#like i feel like it would not be switched to prime video

[falling-star-cygnus]

Edwin might have Scary Dog Privileges but i think Charles would genuinely be crushed if he found out he was the scary dog -> it's also kinda funny that this dynamic switches once you get to know the two

[the four of them are chilling in the office, because Niko is alive and im not open to criticisms actually, thank you] [Charles had just shooed off a particularly nasty client- a nasty nasty client that resulted in the agency closing early. Or least going on break] [Edwin is on the couch, reading, while the other three are sitting on the floor playing cards] Crystal, tossing a blue 3 into a steadily growing pile: You know, it's so nice not having to deal with people like that anymore Charles, taking his turn: People like what? Crystal: You know- assholes like that guy. Who think they can be rude to service workers just because they're 'paying' [Niko nods emphatically as she debates on the best card, while Edwin doesn't even look away from his book] Edwin, briefly reaching down to squeeze his partner's shoulder: I can tell you Charles has never once let that kind of abhorrent behavior slide, especially not in this office. You needn't worry Niko, finally laying down a yellow three: That true, it's like having our own scary dog.. but instead of robbers, he scares off rude people. And spirits [Crystal snickers, her fingers primed to set down a yellow skip] Crystal: And Night Nurses. Charles, with the face of a people pleaser obviously about to crack: ...you guys think I'm scary? [Everybody freezes- Edwin on the couch, Crystal with her skip, and Niko with remaining two cards] [Edwin finally looks up from his book to glare incredulously at Crystal from over Charles' head. Crystal quickly chooses a new card] Crystal, shaking her head: ...no- No no, no no no.. it's a- it's a joke! [The game is quickly abandoned in favor of Niko and Crystal scooting closer on opposite sides of Charles- the latter holding her phone out with one of those 'reasons i feel safe walking alone' videos open and playing] [Edwin leans over Charles' head to watch too, his hand laying almost protectively on the other boy's shoulder]

[factual-fantasy]

24 Asks! Thanks ya'll! 🐼

@holly-opal-2 (Sorry for the late reply!)

Aw <:( I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope that doesn't happen again.

Also of course they are! :}} I have always considered them as such 💞

Thank you! Happy (late) Valentines day! :DD

@stargirldrawsx3

Man, I feel you there. I'm sorry you weren't able to study. I hope things go well for you 🙏

@narrator-girlart

I saw Markiplier play it some weeks ago, but mostly forgot about it.. I was surprised to see it gain such traction on Tumblr. Maybe I'll have to go rewatch those videos and figure out why people love it so much :00 (I cant remember the events of the game 💀)

@dreamweave01

That could work!! :DDD

(ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!😭😭💞💞💞 )

Yeahhh.. I have been battling some health problems for almost a year now. Trying my best to work on it but thing's aren't going so well. <://

Thank you very much though, I hope the same for you! :))

@milk-powrit

Tom Nook is an angel, the "only good landlord" he's been called. And I agree! This might explain why though I didn't read all the way through- just skimmed over it and thought "yeah I think this has the right points"

@necropencil (Referencing this post)

AAA THANK YOU!! :DD

(I am also slowly going insane thanks to Wheeljack XDD)

@badlyblurry

XDD Well its like they say, great minds think alike! Also thank you so much!! :DDDD💞💞💞

AAAAA thank you!! :DD Or- you're welcome? <XDD

@shyzonkstudentlawyer

Oh wow, welcome back! :DD And thank you! I'm trying to try to work on my health and make improvements where I can manage it.. so far things have uh.. Well, it could be worse I suppose!😅

Also AAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU!! :DDD I'm so glad to hear you like what I've made! :DDDD

Now for you questions...

When it comes to the Welcome Home stuff, just imagine our world through a puppet/sesame street style show lens. They have the same food but its all colorful and has silly names. Their trees are like ours but they're crazy colors and grow fantasy fruit. Their technology develops like ours but its all colorful and silly. Etc, Etc-

Now for TADC... I hadn't actually thought about it <:0 maybe Sneemos jester hat things would flail around :0 I haven't thought about it otherwise though😔

Lastly, PFFF XDDD

(Item-dying woes post in ask)

😔You feel my pain.. I feel your pain........

@wolfie-777

:000! You heard it here folks! I'm silly!

She always looks lovely! :))

@tearsofsolace

AAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! :DDD🥰🥰💞💞💞💞

@eggswastaken

XDD That I did!

..Well, I actually got into it back in 2020-- but recently I have dragged myself back into the fandom a bit. 😂 The biggest obstacle I have to rejoining the fandom fully is just making time to sit down and rewatch the show.

I have such a hard time switching tasks and just doing something 💀 but hopefully I'll get there soon! <:)))

@minnesotamedic186

@little-goober

Oh yeah, sorry! I have very bad memory 😅 I can only really remember people by their profile pictures.

Also thank you so much! :)))

Thank you so much!! 🥰🥰

@bluetootsiepop

My advice is to study references closely. When it comes to making faces up/drawing faces without a reference? Like if its an OC? I'm afraid I cant think of any advice <:( I struggle with that a lot too. 😔

(Also thank you so much!! :DD )

@ourlifestooshort

I have drawn them, but I don't feel comfortable sharing my ref sheets.. Sorry! <:/

I looked up Tailgate with no mask and I will never sleep well again 💀

Also feel free to tell me anything you want about the comics! I don't plan on reading them 😔 I only plan on rewatching Transformers: Prime.

@bitesyoubitesyouchomp

SCEAMSSSS THANKYOUUU 😭😭 THAT'S ALL SO SWEET IM IN TEARS💞💞💞

@beryl-shade

Imagine if my blood was blue XD I'd be a transformer!

[scribescrawls]

Thinking about headcanon established relationship Skystar in Transformers One setting where before Sentinel’s betrayal, they’ve already completed the conjunx ritus many cycles ago and have been together for a while, though they often have to spend time apart more often now because Starscream chose to join the High Guard switching from scientist to warrior when the war with the Quintessons got more serious. Over the cycles Starscream climbs his way up the ranks and becomes leader of the High Guard, while Skyfire works in his lab. They still do the equivalent of video calling when they can and see each other when Starscream has leave to visit home. And despite the war, they’re just so happy together.

And then one day everything changes. We the audience know that Sentinel betrayed the Primes and that the High Guard managed to survive. But the official story Sentinel tells is that everyone died. And I think about it from Skyfire’s point of view his entire world just falls apart that day. Skyfire thinking Starscream died and mourns for 50 cycles. The planet’s flow of energon disappearing seems to reflect how he feels in his spark as if all the life has drained away from it. What if he races in the Iacon 5000 every cycle because it’s a fast paced, often dangerous race and it’s the exact kind of thing Starscream would love and he does it cause it makes him feel closer to Starscream as a way to cope. But no matter how fast he flies he can never outrun his grief.

Meanwhile imagine Starscream holds back from contacting Skyfire because no matter how badly he wants to talk to his conjunx, it is too much of a risk that Sentinel could find out and kill Skyfire if he thinks the other is a loose end that needs to be silenced. We know Alpha Trion called for the High Guard with the distress beacon, but we also know that distress call ended up in the trash meaning it likely never made it to them. But we also know that Starscream did see/is aware of Sentinel being a traitor so it’s likely they made it to the cave so word must of reached them eventually that the Primes called for backup, but they probably arrived too late to save anyone. And I just think about the potential tragedy if Starscream had considered the Primes as people he cared about. Like he’s probably fought side by side with them, talked with them, exchanged jokes, looked up to them, and his duty was also to protect them. And he probably feels like he failed them. Like he just watched his leaders/comrades be betrayed and killed in front of him and now he and his troops are all alone. And he’s probably scared and has no one else to turn to for help or guidance. Like the High Guard likely looked to the Primes for orders and guidance for large matters, but now it’s just them left. The Matrix is gone, energon stops flowing so there’s a lack of food, the High Guard are being hunted down on top of it, and they’ve just watched the strongest amongst them be slaughtered. And Starscream is the only leader they have left and there’s the added weight that if they die the truth of Sentinel’s actions die with them. And as the leader of the High Guard many of the others are probably looking to him to know what to do in this situation now and he doesn’t know, but that won’t help anything so he probably pretends that he knows what he is doing and focuses on the immediate things he can control/address like finding food and shelter.

Like sure he did not manage to take out Sentinel on his own, but he kept everyone alive for 50 cycles on the surface where the landscape is dangerous and both the Quintessons and Sentinel are hunting them down. I personally headcanon that though the High Guard has always been militaristic in its behavior the more extreme ‘might makes right’ probably developed over the cycles as a way to maintain order and keep everyone from cannibalizing each other (metaphorically speaking or maybe even a little literal as there was likely a food shortage often). Like he was probably dealing with a large group of people who were both traumatized and constantly hangry for a long time. There were probably those who challenged Starscream’s decisions or those who grew desperate to return to Iacon or other cities to talk to loved ones as the cycles added up over the years and as a way to stop people from foolishly running off and getting killed that could lead others to the rest of them and get everyone else killed he probably resorted to the ‘strength of one bot over another’ thing. Anyway I don’t blame Starscream for not leading a head on attack against Sentinel throughout the years considering the circumstances, if I had to deal with the weight of all that I probably would have broken not even halfway through. Were the High Guard probably slowly losing it with each cycle? Probably. But they did survive for a long time and that’s impressive in its own right. I like to think that Starscream would constantly tell himself that one day when Sentinel was dead he’d get to reunite with Skyfire and it was one of the things he clung onto to not fall into despair.

[what-if-i-like-my-mechs-older]

(I'm not great at describing scenery, so just some conference like room with different tables and large switched off screens and lamp like lighting is what it looks like for them.)

(Also TC talks somewhat about a kink of his, but it's not the main focus of this ramble.)

"You know I've thought about putting a human in my mouth."

Thundercracker laughed awkwardly as he leaned on the table next to Orion, even his laugh was nervous.

Megatron who was in the corner checking over the reports from Soundwave cast him a look and then one over to Orion, but didn't say anything.

In some of these cases he was just curious as to how Orion would react to such things.

Optimus had his feet up on the desk and kept reading the non classified documents he'd been given, simply checking for mistakes in spelling, he however did not look up as he swiped to the next page, wishing he was repairing space bridges instead of this. Desk duty at least in the Elite guard had been the absolute worst.

But then again he'd been fixing Sentinels problems at the time and of course that mech always took the credit for literally everything.

"Uhhh you mean you want to eat...humans, Thundercracker? Is it?"

Orion's ear fins twitched nervously.

"Oh Primus no! What in the ...no I mean like um...uhhh..."

Both mechs looked at him this time , fingers hovering over their data pads.

"So hum anyway how do you know my name exactly?"

Megatron , placed his glasses on the desk he wasn't going to let his seeker get out of that so easily.

"No, Thundercracker you had something to say, by all means continue, it is not as if Orion isn't being grounded right now as it is, have a conservation , let the whole 'class' hear."

"Megatron, don't torment him , he-"

"Orion, this is my soldier and if he's just going to come up to you with out so much as a hello how do you do before starting with his fantasies he doesn't get to just change the subject."

Megatron stopped him from defending Thundercracker with a firm tone and looked back at his soldier.

"Well, I um...over time...on this mudball, I've seen things, people and...have become a little...fascinated by them....and size difference."

Orion really did feel for the seeker, he was absolutely floundering.

Thundercracker's fists clenched as he stared up at the ceiling making a frustrated noise.

"I saw your sand guardian video , your human form, and it was hot okay, I want to rip of your humanoid versions layerings from it's body, put you in my mouth and use my tongue in ways until you're squirming and overloading repeatedly in my mouth!"

He glared at Megatron as if to say 'there , you happy!'

Megatron's smile had a sadistic twist that said

'Extremely so.'

Orion however was unfazed and had returned to his documentation.

"Wait you're not bothered by that?"

"Compared to the fan mail I received after helping to defeat Megatron and the other Decepticons, that was was tame, I've read things that make me wish I could unread them."

Thundercracker took a seat and both Decepticons pulled in closer. Even though no one had really said it, they wanted to know more about his world.

"Your Megatron must have been a weak fool, to be defeated by such an agile frame such as yourself."

Megatron chuckled.

"Like him you underestimate me, but maybe that is a Universal trait. If Optimus has not stopped you in this world , perhaps you simply have not pissed him off enough to try?"

Thundercracker sucked in his lips after that comment, desperately trying not to laugh, especially at the expense of his Leader.

Megatron looked unimpressed and even less so at Thundercracker.

"So, did you kill him?"

"No, he told me to end it, I didn't. He needed to pay for his crimes, go on a fair trial...funny enough he's now turned Autobot and on a Ship with Rodimus Prime."

(I just made a mtmte reference there , yes I did , fite me...but not really ....cause I am writing this for me so shush)

"I see, and you and him, do you enjoy my company because of him?"

Orion knew what Megatron was referring to and swiped to the next page after clearing that one.

"You two hardly look alike, but no, we grew to have a begruding respect for one another, his sites were set on Rodimus. Rodimus will be fine he has enough attitude for the Universe."

Thundercracker blinked, that was certainly interesting

"So you wasn't disappointed that you and he never."

"Not one bit-"

He turned back to Megatron , cooing over him but his voice was patronising as he patted his face

"So you don't have to worry your little self about me comparing the two of you at all."

"Little! I'm not-"

Orion pressed one of the yellow marks on the back of his hand that opened up a panel in his palm as he showed him the size difference of himself next to his version of Megatron.

"What am I looking at here?"

He leaned in closer to the image as it slowly rotated , as did Thundercracker.

"You must be exaggerating, that's...he's roughly the size of Devastator..."

Megatron looked at the image and then up at Optimus and then at the image again.

"Of course I had help from my team mates, one whom died putting the Allspark together."

The Decepticon leader poked at the image, which distorted at the interference.

"If he was in this room, could he even stand?"

Orion looked around the room.

"At best, he could stand while being partially bent over."

Closing off the image Orion then turned the next page as if he hadn't just blown their minds with size differences and tidbit information.

"I am supposed to be doing tedious work here, I missed our time this morning sir, how else am I to learn discipline and take you seriously if we sit around talking like protoforms behind the academy gossiping."

Orion huffed , a finger tapping impatiently on the back of his data pad.

"Alright, alright, just please , what was my counter part like?"

Orion turned his head slowly to Thundercracker and forced a smile

"You were a piece of Starscream, he made clones, all that took on a piece of his personality, your counter part didn't exist until he built you and placed a fragment of the all spark inside your chest."

"Oh...uh which trait did he have?"

It was obvious that Thundercracker was disappointed at this information.

"Ego, he had Starscream’s ego."

He placed his Datapad down and held out a hand for him....no wait , that custom might not even exist for Cybertronians.

He took an unexpectant Thundercrackers hand and shook it

"But it's nice to meet you, you and Skywarps are firsts for me."

"You have odd hand gestures Orion, first you make a promise by curling your little finger with the Casseticons and now this handshake?"

Megatron grumbled , taking Orion's hand away from Thundercrackers and looking over it as if it would explain some mystery.

"There's nothing secret about it, it's just a formal greeting."

"I see, and me, do you have any special greeting for me?"

"I uh..."

Orion was trying to go through his Data banks, thinking of all the films he'd seen on movie nights with Sari and even Issac.

"Well I never researched exactly where this one came from , but if I show you, it is platonically done as family members and friends also greet each other like this."

"If I find it agreeable, it must only be for me then."

Megatron stated waiting to see what this oh, so 'special' greeting was.

Orion went to his feet and motioned for him to do so aswell, he did and then Orion kissed each of his cheeks and hugged him.

"And then I think I say something of affection, however the affection type depends on the relationship between the two parties I believe."

Orion had been about to pull away only for Megatron to instinctually put his arms around him.

Hugs were rare amongst the Decepticons...it wasn't exactly common practice, but ...apparently he wasn't ready to let go of this one.

Next

Previous

First piece

[vegaly-art]

Spoilers for What was and what is, and Fooliverse.

(We will be back to regularly scheduled art after this short Redacted Audios intermission.)

Hello Redacted fandom, good to be back for a blip. And I am back to discuss Vega, as is my M.O. Now, before we start, I would like to add that I am also reworking my Vega masterpost as of now, to be more tonally consistent, and more accurate to the current state of the lore. I am unsure if I will repost it in its entirety or just edit the original post, as the changes are rather substantial. You are free to provide your own thoughts on that matter.

But now, without further adieu, I present my thoughts on Vega with what new information we now have recently received.

So, starting with Fooliverse Vega... it is so nice to me to see Vega so relaxed and... alive, for lack of better term. In the Fooliverse, it appears to me that the Sovereign situation may have resolved much differently. I would hazard to guess, without much evidence, that the Meridian may have already been bolstered, potentially a long time ago. Whether at the end of the Cacophony or in the millennia after. But regardless... it was early enough that Vega appears to have been able to let himself go. He did not have the pressure to remember, to retain strength and knowledge, and he could permit himself to live, to "die", and to change. He allowed himself to remain close to humans, but not because there were few to no Daemons around, but instead of his own nature, and of his own love for them. He could form an opinion of them based not just on what he fed on, but also on what people were in spite of and without the sadism he needed. He has a phone, and keeps up with modern tech, he has a seemingly positive relationship with both his kin, and humanity, and though based on the effects on his voice he still primarily talks telepathically, he may take on more human characteristics. Almost certainly he has a fully human disguise for covert and such.

In short... I really appreciate that side of him we see there. He is still old and wise, still someone who has seen humanity at their worst, and daemonkind also. But he is not burdened by the past, or by any obligation outside of those he gives himself. And for him now, his biggest obligation is helping humans with their emotions, and seemingly having a bit of fun and living life to the fullest. Even if humans are temporary, he clearly values them greatly... perhaps he can find someone like him who can last forever eventually, but still, humanity is a good fit for him. Just as with Imperium. Their fragility and short life compared to him are integral parts of the draw he has to them, and something which prime Vega... could not afford.

And with that topic, I would like to switch to the newest video, and discuss some fun thoughts I had about it. Because it is honestly... quite beautiful the way that his story is treated right now, as much as it is tragic. And now with 2 AUs under my belt to analyse, I feel like I can understand him even better than before.

In the newest video, Vega talks a lot about history. About the sovereigns, and their selfishness, cruelty, and flaws. And this is a given, and a particularly interesting element. I'm very glad that my theory of E'Laetum's hatred for Vega potentially causing events to play out as they did was confirmed in part. Vega only theorises that E'Laetum's memories were imprinted on Hush, but I think it is a very reasonable assumption. That hatred ended up playing out, though the irony is not lost on me that E'Laetum's most hated demon is also probably the single most important part of his plan. I would argue moreso than Hush, and moreso than Blake. Those two are deeply important, yes, but there could be other seers, and even still, without the direction of Vega, the plan as they gave Hush instruction to execute it would likely have had severe long term consequences that they would not have been as able to stop, having another Sovereign to contend with their power in the Meridian.

But what really got me, was when it came to the discussion of memory. Vega mentioning that his memories were surprisingly pristine was a punch to the gut. A show that his hard work was well worth it, but at the same time, is a cruelly sad thing. He believed he had lost many memories, and left many iterations of himself behind in his long life... but he wished he could have left behind more. And now, he both has left behind more, but also clearly showed he left little. It was simply, as he put it, buried so deeply under the weight of millennia that he could not access it. This could also mean some daemons may have the capacity to remember as well, if they experienced a similar clearing of the mind, but likely this would not happen. Nor would it be good to necessarily.

And related to this are other elements of that same topic that Vega discusses. He doesn't know if he wants his memories back... which is fair. He knows clearly that based on them he became a cruel monster, and yet they also hid from him the worst of his traumas that he must now relive in full. And yet also they must have been filled with infinitely more little traumas to have put him off humanity so, and even put him off most of daemon kind, until he saw in Warden a malleable youth he could maybe bring to his side... and then eventually, close to a genuine equal who he cared about, wished to protect, and put above himself, and his mission. Who he knew could not follow in his stead, and who he did not wish to. Who he wished to simply live out what time they had comfortably, without the shadow he cast... he lost so much. For better, and unfortunately for worse. At least as far as Warden is concerned.

And clearly, Warden has taken this roughly. They try to stay strong, stay curious, ask questions and provide answers. But it's very clear that they felt something for Vega. It was clear Vega felt something for them too. I personally see it as queerplatonic or otherwise much different to romantic but of equal depth, but the reading is unimportant. All that is important is that Warden's feelings for Vega were clearly extremely deep, and now they clearly feel conflicted and pained by them. When Vega asks what they were, Warden can only say they were "complicated". When Vega, in this video, asks what made Warden stay, they respond so negatively he backs off the topic... and at the end, his monologue clearly portrays that he can see, feel, taste how Warden must feel. The heartbreak, the fear, the grief. And so he reminds them that the piece of him that made them stay, (that they loved, in whatever way that love presented) was still inside him, and had the capacity to return to him. Just as the parts that they found disquieting. And he asked them to make sure he could be the best him he could by being his check and balance in case he went down unsavoury paths again. It is so intimate and so deeply sad.

Warden has lost a person they cared for more than most anyone, and yet they lost nothing. He remained, better than he was, and still just as dedicated even if he had a harder time with remembering his exact plans, or finding in himself that same dedication that he once had to keep his memories around. He does not call them Warden, or Darling, only Inchoate, and yet he says it with such unique gentleness. He is not so teasing and playful, but he is still so affectionate, but it's different. It's just so different. And they have to find it in themself to accept what he has become, while maybe still hoping that somewhere out there, somehow, he could get back even a fraction of what they had. But that specifically is my interpretation. A Warden both selfless enough to help Vega with all they can, and continue to put aside their life to save the world with him, while also being painfully selfish, wanting back what they once had knowing full well that Vega would suffer for it... but he also suffers from how he is now. He suffers from just being alive and bearing the weight of the world, that he of course would be one to do... it's in his nature, not as a daemon, but as a person. He bears so much on his shoulders because he is strong enough, and Warden can do nothing but support him and hope it's enough, and hope that maybe, someday, things can go back to normal again.

To calm again. That they can be equals again. That Warden does not have to bear the burden so much, and neither does he... but they cannot bring that up now. Or maybe any time soon... because the mission takes priority. And I have a feeling if their relationship is to progress, it likely would much closer to the big final encounter... or perhaps instead after the dust settles, and they are finally free. But I know they will discuss it much sooner. And perhaps things will shift then too, I can be mistaken. We will have to see... and I am so excited to see where their story goes.

I love Vega and Warden with all my heart, whatever comes of them. Though I do hope they can both survive and remain together. That would be nice. I know not all stories deserve or are satisfying with happy endings. But I'd like this one to have one.

[quibbs126]

Something that’s been bothering me, in Cyberverse Season 1 we hear about the Decepticon cause being made because Megatron wanted to fight against and change the corruption on Cybertron

But like, we never actually saw any of that in the flashbacks. Best you can say is Starscream having a high opinion of himself due to being a jet (or at least that’s what I think was going on? It was something about Starscream and being a jet), but you can also assume Starscream’s just being an ass, not that this is a systemic issue on Cybertron. Outside of that, everyone seems to have been doing fine, they got along and everyone was vibing and having fun, going to Cube games and chilling at Maccadam’s, going out to do some racing on a vacation to Velocitron

I do suppose we were limited to only seeing things that Bee witnessed himself, but he was there for other important events before war was declared, we could have seen some more evidence that things were bad on Cybertron before the war and why Megatron and Optimus were so intent on changing things

As it is, it feels more like telling and not showing, and I don’t really understand why the Decepticon cause was needed in the first place. Well I mean I do, but that’s because I know the story in other continuities, not because Cyberverse told me

And if I can pivot slightly, I feel like this is an issue in other shows as well. Earthspark barely went into the backstory of the war at all, only making vague allusions like the “lower-class” remark and Orion Pax getting the Matrix (which honestly I don’t remember why he got at all and if it was related to the war). And yes, Earthspark was about moving forward after the war, but also the show wanted to portray Decepticons in a more neutral light, allowing them their second chances to do better after the war. Not to mention Megatron switching sides due to realizing how far he’d strayed from his original cause. I don’t feel like telling the Terrans the original causes of the war would be out of question, it makes all the sense. Also if we’re trying to portray the Decepticons as not being pure evil, explaining the horrible conditions that drove them to starting it would do wonders. Megatron is here, he can tell the Terrans with all the correct info if the Autobots can’t

Prime also has this problem, but I’m willing to give it a lot more leeway because it was part of the Aligned continuity, which was made up of more than just this one show, and Transformers Exodus I’m told went into this backstory a lot more. So okay, it’s explained somewhere. Though personally, I wish we went into this backstory a bit more in the actual show, because all I know from it was that Megatron was a gladiator fighting for change, Orion Pax met him and agreed, then they proposed their ideas for change to the Senate and it caused them to split. I don’t actually know why they were fighting for change. Again, I know Exodus did and it was around at the same time as the show, but we don’t all have access to Exodus. And honestly it might be the reason the other shows don’t go into it much either, despite it being the only one with an excuse

Like I think this annoys me because it feels like the shows expect you to know the general backstory so we don’t have to go into it. But you’re supposed to tell us this, especially when this isn’t like Batman or Superman’s origins where everyone knows the backstory of the war

I know what the backstory is, but not because these shows told me. It’s because Emperor Kumquat told me in a YouTube video where he was explaining the Aligned backstory from Exodus, while making the point that people who only watched Prime wouldn’t know all of this. How was I supposed to know this information if I hadn’t?

And to go back to Cyberverse, I can make excuses for Prime and Earthspark; both were set long after the war started and Prime especially didn’t have much reason to go into it outside of what it did. But not only did Cyberverse have the means to show us corrupt pre-war Cybertron vis Bumblebee’s flashbacks in Season 1, it had at least a little leaning to making the Decepticons more sympathetic. They are still for the most part antagonistic, but it did make the point that Optimus originally agreed with Megatron, we had bots on both sides getting along during peace talks and Windblade being angry at Slipstream’s killer, had most of the main threats not be Megatron’s forces that had the two sides forced to team up, and by the latter half of Season 3, had Megatron be more heroic, with him saving the day from the Quintessons and wielding his own Matrix of Leadership, and working to stop the other him that he knows is coming to reclaim his Matrix. They aren’t at Earthspark Season 1’s level, but they weren’t making the Decepticons pure evil either. So I feel like we should really see what it is they were fighting for originally

[august-zip]

This is something I've had written for a while. Me being diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder. I am open about the diagnosis with close family, and finally my parents. At first I was very closed about it online.

Unfortunately I was diagnosed after it became a trend online with teenagers that have made a complete and total mockery of this disorder. I'm well aware I will get shit on for saying that teenagers on the internet fake having dissociative identity disorder, as well as other disorders. But its true and it happens all the time. Take a look at tiktok for example. TheWonderlandSystem, and tics n roses. Its prime content for teenagers faking DID. and its disgusting having to scroll through social media and see people making a complete mockery of a disorder. A disorder that has had such a large negative impact on my life, my friends and my relationship..

although DID is typically a more covert disorder unless your around people who have known you for years your not going to notice if someone with DID switches. I recently found out that my mum knew when I switched, which was a great shock to me. As I thought they barely noticed as I have distanced myself from then over the years. However other friends that aren't as close, and extended family? They won't know i have this disorder. They would never guess that I went through such traumas to have this disorder. When I first found out that councelors suspected I had DID I felt ashamed. Like I was some sort of freak, someone to be locked away and after researching and finding out the original name for DID was multiple personality disorder it only made it worse. I didn't want people to know me as the person with no actual identity. If I was born years earlier, I would have most likely be placed in an asylum.

The way DID has been portrayed online is not accurate to what it actually is. Online people act like when another part fronts its an entirely different person and that every part in the system is fully formed and communication is great. And truth is that's not how it is at all. Alot of teenagers on the internet and I think everyone knows what kind of teenager I'm talking about like to jump from disorder to disorder faking them for a trend. I know people back in school that faked having tourettes and Unfortunately I was dragged along into that. But I quickly left that group of friends because I knew it was wrong, and its where disorders like ADHD and tourettes started getting popular online. And I would watch them set up a camera and pretend to tic, stop the video and there would be nothing for the rest of the day. This was always in the middle of the day, in the middle of the school.

Another thing is you do not have DID if you weren't traumatized. It is a complex trauma based disorder. I get very heated over the TransDID people and endogenics. It absolutely sucks when you live with a disorder that you wish you didn't have because of how badly its affected your life becomes a mockery for the internet. Alot of people don't even understand what DID is because of the amount of misinformation that is spread around by edgy teenagers wanting to feel all special for faking something they don't have. Oh they have problems for sure but no. They do not have DID.

[myobsessionsspace]

Pre Release of Travel Show Thoughts

This might be a bit all over the place 🙈

Just some random thoughts after talking with my friends.

Remember when Hope on the Street came out and it was on Amazon Prime. I think many of us were thinking that was the end of the set shows, programs etc that were gonna appear on Disney+ from BTS.

We’ve had a number of shows from the group since Chapter 2

I kinda forgot about their Disney deal when the talks of Jikook’s travel show started to become real. My friends and I started guessing if it would be on Weverse only, like Jimin’s Production Diary or on YouTube like Suchwita & Jin’s The Drunken Truth. We were hoping and praying it wouldn’t just be one Bangtan Episode or on a South Korean nft platform like the HYYH series Begins ≠ Youth.

To be honest we hoped for a Jikook YouTube Channel (still dreaming for one🥲), where after service they could come back and carry on with more adventures and content, but we would have settled for Prime too.

I say all of this to say, how come it’s on Disney+ again after the switch up with the last HYBE show Hope on the Street being on Prime?

It makes me wonder about the start of the show’s planning. Like Jungkook said in Suchwita it was kinda spontaneous and following a years old conversation between Jimin & Jungkook. Them seizing the opportunity of the both of them being together in New York, after Jimin went to support Jungkook’s solo debut performance.

I wonder about if Jikook knew if their application for companion enlistment had been approved yet. Many have covered in detail the program and the kinda 1 in 100 chance of getting approved for it. BTS already have done many unique things and why should their military service be any different, all members aiming to at one point in time be serving at the same time and have all completed their service to not have to worry about it again?

There’s only one other group I know of before BTS

**see comments for extra info**

Anyway back to the the point 😅. As all the members wanted to enlist and return as one unit in 2025 and with Jimin being in his last year of eligibility due to age criteria, if they hadn’t have been approved Jikook wouldn’t have been certain of being together for their 18 month military service.

It makes me wonder about their plans. If they wanted to create as many memories as they could in as many places as they could together just in case they weren’t going to be able to enlist together.

If they wanted to take the moments in between the end of FACE promotions, the little gap at the start of SEVEN promotions and the gap in between the rest of GOLDEN’s recordings, MUSE’ recording and also squeezing some more travel at the end of GOLDEN promotions, Jungkook’s Japan promotions and the Usher remix video Jungkook had to do straight after Japan.

It feels to me like Jikook knew that regardless of if they did enlist together, they wouldn’t have been able to travel as a duo for a long time as if we can take Jin as an example, the members will most likely be going straight into OT7 work mode once they complete their service in 2025.

It feels to me like if Jikook hadn’t have gotten their companion enlistment approved, the travelogue was a was to permanently keep record of the many memories they wanted to make.

That with everything on Jungkook’s plate it wouldn’t be feasible for one GCF Tokyo style video like before.

For starters their travels were on a much larger scale than their 2017 trip to Tokyo.

Not just one hotel in one destination, walking around the city, visiting some shops restaurants and Disney but multiple countries, multiple hotels, villas, camping, kayaking, yachting, skiing, indoor adventures, restaurants etc

They are way more globally recognisable than in 2017 where there were still some sightings but not as many as if it was 2023.

Jungkook and Jimin literally had to squeeze these moments in between hectic schedules tight time constraints.

It makes sense that they would utilise their company to help with areas to visit to help with descretion, with bookings, as they’d have to book out whole villas, hotel floors, activity locations etc. it makes sense that because they’d need security.

Unlike Tokyo 2017,

dropped off by their fathers and Jimin’s brother

No security detail with them at airport

Sightings around Tokyo

which was a gift to Jimin from Jungkook, where Jungkook planned everything, paid for everything, filmed everything and edited and uploaded GCFT, this time round it was for both of them. Not for one to have to shoulder the planning, payments, filming and editing.

How would they coordinate everything in the midst of recordings, rehearsals and flying around the world for international promotions?

ding ding ding

Their company and staff are still a company, whose main directive is to make money, beginning and end of it all.

I’m sure the company are nice enough to the members but how would such time, resources and expenses be written off if Jikook asked on the company to help them with security details, with flight planning, whole hotel floor booking, villa bookings, closing businesses down for the duration they wanted to visit or opening ski resorts up a day early etc.

Their airport arrival streamed by news outlets

Management and security accompaniment vs when they were spotted alone in 2017

Fans falling over to picture Jikook, camping out for hours at airports, protective barriers errected at Japanese airport for theirs and fans protection etc

Yes they are millionaires but I’m sure we all know millionaires who earned from the bottom up and are sensible with their money. We all know the members and joke about how they’ll wear expensive watches and clothes but still fight over a rice cooker as a prize or Jungkook take home hotel toiletries or ingredients from run cooking episodes etc

So for the company and staff to help Jikook make this a possibility in the time the had before enlistment how would it make sense financially? How would it benefit everyone? We know Jikook love sharing with army, Jungkook’s lives of 2023 show us, their predebut days of vlogging to now show us, Jungkook’s GCFT shows us. They share.

So a show, sure, Jikook are used to cameras, the members are able to retain their authenticity through they years since day one of being in front of a camera.

That’s it, I’ll stop cos otherwise I’ll keep on musing forever 😅

💜💛

[havenesc]

4 and 24 for rancher au, along with 8, 25, 34, and 49 >:))))

(questions for fic writers)

HEHE HIIIIIII <3333

4. What detail in rancher au are you really proud of?

is luke the old farm dog a detail worth being proud of? perhaps not. he is not the only dog on that ranch and he's past his prime of getting up to get after coyotes or intruders. he just spends his time on the porch, overweight and sunbathing and enjoying being daddy mickey's favorite useless dog. he gets up to do his business and he rolls over to bark like a rural doorbell and he doesn't do much else. every single ranch has a luke somewhere on it and i love him.

24. Are there any easter eggs in rancher au, and if so, what are they?

jason's phone number that reads off at the very end when dick is trying to leave him a voicemail is a new jersey area code followed by jason's birthday. i was not about to get more creative than that HAHA

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

this question took the longest i was scrambling for all the songs i could think of that i either have on deck or love thinking about as an animatic/fic source.........

stay gold for a night watch discussion about fate/predetermined destiny and if it it's really worth all that suffering to know that you love one another.

the view between villages always fucks me up but just thinking about a dickie g or jason t centric fic and what it means to go home to a place that carries so many painful memories. what it means to know you will never walk the road the same way you did once, when two brothers are the only ones who know the man from before and forever in some way are atoning for the man made after.

25. What other websites or resources do you use most often when you write?

this is more specific to jason rancher au because i'm trying to research that Lifestyle and make it feel more authentic, but it's a bit different type of research because i know the ins and outs of what ranchers do on a daily basis. but the anecdotes are what i'm after. i have books across my room rn that are accounts and photo albums of ranchers from the 2000s and what life looked like for them. i watch youtube videos like people from broncs and donks or ben kretchman or trinity vandenacre. i reach out to people who ranch irl and ask them about their experiences and hardships. i try really hard to make it sound like i'm working on something cooler than niche off-branch batman fanfiction though.

34. What aspects of your writing are inspired by/taken from your real life?

unsurprisingly for most people who follow me at this point but horses! i have lived my whole life with horses. i grew up in west texas for my really early years, keeping a 7mo Fred (who is now in his 20s) at a roping barn. we would rodeo and playday as kids, and i would help run the cattle chutes every wednesday evening on roping nights. and then as i got older and moved away, i made the switch from western to english/dressage and started helping with the breeding and training program from my late trainer/second mom. writing about working with horses is kind of a way to stick close to it and feels a little more emotional now that i'm coming up on a year without her. :')

and hockey. but i don't write much about hockey at this current moment lol

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

i have been fighting a bit of a writing block so not much progress has been made on anything unfortunately :'))) just rewriting my cmad-utrh fic (lol) and working on rancher in bits and fits... but i'll post the rancher one bc i feel like it has more substance right now!

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Li Zeyan’s Mundane Date (Eng Translation)

“I bet that you will still remember this day, this moment, even decades from now. Just like I will.”

⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 琐碎约会, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Subbed Video】

──────────────

【Chapter 1】 

Big Screen: “In order to welcome this festival dedicated to love, our channel is presenting a special program named 《The Vow at Fingertip》.”

Big Screen: “We’ve collected a plethora of stories about the ring, exploring its deeper meaning beyond the ceremonial contexts…”

It’s early morning on Valentine’s Day, and the streets are already bustling with noise and excitement. Li Zeyan and I stand quietly at the entrance of the supermarket, watching the program previews displayed on the shopping mall’s large screen.

LZY: [laughs like a proud s/o ✊] Well, this is quite impressive. The prime spot throughout the whole day is going to be occupied by your show.

MC: Granted, it’s thanks to the sponsorship from the brand, but I’m really satisfied with this show.

LZY: In that case, let’s get through the checklist quickly and head back early to enjoy your masterpiece.

Finishing his words, he then takes my hand and leads me into the supermarket.

Given Li Zeyan’s personality, he had actually prepared the ingredients at Souvenir well in advance. But due to a phone call this morning, we had no choice but to make last-minute changes in our plans…

–

───── [FLASHBACK STARTS] ─────

Mr. Mills: Manager, sorry to trouble you so early in the morning.

Mr. Mills: While I was out for a walk just now, I saw a notice posted on the door of Souvenir stating that there’s a circuit malfunction in this area and the power has been out for the whole night.

Mr. Mills: I checked the refrigerator, and it seems those ingredients of yours may have gone bad.

LZY: [his voice really tends to drop to a different softness when he talks to Mr. Mills 🥺]  Thank you for taking the trouble. I’ll take care of it later.

Mr. Mills: But you prepared these for MC, right? Would you still be able to work out your plans for today?

Li Zeyan glances at me, who’s peering over from beside him, and a small smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

LZY: [while looking at you]  You don’t have to worry. I have a compensation plan in mind.

Watching as Li Zeyan ends the call, his expression composed, I hurriedly lean in and ask him about the situation.

MC: Did something happen at Souvenir? Should we go to the restaurant first and check it out?

LZY: It’s alright, let’s celebrate the festival first.

LZY: The menu won’t change, but we need to grab a few things to make up. I’ll make a quick trip to the supermarket later.

MC: I’ll come along with you!

–

───── [FLASHBACK ENDS] ─────

As each item from the list is placed into the shopping cart, I steal glances at Li Zeyan and study his completely unruffled expression, inwardly sighing to myself.

His plan fell through, and it even resulted in some damage. Yet, he hasn’t uttered a single word of complaint, appearing to have a well-thought-out plan in advance as always.

MC: [muttering] He certainly deserves the title of being the number one in emotional stability.

Li Zeyan seems to have heard my mumbling, prompting him to turn around and meet my gaze.

LZY: What’s the matter? Why are you zoning out?

MC: I was thinking, you are really good at switching your mood. If I were in your shoes and found out [MC’s Company Name] had run into some problem, I’d spend half a day just feeling upset.

LZY: Not like it’s something that can’t be remedied. What’s there to feel upset about?

LZY: It’s a nice holiday, and I don’t wish to see a certain dummy shooting her mouth off to the sky.

He gently lays his hand on top of mine and, together with the shopping cart, leads me forward.

LZY: If you zone out again, we won’t go to the snack section.

MC: I absolutely won’t! Let’s go, let’s go~

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 2】 

The warm music of the show flows through the room, but it’s soon drowned out by the clinking and clattering sounds from the kitchen.

MC: Is there anything else you need me to do, Boss?

LZY: Help me with the sauce.

In order to increase efficiency, I volunteer to help Li Zeyan and find myself busy following his instructions, frantically running around in circles.

LZY: Pass me the thermometer.

LZY: Set the stopwatch to one minute for me.

MC: Roger!

Ding––

The oven’s timer sounds, and I consciously put on the heat-resistant gloves and pull out the baking tray.

MC: Isn’t it time to turn the sweet potato tart?

LZY: Right. If it’s tricky to turn, try lifting a corner first to test it out.

MC: Uh… it does seem a bit tricky to flip.

With gentleness and cautiousness, I proceed to operate, afraid of ruining the shape Li Zeyan has crafted so meticulously.

As I reach the last three, a reminder sounds from behind me.

LZY: Turn them faster; don’t let the oven temperature drop too much.

LZY: Don’t worry so much about the shape. For a dummy, it’s tasting delicious is what matters more.

His voice, carrying with it a smile, alleviates my nervousness a little. I turn them over and slide the baking tray back into the oven.

With the oven resuming its operation, I breathe a sigh of relief and walk back to Li Zeyan’s side, taking a sip of water.

LZY: [laughs softly]  Tired?

MC: How could I be tired? I can handle this amount of work just fine.

MC: It actually feels like that cooking game we played before. Though, I wish we could have three heads and six arms… [1]

MC: Speaking of which, do things get this chaotic when you cook by yourself?

Li Zeyan puts the lid on the pot and turns down the heat, then rubs my head with his free hand.

LZY: It doesn’t seem as chaotic when I’m on my own without anyone “helping out.”

LZY: But my sous chef here has made quite a lot of progress; at least nothing got messed up.

MC: That’s because my boyfriend doesn’t only cook incredibly well, but he is also a generous mentor!

LZY: [chuckles teasingly] I was here simply trying to better the food I cook for a certain dummy. I did not realize she was secretly taking notes.

LZY: Since you’ve been learning well, tell me, what do we need to add when we take the lid off?

I freeze for a moment, not expecting that he’d really ask questions. Resorting to thinking on my feet, I quickly pounce on him and lock my arms around his neck.

MC: Well, naturally… adding a little extra love would make it even better!

I plant a kiss on his cheek, then swiftly dash away before he can react, turning up the volume of the show.

LZY: [laughs helplessly]  Running away when you can’t answer, huh?

MC: [giggling gleefully]  What did you say? The music is too loud, I can’t hear you clearly~

Shamelessly feigning ignorance, I stand in front of the TV, grinning while casually casting a glance at the progress of the show.

At this moment, the interview with a young couple begins. The girl raises her left hand towards the camera, showing off her wedding ring.

Girl (on the show): On the day my husband proposed, he hid the ring in a dessert, saying that the dessert that day was infused with a unique formula of love.

Girl (on the show): As a result, when I took a bite, I chomped directly into this “formula of love” and ended up breaking my tooth…

Girl (on the show): We had to rush to the emergency room in the middle of the night. The pain was so excruciating that I almost refused the marriage proposal right then and there.

MC: Pfft…

I can’t hold back my laughter and glance over at Li Zeyan, who’s just a short distance away.

MC: Did you hear that, restaurant manager? You should take this as a cautionary tale.

LZY: [chuckles helplessly]  It’s clearly the gluttonous dummy who should take this as a cautionary tale.

Just as I’m about to retaliate, the doorbell suddenly rings. I pull a face at Li Zeyan and hurry off to answer the door.

Delivery Guy: Excuse me, is this Mr. Li’s residence? I’ve got a Flash Delivery package for him.

I accept the rather sizable cardboard box, then curiously glance towards the kitchen.

MC: What did you order?

LZY: Why don’t you open it and find out?

I carefully open the box and find an unexpected item inside––

──────────────

[Tidbits]:

[1] It’s a reference to Li Zeyan’s “Home Visit Date!” 

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 3】

MC: “Chocolate fountain machine for home use”?

As I look at the name on the instruction manual, I read it out loud in surprise.

The supermarket’s holiday chocolates are already vying for attention with their romantic beauty, but I didn’t expect Li Zeyan to have an even more surprising design up his sleeves.

MC: Wow… isn’t this something you’d usually find only at hotels or fancy gatherings?

LZY: Mm-hmm. Given the unusual circumstances today, I’d have to slack off for now.

MC: “Slack off”?

Li Zeyan meets my puzzled gaze and places the machine on the table, then proceeds to gesticulate the patterns of the fountain.

LZY: Since it’s liquid, it simplifies the project by skipping several steps and can’t be stored. Once prepared, it’s only enough for a single serving.

LZY: If a certain someone has any objections, I’ll make a better one for you another day.

MC: Not only do I have no objections, but I also want to “redress injustices” on behalf of the chocolate fountain.

I wedge myself between him and the bar counter, pretending to be angry as I place my hands on my hips.

MC: How could you ever consider something as amusing and creative as this chocolate fountain as “slacking off”?!

MC: Moreover, regardless of how simple the procedure may be, Restaurant Manager Li’s creations are always one-of-a-kind.

Li Zeyan gives me a look and curls his lips into a smile.

LZY: Seems like this choice has turned out to be exactly something a certain someone would’ve liked. Since you’re so interested, why don’t you join me in making it later?

–

The “home version” of the Valentine’s Day feast still lives up to Li Zeyan’s high standards. After having our fill of eating and drinking, we finally bring the chocolate fountain to the table.

I skewer a strawberry, coat it with chocolate sauce, and take a bite. The rich aroma of chocolate blends harmoniously with the strawberry’s fresh sweetness, causing me to squint my eyes as if  I were in paradise.

MC: So, so yummy!

LZY: Easy there; be careful not to let the chocolate sauce drip onto you.

Li Zeyan fetches a sheet of paper and places it on my lap, then takes a toothpick to help me skewer the strawberries.

A warmth blooms in my heart. I lean in and hug his arm.

MC: Every dish today has been a hit, plus there’s also a certain handsome guy winning over with his attentive service. I think I ought to give it at least a four-star Michelin rating.

LZY: Is that extra star a reward for yourself?

MC: Hehe, didn’t you just say earlier that your little sous chef did a good job today?

LZY: Indeed, and the dining experience was neater than usual, too.

MC: Those who are capable do the most work, and those who work most deserve extra serving at the table! [2]

Li Zeyan smiles as he listens to my nonsense and pushes a plate of chocolate-coated strawberries in front of me.

LZY: [the indulgence hhh]  Alright, “capable one,” today you’re allowed to have a little extra.

MC: Why are you giving them all to me? Aren’t you going to have a taste?

LZY: There’s a certain dummy who’s been looking forward to this for so long, so let’s let her have her fill first.

As I take another bite of a strawberry, I keep pondering which words to persuade him to taste it. When I look up, I find that Li Zeyan has had his eyes fixed on me the whole time.

MC: What’s wrong?

LZY: It’s nothing.

LZY: I was just thinking, with the sudden change of plans today, are you genuinely okay with it?

MC: It wasn’t something within our control. Besides, just the location got changed, that’s all.

LZY: But it did eat into our time, and we missed the beginning of your show.

MC: I didn’t realize CEO Li was looking forward to my show this much, huh?

LZY: [laughs helplessly]  I wonder who kept promoting it non-stop next to my ear every day.

Grinning, I lean sideways onto his shoulder and reach out to poke his cheek.

MC: You somehow pulled off such a complicated feast to make up for it. What could I have to be dissatisfied with?

MC: Besides, the most important thing today is to be glued to the person you like; it doesn’t matter even if the time hasn’t been used efficiently.

Picking up the dessert tray, I skewer a strawberry and feed it to him.

MC: In order to make you truly understand how I feel, I warmly invite you to taste the flavor of bliss for yourself. [3]

LZY: Dummy, you’ve already mentioned the “taste of bliss” at least five times today.

LZY: Why do I get the feeling that you always seem to find “bliss” in everything you eat?

MC: That conclusion seems to be a bit of a sweeping generalization.

MC: There may be an abundance of delicious food in the world, but there are only two kinds that can truly bring me a sense of bliss.

MC: Home-cooked meals made by family members and the food you prepare with love.

Li Zeyan takes the plate and gently holds my now-empty hand.

LZY: Was your father very skilled in the kitchen?

MC: He…

MC: He was too busy with work, so there weren’t many opportunities for him to showcase his skills… but the flavors in my memory are very warm; it was the taste of home.

LZY: No wonder a certain someone has a good palette; apparently, she was nurtured well since childhood.

MC: Hehe, but I believe happiness doesn’t just stem from the flavors; the particulars are crucial, too.

LZY: What do you mean?

MC: For example, when Dad came home late from work and would accidentally add too much salt to the quick dishes he prepared, we’d end up laughing it off together during the meal.

MC: For instance, when a certain someone’s own plans went awry, he still prioritized taking care of my feelings.

MC: Like when that certain person could have simply settled for making regular chocolate, but instead, he went out of his way to design a chocolate fountain.

MC: I’m not someone who eats anything at any place without preference. Restaurant Manager Li, please don’t get the wrong idea.

I wink at Li Zeyan. He stares at me for a while, then suddenly breaks the silence.

LZY: Do you know why Souvenir always gives you special privileges?

MC: Why?

LZY: Because while a certain person isn’t very skilled in cooking, she sure is an excellent eater, and she equally excels at “paying the debt for the free meals with her words.” [4]

MC: Nonsense! That’s called showing gratitude, alright!

Unwilling to back down, I stuff another strawberry into his mouth, blocking any potential retort.

MC: Some people’s sweet words don’t last more than three seconds. As punishment, I’ll make you eat more chocolate to make amends.

LZY: [laughs helplessly]  …Dummy.

──────────────

[Tidbits]:

[2] The original sentence said by MC here was “能者多劳, 劳者多吃!” The first part of it is actually an idiom: lit. meaning, “it’s the most capable people who do the most work.”  The idiom is intended as consolation for the overworked, or flattery when making a request etc. The second part is a word-play on the idiom, so I tweaked the translation to fit the play here!

[3] The term MC uses here is “幸福,” and I had to sit on this one for a while to use a term that is not too wordy but still carries a closer meaning to the CN term. While it essentially does refer to “happiness,” the term carries a deeper connotation than 开心 (happy) / 快乐 (joyful), which refer to short bursts of bright emotions. Whereas “幸福” refers to lasting, fulfilling happiness and holistic contentment~

[4] The term Li Zeyan uses here is “吃人嘴短,” which he’s cleverly re-generated from the proverb “吃人嘴软, 拿人手短” to get his message across efficiently. I’m just too tired to explain the inside joke here LOL, so I opted for a wordy translation to try to get the message across nonetheless.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 4】

Host: Auntie, how do you usually store your ring?

Granny: Store it? I’ve never taken it off. I keep it on even when I’m working.

Granny: In our generation, we didn’t fuss over all those things. Besides, life inevitably keeps throwing urgent matters at you, so there’s little to no time to ponder over such matters.

While listening to the conversation on TV, I hand the last plate on the table to Li Zeyan.

After a quick rinse, he loads the plates into the dishwasher. Just as he straightens up, I hug him from behind.

MC: We just finished eating; why not rest for a while?

LZY: [chuckles indulgently] What? Are you saying eating can tire you out, dummy?

MC: …don’t you feel a bit sluggish after eating too much?

LZY: [that indulgent tone intensifies x10]  No wonder I feel like I’m carrying extra weight on my back.

Hearing the obvious laughter in his voice, I let out a couple of “hmphs” and continue to lean against his back without a care in the world.

LZY: A certain someone here has eaten her plate clean so thoroughly, lightening the load quite a lot, so this shouldn’t take too much time.

MC: That’s an essential skill for a Souvenir diner! But every time I see you being so diligent, I feel a tad embarrassed.

MC: It’s one thing not to procrastinate at work, but how can you not be lazy in your everyday life as well?

LZY: Wouldn’t it be more of a hassle if everything piled up at once?

LZY: Taking care of things immediately when they happen also helps avoid any unexpected complications.

Thinking back to how he methodically rearranged everything this morning, I can’t help but sigh with a twinge of envy.

MC: I’m so lucky to have you around; it’s what could make today so delightful.

LZY: Even after having to do so much work, you still consider it delightful?

MC: Yep! Cooking with you is like playing a game, but without the need to worry about failing any levels!

LZY: Dummy has a knack for turning any place into an amusement park.

MC: Then you’re the amusement park manager!

Li Zeyan finishes washing his hands, turns around, and boops the tip of my nose.

LZY: [in the softest of tones]  It seems that with you around, I’ll never have to worry about being unemployed.

LZY: Let’s go. Let’s focus on watching your show.

—

Li Zeyan pulls me to nestle into the couch. The show has now reached the interview segment, and the host is asking the elderly woman about the happiest moment of her life in the decades that have gone by.

Granny: If I had to choose one, it would be one night before going to sleep, when my husband touched the ring on my hand and said, “It’s all scratched up.”

Granny: When we calculated, we realized we’ve been wearing our rings for several decades.

Host: Those rings must be bearing many traces of life, wouldn’t you say?

Granny: Yes, that’s right. At first, I wanted to reprimand him, to show him how much work I’ve done. But then I touched his ring, and it was just the same.

Granny: At that moment, I suddenly felt, this person next to me has been by my side for a very long time.

I snuggle into Li Zeyan’s embrace, intertwining my fingers with his and stroking them.

MC: If it were the two of us, your ring would definitely be the one to wear out first.

LZY: Not necessarily; we also have to take into account a certain someone stirring up trouble and acting silly.

MC: Perhaps in a few decades, I’ll have grown smarter already!

LZY: Then let’s make a bet. We’ll see if you still remember this statement in a few decades.

MC: Alright, you’re on. But we’re both in this, so it wouldn’t be fair to put only me to the test.

LZY: Go on, what plan are you hatching now?

I roll my eyes and wriggle out of his arms.

MC: You watch the show; I’ll be back in a jiffy.

I trot over to the pantry and open one of the low cabinets. Owing to the Valentine’s Day themed program, I have received quite a few chocolates from our collaborators.

I take out the heart-shaped box placed at the top and return to Li Zeyan’s side.

–

MC: Li Zeyan, I have a small gift for you.

LZY: What, haven’t had enough chocolate yet?

Li Zeyan glances at the box in my hand, then raises an eyebrow at me. I smile but don’t say anything, opening the box and putting it into his hand.

MC: Hold on~ Let me do a magic trick for you first.

MC: Close your eyes, and then just pick any chocolate from inside.

LZY: [gentle, helpless chuckle]  What kind of stunt are you pulling this time?

Despite saying this, Li Zeyan still closes his eyes and follows suit. I take the chocolate he hands me and gently tear open the wrapper.

The golden foil paper is extremely delicate and prone to tearing if handled with even the slightest bit of carelessness. But by now, I’ve already become skilled enough to roll it up smoothly.

During the filming of this show, chocolate almost became our only snack. Every time I was on the phone with Li Zeyan, I would chat with him while casually rolling the candy wrappers.

I didn’t expect the “practice makes perfect” proverb to come to fruition like this, but inadvertently, I managed to craft this paper “ring.”

MC: Done! Now, extend your hand again.

He doesn’t seem to quite understand what my intention is, so he reaches into the box for another chocolate and hands it to me.

Seeing him so cooperative, I can’t help but laugh out loud, giving his fingertips a squeeze as I hold up the “ring” I have just created.

MC: You can open your eyes now!

–

LZY: …?

Li Zeyan looks at the small ring in my hand and blinks slowly.

LZY: [YOU CAN LITERALLY HEAR IN HIS TONE THAT HE’S CAUGHT OFF GUARD 🥹]   This is…?

MC: As you can see, an exclusively customized ring from 24-karat pure gold!

MC: Handcrafted from start to finish, Mr. Li Zeyan is the only one in the world who has the opportunity to own it.

Li Zeyan is momentarily taken aback, then glances at the torn-open chocolates on the table, before suddenly breaking into a smile.

LZY: Even such a brief moment as this is ample for your creativity to soar.

MC: I’ve been planning this for a long time. You can’t just whip up such a rare ring on the spot.

MC: Since you’ve made that bet with me, I must also reciprocate.

I straighten up and slowly slide the small ring onto his ring finger.

Li Zeyan’s gaze also remains fixated on my fingertips until the ring moves past his second joint, then he lifts his eyes to stare at me again.

Under the sunlight, those deep, enigmatic eyes of his shine even brighter, an expectation as clear as crystals surging within them.

I gaze fixedly at him, his cheeks now tinged with a gentle blush, and find myself unable to suppress the smile that steals across my lips.

MC: I bet that you will still remember this day, this moment, even decades from now.

MC: Just like I will.

After a few seconds of silence, Li Zeyan tosses the chocolate in his hand aside and tightly clasps my hand with his broad palm.

Seeing that he still hasn’t said anything, I press on and ask once more.

MC: How about it? Do you want to make this bet with me?

LZY: Sure, but…

Even before the words have fully left his mouth, a sudden force on my wrist yanks me towards him. I can’t help but cry out in surprise, only to find myself falling into his arms.

A warm breath immediately envelopes me as he locks me firmly in his arms, and I find myself slowly consumed by an intense yearning.

LZY: [nearly breathless] If you want me to remember, you’ll have to up the ante.

Without waiting for me to respond, he continues kissing me, effortlessly subduing any possible protest I could have.

Even after all this time, he still kisses me with the same uninhibited passion as he did the first time. The distant time and unspoken words all melt away in the gentle caress. [5]

The sound from the television gradually fades away, and the stories of others drift beyond my consciousness.

Even without this bet, I would find it impossible to forget this moment.

After who knows how long has passed, Li Zeyan gently releases me, lowering his head to rest his forehead against mine.

I look into his eyes, so close and within reach, and feel a surge of emotion in my heart.

MC: Li Zeyan.

LZY: Hm?

MC: Will you–– [6]

Before I can say anything further, he promptly raises his hand to cover my mouth.

LZY: [HIS PANICKED TONE HHHH]  Wait.

LZY: I’ve accepted the world’s most creative ring, but please don’t say anything more.

LZY: This is something that I should be the one to take care of.

I pause for a moment, then quickly understand what he meant, unable to suppress a laugh as I hold onto his hand.

LZY: Why are you laughing?

MC: Hahaha, although I really don’t want to spoil the atmosphere, but actually, I wanted to ask––

MC: Li Zeyan, will you wear this ring to work?~ ^^

───────────────

[Tidbits]

[5] Unnecessary, really, but still a refresher– it’s the callback to his first kiss aka “Dazzling Date.”

[6] Although obvious from Li Zeyan’s reaction, I still wanna clarify– he cut MC off when she had only gotten to “你愿不愿意—” (will you/ would you be willing to)-- and the rest of that sentence typically is “(will you) marry me” (你愿不愿意嫁给我吗), which is why LZY doesn’t even take any chances and goes, “nope not happening, I wanna do it” 😂❤️

───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

【Personal Ramblings】

Remainder of One’s Life Date: here!

─────────────────────────────────

[milesluna]

My Favorite Games of 2023.

Hi. Hello. Thanks ever so much for clicking on this page. Happy to have you.

First thing's first: I'm a little freak when it comes to video games. I don't feel the need to beat most games I play. From Software is one of my favorite studios in the industry and I've never finished a single one of their games. This means, fortunately, that I get to play a LOT more games than the average bear.

I've written up some blurbs about my top ten favorite games from 2023, but before that here's the list of every game I remember playing this year that left any sort of lasting impact on me (in no particular order):

Dead Space Remake Resident Evil 4 Remake F-Zero 99 Humanity Dredge Metroid Prime Remastered Anemoiaplois Alan Wake 2 Baldur’s Gate 3 LoZ Tears of the Kingdom Counter Strike 2 Hunt Showdown El Paso Elsewhere Jusant Slay the Princess| Remnant II The Finals Street FIghter 6 Lethal Company BattleBit Remastered Don’t Scream Homebody The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog Pizza Tower World of Horror Super Mario Wonder Mr. Sun’s Hatbox Fifa 23 Sea of Stars (Demo) Half-Life (25th Anniversary Update)

And the games I played that were NOT released in 2023:

Unpacking Persona 4 Golden Picross 7 The Order 1886 Shovel Knight Dig Lost Planet: Extreme Condition Spider-Man: Miles Morales Pac-Man Championship Edition DX Project Zomboid Quake LoZ The Minish Cap Drill Dozer Wario Land 4 Pokemon Pinball Resident Evil Revelations Summer of ‘58 Trackmania TwinCop We Were Here Visage Cursed Halo CE Half-Life 2 (I probably play this once per year) Witch Hunt Red Dead Redemption 2 Cyberpunk 2077 Borderlands 3 Brutal Legend Cultic Slay the Spire PUBG Rez Infinite Batman Arkham City Alan Wake Alan Wake: American Nightmare Max Payne LoZ: Majora’s Mask 3DS Metroid Prime Metroid Prime 2 Tunic Everhood Final Fantasy VII Final Fantasy VII Remake GOODBYE WORLD Yakuza: Like a Dragon Critters for Sale Dome Keeper Phasmophobia Hades Nintendo Switch Sports

Now that you understand the kind of freak you're dealing with…

Let's dive into my top ten favorite games from this objectively fucked up year.

10. El Paso Elsewhere Developed by Texas indie studio Strange Scaffold, El Paso Elsewhere is a Max Payne-clone with vampires, an opinionated narrator, and lots and lots of bullet time. As a small studio punching well above their weight class, Strange Scaffold leans into abstract, PlayStation 1 minimalism when it comes to visuals and pairs them with a soundtrack that will make your hands sweat. The vibes are here and they're ready for the end of the world. I'm personally also a big fan of everything this studio stands for.

9. Mr. Sun's Hatbox I want you to imagine Metal Gear Solid V. Now I want you to imagine that game as a 2D, level-based, slapstick platformer you can play with up to three friends. If you think that sounds stupid, you'd be right. And it's beautiful. As you build up a secret army of soldiers with various skills (and disorders), you'll start to develop *favorites*. This game constantly asks if you're willing to send those favorites on a harrowing mission and risk losing them forever… or if you'd rather send an idiot you recently captured who blinks constantly and can't kill anyone without fainting.

8. Dredge Every year I feel like I find one game that falls into the “just one more round” category, and baby… Dredge was it for 2023. As a weary fisherman in strange waters, you'll make the most out of your 12 measly hours of sunlight only for your daily voyages to inevitably pull you into the darkness of night, and night is when things get weird. Rocks emerge from the fog that you swear weren't there before, your equipment malfunctions, and you're pretty sure you just saw something in the water… something big. Despite only containing a small collection of islands, the world of Dredge manages to feel vast - perhaps vast enough to swallow you whole.

7. Resident Evil 4 Remake I was curious to see what sort of changes would be made to the timeless classic and father of modern 3rd person shooters, Resident Evil 4. I wasn't let down. RE4 Remake takes all the things that didn't age well about the original, tossed them out, and replaced them with only good things. And MORE things! It's campy, fun, and better than a game of bingo.

6. Jusant I really feel like this one didn't get the recognition it deserves. Jusant is a rock climbing game that combines the quiet contemplation of Journey with the mechanical specificity of Death Stranding. Unlike Death Standing, though, there is very little story to interrupt your flow. There are plenty of collectible bits to find for those curious to learn more about what happened before the events of the game, but the environmental storytelling does most of the heavy lifting. For me, the joy of the game comes from how it feels. Right trigger controls your right hand grip, and left trigger controls left hand grip. Plan your route, manage your stamina, and climb high above the clouds in search of answers.

5. F-Zero 99 This. Shit. Slaps. I've never been a big F-Zero guy, but this MADE me one. The “battle royale”, 99 player format is the perfect fit for the ruthless, high octane world of the game. Races last about three minutes, and friend, they are the most intense, white-knuckled three minutes of your life. The decision to make your boost meter the same as your health meter started in F-Zero 64 (I believe), and it is so much more HARROWING in this game when another player could side-swipe you mere meters from the finish line and blow you to bits. Sadly it's only playable via Switch Online, but it made me cheer, laugh, and scream enough this year to earn a spot in my top 5.

4. Alan Wake 2 Remedy makes weird games that also manage to exist in the AAA space and for that I will forever love them. Although Alan Wake 2 resembles a 3rd person shooter survival horror, I'd honestly say it's more of a narrative game than anything else. There's sidequests, there's puzzles, there's upgradeable skills, but at the end of the day the characters, world, and story are what kept me playing. If you haven't checked them out recently, you should definitely watch a story recap of the original games before diving into this sequel, but the wild swings for the fences this game takes are well worth that small price of admission. There's a god damn musical number, for Christ's sake.

3. The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom I've really got nothing to say about this game that most people don't already know. It's incredible. The fact that Nintendo made a game that redefined an entire genre and then made a SEQUEL to it that ups the ante is remarkable. To be honest, I've only cleared the Rito, Zora, and Goron cities. I got a bit tired of exploring the depths and guiding Koroks to their friends, but I can't deny the sheer level of complexity and polish on display here. I saw someone on TikTok build a functioning Mecha Godzilla in this game. Good God. I've heard that the ending of this game is one of the best in the franchise, and if I'd seen it this year then it may have wound up higher on my list, but for the time being I'll continue picking up this masterpiece from time to time, chipping away at it until the day comes that I can finally smack the tits off thicc Ganondorf.

2. Half-Life (25th Anniversary Update) I know I'm gonna get shit for this, but I don't care. This year was the 25th anniversary of Half-Life and Valve released an update that made playing it (and it's online Death Match) much more accessible. I threw it on my Steam Deck out of curiosity, expecting to play for 20 minutes. I could not put it down. It is unbelievable how modern this game still feels. I simply had so much fun sprinting through the corridors of Black Mesa with a dozen weapons strapped to my back, blasting aliens and military Spec-Op chumps as a 24(?!) year old theoretical physicist.

1. Baldur's Gate III This game is fucked up, man. The sheer amount of writing in this game scares me. We can all talk about how BIG this game is, it deserves it, but the thing BG3 does better than any other role playing game I have ever experienced is actually encourage roleplaying. I've played through Act I four times now, with four different groups of friends, and it has felt fresh every time. I have seen the same events play out in so many different ways that it boggles the mind, but in every one of those play sessions I see players asking themselves “What would my lil guy do here?” rather than "what is the best thing to do here?" The game rewards players constantly for just trying shit and the D&D 5e rule set means playing like the character you said you were from the start leads to frequent Points of Inspiration. Maybe one day I'll see the end of this story (probably not), but I don't have to in order to feel a connection with BG3's world, characters, and most impressively, the characters I made myself.

Honorable Mentions for 2023

5. Dave the Diver 4. Homebody 3. Sea of Stars 2. Humanity 1. Super Mario Wonder

Top 5 Favorites NOT from 2023

5. Metroid Prime 4. Final Fantasy VII Remake 3. Cursed Halo (Halo CE Mod) 2. Red Dead Redemption 2 1. Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (3DS)

Games I didn't have a chance to play from 2023 but still want to when I find more time...

Viewfinder Venba Chants of Sennaar Thirsty Suitors Hi-Fi Rush Moonring Armored Core VI Laika Aged Through Blood Bomb Rush Cyberfunk

OKAY THANKS BYE!

[autolenaphilia]

I keep being aghast at people still using old unsupported versions of Windows. Like these people were angery at Valve announcing they would stopping supporting Steam on Windows 7 and 8. And like there is a lot to be angry at Valve for, lootboxes in Counter Strike and so on, but this???

Steam not supporting Windows 7 and 8 is because Microsoft has stopped supporting those operating systems. And you shouldn't be using unsupported operating systems, at least if you are going to connect them to the internet (which is a requirement for Steam).

Windows, like any operating system, is very complex, and there are inevitably going to be security flaws, holes in the system that malware and malicious actors are going to exploit. And a major part of support is the developers, Microsoft in the case of Windows, fixing those security flaws with security updates as they are discovered. When the devs stop supporting an operating system, any remaining security holes in the system will not be fixed, and they will inevitably still be some left, because again any operating system is super-complex.

So if you keep using an operating system that is unsupported, and connect that machine to the internet, you are going to become a prime target for any hackers out there, who will exploit those remaining security holes to infect you with ransomware, or turn your computer into part of a botnet, or exploit it for cryptomining.

(you can use old versions of Windows, but only safely if that machine has no internet access. Such machines are both used professionally to run old software that is useful, but has no real replacement, and by video game hobbyists to run old Windows games off disks. That is not a problem, it becomes one if that machine has internet access)

Now I don't expect Microsoft to support all versions of Windows forever, no creator of software practically can do that, so no one does.

Although Microsoft is partly at fault here. They habitually raise the system requirements for new versions of Windows to ludicrous heights, making their users unable to update their computers despite their computer still working fine. This has resulted in the less wealthy parts of the world still being stuck on unsupported Windows versions. The majority of Armenian computers still run Windows XP, just for example.

And they often make these new Windows worse than the old ones, ranging from needless changes to the UI to invasions of privacy.

And Microsoft are partially to blame for instilling a kind of technological learned helplessness into their users, in order to control them. By hiding information and wrestling control from their users, Microsoft has taught them that they are unable to learn and change and control their digital life.

I think that explains the phenomenon of people who use old versions of Windows. They often can't update their computers to new versions of Windows because of unreasonable system requirements, or understandably don't want to use Windows 10 or 11. And because Microsoft has systematically treated them as unable to learn or take responsibility for their computer, they haven't learned what End of Life (EOL) for an operating system means. And for the same reason, the users feel that doing something like installing another operating system, like a Linux distro that is still supported and would run on their old computer, as something beyond their grasp.

Yet it is absolutely what they should do, and it is not as hard as you might think it is. There are real, sensible reasons to not use LInux, but if the contest is on a computer connected to internet, between old unsupported versions of Windows and Linux, Linux is absolutely the better option. The massive security risk of using an unsupported Windows version is far worse than any drawbacks of switching to Linux. Like it's beyond debate, the contest is between installing a Linux distro and your computer becoming part of a botnet at that point.

And the problem of existing computers being unable to update to supported versions of Windows will only get worse. The jump in system requirements from Windows 10 to 11 might be the worst one since XP to Vista. Windows 10 is supported for now, but support will end in October 2025, less than two years from now. And the percentage of Windows 10 computers that can't update to Win11? 55% if you are being optimistic, more than 75% if you are not.

And because Linux is not seen as an option by the majority, 2025 will mean massive amounts of e-waste as those who have money will dispose of old working computers to buy new ones, and a lot of people who can't afford new computers continuing to use the now unsupported Windows 10. 2025 will not be the year of the Linux desktop, but things will continue to suck because of it.

[thewadapan]

TFNation 2024 post-mortem

So I went to the Transformers convention again! If you're following me for non-Transformers reasons, then this blog post will be worthless to you, sorry. If you didn't go the convention, it will probably be worthless to you as well. And if you did go to the convention, then it might even be worthless to you, too! I'd strongly recommend just listening to the podcast Jo and I recorded looking back on the event; it's more fun. I really only write these things as a personal record of the weekend, so it doesn't just fade into memory, because TFNation is one of the most important times of the year for me.

In previous years, I've followed the convention by making an hourlong vlog, recapping the event start-to-finish from my POV, showing off all the toys wot I got. Last year the production of that video was such an albatross that I committed to never doing that again, which turned out to be a good thing, because I don't think I could talk breezily about TFN 2024 to a camera for a couple of hours.

It's not to say that I didn't have a good time at TFN, or even a great time. But where some people seem to have found this to be the best TFN yet, I was definitely struggling a bit at some points in the weekend. In previous years, I've spoken to close friends of mine at or after the event, and they've expressed feelings of having had an off year one way or another, and I guess this year it was my turn! Partly, this blog post is going to be me working out what exactly went wrong, so next year's convention can hopefully go a little smoother for me.

The problems really started weeks before the convention. I had big plans to put together a really special zine, something that would prick people's ears up, something that I thought would genuinely leave a lasting impact. I'm being cagey about it because I hope it might still happen next year. But I couldn't source the material that I needed. Not to worry, I thought, I'd left myself more than enough time that I could brute-force the problem, create the material by myself.

And then I had an unrelated personal crisis, and suddenly it was three weeks later and I had nothing, with maybe a month to go until the convention. And I still made a go of it! But it couldn't be done. Not with what I had. Every approach I tried turned out to have hidden pitfalls and it was all turning out dogshit. I admitted defeat to my collaborators, who I'd inadvertently strung along for most of a year, which was embarrassing and frustrating.

Meanwhile, another deadline had been creeping up: the Refined Robot Co. zine, compiled by my close friend Ben, to which I contribute every year, needed to go to the printers in a few weeks and I had nothing. I'd picked a robot to write about out of a hat a few months ago, hoping that a good angle would occur to me in the intervening time, but it just didn't. I came up with an angle for Kingdom Rattrap, but immediately realised I had far more to say about that toy than could be contained within the margins of a single page.

When I saw the cover for the zine featured Missing Link Optimus Prime, who otherwise didn't have a page in the zine, I asked Ben if I could switch my page to talk about that toy instead. He agreed. However, around this time, I realised that the Transformers: Mosaic archive I've been working on for the last two years would be ending almost exactly coinciding with the convention; with the queued posts almost exhausted, I had no choice but to sit down and blitz through the remainder of the work. I gathered up all the scripts and previews I'd found, and I worked out a format for the posts. I lettered, coloured, and in a couple of cases wrote unfinished material I'd found to bring those strips to a readable state of completion, if possible. I wrote a blogpost reflecting frankly on the difficulties of the project, which would go over like a wet fart when it finally went live.

I started having problems with my eyes. They weren't hurting, not exactly, but they seemed to be producing copious amounts of sleep: viscous strings of yellow gunk accumulating not in the corner of my eye, but around the back, in the eyelashes, everywhere. I got some eye drops which didn't help. I went to the optician and she gave me some different eye drops, which did help. There wasn't any infection or anything. It was obvious what had happened: I'd been staring intently at the screen for days, drawing and redrawing the same gradients over bitcrunched artwork.

By this point—look, honestly, I'm losing track of the timeline here, in which order I did what—I really, really needed to get the RRCo review done. Feeling like I needed to make something worth the wait, I'd given some serious thought to the exact kind of writing I wanted to submit this time around. I wanted something in the vein of my intended Kingdom Rattrap review, but much tighter. An old memory surfaced and I finally had a hook; I wrote the page over the course of a few hours across a couple of days, in the electric kind of fugue state that happens when you're writing something that fucking slaps. Ben really liked it.

The problem, then, was the art: I'm not an artist. I can colour a drawing fine, but I don't even consider myself a colourist. The only way I can draw anything remotely good is through hard work: studying a reference object intently, drawing, erasing, redrawing the same line over and over again until it approximates reality. I was glad that the format of the zine encourages traditional media, because it meant I could force myself not to use the computer for a couple of days. I told Ben I hoped to have the piece ready by the end of Thursday (my day off); it was Saturday by the time I was able to sheepishly slip my rough pencils over the counter—for the robot mode, not even the truck mode! I spent Sunday inking and colouring. I spent Monday drawing the entire truck. Finally, it was done.

(If you haven't already, check out the rest of the zine here!)

There were now less than two weeks to go until the convention. Every year, I like to have something to give out, to give to people I meet as a little souvenir or whatever. It gives me an excuse to talk to people, and has been my #1 life hack for not being socially paralysed at the convention. I still had the Wheelie: Spotlights comic I'd made a year or two back, but I'd finally given up on my shitty old EPSON inkjet printer, which meant I needed to use a local print shop instead, which meant I needed to learn how to set up a PDF with bleed (on a comic that we'd drawn with zero bleed). The cheapest, quickest print shop in town is a forty minute walk away; I can make the round trip maybe twice during opening hours. Originally, I'd designed Wheelie: Spotlights to have a greyscale print on the reverse side as a costcutting measure, but the print shop told me that if I wanted one side in colour, the reverse side would have to be charged as a colour side as well. I decided to redesign the entire page in glorious full colour to take advantage of this fact. I reworked the comic itself to add bleed where necessary. I had to send through the file maybe three times before I'd finally gotten it all in the exact format they wanted.

The thing about Wheelie: Spotlights is that all of my friends already got copies at previous conventions. I wanted to make something else for them, and decided to make an A5 collection of prose and comics. I coloured an old bit of Transformers Animated concept art and designed a cover around it, made layouts for everything, typeset all the stories, wrote brief afterwords, and reeled off an introduction for the collection as a whole. I realised I probably could finish the Rattrap review in time, and did so; four people read it before the zine went to print. The vibe I got from the prereaders was that it's probably the best piece of writing I've ever released—but they're all biased. I sent through the file in the format the printers told me they wanted, only for it to turn out that they wanted it in a slightly different format, but then they managed to print it anyway as a special favour. Honestly, the print shop kind of rules. But what I'm trying to say is that the whole thing was very stressful.

On the way back from one trip to the print shop, I noticed an unread message from an IRL friend. They'd sent through a PDF several days ago. It was a photo of a handwritten letter to me, basically calling me out for being a shit friend and ghosting them for weeks during an important transitory period in their life. I replied with a rambling explanation for my behaviour, and apologised, promising to make things right in a couple of weeks.

But it did upset me! I was very angry at myself. And what made it even worse was that it happened at the peak of my fervour, when I had far too much momentum to simply stop and have it all be for naught. I was also painfully conscious that I'd been basically ignoring my girlfriend for days, in the run-up to this convention where I'd practically be going radio-silent for a long weekend. It all turned out okay, I got the zine done with a couple of days spare, everything was fine. But I had been stressed. I had been staying up late to work on my fake fandom job, and getting up early to work my real bullshit job. And my train was at 06:57 in the morning.

Honestly, that part on its own would have been fine, I wouldn't have it any other way: I usually arrive around noon on Friday, and there's plenty of people around, so it means I get as much out of the day as possible. But I was already tired, and I wound up paying the price.

Friday

I met up with Jalaguy and Daniel right away. Coming from the States, Daniel had brought us each a copy of the abortive Final Faction comic, which never came out in the UK. Meanwhile, I had an old LEGO book and a Transformers PlayStation 2 demo to give to Jalaguy; as always, we were rooming together this year, which made everything a breeze. I quickly gave out a bunch of zines to people. Ben arrived; he was staying at the Moxy, the other hotel in the NEC, and the plan was for us to store the copies of the RRCo zine in mine and Jalaguy's room so he wouldn't have to cart them all back and forth himself all weekend. For some reason I got it in my head that the Moxy is outside the NEC, like the Premier Inn and the Ibis, so I led Jala and Daniel on a wild goose chase out to the train station before finally checking my phone to work out where to go next, and realising that we'd already passed it.

The Moxy is comically different to the Hilton: decked out in plush leather, neon signage, vinyl records. When we got there, the elevator wouldn't work for us; we needed a keycard to operate it. We sat in these luxurious leather swivel chairs that span around frictionlessly. Ben took us up to his room. He was bemused because it looks like a dungeon: dark mood lighting, metal lattice on one wall, everything is strapped to everything else. We split the zines amongst ourselves and carted them over.

Jo and Rabbit rocked up; partners of 9 years, this marked the first time Rabbit has been able to come over from the States, and it was the first time they'd met in person. I think we all decided to give them some space. Nonetheless, we did a quick handoff, because I'd bought Jo's Timelines Transmutate off her. I gave her a copy of the zine, and watched with dawning horror as she flipped to the Kingdom Rattrap review, shotgunned the whole thing, then promptly got up and left without a word.

This was probably the first thing that really threw me. I'd given out maybe a third of the copies already, and was planning to give out the rest, and now I was like... is it bad? Worse—is it upsetting? As it happened, I had completely misread the situation in my sleep-deprived state. Jo hadn't even finished reading the story, she'd just needed to go to a panel! But I didn't get the chance to ask her about it until after the convention, so until then, it preyed on my mind.

While people were taking a look at Transmutate, one of the pegs ended up getting snapped, which also kind of sucked. I had anticipated it would happen, because 2010s toys are fragile, and felt like it was worth it to be able to share in the joy of that figure with other people, instead of just whisking it off to the hotel room. Thankfully it was just a tab for weapon storage, which still works, it's just a bit looser without it. But it's one of those things where you just go—agh! Another stupid little stressor for the pile.

Anyway, although I vaguely dislike Transformers: Prime in terms of the fiction, the toys are all from the period of design that I know and like best, and these particular colourways elevate them so much. Beast Wars: Uprising is amongst my favourite Transformers fiction, and these are the most iconic characters from that universe, so I'm thrilled to finally have them both. God, do I need to get a Lio Convoy now?

I think a high point on Friday was the "pen con" that took place between auto_thots and sixty_cats. I'd seen auto_thots tweeting about it, so I went over with the one pen that I'd happened to bring, a bright orange LAMY fountain pen I'd had since I was a kid. I'd recently been starting to think about changing my signature, because the one I've had all my life is illegible and ugly, and I wanted something nice and distinctive—they gave me some encouragement that I was along the right lines. I've honestly never seen such cool pens, either—sparkly inks, beautiful and functional designs. It was nice to be excited about something that wasn't Transformers.

Speaking of which, there was a lot of love for G.I. Joe this year. In particular, SameAsItEverWoz was going around showing us this one stock photo of Snake Eyes from Rise of Cobra, with his stupid fucking skintight bodysuit and luscious kissable lips sculpted into his helmet. It was kind of like the chicken game, insofar as if your objective was not to look at Snake Eyes, then you were basically fucked. Erica had a notebook with her and people started drawing their own takes on the image. I did a T-posing Snake Eyes (see my reference picture below) in fountain pen. Clearly the whole thing quickly snowballed and people began submitting some genuinely high-effort entries, so later in the weekend I went back and rendered my Snake Eyes out in Sharpie with full muscle definition, chiaroscuro. By the end of the weekend, there were entries from James Roberts, Jack Lawrence, and Nick Roche, which is fucking nuts. I desperately want this to become a real zine.

Anyway, I've gotten ahead of myself. On Friday, I had a handoff arranged with a guy on Facebook for an Armada roleplay Star Saber to give to Jo. It turned out to be far, far smaller than I had imagined it being as a kid, more like a Star Dagger to an adult, but it had a really fun mechanism.

Just like last year, I didn't have a ticket for any of the Friday panels; there was nothing to justify the cost of admission and I usually prefer to hang out anyway. In the bar, the usual big table at the back was covered in toys, all belonging to Rachel; she was having a big collection purge, and had decided that it would all be free to a good home. I was extremely tempted by a Titans Return Hot Rod to put with my various Lost Light characters, but it was missing its guns, so I hesitated, thinking I'd find a cheap complete copy in the dealer hall. I got to try a Fall of Cybertron Ultra Magnus, on which I snapped a tab (see, it's very easily done); I actually really liked the toy, but this year I was planning to cut down on the number of redecos I was picking up. Historically, a lot of my toys have been redecos, often toy-only characters, so I have kind of a weird collection—but increasingly, I find myself wanting to get molds in the colors they were originally intended to wear. That Fall of Cybertron Optimus Prime has always been an iconic design in my eyes, and after handling the mold, I resolved that I'd pick one up if I saw it (alas, I didn't). Meanwhile, Jala had been toying with the idea of starting a Star Seekers collection, after winning a Titan Class Tidal Wave at the Transformers One pre-screening they attended; one of the toys on the table was Prime Thundertron, which they quickly decided he hated, but they seemed pretty set on getting Legacy Thundertron if they could.

Around this point was probably also the most time I spent with Cone, who I know from the TFWiki Discord; it definitely feels like he's been able to come out of his shell a bit more with each convention he attends, which is really nice.

Dinner was Zizzi's, which I don't always get along with; a friend's parents back in uni would often take us there, and I found that I never liked the pizzas, which is my first instinct for Italian food. This time I had some seafood pasta which was much better. Afterwards, we kept things very lowkey; I remember playing Lexicon in the bar with Ben, Daniel, and Jala, getting very tired, and making it back to the room not long after midnight.

Saturday

I'd banked on getting over seven hours sleep that night, but for some fucking reason, the hotel decided to test their fire alarm at 6:40 AM. I was genuinely baffled by this. Hotels exist for one purpose: as a place to sleep. By momentarily blaring the siren, waking me up at such an ungodly hour, the hotel had failed at its one job. I spent the next hour trying to fall back asleep before giving up; it was time to get ready for breakfast anyway. I put on my SPREEM shirt and the matching (read: clashing) garments I brought to go with it. Last year, I had a pair of thrifted three-quarter-length hot pink cargo pants several sizes too big for me, which I held up with a belt; they were constantly falling down and showing my pants, which wasn't great. This year, I was able to get some pink shorts, which were an upgrade in that they'd stay around my waist, but a downgrade in that you'd sometimes be able to see my balls if I sat down in just the wrong position. If you saw my balls this year: I'm sorry, or, you're welcome.

My usual strategy for TFN—because food at the NEC is invariably expensive—is to really load up on the buffet breakfast, snack through the day, and grab a meal with people in the evening. I duly wolfed down an English breakfast, some yoghurt, a croissant, a waffle, and a mini muffin. Unfortunately, the opening ceremony began before I was quite finished, so I ended up cradling a little muffin as I speedwalked across the hotel to the panel room. I couldn't see any easily-accessible seats, so I opted to just stand at the back. I wound up stood right in front of a fire alarm button, with this muffin in my hands, and the audience kept needing to clap for the guests and the announcements, which I couldn't do, because I was holding this stupid fucking muffin and trying not to move a muscle because I kept imagining myself setting off the fire alarm. (At the train station the previous day, I'd accidentally hit an "intercom for assistance" button at the train station with my bag; I heard someone asking me how they could help just as the train pulled in.)

Gherkin appeared and said "Hi Wada," and I said "Hi," back. I couldn't turn to one side without, I imagined, hitting the button. I ate just the top half of the muffin and tried to clap at the appropriate moments; my arms got covered in crumbs. I later saw a message from Gherkin in the group chat: "At the opening ceremony right now waiting for wads to recognise who I am". Aaaagh!

Toy Fu had posted some pictures of their table at the start of the day, and I spotted a Thrilling 30 Swerve & Flanker, which was practically the one thing I'd told myself I'd buy instantly if I saw it this year. Even better, I could just about make out a single-digit price tag; I'd resigned myself to just sort of paying whatever at this point. I fully expected it to have vanished by the time the dealer hall opened, but after we made our way up the monstrous queue, I walked in to find it still sitting on the table unnoticed. I guess the demand for that toy really isn't what it once was! Alas, I am a slave to my memes. I also spotted a GDO Wheelie on the table for next to nothing, and was sorely tempted to buy it just for the sake of having a spare—like, I already have one!—but I resisted, and instead I asked one of the volunteers if I could leave a copy of the Wheelie comic with the toy. He was charmed by the idea; hopefully whoever picked it up enjoyed it!

After that, though, I ended up being weirdly stuck. I found an Armada Knock Out sans missile for a couple of quid, which was perfect, because mine is missing his legs (I didn't lose them, I got him like that). I found a loose hand/foot/gun for Combiner Wars Skydive or Air Raid (they're identical), which was perfect because mine had come with Firefly's hand/foot/gun for some reason. But apart from that, everything seemed too expensive. Was I really going to spend £25 on an Armada Deluxe? Not likely. Except £25 is what all Deluxes cost these days. I don't buy them at that price, but like... it's reasonable, from that perspective! Here I was, at the one time a year where it's possible to find pretty much anything, and the best I could do was pick up some piddly little bits and pieces for toys I already owned.

The longer I walked around, the more I found myself reckoning with the very thing I was trying to work through in the Kingdom Rattrap review: namely, that my relationship to Transformers and to money is completely fucked. Everything seemed more expensive than it had been in previous years, except this made perfect sense, because everything has become more expensive, the econony or whatever is in the shitter. I used to like getting cheap Scouts for a fiver; now I already own most of the Scouts and what the fuck does a fiver buy you anyway? 1.25 meal deals? I'd ask for the price of unlabelled toys, and balk at the answers: "I'll think about it, thanks!" They were usually gone by the time I got back.

Another issue was that, this year, the dealer hall was more crammed than ever. They'd completely rearranged the stalls to give more room in the aisles, which did help, but not nearly enough to cope with the horde that descended upon the place on Saturday. It was too hot, and too loud, and far, far too busy. Many of the dealers were visibly struggling to keep up. Speaking as someone who works in a shop, I shudder to think of the stock loss, the figures manhandled and broken, the accessories lost—hell, maybe even the shit stolen, there have been thieves at TFNation in the past.

I remember at one point during the weekend, at one table, there was this big tub of toys, and while taking a look I absentmindedly put a figure to one side—and someone snapped at me, something like, "Excuse me this is my table!" Turned out it was a separate stall, someone selling handmade stuff. Presumably that person spent the whole weekend doing that, getting progressively more irritated at the careless nerds more interested in toys than in crafts, constantly encroaching on the tablespace. And dealers pay for their tables—right? I totally understand why that person was miffed. But also, personally, being snapped at like that... didn't love it! Actually felt quite bad about it! I felt like the environment put me in that position. For all of Saturday, I flatly did not enjoy going around trying to root through bins. Again, see my review: I felt like a rat.

Still, I had an ace up my sleeve, one that would let me escape the sweaty press of the dealer hall altogether: another pre-arranged purchase from someone on Facebook. After a panel on vintage retailer catalogues—the only panel I attended on Saturday—we eventually found a mutually convenient moment to meet up. His name's Lee, he was a gregarious lad maybe a little older than me. I gave him a full suite of zines by way of thanks.

When showing people what I'd bought from this guy, I'd find myself always doing the same bit, because it felt like the only way to even communicate this insane pickup. I would produce this Commemorative Series Red Alert reissue from my bag, and say, "Yeah, so I got this Red Alert. He's really nice! He was £40, and normally I wouldn't spend £40 on a toy like this. But the thing is..."

And then I'd pull another toy out. "He did come with this Inferno."

And then I'd go back into the bag. "And he also came with this Skids."

"And he also came with this Prowl."

"And he also came with this Jazz."

"And he also came with this Tracks." (Tracks was still safely encased in his backing tray!)

"Oh, and he also came with this entire Menasor."

Ben, the only person I know who has a deep connection with the Commemorative Series (or similar) reissues, gave me the best reaction. "HOW? HOW?" The story goes like this—not that it's much of a story. I was about to leave the house one day. I happened to go on Facebook. There was a post in a sales group, timestamped three minutes ago. Amongst others, he had the above Autobot Cars listed: £5 each or take the lot for £25; along with the Menasor: £15, because Wildrider's arm is broken off and the combiner feet were missing. There were no photos of the Autobots. I messaged the guy to ask if Menasor was still available. He was. I asked if he had photos of the Autobots; he did, they looked fantastic. I said I'd take the lot and PayPal'd him £40.

He explained to me that he'd listed the toys as cheaply as he felt he could, because he wanted them to go to people who wanted them, rather than just the people with the most money. I felt like his logic was wrong: someone who pays a lot of money for something can be guaranteed to want it at least a certain amount. Someone who snaps up something valuable for not very much could just be a grifter. Still, I think what he meant was: he wanted the toys to go to someone who wanted them who would not otherwise be able to afford them, which is exactly who I am. G1 stuff like that has always enthralled me, and I've always kind of assumed I would just never be able to own them. Since last TFN, I've built up a nice little collection of the Retro reissues, by picking them up on deep discount, but I've always assumed the Autobot Cars would just be forever beyond my grasp. And now, thanks to Lee, I have a whole little collection of them!

(Hopefully a lot of other people were also able to benefit from his generosity. I remember he'd listed the reissue Insecticons for... maybe a tenner? Powermaster Optimus Prime and Apex Bomber for £25, a beautiful G1 Sureshot for literally a fiver, Robots in Disguise 2001 Optimus Prime for £40. Absolutely mad stuff.)

These toys went basically straight back to my room; they had too many bits to lose, and I didn't know how any of them worked. After the convention, I was able to get Menasor's feet off eBay, but it's mad to think that I paid about the same for the rest of the combiner as I did for those feet alone! They now have pride of place on my burgeoning G1 shelf.

(Oh, and as you can imagine, this stroke of insane good luck certainly hasn't helped my attitude towards Transformers and money.)

As always, Ben continues to have the best taste when it comes to toys. His sealed Beast Machines Scavenger instantly made me resolve to get a copy of that toy for myself, as I've always liked the look of it. His true star finds though were an X-Dimension Adventure Team—commemorating the opening of his very own comic shop this year—and a Stormtrooper Rage, with its perplexing water squirter and stunning colour scheme. Jalaguy got their own Adventure Team the next day; it's so nice to see people getting into Armada stuff.

The food situation ended up being a bit fucked on Saturday. Some people wanted a light lunch and a big dinner, others the reverse. We ended up doing Nandos mid-afternoon—I had a small chicken burger—and then later we got a Subway. These two small meals weren't far off the cost of a typical main meal at Resort World, so I was quite happy with that, and might suggest something similar on future Saturdays; trying to squeeze in a sit-down meal before, during, or after Club Con is often a nightmare. But I definitely think not everyone got exactly what they wanted in terms of food that day.

Rushing back from Resort World with Ben, I heard someone yell: "Nice shirt!" So I automatically replied, "Thanks!" And then they said something like, "Why does it say SPERM on it?", and I realised they weren't there for the Transformers convention, they were just a bunch of neds loitering by the lake. So I proceeded to ignore them, and they jeered at us as we walked away. I don't usually wear the SPREEM shirt in public, partly because I like it and don't want to ruin it, and partly because it really does look like it says SPERM. As we stopped by my room to pick up my Club Con wristband, I was becoming a thundercloud. Here I was at the Transformers convention, the one weekend a year where I don't have to feel too weird about my interests, and it's like I'm back in fucking high school. I wondered if maybe it's time to retire the shirt altogether. The outfit never quite works for me.

Club Con

Ah, Club Con. This was definitely the low point for me of the whole weekend, which sucks, because usually it's a highlight. I think what I should say is this: it was mostly a me problem. Things had not been going well for me up to this point. I was very, very tired.

So, the cosplay contest was spectacular, as ever. People have such wonderfully creative and well-done costumes, everyone is so buzzed about it. My favourite was definitely the Cosmos with a shiny retrofuturistic UFO-like dress, absolute conceptual slam dunk that deservedly took top prize in the "humanized" category; the cosplayer in question, Mika, turns out to also be a phenomenally talented artist. But there were a lot of really thoughtful outfits this year. I was surprised when the Rosanna/Flip Sides cosplayer (swapping faction onstage!) turned out to be none other than our Umar—though of course, who else? And Erica's sk8r grl take on Flamewar was also brilliant.

I will say, it definitely felt like the dividing line between the "mech" and "humanized" categories was a little blurred—both had the same regularly-dressed-people in helmets—and as is often the case, while the winners were all extremely worthy entrants, I did feel like some people got robbed. Well okay I'll just say it: JLaw is definitely biased towards Lost Light, he always has been, and cosplays based on his comic always do well as a result. There was a stunning—I mean really phenomenal, huge cardboard shoulder pillars visible even from my worst-seat-in-the-house behind a tall guy at the back-left—Armada Megatron cosplayer, appropriately chosen for a convention with David Kaye in attendance, who didn't even place in the top three for the mech category. Outrage!

Last year, you might recall that one cosplayer inadvertently ended up trapped improvising lipsyncing and dancing onstage for three minutes because the AV team didn't fade out the backing track. And while that was spellbinding, clearly the convention organisers have overcorrected, as it felt like the cosplayers were being ushered on and off the stage very briskly. I definitely think some of them should have been allowed to chew the scenery a little more. Particularly, I should say, considering what was to follow later in the evening.

During the changeover, we got to see a preview of the next episode of The Basics—this one featuring the Star Seekers. Honestly, it instantly pilled me on the Star Seekers. They're so fucking cool slash dumb. The Matrix Test was brilliant, as always; McFeely has a real gift for dredging up the obscure and the esoteric. This year, the TFWiki gang split into two teams, hoping to at least give everyone else a chance: I was with Jo, Rabbit, Ben, and newcomer James, carrying forward the torch of the Crack Calibre Laser-Blazer Broadswords, while Gherkin, Viv, Jala, Daniel and Cone formed Feast or Famine (named after the newly-discovered Star Seeker character from the Chinese MMO).

As usual, I mostly served as a voice to say either "yeah that's right" or "I don't know about that" as other team members answered the questions. It's really high time I learned to trust my gut, though—there were two questions, "What connects the characters Scrounge, Crankcase, SOMETHING and Devastar?" and "Is Motomix a Transformer?" where I was completely correct, but second-guessed myself. James totally surprised me by really holding his own, getting a few questions which had the rest of us stumped or uncertain. It later transpired that we had in fact won the quiz, in spite of our effort to handicap ourselves; they never officially announced this result, we had to ask McFeely, who had to ask David. Assuming this wasn't deliberate, which I would understand... kinda weird not to announce that at any point!

I guess I'll take this moment to talk a little more about James, 'cause he was one of the people I met this year and got to hang out with for more than just a single conversation. He honestly just sort of appeared from nowhere with a clear objective of "I am going to become friends with these people", which I massively respect (had he turned out to be a cunt, I would not have respected it, but he wasn't, so!). I was reminded of myself doing something similar towards the start of uni, and at my first solo TFNation not long after that. He seemed cool and was very nice to all of us. I've since chatted with him a little online; apparently the only reason he picked our group out of the crowd was the OSKO Rampage I had sitting on the table. I'd brought that figure along as a conversation starter, so looks like it did its job!

Anyway, so the evening progressed. There was the charity auction, which went crazy, but is also kind of just half an hour of clapping while people with money bid for mildly interesting items. Someone correct me if I'm wrong—that custom Action Master Billy Stripes sold for like a grand, right? I say this only because I remember when the sealed Animated Swindle remarked by the late Derrick J. Wyatt himself went for £650, I thought, wow, that is such a measly sum by comparison.

Simon Furman and Andrew Wildman went up onstage to announce their new podcast. Apparently the first episode went up over a month ago? Well, they have a Patreon, etc, you know the deal. I'm not saying that I won't listen to it, I might at some point, but definitely as an announcement to that crowd of increasingly-younger-skewing fans it went over like a wet fart. I presumed this was the "Like a surprise? Close your eyes..." teaser on the schedule, because podcasts are something you listen to, meaning you can close your eyes. As it turned out, I was very mistaken.

Next up, there was the script reading. As with last year, it wasn't written by, well, a writer, so it kind of sucked, to put it nicely. I guess without mercilessly dissecting the thing for every single joke that fell flat, I'll try and explain what a convention script reading should be like, as someone who's seen a ton of them. You have a handful of huge voice actors with iconic roles in the room. Your story, whatever it is, is nothing more than a means to have them play off each other, cover their full dramatic range, and say as many catchphrases as you can in as short a space of time as possible. You want to avoid in-jokes which the actors themselves—who typically aren't as deep in the sauce as you—are unlikely to get. You want to minimise the role of the narrator or other side-characters. You want to avoid splitting the cast in-story, to allow all the characters to play off one another, while still contriving to avoid having a voice actor swap between multiple characters in the same scene. You want the actors to play the specific versions of characters they actually played, not different versions from other timelines or whatever. You want to give fuckin' David Kaye some actually good material to work with—more Beast Wars, less Armada, dig? You want to pace the jokes so they lead to direct punchlines, so the audience as a whole can laugh and clap before the story progresses, rather than burying punchlines in the middle of individual line-reads or back-and-forths. I'm not a comic writer, but as an audience member I can definitely tell when things aren't working, and I truly wonder why on Earth at a convention with people like Jim Sorenson, James Roberts and Simon Furman in attendance, you wouldn't allocate some portion of your budget to commissioning a good script. As it was—as some of my friends also put it—the moment the narrator said "End of Act 1!", my heart just sank: so is this two acts? Three? Reader, it was three, and none of them were any good.

Honestly, the big thing that had me baffled was that the entire script reading was predicated on the fact that Gregg Berger has, in the past, voiced Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. But the thing is, I always thought it was Peter Cullen who voiced Eeyore! I'd coincidentally had a conversation about that very fact with Daniel earlier in the weekend! Gherkin googled it as the script reading dragged on. Sure enough, it seems that Gregg Berger only filled in the role for a few video games and ancillary media, beginning in 1997. He does a wonderful Eeyore voice, don't get me wrong, but I don't get the impression it's his role, and to place such a focus on "Eeyore from Kingdom Hearts II" for a Transformers convention felt like a misguided choice to me.

At the end of the script reading, there was immediately another bonus round of charity auction, where they flogged a signed copy of the script and an inflatable rubber ducky from Amazon. Up and up the price crept, in increments of £10 at a time. At £280, for some reason I'll never know, David asked us all to clap, as if this was in any way an auspicious figure. We duly obliged. The final bid ended up being for something like £450, or 2/3rds of a sealed Animated Swindle remarked by the late Derrick J. Wyatt.

Overrunning by this point, I thought: this is it, the headline event is starting soon, I'll be able to chill out for an hour watching the old cartoon, and then I can go back to the bar and hang out, hopefully feeling a little rested. But then it was the actual surprise! The Mapes brothers had found a never-before-seen recording from the '80s. What was it? It was the audition tapes for Wheelie. Because I'm still in theory the custodian of Wheelie's TFWiki page, I dutifully got out my phone to record. The performances were demented, delivering nonsensical rhymes in a nonspecifically exotic accent. After each, David would go, "Do you want to hear another?" And the audience yelled back, "Yes..." And I sat there, listening to these unfamiliar voice actors cackling and giggling, thinking how it's been years—literally years—since I started trying to fix Wheelie's wiki page. I haven't touched it in months. And I wondered, will I ever be free of you? Will my work ever be done? As I write this I have been home for less than 24 hours, and somebody has already added a note to the page. It rhymes badly. It's not cited. I'll need to fix it, I guess.

And then, Gregg Berger got up onstage, to read us an extract from his work-in-progress memoir. He told us, it's fine, feel free to leave, none of you are expected to stay, this isn't that kind of thing. But the thing is, I had no idea how long this segment was going to go on for (20 minutes, per the schedule? Everything had overrun!), and I wanted to watch the cartoon, you know, the headline event of the evening, the thing I'd been told was the big thing to be excited about, which most of my friends were staying here for anyway. I snapped. I couldn't take it any more. I got my phone out and started posting in the group chat.

I could not tell you a single thing Berger talked about in the extract from his memoir. I was simply too tired. It described a world utterly alien to mine. A third of the words he was saying seemed to be quotes from other people. And the thing was, the thing that really got to me, aside from all the self-hatred over feeling like a hater, was that I'd brought with me a zine containing some lengthy personal episodes from my real life, and all I could think was: does this sound like that reads? Will my friends read it, and slump in their chairs, and loll their heads, persisting only out of a sense of obligation?

I knew it was over because suddenly people started clapping. By then, it was already too late. I watched the first part of "More than Meets the Eye", a boring cartoon I'd watched mere months prior in the cinemas (and enjoyed, somehow), and it was only when I realised we'd moved into the second part without me even noticing that I decided I was simply too tired to stay any longer, and finally made the wise choice to return to the bar.

Usually, Club Con has been fun and exciting, and I think the problem TFNation is increasingly having with it is that they feel like every year they need to debut something which has never been seen before, something important, over something which sparks joy. Last year was great: Jayhan rocked. This year did not rock. It just rolled on, and on, and on...

And I hate to be a hater about it. The auction raised £6400 for charity, of course that's fucking brilliant. The script reading made me chuckle a couple of times. The Wheelie auditions genuinely shed some light on a character/performance which has always been controversial. Gregg seems to have touched the hearts of a lot of people with his reading. These things were all perfectly fine taken on their own. And of course a huge part of my problem was just the physical reality of it, my own tiredness, the caught-up-in-my-own-head of it all. It was a me problem. But also, also, could they not have saved Gregg 'til last, as they have done with people like Garry Chalk in the past?

Look, something was just cursed this year. Viv got trapped in one of the elevators for ten minutes; another of the elevators was permanently cordoned off with hazard tape. That Saturday night, there were reports of Jim Sorenson being pursued through the corridors by someone from the salsa convention. The salsa convention! In years past, this charming trademark of TFNation, these bizarrely coincident events, background set-dressing, now elevated to plot-relevance, twisted into something adversarial. We heard that one of our volunteers had got in a fight with one of theirs. What the FUCK was going on, that night? There was a new water cooler positioned by the entrance to the dealer hall. Could there have been something in there, turning our vision red, driving us to madness?

I don't really remember what happened after I left the panel room. I hung out in the bar for a bit, and began to enjoy myself again—but I don't think I stayed up much later.

Sunday

That night, I was finally able to get some rest: I wasn't awoken by a stupid fucking fire alarm, or even a deliberately-set phone alarm, but rather by my own body deciding "hey, that's it, you've had enough". I felt good. I decided that Sunday would be a reset for me. I shaved, as I'd planned to, because my beard has developed a sizable bald spot, creeping up my neck onto the right side of my face. It used to be quite small, hidden away under my jawline—but roughly coinciding with that aforementioned personal crisis, more of the hair seems to have disappeared, an ice cap melting. At work, strangers come up to me and whisper the word "alopecia", as though whispering it makes this in any way a remotely polite thing to say to someone.

I'm not really attached to my facial hair—or rather, I guess, it's not really attached to me—but the half-on, half-off look is just kind of stupid. It's distracting. My eyes are up here! So at the moment, I'm having to shave more regularly. Maybe it'll grow back, or maybe it'll all fall off, and I'll probably be fine either way. So on Sunday morning, I took it as an excuse to perform the ritual. Cleave it away! All that shit in my skull, pushing its way out—begone! I gave myself horrendous razor burn; my blade was too blunt. In the evening, returning to my room, I saw there was still a spot of dried blood on the centre of my chin. It had been there all day. Whoops. But in the meantime, it fuckin' worked and all. I felt great. I looked cute, in my Hatsune Miku t-shirt and pink shorts.

On the way down from our room, I was able to prove to Jalaguy just how dogshit my phone camera is. I've had the thing for maybe six years at this point; it was actually my first decent-spec smartphone, but the camera is a dreadful thing that smears out every shape into a blurry haze regardless of the lighting conditions. Apparently it's "AI-enhanced", which to my knowledge just means you have an option to crank up the saturation sometimes; presumably, this software was a vain attempt to cover for the camera modules being cheap pieces of shit even at the time. Still, I was able to get maybe my favourite photo of the weekend.

Sunday was so, so much quieter. There is a kind lie at TFNation that Sunday's dealer hall is just as good, that places like Toy Fu purposefully hold back some stock for the second day, that the big stalls like ID Toys won't run out. It's not fucking true. The Blokees blokes had sold out. The bins were all half-full, the dregs of Revenge of the Fallen Sideswipe redecos, Armada Side Swipe redecos, Siege Sideswipe redecos, accumulated like silt in the wake of the gold rush.

But as a true gamer, I thrive on Sunday. I will find the things that no-one else wanted. I made off like a bandit. At Toy Fu, I found a Generations Junkheap going for a song; nobody gives a fuck about the Reveal the Shield Junkion mold these days, it's hot garbage, Studio Series is where it's at, but I'm still a Classics collector and I think that toy looks sick. I got my Wreck-Gar from Umar a couple of conventions ago, and now he's got a bike to ride on. Or maybe Junkheap is a Star Seeker! The world is his oyster. I also picked up a Combiner Wars Firefly—with his correct hand/foot/gun this time around—to complete my Superion, except the rest of the Aerialbots are in storage back at my parents' house so this is mostly academic.

I finally got a chance to properly look at the stall of my favourite traders, Blue Beetle. I've historically spent tons of money on frankly absurd quantities of cheap shit toys from their stall; this year, it was slimmer pickings for me, their huge bucket of slop by that point consisted mostly of BotBots. As usual, there was also an assortment of Transformers- and Marvel-inspired 3D-printed paraphernalia, custom-designed by one of the pair. The coolest item he had this year was a working clock in the shape of Cybertron; the second hand is the Ark, orbiting around. I don't really have room for that kind of thing in my life, but I was able to admire it from a distance.

Yesterday, I'd been tempted by an incomplete Robots in Disguise Movor and Rollbar to complement my childhood Ro-Tor and Armorhide, but they'd sold by the time I returned. Still, I was able to pick up a cheap Wildrider with dog-eared stickers; I plan to rip out his arm and use it to repair the other one I got. Last year, they also had an absolutely ruined Tentakil in their big bin, so sun-bleached as to be practically a redeco, with painfully stiff joins I dared not to try; I had actually resolved ahead of time that if it was still there this year, I'd pick it up, to go with my knackered Snap Trap. Well, lo and behold, there it was, dredged up from the BotBot pick-and-mix! I picked it up, and the main guy at the stall (I really need to get his name one of these years) waxed poetic about it, in mock outrage. "All weekend, I've seen people pick that little guy up, and I'm just like—come ON, he's £2!!! Yeah, he's a little sunburned, but where are you going to get a G1 guy for £2?" Of course he was absolutely right. As I said to him, it was less a question of whether I wanted to spend £2 on a Tentakil, and more a question of whether I dared to dip into the world of peroxide or whatever. But hey, if there was ever a toy to test the waters with...!

My dream of a Robots in Disguise Ruination wasn't quite dead, however—another stall actually had another Rollbar, this one complete with instructions, for a similar price to the one I'd seen at Blue Beetle. I also grabbed a Classics Megatron (about time!) from the same seller, and he threw in a Universe Ravage for free (my secondhand Hound came without one when I got it, many years ago now, so it was perfect!).

I hesitated for far longer than I should've over a complete Armada Demolishor for literally a tenner at another store. The thing is that I already have a Demolishor, with Blackout, just missing his missiles. But finding the missiles on their own has proven to be far trickier than I'd ever imagined! So really, I'd just be admitting defeat by buying a complete copy and flogging my incomplete one to recoup the cost (I could probably sell the Mini-Con alone for a tenner, if I was patient enough). "Are you having a laugh?" said Ben, when I agonised to him over it, which immediately snapped me out of my indecision. Honestly, it's really funny how much on the same wavelength we can be in that room. At one point I saw a Transmetal Optimus Primal at the Toy Fu table, and was about to buy it on the spot, when Ben pointed out, "It's missing one of its kneecaps. There was another one here earlier which was complete—but I bought it." Unbelievable!

I helped Daniel find a Beast Machines Rattrap I'd spotted earlier in the day, which he in turn only wanted to give to Jo—and I think she in turn planned to give it to Rabbit? This reminded me that I wanted to go home with some Beast Machines stuff myself. There was a Strika and a Tank Drone, which were at the top of my list to go with the dark horse favourite of my haul last year, the Motorcycle Drone. Unfortunately, they were a bit too expensive for me to buy on sight, and they were gone by the time I circled around. I'd also set my sights on some of the other Basic Vehicons, but was torn between the original colorways and the Robots in Disguise redecos, which had starred in a comic strip of mine. In the end, I decided to favour the original Beast Machines versions; partly because as I say, I'm swearing off redecos, and partly because I didn't want to start a whole new collection of "guys who appeared in that one comic wot I did". These worked out to be about a tenner cheaper than the sets of the redecos I'd otherwise seen, so that was nice, especially because at first I was disappointed to discover that I didn't really like them: Scavenger was great, but Mirage and Nightcruz really refused to cooperate while transforming. I was later able to work them out, in the comfort of my own home, and now I like them all, thankfully.

My last purchase was really exciting for me. One stall which was new for this year was Junk Shop U.S.A., being run by a couple of gentlemen who'd apparently come all the way over from Japan, bringing with them a bunch of uncommon and niche exclusives! It's quite typical for me to spot something on Saturday which is in some way special, but not in very high demand, going for more than I could usually justify for a toy of that size—in this case, it was United Rumble and Frenzy, paired up for £40. That's just too much to pay for two Scout Class figures, in my head, but I resolved that if nobody else had bitten by the end of the weekend, I'd make them an offer. Sure enough, they didn't seem to have received much interest, so my waiting paid off. They also seemed to like my fancomic (I'd been giving copies to most of the dealers), so that was really nice. While at the convention, I often like to gather up weird little micro-collections, and I found that this year Rumble and Frenzy paired really well with the Universe Ravage and Classics Megatron. It's all vibes, innit?

Unfortunately, due to my fixation on making the most of my remaining time in the dealer hall, I made the usual mistake of neglecting to visit any of the guests until it was already basically too late. David Kaye had vanished, with only the deserted amusement-park-esque queue barrier snaking towards his table to indicate that he was ever there. Again, I should've just sucked it up and waited for half an hour earlier in the day, but ironically the reason I hadn't was a complication with the thing I'd planned to get him to sign: an Armada Megatron jigsaw puzzle Jo bought for me last year. It wasn't until lunchtime that day that I was able to enlist Ben and Jo to put the damned thing together. And let me tell you, we smashed that children's jigsaw puzzle. I was hoping to mention to Kaye how his performance in Armada was one of the main things I enjoyed about the show, back when we were watching it for Our Worlds are in Danger—but then I had to go and let myself be distracted by toys, and miss my one shot! Argh!

Nick Roche was also permanently swamped. One of the volunteers shook his head at us, saying that Roche was heading off on his lunch; Jo made a valiant effort by saying "We're close personal friends!" (are we? I'm not!). The volunteer just shrugged and said, "man's gotta feed sometime", which I thought was really funny. I managed to briefly accost Roche in the bar later and shove a zine into his hands while he was presumably on the way back to his room, so that was something at least. God knows what he thought of it, assuming he's even read it. Dude was also massively behind on commissions, and ended up staying up late in his room finishing a couple of pieces for Jo—not that you'd know it, they turned out amazing.

I was however able to catch James Roberts at his table. For the last few conventions I've been putting off buying the notebooks, but this time my number was up: I got the set. In exchange (well, apart from money) I also gave him a zine, because I figured if any of the guests would be into my pretentious-ass prose, it'd be him.

Jo and I also briefly spoke to Simon Furman, mostly to let him know that certain parts of his Armada run were the best things he'd written in the early 2000s. He did actually light up at the reminder, and bemoaned the cancellation of Energon/Cybertron, as he always has done. Plus we managed to not completely embarrass ourselves, so I'm calling this one another win.

We finally got the full story from Jim as to what the fuck happened last night. It's really a tale for the ages, and I won't do it justice here, but I'm sure the legend will only grow over the course of conventions to come. Basically, it was like this: somehow, the salsa dancers had arranged things with the hotel to cordon off one of the two corridors leading through the building. This was another reason why the convention felt so unbearably busy. The signs were carefully worded: "to avoid congestion", TFNation attendees were directed to the other corridor.

Now, to hear Jim tell it, he was rushing to the panel room, and at that point, the corridor wasn't cordoned off, or he didn't see the sign, or something. Or maybe he did see the sign—I'm sure he'll never tell. Regardless, he was three-quarters of the way up the corridor when he saw the barrier at the other end. Still, it would have been asinine for him to turn around and go back, so he ploughed ahead.

But then someone called after him! And so he glanced over his shoulder, and offered a "sorry!" in deference. Then suddenly, this person came up alongside him, tried to step in front of him. Jim sort of just carried on going, but no sooner had he passed the man, he felt hands on his shoulders! The dude had physically grabbed him, yoink!

Like a cartoon character, Jim's legs were in motion but going nowhere, and the salsa guy's supervisor or someone was saying "Let him go! Let! Him! Go!" Until finally, the guy let Jim go, and he scurried off to the panel room.

Now, I'm told that around this point, Jo and Rabbit happened to be outside the panel room. So these salsa dancers came up to them and asked, like, "Who is running your convention? The behaviour of your guests is completely unacceptable!" They dutifully pointed into the room, up on stage, where David was busy MCing.

Eventually, the salsa people ended up crossing paths with some of the volunteers. Jim likes to imagine that they made a demand along the lines of, "PRODUCE THE COWBOY!" One thing led to another, and apparently one of the salsa folk—presumably, the same blockhead who'd grabbed Jim—slapped one of the TFNation volunteers on the arm. Not a proper blow or anything, but like—what the fuck!

So finally hotel security stepped in, Jim got called out. The salsa guy began this litany of complaints: according to him, Jim bodychecked him in the corridor! He demanded that the security team check the CCTV tapes. "Yes, PLEASE check the tapes!" Jim agreed, because he knew for a fact that they would show their guy laying hands on him. And of course, he had no intention of pressing charges, but- Of course, that turns the tables. By that point, the other salsa guy was apparently at his wit's end trying to talk down his idiot pal, and finally the guy listened. And that's more or less the end of it, but apparently, hotel security later conferred with TFNation staff to say they had reviewed the tapes, and "Your guy did nothing wrong." Not only that, it turned out that Jim had been chased down the corridor not just by that one guy, but by four salsa dancers! Absolute scenes.

So yeah, that's the story of how Jim became the mortal enemy of salsa dancers. On Saturday night, I'd found the signs of this going on in the background to be kind of alarming, but in the light of day, it was impossible to see the situation as anything other than extremely fucking funny.

We had intended to stop by the "Construct-A-Con" panel, but by the time we arrived, David Kaye was up on stage doing an audience Q&A. It's crazy how much Kaye gives off the impression of being one-of-us, a bona fide fan of the franchise (or at least the parts he's been involved with!). We presume that the convention-organising roundtable had been swapped with Kaye's panel for some reason or another.

Back in the bar, the number of toys floating around had reached a critical mass. I think it was SameAsItEverWoz who had acquired a full set of Kabaya toys for Kenzan, Jinbu, and Ganoh. These came complete with ten-year-old Japanese chewing gum, so Erica, Sixty_Cats and myself all got to try some! I don't know why I'm phrasing that like this was a good thing. The gum was very bad, but we've since updated the TFWiki pages for Kenzan and Jinbu to properly document how it tasted. Ganoh's page has yet to be updated; poke Erica to get on it!

Daniel picked up a Collaborative H.I.S.S. Megatron (the toy I'd originally planned to cover for the RRCo zine)—mostly just for the sake of buying something! It was right before the dealer room was closing, so he got a good price, but a few days later his airline lost his damn luggage (he's since got it back, minus an expensive bottle of whiskey that apparently got stolen by airport staff). Still, we managed to eke what fun we could out of the thing; I was thrilled to find that Rumble and Frenzy could sit in his gun turret. Meanwhile, it turned out Umar had got a Classics Optimus Prime, which immediately made me keen to get my own copy out of storage; it's crazy how good a pair he makes with Megatron.

I'll level with you—at this stage in my journaling, it's been a full week since I arrived at the con, so my memory is hazy. These fragmentary scenes are all that remain aside from vibes. But I got to talk to a bunch of people that night. I had a good bitch sesh with Chris McFeely and PaperPlane off the YouTubes, as we chatted about wronguns in the community and the possibility of a YouTube panel at TFNation in the future (David was not keen). I got to shoot the shit about comics and stuff with Cradok from the TFWiki Discord, who I only ever really get the chance to chat with at TFN, but who's always a pleasure to speak to—he knows so much about so much.

There were a few people who left as Sunday was wrapping up, which always takes me by surprise, even though it shouldn't. Coordinating across the hotel proved to be difficult for me as I kept getting booted off the guest WiFi for some fucking reason, so I'd just randomly stop getting notifications. At one point I checked the group chat and realised that Viv had ollied outie maybe an hour ago—and it was like, welp, I'm probably not gonna see her again until next year!

That's the aspect of the convention which I find is really brutal: I like panels, and I like talking to guests, and I like getting toys, but most of all, I like talking to my pals. And unfortunately, for most of the weekend, all of these activities are in direct competition. There are physically not enough hours in the day. Most of these people, I could happily spend a whole day with them, and it'd pass in the blink of an eye. I'm not talking about the whole crowd—I'm talking about individual people. Even if I was never to step foot outside the bar the entire weekend, I'd still find myself wishing I'd got the chance to talk to all these people just a little longer. But it's only by the existence of this event that we're able to meet. For so much of the year, everyone is so far away.

I'm sick of all the typing. I just want to hang out.

I think it was Sunday night when I briefly lost my phone. My pink shorts were really throwing me off, so I didn't have my usual feeling of whether or not my phone was or wasn't in my pocket. At one point we went off to get tea, and we'd just left the hotel when I realised—shit! I'd left it in the bar. So we rushed back, but at that point it was already gone, handed in to the hotel staff by one of our pals. But the thing was, the hotel staff didn't seem to have a fucking clue about it!

I asked at the bar. They knew nothing about it and told me to check with reception. I asked at reception. The lady there asked me what my phone looked like. Oh dear, I thought. It's a generic off-brand phone. It's black. It's in a very badly yellowed clear case, I guess? "Yellow phone", echoed the receptionist. I shook my head. "No, no, it's a- nevermind. It's just a black phone." It was a moot point because she knew nothing about it. She went over to the concierge desk and tried to call housekeeping. Housekeeping knew nothing about it. She shrugged and told me to check with the bar again. Internally I was like, one of your staff has my phone! Are you not going to try and get the bottom of it? So I went back to the bar and asked one the wait staff. She passed me over to her supervisor. The supervisor went back over to the concierge desk, and finally returned with my phone, which had apparently been there the whole time. What a palaver! Daniel and Jalaguy looked after me during this whole little snafu, which was really great. We had a nice dinner and stayed up 'til late.

Monday

This was easily my best Monday at TFNation yet. I wouldn't dream of leaving on Sunday, but I usually find that the only cheap trains on Monday are late in the afternoon, by which point most people have usually fucked off already. Not so this year! I wasn't the last one standing! I was hanging out with people right up until the end! Ha!

I managed to find the last few people I'd wanted to give zines to, and shoved copies into their hands during the goodbyes. I walked a couple of people up to the train station, as is tradition.

Rachel's stuff from Friday was all out on the tables again; Prime Thundertron and Titans Return Hot Rod still hadn't found a new home, which I was thrilled by, because I hadn't found a complete Hot Rod and I'd really come around on the idea of Thundertron. I had a go of transforming him myself, and immediately decided that Jala was just wrong, it rules. There was also a Netflix Kingdom Rattrap, which I decided I'd like. My Kingdom Rattrap is the retail deco, and he's missing his rifle; this one was complete, and technically different, and it felt fitting considering all the thought I'd been giving to my stupid Rattrap collection. But then I saw Daniel playing with the toy, and I was like... actually, he should have it. I didn't need it, he'd get more out of it! It was really nice to see someone discovering that figure for the first time, a toy that means so much to me. I spent the entire train ride home just flipping Thundertron from one mode to another. Few toys exude such life and personality. Like I say, I'm normally the #1 Prime hater, so it's not a figure I ever would've thought to pick up—if not for Rachel's generosity. So I want to give her a huge thank-you, I'm sure a lot of us ended up leaving the convention with something like that which really excited us, thanks to her.

Also on the table was the original fucking pencil art for Jack Lawrence's cover to Lost Light #10, which auto_thots had bought. Unfortunately, it hadn't brought along anything to transport something like that with, so the damn thing was just out there on the table next to everyone's coffees. After a near-miss, I was like, hold the fuck on, we've got to get this thing off the table. Thankfully, Daniel had mistakenly ended up with a spare copy of issue #184 of the Marvel UK comic, which had a plastic sleeve of about the right size; in went the art, while Ella adopted the comic (we got to hang out a little bit more this year, which was nice!).

Jo, Rabbit and I are all Magic: The Gathering players, and the previous night, Rabbit had revealed that they'd brought along a bunch of Bloomburrow packs, so that we could do our own little tournament. This really thrilled me, because my coworker who I usually go to MTG events with had BETRAYED me for Bloomburrow by going away on prerelease weekend to play in another city, so I'd pretty much resigned myself to never playing the expansion, despite it being the most appealing set in ages. Thanks to Rabbit, I got to actually try some of the cards! On Sunday night, I made a WBR lifedrain deck with a bat/lizard typal theme, and we got the chance to play in the bar on Monday. My deck actually played really well! I won some, I lost some, but most importantly I had fun, and Rabbit was very patient with the fact that I was constantly getting up to say goodbye to people. I felt like I hadn't got to spend much time with either of them over the weekend up to that point, so it was really nice to actually sit down together and do something like that, right up until the time came for me to go and get my train.

Next time

So at TFNation 2025, here are some things which I hope will make me enjoy myself better:

I probably won't be contributing a review for the Refined Robot Co. zine again, assuming Ben decides to extend the trilogy into a quadrilogy. I love doing it, but drawing just takes me too long, and it's just not the same without drawing. Also, look, this isn't me blowing my own horn, but I think it'd be difficult for me to top this year's piece of writing—there were a perfect storm of factors which made this one work, and I simply can't think of a reason I'd ever be able to write a better piece in that specific format.

I have plans already for next year's zine, and if all goes according to plan, I will have the whole thing finished by the end of this year. Which should mean I will have the damn thing printed months in advance. Look, we all know how these things go, but that's my plan.

I might try to collaborate with someone who has a table to give away (sell?) some printed goods. I felt like this year was so busy that I actually struggled to give away nearly as many copies of the Wheelie comic as I'd hoped, for instance, and Ben definitely found the same with the RRCo zine. I'm sure there's lots of people who'd like my stuff if they knew it existed.

I will get lots of sleep before going to the convention. No, really.

If circumstances outside my control conspire such that I do not get enough sleep, I will allow myself to resort to the 500ml cans of Monster which the Hilton was selling for £2 each at breakfast for some unfathomable reason. Honestly, I can see why they weren't included in the all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet; if they were, we probably would've seen a few heart attacks.

I will probably voice some of my criticisms of this year's Club Con in the annual feedback survey they do, in the hopes that they will take more of a back-to-basics approach. I'll also try to notice if I am not having fun, and try doing something else.

I will try to wear shorts with bigger pockets. (Sorry, Jo, I will not be able to participate in the cosplay show, though I will of course continue to rep the merch.)

I will stop taking items of breakfast food "for the road".

I will suck it up and queue to see guests towards the start of the day.

I will try and change my financial situation to have a stream of income outside of my job—whether by making significant sales from my existing collections, or by having a Patreon for some meaningful creative endeavour—which I will use to properly budget for things like TFNation. I need to allow myself to spend more on specific things that I want, and waste less time scrubbing around Facebook, eBay, and charity shops for random bargains (this year was a fluke). My attitude towards money has always been fucked and it's time to work on that.

In case it's not obvious, though, I did overall really enjoy myself this year, and that was entirely down to my friends, old and new, for being such wonderful people to be around. Even in my most sleep-deprived and highly-strung state, you all made me feel content, comfortable, and included in our little community. I was constantly being surprised by your antics. I hope to see all of you again next year, and I hope that I will see some of you before then!

[spinningbuster98]

Sonic Adventure (Dreamcast) Sonic Part 1: Oh yes it is indeed occurring

Yep. We’re here. At last

God I love that opening cgi, still probably my favorite intro in the series

So. Sonic Adventure. The Dreamcast version, obviously. The gentlemen’s way of playing this game, whether Sega wants to aknowledge it or not. There are only a few million things to say about this game, but I want to start with the most burning question of all I think:

How does it translate Sonic’s gameplay into 3D?

I’m sure that most people’s answers would be negative and go on the usual litany of how Sonic had a rocky transition into 3D yadda yadda

Look: maybe they’re right. I too have some issues with this game. But when it comes to translating Sonic’s gameplay, SPECIFICALLY Sonic’s, as in the blue guy who runs fans, that Sonic? I’d honestly say that Sonic Team did a pretty commendable job, probably the best they could’ve done back then.

To be clear: this isn’t a pure, 100% transition of all the elements from the Classic games. Some diversions are obvious: no 2 Act structure and no Special Stages. But even regarding basic gameplay, Sonic’s gameplay is actually...much less physics based than in the Classics. In the Mega Drive games momentum was key, every loop de loop, every ramp, was like a miniature obstacle designed to be overhauled by using the physics engine to your advantage, while also knowing that you could just as easily ram into an obstacle if you weren’t careful

SA1 does have physics, sure...but they’re nowhere near as relevant as in the classics. You don’t gain as much speed from rolling downhill, and simply rolling in general is kinda useless because the Spin Dash is absolutely busted to the point of almost feeling like a precursor to the boost. SA1 also marks the beginning of the series’ usage of automated sequences. Loop de loops and the like were physics obstacles in the classics, here? Just touch the dash panel, hold forward and watch the hedgehog run on his own.

Basically the gameplay is somewhat simplefied in some ways and hey: I can understand why some would take issue with this, I myself tend to prefer the physics based approach of the classics.

However, when you factor in that this is a 1999 game, from an era where 3D was still new and developers were still figuring things out...I find these semplifications to be acceptable, maybe even necessary. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single videogame franchise that didn’t have to redefine some stuff when jumping to 3D. Mario had to switch from linear point A to point B levels to a hubworld-esque structure, which required the absence of liberally useable power ups and even Yoshi, exchanged for new movement abilities which fundamentally changed how you play Mario. Ocarina of Time had to both simplify dungeon layout, likely because achieving the level of sheer complexity of AlTTP’s dungeons wasn’t feasable in 3D. Metroid Prime (later generation, but still relevant) had to either nerf or remove half of Samus’ power ups because they simply could not work properly in a 3D environment at the time, especially due to the 1st person gameplay. Within that context I find SA1′s sacrifices to be reasonable: they simplify the formula to make way for the inherent complexities of a 3D space while still maintaining the core fundamentals

Of course another thing that’s often said is that Sonic Adventure is clunky and glitchy

And I know that many fans will likely point at the DX port, saying that it’s that thing’s fault if people make meme videos of Sonic clipping through stuff

Guys? That’s...not completely true?

Sure DX is buggi-ER, but even vanilla SA1 has its moments. Every time I play Emerald Coast I make it a point not to spin dash to the very last loop de loop because sometimes Sonic just ignores the automated section and flies off. Sometimes characters react weirdly and get a bit jittery when interacting with some level geometry (the last parts of Sky Deck are probably the best example). The Homing attack sometimes doesn’t make you bounce from an enemy or item box but rather it sends you through it which has caused me to fall into bottomless pits numerous times in the past on both the DX and Dreamcast versions. The camera stinks a bit and gets stuck a whole lot

But again: 1999. That’s not to say that every single 3D game had these issues back then...but at least from my experience they were not uncommon either, even among critically acclaimed titles

Lately I’ve been playing Half Life, the original from 1998. Great game. Janky as shit, just trying to climb ladders is an exercise in falling down bottomless pits, jump pads sometimes refuse to work properly and the last few levels feature some rather interesting physics. Mario 64′s camera is abysmal and Mario’s 360 degree turns aren’t really snappy unless you come to a complete stop before turning. Megaman Legends features a deadly combination of tank controls and no manual lock on when fighting enemies, meaning that the camera does what it wants. I’ve never played Tomb Raider but I’ve heard horror stories about its controls. Devil May Cry 1 (again, later generation but the point stands) features a camera that can make grown men weep as well as some janky underwater controls and questionable platforming to say the least. Point is: it was the wild west of 3D gaming and some levels of jank were expected. I can’t say for certain if SA1′s jank is “acceptable” even by those metrics (for example I can’t think of any big kinds of jank in Crash Bandicoot or Ocarina of Time), but at the very least from my perspective it really isn’t that much worse. Hell when it comes to just the controls they feel pretty great, with decent precision and snappy turning, they run circles around the controls for the likes of Mario 64 and Legends

I’ve always loved how Tails just casually tells Sonic to take the train to reach the Mystic Ruins

Sonic

Taking a train ride

I know why they do this, loading times and whatnot, but it’s hilarious, especially when Amy gets kidnapped and Sonic just uses the train to catch up to Zero

Anyway Emerald Coast is one of the most iconic levels in the series and I have nothing much to add. Windy Valley is certainly simple (especially when compared to the prototype), but it’s good, simple fun, it’s like the Ice Cap of this game (y’know...excluding the actual Ice Cap in this game) in that it’s simple in structure but fast and full of energy and charm

[fizziepopangel]

Fizzie’s Top 10: Hazbin Hotel Scenes & Why

These scenes are in no particular order since I’m mostly going by memory for this post. Enjoy😋

The Husk in chains scene (episode 5: Dad Beat Dad)

Ok, so this scene is one of my favorites because we get to see the full extent of the fear Alastor puts in Husk, which honestly really humanizes him, which I think is really important for us to see as an audience because outside of when we see him with Angel, there isn’t quite much to his character that reminds us of just how human he is. This is also one of the first times we see how much control the great radio demon may have over the souls he owns (since we only get to see that Husk and Niffty).... And I am a sucker for seeing my favorite characters in similar positions (or much worse ones) than the one Husk was put in, and the switch flip from “I ain’t your fucking pet” to the utter fear in his eyes when Alastor turns the his anger on him, is amazing and lives rent free in my head.

Vaggie’s backstory (episode 6: Welcome to Heaven)

Don’t come for me, but…. I’m actually part of the minority of the fandom that hadn’t realized that Vaggie was an Angel. I know, I know, looking back, it was kinda obvious, but I completely missed that so this was a big plot twist for me. This scene actually also solidified my enjoyment of Vaggie’s character too since I think this scene made her feel less like a somewhat one dimensional character since her scene from this point on seemed to have more depth without Charlie being the one to add that depth by being her girlfriend.

Angel telling Valentino off (episode 6: Welcome to Heaven)

This scene had me fucking screaming!! First of all, on this page, we absolutely stan anyone who stands up to their abusers the way Angel did! We learn so much about Angel from the original Addict music video, and the Poison music video and it’s surrounding scenes, and even in Loser Baby, but I think we learn the most about Angel as a character and his deal with Valentino, and what his redemption arc may hold… All with a simple “fuck you” to the man who’s hurting him the most in this lifetime so far. I also love that this entire scene was brough on soley by the fact that he was protective of Niffty and his other friends.

“Nice try, fuckhead.” scene (episode 4: Masquerade)

Seeing Husk fight in this scene was literally the highlight of my first watch of the episode. I love everything about this scene because I love seeing how protective Husk was of the other demon because, while Loser Baby was amazing, this was his true first show of genuine care (which led to the amazing song and dance). I really hope we get to see more of this dynamic in season two because I personally love protective Husk! And I would love to see his reaction to the tables being turned, and Angel protecting him. I don’t know, its just absolutely adorable in my head.

Niffty and Valentino scene (episode 6: Welcome to Heaven)

This just made me laugh because this shows how untouchable and uppity he is…. Despite having to pay for Prime Video to watch the show, seeing Niffty just kinda put a little bit of fear in that heartless bastard was priceless.

Niffty’s stabby scene (episode 8: The Show Must Go On)

When Charlie gave Niffty a blessed blade and told her to just stab any angel she saw, and she ended up stabbing Adam… The way I screamed when he went down! And then everyone’s reactions to the stabbing, and the way Niffty just kinda stares at them for a moment before just stabbing him repeatedly. There is just no way that this scene could not have made it on my top 10 list today.

Vaggie letting Lute live (episode 8: The Show Must Go On)

I think that this scene shows a lot of the progress that Vaggie has made, and I think it shows a lot of the good in her that isn’t linked to Charlie. I knew that she did have some good in her after we see her backstory, but it seems like most of her good from that point on seems to revolve around her proximity to the princess of hell and we were missing out on who she was on her own, but Vaggie letting Lute live during their fight showed us a side of her that had nothing to do with Charlie and then her line after that, that “Live knowing that you only do because I let you.”.... Chills. Absolute chills and I loved this scene for her!

Alastor telling Mimzy to leave the hotel (episode 5: Dad Beat Dad)

Ok, so first, I have to say that I love the difference in the way Alastor is with men vs the way he is with women… With that being said, I actually like the fact that he told Mimzy to leave the hotel, especially because he still kept his composure with her the way he seems to with most women. I think this showed a bit of Alastor’s true feelings toward the hotel and the demons residing in it, though I don’t think the man would openly admit it, I enjoyed the way it showed in this scene.

Our first look into Valentino’s hold over Angel in the studio (episode 4: Masquerade)

We all knew that Valentino was the pimp that owned Angel’s soul, but I think seeing it really solidified how bad it was, and I like the range of emotions we see Angel go through in this scene and development it set up for Angel was absolutely beautiful.

“Yay pain!” scene (episode 3: Scrambled Eggs)

Honestly this one was just funny as hell and I really enjoyed this little scene and I think this is one of the scene perfectly sums up Niffty's character.

Honorable Mentions:

Charlie’s reaction to how Valentino was treating Angel (episode 4: Masquerade)

Honestly just seeing this side of Charlie is always interesting and I love to see it come out when her friends or her people in general are being threatened in some way. Her demon form flashing in anger like that is honestly one of my favorite things cause I am a sucker for my favorite characters being hurt, but a close second to that trope is when sunshine characters break down or snap in some way.

Niffty’s “If you see an angel stab it” scene (episode 8: The Show Must Go On)

The fact that Angel had to jump up on that pole the way he did because Charlie put a deadly weapon in the little psycho's hands and didn’t specify what kind of angel Niffty was allowed to stab was hilarious to me. And then Angel’s stripper dismount from the pole made it even funnier to me.

[cable-knit-sweater]

Maya, I am just going insane from the Seb content this weekend. I had NO IDEA how much we'd be fed without any notice! 😩😩😩 What is he doing to us???? Walking around looking like that and that man is 100% feeling himself.

I love when he's strutting around and being an absolute menace to society. I feel like we were so unprepared for this prime beefsteak to attack us like this.

And it got me thinking that if we're so affected by it, then how does Chris react to seeing Sebastian walking around like that???

Subby Sebastian is one thing, but subby Chris? Seeing the photos and videos of Sebastian going about town and showing off his arms, his body, his hair, his waist and broad shoulders like that??? Seeing that confidence all over Sebastian's face and in the way he struts? I think he'd be completely gone. Needy and and just ready to obey whatever Sebastian asks him to do. No, demands him to do.

What are your thoughts????

Also ily 💖💖💖

TEJJJJJJ 💕💕

I was SO unprepared for the ATTACK on our sanity this weekend 😭😭 It was just so much, he looked SO good, and like you said, like he was really feeling himself. I cannot believe he’s just out there looking like this, strutting around like this. SUCH a slut 😫😫

Usually it’s only Chris that makes me…aggressively horny, or the two of them combined lol, but in this case?? I’m losing my fucking mind. He’s…he’s so hot.

And when he talks, he’s still baby, still a cutie, like always. But there’s this extra swagger to him, this… I don’t even know how to describe it.

And I think Chris, when he sees this, has the same reaction as me: FUCK ME.

Only in Chris’s case, the first thought is FUCK ME, as in “woah.” And the second thought is “FUCK ME.” as in - “you better be on the next flight home and fuck me.”

In my head, Chris usually tops. Even if they switch, Chris is still the more dominant of the two. He’ll tell Sebastian what to do, will make Sebastian fuck him until Seb’s thighs tremble and he desperately needs to come, and then Chris makes him hold off still, not allowing him to come until Chris has gotten what he wanted. Or he’ll tease him, rile him up a little, ask him “‘s that all you got sweetheart?”

But sometimes, sometimes, Chris wants something else. There’s literally nothing hotter to him than Sebastian feeling good about himself, feeling himself. When Sebastian is feeling especially good about himself, like he clearly is now, it can go one of two ways.

Chris will become so fucking feral, needing to have Sebastian underneath him so he can have his way with him, wanting to devour him alive. All he can think is: Mine.

Or, sometimes - and I HAVE to believe that’s the case right now - he wants to be devoured himself. Sebastian is looking so good, so strong. He’s walking around with all this confidence, smirking at everyone knowing what he’s doing to them. What he’s doing to Chris. It makes Chris feel a little weak-kneed, if he’s honest with himself.

Sebastian looks tanned, toned, like a fucking star. The way the white tank top he’s wearing in those photos clings to his chest, and the way those slacks frame his narrow waist, make Chris let out a high pitched noise when he sees them. His long, shiny brown hair would be the perfect length to hold onto as he fucks Sebastian. But that’s not what he wants. Not right now.

Maybe he comes across a little needy, a little desperate, but he doesn’t give a fuck. He texts Sebastian, “please tell me you’re coming home. I need you. Want you.” He needs to be held down, be fucked by this Sebastian, the one who looks like he owns every damn room he walks into, the one that looks like a fucking European prince, yesterday.

And when Sebastian does get home, way too many hours later - in which the tension and need inside of Chris just builds and builds - it takes everything in Chris to not just jump him when he walks through the door. Or, something he rarely feels in this way, to drop to his knees.

He lets Sebastian shower first though, insists he eat something, take a nap. But his boyfriend isn’t stupid. They’ve been together too long for him to not know what’s up.

So Sebastian says he doesn’t need a nap, voice knowing. He raises an eyebrow at Chris as he advances on him, and just a look between them is enough to know that they’re on the same page.

Chris doesn’t mind a little manhandling. At all. The fact that right now, Sebastian is so beefy and strong, while Chris has slimmed down a little - not having to work out so much because he’s not working on anything soon - makes it so much better. He’s a little in awe of the fact that Sebastian can manhandle him. And he does it just right.

He pushes Chris against the wall, kissing him heatedly. Strong arms keep him pinned to the wall, and Chris just melts. He doesn’t have to think - Sebastian will tell him where they go from here. “Shit, sweetheart-“ he breathes out in between searing hot kisses, “look- look so good, fuck.”

Sebastian just smirks at him, and it does things to Chris, something stirring in his belly, all his blood rushing south.

He lets himself be dragged to their bedroom, lets Sebastian take his clothes off, lets himself get pushed down onto the bed. As Sebastian crawls over him, muscles on his back rippling, arms bulging, he teases him a little about how needy and desperate Chris is.

“You okay there honey? He drawls, “God sweetheart, you’re drooling.”

“Fuck.” Chris curses. He might be. He cannot be blamed. He’s not okay - the fact that the confidence just pores out of Sebastian right now, makes it so much fucking worse.

“Hmmm,” Sebastian runs his hands over Chris’s chest, over his sensitive nipples, and he just keens, being pressed back against the mattress by the weight of Sebastian’s hands on his shoulders and his ass on his thighs.

“P-please, fuck, Seb baby you-you look so fucking good, I-I need-“ he babbles, already starting to lose it. It was bad enough in the photos. Seeing Sebastian like this for himself is…overwhelming.

“Shhhh, I will, I know what you need honey,” Sebastian says as he lifts Chris’s hands from where they’ve automatically wrapped themselves around Sebastian’s waist, pressing them back against the headboard. “Don’t move.”

Chris couldn’t move if he wanted to, pinned down by Sebastian’s thighs and the heated stare he gets from those gorgeous grey-blue eyes.

Sebastian’s weight lifts off him then, and he can’t keep in a whine, wanting him close. Sebastian doesn’t go far - just grabs the lube from their bedside table. “Turn around honey,” he says as crawls back onto the bed.

Chris has never gotten on all fours quicker. He feels almost like he’s going a little stupid, the way Sebastian gets sometimes when Chris fucks him, and they haven’t even done anything. He’s just…he’s weak, for Sebastian in general, but especially for Sebastian like this.

I love you tooooo 💕💕💕 sorry for how long this got, my thoughts ran away from me (and I have more thoughts but this is it for now)