#like I’m kinda proud of some parts but I also kinda hate it lol

[inmyicyworld]

Push him

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: When you became Avenger’s PR manager, you basically got your dream job, but one particular man, who had been staring at you every single time you were around, made you wonder whether it was because he hated or liked you.

Words count: 6.8k (opps)

Warnings: reader is wearing short clothes, Wanda and Nat are the best, Sam is a little ass, Bucky stares at you A LOT, he’s grumpy, SMUT, p in v, oral sex, unprotected sex, creampie, Bucky has a dirty mouth, pet names.

Author’s note: I finally finished my work, which I had been writing for way too long. But I’m kinda proud of it, lol. Hope you’ll enjoy it too🩷

masterlist my ao3 ko-fi

The work at the Avengers Tower wasn’t what you expected it to be. Tony Stark found you while you were working for another company a little bit more than a month ago. He was amazed by the way you were dealing with problems, by your charisma, and by your ability to find a common language with everyone. That’s how he knew that he had to have you as his partner and a part of the team.

The next day, you got a call directly from Tony, asking you to quit your job and accept his offer to work as Avenger’s PR manager. It would be an understatement to say that your jaw dropped to the floor when you heard your salary.

He said that you were totally worth it and that working with a group of such different people was not easy, but he was sure that you would be perfect at this. So on that exact day, you decided to take a risk and accept the challenge.

One thing that you hated about your previous job was the strict dress code. It was simply far from your style because you hated wearing the same basic and boring clothes every day. Tony said that it was the last thing that he cared about, and in that building, no one was obligated to wear certain clothes. 

You knew that it was your lucky ticket.

He was actually really friendly and funny in person. You talked a lot during your first day while he was showing you all the necessary places in the tower: your office, his lab, common rooms and kitchens, avenger’s rooms, and even a beautiful garden on the roof. By the way, Tony allowed you to decorate your office however you wanted and gave you the number of the person who was responsible for this.

In short, it was perfect.

You were giddy with excitement on your first actual day of work. According to the plan, you had to meet with the Avengers and then arrange a few meetings for Tony.

It felt like you spent hours before your mirror deciding what to wear. Your whole room was a mess, and when you finally completed your look, which consisted of a short black skirt, beige long sleeve and a brown leather jacket on top, it was already time to go.

Everyone in the room heard you before they saw you because of the sound of your heels clicking on the wood floor. 

“Don’t tell me that this is our PR manager, Stark.” Black Widow looked you up and down with a smirk on her face. “You look good, hun. Finally, someone with a taste in this boring group of losers, besides me and Wanda, of course.” 

“Hi.” You nicely smiled, not ready to get a compliment as soon as you stepped  into the room.

“Ohh, she’s also the sweet one.” Another red-headed woman, Wanda, said with a smile.

“You both, shut up.” Tony stood up from the armchair with a pack of chips in one hand and threw the other one over your shoulder. “Want some?” He asked you, showing the food, but you slightly shook your head. “Whatever… Now, you all listen here, this is Y/N; she’s our new PR manager. I stole her from someone because she’s incredibly smart and good at her job. Starting from this moment, she’s going to cover up your asses and organize all this stupid media stuff.” You blushed at his words but were still silent. “So, this is Natasha, Wanda, Steve, Bucky, and Th—wait, you already know them, right?” 

“Yeah, of course I do.” You chuckled. “By the way, it’s nice to meet all of you. I hope we can work together, and I will have a chance to be helpful.” You took a look at all the Avengers in the room, and everyone looked at you with a smile except one person, whose eyes sent shivers down your spine.

When you looked at Bucky, you saw that his eyes were scanning your body with an unreadable  expression, and you suddenly felt really weird in your short skirt. Your eyes met, and his famous death stare was really quite scary. He didn’t like you? You two were staring at each other for a few seconds, and you believe that the rest of the team noticed it because Steve loudly cleared his throat to get your attention.

He asked you a few questions about you, and Clint and Sam made a few jokes. Everything was fine as you all chatted for a little bit until Tony said that everyone should get ready for tomorrow’s mission, and you too have a lot to do. 

You went back to your office only with the thought that, during this whole time, Bucky was staring at you like he wanted to burn a hole in your head. 

Later that day, Bucky was sitting at the kitchen island with a cup of already-cold coffee while Steve was making himself dinner. It was quiet besides the sound of the cooking food, or at least Bucky didn’t listen to Steve’s words because he was too deep in his thoughts. 

Well, he was mostly thinking about you and his mixed feelings about this interaction. As soon as you walked into the room, you had his whole attention. He couldn’t help but stare at your body, at your open legs, and at your smiley face. He knew that he sounded like a total creep and that it was inappropriate to look at other people this way, but he had never seen women dress this way. Was it normal right now? Was it new fashion trends or something? The only women that he had been interacting with for the past few years were women from Wakanda, and in the tower it was mostly Nat and Wanda, and he had never seen them dress like that. Or, at least, he just didn’t care enough to notice it. 

When he saw you today, he felt something in him, and he didn’t like that feeling. It was something new, something that he had never experienced before, but his body became tense and his stomach tightened. It was weird.

“What, you're still trying to process her?” He was distracted from his thoughts by Sam, who came to the kitchen to grab a bottle of cold water from the fridge. Bucky looked at him and furrowed his brows when he saw a shitty smirk. 

“What the fuck are you talking about? And why are you smiling like an idiot?” Bucky growled. 

“Because you’re thinking about Y/N.” His words caught Steve’s attention, and he came closer. 

“That’s why you two were staring at each other like that?” Steve said this while drying his hands with a towel. “Do you like her? I think she seems cute.”

“No, I don’t. She just looks... different.”

“Oh, the old man got excited by the beautiful woman and her short skirt.” Sam’s smile got even wider as he started teasing Bucky. “You know, I wanted to ask her out, but I can take a step back if you like her.” He leaned on the table so he could get under Bucky’s skin even more.

“I do not like her.” 

“So you’re okay if I ask her out? Maybe I should go to her office right now.” Sam pretended like he was really thinking about this. 

“Sam...” Steve said.

“You both are just getting on my fucking nerves.” Bucky’s chair almost fell to the floor when he angrily stood up. “Do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care about you or her.” With these words, he stormed out of the room, and Sam started to laugh out loud.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know?” Steve shook his head like a disappointed mother whose kids always fight. 

“That was fun, and maybe it’ll push him to ask her out. She’s hot, but not my type; I’m just trying to help this idiot.”

You have been working with the Avengers for over a month now. This work was literally a dream from any angle. You were making a lot of money, doing the job that you really liked, and found a lot of close friends. 

Almost everyone on the team was very close to you. Natasha and Wanda were particularly your best friends. Sam was the funniest person you’ve ever met, and he always found time to tease you or to make a compliment. Bruce and Clint were like your uncles—a little bit old and annoying, but always with a piece of advice for you. A few times, you and Steve met at the gym when you came to work too early, so he was happy to train with you. Who would’ve thought that Captain America himself would teach you how to throw a punch?

The only pain in your ass was Bucky Barnes. Well, to be fair, he didn’t do anything. You’re not even sure that you heard his voice. He was always just staring. Any time that you came to the room and he was there, you either saw him from the corner of your eyes or felt his burning gaze on your back. 

To this day, you had no problems with your job. You organized a few interviews for Tony and Steve, talked to the newspapers and magazines, and held some meetings, but right now, sitting on your white chair, you felt weirdly nervous.

Bucky had to come here any minute to talk about a recent accident. Apparently, he almost knocked out someone on the street. All the press and news sources were taking advantage of the situation and using loud headlines to cast a shadow on Bucky and get more views. “The Winter Soldier is back?”. “The Winter Soldier almost killed an innocent man on the street.”

It has been the biggest topic on the internet for the past few hours. Most of the people were furious and wrote too many inappropriate and rude things. So you asked FRIDAY to call Bucky so you could know the whole situation and give comments to the press as soon as possible.

You started thinking about what you should do, or, to be more honest, how to behave around Bucky, because a few days ago two red-headed women that you now considered your best friends assured you that he is in love with you and just doesn't know what to do with it. 

You told them everything about his weird actions—that he always looked at you, checked your clothes, and stayed silent. Natasha and Wanda just looked at each other with smirks on their faces. 

“Why are you looking at each other like that?” You arched an eyebrow and crossed your hands across your chest. 

“Please, don't tell me that you don't understand his behavior.” Natasha looked at you and sipped her coffee.

Well, I wouldn’t have asked you if I knew the reason.”

“Honey, he lust likes you and thinks that you’re hot. You remember that he’s actually an old man, right? Women from his time didn’t dress like that, and you look really sexy.” Wanda’s words made Nat nod her head as you looked weirdly at both of them.

“That’s bullshit, Wanda. This can’t be true. I'm sure that he just doesn’t like me and thinks that I look too revealing. Or he just hadn’t had a girlfriend in a long time.”

“Some time ago, I came to the kitchen at like 2 a.m. just in my lingerie because I thought everyone was asleep. Barnes was sitting there with a book, and you know what? He just said “Hi” and didn’t even look at me again while I was making a sandwich. And when he sees you, he just can’t take his eyes away and stares like an idiot.”

You stayed silent, thinking about the girls' words, because everything seemed pretty reasonable. 

“And what should I do?” 

“I don’t know, seduce him or something.” Natasha just casually said it, and your eyebrows flew to your hairline. 

“Wait, do you like him?” Wanda asked you, and Natasha huffed like it was obvious. 

“I mean… he’s beautiful. I didn’t have a chance to talk to him, but Steve and Sam love him, and I trust their opinion.” You stopped trying to put together your thoughts. “To be honest, sometimes I think about the fact that he’s probably one of the hottest people I’ve ever seen. When we studied history at school, all the girls fell in love with America's Boy, and I with his best friend.”

“Then don’t wait. Just give him some hints, because I swear, for the ladies’ man, he’s too slow.” Natasha’s words made you smile. “Try to get closer to him; I don’t know, flash him with your boobs and look at the reaction. Push him a little bit. He’ll break.”

The loud knock on the door almost made you jump out of your chair. 

“Come in.” You said this as you stood up and fixed your white dress and cardigan. 

Bucky came probably to the lightest and most cozy room in the whole tower. A lot of white and pastel colors, comfy sofa and armchairs, and paintings on the wall. And in the middle of this was you—always perfectly looking, in heels, in a too-short dress, and with a smile on your face. He couldn't stop himself from looking at the smooth skin of your legs. It’s probably so soft...

“Em– Hi.” You awkwardly stood while his eyes were scanning your body. He didn’t answer; he just nodded. “So I think that we can sit there, it’s more comfortable.” You wave your hand at the sofa with a fluffy cover on it. “Do you want anything? Tea, coffee, water, soda?” Bucky just shook his head while he was trying to comfortably sit with a frown on his face. 

You deeply inhaled while trying to be a professional. You didn’t know what was wrong with this man, but his behavior started to get on your nerves. 

“Bucky, we can’t work together if you keep ignoring me. You can say if you don’t like something, because I don’t want to be on bad terms with anyone.” You sat across from him and crossed your legs.

“I don’t know what I should say.” His deep voice filled the room. Bucky took a pillow that was lying near him and started playing with the fringe. “I feel weird when I’m around you, and I don’t like it. I have thoughts that I shouldn’t have.” His eyes scanned your body once again, and you wondered if he was talking about what you thought.

“Can I do something to change it?” 

“No.” He deeply inhaled. “It’s my own problem, and it’s not your job to try to fix it. Anyway, why am I here?” 

“I think you know why. I need to ask you about the recent incident because I have a meeting with the press in less than an hour, and I have to give them a good reason why you did that. People didn’t take all that information too well.” You saw that Bucky sadly smiled and looked you directly in the eyes, making goosebumps appear on your skin. “So, tell me what’s happened.”

“You know that whatever you say won’t change people’s opinions about me, right? No one forgave me, and they’re still looking for a chance to call me a murderer.” He tried to hide behind a smile, but you saw everything written in his eyes. Bucky hurt himself with his own words.

“I understand how you feel about this whole situation, but we should address all those rumors because things might get worse.” You leaned on your knees with your hands, and Bucky’s eyes immediately fell on your boobs. 

Push him a little bit. He’ll break.

You tried to hold back a smirk.

“Fuck.” He mumbled. “ I– um– I was walking from the coffee shop to the tower. It was another busy street with hundreds of people, but I still didn’t expect someone to touch me. That man jumped on my back or something, and my instincts just worked. I threw him over myself on the ground and put a hand on his throat. Turned out he wanted to take a picture. But I panicked because there are many people who want to take revenge and who might want to do it literally any second. I’m always ready for this.” He shrugged like it was nothing, but you could hear the pain in his voice. 

You felt deeply sorry for the man before you. Even if he was cold and acted weird around you, you knew that it was his way to protect himself. After everything he came through, you couldn’t blame him. 

“Do you still go to the therapist?” You gently asked. 

“Yes, two times a week.” Bucky nervously ran his right hand through his hair while still holding your pillow in the metal one. 

“Okay, that’s good; I can work with this information.” You nodded and reached for your journal on the coffee table. “Thank you for sharing this with me, Bucky. I really appreciate it. I’ll do my best to convince people that it was not your fault, okay?”

“Thank you, Y/N.” Bucky stood up, carefully putting your pillow in its place, and left your office without another word, while you were sitting there with a smile. 

Maybe the girls were right. 

After that day, everything between you and Bucky became even weirder. Yes, he wasn’t totally silent now, and you’ve got a few “Hi”, but his stares felt different. 

It was like you two were playing some kind of game. Since you knew that he didn’t actually hate you, you tried to do as Natasha and Wanda said—get his attention and push more. And God, you loved that game. 

Almost every day you found an opportunity or excuse to see him in common rooms or in the corridors of the Tower, and you made sure that Bucky noticed you. You wore tighter clothes, walked right past him, and looked at him with a smile. You knew that it was working because a few times Bucky just suddenly left the room while he was mumbling something. 

It was almost 8 p.m., but you were still working on schedule for the next week. There was some kind of charity event, and Tony required you to convince everyone to go there because more Avengers can attract more sponsors and money. As always, Bucky was the one who refused to go there. He simply sees no reason for him to be there, and he doesn’t want to be there alone because he knows that Captain America will be the biggest star, and such a social butterfly as Sam will leave him in a second. 

You decided that it would be better to talk to Bucky in person, but you didn’t want to lose a chance to get his attention, so you went by yourself instead of asking FRIDAY.

You looked in the small mirror to check your makeup and hair and went straight to where you knew Bucky was spending his evening. As you walked in a dark room filled with only light from the TV, you saw Sam and Steve sitting on the couch and Bucky on the armchair near them. You quietly walk to him and just casually sit on the armrest. His eyebrows flew to his hairline, and you heard that the chewing from the boys stopped. Bucky had no choice but to put his metal arm on your lower back. 

“I need you in my office. You have to talk about the next charity event. Could you please give me some of your time?” You quietly asked and lowered yourself closer to him. Bucky was just staring at you for a few seconds, but then slightly nodded. 

Bucky followed you to your office, not without getting smirks from the boys,and then stood near your table with his hands in his pockets. 

“Don’t you want to sit?” You said and stepped closer to him. 

“No.” 

“Um– okay.” You took the papers from your table and stood in front of Bucky. “So, you know that there is going to be a charity event, and I’m responsible for getting all the Avengers there, and you are one of them.”

“I’m not going, I already told Tony.” He just shrugged.

“Why not?” 

“Because I’m not needed there. I’m not an actual hero, people have no interest in me, especially when there will be Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor, you know? Plus, I have no interest in sitting alone the whole night.” You saw that Bucky tried to be casual about it, but he just put salt on his own wound. 

“Don’t say that, Bucky. There are people who want to see you there, you have a lot of fans. You know, I’m going there too, so if you don't mind, we can–” 

“What game are you playing with me?” He interrupted you. Bucky straightened his shoulders, which made him look even bigger, and started moving closer to you, putting you in a trap between him and your desk. 

“W– what do you mean?” You couldn't control your body as you started to tremble a little bit from the power that this man had. As soon as you bumped into the table, his hands landed on both sides of you, and his face was right in front of yours. 

“Don’t act clueless, Y/N. I see what you’re doing.” He stopped for a second, studying your face. “You know, I tried to convince myself that you do all of this by accident, but now I’m sure that you’re just playing your little game. Am I right, doll?” You two were staring at each other, and you felt almost nauseous from different emotions. 

He was so fucking beautiful up close. Piercing blue eyes, pink lips, and light stubble You know why many women thought that James Barnes was charming. If he had more confidence, he would’ve been unstoppable.

Your eyes slowly shifted lower to his arms and chest as you remained silent. He was big, with well-trained muscles that were seen through the tight black t-shirt. Both arms were stretched near you, so you had a really good opportunity to look at the smooth tanned skin and beautiful dark vibranium. You felt how your lower stomach tightened just from the thought of getting those pretty hands on your body…

You were pulled out of your head by a sudden movement of Bucky’s hand, which gripped your face and pushed your lips together. He was obviously dominating in the kiss, as if he were desperate to taste you. The tip of his tongue brushed over your lips, asking for entrance, which you happily gave him. The moan came out of you when Bucky moved away and looked you in the eyes, still holding your face. 

“This whole fucking time I thought that I was a creep for looking at you, but now I know that you did everything on purpose, doll.” His eyes moved between your eyes and mouth. “All these short skirts and dresses that almost showed me everything underneath it, all these innocent smiles and looks... You did it to tease me?”

“Not at first...” You mumbled. “But you were acting so weird, and girls said that you liked me and just didn’t know what to do. I wanted to find out whether it was true or not.” 

“Fuck, if I knew earlier that this was your plan, I would’ve bent you over the nearest surface, baby.” Bucky moved a little closer, brushing his lips over yours. “Do you know how fucking hot and gorgeous you are? I haven’t felt that way in many, many years. Just wanna kiss you and make you mine.”

“And what’s stopping you from this, Sargent?” You asked with a smile and moved your hand to the back of his neck to gently play with the baby hairs. 

“You’re gonna be my death, doll face.” He mumbled before leaning closer and kissing you again. 

This time, you started to touch each other's bodies. Bucky’s warm and cold hands landed on your thighs, playing with the hem of the skirt and rubbing your soft skin after he lifted you up a little bit and helped you sit on the table, staying in between your legs. Your own hands were moving up and down his broad chest, discovering all of his muscles. 

“Bucky…” You whined into the kiss when his finger brushed against the edge of your already wet panties. 

“Tell me.” Bucky moved away from your swollen lips and left a path of kisses down your neck. “Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you.” He sucked a sensitive spot under your ear, which made you moan. 

“I don’t know. Just do anything, please.” You both breathed heavily. You felt like you were too hot; your lower stomach ached, and your underwear was soaking wet. Bucky was looking at you with such lust in his eyes that you wanted him to destroy you. 

“Lay back.” He ordered you as one of his hands went higher under your skirt and slid your black lace panties down your legs. You didn’t miss how Bucky shoved him into the back pocket of his jeans with a smirk on his face. 

You quickly followed his instructions and just threw all the papers from our table on the floor. You’ll regret it later, but now you don't care. The sudden move of Bucky's metal arm grabbed and pulled your shirt, and all the buttons scattered on the floor, making you gasp in disbelief. 

“Bucky! It was expensive.”

“Sorry, I’ll buy you whatever you want, I promise. But now I need to see you all.” He growled and fell to his knees before you. “Fuck, doll, such a pretty pussy. I’m gonna make a mess with her.”

Bucky’s hands grabbed both of your legs and threw them over his shoulders. He dragged your skirt higher, not wanting to take it off of you. His head fell on your right legs as he left a few kisses on your sensitive skin. 

“Bucky please! Don’t tease me!” You desperately whined.

“I need a moment to appreciate both of you. I haven’t done it since the 40's, you know that?” 

You wanted to say something, but his mouth on your most delicate part of your body left you speechless and made you grab his hair. Bucky’s tongue was gentle at first, just to get a taste of you and tease you a little bit. His tongue started to play with your clit, circling it and applying different pressures to find out what made your body twitch. It looked like he was enjoying it too; you felt deep grunts escaping his mouth as he was trying to catch every drop that came out of you.

Your loud moans filled the room as Bucky found the perfect place and made motions that made you see stars. A hand in his hair tightened even more when you felt one of his fingers at your entrance. 

“M-hm, so wet and tight for me.” He pulled away a little bit, looking at how his two fingers came in and out of you, all shiny with your juices. His darkened eyes were firmly glued to your pussy, which was trying to get more, and his mouth opened a little bit at the sight. “Taking my fingers like a good girl.” Bucky attacked you with his mouth again. This time he was licking your folds, mixing his saliva with your juices. When the feeling of his nose touching your bundle of nerves came through your whole body, you gripped Bucky’s dark locks even harder, particularly trying to ride his face, and he had to put his metal hand on your hips so you wouldn’t move. 

Your body tensed when he curled his fingers right on your g-spot, sucking your clit like a hungry man.

“Bucky—fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m gonna cum, please don’t stop!” You whined with tears running down your face. 

A few more movements of his magical mouth, and you fell over the edge. Your legs tightened around his head, tingles went all over your body, and the loudest moan mixed with Bucky’s name came out of you as you were riding on the wave of your orgasm. 

Bucky didn’t stop, though. 

He made sure to lick every drop that came out of you, to the point that you had to beg him to stop because you were too sensitive. 

“That was—“ You were trying to catch a breath. ��That was the best orgasm I've ever had, oh my god. If you did it for the first time in like seventy years, I can’t imagine what you can do with practice.”

Bucky dragged you up by your neck, so you would be at the same level with him. His hand moved your hips closer to the edge of the table, and you felt how hard he was through those jeans. 

“I can practice whenever you’ll allow me, doll.” He put his warm hand on your face to kiss you. The taste of your own release on his tongue made you moan. 

“Need you inside of me, please.” Your hands automatically started to pull up his shirt, but he stopped you. 

“We don’t have to take it off if you don’t want to.”

You were silent for a few seconds. “Why wouldn’t I want to take your shirt off?”

“You know, my arm and scars...” 

“Do you really think that I care about it?” You left a few kisses on his cheek. “I think that your arm is hot, by the way, and I want to feel your skin on mine, Sarge.” It was enough for Bucky to pull off his shirt and stay before you half-naked. 

Your hands moved to trace every muscle, every birthmark, and every scar on his chest, and you felt that this moment was so intimate, especially because of Bucky’s stare. He looked at you with such adoration and softness that you wanted to melt. 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” He mumbled and kissed you with even more passion. 

Bucky ripped off the rest of your shirt and quickly took off your matching black bra, gripping your breasts with both hands and taking your left nipple in his hot mouth. 

You dug nails into Bucky’s back as he was sucking and licking your nipples, leaving them wet in the cold air. It felt good. So fucking good—his mouth was truly amazing. But the emptiness inside of you was almost painful, and you were clenching around nothing. 

“Bucky! Sarge, please, I need you.” You almost cried and dragged his head by the hair back to your mouth.

“Baby, baby, wait– “ His hot breath was touching your lips, but he stopped your hands, which were unbuckling his belt. “Baby, I don’t have a condom. Fuck, do you have one?” 

“We don’t have to use it... I’m on the pill. And I’m clean.” Your legs wrapped tighter around Bucky’s waist and put him closer to your naked core. He swore that he could feel your heat through his jeans and boxers. 

“Fuck, I love twenty-first century... I’m clean too, can’t even catch a disease with this serum shit.”

His words were like a green light to you. You didn’t want to wait even a second more. So you just took off his pants with such speed and impatience that it made Bucky chuckle. With the last movement, all of his clothes were on the floor, and you sat on your table, frozen because of the sight before you.

Bucky’s thick and perfectly long dick was the best fucking thing that you’ve ever seen. Pink and a little bit curled to his abdomen. Your mouth watered just thinking about tasting it. Or how well he’ll stretch you out. You didn’t even notice how your mouth opened a little bit, and you unconsciously wrapped your hand around him.

“You’re gonna destroy me, Bucky.” You mumbled, to which you heard only a deep chuckle. Your eyes moved back to Bucky’s smiley face.

“I hope so.” 

Two different hands landed on your thighs again, spreading and lifting them up. You both looked down at where his cock almost touched your bare folds, and the first contact made you moan loudly. Bucky took the base of his cock, giving himself a few pumps, and moved the tip up and down your pussy, moving easily because of the mixture of your juices. 

You grabbed his forearm and whined at the action. 

“Ready, doll?” He was trying to be tough and strong, but you saw how he nervously licked his lips, the tremble of his flesh hand, and the tension in his abdomen. But you still vigorously nodded.

It was different from everything you’ve ever experienced. He was big but tried to be as gentle as possible, not wanting to hurt you. He only pushed a few inches, but you already wanted to cry from all the feelings inside of you. Pain mixed with extreme pleasure. 

Bucky was trying so hard to control his motions and go slow, but God, it wasn’t easy. From the first touch of his cock, it felt like he had gone to heaven. He knew that sex was good, he remembers it, but the feeling of you and your warm body that so gracefully greeted him inside made him feral. Bucky felt such a need to kiss you that it was almost painful, especially when your swollen lips were a few inches away from his. 

He leaned in closer to your lips, but it made him slip deeper into you, which made you both loudly moan into each other's mouths. 

“Fuck– doll, you’re so warm and tight, oh my god.” Bucky mumbled as the grip on your hips became harder. It’ll probably leave bruises, but you didn’t care.

The feeling of him inside of you was overwhelming. He was so deep and stretched you just the way that you wanted, and you almost cried from pleasure. 

“Please, Bucky, please move!” 

His hips slightly moved once, and it felt like his mood instantly changed. You were suddenly pushed back on your table, and your legs, still in heels, were thrown on Bucky’s shoulders. His metal hand stayed on your thigh, and the other one fell on your stomach to push your skirt higher on your waist. 

“All dressed up for me, baby.” He started slowly moving, burying his cock deep inside, and then leaving only the tip to tease you. “You know how long I wanted to do that, huh? Bend you over and just fuck the shit out of you until you can’t say anything except for my name.”

“Bucky– Sarge, please go faster. Just fuck me, do whatever you want.” You were desperate, yes. But you couldn't help but beg, because you really needed him to keep his promise and fuck the shit out of you. 

You reached for his hand on your stomach and interlaced your fingers together.

“If you keep calling me that, I won’t last too long, doll.” His thrusts became harder and faster as your body moved up and down on your table.

Bucky was looking at your drunk-looking face with a slightly open mouth because you couldn’t keep your moans quiet. Your hair was deshiveled, your skin glimmered with sweat, and it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“So beautiful, baby.” Bucky murmured, fucking you harder. The room was filled with loud noises from slapping skin and moans. “You love it when I talk to you like that, huh? Want me to tell you what a good girl you are?” His words definitely did something to you, and you unconsciously tightened around him. “Almost choking my cock, baby, fu-u-ck.”

“Mhm, Sargent, I’m so full of you.” You couldn’t see straight as the tip of his head pressed at the perfect spot with every thrust, it was too much and not enough at the same time. 

The wet kisses on the inner side of your thigh sent shivers down your whole body when Bucky started to suck tender skin. His rough movement didn’t stop for a moment, and you knew that your orgasm was getting closer. The warm feeling in your belly slowly became bigger. It was hard for you to cum from sex, but Bucky did it so fast and without even touching your clit. 

“C’mon, doll face. I feel ‘ya. Feel how your perfect little pussy is squeezing me. Cum with me, baby, cum on my cock.” His movements were still rough and confident, but you felt the slightest change in the way he was looking at you, how his body trembled a little bit, and the prettiest quiet noises escaped his mouth as Bucky was coming to his own end. 

You were completely lost in your pleasure, with strong arms on your body and Bucky’s hard cock that was completely destroying you, so when fingers on your clit started to move in circles, your body slightly jolted up from your table.

“Bucky, Bucky, please—ohmygod, I’m coming!” You cried out loud and grabbed the hard wood under your arms. 

“O-oh, fuck, doll, cum with me, please. Yes, squeeze my cock harder, make a mess. ‘M gonna cum.” With the last few pushes of his dick inside of you and movements of the fingers, you both fell from your heights, and the room filled with loud moans of pleasure. The feeling of his hot seed on your walls almost made you faint. 

Bucky fell down on your body as your leg slipped from his shoulder. Two strong arms wrapped around you, and Bucky’s face nuzzled into your neck. You don’t know how long you two stayed silent, trying to catch a breath, while your hands gently rubbed Bucky’s back. 

When he finally lifted himself up with a metal arm near your face on the table, the look in his eyes sent millions of butterflies to your stomach. 

“I don’t even know what to say…” He chuckled and cupped your face with his right hand. “You look so fucking beautiful, Y/N.” 

“Even when my makeup, my hair, and my clothes are completely destroyed?” You playfully arched an eyebrow and enjoyed the feeling of his fingers on your hot skin.

“Well, I did it, and I’m satisfied with it. You still look so hot, especially with my dick still inside of you.” 

“Bucky!” 

“Sorry, sorry. But I’m serious, though. Will you let me take you on a date? Maybe yesterday for lunch or for dinner after work?” His eyes had this little bit of doubt, and you couldn’t stop your wide smile because he was really thinking that you would say “no” after that.

“I will be glad to go out with you, Buck.” You dragged his face closer and gave him the sweetest kiss you could.

Bucky moved away, gently slipping out of you, and you hissed at the empty feeling. He helped you stand up on your shaking legs and handed you your clothes.

“Fuck, you completely destroyed my clothes.” You said as you were standing in front of the mirror. “How will I go home?”

“You can stay in my room.” Bucky came closer to you and helped you make your blouse look more presentable, even without buttons.

“Really?”

“Of course, doll. Just hold your shirt in case we bump into someone in the corridor, but I think everyone is already in their rooms.” Bucky finished dressing up, and you saw your underwear sticking out of his pocket.

“Don’t you want to give me my panties?” 

“Na-ah, you’ll have to walk with me dripping out of you.” He gave you a cocky smile and turned all the lights off before wrapping his arm around you and leading you into the hall. 

It was completely empty, but the second that you stepped out of the elevator, you saw Bucky’s best friends looking at you. All of you were looking at each other for a few seconds before Sam started hysterically laughing. 

“You owe me fifty bucks, idiot!” He said to Steve, who was as red as a tomato. “Good job, Buckaroo, but I really thought that we were gonna ask her on a date first.” 

“Fuck off, Willson.” Bucky growled, protectively stepping forward to protect you from their looks. 

“Okay, okay, relax, no one’s touching your girl.” He said with a cocky smile on his face. “Let’s go, Steve. You’re too innocent to look at things like this.” Sam took his friend and led him in another direction. 

“Asshole.” Bucky growled.

“Everything is okay, Buck, let’s go.” You stepped closer to his room, but he was still standing in his place. “I have to take a shower. Will you come with me, or will you stand here the whole night?” You smirked.

It was everything he needed to finally get closer to you, scoop you into his arms, and carry you into his room to the sound of laughter, which soon turned into moans. 

[thats-my-passion-right-there]

More tag rants!!!!!!

I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god

[accio-victuuri]

4/29 candies to enjoy ^^ 🍭🍬🍩

this was a busy day for us cpfs. so i’m gonna compile some bits that made our cpn-senses go off! 😂

the most obvious, and my fave, because of how it follows the pattern is them not overlapping their releases. i thought gg was gonna release the gucci stuff at his usual 10:05 or 10:10 but he didn’t. that’s because wyb had jeanswest release on 10:30. i love how that was given it’s time till 13:00 when gg posted the ad. i’m clowning cause 13 is yizhan! and then 13:20 will be the weibo live for FPU, which was kinda delayed too when it went on. some more materials for GUCCI was released throughout the day but moreso on international platforms.

it’s hilarious cause i saw a hot take from an xz anti before who said he is “afraid” of doing stuff alongside wyb. that is their perception. lol. but i think even if you don’t believe in the whole cp thing, maybe it’s professional courtesy? maybe these two are friends and have this unspoken rule? 🤷🏻‍♀️

tho i was very happy to see them both pop up on my weibo opening screen! and to experience them having these international campaigns, for wyb, lacoste recently— makes me proud. 😌

a funny cpn from today is this parallel. in a segment at FPU, there was a moment where a fan said jiayou and wyb said cheering is not always necessary. It reminded us of that time xz was told to jiayou when he was about to go to the restroom and he’s like???? why do i have to jiayou???

oh these two. 😂😂😂

yibo is the resident gremlin who always has a smart ass reply or some savage comeback for you but xz usually doesn’t. but we know what he has that in him too and i wish we could see more of that!

bonus cuteness before we proceed, this edit of them looking like they are doing the choreo for jisoo’s flower 🌸 and they are BP fanboys so it fits!

now some double standards. in the movie channel interview, they were asked where they first met, and wyb couldn’t remember. compare this to how he was with xz! he was always very proactive that they met in ttxs!!!!

there was also a part where they were asked to give an example of what they wanna learn from each other. and if they communicated to learn. so HJY said street dance and WYB said jiu jitsu but they both weren’t able to learn from each other. in the meantime, wyb taught xz a dance routine 😂😂😂 among other things. i’m sure yibo will be more than happy to help someone out, but i think you have to be at a certain level of closeness to him. or he is really comfortable with you.

this last section is for the beaded bracelet. i think it’s time to discuss it again because this is the 3rd time he is seen with it. so this looks like something personal for him. tho i have to say, you have the coco crush which is both personal and part of him promoting chanel too. i’m invested in this cpn and at the same time frustrated because of the questions.

( p1: him wearing it for the fpu bazaar magazine shoot // p2: worn during the movie channel interview // p3: what so/os are saying is the bracelet not that it matters cause i can clown this too )

1. i hate how no wardrobe accounts have confirmed what it is. and i kinda understand cause we never see it fully, plus there is cpn attached to it so they are extra careful. which is also another source of my frustration. why does he wear it when he has long sleeves on??? he was wearing a shirt earlier and his arms were bare! but wait.. he changed his clothes and as soon as he had something to sort of cover it, the bracelet was on. 💀💀💀💀

it’s like he is purposely clowning us!

2. if this was a jewelry to show off and promote Chanel, why can’t we see it well? and i want to see the change in the beads’ color to confirm if it is what the solos say it is.

i’m also side eyeing international solos who are proudly commenting how wyb’s bracelet is luxury and not some cheap buddha beads like xz’s. what? it’s such an insult to a culture that is important to yibo. those bead bracelets made in specific temples for protection is part of his culture. he knows it’s importance and respects it. but what can i expect from solos really? lol. the bar is already very low when it comes to them but they still manage to disappoint me. 🪦

3. and if it is Chanel, i can still clown by thinking GG bought it for him so they can match. 😂😂😂 atleast with the aesthetic.

bonus: the bone necklace!!!!!

another bonus, i saw this photo of like a celebration i guess for queen of tears. and the cake! the way the actors are cutting it! lol. reminds of xz and wyb! 😂

banner edit source 圣衣雪琳

-END.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Saturday Fandom :) Wanted to post links to the last few I know they came over the holidays in case anyone missed them. The master list has also been updated. 4x22 , 5x01, 5x02

We’ve reached our yearning era and I’m here for it. This one may not have a ton but it’s just enough that at we were all dying for more. I was so excited to be an era where very aware of their feelings but couldn’t be together yet. Good stuff. Let us proceed shall we?

5x03-Dye Hard

We jump one month into the future. Because Lucy has gone to UC school. So our couple has been apart for some time at this point. Making that longing extra intense. Lucy arrives home to a surprise party of sorts. She's just returning home from UC school. Tamara and Chris welcome her back with mustaches. I love how excited she is Lucy is back. Always take some cute hugs with them. She tells Lucy the she has to head to school but wants to hear all about it tonight. I love them so much.

Leaves us just the clown and Lucy. Bleh. She asks him how he’s doing? Says he’s doing ok. Typing is still hard but he’s glad to be back at work. Was going crazy on the couch. Tells her there’s something else that’s been helping him more. An online group trying to hunt Rosalind. Kinda like the one she was apart of for Aaron’s case back in 4x16. Lucy doesn’t look excited about this idea. He says they contacted him few weeks ago. They call themselves Dye Hards.

Hence the name of the episode. That their research is actually impressive. They compile all their credible tips in an encrypted document. Called the ‘mother doc.’ Lucy’s face is screaming how much she hates all this. But instead of reading her like he should he presses her further. Because it’s Chris…never respects any boundaries she’s putting up but sure man keep going. Force her to read about the one person who sets her PTSD off like no other.

Just so you can have some peace of mind…grumble….Dislike him so very much. Lucy tells him how not healthy this is. (It really isn’t…) That she’s just a patrol officer. He whines about how the task force is ignoring him. Of course they are ya putz. It's why he’s dragging her into this. I hate this very much. Lucy gives in and says she’ll give his doc a look. That good ole guilt driving her decisions about him some more. Smh.

Roll call starts out with Grey congratulating Lucy. She successfully passed UC school. Telling everyone that is no small feat. Look at Tim ever the proud husband. That look alone says everything you need to know about her crushing it. The soft looks in his eyes. That soft gaze he only reserves for her. *sigh* Oh pining era you are lovely.

Lucy trying to contain her emotions about all of it. Grey calling her out and congratulating her. Tim looking at her like she hung the moon and stars. Couldn’t be more telling if he tried. She can’t even look at him. Just messes with her thermos. Lucy not really knowing how to react to the attention. Especially Tim’s…She just nods and hopes they move on.

Aaron and Lucy come out of roll call together. Lucy is congratulating him on making P2. Lucy also commends him on being a good aide for Tim. Aaron is very aware of Tim and Lucy. Maybe not everything but enough to offer stepping back. Then asks Lucy if Tim said he’s doing a good job? Lucy says no…that she made that last part up LMAO

Reminds me of 1x02 when Wrigley did the same to her. Thinking she got praise from Tim early on. Only to be crushed by the fact that he hadn't...Yeah you gotta really earn that Tim Bradford praise Aaron lol His reaction to that fake news is hilarious. Lucy can't lie and has to let him know no such praise has happened. Sorry my man.

Lucy follows it up with he hasn’t replaced him yet LOL I mean that’s a lot coming from Tim. If he wasn't happy he would've traded him away like baseball card. Lucy adding on 'So he’s…happy.' As happy as one could be without his person by his side sure. This next bit it sticks in her throat a bit as she says it.

Telling him he should stick with him. Obviously killing her to be to be apart from him. To pass up taking being his aide once again. But she wants to keep the distance up. For the same reasons as 5x02. Hurts too much to be around him when she can’t be with him. The pining era is so good for these moments. Aaron asks if she’s sure? Because she doesn't seem sure...

Only they could have such immense chemistry with an intense stare. One that is across the room from each other BTW. The longing is palpable af. Angsty goodness right here. Also those are some smoldering bedroom eyes for Lucy. My god idk how she could function after him looking at her that way. Would make me hot under the collar good god. That man wants her back in his shop. But we know that isn’t happening anytime soon.

So much pining and tension with just one look good lord. His stare does end up affecting her. Her breath hitches a little when they make eye contact. She stammers a little in her advice to Aaron. I love how they find each other those across a room. That magnetic pull only they understand. It’s automatic no matter what’s going on. Lucy rambling on about needing some quiet time anyways..You know for her next steps in her career...

More like Tim thinking time. Let’s be real. I love how the entire time she’s just staring at Tim. Spending most of their conversation just staring right back. Even when he’s looked down. She misses him so much. That is very evident in this moment. When she finally breaks off her longing she notices Aaron looking at his phone ha Not even paying attention to her anymore. Making a sassy comment that he hasn't even heard a word she's said. He apologizes and says he has to deal with something personal.

We start out with Tim and Aaron. Tim feeling extra surly after seeing Lucy. Much worse getting to be that close and not really getting to see her. So Aaron is on thin ice when Tim sees him buried in his phone. He apologizes and says he’s having person problem. Tim saying this is a ‘personal life free zone.’ Ha! Not since Lucy Chen entered your life it isn’t…

Aaron tells him it could derail his career. Tim sighs and that little bit of Lucy’s influence comes out. He asks him what it is? Aaron going on about a dating site. Using a thirst trap LOL Tim’s reaction is too damn funny. ‘I wish I didn’t…’ Look at our softie helping Aaron with his problem.

He goes on to tell Tim he was cat-fished and now the dude is blackmailing him. Tim is confused saying he thought the pic didn’t show anything? We find out this guy has photoshopped something worse. He shows it to Tim and I’m dying. ‘Could’ve been worse…At least he was generous. LMAO Oh Timothy I love you so.

We catch Lucy riding solo. She sees a homeless man go into an abandoned building. Calls it in saying she going to go look for squatters. She calls back in after she’s finds nothing. Saying she is Code 4. That is before she notices a freezer open with wallets in it. The man she followed in traps her in the old walk in freezer. Thankfully it’s out of commission. Unfortunately it blocks her radio signal. Leaving her trapped there with no one to tell she is….You can tell she wants to shout a whole lot of expletives above ha

Aaron gets contacted by his catfish. He wants a PS5 and delivered to his apt. Tim is so funny in this scene. Saying oh good he’s a dumbass LOL Giving up his location and needing something they can obtain on the way. Aaron doesn’t want to give in but Tim makes a good point about the photo. It’ll be in police evidence and he doesn’t want that ha. Aaron says good thing he has a gamer connection in K-Town. Tim shaking his head not shocked in the least about this. Of course he does...

Poor Lucy tries once again to get ahold of dispatch but to no avail. She has to try and talk her anxiety down. I would be doing the same thing to try and relax. Telling herself that at some point there will be a welfare check. (Well Tim will for sure…) She can’t do anything until that point. So she pulls out her phone and starts reading that mother doc the clown sent. Lucy is too funny as she reads these messages.

I love her talking to the smiley face on the freezer LOL She is so adorable I cannot stand it. Then she stumbles upon someone making sense. As she reads it aloud something clicks in her brain. A saying Rosalind told Nolan a long time ago. The 5 star meal comment. Lucy starts to get restless again. Jumps up and starts banging on the door for help again.

They show up to the address and it’s a teenager..he just wanted a PS5. I love how stern and authoritative Tim is with this kid. Saying bad behavior doesn’t get rewarded. Mmm no it doesn’t. Idk why that does it for me with Tim but it does. It’s yum tum city and I am a resident. They get the kid to delete the photo and take down the profile. He says they suck when Tim takes the PS5. Cracks me up he keeps it for himself. I love this man so very much haha

We return to the shop and Tim’s Lucy radar is going off. Aaron’s going on about the kid still but Tim’s mind is elsewhere. He has Lucy on his brain. Has that panicked look he reserves only for her going on. He asks Aaron the last time he heard Chen on the radio? He replies he can’t remember…maybe like hour or two ago? Let me start with I adore him waiting to hear her voice on the radio. Then noticing he hasn't in awhile.

How he keeps track of not hearing from her in some time. Tim knows she’s solo today. You know that man was subconsciously keeping track of her in the back of his mind. Some serious married vibes here my love. This definitely doesn’t line up with the 'moving on’ you were talking bout in 5x02. When Aaron says least 2 hours worried Tim arrives. He’s freaking out something has happened to her.

I’m sure he’s also thinking if she was riding with him this wouldn’t be happening. But she isn’t…Tim contacts dispatch about her. They say it’s been over two hours. Angry/protective Tim also joins the party. Welcome sir nice to see you. Telling dispatch they’re gonna talk about that later. Phew lord. You know that man is going to destroy dispatch over this. Hell is going to rain down on them for not keeping track of her. For now he just wants her location to check on her. Needs to get his worried husband portion to settle first.

Once they’ve arrived he calls out her name a couple times. Lucy finally hears him and bangs on the door. Then comes a DELICIOUS shot of his arms/forearms. My god it’s like they’re trying to make me a puddle. The definition in his arms as he pulls that door free.* fans self* god that man is in shape. Mmm Legit drooling as he pulls on that door. Forearm porn AND biceps shot. I’m a happy girl. Like hot damn that is a thirst trap of a shot above.

He gets the door to finally pop open. Also nice thigh/bootie shot of him as well. I'm not mad about it. Asking her how she is? So very worried about her. Unfortunately Lucy is not in the frame of mind to receive it. Just tells him she has a lead on Rosalind. Not the response he was expecting…He asks 'What?' anyways. She tells them about the message boards Chris has been on. Filled with arm chair detectives. Tim asks her if they found her? She says no she thinks one of them is her.

The Feds get brought in cause Chris’s dumbass has been talking to her. Feeding her stuff about him and the investigation going on. Because well it's Chris. Can’t read Lucy when she’s being obvious af so why would he notice this? Lucy is sweet and tells him he didn’t know. I on the other hand am like dumbass LOL He asks if he should set up a meet. Yes Chris, she’s a highly intelligent psychopath she wouldn’t see through that at all…

Garza saying Cyber crimes is now involved. They’re going to try and track her through her IP address if possible. Chris is feeling like the dummy he is. He leaves the meeting upset. I’m a bad person enjoying this lmao I mean Tim would’ve been Lucy’s real target but he was in Vegas with her. She knows that’s her fierce protector. So he was the next I was gonna say best thing but that’s not true. But closest thing that would rattle her.

Tim and Aaron arrive at the station and there is posters everywhere. Everyone is laughing. Of course Smitty has them and is glowing over it. I mean Tim did pick Nolan over him for union president. So of course he is enjoying this. It's of Tim photoshopped naked with a cupcake covering him up OMG. Tim is seeing red. I don’t blame him. Just when they thought their catfish was over he pulls this. Clearly pissed at Tim for taking the PS5 and lecturing him.

They arrive at Pavi’s house with the felony papers. Tim saying he can file these today. Or he could use his skills for good. James needs someone to teach computer literacy at the center. That if is does this twice a week he’ll shred them. Otherwise he has 18 months to file these. He’s a little snot and throws Tim’s words about electronics back at him. Tim says he’s lucky Aaron believes in second chances. His mom calls him and he says to text him the details. I love Tim leaving Aaron hanging for his fist bump LMFAO. He does tell him they did good though so that’s something. Aaron has to fist bump himself ha.

Lucy gets to join the task force with the FBI. They’re headed to Seattle where the IP was traced. Lucy looks like an absolute bad ass in OP gear. A determined look on her face. They make it inside and find two bodies…sadly the homeowners. Psycho worked out of their house and just left their bodies there as she did. She is a one sick cookie. Lucy sees her message written in blood on the wall. She is long gone.

Not a ton in this one but what we did get was real good. Plus I always enjoy Tim/Aaron time they have a good dynamic. Fun to watch them together.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Intro of Celina Juarez. I wasn’t sure about her at first but ended up adoring her. Just like Aaron. Good job writers haha

Did love Tim tearing Nolan a new one about Celina bad stop. Was sexy af. Maybe shouldn’t have been a turn on but it was LOL

Thank you as always to you lovely readers. Wouldn’t be here without your likes/comments and reblogs ❤️ see you in 5x04 :)

[idkwhatever580]

Agatha All Along Commentary

⚠️WARNING⚠️ AGATHA ALL ALONG 1x6 SPOILERS AHEAD

you’ve been warned

Im late again guys 😣 alright. Here goes nothing. I’m seriously considering taking my anxiety meds before these episodes because atp that might help.

Started watching at 3:00 pm

I stg I stg I stg I stg if this turns out bad I’m gonna throw up. And that says a lot considering I have emetophobia

Ooh fancy he’s Jewish

I’m not familiar with the Jewish religion but seems pretty cool.

Okay so we have established that this is Billy Kaplan which idk how y’all dug so deep to figure it out but I guess it was common knowledge and I do not have common knowledge so it adds up

Ooh now there’s a party funnn lol

I wish I had parents that were proud of me

Lmaooooo “you’re both disgusting” is so fucking real

4:25

ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???

She’s kinda hot guys. I have daddy issues but I’m a lesbian lmaoooo

5:14

WTFFFF I CANT DO THIS SHIT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT MEANS BUT SHES TOTALLY LYING TO HIM IN THIS

5:42

wtf does the tower reversed mean bitch

6:14

Hearing her say baby is so fucking hot I’m gonna nut everywhere

Oh lord guys I seriously have problems… but don’t say you weren’t thinking it too 😏

6:51

WTF IS THAT THING A PROTECTION SPELL OR WHAT?!?!

DID SHE PLACE THE SIGIL?!?!

Omg if she placed the sigil on him that would be insane

7:46

If y’all out there with the theories about Billy maximoff’s soul taking over Billy kaplan’s body im kms because that’s so valid

——id like to let y’all know that I know nothing about the marvel comics and I do not intend on learning or digging that deep kk? I also don’t know what Wiccan is but I guess it’s Billy maximoff? Not looking for someone to explain it tho lol——

IM SCARED J DONT WANNA SEE MY BABY

NO WANDA NO WANDA I DIDNT NEED TO HEAR HER VOICE

8:34

Holy shit.

8:39

Watching it disappear is so sad. Like I know she’s hurting and saving the rest of them

9:00

OH MY GOD THE PARENTS STAYED ALIVE I THOUGHT YALL SAID THEY ALL DIED OR LIKE TWO DEATHS

9:33

NO FUCKING WAY THIS SHIT IS ACTUALLY TRUE

Y’all playing too hard

9:52

No fucking way. I’m actually so done right now. I’m so fucking done I need to scream at someone and it needs to be the fucking producer

10:15

That must be so fucking scary to go to “sleep” as Billy Maximoff and wake up in someone else’s body. Like in Disney shows when they switch and shit they have a moment where they look in the mirror and scream but this is def more realistic

Also I thought someone said there were two deaths. I don’t see no dead people up in this bitch

10:55

wtf is this?? inside out?

11:06

Noooohohohoooooo I forgot that Billy M can mind read and shit

12:33

That dog knows

Why is it always the dog that knows?

13:44

Having to call her mom must have sucked balls

15:22

Damn he already trying to fit the part bro. Moving on too damn fast

Him and his mom with the lying bro ✋🙄

Stop I sound like Agatha 😭

16:02

SHE DID PLACE THE SIGIL ON HIM WTFFFF

16:26

Okay I see you little emo gay kid having more piercings than me and having kissed more people than me and I’m older than you 🙄

17:26

Damn that’s crazy. He actually is telling this dude his shit

18:40

Damn that’s so fucking crazy his smile is creeping me out bro

Also I totally knew little Billy M was meant to be a little gay baby

19:24

Damnit all of these hoes have connection with him. Of some kind

19:57

You found a guy on Reddit. And you’re meeting him? That sounds like you’re getting killed.

OMG WHO IS IT TELL ME WHO IT IS

ITS RALPH NO ITS RALPH POOR RANDALL SORRY RANDALL ITS JUST WE KNOW YOU AS RALPH

21:06

Damn he went kinda crazy from being with Agatha all that time huh? That means the only one that can handle her is rioooooo

21:42

Don’t take my wife’s name in vain hoe

lol I’m kidding

I also apparently have multiple wives

Lmaoooo please ask about Agatha harkness

24:06

YOU FUCKING MURDERED SPARKY I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS I DONT CARE IF SHE MADE YOU DO THAT SHIT I HATE YOU

24:19

Omg I can’t do this shit

Does this mean that Tommy is also in someone’s body?

25:27

I seriously do wanna know what kind of crazy that lady eats for breakfast. And I hope it’s me 😏

26:24

Yeaaaahhhh this song eats me up.

27:20

HOHOHOHHHHH THAT PICTURE IS THE IMAGE OF A FA- a gay woman. A gay witchy woman…. 👀

27:36

OH YEAH THEY BROUGHT MY GIRL DOLLY INTO IT

DOLLY PARTON FOR PRESIDENT 2024

Ahem… excuse my political views ✋😭

28:20

Omg omg omg he’s going on the road to find Tommy I’m gonna cryyyyy

29:43

Oh he’s so emo with his eyeliner and his black heart boyfriend and his belt chain and his witchy witchyness

…okay maybe im jealous

29:55

Ugh mommy. They’re both so hot. I know we only see Agatha in this part but I’ll nut to the thought of Aubrey Plaza

30:06

You’re seriously using a fucking house lamp you idiot ✋😭

30:29

You tell me to stop I’ll do it mommy

OH LAWD I HAVE ISSUES

I have to shit bro 😭

31:07

Hooligan is so fucking funny 😭

31:33

Guys I’m nutting everywhere from her sitting like that she’s soooo gayyyyyy

The producer really said “gay” and Kathryn Hahn said “yes”

32:16

I think if I was in that situation as teen, I’d say I want to. I want to poke that damn bear and see if she’ll throw me on the desk and- oh. Right right. Not the point ✋😭😏

I ALSO JUST REALIZED THAT SHE IS WEARING A SHIRT THAT IS RALPHS RANDALLS? Idk anymore bro

32:59

Wait… this is so fucking funny bro 😭😭😭

33:45

OMG SHES LIKE IN THE INTERROGATION TABLE AND ITS ACTUALLY HER HOUSE BRO

I NEVER MADE THAT CONNECTION 😭😭😭

34:21

HOT HOOOTTTTT SHES SO HOT RIPPING THAT TAPE IS SO HOT

34:28

THATS SO FUCKING FUNNY BRO

34:46

Hold on these side swipe things are going too fast I’m so lost. 😭 I hate having a horrible memory that makes me not be able to remember every single detail when we’re going back to something from a different pov

35:10

STFU SHE COULDNT HEAR EITHER TIME AND BOTH TIMES HE SAID SOMETHING DIFFERENT I WONDER WHAT HE SAID ON THE ROAD WITH THE OTHER WITCHES

35:19

YEEESSSSS IM SK GLAD WERE BACK TO THE ROAD

35:28

Yes! Pull yourself out of that mystery goop!!!

36:11

FUCK YOU BITCH FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU DONT BREAK THE SIGIL PIECE FUCK YOU

37:53

Wait. I am so gullible I like her being nice bro ✋😭

38:00

COVERED IN MYSTERIOUS ROAD GOOP OR NOT THAT POSE IS FUCKIGN HOT

38:09

I can’t tell if she’s crying because she’s happy the SIGIL is broken and she’s right or if she’s crying because she actually liked the kid

38:33

FUCK SHES BEING EVIL AGAIN I NEED A GOOD AGATHA AND I KNOW IM NOT GETTING THAT BUT A GIRL CAN DREAM

38:45

I’ll kill someone for you Agatha

39:05

Wait when she’s like don’t feel guilty about your talent I feel like she’s trying to be evil but it’s kind of endearing. Like. Shes so strong about it which means so many witches have felt guilty about their talents before and she doesn’t want that to hinder him. Even if she is evil that’s pretty sweet.

39:53

OH FUCK YOU BITCH KYS KYS HAHA THATS WHY YOU CANT USE YOUR POWERS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE GOOD GOOD NOT DECENT GOOD

40:43

Stfu Agatha. Don’t mess with our bitch.

Robo papa? BAHAHAHAHAHAAA

she knowsssss

41:34

BAHAHAHHAAHAAAAA

42:02

“Got it” not her being serious for once ✋😭

42:25

DONT I KNOW IT BITCH YOU DIDNT HAVE TO TELL ME IM WATXHING YOU LITTLE MAXIMOFF BITCH

Post watching notes:

I seriously needed some Agathario shit and I didn’t get that and I’m mad. IM SO MAD THAT THE INTIMACY COORDINATOR WAS FOR TEO LITTLE BOYS I NEEDED MY MIDDLE AGE WOMEN TO MAKE TF OUT THEY ARE TEASING ME 😖😖😖

[autisticlancemcclain]

thank u @zenstrike for the tag <333333333 i see ur mic and i'm elated about it

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

185! but i haven't updated in like a week and a half so we're probably closer to 190

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

556,104. i am very excited to watch it jump up when i finally finish my longfic teehee

3. what fandoms do you write for?

literally just voltron lol. well not counting baby me's wattpad lol. i started writing almost two years ago and just went ham basically. i've been intentionally avoiding things that i know i will get hyperfixated on bc i don't want to stop my writing obsession lol

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

ooooou i'm excited to check. i know it's changed quite a bit over time. i usually sort them by hits!

i will grind you to sand (beneath my louboutin heels) [voltron, 2573 words]: bamf lance fic where i give him a revolver and let him go ham basically

mr. snuggles [voltron, 1656 words]: one of my very earliest fics! lance, lover of weirdo animals, finds a demonic cat-sized spider and adopts it despite his friend's freakouts

he might not look like he gets bitches (but honey that dick was eleven inches) [voltron, 1136 words]: this one is so dorky lol but it's just secret relationship klance coming to light in the most embarrassing possible way

does anyone know where the love of god goes (when the waves turn the minutes to hours) [voltron, 4283]: a canon divergence au where lance is a seer and convinces the skeptics on his team of his abilities by ending the war

this is the part of me that you're never gonna ever get away) [voltron, 3262 words]: a lance & shiro hurt/comfort with a small autistic lance character study! i'm very proud of this one

5. do you respond to comments?

i definitely do on tumblr! it's one of the first things i do when i wake up actually. on ao3, though...i'm pretty sure i have about eight hundred unanswered comments sitting in my inbox 💀 it's an ongoing issue

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm almost sure it's this post-game show lance leaving fic, because i got comments and asks for weeks begging me to write a happy ending lol. but this fic from the hana universe, from when keith is little and shiro is fighting for custody and they haven't figured things out yet. that one is sad. this dream pov adashi fic is also sad and has no happy ending bc, you know. shiro is in space and adam thinks he's dead and everything. my loneliest series is also still in progress and as such there is no happy ending. and this is my earliest angsty-ending fic with MCD

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh god pretty much everything i write has a happy ending?? if i’m being serious?? frankly i don’t do a lot of linear plot. i just write Scenes that are vaguely connected. BUT my h2o fic had a plot that ended happily, as did my cowboy fic, but truly i’m more of a slice of life kinda gal. all my active wips are plot-driven, though, and i plan for all of them to end happily.

8. do you get hate on fics?

oh god yeah. i get it on brown eyed lance, autistic lance, adhd keith, allura just in general (are you sensing a pattern), my refusal to use readmores, and lately just some demands for me to write differently/more?? most of it is just funny so i post it to goof on it lol, but some of it i just delete and pout about until i forget about it 💀

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

yes and it’s nasty and i will literally never ever post it. although i guess i’ve written some softer stuff that’s more allusion than anything, like in my loneliest series.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not anymore, but i did when i was a kid?? i think i wrote a pjo/hoo/divergent/the mortal instruments/homestuck/a bunch of other shit fic when i was 13. i’ve successfully blocked that era out of my mind tho so i’m not sure. i do a lot of insane aus, tho. i wrote a fic based off a country song written in the sixties. so.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i’ve had people write continuations of my wips?? which i didn’t rly like. i just ignored it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

someone has asked me about translating a fic before! haven’t heard anything since tho.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have tried. i’m not very good at it. i have very Specific ideas about things and can be very controlling, so it’s honestly better that i don’t lol.

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

klance, easy. been in the trenches of this goddamn fandom since i was 13 years of age. it’s been a Journey.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

god, the butterfly effect. i get people asking me to update all the time and i genuinely feel bad, because i have absolutely no ideas or plans for it. i might try to come up with an ending of some kind?? but i wrote that like two years ago, so i have changed a LOT about my writing since then.

16. what are your writing strengths?

dialogue and humour, i think. and sometimes writing lack of emotional communication (if that makes sense — i like to try and write around an emotion).

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i over explain a lot. and i overuse dialog ur tags sometimes. i have a Very Specific scene playing out in my head and i want everyone else to see it like i’m seeing it, which is my downfall a lot. i’ve been trying to work on implicit stage directions.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i think sometimes it’s necessary? it can be a good tool for humour, like with cussing that can’t be achieved in english. but while i understand and read several languages i have always always struggled to speak or write in them. it’s very frustrating so i often avoid the subject entirely lol.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i’ve been writing fanfic in my head since before i knew what it was, but i started typing things at around 11 when i used to homestuck roleplay with my friends lol. messy messy times.

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh i am my own target audience. i have several.

i need a man (who’s patient and kind): keith-centric post canon (divergence) fic where lance takes him to his family and keith is good with kids and just keith being loved is the whole point. always.

what if i lose it all: an alternate universe where lance, as a baby, loses both his parents, and then is raised by his oldest siblings. in luis’ pov.

when does a ripple become a tidal wave (when does the reason become the flame): brogane fight & angst canon divergence post season 6; covering shiro’s guilt complex and keith’s unwavering loyalty

he’s into superstitions (black cats and voodoo dolls): halloween verse with witch lance and vampire keith! i have barely spoken about this au on here but rest assured i’m thinking about it all the fucking time

the applebee’s universe: modern au with young keith and lance learning how to love each other

ceilings (plaster): non-linear dream-like fic that’s just so trippy and strange i’m obsessed with it

if the sky comes falling down (for you) there’s nothing in this world i wouldn’t do: a keith character study about how the biggest bleeding heart in the universe loves

the hana universe: brogane-centric universe as their family starts rocky and grows

thank u again for the tag zen <33 open offer for anyone else who would like to hop on!!

[nothoughtsonlytrance]

Hey guys! I usually don’t post something like this, but I thought I might as well anyway, in honor of the 5th anniversary of Dan’s coming out video.

So I mentioned in a previous post in an answer to @demonqueenart that I am pansexual. I’ve known this since around the time that Dan and Phil came out back in 2019. I was in community college at the time, and it was my first time in a public school setting. Before then, I had been to private schools throughout elementary, middle, and high school, and there wasn’t a lot of diversity in terms of how people expressed themselves due to the restrictions and dress codes that the schools enforced. So I never really had a way to express myself in terms of clothing styles and stuff like that. I thought I was straight when I was in high school, and I was already an ally because I had a few close friends or classmates who were LGBTQ, and I accepted them no matter what, (and I was taught growing up that we are called to show kindness and love to others no matter who they were) but it was kinda kept on the down low because it was considered taboo, especially since our highschool was a Christian high school.

When I finally entered community college in 2018, I was astounded by the diversity of people there and the way that people expressed themselves, whether it was by their clothing style, their gender identity, sexuality, etc. And I realized that some of the people who were there were really attractive. And it didn’t matter whether they identified as male, female, nonbinary, or whatever. I never did ask anyone out (cuz I’m a HUGE coward, lol), But I knew that it didn’t matter who the person I’d eventually date was as long as we had a connection, treated each other and others kindly, had a wonderful personality, and had things in common. Questioning my sexuality was one of the many shower thoughts I had lol

I remember scrolling through TikTok as well and seeing the countless ways that people expressed their identities, and it made me feel like I could be that way too. (Literally remember seeing a cosplayer’s version of Cat-ra from She-ra Princess of Power and blushing madly and thinking, “Wait, why am I blushing, why am I feeling this way?!”, haha)

I didn’t see Dan and Phil’s coming out videos until a little while later, but they touched my heart in so many ways when I did. Dan’s “Gay and Not Proud” video also helped me through my journey. So many quotes from the video spoke to me, especially the part when his spiritual subconscious told him,

“Depressed little emo Dan, it wasn’t his fault. Don’t hate him, don’t hate yourself…you have a lot to be proud of.”

Being proud of myself had kinda been a challenge, even to this day. Especially since there has been so much panphobia and harmful stereotypes surrounding pansexuality. Even when people mention different types of sexualities, rarely do they mention pansexuality, and it makes me wonder if I am valid too. I’ve been out to very few people, other than a few friends that I know will accept me, and I’m out to my sister and mother. Most of my extended family is LGBTQ accepting, but at the same time, I’m not sure when I should tell them, especially since I’m not really dating anyone at the moment and I’m kinda nervous about what questions they’ll ask if I do come out. I hope to eventually, tho.

I really do hope one day, I find the right person for me. I’ve never been asked out before, never had my first kiss, or even been on my first date. So no dating experience whatsoever, lol. It’s been really frustrating because so many of my friends and other people my age (early-mid 20s) have been going on dates, finding their soulmates, getting married etc. And it honestly makes me jealous because no one has ever said “I love you” to me in a romantic way. I truly do wish I find someone who loves me for who I am because I don’t want to die alone. I want to eventually start dating, but there’s of course always the risk of catfishing, and I don’t want my heart to be broken at the same time. So it’s been complicated, to say the least.

Well, that was a bit of a rant, but that's the end of it, haha. I hope this message finds you all well. Remember, you’re not alone in your journey, and there will always be people out there who care about you. And if you’re not able to come out just yet, just know that things will get better. I promise. Thank you so much for reading, and if you have any questions, feel free to leave an ask or reply!

I also (one last thing) wanna say a big THANK YOU to all the people who have liked and reblogged my Dan and Phil edits as well as my music. I’ve been getting better and better at using CapCut and GarageBand IOS (yes, I make the music and videos on my phone bc that’s all I can afford to work with, lol. Does it eat up my data? Yes. Do I care? No.), But each time I see that someone liked or reblogged one of my works, it makes me so happy and motivates me to keep going. So I really appreciate it!

More edits and posts will be coming soon, so stay tuned!

-Kristy, aka nothoughts_onlytrance

[ggfanlover]

All about me (updated)

🌸- Name: Giana

🌸- G or Gigi

🌸- age: 15

🌸- sexuality: Idk, i don’t really focus on it that much

🌸- religion: Christian

🌸- race: African American

🌸 - favorite movies: Sonic 1,the Lego movie: the second part,Alladin 2019,Dune 2 and Wreck it Ralph

🌸- favorite shows: catfish,survivor,fear factor,90 day fiance etc (I love watching drama lol) but i also like stranger things,fear street,future man 2017,Jessie,liv and Maddie,Ginny and Georgia

🌸- favorite foods,pizza mostly pain cheese or pepperoni,pen seared shrimp and mozzarella sticks 3>

🌸- celebrity crushes: josh hutcherson and Timothee Chalamet

🌸 - favorite lolcow: Nova Online

🌸- shifter,subliminal user and into manifestation

🌸- Disney crushes: Luke Ross and Henry danger (still have a crush honestly)

🌸- been playing the flute for 2 almost 3 years (I think that’s cool lol)

🌸- discovered shifting last year and initially lost interest in it it was a streamer dr but then I saw Wonka, and it motivated me to start shifting again because I developed a new crush on Timmy. I'm relieved that I wasn't involved in shifttok in 2020 because I heard it was terrible.

🌸 - I love going to basketball games, even though I don’t watch it. My favorite team is the Lakers and LeBron James. Wanna sprite cranberry?

🌸- forever a Lee defender 3>

🌸- proud Kamala Harris supporter

🌸- I had a big brony phase when I was 6, and honestly, it’s coming back. I also watched YouTubers like Soda Pets, Vannamelon, CookieSwirlC, Midnight Rarity, MLPcandy, MLP Fever, and MLPstopmotion (my childhood, for real).

🌸- zodiac: Virgo

🌸- Timothee chalamet and shifting enthusiast

🌸- good traits of mine: loyal,honest,loyal,patient,adventurous,empathetic and trustworthy

🌸- Some bad traits of mine: I'm a picky eater, I can be a bit slow,kinda awkward,and I'm a dry texter. However, once I get to know you and feel more comfortable, I open up quickly. I occasionally have trouble sleeping, and I typically get tired around 5 am.

🌸- favorite book or series: how to kill a mockingbird and any dork diaries series

🌸- hobbies: watching edits,making edits,eating,sleeping,giggling and kicking my feet at Timothee chalamet edits,watching video essays on YouTube lolcows,scrolling on Pinterest,updating my shifting script every hour

🌸- favorite celebrities: Timothee Chalamet,Zendaya,Austin butter,Florence Pugh,NLE Choppa,Melanie Martinez,Jenna Ortega and Millie Bobby brown

🌸 favorite song: unforgettable by French Montana

🌸 - favorite quote: “I’m always two steps ahead” - Nikocado Avocado 2024

🌸 favorite song rn: or what by NLE Choppa

🌸- YouTubers I watch: Coryxkenshin,gloom,kubz scouts,rebel d,turkey Tom,tara yummy,Layze,Jake webber,Katrina Stuart,trianna,Omma,sensitive society,Tuv,Benji Krol,Danny Gonzalez,Hailey Elizabeth,Kurtis Conner,jalessa and Jayden,Jules and saud,imbrandonfarris,brightclips,Lucas,deb smikle,Repzilla,Birlap,horror shorts party,Benoftheweek,bookofken,Kalogeras Sisters,Maya winky ASMR,Skeeter jean,Duckus,TurnerNextDoor,hyler,Badbishlilly,pixeldrink and Ellysa yagho

✨LIKES: Timothee chalamet,edits,rainy days,walks,music,shifting,friendly people,Pinterest,sanrio,strawberries,alone time,anything vanilla or strawberry scented,true crime,watching scary stories animated ever night,crystals,festivals/Raves (plan on going to one when I’m older),Lee and Wonka 3>,y2k aesthetic,tara yummy,asmr,movies,baking,shiftblr,Musicals,live action movies,Nik and orlin fights

🌷DISLIKES: Mondays,school,frogs,fish with big eyes (they are so scary),proshippers,zoos, hazbin hotel fans,dark humor,people who take DNF seriously,Ug sub makers,onision,KSI,toxic/homophobic Christians,disrespecting other religions,toxic feminism,slow walkers,loli,cheaters,those alpha male podcasts,adin Ross,Sneako,Andrew grape,trump,Biden,snoring,the cold,people only liking timothee because of his looks or hating on his relationship with Kylie (they are so cute argue with the wall) people who judge others Drs and people who ACTUALLY think they are dating a certain celebrity and believe they can control their lives.

My manzzzz 🌷

[ancientgreecehistorynerd]

hi moottt how was ur day?

i have some bookish questions for u bc why not

-what is ur favourite genre of literature?

-what are your top 5 favourite books?

-what are your top 3 favourite authors?

-do you have a favourite book character? if so, who are they? (feel free to list more than one)

-what is your favourite romance trope?

-what do you like to see in a main character?

-what are your thoughts on queer literature?

-what is a bookish pet peeve you have?

-do you like to purchase books, borrow them, or read them online?

-do you often read books translated from other countries?

thats all for now :) have a nice day

hello! i’m doing okay in the middle of moving tho so stressful haha

help did i never answer this? i’m sorry i’m actually tumblr illiterate like crazy

My fav genre is probably hm… def fiction haha young adult and contemporary…? it said those were genres i’m so sorry i don’t know the names of them and i’m an anxious mess! but if it’s got gay people and mental illness i’ll take it. i like dystopian as well!

top five NOT IN ORDER LOL

-girl in pieces by kathleen glasgow

-solitaire by alice oseman

-radio silence by alice oseman

-the perks of being a wallflower by soeben chbosky

-blood of olympus by rick riordan

(they change all the time haha)

-for authors i would def say

-rick riordan

-alice oseman (obv)

-and hm i haven’t read more than one of glasgows books so possibly suzzanne collins maybe? AUGHH IM SO INDECISIVE! (i do have fav fanfic authors tho haha)

NICO DI ANGELO THE SON OF HADES AND WILL SOLACE THE SON OF APOLLO THEYRE FROM RICK RIORDANS GREEK DEMIGODS SERIES(S) AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEYRE MY SPECIAL INTETEST THEIR COOL AS FUCK AND HE IS SO ME I AM SO THEM THEYRE MY EVERYTHING AND I LOVE THEM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF (wait that’s not a good comparison uhh) I LOVE THEM MORE THEN FOOD ITSELF 🗣️

as someone who is demiromantic i’ve got to say friends to lovers since nothing else makes sense in my mind haha other then that hurt/comfort and just being domestic are UGH love it! SUNSHINE X GRUMPY as well. I eat it up everytime.

i love when main characters are similar to me so mentally ill gay very sad etc etc lol but besides that i would say complex? i hate it when authors make “i’m so happy all the time” characters the main character like i need DEPTH where’s the FLAVOR. so i suppose just not being perfect?

there needs to be more of it lol. i’m loving how much of it is being made to day but tbh in my opinion some authors do it wrong… i love when being queer is a major part of a characters personality because well they’re proud! but it’s when an author makes the entire character based off of that with no other personality traits. sexualizing queer relationships too like…. yikes! would love to see some more aroace and genderqueer rep that isn’t just boy/nb/girl tho!

when endings are rushed! it’s terrible i remember i loved this one book when i was younger that had the og “i’m nothing like y’all” as the cover haha. i forget what it was called sorry! but there was a great story and then it ended with her friends saying “sorry for excluding you and they went on to win the state math fair!” what. YOU JUST HAD A FULLY FLESHED OUT STORY AND YOU DID THAT??? i’m sure nobody likes them but they especially piss me off. skipping over important scenes as well and just showing the aftermath! non floppy books. FIX ITTTTT. also tbh smut? i mean i don’t mind it but that’s what ao3 is for i’m fine with the smut where they don’t show it like in charlie and nicks first time in heartstopper where it’s just kinda vague but as soon as i see a dick beint described im OUT. and books that just are smut like dude there’s so many better things you could be writing about!

ngl i am a massive book purchaser. i used to get them all from the library but thennn i got a bookshelf and discovered what annotating is… i just love being able to go back on what i’ve read whenever i want! and the covers are pretty :)

no actually! i don’t think i ever have tbh? i think the only time that happened was when i translated an official nico di angelo short story from italian haha

thank you if you listened to my yap! also i’m so sorry i didn’t see this :( also if i already responded to this and i forgot you can just kill me please and thank you. also have a good day too so sorry i didn’t see this! :(

[suitsusboth]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Tagged by @harnitbee 💜💜💜

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

currently six!

2- What's your total AO3 word count?

314,403 which is wild since i’ve only been doing this about a year and a half? i don’t think i wrote that much in college????

3- What fandoms do you write for?

Bridgerton 🐝 I’ve thought about writing for other fandoms in the past but nothing quite got a grip on me like Anthony and Kate 😌

4- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. love came back to me (still stunned at the reception of this fic)

2. just go with it (my fun little one shot)

3. where the love light gleams (my baby 🩵)

4. can’t two people reconnect (basically an exercise in writing smut)

5. if only in my dreams (🥹 wholesome epilogue/christmas fic to where the love light gleams)

5- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do for the most part, mostly because i appreciate the time people take to write them as usually they’re very encouraging and i love to answer questions or clarify things if needed. anyone who’s commented on a fic of mine ilysm 🥹💜

6- What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i dont think i’ve got a fic with an angsty ending, i love a good old happily ever after, buuuut i’d say love came back to me was the angstiest fic over all (lmk if you disagree!)

7- What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

mmmm a tough one because i end them all happily, but i think if only in my dreams and just go with it are the happiest over all

8- Do you get hate on fics?

luckily not really just the occasional odd comment that kinda leaves me scratching my head

9- Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, well, trying to 😅  

10- Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

nah

11- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of??

12- Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that I am aware of!

13- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but i think it would be fun… i’m just slow at writing so I don’t know if that would pose an issue

14- What's your all-time favourite ship?

Kanthony, forever and always baaaaaby 💜 the power they have over me is insane 😌

15- What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

the elopement au 🤪

16- What are your writing strengths?

ermm i’d say i don’t really have strengths it’s mostly a hot mess but maybe dialogue?? 😅

17- What are your writing weaknesses?

oh man…. my editor/beta reader will tell you spelling and grammar for SURE but probably also staying focused and motivated as well. if i’m tired of writing i think i don’t do the best i can so sections can suffer and then i’m too lazy to go back and fix it

18- Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

physically impossible for me as i have little to no other language skills (if you can you’re incredible!) i added some french to lcbtm but that was all google translate lol

19- First fandom you wrote for?

bridgerton 😉

20- Favorite fic you've written?

i can’t chose they’re all my babies 🥹

love came back to me i’m the proudest of because it’s my first fic i published and the longest and even though i took breaks i kept at it

where the love light gleams just holds a special part of my heart i love that cozy universe

just go with it was definitely the easiest and funnest to write though. i’m proud of the banter in that one tbh.

[lovelymindescape]

Hi, this is for our LOTR matchup trade!

I’m Tori, a 20 year old autistic girl (pronouns she/her) who would prefer a ship with a man. Also, I tend to prefer the humans in middle earth (so like Aragorn, Faramir, Boromir and Eomer) so if you could kindly ship me with one of them specifically I’d be very grateful.

I’m really short, only like 4’ 10” (142 cm) with wild, long and wavy auburn hair and really light blue eyes. I’m slender but very toned, and I also wear glasses. I'm pretty neutral about both my appearance and myself in general and I don't think I genuinely hate anything about myself. I'm generally neutral about most things actually. I have chronic joint pain all over, scoliosis and some other illnesses but I stay very active regardless. I’m really polite and try my hardest to be nice to everyone, but if you cross me or give me a bad vibe I can be a little cold and aloof. I’m a tad awkward, but I’ve been told I can be charming and I’m really good at making others laugh with witty comments. I tell amazing stories because I've had a lot of experience with different things during my life. I’m very generous and don’t mind helping others or doing nice things for them. I’m also extremely energetic and always have to be doing something, to the point where I’m honestly not sure I really know how to rest. My friends say I give really good advice and am very wise, and also that I have warm, inviting energy. I could lowkey befriend anyone if I really tried. Though I'm also very sensitive and don't enjoy being teased too much, so I don't tease people much either. I hate seeing people, or really anything, upset.

Where I really shine is with my large number of hobbies and interests. Because I always like to keep busy, I have a lot of different activities and side gigs to keep me occupied. In Middle Earth, I’d probably be some sort of ranger who picks up a bunch of odd jobs here and there. I currently work as a librarian but my other hobbies include:

🦉 Falconry & befriending crows

🦉 Caring for horses (I've always been a horse girl lol)

🦉 Cheesemaking, Cooking and Baking

🦉 Gardening and Plant Identification

🦉 Writing, Journaling and Drawing

🦉 Sewing

And a couple other things. I’m generally a very skilled, knowledgeable person and I’m very proud of it. I love being outside and can’t stand being cooped up indoors for too long. However, I do enjoy having somewhere nice to return to when I get tired from being outside all day.

Alright, I think that’s about it! Thank you so so much, take care of yourself and drink lots of water!

Hey , i'm so so so so sorry it took so long , but i had stress the last days and forgot about it <3 anymore i hope you like this

I ship you with

ARAGORN

your both rangers so that works

you probably met while you both were roaming around middelearth

you had the same route for awhile so you stayed together

you parted the work you had like , you would cook while he looked out for possible danger , then you would eat and you both switch

he soon was considerate to your illnesses and would have respect for what you do even with this

he would love that you are neutral about most things cause he kinda don't likes people who are

before you'd go to bed you would tell eachother stories

he would make you rest even if you don't want to

when decisions would get make he would ask you before anyone else

the confession was very blunt but calm while you to were heading to the next stop to sleep

it's basically the same afterwards but with more romance <3

he would be impressed by how much hobbies you had and always ask if he could help somehow

if your being to nice to someone , who doesn't is very nice , he would step in

he throw compliements and i love you's at the most random times

all in all it's a loving, protecting and supportive relationship

It's a bit short i know , i hope you liked it

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hiiii

I’ve just had an idea for a fic but it’s so self-serving I’m not sure if anyone would read it and even though I know writing should first and foremost be for yourself I don’t know how to handle not getting views/interaction with my work bc I’m nothing but a perfectionist.

What do you do when you have an idea that you don’t think others will like as much? Do you post it anyway or just keep it to drafts? This would also be my first piece of fic in 2 years so yeah kinda nervy

-♥️

AWWW THATS SO EXCITING THAT YOU ARE WRITINH AFTER 2 YEARS!!’

To answer your question: I cry. Lol. I’m only half kidding.

No, for real. I get what you mean, and I’m not gonna say it doesn’t get to me. You can see for yourself here.

The hard truth about tumblr is that for the most part, people are here for two kinds of things: short writing (the internet has truly ruined our attention spans), and smut. So those tend to be the kinds of things that get the most attention.

Longer things, or things that require some kind of concentration, or “serious” things don’t really get much. I know for a fact that with the two series that I’ve written, some folks skim. Jump ahead to the smut or the scenes they wanna see and only kind of skip the rest. And, yeah, sure, writing should be first and foremost for yourself. But it’s a human thing for your ego to get stuck in it too. When we work hard on something we kind of wanna know that others can recognize our hard work reflected in what we do. Or when we do something that we think is good, we hope that others like it as much as we do. And when that doesn’t happen, it stings.

But idk about you. I’m the sort of person who can’t do something that I’m not interested in. Like if I tried to write something because I know it’s the sort of writing that people want to read, it feels like fuckin torture. My heart isn’t in it. Neither is my focus or concentration. And then if it gets the praise that I knew it was going to get, it feels so cheap and dirty and unwarranted. I HATE it. I’m never proud of anything that I’ve only written cuz someone wanted me to. No matter how many views it gets.

So, I’d say, just write what YOU want to write. If nobody else likes it at least you do! And you know how much hard work and thought went into it. (And then send it to me cuz I’d love to read it!!!!)

[sednonamoris]

HIIIIII !!!!!! you'll probably know who this is, but do you have any tips / advice for writing? your style is super flowy + beautiful, and I was wondering if there's any advice you'd have for improving my own writing? any ways to stay consistent, not ramble, anything! kinda stressing over this thing I have to write and.. idk what i'm doing.

hiiii tysm i’m so flattered you enjoy my writing style 🥹💓 you’ve come to the right place bc i LOVE talking abt writing!!! prepare for me to be so annoying lol

my first piece of advice is to read everything you possibly can. everything. completely trite garbage and Literature with a capital L and sci-fi/fantasy and nonfiction and newspaper articles and billboards and road signs. think about the things you love and the things you hate. what makes up the parts of the stuff you like to read? what makes you dislike something and how can you avoid sounding like that? what do you want to sound like? absorb it all like a sponge.

part two is to ponder sentences. (this is my primary occupation as sentences are a great passion of mine 😌) every single sentence you write is having a gorgeous conversation with the next. they’re holding hands. they’re kissing. each idea flows into the next like gentle waves that roll into high tide when you hit the crescendo or the point or whatever it is you really want your readers to understand. part of this pondering is also the constructing/reconstructing process. there’s a million and one ways to say stuff, but how do you like it best? don’t be afraid to play around with the verbiage and vernacular and sentence structure until you’re satisfied. also remember that length variation is your friend.

idk if i have any true advice about consistency bc my writing process is extremely chaotic, but something i swear by is really really really rough outlines. for example, the chapter notes for ‘pony up’ in ghost story were literally

jack comes up to ghost (out of the norm) says he's bored ghost asks if he knows how to ride he says no ghost says about time you learned. and that's that. also ghost should be smoking when he comes up don't ask why it's just cunty

this is a hot pile of steaming shit. BUT it’s also a starting point. blank pages are way scarier than hot garbage. let this be the part where you ramble, so you have what you actually want on paper and then pare things down and refine some of the points you want to make from there.

the last thing i’ll say is just to put your whole entire (gender neutral) pussy into it!! sing it loud and proud in a voice you recognize as your own. the thing about writing, and really storytelling in general, is that all of it has been done before except that it hasn’t. we’ve told every story there is to tell and said everything there is to say except not quite like that. not quite like you. so go crazy!!

[eeclare]

The Finale

My last Bob’s Burgers bedrooms

These are the characters that I forgot about but I want to make sure they get the recognition they deserve

These are HEAVY on the headcannons guys

Like they are pretty much JUST headcannons

Some are kinda shippy

I don’t usually like to get involved in shipping stuff, just because I can honestly get behind any ship if I want to lol

But these were just fun little headcannons of what I feel are kinda obvious ships

Okay maybe one of them is a guilty pleasure sue me

NOT ALL OF THESE ARE SHIP RELATED

Just to clarify

Starting off strong with Jimmy Sr.’s (And Trev’s) room!

Soooooooo

Jimmy and Trev don’t LIVE together but like

They live together

Lowkey think Trev and Jimmy had an emotional affair turned physical and that is part of the reason Jimmy got divorced

The real reason Jimmy is so jealous of Bob is because Bob can be openly himself (with his sexuality, just in general, really) and Jimmy feels like he has to hide himself, kinda

That was long winded I’m sorry guys

#jimmy and trev angst lowkey

But anyway

At first Jimmy wanted his room to be kinda like a bachelor pad

Hence the tacky bed frame

But then Trev was like no

And just forcefully moved himself in?

Idk but like can’t u see it

Jimmy is totally against Trev moving in with him

But custody with the kids is already settled (50/50) and his ex wife knows about Trev so there’s really no losing his kids atm

Jimmy has a stark white carpet to make it more bachelor pad-y

But Trev didn’t really think it went with his own cottagecore vibe

So he just slapped his carpet on top

And bam, kinda boho eclectic carpet combo

Again, with the bachelor pad thing, Jimmy installed two LED purple lights on the floor

Trev thinks they’re kinda ugly but they were EXPENSIVE so he makes due

He covers one of them up with his carpet

Can you tell whose side is whose yet?

Trev didn’t get to pick the nightstand, but he makes due

It is still Jimmy’s house, after all

Trev is an occasional tea drinker before bed

He keeps his book of the month on the nightstand, just in case he has the time

It wasn’t hard to convince Jimmy of the candle

“For the ambience” he said to convince him

And Jimmy ate it right up

Jimmy had installed really bright white over head lights

Trev hates them (they hurt his eyes!) but again, it’s not really his room, it’s Jimmy’s

Trev still has his own apartment btw so don’t go thinking that he doesn’t have space to express himself

Jimmy does love Trev and if they did officially live together they would each have a say in decoration

(But Jimmy would still have more say because, well, he prefers it that way and Trev likes to keep him happy)

It’s not the healthiest of relationships, guys

Jimmy has a dope oil painting of a ship at sea

He thinks it’s cool af

Maybe if he has a ship on his wall it’ll manifest him getting his spot in the yacht club

His dresser is modern

Trev forced his way into the bottom drawer

But Jimmy still possesses half of it (for his socks)

Jimmy also has the whole of the top drawer

There’s a mirror above the dresser

For Jimmy to fix his hair with and for other activities if they so ensue

Anyway his hair gel is set on top of the dresser

(Trev isn’t allowed to keep his personal items in sight of the kids)

And Jimmy is lowkey pale-ish so he does apply self tanner every once in a while

He also bought an expensive set of martini glasses so they’re all his drinks out of

Don’t worry, when Jimmy Jr. And Andy and Ollie are staying with him every other week they have their own designated glasses that he brought home from the restaurant

So they have age appropriate drink ware

Over all their room is a little cute? Idk

So this is for Ron and Hugo

Hugo had a relatively okay studio apartment before he moved in with Ron

They’re like officially together but unofficially

Not because they aren’t proud but Hugo still isn’t rlly out to anyone and Ron is just happy to be with him

So yeah

Anyway

So Hugo moved in with Ron

Ron rents out the back end of a small house in a middle class neighborhood

But like, lower middle class

Ron wishes he had a garden of his own but he can settle for sharing with the tenant at the front of the house

There’s no backyard, btw

It’s just a small fence and a two car parking spot

The fence divides them from a diff house’s backyard lol

Both Ron and Hugo are avid readers so they have a good assortment of books that they have each read or plan to read

Hugo is kind of a neat freak

So there’s the cleaning spray and cloth on the shelf lol

Hugo has allergies and he KNOWS that book shelves collect a LOT of dust

Now, Hugo would never have wanted a cat or pet of any kind but Ron already had a cat before they even knew each other so he had to learn to deal with it

And secretly not so secretly he has fallen in love with Kirby

But still, Ron is more active in taking care of her

Hugo just cannot stomach it

The plants were also not Hugo’s choice

He has ALLERGIES

Ron loves gardening though and since he can’t have an actual garden Hugo is happy to oblige as long as flowering plants are not kept in the house

And if you think their room is bad you should see their living area/kitchenette

Good lord someone let Ron switch sides of the house so he can garden just a little bit

Hugo is a pale dude

So he makes sure to keep sun block around him next to his bedside table

Hugo also has cold ass feet so he has an extra carpet next to his side of the bed

Also on his side, a bucket and sponge

Because Kirby can sense that Hugo isn’t her biggest fan and takes revenge on him the only way she knows how

So he keeps the bucket there at all times just in case

Ron has a cat treat/toy on his side to try to keep Kirby to stay with him and not bother Hugo

It works half of the time

Ron uses lotion and even though it makes him smell kind of like an aunt he likes to be soft

And he just drinks out of a mug lol not tea not coffee just water (tap water, it’s not even cold)

And the art on the wall is Ron’s choice he thinks the paintings are cute

BTW I absolutely recognize that canonnically there is no evidence that Ron and Hugo are together. I think there is tons of evidence that Ron is gay/ has feelings for Hugo but so far there is no really good evidence to Hugo reciprocating Ron’s feelings. I just like this ship so 🙄

Mr. Fishoeder’s room?

Ik he seems like the kinda guy to have a modern all white and sleek kind of home but based on cannon he has an old-timey kind of aesthetic

He tries to keep on theme

Mr. Fishoeder doesn’t have one consistent partner so he makes sure to have wine and cigarettes at the ready

He has a walk in closet in a different room of the house, so he doesn’t keep much clothing in his dresser drawers

Just towels and such

He doesn’t like to flaunt his money but he does keep a not so secret stash of bills in his cupboard area

He reads maybe sometimes but not often so the books aren’t worth displaying

And his cologne he hides in the cupboard as well

His papa is on top of the shelf in the urn

He doesn’t want to display him somewhere where Felix can easily steal him

And Calvin finds himself to be kind of like a collector of rare and expensive items

Hence the skull

The clock is just there because it fits the aesthetic

The mirror *above* the bed for whatever you want it ti be there for

Calvin cares less about looks than Felix but he still values looking cool in front of his guests

So he does hide the fan he needs up in his room behind a curtain

The fan is ugly but he NEEDS it

It gets bloody hot up in his bedroom

He does have a flat screen TV in the shape of a vintage one

It’s pretty cool, if you ask him

The oil paintings just fit his whole vibe

They’re older looking and expensive lol

I imagine that Mr. Fishoeder is an olive eating man

They’re a good rich person snack and they are delicious with whatever alcohol he’s having that night lmao

The phone makes him feel like a cool vintage mafia boss lol

The tall lamp to the side is just there because Calvin is admittedly getting older and needs more yet dimmer lights to see

That’s it, really

It’s Felix!

He has a decently large room

And he is much more into keeping up with trends and style and such

So he has a kind of theme he’s going for

Kind of antique, but modernized

He’s not thrilled to be living in a treehouse but he’ll make due

God, he misses his apartment in NYC

But you know, he’s happy to live and be close with his brother again

He won’t admit it, but he’s missed Calvin

In fact, the painting above his bed is a specially commissioned portrait of him and Calvin as onions

From that one caricature artist that spends time on the pier

He’s featured in a couple of episodes you’d know him if you saw him lol

The beetroot portrait is by the same guy, but this time it’s a painting of Felix and Fanny

He isn’t big into art, but Felix does like those framed insect hangings

But Felix does love plants (not gardening, just plants)

He keeps potted ones around and even though he doesn’t do the watering (he has people for that) he likes the way they look

the rose is for Fanny next time she comes over btw

She’s not there a lot because she has zero interest in living in a tree but he’s hopeful

He enjoys aroma therapy so he has those weird smelling sticks from homesense lol

And even though Calvin calls it perfume IT ISNT

It’s cologne

Just very floral

He prefers to keep his clothing hanging in his closet (it prevents wrinkles) so the dresser is just there for looks/for his delicates

And even though he’s usually alright at putting his work out mat away he got lazy and just left his stuff on the floor

It’s been almost two weeks

You would think that his help would have had it put away by now

(Spoiler alert, he doesn’t have any “help” Calvin just told him he does so he wouldn’t get upset)

The potted plants are fake too, Felix just doesn’t know it

He lives in a TREE there is literally not enough sunlight so sustain basically any plant life

But whatever, what Felix doesn’t know won’t hurt him

Felix basically insisted that almost every room in his treehouse have a chandelier

Makes it feel more mansion-y

Those double doors are his closet lol

These are only SOME of his clothes

He does have an extra little walk-in closet for the rest of them

His casual clothes are kept in his room closet along with the clothes that wouldn’t fit in the walk in

he likes scented candles and things

So scented candle on his bedside table

The bed is kinda boho chic

He likes it, kinda

The magic is in the mattress

The little couch at the end of his bed ties in with the red curtain on the other side of his room

Felix has a bit of a drinking problem

But only cocktails or vodka

Usually

And he is definitely more Braggy than his brother is when it comes to money

If you’ve got it, flaunt it, ya know?

Teddy is our last guy!

He might be a hoarder but there’s really not a lot that he keeps in his room

He keeps snacks in his night stand

And don’t tell Linda but he knows her hands are soft af so he started buying the same brand of lotion as her lol

He drinks coffee 24/7

It’s the only thing keeping him sane at this point

The lamp just suits him

Also I think technically there would be a window above his bed but I digress

He kinda bought into that holistic crystal stuff

So that’s next to his bed now

And he did used to have a cat, but she died and then he got Francis

He has a lil Kitty shrine on the shelf there

He doesn’t see a point in having art hanging around in his room

But I think ideally tho he would like to have a framed pic of him and the belchers lmao

He has a book that’s like electricity for dummies

Idk just makes sense

He has random building supplies on his shelf lol

And Teddy LOVES 80s music!

He listens to it every morning while getting ready

He doesn’t rlly take care of his room the way he does the rest of the house

So the pain is cracked and chipped

But you know, he loves his little room and his therapist says that it’s good for him to have an outlet where he doesn’t have to focus on fixing everything

[1d1195]

Not making out with someone in a closet BAHAH love that lol this is where we differ bestie, I still feel so strongly about that story! Yes I was in the trenches defending them BUT I cannot lie I was so anxious,in a good way, for every update on them! I literally wanted to throw up at one point(I am insane lol) because I could not wait to read a part! It kinda was similar of how excited I was for Protection when you were live updating it! I love when Harry is the fucked up one with problems lol I loved how it revolved around him working with his own internal struggles! While we still got to see the mc have her moments too! And the potential for insecurities popping up later in their relationship like hello?! I would have that doubt that we could possibly be emotionally cheating on me if he gets bored?! Anyways I do love them lol

Not them oversharing 😭I was never that kid but I did bare witness to many times and like it always confused me and kinda felt second hand embarrassment 😭 but idk I guess the kids feel comfortable with you so that’s a win lol SHARING ABOUT A CRUSH WITH YOUR TEACHER 😭 not the boy being oblivious too😭

Basketball bf is truly your main one rn and bestie I love that for you! Sucks your feeling anxious though :( hopefully this weekend was kind to you and you were able to get rid of that anxiety 💕

A hot ER doctor could save me tbh😭 at first my original plan was to do grad school but i decided that’s not for me rn at least soon. Looking at the big picture I don’t think I can put myself through another like 5ish years of rigorous academic work. And being burnt out literally since high school and barely pushing through college I do need a break. I’m planning on just getting experience and possibly doing some research stuff to go on my application (I will suffer bc I hate research 😔) this wasn’t an easy decision, definitely had multiple breakdowns about it but long term I think it’s best for me.

Given how the rest of the week went, my physical pain is the least of my worries now lol my mom is improving thankfully! We’ve finally been able to get into with some specialists so hopefully that will help! That’s so sweet of you to ask😭💕 I have no solid plans for my birthday! Sadly I think it might rain on it so idk! I’m in desperate need of a thrifting trip though so we’ll see!

Bestie! I hope your weekend was wonderful! I hope this week is even better!! Sending you lots of love as always-💜

We shall not unpack what that dream meant ☠️ Don't get me wrong it's probably one of my favorite things I've written. It was much more complex than anything I've written in my opinion. Different than my typical love stories too. So it was mainly me being butt hurt that others felt so strongly (negatively) about it. Every once in a while I reread an ask I got from someone describing their relationship and how similar it felt to reading and how I nailed the head v. heart thing and it makes me SO proud. But they were a difficult couple I think because the way they struggled was so internally conflicted without so much external. (but I'm actually in love with the idea of her worry about emotional cheating that's INSANE in a GREAT WAY. I am reconsidering never talking about them again 😂)

Bro they're so cringe it's unbearable at times. He's also three years older than the kids so he probably doesn't even register it. He also sleeps most of the time he's in the room 🤦‍♀️ I get second hand embarrassment for them. More so because I see other kids in the room judging them and that makes me mad. A lot of them don't know any better 😭 I think with the way life has been going we think 14 year olds are older than they are but they're still very much kids and very much have NO idea what's going on nor what they're saying half the time.

He's just so handsome, accommodating, and doting, I would marry him and he just feels good to read and admire through my Kindle lol I had a very relaxing weekend, I'm lowkey paying for it right now but not bad overall! I got your other message and I'm glad you're alright 💕 I hope it stays that way!!! I don't want to say it's good you had breakdowns, but I think that means you REALLY thought about what your next steps are and if grad school is not it, then don't. I took a little break between (granted I don't think my teaching master's program is going to be on the same level as yours) but I felt the same way. I don't think I took a full breath or read a book that was for me between my freshmen year of high school until I graduated. Maybe with experience research won't be as bad? (Idk I try to be glass half full for my friends so please don't think I'm trying to make it better) I don't want you to suffer 😭 Wherever you land you will be an asset and you will thrive I'm sure. I hope you'll get the break you need 💕

YAY FOR YOUR MOM! I hope you find something good to do for your bday (maybe you'll meet Harry at a restaurant and you can celebrate your birthday(s) together 🤭) LOVE YOU 💕💕

[eventide-reverie]

I was randomly thinking in the middle of the night and i started thinking about me at my lowest point and now i’m crying?! I’m actually so proud of myself for clawing my way out, and i just feel so bad for 10 year old me.

I had no friends even though it was subtle, i was bullied. The other girls played this game were they would run away and say it was a game when they saw me approaching school.

My mom was working more hours than usual and i was usually at home alone with my stepfather. They were going through a rough patch in their marriage and he kept trying to use me as a therapist of sorts. He also drove me to school and often asked me questions like “does your mom love me?” When i just wanted to go to school, which says a lot considering i cried multiple times over the way other girls treated me in and out of class. Also the school didnt do shit(what a surprise)

It got to the point where i would stay cooped up in my room all day until my mom came home because he never said anything when she was around. I had a fear of my own house and my only safe place was my room where no one would ask me uncomfortable questions.

It got to the point to where my mom got me a dog to cure my loneliness and started working less to spend time with me. I think it helped. To be honest my memory goes blank around this part of my life and i cant remember much from the year other than key moments and how shitty i felt.

I remember an incident where i started losing it and started screaming my head off at a group of girls who usually tormented me lmao. Hella embarrassing now that i think about it but i really needed to get that steam off. Honestly the fact that i feel okay with sharing that incident tells me so much about my own growth.

Middleschool was a godsend(surprisingly, considering the reputation). I found friends, met my current best friend, and basically gained self worth. I was finally the first choice. Also i came out of the closet. The positive effect of being able to share my interests and actually being myself instead of some stitched on personality is crazy. Ngl had some moments here and there but thats unavoidable. Also i chopped off half of my hair(hip to shoulder). It felt oddly symbolic of me letting go, especially considering that i started letting go of the past after that and the fact that i was growing my hair out for the entirety of elementary.

Some of my elementary tormenters still try to rile me up whenever i walk past them in school and i..don’t feel much at all. All i feel is annoyance and even so, its kinda mild. I genuinely dont care anymore and thats a really nice thought when i think about it. Don’t get me wrong though, i do love flipping them off and tripping them in crowded hallways. Its just that i do it out of pettiness and boredom, not any kind of intense hatred. I do hate it when they try to pull that shit with my friends though.

I absolutely fuxking hate my stepfather lmao. He wonders why i hate him and tries to be a father figure to me as though he didnt destroy every chance he had. Too late now asshole. He still gives me money and stuff so that’s nice.

Anyways yeah now that i reflect my mental health has improved so much its actually insane. I genuinely thought about kicking the bucket when i was 10. Now i just enjoy being a menace to society. I definitely still have my moments but thats probably my fault for listening to sad music and making up really angsty scenarios for my ocs lol. Therapy? Who that? Im joking i totally shouldve gone to therapy but i was a scaredy cat.

I feel so relaxed rn its great even though im currently pulling an all nighter and i know imma be exhausted a couple hours later lol.

I feel so proud of myself and it feels kinda weird but also really soothing haha. Ok bye im gonna listen to more sad music about relationships even though ive never been in one hehehe