#like I rotate him in my mind at all times

[swiftiethatlovesf1]

Back home p.12

Hii guyss, here's part 13 of the story. If you want to read more stories of mine here's my masterlist and if you missed part 12, here it is.

Your life in Monaco was idyllic, growing up alongside the Leclercs. But everything changes when you're forced to leave. Now, returning to the place you once called home, you're confronted with a dilemma: not one, but two Leclerc brothers vying for your heart. Old bonds and unresolved emotions collide-what will you do when the past and present merge in unexpected ways?

As the day goes on, the practice goes well, and Charles’s performance on the track is impressive as always. But no matter how much you try to focus on the action, your thoughts keep drifting back to Arthur’s words. You’re still stuck on the idea that maybe your growing crush on Charles was clouding your judgment. What if you were reading too much into things? What if everything you felt wasn’t as real as you hoped?

By the time practice ends, you’re still a little lost in your thoughts. Charles comes to find you, but before he can, you’re already making your way to meet up with Kika.

She spots you almost immediately, a huge grin spreading across her face as she waves you over. “Hey, girl! Over here!”

You wave back, relieved to see a friendly face. Kika introduces you to the other WAGs—who are just as vibrant and welcoming as Kika. They’re all incredibly kind and make you feel at ease, chatting about everything from their jobs and hobbies to their own experiences with their partners. It’s a nice distraction, but the thought of what Arthur said keeps lurking in the back of your mind.

Then, Kika leans in and lowers her voice. “I told them you’re Charles’s soon-to-be WAG,” she says, teasing you with a playful smile.

You freeze, heat creeping up your neck as you blush. “I-I’m not sure about that. We’re just childhood friends,” you say quickly, avoiding eye contact. “I don’t think anything is going to change anytime soon.”

Kika raises an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. “Oh, honey, you should see the way Charles looks at you. It’s obvious.”

You frown, biting your lip. “Well, if that’s the case, he must like me and all the other girls he’s talking to.”

The group goes quiet, the other girls exchanging confused glances. Kika’s eyes widen in disbelief. “What do you mean? Charles is talking to other girls?”

You nod, feeling a mix of disappointment and bitterness rising in your chest. “Yeah. Arthur told me Charles has been talking to other girls on Instagram. He said I shouldn’t get my hopes up.”

Kika’s face goes pale, her eyes locked on yours in shock. “No, that’s not right,” she says, shaking her head. “Charles would never do that.”

You look at her, unsure. “Maybe he does. Maybe I’m just another girl to him.” The words feel hollow, but they’re all you can think of right now. You don’t want to be just one of the others—you're not sure you can handle being one of many.

Kika steps back, her face full of disbelief. “I don’t believe it,” she says softly. “Charles isn’t like that.”

You shrug, trying to push away the hurt. “Maybe he’s not. But I’m not about to stick around if I’m just going to be another girl in his rotation. I don’t want to get hurt.”

Kika crosses her arms, clearly uncomfortable with the idea. “Look, I don’t know what Arthur told you, but I really don’t believe Charles is playing around. He’s… he’s into you, Y/N. I can see it.”

Your heart twists with confusion. You want to believe Kika—really, you do. But a part of you is unsure now, and the doubt Arthur planted in your mind keeps gnawing at you.

Charles arrives to pick you up to go back to the hotel, and as soon as you step into the car, Kika waves goodbye, telling you she'll see you later for dinner.

The car ride back to the hotel feels completely different from the one earlier in the morning. The tension between you and Charles is palpable now, and the silence feels heavy. Every time he glances over at you, it stings a little more. You can’t help but feel like something is off, like you’ve crossed a line without meaning to.

When you finally arrive back at your room, Charles shuts the door with a soft thud, his eyes never leaving you. He watches you for a moment, a concerned look crossing his face.

"Hey," he says gently, reaching out to touch your arm. "What’s wrong?"

You hesitate, not wanting to burden him with the mess of thoughts in your head. "Nothing, really," you reply quickly, offering him a small smile. "Just something stupid."

Charles doesn’t look convinced. His gaze softens, and he takes a step closer. "It’s not stupid if it’s hurting you like this." His words hit deeper than you expect, making your heart race as his eyes lock onto yours, filled with sincerity.

For a moment, you can’t help but question everything Arthur told you. Was he lying? Could he be jealous or trying to protect you in his own twisted way? He’s your best friend, after all. But you push the doubt aside. Arthur wouldn’t lie to you.

"I’m fine, really," you finally say, forcing a small smile. "It must just be the jet lag."

Charles doesn't seem entirely convinced but nods. "Okay. Just… let me know if you ever need to talk, yeah?"

You nod and quickly change the subject, trying to push the awkwardness away as you head to dinner. When you arrive, you're introduced to more drivers and friends, all of whom seem nice, but you can’t shake the feeling of unease lingering in your chest.

As you take your seat next to Charles, Kika slides in beside you. She leans in, speaking quietly so no one else can hear.

“I spoke with Pierre,” she starts, her voice low and earnest. “He told me that Charles isn’t talking to anyone else. He really likes you, Y/N.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you blink in shock. "What?" you whisper, barely believing what you just heard.

Kika nods, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "He’s been into you for a long time, Y/N. Trust me. You’re not just one of the others.”

You feel your chest tighten as the words sink in. All the confusion, the uncertainty about Charles’s feelings, suddenly seems so much more complicated. You want to believe Kika, but everything Arthur told you is still ringing in your ears. Could both brothers really be telling you different things?

Tag list: @iamapersonwholikesunicorns, @janeh22, @victoriaholland, @abq654, @iamapersonwholikesunicorns, @anaferreira-4, @larastark3107, @itgirlofthecenturysposts, @boherahpsody, @iamkaku, @jz12, @boherahpsody, @urfavouritef1girly, @meglouise00, @charlesgirl16, @a-beaverhausen

[clown-demon]

((I love Nikolai so fucking much.. He's perfect.. I love him I love him I love him GAAAAAAAAAH.

[zytes]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lap Pillow

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[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

[nibbelraz]

What goes through my mind whenever I see him

[enjistier]

he's just a little guyyyy he's just a little guy!!!

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

something about qbad mentioning how much horror he put red team thru every time purgatory gets brought up... something about how proud dapper was of him.

like this is just my late-night read but- it feels like guilt qbad is trying to twist into pride. he keeps needling away at it. “i killed them all, over and over and over again.” “they were hunted by a monster.”

it’s like- reassurance. like a nail he’s trying o beat into his head. he’s had SO much trouble with legitimately hurting his friends, despite making that vow all the way back when the eggs first went missing, despite all the tree talk and the promises to save the kids no matter what. He never faltered with elq, and that protected them. He keeps faltering now. Sometimes he doesnt remember the code, or cucurucho, or skeppy. But that doesnt matter, right? Because he’ll protect the eggs. He’ll be the monster. he is the monster. he can and he will protect them even as his seams start ripping and he keeps breaking further and further apart. even at his worst, he’ll do whatever he needs to protect the eggs.

he’ll be the monster. wont he?

[nyxofdemons]

I am obsessed w that fucking clown i am glad you are too

holds him in my mouth like a baby alligator

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

So I was reading articles about John Hurt (as I do when I procrastinate on life in general lol) and I saw a still shot of a movie I’ve never seen still shots of before; so I looked it up. It’s a play. I was worried I wouldn’t find it in full online; but I did, so here it is in all its glory:

He’s just… ugh I want to gently hold his face in my hands he’s just so sad and lonely with his weepy voice and eye bags. I couldn’t process half of what he said but I think this is a warning about always speed-running through life to get to the next good thing. We should appreciate the moment; because in the end, we’ll have nothing at all but our memories. If we rush through life, we won’t have any memories to keep us warm at night when the chill of death creeps up on us in our old age.

Also, spool, spooooooooooollll…….

spoooooooooooooooooooooolllllll [cackles in mentally unstable]

@kaleidoscopr @theindo @possessedbydevils @randomtwospirit

[draconic-distress]

ykw 30 day 26!! I couldn’t pick a favorite I love all of them they are so so silly my friends :)

[jujuflakes]

eldritch lucifer save me... eldritch lucifer.....save me eldritch lucifer

[fingertipsmp3]

I love the sims 2 because it will completely wreck your shit right when you’re least expecting it

[ladysqueakinpip]

not me lying wide awake at 5:30am on a sunday on my day off bc after almost a full year I finally FINALLY realized the implication of the end of remember them from the cyclops saga

[wereh0gz]

No but like actually. I'm still thinking abt that new form sonic takes on at the very end of final horizon. Calling it cyber sonic but idk if that's the official name if it even has one

I'm still thinking abt it. Like when sonic is flying up to the end and going in for the kill he flies in a very sporadic pattern. Like he zips in a couple different directions at first before going straight for the end

And when we get a closeup he's lunging at it with his teeth bared like an animal. His teeth are noticeably sharper than in normal form too

It's so. Interesting. Like he's there for only a short period of time and yet there's quite a bit of personality there. I can't stop thinking abt it

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

She convinced herself. This is also why I can swallow the 2nd almost marriage - she wants to believe the fairytale. I don't believe she ever thought it was true love but I think she thought they were both trying to make an honest go of it. What kills her is being made a fool of in that way. Because let's go back, why did Dorothy marry him? Because she was pregnant, which actually means because she couldn't/wouldnt get an abortion, because she's from a religious family (interestingly it seems they're both from poor immigrant backgrounds). She married him to make everyone else happy, because it was "the right thing to do". Because it meant she wasn't just an easy girl, she could be a good wife and mother (her baby wouldn't be a bastard)- and he destroyed that and in doing so destroyed her in a sense. So yeah, she had every reason to make herself believe that it wasn't happening, to beloeve she hadnt made another mistake.

You make a very compelling argument, anon. After the wedding, it likely became a matter of sunk-cost fallacy for her: she sacrificed so much (of herself and for herself) to become Stan's wife and the mother of his children, so it had to work, no matter what -- because the alternative was that she'd given up her youth, her happiness, her dreams for a whole lot of nothing. And the more time passed -- the more Stan dug this hole around her -- the more painful the idea of letting go became, because she'd invested so damn much in this marriage. It's hard to let go of something when you've given your entire self to it.

I can totally see her telling herself that it's all in her head and choosing to believe Stan's lies because it hurt less than the alternative, and then being completely taken aback when he left (without even the decency to tell her in person, mind you). I recall her saying that she spent a lot of time being holed up in her room after the divorce, until Sophia managed to get her out of her depression, and I mean -- is it any wonder? The ground she'd walked on for years literally disappeared under her feet in the span of one phone call.

I feel like there's some space to think she was honest with herself about it -- a sort of Glen situation in which she knew what was happening, suffered because of it, but still decided not to act on it -- but the self-gaslighting seems more likely, for two reasons:

I think if she'd been fully aware of Stan's infidelity she would have ended up confronting him about it, either during or after their marriage, but in S2E13 he clearly thinks she didn't know about his affairs (except the one that led to the divorce).

It's just in character for her, as you say. She wants to believe that she's fine, that her marriage is working, that Stan really does love her, no matter what. This has been pointed out before a few times, but whenever Stan does something decent in the show she just completely melts, and you can tell this is learned behaviour. She's conditioned herself to believe in him and survive on crumbs of his affection (until she couldn't anymore, that is).

So yeah, this hypothesis makes sense (perfect, heartbreaking sense) to me too.