trunk,” or “Surprisingly, you pull from the tail.” Then they could pass that on. Social media seemed particularly good for this, a way for us to all enrich one another.

In 2008, a series of devastating terrorist attacks erupted across Mumbai. Many of the events were documented in real-time by both journalists and locals using Twitter, which made the site seem to me to be an invaluable new perspective on current events. By the start of the next decade, the Arab Spring saw a broad uprising across North Africa, with thousands of people united in protest by the unifying power of social media. It felt like these tools could change our world forever.

Some other things happened as that decade wound down.

A woman on Twitter made a poor joke about AIDS and Africa before boarding a flight, only to find that, by the time she had landed, her words had been shared around the world many millions of times. A woman in England was caught on camera putting a cat in a bin, the footage of which went viral and received such an overwhelmingly furious reaction that one national newspaper asked, only half-joking, if she was the most evil woman in Britain. These events were shared, discussed and dissected with a comparable passion and level of investment as the terrorist attacks and the Arab Spring. On the internet, a cat in a bin was becoming as important as terrorists in a hotel.

I flexed some cynical opinions. We all had opinions by then (though still not the same as facts), because it was increasingly difficult not to get swept up in things like these as and when they happened. They were everywhere, echoed and repeated, with a kind of mentality of momentum. Countless people changed their profile pictures to something green in support of protesters in Iran, or added a flag to support victims of terror in France. They signed internet petitions demanding Something Be Done, though it wasn’t always clear where these petitions would be delivered or how they would compel someone to act. None of these protesters or victims were in any way saved, protected or enabled by a person on the other side of the planet clicking their mouse like this, but if a million other people did it, those metrics created a validity of their own.

I think I remember the late 2000s as the time that I really began to feel different about these things. But by then, I was too bought in. It had already gone from a habit to a dependency.

Year by year, the internet had become less egalitarian. Monolithic sites and spaces were increasingly the center of the experience, whether hubs like MSN and Yahoo, social media sites like Facebook or Twitter, or popular news outlets. We found ourselves in the same places, over and over, and we relied on these for our new discoveries. While social media in particular pitched itself as something that put us all on the same level, behind the scenes levers were already being pulled to shape and to manipulate what was shown and shared.

(That’s okay, people told me. Turn on this feature, or adjust these options, and you get to pull your own levers. That’ll undo everything. You still get to share on your own terms.)

These sites had swelled to envelop us, going from making themselves exciting to making themselves essential. We no longer went online, we were online, always, and we left more and more of ourselves there even when we were away from our screens. Social media allowed you to collect everything together, becoming a place where you could simultaneously read updates from your friends, your parents, Leonardo Di Caprio, the Prime Minister, your favourite newspaper and your favourite sports team. All in a moment and all competing for your attention. Sites like Google and YouTube started to track and understand the preferences of their users, delivering to them more of what they wanted, working hard to grab and to keep their attention. You liked that dog, that topic, that politician? Here’s another.

Here’s another, again.

I was pulling levers all the time, frantically now, like someone operating locks and gates to try and dam an ever more overwhelming flow. My social media sites had changed from something that I used to something I had to manage. Not only were we all carefully curating who we broadcast to and when, lest we offend an employer or shock a relative, we also found ourselves trying to coordinate and customise them, because if we didn’t they would do this for us. They began to choose what to show us, based on what they believed we cared about, they began to offer us things, based on who they believed we were. They even began to mess with time, giving us information and updates out of chronological order. All of these were changes we often had to undo or at least be mindful of, if we even knew about them. If we wanted to. And if we knew how.

If we didn’t, our reality might shift.

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I still remember the excitement of our first explorations online. My first favourite website was Snopes, which was then a collection of myths and urban legends, most of them debunked. In the late 90s, bullshit chainletter emails would bounce around the internet with stories about how some Russian scientists had drilled their way to hell, or how a new computer virus had come out, or how Coca Cola dissolved human teeth. Sometimes, the strangest of stories really were true, or at least partially so, but most of them were trash. Thanks to Snopes, you could check such things in a moment. I loved that about the internet.

On September 11th 2001, almost twenty years ago now, it was difficult to disagree about what we saw happening right in front of our eyes. Nevertheless, there were a few people afterward who insisted that a plane had not hit the Pentagon, that the towers had been deliberately demolished, that some more mysterious sequence of events had transpired. They lurked in the darkest corners of the internet, much as they had always existed on any other margins in any other mediums. The rest of us could get on with our lives.

I grew up playing games and then, later, I became someone who analysed, critiqued and even designed them. One of the most powerful and important things I learned through games is that so much in life is based around systems and the longer a system is around for, the better we become at manipulating it. When a game has been around for a long time, we find many different ways to play it and sometimes we have to adjust the rules of the game to account for this. The rules for chess that we have today have seen many adjustments and revisions. The same is true for football. It is also true for our laws and for our systems of government. We have to modify these things in part because times change, but also in part because they are being abused and exploited, subverted in ways their designers never imagined.

Or simply used as optimally as possible.

It’s 2021 and the internet monoliths that we have begun to take for granted, that have surged like the rising oceans to engulf our lives and to carry us along their currents, are constantly being used in ways their designers never imagined. Two years ago, we thought the biggest problem we had with social media and internet monoliths was their subversion to manipulate elections, with great armies of bots and fake profiles being created and directed faster than the people who owned social media sites being able to prevent this. This presence could bring amplification and validity to anyone or to anything. “Learn the algorithm,” was the key to success online. Use a site or social media platform in a particular way and it will elevate you further. Elevate your work. Or your truth. Or just you.

Now, more than a year and a half into a pandemic that defines our generation, the areas of the internet with which we’ve become most familiar and most comfortable, those which we began to pour our lives and identity into, are not only places where elections were subverted, they’re places where the difference between life and death are considered a matter of opinion, where science and fact can be openly ridiculed, where conspiracies about September 11th are tiny in comparison. For some time now they’ve already been well-worn battlefields, public arenas within which opinion and force of will often carry more weight than evidence and reason, but now the consequences of doubling down on a belief are undeniably the difference between living and dying.

More important, for some people, is the difference between right and wrong. Not so much being right, but being seen being right, can give you validity, clout, value. I think we’ve reached the point where dying while being seen as right can matter more than living and admitting a mistake.

The flow of the internet, all those locks and gates opened by algorithms or AI or other people’s decisions that may simply have been motivated by a desire to give us what we like, have made it more difficult than ever to find things that go against the current, or to grasp something we can be sure is objective or straightforward.

One part of me believes that we can no longer look things up in a moment any more, because we have to second-guess every other thing we find. As a journalist and researcher, I never feel secure with what I find on the internet now and I dig, I verify and I compare, still coming away unsure, often worried I will publish something glaringly incorrect. A different part of me, a more dramatic part, sometimes wonders which things are even real.

I suppose anything is real if you can get away with it. If nobody ever notices.

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There’s another aspect to all this, the aspect that makes me the most uncomfortable. The aspect I least enjoy discussing, but which I have to if I can fully explain myself.

Living alongside the internet, I’ve watched as some of us pull all those levers simply to control the flow as best we can, to keep ourselves afloat, but others have viewed this experience differently. They’ve seen it as a challenge, as another system they can manipulate. It’s an opportunity for them to choose how they present themselves. The more levers they pull, the greater their ability to do so. The more time they invest, the greater the result.

If you take your flashlight, lamp or light source and point it toward an object, you can easily affect the size and the shape of the shadows it will cast. Under your control, those shadows can lengthen or deepen, they can sweep and distort. A light up close can cast a gigantic shadow across a far wall, perhaps a sharp one or perhaps one fuzzy and undefined. Try it. See what you can make. The more you do it, the more tricks you can learn.

All of us try to present our best selves and all of us have our different selves, too. Forty years before I ever went online, the sociologist Erving Goffman published The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, a book about how we behave differently in different contexts. It’s natural for us to speak to our family in a different way to how we speak to our best friend, or to our colleagues, or to a crowd we might be addressing in a speech. It’s not necessarily disingenuous, it’s merely a part of the human experience. But impression management, as Goffman called it, is also a matter of degrees. Some people are more invested than others. If given the tools to perform more effective impression management, more levers they can pull, they will engage even further.

I have flexed a few cynical opinions in my life (at least as many as three, the stats suggest) but, at the same time, I think I have to admit that I have also been very naïve about people. I tend to take many of them on face value and assume they are genuine. Many of us are, perhaps even most of us. But I’ve come to know both that this isn’t always the case and that, given the opportunity, some people will use every tool at their disposal to shape a false version of themselves. We’ve found ourselves in an era where this is more possible than ever. It’s no longer simply within the purview of politicians and PR firms, it’s within reach of every one of us and all we need to do is put in the time and energy. The reward can be ever greater popularity, ever more validation

And I’m so tired of seeing this.

Over the past half decade or so, I have seen the internet and its many systems gamed more than ever. Gamed for political gain, gamed for personal gain and gamed to create images, personalities and that god-awful golem of hollow and lifeless artifice that is brand. Now a person can be a product, a new kind of commodity in this ever more opaque ecosystem.

The nausea and unhappiness I feel from all this is more than the simple declaration that I’m not a brand, I’m a person. It’s the discovery that other people, sometimes people I’ve known, really are a brand now. Their time, their energy, their life is now invested in shaping and maintaining that image, that brand, perhaps even at the expense of other pursuits. And with the right manipulations, the right tugging of the correct levers, they can perpetuate that, build that and further gain the affirmations and validations they need to prove to themselves that what they have created is as solid and as true and as real as anything else. And how would we know any different?

The ocean is not so far from my home. It’s not unusual to walk the beach or the seawall and see people engaged in impromptu photoshoots, dressed in their very best, expertly presented and shot with long lenses. A friend told me that most of these shoots are for the purpose of enriching dating profiles, that there’s an increasing feeling of expectation, a sense that everyone must present their very best selves, simply because everyone else now does so. To be on a dating site is to feel engaged in an ever-escalating competition for time and attention, to need to package oneself as the best possible product.

I don’t at all object to the idea of dating sites, but I could never get comfortable with them and I used to feel like I was browsing a human meat market, that it was all too easy for me to make judgements about people I didn’t know and then cast them aside. I felt, again, like people had become products and this was a system and a process I did not want to be part of. You can game it, people tried to tell me. There are ways to make it work better for you, it just takes a little time. I didn’t want to know.

The more time you spend trying to engage with things that aren’t genuine, the less you have for what is real.

When I use the internet these days it’s with an increasing sense of discomfort and disquiet. I find myself already on the lookout for the artificial. I second-guess people as much as I do information. I’m all too aware of the constructed persona and the deliberate framing, of that angling of a light to cast a particular shadow. In a few cases, this isn’t an abstract concern and social media in particular can be a place where I watch people I know are starkly different to the image they project be celebrated for the false façade they maintain, a façade that can be further reinforced by popularity and prominence. I see harmful and unhealthy people championed even in spite of their actions, because they have managed to engineer support and validation, or using the popularity and affirmation they have gained to push opinion over fact. The disingenuous and the distorted tie together like a greasy braid, each one reinforcing the other, and it’s no wonder falsehoods can spread so far, whether false representations or false information. I would say that sometimes I almost feel like I’m back at school, amongst the same gossip and garbage, but this is far worse than any of the toxic social dynamics and popularity contests that school ever created, and now it comes with measurable metrics in the form of likes, follows, retweets or subscriptions.

I’m sure, at this point, this is a common experience and common concern for most of us, and we are each finding our own ways to handle it.

Or not. For me, the experience is deeply unpleasant.

While drafting this I idly wondered if we could somehow develop a new version of Snopes for human beings. A demystifier of people, something that reveals each person’s private Picture of Dorian Gray, which grows ever more warped as they reinforce their persona ever more. But I’m sure even that would be gamed and subverted before too long.

I'm so, so tired of trying to work out who is real.

---

The internet monoliths I move between in my daily life all have one thing in common. Google, Twitch, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr, Facebook, Patreon and so many others are all based in the same place: the United States. They are towering. They overwhelm the rest of the internet. The levers that many of these pull, controlling currents and flow, are being operated in the United States. The politics, existential crises and cultural interests of that country are disproportionately represented and, while I care very much about the United States, I also want to hear about the rest of the world. I want to hear about where I live, and yet even that feels like it comes second. Yes, I am pulling all the levers that are supposed to make this happen. No, it isn’t entirely successful. I am using a paddle against a tsunami.

Once the bias is there, the snowball effect perpetuates. So often, whether I choose to or not, I am in that motel room watching a plethora of American news again, or its modern equivalent. It frustrates me so much. Most of us Westerners essentially live in America some of the time now, if we spend any period online. That’s where our presence and our attention are pointed.

Before publishing this essay, I changed every mention of “torch” to “flashlight” because I felt I had to cater to an internet that sees the first word only as a burning chunk of wood, not as a British battery-powered light source.

The internet doesn’t feel like the world any more. It hasn’t for a long time.

---

I can’t abandon the internet of today. I need it for work. I need it to promote the things I create. I need it to keep in touch with people. I’m not different or special, only someone too bought in as well, my use also going from a habit to a dependency. But it has almost entirely stopped being a place of delight and discovery. It has lost any sense of being egalitarian. So much less is new, so much less is unfamiliar. So much more has an agenda.

Algorithms, metrics and social media have quantified and gamified everything, encouraging competitiveness and narcissism. Public spaces have become arenas and arenas encourage performance. In an attention economy, the outrageous and the overblown mean a cat in a bin can have the same profile and presence as terrorists in a hotel. In spaces that now mix our friends, our parents, Leonardo Di Caprio, the Prime Minister, our favourite newspapers and our favourite sports teams, people we know and love are elevated or relegated according to how interesting an algorithm has decided they are, pushing them to the fore or pulling them from your view. “People on Twitter are the first to know,” says the social network that prides itself on immediacy more than integrity or fact-checking. Misinformation abounds. As the line between person and brand has smudged between all recognition, corporations insert themselves into and between everything else we try to examine. Surrounded by banner ads, the conflicts of polarised culture generate enormous revenue for monolithic American tech companies. As we fight, push our narratives, construct our personas or compete in the race to prove we are the most woke, we all make @Jack richer, or provide Zuck with more of our personal data.

I also find myself reminded of what Octavia Butler called “simple peck-order bullying,” the hierarchical behaviour where people want to, and now can, elevate themselves above others, according to identities they've built for themselves, to push their ideas, push their image, push their sense of superiority or push their opinions so hard that they can reshape them into facts. Anything is possible with enough pulling of enough levers. And now more people have more of those levers. And some of them love to pull and then push, pull and then push.

I don’t like what the internet has turned into, nor what it has turned people into.

So what now?

---

This was an essay inspired by an essay, inspired by an essay, which is always how it goes. Creativity is theft and anyone who says otherwise is only trying to distract you as they secretly shake you down. The eternal question that writers (or anyone creative) is supposed to dread is “Where do you get your ideas?” Because we aren’t supposed to know. But we do know. We get them from everyone else. We thieve them.

Ideas are pickpocketed from the people we pass in twisting evening alleyways, during the briefest moments of darkness and distraction. They’re caught with nets as they flutter with all the freedom of sweet springtime naivete. They’re spied upon from tremendous distances through the jealous lenses of sparkling telescopes. Nothing is truly ours and anyone wringing their words into a desperate defence of some unique capacity for originality ex nihilo is either deceptive or deluded.

(Avoid them. You’re likely their next target.)

This essay was heavily inspired by Lucy Bellwood reflecting on Nicole Brinkley. Both have written nuanced examinations of social media (focusing on Twitter) that I think you should make the time to read, but I’ll try and sum up the main thing I have taken from their writing in one line:

Social media is extremely bad, in a multitude of ways and for many complex reasons, and it is okay to leave it.

This is in so small part my interpretation, coloured by a particular belief I hold, that being that social media is extremely bad, in a multitude of ways and for many complex reasons, and it is okay to leave it. You can probably see why I approve.

There’s more to it than that. Brinkley talks about Twitter essentially breaking the way the Young Adult literature scene works, which to me is one facet of a dangerously seductive diamond that repeats many different stories of damage done by how we’ve used and gamed the internet. Her wonderful conclusion is that “These days it’s okay to not be sure what Twitter is for. We can stop going there until we figure it out.” And I so desperately wish I could stop going on the internet until I could figure out what it is for now, too. I wish it wasn’t essential. But it is, broken as it may be, breaking things as it may be.

While I don’t think leaving it is an option for me, I am using so much of it less. I have to. Social media, a place where I am shown arguments and controversy over the lives of people I care about, has become somewhere for me to hurriedly hurl out a quick update or two before I flee, escaping before I come across something, or even someone, that will make me sad. Any search box is a cause for scepticism, prompting me to analyse the results it gives and try a dozen different ways to find the same thing, just in case. Even Snopes is now a running commentary on the (American) news cycle. The best I can do whenever I think something fundamental to our society is unhealthy is to participate in that thing as little as possible. I know this limits my reach, limits my relevance and limits my success, but I also know that this makes me less unhappy and allows me to continue to feel genuine. Like I am still myself. Like I am still real. It may be apparent that my mental health has taken a few hits over the last couple of years. It doesn’t need to take any more.

I am not only unsure what Twitter is for, I am unsure what the whole internet is for.

---

There is no conclusion to this essay. It is supposed to be six thousand words of open-ended reflection. The past year or so has sometimes been a huge struggle for me and it really is true that some days I can barely make a pancake. Work has been difficult, writing has been difficult and maintaining regular Patreon updates has been difficult, with this piece being a huge challenge to finish. I think I’ve tried to make the best of things, as well as present an honest but still positive face to the world. I have piles of tasks to get through and I tackle what I can, with what feels like so much competing for my attention. At the same time, I can’t opt out of the systems I live and work inside of, much as I can’t stop paying rent or putting food in my mouth, because individuals can't kick a habit society has become dependent upon. I think the best thing I can do right now is be truthful about all that, try to remain as genuine as I can and continue to step away from what makes me uncomfortable, giving myself some distance from the things that make me unhappy.

That doesn’t mean I’m disappearing (I’m still checking in on social media, streaming on Twitch and so on), nor does it mean this change or this philosophy is forever, nor does it mean that things can’t improve. But it does mean I’m changing a few things about myself, my habits and my preferences. And it does mean I have a working, temporary, if unsatisfactory answer to the question “So what now?”

It is: “We’ll see.”

---

A big thanks to my Patreon community for the links I’m adding here, post-publication.

The first is How sex censorship killed the internet we love, on Endgadget, about controlling the internet in all sorts of ways and about what might be considered explicit (apparently a condom might be explicit).

Then there’s The internet Is Rotting, from the Atlantic, about bits of the internet that are disappearing and the loss of information that comes with it, as well as information that is overwritten and altered. We are keeping less than you might think.

Finally, The web began dying in 2014, here’s how, by André Staltz, talks about the growing prominence of big corporations (all American), what their priorities are, and what online things (services) they may bring to you.

[random-imagines-blog]

Animal {Avengers Cast x Male Reader}

Requested by: @gameloversblog Wordcount: 1715 Summary: You play a Marvel antihero who has a pretty bad pottymouth. You finally get your own standalone film and invite your castmates over to watch. Warnings: Foul language.

To say that you brought a new life to the controversial character that you were playing was an understatement. Ever since you were young, you wanted to play a comic book superhero, or perhaps more aptly, an anti-hero because you were always a bit naughtier than the characters you grew up with. You swore an almost unprofessional amount, but your charm and skill was enough for you to keep the roles that you had, you requested to do a lot of your own stunts for the thrill of it, and, well, you were a bit of a flirt with everyone that you came across. So when there was a role opening up in the MCU as an anti-hero with a bit of a potty-mouth, you called your manager and told her that she would receive a big bonus if she managed to get you that audition. Needless to say, she got that bonus, and when you got the role, you bought her a brand new car, complete with a big bow on top, and a cut out of yourself for the backseat so she wouldn’t get lonely.

Unfortunately, these were meant to be family movies, and you didn’t get to swear as much as you had initially hoped. You did continue with your language when you messed up, which would never be in the bloopers unless they wanted to get an R rating on their own, and it became a bit of a joke with your castmates. In one scene that you filmed with Chris Evans and Scarlett Johanson, you actually shocked Evans so hard with your language that you missed a fighting cue and genuinely got struck in the head. He didn’t let up about that for a good month, but it was all light-hearted.

The movie was incredibly successful, as you had hoped that it would be. The critics loved it, and there was even praise on the way that you accurately portrayed your character - but there was one complaint. It wasn’t completely true to the character as you hadn’t been able to swear as much as they did. You brought in a couple of ‘hell’, ‘goddamn’ and ‘what the f-’ before you were cut off, but that was the extent that Marvel would let you do. It was literally signed into your contract that you could not improvise.

But now you were all smiles to the press, though your publicist was always on hand to give you a stern look, or clear your throat if your language started to go downhill. “It was fucking amazing!” was something that you couldn’t help but say when journalists asked about your experience. During one particularly memorable interview, you spewed out, “It was so fucking cool, like have you seen this shit? There’s like explosions all the goddamn time, and those are real, they don’t just put that shit in during editing, it’s right there, like holyyy mother of God, there was a time when I was scared I was going to be actually on fire, because of how close it was. Fucking burning up hot like Rhianna’s newest cd, you know?”

That interview showed on TV and had more bleeps than an episode of COPS. And you know that to be true because Robert Downey Jr called and told you that he had compared them as something fun to do. That interview also ended up on some videos of ‘Most cringy interviews’ which you didn’t completely understand. You had a blast, you were being yourself - it was the show hosts who looked baffled.

Out to celebrate the success of the movie making millions in the box office, you and co-star Jeremy Renner decided to hang out at his house with a couple of beers. Now that most of the press was over, and you didn’t have to go to any more premieres, it was so nice to be able to just hang out with friends. You were lounging in his living room, bottle in hand, telling a story about a scene that you did when you were in an action-comedy movie with some other famous actors. “So Mark Wahlberg has that expression on his face, you knew the one, where he looks all confused, like he needs to take a shit and doesn’t know how to get it out?” You laughed, and Jeremy nodded, knowing what you were talking about. “So I took the chance man, I had to take it, I just blew into my elbow and it made the biggest fucking fart sound, I’m talking about camera breaking loud man.”

Between laughs you heard your phone ringing. When you saw your manager’s name, you were expecting her to come down on you hard for swearing in the interviews. You had no idea that your life and your career were about to make a huge turn for the better. “Yo and hello,” You said, smiling at your cheesy line.

“I’m not calling to bitch at you, believe it or not,” Your manager sounded excited about something, which peaked your interest.

“I would never use the word bitch - I’d more say it’s complaining mixed with nagging,” You started. “All of which I know that I deserve. So what’s up, buttercup?”

“You managed to get a starring role, and I mean, big time starring role.”

“Oh, is someone trying to get a big Christmas bonus? What a coincidence that this is happening around the oh so busy clusterfuck of a holiday. You know - I don’t even remember auditioning for anything lately. What is it, what is it?”

Your manager said the name of the character that you had just played, who was originally just supposed to be a one-off character. “You were recieved really well, so they want to give you your own film. With at least a Mature rating so you can use those words you love so much.”

“I can finally say shit, dick, asshole, fuckfest?” You said, growing happy. You legitimately got up from Jeremy’s couch and started to do a happy dance.

“To a degree,” Your manager warned. “We’re still in talks about who is going to do the script, so you might be able to have some say in it...”

“Thank fuck for that. Do you know how hard it was to say darn with a straight face? Who says darn anymore? I wasn’t playing Cap!” Jeremy snickered behind you and you shot him a wide grin. “I’ll even write the script myself if they can’t find the perfect person. I practically am my character, you know.”

“Yes, I know. Everybody knows.” Your manager sighed. “I’ll put in a good word for you, you know that. Just hang tight. They’ll be sending you an announcement soon enough.”

-

Just over a year later, you were sitting in the living room of your spacious home with your best friends and castmates all around you. You managed to get a copy of the film before the premiere, and managed to talk everyone into coming over and watching it. And you, being a devious little thing, created a drinking game.

“Alright, so here’s the rules,” You said, standing in front of the TV before the film started. Your friends stopped talking amongst themselves and looked at you. You grinned like a maniac. Some of the biggest names in Hollywood were hanging out in your house right now. Suck on that critics who thought you’d never make it this far. You were one of them now. “I don’t have enough alcohol in the house to make you all take a shot at every swear-”

You were interrupted by a couple of laughs, so you gave a wink to Paul Rudd who had been the source of a couple of them. “-So how about you guys just have to take a swig of your beer? And a double if you’re referenced in the film.”

“I guess that sounds fair,” Jeremy said, settling into your second-favorite armchair.

“Why do you want us to get so drunk?” Scarlett Johansson asked, raising one of her perfect eyebrows in your direction. You shrugged before taking your seat, the best seat in the house, your favorite overstuffed chair.

“Instagam, snapchat, facebook, tumblr,” You listed off the various social media sites that you could put their drunken pictures up on.

“I think my publicist would actually kill you,” Elizabeth Olsen chimed in, cracking open her own beer.

“Great! Think of the publicity that would generate for the film!” You joked with that same grin. “Marvel Superstar murdered by publicist of Elizabeth Olsen! The tragic story of a drinking game gone wrong! More details inside if you want to play along...”

“Alright, alright, we’ll play along but no cameras, okay?” Chris Evans said, opening a beer of his own. You couldn’t stop smiling. You absolutely loved when you got your way.

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for the best Marvel film in the world? Now presenting - me!” You pressed play and the movie started.

Almost immediately, your friends had to start taking drinks because of how often there were curse words. Nothing too bad, but just the usuals. Fuck, shit, damn. Not the overly offensive ones.

Your favorite part was slowly coming up. You kept shooting glances over at Chris Evans, which the others noticed, but said  nothing about. Chris was oblivious, paying more attention to the film rather than to the people around him.

“Darn,” A character in the movie said, albeit a young one.

“Language!” The camera whipped to your character, who was standing there in a heroic pose. Weapon in one hand, charming smile, looking good for the victim whom you just saved. “In this movie, we say fuck.”

The scene had the right effect. Everyone started to laugh, and Anthony Mackie was nudging Chris, encouraging him to take double the drinks.

“You know, I wasn’t in charge of writing that line, but I keep getting the flack from it.” He grudgingly picked up his beer and finished it off while the rest of the group cheered.

[tsuna-mayos]

as someone who was using a dial up connection at ten years old in the early 00′s, i am finding i recognize the internet a little less every day.

now this is not something i am saying as an old person who isn’t up to date on the new stuff. i have been an active user of pretty much every form of social media going back to xanga, and as a person who did not have a lot of friends locally for a long time the internet was my primary form of socializing with others who shared my mindset.

this is coming from someone who finds it hard to see how the internet is influencing our well-being and how we experience society around us. it’s such a multi-tiered effect, and it influences everyone on every political and social spectrum. it pervades our existence now in a way it didn’t maybe eight years ago. as a child i always believed in the internet as our way to access information and education, to see the world outside our borders, gain broader understandings and even find interests we never would have otherwise knew existed.

i still feel that way, but i also feel that it has taken a backseat to something so new i don’t exactly know the right terms for it at this time.

while i always knew the age old “if you saw it on the internet, it’s definitely real /s” adage, it’s getting out of hand. while i always checked up on sources to see if something was a hoax or not, i found there was some solace in knowing some reputable sources existed. now i find it’s very hard to fact-check most sources i once found reputable. i also feel as if the new influx of internet users don’t even know or think they need to do that. the things i see people believing entirely are something out of a science fiction novel, now. it is so upsetting to use any social media and see those things constantly trending and re-appearing on dashboards and timelines. false narratives are normal. it’s so hard to be faced with that every day.

not only that, but i am bone-tired that every website, social media or not, has become a place where people are just duking it out constantly. while it is important to have an open dialogue about important points, it is also sometimes matters of trivial opinions like which show is better, or which definition of something is more valid. the social media i grew up with was more blogging until myspace and facebook, but even the early days it was more of a social place. we shared interests, we founded circles of friends. we came together. now i feel it is so hard to find a place to call your own tribes. we as a people across all traits are constantly redefining enemies and no longer seeking friends. when i log into things i am just... depressed. i miss being parts of groups where we used to uplift each other. i just don’t see as much of that anymore as we used to have. in passing i’ve seen polls where people say they are too afraid of confrontation to make friends, and the internet accounts they have leave them feeling more lonely than ever. they are afraid to admit things like what show they like or that they actually like that band that everyone hates. not even high ranking political topics but... entertainment.

i don’t even recognize a lot of news sites anymore. some of the headlines are just shocking... how can someone call themselves a news agency and publish some of the stuff they do? shouldn’t there be standards that say you can’t just make up something wild to stir people up and broadcast it to the world? a lot of this gets tangled up in the internet now when it goes viral, and a part of me wishes these crazy lies would just not get shared so the story dies. it’s the kind of stuff that doesn’t dignify a read or a share.

not to mention what the internet does to our self-esteem. i used to be happy when i was online. i used to see what my friends were up to and be happy for them. i used to share stuff. my timelines and dashboards were always an interesting read. now it’s hard to go on and feel better. websites like instagram push you to perform constantly like a trained monkey and penalize you for using other apps or taking a break. creativity doesn’t abide that way, and it’s no surprise we have such bad burnout under the stress. i won’t even talk about facebook, they killed the reach for creatives and small businesses years ago. plus, instagram is just this slideshow of people showing you how much better their live is than yours (spoiler alert: it rarely is unless you follow a rich influencer who was likely wealthy and privileged before they signed up for an account). twitter is impossible, it’s just become an angry swarm of different kinds of hornets.

like many people, i took a break from my creative work on instagram during the pandemic. it was hard to look at people going out in spite of lockdown, and it was hard to push myself to create when i was just living in a place of pandemic fear and uncertainty. when i did post again ready to continue my commission work, they punished me. my reach dropped from 500+ per post to 12 per post. my content did not change. immediately, this made me feel like no one cared about my work anymore, and that i was forgotten (especially as many of my friends continued to be productive and post nearly daily during the pandemic and kept their engagement levels). i really thought no one cared about my stuff anymore. that is the lie instagram wants to tell you to force you to keep going. they use secret programming they won’t disclose to destroy your self worth and force you to use the features they want (such as the act of using their video editing app gets you higher reach than if you uploaded a tiktok video). why are we even using things like this anymore when we know how they make us feel?

it’s not that the internet is all bad. we have done so many great things with it. it has changed our lives for the better in more ways i could list and it has made a lot of advantages easily accessible for people who did not have those advantages before. it’s just... i miss the days before any of this was normal. we used to install anti-malware and now we give all our life’s information to facebook and we don’t bat an eye. we used to be private and anonymous and now we’re telling everyone everything at great personal risk. we have lawmakers engaging in immature twitter fights, for crying out loud.

i have no idea how to combat any of this. it’s a problem so great it is international. how can anyone reclaim the internet and suck out all that poison that invades our lives?

[ataswegianabroad]

Alone Amongst the Gum Trees Part 4 - Digital News Report: Australia - A Murdoch Review

NOTE - this article has been migrated to Medium. As of 2021, A Taswegian Abroad will be closed down, and all of my writing will be published on my Medium profile.

---

After seeing a significant public outcry to my story based on a response to Sally McManus on twitter - I recently spoke with the ABC on being an Aussie overseas and the challenges we’ve faced getting home. The failure once again of Morrison’s government to provide enough vaccines and a proper quarantine system (covered up by the Murdoch Press protection racket) is having real implications on everyday Australians.

I strongly believe that for this to change, the media needs to perform its function of holding both elected officials, and their peers in the press, accountable for such actions.

Until Australia has reestablished media fairness among the press, improved media literacy amongst its citizens, and have mostly removed the cancer of Murdoch’s News Corp dominating mainstream media, we will never break this cycle of government ineptitude, gaslighting, negligence, and outright corruption with little to almost zero accountability.

You don't need to look far for proof. The ones that immediately come to mind for me:

2020 Bushfires and consistent climate change denial - "I don't hold a hose mate"

Freedom of speech is threatened where internet comedians get arrested in their own homes for making jokes about a LNP Deputy Premier

Kate and the horrendous Christian Porter alleged rape case

The four stage plan to make a plan about having a plan for Covid, 18 months into the pandemic, with literally no dates or vaccination targets.

Back in March, I caught onto calls for a Murdoch Royal Commission by former prime minister Kevin Rudd, and since then I’ve been keeping a very sharp eye on the Australian media landscape.

Despite over 500,000 petition signatures and the ramping exposure by Rudd online (leading to a full senate enquiry), the Murdoch press is doing its best to discredit, misdirect, or, blatantly ignore the storm that’s brewing. A couple of major things have caught my attention since that date.

News Corp outlets are still consistently cowing their competitors at Nine, Seven, the ABC, and more into towing the pro-Coalition narrative THEY choose, or, risk facing character assassination. This applies to everyone who dares step out of line: reporters, ministers, producers, senators, editors, presenters, janitors… no one is safe.

This sort of behaviour and influence is not easy to show on graphs and charts, but if you read between the lines, you can see it. Let me show you.

The ABC Presents the Data

In April of 2021, the ABC published a fact-file article outlining the power of the Murdoch press - the first article from an at least somewhat reputable source addressing this that I’ve seen on this topic.

The biggest things I took from it are that despite there seeming to be a diverse ownership pool across many mediums, News Corp (Murdoch) newspapers significantly dominate the national market for print papers, and, have recently been crowned leaders of the #1 source of news for Australians: social media (via mostly viral, opinion, and video based content primarily from News.com.au and Sky News pages on Facebook and YouTube).

Remember this point - spoiler alert: it’s important.

At the recent senate enquiries, News Corp claims there is in fact diversity - focusing on different mediums such as online, social media, radio, television etc. available to represent “diversity”. This is response refers to medium diversity, and is quite frankly a misdirection based on a technicality to avoid the real question. Classic News Corp.

Rudd says “each story published online or broadcast over the airwaves finds its point of origin in a print story, often a Murdoch print story". The former PM is referring to content diversity where factual reporting reigns supreme, and different points of view are given equal time in the sun without the blurring of opinion and fact.

As Kevin likes to say: “pigs might fly”

While you might be thinking “so what? News Corp is strong in print and social, Nine is strong for television and online news, ABC is strong on radio and social, Seven is strong on radio and television etc” - I’d like to ask you a question: where then is the accountability for elected officials in the media?

The Murdoch press won’t say a word about the Coalition’s ever growing laundry list of corruption, negligence, ineptitude or incompetence, but if a Labor politician sneezes, they’re likely to be labelled a Covid super spreader on the front page of 15 national and state papers the next day.

How about this doozy from the Herald Sun in May 2021 after Dan Andrews quite literally broke his back and took medical leave:

I didn’t see one peep from the Murdoch reptiles about Morrison's three day actual disappearing act only last week after his bogus "AstraZeneca is OK for under 40’s / go to your GP” comments.

The key thing to point out here is that the news provider who ranks number one in Australia's largest news medium (social media) is a well known right wing protection racket that doesn’t show any signs of slowing down, and there's mountains of evidence that exists to prove they don’t play a fair game.

Let’s Go To the Numbers

To really drill down into how important online media control is, I found the Digital News Report: Australia 2021 (i.e “the report” for the rest of this article), recently published by the University of Canberra by way of the Reuters Digital News Report: 2021

Below I've outlined a number of key headers from the report, and more specifically tried to point out exactly where Murdoch and News Corp are exploiting and manipulating their way into control. The data shows us both what has been going on, and the direction it will likely continue in.

Having worked in digital marketing for the better part of the last four years, I couldn’t wait to dive into this data and explain just how much of a rort this all is for the sake of profit.

1: Local News

Replaced by Murdoch Sky News, Invests in Social Media

“For ‘hard news’ such as local politics, economy, crime and health, local news consumers continue to turn to traditional local news outlets, such as the newspaper or TV. However, for most other news and information, consumers are using internet search and other internet sites to get localised information.”

The report tells us that:

“2020 was a difficult year in Australian news sector, with news companies closing or suspended. This is in part a response to the COVID-19 pandemic, but it reflects a longer-term gradual decline in newspaper consumption that is replaced by online offerings”

So why did the BBC report in 2020 that Murdoch shuts 112 Australia print papers in major digital shift? CNN covered it too, as did the Guardian. I couldn’t find anything on a Murdoch owned site or outlet. That’s because Rupert is rolling out “Sky News Regional” to replace them all.

The report outlines:

“This year’s data highlights the important role of newspapers in generating a sense of community, particularly among older news consumers . Further, newspapers are perceived to be the best source of information about local government and politics, which is central to the functioning and accountability of local communities. It is important for industry and government to remember that the closure of a local newspaper not only leaves a gap in the provision of quality news, but also a loss of critical information that is connected to people’s sense of attachment to their community”

How on earth does one far-right Sydney run “news” channel represent hundreds of regional communities? Answer: It doesn’t - it’s designed to influence regional voters to think the way that suits the Murdoch press agenda.

2: Impartiality of News

Murdoch Cuts ABC Funding via Coalition, Ramps-Up Online Polarisation

The report tells us that 

“traditionally, values of independence, and impartiality — or ‘objectivity’ — have been central to journalism’s mission and deemed important to perceptions of trust in news. However, in the digital media environment, former demarcations between news, features, opinion, and advertising continue to blur.

“News audiences are becoming more polarised and are increasingly attracted to news brands that offer partisan perspectives.”

What you’re seeing here is that while the data reveals a strong desire for news outlets to attempt fairness, balance, and an impartial approach to reporting - the demographics more likely to use social media (the medium that Murdoch now leads, mostly containing Millennials and Gen Z) are less supportive of impartiality, neutrality and giving equal time. More on this in Part 8.

On the flip side: 

"news consumers who prefer impartiality are much more likely to say they distrust news on social media.”

“Both the 2020 and 2021 data highlight that these traditional journalism ideals are more strongly supported by older generations and those who use traditional sources of news."

You need not look further than the blatant defunding of the ABC to see how the Murdoch Cancer continues to take over.

So, if the majority of Australians believe the ABC is impartial and does a “good job”, why has the ABC had $783m in funding cut since 2014 by the Coalition government?

Seems to suit the Murdoch agenda pretty nicely.

3: News Representation

Low Media Literacy in Under-Represented Demographics

“Importantly, a large proportion of Australians say they don’t know if the amount of media coverage of ‘people like them’ is sufficient or fair. Those who have low education are much more likely to say they don’t know. This indicates a lack of engagement and adequate media literacy to identify misrepresentation and bias in the news.

“Combined with a lack of awareness about misinformation, lower interest in and consumption of news, these findings confirm the ongoing need for targeted media literacy interventions"

The only way the public can push back against misinformation is by knowing they’re witnessing it first hand. That does not suit what Murdoch is selling.

Misinformation breeds confusion, smoke and mirrors, and is aided by political spin, gaslighting and stone throwing to keep people moderately confused and ultimately giving up on understanding the “truth”, or, deciding their own convenient version of truth.

The closure of the Australian Alternative Press due to revoked funding by Nine and News Corp in 2020 should be enough to tell you the media landscape is gravitating consistently to the right.

4: News Access

People Losing Interest, Murdoch Keeps the Elderly Onside

As traditional mediums (television, radio, and print) are on the decline, social media and online news is on the rise with the aid of mobile device popularity (45% of Australians preferred news devices).

It's not a surprise to learn that during COVID-19, older Australians have increasingly turned to social media platforms to get news.

“The percentage of 75+ who use social media as their main source of news has more than tripled in two years from 3% to 10%. Among this age group, social media is now comparable to print use.” the report states.

While it’s hard to point this as a direct plot by News Corp, this is still great news for Murdoch. All News Corp had to do was weaken the traditional mediums that aren’t making them as much money, and push the audience toward social media. It worked.

75+ votes still count, and they are more likely to click the “clickbait” articles to make News Corp that sweet, sweet ad platform revenue.

5: Emerging New Habits 

Murdoch Funds the Fuel for the Fire

Despite people being somewhat varied on their social media usage for news specifically, the important statistic here is that more than half of Australians consume news videos.

The below statistics from the ABC should set alarm bells screaming. To put it plainly:

More people on social media than ever before

Murdoch ramps up social media content (Facebook posts / videos & YouTube videos mainly), then mega-funds paid advertising on said content

Drives subscribers and views through the roof

Overtakes ABC (yes, the one he’s got his politician friends/puppets actively defunding)

Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

The ABC outlines that: 

“Fact Check has analysed audience data for media accounts on what Canberra University found were the two most popular platforms: Facebook (used by 39 per cent of news consumers ) and YouTube (21 per cent).”

“Data from the analytics site Social Blade shows that Sky News Australia's YouTube channel had more than a million subscribers at the start of 2021, having doubled its following in just six months. Its subscriber base began to pull ahead of Channel 7 and Channel 9 from mid-2020, and by March 2021 Sky had overtaken ABC News”

The University of Canberra report aligns to these trends, and summaries that:

“Australian news consumers are accessing news online from a diverse range of sources including news videos, podcast apps, and numerous social media platforms alongside traditional branded news websites.”

“Although social (media) is the most common main pathway to news online it is common for consumers on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Instagram to say they mostly see news incidentally while they are on those platforms for other reasons.”

6: Trust and Misinformation

Rupert’s Bread & Butter

“Tackling disinformation and misinformation is complex and won’t be solved by platforms alone. Responsibility must be shared across governments, digital platforms, users, news media and society to make sure Australians can access accurate and reliable news and information online, while ensuring rights to freedom of expression are protected.”

Creina Chapman, Deputy Chair, Australian Communications and Media Authority

This in part ties back to my earlier points in part 3 regarding media literacy - the report indicates that trust remains high where people use both multiple mediums AND multiple sources for news. This is further compounded by the evidence that low educated readers are less likely to know they’ve encountered misinformation.

The report confirms this by indicating:

“The differences between high and low educated Australian consumers in relation to concern about COVID-19 misinformation and their ability to discern it, points to an ongoing need to boost media and information literacy among socio-economically disadvantaged groups in Australia”

The ABC and SBS still continue to be the most trusted brands, however, it needs to be highlighted that “Local or Regional Newspaper” comes in third (62% trustworthy) - the vast majority of which Murdoch owns.

In 2020, survey participants were most concerned about Australian governments and politicians being sources of general misinformation (35%), followed by activists or activist groups (20%).

Despite this, 2021 shows that trust in news has increased in 2021 (43%), rebounding off trust associated with COVID-19 news reporting. The report breaks this down further:

“The data show(s) that concern about journalism as a source of misinformation about COVID-19 is very low (9%). In 2018, we asked about ‘fake news’ and 63% of news consumers said they were concerned about poor quality journalism as a source of ‘fake news’, and 40% said they had encountered it. This signals a possible positive shift in perception of journalism after 12 months of reporting expert health advice about the COVID-19 pandemic.”

"The data also highlight(s) ongoing low levels of trust in news found on social media (18%) compared to trust in news generally. Given much of the news encountered on digital platforms is the same as that which appears on the homepages and front pages of well-respected news brands, the findings suggest that the nature of the online environment itself is one the factors lowering perceptions of trust, rather than the news content."

Creina Chapman, Deputy Chair, Australian Communications and Media Authority states in the report that:

“In the context of online news, nearly two-thirds of Australians remain concerned about what is real and fake on the internet. And a variety of surveys over the past 12 months have shown a concerning portion of the population believe dangerous falsehoods about COVID-19 that have been circulating online.

"Any lack of trust in authoritative or reliable sources of news and information is particularly worrisome during a global pandemic, as it may drive people to spaces where misinformation is more prevalent. This, in turn, increases exposure to false conspiratorial narratives that can result in real-world harm to both individual users and broader societal institutions”

Where does Murdoch benefit here? Same as always: smoke, mirrors, confusion, and spin all wrapped into enormous volumes of social media content.

7: Paying for News and Funding Journalism

Conveniently Avoiding the Issue

“To ensure media diversity and plurality in Australia, a mix of substantive, fiscal measures is necessary to support, transition and stimulate existing news businesses and encourage new entrants”

Anna Draffin, Chief Executive Officer, Public Interest Journalism Initiative

Despite a fair and balanced media being a must-have for any democracy - this is not surprising, given the low amounts of trust for online media content. Overall, given that Australians are not concerned about the poor financial state of news outlets, it’s sad but not surprising that many feel the government should not step in to help.

What is the most dangerous here is the simple fact that when there’s no money to fund decent and ethical journalism, we end up with tabloids, opinion pieces, shock jocks, and anything that just gets you to first: SEE it (an “impression” in the marketing world) and second: CLICK on it. Both of these things make News Corp richer.

Here’s the report evidence:

“A quarter (25%) of left-wing news consumers and 27% of centre-leaning are supportive of government intervention (to assist struggling journalism). However, more than half of right-wing (58%) news consumers are opposed to government assistance for financially struggling news companies."

“This is consistent with the findings that left-wing news consumers are more likely to say they are concerned about the financial state of news businesses (41%) compared to centre (37%) or right-wing (34%) news consumers”.

News consumers who think their political views are represented fairly for online news are another win for Murdoch. This is compounded by the fact that those who think news should take a position are also more likely to pay for that news.

That means if the mainstream media is pro-right wing, for example, then more people look at right wing news and pay for right wing reporting, ultimately leaving the left without funding, and fighting a losing battle. All Murdoch needs to do is discredit who he deems as “left” and it’s game over.

But Murdoch doesn’t need subscriptions. That’s just pocket money for him. With the introduction of the News Media Bargaining Code, Rupert & News Corp continue to improve their financial revenue streams through digital marketing strategies (views and clicks) without needing people to pay for fact based, objective journalism.

8: Political Orientation

Stealing the Centre & Making Opinion the “News”

Of all the elements of this report, this one shocks and upsets me the most.

The majority of Australians (61%) identify with the centre-left of politics (30% political ‘centre’ and 31% identify as either ‘very left-wing’, ‘fairly left-wing’ or ‘slightly left of centre’).

Only 22% of Australians align themselves with the right wing, and 18% don’t know their political orientation.

Younger generations have historically been the drivers of progressive social change, and younger Australians are more concerned about the environment and the impacts of things like climate change and equality.

Clare Armstrong, National Political Reporter at the The Daily Telegraph outlines in the commentary that: 

“many young Australians may rightly feel their futures, livelihoods and social activities have been either jeopardised or overlooked by a centre-right government, and subsequently a larger cohort has been pushed toward the left”

To begin in closing, based on this - how do Conservative/Right Wing parties keep winning federal elections?

It’s by doing exactly what we’ve mentioned in the first 7 sections:

Flooding the online and social media landscape with non-factual spin and confusion

This is aided by the bedrock of owning the majority of national, capital city, and regional papers which in turn steer the daily political narrative on television/radio

This is all driven home by bullying competitors into following suit, or, suffering the consequences

There is no governing or peer run body with teeth (or guts) to hold Murdoch and News Corp responsible or accountable

According to the report; 

“Younger generations, who say they feel less attached to their local community, and who also access social media widely for general news, are more likely to seek local news and information from the internet and online platforms.”

As Clare Armstrong also states: 

“Social media has significantly fuelled political polarisation in the last decade as its algorithms, by design, show users more of what they want to see, rather than a broader mix of ideas presented in traditional media.”

In summary - this quote from the Political Orientation trends leaves a long-lasting impression on my psyche:

“Left-wing news consumers (61% of the country) are more comfortable with news that takes a position rather than maintaining neutrality.”

Rupert has them right where he wants them: thinking that opinion is news.

[blazehedgehog]

i bet you could do a kickass video on sonic xtreme

I dunno.

I talk big about Sonic X-treme, but the truth of the matter is I kind of stopped paying attention to a lot of it after a while.

For those who don’t know, here’s the whole story:

Around 2000 or 2001, I was deep in to, like, The Secrets of Sonic Team and other websites that covered lost beta elements in Sonic games. This was right after the big Sonic 2 Beta discovery, and the Sonic community was working overtime documenting all kinds of discoveries and lost stuff from every Sonic game ever made up to that point...

...except Sonic X-treme. That information was fragmented and spread across the internet and nobody really seemed to care. I saw a niche I could fill, so I started up a website and combed the web looking for every scan, screenshot and video I could find. I collected all of it at a modest website that was something like sonicxtreme.tk or sonicxtreme.cjb.net or whatever. One of those free domain URLs.

And once I’d collected everything that could be found on Sonic X-treme... that was, uh, it. It’s not like there was anything more that I could do. Once I had all the magazine articles and screenshots of the game, I had reached a dead end on what that website could accomplish. I had completed the known snapshot of what was Sonic X-treme. And so it sat for like, a year. Maybe longer. Just gathering dust.

By now, people at in the community were making efforts to contact the English-speaking members of Sonic 2′s development team. People like Craig Stitt, Brenda Ross, so on and so forth. The Sega Technical Institute folks. And it dawned on me: the entire development staff for Sonic X-treme was American, weren’t they? With Sonic 2, they were stuck talking to artists who were trapped in the tunnel vision of only working on small, specific parts of the game. Brenda Ross could only speak about the couple levels she worked on, y’know? They couldn’t interview the larger members of Sonic Team directly -- they were celebrities, which made them hard to contact, and on top of that there was a language barrier. There were a lot of hurdles to cross, and many of them were borderline impossible.

But with Sonic X-treme, everything was way more accessible and local. So I started skimming the magazine scans I had. Ultra Gameplayers had run a monthly feature called “White Glove Diaries” about the development of the game, speaking to people who were working on it, and it was the best source of information for the game at the time. Within moments, I had a name: Mike Wallis, the game’s producer. Inside of maybe thirty minutes and some skillful Google searching later, I had an email address. It really was that easy.

I tried to be as polite and respectful as I could; I asked him if he was the same Mike Wallis that worked on Sonic X-treme and wondered if he would be willing to answer any questions.

The first thing he wrote back to me was “How did you find me?” along with confirmation that yes, he was that Mike Wallis.

The second thing he wrote back to me was “Would you be willing to speak over the phone?”

And I panicked. This guy was, at least to me, a pretty big deal. I was still deep in my pit of despair, so the idea of interviewing this guy rattled me. I couldn’t do it. I posted on on the Sonic hacking community forum, relaying my inability to go through with this thing. Here I was on the cusp of a big breakthrough and I was acting like a deer in the headlights. Leaped before I looked and got exactly what I wanted, at the cost of now feeling deeply over my head. I was in no way mentally prepared for this.

Somebody on the forum stepped forward and said he’d do the interview for me. His username was Pachuka, and he was gaining notoriety in the Sonic hacking community. Pachuka seemed confident and knew his way around the important terminology, so I figured sure, he can do it. We talked over IRC, ran through some questions we wanted to ask, set the whole thing up for the appointed phone call. We were a team.

The call happened and Pachuka recorded the whole thing. Said he’d release the MP3 on his new website, The Sonic-Cult.

I was incredibly nervous even just listening to the MP3 of the phone call. They’d have to mention me, right? Acknowledge my existence? Talk about how I set the call up? It was hard not to feel incredibly self-conscious.

The call opened with Mike Wallis referring to my website. And Pachuka... had no idea what he was talking about. He never mentioned me by name, and barely even acknowledged that he knew me. Heck, Mike Wallis seemed to know more about me than Pachuka did, and I’m the one who set the whole thing up for him.

Looking back in retrospect, I probably didn’t do that much. From getting the idea, to finding his email address and sending the email, contacting Mike Wallis took what was likely less than an hour’s work, and I was mainly following the example of others in the Sonic community. But in the moment, it felt like I had done a lot. This was as much my discovery as it was anyone else’s. I was the only person who cared enough to set this up. I ran a whole website about this stuff -- the only website for it on the entire internet. And yet, Pachuka couldn’t even remember my username. I felt worthless.

From then on, the community treated this as Pachuka’s discovery. It was his interview. He made the discovery. His star rose, and I remained a nobody. No one cared about my site. Sonic-Cult is where you went if you wanted to learn the real deal about Sonic X-treme.

With Mike Wallis on the line, Pachuka started contacting more people from Sonic X-treme’s development. Soon, that lead him to Chris Senn, and the floodgates were blown wide open. Chris Senn was the key to everything.

I was never a part of any of those conversations. Not even once. The whole community took off without me and I was left in the dust. The handful of screenshots and magazine scans I had collected now looked absolutely pitiful.

I paid attention to the information that came out, of course. I was still interested in the game, and I mirrored what I could on my site. But on the inside, it was hard not to feel hurt. I never looked at it with quite the fervor I once had. It wasn’t mine anymore. I let myself get scooped and the door was slammed in my face without so much as a “thank you.”

After that, the magic and mystery of Sonic X-treme wore off pretty quickly for me. As more and more and more concept drawings and videos and music files and sprites and everything else burst out of Chris Senn, my interest began to wane. It stopped being special.

Petty? On some level, maybe. But for a brief window of time, Sonic X-treme research felt like my baby. I was the guy you talked to about that. Why bother keeping up appearances when somebody else was getting patted on the back and now one of the game’s developers was practically uploading the entire design document to the internet? They apparently didn’t want me involved, so I took a hike.

Don’t get me wrong: it was my fault. I handed this to Pachuka on a silver platter, and he ran away with it. It was a decision that haunted me for years. Made me start realizing I needed to be more confident and less shy.

I am in no rush to relive that mistake.

So when it comes to Sonic 3, I could recite a lot of that from memory. When it comes to Sonic X-treme, I remember the details of the Mike Wallis interview and some basics that came from Chris Senn, but a lot of the finer details of that weren’t really committed to memory, because I didn’t pay super close attention to all of it. And where would you even go to fill in those blanks? Last I checked, The Senntient website isn’t what it used to be.

So, again... I dunno.

[brujoenlafrontera]

hi!!! I’m a puertorriqueño/nicaragüense enby looking into resources for learning bruja stuff, any good place you know to start?

I’ve gotten a couple of asks about this lately, and i’m so happy to know there are more latinos finding their way to the practice, tumblr’s brujeria tag often gives the impression that theres so little of us out there reclaiming our practices but getting asks like these brings me a lot of faith that thats not true :) first and foremost:

GETTING INTO BRUJERIA IS HARD.

it really is. baby brujos like us know that better than anyone- getting started, is often the hardest part of doing anything, and its no different with brujeria. it can feel so overwhelming and feeling lost is natural. from my experience, although i am still a newbie ive been able to find a lot of information out there, here are the best places to find info, sorted by priority:

FAMILY! a little self explanatory, but brujeria at its best is truly is an inherited, familial practice. If you can, before delving into internet resources, definitely connect w your family if you’re able to and ask them for guidance and about their experiences!

Your family is always the best resource over anything you can find online; theres so much misinformation out there or information not relevant to your region and if someone in your family already has established practices, always trust them first

 Do some thinking back to all your cultural traditions, quirks, stories, and superstitions that you’ve  learned from your family across time and never thought too much about- and rediscover them under a new light

KEEP IN MIND: brujeria is NOT a singular , concrete practice w concrete rules in itself, the term blankets a lot of traditions across latam, the caribbean, mexico, but imo its always best to stick with brujeria related to your heritage and where your connection is.

this can be hard for people (like me!) with huge family taboos toward brujeria that make it unsafe to ask around about, and/or limitations in family connections (also like me unfortunately). I personally can really only get the tidbits and stories that my family accidentally slips out when I occasionally see them. i try to write them down as much as possible, but the info i can get is limited... and thats where the following comes in.

ONLINE COMMUNITIES. i.e, youtube, tumblr, instagram brujx communities. notice I haven’t said “internet” in general- the reason why i trust community based social media more than random individual websites you find on google is because, in the case of brujeria and honestly any non-european craft, you’re often gonna find a LOT of white people writing blogs, books, etc about their “spiritual experiences” in latam countries and wrongly/incorrectly taking ATR or indigenous traditions (like with smudging). I know, with social media, although those same white people are also on insta and tumblr, it’s a LOT easier to see the face behind the accounts and differentiate who to trust, who’s legit and has real experience to share, rather than a nameless, faceless, website that is actually some colonizer sharing colonized ideas who thinks theyre on a spiritual journey taking traditions all willy nilly. And the fact that in social media, its much easier to find a lot of good brujas at once bc they tend to follow each other lmao.what ive personally done to find information tho is essentially SCOUR tumblrs, insta accs, and watching tons of youtube videos for posts, accounts, videos, etc, and narrowing down good info from there through , namely:

CHECKING WHO YOUR SOURCE IS!!!

ASKING YOURSELF FROM WHAT EXPERIENCE THEYRE SPEAKING FROM

ALWAYS TAKING EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT

AND STICKING TO INFO FROM CULTURES OPEN AND RELEVANT TO ME.

again, brujería is different depending on where your family is from in latam, and if you have an established connection to indigenous and/or black roots, so it’s useful to use keywords relating to that when searching (like if ur black, you can look into ATRs(african traditional religions) which tend to mix deeply with brujeria, if ur indigenous, finding other people from your tribe is great, and if youre not pursuing your already learned traditions you can think about connecting to them more deeply(altho indigenous traditions are their own thing, sometimes they do mix with brujeria too), and apart from familial roots, if ur catholic/christian and/or want to explore it, saint work/catholic brujeria might be a good fit for you!)  

tumblr: there are a couple of fantastic brujxs on this site with great blogs and resources who have sadly left the site, but i still go through their posts heavily for spells, rituals, scraps of info! etting started w brujería is hard bc there’s really not that much info out there right now, but i compile as many good brujeria posts i find on my acc.

@brujeria-n-bongs great for catholic brujeria, now at @Upliftherbs on instagram

@brujeria-lost @barberwitch @reina-morada @highbrujita

@naomi121406 is by far the most active and informative tumblr resource ive found, shes an afro-indigenous diaguita curandera from argentina so shes also really helpful if ATRs are in your path!

Im not black myself and dont follow ATRs so i don’t really know many good blogs for afrolatine brujxs out there but if anyone would like to tag some in the replies thatd be awesome!

instagram: Ive found that instagram #brujeria tags has a pretty healthy active stream of posts. You’re gonna have to sift through a lot of them to get to the good stuff though- imo a lot of hispanics use the brujería tag not to mean “latine brujería” but just the spanish word for witchcraft, so a lot of white hispanics will put wicca/neo witchcraft in the tag. imo that’s really not something i’m personally interested in bc it’s not true to brujeria’s traditional nature, is very white/eruropean , and that wicca shit basically just got here. its a relatively a recent thing😭 so i try to stick to bruja accounts that aren’t influenced by that.

youtube: The youtube brujería tag is hit or miss? and again, contains a lot of wicca. But there are some good practitioners on there like The Mexican Witch! You just gonna look around, and dont be afraid to click on videos by really really small youtubers; they often are the ones with the most informative and legit things to say!

Everyone’s path as a bruja/o/x (sjdf trying to be inclusive w gendered language is difficult) is different but here are some topics i think are great to look into as a beginner!

ancestors: start at the bottom and figure out who they are, where theyre from, and set up an altar. it’ll help you a lot with figuring out your identity and path as a bruja later on.

setting up a grimoire

divination: tarot is actually what got me into brujeria at first! tarot isnt strictly traditional and is european in itself but its a wonderful tool for connecting to dieties, saints, etc as well as super fun and helps a lot with introspection

ritual abrecaminos, aka road opening spells!

amarres (love spells... proceed with caution)

limpias, mal de ojo

saint work: even if you’re not catholic (im ex catholic), a growing number of us (especially lgbt latines like @/upliftherbs on instagram) are starting to take back and decolonize our view of saints like La Virgen Maria and removing her from the rigid european/colonized interpretation thats been forced into us

candle spells in general (i fucking love candles tbh, cheap, easy, fun, and WORKS)

spiritual colognes, how to cleanse

finally, here are some helpful posts yall should definitely read and think about moving forward!

about using tumblr as a resource

about looking into brujeria as a part-white part latine

bruja psa + about reclaiming lost indiginety

honestly naomi’s entire brujeria tag is great and super informative for beginners and basically holds answers for almost anything at this point

hope this post helps yall out!

EDIT: oh lord now that this is posted the outline format i tried to use is all kinds of fucked up please dont mind the odd numbering lmfao tumbr hates organized formats

[purplesurveys]

1047

What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? I can think of a few things. There’s 9/11 though I was barely conscious then, Osama Bin Laden’s death, the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, 2011 Japan earthquake, and the H1N1 and Covid pandemics. In my country, there were typhoons Ondoy and Yolanda, the Manila hostage crisis, and the Hello Garci election corruption scandal. Out of these, though, I’d say the heaviest ones to bear have been 9/11 and Covid.

What happens in your country regularly that people in most countries would find strange or bizarre?

We use a spoon and fork to eat and only really fancy shmancy restaurants give you a knife and a fork. Many eat with their hands as well, though this is way more common in provinces.

Everyone is late to everything and punctuality isn’t a thing, which is a big culture pet peeve of mine and I still like arriving early/on time anywhere.

This applies to Asia in general lmao, but shoes typically aren’t allowed or at least frowned upon if they go beyond the main entrance of houses.

We start Christmas as early as September, and we end it by the last week of January

When families get together, aunts/uncles will usually greet their nieces/nephews by asking if they already have a boy/girlfriend and/or telling them that they got fat. Horror relatives will greet you with both.

People generally like to keep to themselves, so striking a friendly conversation with strangers even if you have the pure, genuine intention to be simply friendly will just lead them to think you’re being a creep lol

What has been blown way out of proportion? The effects of video games and the question of it increasing violence among kids. Sure there’ve been gruesome accounts and no one’s invalidating those, but the overwhelmingly vast amount of people who play video games end up okay. I had so many killing binges on GTA but to this day I can’t even look at a real gun without shuddering, lol. When was a time you acted nonchalant but were going crazy inside? This is me every morning at work. 9 AM-11 AM is always the busiest period and it’s a lot of shit happening at the same time and a lot of morning deadlines to meet, but unlike college I can’t exactly call for a timeout whenever I want and have panic attacks anymore.

What’s about to get much better? I hope my fucking life is next in line. I’m tired of being tired of being tired.

What are some clever examples of misdirection you’ve seen? Probably all the times WWE would mislead viewers on a rumored return or debut of a big name by saying they’re in another city, implying that there’s no way they’d be appearing on a WWE show. This happened with Ronda Rousey and it was so fucking exciting when she finally showed up, haha.

What’s your funniest story involving a car? I don’t know, really...I don’t try to be funny when I’m on the wheel lol. Probably the time I let Angela use my car on campus, and when she needed to make a u-turn she ended up doing an awkward 90º turn and had an SUV nearly crash towards us. She had only driven a handful of times at that point so she was a little clumsy, but neither of us had any idea she’d fuck up a simple u-turn as badly as she ended up doing lmao.

What would be the click-bait titles of some popular movies? I can think of more clickbait posters than titles, but I can’t seem to remember what those films are called right now.

If you built a themed hotel, what would the theme be and what would the rooms look like? Themed hotels generally make me cringe. The most theme-y place we ever stayed at was the lodge in Sagada and it was really just more homey than anything. I’m not into themes when it comes to hotels as I find it a little cheap lol and I’ve always preferred a straightforward experience in the places I stay at for vacations.

What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? A way to live forever. < This is a good one. Also, maybe a huge asteroid or meteor bound to hit the planet that will make widespread extinction a certainty? I can’t even begin to imagine the panic that will rise from something like that.

Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? I doubt it. It sounds difficult especially when you realize we’re 7 billion in total.

What would your perfect bar look like? As long as there aren’t any annoying younger college kids, who are almost always the loudest crowd and not in a good way, I’m okay with any kind of bar.

What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Some shots in 2001: A Space Odyssey are freaky as fuck. There were several scenes that included sudden HAL shots, and I did not enjoy those. How the fuck Kubrick managed to make a computer scary is beyond me. I’ve also always skipped the vortex scene with the creepy face shots after seeing it once.

What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? This is a really vague question... a few months ago I watched this video diary of parents who had a child born at like 25 weeks. Just way too early, basically. And they recorded the kid’s weekly progress, how she kept fighting, and her journey of being transported from one machine to another while she still needed them. It was beautiful to see her get bigger and plumper with each week that passed and it was just such a feel-good story to watch. I was so relieved when they showed footage of her as a normal, healthy toddler by the end of the clip.

What’s the grossest food that you just can’t get enough of? I know balut is pretty unpopular in the Western part of the world, but I’ll gladly eat a dozen of them in one sitting. In general Asian street food is usually considered gross - pig intestines, chicken intestines, chicken feet, pig ears, etc., but all are normal in the culture I was raised in.

What brand are you most loyal to? It’s annoying and I can’t help it, but Apple.

What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? I try not to make it regular, but sometimes a mistake on my end will slip through in an email I’m sending and I have to send another email correcting myself and apologizing for the oversight. One of my least favorite parts about work.

If you had to disappear and start a whole new life, what would you want your new life to look like? I’m not wishing for much. I just wish it was easier to remove any trace of me on social media sites and have it be as if I never existed because I think that would make it easier for me to move on from...well, you know what. I still have trouble verbalizing it and I don’t feel like mentioning it tonight.

But idk, I like staying connected to my family and friends, so idk if I can ever achieve that. And that said, I think I’m bound to always keep seeing her around.

What movie or book do you know the most quotes from? I memorize a pathetic amount of dialogue from Love Actually, Twilight, Titanic, and The Proposal.  What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I guess Coldplay? They gave assigned lightsticks for each section and the crowd looked amazing when the production crew activated the lights for certain songs. I still have some of the clips because I posted them on Snapchat, so I’m really glad I did that; otherwise I would’ve lost the videos forever.

Where are you not welcome anymore? I’ve felt pretty unwelcome around her. How she could do a 180 and just not be interested in having anything to do with me is really soul-crushing.

What do you think could be done to improve the media? Fact fucking check, please. Also keeping sources balanced, avoiding clickbait headlines, being more objective than neutral, and don’t fucking sensationalize. How timely that this landed on a journalism graduate, hahaha.

What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Start Up but I haven’t continued in the last two weeks :/ I think it’s because I know I’m nearing the finale and I subconsciously just don’t want to run out of Start Up episodes to watch lol but yeah, I still have four episodes left and I have no clue when I’ll watch it again.

What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Being close with their mom and considering them as their rock.

What are some misconceptions about your hobby? I don’t know enough about embroidery to know misconceptions about it.

What did you Google last? 2001: A Space Odyssey because I needed to be sure of the scenes I planned on citing in the question above that made me mention the movie.

What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Not being able to find a restaurant to eat at. The backstory is a little complicated but it’s the same fight that led my younger brother to slap me across the face, and what subsequently led me to stop speaking to him.

If money and practicality weren’t a problem, what would be the most interesting way to get around town? Probably a tank.

What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? It’s always the ones on Wikipedia lol. I find weird and interesting articles on there all the time; there’s always something new to read.

What odd smell do you really enjoy? The rain, though sometimes it can be too overpowering when the humidity has been high. I like it for the most part, though.

What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh every time you see it? Streetwear is so fucking dull to me. I never saw the appeal.

What’s your best story of you or someone else trying to be sneaky and failing miserably? Hahahaha this happened just a few weeks ago actually. My parents and I were headed out to have some ramen, and I opened the car door to hop onto the backseat. They didn’t prepare beforehand and they left the Christmas gift I asked for - a corkboard - in the backseat, so I was able to see the whole thing, unwrapped and with price tag and all. Their mortified faces knowing that their secret’s been blown were hilarious. They had no choice but to just give it up, and the corkboard has been on my wall since.

If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I guess the stability of our relationship, their general mood for the day, and erm how badly they need a hug because I’m always willing to give some.

What’s the best way you or someone you know has gotten out of a ticket / trouble with the law? My mom fake-cries her way out and it’s always been hilarious to see a grown ass woman do it and pull it off every time.

Tear gas makes people cry and laughing gas makes people giggle, what other kinds of gases do you wish existed? I don’t really want to manipulate people’s action in this way, so pass.

[dogtrainning365]

Brain Training For Dogs Review: Does It Really Work?

Hi, my name’s Rachael Summers! and I’m a proud parent of my Golden retriever (Bella) and border Collie (Trixie).

Today I’ll be reviewing the brain training for dogs course that I have personally purchased and tested with a 6-month Golden retriever.

I hope that by the end of reading this post, you will easily be able to make a clear decision on whether this course if for you.

By no means am I a professional like the other online ‘claim’ to be. Nope! I’m just a regular person like you, that was looking for a way to sort out my dog’s behavior. Anyway, enough of me rambling on! Let’s get into what you came for…

The Reason I Purchased This Course

When I first got my dog Bella, she was a complete nightmare. I’m sorry to say, but her behavior was just terrible. She would run down the street, fight other dogs and chew up just about everything around the house.

To make things worse, I had my husband in my ear telling me that we would need to get rid of her, as it was more hassle than its worth. Havoc, would be an understatement!

I’m pretty much sure that things were a little more severe with my dog than you would usually expect with a 6-month golden retriever. Anyhow, its the very thing that led me into looking for a fix, which leads me onto the next point of how I came across this course.

How I Came Across This

First thing I did was like any normal parent would do, I phoned up local dog trainers and consultants to see what kind of services they offered. Which didn’t work out well at all, as the prices they were coming out with were absolutely horrendous.

I mean, how can you charge over $500 to $1000 to train a dog. Hey ho, thats my opinion and I guess others who can afford it would happily pay it. That led me to phone up a few friends and asking where I could potentially get some help for cheaper.

And the same thing kept coming up every time, “why don’t you try online”. So I did, and thats what led me to find this course as I read a few blogs that suggested it, so I decided to take the plunge and test it out.

Who Created This Course?

Before I bought the course, I did do a little digging to find out who this trainer was, but I didn’t really see much. Supposedly, shea very highly reputable dog trainer as the reviews I did see, recommended her a credible source.

Her name is Adrienne Farricelli and she’s also in a few commercial publications, so I’m sure you’ll find some info on her if you dig a little harder than me. Either way, she has over 10 years of experience and is well known for her teaching s too. So this was another reason in helping me trust that the info inside would be half decent.

What To Expect

Once you make the purchase for the course, you’re then taken through to a sales page where they try to sell you another 2 offers that I honestly didn’t take up. Maybe they’re good, maybe not, who knows!

The sales page looks nice and tidy and shares a ton of info on what you can expect inside. You can see more on that here. Anyway, once you purchase the product you’ll receive an email with links to the online videos and pdf downloadables.

Thats it really!

So after buying the course, I quickly got stuck into the section that covered bad behavior and over excitement. There were techniques that involved using positive reinforcement to help calm your dog down when they’re hyper.

I tested it out for a few days and noticed a slight improvement. But it wasn’t until I got stuck into the later stages of the course that I really saw anything significant. Just below are a few games that you get too. I personally only tied the ball pit game which was pretty fun as Bela enjoyed it too.

Here are the 3 games you get:

The ‘treasure hunt game’ that gets your dog back to his evolutionary roots and relieves the ‘boredom’ that leads to so many problem behaviors.

‘The muffin game’ to keep your dog mentally stimulated and out of trouble.

‘The ball pit game’ to drain your dog’s energy and make him easier to work with – all while they have a ton of fun and exercise.

One thing I did really like about his course was the fact that the info wasn’t super hard to pick up on. It’s pretty much simple all the way through, so there are no real restrictions on what you can try.

All the modules are split into school years, so they go through the motions of high school, college, graduation, etc. And, as you go through each one, it’s designed to get a little more difficult and intense with the training methods.

Format Of The Course

One thing I really liked about the course was the way that each training lesson leads to the next. TIt makes it super easy to pick up where you left off, and it also helps you progress accordingly with the training too.

Each of the modules starts with an introduction page that explains what to expect inside and includes a few links to each lesson.

It’s easy to navigate too, as there are a few forward and back buttons at the bottom of the page, so you can quickly get from one video to the next.

Is The Info Inside Actually Good?

to be quite frank I was surprised at how easy the info was to consume. There’s tons of help inside, as you get these little menu bars that help you navigate the site. And the books are laid out pretty well too, as it’s all sectioned into particular areas of problematic behavior.

Overall, id gives it a thumbs up for how everything was laid out and easy to digest.

And it’s not a bunch of fluff, as you can clearly tell that some level of effort was put into the information that you get inside. Talking of that, I might as well get into what you can expect in the modules next.

What’s Inside?

I’ll tell you now! if you end up buying this course, then you are guaranteed to not fall short of information. There’s literally tons and tons of info which can be a little bit of a drawback as you’ll never really find the time to get through it.

Heres a bulleted list of what you get: (taken from course page).

Six modules of videos: (ranging from preschool to elementary school to High School to college to university and to graduation)

7 trick training videos including take a Bow, cover his eyes, dance, shake hands, how, play Dead and rollover

Obedience training 101 which includes:  Using food to lure and train your dog to complete your commands, the critical element needed to get your dog to lie down or move items, key strategies for getting your dog to stay here come to you and listen to your every command.

Wait for it! and there’s more…

Dog training science and techniques

Gentle force three techniques only

Best dog mental stimulation toys

Brainteaser games

Troubleshooting segments of the course

Video demonstrations of the dog training games

As I said earlier, one thing you are not short of in the course is information. It’s literally a silly amount of information which in some cases can affect the quality of a product. Il let you make that decision for yourself though, so here are a few pros and cons.

Pros And Cons

PROS

Tons of information inside

Inexpensive

can discuss issues the problem is you can’t find answers to the inside of the course

Meaning, that you are never tied down to anything indefinitely karma you can come and go as you please

Simple to follow and step by step

You get to train your dog yourself

CONS

Some of the info was very generic (walks in the park, toys etc!)

The text was small on the bonus content (but I have bad eyes and the bonus content is only there as a nice to have).

Do I Recommend This Course?

My answer to this would be YES, if you’re experiencing problems with your dog’s behavior or simply looking for some new ways to increase your dog’s mental stimulation at home. Then yes this is a great course to get started with.

You can do it from home and there’s no ongoing costs or commitment to anything. It’s a no brainer really, and because it’s under $50, you can be sure you’ll get your monies worth, and then some too.

Heres a quick video of the trainer demonstrating a game with a rottweiler.

My Experience

Look, it’s not like everything has completely changed and my dog is a complete angel now. NO! that would be unrealistic. However, in regard to all the problems that I mentioned earlier in this post, yes, the course near enough fixed it.

My dog now doesn’t chew up our shoes and shes relatively good when we take long walks too. But it’s still a work in progress and it will be interesting to see how she gets on over the next few months.

The most important part for me is the fact that I no longer have my husband nagging in my ears as our dog is now a lot better than before. So its helped with our home life etc, as he’s a lot happier now too.

Conclusion

By reading this review you should clearly now know whether this course is something that you want to try out for you and your dog. The information comes in vast amounts and its taught by what appears to be a credible online dog trainer.

I’ve heard of other courses that are similar to this, so it will be interesting to see how they each perform when placed side by side. Maybe I’ll do a comparison on that later down the road. Who knows? For now, Isotope you enjoyed the read and wish you the best of luck!

Brain training for dogs review

Summary

Overall I would say this is a great program for training your dog. There is still room for improvement, but the methods and strategies worked wonders for me. I would highly recommend this training course if you’re experiencing behavioral problems with your dog.

Try It Yourself

[punkgaming955]

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[cosmotographer]

Introduction

Something that I had missed this year was going on an annual trip with Amy and to say that we had cabin fever would be an understatement as most of our travel plans this year were cancelled due to COVID, but that didn’t stop us to plan and scheme a safe trip somewhere. While Amy and I had made plans in the past, most of our trips were canceled at the last minute due to COVID (I’m looking at you Rehoboth Beach), therefore we never really had a chance to go anywhere other than little day trips.

The same thing almost happened to our trip to Asheville, North Carolina.

I’ve been researching a good amount on the current state of affairs in this small mountain town through Reddit and their official website. Apparently the locals were pretty vocal about their displeasure of tourists that completely ignored wearing their face masks around town and after seeing it in person over the weekend, I have to agree that Asheville has issues with people following safety protocols and I’ll get to that later in the essay. Despite the negative feedbacks I’ve received from the locals, Amy and I decided against canceling another trip and we were fully committed as we drove for seven hours deep inside the Blue Ridge Mountains. After spending a couple of days in town, I’m happy to say that it was worth the trip.

Asheville, North Carolina

I vividly remember visiting the little mountain town back in August 2015 during a bachelor’s party trip and it was one of most underrated trips I’ve ever been on. The gorgeous scenery deep within the Blue Ridge Mountains, the amazing food and the hole in the wall shops bring life and charm to this mostly touristy town (services industry). Downtown is a comparatively small town with only a population of just over 90,000 people, but the region itself has over 424,000 residents as of 2010 and currently the third largest city in the state, behind Wilmington and Charlotte.

Downtown Asheville

Downtown

Most of the energy and vibes is of course, downtown, but the interesting thing about downtown Asheville was that everything was within 1-2 mile from the center of town, therefore everything was relatively easy to  walk to. From the shops to the bustling micro-breweries all over the perimeter of downtown, you could leave your hotel room or AirBNB and you could find something within a stone throw away. We strategically stayed at the famous Cambria hotel in the middle of downtown, which proved to be a wise choice as there were several occasions when Amy and I had to go back to our hotel room to either use the restroom, take a break and recharge before our next adventure.

Cambria Hotel Lobby

One of many tourists

One of many street vendors. This one was outside our hotel.

  What their official site and travel brochures do not tell you, however, is that there is a large number of poverty in the town as small as Asheville. You can walk for blocks and every block has a homeless person sitting in front of an empty store that was hit hard due to the lack of foot traffic from tourists as COVID had hit this town pretty hard.

Public benches were mostly occupied

Despite the hardships of the town folks, their attitude showed anything but negativity as the natives of the town were some of the nicest people we’ve ever met. We were always greeted with a friendly smile and hospitality that you would expect in the South.

A friendly stranger we had met during breakfast at our hotel.

One of many street performers

The Food Scene

It wouldn’t be much of a Amy and Tae adventure if we didn’t talk about the food and drinks of every place that we visit, and if you love both, then Asheville has your covered as the town is absolutely loaded with independent restaurants and breweries to keep you (and your stomach) busy. From small coffee shops, donut, bagels, biscuits and gravy to candy stores, there is no shortage of weight gaining opportunities that await.

Vortex Donuts

This small street alone has 8 restaurants like a little European town

Detour: Twin Leaf Brewery

After a seven hour drive from home, Amy and I were famished and thirsty for drinks. We walked down toward the Southern Slope of downtown Asheville and noticed that there were no shortages of breweries within half a miles from our hotel. Unfortunately due to COVID, all the breweries were at half capacity, therefore there were long lines for those thirsty customers that need to sip on some delicious sweet nectar from the gods.

The first one that we had visited was Twin Leaf Brewery, located…well pretty much next to all the other breweries on the street that span for several blocks.

The thing about breweries in general, is that they all do the same thing, but you go in for what makes them original. Otherwise, they’re just glorified bars with overpriced beers. I’m please to say that Asheville had some of the best beers I’ve ever had and if you’re a beer lover, a couple of days in town is not enough to visit every brewery that the town has to offer.

Twin Leaf Brewery

Twin Leaf Brewery

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Twin Leaf Brewery was actually a our “holding pattern” brewery as Amy and I had reservations at the Wicked Weed Funkatorium across the street for dinner, but we do plan on return to Twin Leaf Brewery again.

Wicked Weed Brewery

Our neighbors at our dinner table

A great way to celebrate the end Day One of our trip

He loved to hang with us

Looking Glass Falls

Looking Glass Falls is one numerous waterfalls you can visit in the Blue Ridge Mountains and it also happens to be one of the most popular in North Carolina. As it’s less than an hour drive from downtown Asheville, it’s also one of the most accessible since it doesn’t require a long hike to reach the falls. Located deep inside the Pigsah National Forest, the name “Looking Glass” comes from Looking Glass Rock, where water freezes on its sides in the winter and then glistens in the sunlight like a mirror or looking glass, which I’ve only seen in photos but I don’t doubt that it’s beautiful to see during the winter season.

Looking Glass Falls

Unfortunately, not a single person was practicing social distancing and some weren’t even wearing masks.

Being the designated photographer, this was a tricky shot to pull off

Behind the Scenes

To take advantage of the drive out here and to take photos of this beautiful scenery, I took a lot of risk carrying my [eafl id=”6182″ name=”Leica M10-P” text=”Leica M10-P”] paired with the [eafl id=”5270″ name=”Leica Summilux-M 35mm f/1.4 ASPH FLE” text=”Summilux-M 35mm FLE”] through the slippery rocks. I eventually took my shoes off completely and left them on one of the river rocks while I stowed Amy’s hiking shoes securely onto my backpack. I then trekked barefoot through the shallow (albeit cold) waters to find a composition that didn’t have random people in the frame.

This was quite nerve wracking when you have over $14,000 worth of camera gear slung across your neck with a 30 pound backpack loaded with miscellaneous travel gear.

I know Leica cameras are legendary for their robust gear, but I would still take the fall (pun intended) and sacrifice getting wet over dunking my camera in the water, or worse, fall on the rocks.

Amy was able to take this shot after precariously handing my camera to her – very rarely do I get my photo taken

The part of the falls was very packed with tourists and locals alike and if I had to do it all over again, I would go earlier in the day when there are less people because the one wooden staircase leading down to the waterfall was very narrow. This made it a little tricky to navigate between the crowd, whom were completely not aware of their surrounding and most were not wearing masks.

Food and Shopping

I was actually pretty impressed that we didn’t do a lot of shopping as I had expected during our stay, but then again, food and beer takes precedence over anything else – that is something both Amy and I agree on when we visit new places. What was charming about the food scene was that while the food and beer were excellent (I don’t think we actually had less than ‘excellent’ dishes), but the people at these establishments mimic what I said earlier about the culture in this town and how everyone is so friendly.

Amy’s sexy Lavender Lemonade Cocktail

One specific restaurant of note is Tupelo Honey, located downtown (I wasn’t kidding when everything was within walking distance downtown). They consider themselves a revival of southern food with food made from scratch using simple ingredients sourced from local farms that is in season.

Simply put: the food was incredible.

Right away we ordered the Crispy Brussel, an appetizer topped with topped with fresh herbs, lemon zest & chopped bacon, served with garlic buttermilk ranch dipping sauce. After my first bite, I was floored that it wasn’t seasoned with truffle oil because it tasted just like it. We then continued our fat-assery by ordering their famous fried chicken, which were brined for over 18 hours with honey sprinkled with their signature “bee dust”.

It was also quite incredible and probably the best fried chicken I’ve ever had.

Unfortunately I didn’t take photos of the food, but I did share them on my Instagram stories (I was distracted from shoveling my face). There are additional photos and videos on there not mentioned in this blog, so be sure to follow.

Asheville had some beautiful small shops

Rabbit Rabbit Brewery

Rabbit Rabbit Brewery

Zen Ink

One of many coffee shops

Most shops were dog friendly

The Biltmore Estate

One of the major cornerstones in Asheville’s history is the old country home of the Vanderbilt family, built by George Vanderbilt. George Vanderbilt first visits Asheville in 1887, where he considered the area as a possible location for his future country home. A second visit to the Blue Ridge Mountains with his mother in 1888 sealed the deal for him, therefore he begins purchasing land for what will become Biltmore.

In 1889, the construction of the Biltmore House begins and Vanderbilt’s construction of the 250-room French Renaissance chateau is a true marvel, the largest undertaking in residential architecture. Over a six-year period, an entire community of craftsmen comes together to create what was known as the largest privately owned estate in the country.

The Biltmore House

It wasn’t until 1895 when George Vanderbilt officially opens  the house to friends and family. The finished home contains over four acres of floor space, including 35 bedrooms, 43 bathrooms, and 65 fireplaces.

After George Vanderbilt passed away in 1914 at the age of 51, his wife Edith continued his husband’s love for philanthropy and sold approximately 87,000 acres of the estate to the United States Forest Service for less than $5 an acre.

The Front Lawn

It wasn’t until 1930 when both George Vanderbilt’s daughter, Cornelia and her husband John Cecil, opened the Biltmore House to the public to help increase tourism during the Great Depression, therefore generating income to preserve the estate.

The “Backyard” that the Vanderbilt family owned

Trivia

1942 – During World War II, the house stored priceless works from the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC.

1971 – William Cecil (son of Cornelia and John Cecil), plants his first vines at the Biltmore and creates his first successful wine. It wasn’t until 1983, that the Biltmore Estate Wine Company was established and opened to the public in 1985.

One of many priceless marble busts on the estate

Gorgeous overgrown vines in the Italian Garden

Amy taking in the scenery

Underground Wine Cellar

More marble statues around the estate

On one of the balconies of the house

Traveling During COVID

It doesn’t take a genius to know that it can be risky to travel during COVID, but what we’ve witnessed in Asheville gave us a new perspective that there are people that seriously just doesn’t care to protect themselves or others. I’ve lost count on how many people on the streets of downtown Asheville would completely ignore their face masks and I’m going to assume that most of them are tourists, therefore I feel that the anger the locals have against tourists are justified as they not only endanger themselves, but the economy that depends on tourism. The town itself was hit pretty hard as unemployment and shop were shutdown due to the reduction of tourism. All it takes is another spike in cases for the town to shut down again and we as individuals need to take responsibility of our safety and others.

Despite these issues, it didn’t deter us from enjoying ourselves and wearing face masks or social distancing was not an inconvenience for us as we were still able to enjoy most of what the town had to offer. If you readers are close to the East Coast and want to take a weekend trip somewhere, I highly recommend this beautiful town known as the “Paris of the South” and take in what Asheville has to offer.

Equipment Used (Affiliate Links)

[eafl id=”6182″ name=”Leica M10-P” text=”Leica M10-P”]

Leica M-D (Typ 262)

[eafl id=”5270″ name=”Leica Summilux-M 35mm f/1.4 ASPH FLE” text=”Leica Summilux-M 35mm f/1.4 ASPH FLE”]

[eafl id=”5634″ name=”Leica Summilux-M 50mm f/1.4 ASPH” text=”Leica Summilux-M 50mm f/1.4 ASPH”]

[eafl id=”6200″ name=”Leica Summicron-M 28mm f/2 APSH II” text=”Leica Summicron-M 28mm F/2 ASPH II”]

Asheville, North Carolina – Traveling Socially Distant Introduction Something that I had missed this year was going on an annual trip with Amy and to say that we had cabin fever would be an understatement as most of our travel plans this year were cancelled due to COVID, but that didn't stop us to plan and scheme a safe trip somewhere.