#like his name probably isn't Larry

[badpanduhmemes]

Okay soooo, this is a second attempt at a thing, that I am scrapping. This was building to a punchline that was way too good to waste on the Chameleon...so here's a look at what could have been: The Chameleon could have been Mrs. Jibongi.

[serendipitous-girl]

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞

⊱✿⊰ summary: he isn't yours so why do you get so jealous?

⊱✿⊰ warnings: jealously, you're possessive but sal likes it, he doesn't believe anyone would love him :( cringy confession; reader is a dork i fear (she is me)

⊱✿⊰ notes: i heard this song and had this daydream and was like dang this would be a fire fanfic so here we are. ALSO WHERE ARE ALL THE SALLY FACE FANS LIKE I WRITE FOR IT GUYS NOTICE ME ahem anyway

⊱✿⊰ taglist: @fashionablysouly @kozumesphone

You had a secret: you were excruciatingly and agonizingly in love with your best friend, Sal Fisher. Okay so maybe it wasn't a secret to anyone except for Sal himself but it was still something you would rather die before Sal found out. He definitely didn't see you that way and he would probably reject you immediately if he found out. So it was safer to just not say anything.

He didn't need to know about the nights spent screaming into your pillow or crying in Ashley's arms over how sickeningly giddy his voice made you. He didn't need to know how easily he made your heart beat like you ran a marathon or how easily he made you feel like your head was in the clouds.

However that led to dilemmas such as the one you found yourself in currently. You were probably the most aware of Sal'a attractive but unfortunately, you were not the only one to notice it. So it was common as was happening right then, to find a girl start talking his ear off obviously trying to flirt with him.

"You're so funny, Sallyy," The girl giggled, sitting across from Sal at the cafeteria table. You tried to stop your glare from settling into your face but it was far too late, jealousy was disease that affected you quickly and viciously.

She was beautiful with tanned skin and soft lips, she was perfect and far more in the league of someone as incredible of Sal. But no, she doesn't deserve Sal. She doesn't know him like you do, she doesn't ache in her bones at the thought of being near him. She can't have him.

"You might as well leave." Larry commented to her, seeming far to amused as he glanced at you. You felt self conscious and tried to relax your face from the deadly look you had been casting on that girl. He continued, "[Name] is far too jealous to let you stay for much longer."

Murder should be legal, you quickly decided as you shot a look at Larry that made him well aware he would not be living for much longer. Why the hell would he say that? In front of Sal too?

Did he want you to die of heartbreak? Surely Larry fucking Johnson was praying on your downfall because there is no other logical reason for him to have done that. Unless he has a death wish.

"[Name] isn't dating Sal. Isn't that right, honey?" The girl replied, placing her hand over top Sal'`. That was when you snapped; how dare she touch Sal?

Before you could fully process thinking you grabbed her wrist and yanked it away from Sal. You looked at her, trying to cool the inferno of anger in your gaze as you said, "That boy is mine. Touch him again and I break all of your bones."

The girl let out a whimper and quickly rushed away, leaving a majority of the lunch room's eyes on you. You sunk into your seat, far too afraid to glance at the blue haired boy beside you. You were beyond embarrassed by your possessiveness, who were you to say he was yours?

Larry and Ashley were absolutely cackling, way too amused to see this side of you publicly outed to the boy you loved with your entire soul. Sal turned to look at you, his prosthetic hiding any hint of emotion you could have gotten.

"I'm yours?" He asked, his voice making your tummy rumble and roll. Even his voice was attractive, it physically wasn't fair to exist beside him and not have him to kiss and hold.

"Have you really not noticed, Sally?" Ashley asked, nudging you on the shoulder. You bit the inside of your cheek, preferring none of this to happen. Why did your feelings have to come out this way?

Sal made a confused noise but you grabbed his arm, and said, "Can I talk to you alone?" He nodded and let you lead him away from the lingering stares, into the hallway which was far more empty.

"What's up with you?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. You felt his gaze on your face, making it warm even more. Although that didn't seem quite possible with how feverish every inch of your skin felt. You looked down at your shoes, trying to stall the confession.

"I don't want you dating anyone." You said finally, jealously arising yet again as you remember that girl flirting with Sal. He let out a huff of confusion, his eyes still directly on you. Crap, you had to explain more.

"Seeing those girls flirt with you or hearing them make those vile comments about the things they want to do to you. It makes me so angry, it isn't fair. I don't want you dating anyone except for me. I want you to be my boyfriend." You ranted, feeling your blood boil as you remember all the times you had gotten jealous.

When Sal froze, you realized what you said. Oh no no no, he is going to reject you and never talk to you again. If only there was a self destruct button on your body you could press in this moment.

He kept staring at you, making you wish you could see beneath his mask to have a guess at how he was feeling. How disgusted he might be at your ridiculous feelings for him.

"why do you like....me?" He finally asked, sounding shocked that you could have feelings for him. Your gaze shot back up to meet his, and you saw the surprise (and dare you say, happiness?) in his eye.

"Why wouldn't I like you, Sal? You're so amazing and god I love you so much I think I've gone insane." You replied, feeling almost breathless with this string of honesty. His body finally relaxed and you could almost sense the smile beneath his mask.

"I love you too, [Name.]" Sal replies quietly, "Can I be your boyfriend?"

You felt your lips part with surprise, not believing your ears. Sal must have noticed your shock because he laughed and leaned closer, interlacing your hand with his deliciously cold fingers.

"Yes, you can be my boyfriend." You said, rambling slightly. You must've been injected with a dose of caffeine because you kissed his mask right where his lips lay under. Then you ran away, giggling like a lunatic. You stopped in a hallway, feeling flushed and faint and giddy and ridiculous.

Finally that boy truly was yours.

[yumiis]

headcannons for getting drunk with tgc?

like how high their tolerance to alcohol is,

what they usually have,

and stuff similar?

ignore my 'ideas' if you dont wanna do them <3

🫧 anon

absolutely!! i love making hcs like this (i also won't be including larry bc he isn't of legal age to drink :P)

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 drunk ; tgc boys

　 ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

genre/type: fluff/humor, headcanons

read below!

ISAAC;

absolute unbeatable tolerance. insane tolerance. dude can take 6 shots of everclear and still walk a straight line.

you've only seen isaac blackout ONCE, and it was complete accident. you hadn't seen isaac drinking that much, but he was actually borderline drunk. he asked you in a pretty sober sounding voice, "how many drinks have i had? should i stop?" you say, "i've only seen you take like 2 shots. drink some more!"

horrible move. he blacked out and also woke up with the world's worst hangover.

ever since then though, his tolerance, like i said, is rock solid.

he likes the classic drinks, so i'd say he likes a good screwdriver.

super clingy and COCKY when he's drunk.

drowning you in kisses and hugs, and he goes, "babe, i'm soooo hot. i'm soooo hot and sexy.."

"sure you are."

your two options are to kill his ego or boost it, but it kills you too much to deflate his ego.

"how cocky was i last night?"

"yeah."

TANNER;

moderately normal tolerance, maybe a TINY bit lower than the average person in their mid-20's.

like, if we're measuring in shots of vodka again, like 4 1/2 shots he'd be gone. not black out gone, but "i'm gonna talk about every celebrity i could probably pull" gone.

he's such a YAPPER when he's drunk dude.

will probably do the trend of writing fake band names to try and make you laugh

he's dancing around to loud ass music in the kitchen, invites you to dance with him, he immediately starts shoving himself against you

he won't shut up about how much he loves you

he's definitely got his head in your lap and he's making you play with his hair and listen to him talk

however you have to stop him talking at a certain point, because he'll just start having a crisis and making himself sad.

he's never blacked out, but he has terrible hangovers.

favorite drink? he strikes me as a daiquiri kinda guy. he'd love them.

but if it's more casual drinking at home, he's happy with some soju.

NICK;

literally AVERAGE tolerance.

about 2-3 shots of vodka has him tipsy, 4-6 has him drunk, and don't give him more than 8, he might start drunkenly making an album.

he's not a clear liquor guy, he prefers browns like brandy or scotch.

there is almost ALWAYS a bottle of whiskey in the fridge for nick, he never runs out.

he drinks regularly, but he doesn't HEAVILY drink on those nights.

he's super sleepy when he's drunk. he could literally fall asleep anywhere if given the opportunity

he could be laying on the floor to "stretch his back" he's asleep 10 minutes later

you have to carry this dude to bed (and if you can't do it alone, isaac helps you)

like i said he prefers drinking brown liquors, so i think he'd maybe like a tequila sunrise or just straight whiskey

BLAKE;

"i have a ROCK SOLID tolerance!" dead in 3 shots. don't listen to him lie to you

every time you and the guys go out for dinner at like chilis or something, blake orders a margarita and everyone sighs in unison

the margarita gets him on the verge of drunk. just a little past tipsy.

he can HARDLY casually drink with anyone because his tolerance is just THAT bad

you constantly pick at him for it but he's just accepted it at this point

he's so SILLY when he's drunk man

cracking jokes that do NOT land at all and are not funny unless he's talking to a bunch of drunk people

"so the.. uh.. what? yeah.. uh.."

he suddenly forgets english

he can barely formulate a SINGLE sentence and he's basically speaking in mumbles

he's like speaking in fancy or speaking in riddles like a troll under the bridge or some shit

you have to baby him while he's drunk or he won't know what the hell is going on

i think he honestly.. just likes whatever he can get his hands on.

[hikari-kaitou]

Translation from Gyakuten Saiban Fan Book

What sort of person is Phoenix Wright?!

How does the producer of the trilogy, Mr. Inaba, view the main character, Phoenix Wright? And what about the character designer, Mr. Iwamoto, who voiced Wright's rival, Miles Edgeworth? What's his opinion on the matter?

Mr. Inaba's comments

Interviewer: I'd like to ask you about what type of guy you think Wright is. Let's start with his birthday.

Inaba: Wright always seems chipper, so perhaps he was born in the spring?

Iv: That might be why that pink sweater suited him so well (lol). What about his living situation?

Ia: I feel like Maya probably swipes the money he makes at his law firm, so Wright is poor. He probably lives in a really basic apartment.

Iv: So his cell phone is probably not the latest model, but rather…

Ia: It's probably a previous generation one that he's used for a long time. Like one of the ones with a green display (lol). He can't afford a new one.

Iv: He's very working class, then (lol).

Ia: I definitely think he is. There's no doubt in my mind. He's got no money. I don't even want to imagine a posh Wright (lol).

Iv: How mean (lol). If he's really that low on funds, then I imagine he doesn't have much money to spare on hobbies.

Ia: He doesn't seem like the type to be particularly interested in music, and since he's poor, he probably can't afford CDs. If he does listen to music, it's probably just whatever is playing on the radio as he hangs out at the fishing pond.

Iv: So you see him as the type of guy who goes to the fishing pond?

Ia: if he did fish as a hobby, I can see him doing it in a pond or something. He's definitely not the sport fishing type.

Iv: You make him sound like he has a typical working class, chill lifestyle.

Ia: I don't see him as the type to spend most of his time indoors though. He probably plays catch or walks his dog… I think that kind of thing suits him best.

Iv: His dog is a mutt, of course?

Ia: Probably a mix of Japanese breeds. He either found the dog abandoned somewhere, or it just happened to wander into his office, or Maya forced it on him so he ended up keeping it.

Iv: Last question: what do you think Wright's type is?

Ia: Probably the dominant type. After all, he dated Dahlia and worked for Mia (lol).

Mr. Iwamoto's comments

Iv: So about Wright's birthday, when do you think it is?

Iwamoto: Maybe in May? I think it'd be funny if it were the same as Takumi-san's. Maybe his blood type and birthplace are the same as Takumi-san's too?

Iv: Inaba-san had an image of Wright consistent with a working class guy, but what do you think?

Iw: No objections (lol). He doesn't seem like he'd spend much money on his clothes. At the very least, I think he has the type of personality where it wouldn't be unusual to see him outdoors.

Iv: It's hard to imagine him wearing expensive brand-name outfits, isn't it?

Iw: He probably wears jeans, but not like the vintage kind. He probably sleeps in a t-shirt and boxers. Come to think of it, Suekane-san doodled Wright in a sweatshirt once, so he might be the type to wear sweatshirts.

Iv: So what about sports?

Iw: Maybe field soccer? If you put the word "field" in front of a sport, it sounds more working class. Like "field baseball."

Iv: He sounds totally working class, just like Inaba-san's image. Do you think he gets together with a bunch of friends and plays a rowdy game of field soccer?

Iw: I wonder. Wright seems like the type of guy who doesn't have a lot of friends somehow. His only soccer buddy is Larry Butz, so he plays just with him. They'd be like "You play goalie next, ok?" They'd take turns doing penalty shootouts… jeez, that's depressing (lol). In contrast to Wright, Larry seems like he'd be more shy around other people. He probably doesn't remember any of those people's names (lol).

Iv: In terms of physical build, Wright has more of a swimmer's body than a soccer player body. His shoulders are broad.

Iw: Suekane-san drew him pretty burly in the first game, didn't she? I tried to keep that image when I drew him. But if you really want to know what Wright's body type is like, you can find out by having Takumi-san strip for you (lol). I think Wright is highly influenced by Takumi-san himself.

Edgeworth version

[fumikosushi]

Steve finally moves into his own place and apparently said new place comes with a box of puppies. So now he's stuck trying to find homes for them but oops! He's too attached to give them away and now has 3 dog children now.

The dogs are named Moe, Larry, and Curly and they happen to be 3 huskies. It's hell with their howling all the time at first, but Steve starts meeting their sass with sass of his own. Robin and Eddie definitely coparent while Dustin refers to himself as the dog uncle. Each dog likes one of them more than the others but Steve is definitely their absolute favourite person.

At first Steve fights the dogs sleeping in his bed, but he ends up having and after having what is probably the best sleep of his life decides letting them sleep in his bed isn't as bad as he thought it would be. He ends up having to get a bigger bed once he and Eddie start dating because most nights end up in a cuddle pile; two people and three dogs in one bed is a bit too crowded.

Also I know I said huskies but I love this idea where Steve could have 3 of one breed of dog (since they'd be from the same litter) since interactions would change drastically based on the breed of dog lol

Considering writing something for this uwu

[0yuri-chan0]

~ Don't leave me ~

Wait.. Wait Sally Face fandom isn't dead? YES! No, because I love sally face like he a murderer but hes my murderer 💅 So you guys like demolished Levi Ackerman and I'm not mad about it. I know this is basic but he's gonna show you his face for the first time. Fluff with a pinch of romance because y'all eat that shit up anyways no more ranting. Enjoy!!

Paring - Sal Fisher (Sally face) x Gn reader

Warnings - None

Genre - Fluff

Yes it was true you and Sal knew eachother for the longest. It also wasn't a secret to the group you liked Sal, well everyone knew. I mean who wouldn't fall hard for the blue haired boy he was sweet and gentle, caring, selfless. Basically near definition of perfect in your eyes. But in his, not so much he didn't see himself like you saw him. He knew he fit the description of a kind soul but definitely not a beautiful one. It was all because of his face, sure you never saw it only Larry, Ash, and Todd had. And if your honest it bugged you a lot, not just because he didn't show you his face no, no, no not that. It was the feeling that he didn't trust you enough to do so. The feeling of sadness that washed over you every time you thought about it. He told you before that it was a hard topic for him to talk about. And you respected that; you really did, it just confused you why you hadn't seen it in all the years of knowing Sal Fisher. So of course you had to find out.

It was a normal day, well not so normal Larry couldn't hang out with you and Sal because he was with Ash at the towns oh so very small mall. Todd said he couldn't hang out because he had a science project which was fine before, you and Sal would hang out all the time doing whatever without the gang. You didn't know why this time was any different. It was awkward you both sitting in his room watching TV as gizmo layed on the bed next to you. Sal on your other side playing on his gear boy. You couldn't help but look at him stealing a couple of glances his way.

Not wanting to get caught staring at him like so many times before. You averted your gaze back to the TV. Now acting like nothing was wrong, it was eating at you and on top of that you didn't think he'd trusted you to show his face. You usually were a outgoing person, a person who voices their concerns. Being quiet was unusual for you and of course Sal noticed, I mean if he did he didn't say anything. You couldn't just blurt out "Sal why don't you show me your face? Do you not trust me?" That would make him anxious and you didn't want to do that to him. I mean who would do that do him? Not you. You looked back at him playing his gear boy. His long slender fingers pressing buttons skillfully might you add. A soft sigh escaping your lips. Trying to hype yourself up to ask him or at least express your feelings. Basically in that moment you were trying to grow a pair as fast as you could.

You opened your mouth and closed it. You needed something to say it could be like 'Sal I need to ask you something' then ease you way into telling him. That was your best option and only option, so you really didn't have a choice. "Sal." You called his name in a soft manner. He only hummed in response not looking away from his gear boy. "Why don't.. Am I the only one who hasn't seen you're face, Sally?" His fingers stop moving in result his character died. His screen showing a red 'Game Over' his head turned to you his eyes focussed on yours.

Did you mess up? Maybe but you really can't think at the moment. You turned your gaze to the floor and exited a deep breath through your nostrils. "What I mean is like. I feel like.. I know I'm. Probably the last to see your face in the gang and I know it takes a lot of trust to let me see it." And there you go, you were rambling nervously because he was looking at you. Your stomach doing flips and heart beating so fast it might give you a heart attack. "You want too see it.. My face?" Now those seven words stopped you from talking. Lifting your head up you looked him in his one good eye the other a prothsic. You nodded your head slowly. "I don't want to force you to show me your face. I want you to be positive you want to." You started picking at your hang skin on your pointer finger. "I want to" Was all he said before he uncliped both the buckles. He held the mask up on his face with his hand and looked down. The gear boy clearly discarded on the bed.

"Don't be scared of me [Y/n]" He said in a shaking voice already very nervous. You sat on your knees facing him on the bed you raised your hand slowly hooking your fingers under his mask. Your pace slow giving him time to pull away if he wanted. He didn't "I would never be scared of you Sal. Your my best fucking friend." He let out a sharp breath when you lifted his mask. His heart was pounding his plams sweaty. He quickly grabbed your wrist with his free hand. "Promise me you won't leave me.." His voice wavered while he spoke. Your gaze soften and a pleasant, calming smile appeared on your face. "I wouldn't dream of it." You truly did love Sal. You looked him into this eyes while he retracted both of his hands back to his side.

You slowly pulled his prosthetic away from his face. Once you saw his face your grip tightened on the plastic mask. His face had a lot of scarring. His nose was deformed as well as his jaw. His jaw was crooked his cheek torn showing some of his top teeth. You could tell chunks of meat were removed from his cheeks. You could clearly tell his left eye was a prosthetic, it being more dull and only staring straight ahead instead of looking at the ground like his other eye was. You brought your hand to his cheek gently. His flinched soon his eyes finally meeting yours. "You're beautiful.." Was all you could say your thumb stroking his cheek gliding over his scars gently. Tears falling from his eyes with ease his hand grabbing your wrist once more. "You really mean that?" He asked in disbelief once you muttered out those two words.

You nodded and leaned forward your lips connecting with a bit of difficulty. You knew this man was touched starved so you let him get use to it. His lips were kinda chapted and the kiss was kinda clumsy but it felt so good at the same time. You felt him visibly relax as you pulled away with a small smile on your face only to be pulled back by his hands behind your neck reconnecting your lips to his. The kiss got more desperate, and more needy.

You finally pulled away with a airy chuckle. "I mean it." He smiled it honestly amazed you how you never saw him smile but it was better then you imagine. "I want... Will you be lover?" You grin and kissed his forehead. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear those words." He laughed and grabbed your waist pulling you closer to him. "How long?" He said with a raised brow. "Too long" you mused and kissed him again.

At least you finally know what's under the mask and its beautiful...

Its finished! I had a hard time with this for no reason. Thank you for reading. I have another problem the you guys can solve 🙏 I have no clue what to write next so my request are open to you! Please use it 👀

[1dmonthlyficroundup]

— 1D Monthly Fic Roundup —

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for May 2024! Below you’ll find 1D fics that were all published this month. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup​. You can find all our other posts here.

Happy reading!

＊ Ocean Wave Blues by babyhoneyhslt / @babyhoneyheslt [M, 49k, Louis/Harry]

After the gruesome death of his Alpha, Harry takes over as the Captain of the Rose Arrow. Trying his best to uphold her reputation as being the most dreadful pirate ship to sail the Seven Seas.

With the help of his alpha-quartermaster Niall, he manages to keep his secondary gender hidden from everyone except his most trusted crew, as he operates under his late Alpha’s name. Captain Payne.

Everything changes when his ship is taken hostage by Pirate Captain Louis.

To keep his crew, and himself, alive, Harry must play the part of dutiful Omega who’s waiting for his Alpha’s return.

＊ You Put the Boom Boom Into My Heart by @kingsofeverything [T, 5k, Harry/Louis]

Harry's been trying all summer to come up with a way to show Louis how much he means to him before he leaves for college.

Or five times Harry fails to win Wham! tickets and one time he succeeds.

＊ Into the Woods by @kingsofeverything [E, 2k, Louis/Harry]

Whenever he hikes, Harry keeps an eye out for trees with knots and scars that resemble buttholes. What started as fodder for his silly little Instagram account has become his favorite way to masturbate.

＊ A Book in the Ruins by magpielivingforglitter / @builtyouahousefromabrokenhome [M, 10k, Harry/Louis]

Harry randomly meets Louis, they eat food and read poetry, and it’s the zombie apocalypse.

＊ now i'm tracin' all my steps to you by @alwaysxlarrie [T, 5k, Louis/Harry]

Of all the things Harry was prepared for this summer, Louis Tomlinson and his wonderful, wonderful scent isn't one of them. It probably shouldn't be as shocking as it is that it makes Harry want to nest. There's only one slight problem -- Harry and nesting aren't exactly on familiar terms. At all.

This does not stop Harry from borrowing ("borrowing") Louis' things all throughout summer, though. Oops?

＊ just a couple of my cravings by YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf [G, 3k, Harry/Louis]

Summer's just around the corner and Louis' battling his addictions... Cigarettes and Harry Styles.

＊ better latte than never by @disgruntledkittenface [M, 1k, Zayn/Harry]

Harry was looking forward to the coffee cart at work. Until the subject of the previous night's fantasies lined up next to him.

＊ I Like to Watch by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus [E, 9k, Louis/Harry, Louis/Zayn]

If there’s one thing Harry loves, it’s watching his husband Louis get fucked by other men. After picking up a lad called Zayn who is baffled by this concept, the three men are in for a wild night.

＊ Hope by @hellolovers13 [T, 2k, no pairing, Louis, Harry]

A father's desperate journey against time.

＊ On Love's Doorstep by @hellolovers13 [T, 1k, Harry/Louis]

Harry Styles: a day in the life

☑ Stuck in a dress ☑ Abandoned by his best friend ☑ Date with hot neighbour

All in all, not the worst day ever

＊ the very last drops of an ink pen by staybeautiful / @harruandlou [E, 47k, Louis/Harry]

The spoon made a hissing sound on the rim of his cup before he put it on his napkin. Sharp eyes met Harry’s over the table and Louis said, “So, we have a lot to talk about then.”

“How do you mean?” Harry blew on the foam at the top of his latte and let the heat of it warm his hands. Anxious energy curled down his arms as he waited for Louis to speak.

“Well, what are we doing about the business?” Louis picked up his mug and with his mouth against the lip of it, added, “Or are you going to leave that too?”

Against his will, his cheeks flushed in annoyance and Harry snapped, “Of course I fucking won’t.”

Or just after midnight on Harry's 30th birthday, he realizes he can't do another year without change. So, he forces it. Breaking up with Louis might have hurt less if they weren't co-owners of Studio 28, living within walking distance of each other, and if he wasn't the thing Harry was most afraid of losing. Secluding themselves on their shared estate in an attempt to save their working relationship may shed a light on where everything else started going wrong. And perhaps give them a chance to fix it.

＊ don't be afraid to love (and love again) by localopa / @voulezloux [E, 83k, Louis/Harry]

All Louis’ life, he’s known he’s been different. There’s always been something at odds about how he felt.

As the eldest daughter of seven kids, he knew something was wrong with his body. Something was off, he just couldn’t quite put his finger on it. His mum dressed him in dresses and tights, plaits in his hair as he wandered around with the local neighborhood boys. They called him a girl, called him she and Rosemary when his name is Louis. He had told the boys as such, but they would tell him Louis is a boy’s name, not a girl’s.

Louis is a boy. He knows he is.

or the one where louis is trans and afraid, harry is cis and brave, and being 100% yourself is easier said than done.

＊ Pacify Her by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright [E, 2k, Harry/Louis]

Harry's anxiety is acting up. Louis has the only thing that will soothe her.

OR Louis' pussy is the ultimate pacifier.

＊ this brokenness inside me might start healing by LiveLaughLoveLarry / @loveislarryislove [T, 29k, Louis/Harry]

Louis grew up in a tiny town, where everyone knew everyone -- or at least, they think they do. Then he left, and became a successful singer-songwriter, a star that everyone in the country knows -- or at least, they think they do.

But when Louis returns home for the birth of his first nibling, he meets a librarian who doesn't know him at all. And that's all Louis could ask for.

“I remember when you were a teenager," Miss Susan says, "telling me all the things you wanted to accomplish, the places you wanted to go. And I’ve seen a lot of kids, with a lot of big dreams – but you were different. You had this… quiet energy, this determined certainty. When you told me all you were going to do, I believed you.” She smiles, spreading her arms. “And now here you are.”

Here he is indeed, Louis thinks bitterly. Back where he started. His dreams on pause, his future uncertain. His whole identity built out of secrets and half-truths, while everyone thinks they know exactly who he is.

He left to find himself, he came home to find himself, and yet – here he is, feeling more lost than ever before.

＊ Rewriting the Melody by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13 [T, 26k, Harry/Louis]

Louis doesn’t get put in One Direction. This time, the path to true love takes the long way round, including singing in toilet cubicles, fruit baskets, and long distance band counselling from someone who really doesn’t know what he’s doing, he just wants to keep talking to Harry.

＊ warmth within your arms by @hsburnr [M, 1k, Louis/Harry]

when it's get too much to bear and nothing makes sense, harry seeks comfort from louis.

one shot, hurt/comfort au.

- Fic Fests -

＊ 1D Dystopian Fic Fest / @1ddystopianfest / masterpost

“Telling a story in a futuristic world gives you this freedom to explore things that bother you in contemporary times.” ~ Suzanne Collins

- Podfics -

＊ [podfic] Season 3, Episode 4: Timeless [a fic by babyhoneyhslt] by podfic_pals / @podfic-pals [G, Louis/Harry]

After visiting an antiques shop, Harry gets transported through time, and discovers that he and Louis are Timeless.

Based on Taylor Swift's Timeless.

[prismuffin]

Hi! I saw you did Sally Face, and you hadn't gotten a request for it yet.

So if you can, how about a Sal fisher x Male reader that's into studying witchcraft and the paranormal?

You can decide if this would be a drabble, one-shot, etc..

A/n: say less anon leave this to me🫡

Little Dark Age

Sal Fisher x male!reader who’s into witchcraft

kinda goes from headcanons to a little one-shot !!

warnings?: mentions of witchcraft and the paranormal,

!-!more under the cut!-!

—Honestly you being into witchcraft and all things spooky is probably how you met Sal.

—He'd definitely be intrigued, and would probably ask you for help in finding out the secrets of Addison Apartments

—You both click instantly, with his curiosity of the paranormal and your knowledge of it, you both fit hand in hand.

—He asks you a lot of questions regarding the paranormal and that's how he found out you're also into witchcraft.

—He makes jokes about potions and hexes and is actually shocked when you tell him that those are real, though they're not as drastic as people think. He quickly get's over his shock and quickly finds it super cool that you know about all of this stuff.

—He tells you about Megan and you suggest having a Séance in the room her ghost resides in to make it easier for him to communicate with her. It's now a regular thing you both do, sometimes you're able to contact her and other times you're not, either way Sal is still pretty impressed with your skill.

—You guys tried to get Larry to join you both for a Séance once but he freaked out after just stepping foot in the fifth floor, like he just refuses.

—The entire gang calling you a witch whenever they're talking about you

—Todd corrected them all once, calling you a wizard and not a witch since you're male and now it's the only thing Larry calls you. At least Sal still uses your name sometimes but Larry seems to have taken a vow to never say it again.

—After gaining a bit more trust in your relationship Sal would tell you about the shadow ghost he'd been seeing around, asking for help to contact it or seeing if you know more about it.

—You freak out when he tells you about it though he can tell you're trying to hide it. You give him a Hazar necklace (one of those blue-eye amulets) and tell him you'll place a protection spell on him while you look into his shadow entity.

—He now wears that amulet religiously and practically never takes it off.

—He's asked you to try and contact Larry's dad the way you do with Megan but you don't follow through with it since you're not sure how Larry would feel about it.

—When he first meets Ash he stupidly asks you to make a love potion for him. You tell him you won't do it because it can be dangerous and you're jealous, and he's a bit sad but understands nonetheless.

—I ran out of ideas so here's a one-shot about the scenario above

----

"Come on Y/n please! Just this once," Sal begged you as he stood in your living room, hoping that this time your answer would change, however it didn't. "No." "I'll never ask you for anything ever again! I swear! Come on man..use your wizard powers and whip something up for me!" "For the last time Sal, I am not making you a "love potion" for some stupid girl." You crossed your arms, a pout resting on your lips as your eyebrows furrowed. "Ash isn't stupid, she's-" Sal sighed in a lovesick way and you rolled your eyes. "Making a love potion can be dangerous, they tend to backfire, you know?" You drew Sal's attention back to you, staring into the holes of his mask where you could just barely make out his blue eyes. It took him a minute, but slowly he nodded, a sigh that you could barely make out escaped his lips and you chuckled.

"You could just confess to her you know?" You mentally cursed yourself out for suggesting such a thing. Even though a part of you wanted to help your dear friend with his girl problems another part of you wanted said girl out of his life completely. Luckily, Sal quickly shut down the idea, "No way man, it was hard enough for me to just become friends with her." You shook your head, biting back a teasing grin as you stared at Sal, "well sorry I can't exactly help you here. If you need me to summon the dead I'm all ears but you and your girl problems can go." You pointed towards the door with a quirk of you eyebrow and you barely saw Sal roll his eyes as he turned to leave with a huff. "Thanks for nothing Y/n, see ya." "Yeah yeah, see ya Sally Face." You sighed, hearing the door close behind, walking over to lock it back. You stared at the wooden frame as your mind wandered to the conversation that took place moments prior. A love potion...would it be hypocritical if you,,,- no! You quickly shook those thoughts from your head, scolding yourself as you walked to your room. Using a love spell on Sally would be ridiculous, not to mention the dangers you just warned Sal himself about. You flopped onto your bed, groaning into your hands as gay thoughts of you and one of your best friends flooded your mind. You can see why Sal felt hopeless enough to ask for a love potion in moments like these, a dry chuckle leaving your mouth at how hypocritical you sounded. 'Just confess to her' you said, as if you yourself don't tremble at the thought of doing the same thing. 'Maybe one day I'll tell him', you think, knowing in your heart that it's probably not true.

----!----

( i hope my limited knowledge on witchcraft and the paranormal was enough)

Thanks for reading! Have a great day/night!!

My requests are OPEN so feel free to request anything! Just make sure you check out my Request Info first!

See my DIRECTORY for upcoming fics!

Masterlist

[coolmanjohnny]

SAW: (unrated) rant

Okay. I just watched the unrated version of Saw (2004) in theaters. So for some reason, they alter the ending for the unrated version of Saw. I have no idea why they chose to do this. I didn't see much discussion going over the details so I thought I'd go over it and why I think its inferior to the original cut. (Forgive me if I seem nitpick-y, I just love the original film so much haha. Totally fine if you like the unrated ver., I'm just sharing my thoughts here.)

To start, the unrated is advertised as a version with more gore/blood, which it does fine on that part. There are a few extra seconds of shots, for instance, the scene where Amanda is sifting through organs, some of the crime scene photos, and the wire trap maze is slightly longer. Here is a good article that goes over the Director's Cut with more details if you are interested. (I believe the Director's Cut is the same, if not very similar, to the unrated version? Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.) Also, I think the colors are also less blue? I can't confirm this though. I believe there may be a few other details changed as well, but they're not super relevant. Feel free to share any ones I'm missing just for fun though.

These extra shots are fine, thumbs up emoji. My problem starts and ends with the final moments of Saw (unrated). This is Tumblr. You all know the ending to Saw and are probably obsessed with it. It's incredibly impactful and angsty. Its one of my favorite ending sequences of all time. I still think about Adam being left to die alone often. RIP.

Now, lets go over what's changed in Saw (unrated)'s ending:

Some of the final lines are cut out. (Why???)

For some reason, they cut the line where Adam asks, "Am I gonna be okay?" and Larry turns back and says, "I wouldn't lie to you." Why would they do this? I don't know. I can only speculate. Maybe they thought that it contradicted with Lawrence's character, since he is in fact a liar/adulterer? Maybe they thought it was too "hopeful"? Homophobia? (joke)

I think that it's really a shame, because it makes Larry much more likable imo. This one moment is representative of his character development in the film. There are a lot of complex emotions tied with that one line. For once, Lawrence isn't lying to Adam. He truly does want to help. At the same time, you can tell that he feels uncertain. He doesn't know if he actually will be able to make it back in time (if even at all).

Notice how he responds to Adam's question in a roundabout way. He doesn't know if Adam will be okay.

In a way, Jigsaw's trap did work. Lawrence learned empathy. LMAO. It is also makes Adam so much more tragic, any last glimmers of hope he had left get ripped away as soon as he realizes that Jigsaw isn't who he thought it was. They are both fucked. (Ignore that Saw 3D exists for a second here, lol. I definitely think that the original implication here was that Larry is screwed. Either Kramer gets to him, or he bleeds out.)

Here is the original scene for reference:

2. The end credits are changed.

Saw ends with Adam's haunting screams bleeding into the end credits. There's about 20-30 seconds of silence/very subtle music. Then, it leads into the song "Bite The Hand that Bleeds" by Fear Factory. I just LOVE the angst.

Now, lets see what the unrated version is like. (I had to really dig to find this lol.) Obviously, there is no longer licensed music. It instead plays the "Saw theme". (I believe Hello Zepp/Overture is the official name of the song?)

It's...fine. (Once again, forgive me for nitpicking. I'm starting to think that I may be overreacting a bit, lol.)

I sort of understand why they would change the licensed music. It makes the first film feel more "connected" with the sequels; now they all have matching theme songs. (Another idea is that they simply didn't get the rights back to the original song for the re-release. I'd have to do more research on this.) However, it still makes me sad, lol. I just love how edgy and aggressively 2000s the original end credits feel. It matches the film's tone so well imo. The filmography of Saw reminds me a lot of early 2000s nu-metal music videos (unique colors, over-edited to hell, etc.).

I want to really emphasize the importance of film preservation in this post. Thankfully, the original theatrical cut of Saw is pretty easily accessible. (However, this isn't the case for all films. Star Wars is probably the most famous example.) I am just a little saddened that some first-time viewers will end up watching this version of the film without being aware of these changes. I love Saw so much you guys

[tommycorriander]

Larry x Kabu (AoKabu, Blueturnipshipping) headcanons/rambles who cheered!!

- the name 'blueturnipshipping' is being coined by me!!! If there is another wildly used name I would like to know, but my reason for choosing that ship name is because when combined, Ao and Kabu translates to 'blue turnip' (at least, when using machine translation. If it translates differently I would like to know!!!!)

- Kabu, especially in his youth, was seen as quite attractive due to his physical fitness and general attitude on the battlefield. Paired with being a celebrity he was likely sought after frequently. He mentions it very rarely in passing but isn't something he likes to bring up, both from general politeness/being humble and also because a good chunk of those pursuing him were parasocial due to his status. It happens a lot less now due to his age, since he doesn't use social media he doesn't see how there are some people online who make negative comments about him being past his prime. Even so he still has that latent feeling of having peaked, stemming from his previous stumbling in his career as a gym leader.

- Larry probably hasn't experienced being desired in the same capacity as Kabu. Being a gym leader and elite four member doesn't get you much prestige in Paldea due to having less money within the League and a lack of celebrity culture in Paldea for the league. The only exceptions to this are people who are famous for things outside of their position as a gym leader, like Iono with her streaming career. As this is something Larry doesn't have, he isn't on nearly as wide a stage. He's also not particularly 'handsome' in the sense that he isn't well built or looks like a model, so while he has had experience dating and being sought after it's generally not very common and definitely became rarer as he got older. Thats partially because of him being extremely busy as well, not just from his age/looks.

- Kabu is extremely outwardly passionate about battling, something that Larry admires and partially envies. Larry also has a passion for it- he wouldn't be a double member of the League otherwise- but due to working two positions and having an office job he's worn thin and has lost that 'spark' that made him really enjoy battling in the first place. Kabu reignites that in him.

- Kabu greatly appreciates Larry's ability to ignore how others think about him. Kabu isn't self conscious per se, but you do end up taking on some level of concern about your appearance/attitude/actions/etc when you're a celebrity and scrutinized 24/7.

- Kabu is canonically from Hoenn and I headcanon Larry as being from Johto due to his Dudunsparce + how heavily based on the Japanese salaryman stereotype he is. Because of this they both bond over a shared appreciation for the similarities in their cuisine (I headcanon that hoenn has a heavier focus on seafood due to having a lot of ocean nearby, and the Kanto/Johto areas are more agriculture focused. However they are both based on Japan so there is overlap)

- Kabu is more prone to grand gestures of love. Think impressive dinners, big bouquets, if he's making you a meal it's going to be a full course meal. That sort of thing. His 'always do your best' attitude carries over into his love life, though he does try to tone it down as Larry can sometimes be overwhelmed by it.

- Larry, conversely, shows his love in smaller ways. He sees something at the store while buying groceries he thinks Kabu would like and gets it, and doesn't really say much about it. Sending texts on his break that are just simple reminders that he loves Kabu. They balance each other out.

- both of them are a little surprised to learn they like each other back. Larry because he views Kabu as completely out of his league, and Kabu because he would have thought his more fiery personality wouldn't have meshed very well with Larry's more muted one. Kabu has had experience in the past with having lovers originally fully enjoy how passionate it is before they got tired of it and found it overbearing; Larry is just always a bit surprised people actually like him outside of him being a generally fine coworker since he's constantly hearing from others that he's boring and not very fun.

N e wayz. I like sharing and I like answering questions!!! So if anyone sees this and is curious about other headcanons of mine for these two (even just individually, not just as a pair) then send me asks!!!! I don't bite :)

[nyahkmenrah]

My theory on how the tablet works!

I’ve been thinking about the tablet a lot (as one does), and I believe I’ve cracked the code.

This is going to be long, buckle up.

So we know from the 3rd movie it's blessed by Khonsu and activates under the moonlight, needed to be exposed to moonlight every so often to retain its power. The fact it's been blessed by a god implies that the Egyptian gods and their realms actually do exist in this universe. We know there's an underworld because Kah tried to open it up in the second movie. Weather other pantheons exist is unknown, but the Egyptian one absolutely does in this universe.

Since the is an underworld and thus an afterlife, I think that the tablet works by placing the soul of a person/being into the object it's bringing to life.

The whole reason the tablet was created was so Ahk and his parents could be together forever even after death, the whole point of it is to resurrect the dead. So the enchantment is one that takes the soul of a dead being and places it back into the body as long as it's nearby enough to the tablet, and under the light of the moon/ charged with the moon. I do find Khonsu an odd choice for resurrection magic, since he's not really a death god. But he is a moon god and watches over night travellers, both living and dead. So the fact the tablet brings the beings back to life at night checks out.

1. What can come to life?

We also know that objects that aren't a corpse like Ahk can be animated. Like the minis and wax figures. Not just people but animals like Dexter and Rexy. So I think the rule there is that as long as it resembles a living being, real or mythical it can come to life.

2. Who can come to life and how?

If the figure represents a specific person (Teddy, Sacajawea, Atilla etc) the tablet will place that persons soul into the figure and that person will come to life with the memories, personality etc if that person carried by the soul.

If the figure doesn't represent a particular person, the tablet will find a soul that somewhat matches the figure and use that. Like the minis. Because let's be honest there's no way the museum named every single mini and modelled them all after real people. So the tablet saw a figure of a Roman general, found the soul of Gauis Octavius who was a known Roman general and placed his soul in the figure. It saw a cowboy, and picked a soul from that same area and time period to place into the figure. The real Jedediah was actually a mountain man, but mountain men and cowboys are similar enough the tablet made that figure Jedediah Strong Smith anyway.

In the case of animals, the same rule applies. If the figure represents a particular animal (like the space monkey Abe from the second movie) it'll put that soul in the figure. If it's just a random animal it'll just put a random animals soul that matches the species and time period.

And in the case of mythical creatures, it'll create a kind of puedo-soul to fill it. Lancelot isn't actually a real person, but it is likely he was inspired by real people. So the tablet saw a figure meant to be lancet and took the soul of a knight that inspired Lancelot, made some tweaks and put it into Lancelot figure. And with creatures like the giant snake thing (I can't remember the name) from the third movie it did something similar, taking several snakes souls and giving each head one of them. Similarly, the Anubis-Jackal guards that protect Ahkmenrahs exhibit are probably pseudo-souls created using warriors/guards and jackals. Made with the intent to protect Ahkmenrah and his belongings.

With the artworks, it again depends on who or what the art is depicting. If it's just a scenery, it'll simply open up a kind of pocket dimension (like the ones Larry jumped through in the 2nd movie) that resembles the scenery.  If it's depicting a real person, it'll put that persons soul in. If it's depicting random people it'll place a soul from the time period in. As well as creating a pocket dimension of that place and time for the people to exist in.

Like the the photo of the solider kissing the nurse, it took a the souls of people from the time period and placed them into the photo. In the case of this particular photo, the subjects in the picture are unknown although some contenders exist, and are still alive. So the tablet kinda just took a random set of souls from the time and shoved them in, the man being kissed in this tablet pocket dimension photo ended up being Joey Motorola who was one of the people who invented the mobile phone. Larry accidentally created a time anomaly that day, when he dropped his phone in the painting and Joey picked it up, reverse engineering it to make the phone.

Btw Joey is played by Jay Baruchel, who is the voice of Hiccup and I can't ever un-hear him as Hiccup from my HTTYD days. So when he talks in the movie I was all "omg hiccup?"

Anyway-

3. How real are the living figures?

We know they can be hurt, as when Jed and Octavius were still in their enemies phase of their enemies to lovers arc, they whack each other up and react in pain. We also know they can eat and drink, since there's a set of advertisement skits for the 3rd movie that shows them eating and drinking. For people like Ahk, real corpses reanimated it'd simply just be their bodies reanimating and the tablets magic allowing them to function. In cases where they're missing organs, like Ahk being mummified as thus having his organs taken out or, being made of wax etc and not having organs, the tablet with simulate them. Allowing them to eat, drink, get tired and out of breath after running etc.

So yes, that means you could probably do the no pants dance with one of the exhibits because they'd have simulated organs.

But, they can't die. Not unless the tablet does. We see them start to loose life in the 3rd movie. Ahk stars to mummify and the others start to act up and freeze. But we know they can't die any other way because Teddy literally got chopped in half in the first movie and was able to just melt some wax to put himself back together. Jed and Octavius definitely should have died in that RC car crash too, but they lived. And if Jed ended up covered in sand by that hourglass, he's likely not fully die since he can't, but he'd definitely be in constant agony breathing in sand and basically endlessly suffocating. And we've established they can still be hurt, so he'd be... alive but very traumatised. Not fun.

The tablet simulates restores or simulates bodily function by putting that soul into the vessel. It's magic keeps them alive until the sun comes up.

4. Other powers.

We do see that the tablet can do some other things, in the first movie when Ahk says some commands to it and it pulls all the exhibits back to the museum. That is a power I can understand since you know, Khonsu, watcher over travellers. Makes sense the tablet can draw people to a meeting point.

It can also open portals, as shown in the second movie. Now you could argue the painting pocket dimension things are portals, which is just a side effect of brining in animated objects to life. I'd assume the only portals it can open is the underworld one, since the original purpose of the tablet was to resurrect the dead, you might need to get the dead from the underworld for that. And those painting ones which wasn't the initial plan, just a side effect.

But that's all we really see it do. So I don't really know what else it could do.

TLDR:

The tablet was originally made to resurrect the dead, being blessed by Khonsu. The tablet works by placing a soul into a vessel, allowing it life. The soul carries the memories and personality etc of the person it once was. The vessel it's in has simulated body functions. It can also draw people to a meeting point and open portals. All of this does fit with the kind of powers Khonsu would be able to grant as a moon god and watcher of night travellers both living and dead. It needs moonlight every so often to stay 'charged'. It responds to the ancient Egyptian language, certain symbols of tiles in a particular order and likely can only be activated by Ahkmenrah and his families use.

And there you go, that's my theory on how the tablet works. That's all I got for now, I'd I find anything else I'll add it in.

[apr1lr4in]

EDDSWORLD FALLOUT AU

Ok I'm putting this here because I have had this as an idea for so long and I don't rlly expect eddsworld fans to rlly be into fallout BUT I AM, OK? I got a lot of points I wanna talk abt and MAYBE I'll draw it MAYBE SETTING- Every fallout game is in America and EW is not, but I think I can keep the setting in England. As ur gonna see later, I thought Tord being a synth would be fitting. BUT UNFORTUNATLEY synths are only present in Fallout 4 and that is largely due to the institute not being a huge presence anywhere but Massachusetts. Compromise? There is no institute, but something similar (Will talk more in the Tord section) EDD- Honestly I LOVE cowboy Edd, but the only game with a huge cowboy setting would be New Vegas. But think about it, a survivor in the wasteland who is obsessed with prewar relics and clothing. Places like the midwest or even the Mojave are very different from England, but Edd seems like the kind of guy to be into the whole Prewar cowboy nerd. Ofc he's the protagonist, I'm not sure what kind of name he would have though. You know, lone survivor, the courier, i forgot what the protag is called in fallout 3 i havent played it. The "Goulden one" would be kind of funny though. I want him to have the same energy as the Courier, got shot and survived and is now a menace in the wasteland. But he's more heroic obv, going on silly adventures with the gang and make the wasteland a better place

TOM- I can see him being a vault dweller, but choosing to leave the life of one. It wasn't working for him and he probably didn't live in one of the good vaults. He travels with Edd and matt because he probably would get killed if he went by himself (Alcohol and chem addict) and is possibly out for revenge. Revenge for what? You'll se :3 ofc this is just brainstorming, maybe he wouldn't end up as a vault dweller and perhaps Edd was the vault dweller and Tom is the jagged wastelander. MATT- I have to say it, Matt is a ghoul. But does that affect his self esteem? No! I don't think there's a single ghoul in fallout who doesn't have a captivating personality, Matt is no exception. He is definitely the type to pick up random junk from the wasteland and is over encumbered. And he loves those fuckass monkey symbol things that make noise if you've played fallout 4, you know what I'm talking about,,,shudder) But people don't take him seriously BECAUSE he is a ghoul and full of radiation. But Edd has a good reputation and is able to vet for him. I also just thought what if he was a celebrity before the war? That would explain his lingering ego, but failing to realize nobody really cares anymore. RED ARMY- Notice how I didn't put Tord here? That's because he is unfortunately the enemy. Moreso his Red Army, but he isn't aggressive towards Edd or anyone else. He thinks positively of the 3 (maybe except Tom), but the issue is his reign against the wasteland. Think of him like Mr. House or the Brotherhood of Steel (Not the vegas BoS, they can go kys) he is the only military force around, but it's not a good one. The Red Army are known for their brutal enforcement of rules and are in fact transhumanists. They want to slowly take control of everyone and "improve" the human form. Why? Tord is essentially a partial synth. Not fully robot, but not a natural human. Yes his robot arm is coming back and YES power armor is being involved. I would like to mention that as much as I want to include characters like Paul and Patryck in this post, they are not as "essential" as the main 4. They are still Tord's righthand men, but it would be unfair of me to include them in this post and not other lesser known character. I DO have plans though, but I'll have to iron all of this out first. Larry will be thought of dw bing and larry fans, all 10 of u <3 These are all ideas! Basic thoughts i've had for a while now and maybe some ppl won't understand it. But if anyone does like fallout and EW...GIVE ME UR IDEAS!!! Perhaps even draw up some designs? I know I def will revisit this but I have a haircut today

[thebrawlerina]

(image text included)

I got these two little comments on this post about Colette HC's and its honestly a wonderful question for world building. I have an answer to both of them, but I felt like it would be better to explain it in a post rather than just in the comments.

This is gonna be a long post.

We know that there's an in-universe fanbase for Starr Park in Brawl Stars. Colette is the most obvious example for this, but other brawlers reference social media, Brawl Stars, and their popularity itself. Emz, Chester, and Melodie all come to mind, but I'm sure there are many others.

My general Headcanon (the one I talk about most often and isn't tied to any specific story) is that 'Brawl Stars' is like a fighting tournament held by Starr Park where exceptional and powerful people called 'Brawlers' can fight each other in wacky and crazy scenarios of fame, fortune, and glory. All of the characters are real and not just actors playing a bit, so I guess that this would probably be considered an RPF or a Real Person Fandom in-universe. I will admit though that I'm not in any RPF's myself so I'm a bit unsure of certain terminologies or any specific details of those fandoms.

Now for the brawlers themselves, there are two main ways that a person can become a brawler. Its either 1.) a staff member of Starr Park is proven to be exceptional/powerful enough to 'get promoted' and make the cut or 2.) an already famous person signs a contract to work at Starr Park. There are more but those are the most important. People like Shelly, Fang, and Larry & Lawrie fall into the first category, meanwhile people like El Primo, Lola, and Melodie fall into the latter.

As for brawlers getting merchandise, I think that everyone gets some merch made of them. They made it into the big leagues of Brawl Stars so theres got to be some fans for them to please. The big names and celebrities would obviously have merch made of them, but even the Brawlers who in-universe wouldn't be too famous still have stuff made of them,

Example: Super Fan Emz and Sugar Rush Sandy

I'll argue that Rosa and Carl would NOT be at the same level of Fandom love and appreciation as Poco or El Primo.

I think merchandise with a specific brawler in mind depends on 1.) how popular/forward facing they are to the fandom, and 2.) how many jokes/puns the company can fit into their merch. So someone like Sam has some 'Uncle Sam' posters displayed in the Basket Brawl arena despite being more like a body guard to Belle, while Grom (who I'd argue would hit the same fans in the in-universe fandom as Sam) doesnt seem to have any merch about him yet.

I do like to think that the Gift Shop Trio does have their own set of merch that we just dont see. Everyone loves the crazy girl and the emo boy in fandoms, and that just fits Colette and Edgar to a T. Even Griff could be kinda popular since his unique head shape is something that you can play around with a lot.

But regardless of a brawlers popularity, I like to think that they all at least have a figurine and/or plushie made of them and any extra merch they have just depends on how well received they are as a Brawler.

I hope this explained everything and all. Feel free to ask any questions if somethings confusing, this was a bit of a ramble hehe.

[stumachersfavoritegirl]

His Favorite Girl <3

(Stu Macher x reader)

Disclaimer: The use of Y/N pertains to you inserting your own name. The main character in the story is you, but you just have a a different description. Imagination is fun girlies ;3 Thank you for understanding and enjoy!

Chapter 1: Just 3 more hours...

The fourth bell of the day rings, and I'm finally excused from Algebra. I quickly gather my textbooks in my arms, grabbing the strap of my backpack as I head towards the exit of the classroom. Everyone begins to swarm the doorway however, and I'm stuck waiting for them when someone bumps my right shoulder, hard. My glasses fall slightly farther down my nose and I snap my head to the right. "Watch it!" Low and behold, it's Tatum Riley. She basically hisses at me, and I avoid her eyes. Fucking Bitch. I know she did it on purpose, the way gossip flows through Woodsboro High, I'm pretty sure immediately after Stu left my sight, someone already told Tatum he was conversing with me. They probably exaggerated us hugging, or at least, him hugging me. And I could tell this was the case, because until today, she's never even looked in my direction. Now apparently, I'm "in her way"? I mutter a pathetic "...Sorry", and she scoffs dramatically. "That won't be the only thing you're sorry for. Stu is mine. Don't forget it loser." she says before pushing past me and literally every other student in front of her, and no one even dares to open their mouth and protest. She's Stu Machers girlfriend, even me simply saying sorry is the beginning of my demise. But I shake the thought, and as the entryway clears out, I quickly brush past others as I finally enter the hallway. I dig my headphones and cassette player out of my backpack, resting the headphones on my head and pressing play on the cassette. "Bonez" by Mr.Floyd Larry begins to play, and I let the noise take me somewhere serene, somewhere that isn't this hellhole with these assholes. I fix my glasses as I walk to my locker to put my books away, it's finally lunch time and I couldn't be more nervous and grossly, more sweaty. This will probably be the most exciting thing that's happened to me for the rest of the school year and I'm not even mad at it. To have Stu Machers attention about anything, younger me would be excessively gushing at the thought. We're talking sophomore year to senior year long obsession! Wet dreams, fluff dreams, anything my mind could think of pertaining him. But instead of gushing, I feel nauseated. I reach my locker and open it, when a white folded piece of paper falls to the ground. I place my books inside before bending down to sweep it up. I look around me, trying to pinpoint any eyes on me, but when I see none I go back to the note, opening it. It's in big red writing that looks cursive, but it's really just sloppy and the thick ink bleeds through the paper and onto my fingers.

"Change of plans. Meet me at the Woodsboro Coffee and Bagel shop around 4. Maybe dress up a little for me, huh? I know there's something underneath those baggy shirts you love to wear.

-You know who I am ;) "

I definitely know who it was. My cheeks immediately start to heat up and I quickly close the note, looking around before shoving it in my locker. Coincidently, the brews right down the street from my house, and my parents are having a date night tonight so they won't know how long I'll be out. I nod in approval as I close my locker and pull my other bag strap over my shoulder. Ok, not bad. This gives me way more time to prepare. I can run home and quickly change, probably do something with my hair that'll make me look different, but not like I'm trying too hard, ya know? I sigh loudly as the song ends, and I pull my cassette player out of my pocket before entering the lunch room, rolling my eyes at the excessively long lunch line. I drag my feet to join the line when-

"Stop it Stu! This isn't funny, they said you kissed her!"

I look to my right and see Tatum and Stu, with Tatums back to the wall and Stu brooding over her, extending his arm to lean against the wall with it. I quickly step to the side and out of everyones way before standing behind a pillar, pretending to have trouble with my headphones and cassette player. When I notice no ones looking, I peer over and listen.

"Come on, you know I don't like this jealous shit. You're my Tatum." He says, grabbing her face gently before bending down to quickly peck her lips. She closes her eyes as he does this, and he almost lets his lips linger there, before pulling away and leaning against the wall again.

"I only want you babe. Why even believe school gossip anyway? I've heard a lot of stuff about you, but I never believed it." He shakes his head, never breaking eye contact with her, but she does with him as she rolls her eyes dramatically. "Please Stu, what could you possibly have heard about me that I haven't about you?" She says, testing him. She snarls her face as she says this and he grazes the room, hesitating before slightly chuckling. "It doesn't even matter. I mean, why are we still even talking about this? When this day ends, who will I be with?" He asks her endearingly, his voice softens and he bends down to get more to her level. "Huh?" He says, amusing her, moving closer and closer to her face. "Who?" He asks one more time playfully, there lips are basically touching and she rolls her eyes, scoffing meekly before kissing him. "You stupid." She surrenders and he smiles something so mischievous. "Wanna go for a quickie?" He sticks his tongue out to lick her nose and she playfully smacks his shoulder, smirking as she rolls her eyes at his perverse remark. He fakes a theatrical "ow" before bending down again to wrap his hands around her waist, picking her up to bury his face in her neck. "I gotta get you for that. You know better." She giggles rapidly as she tries to pry him off of her. "Stop it Stu!" She pleads out, almost looking around in embarrassment as he continuous to tickle her neck; he makes sounds that are obvious he's biting it. He eventually stops, repositioning her in his arms and she shrieks. "Stu!" She yells out, hysterically laughing, as he holds her in his hands bridal style, almost studying her with his eyes. He licks his lips before asking "You hungry baby?" and she nods giddily, still laughing. "Then let's go!" He widens his eyes and his mouth forms an 'O' before taking off with her, clearing the crowd of students in front of them with the biggest grin on his face. As they pass the pillar, I look back down at my cassette and fake a few scoffs because I'm having 'such a hard time with it'. When they leave my sight however, I put the cassette away and sigh. Ugh, if I had eaten breakfast this morning, I definitely would've threw up from their grossly not faked chemistry. I hated how much he was always on top of her, so overbearing in an overprotective and caring way. I always noticed whenever they were together anywhere, his eyes would be peeled on her no matter where she was in the room. Granted, I've also noticed that when she isn't around those ocean eyes definitely wandered. But, he always made it aware to any and everyone that Tatum Riley was his, to a point where it translated to he owned her. There was something about his patronizing demeanor that always turned me on. I always got Dom energy from him, especially when he was with Tatum. But, around Billy Loomis, he seemed to surrender. Their friendship dynamic was definitely different, Billy always seemed so serious, uptight almost. I never really saw him breathe, or even rest his shoulders for a moment. Stu on the other hand, was the complete opposite. Every time I saw him there was a smile on his face. He moved around so much, there wasn't a time I could recall him standing still. But nonetheless, they always seemed to make it work. Their whole clique seemed so perfect all the time, and I catch myself yearning to be apart of something similar. Things would've probably turned out way different if I had grew the balls to speak to him after hearing a rumor that him and Casey Becker broke up. But in under a week, he was locked in with her copycat and my Mrs. Matcher dream became history...again. But who knows? Maybe things can change later today. It really all depends on how I prepare for this situation. I begin to contemplate everything I need to do to impress him this afternoon as I continue my venture to the lunch line, resting my headphones on my head and pressing play.

//////////////////(lower volume)

I dump the food on my tray into the trash as I place it on the table nearby, tucking the strands of loose hair behind my ear as I exit the lunchroom, dreading the next 2 hours of this day. I couldn't be more anxious about later, but the day just seems to drag on and on. I tilt my head to the side to scratch the nape of my neck when I see Stu Macher ahead of me. He's staring directly at me, his gaze is cold, and I'm almost scared to keep looking in his direction. But he keeps my attention when he motions his head for me to follow him down the hallway. I almost stop walking completely in disbelief, and I look around to make sure he's talking to me and no one else. When I see no one looking in his direction, I turn back to face him, but he's gone. I furrow my brows as I contemplate even following him. The way todays been going, I wouldn't even be surprised if it was a hallucination. But, I sigh as I force my feet to walk forward, towards his direction. Once I turn the corner where I saw him, he's at the end of the hall waiting for me. When he sees me, he makes another turn and I pick up my pace to catch up with him. I end up in the janitors corridor and as I make the turn, someone quickly grabs my arm and pulls me into a dark room. I gasp but someone grabs my mouth and covers it, closing the door. I feel someones breathe against my right ear and my face burns as I purse my lips together, swallowing. Stus smell washes over me however, and I close my eyes and silently moan, pressing my thighs together as I realize the breathe on my neck and the hand over my mouth belongs to him. He reaches infront of me and switches on the light, and I quickly open my eyes and clear my throat, fixing my loose strands of hair. He removes his hand from my mouth and as I turn around, he's towering over me, his dimples deeply pierce his cheeks as he smirks. His pupils are dilated as he burns holes into me. I can tell he was humored by scaring the crap out of me because he teases me as he says, "Don't be scared, it's just me." I smile quickly and look up at him before silently chuckling and looking away. I can feel him continuing to stare at me but I don't dare meet his gaze. I hear him sigh deeply before he states with a taunting grin, "So, I need to know. I've heard rumors are going around about us, and a little birdy told me it all came from you. Is that true?" He begins to advance me slowly, and I end up backed against the wall, his smile almost begins to vanish; his eyes almost turn a darker shade of blue and his gaze goes cold. "You know I have a girlfriend right?" He asks me sternly, and I stutter and nervously chuckle as I say. "I-I-I wouldn't- I'd never, uh st-start a rumor um, I didn't say anything about u-us talking. I don't even- I don't h-have friends here."My eyes are desperately darting the room to avoid his, but when I'm finally done experiencing word vomit while also feeling completely speechless, I look up and him. He stares at me for a while longer before completely bursting into laughter. He spins around in a circle slowly as he cackles, bending over and clutching his stomach as he finally makes a full 360. He meets my gaze again and I'm left to stand against the wall shrinking in embarrassment. "Holy shit man, I was just fucking with you. Holy shit you should've seen your face! Pure fear."

His face is red from laughing so much, but he stops chuckling to stand over me again. "You know, I don't really listen to what these shitheads have to say about me. It's really just Taum that's worried about that shit. And I'm sure you saw that in the lunch room today huh, stalker?" He smirks as he taunts me with this, and I begin to feel my heart beat out of my chest. Jeez, how many times can one person fuck up in a god damn day? First he catches me staring at him like a creep, then he catches me ease dropping on him and his girlfriend? All in the span of 4 hours too, I'm clearly on a roll today. My thoughts race as I stand there like an asshole just staring at him as he stares at me, waiting for my response. I'm completely speechless and he knows this because he bends down and gets close to my face before he whispers, "Cat got your tongue?" He chuckles at his remark and my cheeks heat up as I look down again. "I-I-"

"Relax, it's not the end of the world kid." He pushes himself off the wall as he teases me, maliciously smiling as he examines the janitors room. "Besides, I think it's kinda hot. I mean, you're the reason I need help in English." He turns to face me as he says this, his dimples still showing as his smile grows. "You never noticed I look at you too?" He asks me, as he begins to walk towards me again, slowly. "Maybe because you're always in your own little world, or maybe because you sit in front of me. But I always see when you're staring at me, because I'm really good at not being seen when I stare at you too." He's close to my face again, and I feel my glasses fog up. I'm breathing heavily as I clutch the side of my pants to hold onto reality. "Are you surprised? I mean, did you really think I asked someone about being "study buddies" and they referred me to you?" His question comes with a sarcastic chuckle, and I'm still standing there, my lips slightly parted before I lick them and push my glasses up. "Um- I-I um..." I swallow as I look down, pursing my lips together as I try to figure out how to say something, anything that'll help him understand that this is everything I've wanted since sophomore year.  "You know how pretty you are. I mean, without the glasses, the messy buns, the baggy clothes, I always wondered what you'd look like in a tight skirt, your legs exposed..." He leans into my ear as he says this, smirking, and my breathe picks up again.

"...with a tight short sleeved crop top, exposing your belly." He looks down at my body as he says this before locking eyes with me again. "Your hair down, just bouncing as you walk..." He licks his lips, "along with your breast." He looks down again, "...your nipples poking through your top, almost like now. I can see them through your sweater." He repositions himself in front of me and he levels his head with mine so I'm forced to keep looking at his face, "Do you have any idea how crazy that makes me?" His pupils are dilated as he says this, and his smirk is completely gone. I open my mouth to attempt a response, when he takes a sharp breathe in, pushing himself off the wall again chuckling. "You do now. " He says before smiling again, walking around the room. "You got my note right?" He asks me, snapping his head towards me. There's a seriousness in the question, even though he's still grinning. I make sure to lock eyes with him before nodding quickly. He sighs deeply before facing me again, looking me up and down before slowly advancing me one last time. I hold my breathe as he gets closer, and for a moment, time stops. He gets close to my lips, and he licks his and looks down at mine before saying, "Don't be late then. I... don't like to wait." He quickly scans my body again before winking at me and flashing a quick smile, exiting the janitors closet as he playfully waves at me. I finally breathe as I lean back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling as I press my hand to my chest. My hearts beating so hard, I feel it in between my legs, and I press my thighs together tighter. What the fuck...just fucking happened? Did Stu Macher really just confess he's always had a crush on me? Did he basically just tell me, that he's always liked me back? Were we both just afraid this whole time? I never saw him as a guy that held his tongue, he always seemed so out-spoken. I guess things would've turned out different then, if I had gone up to him after him and Casey broke up. I wonder how things will be now that I know about him, and now that he knows about me. So many different thoughts are racing through my head about what could've been and what could be, when the door swings open again. I suck in my breathe, expecting it to be Stu coming back to taunt me more, when I see gray hair. Fuck, the janitor. Luckily, they don't look around the room as they walk in. They head towards the toiletries as they store the Mop and bucket away and as the door closes, I slip through. I speed walk back to the school hallway as my heart continues to race. That would've definitely been detention, that would've ruined everything planned later on. I realize that I'm also now late to my next class which might get me detention as well. So I quickly pick up my pace as I head up the school stairway. I just have to get through 3 more hours of this day, and then I'll have his attention again. 3 more hours and I'll feel his touch again, smell him again. Just 3 more hours, and I'm his. Just 3 more hours…

[hlficlibrary]

✤ Coming Out Fics ✤

A series of posts with the top five fics of each category by kudos plus five more hidden gems from that category! Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.

- Top 5 H/L Fics -

1️⃣ And Then a Bit by @infinitelymint (E, 158k)

“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”

Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts.

(aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)

2️⃣ led by your beating heart by @missandrogyny (E, 33k)

Nick leans over. "Oh," he says, his voice smug. "Who is that?"

Harry just blinks at his phone. "Um," he manages to stammer out.

"Who's that, Harry?" Nick asks again, but this time he raises his eyebrows and smirks. Harry knows Nick is just teasing, and that he's not really looking for new Harry Styles gossip, but, um. He might have found something. Accidentally.

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another 'um'. He really needs to work on translating his thoughts into words. But then it probably wouldn't be any help right now, would it? His mind is as blank as a newly erased etch-a-sketch.

"Oh," Nick says again, this time gleefully, seemingly having picked up on Harry's distress. "Looks like we've got a story here! Are you going to call or delete her number?"

Her number. So Nick thinks it's a girl. Well, Harry can't blame him: 'Lou' is kind of an androgynous nickname. His stylist's name is Lou.

But this Lou, well, Louis, he's kind of, really, really not a girl. He's really pretty though, which, is something.

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

3️⃣ California Sold by @isthatyoularry (M, 123k)

Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.

A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

4️⃣ Shake Me Down by @agreatperhaps12 (NR, 208k)

Harry's new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization.

5️⃣ Time Bomb by ThisSentimentalHeart (M, 291k)

“Why exactly are you here?” Louis asked, feigning annoyance and failing pathetically at it. “My publicist told me I can't go anywhere near you.” Harry said, eyes still smudged with last night's eye liner. “That makes you my favorite person in the world.”

Or the one where Louis has everything: a lead role in a giant Hollywood franchise, a glittering new house with an entertaining Irish neighbor, and a steady, normal boyfriend who he probably loves. Louis never expected to become a household name among young Hollywood overnight. He also never expected to find something endearing about the enigmatic rockstar who keeps showing up on his back porch.

HIDDEN GEMS:

💎 Caught In Your Gravity by @lululawrence (NR, 62k)

It felt like the blood froze in Harry’s veins even as he got a bit lightheaded. He hadn’t even made it two practices, only one of which he was remotely in charge of, without giving it all away and now he and Liam were both absolutely fucked.

“Shit,” Harry breathed out. “Who all have you told? Does everyone know? I thought I covered it better than that…”

“No, no,” Louis said quickly. "They’ll figure it out soon enough, though, because they’ll get used to you changing things up, but you’re only going to trip over your so called Americanisms for so long before they realize it’s because you don’t actually know fuck all about football.”

Harry sighed. “Yeah. I figured. I just need to bullshit for long enough to allow Liam to get the situation figured out from his end.”

“Right, which brings me to my entire point. I think we can find a mutually beneficial arrangement with all of this.” Louis leaned forward. “You need to learn the ins and outs of the sport incredibly fast. I can help you with that.”

“What do you want in exchange?”

Or, an AU inspired by a 30 second trailer of Ted Lasso that doesn't actually have much in common with the show at all.

💎 That Smile and That Midnight Laugh by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright (T, 50k)

Harry’s never noticed how lovely Louis really is. Maybe it’s just that she’s usually so guarded – a little tense, a little irritated, a little put out. At least when she’s at school, and also usually when she’s around Nick, which are the only times Harry has really seen her. Until tonight. Tonight Harry’s seen her with her guard completely down. Too busy laughing and enjoying herself to remember to be prickly, maybe. She seems different.

It feels different.

A Ferris Bueller's Day Off AU that picks up right where the movie leaves off, and imagines what might happen if Ferris' girlfriend and sister become friends. And maybe something more, too.

💎 some evening in springtime by delsicle / @eeveedel (M, 20k)

Fresh out of veterinary school, Louis moves to a sleepy small town in Texas to take over the local animal clinic. But his new life is quickly interrupted by a middle aged rancher with a bad leg and a mysterious past, who really needs Louis's yoga skills.

💎 still feel the same around you by momentofclarity / @gaycousinlarry (E, 13k)

Twenty-five years is a long time to fall in love with someone, to learn all the ways a person can fit into one's heart. It’s also an awful long time to lie to one of the most important people in your life.

The Act My Age Girl Direction AU.

💎 Glass Heart by @musketrois (G, 7k)

“26-year-old West Ham footballer Louis Tomlinson was seen getting acquainted with 24-year-old pop sensation Harry Styles and others. Although it is not unordinary for these two professions to be social, we can’t wait to see what this budding relationship will bring to London’s social scene.”

-Celebrity Blurb 25 March, 2017

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Choir: ♪ Holy infant So tender and mild ♪

John: Wait, who describes an infant as mild?

Ted: Yeah, I'm more hung up on tender.

John: Yeah, somebody's eating this baby.

Priest: It's important that we remember just why we celebrate Christmas. We observe the holiest of all days to rejoice in the glory of the birth of Jesus Christ, born not from the seed of man but from divine origin. Never before or since have we, God's children, been blessed by such a miracle.

Ted: Excuse me. Yeah, over here. Hi. Ted, local bear. You're talking about a guy who came alive out of nowhere, right?

Priest: Yes.

Ted: Yeah, me.

Priest: I'm sorry?

Ted: I'm just saying, he's not the only one.

Priest: I don't think that's the same thing.

Ted: Well, you said, never before or since. But… You know, this guy.

Priest: The birth of Christ was a heavenly miracle.

Ted: I mean, what do you call this? I mean, I don't see any Pound Puppies or Monchhichis walking around.

Priest: Christ's birth was clearly ordained by God, marked by the star of Bethlehem, a miraculous beacon from the heavens.

John: There was a star there. Ted: There was a star, right?

John: Yeah, no, it was a shooting star.

Ted: I had a star. John: Yeah.

Priest: Jesus had a divine purpose. God sent him to us to spread the word that He loves us.

Ted (recorded voice): "I love you."

Ted: Your move, Friar Tuck.

Priest: I just want to finish the sermon.

Ted: I'm just saying, I might be Jesus. Might. I'm not saying for sure. I'm just saying it's a possibility. I might be Jesus.

Priest: That is incredibly disrespectful.

Ted: Says the guy eating babies.

-

John: OK, we can't read this whole thing.

Ted: Well, if we're gonna figure out if I'm actually Jesus, we at least got to skim it.

John: I have never seen pages so thin.

Ted: I know. It's like Kleenex with boring stories on it.

John: You know, I was thinking. How do we know that Dennis isn't Jesus?

Ted: Johnny, Jesus walked on water, all right? Walked! That means he had feet, not wheels.

John: Yeah, that makes sense.

Ted: Oh, wait, hang on. Stop right there. Look, look, look. Matthew 21:31, "Truly I say to you, the tax collectors and prostitutes go into the kingdom of heaven before you." Look at that. Jesus hangs out with hookers.

John: Yeah, and he says there's hookers in heaven too. He sounds a lot like you.

Ted: Oh, yeah, heaven is probably mostly hookers.

John: Wait, so you're paying for sex in heaven?

Ted: You're not paying them for sex. You're paying them to fly away.

John: Oh. Let's see. "And behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me to give"…

Ted: What was that first part?

John: "Behold, I come quickly."

Ted: Jesus said that?

John: Yeah.

Ted: Yeah, that's not the kind of thing I'd start with "behold." What else? Well, look, look, look. Right there. Right there. John the apostle. Jesus had an apostle named John.

John: Holy shit. Those were, like, his buddies, right?

Ted: Yeah, yeah, there was Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Johnny, Blitzen, and Larry, Darryl, and Darryl. There's no doubt anymore. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ.

Ted: Holy shit. Does this mean you have, like, powers and stuff?

Ted: Yeah, but I probably got to learn how to use them. Flip to the spells.

John: OK, spells, spells, spells. Ted: Spells, spells, spells.

Ted: Wonder what my alignment is.

John: Chaotic good.

Ted: Ah, yeah, yeah. Good, but, like, you know, I might fuck around a little bit.

John: Yeah.

Ted: Shit, we supposed to have dice?

-

Ted: OK, what do you say we try one of them spells, huh? Water into wine, here we go. "Meka leka hi, meka hiney ho. Meka leka hi, meka chiney ho." All right, try it.

John: Still water.

Ted: Fuck! Oh, you know what? It's 'cause we don't have the wand.

-

Blaire: Shit. I mean, how the fuck am I supposed to share a house with somebody who treats me like I have some fucking disease Guess there's no chance he's gonna apologize.

Ted: You know, if I can offer a bit of Christly wisdom, Blaire? You're smarter than he is, so you might have to go talk to him.

Blaire: Oh, fuck that. I am not extending an olive branch to somebody who's against basic equality.

John: Well, that's the thing, Blaire. I don't think he's really even against anything. Think he just didn't want to look stupid in front of his truck.

Blaire: Listen to yourself!

John: OK, then don't do it for Dad. Do it for Mom. Look, she's really bummed out right now, and it's all just 'cause Christmas is messed up. Look, I know it's gonna suck, but…

Ted: But it's like I say in the Book of Romulans: turn the other cheek. Do unto others. Say it, don't spray it. I'll have what she's having.

Blaire: You're an idiot.

Ted: Oh, what do we say to that, Apostle?

John: Four hell points.

Ted: Four hell points.

Blaire: What the fuck is a hell point?

Ted: It's how I determine which of my children, who I love, will be tortured forever.

Blaire: Oh, God. Ugh, all right, all right, I'll… I'll talk to him.

-

Ted: Well, I Jesus-ed the shit out of that one.

Blaire: You? You didn't do anything.

Ted: Eh, I worked in mysterious ways.

Sarah: How?

Ted: Where there was only one set of footprints, that's where I carried you.

Blaire: You watched 18 hours of TV yesterday. You barely moved.

Ted: When it most appears I'm not Jesus, that's when you need faith.

Sarah: Ted, you do know what happened to Jesus, right?

Ted: Yeah, he gave back the Gobstopper, and they gave him the chocolate factory. I mean, I think that's what happened. I'm reading, like, two books at once.

Sarah: They nailed him to the cross and crucified him for our sins.

Ted: Wait, what?

Susan: It was so nice of him to let them do that for us, wasn't it?

Ted: They killed him?

Sarah: Yeah.

Ted: Oh, shit. Yeah, fuck that. I'm out. Wait, maybe I'm Buddha. Buddha was lazy, right?