#like i cant....perceive
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senxitive · 2 years ago
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Does anyone want to explain to me why I can't feel anything
#i mean emotionally#i *literally* do not know what i am feeling to the point of thinking a similar concept to 'nobodys home' in my head and heart#i know i talk about dissociating a lot but i think that this is....depersonalization which feels entirely different and all together worse#i know thats a type of dissociating but its just so confusing and off putting#im trying to hang on thats why im doing my damndest to like research what is happening#and this is all i can come up with#i literally looked at myself in the mirror and felt like my face didnt look like what i think it looks like#looked non familiar in a way#and my eyes looked both wild and sad despite me talking about how im not feeling much#it was uncomfortable and scary#so im trying to do grounding exercises and to allow myself to know its OK that im not all here right now#and that this is temporary and theres nothing to be frightened of#it's a hard sell but i am trying#depersonalisation and derealisation#depersonalization#depersonalisation#insert question marks....if others struggle with this...can you share your experiences with me? as long as theyre not super scary because#i have been really frightened by these feelings lately so i dont wanna be overwhelmed into a panic attack where i really lose connection#yeah and i just am having trouble telling reality vs non reality if im being honest#like i cant....perceive#i cant tell what others emotions are#i can see their actions but i cant perceive what it means beyond that....to the point of thinking it is a ruse#and THATS what's giving me anxiety#or frightening me#i cant tell whats real in some fashion#delete later
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mohntilyet · 3 days ago
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caterina's datamined character description calling her korean-italian and early lucanis designs having him look east asian . i'll just do everything myself i guess
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assorted thoughts: caterina is fully 'korean' or whatever the thedas equivalent would be in this design, and clawed her way to the top of the crow food chain after years of work. their armor is something caterina forcibly incorporated to distinguish house dellamorte from the other crows, and a symbol of their status because they get it custom made or imported. of course race-equivalents do not really exist in thedas or this world but i also will never forget how gaider just implied (east) asian people don't exist in thedas because it just so happens that there are no asians on the continent of thedas (guy who forgot about boats) . explode and die. there's not the same kind of discrimination as exists irl ofc (and the dellamortes are actually treated fine, much better than a mage or elf) but a level of xenophobia against foreigners from a different continent. illario looks the least like her, and passes for being fully antivan, which changes how he is recieved by the other crows.
and sorry if the korean is bad please actually let me know if it's horribly translated i relied on google translate . if you are one of ten asian dragon age fans feel free to talk to me at any given moment.
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skeletoninthemelonland · 6 months ago
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my sister told me that if you put something in the internet, that thing no longer belongs to you, it belongs to the internet
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elation-station · 2 years ago
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the town bisexuals are at your door it is time for you to pick a bride
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evelynpr · 2 months ago
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You ever think about how All Might has two male exes that both have a child with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a big heart?
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risingsunresistance · 5 months ago
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who would win, god of the realm or one (1) hog 🐖
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skitskatdacat63 · 2 months ago
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One makes him up, so the other can break him down.
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This is a little terrifying but hello!! Posted my first fic on ao3!! I would've saved the illustrations for the fic's eyes only, but I'm too happy with them haha. Hope you'll still go on to read regardless!!
As always, my thoughts and progress, since I can't help myself:
I'm soooooo proud of these. I never ever really do dramatic lighting, so I'm really surprised that I pulled it off.
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It's surreal actually posting this because for a while, I've thought about how if I ever post a fic, I'll have to make illustrations too because I can't do anything not full force. Look at me now! I'm shocked. Also didn't think I'd finish it tonight, but here it sits before you nevertheless(though as always, I'm writing this past my bedtime before class, time efficient as always.) So with that being said, here are some notes, though if I had known I'd be writing this so soon, I would've prepared more lol.
First of all, I hope it's clear both of these are Mark's perception. Gah, the fact that his face is the only one you can see clearly. The first is obviously him unwillingly fantasizing about what exactly went down last night.
Aghhhhh the difference in colors and settings of the two drawings is so important to me. The warmth and intimacy of the bed behind curtains in the first one, and the coldness and openess of the second. It's so clear Mark feels like he's been distanced, like he's been ousted. It's like he's been thrown outside on a cold winter's day, no longer able to feel the heat from the comfortable warm stove inside.
Mark was probably assigned to Seb bcs he has a much greater appreciation for the Spanish etiquette, which Seb has very little interest in. He'll abide by it when he absolutely has to. But he's just a very non-typical Emperor. People find it charming so it's not a public death sentence for him, but it is an issue. Thus, Mark is there to keep him in line. Though important to note that when Fernando, who has an equal if not greater respect for the showmanship of etiquette, realizes Mark is interested in that as well, they start warming up to each other.
The inherent disrespect of Fernando just. Throwing Seb's clothing onto the floor. Meanwhile he probably took like, 20 minutes folding his up(that's what Seb was gonna tell Mark at the end of the fic.) Borderline ripping off Seb's clothes only to edge him. Its not even like the ripping off the clothes is because of passion or anything, he's deliberately being an asshole. Don't worry Nandl, Seb's turned on by it!
So sorry to marknando fans if their dynamic feels like a complete 180 haha. Its not like I'm like, they actually hate each other!! It's just their relationship under completely different circumstances. They're like two dogs in a dog fight, they don't have any real reason to hate each other, but they're put against each other regardless. They don't understand their hatred, just know that they have it and that they're supposed to have it. The inherent hatred the mistress has for the spouse, and vice versa. If they actually were able to talk without barriers, they'd realize they actually get along pretty well. They kinda just hate each other because of their respective relationships to Seb. And then there's Seb who's mostly completely oblivious to his effect, though of course plays with it a bit.
Seb's marriage completely recontextualizes their relationship in Mark's eyes. Though there's something incredibly sado-masochistic about the way he can't blame Seb for it at all. He's a loyal dog after all. But when it was just them, he was obviously Seb's main companion and lover. Seb definitely slept with people on the side, but Mark brushed that off: 1. Bcs its very period typical. 2. He was the main, they were the side, what more needs to be said! But now *he's* the side piece, and is left wondering if their relationship was down to proximity alone. Not to pull a Mark and completely excuse Seb, but it's not. Just very different perceptions of love and relationships. And again, as I've mentioned before, he was raised to always be the most important person in the room, so he obviously has very different understandings, especially since he's always the center.
NANDL!!!!!! In my Habsburg book I've been reading lately, they randomly referred to one of them affectionately as "Nandl" and it's stuck in my head ever since. Can we start a movement to canonize that as an official Fernando nickname? I'm sooooo fond of it, I litrally ended the fic that way just so I could shoehorn that nickname in.
Speaking of the ending. It was really tough, I almost wanted to have Fernando burst in, looking for his ring, and then coming across whatever that is. But I didn't want to disrupt their moment anymore, it felt cruel. Though shame I couldn't mention that the reason why Seb's pants are nowhere to be found is because Fernando accidentally put them on and didn't realize till he was out of the room.
*I FORGOT TO POINT OUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS! Truly the danger of writing a post while falling asleep. There's something so incredibly funny to me the way they're talking so refined and then Seb just throws out: "that guy." It's a way to show his own disrespect of Fernando, not even using his name, implying he's just some guy(nur ein Kerl.) I laughed writing it cause it reminds me of the random dry humor anecdotes I've read lately.
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goomyloid · 18 days ago
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just Thinking Out Loud but im trying to prepare myself for the deltarune community to irreversibly change the same way it did when ch2 came out... its not really something i personally experienced back in 2021 because the game wasnt nearly as important to me then as it is now (understandably) (i just love chapter 2 so much)
and while i am Absolutely ready and excited for chapters 3 and 4, it will be kind of scary to see deltarune blow up again and the community grow vastly in size and Whatnot (i think about the other instances of this with other fandoms lately like gravity falls, fionna and cake, arcane, etc) (as an outsider looking into all those communities) and now im like Fuuuuck thats gonna happen to us!!!!!!
BUT ITS OK. BECAUSE EVEN IF ITS SCARY the important thing is that so many artists and musicians and fan game devs and whoever else are gonna produce amazing new stuff with the content ch3+4 gives us, and that's more exciting to me than anything... something you can honestly apply to any work of fiction getting a new part/chapter/season/whatever. I love when communities create!!!!!!
idk what this ramble was supposed to be it's just been something ive been thinking about for a while. The community ive come to recognize over the past 3 years is most likely gonna change drastically and i (the comfortable) am about to be disturbed by this But its necessary. life would be boring otherwise. i love videogames
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lokh · 1 month ago
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also i think if roleswap laios and canon laios met theyd immediately start fighting.
#canon laios would blurt out 'why do you look like our dad' and fisticuffs ensue.#shuro........ is a little more complicated#if canon shuro doesnt think too hard about it and just treats the other him like a stranger then theres no problem#on the other hand i imagine he holds himself to high standards and if he sees his other self doing things he considers improper or uncouth.#i imagine hed only speak up if he saw it happen A Lot like hed pull him aside like hey... what the fuck#thered be a bit of 'holy shit i woulda turned out like THAT??' on both sides#roleswap shuro would often get frustrated but i think hed understand that like. thats how the culture is like he lived it too#but i think similarly hed watch laios steamroll og shuro and eventually be like. DUDE. just say something#shorter fuse lmao. anyways still turning this AU over in my head#how much more forward can shuro be before hes unbelievably out of character...#and what if they switched universes!!!!#if laios switched. it would be immediately obvious something is up in the og universe but it may be chalked up to like#a weird mood..... though maybe the party starts to wonder 'hey... is it not possible this is a shapeshifter' 😭#but og laios in the roleswap universe...#tbh havent thought too hard on what the party dynamics in that universe might be like assuming all else is the same save for the roleswap#i imagine chilchuck would still get on alright as long as hes being paid upfront and laios is still attentive/ recognises his abilities#and limitations also. marcille................................... hmm#she might treat him more formally and be less close.... may perceive him as more threatening at first meeting#(in terms of like. 'taking falin away' i mean if that makes sense)#but well. u kno how in canon laios Does notice a lot of things about his companions and has a very pragmatic view that surprises them#and they dont tend to notice until he says it aloud because its often overlooked cos of his. everything else.#well. id imagine roleswap laios still notices things but simply would not say it aloud.#the party would also be like .. dude... did he hit his head#if SHURO swapped...................... well it depends when exactly it happened#i imagine it could be a bigger issue with the retainers#im losing steam cos my lower back hurt so bad adgfsdfg i cant get a good position on this chair#but for shuro himself i imagine it would be nightmarish lmao.#roleswap (henceforth RS) shuro would wake up as an adult with the retainers like. ??? was that all a dream?? did i never make it out#meanwhile og shuro ending up god knows where..........#if he ended up with the retainers again he might not immediately realise somethings amiss and try to act normally
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kagoutiss · 8 months ago
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as if it was never there at all.
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bruqh · 10 months ago
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i-
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starry-bi-sky · 4 months ago
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Sketch dump! I havent done one of those in a while. These are all from June-July while I was on vacation.
First we have Layal! The delightful Mother of Monsters, aka the Ghost Zone’s most evil mama bear AND my take on a fem!danyal dan! I like to imagine she could pummel Dan into the ground, but that stands true for any and all of my au Dans. Bc i am INCREDIBLY biased.
She mostly lives on her island in the Ghost Zone, taking in monsters of the Infinite Realms of all kind and raising them as her own. Surprisingly enough, she does genuinely love her children. That’s about where her love ends. She stole the minotaur, his name is Asterion.
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Then we have Daini-Yel! He’s from an au i’ve never actually talked about on here. He’s literally just Danny for an Epic!-inspired au. He's an unknown entity in the newly released open-adventure, odyssesy-inspired game "Nautilus", and he is not a part of the game's code :). He showed up three months after the game's initial launch, and was discovered during a live when a streamer was on their way to fight a boss much similar to Circe and the streamer accidentally took a detour and found his pathway (of which did not previously exist).
He's very friendly! And offers you, the Captain, a strange liquid with even stranger powers called "Ektolai", in order to help you fight Circe. His whole vibe and creation is literally just the song "Wouldn't You Like" from Epic. If you run into him enough times at the start of the game, you can convince him to join you on your adventure as part of the crew. He's a powerful ally and a very good friend, despite his strange awareness of the world around him...
Oh, but be warned... just like the rest of your companions, your actions have consequences and what you do affects their opinion of you. Daini is no different! Your close allies can quickly become enemies.
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xxplastic-cubexx · 1 month ago
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im forcing you all to look shady-car-salesman erik
[What If Magneto Had Formed The X-Men With Professor X?]
#snap chats#DUDE WHAT IS THAT. I SCREAMED#also before any of you go read this dont it's so nothing. the title LIED it's the most nothing story ive read so far#thankfully this is only a one shot but man. i shouldve listened in that This Is Isn't Worth It#this is literally the only time erik's in the whole thing too btw bar a prologue recapping what happens in the og timeline#im so deadass like he also shows up in some bg shots but thats literally it he says nothing else beyond this page#'what if magneto formed the xmen with charles' god yeah what if. i sure wouldve loved to read that.#'what if they formed the xmen' genuinely yeah how did they do that. can we see that PLEASE.#the only perceivable difference is that erik lives at the x mansion and Probably isnt terrorizing people. and has this god forsaken look#i rescind my statement he's terrorizing ME with that beard and. //gestures everywhere else//#he looks like he's going to try to scam me into buying a shitty ferrari i cant ill take the viking beard just not this#also i think gaby and erik are just. inexplicably married????? they never cover that ???? thats just a thing to vaguely acknowledge#they dont even say it there's a book that's credited as 'erik magnus lehnsherr' and 'gabrielle haller lensherr' like ok. what.#they dont even properly tell us why eriks here or like. how erik and charles find the xmen. or why gaby's here vjeALKJEK#LIKE COOL HI GABS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE she's a mutant now. forgot about that. ???????????????#the weird plot did distract me from. Whatever This Is but now im focusing on it again and im dying#i think what's really killing me is the earrings like oh my god. wow ok. wow...... terrible choice !#if i squint i can imagine the ponytail's gone from his side profile and it's a lil better but ...... jljalKjalJA#anyway i said id read every xmen comic and. regretting some choices but we ball#for now im gonna go wind down ... maybe doodle a bit who's to say ..
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pureseasalt · 6 months ago
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me personally i take anything as a win. the future is bright and the sky's the limit. today, a sydcarmy slow burn miscommunication angst fest. tomorrow, a sydcarmy pussy eating episode. the universe has set out its plans and it wants first and foremost for me to be happy
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dirk-menace · 2 years ago
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so emesis blue right
click for quality
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adelinamoteru · 11 months ago
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purely fanon jason vent below so feel free to ignore
every other fic in the jason todd tag whether its romantic or platonic or whatever just has to include something about the no kill rule or him giving up killing like is it not enough ! have we not hashed out this argument enough already ! can I not read some jason content without having to be randomly bombarded by the morality police and how “oh jasons not killed anyone for x amount of months thats great! we knew u could do it jay”
and I wish I was just joking like I really do but I have scoured the tag almost from top to bottom and it always, without a doubt, has to come up at some point. its his fucking defining character trait apparently. mind u he’s not even the only dc character that kills but yall just won’t let it go! I do not need jason giving up his stance on killing to be written out for me to be able enjoy content about him
and whether its included so that his relationships with other characters can be viewed as ‘realistic’ is just so. what does it matter. its already fan-fiction who the hell cares about justifying the universe that you’re choosing to write him in
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