#like as a person with GI issues
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Saying Asher Yatzar at the appropriate times absolutely gives a bonus to constitution until your next short rest.
If you say the Shema you get resistance to poison damage and you get to roll twice on an INT or WIS check
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I started asking my ex pcp (derogatory) āAre you unable to do [insert testing/referrals that would maybe help get me closer to a stronger treatment/recovery plan], or is it your personal preference to not initiate these options?ā And applying it to other doctors/medical workers and
It gets them to shut the fuck up and do their job real quick, because they donāt want the problems of me going to the Daddy Admin, and bitching about their blatant refusal to help me.
Anyway Iām getting more labs to check my levels š
#personal#also her mOTHERā#tw medical neglect#I hope they label me as difficult#I want you to hate me#why canāt they just admit they donāt want to do it#it isnāt that hardā they have to click a few buttons and boom: the referral is there#I do not like doctors very much!#disabled#cripple punk#chronic pain#chronic illness#ehlers danlos syndrome#arthritis#scoliosis#chronically ill#gi issues
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#bolo liveblogs#infinity train#ryan akagi#min-gi park#''famous'' and ''good'' are both up to interpretation ofc#but I've seen some differing interpretations#like ccj is treated as a ''dad band'' in the modern day (so tulip & co can discover it) which implies that they experienced#a pretty substantial level of success to enter the musical canon in that way.#though their conversation in the party car raises the issue that they might not be successful#even if they're genuinely good artists on account of racism. which isn't discussed super often#in ''where are they now?'' type retrospectives. the idea that you can do everything right and still not be recognized#just because of who you are.#but on the OTHER other hand... what we do hear of their work in the show kind of sucks#you can argue that that's a translation convention/essentially that you have to suspend your disbelief#and imagine a more-sophisticated song in its place but like. what if it's not.#I've also increasingly seen some people saying that their music is canonically bad and that's *fine*#that it was never about them being materially successful so much as happy and artistically/personally fulfilled#so anyway. I wanted to do a poll about it
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How to convince a 50 year old man that would rather die that go to a doctors office to look into an autism diagnosis
#Iām convinced my dad is autistic#like he has sensory issues#mainly to lights my guy likes it DARK at all times#despite eating some rly weird shit he ādoesnāt like certain foods and refuses to even touch them#like sometimes if food has tomatoes in it if the pieces are too small he wonāt pick em out he just wonāt eat it#and he has a special interest#itās browning knives Iāve never seen a person collect so many knives by one company before#if you ask him for gi#gift ideas itās a browning knife#he loves em#I wanna just go shake him and say āYOURE AUTISTIC DAD!!!!!! I GOT IT FROM YOU!!!!!!!!ā
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ended up clearing a bunch of stuff off the bed to make it easier to sort stuff out later and I think I feel worse now because our room looks different in a way that for some reason is triggering flashbacks to stuff from years ago and I don't know why
#personal#thoughts#š¬ post#vent post#I maybe wouldn't be freaking out as bad if I wasn't already completely overwhelmed with everything#we've been in so much pain lately we're back on the same amount of pain medication as we were in June#and I'm having a really hard time with both the pain and the medication side effects#and we've been ill a lot and stressed over trying to fix everything that went to shit over the summer#and our energy levels are completely fucked#and now we have to use up our energy fixing this issue#and I still don't know how we're gonna do that without ending up in a situation where we have a breakdown because of our OCD#and right now I'm in a lot of pain because I was trying to grab pain meds and that's when the bed gi fucked up#so I panicked enough that the adrenaline blocked out the pain and I was distracted with this shit and forgot to actually take the meds#and because I was panicking I overexerted without thinking and now my whole back is spasming#and we already had a migrine which is now worse from the panicking and overexerting#and I've just noticed that we're hallucinating which is probably from stress#I need to take the pain meds but I'm laid down and I'm so dizzy I feel like I'll topple over if I sit up
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Health was garbage over the weekend, felt sick starting after eating lunch and getting worse over the course of the day, and I have an Important Thing to do this afternoon so trying to minimize the chances of feeling sick during it I bought one of those protein-fortified milks and drank my lunch
easily one of the most depressing moments of my month
#this entire weekend was just like....#if the colonoscopy/endoscopy/CT in August hadn't already made me understand that I have a chronic illness#having to skip out on plans Saturday evening and prioritize my health and then doing this today has definitely done it#it just really hit me that I'm a person who has to make the call to stay home sometimes bc my health is not healthing#and that I might have to drink a meal sometimes to avoid bringing on symptoms when I have important stuff I can't skip#kinda sucks#chronic illness#gi issues#gi health#health issues
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> got 4 hours of sleep
> stayed up 24 hours
> slept 4 more hours
in what world does that make sense?
#this has been an original post#personal spewage#like???#i was _exhausted_#my sleep hygiene was perfect#theres absolutely no reason why i couldn'tve slept thru the night#but of COURSE i had to have GI issues that woke me up#hoping i can get back to sleep soon since i can't just sleep thru the day now like i can at home :(#(am staying w family)
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Well fuck me sideways turns out I have rectal prolapse
#they havenāt even done a colonoscopy yet they were like bitch this is bad.#ugh#gi issues#chronicles of illness#intestinal bullshit#personal garbage#gastrointestinal issues#medical stuff
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i applied for a job and on the application there was a section about disability and how the company strives to hire people with disabilities bc diversity or whatever, so i was looking through the list of what they considered to be disabilities and...by golly do i have quite a few
#idk i have never really considered myself disabled despite having things like adhd and depression#and anxiety and all of them disable me in some way#plus like...chronic issues like migraines and gi stuff#Ally's personal life
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if I ever make a blog nav for this blog I need you guys to know it will be entirely for me bc I keep making new tags and forgetting them <3
#personal#I blame. mental illness.#I also need to clean up my gi tag and liveblog tag bc itās so messy rn from the event#I also need to look through my criti tag bc I feel like Iāve talked abt the same issues multiple times and Iām forgetting#and sometimes I think Iāve posted sm before when in reality itās just in my drafts or in my head
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Medical Updates:
1. Orthopedic Doctor: Things are going well, stay the course, give it about 3 months, keep progressing with physical therapy, bone density check in 4 months.
2. Endocrine Doctor: Everything is awful. All of my various conditions are combining to cause me to gain more and more weight, but also I can't take any weight loss medication because every one is contraindicated with my various conditions.
Diet can't be more restricted than it already is. I can't exercise outside of physical therapy. And we tried messing with my HRT dose and it failed. We're both so frustrated. The "goal" is to not gain any more weight and to stay stable but the only reason I've been "stable" is because my gastro issues were so bad that I vomited every day all through fall and early winter, so I basically missed at least a meal a day.
She has no real advice or suggestions because I'm in limbo with all my doctors right now, hoping anything improves. And my weight won't improve until something else gives. She was my last hope for figuring out my weight problems and she couldn't do anything. Just really depressed now.
#chronic illness#disability#personal#weight issues#i need to lose this weight#It's hurting me#joint pain#gi issues#endocrinologist#hopeless#frustrated#why is my body like this#cyclical nausea syndrome#cyclic vomiting syndrome
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It keeps me up at night wondering what kind of medical treatment I wouldāve already received had I been been born amab. like would they have listened to me on the second ER visit, or would it have been the third? it couldnāt have been on the fifth time, right? would they have not told me my malnutrition was minor and nothing to be worried about? would they have not suggested it was because of my anxiety? would I have got the feeding tube I needed before my body broke down the way it did, or would they have let me continue to starve? would I already have a diagnosis by now and be able to have access to proper treatment??
last year I went to the er doubled over in pain from (what turned out to be) unbearable cramps. the doctor could barely even press on my abdomen to assess me for appendicitis, yet ordered me toradol for the pain. but a couple of weeks later my dad walked into same the er and received morphine because they thought it was his appendix, which turned out to be just constipation ļæ¼
i donāt want to know if I would not be this bad, but I know I wouldnāt be this bad if I wasnāt born afab
#personal#tw medical neglect#tw medical trauma#they ignored me so much#the male physicians especially#if you hit me with the āthey donāt listen to the men eitherāā Iām gonna hit you with my walker#this isnāt abt me not liking being afab i am comfortable in it#but doctors do not listen to afab people. period.#cripple punk#disabled#chronic pain#chronic illness#ehlers danlos syndrome#gi issues#undiagnosed
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Man itās really frustrating trying to Christmas shop while disabled like it used to be Iād just go downtown whenever and browse for things I liked until I had to be somewhere but now itās basically hit the pavement and start the countdown until I run out of spoons. Okay whats the most efficient path that will let me hit the max number of spots before im wiped. Donāt browse too long or take too much time deciding. And all this while trying to maximize what I do while im out bc I canāt count on having another chance. Itās just a whole level of exhaustion on top of being poor and I haaaaaaaate it.
#I am trying to make a lot of things this year#but ingredients and materials still need to be bought#and any āmakingā that involves cooking ALSO involves a physical cost#that on top of I have multiple people in my life that are hard to buy for#like my mother doesnāt need more Stuff but she also isnāt really eating/snacking much due to GI issues and she has sensitive skin#and doesnāt wear makeup and there are only so many nice candles you can buy a person. you know?#im whining bc im tired and in pain and I still have to make dinner#but first im lying facedown on my bed for a hot minute#bramble bramble
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do i have sudden onset brain fog that was not as heavy strong this morning? yes. am i laughing at it anyway bc i sound a little drunk when not using auto correct? also yes
#personal#like everything is very difficult#but with the amt of chronic illness shit ive had going on lately i am not as stressed by this fsr now#ig having GI issues and only eating once a day for a month lest i shit my guts out and have severe painful bloating and nausea will shift#how u seen the reast of ur issues#or amybe i am just reaching a limit and will cry when i get home who knwos
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(Squid game s2) Can you write a comfort fic about an insecure reader has past trauma and has endured Highschool bullying. When she joins the games and is in the group (Gi-hun, Dae-ho, Jun-hee & others) but once they meet Jun-hee she gets pushed aside and has to join another group in the second game. Feel free to change or add anything, the pairing could be Daeho x reader but itās up to you <33
Never alone again - Kang Dae-ho / Player 388
Pairing: Kang Dae-ho / Player 388 x Reader
Summary: After seeing you almost die, Dae-ho swore he wouldn't leave your side ever again.
Warnings: Mentions of death/dying, gunshots (typical squid game stuff), other than that it's just fluff, not proof read (english isn't my first language)
Word Count: ~ 1.2k
A/N: hii! tysm for the request and I hope I did it justice.
You believed Gi-hun from the start. You believed he was right, no sane person would just say stuff like that, right? That they kill each player who gets eliminated? He seemed too damn serious for it to be a lie. And lo and behold, he was right. People. Shot dead. Right in front of you. Red-Light-Green-Light was a traumatic experience. You wanted to quit, you wanted to go home, go home and hug your parents and just be grateful to still be alive.
It was like the universe had turned against you. How wasn't everyone scared out of their minds like you? Was money really all that mattered to them? A heated discussion broke out during the first voting, angry voices yelling at each other, accusing Gi-hun of lying. You took all the courage you had left in you to try and stand up for him, at least make it known that you sided with him. Past experiences, especially your school time, usually made it hard for you to speak up, but that shouldn't really be an issue right now ā You could end up dead, that's what worried you. After the voting, that didn't go your way at all, Gi-hun showed gratitude for your courage to say something and suggested you'd stick with him from now on.
Added to your group were In-ho, the last player who actually voted 'O', Jung-bae and Dae-ho, who were both former marines. While eating the lunch provided to you by the guards, those two immediately bonded over their former occupation, which you found endearing. Even though you were currently still to shy to join in on their conversations, you were content with just having a group you could stick to ā Because you were sure you absolutely wouldn't survive in here alone.
"And, what's your name?" Dae-ho asked, as hd took a seat on the stairs next to you, happily eating his food. When you told him he gasped, almost chocking in the process. "That's my sisters name!" he laughed, nudging your shoulder with his. You just replied with a little "Oh? No way." and then he began rambling about his life, about his four sisters, about how his father sent him to be a marine and so on. He closed his monologue saying "Anyway, that's a really pretty name." and then proceeded to ask you for your leftover food. He made you laugh, which was nice considering you all were stuck in this hellhole.
In Dae-ho's opinion, you two had a lot in common, even if you didn't at all. He suggested you slept in the bed right under his which was.. well, free now after the first game. At night, you couldn't help but overthink your interactions with not only him, but the other three guys, too. They were so nice and welcoming. All of them had a special attribute that will probably be useful in the coming few days.. and you? You had the feeling that you brought nothing to the table.
The next day, a vast majority of the players went into the second game with the impression that this will be Dalgona, like Gi-hun predicted. Apparently not. The female voice over the speakers ordered the players to form groups of five. "Ah, how perfect," In-ho smiled, "guess we'll be a group then." You looked between the men, nodding in agreement and just when you were about to say something-
"Excuse me, are you maybe searching for one more person-?"
"Oh, no I'm sorry, we're actually already five peo-"
"I'm pregnant."
The girl cut Jung-bae off, resting her hands on her pregnant belly. You raised your eyebrows in shock and no one really seemed to know what to do next. Oh, you felt bad for her. She must've been very desperate if she entered the games while being pregnant. You five were just looking at each other confused, until you took a deep breath: "It's okay, I'll find another group. She needs to be with people she can absolutely win with." You looked at the girl and she looked back, slowly giving you a grateful smile. "No it's okay I'll go-" Dae-ho tried to say, but you waved him off, shaking your head.
"Well.. No, you can't just.."
"Dae-ho," In-ho said in a low tone, putting a hand on his shoulder, "she's pregnant." he said, like Dae-ho needed a reminder of what was right in front of him. You weren't that important to the team anyways, and that girl needed your help. So, it was decided, and in the end you did find a team of three players who voted 'X', like you, and one who didn't. You felt fairly safe with these people and even if you didn't, you didn't have much of a choice.
The game was a six-legged pentathlon with five mini games you had to split between each team member to complete. Watching the first few teams go was an absolute adrenaline rush, given the small amount of time of five minutes, the first few players were shot on sight pretty early on. This made you nervous to the point where you could throw up. Your original group was sitting a few meters away from youd current one and you did lock eyes with Dae-ho quite a bit, him giving you reassuring glances or a thumbs up. You mustered up a smile, trying yo calm your thoughts down.
I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this-
Oh but you could. Your team, which came before Gi-hun's, barely made it over the finish line with three seconds to spare, making the crowd of waiting players roar and cheer and yell "Good job!". The most time you lost was at Gonggi, thankfully not your mini game. Being able to beat yours on the first try filled you with the confidence you needed, which was probably the only thing that kept you up on your feet. Speaking of which, the shackles, that bound your left leg together with the player next to you, were taken off of them and you were free to go. Well, back into the dorm area.
Anxiously, you sat on your bed and waited, for your team. Players streamed in, one after the other, just not the ones you were so desperate to see. You were biting your fingernails, your thoughts being flooded with the fear of them all just dying, being left alone to survive this shit.
Suddenly, you heard a voice call out for you. It was Dae-ho (who else?) who basically sprinted to you. Before you could even stand up to reciprocate his hug, he pulled you up into his arms, squeezing the air out if his lungs. "Do you know how scared I was?" he sounded really out of breath. You didn't reply, just hugged him back the best you could and watched Jung-bae laugh to himself, watching the two of you. "I'm so glad you're alive! I'll never let you do that again, okay? Next time, I'll be the one to find another group.. not you okay?" His word vomit just wouldn't stop.
"Let's hope there won't be a next time."
"Obviously there won't be, I won't ever let you leave again."
#squid game#squid game fanfic#squid game season 2#squid game x reader#squid games x reader#squid games#kang dae ho x reader#kang dae ho#dae ho#dae ho x reader#player 388 x reader#player 388
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How I entered the void so easily after 1 year of trying
So after 1 year and half of trying to enter I finally did it and I am so mad because it REALLY IS SOOOOO EASY and tbh if in this post you are looking for any sort of validation or info you smart ass already know then please REMEMBER THIS : entering the void is extremely easy. You just have to do it in a way that resonates with you.
Personally for me since I had adhd I couldnāt just stay still and affirm for 1 or even a few for 10 mins. Not just because I was lazy but because just repeating āI am in the voidā for so long gets me tired and makes me think of the void more and you actually donāt want to think too deeep about it. I couldnāt wake 3 hours prior and then affirm or even have the patience to do the psych k, yes I was extremely lazy back then and unpresistent but one thing that helped me even backed then was THE ALPHA STATE MEDITATION !
You just have to find what works for you, find a method technique whatever you want to do that doesnāt seem like a chore. So In a post back then I found on @gorgeouslypink acc talking about doing the alpha sate meditation and I tried it back then and I felt really relaxed and it was a good feeling but like I said back then I was realllly lazy so after a few mins I stopped. Then many months later passed and I was still looking for anything and everything on the void. Then just like two days ago I came across another post which was pretty simple and the technique I used was called the DISTRACTED TECHNIQUE.
All there was to do was the usual you get into a comfortable position and then she said to use the alpha state meditation and used the one gorgeouslypink recommended. So I used it and then what she tell you to do is to just think of anything else just get distracted basically and this WAS SO GOOD 4 ME because back then I had adhd so it made it harder to concentrate on just affirming and so yeah I just thought of random things and then at some point where I was completely distracted I felt my body like lift up š if that makes sense I just canāt clearly describe it. It felt really like a shift and I was like āpanickingā in a way but I wasnāt actually panicking I just kinda became aware what was going and then I got scared a little but I just relaxed shortly after. Also my fan that was making like a loud noises was coming in an out and then I only hear it in one ear and then I didnāt hear anything and I just stayed there wondering if I reached the void and i actually was!!! I didnāt feel my body it felt like I had no body at all and it was pitch black just like how I imagined the void to be. For a few minutes I just stayed there feeling the most surreal peace I have ever felt. I needed that peace fr š.
So then I affirmed for my desires all I said was āI have all my desired results from my subliminal playlist.ā Then just to be extra sure I just said āI have everything I want.ā
At that point I got really excited and then I wiggled my toes to get out because I was too dam happy I needed to see all my shit the moment I wake up and then I slowly started getting out and when I tell you I cried for like a good dam minute when I woke up and saw how DIFFERENT. My room looked. I literally screamed onto my pillow. I was so dam scare and yet excited to see how I looked.
WHAT I MANIFESTED :
Desired body and face
Having silky straight tailbone length hair cuz mines was originally curly
And everything in my sub playlist
My desired boyfriend and guys I made him be like Gojo Satoru ( because we are all delusional over him š¤Ŗ) and let me tell you he is so tall, handsome, sexy and a literal god. He is so silly too š©·
Moving countries I now live in ny
Never actually meeting my ex and all the people in my old school forget me and have actually never even met me. Like if u asked them about me they have never heard or known me before
Extremely rich rich like hella bands
Got rid of my anxiety and mental health issue
Plus +++
NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS.
Even if the circumstances seem to be eating you alive donāt mind that too much. Even if all seems hopeless donāt give up because you already know nothing can decide or be unless you give it power to be. So stop being goofy and take responsibility and DONT STRESS!! You donāt see God stressing do you. All he has to do is blink and whatever he wants to happen, happens. Plus a lot of confidence came from non dualism that I owe a huge thanks to @trynafindbarbiee she really said it like it is !!
YOU GOT THIS ML š©·š©·š©·š©·
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