#like i could actually be on my period. it feels like it. LMAO. but i know thats not true 🥰. i went the whole day like that doing wudhu | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sylvia-plaths-fig-pie · 3 months ago

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I may have writers block rn but I can assure you that miss 'y/n' reader girlie will never 'giggle' she will be teheing for no-one in my fics. My great sense of second hand embarrassment can not handle it. The word actually triggers my fight or flight for some reason.

"You giggled" NO TF I DID NOT

I shall tehe for no one. I may bark, beg, get on my knees, but giggle... GIGGLE? I draw the line.

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phagodyke · 21 days ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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bunnihearted · 5 months ago

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🍷

#im in such a bad and low mood :<#it's not just my period hormones 🥴#my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking #they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly #keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time #bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy #but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point #bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be #proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is #yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ......#then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol #and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao #and then im just sad bc of many things.....#also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel #i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks #why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life??#i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls #and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others #but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on #ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives #so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok #ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down #i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal #like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve #i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that #i still feel depressed tho <3 #idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to #i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead......#why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk #im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol

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spikeyjo · 2 months ago

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also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks

#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here #i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly #not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO #but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it #feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website #but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth #genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff #then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time #and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello #but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why #and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job #and none of those things really apply to me #i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat #i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement #im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn #also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother #thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation #i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT #I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man #i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better #idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece #i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count #but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and #participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat #so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life #i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now #thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing #and not break my fucking ankles

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tamagotchikgs · 5 months ago

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last night i was poking around in my mouth as u do and i reached back where i had always felt this hard thing w my tongue for awhile now but was like ah maybe it's just like. my gums being inflamed in the back or smthn BUT,, no i poked that thing with my fingernail n it is a tooth that is a whole ass wisdom tooth

#NO WONDER... MY JAW IS IN PAIN ALMOST ALL THE TIME.... HUH..#i wonder if that period where i literally couldnt move my jaw from the pain for like a week was when it was emerging #otherwise the pain is like not awful. not bad enough it's noticeable u know im used to it i have so many aches n pains in my body naturally #like my entire head has a constant ache. if u touch my cheekbones ill drop my head like a cat into ur hand dude it is .#it's like the most relieving ache . like u have just lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. and it's been that way since i was a kid #i think i googled if thats what it was before n they were like no if it were your wisdom tooth youd know :) it would hurt u so bad #which i despise btw because this means nothing to me BHJAH.... like they said the same thing when i broke my foot the nurse that did intake #i was a kid & she was like dont worry if it were broken youd know and you wouldnt have walked in here on it ... fellas . it was broken #& i could never see anything when i looked in the mirror #but it's just because it's slightly covered by like swollen gums back there which i always thought was just because i chewed too hard #but.#no i guess it;s because something was erupting like an alien #i used my lil pokey tool to squish em out of the way and i can see it #it's so weird just having a tooth u know u shouldnt #like i . i want to just grab it i want to just hold it in my hand #why does it have to be so securely in place whihc is something i wouldnt never say for my other teeth HJBA #i am not going 2 have it removed any time soon im .#i have wanted to go to the dentist my whole life but i am too scared #esp w the damage from my ed and depression im so embarrassed #i honestly want to though #there is nothing that would make me feel more like an actual person then to just. get a cleaning #get my maintenance done LMAO #i do my best at home but u kno #i use an electric spinning toothbrush i floss i use mouthwash i do it all 2 try n handle what damage there already is #but it still would do wonders for my mental health and oral health #apparently partial impactions which is what i have can be really bad n get infected so . aha...h. ��:).. ..h.

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emulation-0 · 7 months ago

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i have to be one of the dumbest people alive

#this happens every single time like this entire week i was going insane out of my mind and i thought to myself haha this happens all the #time when im pmsing but im sure im just being irrational rn like this whole week. ive been whining and crying and cramping and hurting #in weird places and getting bloated and all these things and i was like well ig im just being hysterical maybe i need to go outside #and honestly going outside did help a little but today like. for so long i was like DAMN this really genuinely feels like im pmsing #like i could actually be on my period. it feels like it. LMAO. but i know thats not true 🥰. i went the whole day like that doing wudhu #and praying and reading quran like that thinking everything was fine because i was being irrational and guess what i found tonight 😐#i really dont understand how after this long of doing stupid shit like this i havent learned my lesson yet but here we are ig #hanancouldyounot

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izzy-b-hands · 3 months ago

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Didn't think the 1989 version of The Woman In Black would be scarier than the one with Dan Radcliffe in it

I was Wrong flkjdsafkldsja, but I'm delighted to have been wrong. I had missed getting scared with more practical effects/careful timing of things in the background of shots appearing and disappearing, and this one scratches that itch well.

#text post #also fun seeing how differently they interpreted the characters and how they act #personally i'm realising that the Dan version was sort of. Americanised? Which is probably something I should have realised at first watch #but it only hits now when it's like. how to explain #the casts of both versions are both amazing let's preface with that #but. the Dan version felt very Cinematic. I got scared but was also very aware I was watching An Movie during it #(it got colour-graded quite blue which isn't necessarily a bad thing but it does register in my head as Peak Cinematic for the current time #the version of the characters in this 89 version feel slightly more real? accurate to the culture they come from?#like. there's an American Openness between the ones in the Dan version #they're too open to share and hand out compliments and comments like candy they have too much of #everyone is Nice in a way that feels mildly unrealistic #and when they are mad at each other there's tension but a tension #that to me at least you don't worry abt much bc it just feels almost Already Resolved #and it does sort of just drop off and wind up that way tbh #tho I admit it's been a bit since I read the original story so my apologies if I'm misremembering that it did the same in the book #but I could swear there was more that bit of tension there #anyway it isn't that the 89 characters are all mean but they feel Actually British for lack of better words #they have moments of kindness and do have a general sense of like. yeah they care for their community but also they're getting on w/themsel #and their business and not lingering on the interactions #They're kind but not nice and they just. get on with things which is very nice #and feels more in line with the time period to me/what I expect out of a story like this #anyway speaking of Dan found out the guy playing Arthur in this also played the dad in the gross wizard franchise #which wasn't something I expected to see lol #this is my long barely an essay no one asked for and your sign to go watch the 89 version asap #it's on YT for free which is where I'm watching it so genuinely if anyone want link. I have link fjkdlsfjadlsa #I have so many more thoughts comparing and contrasting Dan to 89 but there are so many tags i'm making myself stop lmao

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widevibratobitch · 1 year ago

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#tw ed #saw a picture of myself from when i was *checks notes* at my fucking worst with my ED but that meant i was also Thinner.#i really should Go Back huh. maybe if i did i wouldnt feel. Like This.#it'd prolly mean id start losing my hair again which. not a big fan. BUT.#if i was really dedicated i could also lose my period which. huge fan. that was one of the best things that ever happened to me tbh #i could have it all back. maybe i could even get farther than the last time. all it would take is uhh feeling utterly fucking miserable #having no energy for the most basic stuff let alone singing and thinking about nothing and i mean NOTHING but calories 24/7.#but hey. maybe i could like. lose 5 kg for my troubles and then gain back twice as much when i decide again that i just Cant Live Like This #totally worth it huh #anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing #and encouraging me to keep going. and i miss the sense of Accomplishment and the Pride and the Not Feeling Disgusting #or at least Making Up For It by just. not eating lol #cause like its not like im actually much better mentally am i lmao clearly im not. only now im both miserable AND fat.#obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them.#but if i have to be miserable anyway i could at least be. less f/at about it right. maybe then ill be worth something <3 #...and other delusions you keep cultivating because there's something deeply and inherently wrong with you #my new bestseller coming soon to your nearest bookshop dont miss it its only $free.99!

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jvzebel-x · 1 year ago

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🦋

#when i was growing up my mom Only gave me incredibly inappropriate advice lmao.#i was raised by my toxic high school best friend-- except she was like that my whole life lmao.#she told me once to corner this girl i had problems w in the bathroom during class one day&beat the fuck out of her #&if i did to call my mom before i did it so she could call school&tell them she was taking me the period before so i had an alibi lmao.#she gossiped about me to my friends when she was angry w me-- something that actually ruined my life in a real way #when she was angry at me so she told a friend of mine i was cheating on my boyfriend at the time so that 'friend' told him #(she just wanted him to know he deserved better&she was there for him if he needed someone to talk to :))#&he beat me almost to death+threw me off the back of his motorcycle lmao.#when i mentioned that he thought i was cheating on him to my mom bc of a friend telling him i was my moms immediate response was to #deny vehemently that she has anything at all to do w it-- something i had not thought of until right then&realized the time my then bf #thought i cheated on him my mom was the only person who knew i had gone out. shed actually threatened to tell him herself #bc i was out bc i was arguing w her at the time lmao.#every memory i have of that woman makes me feel queasy lmao.#every time she yelled at me&told me i was depressing&i ruined everything w my horrible attitude.#the time she told me she didnt want to wait for me while i was limping up stairs bc she was in a bad mood&we were late for a movie #she wanted to see so she literally stomped her foot before yelling at me to hurry up lmao.#every time she called me selfish&cruel&insisted that the problem in every relationship i had was me #ESP the relationship i had w her.#i miss my mom sometimes. i hate my mom a lot of the time.#but more than anything i am just so fucking grateful she's out of my life.#i dont think ive changed a whole lot at my core throughout my life but im absolutely positive cutting her out of my life made it possible #for me to be a better person just in general.

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draconicace · 10 months ago

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i got maybe possessed a little bit and wrote fandom poems which i don't think i've done since. uh. at the latest i was in high school. anyway. the power of disco and love compelled me

#aiden's monologuing #ailbde #ailb #i'm not gonna post them yet. or maybe ever.#fandom isn't exactly known for poetry lmao #i'm worried since i've only played through one chunk of the game and i know there's lots more #what if my poem is actually inaccurate if enough points are in one specific stat in one specific interaction #i'm bein a lil ridiculous. i'm really sleepy rn #i'll look at them tomorrow and see how i feel then #i like the poems. i periodically edited them over the past like. ten hours #ghshfks. bed #i could put them on ao3. and also put a fic there i wrote back in the summer #though technically they don't have to be read as fandom poems. intentional choice to not be Too specific #anything written could just be taken as Symbol #ok goodnight. love love. sleep

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h0neyfreak · 1 year ago

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….

#tw fertility #tw pregnancy #tw periods #okay so like fully realizing that I definitely just can’t count #and I’ve been stressed so that’s why my period is late etc etc #there’s no real concern im actually pregnant (it would be one step above the next messiah lmao)#but it’s so weird being someone who actively wants kids #in this spot where I’m 25 and financially stable with a fiance I love who will be a good dad #and we aren’t trying for a kid because it’s just bad timing and I JUST passed the bar and started work #but it also wouldn’t ruin our lives and we could rally #so I don’t feel that genuine all encompassing relief with a negative test anymore #there’s always a little twinge of sadness or disappointment #that my s/o obviously will not understand (nor do I expect him to) because he didn’t want kids until he met me #not like he changed his mind we were just 19 #but yeah idk. its weird.#I don’t want to be pregnant or have a baby rn but I’m also sad whenever it doesn’t happen

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cornerihaunt · 1 year ago

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……

#lmao i spent my half-hour walk home from uni on the verge of tears #and actually cried listening to renegade btw #and then i get home #and guess who the fuck got their perioddddddddddd?????????#i fucking hate it here #not to be all special snowflake but like i hate it when my period ‘invalidates’ my feelings #like. oh yeah i’m on my period. the existential suffering is actually hormonal.#but it is .#i wish i could articulate this better but i’m a survivor of a whole day in uni <3 #rambles

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coffeebanana · 2 years ago

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Every time I read classic books I feel this pressure to enjoy them, and I just...never do? I can appreciate why they're important or influential for their time, and I appreciate that they exist, but...I just don't enjoy the style? Like they tend to be very repetitive and they have a lot of scenes that frankly...don't do anything to move the story forwards. The kinds of things that today would get the story tossed aside by publishers. And obviously I'm not saying it is bad writing, because again--different time period. Different style. But I wish I could be completely comfortable saying I just don't enjoy those books. For me personally, reading them is often more effort than what I get out of them. And sometimes I will read them anyways because I want to understand references people make to them in other books or media, but at the end of the day they don't bring me joy like modern books or fanfiction do and I think that's okay.

#kayla rambles #i actually do think if i was reading them in a school setting i would enjoy it more #like. i like learning about what a book says about the people of the time period it was written in #but at the same time i hated being forced to analyze things for a grade #i liked learning the opinions other people had on it but i always had this idea in my head that i sucked at analysis--i still have that tbh #i shy away from trying to analyze things i DO enjoy because i just have this idea other people will do it better than me #and sometimes i just don't want to analyze things! which is also okay! but kasjdbsbjf i still feel like it's a shortcoming sometimes idk #and it's annoying i still can't get over this #like i know it basically stems from the fact it was easier for me to get an A in STEM classes while putting in minimal effort #and english--even though i did mostly get As--always felt like a struggle. it always felt like i was missing something crucial #but ironically when i took literature in grade 12--it was an elective class at my school--it was one of my fave classes ever #probably because my teacher was an atheist lesbian and i fucking adored her #she told us on like day 1 she was trying to read the bible so she could understand symbolism in other works better 😂#and she was frankly just a badass lmao #but she also taught it from the lens of what literature said about the people of the time #she brought history and linguistics into everything and she made it feel real #god if she could have taught me english class throughout high school maybe i wouldn't have cared as much about the grade

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mejomonster · 2 years ago

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I'm thinking about how you guys have said before I write/type a certain way, how you can tell when it's me who wrote the meta in the tags or liveblog or headcanon before you even see the username and

1. WHAT do I write like lol that you can immediately tell its me? ToT

2. Admittedly I do apologize for the bizarre way I word shit at times especially when I'm liveblogging and writing fast like just thoughts and periods between em and. I swear to you I did get As in English classes and could tutor people in writing essays and correct grammar it's just that skill of clarity is absolutely not being used outside academic contexts apparently

#rant #also like. the adhd. i CANNOT summarize my thoughts in like 150 characters or less lmao #which is one reason i never got a twitter #you know how when you have adhd you worry no one is going to properly get what you meant?#and then on top of that your thoughts are scattered and you struggle to summarize so even if they Could grasp #wtf you mean... you still need 2000 words to even communicate it to someone else in a roughly close way to how you meant?#yeah. ;-; yeah thats partly why i type how i do #i hope the bits that arent grammatical ARE conveying my meaning in an emotional way (like the capital letters and periods)#and ARE conveying i mean a joke or emphasis or that its my personal #emotional liveblogging reaction in a comedic over the top way and #not actually the serious No Discussion opinion #like. i am aware its very easy to sound dead serious online and also grumpy and i desire not to come off that way #in work emails which must be of course formal and grammatically correct #i use smiley face abrasively often. like 80% of my emails have :) and thank you!#in them. because i want people to feel that they are being responded to warmly.#meanwhile a literary essay? im to the point and arguementative and theres no I of course in the essays and #theres no concern with sounding nice or anything but making your point #but its a sphere where that is expected. whereas online you talk directly like that?#someone will argue youre implying your opinion is absolute and theirs is invalid (rather than it just being a stating of your opinion #as one of many existing possibilities). and then youre getting yelled at for saying some basic shit like #love coffee as a sleep aid. (because someone has to say coffees BAD and someone else has to shout coffee gives them shakes and insomnia #and u didnt happen to mention in 150 characters or less you have adhd so coffee Does put you to sleep but thats not true of everyone of #course and was NOT meant to be a blanket suggestion and hence you end uo needing... 2000 words to avoid an arguement)

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snekdood · 5 months ago

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so august 2018 is when my peak being-crazy-made art craziness happened, huh

#and then as soon as i left that situation all of my art became normal again lmao #i went from drawing weird cryptic things that quite literally would only ever make sense to me #to just. drawin landscape stuff like normal again sdhvfdvghsd #i mean there a couple cryptic things here n there after but like. not nearly as cryptic at all. like you could p much easily make out what #is trying to be conveyed. the other shit is like. nothing. you couldn't understand unless I had to explain everything that happened #gotta say guys doing shrooms and being abused do not mix well at all #bc when im not being abused and im on shrooms shit is great. im feeling lit. all i wanna do is draw nature stuff #but that moment in my life? phew...#vent #i literally thought I died. like i literally thought I wasn't actually alive and I was in some mirror version of earth that was the #underworld-- so much happened. its kind of distressing to think about all the weird fucking visions i got #and its not even like it was always like that when I did shrooms with that person- initially in the love-bombing phase I was fine.#all of my art from then looks pretty fuckin normal save for ig more colorful stuff and trippy patterns or whatever. but otherwise fine #if anything it enhanced my art #its only after the gaslighting and the putting me down and the withdrawing love shit started happening that i just like. snapped.#idek. it was all so surprising to me because they really did convince me they loved me.#not only all of that abuse-- also the enabling my conspiracy theory brain too which didn't help #which ironically my art didn't have much do to with actual conspiracy theories but the mindset was implemented in to me so #there was a lot of weird delusions and paranoia and just like. stuff that didn't make sense but also did if I explained it?? idek #there was like a consistent story to my weird visions but it didn't make sense also. like there was no real reason for things to be what #they were or look the way they did or whatever #but there Was a consistent story still #its something i *want* to encapsulate into maybe a comic or picture book or something but like. idek if i could encapsulate it all #theres so many bits and pieces that idek if i could fully convey- idk #dawg even my stuff from after my couple of 'acid' trips wasn't as confusing and cryptic as the stuff after being abused #one common theme in a lot of it is its intentionally repelling. every part of my being knew I needed to be away from that person in spite #of how they would pretend to be friendly with me so some of that art is trying to scare them away in a weird cryptic way that tbfh #they probably didn't understand either whenever a pic was trying to do that like what it even was trying to say- thats kinda how fucking #crazy i got from that whole situation. i think part of me felt like that at least if it was vague and unhinged that it would scare them #away idrk. i do think it worked lol. even if it doesnt really fully make sense at all. idk. but 0/10 one of the worst periods of my life

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imflyingfish · 7 months ago

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Going through another phase of wanting to buy a record player verses being unsure if i should

#XwX #id just like it for special things #and ambience #id like it so that i dont have to look at a screen to play music #and to have physical copies of my favourite music #however i have no clue if it would be cringe lmao #but id just like the feeling of physically putting on the thing to play #i could get a cd player i suppose #ive been planning to burn somethings onto discs and get a dvd player for a while now #and it would be a lot cheaper #however i dont think it would feel as special #ive actually really enjoyed downloading my music directly onto my computer rather than just streaming it #which sounds lame but this is the first time ive really tried it #so id like to go into physical media #i miss having a dvd collection as well #idk if this urge will persist ive been sitting on it for a while now #then again ive been having a lot of urges to buy things recently #new haircut new clothes (pretty much all i wore before january was wilbur merch so im a bit stuffed on nice things to wear)#freaking hand made as well #fuck since that april fools episode ive been longing for a vr headset #what am i going to do with that??? i have like 3 games i want to play and thats it!#maybe i should play the games i actually HAVE already #i always get the urge to buy things during a stressful period #guess we'll see #although i could say that i will get the record player and some nice discs if I win that bursary #ach i feel guilty for wanting things like this that i dont need though X_X #we'll wait it out #steal my dads record player #jk i think he uses it to impress his new girlfriend #like how hes suspiciously started playing the guitar again since dating her

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