#like i cant....perceive
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senxitive · 2 years ago
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Does anyone want to explain to me why I can't feel anything
#i mean emotionally#i *literally* do not know what i am feeling to the point of thinking a similar concept to 'nobodys home' in my head and heart#i know i talk about dissociating a lot but i think that this is....depersonalization which feels entirely different and all together worse#i know thats a type of dissociating but its just so confusing and off putting#im trying to hang on thats why im doing my damndest to like research what is happening#and this is all i can come up with#i literally looked at myself in the mirror and felt like my face didnt look like what i think it looks like#looked non familiar in a way#and my eyes looked both wild and sad despite me talking about how im not feeling much#it was uncomfortable and scary#so im trying to do grounding exercises and to allow myself to know its OK that im not all here right now#and that this is temporary and theres nothing to be frightened of#it's a hard sell but i am trying#depersonalisation and derealisation#depersonalization#depersonalisation#insert question marks....if others struggle with this...can you share your experiences with me? as long as theyre not super scary because#i have been really frightened by these feelings lately so i dont wanna be overwhelmed into a panic attack where i really lose connection#yeah and i just am having trouble telling reality vs non reality if im being honest#like i cant....perceive#i cant tell what others emotions are#i can see their actions but i cant perceive what it means beyond that....to the point of thinking it is a ruse#and THATS what's giving me anxiety#or frightening me#i cant tell whats real in some fashion#delete later
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mauv-the-bluest-cat-ever · 3 months ago
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"tek" in "tangotek" does a lot of heavy lifting to make it sound more kiki but "leman" in "skizzleman" makes it sound more bouba
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skeletoninthemelonland · 5 months ago
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my sister told me that if you put something in the internet, that thing no longer belongs to you, it belongs to the internet
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elation-station · 1 year ago
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the town bisexuals are at your door it is time for you to pick a bride
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risingsunresistance · 4 months ago
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who would win, god of the realm or one (1) hog 🐖
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skitskatdacat63 · 12 days ago
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One makes him up, so the other can break him down.
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This is a little terrifying but hello!! Posted my first fic on ao3!! I would've saved the illustrations for the fic's eyes only, but I'm too happy with them haha. Hope you'll still go on to read regardless!!
As always, my thoughts and progress, since I can't help myself:
I'm soooooo proud of these. I never ever really do dramatic lighting, so I'm really surprised that I pulled it off.
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It's surreal actually posting this because for a while, I've thought about how if I ever post a fic, I'll have to make illustrations too because I can't do anything not full force. Look at me now! I'm shocked. Also didn't think I'd finish it tonight, but here it sits before you nevertheless(though as always, I'm writing this past my bedtime before class, time efficient as always.) So with that being said, here are some notes, though if I had known I'd be writing this so soon, I would've prepared more lol.
First of all, I hope it's clear both of these are Mark's perception. Gah, the fact that his face is the only one you can see clearly. The first is obviously him unwillingly fantasizing about what exactly went down last night.
Aghhhhh the difference in colors and settings of the two drawings is so important to me. The warmth and intimacy of the bed behind curtains in the first one, and the coldness and openess of the second. It's so clear Mark feels like he's been distanced, like he's been ousted. It's like he's been thrown outside on a cold winter's day, no longer able to feel the heat from the comfortable warm stove inside.
Mark was probably assigned to Seb bcs he has a much greater appreciation for the Spanish etiquette, which Seb has very little interest in. He'll abide by it when he absolutely has to. But he's just a very non-typical Emperor. People find it charming so it's not a public death sentence for him, but it is an issue. Thus, Mark is there to keep him in line. Though important to note that when Fernando, who has an equal if not greater respect for the showmanship of etiquette, realizes Mark is interested in that as well, they start warming up to each other.
The inherent disrespect of Fernando just. Throwing Seb's clothing onto the floor. Meanwhile he probably took like, 20 minutes folding his up(that's what Seb was gonna tell Mark at the end of the fic.) Borderline ripping off Seb's clothes only to edge him. Its not even like the ripping off the clothes is because of passion or anything, he's deliberately being an asshole. Don't worry Nandl, Seb's turned on by it!
So sorry to marknando fans if their dynamic feels like a complete 180 haha. Its not like I'm like, they actually hate each other!! It's just their relationship under completely different circumstances. They're like two dogs in a dog fight, they don't have any real reason to hate each other, but they're put against each other regardless. They don't understand their hatred, just know that they have it and that they're supposed to have it. The inherent hatred the mistress has for the spouse, and vice versa. If they actually were able to talk without barriers, they'd realize they actually get along pretty well. They kinda just hate each other because of their respective relationships to Seb. And then there's Seb who's mostly completely oblivious to his effect, though of course plays with it a bit.
Seb's marriage completely recontextualizes their relationship in Mark's eyes. Though there's something incredibly sado-masochistic about the way he can't blame Seb for it at all. He's a loyal dog after all. But when it was just them, he was obviously Seb's main companion and lover. Seb definitely slept with people on the side, but Mark brushed that off: 1. Bcs its very period typical. 2. He was the main, they were the side, what more needs to be said! But now *he's* the side piece, and is left wondering if their relationship was down to proximity alone. Not to pull a Mark and completely excuse Seb, but it's not. Just very different perceptions of love and relationships. And again, as I've mentioned before, he was raised to always be the most important person in the room, so he obviously has very different understandings, especially since he's always the center.
NANDL!!!!!! In my Habsburg book I've been reading lately, they randomly referred to one of them affectionately as "Nandl" and it's stuck in my head ever since. Can we start a movement to canonize that as an official Fernando nickname? I'm sooooo fond of it, I litrally ended the fic that way just so I could shoehorn that nickname in.
Speaking of the ending. It was really tough, I almost wanted to have Fernando burst in, looking for his ring, and then coming across whatever that is. But I didn't want to disrupt their moment anymore, it felt cruel. Though shame I couldn't mention that the reason why Seb's pants are nowhere to be found is because Fernando accidentally put them on and didn't realize till he was out of the room.
*I FORGOT TO POINT OUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS! Truly the danger of writing a post while falling asleep. There's something so incredibly funny to me the way they're talking so refined and then Seb just throws out: "that guy." It's a way to show his own disrespect of Fernando, not even using his name, implying he's just some guy(nur ein Kerl.) I laughed writing it cause it reminds me of the random dry humor anecdotes I've read lately.
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kagoutiss · 7 months ago
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as if it was never there at all.
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evelynpr · 1 month ago
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You ever think about how All Might has two male exes that both have a child with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a big heart?
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bruqh · 8 months ago
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i-
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starry-bi-sky · 3 months ago
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Sketch dump! I havent done one of those in a while. These are all from June-July while I was on vacation.
First we have Layal! The delightful Mother of Monsters, aka the Ghost Zone’s most evil mama bear AND my take on a fem!danyal dan! I like to imagine she could pummel Dan into the ground, but that stands true for any and all of my au Dans. Bc i am INCREDIBLY biased.
She mostly lives on her island in the Ghost Zone, taking in monsters of the Infinite Realms of all kind and raising them as her own. Surprisingly enough, she does genuinely love her children. That’s about where her love ends. She stole the minotaur, his name is Asterion.
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Then we have Daini-Yel! He’s from an au i’ve never actually talked about on here. He’s literally just Danny for an Epic!-inspired au. He's an unknown entity in the newly released open-adventure, odyssesy-inspired game "Nautilus", and he is not a part of the game's code :). He showed up three months after the game's initial launch, and was discovered during a live when a streamer was on their way to fight a boss much similar to Circe and the streamer accidentally took a detour and found his pathway (of which did not previously exist).
He's very friendly! And offers you, the Captain, a strange liquid with even stranger powers called "Ektolai", in order to help you fight Circe. His whole vibe and creation is literally just the song "Wouldn't You Like" from Epic. If you run into him enough times at the start of the game, you can convince him to join you on your adventure as part of the crew. He's a powerful ally and a very good friend, despite his strange awareness of the world around him...
Oh, but be warned... just like the rest of your companions, your actions have consequences and what you do affects their opinion of you. Daini is no different! Your close allies can quickly become enemies.
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pureseasalt · 5 months ago
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me personally i take anything as a win. the future is bright and the sky's the limit. today, a sydcarmy slow burn miscommunication angst fest. tomorrow, a sydcarmy pussy eating episode. the universe has set out its plans and it wants first and foremost for me to be happy
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dirk-menace · 1 year ago
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so emesis blue right
click for quality
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adelinamoteru · 9 months ago
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purely fanon jason vent below so feel free to ignore
every other fic in the jason todd tag whether its romantic or platonic or whatever just has to include something about the no kill rule or him giving up killing like is it not enough ! have we not hashed out this argument enough already ! can I not read some jason content without having to be randomly bombarded by the morality police and how “oh jasons not killed anyone for x amount of months thats great! we knew u could do it jay”
and I wish I was just joking like I really do but I have scoured the tag almost from top to bottom and it always, without a doubt, has to come up at some point. its his fucking defining character trait apparently. mind u he’s not even the only dc character that kills but yall just won’t let it go! I do not need jason giving up his stance on killing to be written out for me to be able enjoy content about him
and whether its included so that his relationships with other characters can be viewed as ‘realistic’ is just so. what does it matter. its already fan-fiction who the hell cares about justifying the universe that you’re choosing to write him in
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idkwhatimdoingbutslay · 5 months ago
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Me: OMGJANSJD, Vi is literally one of my favourite characters of all time !!!! She’s EVERYTHING!!! I think about her 25/8, she consumes me entirely.
?: That’s great! Which side of her head is shaved again?
Me:
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cubbihue · 3 months ago
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I love how the Chimmy changa asks have slowly been going from "Chimmy! Chimmy! We love you Chimmy!" To "Make this man suffer." It's parts hilarious and terrifying. More asks need to be for Chimmy hugs. He needs hugs.
HASDKHASBDKAS GODD YEAH. YEAHH.
hold on hwer.s
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Chimmy.
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heavenb3nt · 11 months ago
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Anyways. Academy era designs
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