#like . the inherent intimacy and romance of finding your way back to each other as you live out ur childhood dreams together?

[bg-brainrot]

**BANGS DOOR OPEN**

I DO DECLARE IT BE HORNY HOURS!!

What is your opinion on Astarion’s fav positions?

Oh and what about him being a bottom!? (Pegging?)

**RUNS AWAY**

Ohoho! Don't run away, we have horny hour headcanons to discuss!

I do think this depends on spawn or ascended Astarion, so I split this up-- NSFW below the cut! CW: Astarion's past and trauma

Spawn Astarion

I've said it before in my headcanon post and I'll say it again and again and again: Spawn Astarion wants to stare into his partner's eyes during sex. Especially as he tries to grow more comfortable in sex, I think he would be open to trying out a few different positions, but ultimately find that he wants to be able to remain connected to them as best as he can, and that means seeing them, knowing that they're enjoying the experience as much as he is. After some time, he'd grow fond of other positions, but not for a while (see: The Thousandth Time).

That all being said, favorite position: missionary. I know people joke about this a lot but I think he really would enjoy it the most! He'd also be a fan of cowgirl/cowboy, and really any position that allows him to kiss his partner throughout, like sitting in each other's laps. He would hold their hand, press cool kisses to the sweaty sheen of their temple, anything to keep himself in the moment. It would be an active effort for a while, but soon it would become habit, effortless as he grows used to chasing his own pleasure without any thought at all.

Now top or bottom? I am of the opinion that Astarion is a switch with a preference to top at the start of his journey -- this is entirely because of the power dynamics at play. He'd been so used to being "on his back" literally and metaphorically that I think that first time in the woods is a moment of taking charge and one that he'd hold on to for a bit. Eventually? I think he would be comfortable as either top or bottom, and would certainly be willing to forgo some control if that's what his partner wants. It would really boil down to: 'I want us both to be happy in our experiences, let's figure what works for us both best' (so it would depend on his partner)

When the topic of pegging is brought up (either by himself or his partner), he would be cautiously excited at first, especially knowing how much his partner cares for him/his relationship with sex and how good it will feel. He's no stranger to being pegged, no stranger to enjoying the sensation, but it would be the first time in centuries that he actually wouldn't feel used by the end of it. So he enjoys it thoroughly that first time, all of his fears melting away with the way his partner coaxes the pleasure out of him, he may even make some noises he hasn't heard from his own mouth in years. Ultimately, it is one of the many ways he reclaims control and, for that, he can't get enough.

Ascended Astarion

Conversely: Ascended Astarion couldn't care less about eye contact during sex. In his act 3 romance scene, he only briefly makes direct eye contact, and it's mainly to get into a better position. To him, it's not about the inherent intimacy of sex, it's about the sensations that him and his consort both feel, that they both bring each other undone utterly and thoroughly.

So his favorite position? Doggy style. He likes deep penetration, and a position that gives him a lot of control. He sets the pace, the pressure-- he would feel every bit the lord he is while his consort begs for more beneath him. Another favorite position is 69, as he loves how he and his consort slot together so well, each heightening the others' pleasure throughout. To him, the more both he and his consort get out of it, the better, and if he can make them squirm with what a skilled lover he is at the same time? Delectable really.

Top or bottom is tricky here. Because I believe he starts out as a switch before Ascension, as Spawn Astarion does-- only I think his relationship with sex takes a different path than Spawn Astarion's, namely because he doesn't metaphorically lay his past to rest in the same way. As such, for a while he refuses to bottom. He sees it as demeaning, beneath him and, as his consort, his partner ought to understand and be willing to accept their place. Then, as he and his consort have more and more sexual encounters, he finds himself growing detached from sex. It becomes a rote power play in which he's more of an observer than an active participant. That is, until he finally lets go of some of that power. When he finally allows his partner to top, oh he enjoys it. A lot. Certainly more than he's willing to admit, but his consort would be able to tell easily enough, especially when Astarion all but demands it. That's not to say he relinquishes control entirely-- while he does enjoy being submissive to his lover, more than he expects, he certainly harnesses what it means to be a power bottom.

Ascended Astarion brings up pegging first, and it comes across as more of a casual topic of conversation than the excitement of a vampire lord ready to come undone. Again, his consort would know though. He wouldn't be able to hide the lustful gleam in his eyes when his consort agrees, he wouldn't be subtle about the way he whisks them away to their bedroom a moment later. He enjoys it in the moment surely, but is surprised by how little it entices him again. Being submissive is one thing, but he's left feeling oddly vulnerable afterward-- he doesn't care for that uncomfortable aftermath. When his consort next suggests pegging he shrugs it off, deciding to opt for something that focuses more on making sure that they get off instead.

Thank you so much anon 🫰🏽this was fun and hope you enjoyed horny hours!!

[jt-comphet]

when will i get my superbuddies narrative with my soulmate? when will the girl of my dreams be brought back to me via waivers after we were apart for months due to the expansion draft? when will i get my nate bastian but lesbianized?

[burningarsenic]

My Stanley headcanons because im like that (featuring some others but they're all Stanley-centric)

He likes metal/hard rock music. Idk something about his whole attitude to hippie music and the "Youth these days" has so much "Ugh modern rock is nothing like old rock" vibes

Going back to the previous one, i totally see him listening to SOAD. Especially Chop Suey, Prison Song and Sugar

Basically canon, but he has severe depression. Definitely suicide attempts. Maybe getting institutionalized if Dipper and Mabel's guide is any indication

It also persists his whole life. Even on the Stan O' War with Ford. He's not very educated on the whole mental health biz so he definitely leaves the meds on land thinking "Oh well i got what i wanted now". When Ford finds out he's turning that boat around in a heartbeat

His bond with Dipper is almost just as strong as with Mabel. Dipper is just very insecure about being coddled and seen as "inferior". So Stanley opts to be cold and harsh with him to try and make Dipper feel independent and grown-up

Also i feel like Stanley sees a bit of himself in Dipper. Ready to sacrifice everything for his dumb sibling, having this inherent feeling of inferiority and has a hard time trusting people

I feel like he was involved in some drug-dealing business

A common one, but he kept in touch with their mother from time to time. That's how he got Ford's number

Continuing with the previous, but Stanley had a very meaningful bond with Caryn. Maybe she was one of the only people who genuinely saw good in him. Assuming she passes away while he's still posing as Ford he definitely attends her funeral. Just to say thank you and apologize. Apologize for making her suffer so much because of his, he thinks, selfish actions

Soos knows much more than he lets on. Stan told him about as much of his life as he could, or Soos found out himself. Soos is just too loyal to tell anyone, even when he sees that Stanley keeping secrets is backfiring horrendously

In turn, Stanley knows way too much about Soos. He rarely shows it, but when he does, it's "accidentally" shoplifting his favorite candy or "i had this old thing lying around" and it's the newest copy of a videogame Soos wanted badly. Soos never comments on it

I don't think he's a father figure to Wendy. More of a friend, really. The mature one in a friend group who loves to cause mischief but knows when to stop before anyone hurts themselves. Wendy can tell him things she'd never tell her real dad or family

If we're talking canon, then i hc him as aroace. But unlike Ford, he's the kind that desperately wants to feel romantic attraction, have a lifelong partner, get married, maybe even kids. He just never could, not even because of the circumstance, but because of his own brain chemistry. He accepts that part of himself when he and Ford set sail though. Who needs romance when you have your favorite person in the world right by your side?

He always had an interest in science/space. It just got suppressed by other people constantly telling him that he shouldn't like this thing, it's for smart people and not him. He also never really understood the hyper-academic wording in textbooks. But rebuilding the portal kind of reignited that spark. And now he gets into arguments with Ford over which solar system planet is superior and why

He also sometimes corrects Ford's mistakes. Think that Adventure Time moment where Finn is able to solve a problem because Bubblegum got too caught up in her genius

He's very touch-starved. And also loves physical intimacy, no matter how much he denies it. That's why he and Ford are often clinging to each other for absolutely no reason. Simple touches like hair ruffles and hands on shoulders and silent comfort that the other is here. I love these guys.

He has memory lapses. They're never going away but they do get easier to handle. But the fear of "What if this is the last time" never fades. That's why he keeps a personal diary addressed to himself. In case he never remembers again

Similarly, he goes through a bit of an identity crisis when he's erased. He's not the type to delve too deep into philosophical and pointless questions and yet something keeps telling him "Is he really Stanley if he can't remember his own name half the time"

I'm very passionate abt my autism headcanons... There's gonna be some Ford in these because you can't say "Autism headcanons in Gravity Falls" and not say "Stanford Pines"

He's autistic and has a special interest in boating. I hc him to definitely know how to build a whole vessel from scratch, remember the names of very specific things and constantly corrects Ford when he calls the galley a kitchen. When Ford complains he just cackles and says "This is how i felt growing up with you, suck it up for once"

Also boxing

Stan and Ford don't even talk to each other half the time on the Stan O' War. They will sit on the dock and stare into the distance like "Did you know that while hotter stars usually have bluish colors, blue flame on earth isn't nessesarily hotter than regular one?" "A ship and a boat's difference lies solely in their weight. A boat is a vessel that weighs under 500 tones and a ship weighs more than that obviously" and neither register what the other have said

Stanley is very invested in social behavior. Ford on the other hand is the complete opposite. This leads to Stanley reading other people better than any neurotypical does and Ford to have no social perception skills whatsoever

Stan never gets a diagnosis. I feel like Ford does. Eventually. Or in his 20s. Ford never talks to Stan about how they're literally two sides of the same coin. He just lets him feel safe and figure everything out on his own terms. Stan knows but never mentions it either

They also find unique ways to deal with their mutual issues. Offering a cup of coffee as a way of saying "I'm sorry", a lighthearted punch to the shoulder as a way of saying "It's ok, i forgive you". Neither are good with communicating, and especially hearing the other out but who cares. They're both old and mentally ill and neurodivergent

[rocorambles]

Inexperience

Pairing: Tsukishima x Reader 

Genre/Warnings: NSFW, Slight Angst, Fluff, Fingering

Summary: When insecurity about your lack of sexual experience threatens to tear you apart internally, Tsukishima is there to hold you together, to show you there’s nothing to be worried about, to prove that he loves you just for being you. 

Author’s Note: I just wanted an excuse to write about soft museum employee Tsukishima and just soft Tsukishima in general. 

Tsukishima had always been smart, cunning, intelligent, so it wasn’t really a surprise to anyone that he decided to work at the Sendai City Museum. It just fit him perfectly and it was easy to imagine the tall blonde pushing up his glasses as he calmly led tour groups around, clearly articulating and teaching visitors about the history of Sendai. And when his old Karasuno teammates visit him, they can’t help but notice how his quiet, reserved personality seems right at home in the peaceful halls of the institution, his character only breaking when he barks for Hinata to quiet down or not touch some of the artifacts. 

What is surprising is the way he almost seems flustered, stumbling over words, awkwardly unable to make eye contact as another museum employee greets him with a smile as she passes by and Daichi and Sugawara look at each other in interest, realization in their eyes as they watch their kouhai’s eyes trail after her retreating figure. 

In a small town like Miyagi where there isn’t much exciting news to keep them entertained, this is as close to reality TV as they can get, not to mention both of them are now incredibly invested and determined for the younger, seemingly impassive man to finally get his fill of romance. So needless to say, they make a trip to the Sendai City Museum a regular occurrence and although Tsukishima looks at them with suspicion, his respect for his senpais keeps his mouth still and he just politely walks them through the museum, spends his lunch breaks with them, and meets them for drinks after work once in a while. 

It’s actually kind of nice, he supposes. He’s always liked and respected the two older men, although both men terrified him in their own ways: Daichi with his stern and fear inducing temper, Suga with his perception that rivals Tsukishima’s own intellect and his mischievous streak that sometimes meant trouble for anyone who peaked his interest. But without the restraints of them being his captain and vice-captain, without the natural inherent age hierarchy that comes from being in school, he finds himself opening up more and truly enjoying the company of the two men, even if there is always a nagging question in the back of his mind wondering what exactly has them hanging around him so often these days. 

The answer comes like a swift punch in the gut one day as the three of them walk around the museum and happen to cross your path and before Tsukishima can quickly and nervously greet and part ways with you as usual, Suga is there pressed close to his side, eyes glinting as he stares at you, pouting at Tsukishima to introduce his friend to Daichi and him. And before Tsukishima can even take back control and catch up with what’s happening, he’s being forcefully dragged by Daichi as Suga easily chats away with you, leading the way for all four of you to eat at a local restaurant. And he gulps as Daichi slaps him hard on the back with a wide toothy grin plastered on his face as he pulls the tense blonde aside for a moment. 

“Chin up! You’re never going to get that girl’s attention if you just sit around like a moping beanpole.”

Daichi smirks as Tsukishima’s jaw drops and he briefly basks in catching the usually nonchalant man off guard, chuckling when the blonde doesn’t even try to deny Daichi’s words, and he nudges him into the restaurant, joining Suga and you who are already seated. 

Lunch is...pleasant and although Tsukishima feels like a deer in headlights at the beginning of the meal as he tries to talk to you like a normal human being and not some love stricken child, with the help of his more extroverted and sociable senpais conversation flows smoothly and he can feel his shoulders relax, his mind focus and hone in on your words, falling more and more in love the more you talk, the more you smile and laugh. And Suga and Daichi subtly wink at each other when the atmosphere changes and suddenly they’re background characters watching the two of you flirt, barely acknowledged as the two of you stare in each other’s eyes, fully focused on one another. 

Needless to say, there are many more lunch breaks spent together, these times just the two of you and you can’t help but be in awe as your handsome quiet coworker begins to come out of his shell bit by bit, practically howling in laughter after the initial shock when he instinctively shoots a snarky comment your way for the first time when you clumsily spill coffee all over yourself one morning. But you’re not laughing when he takes off his blazer and wraps it around your shoulders and the both of you shyly look away as you snake your arms through the sleeves and button it up, effectively covering your jarring stain and when he walks away to begin his tours for the day, you bury your face into the oversized fabric, hiding your gleeful smile as your heart thunders inside of your chest. 

It doesn’t take long before the two of you officially begin dating and you spend some of the happiest months of both your lives together as you walk hand in hand through other museums, nerding out over history, as you attend his volleyball games, loudly cheering whenever he successfully blocks a spike and no matter how big the crowd is, he never fails to search for and find you among the masses, standing a little straighter, the hint of a smile tugging at his lips when he meets your gaze. 

And yet, there’s hesitation on your part when he walks you home like a gentleman, making sure you’re safely inside your apartment, the front door firmly locked behind you. You love the feeling of his large calloused hands entwined with yours. You love the way his lips feel against yours as he gives you a sweet kiss before he parts ways. But when the two of you stand there in front of your doorway, hand in hand, eyes lovingly locked on each other, you can’t bring yourself to take the next step and invite him in, your insecurities and inexperience clamming your mouth shut. And although he never pressures you, never even remotely hints at being frustrated or impatient about the lack of sexual intimacy between the two of you, your own doubts and anxieties create imaginary monsters in your head, only fueling your insecurity about never having been with a man before and you feel more and more distraught the longer the two of you date, wondering if he’d break up with you any minute, choose any of his pretty fans or the pining women who join his tour guides regularly over you, experienced and confident women who wouldn’t hesitate to tumble into bed with him. 

Maybe that’s why, even though you’re not ready, even though you’re trembling with nerves, you shakily hold his hand and lead him inside your home after one of your dates, trying to force a smile on your face as you clumsily remove your clothes in front of him, hoping you look enticing despite the sick feeling in your stomach. But you’re a fool to think Tsukishima wouldn’t see right through you, to think his sharp eyes wouldn’t notice the nervous gulp you take, the way your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, and he’s quick to stop you, gently holding your hands in his and leading you to your couch where he drapes a blanket over you, trying to be respectful as he looks away from your bare form. 

But when he stops you, covers you, looks away, all you feel is rejection and hot tears begin to prick at the corner of your eyes and Tsukishima has never felt more panicked than he does when he hears the first of your sniffles as you try to wipe your tears away, clumsily reaching to drag you and hold you in his arms, tucking your head in his chest as he pleads with you to tell him what’s wrong. And he feels unsure and lost, useless as his actions only seem to make you sob harder, but before he can pull away thinking he’s somehow causing you even more pain, he stills as you throw your arms around his neck before he can completely separate from you. 

Hesitantly he carefully wraps his own wiry arms around you again and he waits, waits until your body stops shaking, waits until sobs turn into sniffles which turn into silence, waits until you lift up your head enough for you to speak. And then he listens, listens as you shyly tell him that you’ve never done anything beyond kissing before, fury beginning to coil inside of him when you timidly tell him about exes who had dumped you for being a “prude”, pain gnawing at him when you tell him how scared you were of losing him for the same reason. 

You’re silent once you finish speaking, feeling lighter, but more vulnerable as you anxiously wait for a response, fidgeting the longer and larger the silence becomes. But you gasp when large hands are pressed on either side of your face, gently turning you until you’re forced to stare into your boyfriend’s eyes and you think you might start crying again at the pure love in his eyes, the way he makes you feel so secure, so cared for with just a single look. And now it’s your turn to listen as he gruffly tells you how stupid you were for ever thinking he’d ever leave you for something like that, how he’s not some scumbag who only wants you for your body, and despite the biting edge to his voice and the harsh wording, you hear and feel just how genuine his love for you is and suddenly you feel silly for ever doubting him, ever doubting his love for you. 

The rest of the night continues peacefully once tears have been wiped away, once everything that’s needed to be said is out in the open and your blanket covered body is firmly snuggled in Tsukishima’s lap and you rest your head against his chest as he holds you, both of you watching a random show flickering on the TV screen. But you look up questioningly when Tsukishima begins to shift around uncomfortably, asking him if he wants you to sit beside him instead of on his lap, wondering if your body weight was getting to be too much after such a prolonged time, but your face heats when his hands reach down to cover the growing tent in his pants and he embarrassedly asks if you want to put your clothes back on and just give him a minute to settle back down. 

You hesitate. Maybe it’s the staggering revelation that Tsukishima truly loves you for just being you. Maybe it’s the surge of confidence you feel knowing he could care less if you don’t want to go beyond kissing and holding hands anytime in the near future, only caring that he gets to be with you. 

You’re not ready to go all the way, but…

You almost laugh at how Tsukishima startles and frantically tells you that he doesn’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, stammering and almost hyperventilating as you let the blanket slip off of you, revealing all of you to your boyfriend, so different from the usually cool and composed facade he has. And you gently, but determinedly grab his hands and tug them away from the eyes they’re covering, nervously biting your lower lip as he stares in awe at you, eyes fixated as they trail every inch of you, looking at you like you’re a work of art. 

“I’m not ready to go all the way, but I want to- can we-” 

You’re not sure what to say, how to explain it, lost for words as you enter a realm you’ve never experienced before, but Tsukishima is there to lead you, guide you and you happily sigh as he captures your lips in a tender kiss.

“We can do whatever you want. Just tell me when you want to stop. Tell me when you don’t like something, even if you’re just a little unsure, okay?” 

You eagerly nod, wrapping your arms once again around the back of Tsukishima’s neck and wrapping your legs around his waist as he carries you to your bedroom, carefully laying you on your back and your heart races in your chest as you stare at him looming over you, breathily gasping as he peppers a trail of butterfly kisses from your lips down the side of your neck and you clutch his shoulders at the feeling of his lips on such a sensitive part of you. But you’re quickly distracted as his hands begin to massage your breasts, fingers almost teasingly brushing against your hardening nipples and Tsukishima can’t take his eyes away from you, lust pooling in his groin at how sensitive you are as you drown in pleasured sensations you’re feeling for the first time. 

He wants to hear every pretty sound you make, wants to see every reaction he can coax out of you, and he stares transfixed at how blissed out you look just from a few kisses, just from his mouth and fingers sucking and playing with your nipples. He wants more, more, more and his long fingers begin to trail down your body, fingertips dragging down your sides, reveling in the way you shiver from the simple touch. But he pauses as his hands reach your thighs, thumbs rubbing comforting circles on your inner thighs, breath catching in his throat at how wet you are, juices dripping and glistening already. 

There’s nothing more he wants than to dive right in, experience first hand how you taste, how you feel, but he carefully studies you, takes in your heaving chest, your glazed eyes. 

“Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?” 

He continues tracing gentle patterns and shapes on your skin, letting you take your time to find words through the haze of arousal you feel, but his grip unconsciously tightens when you needily tell him you want more in a high pitched whine, desire lancing through him from how desperate you sound. And he slowly runs his fingers up and down your slick slit until they’re coated in your sticky fluids, until you’re rolling and grinding your hips in a silent plea for more. Only then does he slide one finger inside, chest tightening from the way your back arches as he hooks his finger, dragging against your soft walls as he takes his time slipping in and out of you. 

A part of him wants to be a little cruel, see how much of a mess he can make of you if he painstakingly slows down his pace even more, letting you feel just enough pleasure to writhe around, but never enough to reach your peak. A part of him wants to stay like this forever, see how much more lewdly you can beg verbally and physically. But you look so confused, so helpless, so wrecked as unknown pleasure courses through you and he decides to show you mercy for now, decides to show you that you have nothing to fear as he adds another finger, his two fingers stretching you even more, scissoring inside of you, and he smiles at how your mouth gapes open, tongue lolling out as your tight hole is filled for the first time. 

His cock twitches at the sight and his free hand slips underneath his boxers to soothe his aching length, but he freezes when you wantonly beg to see it and he grits his teeth to stop himself from coming right there and then from just those words and the hungry look in your eyes as he shoves his boxers down, his cock springing against his stomach, hard and leaking, spurting more pre-cum as you unconsciously lick your lips at the sight and he imagines how good your mouth would feel around him.

But that’s for another day and he turns his attention back to the task at hand, his free hand wrapping around his shaft as he adds a third finger to the mess between your legs, your arousal making it all too easy to slide right in. And he can’t help but furiously stroke his cock as his fingers increase their pace, lewd wet slick sounds filling the room mixing with your rising moans. Your thighs begin to clench and shake, your pussy tightens around his fingers, and he can almost taste just how close you are to falling apart, to coming undone. And all it takes is his thumb reaching up to rub your clit, his fingers rapidly pistoning in and out of your gushing hole before you’re screaming, body convulsing and eyes rolling back as he continues his frantic pace, not letting up as he forces you to continue your ride until every ounce of pleasure is stripped from you, until you’re just twitching here and there as the last embers of your orgasm finally fade away. 

And only when you let out a mewl of discomfort does he stop, fingers still lodged deep inside of you as his fist pumps his cock, mouth going dry at how beautiful you look exhausted, wrecked, a silly dazed look on your face and he groans as he spills all over his hand, smiling wickedly when he notices how your eyes are now alert and intently staring at him, your attention solely focused on him. 

He makes a show of slowly pulling his fingers out of you, spreading them apart to show you how coated they are with you before slipping them between his lips, never breaking eye contact with you as he licks and sucks every last drop, something primal raging inside of him at how encaptured you are by the scene playing out in front of you despite the innocence and slight shyness he still sees flickering in your eyes. 

But there would be time in the future for more and he shoves his base desires down, grimacing slightly as he haphazardly wipes the mess on his hands and cock with his boxers before moving until he’s laying right beside you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing his face against your cheek, letting you ground yourself, nuzzle into his warmth, find comfort in his solid presence as the last tendrils of post-coital bliss finally fade away. 

He softly smiles, adoration in his eyes when you fully come back to him, a radiant albeit tired grin on your face as you affectionately kiss him before sinking into his hold with a big yawn, eyelids fluttering shut as you sleepily demand that he stay the night. And he lightly chuckles and rolls his eyes before turning the lights off, tucking you both underneath your bed sheets as he joins you in slumber, a twin pair of smiles on both your faces as you fall asleep entangled in each other’s arms. 

[scullysflannel]

top 5 moments of your favorite shows that make you go *cat biting the wire*

this is impossible, I love it

1. paige getting off the train, the americans, “START” — the finality of it makes me wild. it’s the split-second decision that you know is going to change your whole life. she’s never going to see her parents again! they’re never going to see their daughter again! and this is what philip and elizabeth deserve, even if it isn’t what we want for them. they have to face the truth that their kids were born to be a lie. their love for their kids was tragedy, not redemption. they could break away from the job in the end, but the job WAS their kids, too. what all the international intrigue comes down to is a family split apart by secrets. greatest tv finale of all time.

runner-up: developing paige’s photos in the garage in “darkroom.” I love paige making her parents face what they’ve done. twist that knife, babe.

2. “we fucked up with nora,” the leftovers, “the most powerful man in the world (and his identical twin brother)” — (suicide tw) the entire concept of this episode makes me feel like I’m chewing a live wire: kevin going back to purgatory (if that’s what it is), jumping between two versions of himself, the burdened leader and the killer, denying until this moment that he is both of them. he can’t see himself clearly until he accepts that he has a death wish. and the root of his problems is that he pushed love away. by extension that’s the root of the world’s problems, because everyone has a death wish. the fact that the leftovers visually manifests a world destroyed by the inability to love in the image of a man cutting open his own chest, splattering his white suit in blood, while “god only knows” is playing — it’s visceral, it’s hyper-literal. emily nussbaum wrote that the leftovers “erased the line between personal and global annihilation.” you do understand.

runner-up: kevin singing “homeward bound” in “the prodigal son returns.” oh to be a fly on the wall of the writers’ room when they dreamed up purgatory karaoke.

3. “there has to be an end, scully,” the x-files, “requiem” — she’s pregnant with his baby and they have no idea. hello! the thing about this scene that really makes me unhinge my jaw is that mulder and scully know the right thing and can’t do it. they should walk away, but they aren’t ready to. there’s something similarly screwy in each of them, a dedication to the work that makes them hurt themselves. maybe the choice they’re presented with is impossible, because what good person could walk away willingly after what they’ve seen, but it’s still inherently destructive. the one catch is that if they had gone back to oregon together, maybe they would have been able to save each other. but maybe not. the flaw in mulder and scully is the same as the flaw in the show: getting stuck in routine, still doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. and for this one scene they admit, and the x-files admits, it’s not worth it.

runner-up: “there are other fathers” in “never again.” as discussed.

4. kim scheming under the sheet, better call saul, “something unforgivable” — the intimacy and romance of plotting to ruin your old boss’s career! what gets me about the scene is the merging of innocence and danger. I love the cut to kim and jimmy looking sweet under the bed sheet, like it’s a blanket fort, but what kim is baring to jimmy is the darkness in her. when she says she’s just playing, she wouldn’t really take howard down in order to get paid, it’s only a test to see if he bites (haha unless...). she’s thought about this, and she likes it. there’s something radiant and scary in her. @iconicscullyoutfits said in the tags that “moral descent is quiet,” and that’s what I love about the whole show. moral descent starts with caring a whole lot.

runner-up: kim and jimmy throwing beer bottles in “the guy for this.” it’s a sign of what’s coming: they recognize a shared rage in each other. jimmy tempts her, but kim acts first.

5. sydney ripping into vaughn when he asks if she’s okay, alias, “the two” —the season 3 premiere of alias rewired my 14-year-old brain. I just thought she would say she was okay when her ex-boyfriend came by to check on her, because I thought that was what women had to do: say we’re fine. but she's not fine, and she says so. the whole life she used to have before is gone, including her relationship with vaughn. and now he comes by the office to see if she’s okay? the way she rips into him is so satisfying to me; it’s everything I’ve ever wanted a woman to say to a man who asks how she’s doing. “you didn’t come here to see how I am. you came here to see how you are... what you came here for is closure, and there is not a chance you are getting that from me.” I think I have most of it memorized. she refuses to minimize her feelings for his comfort. split my idea of how to live in the world wide open.

runner-up: sydney finds out she’s been missing for two years in “the telling.” cliffhanger of all time.

[nozomijoestar]

Some words on KumiRei since I’m in another Hibike renaissance and can give time to how I feel I don’t agree 100% with any major camps on how its perceived in the anime though I do consider it romantic 

First off I believe KumiRei is not only romantic as a WLW, but both characters are aware of this romantic nature they don’t show anyone else, they are not in full denial nor are they just friends- instead its a complex weave of the two, and they act accordingly

Neither do I believe either is heterosexual but rather Bisexual (Reina) and questioning Lesbian (Kumiko)

I’m drawing from deeply personal experience on it which is part of why I think this way regarding them so in saying that I think the issue is people are too used to formulas when viewing media, if A is seen as true then it must lead to B then C and maybe D and so on, but while I’ve been guilty of the same I think that’s a limiting way to view/engage with art, love doesn’t have to follow the old They confess, Everything is fine in the end, They get married, They have babies etc. path

There’s nothing wrong with liking that concept but when you fixate on holding something to a rigid standard of expectations, then you’re missing other perspectives and bigger pictures, you’re kinda locking yourself away from accepting life is made of lives not just your own, experiences not just your own, and how you choose to deal with those lives and yours (See only the tree, miss the forest and so on)

Hibike! is a show dedicated to human interpretation and expression in all of its characters and their intricate relationships so applying formulas to it to me is inherently missing the point to paint it as something its not trying to be (and reading it as strictly heterosexual is ignorance of an lgbt perspective)

All of that out the way and being said, every Kumiko and Reina interaction is a progression of romance that has the complication of being between two girls in a contemporary setting; every word, every silence, every touch or look is framed as openness for two people who’s entire foundation is struggling to find a place among humanity and peers and even initially toward each other, they have a defined separation between how they see themselves as together, as one, with a completeness they show others only in shades, so that every gesture they make as people with others has consideration they practiced and established first between each other, they are the genesis for a measure of each other’s overall humanity

Kumiko shoots higher because she sees Reina live it; Reina humbles her pride for empathy because she saw Kumiko try it, the list goes on and has been said by many- Kumiko is Kumiko near Reina and Reina is Reina near Kumiko, no gimmicks no tricks no hung up reservations on trust like there is with others, they simply are together and that is so hard to achieve, to be understood

People get caught up on Reina’s unreciprocated (thank god jsdifsj Edit: i rewatched the scene where Kumiko tells Reina she's rooting for her after learning Taki's wife died and I love the sentiment but that's still fuckin gross and I'd really like the entire Taki crush situation squashed completely in S3 whatever form it takes- I get they're teenagers so they don't know better and that kinda thing does happen (I know from personal experience even) but it's still wrong) feelings for Taki-sensei as they do the Shūichi + Kumiko situation then think that means KyoAni has no concept of homosexuality for not depicting the expected formula cishet couples (and Yuri as an exploitative genre) depict rather than remember that for now and for most including myself lgbt relationships are not part of the accepted normal and so can't be compared nor should they be expected to integrate in the exact same way to be valid- and Kumiko and Reina themselves seem to operate on knowing this which lends them an air of sadness to a degree because they can't (for Kumiko and her CompHet/Side that dislikes upsetting people which I feel lead her to accept then leave Shūichi's romantic interest even more so because in the end being in love with him isn't who she is and walking away there is growth on her part) be their entire selves and act in more intimate ways on their homosexuality than they already are

They know their closeness is special to them, their attraction is special, they know it's not how they treat other friends, and they know by how they keep treating each other that it's a level of romance especially in the way they say This is a confession of love not just in having said such a thing, they're not in denial enough to stop being as they are together but they are struggling to reconcile and build on how they see their other relationships which includes the men in their life and social expectation given their lgbt sides in their identities, not just because the series treats them as people but because they're teenagers (I feel like people forget they're kids all the time), and no teenager ever has all of themselves sorted out at their age even more than most adults, teens should be allowed to safely explore what the hell the world and other people mean for them to discover themselves and that's what I think is happening

When I was their age I didn't consciously realize my best friend was the love of my life since we were 11 in my eyes because of denial and fear to act on it or take a chance on my intensity being reciprocated, instead I loved her more than I loved myself while still having crushes and being in love with other girls all the time- even as she and I had what I felt was the same level of intimacy, love, and openness, we even entertained the idea of growing up to live together and it was only as an adult that I finally looked back and saw what she told me she already knew about me being in love

Reina and Kumiko canonically mull over the idea that they'd be separated as time goes on, and I think the observation shouldn't be When will they be a couple but rather They're too scared of going all the way as a couple for life to pull the rug from under them, they are for now in love and guarding it, preserving it with the last bit of distance they possess in themselves, and the question is when will they be comfortable enough to not need that fear

Human relationships are complicated and multilayered and can never be fully defined by set order and if the show accepts that then it's how I want to see it

[my-bated-breath]

Research Shows Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic (part 2)

Anti-Zutara arguments: Zuko and Katara hold such a deep and meaningful platonic bond that should it ever turn into a romantic one, their relationship would be automatically ruined.

Me, with my 3.8k meta that cites a research paper on relationships: Are you sure about that.

And with that (not) academically appropriate introduction, I present part 2 of my meta “Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic,” where I use research on emotional intimacy to demonstrate that Zutara is more than capable of transitioning into a romance. Still, that claim in itself presents a rather complicated question: What is the transition between friendship to romance, and how is it achieved?

“On Becoming ‘More Than Friends: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship” is a research paper by Arizona State University professors Laura K. Guerrero and Paul A. Mongeau that sets out to answer this. In their paper, Guerrero and Mongeau explore a multitude of aspects regarding relationship development, but part 1 and part 2 of this meta will focus on their research on stages of intimacy.

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Excerpt from “Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic” (part 1)

According to Guerrero and Mongeau, ���...scholars have argued that intimacy is located in different types of interactions, ranging from sexual activity and physical contact to warm, cozy interactions that can occur between friends, family members, and lovers…” Guerrero and Mongeau then reference a relationship model where the initial stages (i.e. perceiving similarities, achieving rapport, and inducing self-disclosure) reflect both platonic and romantic intimacy through communication while the latter stages (i.e. role-taking, achieving interpersonal role fit, and achieving dyadic crystallization) often see both individuals as achieving a higher level of intimacy that involves more self-awareness.

Definitions, because some terminology in this quote is field-specific:

Perception of similarity: (similar in background, values, etc.) which contributes to pair rapport

Pair rapport: produces positive emotional and behavioral responses to the partner, promotes effective communication and instills feelings of self-validation

Self-disclosure: a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

Role-taking: ability to understand the partner's perspective and empathize with his/her role in the interaction and the relationship

Role-fit: partners assess the extent of their similarities in personality, needs, and roles

Dyadic crystallization: partners become increasingly involved with each other and committed to the relationship and they form an identity as a committed couple

(Source: Quizlet -- not the most reliable source, I know, but once again field-specific terms tend to be ubiquitous in their definitions, and I doubt that this Quizlet can be that inaccurate)

_____

Part 1 of this meta (click for the link) proves how Zuko and Katara achieve the “initial stages of intimacy,” including perceived similarities, pair rapport, and self-disclosure, which are common to both platonic and romantic relationships (and seen often in transitioning relationships). And because I have no self-control, I promised a part 2 that shows how Zutara fulfills the latter stages of intimacy as well, in which intimacy is based more on cognition than communication.

(Note: I had taken the burden of proof too seriously in part 1, and thus that meta delves (far too) deep into the intricacies of Zuko and Katara’s backstories, character arcs, and dialogue. This meta will be significantly less heavy-handed on the analysis because we already have 3,800 words of that and that’s more than enough).

So with that taken care of, let’s begin.

Role-taking

Definition: ability to understand the partner's perspective and empathize with his/her role in the interaction and the relationship.

After Zuko’s choice in the Crossroads of Destiny, his relationship with Katara becomes tenser until it reaches a breaking point in The Southern Raiders, where the following exchange occurs:

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The Southern Raiders Dialogue

Zuko: This isn't fair! Everyone else seems to trust me now! What is it with you?

Katara: Oh, everyone trusts you now! I was the first person to trust you! Remember, back in Ba Sing Se. And you turned around and betrayed me, betrayed all of us!

_____

Although Katara is angry in this scene, her open communication and Zuko’s empathy with her (established in the Crystal Catacombs) allows him to understand Katara’s perspective, to understand that he is the one at fault, and to understand that he has to be the one to make amends.

Zuko: What can I do to make it up to you?

Then, throughout the Southern Raiders, there is an inherent understanding between the two that Zuko is only a guide to track down her mother’s killer while Katara is the decider of this man’s fate. Their roles are evidenced by Zuko providing Katara with information (as seen in the left screenshot) and Katara acting with the information given (as seen in the right screenshot, where Zuko asks Katara if she is ready).

Left screenshot -

Zuko: I know who killed your mother, and I'm going to help you find him.

Right screenshot -

Zuko: This is it, Katara. Are you ready to face him?

However, Zuko is not the only one to perceive and accept the other party’s role within their relationship. Having decided to fight Azula alongside Zuko the day before Sozin’s Comet, Katara is in disbelief when Zuko accepts an Agni Kai with Azula, one on one.

Katara: What are you doing? She's playing you. She knows she can't take us both, so she's trying to separate us.

Zuko: I know. But I can take her this time.

Katara: But even you admitted to your uncle that you would need help facing Azula.

Zuko: There's something off about her; I can't explain it but she's slipping. And this way, no one else has to get hurt.

Still, Katara nods, empathizing with Zuko’s position and thus allowing him to take on a new role. In particular, she recognizes Zuko’s need to fight alone rather than together, which shifts the dynamic and interactions in their relationship.

With both Zuko and Katara achieving role-taking, we now move on to-

Role-fit

Definition: partners assess the extent of their similarities in personality, needs, and roles.

(Note: there’s a little bit of a stretch in needs and roles, but given much of Zuko and Katara’s life had been centered around defeating the Fire Nation, it still captures an essential part of their relationship.)

Zuko and Katara assessing the extent of the similarities in their personality:

(Frankly, this moment can apply to personality, needs, and roles)

Zuko and Katara assessing the extent of the similarities in their needs:

Zuko and Katara assessing the extent of the similarities in their roles:

I wish there had been more canon material with Zuko and Katara evaluating their personalities and needs on a more personal level. However, since the glimpses of peace we see in the ATLA finale are not focused on Zuko and Katara’s relationship (for better or for worse), the fact that the Crystal Catacombs exchange exists is already very telling. Additionally, it’s not difficult to imagine the two of them had a conversation about their personalities and needs given their track record of open communication and mutual support.

Dyadic Crystallization

Definition: partners become increasingly involved with each other and committed to the relationship and they form an identity as a committed couple.

After joining the GAang in the Western Air Temple, Zuko and Katara become “increasingly involved with each other” (even if their interactions are not always positive), as evidenced by the following:

Of course, their commitment to each other forms after Katara forgives Zuko and they work together as a team:

Though Zuko and Katara may not have formed an identity as a romantic couple, their platonic relationship relies on a profound foundation of teamwork, protectiveness, and support. Should they transition into a romantic relationship, this same foundation can be channeled with them working together to solve personal and political problems, protecting each other from physical and emotional wounds, and supporting one another with steadfast faith and determination.

Of course, the same logic applies to every stage of intimacy both parts of this meta explore. We already see how Zuko and Katara fulfill the other stages - perceived similarities, pair rapport, self-disclosure, role-taking, role-fit, and dyadic crystallization - in constructive ways throughout their platonic bond, so we can assume that their approach to these stages of intimacy would be similar in a romantic bond as well. After all, they already share a deep emotional connection, so the last gap their relationship would need to bridge between platonic and romantic lines would not be one of closeness (which anti-Zutara arguments point to as a cause for increasing toxicity between the two), but one of attraction.

As Guerrero and Mongeau note, “in this case, couples sustain high levels of friendship-based intimacy while adding passion-based intimacy. In a sense, these couples have already laid part of the groundwork for building a close romantic relationship.”

Thus, without needing to undergo a dramatic shift in quantity or quality, the existing emotional energy in Zutara lends itself well to both friendships and romances. Here we have a relationship where outward circumstances may change - from war to peace, from rebels to leaders - yet their internal framework, even while (hypothetically) in the process of adjusting from friends to lovers, has endured through the past and will continue to endure well into the future.

[buildingrelationshipsinanarchy]

A New Intimacy Model

So what spurred this project is a culmination of a few things. Namely, frustration with the imprecise and incomprehensible words, Platonic, Romantic, and Sexual. The English language hasn’t been great at adapting the words for personal relationships as our times and values change.

I fell into Anarchism only very recently, stumbling into the language of ‘relationship anarchy’ through the internet in discussion with forms of polyamory years ago when I started this blog. Over the last year, I’ve been getting into radical politics and finding how my un-politicized opinions were validated, and then stretched the more I learned and studied up. While I’m still learning more about Radical politics, Anarchism, Marxism, Queer and Feminist theory specifically, the more I wanted to link some of my perspectives on intimate relationships with these political and theoretical texts.

“The Personal is Political.” - Carol Hanisch, Feminist Author.

@mythr1der​ wrote a post detailing a bit of the frustration I also share in regards to how the Dichotomy between Platonic and Sexual (which almost all definitions of Romance boil back into), leave much to be desired when discussing attraction, desire, intimacy and relationships in general. I believe that this very simple dichotomy reflects, oddly enough, capitalism and the history of the role of state power in culture. I rant a little bit about it as a response to @mythr1der​‘s post here. 

It’s long, and incomplete, but I proposed an idea of just building entirely new words, so we can build an entirely new map for talking about love, desire, attraction, and relationships that actually discuss what its like to be next to someone you like to be next to! 

What is intimacy? It’s closeness right? To be near some ‘intimate’ part of another person, or them near something meaningful about why you’re you. I wanted to start this series by talking about what it means to be close to someone. If you remember my birthday without Facebook, that might make me feel a bit special. But if you remember how badly I was abused by an old friend, its because I trusted you enough to share some of the sadness that I’m not as loud about.

Intimacy isn’t always trauma, sometimes its tears of joy hearing that your cousin is out of prison, or the laughter of your friends. Being close to each other in a hyper-digitized age is a bit tricky, but phone calls, facetime, snapchat are only some of the tools we use to keep each other updating on what we’re feeling. Whether its about our love life, sex life, work life, or home life, just sharing that information can be real special, and bonding.

When we say that we have friends or that we are [Queer] Platonic Partners, does that mean we’ve decided how often we’re gonna talk or what we’re gonna talk about? What if we just send each other memes or rant about politics? Am I supposed to devalue those interactions because they aren’t the person I’m crying on the phone with?

Intimacy can be as deep as childhood scars and as simple as surprising me with my favorite snack. It all just means you know who I am, what I like, and what I care about. I want to intentionally forge those connections. And this why I set these definitions first. 

Other Words:

A Daekkon (n.) would be person/partner whom you’ve developed intentionally this kind of relationship with. 

If you desired this kind of relationship with a certain person, you’d be feeling Daekeen (adj.) for/about that person.

People who are desiring or actively doing these activities together are Daekkoning (v.). 

This would be understood as Daekkonic (adj.) behavior; as in, “My roomate isn’t super talkative with me, but is deakkonic (adj.) with Sandra from the Mosque.” 

“Tom is going through it, he’s felt deakkonically (adv.) deprived since the move.”

________________________________________________________________

In our sex-negative, ironically repressed culture, we seem to think that if you’re touching your bodies together at all, it means *something*.  I want to remove that idea. I want to reclaim physical affection. I want to be touch and be touched by others. I don’t want my afab friends who have experienced some sort of sexual violence in their lives, to ever feel weary about the fact that I’m physically affectionate. It’s been my #1 Love Language for the last 10 years. 

Fighting r*pe culture is a full-time fight, but I think adding a word, and therefore an idea[l], can be useful in reclaiming safety, and boundaries regarding bodily autonomy, for all of us. Clear communication and respected boundaries and asking consent for everything are the bedrock we need to continually practice. And as trust builds, I believe this could be very useful theoretically tool for improving the quality of our relationships and help create clearer discussion about our individual boundaries, needs, and desires. I feel like this leads me to a relevant question. What activities are inherently platonic, romantic or sexual? Is holding hands inherently romantic when almost all of us have done it with a friend? What about those of us who are religious or spiritual and have held hands with members of church, mosque or synagogue; do you think we’re out here non-stop blushing at the Pastor? Or when we held hands with family members? Doesn’t sound like it holds up, huh? 

What about snuggling a roommate? Holding a teammate while celebrating a victory? The kiss my bestfriend gave me on our shared birthday dinner? Are we left to through our Aro and Ace friends’ out of the discussion, just because our culture has bad takes on sex and romance as the only forms possible of significant physical touch? Physical touch is such an important way to communicate love and affection, as well as care, concern, and comfort. They don’t get to cast their shadow on this space anymore!

Other Words:

If you had this desire for someone, or wanted to approach cultivating these forms of affection in a relationship, you could say you’re feeling Phaddish (adj.) for that person.

.Participating or initiating acts of a non-sexual physical intimacy Phadronic (adj.) quality are said to be phade-ing/phading (v.).

A Phadrone (n.) could be the name of a person/partner you share this kind of relationship with. 

Phadroning (v.) would the act of cultivating this kind of intimacy with another person. 

Phadronically (adv.) could describe a certain level of intimacy implicit in a physical touch between to particular people.

________________________________________________________________

Now lets talk about Sex. That’s the thing the everyone’s mind always gravitates to when discuss words like, intimacy, attraction, desire. It’s the thing we want to stay away from when you use the Platonic or Friendly. But, lets be real. Haven’t many of us had sex with people didn’t even consider friends? Or people who became our “Strictly Platonic” friends after we may have had sex, once or several times, with them?

People who gravitate toward polyamory or non-monogamy tend have had a “hoe-phase.” The boundary between friend and lover, or partner and fuckbuddy have been blurred in a good chunk of people’s lives. Non-monogamous or not, I think it’s useful to talk directly about our sexual experiences, desires, fantasies, and how different it can be with different people, or in different stages of our lives. But what makes an experience sexual? Maybe that sounds redundant or obvious; I mean, it’s got the word SEX in it, maybe that’s got something to do with it? But maybe not... 

Lets ask an odd question. Is sex inherently sexual? Who wouldn’t assume the answer is automatically yes? Well, my first thought is to talk to those in the Adult Entertainment industry or friends of ours who are sex-workers, in whatever capacity. Is every client sexy or shoot erotic? Those of us who have sex, have we never been doing it and been bored through most of at least one experience? 

If sex is inherently sexual, why do we have so many Sexual Health Educators, Marriage Counselors, Pornstars, Yoga Teachers, Personal trainers and Writers telling us how to have sexy sex? Dating Coaches and Websites, telling us how we are getting something that’s supposed to sound so easy wrong.

I’ve come to the opinion that sex isn’t about body parts, genitalia, certain body motions, or even clothing [or lack thereof]. I believe that sex, or eroticism, is all about the context and the people involved. There’s nothing inherently sexy about fruit, or food in general, but if woman eats a banana in public, there are at least several men in area thinking of something than her healthy food choices. 

This is why talking about sex directly is good. And understanding it as an energy that you imbue to any activity or circumstance, could help have better sex; and and on the flip-side, show us how we may need to more aware of how we may take up space with our body language. I do also feel, that in part, some of our Ace friends (those who aren’t sex repulsed), may be able to find some resonance with this model; sex doesn’t have to feel passionate or any particular way at all (other than good?), because sex isn’t about sexiness, but about human connection and pleasure.

Other Words:

Serotic (adj.) activities include any activity that is engaged due to, or is infused with, sexual desire and/or erotic intention. It also describes the type of desire you’re feeling for another person. 

A Serato (n.) is any person you engage in serotic activities or feelings with. 

An activity that was originally un-serotic (adj.), but became sexually or erotically charged, we could described as having become Serotically (adv.) charged. 

When you are cultivating or charging an act with serotic energy, you are Seroticizing (v.) that activity

________________________________________________________________

Lately, especially since diving into Radical Politics, I find less and less desire in defining Who I Am as a part of a relationship unit. It’s an overlay from monogamy, The Couple being the only social unit that is recognized, as it’s necessary to the Nuclear Family; a super important thing for Capitalism to sustain itself. The relationships I cultivate with others, with whatever forms of intimacy or interactions therein, cant be understood by that model. I am more than my interactions with a handful of people; I am a human person, and my engagement with the world isn’t actually reducible to whether or not I’m having sex with someone or not. 

We’ve talked about multiple forms of intimacy, and some of the desires or interests associated with them. Have you noticed that in the desire, or need, to discuss relationships on a basis of, ‘sex: yes or no?’, that we haven’t talked about the webs that form because we are all reliant on each other to survive? Not everyone in your community or workplace or online spaces, you’ll get to know or talk to. Do they, as people, matter less because they aren’t in your contacts list or your DM’s?  

This is a space where not a lot of us to tend think or engage as much. An easy word to discuss this space is community. But is a community the people or the place you spend your time, whether online or off? Is the community the place you live and your neighbors? Is it the people who may share some of your identifiers or face similar forms of oppression, despite living in a different city, state, country?

We are multi-dimensional beings, and with the use of technology, there are so many ways to form relationships, and share resources. I think the ‘community’ is any space you find yourself in, which means that mutual aid is something you are always able to engage in. Whether it’s feeding the homeless guys who hang out by the intersection, or dropping a few bucks in a trans kid’s venmo, mutual aid is so much easier.

But what if that feels so inconsequential? It’s not! But it does, from time to time, feel like the problems of the world are so big, and that you and so many you know are suffering in ways you wish you could help. Well, community organizing is always happening somewhere, online and off. It becomes important to join up with others in order feel like we can actually make a positive impact on the lives of others. We don’t have to wait on a government who’s interest isn’t ours, don’t have to wait for some politician to fail on a promise to Make Things Better.

We have each other, and we are all we really have. At the end of the day, all of our concepts are man-made. COVID-19 showed us how drastically things could be different if the people in power made decisions that actually benefited us. A lot of us understand the need to do something. Capitalism says that competition is what drove human kind into evolution, the fight for survival in a meaningless, terrifying world. Anarchism, as I’m learning, throws the whole idea in the trash where it belongs.

Peter Kropotkin, whose been called both the Godfather and Santa Claus of Anarchism, penned in Mutual Aid: A Factor of Evolution (1902), “under any circumstances sociability is the greatest advantage in the struggle for life.”

We are better off together. Capitalism and the property relationships in our compulsively monogamous society try to tell us other wise. We don’t have to follow that model.

Other Words:

To Mudshop (v.) is to build a mudship with a particular person, organinzation, or community; Mud-shopping (v.). 

A Mudshipper (n.) is an individual in a mudship of any scale. 

I’ve said a lot. I hope this reads as accessible to as many people as it can be. I built this because I want to tell the people in my life why I love them as dearly as I do. And that I’d love to build relationships with as many awesome, lovely people as I can.

If you try to use the words Romantic and Platonic while you look at this post, and find it almost impossible, I’ve done my job.

I hope those words die along with oppressive ideas they uphold.

[strangertheory]

"anti-Mileven"

I know you submitted this as a message and not an Ask, but I hope you don't mind if I answer your question with a longer post because this is a topic that is important to me but is complicated. I've meant to do a post about this, but kept putting it off because it is a very layered topic for me and my thoughts about Mileven are probably not what a lot of fans want to hear.

I respect that everyone develops an attachment to their preferred couples in stories for personal reasons, and as such any criticism of the dynamic between two characters that are dating can feel like a very personal criticism. I respect everyone's head-canons and favorite ships as sacred ground: I don't want to tell anyone how they should or should not relate to a story. That's unique to each of us as fans, and we will all enjoy Stranger Things for different reasons.

However: I do have some thoughts regarding the way that the narrative has established the dynamic between Mike and El. And I personally do not find their dynamic *as it currently is* to be one that is ideal for either of them yet.

I really care about Eleven and I really care about Mike. They are two of my favorite characters in the story.

To say that I'm "anti-Mileven" is a huge oversimplification of how I feel about Mike and El's dynamic.

I am very much anti:

overlooking the fact El has been treated as a lab rat and abused and isolated from society for the majority of her existence and her ignorance of her own identity and her own desires is repeatedly reinforced canonically. ("How do I know what I like?") El has spent only a few months out in the world beyond her cell at the lab and beyond Hopper's cabin, she knows very little about the world yet, and she is being taught much of what she now knows by her boyfriend who also happens to be one of the few people she interacts with in her daily life. The power difference and social difference between them is huge currently regardless of whether Mike is a nice kid with good intentions or not, and they are both fourteen years olds.

overlooking that it is superficial and not representative of a "deep" relationship to only kiss and make out with a significant other and not do other meaningful activities that establish a real day-to-day relationship (like hanging out with friends and other loved ones as a couple.) There's a popular misconception that the act of two people kissing is inherently romantic and a sign of emotional closeness. But kissing becomes romantic psychologically when two people share a deep affection for one another that is based on shared experiences and emotional and psychological connectedness. If two characters can be shown to care about one another without ever physically touching, they have the potential for a deep connection that is based on more than the thrill of physical affection. Give me a well-developed relationship first, and then kissing will seem romantic to me. Without an established psychological and emotional connection between characters, kissing is merely a superficial representation of the idea of intimacy between characters without any actual substance underneath. Sure that's what kids do when they're figuring out how dating and feelings and physical intimacy work and it's not harmful in itself provided that they are both comfortable with it, but keep this in mind within the context of the other concerns I list here.

trivializing Mike's dishonesty and blaming Hopper for Mike's lying when the truth is Mike could have easily explained to El that Hopper didn't want them spending as much time together and having some space would be better. El is well aware of Hopper's dislike for their time spent together. This should have been a very easy conversation. As Lucas rightfully asks as Mike is ranting about the situation he got himself into: "Why lie?" Good question, Lucas. Good question. El asks Mike this again later at the mall. "Why do you lie?" Mike stares back at her with an awkward expression, and does NOT answer her. Why is this answer not an easy one? Why has Mike still not addressed things with El? I think there is more going on here than just Hopper's threats.

I am very in favor of:

El learning more about who she is and what she wants to do with her life outside of the desires and expectations of other people.

Mike figuring out how to effectively express his thoughts and feelings honestly. He is clearly struggling to do this throughout season 3, and it is uncharacteristic of the kid who defiantly said and did what he wanted frequently in seasons 1 and 2. Clearly Mike is not comfortable and is nervous, which is understandable for someone exploring new emotionally vulnerable territory like dating for the first time, but he needs to learn to be honest and tell people how he is thinking and feeling or else he is also putting himself and his feelings and needs at risk and potentially establishing an unhealthy relationship that will hurt him and hurt others even if he doesn't mean to. Mike's nervousness is STILL present in the final goodbye scene in which Mike and El talk, and El tells him she loves him and kisses him. He is still stumbling over his words and anxious, and he seems notably confused after El kisses him. These small details are not trivial, they are clearly intentional.

Recognizing that Mike is the first person her age that was kind to El when she escaped the lab, and given that she has only known pain and abuse her entire life and has never known friendship let alone romance that her psychological readiness for understanding a romantic relationship is NOT the same as an ordinary 14 year old's and this cannot be stated enough.

Recognizing that societal pressures and personal insecurities might be a huge factor in how Mike clings to El's attention and affection for him, and that there is evidence in the story that supports this interpretation. We know that Mike is bullied frequently, and that there is a layer of homophobia often involved. (Even if James and Troy were speaking rudely about Will, they were still directly confronting Mike. The implication is there.) We know that Lucas yelled at Mike "No Mike. You're blind. Blind because you like that a girl's not grossed out by you!" This reveals that Lucas knows that Mike is insecure and wants validation. Just because Mike has a desperate desire to be loved and liked by a girl does not mean that his appreciation of El's attention is based on his genuine romantic affection for her. Mike might be dating El because he enjoys the attention, he likes being liked, and he likes how having a girlfriend makes him feel more accepted and normal.

Recognizing that every moment that Mike has tried to share something that he is passionate about with El (the Yoda figurine, the dinosaurs) she has been completely disinterested. Since El has no cultural connection to the pop culture stories Mike loves and she lived in the Lab her entire life, it makes perfect sense that she will have no interest in these toys. Her lack of interest in what Mike is passionate about, however, is worth noting: not because it's a bad thing, but because it's just one of many reasons they are "not even from the same planet" and cannot bond and connect easily. El has lived an incredibly different life from Mike, has suffered through so much, and is still learning about the outside world and about herself. She is severely behind in social and personal development. She needs time to learn and to grow and to heal so she can live her best life and recover from what she has been through. (She doesn't really care about your Star Wars toys, Michael, because she just learned what a phone is and is processing a lot of other things right now.)

*I want to credit @kaypeace21 for pointing out many of these particular observations listed above: you can read her very detailed and extensive analysis in her post here: El is Not in Love with Mike.

These are just a few of many thoughts I have regarding Mike and El's dynamic together, and why I find the romanticization and idealization of their dating relationship to be more suited to fan-canon and fanfiction. For El to have a relationship with Mike that I would personally enjoy and appreciate, the story would need to convincingly allow her to establish a notably better understanding of who she is and what she wants, and have time to heal from her trauma and learn a lot more about the outside world. While I suspect that the Byers moving away will be very difficult for Will, in many ways I think it will benefit El tremendously and I hope that she is given more opportunities to learn and to grow.

I also agree with @hawkinsschoolcounselor 's hypothesis that Mike is projecting his feelings for Will onto El. It's impossible for me to see Mike's dynamic with El as entirely separate from Mike's relationship with Will because El was found in the woods when they were looking for Will in season 1, El helped everyone find Will in the Upside Down and saved his life, and El reappears at the end if season 2 and saves Will from the Mindflayer. Until season 3, El's appearance in Mike's life has been directly tied to Will's survival and safety. I do not think this is a trivial aspect of El's narrative. El's importance within the larger story being told is repeatedly tied back to what Will is dealing with. The reason that El and Will's narratives are so deeply intertwined has not been revealed in the story yet, but I suspect that there are some important aspects of El and Will's stories that haven't been fully revealed yet that will bring all of these seemingly isolated plot threads together. The creators of Stranger Things repeatedly tie El and Will together visually and narratively (re: @kaypeace21), and I believe there is a very specific reason for this.

I look forward to seeing what happens in season 4. Whether my interpretation of El and Mike's dynamic is fair or not, I trust the writers have a compelling next chapter in their story for us all to enjoy.

[otp-armada]

"Bellarke doesn't make sense," they say. They say because Clarke hasn't done anything that resembles romantic gestures toward Bellamy. 

Conceding to march to her possible death in exchange for Roan sparing Bellamy's life. Obstinately fighting against Bellamy's stubborn wishes to remain outside the Ark while Praimfaya burns to the world to ashes. Shattering her soul by choosing 100 people to live and writing his name on the list, because he must survive. She can't have it any other way. Relinquishing 50 of those spots to Azgeda when Bellamy is captured and threatened, and Roan calls her bluff. Desperation driving her to the extreme to ensure the survival of the human race, yet unable to kill Bellamy to keep the bunker closed and the grounders from possibly killing Skaikru. Leaving the guaranteed safety of the fort to stay by Bellamy's side on the brink of global cataclysm. The bittersweet yet soft head and heart exchange she prompted. The hesitation in her last remark before imploring him to hurry. 

4x13 ends six years and seven days post-Praimfaya with Clarke radioing Bellamy on the Ring. An activity she performs daily for six years. In any six years of my adult life, my only daily consistencies have been limited to breathing, eating, and sleeping. This girl is devoted enough to send her equivalent of love letters into the emptiness of space for 2,199 days. Season 5 opens with her trying to survive by herself in an apocalyptic wasteland. She spends her journey narrating to him her unvarnished struggles during the most traumatic experience of her young life to date. Her despondency. Her loneliness. Her agony. Her desperation. Her small victories. Her discovered treasures. Her determination. Her doubt. Her guilt. Her defeat. Her morbid self-reflection. Her relief and contentment. Her happiness. Her admission of missing him. She shares all of it with only him. Only he is permitted to know her to this depth. Not any of her other people on the Ring. Not any of her people in the bunker, a group including her mother. Not a spiritual communion to the great, big love of her life Lxa, situated on her throne in the high heavens and waiting for her trophy wife, for Clarke to stay connected to her dearly departed. Isn't that the sort of behavior that might occur by a bereft widow? 

After finding an oasis to rest and call home, even after discovering a companion to build a life with, she continues with her radio calls. It doesn't matter that he never received her communications. The importance of the gesture- the intimacy of sharing her life and thoughts with him while he was gone- remains the same. The magnitude of her devotion to him made clearer through the absence of a single responding utterance. 

She lovingly tells Madi stories of Bellamy as her hero. Gazing warmly, hopefully up at the stars as if she longs for her vision to cut through an endless pitch-black sky and find dark curls and freckled constellations from thousands of miles away.

"Bellarke doesn't make sense," they say. They say because post-Praimfaya ended with an established B/E.

As Clarke looks up at the stars, questioning if she'll see Bellamy again, we transition to our first glimpse of Bellamy after six years, forlornly looking down on Earth to the very spot of green where he is unaware of who is yearning for him to return to her. Contrary to Clarke, who is covered in warm firelight when thinking of him, he is colored in cold, muted greys and blue, no speck of warm hue. (The rhyming scheme was unintentional, but hey, I'm going with it.) Behind him, his family is sparring, but he's distant from them. He's trapped within this tin can, his arms folded, his body taut, not facing the view on the other side of the glass, but still enraptured by the sight of his home below.  

We see what changes to the characters and their dynamics have taken place until, at long last, we uproariously cheer as Bellamy & Co. find a way to return to Earth, the sole event we've been anticipating for eleven months, to the point we could feel it at our fingertips, jittery and tingly. Bellarke reunion!! He's going to know she's alive! Yes! Finally!! Break out the champagne! We're celebrating, dammit! It's going to be so damn emotional! Authors start crafting mental fanfics. People are bouncing off the walls like bright, errant fireworks, unable to sit still. I can't believe it's finally happening...what do you think it's going to be like? Will he run to her? Will he be stunned and speechless? Will they sob uncontrollably?!? They'll be clutching the life out of each other! Another Bellarke hug!! The very best hug!!! They're never going to let the other out of their sight again! He's going to meet Madi! Mom, dad, and adopted preteen make three!!! There's no way they're not getting together after this!! He just got her back after six years of thinking she was dead!! The reunion's not going to happen this episode, but maybe next week, when do you think? You mean we have to wait seven days before----

B e c h o.

We stood on the precipice of what we agonized and crawled through for eleven excruciating months, only for an anvil to drop, and our heads to be clubbed. Our bodies fell through the floor, descending lower and lower with immense haste, to take up residence in the seventh circle of hell. 

Do you think the framing of these events wasn't intentional?

Do you think the powers that be behind the creation of that calamitous bombshell for our protagonist, intended for us to root for B/E? 

By us, I'm not restricting the effect of the blow to Bellarke shippers. The entire audience, casual and fandom alike, shippers and non-shippers, was meant to await this reunion. We were all meant to feel devastated by this revelation. 

If they didn't want to invoke in us feelings of support for B/E at their inception, how in the name of all things holy is a purported B/E endgame your conclusion? 

"B/E doesn't make any sense," they say, "when last we saw them, she was his enemy. Nothing more, nothing less."

Do I think their pre-Praimfaya status as antagonists rendered it impossible for B/E to have a convincing love story or sexual relationship?

I think, if Jason were so inclined, we could have gotten flashback Ring rendezvous of secret trysts between Bellamy and a googly-eyed, blonde-wig-wearing broomstick designated Clarke 2.0. So no, I don't consider B/E a deviation inherently outside the realm of romantic possibility. Jason is an artist, and this show is his canvas. He can give life to almost any whim he'd like in his work of fiction. Not only that, but B/E is also hardly the first pairing in this series modeled by the enemies-to-lovers trope.

"Bellarke doesn't make sense, they'd say, "absent any concrete evidence alluding to a romantic relationship." "Seven years running, and not a trace of romantic love," they'd conclude. 

Remind me, what was B/E's sublime prologue into coupling up again?

Furiously choking the life out of an enemy in a fit of rage two episodes before revealing her as his new girlfriend evidently can be considered by some an adequate precursor to a sensational romantic relationship. But endangering Earthkru's lives by risking the wrath of two societies in refusing to let Clarke die, pumping her heart for her to stay alive while begging her to fight so she can come back to him, cannot be. 

Either this show is quite the oddity, or it’s fandom's periodic knee-jerk, ass-backwards, charming zeal at play. 

The lack of rising development is all the more reason why B/E's grand unveiling demanded perfection. Instead, our first insight into their union is overshadowed by Clarke and the impending Bellarke reunion. B/E isn't central enough to the narrative to warrant focus that would put to rest any discord of illegitimacy. But you know which pair of the two is concentrated on for seven seasons now? Three guesses... 

But don't despair. Fandom has decreed, by its own appraisal, the shorthand of kissing and sex has rectified the discrepancy of a complete absence of pertinent on-screen development.

"It's not ideal storytelling," they say, "to exclude B/E's development. But The 100 has historically been a plot-driven, fast-paced, contained drama. It has always evaded expanding on character dynamics to fans' satisfaction.”

The writers have done more to present Josephine and Gabriel as soulmates with less airtime than B/E ever had in total. They don't lack the skill or time to fortify B/E in anyone's mind as the central romance. Jason made a conscious choice not to. Why would he? Does he think the endgame love story of the show's deuteragonist doesn't merit attention to detail by the writing? Or does it seem more likely, it was never his intention for B/E to cross the finish line?

And, for a plot-driven, fast-paced, contained drama, they sure have an awful knack for finding the time to showcase Clarke's kicked puppy reactions to an embracing B/E. We've had three thus far. One for science, one for emphasis, and one to say, "Do you people get it now?"

"Bellarke doesn't make any sense," they say, "if they wanted each other, they'd have gotten together by now." 

A long time ago, someone stated, "Lovers are supposed to do that you know and if they don’t do that it means their relationship isn’t romantic if sexual intercourse isn’t added." 

And to that, I posed the question, "Where exactly is it written that "if a pairing is not made canon by season [insert arbitrarily chosen number here], it will never be made canon, period?" Was I just absent from fandom class that day and skipped to the lesson on slow-burn ships?" We are going into the final season, and I stand by this question today as I did then. Bellarke could refrain from physical expressions of love and candid confessions to season 17, and their journey could continue to exemplify a love story. Because the absence of either one doesn't preclude two people from falling in love. Nor does the inclusion of either one necessitate two people falling in love. 

"Bellarke doesn't make any sense," they say. They say because Bellamy is her dearly beloved, but platonic, best friend.

Well, you've got me there. I'm stumped. How can it be possible for friendship and romantic love to behave as anything but mutually exclusive concepts? It's not as if friendship can be contorted to serve as a foundation for love.

 The cornerstones of strong friendships include trust, care, support, devotion, and many other features of a similar nature. Love- deep and genuine love, that is- involves frequent kissing and passionate, vigorous sex. The wilder the display, the stronger the pairing. The dozens of couples, love interests, and sexual liaisons before B/E who have kissed and had sex before dying must not have first consulted the manual for proper protocol.

And the inverse? Once two people fall in love, they cannot fall back to say, a familial connection. No, no, no. Such a regression would be the work of a tragic, reprehensible flaw in the cogs of the universe. Speak nothing of it.

"It doesn't make sense for B/E to break up," they say, "when B/E has stayed together for two seasons sans any indication Bellamy loves Clarke more than Echo, enough to want to leave his loving girlfriend."

How many times has Bellamy tried and failed to honor his commitment to Echo? How many weak attempts are met with a corresponding scene of Bellamy shifting his attention to the girl he tells himself to get over?

Echo leaves for Shallow Valley, his focus immediately turns onto persuading Clarke not to leave his side. He symbolically chooses Echo in the fireside scene by touching her sword. Yet, he looks at his girlfriend for the first time since their separation with the most aloof expression unsuitable for the occasion. No hope to be found anywhere. They share a brief reunion hug, no time for intimacy. He is reunited with Clarke and casts a nervous glance at Echo when bombarded with Clarke's appreciative gaze. Still no time for intimacy between B/E before a decade-long nap, but time can be carved out for a warm, flirty Bellarke reconciliation, complete with intensive heart eyes. No inspired, emotionally wrought, double sunlit embraces for B/E. If Bellamy is going to look out of a window at his future home, he'll either be by himself or snuggling Clarke into his side. There's no place for Echo in the lock of his arms anymore, only room for flanking him in the way loyal lieutenants tend to do. His girlfriend glances over at him as their exploratory team roughly plummets to new territory, and he does the same at Clarke. B/E reconnects lakeside, him asking for a swim with her and leaning into her arms at a campfire. He sits by her side on a swing set, amidst talk of moving their people into an abandoned village. And it's all well and good for B/E, right? They're presenting the front of a happy, unified couple. 

Until...Clarke walks away behind his sight, and he leaves Echo's side to seek Clarke's missing presence where the flirting and warm gazes and near confessions are kicked into overdrive. He calls Echo to hear his latest discovery, then proceeds to ignore the hell out of her, communicating exclusively to his co-leader. He stares wistfully at Clarke dancing with her new flavor of the night, cannot stop doing so even while excoriating Echo for her stoicism, expressing his frustration at her inability to fulfill his emotional needs. 

He recommits to Echo, as Clarke is kidnapped and her body is stolen, with nary a transition, suggesting we are meant to link the two incidents together. For all his resolve to face the future with Echo, he spends the whole of the next episode with a wary eye on Clarke, to the point that he is the first to realize Clarke is not herself. In the ensuing arc ranging from 6x05 to 6x11, approximately half of the season, what was B/E, again? Was that a thing concurrently happening with Bellamy's Operation: Save My Clarke? Because I seem to be able to recall only Bellarke goodness. Oh, my mistake, there was the consoling hug which, oddly enough, did nothing to soothe him. As evidenced by his choice to grieve alone. No girlfriend he wanted close by for comfort, knowing clear as day she couldn't provide it if she tried. Not with who he just lost. 

B/E gets another brief reunion hug, the majority of which is spent with him peering at Clarke. The show saw that hug and raised us an Austenesque-quality counterpart that would do Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy proud. 

"B/E endgame is the only sensible outcome," they say, "they love each other so much."

I don't contend they don't love each other. But we are shown two people determined but incapable of snuffing their deep-rooted feelings out of noble propriety, and most importantly, out of needless fear of unrequited love. And another two people who sought- and failed- to keep grasping the wisps of a gentle relationship slipping out of their hands since they left their comfortable space bubble. For anyone in this conundrum to be happy, the only natural course of action is for the latter to call it quits. The writing has been on the wall for too long.

Maybe a single Bellarke scene plucked out of the lineup can be interpreted on its own as platonic buddies being platonic buddies. But when all those individual moments are woven together, what forms is an ornate tapestry with a pattern so vivid, any inane rhetoric involving a hint of the word "platonic" is little more than ludicrous anti drivel transparently cooked up by those wishing a different endgame.

I hope you've enjoyed my second long-winded rant, @sometimesrosy, @jeanie205, @travllingbunny. One born of a teaching moment in which I learn for the umpteenth time it's best to steer clear of Twitter.

[microsuedemouse]

man it has been a MINUTE since I made my own post about anything fandom-related on this website but @suzirya is blogging about The Old Guard and I haven’t seen anyone else talking about it really and I’ve got. some thoughts

I had literally never heard of this movie at all until a few nights ago when we were eating dinner in the living room and my dad pulled it up and said ‘hey I want to watch this’ and played the trailer for my brother and me. We were pretty much like yeah, sure, we all enjoy a good action flick, and aside from my other brother (who was occupied with D&D) it ended up being the whole family watching it. and I enjoyed it WAY more than I’d anticipated, especially for something I’d never heard about.

if you don’t know what I’m talking about: drop what you’re doing and go watch The Old Guard on Netflix. (it’s a Netflix original so yes it will be there.) it’s a very fun and good action film based on a series of graphic novels about a small group of immortals trying to do what’s right. there are many selling points but one of them is that it will be very good for your little gay soul, bc Charlize Theron stars (in a character with no explicitly-stated romances but lots of relationships that will make you Feel Things) and two of the other main characters are two men who met during the Crusades and are just amazingly in love with each other. And not in a vague way that the straights can interpret as Powerful Friendship. They are explicitly in love with each other and so devoted and ugh.

ANYWAY. putting the rest of my chattering under a cut bc spoilers and also I’m a wordy piece of shit

1 - early in this movie I was thinking about how glad I am that Charlize Theron has stepped into this role of like... cool female action star, but also, her characters are never super sexed up. almost any female characters I can think of in action movies, if they’re part of the action rather than victims/bystanders, are always made sexy. even when they’re Strong sexy, they’re still... a lot sometimes? I was thinking especially of some Angelina Jolie stuff, Scarlett Johanssen, etc. there are probably lots of exceptions to this that I just don’t know but still - we’ve had Theron in several roles like this recently, and appearance-wise she’s treated with the same respect as her male counterparts, which is so fucking cool and also such a fucking relief. we all love beautiful ladies, obviously, but it’s so SO good to see our female heroes just doing their jobs, without us ever being made aware of their sexuality.

and as the movie went on this was hitting me more and more, and I was also thinking it about... everyone? like. the other female lead, played by KiKi Layne, was arguably more feminine than Theron but not any more sexualised. even once she’s out of her army fatigues she’s dressed with practicality in mind, and again, we never have her female-ness pointed out to us. and I was so about every bit of that. both objectively and as a person whose relationship to female-ness and femininity is kind of weird, it’s such a good thing to see leading women whose gender and appearances and bodies aren’t being focussed on that way.

and as a sidebar to that, while I wouldn’t describe any of the prominent male characters as unattractive by any means, none of them were like... Marvel-actor hot. and I just, idk, especially in action/superhero movies, that’s refreshing to me. a lot of them looked like Regular Dudes in a way that I find very appealing.

2 - can we TALK about Joe and Nicky. holy shit. my brother and I kept leaning over to each other to be like ‘if anything happens to either of them I’ll riot.’ I MEAN.

we got a genuine, explicit, on-screen established romance between these men. it was not implied, it was not just how the actors played it in the hopes that people would catch on - it was right there. they hold each other to sleep, they kiss each other with such love, they talk to other characters about how much they adore each other. they met during the Crusades. they’ve been in love for centuries! and they’re so sweet, so devoted, so adoring! and they never have any arguments or tension to further the plot (one of my personal most-hated plot devices in any story with an established relationship). they just spend this movie loving each other, protecting each other and their weird little family, doing anything they can for each other. they’re taken prisoner and spend their time awake joking and making each other smile. and the one singular bit of casual homophobia they encounter on-screen is met with a declaration of love so heartfelt and intense that the guy who made the shitty comment literally doesn’t know what to say - which is a brief but extremely good scene in the movie, imo.

oh, also worth noting: this romance is biracial and interfaith (inasmuch as either of them may be men of faith after being alive for centuries). just to add to how good this is to see on-screen. all of this on top of them being IMMORTAL AND UNKILLABLE. NO GAYS BURIED HERE

2.5 - can I talk for a second about how goddamn much I love seeing non-hetero romance in genre fiction!!! I know it’s getting easier to find, but still. genre fiction is very much my domain and I love seeing queer romance there, especially when it’s simply an accepted fact and the characters’ queerness isn’t central to the story. narratives about queerness are good and important and serve a function but most of them aren’t really my thing, personally. a story that’s about all kinds of other things but also has queer characters there, being themselves, being in love, is so 1000% my shit.

3 - also? Charlize Theron’s character, Andy?? fascinating from a queer perspective. she doesn’t have any explicitly-stated romance with anyone, but her relationships with other characters are so compelling and so interesting. The backstory about her and another immortal, Quynh, very very distinctly gives you the impression that they were women in love. everything about Andy’s guilt and bitterness over not having been able to find/save Quynh feels so much like there was a romance there. it could have been platonic or familial - they were together, without anyone else, for centuries at least, and therefore obviously developed a very deep love - but the way Andy talks about Quynh it feels so much like there was something left unsaid, or unresolved.

also, her scene with the clerk in the pharmacy. oh my god. this woman clearly recognises that whatever is going on with Andy, something is wrong, and she offers her help, no questions asked. she takes her into the back room and patches up her wound. this scene has such an inherent intimacy because of the close quarters and the privacy and the act taking place, but... there’s also this really interesting connection happening between them, where they recognise something in one another but don’t state it. (personally, I couldn’t help wondering if the clerk was a domestic abuse survivor, maybe? but there are so many ways you could interpret her character from her behaviour and dialogue in that scene, and I’d love to see other people’s takes.)

and then on the other hand you have her relationship with Booker, who’s been with her the longest out of any of the living immortals. they’re incredible. their relationship is so, so interesting and well-depicted! they have such chemistry, that you can easily read as romantic or platonic. they’ve been together for so many hundreds of years and they work together, trust each other, with such a deep understanding and love and respect. and it never quite tips over into the romance you kind of think it will, which imo only makes it that much more compelling - there are so many directions you could take that dynamic.

4 - and then on the topic of Booker: I am SO into the way his betrayal was handled.

he did, undeniably, betray the others. there’s no argument on that fact. his motivations were understandable (and heartbreaking), even to Andy, though certainly not an excuse. so yes, they were furious with him. reasonably so! but... that didn’t actually break their relationships with him. they didn’t leave him behind in the lab, even if in some ways they might have wanted to. and in the ensuing battle, they were still able to work together and trust each other as they always have. the damage done to their larger relationship was put aside to be dealt with after all of this, as it should be. and even when they did deal with it, what they agreed on was just a century of exile from their group. given the lives they’re all living, that seems like such a mild sentence.

but to me, it makes so much sense. again, these people have lived for centuries, and there are so few of them. they need each other. the bonds they’ve formed over all this time together - the trust, the love, the sense of family - would not only be vital to both their survival and their sanity, but also incredibly difficult to truly break. what he did would seem unforgivable from an outside perspective, and even after that century passed I’m certain he’d have to earn back their trust and respect, but it makes absolute sense that they’d be willing to take him back one day.

god. GOD. I’m sure there’s more I could talk about but this is what I can think of right now and I’ve been typing for like forty minutes probably so I’m done for now but.

god.

this movie and its characters GOT ME, guys. I’m really in it. ugh UGH

[the-quiet-fire-of-defiance]

Hot take, because I engage with the Russingon community & read Russingon fanfic & I’m in Russingon discord servers but;

I don't really ship Russingon.

What I actually love is reading about Maedhros and Fingon's interactions, because they're complex characters with an amazing relationship and story arc. Whatever way you interpret their relationship, it's clear that theirs is a love story to which very few can compare.

My feelings about Russingon are the same as my feelings about most common pairings in fandoms. I don't have any strong preferences myself as to whether they're written as a romantic couple or not. My favourite thing about all of them is the depth of their feelings for each other; but I didn't read any of the books and think, "oh, they're in love, I ship them."

It’s not true that if people love each other more than anyone else, they must be in love. We so often say nowadays that romantic love is the deepest and greatest epitome of love, that it's somehow indescribably 'more' than any other relationship. There's a reason we use the phrase "more than friends".

But there is nothing lesser about friendship. You can love someone deeply and intensely and personally, as your closest confidant and Most Important Person in your life, and live all your years without that love being anything near romantic. I do. [Insert here meta about how the idea of romance as the ultimate and end form of love influences fan culture, and that culture's growing trend of writing close family relationships as incestuous...]

I think we all inherently know this, but we forget it sometimes when we look at characters. Those kinds of friendships are rarer today. There has been a undercurrent, a social push, which has reduced the frequency of once-platonic gestures like kissing each other on the mouth or sleeping in the same bed. Those were once considered completely normal things for friends to do, to demonstrate the depth of their emotions for each other. Physical intimacy and affection was normal. It was expected.

It's also not as acceptable nowadays to express platonic love verbally in the same wild and intense ways we used to, almost like poetry. Men used to write letters to their friends as "my dearest" or "my lovely boy" and sign them with equal exhortations of love, flowery and sweet. But that love has become less acceptable, and for men it carries the added stigma of being seen as 'less manly'. One way that this has transformed is the common modern ritual of naming extremely close friends as family. Because "friendship" is not a strong enough label to express or justify those feelings anymore.

So what caused that change? In short; homophobia. And colonialism spread it.

Sometimes I do get frustrated at close relationships always being depicted as romantic. I love reading intense friendships! I want them, I relate to them and feel for them, and they've largely been replaced by shipping in many fandom circles. It upsets me when romantic love is seen as the pinnacle. But I will also fight any person who disparages fans for writing romantic relationships, or for interpreting canon in their own ways. I want more fanfic about friendship, but I hate “Why Can’t They Just Be Friends?”

(Even aside from the word ‘just’.)

Because we have always had to find our own representation. And by 'us', I mean the queer community, because that's where most of this occurs. Straight people think they're tired of their heroes being interpreted as queer? Oh boy am I tired of every queer figure in history having their queerness denied, stamped out or erased to fit a narrative of cisgender heteronormativity because that's easier. I spend so much time going back through records, searching for proof that people like me existed. And I find it! But every time, historians interpret the evidence as they must have been very close friends or female friendships were like that back then or they must have been brothers.

Of course we find our own narratives in great friendships and spot representation where others don't see it. We are used to looking for the hidden stories. We are used to scraping off the cover of 'friendship'. Tolkien, like all grand sweeping tales, is the perfect ground for seeking out self-representation.  Of course there's a reflection of us in love which triumphs despite all obstacles; love worth risking death for.

In these texts we find our own stories hidden but mirrored. That's where we've always found them. We have only ever had the representation we make for ourselves.

So, although the idea of 'romance as the ultimate love' needs to be disassembled, interpreting canonical friendships as romantic relationships is queer reclaiming. The problem comes when you insist that romance is the only possible interpretation. That only people in love act that way or care that much.

It’s really unfair for everyone who likes gen, and especially aro/ace-spec people, but “why can’t they just be friends?” has been weaponised against queer people and carries a deep layer of hurt. So yes, some people will have the knee-jerk reaction of lashing out. We can recognise disguised & internalised queerphobia while also supporting and normalising loving, deep friendships that form part of the soul and change everything about who you are. Thank u for coming to my Ted Talk, enjoy your day.

[manggaetteokkie]

So this isn’t directed at you, but you’re a really nice person with great thoughts on shipping so I wanted to vent a little. You can skip this if you want. Honestly I generally dislike shippers no matter who they ship, and it isn’t some false moral superiority like some people, but more that a lot of shippers really do disregard intimate platonic relationships or treat them as somehow lower than a “real relationship”. I know that it’s a personal nitpick (and that there ARE shippers who recognize this, like you) but as someone who is aromantic/asexual and in a deeply intimate Queer-Platonic relationship, I really wish more people in general could grasp that intimacy isn’t something inherently sexual or romantic. Sorry for the ramble and thanks for always being such a wonderful person.

Hey anon! If anything I’m happy you’re open to reading my posts despite our differences x) 

So this is just a personal opinion, but I’ve been having thoughts recently that the whole concept of romantic relationships is quite “romanticized”. Call me pessimistic, but a lot of us are filled with the thought that romantic relationships means finding the One who will be your person and that you will love each other in a way that is different from others. While this is definitely the case for a lot of people, I can’t help but think about those who don’t ever get to experience that feeling or find that person. Wouldn’t that make them think that there is something is wrong with them because their romantic relationship isn’t going as they thought or imagined? There’s just seems to be such an emphasis put on romantic love that simultaneously lessens the importance of other forms of love? 

Anyways, I’ve been having thoughts like that recently and it made me realize that there’s literally no guarantee that the romantic relationship you end up having will be better than any of the platonic ones you have. Of course, I’m not trying to undermine any forms of love, I would just like to have people cherish their platonic relationships as much as they do for their romantic ones. Any form of love and relationship should be regarded as precious, without needing to say “only this one kind is real”.

I don’t claim to be an expert when it comes to love and intimacy, so these are purely my musings. But to bring it back to Jikook (afterall, I’m a shipper ;)), realizing the importance of their bond without necessarily putting a label on it really makes you notice how important they are to each other? I honestly feel like BTS are seven soulmates that have somehow found their way to each other, so it doesn’t make any sense to say think that any of their bonds lose relevance as soon as it’s no longer possible to view it in a romantic way. I say this because there are people who only value their relationship if there can be romance to be taken out of it. Once that’s gone, they go into a panic and start thinking that it’s over, they’re over, which honestly makes me sad...

[angelofthequeers]

hi, i was making an aroace sapphic character and wondered if you could give me any tips? :)

I can sure try! If anyone is uncomfortable with semi-explicit talk about sex (in terms of smutty writing and vague personal anecdotes) then feel free to skip over the asexuality part. I’m mostly going to talk about my own experiences as an aroace sapphic to try and offer more depth than just generic character advice. And this is my experience; not every aroace is the same. I’ll also refer to your character with she/her pronouns but they might not be the ones that she uses, so I apologise in advance if that’s the case.

So this is assuming that she’s fully aroace instead of, like, somewhere else on the aro and ace spectra (such as demisexual or greyromantic). I direct you to look up oriented, angled, and electio aroace to get a better idea of ways in which this entire package of aro, ace, and sapphic might come together - you don’t have to use or adhere to these labels but they do provide handy information in case you want a better understanding for your character. Basically:

Asexual

I don’t experience sexual attraction (or if I do and I’m demi like I first thought, I sure as hell haven’t noticed it yet). I never look at someone and think “hmm, they’re so physically hot and I want to smash them specifically”. A lot of my smutty writing was heavily influenced by other people’s smut at the start because, like...I didn’t know what was supposed to be hot. I didn’t inherently know what to describe when writing sex scenes. I had to rely a lot on other people and put together what they found “hot” in terms of physical descriptions of bodies because I don’t feel that kind of draw to people. Back when I was into Supernatural, everyone always went nuts over Misha Collins’ hipbones and I was like...yeah, they’re nice aesthetically because they stick out and they’d probably be sharp and cool to touch, and I incorporated that into my writing by often focusing on Castiel’s hipbones from Dean’s perspective. But I truly didn’t understand why they were considered so attractive. I wasn’t physically drawn to any part of Misha or Castiel (apart from things like his hair and eyes, and even then it wasn’t a sexual draw) and I had to absorb what parts allosexual writers found hot and then translate that into my own writing. I claimed to have a crush on Brendon Urie when I was 16 purely so I wouldn’t look like a “freak” to the other girls in my year, and I made that claim based on my aesthetic draw to his looks and assuming that that was what sexual attraction had to be.

(Look up aesthetic attraction. It’ll blow your mind once you realise that you can be drawn to people without it being sexual in any way. This is a very good definition of it).

And it’s important to separate libido (sex drive) and attraction (the draw to specific people) because a lot of aces can have an average to high libido and even sleep with people but just...not feel sexually drawn to anyone. So in the case of your character, you have to decide whether she’s going to have no libido and/or is squicked by the concept of sex, or if she’s got a higher libido and is drawn to the concept of sex, or anything in between. Me personally? My libido and my draw to the concept of sex fluctuates - sometimes it’s as high as what you’d expect from a typical allosexual, sometimes even the vague idea makes me cringe and my engine is flat - but I’m never attracted to anyone specifically. That lack of attraction is what makes me ace, because you can also get allosexual people (non-asexuals) whose libido and relationship with sex is like this.

There’s that misconception that ace people are pure virgins who cringe at the very idea of being touched and sure, some ace people are sex-repulsed and touch-averse, but a lot of us aren’t. Some of us might enjoy sex as a bonding activity in the same way that you’d enjoy yoga or another form of exercise; it’s nice and feels good, but it’s not exactly our highest priority and we could go without it for a good while if we wanted. Some of us actively enjoy sex and initiate it often. Some of us are okay with one-night stands because we’re not attracted to anyone specifically and just want the sex. Some of us don’t want to do it with someone else but enjoy some self-love every now and then, whether as stress relief or because that’s just the kind of sex we enjoy. Some of us are okay with touching someone sexually but don’t want that touch reciprocated.

Even if you’re not planning on putting your character into a sexual situation, it’s handy to figure out her relationship to sex and touch because that can give her another dimension, such as where does she draw the line with touching? At what point does she see it as going from non-sexual to sexual? What kind of touch does she crave? Does she not want any touch at all, either because she hates it or because she’s afraid that it’ll inevitably stray into sexual touching? I crave touch because I’m a very tactile person, but when I’m touching someone who’s not a family member, I’m always uncomfortably aware of how one tiny shift in position or one slide of a hand can make things stray out of my comfort zone and send the wrong message. And I hate it when people unexpectedly draw me into contact, such as someone suddenly hugging me. That could also be a dimension of my autism, but I do feel that my asexuality plays a part because touch from a family member of mine is always different to that of anyone else.

Aromantic

And then we come to romantic attraction. I...don’t know what that is. I mean, I do know what it is in theory, but where’s the line between platonic attraction and romantic? Some of us aros might enjoy romantic-coded things like kissing, yet not feel that romantic draw to a specific person. And what makes these things romantic in the first place? Dates are just a hang-out between people where you get to know them better. Kissing can be a sexual thing, and many one-night stands or friends with benefits kiss without it being romantic. Family members cuddle. Friends compliment each other’s appearances. All of these things can potentially be reshaped to remove the romantic element, and that’s what makes it so confusing for me personally to figure out wtf romantic attraction is.

Just like with asexuality, we can range from romance-repulsed to craving a relationship that’s romantic in nature. Some of us are okay with being in a romantic relationship with a friend who’s attracted to us in that way because we want increased intimacy and don’t mind it taking on a romantic tone. Some of us freak out when a friend confesses to us. Some of us don’t really want or don’t care for a romantic relationship but want to not look like an outsider to alloromantics. Some of us do it for the tax benefits.

(But in all seriousness, the world is currently heavily skewed in favour of romance. Some places only accept your next-of-kin if they’re legally family i.e. your spouse, and just being their good friend won’t cut it. Capitalism makes it so that we basically have to live with others to survive in certain places because living alone is inaccessible. Marriage comes with certain benefits that other relationships don’t. Queerplatonic relationships can be just as deep as romantic ones and incorporate everything that romantic ones do yet in a deromanticised way, yet they’re not seen as valid. Look up alterous attraction to see how love and attraction can be so deep and yet something that doesn’t slot neatly into romantic or platonic. Once you start seeing all this, you just can’t stop).

I had a month-long online relationship with a girl back in 2017 and I thought I was feeling romantic attraction. I was giddy to talk to her, I had 7-hour phone calls when I normally had anxiety around phone calls, I felt good and happy when she sent me selfies...but there was something about the relationship that I couldn’t put my finger on. I thought at the time that it was just because it being online meant that I didn’t have the physical intimacy (like cuddling) and that affected it, but now I realise that I’m aro and I was trying to force myself into this idea of an ideal relationship because I didn’t know that you could be close and not be romantic partners. I still talk to her and we’re still close, but there’s so much less pressure and panic now that I’m not trying to force myself to be attracted to her in a way that I think I should be. But I’m still drawn to her in a way that I’m not drawn to men and in a way that’s not just platonic, which is why I call myself sapphic aroace. And even if I figure out whether I am drawn to men as well, it still feels...different. More on that later on in this ask. But it’s basically why I just call myself queer and why I’ve given up on trying to find the Perfect Microlabel for myself, because I never will.

So regarding your character, the first thing to do is figure out where exactly she sits on the aromantic spectrum. Is she fully aro? Does she feel romantic attraction once in a blue moon, and who does she feel it towards? How close would she have to be to someone to feel that attraction? Does she constantly question what romantic attraction is, or does she not even care what it is? Does she want a romantic relationship, or does she crave close friendship? Does she not understand where that boundary between close friendship and romance is? How would she react if a friend confessed romantic feelings to her? Is she okay with doing things like cuddling, or does she fear that it’ll be misread as romantic? How does she react when people tell her to stop flirting or otherwise imply that she is? Can she tell when others are flirting with her? What even is love at first sight? Why is romantic love so much more important than platonic or familial or any other form? Why are people so obsessed with finding The One™? Why can stories only be relatable/attractive/amazing/etc. if there’s a romantic relationship in them? Why are the ‘greatest love stories of all time’ romantic? Why can’t those greatest love stories be between friends? What do you do when you’ve got a wlw or mlm relationship and you want to offer this representation but don’t want to feel pressured to make them romantic just because of that? Why even is love itself seen as such an important thing, like we’re inhuman robots if we don’t love someone in any way? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(Like I said, once you start questioning this stuff, you can’t stop. That was basically my raw thought process while I was writing that paragraph, and that last one about the wlw/mlm relationships is my current struggle with my original characters).

Sapphic

So, tying in a sapphic draw with being aroace, I once again urge you to look up oriented aroaces, along with angled and electio. I recommend starting here and here. Basically, what we feel isn’t romantic or sexual, and it might not be just platonic, but it’s something. It’s something important enough that we feel like it’s a key part of our identity because it shapes how we interact with people and it might make us feel separate enough from aroaces or aspec people that we start to question ourselves and where we belong. Going back to an aro who might crave or be okay with a romantic relationship or an ace who might be into sex, they might be an oriented aroace who wants this partnership with someone they love or wants sexual experiences with only those who would fall under her sapphic attraction umbrella. In the case of your character, how does her sapphicness interact with her aroaceness? How does her attraction to women or woman-aligned people differ from her attraction to those who aren’t included in the sapphic umbrella? (Look up non-binary sapphics, for example). Does she feel like she has to call herself sapphic/a romantic-oriented term and leave herself open to potential relationships because she doesn’t want to be alone, or does she genuinely feel that attraction? Once you add in the aroace dimensions, it changes the gay/bi/pan/etc. dimension to something that can’t just be defined as “attracted to this gender” and it’s something you have to think about to know how your character would interact with different people in different circumstances.

Good luck with your character! Don’t hesitate to ask if you need any more help 😊

[houseki-no-suffering]

Pssst.... gush about some thing you’ve wanted to for so long but haven’t found the ask to do so! I really like reading your metas or off-the-wall posts.

aw ty!

mmmh usually i just crank out a random meta when i feel like it, which i havent had the energy to do in a while. so have a lot of hcs about gem language, gem society and how it resembles a totalitarian system cause why not, this is already a dystopia. 

goes from cute to shady real quick, have fun

Gem Vocabulary

gems have no gender, they dont age, they dont reproduce. the whole vocabulary about relationships, aging and sex must be completely different in gem language. they probably lack a lot of words we commonly use, and have unique words for things we dont have (like winter duty, patrol duty... i wouldnt be surprised if gem language had unique grammatical features for those)

this is one of the reasons why its so unfair of aechmea to call cairn ‘wife’ and ‘princess.’ the gems have no concept of wife-ness, we dont know if a gem equivalent of marriage exists, but its definitely much, much different from what the lunarians (and us) perceive as one.

do gems have anything akin coming of age? this could be weird bc gems can potentially live forever, but they can also be abducted by the lunarians at any time, so who’s to say how long a lustrous will live? how do you calculate being ‘of age’? is it by calculating the average life-span of a gem? 

how do they measure time and seasons? we know they have winter and summer and phos mentions ‘spring’ in chapter 20, but what about months and lunar phases? do they have words for that or are months just too small a timeframe for the immortal lustrous to utilize? how do they measure time? in hours and seconds? weeks? different units altogether?

Gem Relationships

similarly, gem relationships are codified in a completely different way. we know they have a concept of romance bc dia ships phos and shinsha and makes comments here and there about other gems being in love. 

at the same time, the relationships btw alexandrite and chrysoberyl, padpa and rutile, ghost/cairn and lapis etc are little different from ‘pure’ sibling/sibling relationships or senpai/kohai relationships.

this is not to say that they’re all romantic in nature, but the way they’re codified in canon (especially in the way the characters grief for their partner) makes me think that even if the gems have no blood/physical kinship with one another they have a very articulated system of establishing family bonds.

dia and bort are clearly siblings, but the same can’t be said, for example, for rutile and padpa, even if they were partners and even if they display a similar junior/senior relationship. this means that relationships are predicated on something else in hnk, and kinship, family and romance are all codified in a different way.

think of vulcans in star trek: physical contact such as two fingers touching, holding hands and kissing is unknown of (save for very specific circumstances). and vulcan people have a completely different way of expressing intimacy and romance than humans. 

this makes me think: just how many canonically romantic relationships are there in hnk (if any) that we’re simply unaware of bc the way gems codify and express romance is so different from ours? is romance even common? rare? perceived as weird? useless? 

what about other relationships? the gems use ‘little brother/ older brother’ but what if this is just japanese approximations? what kind of relationships can lustrous language really express and how different are they from ours?

Imagination

as @ruddy-rutile​ pointed out some time ago, the gems lack a concept of fantasy. thats why i posted that panel about alex’s original lunarian designs. sure, it’s funny, but it also makes you think: these gems are not raised to think outside the box and they can do it without being told so only under exceptional circumstances.

of the vast library of texts that ghost (and lapis) used to take care of, just how many are novels and fiction? none of them? a small amount? a decent amount? in a society thats as focused on practicality, efficiency and conservatism as the lustrous’, how is fiction perceived if perceived at all? 

is there art? red beryl’s craft comes very close to art when they express their feelings about ‘fashion for fashion’s sake,’ but it’s an exception that the other gems find hard to grasp.

phos is often told to stop fantasizing about the world and get things done, the only tale we know the gems are told is the actual story of how their world came to be. the gems always talk about real things, stuff that happened, and make and do things that have a practical use. 

even bort’s jellyfish diary is just made up of a recollection of what happened when they tried to feed them. still, the fact that bort names the jellyfish makes you think that these rocks do have potential for fantasy, theyre just not used to it

Totalitarianism and Privacy

to make this even more shady, here’s your gentle reminder that:

- gems’ rooms have no doors. the only door ive been able to find is the one in shinsha’s room (ch 2) and that is because shinsha’s room is closed off to other people and full of mercury. its like putting a patch on smth you dont want to deal with (much like shinsha’s whole character arc tbh)

- the gems have little to no free time. or their free time can be revoked any time in case an emergency occurs, sensei is napping etc. the gems’ time is rigorously managed by jade, euc and sensei. each gem has a place to be and a time to be.

this means that a missing gem can be found at all times and slackers can be identified very easily. they all have a job and they have to follow it. this is not to say that they have no fun ever, but leisure time is rare and (at least as far as we know) its not contemplated when tasks are assigned each day.

the mere fact that there is a morning assembly and tasks are assigned each day makes you think. is this communism? is this totalitarianism? but most importantly, is this a scary dystopia that hits you in the face like a brick the third time you reread ch 2?   

- sameness > equality. i already went over this in the past. gems society underlines sameness and conformity over anything else. the gems think theyre equal but theyre actually ‘similar.’

a system based on equality emphasizes differences so that every individual can do the best with what they have got and get back what they need, according to their personal needs. 

these gems emphasize sameness: everyone is upheld to the same standards, even when those standards dont match with a gem’s unique characteristics (ie phos cannot be a fighter, no reason to keep saying stuff like ‘if only you were stronger/you’re useless’ etc. they’re a rock with an imagination in a world where dull reality is the rule. just make them write theater plays and play with slugs with shinsha, wth)

It’s real 1984 hours:

all of the above means that:

- your sense of self is subordinated to the group. if you dont belong you’re simply a nothing. at times, the gems almost display a collective consciousness (a pretty hostile one too): everything must be decided together and done together

- you are what you do. gems identify completely with their job. thats why a job is so important, thats why this system is so fucked up. self worth is not inherent, it depends on what you can do. talk about a breeding ground for mental health issues 

- you dont have a saying in picking your career or deciding for you future. thats up to sensei (and maybe euc and jade). unless you have a very strong affinity with a certain task (like red beryl and alex)

- youre expected to follow orders all the damn time. no matter how much sensei wants his gems to exert free will, they still prefer to do what theyre told. ill admit, its much easier than taking your life in your hands and decide what youre gonna do with it, but damn if it isnt depressing. and childish

- euclase and sensei are the authority. sensei and euc are the powers that be. in the sense that they assign tasks, they decide on times and battle plans, on purpose etc. lets not forget that euc was the one to take on sensei’s role after he ‘resigned.’ 

i wonder what would happen if euc were abducted and the gems had no one to follow anymore, no orders. who’d be the new leader? would there be one? lets not forget that no matter how gentle euc is, phos is shit scared of them.

- thought police is a thing. to end this meta on what is probably the shadiest note: surveillance is a thing. the gems report on each other, it’s thought police, no sugarcoating this. 

there’s no privacy, no secrets. even antarc reads rutile’s diary. this goes from cute and childish (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’) to absolutely fucked up (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’)

[skinnylittleredwrites]

My best friend, my lover.

TITLE OF STORY: My best friend, my lover. CHAPTER NUMBER/TITLE/ONE SHOT: 2/? AUTHOR: skinnylittlered. WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Actor!Tom. GENRE: Romance. FIC SUMMARY: Andrea and Tom have been friends since the beginning of time. Until a confession of love is made. This story follows the events of their subsequent relationship (sequel to You Wanna Play that Game? ) RATING: Explicit (language, references to sexual activity). WARNINGS/TRIGGERS/AUTHORS NOTES: - FEEDBACK/COMMENTS: -

Chapter 2.

I don’t see how I could ever tire of this.

Surely, this feeling might be greatly influenced by the fact that, due to his absolutely hellish schedule his job all but demands, and the very static nature of my own job – I am, more often than not, essentially tied to my desk and the seemingly never ending piles of papers that consume most of my time at work and sometimes my free time as well, so more time than I’d ever care to admit to myself or any who may inquire – we have probably spent somewhere in the vicinity of maybe a fortnight in each other’s presence in the last three months and, while I would have been completely content with the situation should things have transpired in that way, there’s more to a relationship, I’m being told, than fucking each other’s brains for the whole of the time we’re together. Thusly, precious time which could have been dedicated to mindless penetration was regrettably wasted on romantic niceties and such other nonsense which I could have really done without, regardless of how cute they may be.  

This is precisely why, as I find myself kneeling against the headrest of his bed – well, technically, our bed now – and being pounded into with the fervour that I thought was only reserved for pubescent boys furiously masturbating against any surface even remotely resembling the softness that is specific to the female kind, I am relishing maybe more so than I generally would during copulation. Not to cause any misunderstanding, Tom has proved himself to be quite the competent lover, effectively obliterating the sparse doubts I may have amassed in regards to that topic. Doubts, I should add, that were compiled during the not infrequent locker talk that I either overheard or was a present participant to over the years of our friendship. Honestly, men have such a way of perorating about their sexual conquests that it renders a female of the even coarser sensibilities (or maybe especially her) to regard their grandiose claims as at least dubious if not entirely unbelievable. But, fortunately for all the parties involved, that is both myself and him, those claims are, irrefutably if not quite as monumentally, backed up by facts - he is a man of a certain degree of mastery, not to be overlooked, when it comes to gratifying the beautiful sex.

And here I am, being thoroughly gratified – thoroughly being the operative word – as I am taken from behind, with great enthusiasm. He’s got me by a fistful of hair and a fistful of hip, grunting as he thrusts into me, and it is music to my ears, accompanied by the sounds of his pelvis slamming into my ass – a symphony of absolute debauchery if I’ve ever heard one. I, naturally, being the refined erotic artist that I fancy myself to be, am holding my own to this most exquisite harmony of sounds, positive that my moans and screams of pleasure can be heard from across the street, but I indulge in expressing my satisfaction shamelessly, completely neglecting any sense of the basest form of propriety or moral value instilled in me since infanthood. I revel in the delights of the flesh to the uttermost extent, I am unabashed and completely incorrigible and I am -

Oh, god, I’m -

I cry out my climax, bending backwards toward him in a way that I am certain might be highly uncomfortable if not impossible were it not for the adrenaline shooting through me. He reaches to my ear and whispers rough words that would otherwise be insulting, that he would not be caught dead addressing a woman in a different scenario, but right now only intensify my pleasure, coaxing it out of me. I whimper and I come, as I am commanded, and it doesn’t register in my brain that I am no longer at my apex even minutes later, when he stiffens to his own release.

Panting and sweating, we both let ourselves fall on the crumpled sheets of our lovemaking. Tom is, soon enough, fast asleep, but I am, although physically spent, nowhere near enough to drowsy. I am somehow full of energy but unable to manifest it, and, to save myself from the eventual frustration that will overcome me in this paradoxal state and because of it, I raise from the bed and head for the shower, pondering almost disinterestedly at the domestic tasks that I have to accomplish for the day and other such things.

It’s been three months. Three very convoluted, intense, consuming months. So much so, that, except for the occasional talks we have confronting the subject during our very infrequent times together, we did not really have the time others may have to slide into conjugality, it’s still quite foreign territory, although broadly discussed. Between travelling to every and all corners of the world, filming and catering to his fanbase and, winning awards, we tried to fit in our newly developed liaison. We went on dates and held hands and our interactions slowly metamorphosised, without losing the friendly quality of the ones prior to our respective confessions, into something entirely new, but still very familiar. Our romance, we learned, is in the small things. Not much of our demeanour towards the other has changed, but the subtleties which make all the difference in the world are ever present, and those lay in our knowledge. He doesn’t look at me any differently, nor does he speak to me differently, nor does he hug me longer nor tighter, but his love, professed and recognised, gives other meaning to what was before. There are, of course, the intimacies that are entirely strange to the realm of platonic, but those are hardly ever on display – I am the part of him that the world shall merely know of, but never know – and to the couple of us, they seem but a natural extension to something that was present all along. But that does not domesticity make. This we shall learn as we go, one morning waking up together at a time.  

Or one homemade meal at a time? I speak the question rhetorically, as there is no one in the room to answer, and giggle at myself a bit as I’m chopping various vegetables for supper.  

Cooking was not an activity that I have ever particularly enjoyed or was any good at. Obviously, nobody is particularly proficient at anything from the onset, lest for an inherent propensity that might as well be divinely gifted, as the general consensus seems to be with the average folk, but I appeared to be, from early times, especially unskilled at any culinary endeavours. My attitude towards the matter was the insurmountable obstacle toward my progression in the field – I would never, for the life of me, be caught in the kitchen, either by myself or others, when the convenience of the ready-to-eat, brought-to-your-own-door meal was an available commodity, even in college, when money was less than it is now. With an upper middle class family to support me and a part time job as a barista, money was hardly the issue – it would be highly hypocritical of me to not acknowledge the very fact that beauty pays for itself; I am an example of the basic caucasian standard of classic beauty: honey blonde hair, blue eyes and a slim oval face, the body that I religiously keep fit to serve my vanity more than my health or any other purpose, and a sweet disposition that I nearly cunningly employ to my advantage, I would never dare say that life wasn’t made easier by those cumulus of facts.  

But cooking, or any other traditionally womanly activities, I discovered as I was growing up, became more tolerant, even pleasant when their result has a recipient. I may not enjoy preparing my own food, I am still as guilty of succumbing to pre-prepared commodities as I was in my youth when mine is the only mouth that needs feeding, but I certainly do enjoy putting a meal together for my partners, and Tom is no exception. If anything, he’s the instance reinforcing the rule. In the little time we’ve had together, I’ve made it my mission to bring him a home he can take refuge in anywhere we may be.

“What’s cookin’, good lookin’?”

Ah, speak of the devil, there he is, all six feet and two inches of freshly roused glory, donning just boxers and a tee, and a self-satisfied smirk on his face, for somewhat reason.

“I did not buy it then; I don’t buy it now.”

“First of all, you said you did-”

“I lied.”

“And second, mean.”

“Am I?”

“You hurt my achey breakey heart.”

“I think your heart is just fine, thank you very much.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he chuckles against my neck as he hugs me from behind, sending a shiver down my spine. “My heart is mighty fine, although I do wonder about my stomach. It is very sanitary to be cooking in your underwear?”

"I am wearing a t-shirt!”

“...and no pants.”

“Well, I was going for sexy, not sanitary.”

“You’re always sexy.”

I huff.

“There’s no point to flattery, Hiddleston, with me, you can already get anything you want.”

“I’m not flattering. I do think you’re sexy. Always have.”

“Always?”

“Yeah. I never really wanted to admit it to myself, because that would have been... problematic, but I did. You’re a very beautiful woman.”

Although I am very much aware of that, his declaration still puts a knot in my throat and, like the sap that I am, my eyes become moist with overdramatic tears. I turn and rest my forehead on his chest, holding his body closer to mine. “I know.”

He laughs at my muffled reply, but is quick to chastise my illogical crying.

“Oh, dear, none of that. I can make a list of all of the things that are absolutely awful about you, then you can hate me and stop the waterworks.”

Sentiment promptly forgotten, I take a step back and glare at him.

“There’s nothing awful about me, I’m perfect!”

“Like hell you are,” his laugh is mirthful and unforgiving.  

“Fine. Tell me three things which are awful about me.”

His reply is matter-of-fact and not at all hesitant.

“You’re self-centred, vain, and not only slightly superficial. And, while we’re at it, your cooking’s not fantastic, either. I think you take after your mother.”

“That last one was mean and uncalled-for! But, fuck, I sound terrible. Am I so terrible?”  

The fact that I pulled out the puppy eyes on him on that last bit surely only emphasises some of my shortages in good character, because I’m doing it just to torment him. I know he doesn’t and I know he’ll feel especially bad for being so blunt in his criticism, and he’ll pull his very own variation of the puppy-eyes on me to be granted forgiveness later, which I will of course provide after making him repent.  

Orally.

“Why are you smirking all of a sudden?”

“Huh?”

“What’s with the face?”

“Ah, nothing. Up for takeout pizza?”

“Fuck, yeah.”

Yeah, we’re going to be just fine, Tom Hiddleston and I. Maybe not one homemade meal at a time, though.

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Author’s notes: It’s been about four years since I last wrote pretty much anything in any way literary (maybe some poetry here and there), and I decided that I miss it (and was pestered by some folks very dear to me to get my ass in gear and just do it again) so, yeah. Decided that, since I was so comfortable with the medium of fanfic, this would be a good place to give my writing bones a good crackin’, and so far things have been surprisingly nice. I honestly thought the fandom was dead, but it seems that you guys are still alive and very much kicking. 

Aaaaanywaaayyy.

I wanted to send out a huge, huge thanks to those of you who stuck for so long. It makes a girl shed a tiny but highly valuable tear. Also huge thanks for those of you who have stumbled upon my work while I was gone, those who sent messages and likes and kudos and reblogs and all that fun stuff. I came back to quite a number of those and, well, let’s just add another tiny tear to that previous one. Also thanks to those of you who are new to the my tiny blog of stories, another tiny tear and I will be full on tiny crying.

Thank you!