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balefulbasal · 1 year ago

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Why I Believe Miguel O’Hara (Spiderman 2099) Is an Autistic Coded Character

NOTE: I’m broke, so I have not actually seen the movie. I read spoiler articles, watched the limited clips available on the internet, and engaged in discourse online from casual fans all the way up to storyboard writers for Miguel O’Hara. Therefore, I understand that my perception of this has the potential to be incomplete and limited.

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT AUTISM, DNI!

TW: Autism, Neurodivergent, Neurotypical, term “Othered” used once, Depression, Mention of Psychiatric Conditions, Pattern Recognition, Misperceptions, Sensory Processing Disorder, Hyper Focuses, Special Interest(s).

QUICK NOTE: ND is an abbreviation for Neurodivergent. NT is an abbreviation for Neurotypical.

CW: I describe autism from my viewpoint because I am autistic. I DO NOT speak for all autistic people. While many of us autistic people have had nearly identical experiences, I choose to relate to Miguel from my own experience. I directly acknowledge specific aspects of my autism in this post in order to include those of us who do the same thing. We are all individuals, but that sense of community and understanding is very important to me, so I want to share that feeling. This was horrific for me to compile, but horrific in a way that has greatly helped me to face aspects of my own autism, despite how scary it felt writing this.

LET US COMMENCE!

Miguel O’Hara does not have Spidey sense: a “normal” aspect of all Spider persons. Miguel is a Spider person but is lacking a HUGE qualifier. Spider persons with Spidey sense can be likened to Neurotypical people, who are the majority of humans. Autistic (a type of Neurodivergence) people are known to “miss” many seemingly every day or normal things that Neurotypicals don’t have to think about. But NTs and NDs are both humans. But just like Miguel, NDs are a small minority of humans. Because of all the things we “miss” or “don’t sense”, we are “othered”.

MANY Autistic people are incorrectly diagnosed with psychiatric conditions, such as: OCD, ODD, and Generalized Depression. The deep sadness and desire for control in order to maintain inner peace is OFTEN confused with said psychiatric conditions. Miguel created the Spider Society to maintain control of what it is that he understands about how things work, so that he can rationalize the mistake he made that messed up the Spiderverse, while helping other people to not make the same mistake and mess things up even more. Miguel is operating within a trait common to autistic people called Pattern Recognition. I’ll explain it this way: If something has happened the same way MANY times over, and this thing began and ended the same way, no matter who the thing involved, then once I see Step 1 of the issue occur, I can warn/outline to people EXACTLY how all steps will carry out if they don’t do EXACTLY as I say to protect themselves. Miguel’s intense desire to HELP has been MISPERCEIVED as: aggression, control freak, irritability, and crazed obsession. No one is seeing things the way he is (NT and ND perception disconnect), but he still wants to help them at the expense of being PERCEIVED negatively.

In ATSV, we witness what happens when an autistic person (Miguel O’Hara) is trying to maintain control over a situation THEY KNOW will go south if they don’t DO SOMETHING TO STOP IT. The first step in a long list of detrimental events was Miles being an anomaly Miguel couldn’t prevent, and every step afterward is escalating towards the last pieces of the destruction that Miguel already anticipated and he is seeing that its beyond him now. NO ONE LISTENED BECAUSE NO ONE COULD SEE THE SITUATION THE WAY HE DID. When an autistic person loses their tight grip on the control they have consciously and intentionally curated for YEARS, they burn out. And while that is a figurative death for us autistic people, most NTs take this as an “overreaction as a result of overthinking”.

Miguel has sensory processing disorder (another trait common with autism): His suit is digital/holographic. Many of us with sensory processing disorder hate the way MOST clothes FEEL on us and we must choose between a long list of “evils” in order to figure out what we will be comfortable wearing. If I could have digital/holographic clothes, that would help me so much. He is sensitive to light. Bright lights overstimulate most people with sensory processing disorder. We love being in the dark, wrapped in a fabric comfortable to us, or not wearing anything at all!

Most autistic people have hyper focuses where we curate our special interests, and we LOVE to talk about them. It is usually seen as “overbearing”, “too much”, “CHILDISH”, “TAKES TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”. Miguel can go into the most scientific and thorough explanation of something that he’ll express directly and with the right amount of nuance for the given topic but is cut short because he “doesn’t look” like he “should” be saying, acting like, doing, and behaving in the way that he is. I’m a societally attractive Black woman who is an introvert with an extrovert’s personality. Being autistic, a few of my many special interests are: Spiders (Jumping Spiders to be exact. Miguel O’Hara is my favorite jumping spider of all) small containers, all aspects of human behavior (even though NTs still baffle me), and sex. I can overabundantly relate to Miguel in that he and I are considered good looking, but no one seems to “get” why we are “acting this way”.

Miguel created Lyla. She is a fun, bubbly, silly, little character. Seemingly opposite from him. Raise your hand if when you were a little autistic kid, you had that one imaginary friend who you called to mind any time you were overstimulated and needed to cope, survive, force yourself to think, etc. and they were the version of yourself you wish you were emotionally safe enough to be. I feel that Lyla is who Miguel is on the inside, but if he showed that, he’d be taken advantage of. (Masking our true selves for self-preservation reasons, anyone?) Lego Spiderman is technically a toy. Most autistic children have THAT ONE TOY (or any object!) we DO NOT let go of, even into adulthood. It’s a comforting, safe, and easy to hold object that we use to calm ourselves down. I had a small stuffed puppy that I protected with my life. No one could pick it up or even look at it without my consent. Her name was Emmy. (The Phantom of the Opera introduced me to Emmy Rossum, and I thought she was so cool.) Miguel has fused his inner self representation of an AI assistant (Lyla), and his emotional support/comfort object (Lego Spiderman) into this small mix of what he feels he has left, because he lost anything else that would have brought him comfort.

This list could go on. But I’ll stop here. All these aspects of Miguel feel so specifically Neurodivergent/Autistic. I don’t know if that was intentional, but if it was, I would like to say a BIG THANK YOU to the ATSV writers for this. And I am thanking all of you who took time out of you day to read this.

Thank you so much!

#miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #astv #across the spider verse #autistic spectrum #autism #autistic #critical analysis #autistic coded character #neurodivergent

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skayafair · 3 months ago

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What is it with me being drawn to the most fucked up personalities ever 🤦‍♀️

Let's talk Hilbert, pt. 1

There was a post where I was totally freaking out in the tags but it's got buried in the drafts, so I'll just go off it here, but hopefully in a more constructive way. I really hope my mind didn't lose its ability to do this yet. Buckle up, this is going to be a long one. (I mean it.)

I want to rant about how wrong the accent sounds and how the character is yet another example of a distasteful trope in north american media, but the fuckheads in the government confirmed this trope in multiples so whatever. Besides, I can't really complain when the character turned out to be compelling and... well. "Complicated" would be a bit of an overstatement I think, but - complicated enough to spur some thoughts.

So my first thought was the one I started the post with, because after the first shock of Hilbert's mutiny settled and future episodes revealed more of his behaviour, backstory and character overall, I had to admit with a certain amount of inner horror (10% to 20%) and frustration (at least 80%) that yes. "Oops, I did it again".

I have a history with such personalities, feel drawn to them and have been really, really trying to stop this nonsense for a year, but. Uh. Looks like this code runs too deep to scoop it all out just like that, huh. Anyway, back to the topic.

Well, this time I at least know exactly why the character compels me so much. "Airlock, please."

I'll start with why I've grown to be okay with "mad evil russian scientist" trope - not because the above mentioned fuckheads in the Gov confirmed it (they did and I hate them and what they're doing but unfortunately can't do anything about it), any generalisation based on a trait like nationality, gender, race and so on is a very bad thing I don't want to participate in no matter the circumstance, - but because Hilbert was given an actual well-rounded personality, and, most of all, I can't help feeling tons of respect to it. He is pretty smart, after all - knows several languages, has a degree in molecular biology, and apparently AI programming is a walk in a park for him, although his skills in this department aren't as great compared to actual specialists (but then again Maxwell is in a league of her own and is far above most of her colleagues even, so everything is relative). Being this well-versed in a field not directly connected to his own and mastering several foreign languages is. Well - wow. I'd respect this alone.

Hm, I'll start again, from the beginning.

Hilbert turned out to be the character I felt more interest towards pretty soon (the other two being Hera and - later - Eiffel), probably after that joke about "people keep saying that, and yet my problems keep going away". There wasn't much time between the moment he stopped being just a comic relief and his betrayal, but that time was enough I guess. Because the very first thing that grabbed my attention and kept it till the end was just how easy he is to understand. Seriously, of all the characters - I can barely trace what they could potentially do or think, they aren't defined enough for me (and that's fine, I feel this way about most people), - but this one is crystal clear.

It's his whole... personality frame? the way he speaks and thinks? It's just very clear. Not always as logical as he'd like to believe, but close. Most things he says are very reasonable, and... ugh. I'll round back to this anyway, so better let the cat out of the bag right away: I'm ND, and I've seen some people headcanon him to be autistic, and I don't really have any better way of describing why he's so understandable to me. It's just the way neurodivergent people think - different for everyone, of course, and NTs can do this like that too (after all, there are SO MANY unintentionally autistic or ADHD characters out there), - but there are still patterns, and I recognize them here.

It's in his reasoning and actions before the Christmas "surprise" - mostly calm, collected, speaks very directly and straight to the point. He mostly keeps up this pattern even when he lies.

And then, once you learn where you stand with him - after the mutiny - you know. Even when he hides something, it's clear that he's keeping things. He has a very distinct moral code and follows it, so when lying has no point anymore, he doesn't. I don't think he lied to the crew after the initial betrayal at all? Idk, I may be forgetting things, listened to it just once yet save for the first 10 eps (because I can't get through the last one and went back to the beginning).

There's a kind of trust in this transparency. Yes, everyone knows that Hilbert knows far more than he tells and if he doesn't see a good reason to, he probably won't say a word he doesn't want to. But the fact is, you still know about that. It's obvious when something's missing, the spaces are glaring. I have a feeling he doesn't like lying all that much, or rather doesn't see the point of it unless it's strictly necessary. Why wasting the resources when you don't have to and can direct them to more pressing matters, like saving the humanity, am I right?

So that's two points. The third - one when I REALLY realized I'm stuck well and deep - was the "Airlock, please". No hesitation, nothing. Just a polite choice. That short line fucked me up well.

Because after his betrayal I was horrified. I like how the podcast doesn't let any terrible moments slip or stay "behind the scenes" - no, if there's a life threatening situation, the audience doesn't have the luxury of sitting it out safely unaware. We're going to experience and hear it all, "present day, present time". So when Minkowski was shut out of the ship in outer space, while Doug was desperately trying to come up with a solution, I obviously empathized with them. And all this time we were listening to the doctor, proceeding with his orders in the most cold-hearted manner possible. He heard it all, too, and didn't waver. This was terrifying and I honestly couldn't imagine how this character was going to be present for the most of the podcast - I wanted him dead, the sooner the better. And - as a parallel line of thinking - couldn't help feeling it was such a waste. I started liking this character, he was goofy but really easy to understand, and it's very nice to have someone like this. Obviously everything was going to change from that point.

But then. The way he went through all the interrogations, all the insults and mocking? And his fucking choice to die right away rather than to give away the information he didn't think was intended for his former crewmates? Before that answer I thought he was keeping his mouth shut because of the company only, fear of the higher-ups or something - he did follow their orders and threw away the lives of two people who weren't strangers to him, so it was a reasonable assumption! Minkowski seemed to think the same, judging by her remarks, but no. And that moment, that single answer turned my understanding of this character upside down. None of that dignity was just a show, he really meant it.

I realized he didn't fear for himself. At all. A complete disregard of self, was it? It seemed so that moment, and yeah, it was fucking compelling - the only thing that mattered was his work and his dedication to it. If it was only that, I wouldn't be typing all this though.

Before I continue, I'll note that even this trait - this dedication - is very relatable and understandable to me. Some years ago the only value I saw in myself was in what I loved to do the most - drawing and translation. I'm very mid level, and even this may very well be an overestimation of my skills, but those were the only things that mattered to me. If I didn't do them, what was even the point of me? I didn't feel I fully lived otherwise. I overcame this way of thinking as it is pretty damaging, but I still remember it perfectly. And I still need for what I do to matter. If I manage to make some positive impact on the world around, however small it may be, that would be enough, and that would be the only thing that matters after I'm gone. Hilbert though makes this approach absolute because of his trauma. So yeah, I have a lot of complicated feelings about this all at once. It's tragic, it's admirable, it's heartbreaking and feels like the only way at times, it should never happen.

I also know very well what it means to be able to disregard pretty much anything if I believe this is the right way or the aim to be important enough. I unintentionally made my friend cry once because of this and keep this memory as a reminder of why I should always try to see other POVs and a broader picture. The absolute, applied to human principles, is a bad idea in most cases.

Also, I like that he has a no-nonsense personality but regularly engages in said nonsense. I know in the first few episodes the creators just didn't understand where to go with the podcast yet and that's why everyone and everything is so different there, but I need for things to make sense in-universe, so I'm partial to the POV that Hilbert just put up an act and dropped it later. But still, he did participate in the crew's shenanigans and didn't seem to complain about it. And Funzo? Please, it was A DELIGHT. There was NOTHING, no reasons to take part in the game but he still did. The doctor is pretty goofy when he lets himself, huh? I like this fun part of his personality. The best sign the personality is still very much present.

#wolf 359 #alexander hilbert #wolf 359 spoilers

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autimind · 2 years ago

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Pathologizing autism

There is something rotten about the way society talks about autism. In short, people pathologize what we do. They call it sick because we do it.

Here is a list of eight characteristics from a Dutch psychological education platform. A serious, government-sponsored one too.

little reciprocity

trouble with non-verbal communication

taking things literally

difficulty maintaining reliationships

sticking to routines

difficulty with changes

rigid in thinking and conduct

oversensitive to stimuli

So what's wrong?

All of these are true, for some value of true.

The problem is in the way these are phrased and certainly in the way only negative terms are used to describe how we live.

little reciprocity

Have they ever witnessed two autistics rapidly and happily talking through some subject in minute and interconnected detail? It is glorious to behold and heady to be part of.

A realistic view, now supported by actual research, is that ND-ND pairs easily create rapport, just like NT-NT pairs do.

There is often little reciprocity among NT-ND pairs because the NT part will demand adherence to their own mode of communicating and if their needs aren't met, talking will break down. For a minor rant with some more detail see And they call us rigid. Also see below.

trouble with non- verbal communication

Why should 70%-93% be non-verbal? This is common with NT people and they are 44 in 45 humans or thereabouts but these people are apparently very flexible and good with change. Is it such a sacrifice to listen to the actual words at times in order to help us?

Isn't it entirely understandable that I don't catch sarcasm when someone else matches their body language to their phrasing and only afterwards bursts out laughing and claims it was sarcasm? By the way, some people have a nasty habit of saying impolite or harsh stuff and then when you react negatively claiming it was a joke all along and claiming you just didn't get it.

Isn't it necessary to talk about the staggering amount of misunderstanding that NT's suffer from among themselves? They can't reliably read the inner workings of others' minds from their faces, stance and gestures. They just think they can. It is in that erroneous notion that arguments and even entire feuds start. All without an autistic necessarily even being nearby.

taking things literally This is not something autistics do or at least not in the way people picture it. I have never met anyone who honestly thought 'laughing your head off' actually means laughing so hard that your head spontaneously separates from your neck.

Now that I come to think about this.. it is a rather grisly metaphor. I am no specialist in this area but I suppose even after snapping the spine, tearing the many muscles and other fibers that attach the head to the body would take an impressive amount of force. It could of course be sliced off but that isn't naturally part of the metaphor. See, that is what thinking literally can be like.

ANYWAY, it is more healthy and social to realise that people tend to take eachother literally when understanding breaks down. This is easier to understand when you picture just barely speaking another language and trying to speak it on holiday. You won't get any of the idiom, very few of the cultural references and so on. So .. you take literally what you do understand. See Taking things literally.

Autistics have a different Theory of Mind and communicate differently, build up understanding bottom-up where allistics understand top-down and looking far more for the facts of any matter than its social dimensions. All of that makes it very easy to misunderstand and so we take things literally. There is nothing else left. The allistic blithely assumes they're normal and in the right. It is however fairly cruel to scold someone for taking your words literally when it is the very last tool they have. It is like kicking a puppy.

difficulty maintaining relationships

Lots of people have difficulty maintaining reliationships. This is not a core characteristic of autism but a result of various complications. You might as well claim that autistics have trouble holding on to a job or have trouble being represented on forums that talk about us.

A relationships needs at its very essence mutuality. Even in very imbalanced powered-up relationships like you see in employment there is a tacit understanding that both parties stick to the (unwritten) social rules. Since autistics don't do authority well, especially if it is not based on actual merit or at least a decent explanation, professional relationships easily break down.

Friendships also need mutuality but more in the sense that both friends understand what the other would take from the relationship and are okay with that.

sticking to routines

This one is primarily true but it is not essential. Underneath the hood, by far most autistics need the world to be understandable and predictable. This we share with allistics. It is the very reason that fantasy exists as the Ur-literature. Almost all humans prefer living in a world that is somehow ordered and just. As Terry Pratchett explained it, children already know that dragons exist but fairy tales allow them to believe that dragons can be killed.

The routines and their importance to us are, again, a result and not some core trait. We don't stick to routines because we are somehow 'routinessent'. It is outward conduct and I find it notable that allistic understanding of how we are once again looks at the surface and no further.

difficulty with changes

This one, in my personal opinion, has a lot to do with the excruciating speed with which allistics can implement changes without any explanation provided. They just assume that because everything is clear in their own heads, this must somehow be true of the world. Others can either keep up or be scolded.

Is it really too much trouble to stand still for a few seconds, ask someone if it is okay to change an agreed upon plan on a whim and wait for an answer?

Let us note that allistics can be sticklers for their own plans. That plan might include any number of steps and modes of action but the plan to them is most often sacrosanct. It is us auti's that are positively used to being talked over, forced to change our prediction of the near future and just having to keep up or get lost.

rigid in thinking and conduct Any allistic who actually does act or think rigidly will call themselves straightforward or consistent. Maybe both. It is only when an autistic person sticks to a line of reasoning or way of doing something that it gets called rigid.

Autistics often enough think far more logically then the average allistic is willing to do, most probably because they tend to see social intersections as always an important part of any situation.

Another important part of this sorry mess is that autistic children and (young) adults are often taught by rote memorization. If you tell an auti-kid that they should always be honest and forthright then by Jove they will do so. If the poor kid then says something a parent finds awkward or embarrassing, they'll react with something like 'Stop! Why are you doing that?! Never do that again!!" So the kid remembers: be honest and forthright and shut up. And so on and so forth.

When an autistic doesn't understand something, anything really, then it is usually attributed to the autism. "Oh, he doesn't understand. He has that disorder." However, if an allistic doesn't understand one of us, we should learn to communicate more clearly.

The social world is complicated for us and far too many autistics have been and are being beaten into epistemic submission. The result is fawning behaviour, desperately trying to act correctly. The only tool left then is to learn it all by heart and that results in rigid behaviour.

This is not an autistic trait. It is autistic trauma.

oversensitive to stimuli

This one is more or less true, of many autistics. There is a tremendous variety within the spectrum, though. One autistic may not have sensory issues at all, others will just be overstimulated by one sense, others by several senses and a few really can't deal with any stimulus without discomfort.

However, we can again ask why the social spaces that we do move in absolutely have to be so bright and so loud. In actual fact, I believe that the mere intensity of some stimulus is often enough not the main problem. I listen to very loud music at times and enjoy it very much. However, having to listen to four different conversations at once is very quickly painful for me, even if they aren't all that loud. Asking too much of our ability to process in real-time seems to me to be the primary concern when it comes to stimuli.

Why do stores positively have to pump music from speakers? All I came to do was get groceries. Or a pair of trousers. Why do stores have to be lit so very brightly? I am thinking of starting a low-stimulus hour campaign in my town. It would help far more than calling a sensitivity autistic.

Isn't this the central theme of talking about characteristics? Any actual ally would always at least try to understand and accomodate, not use autism as an explanation and be done with it.

#autism #actuallyautistic #autistic adult #asd #autistic spectrum #late diagnosed autistic #autistic community #autistic pride #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #autistic feels

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 9 months ago

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Hey. I wonder if I could ask some hot stuff about 🇮🇱 & 🇵🇸, bc you seem to have made up your mind about it. I'm personally torn and feel terrible about it. From a worldly standpoint, 'Free 🇵🇸' makes sense. 🇮🇱 got overthrown by the Romans like many empires have been. That didn't give them a rightful claim to the land again in 1948. Now if you operate strictly based on who lives there presently, in a secular society both parties would have rights to the land if they could look past the religions, bc - from a worldly view! - a religion is not land-based. Either you can live your faith anywhere, or smth is wrong with your religion because it isn't universally inclusive. This is the upside for Christians - that we are citizens of heaven and of the Spirit. Thus we can live and practice anywhere. HOWEVER. From a BIBLICAL standpoint. Israel is Israel. Whenever 🇮🇱 decides to fight for its borders, God will support it bc he wants them to have this particular piece of the earth, even though they NEVER managed to fully pursue this command throughout history so far. But as soon as 1 Israeli decides to fight for the land of God's inheritance, they will have victory like Gideon with his 300 dudes. Bc that's what they're supposed to do. 🇮🇱 is 🇮🇱 not per the rights of any traditional culture, bc that got dispersed centuries ago. If 🇮🇱 is 🇮🇱, it's bc the GOD OF HUMANITY distributes patches of land to people across the earth, and he gave ISRAEL to ISRAEL. What human would go against the word of the everlasting God??? If God says that this - extremely well mapped out - strip in the desert goes to 🇮🇱, it is very stupid to try and fight against that!!!!! Bc as a Palestinian with legit cultural claims to your ancestral home, you STILL suddenly find yourself fighting against the Lord himself, who doesn't care that you're currently Muslim and who has the power and the superior rights to uproot your story. I truly believe that if Palestinians voluntarily "gave" 🇮🇱 back to 🇮🇱, they would receive their own land from God as a reward. HOWEVER. Palestinians are presently not even allowed to flee. They are massacred bc neither Israel or Egypt is giving them the courtesy to at least live, even if they need to restart elsewhere. And THAT'S what truly bugs me about the whole war right now. That Palestinians are slaughtered. And I have to wonder - shit, this is so Old Testament - are they under a curse to be annihilated just bc they are the descendants of 🇮🇱's old enemies? Do they HAVE to be killed bc it is prophesied that the Gaza strip WILL be 🇮🇱's again, and if Gazans lived, they would always be there to object to that? Look,... 🇮🇱 will be 🇮🇱, and it will not be uprooted again. We know that from Scripture. So to fight that is just dumb from the biblical perspective. This is why Western/Christian societies sit on their thumbs and do nothing, bc they know what will happen and that it must happen and so they "help" bring it forth by watching it play out and not intervening and by making it a self-fulfilling prophecy at that. That's why there's no governmental compassion for 🇵🇸. People in high places KNOW. But Palestinians still have the right to live!!! God WANTS Palestinians to LIVE, either in peace with 🇮🇱 or in their own country somewhere else!! So why are they dying??? Why is it so OT over there??? Is it bc to break the OT curses of slaughtering your enemies, they would actually have to all become Christians so that they can enter the NT covenant of love and forgiveness that transcends all cultures, all genocides, all skin colors, and all perceived 'rights' to anything?? I doubt it would work if the region became secular, bc it's so hard for people to let go of justified hatred. So anyway. Why am I still speaking about OT style massacres and curses in 2024??? Do I have a point? My point is: People shouldn't die just bc they accidentally have the wrong faith and God must oppose that simply bc he cannot tolerate anything but the truth. People shouldn't die for that. Yeah I'll go lay in a ditch and get cancelled now, good luck with my post.

thanks for this, anon. I appreciate you reaching out to me to give me this. it's a slab of text I'm not fully comprehending, in truth - but I believe that antisemitism is wrong, that Israel is the ancestral home of the Jewish people, and that this war shouldn't happen. deaths of Palestinians is abhorrent as deaths of Jews are: however also, antisemitism is aimed specifically at Jews and hence there's antisemitism mixed in to the deaths of Jews (I don't know if I'm making sense). if Palestinians gave Israel to the Jews, I don't think a massacre such as we may see in the future would happen. I don't believe the Israelis are monsters. monsters is the wrong terminology, anyway - because even Hitler was human. and I could be wrong! but I persist in my belief that things would work out somehow if Israel was given back to the Jews.

I'm not entirely sure what you were going to ask me, to be honest - please come back and ask questions if you want! anyway, I'll tag as #israel anon so you can find any subsequent posts :) God be with you

#anon #ask #israel anon #israel #politics

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mangodestroyer · 1 year ago

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I think it finally hit me a few days ago just how important eye contact is to neurotypicals. Like, I knew they needed it to know that you're actually engaged and seem trustworthy, but I never really got it.

I've been working in retail for two and a half years. It's made me so much more aware of what NTs expect socially. But now that I've become so self-aware...

It's destroying my confidence as someone who is neurodivergent. I have tried for so long to get better at socializing, but no matter what, I will always struggle with things like eye contact, saying the right words, body language, etc. Now that I've gained this outsider's perspective of what it's like to engage with me, I feel like an unpredictable creature. Something that isn't supposed to exist in human society.

I think I now understand why people don't seem to like me very much. From the NT point of view, it's just uncomfortable to engage with someone like this. It's too different from what they're used to and it sends so many mixed signals. We literally speak different languages. I mean, you expect someone working the service desk to be just like everyone else. Just like a classmate, or your parents, or your friends. Like most people. And then you encounter this person who just... doesn't make eye contact with you while you're talking and says things in a weird way. They don't really pick up on your vibe or lingo either, when everyone else does. Sounds pretty awkward.

For a neurodivergent individual, this would be like biting into a pepperoni pizza, and instead of tasting something savory, it's sweet and spicy. Like, wtf?

I think one thing that started to really wake me up to this was seeing how people reacted to an interview with the anti-work mod. Who is autistic. People were so freaked out by her body language that it was honestly pretty upsetting for me personally. It destroyed some of the hope I'd had that I could find my place in the world.

I wonder how many other neurodivergent individuals have had this realization.

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baekhvuns · 2 years ago

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But the fact I even got my American friend who never watched the ACTUAL football and calls it futbol (I banned the word soccer - meanwhile I call American football - futbol lmao) and got excited. She said the final was entertaining. Right, honestly it's sad to see some top players go or lose their strengths. PSG has great players, it's good to have a mix of young stars and experienced legends, but sometimes the more experienced ones aren't doing too well, so even though it's weird seeing them on the bench sometimes they gotta be sacrificed. Lots of people were unhappy that Madrid was keeping the "old" players instead of introducing new faces, but guys like Benzema were clearly capable and we won CL after all.

I'm also a huge tennis fan, idk if you're into it, but both Roger and Serena retired this year, painful 😭💔

The San overlooking the stadium is really so so pretty. Please Pique stay away 😭 normalise blaming everything on Gerard. I'm a fan of Spain NT and I remember him fucking things up a few times. We RM fans laugh that he 100% has an anti-Madrid Twitter account, cause he always talks shit. He'll have more time to commit to hating on Madrid during his unemployment era. 😊

Btw recently I was like "where the hell is Suarez at" but he's playing at home :o

I'm not that into Ronaldo anymore for multiple reasons, but I used to be a stan kayusuahakshuakavs. Now we gotta fight Baek 🥊

Listen I was betrayed by a few players who decided to go to Barcelona, Fabregas, recently my guy Bellerin (I like him more as a person than a footballer, cause we have mutual friends same with a few other ex-Arsenal players 😭) and speaking of French footballers, Griezmann idk what was he doing in Barcelona, I like him but he consistently plays for my enemies Atletico, Barca 🔫

There was a moment years ago when my fave French club was Olympique Marseille, but that was a short-lived love affair. Idk know why I liked them. Not Karim unfollowing almost all French players?! My man Varane is safe from his wrath though haudhsjdgagajaha

And Wooyoung would be a menace on the field 😭 throw Suarez into the mix for biting

Literally, every guy in a manhwa is based on Hwa can you believe? Now let him be the lead in an adaptation.

I think Jongho is winning the battle, Shownu might be in the military, but he's harmless. It's between Jongho and Seulgi then

Damn Eric get a new producer cause wtfff 🤡

A few Shinestars talked about the Hwa thing, but it's always hard not to sound delulu, though even my non-Hwa biased friend (the one who got wrecked by him during the concert 👀) noticed he doesn't have that many opportunities to showcase his skills. I know he's popular and people love him, he's not mistreated or anything like that, but idk I wish he could do more. Mingi is similar, though he was out for a while, but still. Maybe Hwa's too humble 😭 but my guy, please volunteer more if that's the case

Hey, hey he can do both Lego and Dior or whatever, he has the duality after all! At least we're not fighting over model Hwa, he's still on thin ice for me 😅

I hope LSF goes darker! Btw I've been obsessed with their song No Celestial as well as IVE's My Satisfaction

I don't know whether it's April 2nd or 4th I can't count for shit, but aksuuauahauaajajaaaaaaa!!!

I keep forgetting the cb is next week, it still didn't register, I hope we get another movie-like teaser

Happy holidays! I'm not really celebrating, but I got the best gift please HE'S SO CUTE I'M GONNA KMS the reindeers and the kitty 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Big brain

🦌👀 sexy reindeer

I... won't say a word, but I could say A LOT

Me when none of my gifts were that blonde Ateez guy :/ rigged - DV 💖

hi hello!!

no bc i literally do not get the american way, i've been taught to say football since the beginning but here, everyone says soccer, i was so confused when i heard it and tried correcting them BUT NOOOO,, and what i call rugby is called football by westerners??? I DONT GET IT,, no its sad to see the once insanely talented players beginning to grow old and worn out their skills 😭😭😭 the new era of players arent as eye catching as the ones before,, yeah! it's sad and weird seeing legends be benched, ronaldo ofc, sometimes they are just benched bc they're "old" but they're still good and its just sad seeing their expression where they wanna play but arent allowed too 😭😭 my entire family was raged when ronaldo got benched JUST BC U SCORED SM GOALS WITHOUT HIM IN ONE GAME DONT MEANT IT WILL CONTINUE 😭😭 tbh imo its good that they kept them bc they;ve polished them into what they are today and the attachment they have w the club it'll be hard to get used to the new ones like pedri and gavi WHEN I HEARD XAVI AND INIESTA SAY THEY WERENT AS GOOD AS GAVI AND PEDRI WHEN THEY JOINED MADE ME WANNA THROW HANDS AT THEM

I'm also a huge tennis fan, idk if you're into it, but both Roger and Serena retired this year, painful 😭💔

im not an avid follower but sometimes matches are usually on so i will watch it! always happens to be someone from an australian team too, but im more of football and cricket (only when its ind vs pak fbjbkk) person

IT REALLY IS SO SO PRETTY, normalize wanting gerard to wanna retire every month bc it geels nice to see the news again idc he'S A SNAKE !! LMFAOOO I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF HE DOES TBH FHBJBFH he's a full time hater, part-time player,,, i am wondering what will happen between rm and ronaldo and mourinho, bc ronaldo wants to play till 41, and honestly mourinho is the only one who can make him do that in finesse

Btw recently I was like "where the hell is Suarez at" but he's playing at home :o ///// I'm not that into Ronaldo anymore for multiple reasons, but I used to be a stan kayusuahakshuakavs. Now we gotta fight Baek 🥊

YEAAAAAAAAH HE IS, A SHOCKER everytime i see him all i see is his teeth 😭😭😭😭 u think his kids get bullied bc their dad bites ppl 😭😭 i will turn into a ronaldo stan at the next wc, i do want him to hold the trophy now that messi has, it only makes sense for him or neymar (bro is suffering, did insane good at copa but messi fjhbkhb read somewhere that he’s like the king who was never crowned bc he’s mostly forgotten, his stats are ignored so hard it mAKES ME UN POCO LOCO) to hold it next,,,it’ll be amazing to see the top 3 players of our gen to hold them, messi pls let them man 😭😭😭😭😭😭 LMFAOOOO ITS ON SIGHT,, mayne in the near future it’s the 3 messi’s v ronaldo jr that would be insane

oh???? u know him???? NOW WHO DO U NOT KNOW EVERYTIME IM SURPISED U KNOW SOMEONE FAMOUS WTF IS THIS, DROP ALL THE NAMES U KNOW U CANNOT KEEP DOING THIS,, no what was greizmann doing there 😭😭 it's so random,,, LMFAOOO tbh his presence in the french team makes the team sm better, sometimes i be thinking that he's the captain and not lloris 😭😭 lloris didnt save a single penalty what went on with him 😭😭

SHORT-LIVED LOVE AFFAIR FDHBJFHB LMFAOOO HES IN CAHOOTS W THEM, PROLLY WILL ATTACK DESCHAMPS DBFBDM,,, ik he has beef with greizmann and lloris but its so messy to watch it all go down 😭😭😭😭 STOPPPP I FORGOT HE'D BE SUAREZ TOO PLS THIS GUY WOULD BE A NIGHTMARE FOR TEAMS 😭😭😭😭 A RAMOS, NEYMAR AND SUAREZ MIX GTFOOO

Literally, every guy in a manhwa is based on Hwa can you believe? Now let him be the lead in an adaptation. /// I think Jongho is winning the battle, Shownu might be in the military, but he's harmless. It's between Jongho and Seulgi then

i actually believe it's all shinestars writing these webtoons under a pseudo,,, 1 hour of jongho dying of shyness in front of seulgi when,,, shownu breaking that axe when cutting wood still has me going crazy FORGET JONGHO SEULGI, KAI AND SEULGI

Damn Eric get a new producer cause wtfff 🤡

yeah 😭😭 bc daehyun posted about it too 😭😭😭😭

yeah!! he rly doesn't, i hope he does in the future,, yeah exactly he's not mistreated or anything maybe he's just shy and wants to let his other members shine before he gets the chance BUT HOPEFULLY HWA COLLABS IN 2023 !!! YEAH PLS VOLUNTEER MORE AND MINGI TOO,, sometimes i think the two are the same when it comes to things like this, they took humble and kindness to the next level dbfbf

Hey, hey he can do both Lego and Dior or whatever, he has the duality after all! At least we're not fighting over model Hwa, he's still on thin ice for me 😅 //// I hope LSF goes darker! Btw I've been obsessed with their song No Celestial as well as IVE's My Satisfaction

HE NEED TO DO ANYTHING NOW, FROM BASKIN ROBBIN ADS TO PARIS FASHION WEEKS 😭😭😭😭 imagine one day he's live and he;s in paris for dior but he's doing a lego live in his hotel room 😭😭 GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE!!!! omg no bc no celestial is so so good, their discography so far is >>> impurities is also very good!! haVE NOT HEARD THE IVE ON EYET BUT I WILL

I don't know whether it's April 2nd or 4th I can't count for shit, but aksuuauahauaajajaaaaaaa!!! //// I keep forgetting the cb is next week, it still didn't register, I hope we get another movie-like teaser

ITS IN APRIL AND THATS WHAT MATTERS 😭😭😭😭 HES FINALLY COMING 😭😭😭😭 SHINEE TOUR COMING 😭😭,, wait it's next week??? time flew by so fast the euro tours coming too 😭😭 i hope the mv is movie like too! it looks like they're about to perform pink venom

Happy holidays! I'm not really celebrating, but I got the best gift please HE'S SO CUTE I'M GONNA KMS the reindeers and the kitty 🥺🥺🥺🥺 /// Big brain

happy holidays to u too! HES SO CUTE AAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!! AND THESE,, forget big brain what is this fbkbj

🦌👀 sexy reindeer /// I... won't say a word, but I could say A LOT

NO. THANK U! NO SAY IT SAY IT RN, THIS IS EVIL HWA, THE TALENT OMG 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Me when none of my gifts were that blonde Ateez guy :/ rigged - DV 💖

RIGGED INDEED WHERE IS ATEEZ'S 6'1 BIG BOY AND HIS 5'10 COUNTERPART

what is this 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

a-anon

pls do this dhfhef + also someone needs to date this guy 😭😭😭 do u rmr his talk with eric where he said he keeps the lights on at his home so when he comes back its like someone’s waiting for him 😭😭 eunwoo too 😭😭🤚🏼

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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reveraine · 1 year ago

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Speaking as a NT, I have no idea. I think people delude themselves rather than actually changing their personalities, but I also know I am really confident in myself and my wants and desires, and that weirds other people out sometimes.

Like I knew I wanted kids and because that's 'normal' no one questioned it. But the people I know who love dogs have a really hard time understanding that I really just don't want one.

I love dogs. Other people's dogs. I could even dogsit for a few weeks if necessary. I know people who say they are less work than kids, and I am sure that is true for them, but it is certainly not for me 😅.

I think the thing that gets to people is that I want some things that are arguably more work than dogs. If I had the space and means I would have a horse or two in a heartbeat. But I like taking care of horses. I like my horses better than other people's horses.

I also think there is some benefit to trying things you're not sure you will like because you might end up liking them. But like that mentality is super dangerous when talking about anything that requires a commitment longer than about a season. Trying a sport and then sticking with it even when you don't like it (until the end of that season, never longer), I think is good for stretching your willpower muscle. And I want to be clear that not liking is not the same as it being bad for you (like the team is toxic or you are in pain etc).

I do also think that (at least in the subject of kids) that a lot of women experience the instinct(or urge, of you prefer) to reproduce later in life, even if they don't like kids. But that is fleeting. It is not worth it to satisfy an instinct that will make you happy in the moment to get something you never actually wanted and wouldn't want if you didn't have hormones telling you you wanted it.

I have a cousin who seems really unhappy with the number of children she has, but she also made the decision to have as many as she did, and so I think it's easier for her to say she is happy and hope that it will become true than to be miserable in front of her little ones, especially because kids pick up on things like being unwanted (or even just being a small burden) super quickly. And then they internalize it, and often struggle with it for the rest of their life.

So many people don't seem to understand that trying to convince someone who doesn't want kids that they will be happy with kids is bad for the kids. Like so bad. Better for them not to have been than to live with a parent who resents them. Better to have a small well-adjusted population than a large population who all need therapy because their parents were pressured into having them. And I think it all stems from projecting their own bad decisions.

The same cousin with all the kids informed me that it was best to stop with one. "One kid is perfect", were her words, I think. I have a lot of people tell me "Two is perfect, a boy and a girl." Because they thought their lives were or would have been perfect with that number (spoiler, they weren't, and wouldn't have been). I love the chaos of big families, and so I ignore them and mostly just take pity on these people that I love who are unknowingly projecting the decisions they either wish they had made or the feelings they with they felt into me.

It might be that we have one more and decide we are done, but it's not going to be because anyone other than my spouse or I said so. (The two enthusiastic yes's vs one no rule applies perfectly here).

Sorry, that got really long and ramble-y, but I think my point was that people think of the mistakes they make and the feelings they feel and project them or project their own wish to have them onto others, and then don't understand why you are happy making the same decisions they did when those decisions didn't make them happy. When it's really as simple as you both ordered chocolate cake, but they don't actually like chocolate and so complain to you about how you should both order vanilla next time because they can't imagine someone being different.

I wonder if neurotypicals change their minds about core aspects of their personalities more often than autistic people do?

I was told I would change my mind about wanting children. I did not. (Note that I didn’t start from a point of ambivalence or hesitation, I was always certain. But boy oh boy did people not believe my certainty.)

I was told that I would grow to love driving a car when it would be “my” car. I did not. (I see the usefulness of having one and am now more at ease doing it but I still don’t enjoy driving it.)

I was told that I would eventually start to like coffee, wine, beer… I still think they all taste like shit. (I have found ways to make them not taste like shit but that’s a different thing).

I was told my relationship with my husband would change after the wedding… I was told I would regret a haircut I was dead set on… I was told I would eventually get bored of my field of work…

And every time, I’m told these things with such perfect confidence! As if it is the inevitable way of the world!! Proven truths!!!

Which leads me to ask: do people really misjudge their inner self this badly??? Or does “you’ll change your mind / grow to like…” means something completely different to other people, such as “you’ll bow down to external pressure about it / you’ll get used to it and will confuse acceptance for enjoyment”????

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my-darling-boy · 4 years ago

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Genuinely asking, isn't self-diagnose with a condition kind of dangerous? Because legitimizing self-diagnosing opens a door to many malicious people who would want to exploit the fact they can self-diagnose? And in turn, make the space of autistic people worse?

Was going to skip this, but I’m writing a LONG response because I’m VERY exhausted with the amount of misinformation I see on this “self dx is dangerous” take, so buckle up and allow me to info dump.

Recently, authentic_autism_advocacy, an Instagram account run by a supposed medically diagnosed autistic woman was discovered to be a non-autistic woman, Connie Manning, posing as a medically diagnosed autistic person to spread hate and anti-self diagnosing speech. In reality, she is a neurotypical mother who regularly uses her autistic son for clout; she also turned out to have a hand behind CalmWear, a brand of sensory compression products designed for disabled people. Not only had she been spewing hatred towards other autistic people, she had been accusing well known AFAB autistic tiktokers like beckspectrum of faking being autistic and threatening self diagnosed autistics and saying they are a danger to the community, and engaging in other incredibly discriminating behaviour. Yes, she herself was a neurotypical person posing as a medically diagnosed autistic to perpetuate hateful rhetoric about self diagnosed people and used her voice to speak OVER autistic folk for financial gain and exploitation of autistic people, including her own son. If you want to read this roller coaster of a story, an autistic person wrote an entire article on it with tons of screenshots and sources.

So let me make one thing clear to you.

The purpose of actually, genuinely self diagnosing is not done to attract attention or to parade around and exploit other autistic people. Self diagnosed autistic individuals have recognised due to difficult life circumstances, financial hardship, bigotry and stigma within the medical/legal world, being a minor, lack of insurance, lack of proper access to safe care facilities, being denied assessment due to incompetent or biased practitioners, and/or any other obstacle that they may temporarily or permanently be barred from diagnosis. Self diagnosis does NOT instantly mean a person is posing for clout, nor does it indicate a person is trying to wring money from assistance services or exploit other autistics. And nts who use self diagnose with intentions of harming the community? That’s NOT self diagnosis, that’s abuse of something meant to aid people blocked from medical care or financial means to that care. All we can do for autistic people, no matter who we perceive them to be, is treat them the same way we would any other autistic person. Because the moment you start deciding by your own book who deserves respect and who doesn’t, you’ll be on a slippery slope to locking out thousands of autistic people from the community. If it’s discovered a person like Connie is literally abusing the system of self dx to intentionally mislead the community, by all means, we must hold them accountable. But you cannot simply go about granting and revoking access from people just because someone lacks a diagnosis or doesn’t fit your idea of what being autistic looks like, especially if it’s based on stereotypes.

Moral of the story? Isn’t it ironic how anti-self dx people will 100% believe a user who claims to be medically diagnosed but shows no “written proof” of it, yet always demand written proof from a self dx person? It’s almost like even anti-self dx people can’t tell the difference between someone who is medically diagnosed autistic and someone who isn’t. Well, that’s because they can’t. While there might be common traits, autism has no set model, it is a spectrum, no autistic person is alike; Policing self diagnosed people about their self diagnosis isn’t a form of protecting the community. It’s a form of gatekeeping. If you find yourself granting instant acceptance, without asking for proof, to a person insisting they are medically diagnosed like this neurotyical mother, but then prohibit self dx people from entry entirely on the grounds of not showing proof of medical assessment, you are upholding a double standard. This is why policing autistic people’s diagnosis, self or not, is inherently useless.

So here’s the thing... instead of asking people to stop self diagnosing, what you should instead be asking yourself is, “Why do people self diagnose? What kind of medical system could possibly be in place where people feel they need to resort to self diagnosis rather than get an actual diagnosis?”

Well, it’s mainly common knowledge among most of the autistic community that diagnosis is NOT easy to come by.

One of the main reasons why people cannot get a diagnosis is due to financial/insurance reasons. It’s reasonable to estimate that by the end of 2020 almost 30 million Americans alone were without health insurance. I’ve heard costs out of pocket for an autism diagnosis are between $500-$6000. If a person or a family cannot afford health insurance—which by the way on average is around $5,400 a year for a single person and $13,800 for a family here—where are they supposed to pull out $6,000 to get screened?

You might be asking, “Well aren’t insurances supposed to cover disability?” Sure, there are options for disability care through health insurance—not even going to get into that—but like a lot of things in the US, this is a severely flawed system. A lot of private health insurance will stop or limit coverage for an autism diagnosis or assistance services once a person reaches 18 to 21 years old. In most states, coverage has a higher chance of being denied to autistic adults coming with the added age cap or ONLY covering ABA, an abusive, manipulative “therapy” used to force social compliance and trait suppression on autistic people. The fact that ABA, a conversion therapy, is covered, but little else, shows exactly what insurance companies think of autistic people: they’ll only cover us if we want to learn to be “normal”. This can leave many undiagnosed autistic adults who cannot afford analysis, insurance, or safe assistance services with nowhere to turn. If I was not on my parents’ insurance, there is NO WAY I would EVER be able to afford a diagnosis. I don’t have $2,000 lying around. The MONEY ALONE would prohibit me from getting a diagnosis, no matter how many autistic traits I presented.

When I was going through this system years ago to start a diagnosis, I was shocked to find no therapist within three hours of me was accepting adult patients. “Up to 18 only” their websites would say. And in the event I had found one (1) that accepted me as a then 20 year old with X insurance, and that person refused me diagnosis, I would be out of options unless I planned a 5 hour drive which may have also led me to another biased screener. A person seeking self financed assessment can waste thousands of dollars therapist hopping.

People will say, “Well I live in X place, and where I come from, it’s covered!” Well the reality is that everyone in the world does not live where you live. It’s not realistic to assume everyone is in the same position as you or your family to afford care or access the same resources as you. When you say, “Just go out and get a diagnosis! It’s not that hard!”, understand you are speaking from your personal vantage point where screening may be easily accessed or easily covered/is free OR you have no personal knowledge of what that process is like yourself.

The second thing that bars a ton of people from being diagnosed is the fact that when autism was first discovered, its research was HEAVILY centered on white, cis, heterosexual men. The idea that autistic people are ONLY cis, white, heterosexual men carries on to this day. If you are an outlier to this stereotype, your chances of being misdiagnosed with something else or refused diagnosis skyrocket because so-called “professionals” don’t know how to observe traits in any other person besides a cis, white, heterosexual man, and refuse/fail to recognise the endless ways in which a person can be autistic. ALL the time I hear how AFAB people will go in to get screened only to find out their screener does not believe AFAB people can be autistic, because yes, sexism and anti-lgbtq+ ideas play a huge role in the incredibly outdated diagnostic process, because autism is still believed to be an “AMAB only” thing. People report going into a therapists office and being asked questions like, “Do you like going outside? Do you like having friends?” and being told that if you agree with either of these, you cannot be autistic because criteria at some places is so backwards, you can’t even say you enjoy conversation without failing the test. Other things commonly heard during the analysis are screeners telling someone they are too smart/articulate to be autistic, gas lighting them by saying they are mistaking their symptoms for something else/making them up, telling a person they seem normal, dismissing clear autistic traits by saying they’re unique “superpowers”, or intentionally misdiagnosing a person as ADHD INSTEAD of autistic. People on social media have also pointed out what influences racism has on the diagnostic process as well and how lack of research and understanding of autistic POC contributes to under-diagnosis and stigma has only contributed to refusal of care and under-representation of POC in the disabled community, as one autistic Black woman points out on Instagram, “I found excellent articles that support and validate my feelings and experiences, but I could find no research on autistic Black people.” Additionally, because research has primarily been done on young men, this means anyone who is not a cis man and is over the age of 18 and is seeking a diagnosis has a much higher chance of not receiving one because screeners don’t understand how autistic traits may present differently in adults, especially since adults are very likely to mask. Some autism screeners are so against autism they have told clients they would only diagnosis a person autistic if it was their last resort to avoid “placing a burden on their shoulders”. These reasons are largely responsible for why autism is incredibly mis/under-diagnosed. This ask would be the length of a novel if I included every single type of discrimination and mistreatment during the evaluation process alone, but understand it can be incredibly biased, sexist, transphobic, racist, or just flat out ableist. And guess what? Though this process can take as little as a month to get sorted, that is rare. The assessment SHOULD be very short. But a lot of autistic people have reported their diagnosis took more than 2-4 years because of having to waste time, energy, and money hopping from therapist to therapist looking for someone to take them seriously, as many autistic people compiled on the actuallyautistictiktoks page on Instagram point out.

The last thing I want to touch on is this idea that people have that self diagnosing is dangerous. “What if someone self diagnoses and they take advantage of services that are meant for autistic people?” ...The Big Things you think I am going to take advantage of as a self diagnosed autistic person, like scholarship money for instance or SSDI, I do not have legal access to without a formal diagnosis. I cannot waltz into a law firm and ask for a $5,000 scholarship for autistic people without a diagnosis, because they WILL NOT give it to me!

Let me tell you some of things I’ve “cruelly taken advantage of” as a self diagnosed autistic person. I bought glasses with blue light protection, because screen and fluorescent lighting at work and even natural blue toned light from the sky lowers my threshold for some sensory input like noise and social interaction; wearing them to work everyday has improved my sensory thresholds incredibly. I’ve talked to my manager and told him I’m autistic and that I have a hard time understanding vague direction and may need to step away briefly on occasion to tend to a shutdown before a meltdown comes on at work; he had no problem with this. I use subtitles; sometimes I have trouble processing audio or reading facial expressions and tone, and being able to see the words displayed on the screen gives me a significantly better understanding of what I watch. All my life, I have been having meltdowns which I had mistaken for mental breakdowns or panic attacks and having access to resources that walked me through preventative methods and tips on what to do if I have one has been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me. All my life, I was trying to deal with them thinking they were something else; becoming aware of this and accepting that they are in fact autistic meltdowns has helped me not only go through them, but has helped me redirect stims which at their worst previously had me hitting and clawing my arms, slapping my face, and even hitting my head. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait 4 years for a diagnosis to use resources I could be using to make my life more accessible right now!

People will say, “Oh well yeah, I don’t mean You are one of Those Types of self diagnosed autistic people, you clearly sound/look autistic, I’m talking about other people.” The thing is, there is no broad “sounding/looking autistic”, that’s stereotyping, and you can’t demand everyone who interacts with you show you their Autistic Card, because again, not everyone is able to be diagnosed, especially given the mistreatment and stigma present towards autistic people in the medical field! And what made you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “don’t seem autistic” to you? Why didn’t you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “seemed autistic” to you? By denying anyone who doesn’t have a diagnosis resources they may very well need, you are denying assistance to thousands of people who are without means to be diagnosed. And I am SO tired of seeing comments online on self diagnosis posts that “people don’t know what they’re taking about” as if they know us personally, like are you me? Are you my doctor I’ve consulted? Did you watch me academically research and consult with other autistic people about being autistic for over 3 years? I’m tired of “well, one time a self diagnosed person laughed at my actually autistic diagnosed friend...so all self dx people are evil” because there is ZERO correlation between a person being self assessed and their behavior towards a non self assessed person. The fact both those arguments are in use whenever self dx comes up is yet another form of gatekeeping.

Self diagnosing autism is not begging for attention or Evil Criminal Money Funneling Schemes. It is a result of a deeply flawed medical and insurance system that has failed to give proper attention and care to those who need it, it is a result of resources not made available, of safe support systems not there for kids and adults alike. You want to talk about what’s truly dangerous? How the hate group Autism Speaks has been parading itself around since 2005 as an advocacy group for autistic people and has been misusing millions of dollars worth of donation money and promoting stigma and hatred around autistic people; no autistic members are present on their board. How Sia and her new film Music was nominated for 2 Golden Globes despite it replacing the original autistic actor with a neurotypical actor, using offensive stereotypes, and using the main autistic character as a prop, and featured an extremely dangerous bodily restraint scene on an autistic person having a meltdown in public and featured very insensitive content due to Sia’s lack of consulting with autistic people to make the film (spoilers in that article).

Instead of policing autistic people, whether they fit your idea of what an autistic person is or not, redirect your efforts and your energy to dismantling systems and holding others accountable for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about autistic people that are legitimately dangerous on such a scale that they have created insurmountable damage to the autistic community. But I guarantee you, worrying over whether your classmate is “faking it” will not do any justice to the decades worth of discrimination autistic people face still today.

I understand. You care about the community, you don’t want autistic people to be exploited or taken advantage of. I don’t want to be exploited and taken advantage of as an autistic person, and I don’t want that for others! But I also understand that when we self proclaim ourselves as judges of random autistic strangers on the internet or start accusing people of faking or demanding to see medical paperwork from people when the basis of our suspicions is “this person doesn’t look like my stereotyped view on how I think an autistic person should act”, THAT is when you really run into trouble. Because if you are allowed to deny self dx people entrance into the autistic community, what’s stopping you from thinking you have the power to deny ANYONE entrance into that community?

And there is power in self diagnosis for many autistic people. When the evaluation system is literally rigged to set you up for failure and put you through unnecessary hardship, self dx is a self affirming, empowering tool to take back control from a process designed to gaslight and crush you. The evaluation process was NOT formulated by an autistic person, nor was it made to be inclusive of all autistic people. Until the evaluation system in place for autistic people is safe, accessible, and free to ALL, you have EVERY right to self diagnose.

#like this isn’t even half of what I want to say #but I’m gonna stop cos this is So Long #no clowns in my inbox pls #long post #ableism #autism #actually autistic #ok to rb

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soulvomit · 2 years ago

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I feel like this needs some clarification and why so much ish is coming up around it is because I realize I’ve been trying to acculturate myself to normie expectations and normie relationship norms and normie friendship norms, and considered “highly successful at it now” (even though I spend most time in social settings I’m in, anymore, barely speaking) simply because people can’t tell I’m autistic anymore.

Looking at it through the Normie Gaze, yes I was told by people in normie “How To Social” culture that I wanted something narcissistic. I was told that I basically expected some kind of mystical Soul Mates connections with other people - friendships and relationships - a kind of click that doesn’t exist in real life. Except that what I’m realizing is that most people actually find this click a lot easier and don’t spend their lives starving for meaningful human connection even when they’re in a room full of people with whom they superficially have things in common. Thing is, I actually have a support net, so I can’t exactly call myself “alienated,” so it’s like, what do I even have to ask for here?

All it is, is having people I can talk to about one topic for longer than half an hour, who understand me! I spend most of my time capitulating to other people’s emotional and social needs and invalidating my own. And a lot of the appraisals of having narcissistic/weird/codependent desires are making me think, is this some emotional equivalent to being kinky or queer... having a particular need you can’t meet in mundania because you’re fundamentally wired differently?

And I realized - the one person who can, actually, is my autistic best friend who lives some distance from me and collaborates on projects with me, and nobody else ever has except for my previous autistic friend prior to meeting her, and *that is a lot to sit with.*

And what I’m asking for in *being understood* is not some mystical mind reading thing, but... feeling like someone actually gets how I think and doesn’t require me to compile my sentences into Normie.

And writing my character’s piercing loneliness around this, and the fact that their beautiful foe is the only person with whom they will ever share this connection, is weirdly confronting.

Between my 30s and 40s I believed that I could and should just “get over” the ways in which I process love and friendship and sex, and what was aspirational for me in those regards.

And it’s not me wanting mystical soul mates or thinking I’m better and smarter than other people - which is the advice I got from NTs about this - it’s *actually feeling like I do not connect with the majority of people in my life* even though I’ve reached a point in my life where the majority of people like me and I even have a partner.

And it feels like other people don’t get told to get over wanting a particular thing - just me. I’ve been told very, very mean things about the things I need to feel “connected” to other people and “seen” by them - but it’s like having the world’s rarest love language.

And what I was wanting is not some mystical thing that to Normies equates to wanting a Soul Mate. Or wanting unending narcissistic supply or codependence (which is another way Normie Psychology reads this shit.)

No, it’s not being Drift Compatible with anyone when I suspect for a bigger majority of people, they don’t have this aching empty place over this.

And I can be in a place with Good Enough friendships and a Good Enough relationship and still deeply, deeply feel this pain and longing.

Because it’s like... I’ve tasted moments of connectedness to other people, for moments of my life.

And it makes me wonder how much of what I was trying to learn and teach myself about How To Be Normal was specifically one particular way of being in the world.

And the thing with “creative connections and creativity vs Mundane Normal Life” is this, there’s only so many pieces into which I can cut my pie.

I quit going to game so that I could stay home and write my stories. I’m not part of any social world my partner is part of. I’m not part of anything. Because this is the only way I have time.

And being in autism spaces again is bringing this up for me, and I just don’t know what to do with it. My entire life is created a certain way now.

And I’m starting to wonder... was my desire for that connection really some kind of codependent enmeshed toxic thing, EVER? Or “soul mate” energy? Or was it just... having the world’s rarest love language?

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annarendellsa · 3 years ago

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my heathers headcanons

it's the way i see them and draw them, you don't have to agree! this is based on both the musical and the movie

CW: mention of suic*de and e*ting disorders (bulimia) as well as various mental illnesses

Heather Duke

• heather duke is aromantic and yes its because she wears green, have you seen her socks in the off broadway musical? /hj

• more seriously, she IS aromantic but it took some time for her to figure out. she is allo but she doesn't label her sexuality, and she was always confused and frustrated to experience sexual attraction but never romantic attraction; she had a hard time accepting this part of herself.

• post heathers: maybe she discovers about non binary identities and asks her girlfriends to test out they/them pronouns on her? idk? aro-agender duke?

• she also struggles with empathy as she is naturally apathic

• and she's putting this image of a cold mean girl because she believes she can only be that given she's aro and ND

• post musical: she had no idea mcnamara actually tried to commit suic*de and when veronica tells her she breaks down in tears and spend a few days writing an apology letter to mcnamara

• post musical: mcnamara helps her to develop her compassion, knowing it's not her fault she's incapable of empathy. she didn't have to forgive her, but they did, and it really motivates duke to become a better person and be as nice as her

• post musical: she sees a doctor! she eventually recovers from her bulimia. veronica and mac are 100% supportive of her recovery, and very proud

• she gets bigger as part of her recovery and learns to embrace it

• duke is very pale with really dark and thick hair and eyebrows, soft features and quite a lot of body hair

• you know the bootleg where duke has blonde hair? when she's on the tv she speaks german and i vibe with german duke now

• duke Cannot say fuck and if someone is prude/innocent/idk it's her. the why are you pulling my dick was just to fluster veronica i think

Heather McNamara

• they use she/they pronouns!! just because. she still identifies as a girl though

• mac is autistic of course, it's like semi canon in the musical

• since she's very tall (movie) she stims while standing like being on the tip of her toes or rocking back and forth and the others can be quite annoyed because she moves a lot but they never snap at her

• post musical: veronica finds her stimming endearing and they know it's safe to stim around her, especially since veronica stims herself

• post musical: mac hums as a stim too and you can often find macnamawyer snuggling on the floor while humming in harmonies together

• she used to mask a LOT and it played a big part in her depression. she knows they had to stop themselves from stimming when she was a heather, she had been the weird kid in middle school but now that chandler took her under her wing, she has to pretend to be NT in order to stay in the lifeboat (😭)

• she's a lesbian!! of course she is

• she knows it since she is in middle school and has been """gal pals"""" with chandler since them but she still struggles with it she has comphet yk, but still less than chandler

• chanamara definitely practiced kissing together "to be ready when we'll have to kiss boys" 👀👀👀

• chandler always had a soft spot for mac and tried to hide it by being cruel to duke

• post musical: it took mac some time to understand that duke had nothing against her personally. she was chill with them until chandler died. from that moment she had to prove herself as the new queen bee and mac was a collateral victim

• duke definetely gave her trauma though and mac is in the process of trusting her again

• mac themselves is not a cinnamon roll just yet and she still has to make up for what they've done to others

• mcnamara has nicknames like mcNcheese or macaroni (veronica came up with those)

• they're also a vegetarian and she loves yellow food

• like she ever only eats yellow food actually (autistic thing). that girl is deficient! part of why she looks that fragile and thin

• also i see mcnamara as mixed race with golden/light brown skin and they have this type of curly curly hair but she straightens it all the time so it's only just wavy (once again, to blend in with the heathers)

• her natural hair colour is actually a dark strawberry blonde? her dad is irish and he's a redhead that's why (stole this from @cam-eats-candles hehe) but she dyes it so it's lighter

• post musical: she starts wearing her natural hair!! and goes with her mom to the afro hairdresser to start to get her curls done right (cornrows mac!!)

• their parents divorced (movie) and it's for the best. mac has daddy issues and only goes to her dad to get cute jewellery for their girlfriends 💖 (he doesn't just sell engagement rings. a lot of regular expensive rings, really)

• she's not a baby, she's not weak nor completely innocent and pure!! the girl is a head cheerleader, she's strong and flexible as hell.

Heather Chandler

• heather chandler is Also a lesbian BUT she is on the ace spectrum like demisexual? so yeah she's double disgusted when she "sleeps" with men

• as a queen bee she's also convinced that the only way to exist is through male validation :(

• chandler is taller than duke and veronica but shorter than mac

• chandler's skin is like rosy and it freckles very easily. i see her with the same cloudylike hair she has in the movie, dark blonde, with the red scrunchie only holding back some of her hair

• she is Buff and is genuinely into sports (lesbian jock like regina george)

• she has a sharp hourglass shape her shoulders are broad and her legs long and strong. she could lift veronica against a wall easily. and she did

Veronica Sawyer

• ADHD!! she's been diagnosed for a while but only became medicated post musical

• bisexual!! so bisexual!! without a preference. she's always been open and proud about it and her parents are supportive

• for me veronica is brown, with thick and dark hair and dark brown eyes, midsize, average height

Martha Dunnstock

• that's canon i know, but she's fat, and not the socially acceptable-hourglass kind of fat. big arms! big tummy! double chin! (i see fanart of her just being chubby quite often and it's ANNOYING like that's a big part of her character)

• she's perfectly healthy like this as are many fat people :))

• i also like the hc that her attempt at sewer slide made her permanently disabled and that she keeps using a wheelchair! because it happens, it's important to show it, and it gives me a lot of ideas for cute kindergarten girlfriends prompts 💓💓

• of course realistically being fat AND physically disabled in the 80's was and is not an easy thing to go through but it's in my head so

• she's also a tiny bit taller than veronica

• i don't hate the outfit she wears in the off broadway show, but I like her west end outfit better!! it's a lot more 80's inspired and i totally see her in kidcore/clowncore etc, even if pastels are cool too

• in the current west end version, martha is played by a black woman and she looks amazing! however I've been drawing and imagining martha as east/south east asian, for no reason really?? also idk kinda rubs me the wrong way that in the more official versions of heathers it's always duke that is black, or martha? not the others? hmm

• i'm not comfortable with hcs that exclusively babyfy her or patronise her like a bunny rabbit just bc she's a fat outcast who likes unicorns!! she's not just cute and giggly! martha can and does swear and she Fucks, like mcnamara

• big round glasses + big nose + long brown hair

• taking inspiration from the princess bride line but she's a huge movie nerd. yes she loves happy endings but she also loves horror movies, as long as they have a happy ending

• she never gets a makeover omg y'all just hate people with glasses and a childish aesthetic istg

• she takes this aesthetic further though and

• post musical and high school: she doesn't just wear baggy clothes anymore as she only did that to prevent more bullying. she develops an unique style with a lot of pink and glitter and she's awesome

------

ok this is getting long ill probably do more!! tell me what you think <3

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scrawnytreedemon · 3 years ago

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Can’t sleep, mind going precisely 56 miles an hour, so I think I’ll finally get around to writing this.

Couples days back, I went ahead and finally psyched myself up to do the Zant bossfight.

Because I’d picked up where I’d left off yesterday, which was just before the boss room, obviously I was taken back to the beginning of the area. This gave the whole ordeal a trek, if a short one, what with the Palace of Twilight’s laughable length, and me more time to think.

I didn’t want to do this.

It sounds stupid, but I really didn’t want to do this. I’d cried the day before trying to psych myself up and failing, and I’d cried then, before the boss door, stalling by sweeping away the crystal-fog as best I could-- A meagre attempt at housekeeping, and a futile one. Of course I couldn’t. This isn’t that sort of game. This isn’t a game for failed attempts at kindness, at least trying to clean this awful, awful place for an awful, awful man going through awful, awful things. I was supposed to be a hero.

Heroes don’t make beds.

They don’t wash dishes, or hang laundry, or hold a rival’s hand,

They kill.

The trek didn’t stop past the door, either.

We still had to walk up the stairs. To the throne.

To him.

And I was there, laugh-crying, wishing I didn’t have to. That I could skip this pathetic ordeal.

I tried to turn around and leave.

Despite it only looking like a larger one of the many, many doors we’ve passed through this awful, nonsensical, poorly-designed excuse for a palace that no one could ever live in, it didn’t budge. There wasn’t any turning back. I had to go forward, because this is an action game, and violence is key.

The game takes the reigns. Link walks up to the throne, sword drawn, despite my deliberate decision to sheathe it. The narrative begins again. Midna sneers, and throws a taunt at him.

Zant sits, and smiles. Smiles like he thinks he still has some form of control, or knows full well he’s lost it.

You know, when I was working through the Palace of Twilight, I’d come to the realisation that... Zant locked himself in the throneroom. From the outside. Logistically, despite the good laugh I had over this guy locking himself in from the fucking outside, where his opponents can grab the key, he could get out easily-- teleportation and all. But even that aside, it still spoke to a level of hasty panic, that he would even keep the key outside, behind a waterfall of yet more shitty fog-crytals in the hopes that would deter them. Deter us.

How long had the guy been here, alone in that room?

We all know what happens next. Despite this being my first playthrough, I’ve probably seen this cutscene a dozen times. Zant has what amounts to an overly-dramatised autistic meltdown expositing himself and his motivations. That he was upset and felt like everything he’d worked for had been taken away from him. That he was angry, angry and fed up of being relegated to a half-existence. Midna retorts, Zant wails some more.

What gets me is that, when Ganondorf visits him, engulfs him in this flaming ball of fucked-magical-fuckery, he just. Stares. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t do anything. Ganondorf speaks as though he’s already decided that, yes, you will do, we will make a pact and rule Everything together; I will live on through you.

Did Zant even agree to this?

I think, subconsciously or not, he accepted it, but it begs the question of whether or not Zant was capable enough to partake in it.

Whatever the answer, he’s clearly not capable enough to partake in this. This fight.

It’s laughable, that I’m expected to find victory in this.

The fight was a fucking slog, 90% of the time. Some of these boss-battles I hadn’t played in nearly two years thanks to the impromptu hiatuses I’m so fond of taking, so I didn’t know what the fuck I was meant to be doing half the time-- And when I did, it lagged to shit everytime this poor bastard fired projectiles, because I was playing on the gamepad, because why on earth would I play this on the goddamn TV? It was a sad, pitiful encounter that I had to laugh my way through and also mumble “what the fuck“ on several occasions because I guess somebody at Nintendo ate cheese before bed and the dev team were so desperate to patch something together for this guy’s sudden crisis that they threw it in-- I’m obviously having a good laugh, but What The Fuck.

I knock the guy down in the last phase of the battle, the only one where he isn’t mimicking something else and dizzies himself spinning like a hyperactive child, and the game takes the reigns again. Midna prepares her hair. I look away-- I’ve seen it before, many times before, and it’s cartoonishly grotesque for a game that relies heavily on somber semi-realism. Midna has her own crisis-- And yeah, yeah bossbabe, I feel it.

It cuts back, and there’s a Heart Container on the guy’s throne.

I killed a guy, and now I’m collecting his lifeforce. I stormed into the bunged-up attempt of a fortress conjured up as a last defense by a man who’s fallen head-first into insanity, tore through any meagre security measure like butter, murder the guy when he’s having an episode, he dies a fucked up death, and then I collect his lifeforce.

Is that fucked up or what?

For all of Zelda’s endless violence, rarely do you actually kill “people.“ It’s the kind of stuff reserved for the end, for Ganondorf, or some other corrupted nigh-demigod on the brink of losing their humanity, or never having possessed it.

We kill Zant.

Zant barely puts up a fight, and we kill him. Zant gets summoned from the netherworld by Ganondorf in Hyrule Warriors; we put him there in the first place.

If we were to view this from a literal, like this shit actually happened and these characters are to be held accountable standpoint, then what we did was justified-- If not wholly, then mostly. Zant got power-hungry, committed what amounts to a bio-terroristic coup on the government, disfigured his rival, a woman notorious for her beauty, then proceeded to attempt the same thing with Hyrule, leading to the indirect death of at least the people who got transfigured into Shadow-Beasts in Kakariko, and attacks you first, then yeah, no biggie?

But I’ll be fucking real with you chief, I don’t find it... I don’t know, persuasive? Effective? Compelling, would be the best word, to think of it that way?

What Zant is, is a narrative tool. One that was set up to be this big, bad interloper who you need to Take Down and Save Everything, as per usual Zelda format. The justification for why we should hate him, if I’m going to be honest, feels contrived, most of the time. He does some bad thing off-screen, Midna gets pissed, Midna and everyone within a 12-mile radius explains why we should be pissed in a way that often feels borderline developer-hand-y-- And that’s. Well that’s how Zelda usually is.

It’s justification to commit violence.

--To be clear, I don’t say this in a political sense. I mean it in the very literal “hit/kill a guy“ sense. And in all honesty, that’s kinda inherent to the ethos of action games. We enjoy catharsis-- We enjoy taking down big things, it’s satisfying! I’ve played a little Hyrule Warriors-- Loved the feel of it. Violence is inherent to even the most benign of action games, and it is what it is.

Where it falls short for me, is that with Zant, I don’t feel like I’m taking down some great foe that I should justifiably hate.

I feel like I’m a clearly more equipped person breaking into a room, and bludgeoning a mentally ill person.

I’m autistic. I may slot in easier to NT society than most, but I am autistic, and it makes me deeply uncomfortable to see something I’ve fucking gone through be used carelessly as flavour for a prelude to violence. I have meltdowns. They’re relatively rare, and mostly in my room, alone, but I’ve also experienced one out in public. It was only sobbing, but there’s a special kind of horror, of humilation in knowing other people, strangers, family, what have you, are seeing it, and all you can think is how much you failed.

I can’t fully articulate why I cried so much during this, quite frankly, menial ordeal. I’m half-embarrassed to even talk about it-- Because then that means caring too much, and I can’t care too much over a poorly-justified character that wasn’t even intended to be sympathised with and that most of the fandom laughs at. And I can’t say I blame them.

I guess at the end of the day it comes down to the ever-present pity; some strange, childish commiseration I’d indulged in ever since I was six and cooing over Bowser and how awful everything was for him, that despite my continuous efforts, I can’t ever seem to explain.

I didn’t like the Zant fight. It felt empty,

And all did was sweep cobwebs and try to turn back.

#scrawny rambles #scrawny speaks #tloz #twilight princess #zant #back at it again with anotherhgkjhgjkhgkhj #thoughts #i'm tired of how violence is used to handle everything i guess #i feel like i'm walking around with a hammer wanting to buils a little shed and maybe set it down and make soup and hand it out #but the game goes NO bludgeoning ONLY you MUST KILL ALL THE WRONGDOERS VIOLENCE IS THE ONLY WAY--#cAN WE MAYBE??? N O T?? FOR ONCE???#AGAIN to get onto another thing. fuckign. mnish cap. and how e/zlo i n s i s t s the only thing to do about v/aati is kill him #you know.#his child student. that HE TUTORED WHAT THE FU C K #AND EVERYONE??? THINKS IT'S F I N E??#(slashes employed so it doesn't show up in those tagshdjjhgjkhg)#BUT YEAH WHAT EVEN #i suppose another part of this is just how. violence is glorified so much even in everyday culture. even in progressive circles.#[especially in progressive circles.]#ugh. god i really am a soppy little lawful good pacifist aren't i???#hhgjhfjgjl #it's 12am forgive any typos

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silvermoon424 · 3 years ago

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That idiot was far to easy to spot. Good lord if you are going to try and bait someone do it correctly!

Also. Try having my heritage! According to my 23andMe Ancestory I'm 24% Native American (Peru) 39% Sub-Saharan African (West) 6% European (Ashkenazi Jewish) 31% Central and South Asian (Pakistani) yet I look like an all American White girl. Genetics are crazy and they don't give you privilege! It's how you act and what you do with your looks that mean anything in the world today.

I look way different then close members of my family and I get questioned on a daily basis why I dress or talk the way I do. Instead of trying to explain to strangers why it's my "Right" to be who I am I tend to remain quiet and let my family members explain for me. "White Privilege" is a damn thing and I know I have it compaired to other members of my family. It's why I let them speak and don't talk over or for them. Yeah I'm the butt of many jokes ("Cracker" "Whitie in the Woodpile" "Gringo" "Gora/Gori") but I'm not upset by these word's. They used to hurt me a lot when I was a child but I've heard them so much I use them on myself as a joke half the time. White people need to stop being so damn sensitive about descriptive words. There are far more hurtful things they could be called that they arnt.

🐼

Wow, you have an amazing ancestry! You're right, genetics are crazy and it's wild how some people end up entirely white-passing while others don't (even siblings).

And yeah, like I said it's not nice to call white people cracker or stuff like that and you shouldn't do it, but white people need to understand that insults aimed at white people lack the vitriol and oppression that are attached to other slurs. I'm a white woman, and if someone got up in my face and called me a cracker I'd just be like "lol okay" whereas if someone called me a c*nt I'd be a lot more upset because there's actual oppression tied to being a woman.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story and I hope you have a great day!

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klugpuuo · 3 years ago

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almost every puyo~tet single-character headcanon wie have

every character we've put more than three minutes of thought into are gonna be in this post. this *does* leave out a lot of characters, but still includes so many that hopefully that'll make up for it. ^also i forgot about this entirely while writing and tried to add a few characters i literally never think about everat all so you get extra funny commentary i guess

welp! enjoy the ride. and dont forget to like, comment, and subscribe (/lh)

warnings: mentions food, implied self-harm, delusions (not inherently triggering but still), general violence, some madou-era content, death. (more to be added + ask to tag) none of the things mentioned are in much detail.

Madou Monogatari / OG Puyo~Puyo characters:

Arle – 16 (chronologically 20 due to the Madou time stop but doesn’t realize it), has PTSD and ADHD + nonbinary transfem + sex-repulsed and questioning (she/he/they)

Assorted headcanons:

-Her armor was made into a sort of magical puberty blocker by her grandmother, who knew Arle was trans and wanted her to live her life to the fullest. -Although she has never been in an (official) romantic relationship, she’s usually the first person her friends go to for relationship advice. -She stims a lot, usually by twirling her hair around or jumping.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: She’s in a vaguely romantic relationship with Serilly. “Vaguely” as in they go on dates frequently, kiss a lot, and would live together if they could, but neither is sure if they are actually dating. Friends: She adores Ringo and Amitie and wants to protect both of them – not in the super creepy and sorta patronizing way, but in the “she really cares about them and their well-being” way. Despite thinking that Schezo is an absolute fool at times, she still cares about him quite a bit. She’s come to regret what she did all those years ago, and is determined to make sure that Schezo never remembers it.

Schezo – ~200, has ADHD and PTSD + transmasc + homosexual (he/it/gore)

Assorted headcanons:

-Although he can be away from his sword, it’s bonded to his body so strongly that if he is too far away from it for too long he becomes incredibly weak. -He borrowed a thesaurus from Aya and Klug and is not planning on ever giving it back. -He doesn’t remember a single thing that happened before Puyo~7, and can hardly remember anything from then until Puyo~Tetris 2. -After learning about tone indicators, he begins to put “/nx” at the end of *all* of his messages online. Although a few people make fun of him for it, many people find it either endearing or some form of cool, and he’s affectionately known as “the /nx anon” in a few social circles. -His main special interests are forging and dark magic (good for him <3)

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes: He has a slight crush on Lemres, and thinks that Incubus is.. interesting. He also thinks Witch is cute but can’t tell if that’s a crush or what. (Good) friends: He considers Arle to be his best friend, and she’s usually the first person he’d go to for anything. The two actually lived together for a while. Although he thinks Rulue is a fool at times, he still cares about her and thinks she’s pretty impressive. Enemies...?: He once was always looking to pick a fight with Satan, but after (rather awkwardly) remembering that he once saw the prince as a father, he mostly stopped doing that.

Rulue – ~40-ish?, experiences delusions + cis lass + questioning (she/her and a few neopronouns)

Assorted headcanons:

-She’s not sure why there are so many people who are like her and at this point she’s wondering if it really is just a coincidence. -She secretly wishes that she could join Arle, Schezo and Witch’s arm-wrestling sessions, but as they’ve been going on for so long without her she feels almost awkward asking. -Although she still experiences delusions sometimes, she’s gotten a lot better at telling what’s true and what’s false.

Relationship headcanons:

Partner… sorta?: She’s sort of in a QPR with Raffina, and they go on platonic dates a lot. (Good) friends: She’s quite good friends with Arle, especially since she’s no longer chasing after Satan. Speaking of Satan, as she’s no longer absolutely obsessed with him she’s actually beginning to get along well with him, and the two regularly have friendly battles.

Witch – >16, might be NT + cis lass + omni (she/it)

Assorted headcanons:

-The only thing she can transform people or things into without help of a potion is mushrooms. -She’s surprisingly strong and quite good at arm wrestling. -She’s not sure if she had any sort of neurodiversities, but she doesn’t really care either way.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes…?: She might have feelings for Arle, but even she doesn’t have any clue. She’s also.. interested in Feli, as she sees Feli as quite the interesting person. Family: She’s an orphan, although she doesn’t mind it. (Good) friends: She’s okay-ish friends with Schezo, and the two usually do arm wrestling matches with Arle in their free time.

Satan – ~3000<, only god knows + cis trans man (somehow less than a joke) + pansexual (he/it)

Assorted headcanons:

-As he’s so old and has changed his physical appearance so many times, he’s completely forgotten his original sex, if he even had one. -After getting very literally schooled by Raffina, he realized that his plans to acquire Arle were just never going to work, and after a while of self-reflection he decided that he’d rather spend the rest of eternity doing other things he liked than chasing around an underage lass. -Due to having completely remade the world himself, he feels almost completely disconnected from it. All the people he used to know.. aren’t the same, and it’s destroying him.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: Misses his dead wife a lot, but is now happily dating (nd half-joke married to) Ex (Chosen) family: After Satan had a good long think about everything, he realized that he did actually care about Lidelle a lot, and now properly sees her as a little sister. Friends: He’s on good terms with Rulue and actually properly hangs out with her sometimes. -

Serilly – >16, has anxiety and experiences delusions + trans lass + questioning (she/her)

Assorted headcanons:

-hgnggng operea

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: She may or may not be dating Arle. (Chosen) family: Although she’s presumably an orphan, she has Suketoudara, who she sees as an older brother figure. Best friend: She platonically loves Harpy a lot, and the two of them spend a lot of time together. - Suketoudara – ~30, NT + about as cis guy as a fish can get + polysexual (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-I literally do not think about this guy

Relationship headcanons:

Sibling serilly

Puyo Fever (2) characters:

Amitie – 14 and a half, autistic + binary transfem + fem-leaning panromantic (she/fae/flare)

Assorted headcanons:

-She found out that she was trans when she was 7 years old, and managed to convince her parents to let her transition when she was 12. -She taught herself how to bake, and Arle taught her how to cook more salty things. She regularly makes lunches for her friends, even if they already have their own. -She cares a lot about Sig’s ladybug friend and usually “babysits” them when Sig has to leave to wherever. -Raffina and her are the only two with two parents who haven’t divorced and/or died, but as Amitie's parents are almost always at work she doesn't get to talk to them very much. -She stims by twirling her hair when it’s long, or squishing a puyo-shaped stress ball when it’s short.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: She’s in a QPR with Sig and Klug, and says she wouldn’t give it up for the world. Crushes: She has a huge crush on Ringo, and a squish on Ess, but she doesn’t think either of them feel the same way. (Chosen) family: She feels rather lucky having contact with both her mother and father, as most of her friends don’t have contact with their own parents. Also, she looks up to Arle a lot, and sees them as an older sibling. Friends(?): Nobody can tell what exactly her relationship with Raffina is, but the most common theory is that they’ve kissed at least twice. Even during Lidelle’s fight with Sig, Amitie supported her, knowing she truly did regret her actions and it was mostly just a big misunderstanding.

Klug – 14 and three quarts, autistic and has ADHD + transmasc nonbinary + ace/aroflux (he/they/wir)

Assorted headcanons:

-Although he had initially asked to be called by neopronouns just as a joke, he found he actually liked the wir/worm set a lot, and now tends to go by that exclusively on some days. -On one night he doesn’t remember, all of his cosmetic glasses were mysteriously destroyed, along with all his contact lenses. After that, he stuck to just one pair of functional glasses -He was gifted an “EiPod” by Ringo and Amitie, although only the latter took credit for it. -He stims by humming, writing, and aggressively cleaning his glasses.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: He’s in a QPR with Sig and Amitie, and secretly wants to leave Primp and travel the world with them both. Chosen family: He sees Feli as both a rival and a sister, and now has come to see Lemres as an older-sibling figure of sorts. Friend: He’s on good terms with Lidelle, and she’s one of the only people who’s younger than he is that he still treats with respect. Rivals(?): He thinks Raffina is pretty rude, and he never lets her go without remembering that he’s better friends with Amitie than she is for more than a month.

Sig – 15, autistic and has ADHD + transmasc demilad + biromantic (he/bug/they/it)

Assorted headcanons:

-Doesn’t consider any sort of bug to be his “favorite”, but has a soft spot for ladybeetles, stag beetles and fireflies. -After a failed attempt at acquiring Sig’s power, Aya accidentally gave Sig half of its own power, causing Sig to become slightly more than just a half-demon. -After he scratched himself one too many times, Amitie and Lidelle worked together to make a glove for Sig’s claw hand. -His main special interests are both bugs and history, and he usually stims by repeating words he likes.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: He’s mostly queerplatonic, partially romantic partners with both Amitie and Klug. During the first half week of their relationship, he was the only one the two felt comfortable cuddling with, which he was completely fine with. Family: Although initially Sig and Aya were almost enemies, they managed to reach an agreement after being left alone together and now see each other as both family and friends. Friends: He’s pretty good friends with Lidelle, and he helps her with bug-related problems whenever she has any. He’s also pretty good friends with Raffina even if they don’t hang out much and he still has trouble with her name. Enemies: Schezo.

Raffina – 16, has (canonical) imposter syndrome + transfem + pansexual demiromantic (she/her)

Assorted headcanons:

-As her family is very upper middle class, she was able to medically transition almost immediately after coming out. -She once tried to start a Primp Town Fight Club. It did not go well. -She’s the only person aside from Amitie that has two parents that did not abandon her and are not divorced. Unlike Amitie, however, only her mother works, so she gets to talk to her father frequently.

Relationship headcanons:

Crush: She secretly wants to kiss Lidelle really badly. (Good) friends: Although she was slightly distanced from them during the whole fight ordeal, she’s quite good friends with all the ASK trio. She’s pretty friendly with Ess.

Lidelle – 14, has social anxiety + cis lass + questioning (she/her)

Assorted headcanons:

-She feels genuinely sorry for what she did and said to Sig and those bugs, and she’s proud of herself for apologizing. -She likes playing with marbles and has made pretty big marble “race” courses in the past. -She doubts her self-worth a lot, and is worried that others don’t take her very seriously.

Relationship headcanons:

Chosen family: Despite not having any surviving biological family, she’s found a family in the form of Draco and Satan, who have been taking care of her for some time now. Best friend: Lidelle hangs out with Raffina almost constantly, and she considers Raf to be her very best friend. Good friends.. again: After a very large fight with Sig over the fact that her flesh-eating plants killed some of his bugs, she and Sig stopped being friends for a bit. After a lot of talking with Amitie and Raffina, she realized her mistake, and she apologized to Sig – and to her surprise, Sig apologized back. Even during the fight, she and Amitie stayed friends, and Ami gave her a lot of emotional support. She looks up to Klug, although Klug sees her as an equal and even spares a warm smile for her during some of his most jerk-y moments.

Lemres – 35, autistic, has SAD and PTSD + transmasc and nonbinary + aroflux/aceflux (they/them, he/him and any candy-related neopronouns)

Assorted headcanons:

-They are actually entirely blind due to personal reasons, and sewed their eyes shut as to not freak others out too much. They “see” by feeling the magic of their environment, and cannot “see” in low-magic areas (they also cannot read faces. At all.) -They have a sort of “vacation house” near Primp which they visit during the summer or any free time they have. The fact that it was built so close to Primp was a coincidence, but something they like very much. -Schezo occasionally “visits” the vacation house for a few months before running off on some random adventure for whatever reason. -Their broom was broken, presumably by Witch as they had fought with her not too long before that. -Su has a certain type of magic that allows sucre to read minds (or at least meaning). -His type of magic does not work on demons for a plethora of reasons. -They usually stim by twirling their staff around and messing with what remains of their broom.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: They’re in a weird sort-of relationship with Schezo. The relationship informally started after Schezo assisted Lemres during a restless period and it doesn’t seem to be stopping any time soon. (Chosen) family: Although they want to keep their distance from their biological family, they’ve found a new family in Primp in the form of the ASK trio (Good) friends: They’re very close to Accord, having know her since Highschool (and even before she made Poipoi).

Feli – 16 and a half, experiences delusions and has disorders + transfem + bisexual (she/her evi/evil go/goth)

Assorted headcanons:

-Rather compulsory heterosexuality with her. She doesn’t actually have that much love for Lemres, mainly just lust and a feeling that she has to date or marry him. -She personally believes sharing one’s birthday with someone else is a sign of extreme trust due to Zodiac reasons. -She feels like her gender is influenced by gothic aesthetics, but can’t really describe it further.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes: She still very obviously has a crush on Lemres, although it’s starting to lessen now that Lemres is in a closed relationship. (Chosen) family: She sees Klug as an annoying little brother, although he’s marginally more mature than she is. (Good) friends: She’s pretty good friends with Lidelle and Raffina.

Accord/Poipoi – ???? + cis lass and agender respectively + god knows (she/her for accord, he/it for poipoi)

Assorted headcanons:

-Accord secretly really likes hitting things with her hammer to the point where she’d go quite far in order to get a chance to do so. However, she would never readily admit this as she finds it to be incredibly childish. -Only Accord knows what happened to Lemres’s eyes. -During Highschool, Accord enchanted a puppet and gave it its own thoughts, personality, dreams, etc. That puppet was quite obviously Poipoi.

Relationship headcanons:

(Good) friends: Accord is close friends with Lemres, having known him since Highschool (she was his upperclassman by a few years) and never passes up a chance to talk to him. Poipoi managed to make friends with Aya in a particularly independent moment where it ran away.

Ayashii – >800, has a lot of trauma + whats a gender + (it/any neos/they/he/she)

Assorted headcanons:

-It genuinely forgot what a gender was because gender is so unimportant to it. -It somehow found a way to continue being friends with the puppy it rescued, even going so far as to teaching them the difference between it and Klug. -As it has extreme claustrophobia, it tends to take very long walks whenever it’s using Klug’s body.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes???: Aya has some interest in Lemres and Schezo, but isn’t entirely sure what kind of interest. (Chosen) family: It’s beginning to see Klug as a son of sorts, and recognizes Sig as its descendent. huh what: It doesn’t trust Accord at all, especially knowing (and being friends with) Poipoi as an individual.

Yu and Rei - ??? + phasmaeic + (both use she/he/they gho/ghost spec/spectre and dar/dark)

- - -

Relationship headcanons:

Puyo~7 characters:

Ringo – 16, ??? + questioning (demigirl?) + bisexual (she/they)

Assorted headcanons:

-She’s questioning pretty much every single thing about her identity and beliefs to the point where she’s actually been having frequent migraines because of it. -She’s not at all proud to admit it, but she’s not-so-secretly envious of Maguro’s “beauty beam”. -She eats a LOT of things that you’re not meant to eat, to the point where everyone except for Sig (who does the same) is worried for her.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes: She has small crushes on both Amitie and Tee, although she likes Amitie a *bit* more. Epic friends: She’s best friends with Maguro, and he’s one of the few people she properly trusts (not for edgy reasons, just because). A lot of people assume she’s dating him, which makes her feel pretty uncomfortable, but she doesn’t feel like she can really blame them.

Maguro – 16, has ADHD and PTSD (latter from AU) + questioning + bisexual (he/they)

Assorted headcanons:

-He’s questioning the same stuff as Ringo, although he’s a lot more chill about it. -He was pretty scarred, emotionally and physically, after an unfortunate incident concerning a badly thought-out prank, a fishing net, and a timer set to one month -He remembers all of his trauma in perfect clarity, and has good memory overall.

Relationship headcanons:

Partner:He’s been in a romantic relationship with Tee for a few months, and so far it’s been really nice. Best friend: He’s best friends with Ringo, and he feels really comfortable around her. They share almost everything, and are planning on moving in together once they get the chance to have a proper house. Good friends: Although Ris moved away to study abroad a while back, they still send a lot of gifts and letters to him on a regular basis. Also, they’ve been staying in contact with Ess ever since the whole beauty pageant thing and the two go shopping when they’re both free.

Risukuma – 19, NT + trans man + male-leaning pansexual (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-He’s incredibly interested in all types of love -After graduating school, he decided to study abroad to learn more about other cultures (and of course, love). -He really likes music, even having written some of his own songs in the past. One of his favorite bands is IDKHOW.

Relationship headcanons:

Partner: Despite only having interacted a few times, he’s quite good “friends” with Ai. Good friends: After moving away from Suzuran, he’s not been able to hang out with Ringo or Maguro as much, but he still sends them letters and gifts on a regular basis. What: He does not want to know about Ecolo. Do not tell him about Ecolo.

Ecolo – ageless and has so many disorders (affectionate??) + gender + probably so (it/they/he/she/other in that order)

Assorted headcanons:

-If asked, it would describe its gender as “Once In A Lifetime” by Talking Heads. -It’s trying really really hard to respect Ringo’s boundaries nowadays, and not just because she refused to acknowledge its existence for a whole week after it accidentally hurt her. -It can change into its human form at will; however, if it wants to stay in that form for more than a few hours at a time, it has to actually sleep for several days straight. -In its humanoid form, it sports several scars. -It genuinely loves fidget spinners and has this really creepy one it carries everywhere.

Relationship headcanons:

Crush: You know it wants to kiss Ringo so bad. Friends: Ex-friends with Satan because Ringo hates him. Pretty alright friends with Ex and Marle, not entirely sure what to think about Squares. Uh…: After.. an accident it caused, Maguro started to be able to remember it.

Puyo~Tetris characters:

Tee – 16, + trans man + questioning (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-He can’t pronounce any name longer than four letters long. Somehow, the worst case of this is with Ringo and Maguro’s names. -Having transitioned at a very young age and only interacting with one lass for most of his life, he has a lot of internalized sexism. After Ringo points this out, he starts trying to work on it, but he hasn’t been doing very well so far. -He’s also trying really hard to find a balance between being too basic and too over-the-top, but..

Relationship headcanons:

Partner: He’s been in a romantic relationship with Maguro for a few months. It’s been really nice, but as this is his first relationship he tends to go all-out with everything, causing Maguro to get rather flustered. Crush: Although he’s very hesitant to admit it, he has a pretty big crush on Ringo and wants to kiss her. Chosen family: O is his parent, Ess and Ai are his siblings, and the twins are his messed up if true gay cousins. Friend: He’s pretty good friends with Sig because of their shared inability to correctly pronounce Raffina’s name.

O – infinite, ??? + ???? + probably gay? ????? (any and all pronouns)

Assorted headcanons:

-I cannot reasonably take myself seriously trying to make headcanons for this godforsaken cloud cube -Squares themself made this thing (on accident?) -Anger management issues incarnate

Relationship headcanons:

Parnter: Kissed Carbuncle once eChidle: Tee is its son

Ex – ~40, has autism, minor intrusive thoughts and (canon) depression + some form of Guy + yes (he/they)

Assorted headcanons:

-He’s not sure how he identifies gender- and sexuality-wise and feels as if he’s too old to try to figure that out (which isn’t true, but still) -He genuinely misses Ess and Ai a lot and is unendingly grateful for the chance to see them both again. -His intrusive thoughts are usually fairly easy to deal with, but can sometimes get pretty bad if he’s left alone for too long.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: I’m pretty sure he has an ex-wife somewhere and that scares me. Also he kisses Satan every day of his life (Chosen) family: He misses his children, Ess and Ai, so much. (Good) friends: He’s become reluctant friends with Ecolo, and very good friends with Marle and Squares.

Jay & Elle – 13, autistic and have separation anxiety + nonbinary + ??? (they/them)

Assorted headcanons:

-Individually they’re okay with all pronouns, but nobody can reasonably refer to them as separate entities. -After a few people asked them, they stopped bullying Ai as much, but they still “prank” him a lot. -They were separated exactly once. It was not a very good time for them.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners:They’re queerplatonic partners with Yu and Rei, since that’s just kind of what happens when you’re two sets of evil twins who like bothering others. Friends: They don’t really have many friends as their creepiness scares people off a lot, but they like hanging out with Ecolo (even if they forget about it a lot)

Ai – 20, has pretty severe anxiety + transmasc + bisexual (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-He found out that he was trans after he managed to get a sort of wi-fi thing going during a five-month-long stay in a densely-packed asteroid belt. He had actually medically transitioned before that, but nobody on the SS Tetra had the word for it. -He has exactly one large scar from a prank gone horribly wrong. Otherwise, he’s not been seriously injured by anything the twins have done. - Recently he’s started to become slightly braver in general thanks to a lot of therapy and emotional support from his boyfriend, this has allowed him to stand up to the twins a lot more. He is also more physically strong, and plans to drop kick them both someday.

Relationship headcanons:

Partner: He kisses Risukuma on the daily Chosen family: As he canonically sees Ex as a father, he headcanonically sees Ess as a sister. Pure hatred(/j): He’s no longer as afraid of the tetra twins, and sometimes even manages to prank them back on good days.

Ess – ~15, only ex knows. Has serious abandonment issues, apparently canon(?!?!) PTSD, and so many things + cis demilass + lesbiab (she/they/ze)

Assorted headcanons:

-She actually has a job, and on the last weekend of every month she goes shopping with Maguro (or Amitie if he’s busy) on Saturday and Raffina on Sunday with the money she gets. -She kinda wishes that she were more physically strong for a multitude of minor reasons. -Ess doesn’t actually know how to say Ringo’s name and tries really hard to hide that fact.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes:She’s absolutely in love with Amitie, although she’s in very deep denial about it. Chosen family: She sees Ai as a brother, and the two bond over the fact that Ex totally ditched them to go patch up dimensions or whatever. Speaking of Ex, she’s very recently found it in her heart to maybe forgive him for leaving her when she was young, although she still is a long ways away from seeing him as a father again. Friends: She and Raffina hang out and talk about their insecurities a lot.

Zed – uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-uhhhhhhhhhh -I genuinely don’t think of this guy He reminds me too much of my ex-chosen-father -…to be added.

Relationship headcanons:

Ess is his belovt daughter that’s all you need to know.

Additional headcanons:

-Most of the Madou Monogatari gang feel entirely disconnected from what’s left of their humanity, so they identify with it/its along with whichever other pronouns they use. -Sig, Dark Sig, and the evil Sig from Sig’s Secret are all different entities. -Speaking of Dark Sig, they can actually purr, although Sig himself cannot. Klug thinks this is incredibly interesting and actually conducted several half-serious experiments to try to figure out why. -All of the SS Tetra crew see each other as family, although some have more clearly defined views of that. None of them have any romantic or sexual interest in any other member.

#ALSO IF ANyone has any questions please ask pleas #beeper canon #pinned post #puyo puyo #puyo puyo tetris #madou monogatari #<again #only mentioned #headcanon #headcanons #long post #im tempted to tag the characters but thatd be too long time for me to do so #enjiy

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thelegendofstella · 4 years ago

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Sephiroth’s true eye color (among other things)

Ever since I got into FF7 stuff I’ve wondered about Sephiroth’s rather inconsistent eye color over the media he’s appeared in (which is a lot), and I think I finally have an answer for it, as well as answers for other slightly unexplained phenomena. Warning you now, this will be fairly long and full of spoilers for multiple games in the series, yet hopefully informative.

Sephiroth is best known for his green, cat-pupiled eyes, among other things, and that’s generally the accepted eye color for him in fan works and such. But his eyes are actually light blue, and not just mainly in spinoffs. There will be a TL;DR in about the middle of the post for one interesting point, and another at the end for the whole post in general.

Disclaimer: This isn't intended to be a "this is the right way to portray Sephiroth's eye color" gatekeeping thing, this is just an analysis of an element of character design that went way too deep and is breaking Tumblr as we speak hfsdgyfudgfsd

Evidence, theories and such under cut-- all 63 images (yes, you heard me, be warned) either come from various wikis as official art/screenshots/etc. or are my own screenshots:

In Final Fantasy 7, where this mess all started, his iconic official art has green eyes:

But in all other art, models, etc. for the game, even the Ultimania scan, his eyes are light blue (or some sort of blue in general):

Of course, you could argue that Sephiroth’s official art also has blue eyes if you stare at it hard enough, but at first glance it’s more green than blue, and with the amount of green-eyed art I’ve seen, I’m sure many people have just accepted that his eyes are green and nothing more.

Several other games in the main series also portray Sephiroth’s eyes as light blue, sometimes borderline colorless depending on the lighting:

I particularly curse Advent Children for it’s washed-out aesthetic because in the darker scenes it completely masks Sephiroth’s real eye color. Thank the gods for HD screenshots.

However, there is a very interesting phenomenon that only seems to happen in Last Order, the 25-minute animated retelling of the Nibelheim Incident and Zack and Cloud’s escape 5 years after. No one seems to have noticed this yet, to my knowledge, so I’ll go through this as clearly as I can.

When Zack confronts Sephiroth in the reactor, the latter’s eyes are light blue:

It isn’t very obvious due to the mako glow tint and his face being in shadow, but I’d think green eyes would look different here, so they are light blue. They stay light blue for a while after this, until Zack begins to fight him and parries him onto the ceiling (anime physics...), resulting in this peculiar scene:

Light blue into green. Literally, you can see it happening in the actual video. This happens a second time when Sephiroth has Cloud skewed on Masamune, just more subtly:

Again, light blue into green(er). Definitely something funky going on here. It goes back to light blue when Cloud tosses him away, though:

And speaking of Cloud... he, too, shows very obvious eye color change directly after this scene, as seen below:

In the video they are visibly, animatedly glowing, it’s not just me discerning between two different flat shades of color. Keep in mind this is before he gets mako poisoned and Jenova-celled and whatnot, so this isn’t due to SOLDIER enhancements. What gives?

Here’s my take: it’s the Lifestream. People are made of Lifestream like everything else in in the FF7 universe, and it’s common knowledge that Lifestream/mako can do some pretty weird shenanigans. SOLDIERs are literally pumped full of the stuff and have seemingly superhuman abilities, and that’s just the lower-ranking ones. But the series has also placed a lot of emphasis on willpower, which Cloud post-experimentation struggles with due to the J-cells and stuff. A lot of people with particularly bright or “glowing” eyes have expressed an incredible amount of willpower, some of which include Cloud, Sephiroth (unsurprising), and Aerith:

Aerith’s eyes have always been incredibly bright in the series, regardless of which game you reference. Remake especially makes this obvious, as it seems like every close-up shot of her makes her eyes the centerpiece regardless of lighting, setting, etc.:

Like, seriously, they almost seem to glow they’re so bright. But here’s the kicker: Aerith is a Cetra, and the Cetra, obviously, communicate with the Planet... or, in other words, have an incredibly strong willpower that influences things. It’s been stated before by various people and media that Sephiroth and Aerith are two sides of the same coin, but not quite like this, I think. Cloud shows a similar phenomenon in his close-up shots as well, though the artificial SOLDIER glow is most likely contributing to most of it:

Compare these to younger Cloud in the Nibelheim flashback, when he was more innocent and had no need for incredible willpower, artificial or not:

Going back to Cloud in Last Order, the point we can make about him in particular is that when he was stabbed, literally at death’s door, he drew on his inner Lifestream for the strength to toss Sephiroth away. People have wondered for years about how this moment was even possible besides Protagonist Syndrome, and this may be the answer.

If this is the case, then this could apply to anyone: Aerith, Sephiroth, Zack, hell even Tifa seems to have slightly glowing eyes in the Remake sometimes-- and sure, it may be just the game engine making sure we can actually see their eyes in key cutscenes... but it ties into canon lore and actually makes sense, so I’m sticking with that. It’s also not a coincidence that Aerith specifically has green eyes, too, since the Lifestream in general is green-colored and whatnot.

Midpoint TL;DR: people with lots of inner willpower can call on their own Lifestream to give them strength, resulting in “glowing” or even color-changing eyes depending on how much Lifestream/mako they have in them. SOLDIERs, for example, would fall in the latter category... the most extreme being Sephiroth.

Now that's we're back at Sephiroth, another interesting point is that his eye color in Remake is consistently light blue, or some blue variation depending on the lighting, with green centers, as seen below:

Cloud obviously shares the same eye color pattern by this point because it's implied that he has the same if not slightly more mako in him than Sephiroth, which very conveniently also equates to him having the same if not slightly more willpower than Sephiroth.

An honorable mention goes to the Remnants, since they, too, follow the light blue with green centers pattern, appearing to fluctuate between the two colors at certain times:

With all of that said and done, I’ll wrap this up by going through Sephiroth’s appearances in side games and other franchises as quickly as I can:

1) The Dissidia series (Dissidia, 012/Duodecim, NT, Opera Omnia) almost always portrays Sephiroth with light blue eyes in art, renders, and models, occasionally with a hint of green in them:

A very interesting exception is NT Sephiroth's Safer Sephiroth costume, which has completely white eyes in all three of its alts. Yes, it's basically just a cosmetic costume, but it's still worthy to note for comprehensive purposes:

2) World of Final Fantasy’s Sephiroth has light blue eyes:

3) Record Keeper Sephiroth’s sprites are very obviously based on the original FF7 official art where he has green eyes (yes, I checked the colors by hand, they're all in the greener sections of the color wheel):

4) The Kingdom Hearts series is particularly unique because it features a blue-eyed Sephiroth but with an explicit reason for it. Kingdom Hearts 1 simply says that Sephiroth is part of Cloud’s past, but Kingdom Hearts 2 literally has Cloud saying “I'll get him. This time we settle it. Me, and the one who embodies all the darkness in me.”, and then explicitly clarifying that it’s Sephiroth he’s talking about. Sephiroth even shares Cloud’s facial shape, which is particularly obvious in KH2 renders:

All other Sephiroth appearances in the KH series also feature him with blue eyes, except for any usage of material from other media.

5) Itadaki Street games feature Sephiroth with green eyes:

6) Puzzles and Dragons features a rare teal-eyed Sephiroth:

And finally 7) All other Sephiroth appearances in spinoffs and other media feature him with light blue, blue, or rare teal eyes, except for sprites, which are (most likely) reused from Record Keeper:

And that’s FINALLY a wrap. All my evidence for Sephiroth’s actual eye color in one place, and even a theory on why it can potentially fluctuate between that and the iconic green.

Actual TL;DR: Sephiroth’s eyes are actually light blue in 90% of his appearances, and the remaining 10% either comes from temporary green-ness or partial green-ness thanks to mako/Lifestream stuff, or spinoffs.

There is one small point I’d like to make at the end of this, and that is the remaining mystery of why Sephiroth’s pupils are even slitted and cat-like in the first place. That... is far more ambiguous in terms of evidence than the eye color. Some series, particularly the Kingdom Hearts series, have them as regular round pupils, while others sometimes if not most of the time give him the cat-like ones. I may make another in-depth analysis post trying to figure it all out, but for now I’ll say that it may just simply be a result of the Jenova cells he has or something along those lines.

If you made it this far down and didn’t just instantly scroll past my massive log of images and sundry, thank you so much for reading all of this! If you did just instantly scroll past, I don't blame you. I guess I'm in proper Sephiroth hell now, lol.

I hope you have a great day and that things turn out well for you fhjksdgfyhughuhyudfs

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