#like fear for life or existence

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[deoidesign]

Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

growing up with a perpetually anxious primary caregiver is such a mindfuck. that shit will rewire your nervous system

[blueskittlesart]

*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?

tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.

[collophora]

Last line challenge

Rules: in a new post, show the last line you wrote (or drew) and tag as many people as there are words (or as many as you feel like.)

Sorry I took my time to answer xo Thanks for tagging me @just-here-with-my-thoughts <3 <3 <3

Actually I can't show much cause all my wips are for fanzines or commissions but!

I can show you a hint of what I'm actually doing for @devinsisland apocalyptic AU zine hehe

Very sketchy 'cause some of theses were just ideas exploration I ended up throwing (they'll be cleaned and posted on social for bonus later probably)

Also follow the zine here: https://www.instagram.com/aftermathzine https://x.com/AFTERMATHzine

(not me changing a tag into a promo post xD)

I don't really know who to tag, always scared of bothering, so I'm gonna try hhhh @lightspringrain (I'm the worst, I'm tagging while you're on break so Hm, no pressure) @wrenkenstein (hello I love your art and your whole vibe apparently we're mutuals so *flies away*) @clownery-and-fuckery @electrikworm

@scarletv0id (Please ignore if you don't wanna) And mutual who see this post but I'm too shy to tag!

[yappacadaver]

Crazy wild shit man

[verkomy]

[the-woman-upstairs]

It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

[formosusiniquis]

A Steddie / Buckingham comedy of errors of sorts. It goes like this.

Robin thinks Chrissy Cunningham might be her non platonic soulmate. She's smart, a little goofy, observant, seems like a great listener, and after what the rumor mill is saying was a pretty intense summer has really come into her own. It's a shame she went straight from dating Jason to Eddie Munson.

"She said she's working on herself," Steve claims, more in tune with the gossip than she is, "pretty hypocritical of you to say guys and girls can't be friends."

Which is pretty hypocritical of him when she knows he only cares cause he's already planning his wedding to Chrissy's new boyfriend; he needs Eddie to be single otherwise he's pining away for his perfect co-babysitter for nothing.

But it doesn't matter if they are dating or if they aren't or if Chrissy Cunningham with her perfect strawberry blonde ponytail is her soulmate, because her parents keep trying to set her up with some friend of a friend. She needs to do something quick before disaster strikes.

Melissa and Richard Buckley still know how to tie one on, when the occasion strikes. They're parents now, they've settled down some. Given in to the picket fence life, keep their yard mowed so Gayle Collins down the way stops glaring. They haven't done anything really crazy since that weekend they left Robin with Minerva and went to see what that whole Woodstock thing was about. Now they mostly just stick to getting as high as they can and stargazing on the weekends that Robin is off with Steve, a sweet boy kind of a square but the brownie recipe he gave them makes the best edibles.

Melissa can tell her daughter is lonely, she notices a lot of things about Robin that she won't tell them. Richard has noticed that their dealer Eddie has started bringing a friend along with him. Eddie is a sweet boy too, raised well respects his elders something they care about now that they've become them, he is also obviously and fantastically gay. Like all the parents in Hawkins, Richard and Melissa have heard how Wayne Munson has taken in that Cunningham girl after she came back from her trip out of state. Melissa remembers being a vaguely out of control youth and knows that a trip out of state is code for one of two things, and Chrissy doesn't look like she's ever been pregnant. Chrissy seems like a girl who might like their daughter.

Steve would die before he denies Robin just about anything. She is the platonic love of his life, they nearly died together, they've come out together. He's pretty sure as long as he has Robin and his kids he'd be content for the rest of his life, romance be damned.

A sentiment Robin seems to agree with since she wants him to fake being her boyfriend. Obviously, he says yes. Steve is a good boyfriend, he's always been a good boyfriend. He's attentive, great with parents, knows when to keep the pda to a minimum but also knows when to put on a show. He used to be pretty sure that Mr. and Mrs. Buckley liked him. So he's not really sure why they pulled him aside before movie night.

"Your parents hate me."

"There isn't a parent in Hawkins who hates you."

"You mom just asked me if I didn't think it might be better if I found someone more suited to me."

"What does that even mean?"

"It's basically mom code for I think your the worst person my daughter could have brought home. If I had the choice I'd kill you so why don't you do us both a favor and fuck off."

"I don't think that's right."

"Rob, I love you but conversational nuance isn't exactly your thing."

Eddie likes his job. Sure it's technically not honest work, but who knows maybe down the line they'll legalize it. He's getting in on the ground floor, an entrepreneur. Hawkins is surprisingly pro-weed and Eddie is just fine sticking to that after this summer. His favorite customers are the old folks. Like Miss Brenda at the library or the Buckleys. He always brings Chrissy along when he goes out these days, she feels weird staying in the trailer by herself and he likes having her nearby. She puts people at ease.

Except the Buckleys, who seem strangely obsessed with her. They ask her pointed questions about Dorothy, and surely they mean an actual Dorothy, surely the nice middle aged couple aren't trying to figure out if Chrissy is queer. Sure he got some vibes off of Buckley the younger, but that was before she started dating the love of his life. Now he's starting to think his whole gaydar has gone to shit.

Chrissy, a baby gay who has just broken free of the nastiest case of comp het Eddie has ever seen, answer honestly. She doesn't know a Dorothy, is that one of Robin's band friends? How is Robin, she is so sweet. Chrissy just wishes she had more time in the day so they could see each other more. She's dating Steve right, they make just the cutest couple, don't they think?

Eddie can tell Melissa doesn't. A surprise when even Wayne likes Steve Harrington, thinks he's the bees knees. Loaned him a screwdriver or some shit when the guy was over fixing something at the Mayfield place. She smiles though and agrees that Steve is quite sweet, in a tone that Eddie is far more used to hearing used when people are talking about him than about Steve Harrington. He blinks and the next thing he knows Chrissy is agreeing for them both that dinner on Friday sounds lovely; she'll bring a dessert.

Like she's ever baked in her life.

Chrissy Cunningham has had a rough couple of months, but she's settled now. Sure, she had a breakdown so bad in Eddie's trailer that she ended up having to get professional help; but she got that help and a new support system for herself. Really, the only way life could be much better is if she were dating Robin Buckley.

Eddie likes to tease her, calls her a baby gay like she's a wobbly legged deer still figuring things out. She's had eyes on Robin since the fifth grade, when she got her hair cut short to her shoulders the first time and her teeth still had a gap before her braces went on. Steve is a great guy, she's seen him with the group of freshmen that follow him around like ducklings; she's also watching him now and he's spent most of dinner making moon eyes at Eddie instead of his girlfriend.

She doesn't understand how, Robin is a vision. Full of spit and vinegar, she is firecracker mad glaring at her parents across the table. "You really brought him here? I'm dating Steve, can you not accept that?"

A lot happens at once, Chrissy isn't entirely sure what is going on but it feels a lot like a pot boiling over, something left too long unattended.

"We aren't trying to set you up with our dealer," Mr. Buckley said. "You're not exactly his type."

"Chrissy is such a nice girl." Mrs. Buckley tries.

"You said you stopped that," Steve to Eddie, a lethal pout on his lips and downturned eyes.

"Well, I stopped with the kids," Eddie tries, "I gotta pay the bills somehow, sweetheart."

"Chrissy?" If Robin was a vision in her sharp eyed rage, she's radiant in her pink cheeked surprise.

Once the shock, surprise, and comedy wear off Chrissy thinks there will be tears. Robin's parents seem nice. They seem like the kind of parents you confide in and who hold you tight. She thinks about her mom doing something thoughtful, thinks of her quietly accepting who she is and who she loves; and when she can't do that she thinks of Wayne and Eddie and knows she'd cry once they were alone and the theater of it all was over. So she thinks she might need to make the most of her moment while it's there. "I don't want to be a homewrecker," she jokes, something she's picked up from Eddie, "but I think your boyfriend has his eyes other places."

"Boyfriend, what boyfriend?"

"They're showing Clue at The Hawk this weekend, if you want to go with me?"

Robin can't nod her head fast enough.

"Stevie, I noticed you find yourself newly single," Eddie says, sorrow so fake he should rethink his decision to go within 10 feet of the drama department. "If you could bear it, would you want to crash their date make it a double?"

Steve agrees so fast a bit of hair escapes his coif, it falls in a curl at his forehead.

Robin's parents both seem pleased, pleasant smiles that chrissy is becoming more accustomed to seeing on adults now that she resides in the Munson place. "They'll be smug about this forever," Robin confides. Her smile betrays her lack of real dismay.

Chrissy got her girl and her best friend got his boy, so she thinks it's all's well that ends well.

[the---hermit]

Buying evidently queer books with my mom feeling 100% comfortable asking her to hold them for me as i do something else is something i didn't know i needed.

[lightbulb-warning]

so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently

[skunkes]

not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.

anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.

like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.

I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.

this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it

[undead-moth]

I've seen a few people mention how the sauce Carmy makes in Apologies is black with white spots, and how in that very scene Sydney is wearing a black bandana with white polka-dots. From what I can tell, most people are interpreting this as an intentional writing choice, which I agree with, but they also seem to be interpreting the sauce as something Carmy did subconsciously.

I saw one person say that Syd is Carmy's "muse" and she's inspiring his cooking without him even realizing it. Another interpretation I saw was that this dish was evidence of Carmy metaphorically not choosing Sydney, since he throws the dish in the trash in the next scene.

While anybody is allowed to interpret the sauce scene however they want, I thought I would point out that it likely wasn't the writer's intentions for us to interpret this as something Carmy did subconsciously, because the point being made in that dish, or at least what we are supposed to understand about that dish, is that the polka-dot sauce is not supposed to be polka-dotted.

That is a broken sauce. The white dots that are popping up and spreading in it aren't supposed to be there. If this sauce had been made properly, it would have been one consistency, and therefore one color. Chefs don't break sauces, and breaking a sauce is something you're specifically meant to avoid. In the universe of this show, Carmy didn't intend for that sauce to break, and that is why he throws it in the trash. Given that it doesn't make sense for him to have broken the sauce on purpose, that means that he also didn't purposefully mimic Syd's bandana.

In fact, the head chef at the NYC restaurant once mocked Carmy for a broken sauce. At the funeral dinner for Ever, Carmy is thinking about the abuse he endured by that chef, and one of the insults he thinks of during a montage of memories from his past is the chef implying that breaking a sauce makes Carmy broken. It's one of the insults haunting him this season.

(Edit: I have been informed that chefs do sometimes intentionally break sauces, and it’s called a split-break. I still personally interpret it as unintentional in the show, but it’s interesting to consider the difference in meaning if it’s not.)

That being said, I don't think this means that Sydney's bandana and the sauce coincidentally match each other. This scene takes place in the penultimate episode, directly before the funeral dinner at Ever where Carmy confronts the NYC head chef, and where Chef Terry gives a speech that, in my opinion, is meant to deliver the message of this season.

Throughout the season, the pressure Carmy has placed on himself has only increased. This has affected his ability to cook well. We see Carmy throw away multiple dishes in different episodes. We can assume he screwed these dishes up, but it's impossible to know since Carmy's standards are so high nothing is good enough for him anyway. But with something like a broken sauce, we know. We know that he's not simply being a perfectionist when he throws the broken sauce away. He's definitely screwed the sauce up.

At this point in the season, Carmy's reached his breaking point. This is represented visually in his broken sauce.

However, they could have used any broken sauce, in any colors, couldn't they? It's not a coincidence that they used a sauce that, when broken, is black and white. I think in part the reason they chose the colors black and white is because of what those colors usually represent - darkness vs lightness, wrong vs right, bad vs good - and Carmy is caught in between. At this point in the season, he's on a path toward something dark - but he can choose the light, and both are waging a war inside of him at this moment, breaking him.

It's also still significant that Syd is wearing the black bandana with white polka-dots. Especially because Chef Tery - the foil to the chef who abused Carmy, the narrative good, right, light, representing the path Carmy should be on and needs to choose in the future - also wears a black bandana with white polka-dots this season.

Together, this all represents what Carmy risks losing if he continues on the same path, and inversely, what he could gain if he chooses the right one. Carmy, the character, is not conscious of any of this, and in the universe of The Bear, none of this means anything - but they do mean something narratively.

Carmy is screwing up, and because of that, he's breaking. He screwed the sauce up, and the sauce broke. The bandanas worn by Chef Tery and Syd represent what he's screwing up, and how that is breaking him. They also represent what he needs to choose in the future to avoid breaking, and to make things right.

[blujayonthewing]

problem with wanting to paint-- even in a sketchbook you try to carry with you all the time-- is that SO often the thing that specifically makes me go 'ooohh maybe I should paint that' is a lighting condition that has changed completely by the time I can even finish retrieving my supplies from my bag

[lunarharp]

things.. uh... Gentry era au

[jrueships]

zesty lowkey just another way for str8 ppl to say faggot / faggy and get away with it