#like how do i label them
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
#spilled ink#woke up at 530 to write this lmafo#me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal#edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate#like if this is about X specific diagnosis#and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition#but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis#because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons#why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person#.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that#it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself#palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate#would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them#bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume#that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now#we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this#regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it#and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.
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Had a seismic moment today where I completely reframed my outlook on ambition & started looking at it (in the context of seeing it in other people) as admirable rather than opportunistic to a fault
#To be clear ppl who only work to serve themselves exist & they’re never fun#But as a pre med student surrounded by other ambitious pre meds it’s like actually motivating to see ppl wanna make a name for themselves#And be resourceful#I think the issue only comes in when people get frugal ab their resources and gatekeep them which is like#Very rampant in pre med culture unfortunately#But not w my friends & I love that#Like we’re all very tunnel visioned on what we wanna do but we will share resources w each other always#And no question goes unanswered#We r genuinely happy to be of service to one another#This also made me think ab how I frame ambition in men vs how I do in women#But now I’m very careful about when I label ambition “annoying” like it actually is just inspiring#Esp when exhibited by generous ppl who wanna see u succeed too
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Honestly the way I look at it all three daughters think they are Alcina’s favorite.
Bela: She’s the eldest and her mom’s helper. Alcina trusts her with big tasks and praises her a lot for it. She’s the only one who can do these things and the fact her mom trusts her and only her solidifies this believe.
Cassandra: Alcina spends A LOT of time with her. She knows all what’s happening with her, knows about her hobbies and interests and indulges her. Her mom trusts her abilities to the point where she lets her do things she normally doesn’t allow. But she only allows her to do it because she trusts her like that.
Daniela: To Alcina, Daniela never does anything wrong. Ever. She is her little angel who minds her own business, often staying in the library reading her books and not bothering anyone. She is harmless, and Alcina always tells her that she is special and to continue being herself. That one day she will grow as strong and capable as her sisters but for now she can continue doing what she loves.
It’s because of this that each one thinks she’s Alcina’s favorite. While in reality, Alcina loves them all the same. Each daughter has her merits and she focuses on that.
Oh, and one way to get Alcina livid is to mention ‘middle child syndrome’ and watch her explode in anger because her middle daughter is not neglected or overlooked. On the contrary, she pays more attention to her so that she doesn’t feel left out and it might have resulted in said daughter getting used to the excess attention thus feeding her dramatic streak.
#house dimitrescu#cassandra dimitrescu#resident evil village#daniela dimitrescu#resident evil 8#bela dimitrescu#re8#alcina dimitrescu#headcanon#honestly in the game each daughter was literally like ‘I’m mother’s favorite’ and it’s so cute#like no babies each one of you thinks so it’s cute how delulu you all are#your mom talks about you all the same#she loves them all so much i can’t you guys#allowing cass to hunt deer in the spring where it might be a bit chilly????#Alcina is TRUSTING her to return home if the temperature drops but she lets her go#and it something only cass does because she loves hunting#her mama is not going to deny her that#that’s why she thinks she’s special because her mama trusts ONLY her to go out and do this#bela is girlboss because her mama said so and she wears the label with PRIDE#dani is the spoiled baby and she loves it because her mama always praises her and never ever gets mad at her
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I just saw someone say "people talk about media literacy as a shield for criticism for their favorite media." And I'd like to beg to differ. You can not like something and find something wrong in all sense of the word but when I talk about media literacy being dead its because people will enjoy the same shit and hate on others for consuming it "wrong." People will enjoy Sangwoo and have "proship dni" in their bios and I'm just like "oh so you like the serial killer, rapist, abuser in a god honouring way." I'm talking about those who watch Hannibal and will say that hannigram isn't problematic because it's not pedophilia or incest and I just stare into space because how when and where did those only mean problematic. I'm talking about those who will watch media and LITERALLY HARASS the voice actor of a terrible character or cosplayers who cosplay them (this happened recently) and think they're in the right because they play/dressed up as someone bad.
*Taps the sign*
Anyways let people enjoy what they want and you can hate it and spread why you do but don't fucking harass people who enjoy it. It's as simple as fucking that. I miss when that was just fandom common sense. I also wish people would stop saying niche media is normalizing things like pedophilia and incest when GRRM writes it in most of his BEST SELLING books and you've never seen a rise in either so please hop off. You can not like it and it can make you uncomfortable but that doesn't mean it's a problem. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
#fandom discourse#profic#proship#sorry i hate that i have to talk about it but i do#i just no longer waste my time arguing with antis#but i can't let shit like this slide#i wish i didn't have to label myself but if I don't people will find out and say i tricked them#not how it works but it is what it is currently
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not to wade into discourse about shows online which I swore to stop doing but I think some of you need to recognize that not every piece of media is about you, and that focusing only on the themes that you personally identify with while erasing the ones you don't is Not Great
#some of you only know how to analyze things through a VERY specific queer lens that matches your own personal experiences and it shows#and I just think there is a lot more to enjoying narratives about having a complex relationship to gender in a very specific historical era#than arguing about what specific pronouns and labels they would use in 2023#and that white queer people reducing stories that are about a character's struggle with being multiracial#to *only* the queer elements that we identify with is. not great???#you can't separate these things you can't just ignore them#I'm obviously not equipped to do in-depth *commentary* on that aspect of mizu's character because I am in fact a white queer#that is for other people to speak about and I'm enjoying reading their takes on it#but like. you need to engage with media that is not about you. you need to assign artistic merit beyond what you personally identify with.#you can find things that resonate with you in them but you should not make the whole thing about you
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always remember to take white ppls opinion on ur gender with 10000 grains of salt. they Do Not Know, even if they're tryna be nice
#nnstuff#rambling#when i was tryna find a gender label as a teen i wanted one coined by a black person#tho i didnt know why. i just didnt relate to a lotta the other gender labels. thats how i ennded up with maverique#but i do know why now!! i know why after reading other black trans peoples wriitngs!!#also: maverique is just infinitely better than most gender labels#a lot of them were weird. they didnt work in sentences the way that maverique does#you can say im a man/woman/maverique. you cant say i'm an aporagender#the issue i had with so many of them was that they ended with Gender and like. thats not how i wanna use a word for my gender#i wanna have 1 word that means the thing like man/woman. so maverique is pretty good. also its sounds best#and the flag colors are good i like them#what was my point? whatever
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AUUUU STOP THIS MOMENT WAS ADORABLE AND SWEET AND PRECIOUS AND MY HEART MELTED FOR THEMMMMM 😭💕
(lots of writing under the ‘read more’ btw incase you want my personal thoughts on things!)
Before the episode started I has been bracing myself for the genocide route, but it seem like what we ended up getting was the pacifist route because NEVER would I have anticipated such an empathetic twist??? I was dead convinced that my hopes/dreams of Puzzle redemption were squandered and left to rot (they probably still are to some degree actually lol but oh well I can accept that he’s a lovable psycho). And yet this episode does the impossible….giving us an unfathomably wholesome scene that helps heal his dejected inner child, even just a little. PLEASE this wasn’t something I was prepared for and it’s gotten such a strong grip on my heartstrings right now. I love themmmmm holy shittttt <33
I didn’t think Meggy would step up and try to connect with him like that especially since she was so aggressively defensive when he initially reached out. And I like that even when she gets to speak to Little/Kid Puzzles her behavior is very stern at first lol. Kinda like a disappointed older sister who can’t be bothered to put up with him for too long. But using Leggy as a way to build that bridge again was so clever of her—and hey it helped lure him into false sense of security so he’d get jailed up jskjsksp. Everyone wins I guess!! ALSO can I just say whoever composed the soundtrack (Zach Preciado for the rap segment specifically) deserves just as much praise as the voice actors because DAYM the layering of all those instruments and the seamless transitions into different emotional tones was superb :))
#SHUT UP I’M NOT SOBBING MY EYES OUT YOU ARE DON’T LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW /j#naw kidding I don’t cry easily#although it did make me say ‘awwh’ multiple times out loud and do squeaky happy noises#THIS EPISODE WAS WORTH THE WAITING YEAAAA#although I will say think we kinda buffered severally on the intended tone of what to expect from it#like I think the fandom collectively figured it would be intense and darker themes#probably more edgy and characters actually screaming in pain or fear#kinda leaning into a Jigsaw horror movie#but this was far more light compared to any of that soooooo jksjsksp#if anyone starts labeling this episode as ‘not good’ maybe consider your own personal biases beforehand yea?#don’t get me wrong I do believe there’s valid concerns over how Puzzle’s character will be handled going forward#given how he’s not dead (THANK THE LORD ABOVE MY BOY LIVESSSSS)#and yea guess it was missing a bit more emotional weight when it came to the threat levels#BUT the Kid Puzzles & Leggy scene made up for any of those gripes in my opinion <33#HOW COULD ANYONE HATE THESE TWO LOVABLE PEEPS I WANNA HUG THEM TOOO#okay now back to animating for the MAP project :))#hplonesome art#WOTFI 2024 spoilers#spoilers WOTFI 2024#wotfi 2024#smg4 WOTFI spoilers#smg4 wotfi 2024#little mr puzzles#leggy & little mr puzzles#little mr puzzles & leggy
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queer people will think they have a strong identity set in stone based on their past experiences and feelings and then years later have its entire foundation blasted away as soon as they think about it from a different perspective for a minimum of 5 seconds and then start questioning their entire identity again
it's me. i'm queer people. i think i just realised my identity as a demiromantic person is actually demi-queerplatonic or even some sort of demi-alterous thing instead and what i felt before wasn't actually romance and now i'm really confused about it. chat wtf is going on
#the aro -> demi -> queerplatonic -> alterous pipeline is real lmaooooo#ok i did some more thinking. i might be demialterous! the term alterous feels very close to what i felt a few years back#and it does kinda match up with how i feel about my fictional beloveds. it's a strong loving for them that is not romantic-#-but rather something else entirely that is very intense (along with aegosexual and aesthetic attraction)#idk man i just love them a lot and want to think about them getting kissed#i feel like i just hatched from a new cocoon again with this realisation lollll#feelings are weird.....#but that begs the question: if i am not demiromantic then what am i when it comes to romance?#i've used the demiromantic label for so long that i'm just really confused on what i am now that i might not be demiromantic after all#of course i can still use it if i want to because i can do whatever i want forever but also i love having accurate labels to categorise-#-my many feelings like books in a bookshelf and now i need to do some searching#i think i might be grayromantic or desinoromantic... i'm not sure yet#also i looked up the alterous flag and it looks like a derpy hooves x pinkie pie flag and now i'm just thinking about them loll#should derpy and pinkie be alterous mascots? the colours match up pretty well#man now i just wanna think about derpy and pinkie in an alterous relationship with each other#the term for an alterous relationship IS called a gummyfriend! and that fits pinkie so well#alterous#aroace#aromantic#arospec#aro spectrum#aro#aspec#questioning#demiromantic#demialterous#HOLY SHIT THERE'S A TAG FOR THAT?????#oh boy i gotta read up on that tag later
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I was told by someone that I couldn’t call myself a transsexual because I had to go off T for health reasons and I haven’t had any gender affirming surgeries yet since I’m poor and disabled. Is this true? What are like, the requirements to be a transsexual? /gen
The requirements to be transsexual: to identify as transsexual
This might seem too... straightforward, but genuinely, medical transition is so complex and individual that it's worthless to make it so ridged. There are so many reasons you have to stop some aspect(s) of transition, even if you didn't want to! That doesn't mean you never transitioned or that it's "lesser" now that you stopped.
Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I, for one, couldn't care less if you call yourself a transsexual. To my mind, it is as political as it is an identity. Being a transsexual isn't just about your identity but also your place in this world. "Transsexual menace" isn't just a cutesy little slogan but a political battle cry. It can be an attitude about changing sex, about the lucid and plastic nature of people, and so much more.
The word transsexual was made and popularized, honestly, with the idea that we are separate from others. I think we can take this back and make it ours. We can start by actually making it our own, not the cis world's own.
#ask#anon#trans#transsexual#transsexual FAQs#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#it seems extra shitty to me when somebody goes 'oh you can't transition in the ways you might want to for outside reasons? fuck you anyway!#like how awful do you have to be to see that a trans person is in multiple positions of marginalization...#...and make it about how YOU feel about THEIR labels?#maybe that's an uncharitable read on my end but. i just hate when you have justify your OWN damn identity.#like this isn't debate club and if you are bothered by it then that genuinely is not their problem?#(sorry for ranting anon. this is just something that alwaysssss grinds my gears and isn't directed at you but them)#inuded the bit about 'transsexual menace' because people forget that transness can be just as political as it is an identity#it is the scathing reminded that we are here and we're *going* to fucking stay no matter what. we live in the bones of society#we live in the corners you think are empty. we are the reminder that humanity is sacred and divine...#...and to forget this means we will remind you. we are *going* to fucking stay on this earth with or without approval or understanding#THAT is why i think it isn't solely an identity. my political stance is transsexual. my blade is my manhood.#basically transsexualism is: i'm not afraid to keep on living; i'm not afraid to walk this world alone.
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It's hard being a messenger, every once in a while you gotta rest.
So, after a while I finally finished part 1 of the Spearmaster Collection: The Eepies!
Credits are under the cut! If I got a credit wrong please let me know. Also, don't see your Spears? Worry not, its logged for a different part of the Spearmaster Collection (otherwise I'd have about 80 odd spears to draw and my hands would cry and i wanted to let everyone's spear get more attention in the drawing :] )
In no particular order: @i-likegamesbut-cant-playthem, @psystirene, @azrielfiend, @kakajoju, @emmetofthestars, @whippiekippy, @ardienothesieno, @sillycryptid, @pookapufferfish, @mothlight-hours, @verdeltiathedead, @rainworld-rivulet (hiiii friend), @nandemonaiwow, @kakyogay, @faelingdraws, @chillysaint, @jpegthedogthing, @fauxbia, @kedakirahei, @shark-bytee, @booksofstars, @stargazer0001
Thank you all for submitting your spears! Ik some designs are a bit outdated, I hope this was still worth it anyway <3
#rain world#rain world downpour#rw spearmaster#doodles#trypophobia#i am. so sorry for how long this took#i think i got extremely overwhelmed with just how many spears i got and backgrounds are hard for me to do#so uh. hope you all like this! It has been very fun to doodle them when i finally got the ball rolling#apologies if i ended up getting something wrong-#its been a while since i first collected refs and some thing changed and i. forgot to label whats like new or not#uh if the art quality gets too crunched by tumblr i might put it in a drive or something so people can stare at it easier
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#retro TV animation is when you're like#'just because i'm showing you 12 frames a second doesn't mean i'm drawing more than 4'#lupin iii#looped gifs#inspector zenigata#oh right i havent made gifs in a while i forgot i was labeling them with the episode number#uh how was i doing that#part 2 episode 4
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also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me
#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men#and also t.o.p of bigbang#and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want#but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian#''no ur not'' I AM#anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly#what getting a job can do to a mf#thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again#wish me luck#ALSO#if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low#but in a new exciting way#anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl#it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot#anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life#sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale#from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor#anyway#who wants me#i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw#in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way#''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men#but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands#''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry#''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am#im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all
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im still very sick and lets just say it aint goin well.
(please let me be healthy soon)
#i couldnt think of anyone to draw of my ocs or fanart or whatever#so i just drew me staring into the distance with my really red nose from blowing it so much.#woe is me guys i hurt all over#and i messed up with pain meds because WHY do we have two different looking bottles of ibuprofen with different labels and pills#and then also tylenol off brand#i thought i was alternating between advil and tylenol but nah im just taking dose after dose#of ibuprofen yesterday and now im having chest pains which i dont think are related#but the breathing pains on top of my back pains on top of my wheezing and coughing throat pains are like please i need meds#i want to not be miserable by christmas#how have i been with my parents for like 4 days and all of them have been me being v sick
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Long-ass fandom rant because I need to scream into the void to find a reason to live let's gooooo
[For context I wrote most of this last friday which I thought was good to mention so the timeline makes a bit more sense. I really held off on this one XD Welp, let's start this trainwreck.]
Ok, I know I have other long posts I should be paying attention to (*cough* Keiji's shady shenanigans rant *cough*) among other probably more important things, but quickly wanna get this off my chest because it's kinda started to bug me and add even more concerns about the yttd fandom than I already have. This is specifically going to be about soushin-- yeah, yeah, I know-- but also bleed into something more... broad. Or broader. Idk, I'm a Tumblr user not a grammar teacher.
While browsing through Twitter I've been noticing a little spike in popularity for yttd with more fans and soushin shippers emerging as well. Which is cool, the game deserves all the praise and popularity it can get. And as someone whose been here for years, I'm glad that the fandom is slowly and steadily grown more accepting of soushin compared to the attitude around it way back when. There's been some genuinely really cool stuff that really does the ship justice from a lot of talented artist and writers that I absolutely love (will link some later), but something I've also been seeing a lot of from fans is what I can only describe as a "sanitisation resurgence" (but not really. kinda). A week or two ago on Twitter I stumbled across some soushin discourse where some people were sharing the sentiment that "if soushin end up being related and/or have a big age gap the ship is ruined". That they can only be two years apart max or else Nankidai has "fumbled them".
And the only response to that I had is "what". Like, how is that a deal breaker to you lot? How did you even get into the ship without accepting that those things could very likely end up being canon? How are you here and not ready to ship them no matter what's revealed about them after everything we've learned about them? Midori and Shin possibly being related was always on the table, and Midori potentially having already been an adult when Shin was in high school was always a very real possibility ever since we learned that he was never actually a student at his school. This is literally what soushin shippers got harassed by antis for years ago. Soushin is "problematic", and that's why people who shipped them where treated so badly in the fandom or just excluded all together. I can't count how many timed I've come across a "soushin shippers dni" or "soushiners are freaks and I hope you all have a bad day" or soushin fanfics/art with "I DON'T ACTUALLY SHIP IT BTW" and "not a ship" and "actual soushin shippers dni" attached to it. I can't recall how many times I had to explain myself with the "I ship but I don't condone it irl" or explain why I shipped them to not be labelled as a freak as if you need an excuse to ship anything fictional to begin with. I still remember soushin artist @uououoon and how they ended up deleting their Twitter account years ago because of the harassment and slanderous comments they were receiving for ships the fandom deemed problematic. When a person was saying their goodbyes to them on reddit and made some goodbye art (which is now deleted), some assholes in the comments were calling them weirdos and pedophiles for how they explored fiction and "glorified abuse" (which are the usual comments to uououoon's art posted on reddit unfortunately). I only caught wind of this one because back when they were still active in the fandom they were my favourite soushin artist and I went through their stuff almost every day and was tipped off when I randomly couldn't find their account anymore. They were such a nice and incredibly talented person too so the fact they essentially got bullied by a flock of stupid western fans seriously irritates me thinking about it again. This is why we cannot have nice things.
Soushin is "problematic". It's toxic and subtly abusive and important to the characters in question, but that didn't stop people from going after people who wanted to explore a dark, canon relationship (romantic, platonic or otherwise). How the actual hell did we go from "soushin has very toxic and problematic elements and you shouldn't be shipping it, you fucking freaks" to "you can ship it but don't make it actually problematic, you fucking freaks" like what is happening right now???? The worst part is that this is coming from other soushin shippers. The fact that there's actually soushiners with "proshippers dni" or "soushin is not for proship" genuinely makes me want to bite someone. Like, you horrible summer child-- not only are you demonstrating that you don't even know what "proship" actually means, but you're also spitting in the face of the people in our community that have CARRIED this ship for us for years. Why throw them under the bus to be one of the “good ones” in the eyes of antis when they hate us all anyway?
This brings us back to the sanitisation point: I feel like soushin is slowly being "sanitised" to fit the sensitive palette of antis by trying to make them as "morally acceptable" as possible. It's a worry I’ve had for a long time that once the fandom grows more accepting of the ship we'll be seeing more people basically scrubbing soushin of everything that made, well, soushin, to justify enjoying it. I've seen a bit of it already with a few people trying to say it's "not abusive" or just erase Shin's very obvious trauma by Midori all together for quite some time. Guess it's starting to happen on a bigger scale sooner rather than later. Maybe. Personally I don't think soushin having a big age gap or being related would ruin the ship. It just adds another layer of fucked up to their already fucked up relationship (I already hc Midori to be significantly older anyway so maybe I'm just biased). It doesn't really matter. I came here for toxic yaoi. I want nuclear waste level toxicity, not nuclear waste level toxicity presented in the most conventional and moral way possible. What would the point even be? It’s like packaging poison in a grape juice box. Like, it might be harmless to look at and more justifiable to think of as delicious, but it’s still poison. You making it look all cute and innocent isn’t going to change that. It's kinda funny and by that I mean not really that people will talk about wanting more "toxic yaoi" but when the yaoi is actually toxic and messy and horrific they will cry about it being "bad" or "ruined". You don't actually want dark dynamics, you want dark dynamics stripped of everything that makes them uncomfortable and dark so it's digestible to your tastes that don't even align with said dynamics in the first place. The worst part of this whole "soushin isn't proship so it's fine" bullshit is that it relies on trying to make the ship more "morally acceptable" or "legal" than other ships. Dawg, we are talking about abuse. You shouldn't be minimising that to say "well it's not [insert other terrible thing] so it's fine!!" That's not the "gotcha" you think it is. It’s one of the reasons why antis being into soushin made me feel weird cuz like you can’t ship it and then turn around to insult someone else, man (I’ve seen so many soushin defenders bash other “proships” to justify theirs like what are you doing--).
Realistically, the simplest and smartest thing to do when I see someone mischaracterise or butcher my faves is to either block or ignore and pretend to not care so I don't act on my sixth sense telling me to off them and myself. Realistically, this shouldn't be a big deal or anything that important, but this attitude is usually weaponized to harm and harass people who don't conform to their purity crisis over fiction. I'm in the unfortunate position of being not only a Your Turn to Die fandom dweller, but a Hazbin Hotel and The Coffin of Andy and Leyley one too. I'm used to being labelled a rapist and incest apologist irl who's delusional and deserves to be harassed and insulted by virtue of the media or ships I like (probably not a good thing). But people who are more active in these fandoms than me have it much worse as they get this shit directly waaaay more often while I mostly get called these things indirectly, which is what motivated me more to make this post.
So a couple days ago someone made some art of Monika from ddlc, Nikole (don't know the game sorry) and Ashley from Tcoaal. A lot of people on Twitter, unsurprisingly, bashed it for including Ashley to the point where some felt the need to clarify that they like her as a character but her actions (for some reason I do not understand like Monika has also done some seriously evil shit why are you not applying that logic to her too?). What struck me the most is that a yttd fan-- a self proclaimed "Midori enthusiast"-- ALSO quoted it to bash having Ashley in it. A freaking Midori fan. I told them to mind their business and start separating fiction and reality and to stop being a hypocrite, and thus ensued the most hilarious and stupidest convo I've had in a while:
You can literally count the seconds it takes for these guys to start throwing predator accusations and slurs at people. So "not exploring fiction correctly" makes me weird, but harming or putting real people on blast for nothing is free game, apparently. They're not the worst, both in this instance and in general, but it just stuck with me. Which is impressive, cuz I normally don't have much emotions to spare aside from general mild irritation for things like this. Maybe it's the Sonic feet.
But it ties into my issue. Midori's an absolute piece of garbage, yet some people will convince themselves that his actions are in some way justifiable to justify their hatred of something else (that is a lot less severe in this case) rather than love and let love. Tcoaal is not an "incest game" and if you describe it like that unironically you are not ready to be on the internet. No, it doesn't condone or glorify incest-- it literally does the opposite. If you need the characters to look into the camera and say "what we're doing is wrong and immoral" before doing something bad, I think you're the problem at that point. For the same reason you liking Midori (probably) doesn't mean you support human experimentation and torture, someone liking Tcoaal doesn't mean they support incest and someone shipping soushin doesn't mean they support abuse. These things are dark and shouldn't be condoned irl, but this is fiction. We can do whatever the hell we want. Being into darker themes and media doesn't have to reflect your real world views, but the inability to grasp that sentiment leads people to make their interests as moral and sanitised as possible and, feeling morally superior, will go after people who don't do that. This person deadass said that "incest is not morally grey and absolutely unjustifiable" (didn't even say that it wasn't btw) as if their blorbo hasn't committed so many atrocities for kicks that I personally find more unjustifiable. That line implies that they think that everything else Ashley has done and everything Midori has done can be justified because it wasn't incest specifically, which I find is a WILD thing to insinuate XD But it really does encapsulate the hoops antis will jump through to defend their likes while attacking yours despite the fact that it's literally the exact same as theirs. Rule of thumb: if someone accuses you of condoning something immoral because you like it in fiction, apply that logic to them, look at what they like and if their wet little meow meow is the Joker, Eren, Killua, Makima, Midori or whatever other morally bankrupt character you can come up with, take that as a confession and run. Cuz half the time these guys are actually nuts. While quote tweeting someone to shit on their art isn't the worst thing, considering how twitter has treated tcoaal artists the fact that they'd potentially open them up to harassment pissed me off, which is probably evident from my tone.
[Hi hi, this is me from the present right now cuz a more recent development came up so I’m using it as an example here too.]
While most of the things listed here have all been happening online, this attitude can come up in the real world as well.
As OP states, a bunch of hellaverse cosplayers were targetted at a french convention by haters of the show trying to ruin their cosplay. This is already completely unacceptable but the thing I can’t for the life of me get over is torching their costume while they’re still wearing it. Literally attempting to set someone on fire. All over a fucking show. It’s baffling how people can justify actions like this because they think your taste in fiction is so disgusting it’s Ok for them to hurt you. Not just online, but outside as well. It’s not the first time a hellaverse cosplayer has been harassed (last time it was a Valentino cosplayer but then again Val fans get shit from all sides all the time), and while I’m pretty sure these will remain as isolated cases it’s still scary to think about. What’s even more scary to think about how people think that their opinion on hazbin hotel has any relevance to the situation. So many of the comments in that post are just “I hate Hazbin Hotel, but—” or “I hate the fandom, but--” or “I hate Vivzie, but—” and I’m literally here ready to start pouncing like SHUT UP. No buts. That is not in any way important here. You not liking the show or the creator should not be important to the situation of cosplayers being actively harmed. You don’t have to signal your allegiances before showing basic human empathy, goddamnit. And what’s even worse is that some people have just turned this into a “b-but the hazbin fandom!!” issue, which is insulting. For example:
The “Hazbin fans do blackface and disrespect black people daily” is a reference to ONE Alastor cosplayer that nobody had defended. Not even fans. At least no one I can find. Yet they are using this one bad apple to generalise the whole fandom as "bad" and down play the amount of bullshit the hatedom does to fans on a regular. It kinda makes me feel sick that someone would look at a situation like this and spin this into a “fandom thing” rather than focusing on the victims. That they don’t deserve to be taken as seriously just because of the fandom their in. Some lunatic in the comments was literally completely minimising this whole thing saying “some red paint (fake blood capsules) isn’t nearly as bad as lynching and what black people have gone through in America” before calling anyone who called out that that’s completely irrelevant racist for liking Hazbin Hotel like are you kidding me. My homies in Christ, someone almost got lit on fire can everyone please stay on the goddamn topic. This is one of the rare moments where I was kinda proud of twitter as the majority of the comments and quotes where calling out their bullshit, but the amount of likes and some of the comments are still disappointing.
So what points am I trying to make here? This was very spontaneous and rushed so apologies if it feels messy cuz it very much is messy. But my main points boil down to this: Purification, sanitation and the “fiction equals reality” and "your fictional tastes reflect on you morality irl" arguments need to die. They just have to. While petting Shin on a daily basis gives me enough serotonin to find the will to live, the only true solace I will find is when people start being normal. People shouldn’t be getting harassed or labelled as freaks for fiction you don’t like both online and real life. People are not less worthy of basic human decency and empathy solely based on their fictional interests. People should be able to explore fiction however the hell they want without worrying about there being made a call out post on them somewhere. I search Tcoaal on twitter and there’ll always be a bunch of posts with over 10k likes calling all fans annoying weirdos or say it’s an “incest game” even tho it literally isn’t. I will try looking for some Valangel art on tumblr and see some loser use the tag to basically shit on everyone who ships it and lying about the treatment these shippers get while defending Charlastor or just shit on the ship in general. I just exist on the twitter side of the HH fandom chilling with other Val fans and literally every single one of them has either received death/rape threats or told to kill themselves, got ratio’d by a bunch of haters, had a call out post saying not to follow dedicated to them, had their art reposted and Val scribbled out, repeatedly accused of ““romantising a rapist””, or all of the fucking above. Valentino’s VA gets asked if he’s actually like the character he plays in real life or a fan being “relieved that he didn’t abuse them like Valentino” when they met (kudos to Joel for being chill about it btw I would be fuming this fandom does not deserve this man). I type in a certain controversial yttd ship to search and most of the latest posts are just people being rude, saying that if Nankidai makes them canon they’ll drop the game, calling the man himself a freak, calling other shippers freaks, shitting on soushin as well and then having soushiners defend their ship while also shitting on said controversial ship. It genuinely feels like fanbases are circuses and we are the clowns 💀
I could list other examples people being weirdos but I can't do that without breaking the momentum of this post even more than I already have. I guess what I wanted to vent about is how these attitudes regarding fiction and the way people police how others engage with it and how people think of you based on what you like can go from just annoying to downright dangerous more often than you’d think. That belief that you are morally superior to someone else based on the fact that you ship or like things the “legal” and “pure” and “healthy” way (which is never actually the case btw) can lead to you being really disrespectful or a complete asshole and not feeling bad about it at all, which does more harm than good. Which is why I thought it was important to bring up more extreme cases to empathise how this obsessive gatekeeping of fiction can and does hurt real people, who should be more important to you than fictional characters.
All of this is very likely going to sound very aggressive in tone and I want to quickly clarify that this is not meant to be an attack towards anyone in particular. I'm just tired and recalling all this stuff is making my mood sink like a stone lmao. Who knows, maybe I'm just overexaggerating and things won't get worse when the game gets more popular. This is just what I've been witnessing both in and out of my side of the moon. The amount of yttd fans I've seen act like this are a lot tho. No fandom is perfect obviously, and this one is the farthest from it, but with new people coming in and this weird attitude and need to sanitise not only towards soushin, but other "problematic" ships and media as well growing more prominent (mostly on Twitter and Tiktok) my biggest worry is that the hostility in this fandom will just... increase? Roulettefeel made pretty good posts about it-- my favourites being this one, also this one and this one's pretty short and sweet, summarising most of my soushin points a lot better and shorter than my trainwreck of a post so I recommend checking them out. If you like soushin, go check them out. If you don't like soushin, go check them out anyway. They make stuff outside of soushin too. They're pretty cool.
[I also want to add that the whole sanitisation thing in the yttd fandom is nothing new. It’s been a thing for longer than I have been here. I’ve just been seeing it again with soushin, which is was what made me want to do this in the first place. There’s another dynamic the fandom obviously does this for, but uttering it would not only get me flamed but straight up burned at the stake of bad takes so I’m saving that for a rainy day.]
Aaaaannd, I'm done, I think. I didn't have a good conclusion for this in mind. Idk, just be nice? You don't have to like "proships" (or what the fandom has defined as proship cuz that's not the actual definition), but that's what the block buttons for. Don't like, don't read, I say. Fandoms are for everyone and as long as what the person is doing is harmless, let them feel safe being themselves without having to worry about someone coming after them. Real life cops already suck. Let's not bring them into our collective escapism. And something you personally don't like ending up canon doesn't mean the game or ship is "ruined". That doesn't just go for soushin. That goes for other things too. To tie up loose ends, soushin having an age gap or being related has always been on the table and fits with other themes in the narrative. That does not count as "bad" if it makes sense. Soushin is not "Ok to ship" because it's "not an illegal ship" (whatever tf that means) and it's not "bad to ship" because it's "romanticising abuse". It's fine to ship because it's fictional. You don't need a moral justification to ship anything. That goes for all ships. That's why NOTPs exist. And "proship" doesn't and has never meant "shipping problematic pairings". It's a stance on shipping. It means being pro people being allowed to ship whatever they want. That includes being cool with problematic pairings, but is not limited to those. It means not being a fandom cop. Please stop saying otherwise, I cannot keep living this way--
Soooouuu, to end off on a more positive note and finally put this whole thing to bed I'll link some of my fav newer soushin accounts for anyone who's interested:
Hyo (orewagahai on ao3 check that out too): They are an amazing, amazing writer. If you're into dark, abusive co-dependent, complicated soushin with beautiful characterisation I would highly recommend. They just posted another soushin drabble on twitter and it's great.
jinn: They've been putting out banger after banger ever since getting into the game. Their art is absolutely stunning and they upload frequently, so go check 'em out if you can! It's actual medicine for the soul, I promise. They also draw for dead plate, so if you're into that go ahead too.
angel: Also cool. They're soushin art is hilarious and cute. As much of a sucker as I am for toxic, abusive sludge, they give thses two idiots a silliness that I enjoy. Also if you like trans!Shin content they're pretty good.
欣武 (my dumbass forgot to add them the first time sorry): They are INCREDIBLE. Extremely incredible artist. Their art is so, so freaking good. Not checking them out is absolutely your loss, ngl.
Be nice to them. If I catch anyone attempting to annoy them I'm coming after you and your entire family. Let's be better and not chase new comers off this time :3 Thanks for listening to my incoherent venting. This is mostly for me to feel a bit better, but anyone is free to read. If anyone's got an opinion or observation, feel free to offer it. I need coffee. Coffee sounds good.
#yttd#your turn to die#hazbin hotel#the coffin of andy and leyley#soushin#fandom discussion#fandom discourse#proship discourse#should go without saying but don't harass anyone mentioned here thank you. you won't see the light of heaven if you do#take a shot every time i say “soushin” cuz you'd be on the floor afterwards probably#i feel like i repeat a lot of words here in general. jesus.#anywho i just needed to let all that out. the last few weeks have been weird#sorry if this is unreadable and roundabout i didn't know how to get my thoughts straight#this is how i sound when i'm off coffee for a whole month#i've just been seeing a spike in people acting unhinged over fiction and not in the good way and it kinda gets to me#i just hate seeing people i like having to deal with bs cuz the fandom thinks they're exploring fiction “the wrong way”#and just pointing out and exploring certain things gets deemed “too problematic” and gets attacked despite being important to the plot--#and i just want to enjoy fiction or not mind problematic themes without getting qt and called the n-word repeatedly for responding#people can like whatever they want just don't slap others who like other things over the head and label them bad people#idk maybe that's too much to ask. maybe people'll always be like this but i have my blogs so if want something done right do it yourself ig#sorry for any typos this is mostly just uncut pure madness XD#momento rambles
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im a he in the same way an animal who u do not know the gender of is a he i think
#brotherrr gender in confusing#some1 made me discuss my gender and maaan i really do not care i think#i use labels like agender and transmasc mostly to explain sorta in an easy way how my gender works bu i actually do not know or care that#much man like i do feel dysphoria yeah and would like my body 2 be more "masculine'#but i dont think i would call myself a man and woman is also not smth i would use for myself#neither nb but like i dont care what pronouns people use for me specially irl like yeah i would prefer he but honestly who care#i know the perception a stranger has of me doesnt really mater 2 me and in my family i know#boy or girl doesnt really hold that much weight like they just use she 4 me bc its what they have used 4 me since forever#and its not smth that really matters that much 2 them so i dont care much#so ig i would fit more with the agender label but idk i dont really care i think#oughhhh my head hurts if i start thinking abt my gender too hard wayy too complicated#aaaa#anyways rambles rambles#gh0ost txt
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