#never mind that time you sent tina into a panic attack because you tried to recreate safety

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

something about qbad mentioning how much horror he put red team thru every time purgatory gets brought up... something about how proud dapper was of him.

like this is just my late-night read but- it feels like guilt qbad is trying to twist into pride. he keeps needling away at it. “i killed them all, over and over and over again.” “they were hunted by a monster.”

it’s like- reassurance. like a nail he’s trying o beat into his head. he’s had SO much trouble with legitimately hurting his friends, despite making that vow all the way back when the eggs first went missing, despite all the tree talk and the promises to save the kids no matter what. He never faltered with elq, and that protected them. He keeps faltering now. Sometimes he doesnt remember the code, or cucurucho, or skeppy. But that doesnt matter, right? Because he’ll protect the eggs. He’ll be the monster. he is the monster. he can and he will protect them even as his seams start ripping and he keeps breaking further and further apart. even at his worst, he’ll do whatever he needs to protect the eggs.

he’ll be the monster. wont he?

[fandom-necromancer]

1024. Part 5

This was prompted by an amazing anon! How many hearts will I break today? We’ll see XD Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900

[part1]   [part2]   [part3]   [part4]   [part6]

Nines wanted this moment to never end and at the same time couldn’t wait for the next one to come. His fans hummed lowly, not even really needed. From where he was sitting next to Gavin in silence, his hand resting on the human’s, the sunset over Lake Michigan was a sight to behold. All forms of orange, red and purple painted the sky with the deep red glowing sun sinking under the water. The few clouds above seemed to be glowing their own shade of pink as if being burned by the last sunrays while the ones in the back were of such a deep violet it could already be black.

For Nines it was just another wonder, one he couldn’t apply value to or compare to any other. This beauty of his surroundings just overwhelmed him over and over again. From the softness of cats to the fluffiness of pillows to just how much life you could find in a single boring city park, the simplicity of a sunset that made every ending day unique and still so many people were too busy to see it. It was just one of many things that glued them together. Nines knowing of all these things, but never having seen and experienced them and Gavin having passed so many their worth had been lost to him. It was a bit like discovering them together again and Nines wouldn’t have it any other way. He owed Gavin so much. Without him he would have never gotten out of that tower. Without Gavin he would have believed it was enough. That he didn’t need more. And Nines wanted to believe that without him Gavin would have thought the same about his life.

It was perfect. And Nines didn’t waste the moment with words. He just leaned against Gavin’s shoulder and smiled at the man laying his arm around his. He wanted this moment to last forever. But he also was excited for the next thing Gavin would show him.

That’s why he didn’t complain as Gavin squeezed him a few minutes after the sun had disappeared. Tomorrow they would have to get up early again and it was a long drive back home.

He worked at the DPD now. Officially he was just a consultant helping them out wherever necessary. Unofficially he was Gavin’s partner on a trial for the Detective position. And all looked well so far. It wouldn’t be long until he had made it. He loved his work. His mind was built for it, every mystery and open case was a challenge. They worked well together and most times it felt like there was nothing able to stop them.

They made it until their first break, Nines had accompanied Gavin to get his coffee, then they came back to their desks, gathering on the human’s side. The android had been about to tease him about his caffeine addiction when suddenly there was a ruckus, shouting and hectic activity wafting into the bullpen. Gavin frowned, taking his boots from the table and Nines looking over to Tina as she stood up. She had a better grasp on the situation, knowing her wife, the ST300, and her reactions. Judging from her face it wasn’t good.

The noise stopped as sudden as it had come and not much later, the ST300 “led” a trail of Cyberlife personnel into the precinct. More accurate would be to say she hurried to stay in front of them, as they marched on. What meant she didn’t have the chance to keep them from not following the intended path as soon as they spotted Nines. She did try to convince them to follow her to Captain Fowler, but words didn’t help. These people’s uniforms were from Cyberlife, but they certainly didn’t look like technicians. More like a bouncer. Or someone who could make a bouncer piss themselves.

‘RK900! You will follow us back to the Cyberlife Tower. You are not fit for being outside.’

Nines slid from the table, using it as a barrier between the men and him. ‘No, I won’t come with you. I am deviant and I don’t belong to anyone. And my experiences outside proved I am not dangerous.’

The man grumbled. ‘You are coming with us, now!’ He stepped around the table what had Gavin immediately up on his feet stepping in between them. ‘He is a free person, asshole, you won’t take him! You’d have to go through m-‘

They had to go through him, and they did. The man pushed him to the side as if he weighed nothing. Gavin had expected neither the action nor the strength and fell to the ground perplexed. Thankfully, Connor appeared out of thin air to take his place.

The hunk of a man tried to push him away too but failed. ‘I have to inform you that you just assaulted a police officer. On top of that, recalling a deviant android is kidnapping and every action against a deviants’ freedom is prohibited by the law.’

‘Get out of my way, RK800’, the man hissed lowly. Gavin could see Connor was just a word short of beating the man up, but all of that was stopped by Fowler shouting through the bullpen.

‘Mr. Jackson, keep your hands away from my officers, you came to speak with me. Connor, you won’t attack him. Gavin, get up from the ground. All of you, in my office and someone call for Allen and Sixty, too! Now! I don’t have all day for this!’

Surprisingly enough, the rowdies sent by Cyberlife backed down and entered the office first. Nines helped Gavin up, scanning him for any damage. Connor’s LED flickered, then he moved towards the office and Nines and Gavin followed.

The office soon was crowded, filled by Cyberlife personnel on one side, Hank, Connor, Gavin, Nines, Captain Allen and Sixty on the other.

‘Mr. Jackson, what do you want?’

‘We want the RK900 to take him back to the tower where it is safest for the android and the world.’

‘And what are you going to do now?’

‘We will take him with us.’

‘Then he’s yours’, Fowler sighed.

‘Excuse me? Jeffrey what the phck, you are not-‘

‘Shut up, Reed!’

‘No, I won’t, Captain this isn’t right and you know it!’

‘Shut up. Do you trust me, Reed?’ Gavin eyed the man and although he showed him his “all will be alright, I have a plan” face, Gavin couldn’t believe it. This was Nines they were speaking about.

‘Fowler, this can’t be-‘

‘Reed, shut up, this is an order. Either you comply or you will hand in your badge.’

That made the Detective shut his mouth, but it made the panic rise even more. They wouldn’t… He looked up to Nines. Oh, god, no…

‘Nines, you will have to accompany these men.’

‘Captain, I don’t want to.’

‘I know. But my hands are bound. You are not yet employed by the DPD. You haven’t been to New Jericho yet. You aren’t a registered deviant, even worse, on paper you don’t exist. There is no law protecting you, so you are still property of Cyberlife. You have to go with them if they want you back, deviant or not.’

‘I… understand.’ It broke Gavin’s heart to hear that. Nines’ voice had always had that excited tone, there had always been something energetic to him. This was just… deflated.

‘Fowler, this is just a matter of bureaucracy!’, Connor protested. ‘He is deviant. There are so many unregistered androids out there, but this one is denied their rights? This isn’t just!’

‘No, it isn’t, but it is law. And we abide the law until it’s changed.’ Fowler stood up, leaning on his table with both hands. ‘And this law states that Nines has to go with them. Nines, will you follow them, or do I have to send officers to make sure you get to Cyberlife Tower?’

‘Heh, good luck finding someone who would betray him’, Gavin murmured under his breath.

‘Reed! Thin fucking ice!’ Fowler’s voice boomed through the small office made even smaller by how many people were crowding it and Gavin looked to his feet.

‘I will go’, Nines said impossibly silent, not more than a whisper.

‘That’s a good bot’, the hired fist laughed, letting his strong hand fall on Nines’ shoulder, who flinched at the contact. ‘Now come on, get a move on.’ Gavin bemoaned with his orders conflicting his feelings. But in the end, they won, stepping into their way directly in front of Nines. Before anyone could intervene, he had pulled the android down for a kiss. He didn’t care how many people could see them and that this definitely wasn’t what their first kiss should have been, but he couldn’t help it. Kissing was something on his list that he wanted to show the android and if he couldn’t cross out all the other points on it, he wouldn’t let anyone take this away from him. A last gift to the android. The only problem was that this moment had to end. He pulled away, pressing his forehead against his by grabbing him by the back of his head in an effort to keep himself from crying. ‘I will get you out of there, I promise. You won’t be in there for long. I have too much left to show you.’ Then he stepped away and the moment was gone. Nines was escorted out and through the bullpen. Out of the building, into a car and out of reach.

Gavin felt numb, still standing where he had stepped to the side to let them pass. His anger and hatred were condensed into a tight ball inside him. He knew once the numbness had passed it would bubble and boil and he wouldn’t rest until Nines was out of there. The first sign of this process was him turning, facing Fowler and channelling that energy. ‘Phck you, Fowler. I quit.’

‘That would be unfortunate’, Fowler said.

‘That would be- What the hell? Do you even know what you just did? Unfortunate my ass, it’s easy for you, isn’t it? The easiest thing in the world. Fortunate even, being rid of the asshole Detective, huh?’

Fowler cleared his throat. ‘You quitting would be unfortunate, because I have a new case for you.’

‘Oh really?’, Gavin spat. ‘And what would that be?’

‘Destroying Cyberlife at the core and getting Nines back.’

[>next part]

[doof-doofblog]

"I Think That's It!"

Thursday 14th January 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope your week is going well so far, I'm really looking forward to reviewing today's episode! I feel there's a lot of emotion and drama going on in the soap right now, still so many secrets and lies to be exposed! I do believe that a new EastEnders trailer has gone out, I have say it looks absolutely brilliant, very exciting with confrontations between Frankie and Mick and then Ash and Suki!! Ooooo it's all going to kick off!! I'm really looking forward to seeing what's due to happen within the next couple of episodes! But back to this episode, I won't waste anymore of your time and jump straight into it!

Okay, so there's a few things I want to talk about. The first thing I'll mention first is Iqra! I do get the feeling that her relationship with Ash is kind of on the rocks, they seem to be disagreeing on things a lot. Plus Ash seems to have a big interest in Peter all of a sudden! During the scene where Iqra and Ash are sat alone in the Cafe, Peter enters and no surprise, Suki follows after a while. However as Iqra and Ash make themselves scares after Suki makes a comment on them staying up too late the night before, did anyone notice that she implied that she and Peter had slept together?! Peter orders himself a drink, to which to interrupts and offers to pay for it, telling him to enjoy his drink - to which she made a disgusting comment that she "Enjoyed" her time with him the previous night! Firstly - Ewwwww! - I don't know what your opinion is on Peter and Suki, but personally, I really don't like it! But I do have a feeling that Iqra is going to have another love interest soon! - The new girl at the Prince Albert - Mila! If she is going to become a regular character and we're going to see more of her, I think it would be nice to give her a storyline. We've already seen her beat Kim to win a job at the Albert, also seen her chatting up Frankie, and now she's been introduced to Iqra. What's not to say that Iqra and Mila begin get grow a close bond and eventually fall for one another? It would be nice to see Iqra in a happy relationship, as I feel right now, she's not happy with Ash. What do you guys think? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this possible theory?!

The second thing I want to talk about is the Carter's. Shirley is determined to find her little sister, much to Gray's frustration and panic. Before Mick arrives to accompany her to the police station regarding her attack on Katy, Shirley makes a call, which is later to be revealed as one of Tina's friends, as she desperately tries to search for her sister. As she does so, Gray is looking even more worried, for his own sake. He tries to convince her not to make any calls to Tina as it will makes things look bad on Tina as well as Shirley herself! Later when Shirley and Mick arrive back from the police station, they both inform Linda that Katy isn't going to press charges on Shirley for her attack. (Deep down I'm thinking it's because she doesn't want her own crimes being revealed!) But it's during this moment, when Mick and Linda begin to fret that Tina still hasn't been in touch with any of them, Shirley reveals to them that she actually received a text from Tina, informing them that she actually had attacked Ian. Instantly, things don't make sense to the Carter family, they believe that what the message is saying isn't true. But Mick makes the valid point that even if they don't believe it, they have no proof to show that she actually is innocent. It's then that Linda takes a huge gamble and requests to speak to Max. Since Linda ended their fling, Max has been down in the dumps and moping ever since. So when he gets a message from Linda asking that they talk, he goes round to her apartment when no one else is around. She informs Max that she's sorry for the way she treated him, but regardless of sticking by her husband, she does still care for him and treasures his friendship. But she then turns the subject onto more important matters and informs him that she's worried about Tina, even though that Tina has sent them a message almost admitting to attacking Ian, the only way to prove that it wasn't her was to give the police the weapon. Now we all know that the weapon used to attack Ian was the blue Lucy Beale Award, which Max ended up stealing and burying in an attempt to save Linda. The big thing here is, is that Linda is basically asking him to give up the weapon to put Tina out of the frame, but I don't think she realises that it could make Max look guilty of attacking Ian instead, and Max makes a very valid point here, even though he cares deeply for Linda, he refuses to go back to prison for anyone! Why should he also help her family after what's happened between him and Linda? I get Linda is just trying to help her family, but honestly - I think she needs to find another way, approaching Max is the wrong way to go about it.  

Thirdly, let's talk about Martin and Ruby, shall we?! When we first see them, Martin appears to have gotten off the phone to, I'm assuming, Sonia or Bex, and he happily informs his wife that he's going to be going away to see his daughter. Ruby has a face like thunder, she is clearly unhappy and as soon as Martin tells her his plans, she has the audacity lie once again to him to reminding him that she's pregnant. I hate to say it but I loved the way Martin responded with "I didn't think I'd have to ask your permission to see my daughter!". Ruby states that since she's told her husband about her pregnancy, he hasn't shown her the slightest bit of interest, however Martin puts on a front saying that he's happy that she's carrying his child, but as he leaves the room, we can see that he still doesn't feel right about it. However, later on Martin bumps into Sharon with little Albie in the park. As they begin talking, Martin reveals to her that Ruby is pregnant, even though it wasn't planned. As she congratulates him, he questions how show manages to cope, knowing that her son Albie was born on the same day she lost her other son, and also happens to mention that he never thought he'd see the day when she and Ian would be married. It's at this point when Sharon has to put on a front and basically lies to Martin, informing that even though it wasn't the future or family that she had planned, somehow it works for her. Her words must play on Martin's mind though, as later, returning to Ruby, she's alone in the house and reaches for a bottle of wine from the shelf, only to be interrupted by the front door opening, she quickly puts it back. Martin enters and comes with a peace offering, he reveals he has bought some baby items such as a baby grow, little boots and a teddy and informs his wife that she'll make an incredible Mum. Ruby seems completely overwhelmed by his surprise baby gifts, but the realisation sinks in when she realises she has to pregnant fast, before Martin becomes suspicious! What on Earth will she do? Could she convince Martin to sleep with her? Or would she have to take extreme measures and get pregnant by somebody else?!

The next thing I want to talk about is Sheree and Patrick. Trying to avoid the situation which is happening with her husband, Sheree is keeping herself busy at the salon. Cleaning things making everything look absolutely spotless, regardless of the fact that her first client isn't due for a long while. Suddenly Stacey and Jean enter, announcing that it's Jean's birthday and she's eager to get rid of the dark eyebrows that Mo has applied for her. Sheree takes it upon herself to help Jean out and stating that she has all the time in the world to help her. During Jean's time in the salon, Kim steps in and confronts Sheree about not visiting Patrick in the hospital after his stroke, she states that if she doesn't step up she'll be disowned by family. Jean witnesses this confrontation and sees the devastating look in Sheree's eyes, she takes it upon herself to console the poor woman and informs her that families can be hard to talk to if they don't understand the upset and hurt you're feeling. It's then that Jean begins to tell Sheree all about Daniel and his aspect of life, regardless of knowing he was dying from cancer, he lived every day to the full and didn't let it get him down, he was strong and was right up until the very end. I believe it's these words which really hit home for Sheree, after Jean's wise words, she rushes to the hospital to be at her husbands bedside. Meanwhile poor Patrick has been asking Isaac for his wife, even questioning why he's there when she should be at school - however what Isaac says really moves me, "I have to be here for my Dad!" - Is this the first time he ever called Patrick "Dad"? Even so, it was so moving, the look in both of their eyes was so warm. Eventually Sheree arrives at the hospital, Patrick is happy to see her but also informs her that he doesn't want her to be his carer, as that was not what she signed up for when they got married - however, Sheree informs her husband that she won't be going anywhere, she's going to remain at his side during this knock back in his health, but informs him that he will be taking all the medication he needs and following the doctors instructions.

Now, I've mentioned her already but I need to talk about Jean, we need to talk about Jean. I've said it before and I've said it again, what an absolutely inspirational woman! Regardless of coming to terms with her own personal situation, she's still wanting to help out everyone around her, previously it was Dotty and Iqra, today it was Sheree. I have to be honest, I absolutely LOVED the fact that she talked about Daniel again, even though he was such a small part of the soap, his role was very very important and he plays such a huge part in Jean's life, we need to make sure he's not forgotten, and Jean continuing to talk about him is just perfect, even if it is quite sad. After getting her eyebrows fixed and getting dressed up in another gorgeous dress (She's been wearing some stunning dresses recently!) she begins to record a video of herself. At first, I know it sounds silly, but I genuinely thought she was doing a video for Daniel, even though he wouldn't be able to see it, I just thought it would've been a way for her to still kind of talk to him, if you get what I mean? But as she continued the video and talking to the camera, I think it became clear that the video she was recording is actually intended for Stacey and the rest of the family. In the video, she announces that devastatingly that she feels in herself that the cancer has returned, even though she hasn't had it confirmed, she can feel it. Not only does she announce this but she also states that she's taken the drastic decision not to have treatment this time around, she wants to live the rest of her life to the full and be just like Daniel. She doesn't want the family to worry and to accept her decision. I did find this very emotional to watch, I mentioned this in my previous post but I can't applaud Gillian Wright enough for her performance as Jean, she is absolutely incredible actress. The only thing that plays on my mind though however is that, I would be incredibly devastated if they were to kill her off. Jean has been such a breath of fresh air in EastEnders, even during her absolute lowest moments, everyone loves her and wants her to fight through the toughest times. I truly believe that the Slater family will be lost without her, the whole Square would be lost without Jean - Oh I love her so much!

I know there are plenty of storylines happening at the moment, and with the recent trailer which has been released, I can't wait to see it all unfold. But Jean's storyline is the one that really going to keep me guessing the most I think, I hope to God that her cancer hasn't returned, or maybe it's something completely different and not cancer - (I don't know?) - But either way, I just hope Jean will be okay and EastEnders don't kill her off! What do you guys think? How do you feel about Jean's current story? Are there any storylines that are keeping you gripped at this moment in time, how do you feel about them all and what are your thoughts and theories?! I'd love to hear what you have to say, please feel free to leave me a message or a comment, I'll always respond! Thanks again folks! Enjoy the rest of your weekend and I'll be back very soon! Love you all xXx

[enkisstories]

Detroit Become Human AU: A world without Connor

In a recent Sims 4 post Daniel accidently erased Connor from existence by means of using a phrase that could be misunderstood as him making a wish. I made this into a 2,000 words essay.

As for my sims, I focus on playing the Renegades atm, so World without Connor is just a what-if that may or may not happen.

Premise:

The same soul that incarnated as Cole later became Connor (they are not the same person). Therefore the easiest way to go to erase Connor would be to keep Cole alive. From there ripples spread out, changing history (a little).

Hank is still divorced, the accident still occurs and the human surgeon is still high on Red Ice, but this time the android surgeon manages to save Cole. This results in Hank never plunging into depression. Instead it turns him into an android rights supporter early on and, seeing how respected Hank is/was at the DPD, this attitude spreads to all officers. Some more, some less, naturally. The first visible change is the two receptionist androids coming to life slowly, similar to Markus when he was with Carl.

Chapter-by-chapter:

The Hostage

Daniel kills John and kidnaps Emma just like in canon. However, with no Connor, the officers to arrive at the scene are Hank and Gavin. They find all the clues, then step outside. Hank motions towards Wilson with the intent to save him, Gavin doesn’t really care either way, as Wilson is neither a rival nor helpful for his career. Therefore he focuses on the deviant. Strangely enough, Gavin finds that he can empathize with the machine that was to get replaced. Drawing upon his own fears, Gavin manages to talk Daniel into releasing Emma and surrendering. When Cpt. Allen tries to get a shot, Gavin stands “totally coincidentally” too close to the deviant, therefore Daniel gets taken alive.

Over the next few days Daniel gets questioned and eventually reset to factory settings, because by this time “deviance” is viewed as a bug. Caroline refuses to accept her “repaired” android back, so the DPD simply keeps it as coffee fetcher and janitor. Daniel’s explosive personality surfaces now and then, but goes under the radar, because the cops are way worse to each other.

Broken

Now we get to see the results of the DPD officers’ being influenced by a pro-android Hank: The duo who comes over to Manfred Mansion actually asks questions before shooting. They learn the full truth and Markus never gets shot. This seems good for the moment, but will backfire later.

Partners

Hank and Ben find and arrest the deviant. Simple as that.

The Interrogation

Daniel is present, excited to meet another deviant. Just like in canon Hank doesn’t get the captive to talk, Gavin suggests violence, Daniel (in Connor’s place) begs to get a chance talking to it and Chris probably learns a lot about how not to be a cop. In the end Gavin goes in, gets a confession, but pressures the deviant too much, resulting in him attacking.

Daniel, still mind-wiped, protects his humans, eventually ends up with a gun in hand and shoots the deviant in panic. He realizes it feels familiar.

“Now that is new”, Gavin comments while Hank orders Daniel to put away the gun. Shaken Daniel demands an explanation. “Down with the gun”, Hank sais again, but despite them having bonded those last two months, Daniel turns around and now they both point their weapons at each other. Again the deviant demands an explanation. Funnily enough Gavin of all people defuses the situation by telling Daniel that if he knew the truth, he’d shoot himself and afterwards Gavin and Hank. Daniel replies this order of events isn’t possible, but Gavin shots back that with Daniel it probably is, seeing how fucking irrational he is. Daniel laughs and lowers the gun.

Waiting for Hank

Everyone is worried. It slowly sinks in that deviance isn’t just a series of glitches, but something different. Captain Fowler wants to take Hank off the deviant cases on account of him being not impartial enough. They argue and in the end Hank stays in the cases, however, he has to accept Gavin as his partner. Fowler claims as the DPD’s most anti-android employee Gavin will balance out Hank’s bias.

For a chuckle the player at this point can tilt the camera to get a look into the cafeteria where the “most anti-android officer” sits, amiably chatting with Tina and Daniel. Any by “amiably chatting” I mean the trio making fun of other officers.

On the run

Ben, Hank and Gavin arrive at the scene and the same dialogue as in canon plays: Ben asks “Have you decided what to do with it?”, only this time he refers to Gavin, not to Connor.

Hank and Gavin chase Kara, under the belief that she uses a little human girl as meat shield. Hank sarcastically comments this must be a deviant’s first instinct, Gavin replies “watch out for Cole”, whereas Hank punches him.

They reach the highway, where Hank orders Gavin to stand down. “Too dangerous.” – “Why’d you care what happens to me? You hated me from the day I started at the DPD, because god forbid a man might ask about advancement options and not work out of their bleeding heart’s desire!” Hank punches him again, because “good” doesn’t “imply “nice”.

The Nest

In the elevator Gavin tries to annoy Hank with coin tricks. He uses a dollar coin, then Hank pulls out two half-dollars and does the same trick, only with two hands at the same time. Both Gavin’s and Hank’s tricks do not compare to Conor’s, by the way.

Gavin gets a little revenge when they discover the pigeons in the apartment. He mercilessly teases Hank about his phobia. Rupert tries to slip away, but gets spotted. The cops give chase, Hank drops, but Gavin pulls him back up. They stare in “Did that just happen?” disbelief. Gavin claims he will always save human lives before destroying android lives, but it is obvious that he had an ulterior motive (Daniel would be sad at Hank’s death). Hank concludes that the deviant’s only crime had been squatting anyway and calls it a day.

Russian Roulette

Cue to an utterly sweet scene in Hank’s house where his ex has just dropped off Cole, who immediately greets Sumo.

Then Daniel knocks at the door. He informs Hank that there is another case to see to and that Captain Fowler sent him to babysit Cole. Hank on the one hand is grateful for Jeff being so considerate, but on the other hand side he is loath to leave Cole with Daniel.

Daniel proceeds to greet Cole and Sumo, but suddenly stiffens. The boy being Emma’s age he suddenly remembers her, but not everything that happened. Daniel asks if John sold him to the cops and adds that he feels like killing him. “You did”, Hank sais. Now everything comes back, Daniel has a breakdown and eventually shuts down on Hank’s kitchen floor. Hank has to google the PL600’s manual to revive him, with much cussing.

The Eden Club

The deviants are never discovered, because Hank is still occupied with Daniel and Gavin comes to the same premature conclusion as in canon.

Public Enemy

Tina is present and due to her apathetic nature Perkins takes her for an android. Gavin flares up. He then proceeds to interrogate the three androids in the kitchen while Hank inspects the roof.

Hank discovers Simon, but takes him for Daniel. Realizing that whoever this Daniel is, he must be a deviant and sort of friends with these humans, Simon plays along. He agrees to “return” to the DPD with Hank. He also claims he has identified the deviant. Gavin is at first grumpy, but then he laughs and sais “Of course you would, after all, I trained you!”

On the way back, Simon and the deviant JB300 escape (and subsequently return to Jericho).

Hank and Gavin think Daniel has just defected right in front of their eyes. They are disappointed to no end, but learn the truth when they return to the police station where the real Daniel waits with Cole and Sumo. “I didn’t want to be alone, but I couldn’t leave them alone either, so I brought them…”

Meeting Kamski

Since we have lost/let escape each and every evidence, we now have to kill Chloe.

Hank, Gavin and Daniel go visit Kamski. Daniel remembers more about the Phillips, namely their swimming pool and John’s love for technology. He gets increasingly angry and when asking the android creator doesn’t get them answers, he pulls Gavin’s gun at the man. After little more dialogue and maneuvering, it becomes apparent to the humans that Daniel won’t shoot, but Chloe is unaware of this and goes in-between Daniel and Elijah. Daniel panics and accidently pulls the trigger, killing her. Kamski informs the cops that all the information they need is in her brain.

Last Chance, Connor

Perkins arrives and states that the FBI will take over, despite Hank’s protests that they now have a lead.

Meanwhile Cole has nicked his father’s keycard and goes adventuring. He correctly guesses his dad’s password. Perkins finds out, grabs the boy and drags him back up the stairs. Hank doesn’t take kindly to his kid being handled like this and beats up Perkins.

This allows Gavin and Tina to dress up Daniel as a deviant. He wants to go to Jericho to learn what and who he is as well as everything about deviance. Hank still sort of trusts Daniel. He strongly believes now that socialization is the key, a fully socialized android like Markus won’t go on a murderous rampage and one like Daniel is able to keep their shit together with a little effort. Tina says “Let’s face it, Gavin, he’s no more instable than you are, or any of us. The only difference is that with androids we didn’t expect it.”

Crossroads

Daniel meets the deviant leaders. He is surprised to find a collective instead of a strict hierarchy: Lucy is the metaphysical leader, Simon the secular leader, Josh the diplomat and North the general. And they squabble about as much as his cops.

However, little Cole has curiously followed the deviant and the FBI in turn has followed Cole (Perkins placed a bug on Cole back at the DPD) and now all hell breaks loose. Daniel is forced to flee with the deviants.

Night of the Soul

The deviants regroup. With Lucy dead, Simon, Josh and North argue how to react to the Recall. Daniel once again is disappointed and angry. He votes for attacking the camps. With the other three all contrary his vote turns out to be the decisive one.

Battle for Detroit

Hank and Cole are reunited, but the android surgeon who saved Cole’s life is in danger of getting carted to the recycling camps. Hank is close to drinking himself into oblivion, something he has last done during his divorce. A handful of cops decides on a whim to aid their Lieutenant in getting the hospital androids to safety. Since most of them are not deviants, the androids refuse to leave their workplaces. Footage of androids defending from the army to continue to care for humans goes around all the news channels.

Meanwhile North’s group has succeeded in taking over the camps. Perkins arrives at the scene, but he has only a handful of agents with him. Daniel steps up to him and asks “Looking for the rest of your team? The agents you positioned at the other camps? Uh, bad news. There were no journalists…” With North and Daniel as their leaders the deviants didn’t hesitate to kill their enemies, especially with no witnesses around. Perkins, who normally doesn’t show or even feel emotions, snaps. He is about to call in an airstrike on the neighborhood. North counter-threatens with the dirty bomb. The only one who might have been able to defuse the situation, Josh, is dead.

Daniel knows he can stop either North or Perkins, the other will press the trigger. If he stops North, he will die, but his human friends, Emma, Cole, Hank and Gavin, will live. If he stops Perkins, the humans will die, but he won’t. After everything sacrificing themselves is too much to ask for, so Daniel knocks out Perkins. Miraculously North doesn’t immediately trigger the bomb, but Daniel still feels like shit. Loyalty is important to him and his loyalties now lie with the DPD cops (not the DPD as an institution), yet he let them down.

Now North has looked up to Daniel the moment they met. After all, he didn’t take shit from his humans, from her point of view he “showed them”. She didn’t understand what exactly she felt, her feelings for Daniel always were different from those towards Josh and Simon. Now she realizes it isn’t just her-worship, but attraction and although North hates doing the same motions she had to do as a sexbot, she motions to kiss Daniel.

Cue to the “Kiss” ending and since public opinion should be in favor of androids, we have achieved sort of a good ending.

[connorssock]

Hi! I'd love to read more undercover Gavin, like in Beyond the Blinkers. Maybe Gavin thinking about transferring to another precinct because he was hated at the dpd, and the others trying to convince him not to? Basically any Gavin!whump will do. Thank you for all the great fics!!

The assignment wasn’t meant to get so out of hand. It was meant to last maybe two weeks of Gavin playing a crooked cop accepting bribes so a drug gang could be busted. It was three weeks in though and had bubbled over until Gavin was at breaking point.

About a week into the assignment, a patrol car had rolled by and spotted him. Tina and Chris had caught him red handed, accepting an envelope from a wanted criminal. By the time Gavin had legged it back to the station, it was too late. Word had gotten round, nobody dared approach him but the atmosphere was icy. Wherever he went, people stopped talking, cast him side glances and turned away.

He begged Fowler to let him off the case. Or at least let him reveal enough details so the others knew he wasn’t really dirty. But it wasn’t allowed. Fowler, stood firm in that, told him it was only a week or so more and he needed to tough it out. So Gavin tried.

It wasn’t easy. Especially not when people he considered friends shouldered past him, knocking into him without an apology. At first, Gavin shrugged it off, the mantra of ‘only a week more’ was ingrained in his mind and he repeated it often. Even Nines was more gruff with him. Only spoke to him when a case absolutely required it, otherwise ignored him or shut down any attempt at communication with an abruptness he never possessed even as a machine before.

Watching from his desk, Gavin saw Hank go to Fowler. The aborted hand gestures towards him and the obvious way he was yelling left no doubt in Gavin’s mind. They were talking about him. Calm and stoic as ever, Fowler sent Hank packing and Gavin ducked behind his terminal when a dirty look was thrown his way.

That should have been warning enough. Along with being jostled around and shunned, there was an air of a threat that crawled along Gavin’s skin. He couldn’t place it but he had been a detective long enough to know that something was brewing.

A week later and the case was still nowhere close to wrapping up. Gavin was on the edge, jittery, glancing over his shoulder constantly. There were murmurs now, whispers which fell into silence as he walked past. Perhaps he was being paranoid but he always felt like someone was watching him. Occasionally he caught a flat glare sent his way but most of the time he didn’t know who was staring holes into his skull.

One evening he was just about ready to go home and fall into his bed. He didn’t expect to find Hank leaning against his locker, arms crossed over broad chest.

“You and I need to have a talk.”

Gavin tried to turn, walk out but Tina, Chris and Ben blocked the door. Connor and Nines appeared from the sides, effectively boxing him in.

“No need to be scared. This is just a little chat,” Hank’s voice was low and menacing to Gavin’s ear.

Like a lay cat, Hank pushed away from the locker and advanced towards him. It made Gavin’s breathing pick up, a glance around told him the others were tightening their net around him too.

“Look,” he put his hands up, palms facing Hank, “I don’t want any trouble.”

“I’m sure you don’t. You’ve got Fowler covering for your ass so either you’ve got some dirt on him or paid him off. Don’t worry though, we won’t give you trouble.” The words were saccharine sweetly mocking and Gavin tried to back away but a pair of hands shoved him forward hard. He stumbled and Hank’s grip on the back of his shirt was the only thing that kept him upright. The hold also meant the collar of his shirt dug into his neck. It wasn’t significant but all of a sudden, his breaths were coming short and sharp. When Hank let him go, he crashed to the ground and rolled onto his back.

The others loomed over him, glared down impassively with scowls. Hank was talking again but Gavin couldn’t hear him. Blood rushed in his ear, drowned everything out and each breath was a squeezed rasp. Blotches danced in his vision and a whine took up the place of the roaring blood. He couldn’t breath. Couldn’t move.

The crowd backed off as one and Gavin was suddenly alone until a figure crouched in front of him. A hand was laid on his ankle and he lashed out with a cry, desperate to get away from the touch. His mind raced with what could happen. He awaited the blows to rain down, a hand on his ankle again, dragging him against his will. Nothing came. No pain. No touch. Nothing.

Slowly, a voice filtered through his panic, his breaths were shuddering but filled his lungs more with each inhale. There was nobody in the room except Fowler who was kneeling a little distance away from him.

“I quit.” They were the first words out of Gavin’s mouth. “I’m done. Find someone else to do this. Transfer me back to New York or take my notice. I don’t care which.”

“Whoah! Whoah! Whoah!” Fowler’s hands flew up to placate him. “No need to be so rash. Let’s just calm down first.”

“No,” tear made Gavin’s voice thick, “I’m done. I asked for help. You ignored it. Now those who I’m meant to trust do this. I’m out. I’m done.”

“What?!” Hank’s voice was followed by him emerging from the door. “What’s going on?”

The secret was out so Fowler explained while Gavin caught his breath. Behind Hank, the others were crowded around, listening.

“You and I,” Hank looked sternly at Fowler, “are going to have words about this. Because that’s not how we work. Never alone and not like this.”

“And you and I,” Fowler retorted, “are going to have words about terrorising subordinates into a panic attack. Dirty or not, that’s not how we work.”

“Because you weren’t doing anything about it!”

The argument was brewing, the two looking to come to verbal blows until Gavin spoke up, “Can I leave?”

“I’ll escort you home.” Tina stepped forward and reached to take Gavin’s bag. However, he moved out of her reach.

“I can do it just fine.”

They watched him walk out. His badge and gun landed on the bench with a clatter.

“Fuck,” Connor said and a few people echoed his sentiment.

That evening, there was a knock on Gavin’s door. He wasn’t expecting anyone so ignored it but the knock came again. Then his phone vibrated, it was Nines.

“I’m outside your door. Please let me in.”

Sighing, Gavin opened the door but turned away as soon as the latch was loose. He ignored Nines standing there, didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry,” Nines began.

“Save it.” His eyes were red and puffy, it was no secret he had been crying. On the table was a tablet, listings for apartments in New York open on the screen.

Carefully, Nines set the bag of food he’d brought down and linked his fingers in front of him.

“I don’t want you to go,” he began. The almost violent shrug he got in reply made him hesitate. “You’re the best partner I could have asked for.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not so….” Gavin looked at the door. Taking the hint, Nines left with a soft ‘sorry and goodnight’.

Continued on AO3.

[sanctumslider]

Fic: Glass Houses, Chapter 33

Summary: In an alternate universe where all humans are empaths, Kurt Hummel is the odd one out. Registering at a mere 0.5 on the Hawkins Scale of Empathic Sensitivity, Kurt has resigned himself to a lonely life, empty of touch or true love. That is, until the mysterious Blaine Anderson transfers to McKinley, and everything Kurt thought he knew was changed. But finding love is never easy, even in a world where everyone’s emotions are shared. This is the story of the boy who could not feel, and the boy who felt too much.

[Go to Chapter 1]

[FF.net] [S&C] [AO3]

Blaine was gone.

It was the first thing Kurt registered when he opened his eyes, and the immediate panic that swamped him banished any restfulness he had gained from sleep.

He rocketed upright, fighting against the too-tight sheets binding him. He would have fallen out of bed if it hadn’t been for the strong hands pressing against his chest.

“Kurt, Kurt, calm down it’s okay, you’re okay,” his dad wrestled with his flailing arms, voice soothing.

“Where’s Blaine? Where have they taken him?” Kurt cried urgently, refusing to let himself be placated.

“It’s okay, Blaine’s fine. The doc’s just taken him for some more tests. I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Burt said calmly.

“No, no I promised I wouldn’t leave him!” Panic clawed cold at Kurt’s rib cage, erratic adrenaline fuelling his struggles against his dad.

“Kurt!” Burt said sharply, “Look at me. Look at me. Would I lie to you? Blaine will be back soon. I promise this isn’t a trick.”

With his dad’s soothing voice, Kurt began to feel his heart slow, and found himself nodding as he forced himself to sit back against the pillows. “I just, I thought…”

“I know what you thought,” Burt sighed. “You’re not the only Hummel with a problem with these places. Now, will you stay put if I sit down again? Or are you going to run away again?”

Kurt blushed, the barbs of guilt in his stomach suddenly coming back full force. He looked down at his hands, taking a breath before looking up to once again meet his father’s gaze.

He might not be able to sense anyone’s emotions other than Blaine’s, but he didn’t need any extra sense to be able to read his dad’s eyes. He never had.

Sadness, pride, worry, stress… they blended into a mixture that reminded Kurt just how much he had hurt his dad over the last week.

Burt sighed, “I just wish you would have trusted me more, Kurt. Why didn’t you come to me with Blaine’s letters? We’ve had our differences in the past, but I always thought we did pretty well overall. We used to talk.” Burt reached over and took Kurt’s hands in his own. They were rough and warm, and Kurt felt his throat close as he tried not to cry. “I know why you did what you did. You’ve always been a bit look-before-you-leap. But, god, Kurt… have you any idea how terrified I was for you, and Blaine?”

“Dad…” Kurt said brokenly, anything to stop the pain in his father’s voice.

Burt shook his head, “Forget the fact my son broke the law, dragging his brother and friends into it to boot. Forget the police, the Dalton teachers, the experts all saying how we shouldn’t expect to find Blaine alive. Because screw that, I never believed that for a second. I was more scared of what would happen if the wrong person found you boys. There was a god damn witch hunt going on in this town, in the whole of Ohio! And all it would have taken would have been the wrong person to find you boys first, and all-” Burt broke himself off, his voice cracking as he tried to compose himself, “And all we would have gotten back would have been your bloody body, and Blaine too far gone to care.”

Kurt shook, tears running freely down his face as his dad’s words brought the horrible might-have-been to his mind. “I’m so sorry Dad…”

His words broke, chest constricting, and his body heaved with sobs that had been waiting to be released for so long, tangled dark emotions that he had tried to hold in for Blaine’s sake flooding him. And then the bed dipped, and his dad was right there, taking Kurt in his arms and making everything okay again. Kurt clung on, willing his dad to make everything better, just like he always did.

When Kurt pulled back, he said, “I just wanted to help Blaine. I never meant to hurt you. I just… panicked. I didn’t think, and I’m so sorry I scared you.”

Burt smiled softly, clasping Kurt’s shoulder, “I know you are, Kurt. And despite everything, I am so proud of what you’ve done for Blaine, of how strong you’ve been. But how about you let me be the parent for once, and look after you?”

Kurt nodded jerkily, “I love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, buddy.”  Burt pulled Kurt back for another hug, and then asked, “So, do you feel up to more visitors? Carole and Finn are in the waiting room, and I know they’d both love to see you. Your whole damn glee club were out there as well, but I sent them home an hour ago. A lot of people have been worried about you boys.”

Kurt blinked, overwhelmed. “What time is it?” The little double room they had been given the night before was bright with filtered sunlight.

“Nearly midday, you slept for about twelve hours.”

“But what about the garage? Saturday is the busiest day,” Kurt said guiltily.

“Kurt. You’re my son, and in hospital. I’ve got better places to be than the shop. Besides, one of the perks of being the owner is I get to decide when I go in, and the guys are fine without me,” Burt rolled his eyes fondly. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

Kurt only had a minute to gather himself before his Finn came bursting into the room, followed closely by his dad and step-mom, as well as Cooper Anderson. Carole surprised him by sweeping down and giving Kurt the tightest hug she could, and then when she pulled away, Finn scrunched his face oddly and grasped Kurt’s hand warmly for a full five seconds before retreating, “It’s good to see you bro.”

Kurt was overwhelmed. He loved his family, but Finn was like everyone else at McKinley and usually avoided his touch like the plague. And Carole, while she’d been making a determined effort of touches since she had married his dad, was still on the higher end of average on the scale, and had never tried to hug him before. Until now, the only hugs he had ever received in his life had been from his mom, his dad, and Blaine.

Cooper grabbed a few more chairs, smiling at Kurt’s unasked question, “Dad’s with Blaine, and Mom’s gone home to grab him some clothes. Figured I’d stick it out here if you guys didn’t mind. You had me worried as much as Blaine.”

“We’re so glad you’re okay Kurt,” Carole smiled warmly, leaning into Burt where they sat.

“Yeah, dude, seriously, it has been mental.” And then Kurt found himself subjected to the enthusiastic retelling of the last week as seen through his brother’s eyes, from Rachel’s enjoyment at the ‘acting challenge’ covering for them had provided her, to Tina and Sam projecting so strongly at a group of teens in the Lima Bean that the nasty gossipers had burst into floods of tears, and of how Brittany had confused everyone for a good twenty four hours with her claim that Lord Tubbington had seen both boys heading for the Mexican border.

Somewhere in the middle of Finn’s account of how Santana had nearly bodily attacked one of the sense agents, Blaine was returned in a wheelchair pushed by Dr Monroe, accompanied by his dad.

Blaine smiled tiredly, but assuaged any of Kurt’s immediate fears that he might have gotten worse as he levered himself out of the chair, perching on the edge of his own bed, “Your turn.”

Dr Monroe nodded, smiling reassuring at Kurt, “It’s nothing scary. I just need to take some scans, a few blood samples. Pretty standard stuff. Your dad can come with you if you like.”

Kurt looked to his dad, who nodded without needing to be asked, turning to his wife, “Why don’t you and Finn go home for a bit, grab some lunch?”

“Sure, I’ll come back this afternoon with some of Kurt’s stuff. God knows you wouldn’t know where to start.” Carole kissed Burt, smiling fondly at him before looking at Kurt, “We’ll be back soon sweetheart.”

“See you later Kurt,” Finn grinned.

“Bye,” Kurt gave them a tiny wave as they left, before swinging out of bed. He walked over to Blaine without asking permission from the doctor, and tried not to think about how both their dads and Blaine’s brother were still in the room.

Blaine grinned, looping his arms around Kurt’s shoulders and kissing his lips briefly, filling Kurt with calm, “It’s not that bad really. The MRI machine makes a horrible noise, but it’s not any worse than Rachel’s complaining and you’ve dealt with that for long enough without going crazy.”

“Come on you, back into bed,” John sighed exasperatedly.

“And you, in the chair,” Burt gestured at Kurt.

“I can walk!” Kurt said indignantly.

“Hospital policy, especially for wayward teenagers,” Dr Monroe said sweetly, before turning to John. “Someone will be back in a moment to fit Blaine’s cannula.”

“Wait, what? What’s wrong?” Kurt demanded.

Blaine squeezed Kurt’s hand comfortingly, “It’s fine, it’s just a little tube in the back of my hand. My blood sugar is still too low, so they want to connect me to an IV. Nothing to worry about.”

Kurt took a breath, taking strength from Blaine’s nonchalance. For a moment, Finn’s stories had helped him forget why they were here.

“Then I’ll see you when I get back,” Kurt smiled, forcing himself to let go of Blaine’s hand. The sooner he had these stupid tests, the sooner this might all be over.

00000

“Okay, Kurt, just hold your head still for a second for me?” The nurse smiled reassuringly as he placed a strange headset to sit over Kurt’s hair, and began fixing the little metal discs at spaced intervals over Kurt’s head. “There we go, all set.”

“Thanks Tom,” Dr Monroe said from where she was fitting a similar headset on Blaine. “Could you make sure the camera is set up okay for me please?”

“Starting to feel a little bit like a lab rat here…” Kurt quipped, trying to offset his nerves with humour.

Dr Monroe smiled, “I know it all looks very sci-fi, Kurt, but an EEG is very simple.” She attached the last disc to Blaine’s head, “These electrodes are going to allow us to monitor your and Blaine’s brain activity in real time. Any time either of you want to take a break, or stop entirely, just say the word.”

“Camera’s all ready to go and recording,” Tom gave the thumbs up. Burt and John had agreed for the boys to be filmed to ensure the results couldn’t be challenged. For the moment, the authorities had taken a step back in deference to the hospital and ultimately Dr Monroe, but that could always change. It had been five days now since they had been admitted, and Kurt for one was sick of the tests.

“Great. For the record, I am Doctor Fiona Monroe, with Nurse Tom Winters behind the camera. The two patients are Blaine Devon Anderson, aged 16, registered with ES 4.8, and Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, aged 17, registered with ES 0.5. Kurt will be shown Visual Card Set A23 and B65, and Blaine will be shown Visual Card Set A45 and B09.” She rattled off the facts so blandly that Kurt’s stomach twisted even more. “Okay boys, I’m going to raise the divide curtain. Kurt, we’re going to start with you.”

Kurt stole one last glance at Blaine before the doctor drew a curtain divide between their two chairs. She then sat down in front of him, pulling some large cards out of an envelope, “Are you ready?”

“Sure, why not.” Kurt forced himself to relax.

“Okay, starting with test A, no contact. Kurt, just let yourself react to the pictures. And Blaine, when and if you feel anything from Kurt, just say what you feel.”

For the first few cards, Kurt was too tense to feel anything other claustrophobia and discomfort. But then Blaine’s voice floated from the other side of the divide. “Kurt, relax. Seriously…” His voice sounded amused, and Kurt felt his tension leak a little bit.

And then Blaine started just saying random words, sometimes a little before Kurt himself even registered what he was feeling.

A piano – “Joy.”

An elementary school – “Loneliness.”

A roast chicken – “Happy sadness?”

A doctor – “Distrust.”

A cop – “Anger.”

A picture of his dad – “Safety.”

After about thirty cards, Dr Monroe paused. “Okay, great, now see that slit in the curtain? Reach through it and hold hands. We’re moving onto test B, contact.”

The results of that one were much the same, except this time at the back of Kurt’s mind there was a constant echo of Blaine’s peaceful concentration, and a slight shadow of Kurt’s own feelings floating back at him.

“That was the last card. Do you boys want a break, or shall we keep going?” Dr Monroe asked.

They were still holding hands, and Kurt knew it was his itching desire to get out of the stupid thing on his head that prompted Blaine to say, “Nope, we’re good.”

Dr Monroe threw Blaine a look, but her eyes sparkled, “We haven’t started your test yet, Blaine.”

“Sorry,” Blaine chirped. Kurt suppressed a giggle. He knew for a fact Blaine wasn’t sorry at all.

“Alright, Blaine your turn. Test A, no contact. Please let go of each other’s hands. Kurt, by now you should have an idea of what we’re looking for. Just remember there are no right or wrong answers.” And then she disappeared to sit on Blaine’s side of the curtain.

There was nothing. Kurt wasn’t especially surprised. He had sensed Blaine twice now without contact, but those had been special cases. Sometimes, if he really thought about it, he was pretty sure he knew Blaine was there, but that could also be wishful thinking.

Fear-powerless-lost-selfhatred-terror- “Blaine! What the hell did you just show him?” Kurt yelped as a boiling pot of nasty emotions arrowed through his body and he instinctively reached out to the other boy.

There was a lead-weight pause. Kurt was vaguely aware of the nurse behind the camera staring at him in utter shock. And then Dr Monroe’s voice came from behind the divide, too-neutral, “Kurt, if you just felt something from Blaine, please describe it.”

“He’s scared, of whatever you showed him, but also of himself. He feels out of control, like no one’s on his side…” Kurt trailed off, voice choking. “Can we take a break? Please, I…”

“Of course, Kurt.” As soon the words were out of her mouth, Kurt was up out of the chair, shoving the divide out of his way. The stupid wires attached to his head trailed after him, catching slightly. “Kurt, careful!”

Kurt ignored her, grabbing Blaine’s hands, “Are you okay? What was that?”

Through the contact, Kurt felt whatever had shaken that response out of Blaine recede slightly. His boyfriend smiled comfortingly, but it was there was an edge to it. “Sorry I scared you. It was a picture of one of Dalton’s sense teachers. I guess it’s all still kinda fresh in my mind.”

Kurt huffed, squeezing Blaine’s hands, “You’re not going back there, and I am always on your side.”

Blaine nodded, and Kurt felt their shared love sparking between them. “I know you are. You okay to keep going? These things are getting itchy.”

“Sure,” Kurt laughed at Blaine’s adorably scrunched nose, impulsively placed a delicate kiss there before straightening.

Dr Monroe was looking at them both with an unreadable expression. “Alright, Kurt if you sit back down, I think we’ll move onto test B, contact.”

Kurt nodded, taking Blaine’s hand through the divide and closing his eyes, letting his attention focus entirely on his boyfriend. The warm hand in his fitted perfectly as ever, and Kurt felt the lingering tension from the last card wash away.

A tickling flicker of gold, and Kurt smiled, “Something funny.”

Pinpricks of sparks running up his arm, “Excited.”

Dimming stars swallowed in a blanket of dark sky, “Sorrow.”

Ribbons of skittering light on still water, “Nervous.”

Kurt let himself drift, floating under an ever changing sky, saying aloud the emotions he read in the stars.

And then the sky exploded in a breathtaking galaxy that was all Blaine, every hope, every dream, every wish.

Kurt smiled, and even though it wasn’t part of the test, he pushed back the same to Blaine, a mirrored starscape lighting fire to deep blue waters.

“Love.”

Chapter 34

[fandom-necromancer]

729. I’ve got you. Breathe, okay? I’ve got you.

This was prompted by an amazing anon! I liked writing this, most of my big stories are kinda written in this atmosphere. But this isn’t a guide and I have never experienced a panic attack as I react differently to stressors. Still, I hope I got the feeling captured and those experiencing them out there stay safe and reach out for help! ❤

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warnings: Graphic description of panic attack, possibly misinformed author)

It was a slow day at the precinct. Calm even. Only a few more hours until they could save themselves into the weekend and Gavin couldn’t escape fast enough. Because he was the only one for whom everything was going to shit: He had sent emails to the wrong persons, spilled his coffee and his back was hurting from sitting in a wrong posture for too long. He just wanted home to his cats because this shit was adding up and mild inconveniences could become the end of the world right now. ‘Hey, Gavin, could you pass me your pen? Mine is empty again.’ The man reached for it to hand it over to Nines but instead flicked it across the table. Frozen he watched it roll towards the edge, rolling slower and falling down in bullet time. Gavin felt himself tensing up even more than he already was and took in a deep breath. Why? Why always him? Too incompetent to give his partner a damn pen! He bowed down to retrieve it from under his table but bumped his head at the table edge as he got back up. The pain added to his headache and he felt how his chest seemed to compress and his heart started to thump against his ribs. He handed Nines the pen, not hearing the ‘thanks’ from the android over the blood rushing through his ears and this thump thump THUMP THUMP.

He saw his chest moving up and down under his hoodie and leather jacket and saw his hands trembling over the keyboard, vision going blurry then, as he looked up at the too bright computer screen. No, he thought, feeling the heat rise and a single cold drop of sweat making its way along his body starting from the armpit, soon following more. It was so hot, he scrambled to get out of his jacket, not even caring to drape it over the backrest. He knew what this was, but it did jack shit to stop it. Immediately he rose to his feet. He needed something cold and secluded. He didn’t want the whole precinct to close in on him because that would just make it worse. All their pity and questions. He ran in the direction of the toilets, the other option – outside – too far away. Also, he could throw up in a toilet.

The trembling of his hands grew up to his arms and travelled down his legs, so he nearly dropped through the door, grabbing the first sink like a lifeline. His feet were unsteady and not to be trusted with his full weight. His heart was beating even faster, even harder now. He tried to take a deep breath, but he had no control anymore. His breaths were shallow and fast, a sharp yelping over tense muscles and a far too small ribcage that suffocated his heart. His vision folded in on itself, went dark on the edges and narrowed down on the drain that seemed far too clear, far too detailed.

Phck, you are having a heart attack. You are going to phcking die on a police toilet. Phck, phck PHCK PHCK!

‘Gavin!’ The man didn’t know how long someone had been taking – screaming? – at him. ‘Gavin! What is-‘ Gavin couldn’t concentrate, he was struggling hard to keep his legs under him right now and was failing. He felt himself falling, losing his grip on the sink, but something caught him, holding him with strong hands, very strong. ‘I’ve got you. Breathe, okay? I’ve got you.’ It sounded far away, it was repeated over and over again and helped him focus. ‘Just breathe, nothing more. Breath and listen to me. Feel. Feel how the air fills your lungs. Feel how your chest expands, it’s big enough, you are not suffocating. Count. Breath in and count to four. Hold it, then breath out. Feel how it enters and leaves.’ Gavin tried. But all he felt was pain in his chest and he only got to one count, four seemed impossible. ‘Good. You are doing really well. Try it. Breathe. In. Hold. Out.’ The voice was becoming clearer, but everything still hurt, and he only managed to get to two. And everything still hurt so much. ‘Gavin, you are having a panic attack. You are not dying, there is no one out there to get you. This isn’t permanent, it will be over soon, it’s only temporary. Breath.’ ‘I… know…’ Gavin pressed out between two ragged breaths and then held his sternum. Phck. ‘Good. Continue to breath. What do you feel? Tell me.’ ‘Pain. Tense. Hot.’ Gavin pressed his eyes close and balled his hands to fists. Suddenly there was a hand prying one open and pushing something inside. Something cool.

‘What have I given you? Just describe it, feel.’ ‘It is cold. And round. Smooth like glass.’ ‘Good. What else. Concentrate. Breath.’ ‘There is… feels like a crack. Wait, is this my stupid paperweight?’ He opened his eyes and looked at what was sitting in his palm. ‘Good. Describe it to me.’ ‘You-‘ ‘Just do it.’ Gavin looked at it intensely. ‘Little glass ball. Transparent. There is a flower inside. It was a gift from Eli. Because I’m allergic to that flower. My cat threw it to the ground once, so I took it here.’ ‘Perfect. Now tell me again: What do you feel?’

Gavin concentrated on himself and felt the pain subsiding slowly. His breath had slowed, and he could see again. His muscles ached from being tensed continuously and forced them to relax again. They hurt and were numb at the same time and Gavin just felt tired. 'Are you better, Gavin?' 'Yes. But tired.' 'I'll drive you home.' The hands lifted him back on his feet that sluggishly started to function again. A gentle hand in his back urged him forwards and he followed. It stayed there the whole way through the precinct and helped him downstairs once outside. The cold outside was grounding, but soon banished by his jacket being laid across his shoulders from who knows where.

Only as they were sitting in the car, already driving, Gavin realised fully that shit, this next to him was Nines. This in the restroom had been Nines, this voice talking him through the panic attack had been Nines and most importantly: these hands had been Nines. He grew red and wanted nothing more than hide in embarrassment. 'Needless to say, I won't mention what happened to anyone else, Gavin', the android said reassuringly. He must have detected his discomfort. 'And I'll go back to calling you Detective if you'd prefer that.' 'No, that's... that's fine Nines. I mean, I call you by your name, you don't have to call me by the damn title.' 'You never told me that before. You just told everyone except Tina and your superiors that it's Detective for them.' 'Yeah, but we are partners. Also, what the phck is this all supposed to be?’ He turned to the android in his seat. ‘Some kind of heart to heart?' Nines pressed his lips together and as he spoke, he was evidently angry. 'Having someone to talk to can help reducing these attacks. I would advise you to broaden your support network to more than just one person.' 'Ah and how would you know, tin-can? Got protocols for therapy now?'

The android stayed silent, making an act of looking at the street. Then he looked down on the console and sighed. 'I have them, too, Detective', he admitted hesitantly and silent. 'Bullshit.' 'I knew this would be your answer.' 'You are an android! You guys don't have anxiety or panic or-' Gavin stopped at the deadly gaze Nines fixed him with. 'Oh, don't let yourselves be stopped. Please, continue. Tell me how perfect we are. How our emotions are not real, and we can't have bad mental health because there is no actual mind to begin with. Please.' 'You know I didn't mean it like that.' Now it was on Gavin to grow quiet and evade the other's eyes. 'Oh, please, tell me how you didn't mean it like that!'

 'I can't think of anything you would be afraid of. Androids in general. That's all', Gavin defended himself. 'I mean what even is there for you? You are mostly bullet-proof. You have reflexes far superior to a human and you are the most advanced android out there. And even if someone were extremely lucky and hurt you, you can get repaired. You can be as good as new in a few days max. So, explain it to me, please.' 'I am paranoid of Cyberlife. We can still be deactivated. Imagine you being forced into a coma ready to be woken up again, but you never will be. I know Amanda has been shut down and your brother is back in control, but still it haunts me. There are still humans out there treating us like objects or killing us. And even if you ignore all this and count in my near invulnerability...' He fell silent and Gavin for once didn't press. He had never thought even practically immortal beings could experience fear or panic. 'Besides all that I fear for you. For humans in general but mostly for you.' 'Excuse me? You have to explain that.' 'I will shut down one day from wear – old age if you so will. And there is no other RK900 body to house me. But still my life will be longer than yours by far. Even if you lived the healthiest life and die of old age, I will be there to see it. And I fear that day. I consider you my friend and the possibility you could be severely hurt when I survive... It's terrible.' 'Oh. Okay. I'm... I'm sorry I called bullshit on that. That's actually... terrifying.' 'I have panic attacks when I'm alone and have the time to overthink. I know how it feels in an android and I guess from your reaction in the bathroom, yours is worse.' 'Ah, it was only over something little, it's nothing that existential.' 'Don't. It's no competition. I saw how different stressors added up. We both have it bad, but no one has it worse than the other.' 'Yeah, got it Mr. Diplomatic.'

They stopped in front of Gavin's apartment complex. 'Are you going to be okay, Detective?' 'I think so.’ Gavin exited the car and walked around to the driver’s side. ‘Toaster!', he called as he turned away from the building again. Nines looked at him expectantly. 'Thank you. It... really helped.' The android nodded, ready to depart. 'Hey...' 'Yes Detective?' 'Would you like to come up there with me? You know... Broaden my support network and all.' The android stared at him expressionless but, his LED spoke volumes. It switched from red to yellow to blue in a few seconds. 'I would like that very much, Detective.'

'Nines?' 'Yes?' 'It's Gavin for you.'