#plus like...chronic issues like migraines and gi stuff

[chibistarlyte]

i applied for a job and on the application there was a section about disability and how the company strives to hire people with disabilities bc diversity or whatever, so i was looking through the list of what they considered to be disabilities and...by golly do i have quite a few

[tcfkag]

TL;DR - chronic illness and dental anxiety

There is nothing like finally overcoming your inertia, partially due to ADHD and partially due to anxiety (with a healthy side dish of PTSD), to find a new dentist (one that offers sedation dentistry in particular) AND make an appointment AND show up to the appointment.... Only to find out that the x-rays show there are so many issues with your teeth, including a back molar that needs to be extracted (I knew it had cracked or broken at some point in the past, though I'm not sure when, I had at least hoped it was salvageable, and somewhere between 5-10 cavities, such that they didn't even bother doing the basic cleaning because I am going to have to come back to get these procedures done under sedation so they recommended just getting the normal maintenance stuff while I'm "under". Plus, depending on the price and whether insurance will cover some of the cost, the dentist recommended getting Botox injections to help relax my jaw since I have pretty bad TMJ which can trigger migraines. I hadn't known Botox could be effective for TMJ (though I had heard about its use for migraine patients) but if it works, they might get a new Botox customer out of the deal. So now I have to go back for in-erpson appointments at LEAST two more times: once to meet with the nurse/practice manager to go over the planned procedure, get written consent, and also review the estimated cost that won't be covered by my dental insurance, particularly the sedation. Only after THAT meeting can I schedule the appointment. Oh, and the dentist wants to get in touch with my PCP and GI beforehand to confirm there are no contradictions for sedation, so who knows how long that will take. Between a rough year health-wise (physically and mentally), having a two-year-old, moving to a new house, etc etc, I knew my dental hygiene hadn't been exactly A+ levels, but I have to get one molar pulled entirely (I knew it was broken but didn't realize how bad it was), get something like a half-dozen cavities filled, and get the normal cleaning, fluoride treatment, and hopefully treatment for my jaw so that all of the time. Hopefully, spending this much time in the chair doesn't trigger a migraine. Other fun observations from the new dentist: given my immunosuppression and tendency towards gum inflammation, he suggests I use medicated toothpaste from this point on but he also said he saw signs that one of my new medications (or maybe just age) was giving me dry mouth, which encourages the environment that causes things like cavities and gum disease, so I also need a new mouth wash for that too. None of this is ideal, but there is really something about having a bad dentist's appointment that really makes you feel like you're failing at adulthood.

[deadmantalking117]

DR. FEELGOOD

There's an opiod crisis in America. I read about it everyday. Thousands of people who take narcotics to get high. To blunt the pain of whatever is hurting them. Physically, emotionally, whatever. I don't even pretend to have any kind of solution.. I can only offer you an insiders perspective. My very first experience with the good stuff was right after I got married. I'd had a migraine for the third straight day.. I'd get them several times a year.. but this one wouldn't stop. My mom says enough is enough.. I'm taking you to urgent care. Kat had the kids.. otherwise she'd have driven.. she was concerned by now as well. Never had one last this long. At the urgent care.. the guy checks me out.. "are you allergic to anything?" "Are you ok with a couple of shots.. we'll get you feeling better" Not allergic.. hate shots.. but ok fine Demerol and Thorozine Nectar of the Gods I remember it to this day. Full disclosure time. I'm 24 now.. haven't yet run into the issues that are about to start soon. I dont really drink.. been drunk a handful of times. But I dont drink.. just never cared for it.. don't like the taste, don't like the feeling. I smoked some pot when I was 20-21 but I was always paranoid about getting busted.. plus now I have kids.. and you know what that means.. no money for pot. Tried cocaine a couple times. Kat and I would get a little for "date night". But we're talking birthday or anniversary stuff. So, pretty vanilla for a party guy. Just wasn't much of a chemical romance for me. My how things do change. Demerol and Thorozine No ecstasy so wonderful.. no bliss so complete. I went from being almost blind with pain.. to walking on a cloud.. I floated out the door to mom's station wagon. Such a pretty station wagon! My God.. look at that wood paneling! It sooo beautiful! I opened the door and folded myself in half to get in. Mom says "whatcha doing?" I don't wanna hurt the car by banging into it.. It's so tiny and beautiful... "I think you're covered.. put your feet on the floor.. put on your seatbelt please" Home again after the beautiful magic carpet ride full of neon and colors. In mom's beautiful woody station wagon. I floated thru door.. "Oh my, you look better" Kat laughs You are sooo. Pretty ! You know what would great ? Brownies! And sex!.. and sex brownies! And pizza.. we should have everybody over and BBQ. I'm going to lay down for few minutes, watch a movie.. but then sex brownies! Zzzzzzzz. 2 days later when I started coming around. I honestly have never felt that good in my life. 2 days of being completely pain free.. and floating on clouds. Never before.. certainly not since. The problem with being in chronic pain is this. It's chronic.. that means it NEVER stops. Some days arent too bad. You feel crappy... but honestly.. any person over 40 is familiar with feeling pain every single day. I just got a big headstart from everyone else. A lot of days.. far too many days. The pain is crippling. But most people like me have to figure out how to have a life despite that. So, on we soldier. I'm mid 30's... just really getting bad sick. My doctor is an Internist. The kind of general doctor that does innards. Dr. Feelgood was an amazingly good doctor. Everyone in town knew and loved him. Everything's going wrong all the time.. But Dr Feelgood is working overtime to fix it. I'm in serious pain.. everyday.. all day. But he gives me pain meds. Vicodin, Percocet, fiorinol, demerol, pills, patches, shots. We tried everything. I had access to sleeping pills, xanax, valium. Not all at once of course. But in hefty doses. I was dying.. and I just wanted it to be as pain free as possible. Dr. Feelgood was trying his best. There was a point in my life.. because of the years of taking so many narcotics.. I could take absolutely lethal doses without getting even a little buzz. I could get a migraine.. which at the time was common. Go into the office and get a shot of demerol.. and off to work I'd go. It got rid of the pain ok. But no more highs for poor Steve. The party is long over.. and I'm still always in agony. This was a big reason why I quit everything all at once. For the past 5 years Dr Feelgood has been banging his head against my wall. But we had the opportunity to move to another state.. I'd had my 2nd resection.. so this was as good as it was going to get. Off we go. For the next 3 years.. nothing. Some good days.. some bad.. but no drugs at all. But reality does tend to insert itself. The fact of my life is.. I Have to use narcotics most days..and there are millions of people like me. Used properly they are a miracle for us. Buy there are too many people who see how glamorous its is.. being a drug addict looks like one long party for Steve... lets try it! I do make it look glamorous. The problem today in 2017 is the government is seriously clamping down on legitimate prescriptions for legitimate patients. Every time my doctor prescribes narcotics. She gets a letter from uncle Sam. It tells her all the good drugs she's given out vs. How much other doctors have written. You never want to be on the naughty list. Dont stand out! That means they now have to ration out the good stuff. They can't have several patients getting narcotics. So those of us who have a legitimate reason to take them. Can't always get them. Most doctors practices will not even take you as a patient if you are on narcotics! Wont even talk to you about it. So here's my current nightmare. If I lose my current doctor.. I may not be able to get another.. ever. All because of the opioid epidemic It's happened already.. About 12 years ago.. after my 3rd bowel resection.. my GI. said we could try... Morphine. It's good for guts like yours. It helps with pain.. it causes constipation.. which can balance the scales with the diarrhea you always now have. Cuz of the fact that you have almost no intestines left. But there's rules.. you can only get so many per month. There will never be more. Don't ask. No other drugs from any other doctors. Ever. No drug seeking behavior. Ever. Dont feed it after midnight or get it wet. In 12 years I've never broken the rules. Not once. But I had started going to a pain management Doctor. She took over all prescriptions.. but same rules. Thats what they do. And again.. I followed the rules. But she was willing to up the doses over the years. And eventually I was getting some pretty good amounts. Now to be clear. I haven't gotten high from morphine since almost ever. It just helps the pain some.. keeps my guts pretty calm. But one day I get a form letter.. they're closing down the pain management aspect of their practice because of government pressures. Too much hassle. So I go back to my original GI who started me on it, to take it back over. But he just had to retire after serious back surgery. And his partner wont talk to me. RuhRow! What do I do Scooby doo? I was lucky enough to find someone for about a year.. she cut me way down.. but at least there was something. But this isn't really her specialty.. and she's getting the letters from uncle Sam. So.. fuck it.. I quit ! Cold turkey.. I planned it out so I could take off a month from work. Stocked up on ensure.. and T.P. Got ready for withdrawls. They were as horrible as you see on t.v. or movies. Basically it's like having the flu really bad for a couple weeks. After a month I was clean.. but my new nightmare was in full view. I am missing a large portion of my intestines after 3 bowel resections. It's called Short Bowel Syndrome. Everything that goes in.. goes right back out.. fast. No sight seeing along the way. If course the rapid pass through causes severe spasms and pain. I could no longer leave my bedroom. Not ever. I was on the toilet 10 times a day or more. And I barely ate at all. My new GI wasn't to happy about going the morphine route. I remember our appointment a couple months after I'd quit cold turkey. I wrote down my reasons why I wanted her to put me back on. I was bawling as I tried to convey how miserable I was.. I wanted my sad pathetic life back! I don't want to only be able to get out of bed so I could shit myself to death. I begged like dog. She agreed at a much lower dosage.. and of course.. all the same rules apply. Most days.. it's not even close to enough. But at least I can get out occasionally. Work a few hours a week. Play Pokemon Go with the grandkids and my beautiful wife. I get to have some little bit of a life. If anything happens to her.. or she just decides otherwise. My life will literally be over. My entire life is on the line. Every month. I go to pick up my refill prescription from her.. I think.. is this the month she cuts me off? I don't wanna die. I didn't do anything wrong. I don't have the answer to any of this. All I know is that there are thousands, maybe millions of people in this exact same boat. Narcotics are the only thing keeping them alive or letting them have some measure of relief from pain that you couldn't imagine in your worst dreams. Our governments solution right now is to take away all narcotics from everyone.. let God sort 'em out. Crack down on doctors who are trying to keep them alive. Cut funding for rehabilitation services and mental health. The 2 best tools to curb the opiod epidemic. These are just facts I'm sorry to say. I just don't understand how they can be so callous and cruel. I didn't do anything wrong. I don't deserve this.

[deadmantalking117]

DOCTOR, DOCTOR - GIMME THE NEWS!

This one kinda weirds me out. A lot. When I began writing these essays, one idea kinda lead to the next. One memory lead to another. So, my brilliant and beautiful wife said. "You should use the notepad feature on your phone to list all the different things that you've had, to keep them in order " That turned out to be a really great idea. But it quickly became a huge undertaking of a couple days. One memory leads to another. When I added all the mundane things that everyone goes through or the one-offs, one time ER trips... it got insanely long. As you're about to see... Mundane = everyday regular stuff Special= diseases, surgeries, tests, procedures, etc. One-offs = accidents and injuries 0 THROUGH 10 YEARS OLD Mundane- -Birth -Measles -Mumps -Rubella -Chicken pox (Had all my vaccinations) -Colds or flus -Various cuts scrapes bruises burns -Cavities, fillings, regular dental work Special- -Asthma attacks (3 years old) Spend a couple days in hospital for tests -Rhuematic fever (before 2 years old) High fever, almost died -Migraine headaches (since 4 years old) -Salmonella food poisoning (9 years old ) The whole town! From my sister's defective birthday cake. My first taste of Crohns One-offs- -Broken left little finger (3 years old) Feeding a goldfish, pulled over a dresser Left hand splint / half cast -Rusty nail through left hand (9 years old) Couple stitches / tetanus shot -Fish hook to the face (10 years old) Cut out hook / couple stitches inch below left eye 10 THROUGH 20 YEARS OLD Mundane- -Colds or flus -Various cuts scrapes bruises burns -Regular dental work Special- -Migraines (since 4) -Spend week in hospital (13 years old) Undergo a battery of tests to figure out why a kid gets migraines. During one test, I stop breathing and need emergency resuscitation. Allergic reaction to xray contrast. -Hangovers (18 and up) It's why I don't drink! -Grease burns from working in fast food. It happens. One-offs- -Went to ER twice as a teen for concussions from playing football with friends. -Caught an iceball from my cousin, in my left eyeball. Scratched cornea, ER visit to clean it. Eye patch for a week. -Ran over a wasps nest while mowing. Stung 12 times. -2nd degree sunburn over 75 percent of my body. Fell asleep on the beach. One giant blister, got lidocaine spray from ER. -Had all 4 wisdom teeth plus 2 others extracted at same time. -Catastrophic bike accident. Ripped most of the skin from hands, arms, knees, damage to chest, legs, and face. So much blood! 20 THROUGH 30 YEARS OLD Mundane - -Colds or flus -Various cuts scrapes bruises burns -Regular dental work Special- -My first real medical tests Blood tests - xrays - MRIs - CAT scans Upper and Lower GI series. -abscess near rectum Cut and drain in Dr. Office -Fistula. The long tear from my intestines through the muscle and tissues until it formed the abcess. -Surgery to repair the fistula (my very first major surgery!) -1st Bowel resection. Removed part of small intestine. Removed the appendix (Surgery #2) -Left inguinal hernia post resection surgery -Surgery to repair hernia (Surgery #3) -Cyst on left testicle (also post surgery, no idea why) cut and drain in Drs office. -Migraines (always) -High blood pressure is permanent (start pills) One-offs - -Root canals 30 THROUGH 40 YEARS OLD Mundane- -Colds or flus -Various cuts scrapes bruises burns -Regular dental work -Glasses eye exams -Hypertension -Migraines Special - -Dozens of ER visits and extended hospital stays for Crohns disease. Hundreds of medical tests. Hundreds of needles. Dozens of xrays et al. -Bowel resection #2. Remove more small intestine ( Surgery #4) -Duodenal ulcer -Peptic ulcer -Five blood transfusions to replace severe blood loss from 2 different ulcers. Required 2 years of regular AIDS test as precaution. -Severely bloody stools from ulcers -Surgically insert central line IV access for easier access. Three long tubes dangling from my right side ribcage. Needs to be flushed and cleaned daily. Its inconvenient. Gets swapped out for.. -Infuse-a-port. A titanium drum inserted under the left collar bone, under the skin. For easy IV access. My veins are mostly destroyed by now. I have it removed a year or so after. -Regular colonoscopies from now on ! -Arthritis issues (getting older) -Skin irritation around nose and mouth during flare ups. Requires prescription creams One-offs - -Pneumonia (too much time in hospitals) -Another 2nd degree sunburn. On legs only. From surf fishing in ocean. Because meds I was taking made me very susceptible to sun. I wore long sleeves, but standing in water up to my ribs so I thought I'd be ok in shorts. I wasn't. Couldn't walk for 3 days. Blisters everywhere. -Narcotic withdrawls. After I walked away from everything at 40. 40 THROUGH 50 YEARS OLD Mundane - -Colds or flus -Various cuts scrapes bruises burns -Regular dental work -Glasses eye exams -Migraines -Hypertension -Aging issues (pulled muscles, aches, pains) Special - -Many ER visits and extended hospital stays for Crohns disease. Tests, needles, etc. -Third bowel resection. Emergency surgery after ER trip. (Surgery #5). -Kidney stones. They're just starting -Fake heart attack. Feels real enough! First series of heart tests. Stress test, etc. Already showing signs of damage and hardening. -Pneumonias (more common as you age) -Regular colonoscopies at least every 3 years -Face flare ups during Crohns flares -Arthritis confirmed in hips,hands, knees One-offs - -Dentures. Vomiting all the time and chronic malnutrition are really bad for teeth. -Perforated left ear drum from water skiing wipeout. Forced water into the ear canal at high velocity. Ow. Deaf in left ear for several days. -Passed out from new blood pressure meds. Busted head on toilet seat. 4 stitches above left eye. Tell everyone I was mugged! It's a better story. -Got foreign object in right eye. Scratched cornea. ER to clean out. Prescription eye drops. Eye patch for a week. -Remicade treatments that crippled me. Couldn't walk, couldn't barely move, fell down, couldn't get up, crawled to phone, had daughter take me ER. Big dose of prednisone and I'm mobile again. Discover it's my new Crohns treatment causing the problem. Stop treatments and after 6 months, I'm back to mostly normal. 50 THROUGH 58 YEARS OLD Mundane - -Colds or flus -Various cuts scrapes bruises burns -Regular dental work -Glasses eye exams -Hypertension -Migraines -Old age sucks ( pulled a back muscle badly taking a shower ) Special - -ER Visits and hospital stays for Crohns disease. Tests, needles, blah,blah,blah. -Colonoscopies like clockwork -Occasionally kidney stones -Mononucleosis (don't ask) -Pneumonias (started getting vaccinated) -Valley fever. A ball of fungus in my upper right lung, common in southwest. Potentially dangerous. Requires lung biopsy. -Sleep apnea. Diagnosis from lung doctor after valley fever diagnosis. -New heart issues. During routine physical the doctor wants a routine EKG. He's panicked. I have to go to a Cardiologist tomorrow for stress test or die. He's already set it up. -Stress test. There's new problems! We need to put you in the hospital right now. We think you're going to die right now. Need angiogram. -Angiogram. They shave you down "there". Insert a long thin camera from your groin to your heart. Inject dyes. Watch the action. Everything looks ok here! Keep checking back every 2 or 3 years from now on. One-offs - I quit going outside. Wrapped my body in bubble wrap. Too tired to get hurt. I'm currently waiting for a meteor to crash through my roof. WOW! JUST... WOW! 58 years of living seems to have involved a ton of medical assistance. But here's the thing. If I were to strip away all the special things.. a lot of which aren't really that special. And all the one-offs, things which happen to lots of people, accidents will happen! Take all that away, and there's still years of regular stuff that everyone deals with. And as we age, there are more and more everyday issues that we all must cope with. The healthiest people in America, still have accidents. The healthiest people in America still get older. Half the things on my list are very common ailments. Healthcare effects every single human being. My list is ridiculously long. But take a few minutes, make your own list. You dont have to write it all down. Just spend a little time seeing how much you can recall. I'll bet it's way longer than you realize. Mine certainly was! Be well my friends