#like i can't separate them out clearly in my experiences

[imjustaf444keriguess]

okay, im gonna react to each of these separately, if i miss any important details in any of the studies or sources feel free to correct me. also at times i use just DID to refer to traumagenic and disordered systemhood, but note that i count the OSDD1 presentations and any similar complex dissociative disorder with self-presentations / plurality the same as DID in this post.

the first one seems to talk about dissociation in general, and how it presents over many dissociative disorders. it mentions a "trauma model" and a "taxon model" vaguely, and then goes to talk about dissociative disorders exclusively after. this doesn't prove or disprove possible non-pathological forms of plurality and systemhood, and i can't tell if they're on the side of "it's solely dissociation" or if it's a "we believe there's two different kinds of dissociation" here

The Trauma Model posits that dissociation is a psychobiological state or trait that functions as a protective response to traumatic or overwhelming experiences.4 Dissociation is most commonly conceptualized as a continuum from normal to pathological, with states of intense absorption, like spacing out while driving and missing an exit at one end, and severe dissociative disorders like DID at the other. Research supports an alternative: the Taxon Model positing two continua: normal and pathological dissociation.5 The latter comprises a distinct group of highly traumatized individuals—about 3.5% of the general population—who endorse a specific cluster of symptoms consistent with severe dissociative psychopathology such as DID.

i mentioned in my other reblog a quote from the authors of the TOSD saying that non-disordered multiplicity and dissociation (like that with mediums and hypnosis) is potentially possible and needs to be studied, so just saying that there's a trauma model of dissociation is like... yeah? there's clearly non-pathological form of dissociation too, though. depends on what you're classifying as dissociation thugh (like, is reading a novel dissociation?)

the next one is from "thepsychpractice.com", which is not really a resource i'd trust to be truly unbiased. it's also about DID only, not proving non-traumagenic plurality impossible. we also know it's possible to create alters and to influence them, and alters can change their internalized identity. they, in a sense, CAN choose their name, age, gender, etc. it's just not something another alter can change for that alter.

the next one is also from DID-research, which, again, is about DID. nothing on that page says anything about how non-traumagenic systems and plurals can't exist, it's just some med students large-carrd at the end of the day (a good and generally informative page about DID still, but not directly a source to say "non-traumagenic systems don't exist).

i don't have time to focus and watch a tiktok, trying to focus on an auditory input right now would probably make my brain explode, but i bet that user has a decently good summary for DID systems. tiktok is not a source to disprove endogenic systems though. the existence of DID systems and trauma-formed systems are also not proof against endogenic systems and endogenic plurality.

another .com site that seems to be summarizing DID for the laymen like the psych practice. beachsideteen.com is probably not made by the cutting-edge scientists, i'd guess. it does seem to agree with most average people on its facts and is against fakeclaiming, somewhat, but again it's not really a source that's debunking endogenic plurality.

it also uses integration instead of final fusion in its wording, which many people would say is wrong (as integration is just connecting the parts, final fusion is the full merging of parts, and functional multiplicity is still being separate "selves" while lowering the dissociation barriers between parts.

also, with tiktok and other social media platforms, different alters can switch in and choose to create videos and such. while this is not the same as the "switching on camera" trend they mentioned specifically, it is similar where people fakeclaim others for switching to create a video together as a system- which is entirely possible because alters can front, they can communicate, and they can have interests outside of the trauma (and they SHOULD, since life is not JUST trauma and even traumagenic alters deserve to be silly and have fun). that's not entirely related to the topic at hand, but is important to note. alters are ,at their core, still people (or at LEAST parts of a person), they still have the ability to want to feel joy and have fun. sometimes, they want to use tiktok to be silly and have fun. i don't get it because i hate tiktok but thats due to me hating tiktok, not all shortform video content creation.

yet another .com site (traumadissociation.com) that only talks about DID. it DOES mention maladaptive daydreaming, but that's a separate (proposed) disorder, and doesn't really relate to endogenic plurality's validity or not. it's the same as mentioning BPD and its similarities to some DID experiences,

this one is ALSO a .com site but seems to actually show a study(? paper?) talking about DID and its presentation. while my simple skimming through doens't show anything that says "multiple 'sentient' self states is only possible through trauma, it does show a pretty good perspective on DID systems and why they might form. i'll read this one better later, but i don't think it's good evidence to disprove endogenic plurality itself (again, the existemce of traumagenic plurality and DID systemhood is not evidence against the idea that non-traumagenic plurality and non DID systemhood can exist)

and... that's it. a few resources on DID specifically, and only two are "valid" sources. and, as far as i can read, the sources don't say that endogenic plurality is not possible, they're just talking about DID and dissociation in a pathological sense.

("valid' here as in "could be a source that i'd read that would prove endogenic plurality and systemhood impossible," as most or even all of these sources are good for DID specifically, and some are good for singlets to read at a glance or for some newly-diagnosed DID systems to read to understand their experience better and give words to their experiences)

if i missed any specific points in the first and last links that do have direct statements against endogenic (non-disordered / trauma-based) plurality, do point them out as well. i am human and could have missed something!

whoever changed the endogenic wiki page just know i love you and ur the best

[lyneira]

♡ forced to share a bed ♡

-> when you're forced to share a bed with them, how do the twst boys sleep?

fluff/mainly crack

lyneira's 1.2k milestone event

The type that sleeps far away but wakes up clinging to you

Azul, Rollo, Sebek, Epel, Deuce

They'll make it a point to sleep the farthest distance from you, not because he doesn't like you, but be because this situation makes him nervous. He finally to sleep next to his crush? Lord, somebody go save him from the overwhelming excitement and nervousness he's feeling right now

When he wakes up, he'll realize he's feeling all warm and snug as he's clinging onto something that soothes him. That, being you, which he'll realize after noticing your arm atop of his as they were wrapped around your waist and his face was nuzzled in the crook of your neck.

I can see this going two ways. He'll either decide to stay there, albeit feeling both flustered and ecstatic as if he won the lottery. With your arm resting on top of his, did you like this too? Did you want him to hold you? The hope of this would keep him clinging on.

OR they'll end up retracting their arms and turning away immediately out of nervousness, embarrassment, and an 'OH MY GOSH' running through their head. They might also end up accidentally pushing you off the bed in the process LOL

Can't sleep at all

Idia, Malleus, Riddle, Rook

I see Riddle and Idia not being able to sleep also because they're nervous and feel a bit awkward having to be in the situation too. It's just so...intimate. They can hear your breathing, they can sense the warmth radiating from your skin, and when they turn over, they can see your lovely face. Wasn't this the type of thing he'd be able to experience if he woke up with everyday? He didn't know if he had the right to experience all of this, he wasn't your lover just yet, after all. But oh, how he dearly wanted to be.

In Malleus' and Rook's case, they wouldn't ne able to sleep because they'd spend the whole night staring at your sleeping face, take this wonderful opportunity to observe and admire it all the want. I hope you don't wake up facing him, otherwise, you'll wake up to see his eyes wide open, looking deeply into your soul *insert "AWOOP- JUMPSCARE" tiktok sound*

they'll even hit you with a "good morning, sleepyhead" even though clearly, they were the ones who were sleepy with dark circles around their eyes from having stayed up all night. They'd think it was all worth it tho

Sleeps, no problem

Ace, Leona, Vil

They frankly don't really care if you're sleeping next to them, they'd sleep pretty soundly. They'll probably only have a problem if you move a lot in your sleep or snore loudly lol.

Also sleeps soundly

Cater, Lilia, Neige

They'll be able to sleep easily, but before they do, they'll be full of happiness and excitement in being able to sleep next to you. They'll inch their bodies closer to you, but won't get so close that they touch you, not without your permission anyway. It's just that they want to hug you so badly. They want to hold you in their sleep. If you happen to flip over and lay a limb on them, they'd honestly be happy with that too.

Moves around a lot

Floyd, Che'nya, Kalim, Ruggie

Good luck sleeping next to them because these boys are moving around nearly every minute as they sleep. They're gonna have their bodies splayed out one second, then be clinging to you the next. Will probably have a leg or an arm on you through 80% of the night. It may all be unintentional or intentional, who really knows? They might snore too, and I see them snoring LOUDLY. Rip

For Floyd, I can see him extending his leg too far out that it both hits you and quite literally kicks you out of the bed LOL. You'll be pissed but he'll be sleeping without a care in the world, not realizing what he's done

Insists on sleeping separately

Jack, Jamil, Silver

I see them wanting to sleep separately from you, even sleeping on the floor if they have to. They want a peaceful night's rest with little to no disturbances, and he believes he'll find that if he sleeps alone. They want you to have a good sleep too, and so he thinks this would be the best option to take.

Sleeps very still

Trey, Jade

These dudes are by far the most peaceful to sleep with. They're very quiet and they don't move around a lot, if at all. It'll be as if they weren't even there, haha. They're considerate of you too, ensuring that you have enough of the blanket and that you have enough comfortable space to sleep. You're in luck if you're able to sleep with them.

© 2023 lyneira. PLEASE DO NOT COPY, PLAGIARIZE, OR REPOST MY WRITING ONTO OTHER PLATFORMS

[fiber-optic-alligator]

(Not a request dw) (I had to get this idea out of my head real quick.)

The idea of Drift swallowing his Little One to protect them from another mech trying to take them for themselves. The pair of them had been sitting, and idly chatting (Even if it was mostly a one-sided conversation.) when another mech had come along. Clearly interested in getting their servos on a tasty little human. It'd start with Drift growling lowly as a part of his warning to the potential human-thief that it'd be a bad idea to try his patience. Obviously he'd want to talk things out first, but a small possessive part of Drift loathes the idea of being separated from His Little One. So the "chat" is intermingled with his growling.

The next action Drift would take if the intruding mech persists. Would be to scoop his Little One up to keep them out of reach of the other mech, the growling of his engine growing more intense to dissuade the mech from taking things any further.

But if all else fails, Drift is probably just gonna make a show out of swallowing His Little One. Before growling loudly one last time out of possessive irritability, and walking away from where he'd been seated. He loathes acting like that, as it reminds him of his Deadlock days, but he wasn't about to let his Little One be stolen away by someone who wasn't going to be Nearly as careful with them as he is. It just wasn't going to happen. Speaking of which, he has some apologizing to do to His Little One after he gets back to his Habsuite, and retrieves them from his tanks. Oh dear.

Ok, but, the feeling of being swiftly (But carefully) swallowed by Drift while he's growling up a storm would be Far more jarring than the experience of being swallowed typically would be. The world around you shaking rhythmically, loudly as peristalsis drags you further down into Drift's humid depths. But even when you know Drift would never hurt you, (On purpose) being swallowed, and so thoroughly rattled by his animalistic growls fills you with dread as you sink deeper within him. You land in his stomach as he lets out a more aggressive growl. His tanks clench close around you, just as possessively as your mech is behaving externally. But when you feel him get up, and walk away his tank releases it's hold on you allowing you to breathe again.

It's different when he growls with you in his tank, than when he purrs. The sounds of his gentle purring lulls you to sleep most nights, and results in only a slight shaking sensation. But his growls rattle you to your core, and leave you feeling threatened by the typically placid mech. Drift, who loves you too much to let you leave fall into the servos of someone who can't give you the care you need. Like he can. Like he will.

HRRRRRRRGH THIS IS SO GOOD!!!!

I’m sorry I HAD to write something about this. I know this wasn’t a request but this scenario is honestly so, so good. The way you worded it was beautiful. GOD, what I wrote isn’t half as good as what you sent but I was inspired. What I wrote isn't a carbon copy of your idea, but I still really enjoyed putting this idea into story form. GOD I STILL CAN'T GET OVER IT. Drift certainly does love you too much to let you be taken by someone else. He loves you too much to let you leave. After all, you are is little one. There's no changing that.

PLEASE let me know if you like the little story I wrote. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE INCREDIBLE ASK! I'm gonna look back at reread at least twenty times now lmao.

WARNING! WHAT IS WRITTEN BELOW THIS CONTAIN SOFT VORE. If this is something that makes you uncomfortable, please do not read!

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“Hey, are you going to have that?”

  Drift looks up. The mech staring back at him is stocky and short. He has some grime splattered across his chassis and arms: oil. An engineer. A name does not stick to the face, and Drift takes a quick moment to try and recall it. Nothing.

  “Excuse me?” is all his confusion will allow him to say.

  “The human.” The stranger gestures to the table. “Are you gonna have it?”

  Drift looks down. On the table is a datapad displaying a sparkling’s story with funny little illustrations. Observing the pictures is you. The library is a quiet place. Drift comes here frequently to either read or simply clear his mind. He enjoys bringing you along as well; ever since you found out there was a library aboard the Lost Light, you have shown a strong fascination with Cybertronian writings. He doesn’t know if you get the gist of what they mean, but you give him such excited, pleading looks when he lets you observe them, that he can’t help but let you indulge. So, he provides you with simple readings. The ones with pictures are what you seem to enjoy best. You’d sit there for hours if you could, looking at the datapad and trying to quietly sound out the Cybertronian words to yourself. It’s not something you do well, but Drift finds it so adorable. You attempting to mimic his language just proves how clever you are.

  He loves to watch you do this, and he frequently jumps in to help you say certain words right. Most of the time the two of you are quietly repeating them to each other in a sort of simple lesson. It’s one of the many things the two of you do as a bonding experience. Primus, Drift loves it.

  So who the hell is this random mech to barge in and interrupt by asking if he can have you?

  “Um.” Drift chuckles in disbelief. “They’re not for sale. Sorry.”

  “Oh, no, nonono.” The mech shakes his head and laughs too. “I don’t want to buy them from you. I want to borrow them. I’ve never had the chance to get my servos on one of these little beauties. It’s rare to find a human that doesn’t already have an owner.” He leers at you, swiping his glossa over his lips. “If you let me have a taste, I’ll pay you. However much you want, name your price.”

  You, who has been silently observing this entire interaction, shrink back nervously. Drift sees the way you look at the other mech in fear, and his mood immediately darkens. Something sour builds in his spark. He slowly reaches forward and curls his digits around you. It’s an obvious display of possessive protection.

  “They’re. Mine,” he growls. The sound is deep and dangerous, continuing on after he spoke his words. Though he doesn’t notice, you are clearly shaken by it. Chirping softly, you press your hand against his palm, trying to get his attention. But he only tightens his hold, never breaking eye contact with the threat before him.

  “Dude, I know they’re yours.” The other mech is clearly unaffected by Drift’s hostility. “You can spare a bit of time with them, can’t you? C’mon, just let me have a taste.”

  He makes a grab for you. Drift’s instincts kick in, and he snatches you away. You yelp when he presses you against his chassis. He makes a mental note to apologize to you later, but right now he needs to play the part of big bad mech. There can be no sign of weakness here. This stranger is clearly bent on stealing you from him. He won’t let that happen. You are his little one. His.

  Drift rises to his pedes, his growls elevating. The other mech doesn’t show any ounce of care and growls back, armor rising to clack. “I’ve waited for so long to try one of these things,” he says. “This might be my only opportunity! Just let me have them!”

  “They aren’t a thing,” Drift hisses. “They are a human. And if you can’t show them the proper respect and care they deserve, then you have no right to own this one, let alone any.”

  “You think just because you're third in command to the captain that you can lecture me on how to treat a human?” The mech gets into Drift’s face and flashes his fangs. “You don’t even know me! I’m not going to hurt it! I just want a taste! Is that so hard for you to allow?”

  “When it comes to a bot like you? Yes. It is.” Drift doesn’t waver. He’s taller than this mech. Stronger, too. Faster, and better at fighting. If it comes down to such actions unfolding, then so be it. He will do anything to protect his little one.

  Speaking of you…you cower in his servos, trying your best to appear invisible. He looks down at you, debating on how to handle this. The other mech obviously doesn’t intend on backing off any time soon, and if things do come down to a fist fight, he obviously can’t defend you like this. His best option for keeping you safe is swallowing you.

  The engineer puffs out his chassis and revs his engine. It’s a challenge.

  Drift accepts it. But not in the way he is thinking.

  He raises you high above his faceplate and lets you drop a little, until he has the back of your shirt pinched between his forefinger and thumb. You kick your legs and squeal, alarmed, and his spark wrenches at the sight. He wants to comfort you. He needs to comfort you. But he can’t, not while he’s making a show of this in order to prove he isn’t someone to be messed with. So despite how disgusted he is with taking advantage of your fear, despite how this makes him feel like a little piece of Deadlock is rising from the grave, he goes through with his decision and decides that if he wants to keep you protected, he needs to scare the other mech off…even if you are scared shitless too.

  He lets you go. Your high-pitched scream is abruptly cut off when you land in his intake and he quickly snaps his jaws shut. Slicking you up with solvent, he tilts his helm back and swallows you, swiftly, but gently. He makes sure the other mech can see you travel down his throat. You are nothing more than a little bulge that disappears into his chassis and is quickly consumed.

  The engineer stares. His mouth is open like he wants to say something, but no words come out.

  Drift licks his lips and continues growling, as loudly as he can. He watches the other mech’s helm lower, optics on the floor. Intimidated. Good.

  “Never come near me or my human again,” he says. “They’re mine. Do you hear me? Mine.”

  The challenger offers no protest. Drift pushes past him and leaves the library, not looking back.

  You have never seen this side of Drift before.

  When he swallows you, he is always careful with you. He takes things slow, allowing you to move along with his pace, giving you every opportunity to tell him no, you don’t want this right now.

  However, this case is entirely different. He didn’t even give you a chance to gather your bearings before he was tossing you into his mouth and gulping you down with a rushed sense of urgency. Oh, he was gentle. Of course he’s always going to be gentle with you. But after watching the way he interacted with that strange mech, who you know wanted to eat you just from the way he had been looking at you like a lion looks at a fresh piece of meat, you can understand why he’s being so quick. This is being done for your preservation.

  But god, that doesn’t mean this isn’t terrifying.

  Everything around you shakes as you are pushed deeper and deeper within him. His esophageal muscles are tight, the rolling sensation of being swallowed not as soothing as it should be. His growls ring in your ears and leave you feeling rattled. He sounds dangerous. He sounds like an animal.

  It scares you.

  When you make it to his stomach, you are practically shoved inside. There is no chance to catch your breath, no opportunity for you to nestle in and get comfortable. The walls move in to give you the tightest squeeze of your life. You are squished uncomfortably between living cables that pulse with the bright, possessive desire to never let you go. Every angle is taken up by him. All you can see is blue biolight. And all you can hear are his throaty rumbles.

  There is no end to it. Even when you feel his stomach gently sway with the rest of his body as he walks away, the organ only holds you closer, gurgling possessively. You feel like you are being told that you are his. Because you are.

  You should be consoled by this fact. But no such feeling comes to compete with the claustrophobic dread that fills you.

  Drift is fuming when he stomps back into his habsuite. He paces back and forth, then drags his chair back and sits in it with a heavy puff of exhaust. Tapping his digits against his desk, he imagines his fist grabbing that engineer by the back of the helm and smashing his faceplate into the nearest wall. How dare he? How dare he just waltz up to him and ask to taste his little one? The nerve of some bots!

  I’ll have to put in a word to Ultra Magnus, he thinks. That engineer should be dismissed. He shouldn’t even be on the Lost Light. Disgusting behavior like that should be punished. It has to-

  He hears a soft whimper. His digits halt their fidgeting. He looks down at his middle and has his internal sensors scan your little form. Your heart rate is through the roof. Your breathing is erratic and unsteady. And…oh no. Oh, no, no, no. You're trembling.

  He loosens his grip on you and gives you room to move. But when that doesn’t do the trick, he decides that keeping you in there while you are in this state will only distress you further. So he clenches his tank muscles again, and pushes you upward, back through his esophagus and into his mouth. He slips you into his servos with practiced ease, turning you gently so you are on your back. You are covered in his solvent, chest heaving as you look up at him. Then, to his horror, you turn away from him and curl up into a little ball. You are still shaking. His spark sinks.

  He gently deposits you onto his desk and fetches one of his fluffiest blankets to wrap you in. You don’t resist him. You just sit there, giving him those big sad eyes you have whenever you are scared.

  “Little one?” Drift whispers.

  You chirp softly and hide your face. He whines. “No, no, don’t do that.” He hooks his index digit under your chin and tilts your head up. “Look at me, little one. Please.”

  You're still so afraid. He realizes that his big act in front of the engineer really affected you. Guilt rises. There has to be a way to get through to you and show you that he’s still the gentle Drift you know.

  He leans forward, cupping you close. Lowering his helm to be at your level, Drift coos out the call you always make when you want his attention. “Hello,” he murmurs in the foreign tongue. “Hello. Hello, hello.”

  You perk up a little when he mimics your calls. Tentatively, you say it back. “…Hello.”

  Drift beams. “Hello, little one.” He ruffles your hair, chuckling when you lean into his touch. “I’m so sorry I scared you. I…I had to show him that you are mine. I don’t want anyone trying to take you from me. They could hurt you. And if that happens…I’ll never be able to live with myself.”

  You seem to understand that he’s asking for your forgiveness. Sighing, you shuffle forward and reach out, pressing your hands against his nose. You chirp; much of it is indecipherable. But then…you begin to speak. Not in your language. In Cybertronain.

  “Love you,” you say to him. “Love you…love you, Drift.”

  He doesn’t know when you learned it. But he knows it’s the first time you’ve said it. He is your first I love you.

  He can’t contain himself. Drift purrs louder, cuddling you. “I love you too, little one. I love you so, so much.”

  You like cuddles. You deserve them. Today was a rough day for both of you. But knowing you still trust him is relieving.  And he promises you…he swears to you, he will never allow anyone to try and threaten you again.

[chuluoyi]

UNHOLY MATRIMONY — 06

✩°｡ ⋆ a longer dream

- fushiguro megumi x oc/reader - oc/reader's character name is hara sena, pronouns still refer to “you” and i won’t mention it often—just for the sake of aesthetic rather than repeatedly writing "y/n"

in another life, in which fate is still screwing his life over, Fushiguro Megumi finds himself in an arranged marriage―with you.

genre/warnings: arranged marriage au, mild angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, descriptions of aggressive behavior (hair pulling, hand stomping—but not to the reader)

notes: an early release! please believe me when i said that i really wanted to add megumi's reaction in the previous chapter. i cut it because it got too long already.

oh and with this i’m announcing that unholy matrimony will be on break next week to ensure the best experience :( chapter 7 will be posted on november 6, i promise.

listen to: i will stay with you - gummy :)

series masterlist | next. love unspoken

This can’t be right.

Megumi must have heard wrong.

It was barely seven in the morning, he had just woken up, and the first thing he heard was... you were asking for a what? Divorce?

"What, why?" he immediately snapped.

You kept your head low. "Because there's no reason for us to be together anymore. This whole thing―" you gestured to everything around you as you tried to contain your emotions, "―started just because I have no choice but to obey my father so that he wouldn’t take my mom as a hostage."

Honestly, Megumi didn't understand. Maybe his brain was lagging because it was meant to be a tranquil Sunday morning. But he couldn't make the heads or tails of whatever you were spouting now.

"Now that my mom is no longer in the picture," you continued, your voice steady and your eyes devoid of doubt. "He has no other means to control me. He can't have his way with me anymore."

"Hold on—" He was exasperated. Nothing's making sense. "This doesn't necessarily lead to divorce. Sena, what are you thinking?"

“I’m setting us free, Megumi,” you interjected, fixing a fierce gaze on him. “Neither of us wanted this in the first place. And now we can do it. Zen’in must have a better bride in mind for you, or you could also ditch them altogether. We can go our separate ways.”

How had it escalated into this? Weren’t the two of you just spent the night? How did you spew all of these so callously?

Megumi clenched his jaw. “No.”

"Why?!" Now it was your turn to express frustration. Honestly, you really thought he would agree. You had offered him his freedom on a silver platter—so why didn't he take it?

“You are not in the right state of mind,” he asserted, his gaze fixed at you squarely. “You haven’t thought this through. You can't make decisions solely based on your impulses, Sena.”

“I have thought this through, Megumi!”

“Clearly, you haven’t,” he retorted firmly. “If that’s the case, then tell me, should we get a divorce, what would you do?”

You fell into silence, unable to give an immediate response. “It’s—I will—”

“See?” he let out a scoff. “Is your life with me so unbearable that you’re considering a divorce?”

Your brain short-circuited, evidently and truthfully you didn’t think that far ahead. Your primary focus was to alleviate the guilt in your gut, and you believed that returning to where it all began would be better for both of you, especially him.

But was your life with him that miserable? “No.” You stiffened, biting your lower lip. You didn’t want him to think like that. Living with Megumi was far from horrible at all; in fact, it was quite the opposite.

“Then what brought this on?” he inquired once again. His tone remained calm, but it was clear that he was holding his simmering anger back. “We are perfectly fine. So what’s the deal? Give me a straightforward explanation and I’ll agree with you only if you can explain what you will do from then on.”

Why must he do this? Why did he have to be against it so much? It took everything out of you to keep your resolve from breaking.

Your heart couldn't help but soar when he opposed your idea of getting a divorce. You found yourself hoping for something more, with him.

“We are… not fine.” You ran out of arguments to convince him, as the thought of staying suddenly made more sense, against your better judgment. “I… you—you didn’t want to be married to me—”

“But now I do!” His voice rang through the apartment, leaving you momentarily speechless, trying to absorb his words.

Megumi was at his wits end. As surprising as it may seem, he had developed feelings for you, and perhaps now, those feelings had intensified into something more intense. He had these passing thoughts about how to express his feelings, and certainly this wasn't the scenario he had in mind. However, now that things had escalated to this point, he must get this across somehow.

“I know you’re having a hard time. Losing your mother isn’t something you can get over so easily—I get it. I understand that, Sena.”

Tears welled up in your eyes.

“But I promise you,” his unwavering gaze held you captive. “You are going to be fine. We are going to be fine. Forget how we started—we have made it this far regardless of that.”

Staying with you meant he would remain embroiled in the Zen'in's successor struggle, a reality he was fully aware of. But the idea of you leaving was simply inconceivable in his mind.

Now you were openly sobbing. You were happy. You knew it was still wrong, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the whole truth—the binding vow with Gojo. You just can’t.

You had never hoped so bad for a wrong to become right before now.

"You have me," he declared, and Megumi's hand reached for your damp cheek, cradling it gently. When your teary eyes met his, he fondly caressed your cheek.

“I will stay with you.”

That was the breaking point. You lost the hold over your emotions. If you didn't know anything else, one thing was abundantly clear—you had lived for this very moment.

And when Fushiguro Megumi pulled you into a searing kiss, you knew that life as you had known it had come to an end.

Because from now on, through endless maze, fear and loneliness, you placed your trust in him to be by your side.

"Tsk."

Naoya clicked his tongue at the first hearing held at his own Zen'in estate. Most of the elders had gathered in the main hall, with him sitting at the front row. The next seat next to him was empty.

"Can't we just start?" he spat impatiently, glaring particularly at his uncle, Zen'in Ogi—the father of the Maki and Mai—who was the head of the council to determine the next successor of Zen'in clan.

His uncle simply regarded him with a stoic expression. "We'll commence when Fushiguro arrives here."

To be frank, Zen'in Ogi harbored a strong dislike for Naoya. Not only was this young upstart trying to seize the position of the clan head that could be his by the order of seniority, he was incredibly disrespectful too. Given the choice—which he had, anyway—he still preferred Fushiguro even though he was an outsider rather than this manic twat.

"If the bastard doesn't come then it's his loss," Naoya hissed through his teeth. "Why should we wait for him? What a waste of time."

An attendant suddenly went into the room to inform that Fushiguro Megumi couldn't attend as he had prior engagements. Naoya sneered upon hearing that. "See? Even he doesn't take this the least bit seriously."

Zen'in Ogi vowed to wipe that smirk off his face, even if it was the last thing he did. To him, Naoya's behavior and lack of decorum during his brother's funeral was a blatant insult to their proud clan, and there was no way he would let him rule at the top, even though he was his brother's own flesh and blood.

Hence why he took great delight in seeing the shock on his face when he announced that the majority of the votes had gone in favor of Fushiguro instead of him.

"This isn't the final decision, of course," he remarked, casting a glance at Naoya's seething anger. "We will hold two more hearings, and by then, you can still cast your vote for the candidates you favor."

What the actual fuck—

"I advise you to get your act together, Naoya," Ogi whispered to him as the crowd dispersed. "You're hardly demonstrating why we should choose you with your rather... ah, unbecoming behavior."

Naoya clenched both his jaw and fists as his uncle walked past him. The nerve of that rotting bastard!

No one seemed to respect him any longer in this place. It seemed like everyone had started to think he could be overthrown from his rightful place.

So be it then. He just had to make it clear that he was the one in charge.

And when he spotted one of the serving girls, whom he had observed had been following several elders, and even himself, for several days now, Naoya finally had enough and pursued her as she hastened her steps.

But he was naturally faster and grabbed her hair in an attempt to catch her, causing her to yelp.

“Master Naoya!” she cried. “P-Please let me go—!”

“Shut up, you wretch!” he snapped at her with such fury that the girl could only tremble in shock. He then forcibly dragged her by the hair toward the disciplinary pit, paying no heed to her cries and pleas for him to stop.

He flung her across the hard tiles, and the girl curled up in fear. "P-Please... spare me..." she pleaded, her voice trembling with terror.

With an air of dominance, Naoya gazed down at her, and then he ruthlessly stomped on her hand, causing her to scream in agony.

“S-Stop! It hurts!” she sobbed. “P-Please!”

He crouched down, still keeping her hand pinned beneath his shoe.

“I’m acting o-on orders!” she shouted amidst the tears. “M-My mistress is the one w-who told me to come h-here!”

Naoya's lips curled into a sneer as he released his grip on her and then firmly grasped the young girl's chin, forcing her to meet his gaze.

“Now, you fool, tell me everything.”

It was monumentally stupid. Megumi knew it, but couldn’t help but let his face burn in embarrassment regardless.

“Megumi.” You tilted your head to the side, eyes looking at him so innocently, yet hesitantly. “You want us to… uh, share one bedroom?”

The way you pronounced the word “share” was enough to drive him on edge. He knew it. You didn’t want it, but he wanted this, and yet he didn’t want to force you into it.

These three statements that negated each other made him want to crawl back to his room.

But as the saying goes, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, right?

“Yeah, is there a problem with that?” And so faking his confidence it is.

“T-There is!” you hastily retaliated. “This is too sudden!”

“And what about it? Your bed is big enough for both of us. If not, then the one in my room it is.”

“But!” This inquiry was beyond you. Not that you were totally opposed, but this prompt change of situation left you reeling.

Okay, let us get it straight.

Confessing feelings to each other? Well, yeah, in practice, yes.

Marital status? Still wife and husband. Check.

And so, this was the cue for moving in together next, yes?

At least in the romance novels you read, yes. But quite literally, ever since Megumi’s dramatic declaration—that made you swoon amidst everything else, yes—the two of you found yourselves stuck in an awkward situation once again. He failed to look at you in the eye for two days straight after that, and now out of nowhere, asked you to share a room with him.

“Are you sure?” you asked, idly twirling a strand of your hair with your fingers.

“I am,” he replied instantly. "What's the issue here? We're married. We should have done this right from the start."

“Wouldn’t want you to burst from sheer embarrassment is all,” you quipped, successfully making him fidget. A smile tugged at your lips at his reaction.

"You could hardly even look at me," you added teasingly, and it seemed a vein on his face was on the verge of bursting.

“And you—”

You didn't have the opportunity to add more anecdotes to the list because suddenly your right arm was pulled, and before you could react, you found yourself cornered against the sofa.

"Well," Megumi's face was now inches from yours, his voice slow and laden with an indescribable intensity. His green eyes blinked, and suddenly, you found it hard to breathe. "Now, I'm looking at you, aren't I?"

What… is this situation? You could no longer think, and the only sound you heard was your uncontrollable heartbeats.

Even Megumi himself couldn’t keep the blush from creeping up on his face as he kept his hot gaze on you. When his cheeks began to feel as if they were sizzling and burning, much like the barbecue he had with Yuji the other night, he finally withdrew, moving away slowly. You took a deep breath and exhaled forcefully, your heart still racing.

"Stupid, don't look so scared," he grumbled before tousling the top of your head, causing you to wince.

Now he had truly done it, hadn't he? He had made it glaringly obvious just how hopelessly infatuated he was, or at least he hoped he had conveyed it to you.

“I’m not scared…” You looked away shyly. “Megumi, you idiot.”

“Why am I the idiot? You’re the one being so clueless.”

In his eyes, you appeared so petite and vulnerable. The way you puckered your lips made him want to pin you to the wall.

It was unlike anything he had felt before. This urge to protect, make you happy, and ruin you at the same time was just too much.

But in the end, the first two always won.

"Okay, forget about it," he said afterwards, prompting you to look up. "We don't have to share a room if you're that uncomfortable about it."

“Uh, but—” now you were the one stammering. “No, it’s—okay…”

He raised an eyebrow, not understanding what you meant, so you took a gulp of breath, suppressing your embarrassment.

“Let’s sleep together from now on,” you declared. “In the same room, okay? I’m okay with it…”

“Really, you don’t have to—”

“I want to.”

A reminiscent of what he told you just two days ago. You couldn't forget how those three simple words made you feel, as if you were granted a fresh opportunity at life, despite the hardships you'd endured.

In the ensuing five seconds, you locked eyes and then erupted into a chorus of laughter.

“It’s so stupid, why is it so hard?” you sighed, smiling all the way. “We can’t be stuck at this stage forever.”

Megumi looked at your smile and, once again, tenderly placed his hand on your head.

“Yeah, we probably shouldn’t,” he muttered. “But even this is enough for me though.”

“What is?”

A gentle, weightless sensation filled his chest, a welcome relief after enduring two weeks of shared suffering. Seeing you no longer as tormented fueled his desire to to sustain that newfound happy expression on your face.

“Your smile,” he replied simply. “Just keep smiling. That’s all that matters.”

You swore you felt your heart leap out of your chest at his genuine words. But, damn you, you concealed your emotions the only way you knew how.

“Okay, so now you can’t deny it any longer,” you huffed in a playful condescending manner. “You’re positively smitten by me, correct, dear husband?”

A sheepish snort escaped from him. “Yeah, yeah, wife. I’m all yours.”

Megumi was eager to walk down this road with you from now on. It wouldn't be without its challenges, as there were still many things for you to tackle. Your mother’s murderer, Tsumiki’s curse, Zen’in’s mess. Through it all, he had you in his thoughts. And as for you...

You were content if this dream would last just a little bit longer.

next : love unspoken

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[triaelf9]

"Men and women can't compete on the same level" yes they can if they're TRAINED for it. The only thing is men are fucking scared b/c the patriarchy has been telling them for YEARS that if a woman "beats" them they're weak.

And if that isn't the most cringe shit

So I used to play soccer. And by play soccer, I was on the top California girls team in middle school, and by top, I mean we took first in every tournament and qualified for nationals where we got 5th (coulda done better, we had NASTY injury luck & winning team cheated)

Our guys team, basically what we were but all boys, was equally good, and also went to nationals with us. We used to practice at the same time, neighboring fields. At the end of practice, we would scrimmage and 9 times out of 10 we kicked their asses b/c we were THAT good

The only time they complained about it was the time their best player wasn't feeling well, then they were like "okay so our best player wasn't feeling well, it wasn't our best against your best" which was fair. When boys in MIDDLE SCHOOL react better than men online, OOF

Anyway, it's all this patriarchy baggage, the usual racist shit, and now also transphobia, so it's just a pile of things ppl are getting into cringe hate storms about. I'd say grow up & be less weird but like, age clearly isn't the factor here as my experience has shown :P

As a bonus example, the top folks in Aichi for naginata are mostly all women, and the person who won internationals recently was a lady from our prefecture. And in smaller tournaments sparring is mixed, and last year, I beat my male opponent who, incidentally, beat me years ago

They DO annoyingly separate at prefecture level tournaments, but a secret goal of mine is to train hard enough to get into one of the men-only ones b/c that'd be hilarious XD Then again, I am a "scary" foreigner, so they'll probably be like "ooh it's b/c she's a buff american" lol

[loudclan-clangen]

Alright, now I'm curious, what are the rules of StarClan's Oneway Dunktank? Are there cats who can't touch it (mediators for sure but anyone else?) Do healers meet there every half moon? They can sacrifice a life to speak directly to StarClan but what about other times?

(Also you're not gonna believe this, I looked up effects of crude oil exposure and studies indicate it may cause Anemia and low white blood cell count, so maybe she got a bleeding disorder because she can't stay out of the Forbidden Jacuzzi).

VERY LONG, LOTS OF TEXT, SORRY I GOT EXCITED TO LORE DUMP

The rules/powers of the Black Water Pool and Starclan are intentionally very nebulous. 1. Because I think starclan is more effective as a mysterious force than a clearly designated entity, and 2. Because I would like to have some flexibility going forward in the comic regarding the powers/rules of starclan. Here's what's clearly defined:

Any cat can touch the oil, like physically speaking. They will not just drop dead unless something else is going on that is worsened by the experience. But something may be worsened by the oil, especially if they are deeply exposed to it, like swimming in it or ingesting it the way one might if they weren't specifically trained in how to interact with it safely (like a healer or a leader). This leads to rumors of cats being cursed with terrible visions (hallucinations), disease (coughs caused by respitory damage), or wounds (chemical burns from prolonged exposure) because they touch the Black Water without permission. These could be actual curses from starclan, or they could be biological reactions to the oil, but that doesn't really matter because the cats believe that they are curses. (If that makes sense). For this combination of reasons, (religious belief and biological evidence), cats with open wounds, bad coughs, or who are actively pregnant are absolutely not allowed to touch the oil and are encouraged not to be near it. (Excluding dried oil worn by healers, we've covered in an earlier post that that is a stable form that isn't going to pollute others). This is justified by the healers as being times when one does not want to tempt death, and that being near the pool brings one's spirit closer to the dead, which is good for communing with them or asking them for favors, but bad when you are fighting for/actively creating life.

All of the leaders and their leadership teams have meetings staggered throughout the moon. Leaders and deputies meet on a full-moon, healers meet on a half-moon, and mediators meet on a new moon. (Gatherings also happen on full moons, just later in the day/night. The clans meet the leaders at the gathering place.) Healers might meet at the Black Water Pool but they do not always. Specifically, the Freezingclan healers refuse to meet at the Black Water, so if they want all of the clans' healers to meet they have to pick another place, usually the gathering place for simplicity. Since the healers can only commune with Starclan by sacrificing a life, they don't do it on a monthly basis and not meeting at the Black Water isn't inconvenient for them.

The healers (and leaders) can only speak directly to Starclan by sacrificing a life period. One of my biggest issues with the actual books is that speaking to Starclan is so casual that they constantly have to justify the cats not being able to in order to maintain any form of mystery or miscommunication, or risk making beloved characters look like jerks for not telling the living cats something important/make the entirety of Starclan look less powerful by claiming that they just "didn't know". My very simple solution to this is to put a layer of separation between them. In order to talk to the dead you have to die. This means that characters will only do so if they feel it is VERY important and they are certain that Starclan will give them a helpful answer, which they will not always do. (Why doesn't Wildfirecry ask Starclan how to cure Rosehippaw? Because he knows that there is a very high likely hood that the answer is "you can't" and then he'll lose both his daughter and a life that he could have used to help his clan in a more effective way).

Circling back to how normal cats are meant to contact starclan if they aren't allowed to touch the Black Water Pool by themselves, we finally get to talk about Loudclan burials! (This idea has been rattling around in my brain since the bonus art for Moon 18!) Okay, so: When a cat dies, the ground on the mountain is too hard and shallow for them to really be effectively buried. Due to this, the body is placed into a shallow dip dug into the ground and then covered by a pile of heavy stones in a make-shift cairn. The cairn discourages larger scavengers, like foxes or ravens, who might carry pieces of the deceased away, but allows smaller scavengers like mice and insects to eat away the fleshy bits. After a few moons, (during which family and friends are encouraged to keep their distance and learn to live without the deceased) when the scavengers are finished and all that is left are clean bones, the body is exhumed and repositioned so that the skull is left exposed outside of the cairn that covers the rest of the body. This is meant to allow cats to speak directly to the spirit of specific dead clan mates, though there is, of course, no expectation that the spirit speak back. (This is what we see Fiercestripe do in the Moon 18 Bonus Art). All burials happen in a field of forget-me-nots (small, blue. five petal flowers) as they cover the scent of decay, and therefore the cairns/graves are often decorated with them, along with other flowers or plants that may have been special to the deceased. Less commonly, a family member may ask to take a piece of the deceased from the cairn, such as a small tail bone or claw that they will wear to "carry the deceased with them". This is only allowed if the cats are known to have a close relationship, and is very frowned upon if the requestor is not a close family member or lifelong mate.

The major exception to all of this "Starclan is nebulous and distant" stuff is when I draw ghosts (like Bluepaw talking to Owlstar, which, admittedly, I drew before I had a good grasp of what I wanted to do with spirits and starclan). I know that it sort of negates that distance but... I just think it's fun. I think it's more fun to see what the spirits have to say (on occassion) than strictly sticking to never seeing Starclan outside of the Black Water Pool. So for those instances just remember that you, as the audience are getting sort of a third person omniscient view. You can see the ghosts but the characters in the story cannot (unless it is stated that they can due to like ghost sight or something).

Of course, as I said at the beginning, I'm trying to remain flexible, and I'm sure I'm going to break all of these rules at some point, but if I do my job correctly, then moments when these rules break should be important, and not just because I'm disregarding or forgetting them.

On a completely different note: You're not gonna believe this but I actually did know that! I did a decent amount of research into the effects of oil exposure when i was thinking up the Black Water Pool and yeah! It absolutely has played a part in Eklutna's condition. She's had hemophilia since birth, (which very simply means that her blood doesn't clot very well (for all of you biology nerds out there yes i know that it is rare for a cis female to have full hemophilia but it is possible if both of her parents had it)), but that has 100% been worsened by her love of swimming in "the forbidden jacuzzi". As long as we are sharing fun facts: exposure to crude oil while pregnant, while not always, can occasionally cause birth defects like weak lungs!

[haveihitanerve]

I just woke up and got stuff to do today so this ask will probably be short.

Bruce "Anxiety is my strength" Wayne being groped by different men and women at a gala but doing nothing to stop them despite being uncomfortable because Brucie Wayne is a playboy who wouldn't care—who would love the attention.

His children have a problem with that mentality. All of them (the main 7 at least: Dick, Jason, Tim, Duke, Steph, Cass, Damian).

mmmm. this you? anyway lets answer-

Damian was bored. This was nothing new, at least, not concerning Gotham's elite. Gala's were the epitome of horrible boringness, but he did understand the need for them. The need for enforcing their public personas. Didn't mean knowing the reason and knowing it was logical made it any more fun.

He drifted over to his eldest two brothers side, as the two had congregated over by the wall, watching the dance floor critically. It was rare to see them together at functions like this, especially this high profile of a Gala, not because they didn't like each other (anymore) but more because everyone usually spread out, endorsing different parts of Wayne Enterprises and wooing the guests in different ways. To gather meant not doing that. To gather showed regrouping, showed disinterest in the guests.

"What are you doing?" Damian asked, joining them. Though it was wrong for three of them to be off the dance floor and not mingling, he couldn't help it. He would never admit it, but his siblings were the most interesting people here. "Watching Bruce." Dick answered grimly, indeed not taking his eyes off his father.

"Jay we have to do something." Jason ran a hand through his hair, messing it up, and shrugged at his brother, though it clearly annoyed him as much as it did Dick whatever they were discussing.

"Do what?" He asked, throwing up a hand. "We can't intercede or Bruce will skin us. You know he'll always take everything so we don't have to." Dick gritted his teeth.

"He shouldn't." He bit out. Jason's look was sympathetic. "When's the last time you were groped Dick?" His voice was soft. Damian glanced up in shock and disgust. Dick's head dropped and Jason laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"What is going on?" Damian repeated, now a little concerned. "Dad is letting himself get touched." Tim answered grimly, appearing from the shadows, Steph trailing behind him.

"He does this every time." She said, both trying to appear like it was no big deal, and also seeming like she'd like to kill everyone in the vicinity. Steph maneuvered her way to Damian's side, tugging him against her. "Having fun?" She asked, keeping one hand firmly on his shoulder as an older lady approached.

"So much." He returned, monotone. Steph snorted, snagging a glass of wine off a nearby servers tray. "Tell me about it. Trust me, it gets so fun when you actually get to drink at these things." She tipped the glass back, draining it.

"Bruce catches you doing that and he'll beat you." Dick warned, experience clear on his face. Steph snorted. "To do that he'd need to separate himself from the crowd. And we all know he won't be doing that." The words made everyone fall silent again, but Jason still nudged her in the side.

"I'd still watch it. B keeps a tally. If he sees it, you'll get it later." Steph rolled her eyes, but Damian noted she did not grab another drink. "I'll go dance with him." She announced finally, after they had observed Bruce get groped a few more times and either lean into it or laugh it off.

"Right into the lions den?" Dick asked with a wince. Steph shrugged, stepping away from Damian and pushing him into Tim, like she needed a second detached from all others to prepare herself, and needed him to be as far away as possible when she did. Tim's hands tightened on his shoulders, and Damian leaned further back, allowing himself to be engulfed by the strength and smell of his big brother.

Steph rolled back her shoulders, nodded to them, and strode off, head held high, shoulders back, walk direct. Bruce's eyes widened as she approached and even from this far away Damian could read the fear and threat in his eyes. Steph disregarded both, muttering something in his ear as she spun him away from the new round of people trying to grab him, spinning him onto the dance floor.

Bruce dipped his head to say something in response, and Dick hissed. "Babs." Tim explained quietly at Damian's confusion. "Steph say something good?" Jason asked mildly. Dick offered a slightly less haunted smile back. "He said he's been counting her drinks and he hopes she can still hold a staff by the end of the night because she'll be sparring with him for as many minutes as she had ounces." Jason hissed through his teeth. Dick's smile grew. "She answered that she's been keeping a tally too. And for every person he lets touch him, she gets one of us on her team." Jason whistled through his teeth as Tim choked on his drink.

Dick cocked his head, getting new intel. "Ooooh she's just upped it- for every ten people that he lets touch him she gets an extra teammate." Tim snorted. "Bruce had already let way too many people. That's at least four of us against him."

"He can take it." Jason answered back coldly. "If he's so keen on having so many people touch him I'm sure having four of his kids do so won't be a problem." Dick's smile was downright masochistic as he watched his father.

"He won't be able to walk." Dick informed them had been Barbara's verdict. "Good." Tim returned. "It's better it's because of us than it's because of any of them." Damian shuddered and his brother pulled him impossibly closer.

The dance had finished and Steph stepped away, giving Bruce a mock bow. He returned it, stiff, and shot a glance in their direction. Jason lifted a glass in lazy salute, tipping it back. Dick and Tim followed suit. Bruce's eyes narrowed. Before someone else could snatch him up, Cass was there, leading him in a second dance, and if Steph could hold the people at bay, Cass most certainly could.

She returned to their sides, bearing a whole tray of drinks. "Come on lads, drink your share," She hefted the tray higher, and everyone snagged one. (except Damian, she had grabbed him a juice box from behind the bar) "all of us drunk against B? What could possibly go wrong?" Dick snorted and Jason let out a chuckle.

Tim clinked his glass against hers. "If all goes right," he answered grimly. "You'll be the only drunk one fighting him." The mood grew a tad more somber, then Jason clinked his glass against Tim's. "I'll drink to that." Dick agreed. "Pray on my downfall i guess." Steph muttered, but she put her glass in too, and when they drank, she drank along.

[yinwaryuri]

I cannot begin to summarize how Monster Next Door finally portrayed a flawed parent getting a good ending in a way that satisfied me. I have such beef with Thai BLs constantly giving our mains difficult parents, terrible asshole parents even, and then just justifying the way they treated their child like shit as being parental love and their kid accepts an apology (not you Bed Friend, the holy grail of giving shitty parents their due).

The tension between Diew and his mother, Kade, is obvious, and I was really afraid that the issue would be brushed off as casually as all the rest, due to my past viewing experiences. For a good portion of the show, she seemed overly concerned and harsh toward Diew and it really bothered me.

It was this visual that made things really click for me:

(also I'm sorry for the quality of photos of the show, Gaga now seems to turn the screen black when I try to take a screenshot on my laptop, so I took them with my phone)

Loss of a loved one is hard to talk about with strangers, but it's often more difficult to discuss it with other loved ones who knew them. Diew's father meant everything to him in his childhood because their personalities and dispositions made it easier to enjoy spending time together. I cannot speak as a parent, but I can only imagine the loneliness generated by the loss of a partner (losing a main emotional support you now desperately need) and then watching your child deal with grief by withdrawing from you (a child you have, up until now, not established a relationship as close as your late partner had).

God had the fortune of meeting Diew in the present, and that allowed him to get to know him without any preconceived notions of who he was to influence that development. Kade didn't have that luxury; being a parent means seeing your child through every stage of life and adapting to the changes that come with them. I can only imagine how much harder that had to be when she became a single mother and the clash of personalities made it significantly harder to connect. At some point, she clearly clung to a version of Diew that at least made her feel relevant by presenting her love as wanting to remove all possible worries.

Grieving separately being the main wedge between them runs with some of the themes of the show, I believe. We've watched God and Diew grow together and sort out their differences because ultimately they wanted the same thing - to show they are interested and care for each other - but their challenges presented mostly in how they went about it. Diew and his mother also care about each other. The strain is part of that love and how it has also been weighed down by years of misunderstanding and uncertainty.

Kade recognizing her failure to meet Diew in the middle and letting him know how she felt about it was HUGE to me. So many people will refuse to recognize the failure, and if they do recognize it they do not want to admit it for what it is, much less voice how they feel about it. Also disappointment in one's self as a mother, I believe, is incredibly relatable. It doesn't absolve all wrongs, but it's an incredibly important factor in being willing to do better.

She isn't blaming him here. She isn't using his feelings against him. She apologized without trying to erase what happened. She is simply letting him know that all she wanted was to be closer.

And then Diew seizes the moment. He's grown up and become someone less recognizable to the person she already didn't know very well. That doesn't mean they can't work things out.

Of course this is the solution. This is the green flag communication boyfriends show. But moreover, it's about realizing that life and people come with differences and changes and that doesn't mean that things have to go wrong or end badly. Often the fears that get built up in our heads - the monsters we first perceive them as - are not as scary as they seem, if they are at all. If growth is going to happen, we have to face them.

Excuse me while I sob in the corner, but this response makes Diew such an exceptional character to me. It demonstrates how he has changed from the beginning of the narrative but also remained true to himself. He has always needed someone patient and kind enough to listen to him as attentively as God does. Being heard for what he needs has done him wonders. His struggle to reveal the things that deeply hurt him and seeing how not sharing them can hurt the people he loves in return was an important lesson. Now that his mom has finally shared her pain, the pain that started years ago by no fault of either of them, he can extend that love toward her in a way he knows will reach her.

Diew and his mother are equal in how they can move forward. The relationship isn't treated like a hole in the wall to putty over, but truly something that can be built upon a newer and stronger foundation. I greatly enjoyed the finale as a whole, but this aspect of it tugged at my heart strings personally. I adore this show. Forever and ever.

[anghraine]

Hi! Can you explain what really the power of foresight was with Faramir? I read the books earlier this year and I don't really quite understand it. He could predict the future? Like he would see it in his dreams? But how did he found out from Gollum that he was taking frodo and sam to cirith ungol and that he had committed murder before?

No problem, it's one of my favorite topics!

The concise explanation: I think Faramir's foresight/aftersight in terms of visions is a largely separate "power" from his ability to bring his strength of mind and will to bear on other people and animals, and to resist outside influence. The visions seem more a matter of broad sensitivity, something Faramir doesn't appear to have much if any control over. The second power is (in our terms) essentially a form of direct telepathy, limited in some ways but still very powerful, and I think this second ability is what Faramir is using with Gollum.

The really long version:

In my opinion, Faramir (or Denethor, Aragorn, etc) doesn't necessarily read thoughts like a book, particularly not with a mind as resistant as Gollum's. Faramir describes Gollum's mind in particular as dark and closed, it seems unusually so—

"There are locked doors and closed windows in your mind, and dark rooms behind them," said Faramir.

Still, Gollum is unable to entirely block Faramir's abilities. In LOTR, it does not seem that Gollum can fully block powerful mental abilities such as Faramir's, though his toughness and hostility does limit what Faramir can see. (Unfinished Tales, incidentally, suggests iirc that Denethor's combination of "great mental powers" and his right to use the Anor-stone allowed him to telepathically get the better of Saruman through their palantíri, a similar but greater feat.) I imagine that this is roughly similar to, but scaled down from, Galadriel's telepathic inquiries of even someone as reluctant to have her in his mind as Boromir, given that Faramir is able to still see some things in Gollum's mind, if with more difficulty than usual.

(WRT Boromir ... ngl, if I was the human buffer between Denethor and Faramir, I would also not be thrilled about sudden telepathic intrusions from basically anyone, much less someone I had little reason to trust.)

Disclaimer: a few years after LOTR's publication, Tolkien tried to systematize how this vague mystical telepathy stuff really works. One idea he had among many, iirc, was that no unwilling person's mind could be "read" the ways that Gollum's is throughout LOTR. IMO that can't really be reconciled w/ numerous significant interactions in LOTR where resistance to mental intrusion or domination is clearly variable between individuals and affected by personal qualities like strength of will, basic resilience, the effort put into opposition, supernatural powers, etc. And these attempts at resistance are unsuccessful or only partially successful on many occasions in LOTR (the Mouth of Sauron, for one example, is a Númenórean sorcerer in the book who can't really contend with Aragorn on a telepathic level). So I, personally, tend to avoid using the terminology and rationales from that later systematized explanation when discussing LOTR. And in general, I think Tolkien's later attempts to convert the mystical, mysterious wonder of Middle-earth into something more "hard magic" or even scientific was a failed idea on a par with Teleporno. Others differ!

In any case, when Gollum "unwillingly" looks at Faramir while being questioned, the creepy light drains from his eyes and he shrinks back while Faramir concludes he's being honest on that specific occasion. Gollum experiences physical pain when he does try to lie to Faramir—

"It is called Cirith Ungol." Gollum hissed sharply and began muttering to himself. "Is not that its name?" said Faramir turning to him. "No!" said Gollum, and then he squealed, as if something had stabbed him.

I don't think this is a deliberate punishment from Faramir—that wouldn't be like him at all—and I don't think it's the Ring, but simply a natural consequence of what Faramir is. Later, Gandalf says of Faramir's father:

"He can perceive, if he bends his will thither, much of what is passing in the minds of men ... It is difficult to deceive him, and dangerous to try."

So, IMO, Faramir's quick realization that Gollum is a murderer doesn't come from any vision of the future or past involving Gollum—that is, it's not a deduction from some event he's seen. Faramir does not literally foresee Gollum's trick at Cirith Ungol. His warning would be more specific in that case, I think. What he sees seems to be less detailed but more direct and, well, mystical. Faramir likely doesn't know who exactly Gollum murdered or why or what any of the circumstances were. Rather, Gollum's murderousness and malice are visible conditions of his soul to Faramir's sight. Faramir doesn't foresee the particulars of Gollum's betrayal—but he can see in Gollum's mind that he is keeping something back. Faramir says of Gollum:

"I do not think you are holden to go to Cirith Ungol, of which he has told you less than he knows. That much I perceived clearly in his mind."

Meanwhile, in a letter written shortly before the publication of LOTR, Tolkien said of Faramir's ancestors:

They became thus in appearance, and even in powers of mind, hardly distinguishable from the Elves

So these abilities aren't that strange in that context. Faramir by chance (or "chance") is, like his father, almost purely an ancient Númenórean type despite living millennia after the destruction of Númenor (that destruction is the main reason "Númenóreanness" is fading throughout the age Faramir lives in). Even less ultra-Númenórean members of Denethor's family are still consistently inheriting characteristics from their distant ancestor Elros, Elrond's brother, while Faramir and Denethor independently strike Sam and Pippin as peculiarly akin to Gandalf, a literal Maia like their ancestress Melian:

“Ah well, sir,” said Sam, “you [Faramir] said my master had an elvish air; and that was good and true. But I can say this: you have an air too, sir, that reminds me of, of—well, Gandalf, of wizards.”

He [Denethor] turned his dark eyes on Gandalf, and now Pippin saw a likeness between the two, and he felt the strain between them, almost as if he saw a line of smouldering fire drawn from eye to eye, that might suddenly burst into flame.

Meanwhile, Faramir's mother's family is believed to be part Elvish, a belief immediately confirmed when Legolas meets Faramir's maternal uncle:

At length they came to the Prince Imrahil, and Legolas looked at him and bowed low; for he saw that here indeed was one who had elven-blood in his veins. "Hail, lord!" he [Legolas] said. "It is long since the people of Nimrodel left the woodlands of Lórien, and yet still one may see that not all sailed from Amroth’s haven west over water."

In addition to that, Faramir's men believe he's under some specific personal blessing or charm as well as the Númenórean/Elvish/Maia throwback qualities. It's also mentioned by different groups of soldiers that Faramir can exercise some power of command over animals as well as people. Beregond describes Faramir getting his horse to run towards five Nazgûl in real time:

"They will make the Gate. No! the horses are running mad. Look! the men are thrown; they are running on foot. No, one is still up, but he rides back to the others. That will be the Captain [Faramir]: he can master both beasts and men."

Then, during the later retreat of Faramir's men across the Pelennor:

At last, less than a mile from the City, a more ordered mass of men came into view, marching not running, still holding together. The watchers held their breath. "Faramir must be there," they said. "He can govern man and beast."

Tolkien said of the ancient Númenóreans:

But nearly all women could ride horses, treating them honourably, and housing them more nobly than any other of their domestic animals. The stables of a great man were often as large and as fair to look upon as his own house. Both men and women rode horses for pleasure … and in ceremony of state both men and women of rank, even queens, would ride, on horseback amid their escorts or retinues … The Númenóreans trained their horses to hear and understand calls (by voice or whistling) from great distances; and also, where there was great love between men or women and their favorite steeds, they could (or so it is said in ancient tales) summon them at need by their thought alone. So it was also with their dogs.

Likely the same Númenórean abilities were used for evil by Queen Berúthiel against her cats. In an interview with Daphne Castell, Tolkien said:

She [Berúthiel] was one of these people who loathe cats, but cats will jump on them and follow them about—you know how sometimes they pursue people who hate them? I have a friend like that. I’m afraid she took to torturing them for amusement, but she kept some and used them—trained them to go on evil errands by night, to spy on her enemies or terrify them.

The more formal version of the Berúthiel lore recurs in Unfinished Tales:

She had nine black cats and one white, her slaves, with whom she conversed, or read their memories, setting them to discover all the dark secrets of Gondor, so that she knew those things "that men wish most to keep hidden," setting the white cat to spy upon the black, and tormenting them.

Faramir, by contrast, has a strong aversion to harming/killing animals for any reason other than genuine need, but apparently quite similar basic abilities. He typically uses these abilities to try to compassionately understand other people or gather necessary information, rather than for domination or provoking fear. Even so, Faramir does seem to use his mental powers pretty much all the time with no attempt to conceal what he's doing—he says some pretty outlandish things to Frodo and Sam as if they're very ordinary, but it doesn't seem that most people he knows can do all these things. This stuff is ordinary to him because it flows out of his fundamental being, not because it's common.

It's not clear how much fine control he has, interestingly. This is more headcanon perhaps, but I don't feel like it's completely under his control, even while it's much more controlled than things like Faramir's vision of Boromir's funeral boat, his frequent, repeated dreams of Númenor's destruction, the Ring riddle dream he received multiple times, or even his suspiciously specific "guess" of what passed between Galadriel and Boromir in Lothlórien. Yet his more everyday mental powers do seem to involve some measure of deliberate effort in a lot of the instances we see, given the differing degrees of difficulty and strain we see with the powers he and Denethor exhibit more frequently and consistently.

This is is also interesting wrt Éowyn, because Tolkien describes Faramir's perception of her as "clear sight" (which I suspect is just Tolkien's preferred parlance for "clairvoyance"). Faramir perceives a lot more of what's going on with Éowyn than I think he had materially observable evidence for—but does not see everything that's going on with her by any means. He seems to understand basically everything about her feelings for Aragorn, more than Éowyn herself does, but does not know if she loves him [Faramir].

I'm guessing that it's more difficult to "see" this way when it's directly personal (one of the tragedies of his and Denethor's relationship is that their shared mental powers do not enable either to realize how much they love each other). But it also doesn't seem like he's trying to overcome Éowyn's mental resistance the way he was with Gollum, and possibly Frodo and Sam—he does handle it a bit differently when it's not a matter of critical military urgency. With Éowyn, he sees what his abilities make clear to him, is interested enough to seek out Merry (and also perceive more than Merry says, because Faramir has never been a normal person one day in his life) but doesn't seem to really push either of them.

So I tend to imagine that with someone like Faramir, Denethor, Aragorn etc, we're usually seeing a relatively passive, natural form of low-grade telepathy that simply derives from their fundamental nature and personalities (as we see in Faramir with Éowyn, possibly Faramir with Aragorn). That can be kicked up to more powerful, forceful telepathy via active exertion of the will (as described by Gandalf wrt Denethor's ability to "bend[] his will thither" to see what passes in others' minds, and seen with Faramir vs Gollum, Aragorn vs the Mouth of Sauron, more subtly Faramir vs Denethor). At a high point of strain this can be done very aggressively or defensively (Denethor vs Gandalf, Denethor vs Saruman, Denethor vs Sauron seriously is there a Maia that man won't fight, Faramir vs the Black Breath given his completely unique symptoms that Aragorn attributes to his "staunch will", possibly Aragorn vs the Black Breath in a healing capacity...).

Anyway, I hope these massive walls of text are helpful or interesting! Thanks for the ask :)

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

hello! i was wondering if you could make Hotarubi x s/o who always praises them please 🙏

thank you very much ☺️

Hi Anon! Thank you for your your request! Sorry it took a while. I hope you like the headcanons!

Fandom: Tokyo Debunker

Characters: Subaru Kagami, Haku Kusamagi, Zenji Kotodama x gn! Reader (separate)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You like dishing out praise liberally so what do the Hotarubi characters think of this and how will they react when that praise is directed towards them?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subaru is always a bit of an enigma and it’s often fifty-fifty on how he’ll react when you praise him.

Sometimes when you give compliments, he’ll get super blushy and try to deny it. Other times, he’ll take it in his stride and return the praise.

He enjoys your praise but, having been a child actor, praise can sometimes feel fake to him, even if it’s coming from someone that he knows is genuine.

It might take him a while to come around to accepting compliments and praise and taking them seriously but with how much you praise him, he’s sure to come around eventually.

Haku’s actually a lot like Subaru in that he has two different reactions to you praising him. But the difference is that Haku will experience both at the same time.

Externally, he’ll smile, accept your praise, and compliment you back, acting suave and dashing. Internally though, he’s a blushing mess.

He really likes being praised by you, especially since his relationship with his family is complicated and he likely didn’t receive a lot of genuine affection from them.

Much like Subaru, it might take him a while to realise that you’re being genuine in your compliments. He’s so used to people praising him just to get their way that you’re a nice breath of fresh air.

Zenji’s completely different to both Subaru and Haku. He loves your praise and it’s afraid to show it clearly.

He was quite taken aback at first though. Even though he likes his music and creativity, he’s surrounded by people who see him more as a nuisance. For you to praise him so much catches him a bit off guard.

As soon as he’s regained his footing through, he’s returning to favour to an equal extent. It almost becomes a praise war. As soon as one of you compliments the other, the praise gets returned.

He won’t get blushy or flustered but Zenji can’t imagine going without your praise. He can hardly remember a time when he didn’t get to hear your sweet words every day.

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[pixelnrd]

I'm really enjoying Jasmine's story! Sex and romance are obviously huge themes for her, how did you decide to make those a focus for her? I've been getting some Sex in the City vibes from her, which feels era-appropriate. Was that your inspiration, or did your ideas come from somewhere else?

Thanks!

Thanks for this ask, I love doing a deep dive into characters and my motivations behind them!

Sex and the City was a huge inspiration behind Jasmine's character, specifically Carrie Bradshaw - she is a young woman who wants to make something of herself and is proud of her achievements and success, but at the same time she wants recognition from the opposite sex (hence her track record with men). She is on-trend and finds glamour and status and money alluring, and she doesn't mind taking legs up where she can with a bit of help from others who have access to those things (like Andrew). She loves her family and friends, but is also a bit selfish and self-interested and lets her desires get the better of her (like her mistake with sleeping with the professor).

Jasmine is a reflection and a product of third-wave feminism and everything it achieved, which is why she is who she is in the 2000s. Her sexual freedom and 'promiscuity' are a result of this, thanks to the third-waves work bringing about sex positivity and a dismantling of taboos around women and sex. However, her character fits squarely into this box of sexually free, attractive career woman. If she were to get married, her sexuality would be expected to be curbed because these roles (professional vs wife vs mother) were still separated from eachother at this point in time (and to be honest, this is still being dismantled even today in 2024). She can't be a career woman and a mother! She can't be a wife and openly sexual! These are things that might impact on her development as we go on...

The other thing I wanted to portray with Jasmine's character in this generation is a juxtaposition with other sexually free females that have come before her in this Legacy.

Think about Daisy, who was sexually motivated and liberal in the 1920s - this got her into trouble several times and affected her entire life, resulting in her running away, unplanned pregnancies, shame over her children's parentage, and an inability to provide for or acknowledge those illegitimate children while with her husband. Daisy couldn't be free to do as she wanted because of social constraints, and when she dared to break social norms (by having sex outside of marriage) she was punished.

Similarly, Maggie in the 1950s was also a sexually liberal female - she enjoyed experimenting with boys from a young age in secret, which led to her Challengers-esque relationship with Em and Alex. She had a lot of children with her husband - which was a socially acceptable way to show the world you were sexual - but she also had an affair with the man she probably should have married in the first place. She then lived the rest of her life feeling guilt over what she did. If divorce was around back then, and socially acceptable, Maggie could have explored the way she clearly needed to at a young age before settling down and becomming a mother.

Jasmine, by contrast to these women who came before her, has so much freedom to explore and experiment before she feels pressure to settle down. And as this challenge nears the end, I wanted her story to reflect how far women have come in that time since her ancestors and their experiences.

And finally... Lovestruck came out when I started this generation, and it all felt a bit fitting to play through the features of this new pack with this particular character, in this particular decade!

[beanghostprincess]

there's just something so inherently poetic and romantic about zoro's devotion to luffy during all of wano that makes me go completely insane.

he sees luffy for the first time in like a week, which might not seem much but for them, who are used to feeling each other's presence all the time and did not have a good experience with being separated, it's torture to not be together. so of course they go all happy, kicking their feet and blushing when they reunite. then his captain is like "hey, this is tama. tama is our friend now" and zoro takes it extremely seriously and protects that random kid he has no connection to because luffy says so and, well, because she's just a kid and everything, but still i think zoro instantly accepting to adopt tama is really cute.

zoro acts like luffy's enabler during this arc, because his captain might do the most impulsive and reckless shit, and the dude will support him to death. even when he's just competing against kid and law to see who's stronger (or the dumbest), luffy is the most serious he's ever been here. of course, zoro has some moments of "okay, gotta stop this idiot" but it turns out zoro is fucking stupid too, and getting into a fight in the middle of a party while you look for your captain is just,,, so them.

and all of this is just silly moments that make you think "oh, okay, zoro is whipped, yes. we already knew that". but then he pulls the most romantic and poetic things we've ever witnessed in anime history and honestly, i fucking lose it every time he does things like this.

drake goes to them and asks if he can be on their side (btw dude could have just told luffy he knew koby somehow but okay) and zoro instantly goes 'protective first mate' mode and says "haha no the fuck you're not. disloyal people are the worst and you'll always be like that. once you betray someone there's no going back" which is something i love about zoro because, even if from his perspective drake was actually a member of kaido's crew and they're supposed to be the bad guys, zoro respects loyalty so fucking much that he doesn't care whose side are you on as long as you have your priorities and beliefs on the right place. i find that beautiful, especially knowing what comes next.

zoro is gifted a sword that theoretically could cut hell, to then being then perceived as the king of hell for the same reason, and then actually going to the battlefield and referring to it as hell itself because they're fighting to death against two emperors and saying "if you're sending our captain to hell, you'll have to take me with him" because he would quite literally go to hell for luffy. and then the guy goes and tells law "hey, this is going to hurt like a bitch and i might probably die. if that happens, you know, just take care of the rest because luffy trusts you too" and he goes and awakens his conqueror's haki without even meaning to and not even giving a single fuck when kaido tells him because his only ambition and will at the moment is protecting luffy and fighting for him. that, and also the countless times he saves luffy without hesitation during this fight, which are too much to remember but i swear every time he gets in between one of kaido's attacks and luffy, my heart does a backflip and i die. and also, the gentleness in which zoro treats luffy when he can't fight. the way he protects him when luffy puts all of his undying trust on zoro. they make me go wild.

the fact that luffy is constantly saying in this fight (and always, of course) that he's going to be the pirate king and showing it clearly with all of his parallelisms to roger, and then zoro pulling things that make him quite obviously the king of hell, just makes the whole "captain and first mate" thing seem so little for what they actually are. because we have 3 different couples of this kind in this story, and nobody compares to these two, because they're not just a captain and his first mate, they're literally kings. and i haven't watched more (i'm on episode 1030 if you're curious, uta time!) but i'm so excited to see how this develops. especially knowing the religious undertones behind whatever the fuck gear fifth is supposed to be (except for a lil cute and powerful af looney tune).

[anamericangirl]

so you can't get abortions when you're raped? that's what you're saying.

abortions aren't just people that want to get rid of a baby for no reason. it's because for one, they might not be ready and they got raped, two they could have realized they couldn't give birth properly, three, you have no right to say what people do with their bodies.

you christians are insane

The reasons I don't think abortion is justified even in cases of rape is because the baby is innocent. The baby is a living human being with the right to life and their life has value even if they are a product of rape. We don't even kill the rapist but you want to give the death sentence to the baby? We don't deal with rape by continuing the cycle of violence.

If a woman is raped and ends up pregnant we now have two innocent people that we have to care for and thinking that killing one of them is a good or even acceptable solution is an incredibly ignorant position to hold.

Abortion doesn't help rape victims. It doesn't erase the trauma of rape. It doesn't magically erase the baby. It kills the baby. It's not a safe procedure for women and it doesn't become safe just because the woman was raped. It's actually more likely to induce additional trauma on the woman. If you actually spent some time listening to women who gave birth after being raped they talk about it being an incredibly healing experience for them.

But let's be real. You're not really here because you care about the rape victims. You're just using them as a prop. Less than 1% of abortions are due to rape and using those women as your go to in order to illicit an emotional response from me to get me to change my mind is incredibly disingenuous. And I know this because if I said "ok, women who get raped can get abortions but can all the others be illegal?" you would say no because the raped women aren't really what you care about. You care about abortion and you're using the .039% of abortions to justify 100% of them.

I'm well aware there are reasons women choose to get abortions. But I don't think any of those reasons are good justifications for murdering a child.

For one, If a woman's not ready to have a child and will kill them if she gets pregnant then she shouldn't have sex until she's ready. Period. I'm not ok with murdering kids because their parents "aren't ready." What if a five year old's parents decided they weren't ready to be parents? Can they take the five year old out back and shoot them?

Two, What do you mean they realized they "couldn't give birth properly"? You think abortion is a treatment for birthing trouble? If a woman is going to experience trouble giving birth there's actually ways to deal with that her doctor will be well aware of. Abortion doesn't solve this issue. if she can't give birth properly then an abortion is not a smart option here. You clearly haven't taken the time to research and understand abortion procedures.

Three, I'm not telling women what to do with their bodies. The baby is not their body. The baby is a completely different body. They don't have the right to do whatever they want to someone else's body. The woman can do what she wants with her own body but that doesn't include the right to brutally kill another person.

It's really important for you to understand the baby is a separate body from the mother.

Abortion is never the answer. There are always other, better options.

[perpetualexistence]

Sea Monster AU: Agony of a Sea Witch

It sure has been a while since I've made a post for this AU, hasn't it? I know I said I would get this done in time for Mermay. But it's only technically two days away, so I consider this to be Mermay in my heart. That and it's Pride month so now this is just my contribution of incredibly toxic yaoi to Pride month!

What's with the song choice you might ask? And the title? Don't worry about it. Noah'll be fine. Probably.

But yeah this is like 3.5K words so I hope you guys enjoy my blood sacrifice Sea Monster AU update!

Content warnings: Murder mentions, toxic relationship, Alejandro being manipulative as per usual

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With his new body comes new risks. He can't afford to have his legs suddenly turn into tentacles on land. It'd be even worse if they transformed in front of Alejandro. So he's not leaving this cove until he's convinced he can leave it without instantly outing himself.

He starts with turning his legs to tentacles and back. A lot of it has to do with wanting them to transform. Which is good because otherwise this would be a pain.

As the adrenaline fades away, he's more cognizant of how weird it is to feel each leg split into four separate limbs, and then come together again. He shudders at the sensation, but over time he gets used to it.

It takes him all night until he's finally comfortable enough to make his way back home. He sneaks back in at one point only to be caught by an older sibling. They express their concerns about his recent behavior. He manages to get them off his back for now, but they're clearly still worried.

It's summer break at this point, so Noah has plenty of time to learn more magic. He lies to his family about taking summer classes so they don't question his time away. He tells the same lie to Alejandro so that Alejandro doesn't insist the two spend more time together.

That lie he's much more worried about. Not only because Alejandro is more volatile, but also because he knows that Alejandro is going to ask him about how his revenge went.

The intent lie Alejandro believes, so he won't have to explain why he did it. But he'll have to lie about how much he enjoyed it to cater to Alejandro.

Except it doesn't really feel like a lie. Because there's a part of Noah that knows he did rather enjoy it. When his mother asked him whether he was getting a job over the summer or staying at school, he almost admitted right there that he wouldn't need to get a job. Their biggest money problem is gone.

Noah has been considering a lot of people 'problems' now. It's easier to feed a problem to a ravenous sea creature than a person. He knows, on a logical level, that this is wrong and is a very concerning line of thought. But he's been through so much that he feels like he's done more than enough to earn it.

When he goes to talk with Alejandro, the large eel does pick up on his hesitation in taking pride in his kill. He's...surprisingly sympathetic towards Noah's reluctance. He admits that doing it in cold blood for the first time hits a lot harder than simply watching it. It's not something for the faint of heart.

It's why Alejandro was so happy that Noah was willing to try it out. Once you get over the morality of it, it's such a delightful, vindicating experience. Alejandro would love to be there one day to witness Noah finally let loose. Noah deserves it, truly. However, Alejandro won't force it. He's not that crude. If Noah does want to go further down the path of might then Alejandro will be happy to guide him along. Until then, Noah can take his time with it.

Noah leaves that conversation with zero suspicions from Alejandro, but so many questions. The way Alejandro phrased it was oddly sweet and felt like an earnest attempt to comfort him. But it was still encouraging murder. Even if it was arguably justified. And satisfying.

At least it made it clear that shrinking Alejandro was the only way to go. Once he was less dangerous, Noah could figure out what to do with him after.

But first of all he's got to figure out this new body of his. Knowing how to switch between human to cecaelia won't mean anything if his new tentacles keep slapping him in the face every time he tries to use them. Or using suckers to attach onto rocks when he did not mean for them to get adhesive. The retractable fangs are rather annoying since he keeps cutting his tongue with them. Not to mention the excessive amount of saliva that seems to come with it.

The most difficult part is learning how to operate eight lower limbs instead of two. It's also the most exhausting. Chef's training had done little to improve his endurance. Even worse since he's underwater where his whole body feels sluggish.

Slowly but surely, he starts getting better at swimming with his tentacles. He doesn't have the finest control over them, but he can swim with them and go in the direction he actually wants to go in. He isn't sticking to everything he touches with his tentacles, either. He considers that progress.

He'd still like to know how being an octopus was supposed to protect him from a giant electric eel. Sure, he can swim better now. That doesn't do much against someone who can easily outpace him. Or just zap him.

He knows the basics about octopi. He knows they can make ink clouds to confuse their enemies. Which might work for about five seconds until Alejandro goes around the small cloud. The more useful thing is the ability to camouflage. It'd only work when standing still. But if the ritual to shrink Alejandro means he has to go out to open waters, he NEEDS a way to hide himself. He wouldn't be able to afford Alejandro catching him collecting something, or worse, with tentacles.

Through trial and error, Noah finds out that his whole body can go invisible, not just his tentacles. All the better for him. He anchors his ability to camouflage with his desire to disappear. It's an easy feeling to pull up. He usually wants to stay out of most interactions, and his desire to get away from all of this is enough to get him invisible. The harder part is stopping it. Because it means letting go of the feeling. Noah can't really calm down to let go of it because Alejandro has him on high alert at all times. He just forces himself to think of something else, and it works.

All of this is just taking more time away from preparing the ritual. He hasn't even had the chance to read over it properly. He very badly wants to jump the gun, but that'll risk getting caught in a body he can barely control. But being unprepared for the ritual, and the lives it'll probably require given this book's track record so far, is also a huge risk. And during all of this, he's still going on hunts with Alejandro. Risks all around, and Noah feels like he's this close to snapping completely when he's pulled in different directions.

So when Owen sends him a text asking if he wants to hang out over the summer? You know what? Sure. Why not?

Noah deserves a distraction from all the things he's putting himself through. Is this distraction also risky? Yes. But it's not as if he's going to go out in the water with Owen. There's plenty to do in this incredibly isolated town that only advertises its incredibly visible beaches with the extrovert who has constantly been inviting him to going to another yacht party in Alejandro's hunting grounds.

God Owen would be so screwed if Noah wasn't setting up Alejandro's menu.

At least Owen doesn't push so much into what's going on in Noah's life once Noah makes it clear that's not happening. It's nice to actually have the ability to say no. Not the illusion of choice Alejandro brings. It's easier to forget all the things he's done when the most he has to worry with Owen is avoiding a nose milkshake.

Well, there is the fact that Owen is also still insisting on Noah coming along to group hangouts. More people means more lies and more suspicion. But it also means more chance to be in the background conversation. Not do anything.

Noah misses not having to do anything. So against his better judgement, he says yes.

He lets himself get swept into the hurricane that is Owen, Eva, and Izzy. He appreciates Eva not asking any questions from him and just letting him exist. Plus watching her go off on people is fun. Izzy, for all the rabid energy she brings, is more than happy to make all the choices for what they're going to do. He's more than happy to just let her. Owen's both enabling all the chaos and making sure everyone's doing great. He doesn't question Noah wearing a scarf during the humid, sweltering summer. He just scoops Noah up when the heat exhaustion starts getting to him.

And Noah? He's just there. There's no expectations that he does anything. He snarks and they don't complain about his personality.

It's such a nice break from all the murder and deceit. It takes away from the time he could be spending to solve this problem. But if he doesn't give himself this he's pretty sure something's going to snap inside of him. So he fits it in between the magic and the hunting and the hanging out with Alejandro that the eel still insists on.

Hanging out with Alejandro does make hunting more bearable. And Alejandro more bearable. Alejandro still enjoys reading with Noah and bringing him smaller treasures.

Still, now that Noah's started to hang out with other people, he can how conditional spending time with Alejandro is. There's a stark contrast between being with people who could kill you on accident with their shenanigans, and being with someone who would kill you on purpose for trying to pull shenanigans.

It nags at him. Constantly. He doesn't want it to. He wants to relax for once in his life. He can't have that with Alejandro like this. He needs to stop distracting himself. No matter the cost, he has to go through with this. He's done too much now. He just has to keep playing this game a little longer.

He doesn't realize Alejandro's picked up on anything until they're on their way back from a hunt.

The conversation started off simple enough. Noah was making snarks about the people Alejandro had thrown into his gullet. They were long past having any sanctity for the dead.

Alejandro was pushing the boat that was carrying Noah along...and then he began to slow to a stop. They were nowhere near the shoreline. It was just open waters.

Noah asks what's going on. He's trying to sound as casual as possible. Maybe if he keeps faking it, he'll actually begin to calm down.

Alejandro promises it's nothing major, really. It's about a few things that have been bothering him, that's all. He's noticed some new things about Noah.

At first Alejandro thought they were great changes. He does find Noah's scarf cute, and he's very fond of Noah's new interest in Alejandro's passions.

But he's also noticed that their conversations have started to become more awkward. Like Noah isn't completely there for the conversation. He's just curious about what could be on Noah's mind.

Noah's immediately concerned as he now has to come up for an answer for this. It's just him thinking about school, that's all! And the whole murder thing! Giving that serious thought. That's the only thing on his mind.

Alejandro smiles at Noah. He wants to believe Noah. He does. But there's one other thing that's bothering him.

Noah's scent.

The day after Noah came back from his first kill, there was something new to it. Something charged. And salty?

It's very strange. Alejandro was willing to be patient for an answer from Noah. To an extent. The real problem, though, are the newest scents on Noah. They're all human scents. From different people.

Noah would have to be especially close with these humans for an especially long time for their scents to intermingle. Yet Noah hasn't mentioned anything about other humans. Given what happened the last time Noah was getting close with other humans, Alejandro is very interested in knowing what explanation Noah has for this.

Noah knew he shouldn't have let Owen bear hug him so much. Or let Eva carry him around no matter how convenient it was. Or let Izzy constantly invade his personal space. Even though the only way that he could have stopped any of them would have been not to be near them at all.

This was on him, really. For letting himself get distracted. Now he has to figure out what to tell Alejandro. If he tells the truth, he'll be dooming his friends. Alejandro will force him to make an impossible choice. It's what he always does.

He's racking his brain for something, anything to get him out of this mess. Alejandro is waiting for an answer. He does not want to be in this situation. He would give anything to get out of this situation. To just disappear.

"Que es esto?"

Noah looks up to see Alejandro looking down at him. There's some mix of confusion, horror, and anger in his eyes. It's worrying since Noah hasn't given a response yet. His eyes are also darting around Noah. Around?

Noah brings his gaze back down to the boat to figure out what Alejandro is looking at.

Then he looks down to realize that on instinct, he's camouflaged with the ship.

Oh.

No.

Noah's body acts before he can think twice about it. He jumps into the water. Staying on that boat would be a death sentence. At least this way he has a chance at getting away and figuring out SOMETHING.

He knows Alejandro is calling for him and he doesn't care. He's never transformed while invisible and he doesn't want to take any chances now. He's barely gotten any distance until he feels the hairs on his arms raise.

Invisibility means nothing to electrolocation.

Noah is grabbed and is pushed away from the surface. Noah lets out a shout as air bubbles escape him. He switches to using his gills since Alejandro wouldn't notice those anyways. He has a clear view of the fury on Alejandro's face as they swim deeper.

Alejandro demands an answer NOW. He won't return Noah to the surface until Noah shows himself and agrees to explain. Alejandro will keep him here until he drowns if he must. Because he needs to know how Noah knows magic.

Noah thrashes as he tries to get out of Alejandro's vice-like grip. Alejandro doesn't know about the gills, but he'll figure it out eventually. The most he can do is buy himself some time. He's terrible with coming up with plans on the spot but he's got no choice to learn through trial by fire.

He refuses to respond. Speaking would expose his gills. He can hide somewhere and wait Alejandro out if Alejandro thinks he needs to go to the surface for air.

Alejandro is still demanding an answer. How does Noah know magic? That would explain the new scent, but not where Noah got it from. Alejandro has scoured these waters thoroughly. He's the only sea creature here.

So how? And why? They've been having such a good time together. Alejandro didn't even know he could enjoy spending time with a human. Yet he waited with bated breath for Noah's visits. He had been looking for every excuse to keep Noah alive when he fully recovered from his journey here.

Then, when Noah suggested these hunts-

"What?" Noah asked. Holding his cards to his chest be damned. He could NOT let Alejandro try to make Noah out to be the bad guy.

"When you suggested the hunts." Alejandro repeated. He seemed too agitated to even notice that Noah shouldn't be able to speak underwater.

"I didn't suggest them! I never asked for this! You made it clear it was help you or die!"

"I never said you had to help me. I only said you had to give me a reason to let you live."

And no. No, that's not how that worked. That can't have been how that worked. Noah can remember the threat on his life.

"You made the offer to help me hunt all on your own. You could've offered only to spread my legacy and I would've accepted it. You chose to be just as vicious as me. And I was so delighted that you chose me over your own kind."

That's not how that happened. Because if it was, then Noah could have avoided all of this. If it was, then Noah might have been able to reason with Alejandro from the beginning. Noah wouldn't have any blood on his hands. He would still be a good person. Instead of whatever he is now.

It takes more effort than he dares to admit to keep his voice flat. "If it was a choice this whole time, then why didn't you tell me?"

Alejandro paused for a moment. He looked like he wanted to search for Noah's expression. There was none to give with the camouflage. "I thought you'd be happier this way."

How dare Alejandro? How dare Alejandro?

He can't stack the cards against Noah and then blame Noah for not playing the game right. He can't say Noah could have communicated better when he was the one who made Noah feel as if he couldn't say anything at all.

Months of pent up aggravation are bubbling to the surface. He wants Alejandro to hurt. He wants Alejandro to bleed. It's the only way this monster will understand the extent of what he's done to Noah.

Noah feels the transformation happen, and he welcomes it. He's revealed as legs become tentacles. The blue rings on his tentacles glow bright and fierce. He can feel Alejandro struggle to re-adjust his grip. Alejandro is transfixed by the glowing rings. Good.

He uses his tentacles to push at Alejandro's hand to give him room to escape the grip. It's working somewhat. It gives him enough room to sink fangs deep into Alejandro's finger. This was for every time the damnable thing had ruffled his hair. Every time he was given a playful pet or a light jab. Every agonizing moment of patronizing.

He can taste when he pierces through the skin. He keeps going. As hard as he can. Noah's saliva is pouring into the open wound. It's small, but it's something.

Alejandro shouts in pain but doesn't let go. Noah can see the water around Alejandro's tail crackling with frustrated electricity.

Then, Alejandro's grip loosens. Noah bursts out of it. Finally, his sacrifice was good for SOMETHING. He tries to swim away from Alejandro's range.

Alejandro uses the same hand as before to block Noah's escape and bring him back to face the merfolk. Noah is expecting to be squeezed again and tries to get off of Alejandro's palm before it happens.

He does escape. Alejandro's hand closes around where Noah had just been a couple of seconds ago. Alejandro looks...confused. His hand is trembling. He reaches for Noah again, but the hand is slower this time. Much easier to avoid.

"What...what did you do to me?" Alejandro asked.

Noah's rage is marred with confusion. Alejandro's arm slowly falls to the side. Limp.

That's when it clicks for Noah. He'd never looked up the exact species of octopus he was. He'd been far too preoccupied with other matters, and he thought it would never come up. Yet here he was, with glowing blue rings and a bite chockfull of saliva.

Except it was never saliva. It was venom. And now they're both finding out how deadly Noah had made himself.

The fear in Alejandro's eyes is satisfying. Noah's finally managed to turn the tables on him. Even if he never wanted it like this. The plan had never been to kill Alejandro. Just to contain him. Alejandro would have killed him if he thought he had to. So whatever's about to happen is just going to happen.

So long as he keeps telling himself this, he can ignore the sinking feeling in his gut.

He can't ignore the gray mass of flesh barreling towards him.

Of course.

Noah should have realized it was always going to end like this. He's not going to be fast enough to outswim that tail. He's been martyring himself this whole time. Might as well go all the way. At least the few people he cares about will be safe from his stupid, horrible mistake.

His last thought is wondering if there ever was a way this could have ended differently.

The tail hits him. Electricity courses through his body.

He screams, and it goes dark.

(For all of you curious, Noah's a blue-ringed octopus! I would have shared a picture earlier, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise in case you knew about it already. Here is a lovely little picture of an incredibly deadly octopus the size of a golfball that can kill a human in minutes!

[moonligsposts]

Finnick Odair x reader

And I fell to the ground… I couldn't discerned the environment around me as my eyes could barely stay open due to the sun's rays.

Not far from where I lay helpless, there was the body of the tribute from the second district, without his head.

The fight had been to the death and that feeling of numbness, caused by I don't know what, hadn't helped me at all. I don't even know how I managed to raise my sword, since I was on my knees in front of him partially unable to breathe, and manage to complete a blow that managed to decapitate him.

Before entering the arena I would never have considered myself capable of carrying out such an atrocious action, but once you’re inside you can't wait to leave, but in my case dying was not allowed: my family is waiting for me at home, the last wish of a little girl from the seventh district was “Please, live your life for me too”, and lastly I promised someone that I would come back for him.

15 days ago

“Don't you dare leave me alone, there, without you. I'm begging you, darling. I can't live without you anymore.” My hand caresses his cheek; he is sitting in a chair with his arms around my waist.

“Finnick, you were a wonderful experience…”

“You were everything, you are everything.” His hands caress my back; I approach his lips and kiss them.

“I'll do anything for you, Y/n. My sweet girl, my sweet Y/n…”

“But please, not that… I don't want you to do that kind of things, Finn. Please, I wouldn’t forgive myself if you give yourself to someone who doesn't deserve you, neither your body. You’re gold… they don't deserve you.”

“And I don't deserve you, my love. I don't deserve you..."

“Don’t say shit… instead take me, Finn. Take me in your arms until the sun rises…”

“I was wanting for it for all this time, Y/n…”

We moved to the bed where we remained until the next day, the day we would have to separate without the certainty of being able to see each other again.

He was lying on his back and I was with my head on his chest.

“I think I love, Y/n.” I didn't react to those words; I didn't move an inch. I couldn't say I loved him because tomorrow I won't wake up knowing that he will be by my side but knowing that tomorrow will be either a goodbye or a see you later...

“Finnick…” I whisper softly and with a trembling voice.

“It's okay, honey. I said I think I love you… I'm not sure, yet.” His little laugh penetrated my heart… «I do love you» this was all I wanted to tell him but I wasn't brave enough.

Before it was too late, they took me from the arena and I was brought back to the Capitol, fresh as a rose: they had washed and restored every single remnant of the island, as if those 15 days had never happened.

My head stopped spinning, my eyes could see clearly again, my belly was intact again...

“We're here,” a woman informed me.

I stood up and felt neither fatigue nor pain, yet my right leg was torn until a few hours ago.

When the door of the plane opened, I almost rushed down, looking only for those sea green eyes that have encouraged me several times even from afar.

We had landed right on the roof of the building where I had been staying in the days before the Hunger Games.

As soon as I looked out of the plane's steps, a voice shouted my name.

“Yn!”

I turned towards his voice and saw him: a Greek God, breathtakingly beautiful, looking only in my direction.

I started running, feeling the need to throw myself into his arms.

How I missed… my mentor. Even if within a few days he had become something more and I had only understood it in the arena, when at the end of my strength his gifts fell from the sky, always accompanied by a note: “you're doing great, honey. ” “Keep fighting, sweet girl.” “Survive, baby.”

Every time I've got his messages I couldn't help but smile like a child.

Finally the meters separated us disappeared and I was finally in the safest place I could wish for: in the arms of Finnick Odair.

“Thanks, Finnick. You saved my life..." I whispered against his chest: his hands were one around my hips and the other immersed in my hair.

“No, you saved my life by winning that fucking game. How could I live without you?” He said leaving a kiss on my forehead. I lifted my head from his chest and looked into his eyes: beautiful but a little shiny.

“Finnick…”

“Yes, honey?” His hand moves to my check.

“I'm glad you're here.”

“Always, baby. I will always be by your side from now on, Y/n, I promise.”

Our embrace melted after a while, his hand took hold of mine and we went inside.

“Would you like to spend the night with me?” He said hesitantly, his confidence had disappeared: and he was only acting like that because he didn't want to force me to do anything.

“Of course, I wanna be with you tonight and the days after tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that… forever, Finnick.” A dazzling smile lit up his face: his lips placed a kiss on my hand which he held tightly in his.

“I love you, Y/n. You don't know how much.” My heart melted and I pulled him close to me, wrapping my arms around him. But he, with incredible speed, lifted me off my feet, placing my legs around his hips.

“You're coming into my room tonight, little girl.” Whisper in my ear “You want this, right?” I nodded. There was nowhere else I wanted to be but with him…

So I was carried into his room.

“Would you like me to kiss you?” He wisher and all I knew was that all my body was going on fire.

“Finnick, I'm yours, do to me what you want, I love you.” And this was the phrase of affirmation that man, as beautiful as the sun, needed to free himself from all that tension that he had to endure in those long days.

His lips ran down on my neck licking and sucking it. His hands reached up and unhooked my bra from over the sweatshirt I was wearing. My hands slid under his shirt, lifting it up, revealing his defined muscles.

“Do you like what you're seeing?” My response was only a muffled moan which, however, made him more excited.

While he continued to kiss my neck, he pressed me against the wall, I couldn't breathe: my desire for him was palpable and he was eager to have... me.

I took off my shirt and he threw away my bra, taking one breast in his hand: he squeezed it and rubbed his finger against the already swollen nipple.

Our mouths were one inside the other, and with his tongue he was devouring me: he sucked my lower lip, bit it and I tried to keep up with him but it was useless... I wasn't on his level.

Suddenly from the wall I found myself lying on the bed with Finnick pulling down my pants... caressing every inch of skin that he discovered little by little.

Once the trousers were off, he threw them across the room. He returned to my lips, careful to make his cock touch, hard, against my vagina.

I started lifting my pelvis moving it left and right, feeling his erection getting bigger and bigger.

“Careful, darling…” Finnick grunted, lifting his head and my movements became faster.

A guttural moan escaped him from those lips on which I rushed to devour them. His fingers reached the elastic of the panty and snapped it.

“Beg me…” And I wasn't even able to breathe let alone talking.

“Finnick, I want you, please…” with his palm he rubbed me underneath and I opened my legs more. I wanted every single part of my body.

He walked away from me, undid his belt, and took off his pants and boxers. He came back on me, leaving a nice mark on my collarbone as I raised my pelvis to touch his member.

“Stay down, Y/n.”

“Finnick…” his name was like a prayer, a cry addressed to him to speed up the process… but he didn't seem to care about my inability to hold back any longer. I've been dreaming about this moment for weeks and he was making me suffer before satisfying me, filling me up.

His cock moved away from the center of my legs and Finnick positioned himself right there.

“Let's see..." his finger traced a vertical line from bottom to top. "How wet you are, good girl." His head lowered and the contact of his hot tongue against my wetness made a cry escape my mouth...

“Yes, baby, let me hear you…” he said making me vibrate. He pinched my clit with his teeth and my hand dipped into his hair, pushing him closer and closer.

After exploring the entire area with his tongue, he began to make circular movements: fast, insatiable.

“Finnick…”

Between various moans and whispers of his name, I felt his finger entering me.

“Honey, you're so tight…” he said this time raising his head.

“I love it…” he smirked and started to move his finger up and down, curling it. Meanwhile, with the other hand he took care of the clit: rubbing and pinching it.

“More…” I wishered.

“As you want.” He put his middle finger to his lips. “Will you do it for me?” I nodded and took him between my lips, sliding my tongue along the length of him.

“Nice technique, love.” He smirked and finally I had two fingers of him in me.

I could easily come if he will keep going like that…

“Fin, please, I’m… close.” Another prayer came out of my lips. He just smiled and, finally, removed his fingers and brought his cock against my entrance.

It was so big, so bulky. I wasn't even sure if I could have him in me.

“Tell me to stop if it's too much painful…”

I wasn't scared at all, even if that was my first time and he knew it, all that I wanted was him.

Finally I felt his length in me, he entered slowly and his movements were the softest. As my walls adapted to his presence, he increased the intensity of the movements and I began to accompany them with my hips. And just when we reached a certain speed, my body contracted with numerous shocks and I came between moans and crying of his name.

As soon as my juice wet his member I saw a sparkle in his eyes and his movements became harder, more violent. My fingers gripped his back and I screamed his name over and over again. We both moaned and my legs trembled, but he didn't seem to get tired, in fact his movements, accompanied by the squirm due to the fact that I had come, were more and more violent but I didn't want him to stop, on the contrary...

Suddenly he exploded inside me, making me arch my back and fall my head onto the bed; filling me with him.

He fell on top of me, still inside me.

Our breaths were ragged and both our bodies were hot, quivering.

We didn't say a word until we were clear again.

Yes he slipped out from inside me and dropped onto the bed. His hand slipped underneath me and turned me onto my side.

“Are you okay?” He asked me gently and in a way that I just adored.

“I feel epic.” He laughed and that sound was all I needed to be happy.

“I love you, Finnick Odair.”

“I love you too, my loudest girl.”

[moontheoretist]

Deception in Astarion's Romance

I was talking with my friend once again about the Insight check that may happen in one of the cutscenes with Astarion, as they said it never happened to them. I went to look for the cutscene, and when I found it, my friend said that this cutscene didn't happen for them, and I can see why. It's one of those easily missable cutscenes at the start of the game. You need to specifically go to rest after talking to Nettie and promising to save Halsin from the Goblin camp.

Let's call it "To Save Druid Halsin" cutscene.

I got this cutscene on 2 separate characters of mine. But got insight check only in one of them, as it's tied to a specific dialogue choice.

When I compared the two, I realized that both are different dialogue trees and create completely different experience and impression of Astarion to the player. One that can affect player's perception of him.

Insight Check version:

2. No insight check version:

Now when I look at those dialogue trees in comparison it's very much visible that when you pick "I thought you didn't like me" option then Astarion tries to insincerely assure you he does find you interesting and then insight check happens. He does that because he is afraid you will get out of his grasp, and at that time he sees you as his only lifeline. He needs you, so he can't let you go, can't let you think that he isn't your friend or doesn't find you interesting or attractive as a sexual partner. BUT if you pick the "I have many talents" option it's visible that Astarion is clearly taken aback by YOU hitting on him first, he then proceeds to stall by saying that he is just waiting for the right moment, because you are technically coming very strong onto him, and then pauses before he says that he needs to clear his head.

Making a pause in his speech is very unlikely for him, which shows that your approach has surprised him. My friend said that "you can practically see the gears turning in his head" and I agree completely.

His reaction is completely different. He tries to create distance rather than try to use this to his advantage and seduce you to get security.

It creates two completely different experiences with him.

The first gives the player an impression that Astarion is a liar that will try to seduce you to further his own goals, which in turn makes the player cautious around him. The player even gets an option to tell him to "Watch himself" as a warning to not try to manipulate the player. Or go for it, knowing they're playing the lie when it comes to love.

The second on the other hand gives the player an impression that Astarion, despite all his swagger and flirting, is not ready for people to actually get interested in him. His first reaction is to create space, a distance between him and the player, and then run to think alone. He is completely taken off guard and doesn't know how to tackle it.

As you know, Astarion's romance is full of him playing a role that he knows best. A role that he always played for Cazador when he was getting victims for him, because he feared what would happen if he tried to disobey again (he did before and was harshly punished for it).

That's why the moment when he admits that intimacy is tainted for him due to what he was forced to do is so important, because he is choosing to open up to the pleyer, but at the same time it may feel to the player like the betrayal if they didn't expect that to be a case.

Insight check gives the player a foreshadowing that this romance will be full of half-truths and that you can't be ever sure about Astarion's feelings, no matter how much real it all felt. The player who didn't get the insight check might then feel that the intimacy was never actually real and get angry at Astarion for lying to them all this time. It'd be in character if you didn't expect it and truly believed that everything he did was sincere. The player can obviously get the impression that he is insincere from other cutscenes, but this one is the earliest one and gives the player a clear mechanical sign that Astarion is lying, versus others that only may imply or state that he is insincere via text alone.

And the biggest kicker is that you can't technically say that he was lying to the player all along, because to him that role was so natural to slip back into that he didn't even consider it lying, because it's a part of him at this point. A part that is hard to shake off, a habit that is not so easily beaten, a coping mechanism that he relies onto. That is why I believe at times he doesn't even know what he feels anymore. Or how he feels about certain stuff. Not about everything, but some.

And that's why it's so hard to pinpoint the fact that he has issues.

It's not easily visible that intimacy is a problem for him, because he got so accustomed to throwing aside his comfort and telling himself it's fine that the tells of the lie are simply not there. They don't appear. The insincerity is wrapped in sincerity because the mask stopped to be just a mask, and became part of how he copes with the world.

And coping mechanisms as such can feel like part of who you are to the point that the very idea of abandoning them may feel like losing a part of you that made you "you". (Or so it's what I think. I don't have any scientific studies to support this, so you can take it with a grain of salt, because I may have just started rambling right there or smth).

I played my Drow in a way that he was aware that Astarion isn't true about himself, because 1. I already knew about the insight check from the other run, 2. my brain muddled the memories and I thought I got the check on my Drow as well, 3. my Drow and Astarion have a lot in common when it comes to keeping secrets and not being entirely themselves to others. Keeping appearances to some extent while also trying to be as real and true to themselves as it's possible.

So when the scene in which Astarion confessed that intimacy is now tainted for him happened, I never felt angry at him. Just sad that it's what happened to him, and also determined to support him in any way I could. I'm though aware that if I played the game differently, I may have assumed him to be worse than he actually is, someone who wants to use me, and never give him the chance to open up about his trauma. Or worse, not even trust that he isn't lying about his abuse.

Simply because of a tiny difference in the perception of him.