#like all the Rito man

[smilesrobotlover]

For a reel on Instagram. Unfortunately I couldn’t download it with the audio so here it is. Just imagine Jerma cussing out a child

[kiddokori]

things i like about totk so far: the depths,

i am going to be so completely honest i thought id be able to think of more. um. this is awkward

[inkedmyths]

Totk thoughts so far (SPOILERS sorry I'm on mobile and don't remember how to add a Read More)

I'm having a lot of fun!! The added game mechanics, new items, new map additions, new monsters... its all making for a great experience, and not just a carbon copy of BotW. The greater focus on characters and story is a huge bonus as well, I'm having a ton of fun with that.

That being said... the game seems really hesitant to reference the events of BotW in some ways? Like I understand leaning away from it in an effort to not be just another BotW, but like. No mention of the Divine Beasts? What happened to all the Ancient Sheikah tech? Mechanically, most of it has been replaced by the Zonai stuff, it seems, but where did it all go in the first place?

Maybe it is explained, and I just haven't come across it/gotten to that point, but in some ways, the lack of explanation seems very weird and makes parts of the story suffer for it.

Mind you I haven't delved extremely deep into the story yet, but its been bugging me the entire time. Like, this weird attempt at balancing it for "new players" (who is playing this without knowing at least the story of BotW...) and still being a direct sequel... idk. Maybe this is the attachment to BotW and its mechanics and story.

[sovaharbor]

i have an au that lives in my head where sova is actually a radiant but he doesn't know it BECAUSE. i think ice (and therefore snow) powers obviously make the most sense for him. but i think him having a secondary ability where he just ages slower than normal.... at a Glacial pace..... hahaha......... would be really funny. like that being what manifested first for him, way back when first light happened 13-14 years ago and he was still in the military, and he's like fresh out of a war with half his friends looking haggard as fuck because war AGES a mfer. but he's over there looking like he's still freshly 20 just :D lalalalalala! and nobody questions it. ever. especially him. he looks at himself in the mirror and is just like yep that's a normal thirty-something year old. and then later on out of nowhere rooms start getting colder while he's in them, his body temperature DROPS and sage is briefly so concerned until it turns out he's completely fine, just sitting at a casual 95 F body temperature now. and then later it turns into his breaths misting when he gets upset or his tears turning into little snowflakes, and eventually one day during a mission he just EXPLODES and there's ice fawking EVERYWHERE.

i also think. personally. after the email from sage -> brimstone, where sage is like 'i think we need to reclassify what the protocol considers a radiant' it could be reaaaalllly interesting to, like...maybe make some commentary re: extended close exposure to radianite? like. sova's EYE. that is IN HIS EYEBALL SOCKET. which is obviously IN HIS HEAD. is giving him 24/7 constant close exposure to radianite. it is literally so close to his BRAIN. and ur gonna tell me that won't change a mfer? okay......

[morninkim]

Rise of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers - Count Dregon and his Generals

A prince from a peaceful planet. Twin nobles from a desert world. All three exiled from their homes, all three bent on revenge on those that wronged them. Meet Count Dregon, Nefaria and Scorpina!

Background and story stuff under the cut!

Dregon, formerly Prince Rex of Edenoi, believes in Edenoi's old ways of warfare and conquest. He was banished from the planet years ago for instigating an uprising against his peaceful father, King Lexian, that left his face scarred. Now clad in a golden mask and armor, he has conquered Edenoi after decades away and now sets his sights on Earth to follow his nephew Dex, the newest Masked Rider and sole survivor of the royal family. Dregon's ultimate goal is to claim the Masked Rider powers for himself, his birthright.

Nefaria and Scorpina were formerly members of one of the desert planet Lamari's noble houses. The two were mischievous and cunning, committing petty theft and assault often to test the limits of what they could get away with. That is until Scorpina stole three golden bands from a wealthy crime boss, the enchantment on them cursing her left arm with a disfigurement that would be hard to cover up. Instead of covering for them this time, their family heads cast them out to salvage what little reputation they could.

Years later, the two encountered Dregon in a shady saloon, telling him of their story - with some embellishments to guarantee his pity and net them some credits for the week. Dregon did take pity, but instead of simply giving them a few credits and sending them on their way, he allowed them to stay on his ship. The only condition being they must lend their skills to his growing army of Insectivores.

The twins accepted, with Dregon's army growing in number and power over time, eventually strong enough to invade Lamari. And invade they did, conquering the planet with little resistance. Dregon allowed Nefaria and Scorpina the opportunity to personally execute the families that wronged them, save for the crime boss. The one who had owned Scorpina's cursed bands had already fled far, far away, deep into space prior to the invasion.

The twins declared themselves the Queens of Lamari, appointing Dregon the title of Count. The trio then continued their conquest across the galaxy, crushing all who would defy them.

[meringuejellyfish]

the music for the colgera battle is quite delightful (wow i just need to say i like it. goodness) its a shame i couldnt really properly hear it while actually playing on account of having to sit right next to a loud ac but listening to it fully the other day was nice. took me a few weeks but i can appreciate it now - and listen ... im a simple guy, the rito village theme being incorporated into a section of it is just wow :-( ....... big leitmotif fan. walking into zoras domain is going to kill me

[waywardsalt]

man i understand jack shit about whatever subtext or depth or whatever there was to wind waker

[the-knife-consumer]

Ggrrr while im thinikg about it im SO sad we have. Pretty much no story about teba

[fairy-lights-and-blobs]

And Danny would be so upset that so much of the fate of this world seems to hinge on This One Kid.

Before, it was weird that whatever entities govern the place would let it get THIS bad.

But now? After having to pluck Link out of the path of a charging Silver Lynel when the random civilian asking for help swore it was a red one instead?

Now it's personal.

He's not going to let his the kid go at it alone.

Fortunately, Danny had the bright idea to refuse to wear the Crown. But in return, His Fuzzy Majesty has taken a liking to him, and no one's going to tell a Ghost Bear he can't name a Halfa as a Knight.

Well...no one is also stupid enough to tangle with a bear, so Danny's job as a Knight has been fairly stress-free.

Still, the power boost (and the neat plate armor) is handy, while he's still not yet strong enough to Ascend to the ranks of the Ancients.

Now, if only the kid could stop throwing himself off various cliffs and towers, maybe his heart could catch a break.

And now they're...up in the sky.

Ok, then. There's sky islands in the place. Neato.

Danny's just gonna...just gonna grab Link and carry him everywhere so he can't throw himself off the sky islands SEVERAL KILOMETERS UP IN THE AIR!

No, he doesn't care that you have a paraglider, or a gliding suit. Link, you have noodle arms compared to your new friend dad, let Danny do the commuting from up here to the ground.

Great black wings, speckled with starlight, spread wide as they prepare to return to the Surface.

One great perk of being made of Sentient Goo capable of rewriting itself as needed? Danny gets wings and a tail to fly with, and it's far more easy to turn and bank as necessary than having to constantly focus on his direction when flying as a ghost.

Down below, Farosh glides lazily through the air as a blur starts falling, it's wings tucked in like a diving kestrel, wingtips extending past the figure's feet as they trail stardust through the night sky (imagine Flight Rising Imperial dragon wings, but the finned tail from Cludjumper from How to Train Your Dragon) like a falling star.

The light thump of an arrow greets the serpentine dragon as they love to investigate, the itch of a loose scale vanishing as the clever little Champion dislodges it from their hide in a masterful shot.

Hmm, the little Hylian has a new parent since last any of the dragons has seen him, and this one comes equipped to aid the little ball of energy in his galivanting across the sky. The older one carries on him the scent of Death, and a seedling of something Greater steadily growing in his chest.

Perhaps...things are not quite as bleak as they have seemed until now.

Perhaps Naydra might be happy to know their little Chosen, Princess Zelda, has some unexpected reinforcements on the way.

Certainly, with the way the older man flew unencumbered even by heavy armor, and didn't even flinch at having to dive suddenly to dodge the uncontrollable thunder that Farosh has been constantly plagued with since their own Ascension, it's looking more and more likely that this time, things just might be resolved for good.

(I'm happy you enjoyed my ideas. Your Dragon AUs do terrible terrible things to my maladaptive daydreaming, and I had to put dragon wings on the Danno. Too bad he's considered a baby in all ghostly regards. His wings are just a little too big for his human body, like how baby animals have paws too big for the rest of their bodies too. Also, trying to steer away from Ghost King Danny, and instead he ended up a kinda-Paladin Knight. Hope this is good? Or at least coherent?)

Prompt 220

Danny has made a delightful discovery. Blob ghosts can in fact change their shape! Sure it’s simple shapes, but still! He has a school of flying blob fish and blob cats following him around and they’re adorable. And it’s not like most people can see them outside of Amity anyway, so they’re fine to follow him around as they like. 

Though maybe he should have remembered that the most doesn’t mean no one can see them. Um, hello? Feral stabby child?? No you can not steal some of his friends??? Where are your parents???? 

[lardguz]

A Hero's Buttery Addiction

Just a little short thing this time, featuring a certain Hylian hero discovering the joys of cooking with butter! Inspired by @plumpybread whose art helps me visualize how to write larger sizes WAY better than I used to. I know he's like, a legend in the community already but if you haven't seen his work somehow, please check it out! His art is so good!

A cool breeze blew through the air in Rito Village, blowing south from the Hebra Mountains. Link suppressed a shiver, feeling the brisk chill around the bottom of his tunic. He adjusted the feather-lined garment quickly, pulling it down to cover his abdomen, but it immediately started riding up on him as soon as he continued walking. The Hylian grumbled to himself, opting to try and ignore it while he stocked up on supplies at the general store. Link walked into the cozy open-air hut, nodding at the Rito shopkeeper with a warm smile as he piled all of the goat butter the shop had in stock into his satchel. He handed a pouch of rupees to the Rito as payment before walking out of the store to head back out adventuring Hyrule. 

Link didn’t want to admit it to himself, but the Hylian has packed on some pounds in recent months. Once he had discovered the joys of cooking with goat butter, he never looked back, and the delicious, creamy, fattening substance had clearly affected his waistline. The sliver of pale, soft chub that peeked out from his warm Rito Tunic gave him a slight muffin top, and his thighs ever so slightly brushed together when he walked. Link seemed ignorant to these changes to his body, though; mentally, he attributed his tighter clothing to an ill-advised attempt at making a fan powered raft that fell apart, plunging him into icy cold water while fully clothed. To him, the cold water must have shrunk his clothing somehow! It couldn’t have anything to do with his new culinary obsession, surely! 

The pudgy Hylian sat at a cooking pot, sorting through his available ingredients. Link pulled out a slab of prime meat, a large hearty bass, some Hylian mushrooms, and a stick of goat butter. He paused, thinking for a moment. If just one stick of goat butter improved the flavor of a dish so much… Why not use two? Reaching into his bag, Link grabbed another stick of butter, and tossed it into the pot with the rest of the food, watching it melt and coat the meat and mushrooms, sizzling delightfully. As soon as his meal was done, Link immediately took an eager bite, too hungry to wait any longer. The flavors exploded in his mouth, coating his tongue in a rich, oily sensation. This was amazing! He scarfed down the rest of the pile of meat, seafood, and mushrooms, patting his pudgy stomach in satisfaction. Link knew one thing for sure now: he was going to have to keep trying butter in more recipes if it made them taste this good!

 

Months passed, and Link’s reputation for cooking rich, decadent meals for himself grew. Shops all over Hyrule knew to stock up on extra goat butter, as the eager Hylian hero would travel to each and every settlement just to get his fix. As his desire for egregious amounts of butter grew, so did his waistline. Link had absolutely blown up since discovering that adding more butter to his cooking made it taste even better. The Hylian man was undeniably morbidly obese, and many of the citizens of Hyrule were a little bit worried about how rapidly he had descended into obesity, but none of them felt brave enough to try and broach the subject with the rapidly-fattening hero. 

Link has taken to using his Purah Pad to teleport him directly to each town to minimize the amount of walking he had to do. For some reason he had been getting very tired even from brief walks lately, and his horse had been similarly exhausted just from short rides. Link materialized outside the shrine at Hateno Village, taking time to gather himself before the arduous walk downhill towards the general store. He somehow still didn’t realize the cause of his growing problems was the hundreds of pounds he’d packed onto his body in mere months. Link’s body was bloated with lard, to the point that he was nearing half a ton of fat on his once-lithe frame. His face was framed by a set of cherubic chipmunk cheeks, already flushed and sweaty just from a few slow, wobbling steps away from the shrine. His neck was buried under a ring of flab, graduating him from a double chin to a pronounced triple chin. His once-toned arms were replaced with bloated sacks of blubber the size of pillows, sagging down his sides and forcing his arms out at an angle even when not in use. His elbows were long buried under all of this lard, and even his wrists and hands were beginning to plump up at the joints, making bending his fingers and grabbing food a chore. His pecs had ballooned into flabby breasts that were just starting to droop down either side of his gut. The tunic he currently wore, his blue Champions Tunic that he was given over one hundred years ago, was stretched tightly across his chest, functioning more as a bra than a more decent article of clothing and riddled with rips and tears from stretching across so much flab. His former muffin top had graduated into a stack of fluffy love handles, pooling over the straight waistband of his trousers and , when combined with his flabby chest, were half of the reason his arms stuck out at such an angle now. His bloated thighs touched at every point no matter how far apart his spread his legs to walk, forcing him into a pronounced waddle. He couldn’t even bend his knees anymore; the flab from his thighs had long since enveloped the joints, joining his meaty calves in the downfall of his once-proud stride.  

His biggest asset, however, was his gut. The slab of lard was a monument to his gluttony, forming an apron of flab that sagged down to his buried knees. Every slow, measured step he took, his stomach slapped against his meaty thighs, sending his entire flabby body jiggling and wobbling endlessly. The obese hero was sweaty and exhausted after just a few steps, panting and wheezing from the exertion of shifting just under half a ton of fat with every shuffling step, but his craving for butter-soaked food kept him from giving up on his journey to the store.  

When the sweaty, huffing pile of lard finally made it, he shoved the door open with his titanic gut, dreading what came next. Link knew intimately well that doors and him didn’t mix these days, even if he refused to accept or acknowledge why. The Hylian was an absolute wall of flab and rolls, trying to force himself through a tiny doorway. The shopkeeper could only stare in horror and fascination as the legendary hero attempted to squeeze his enormous bulk into the store, wheezing from the exertion. He grabbed the doorframe with his pudgy fingers, trying to force his double-wide hips through, but his rolls and folds were firmly wedged. Link continued panting and groaning, his bulky body oozing around either side of the door frame, when an ominous cracking noise started to occur. Suddenly, with a loud snap, the wood of the doorway and the surrounding walls splintered, and Link stumbled through into the shop, his entire body wobbling from the sudden forward momentum. Barreling forward at speeds his obese form weren’t meant to handle, the lard-laden Hylian hero overbalanced, landing on his cascading gut with so much force that it shook the entire building. Merchandise clattered to the floor from the display shelves as shockwaves rippled through his body like an ocean, and he lay on the floor gasping for air after all of his weight knocked it out of his poor, overtaxed lungs. The shopkeeper looked at the damaged doorway in horror, knowing that no matter how much butter the legendary hero was here to purchase, it wouldn’t pay for the repair costs, especially with his increased visits. Something had to be done about the gluttonous hero, but what? 

After the disastrous incident at the Hateno General Store, shopkeepers around Hyrule had begun taking Link’s purchases to him as he waited outside their shops, to minimize damage done to their buildings. It was a solution, for sure, but many worried about what would happen when Link grew too large to make the short walks to their stores from the teleport points at the towns’ shrines. Many ideas were proposed: shop stalls set up right at the shrines just for Link, some sort of horse and cart system to carry the growing hero to his destinations, even a conveyor belt to carry him to the store entrances was suggested! However, Link ended up solving the problem himself while cooking one day. He’d begun using his Ultra Hand powers to help him grab ingredients once his arms became basically useless at grabbing things around his enormous bulk. As he sat on a log that his fat ass almost completely devoured, using his prosthetic’s powers to move a fourth stick of butter into the cooking pot for the large hunk of gourmet meat he was sauteeing, Link got an idea. He used his fat sausage fingers to switch the function of his hand to the Copy ability, which usually only worked for building materials. He noticed that the sticks of butter were able to be copied, somehow. Confused, Link decided to try it out, multiplying one stick of goat butter into ten, and moving the pile onto his chest where he could inspect them better. The sticks of butter had a gentle greenish-blue glow to them, but otherwise appeared to be normal sticks of butter.  

Link devoured the butter-soaked gourmet meat as he contemplated the glowing butter sticks nestled between his ample breasts when suddenly he was struck by an idea. Straining against the rolls of his arm fat, he craned his overburdened arm towards his chest, grabbing a stick of greenish butter in his fattened hands. Link brought the strange butter towards his pudgy lips slowly, his bountiful lard making it hard for him to reach his mouth with his pillowy arms. He finally shoved the stick of butter into his mouth, the oily fats coating his tongue. His blue eyes lit up as he swallowed: it was incredible! The duplicated butter tasted even richer and more delicious than normal goat butter, and that was without cooking it! Link shoved his hands under his bloated pecs, shifting their mass upwards and forcing the nine remaining sticks of magical butter directly in range of his greedy maw. The greedy Hylian began slurping down the stack of entire sticks of butter while using his Ultra Hand to create more copies, piling them up on his chest within easy eating distance. Link had no idea of the future he had just very quickly resigned himself to with this discovery, but the shopkeepers of Hyrule wouldn’t have to worry about their entryways being broken anymore. 

The citizens of Hyrule whispered about what had become of their legendary hero. Shopkeepers quickly noticed his increasingly-frequent trips to their stores had stopped abruptly, leaving them with mixed feelings of concern for what could have happened to Link, but also relieved that they wouldn’t have to keep paying for hefty repair bills anymore. Only those who were closest to Link knew where he’d ended up, and why he’d disappeared altogether. When asked by any concerned Hylians, they would simply assure them that Link was fine, comfortable, and happily retired from adventuring. 

Sidon, the newly-crowned king of Zora’s Domain, walked swiftly through the thick underbrush of a secluded forest region tucked away from any towns or roaming travelers. The red scaled Zora knew the way to go intimately, having made the journey many times over the year or so he’d been coming here in secret. Plus, it wasn’t too hard to find what he was looking for—All he had to do was follow the sounds of loud gurgling and slurping. Sidon crested the top of a hill, looking down into what had once been a lush, forested valley. The trees had long since been buried, the valley completely filled by a churning, wobbling mass of pale flab. He knew the mountainous blob below him was his most cherished partner, Link, the hero of Hyrule. 

Sidon hopped down from the forested hill, sliding on his finned feet until he landed on the soft form below. It was harder than ever to tell exactly what part of Link’s swollen body he was standing upon, but Sidon was pretty sure it was his stomach. His gigantic gut was constantly stuffed with the replicated butter that Link was somehow constantly creating more of, causing the cascading waterfall of flab to grow more and more every moment as his body worked overtime to convert the literal gallons of butter he consumed into adipose. Sidon could feel the mountainesque stomach below his feet groaning and churning, causing the blobby body of his boyfriend to always be in some sort of state of movement even after long ago losing his mobility.  

The Zora king began the long hike towards the center of Link’s growing mass, clinging desperately to whatever rolls and folds he could grab whenever a particularly strong tremor shifted the oceanic mass like tides crashing upon a shore. Sidon crested the top of Link’s stomach rolls after twenty minutes of climbing, trying to identify more parts of the blob’s body to use as landmarks. He could pretty easily find Link’s breasts due to his nipples, though they were a lot lower down than Sidon was now. Link’s tits were so huge that they’d lost all shape and form, sagging under their weight to the point that they drooped towards the lowest rolls of his gut. He could also guess where Link’s arms were from the location of his chest, gazing at the swollen pancake stacks of rolls directly above the meaty breasts. Sidon figured that Link’s hands must be buried under literal feet of flab at this point, looking at the divots where they’d long ago vanished. Even if he could unearth his fands from all of that lard, there was no way he’d be able to use them for anything aside from his Ultra Hand’s powers; his digits must be so coated in fat that they’d be barely recognizable as hands anymore.  

Once he’d figured out where Link’s useless arms were, finding his head was easy. Sidon looked at the recessed dip in the blobby mountain between the boulder-sized fat deposits that used to be Link’s biceps and forearms towards where a constant flow of glowing green liquid was manifesting and pouring downward into. Sidon swiftly scrambled over Link’s bloated cleavage, taking care not to slip; he’d once made that mistake and it took him hours to wrench his leg free from the cavernous crevasse. Once he’d crested the twin hills of lard, it was easy going from there, as Link’s chins had multiplied into a nice staircase of neck rolls. As he descended down, Sidon entered what could only be described as a cavern of fat formed by the encroaching mass of Link’s flabby jowls and collapsing back rolls. He followed the green glow of magically-duplicated butter deeper into the humid cave, the sounds of hungry slurping and desperate moans growing louder and louder. Finally, Sidon reached the end of the vast fat cave and approached his boyfriend’s bloated face eagerly.  

Link’s face was no longer recognizable, so covered in flab that no distinguishable features remained. Fat has long ago collapsed over his forehead, covering his eyes completely. His pointed ears were buried between rolls of cheek and back fat, as was his golden hair. All that remained was his mouth, though even that wasn’t enough to recognize him by. His lips had plumpened considerably, and were pinched between his engorged jowls into a permanent pout as he sucked down hundreds of gallons of melted magical butter. Sidon didn’t mind though, he loved Link no matter how fat he got. The Zora hero plopped himself down on one of Link’s cheeks, kissing his partner’s flabby face before settling down to watch him eat for a while. One thing was for sure, Link sure made a comfortable bed no matter where you laid on him now. 

[saphronethaleph]

Destined Trials

Link frowned, concentrating ferociously, and considered all the information he had available to him.

There had to be a weakness…

He glanced to his side, at Zelda, then glowered at Ganondorf… and, suddenly, he saw it.

Time slowed for a moment.

“What time did this take place?” Link asked.

“Oh, ah…” the Rito said, frowning to herself. “I suppose it was… yes, it was the day after the solstice. I remember I was very pleased with the balalaika my wife had got me. The window was closed when I went into my room, then I was playing the balalaika, and when I went into the room the next time it had been broken – I don’t know when.”

“The day after the solstice,” Link reiterated, looking up at Ganondorf. “And yet the previous witness said that my client was present for every meal during the solstice day celebrations, and for the three days afterwards. There simply wasn’t time for him to get all the way there and back during the time the crime was committed.”

“There are, of course, high speed connections between the cities,” Ganondorf said.

“Not during the day after the solstice,” Zelda spoke up. “That day is a nationwide public holiday and public transit is on a volunteer only basis. All long distance train travel on those dates is stop to stop only, which doesn’t leave enough time for the crime to be committed.”

Ganondorf glowered at them.

“Then who do you suggest was responsible?” he asked.

“That isn’t something we have to prove,” Link replied. “This is a trial of a person. It’s not a trial to punish someone, it’s a trial to determine if a specific person should be punished.”

Later, after the decision had been reached, Zelda approached Ganondorf with Link a pace behind.

“You knew the person you were prosecuting hadn’t done it,” she said, without preamble.

“That’s quite an accusation,” Ganondorf replied, urbanely. “If you intend to sue me over it, I can identify a very good prosecutor I suggest you use… of course, I’d need to be assigned a public defender team.”

He smirked. “And, besides, I’m a lawyer. My job is to argue in favour of my side. That’s it. When you’re defending someone, do you defend them any less well if you think they’re guilty?”

“It’s a lot harder to defend someone who’s guilty, but mostly because they did it,” Link contributed.

“Our job is to make sure that justice is served, and that means making sure you have to work for everyone who gets punished,” Zelda declared, then frowned slightly. “But… why are you a lawyer, exactly?”

She indicated the seven-and-a-half-foot, immensely strong man facing her. “I know it’s a bit off topic, but… you look like someone who should be a prize winning athlete.”

“Destined combat,” Ganondorf replied, blandly. “Make no mistake – you, and I, and the twink over there are destined to battle down the ages, again and again. The Princess, the Hero, and the Beast of Despair.”

Zelda and Link exchanged confused glances.

“But this time… I wasn’t feeling it,” Ganondorf continued. “Being slain is extremely painful, you know, and I didn’t much fancy being stabbed to death with eleven hundred arrows made of magic superlaser this time. I’d much rather do all the epic prophesied battle, then settle down to a retirement somewhere in the upper slopes of a mountain range overlooking Gerudopolis… and enjoy some wine, once in a while.”

“...so… you became a lawyer?” Zelda asked.

“Of course,” Ganondorf agreed. “Being stabbed to death with eleven hundred arrows made of magic superlaser is extremely rare in a courtroom, and I figured you two would end up following me anyway so being a prosecuting attorney seemed like the profession with the highest salary while involved in combat. Though do let me know what you think of the alternatives… I was wondering about archaeology, but that seemed to have entirely too high a risk of accidentally uncovering a magical artefact that would need to be destroyed and an epic non-metaphorical battle.”

His voice became distant. “Perhaps I should try a band, one of these lives. Ganon and the Dorfs. It might catch on…”

“Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?” Zelda whispered to Link. “Because if he’s trying to get me to question my life choices and why a royal princess is working in a public defender’s office, it’s kind of working.”

[blueskittlesart]

Can I ask about Rito character design? I love the Rito in botw/totk, so I was honestly a little disappointed when I saw how different they are in ww. (I know it's probably at least in part due to hardware limitations but still) I'd love to hear your thoughts!

this is going to be less of a real unpacking of the character design choices and more of me dunking on zelda character designers because somehow it took them literal years and multiple tries to design a race of bird people that didn't look like DOG SHIT.

hiromu arakawa's first attempt in the oot manga was decent. the watarara are weird-looking enough to fit in with the rest of oot's questionable creature design but also don't look like an affront to nature. we could have just gone with this

but for some reason the wind waker character designers got it in their heads that bird people had to be more person than bird, and also somehow that BEAKS were the one bird feature that had to remain on an otherwise human face and body.

why did we do this. why do they still have human mouths underneath the beaks. why do they not have wings even though the one actual story-relevant implementation of this race involved one of them FLYING AROUND. who approved this

honorable mention to the horrible race of human-faced birds with human tits who make the worst noises known to man from twilight princess. someone needs to be executed for this

they FINALLY managed to get it ALMOST perfect in botw. somehow they went from human-faced titbird into World's Sexiest Parrot Man and managed not to fuck it up. This is why you need to hire furries if you're making an anthropomorphic nonhuman race. i guarantee if there had just been one single furry working on wind waker we would have gotten this 15 years sooner

are the botw rito perfect? no. if i were designing them i would have gotten rid of the bird titties and made the female rito color-accurate to real birds but all in all this is an INSANE improvement considering where we started. please god just hire furries

[weepingtalecowboy]

Four and the wind mage

Fanfic prompt: all good things are three , right

Vaati has one attempt left at reincarnation before it becomes cringe worthy like ganondorf

So what if after the Dead Sea flooded Hyrule

The four sword started rusting under the salty and toxic water (the great sea canonically houses no fish and the Zora left it because it was not inhabitable and became rito)

And almost 200 years later it broke down allowing Vaati who has collected his magic for years to cast one last spell to restore him back to his hylian form

But during it he accidentally or willingly erased his memories because hyrule was gone and presumably his only way to seek revenge because the four sword heroes are all dead and the hero spirit gone

And then hylia decides on a vile yet beautifully ironic joke one last time

And he is reborn as a child named link from Outset Island and also part of the bloodline of the hero he swore to destroy

But his ability to control the wind remains and when link's little sister gets kidnapped by a mysterious bird he takes his ancestor's shield to get her back

As the hero of the wind

When link found himself in the final battle against ganondorf he was filled with rage and not just for his sister

He felt a rage that compelled him to fight back to seek vengeance for something he didn’t even understand

As he pierced the skull off the enemy all he felt was satisfaction

A satisfying feeling off revenge and freedom

He would not sympathize with the man even when he could understand the desperation

Something in his very core was finally avenged something he didn’t even understand

When linked universe happens :

Four meeting the chain and a hero of the winds : calm but confused

Four seeing wind use the exact same wind magic as a particular wind mage : heavy breathing

Four realizing that wind has quite a few personality traits as a certain wind mage like self confidence and a problem with bad mentorship’s: heavier breathing

Four remembering that Vaati has already reincarnated and decided to infiltrate his bloodline and he just has to deal with a wind mage in his family: :(

Four then for his own peace of mind asks dot for the magic hat and puts it on wind just to no longer awkwardly look at him

When wind changed color palette to match Vaati he decided that he really shouldn’t have done it if there even is the smallest possibility of

A bleached wind with wind magic on steroids

Or

me wondering why the toon time line (the toonline) has both a wind mage as the villain but later also a wind mage with the unsettlingly similar abilities as the hero

Vaati can use mind control which he used to control the knights in both his appearances

Wind also has the ability to mind control people (command melody)

Vaati can create hurricanes

Vaati can also teleport at will

Guess what wind can do so too

[critical-birb]

You all know I love 'Revali wasn't an adult yet because of the spots on his cheeks' (and the fact we all collectively pretend to be blind to Kass ahahaha.)

Consider instead as another concept - Rito grow out of their markings around adolecence. Painting them back on is the equivalent of humans wearing makeup to look younger/more attractive.

Birds are attracted by bright colours so giving yourself bright red blush and neon eyeliner makes sense for a Rito trying to make themselves pretty. (The only part of Revali that is yellow is his eyebrows, you cannot tell me he doesn't dye/paint them like that as a beauty choice.)

I think like - Rito Village seems pretty Gendered ™ in the sense that the NPCs talk about all the women singing and the men shooting.

However Kass is a man and his whole career is singing. He isn't bound by gender standards - he is built like a fridge and is a father of five but also wears makeup and sings songs and looks pretty.

Meanwhile Revali is The Standard for men in Rito Village to the point they idolise raising their little boys to be just like him. However he also wears makeup to look pretty. He's petite and dainty and colourful - and also a deadly war machine who could kill you with his eyes closed.

I just....I really like this. Pretty bois.

[zeldadiscussions]

The repeated use of the specific word imperialism in fandom discussions of TotK really bugs me because like… we know what imperialism looks like, right?

Genocide either by murder or assimilation, leadership that is either of the conquering race or loyal to it generally for personal gain, control of the conquered’s resources, and a social climate where the conquerors are considered superior.

But in this Hyrule none of the other races had their cultures erased, they aren’t governed by Hylian leaders and the local leaders’ first priority is taking care of their people, they manage their own trade affairs, and Hylians don’t constantly subject others to put downs about their race.

If a Hylian man dares enter Gerudo Town without the Chief’s permission, they kick him out or put him in jail. That’s how much control the Gerudo have over their own territory and how little being a Hylian matters if you mess with them.

Rauru is accused of hoarding power but he literally gave his secret stones out to the other races and they remain in possession of them to this day.

Basically the only time the other nations seem to actually follow Hyrule’s lead at all is when facing common threats or working towards common goals. Hyrule only ever meddles in other lands affairs either to lend them aid (Link and Zelda fighting for everyone, the folks at Tabantha Bridge Stable providing disaster releif to the Rito, etc.) or requesting aid from them (Rauru and Zelda asking the Sages and Champions to help them fight Ganon[dorf].) They lead like a team leader leads.

Sonia and Rauru didn’t found an empire.

They founded an alliance.

I know I’m beating a dead horse here but to my eyes at least (for now) there is zero solid evidence of Hyrule exerting control over the daily lives of non-Hylians or stealing their resources, two major defining traits of imperialistic rule. Hyrule is at the head of the alliance, yes, but an empire isn’t the only system of governance that has one group or individual at the helm of a coalition. The difference is in the details and the details here are that Hyrule leads the others but it does not dominate them, and that is key.

The only empire in the game would have been the one Ganondorf was trying to force on everyone and that was pretty bluntly depicted as being a bad thing. How can we say it’s pro-imperialistic if the main conflict is preventing the rise of an evil empire?

You can’t effectively analyze a narrative by completely ignoring everything about it and its meta that contradicts a knee-jerk viewpoint. What is even the point of analyzing it at all at that point?

[rosynanapen26]

GANONDORF X READER

I was in hospital for 30 hours and had to start writting the smut part while I was on morphine. Really great decision... 👍 Anyway it's my first Ganon fanfiction so I hope I wrote the character well. I Imagined Ganon in Hyrule Warrior while writting this.

Warnings: SMUT Dubcon (kinda, I just want to be dominated by that man 😳), lust potion and use of force (I like things kinky and hard sorry not sorry) I ain't into villains and bad guys acting like puppies, so don't expect fluffy stuff. He's a bad guy. Not the Demon King for nothing.

On AO3 as well

It's being three years since Hyrule fell. Three years since the castle darkened. There was no sight of the princess anywhere after the king falls. Rumors has it that an evil Gerudo man took the place of the late king and that was the reason why the sun was never in the sky, replace by black clouds, especially close to the castle.

You were always taking a walk in the shopping district of the castle, taking in the songs of the birds and the voices of marchands urging people to buy their stocks. Everything, you would buy it there. But not anymore.

With no more exchanges between the four cities, there was nothing to buy in Hyrule. It was a dead place no matter where you lay your eyes upon. You had to go by feet in Goron city for the spices, Zora domain for the fishes, Rito village for arrows, sugar canes as well as oil and Gerudo town for the fruits. Only apples were growing close to your home and it was getting dimmer and dimmer.

You made plan to get to one place each five days since the travelling was taking you two and a half. One if you were lucky to not incountered monsters lurking.

Today you would be going to Gerudo town to restock. You didn't dare go for some days after hearing more beasts were in the region. Hopefully today it would be calm. You changed for the heat while hiding your head from the gust of sand that were frequent and made your way to the town.

You knew you were closer when the dried grass started disappearing and the rocks made their presence known with their massiveness. They were huge. So big that they curved in the center, almost hiding the sun for any light to go through. And no sunlight in the Gerudo desert meant a chilling cold. Fortunately your clothes were warm enough to support the drop of temperature.

It wasn't warm enough however to keep you from the chill that went all the way through your spine. It seemed darker despite the sun hidden already and the shadow casted next to you gave you the affirmation you weren't alone. With small steps, you turned face to face with a enormous horse. His skin as black as charcol and his mane like fire. Your breath stucked in your throat when you saw the rider.

Ganondorf.  

You would prefer being embushed by ten bokoblins than with this devil. You had at least a chance of getting away with the first.

"What is a girl like you doing here at night?" His gruff voice made the hair on your body stand as his eyes stared at you in the darkness.

You didn't like the attention on you like this, especially from this type of person. You stepped back, hoping to skirt around the man. "Nothing that concern you, sir." But he moved his horse in your way, halting you as the animal tapped its left hoof angrily with a whinny. You almost tripped at its actions.

"I insist." Ganondorf got down his mount, the clacking of his metal armor resonating in the silence as he made his way to you. He felt something special about you and despite having his doubt about a mere hylian, he would get to the bottom of this. Just like the animal was, the man was huge. Some hair escaped from the shawl on your head, his own red free in the wind. "I think you know who I am."

"I really do not know." You wished he would leave you alone. Ganondorf was gorgeous in your opinion, yes, but a danger. An evil being. It wasn't recommend to mess or less talk with him.

He gritted his teeth. "Do not lie to me, little girl." He grasped your wrist forcefully and you let out a painful whine. "Lying to me is like spitting on my face. Showing dirrespect will get you nowhere." Your body struggled against his hold, profanities leaving your lips every second for him. His eyes widened suddendly when a light blind the both of you, but not enough for the man to losen his grip. "That mark—" A twisted smile appeared on his face at the middle triangle glowing on the back of your hand. "So the legend is true. It does exist."

Confused and scared, you didn't falter your movements. "What are you talking about?" Your eyes met, the claws of his armor leaving a gasp from you. "Let me go!"

"I can't do that now with you in possession of something so important." There was a pregnant pause as his eyes gazed over your form. "You could still proved useful after I've taken it." Your brows furrowed in confusion at his words.

"What—"

Ganondorf reached for the glow with one hand while the other was still holding you in mid-air. It felt like he was piercing your skin and you screamed, the light around you growing bigger. By the time the light dismished, your body fell limp. The triangle that was on your hand turned grey, getting a scoff from the man. He smirked nonetheless knowing he was closer to get the power he wanted and deserved.

"Just two more."

•°•°•

Your sleep was over when you were throw on something soft. The action making your body bounced and mind alert. The hair on your skin rose up when your eyes made out a figure.

How long was he there?

"Look who decided to finally wake up." He sneered. You jumped from the bed but a yelp left your mouth when you were held back, tangling on the side of the bed. A gold chain was on your ankle, great.

Your eyes glared at him after colliding with the bedpost. Anything to be far from him although you knew inside that wouldn't stop this monster. "You got what you want Ganondorf. Why am I still here?"

The man chuckled darkly. "Feisty, aren't we?" He started to take off his armor, only the armsets with the claws staying. When he turned around however, red flood on your face. He already seemed built but without a top? The man was buff with muscles, red chest hair contrasting with his skin color. Your eyes broke from the sight immediately, hoping the Gerudo didn't see that.

But, oh, he did. "Enjoying the view small one?" Ganondorf threw the armor far while approaching your form dangerously. His eyes slit, challenging you to lie to him again and that shut you up. It only left you angry at yourself for finding this evil king attractive.

"You will stay here to keep me compagny and do as I say. Better started getting obediant now."

Keeping him compagny? "So now I am your pet?" You murmured unhappy, yanking the chain in resilience.

Ganondorf smirked devilishly, lookind down at you. He sounded condescending. "If you want to call it that way, pet." He emphasized the last word. "But you will watch your mouth soon enough."

"Or what?"

The door knocked suddenly, catching you on guard at who it might be. However, by the smile widening on the Gerudo man, you weren't excited to know. A sheikah entered the room. They look at you briefly and then at him. "Lord Ganondorf, I had found what you requested." The sheikah bowed down, giving the man a vial filled with red liquid.

Ganondorf didn't even look their way, his amber eyes on the vial with a twisted expression. "You're still being loyal after all these years, Sheik. I'm surprised."

"I follow whoever is the enemy of the royal family."

"That'll be all." The Sheika left in a puff of smoke.

"What is that?" Your voice was hoarse from the anxiousness, your gaze between the vial and the man.

"Something to keep you in line. It will bring great excitement to you, don't worry." The Gerudo man thugged the chain toward him, resulting in your body sliding to the end of the bed like a doll. It's like you weight nothing. It got a yelp from you and a booming laugh from him. He gripped the ties harder, bringing your face closer to his after the man crouched. "Open wide." But your mouth stayed close. Ganondorf growled at your disobience, irritated. "Don't start again, girl." He grabbed your cheeks and pressed with his armored claws digging into the skin. "Drink."

You finally let go after looking at him. The liquid ran down your troat. Instantately you felt hot and lighthead. "That fast huh?"

You couldn't keep your eyes off Ganondorf, your silent attraction reavealing itself so easily. "I feel strange."

He positionned himself on top of you, chest in full view. "You understand the effects do you, princess?" That nickname was new but it didn't bother you much as it turned you on more instead. Ganondorf cut the clothes with the sharp tip before grazing your nipples, eliciting a loud moan from you. Your voice ragged and reaching for air. The man continued to massage your breasts. "How does it feels?"

"You bastard—AH!"

He smirked triumphally while sucking the sensitive part. His tongue was hot and moving fast against your nipple. Your breath quickened at the attention your body was receiving. You hate that you love this. "Don't stop..." You whimpered, hiding your face with your hand.

"What was that girl?" You were interrupted by his hand caressing your lower parts. "Mh." Ganondorf gazed down a moment, his grin larger. "You're enjoying this quite a lot I see." The squishing sound of your garment and the juices were making you even more embarrassed.

"Just...." You try to ignore his eyes lingering on you. "Please continue..."

"Certainly princess."

Your lower body was naked as the air caressed your pussy. The man didn't struggle to take off partly his robe, revealing his member pulsing in front of you. Your pupils dilated and your mouth opened. "It won't fit—"

Ganondorf hands grabbed you easily by the hips, putting you on his lap, just over his member. Your owns instantly placed on his shoulders to create distance. "You were so excited to continue this little game." His voice resonated in your ears like honey, earning another whimper.

"I—"

His armored hand grabbed your cheekbones with power while you watched him with a mixture of lust and fear. "I'm in charge here girl. Don't command me, a king."

The intrusion was sudden but weirdly not as painful as you had thought. Maybe because your juices were flowing and cascading down the interior of your thighs. "That's it." He groaned silently, closing his eyes. The man's hands moved to your waist, applying more force before bringing your down again.

Your gasps filled the room. You were shaking. "It's too much! I'm too filled!"

"Perfect." Ganondorf replied and smacked his hips into you repeatively. He grabbed your hair from behind, another moan leaving your lips in exctasy. "You're mine to keep." He rolled his pelvis, touching new parts inside you that made you see stars. "Your power is mine. All of you—" He growled, changing position so you were now crouched on top of him, his arms snaking around your body and entering deeper than he had previously. "Is mine."

Your eyes rolled to the back, tongue out and sweat running down your body. "More....More please." You whimpered, shaking.

The movement stopped suddenly as his grip on you losened. You watched him with confusion and despair. You were so close! "Why are you stopping?" Your hands were on his pecks, his breathing moving your whole body to the ryththm.

"Oh, don't worry, princess. We are far from finished." He explained smugly. You were roughly switched on your stomach, your eyes half-lidded from the potion and the pleasure. Ganondorf fondled with your buttcheeks and you were vocal again after metal slapped the flesh.

"Ah!"

The man hips collided with your back, the new intrusion farther inside you. He gripped one arm, arching your body towards him while the other hand rest on the redened flesh. "How do you feel?" He huffed, his pelvis either creating round movements or entering forcefully, eliciting shocks across your body. "I sense your lust from your part of the triforce." He groaned, slapping harder but slower.

"I can't feel like this—I can't—" You mumbled inconherently and before you knew it, white filled your vision.

You rested there on the bed, panting and disheveled as Ganondorf looked over at you one last time then left the room laughing with an evil smile on his lips.