#light blue girl

[clear-sticker]

Hello 🤍 My name is Hannah. I’m a 27 year old woman just trying to romanticize my life and motivate myself to show up as my best self each day. I am: - a graphic designer working at my dream agency - a wannabe gym rat - a skincare enthusiast - a guinea pig mom - a wife who always tries to improve my relationship - a foodie who always tries new recipes - an artist who needs to express herself more often - a kpop fan (Twice stan: Dahyun bias 🦅) - an optimist who always tries to practice gratitude and patience Follow along if you want to join me on this journey. 🕊️

[daisylambs]

[fluffyblue-multifandommess]

"Yagami Light as a youtuber would probably plagiarise" WRONG Yagami Light is insanely intelligent and looks down on literally every single other human person, he would rather stab himself in the eye than using the works of someone else - someone who can't be anything but beneath him. Pre-Death Note youtuber!Light would make long-ass videos about Everything Wrong With Society with completely unhinged takes about how xyz small innocuous thing is responsible for gang violence with numbers* to back it up.

"Light would plagiarise" get the fuck out of here.

*numbers which he completely twists to his own bias - without even knowing it because he thinks way too highly of himself

[honeysucklelips]

why?

[carbon-fiber-internal-organs]

CENSORED

[haenxn]

✿𝅼 ̷ 𔓐ᰰ𐇽 sweet beige dr--ms 𐇽 ᭧𖫲 𔓐⃝🍈

⠀⠀𓄱̸ 𓈒◌⃝ ✿𝅼 ̷ ﾉ￮⃘̸ ࿙💭࿚ ᥣ℮ 𔓐ᰰ𐇽 🈀⃞ ܔ ̸̷ 𔓐 𐇽𖥔ᰰ ݄݃ 𞋯 ۘ ᭧𖫲

[xxsicko-skeletonsxx]

IM BLUE 💜

[secriden]

Just going to cry again (see: my previous post about the parallels between the storage room scene and the abandoned factory scene) about parallels and juxtapositions in the store room scene vs the one in Styles bedroom:

Both these scenes have such a tone of desperation and are characterised by an overflowing of emotions, but in drastically opposite directions.

(Note, some of what I say in this post directly relates to concepts and themes I talked about here, so it may not wholly make sense without that context.)

The scene in the storeroom is filled with frustrated desire. Fadel kisses Style because he wants Style's body and also wants to take his frustrations at Style out on his body. He doesn't need to look Style in the eye (and in fact very intentionally only does so only in small snatches) because this isn't about a connection as much as it is about a release. Fadel's kisses come fast, hard, and are intended to bruise more than to adore.

But episode 5's scene is filled with much more quiet and tender sort of desire. Style is kissing Fadel so much more slowly and purposefully. He keeps looking back at Fadel, checking in to see how he feels and whether Fadel is enjoying it. Everything Style wanted in Episode 3, he now gives to Fadel here, pours the secrets of his knowing and choosing Fadel anyway into the way he presses his lips onto Fadel's skin. His kisses linger, they carry a weight but are not gentle, and contain meaning that Fadel's kisses couldn't in Episode 3 because in all honesty they were relative strangers back then.

There's also the way there's such a ferocity and carelessness in the way Fadel starts the encounter in episode 3 that is juxtaposed beautifully by the slow, tender, almost hesitant way Style slides his lips onto Fadel's. Both of them are in such different headspaces, between these episodes and its especially evident in the way they care so much more about the other person's comfort and how intentionally they showed that to the audience.

There's hunger present in both scenes but what this hunger is focused on is so drastically different. In the storeroom, they're both mainly focused on a physical release; its primal and visceral but lacked emotional resonance. Fadel gives Style what he knows Style wants (that hint of danger, with the hand on his neck), but its not because he really cares about what Style wants on anything more than a physical level. In Style's bedroom, however, Fadel is drunk (intentionally and by his own design) and desperate to open himself up to Style on an emotional level. Meanwhile, Style wants that desperately too, but knows that Fadel shouldn't because of his own terrible secret. So this kiss is what they both will allow themselves - an honesty and a hunger for this deeper connection they can only share in act but not in words.

In the storeroom, Style wants Fadel to want more than his body but knows (or thinks) he can't push for it yet, so he remains passive, lets Fadel do whatever he wants, lets him turn and shove and place Style how he wants because at this point, this is all Fadel will give him. Here, Style is passive in spite of what he wants. But in the bedroom, Fadel is passive because it's what he wants; he wants to let Style do whatever he desires to and with Fadel's body. He wants to lay himself as bare as he possibly can, which is only physical, and so he does.

And because the encounter in Episode 3 lacked that emotional connection, the focus is merely their respective releases. There's a sense of two people trying to find pleasure and 'finish' while remaining emotionally disconnected despite actively having sex with each other. Because in some ways, they didn't really need each other in that moment to get there (there's actually a lot of truth in what Fadel says about it being easier to just jerk off alone). In sharp contrast, the scene in Episode 5 isn't focused on the destination but on the journey. Style is taking his time and Fadel is letting him - Style is choosing to worship Fadel's body, with his fingers, with his lips, to respond to his vulnerability with gentleness and tenderness and adoration. The goal has stopped being about finding a release, it's about allowing both these men to revel in the giving and receiving of pleasure.

The point of these scenes is to show to us the ways in which Fadel and Style have grown to care for and, dare I say it, love each other in ways that are so purposefully portrayed by showing the nature of their physical connection. Because the ways in which these scenes are the same and yet so wholly different showcases how their touches are now no longer merely tied to their senses any longer, but also to their hearts as well.

[zerocalorievanillaicecream]

[plutonicbees]

cassie sandsmark star jorts from issue #23 of yj98 you have always been famous to me

(before pic + additional photos and unnecessary ramblings under the cut)

I made these jorts in 22 hours over the course of 3 days! pure willpower via my love for cassie sandsmark because I am a total novice in sewing and i am still not very good at it. (i really just combined various tutorials and improvised on measurements and then regretted improvising measurements later on).

I thrifted these jeans last year for cassie vibes (even though I had already made her star-spangled red bellbottoms at that point) and wasn't a fan of how they fit + I couldn't figure out how to style them. I enjoyed sewing in the panels to flare them out and then everything else (cargo pockets and sewing in stars) was hell <3

the pockets are not placed well (nor are they particularly well-made), the hem is uneven, the stars are quite janky (and I think I stitched on too many), I probably stabbed my fingers a million times, and I am so in love with them

[clear-sticker]

Things I've learned on my body acceptance journey

I call it my body acceptance journey instead of my body-positive journey because, in all honesty, I've found it too difficult to truly be positive about my body.

It felt too daunting. I felt like I was deluding myself. I tried "fake it til I make it", but it felt like trying to force myself into an ideology I could never fully believe.

I have struggled with disordered eating and body dysmorphia for many years. I would be lying if I told you I was completely rid of negative self talk and toxic ideation in regards to my appearance. However, I've learned to implement important mental exercises to help stop unhelpful, damaging thoughts from taking root in my mind again.

My therapist told me,

"if it is too challenging to be body-positive, then shoot for acceptance."

That greatly shifted my perception. The barrier to entry was lowered, and I felt that was something I could buy into.

Instead of the voice in my head telling me I'm not enough — I told myself,

"This is where I am. This vessel carries me through life, and I'm grateful for that. It's been with me my whole life through good and bad. It's a body that deserves to be respected."

This is a mindset that could not have been achieved without action. To get here I had to show my body the kindness and respect it deserves by continuously working on it. Just like any other relationship, if you neglect it and refuse to put in any effort to constantly grow a deeper connection, the relationship will deteriorate. That is why it was imperative that:

I stopped depriving my body of fuel. I stopped letting my mobility decrease and my muscles to atrophy. I took time to practice self care daily.

This helped me to stop feeling sorry for the things I saw in others that I didn't or couldn't have. Instead, I focused on the things I could improve — milestones I could achieve.

I could go to the gym and push myself to get stronger with each session. I could improve my flexibility and mobility each day. I could dedicate time and energy to take better care of myself through self care. I could enrich my mind through reading and learning new things.

Building myself up to that point took a long time. It took extremely difficult therapy sessions. It took a ton of introspection and mindfulness. It took seeing each day as an opportunity to be the person I always wanted to be. That takes discipline, and discipline is a muscle that needs to be trained each day through the development and implementation of positive habits.

In the beginning it was especially hard because I didn't have respect for myself. However, just like any exercise, the more you do it the easier it gets. Each daily habit I tacked on, the more proud I was of who I was becoming.

There are times when I long for the sense of power restricting gave me. I sometimes miss the high it gave me. It was intoxicating to fantasize about becoming the girls in my thinspo folder. It was addictive to hate myself. It was easier that way. But building the mental fortitude to be better through respecting myself is far more gratifying than seeing a number on a scale drop.

Things do getter better.

tl;dr:

I couldn't fully accept and have pride in myself until I started focusing on the things I have control over.

The more you do hard things like steeling your mind to negative ideation and putting in the effort to improve your body the easier it gets.

You don't have to be perfect every day. You just have to do your best to show up as the person you believe you deserve to be.

[daisylambs]

[urfavsillydoll]

This gives me Lana del rey vibe 💋

[theclassymike]

Dylan Sprayberry attending Dream it Con.

[lvioung]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Spice ⠀it⠀ up, ⠀up,⠀ up,⠀ hold ⠀up

[babydoll2]

𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑦 𝑏𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠 🪽