#not to be all special snowflake but like i hate it when my period ‘invalidates’ my feelings

[cornerihaunt]

……

[blackholeofcreativity]

This is actually really validating in a weird way. I´m dx adhd but not dx autism and I believe I have both. But I can do small talk without wanting to die and look people in the eye consistently unless i´m opening up about myself. That and a lot of other little things I´ve used to gaslight myself into believing "nah I´m just being overdramatic real people with real autism have it much harder than me I just wanna be a special snowflake".

But just like expectations of level of adaptability to the neurotypical world should never be used to measure all autistic people, maybe higher levels of adaptability to the neurotypical world in others should not be used to invalidate their identity. Just because when I share that I think I´m autistic most people look at me like I´ve just grown a second head doesn´t make my experiences any less valid. I have sensory issues galore that most people can´t even get close to understanding. I have a hard time reading people, and sometimes I´ll say something rude without meaning to. I´m pretty consistantly infantilized by adults older than me. My mask almost ruined my relationship with my own parents.

obs there´s more but like. Just because I don´t act like the stereotypical white boy with autism in tv shows who can barely communicate doesn´t mean my experiences are invalid. Yeah I have low support needs. But I also still struggle a hell of a lot and get shit wrong a LOT more often than neurotypical people.

And more, seeing myself as autistic has helped me access tools made for autistic people that make my life easier. It helps me laugh at my social blunders because "oops, that´s the ´tism again" rather than hate myself for fucking up. Self dx has made me kinder to myself, which has massively improved my confidence and general mental health.

anyway, this isn´t really for anyone but me. Getting these periodical reminders helps shut up the gaslighting part of my brain for a while. If you read this far... hi! Don´t fall into the same stupid brain trap as me! Self dx is valid and cool!

YES not all autistic people have the same symptoms

YES autism symptoms will not present the same way in everyone

YES sometimes different autistic people will have seemingly contradictory needs

NO none of this means that it's okay to act like one autistic person being able to do something means that all autistic people should be able to do it if they just tried harder

your autistic friend who eats vegetables just fine is not a weapon to use against autistic people who struggle with vegetables. your autistic sibling who can do small talk is not a weapon to use against autistic people who can't do small talk. your high empathy autism is not a weapon to use against low empathy autistics. etc etc. what happened to "if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person"

[transrph]

                                       Writing a Trans Character                                As Experienced by a Trans Man

With more resources coming out for trans faceclaims, I wanted to make sure that there were also more guides on how to write a trans character. So I’m going to be sharing my personal experience with gender as a toolset for those that haven’t/aren’t questioning their identity. Please keep in mind that this is entirely based off of my personal experience and growth, and that every trans person has their own journey with their own experiences. None are invalid and all are equally as important. This also wound up turning into more of a gender study as well, so feel free to share and message about your thoughts. I’d love to have gender discussions!

Part one    |    Part Two    |     Part Three 

Part Four Coming Out

This is something that so many youth struggle with, even me at 24 had no idea how to come out and it wasn’t the best experience, however it wasn’t the worst. No matter what kind of experience it is, no one should take away the bravery or the strength it takes to tackle this obstacle. And everyone deserves to feel proud of themselves for it.

To start, I want to say that some people don’t come out to family for safety reasons. And because I am an advocate of keeping the community safe (especially mentally as many people use rp as a way to cope and escape from the world) I beg anyone reading this not to use coming out as a reason for some abuse thread. For a characters backstory sure, because the plot can then revolve around the recovery. However as a thread where it is being currently written is something that many people have already faced, and do not need to see, even if it is to a fictional character. Many times it is the description that causes trauma to resurface and I would hate for anyone to be forced to face that again. So please, keep any abuse stories left as backstories.

As far as the actual act, this is another thing entirely up to you as the writer. I won’t go into my experience as much because it was rather dull and unimportant. I will say though, that not all parents that claim to be accepting will actually show acceptance. There are not the only two extremes in someone accepting or not accepting. A parent could say they are fine with their child being trans, but then never use their proper pronouns (note they are not preferred, they are proper). Or they dead name them (the act of using someone’s birthname rather than the name they have chosen for themselves). There are various things a family member or friend can do that will cause mental harm to their child/pal. Just like there are various things they can do to help. I’ll be splitting this up into two to keep the two things separate. I am going to write this a bit differently, for the sake of those writing a trans character but also writing with a trans character because I feel it’s very important.

First the bad.

As I said before, deadnaming is a possibility. It can be a very invalidating thing to hear. For me, when I hear someone use my dead name I visibly cringe. It has never felt like my name, and so many people I have met have said I never looked like it fit me. Deadnaming is harmful in that it can make someone question themselves, but also make that voice in their head saying no one will accept them and they should give up all the louder, which can worsen depression and lead to possible suicide.

Improper pronoun use can be linked with the above for all the same reasons. It’s a constant reminder and a constant invalidation. It can make someone feel like you aren’t seeing them. Not the true them. And so they start to feel invisible. Proper pronoun use is important to show someone that you see the them that they see in themselves.

Claiming it is a phase. The person being told this knows better than anyone what they feel. But as mentioned in part two, there is the constant questioning of themselves. So when told this, it’s hard to quiet the voice that is saying we aren’t sure, or that we can’t be because our experience doesn’t match someone else’s.

Calling someone a special snowflake. We already think we’re just trying to get attention, and most times when people question this, it isn’t fake. When you question whether or not you’re doing something for the sake of attention, that shows an awareness and admittance. How many people do you know admit they are doing something for attention? So questioning it is a sure sign that you in fact are not looking for attention. However, when people claim this, it’s hard to prove them wrong. Especially if you’ve been struggling with your gender for only a short period of time.

Denying them as a friend/partner/family member. Making them feel like they aren’t good enough or worthy. The amount of courage this takes is something cis straight people will not get in their life, so to say that you can’t be friends with someone or date them right after they come out is very harmful. I’m not saying people that are dating are forced to stay together, it’s the immediate reaction that would be harmful. A calm talk afterwards is fine and all can be discussed. As far as friendships, if you write your character no longer being friends because of this, congrats, your character is transphobic. As far as family goes, rejecting a child or sibling breaks a level of trust that person could have for any if not all deep rooted relationships. It sets an example that even people that you’ve known since birth can betray you and hate you for being yourself. And that fear and resentment can bleed into other areas of their lives as well.

Using their past identity as punishment. I’ve already gone over the deadnaming, however I have experienced a parent using my dead name as a punishment. If they felt I was speaking out against them, or if I did something they didn’t like, they would use my dead name as a punishment. As a way to cause me pain because they could see how much it bothered me. This is in a way an emotionally violent attack as, for me, it triggered a great deal of dysphoria and trust issues.

I feel those are good key points though certainly not all of them. But for the sake of length I want to move on.

The good:

Unconditional support. When a character comes out, to see unconditional support is the biggest relief. In reality you can see people’s eyes light up. It is always a relief to say that you accomplished facing something truly terrifying and it turned out well.

Proper name and pronoun use. For the exact opposite reasons above. Incredible validation in hearing these used. It also helps to fight away questioning thoughts and anxiety/depression when someone else is using your name and pronouns.Even slip ups where someone corrects themselves is better than ignoring the mistake at all.

Correcting people for them. It’s another way of support, and also proving to us that you have our backs no matter what. Sometimes having to correct someone is embarrassing, and sometimes it can be a hassle, so to see someone else sort of take over for us without speaking over us or outing us on accident is incredible.

Going to the bathroom with them. An odd thing to think about but when you’re faced with the choice and not sure whether you pass enough or not, this can be very validating and helpful. It truly is a terrifying experience. For example, I had one time when using the restroom, I wpas followed in and a man stood outside the one stall waiting, then used the urinal, washed his hands, and got very close to the stall door. All fine and normal, until he washed his hands a second time, and then came close to the door. And then washed his hands a third and stood again. I can’t know for sure what his intent was, but he eventually left the restroom. Meanwhile I had my phone out ready to call my manager (because this was at my place of work) to escort me out of the bathroom.

Again for lengths sake I want to stop this here, but you can get a good idea of what support is and what it isn’t. I will add, for those writing with a trans character, that making their transition about your character is not how you should write out the plot. Their transition affects some people outside of themselves, yes. But it affects them the most.

The last list I want to make is how your character can come out, because there are many ways.

Writing a letter/email

Sitting people down

Recording a video

Hinting with talk of other trans people

Facebook statuses

Phone Calls

Text Messages

Cards

Get creative. If your character is afraid to face the people they are coming out to, think of how they would best want to go about it. Informatively? Creatively? Nervously? Boldly? This is entirely up to who they are as people and their personal values. Where you take their experience past that is entirely your own, but again I beg that you do so as a backstory and not write this out through a thread if it involves any sort of abuse.

Prompt Version

What fears did your character have before coming out? Who where they most afraid to come out to? Why? What did they question about themselves before coming out? How did they come out? What were their expectations of coming out? What was the reaction from family of them coming out? What was the reaction of friends?