#leukemia cw

[shnowyfox]

all my mlp ocs in order of creation

DayDreamBreeze. also my original gamertag on minecraft! i uhm. shes not supposed to be a cheese changling. She's inspired by a fluttershy toy i had and the beautiful artwork for the honey queen chrysalis from ink rose's interpretation of her backstory. i swapped the honey for water and she's supposed to be a pegasus? but i drew her as a changling here for some reason and i have no clue why

Casey Cockatrice. Seeing pony youtubers discuss the show in their oc form, and thinking "wow, they're all just pegasi" i was like "i should do that but not be a pegasus" so i made an oc and never did that lol. probably a good thing though. anyhow. Casey was originally supposed to be an angel cockatrice but I didn't know how to do that without just making a chicken with a lizard tail until just now im realizing i should make it a dutchie omg. Casey enjoys the ponies and wants to befriend them but is confined to the everfree forest, so she has dawned a blindfold so she doesnt hurt anyone and she likes to hang out with zecora and collect herbs with her. she still just kinda does chicken/dragon things most of the time like pecking at the ground and sitting on treasure. The ring in her comb is supposed to be a halo. halos stuck in the character's design physically (usually through the hair or something similar) was a common thing i did for characters that were close to me at the time.

Lemon Lily. She is. very bright. she was supposed to have a much more subtle color palette but i didnt do that and now she looks like sprite lmao. anyhow. i drew her randomly when i went through a small mlp phase a few years ago, mainly just attraction for chrysalis, but i guess she exists. her cutie mark is supposed to look like a water lily made of lemons but it kinda just looks weird idk. i'd say her talent is supposed to be like.. maybe floral arrangement? i think i had some inspiration from early mlp background ponies and i remember the florists were my favorite.

JASON!! my favorite little idiot. he's a griffin i made in pony.town after realizing if i use the singular freckle and closed the eyes, it looked like he had tiny eyes and angry brows lol. all i do with him is act vaguely like skydoesminecraft and boop people with my bird fingers.

DayDreamBreeze 2.0. i literally drew this bitch and didn't do anything else with them. ever.

then is autumn breeze whom i've drawn literally in like my last post so im not doing it again rn. she's my LOE pony and if you want her lore go to the post where i drew her on my phone.

Honey Suckle. The only OC that I have surviving evidence of actually writing their backstory and whatnot. They were created with the idea of them experimenting on their body trying to turn themselves into a bee (basically beeatris as a horse, i know none of you know my persona beeatris but its pretty much her without the demonic activity and disney fairy influence), though i have thought of maybe changing it to her wanting to become a breezy or a changeling. She lost her horn because of this experimentation and is fluffier and has patches of hair on her eyes because of it. i forgot if she had a cutie mark or if i just didnt draw it or if it's overgrown? I think a lot of this character's experimentation was based off of memories of my brother who had leukemia and tried experimental treatments, mainly the fuzziness he got from his chemo or steroids i forgot which one it was. I also drew her as a kirin, idk if that was supposed to be a thing of like.. me doing it as an alternate idea of what she's aiming to achieve, as an alternate form of what she was born as.. or if it was just a doodle.. but it was pretty cool. a good quote for her is the vine thats like "i am a wolf on all levels but physical"

Next is Pegasus. I originally had a different name for them but i don't think i can share it here. Pegasus is also related to my brother though and is very cool. they're really just a celestial body as a pony like Celestia and Luna, but with more of a crystal pony inspiration. also, they speak enchanting table only and i think thats really funny. same size as Luna. also, she can hide in Luna's hair.

Stone Hoof. based somewhat off of Smokey Quartz from Steven Universe, i thought it'd be cool to also give them speckling like an appaloosa horse or vitiligo. you can't see their cutie mark but it's supposed to be a yoyo and i put it in the shape of the symbol of leo since im a leo and i designed them on the same day as pegasus lol. they are intended to be a friend to Honey Suckle.

Finally, we have... I didn't name this one actually. uhm. well! it looks kinda like scootaloo, especially g3 or 3.5. which was unintentional but she was one of my favorite ponies and i had a few toys of her so it kinda makes sense that this is what my brain thought of when i thought "well loved my little pony doll". The hair is based off of the fettucine hair on those g4 plushies and also somewhat based on dreads. the patterns on their hooves is the heartshaped horseshoe from those promotional toys where you can scan them in for video game perks. and the wings are colored after discord's wings. I also got inspo from Stitches from Animal Crossing.

those are the horses. 1 like = 1 more horse post.

i also have customs i made as a kid that i dont have pictures of but i could redraw. but they're basically just "this character but i painted this animal on their face."

[creepyscritches]

Intellectually I am like a rat terrier always diving into rabbit holes I don't TECHNICALLY need to be in but every now and then I get the green light from above to continue rooting around bc what are the odds I get a question about the Philadelphia chromosome 3 days after worrying I spent too much time frivolously indulging in NCI ALL reading instead of narrow scope NCI CML stuff.

"Ohh Philadelphia chromosome? Surely no one will know I spent 40 minutes indulging in learning what the hell that is irt acute lymphoblastic leukemia etiology" <- me when I was researching chronic myeloid leukemia but got distracted

The whiplash of seeing an email this morning starting with "Can we support Philadelphia chromosome positive acute lymphoblastic leukemia--"

Make your attention span work for YOU, babes!! You never know when someone this week will ask you about that niche research mud hole you were wallerin in recently

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

CW: addiction, serious illness

Totally done and still sad because I saw Daniel and this stupid girl today I came home after work. Nico wasn’t home yet. I was kind of relieved about that. I wasn't sure, if I should tell him? I mean, nothing happened, but what I said to Daniel today was just not ok! It was totally unfair and selfish.

As soon as I got home, I went for a walk with N.’s dog. Back home I took a shower & I lay down on the bed. I wasn’t feeling so well. I got serv pain in my right knee and my hands also hurt. It bothered me so much, that I had to take a painkiller. After that it slowly got better while I fell asleep.

A little later N. came home. I heard him come up to the bedroom and watch me sleep. Nico has an extraordinary talent for disturbing me while sleeping. No, tbh it's really cute. Every morning before he leaves the house, he comes back to the bedroom to me, while I’m mostly still sleeping. He kisses me and tells me quietly that he loves me. In the beginning I found it hard to get used to. It's annoying to be woken up by him in the morning (5.00 am!) just because he has to kiss me. Yk? It wasn’t until he was gone (abroad), that I realized how much I missed being woken up by him in the morning.🩷 But back to that day, it was not in the morning, but in the evening.

N. saw the painkillers I had taken next to me on the bed, thinking I was sick or something.

Nico: Hey babe.... Are you ok?

Me: M-hm... Yea, I'm ok.... Where were you? I missed you.

Nico: I said good-bye to Damien and the others. They’re going back to Italy tomorrow.

Me: Yea, without you.... You stay here, with me. So happy about that. Right now I need you with me. I've had a really, really bad day N.... And you? How is your new team? Are they nice?

Nico: Agh...well, what can I say? Germans, yk?🤷‍♀️😉 But it was ok and it’s nice to be home, not somewhere alone abroad ..... Did you see Dilek today?

Me: No, she’s sick. She stayed home.

Nico: Are you sick too? I see you’ve taken painkillers.

Me: My knee hurt again. Somehow my whole body hurts, my hands and legs... But I'm fine. 🙂

Nico: You should tell your doc. You are pregnant. Maybe it has something to do with it?

Me: Yea, but don't worry. I know this pain. It's nothing. I’ve had this pain since I was a kid. It comes and goes, but it’s not serious. My muscles and bones are just very sensitive to pain. 🫤

Nico: It’s all right, babe. But if I see you get pain again, I’ll take you to your doc. I don’t want to scare you, you know that! But you don’t hurt for no reason. Sure, it's nothing, but it’s better to get it checked out before you need to take painkillers again.

Me: Chill Nico!! I know you’re afraid I might get addicted to painkillers . But c'mon, N.! It's just ibuprofen. 😄🤷‍♀️My pill addiction is past. I know I was difficult for you back then, but I promise, this won’t happen anymore. Love you.

Nico didn’t worry about my pill addiction, but actually about the pain I had. A few days ago, my knee hurt so badly that I could not walk. I even cried. But after I took a painkiller, it stopped again. That pain I had in my muscles and bones will get really bad after delivery. Not immediately after delivery, a few months later. But I do not want to draw too much attention to this issue now. Later, when the time comes, I will explain this in more detail. These were the first symptoms of a serious illness. Since CML is not so easy to diagnose, it will take a while for me to get the diagnosis.

And about Daniel I didn't tell Nico. I was happy with N. and we’re about to have a Baby, so I decided to somehow forget Daniel and let him go. But something happened that night!😞 Daniel texted me at 1:00 a.m. I’ll see him tomorrow again. 😢

Previous/Next

[kirstythejetblackgoldfish]

I’ve been reading on X that Asma requested to get a divorce from Assad, do you think this is true? I hope this isn’t true and is just rumors or gossip.

It sounds like complete and utter bullshit to me

She's got acute leukaemia and the source is CNN Turk so...

[chimchiri]

It's been a long while, so an update with my dad and his leukemia (mostly therapeutic for me if I'm honest)

I've had my dad over today, which was nice. He's been off cytostatic drugs for some months now, which alleviated his side effects. They monitor him through bloodworks and bone marrow analysis every three months. There hasn't been anything unusual up until now.

Apparantly there is something minimal now, which warrants another marrow analysis one month later. There isn't anything they state yet but when he mentioned it I could feel my pulse increase. I can't really help the panic and anxiety I have now. It's been an intense fear of mine to lose my dad ever since my mom died.

A big part of the anxiety is probably the lack of information and knowledge of what it means if they find something. What is something minimal? Can it even be anything but something bad?

I don't know how to handle this information and I can't properly sort my thoughts. Idk. I'm rambling and I'm not sure where I'm going with this or what I need/want, so enough for now.

[misscrawfords]

3, 35 and 40 for the book ask :)

3. Already answered!

35. What do you think of Ebooks?

Mixed feelings. I much prefer physical copies of books. However, I am a book borrower not a book buyer and my library is extremely slow at getting new books, especially more obscure books not originally published in the UK, if it gets them at all. And then there's a really long waiting list. So I see online there's a new diverse romance come out I want to read - chances of my library getting anytime soon are practically nil. I started borrowing or buying ebooks which are cheaper and reading on my phone - not a lot but enough that I finally bought a Kindle last month. Do I feel good supporting Amazon? No. But it did seem like the best way to be able to read certain books and I was getting tired of reading a lot on my phone - a Kindle has better visibility. I can also see the benefits when travelling. Don't worry though - 90% of what I read is still paperbacks. If I had a choice I'd always go for that.

40. Has there ever been a book you wish you could un-read?

Yes, actually. Two spring to mind, both from my childhood. The first was a totally age-appropriate story about a boy, possibly called Luke, whose brother had leukemia. It was one of those children/YA (I guess it would be Middle Grade these days) books with a Worthy Theme that Kids Might Relate To to Help Them With Difficult Stuff. Not my sort of book even then but for some reason I got hold of it. It really, really upset me. I started becoming terrified of getting cancer, of someone I loved getting cancer, of dying, of loved ones dying...

The second was a biography of the cellist Jaqueline du Pre that my uncle bought me as a present when I was 10. My uncle has a habit of misjudging presents but I didn't know that and while this wasn't a kid's book, I guess it looked innocuous enough. This may seem totally different to the above book but it really isn't. Du Pre developed the condition of MS and the biography went into detail about her condition and its effect on her life including her sex life (which I found morbidly fascinating without really understanding it) and eventually her decline and death. Like the above book, this absolutely grabbed me and obsessed me and scared me.

Basically, I cannot engage with fiction that deals with terminal illness, especially cancer. I just can't. I can't watch medical dramas - I can't even deal with Call the Midwife! To this day I will not read any book that has this kind of plotline or theme. All through my teenage years, I refused to read any book that didn't have a happy ending. It was only when studying Greek forced me to engage with Greek tragedy that I started to let in a couple of "sad stories". Even now I will always take happy endings over sad ones, I avoid angst and I never touch misery porn stories. I can deal with the genre of Tragedy (as in Greek or Shakespeare) because it is not so much sad as inevitable, if you get the difference. Chekhov is on a very thin line. In real life too I find terminal illness, hospitals, doctors really awful, more than is normal, I think. A lot of my friends at school wanted to become doctors - I would do literally any other career. It's my nightmare. Whether my horror of these things came before these two books or not I don't know, but I do remember they had a really profound and negative effect on me and I really wish I hadn't read them at that point in my life.

[littleprincessfawn]

((CW: medical post about my leukemia, and treatment symptoms.))

Argh my leukemia rash... it subsided but never went fully away but was something I could deal with... But now it is back again, just as bad as it was in the early stages of taking the medicine.

I'm fairly sure this rash is caused by the TKI medication I'm taking, though leukemia itself can also cause a rash.

For me the rash is just on my forearms and my scalp. On my scalp it feels HOT. Have you ever bleached your hair? If you have, you will know that chemically hot burning feeling. That's what it feels like on my scalp.

And the thing I've observed is this, after a few days of that heat and irritation of my hair follicles on my head... My hair will start to fall out again.

I hate leukemia. I hate hate hate hate it. My hair is cute. I don't wanna lose it. But oh well. If taking this medicine made ALL my hair completely fall out, I would still take it.

I will never let leukemia win. I will always fight it with the best tools possible. I'm lucky I'm alive to have this whinge about my (admittedly trivial) itchy skin and hair loss.

Life > Hair.

[ceytal]

the past 48 hours have been shit. it’s bad when i don’t even feel like continuing orv or playing anything that requires actual effort (meaning i’m auto-clicking cookie clicker while dissociating)

[lunamugetsu]

Delivery!

Flash was currently being held captive in a black of ice. How he got like this he wasn't sure. All he remembered was that he was running across Central City keeping the peace until suddenly an ice beam shot out of nowhere and froze his feat to the ground.... and the rest of him.

"Alright you got me! Show your face!"

"Well I was going to regardless. No need to yell." Out pops Danny Phantom carrying a bag with him and holding out an envelope.

"What? Who are you?"

"My name's Phantom. Danny Phantom. I have a message for you. I couldn't get your attention earlier so I thought this was just the next best way to get you to stop." Danny said as he unfreezes the speedster.

"Uh, okay." Flash said as Danny gives him an envelope.

On the envelope there are drawing in crayon and stickers and in marker it says: to Flash.

"It's from Susie, she'd said you'd remember her."

He remembered a Susie, a little girl that he used to see in the children's hospital. She had leukemia. He spent any minute he could making sure the kid was smiling when he was there. He was heartbroken when the nurses told him that she had passed away before he could give her her birthday present. Flash examined the crayon written words, it was just like Susie's writing.

"How did you?"

"Just read it."

The letter reads:

Dear Flash,

I'm sorry, I wasn't there when you showed up for my birthday. I never got to tell you, but thank you for being at the hospital with me when I was scared of going to treatment or when I had to take my medicine. Thank you for making me smile even when I didn't feel well. Thank you for playing games with me when I couldn't go outside. Thank you for talking to my mom and dad at my funeral. That was really nice. I drew some pictures for you but I never got to finish them when I was in the hospital so I drew you some new ones. Danny says that he'll give them to you.

In the envelope was a series of different colored papers all with different crayon and marker drawings of Susie and him playing in different scenarios. One where she was a doctor and he played the injured patient. One where they were both superheroes. Another one where they were playing shadow puppets when she wasn't feeling well. Page after page were different drawings of them playing with the last one was covered in glitter with a big heart with a crayon drawing of him and Susie.

"Susie said that her biggest regret was that she couldn't say thank you to her hero before she passed. So I bumped her up on my delivery list."

"What?"

"Oh yeah, I never fully introduced myself. I'm Danny Phantom, you can call me Danny. I'm the designated delivery person for the afterlife to the living realm. Any messages or special requests from the dead are delivered by me!" Danny hands him a business card all official.

And it does say: Danny Phantom special delivery service for those of the non-living variety!

"She also said she wanted to give you one last hug before moving on."

"What do you?" Flash is halted from saying anything else as he feels a pressure against his legs. He looks down to see a translucent small figure. She was a picture of what she looked like before the chemo. Susie gives him a smile and a hug before fading before his eyes.

Before Danny officially takes up the mantle of Ghost King he's trying to do a job that would have him interact with all of his citizens first so he could get a feel of it. Hence him making connections with both the living and non-living people (he went big-brain for this idea)

Extra scene:

"Oh that reminds me, I have a card for you from someone else."

"A card?" Flash opens the card only to get sucker-punched in the face. (like one of those cartoon boxing glove punches)

"A punch card." Danny said

Flash groans as he looks at the card that has the words: STOP MESSING WITH TIME! from CW

Obligatory Gotham Scene:

Danny standing in front of a beaten up Joker that has been tied to a chair.

"Just so you know I have a back order of a lot special requests for you. And since I can't exactly kill you, that would create so much political tape. I can let them make requests for certain actions. So right now I have over 50 requests for me to break your legs and over 30 to pull out your teeth and break your jaw. Some of them contradict each other because they want to make every word you say hurt you but others want me to curse you so you can't speak again. So I'll just have to get creative." Danny says winding his arm back and form.

He is for sure being completely professional about, he gets no personal gratification from beating up a crazy clown at all. (said nobody ever)

[creepyscritches]

My therapist asking me if I had a youtube channel for general cancer info last week honestly got me thinking. Professionally I AM a cancer educator and my audience is other healthcare professionals, but god so daunting to think of presenting to audiences larger than 50 or so at a time :S it has always been a passion to digest high level research and then translate it into understandable language - - I do it a lot for family+friends dealing with ominous or confusing medical news. Idk! He put it really well when he said even my "basic" knowledge can help people better understand some of the most life-altering medical realities affecting them.

[aleksa-sims]

Hi!

First off, I LOVE your story. You’re so strong and every obstacle you over came made you into the beautiful person you are.

Second, I have a question, you don’t have to answer .. but does writing about your life eve trigger old emotions or make you sad during the harder times? I just always wonder how a writer feels when they’re writing their stories esp. when it’s a personal one.

I adore you. 🤍

Hey, friend! 🤗

Thank you sm! This is so sweet! 🤧 💜💜💜 and I apologize for my "long" absence. This week school started and well, was a bit hectic and stressful.

And of course, I’ll answer your question. You can ask me anything!

To your question. When I started with that Simself thing (2 or 3 years ago), I didn’t think anything serious about it. It was just some kind of... gameplay fun?

I remember having Sandra’s Simself in my library. Seeing her Simself made me so sad. I came up with the idea to tell her/our story. By now, most of you few, who still follow my story after all this time, know, that Sandra is no longer with us. 😞 Sandra was a part of my life. We were together all the time. But somehow I couldn’t understand certain things Sandra did or experienced. I'm simply not her! But I will tell what happend to S.! Soon. I just have to.

And the more I started to tell about myself, my family & Sandra, the more... complex it became. And I remember how unpopular Nico was at the beginning.🤭 A nice person here, was even worried about me and my little son. 😬 She knew I was still with him. But I wasn't offended or upset. I understand, some topics are serious and I certainly have often expressed myself incorrectly. My English was totally shitty, bad & embarrassing. 😶‍🌫️🤦‍♀️

Over time, however, I decided to write about my addiction. This was hard! I was ashamed and totally nervous when I first posted it. But I got a very nice message from another Simblr here. She had the same issue and we even become friends. But unfortunately, she is no longer active here on Tumblr. Idk what happend to her? ☹️ Maybe some of you know who I mean?...

Back to the topic: As for my addiction, I noticed that I can write about it without getting/having this ....craving for that drug. I totally forgot after almost 7 years, how it even feels to be high. And do not intend to do this shit ever again!

As for my feelings and emotions, yea, I cried when I told certain things. It made me sad, but I knew the future and this fact made it possible for me, to continue. That I could write about Nico's & my break-up, I only succeeded, because I knew this wasn't our end. He was right next to me, in the room next door, while I was writing about it.

As for Daniel, the whole thing looks totally different. When I started to write about this... triangle thing between Philip, Nico and me, I didn’t want to tell/write about Daniel a little later in the future. I was afraid I’d be considered crazy. I mean, this is insane and also embarrassing, what I have experienced and done with those 3 men. I thought when I started telling you about Daniel and that I even got married to him, nobody would take me seriously anymore. How can I fall in love with 3 different men, in just one damn year? You know? But when I played with Daniel’s Simself, I realized I couldn’t do this to him! 😭 I felt so bad, that I decided to just tell the truth. Even if people don’t take me seriously afterwards or think I’m a lunatic, hidding the truth or changing reality, is just weak and cowardly. Also why I wasn't sure, if I should tell about Daniel is, I was afraid of the feelings I still had for him. I knew, once I remember Daniel and the time with him... my life, my reality, will become complicated. But it was too late anyway. Daniel was already in my mind and heart, before I mentioned him here. And actually last year, I went through a very though time. I was depressed. It was hard for me to write about my life. I just didn’t see any hope. Mainly, because of my illness. My leukemia levels have worsened. As it looked, I had to take a new drug which has very serious side effects. So I got panic attacks again and was afraid to leave our home. The only task I could do alone was to pick up my son from kindergarten. I couldn’t do anything outside our four walls by myself without help, without Nico or someone else by my side. I was just scared...

I decided to continue my story. I thought, if I can do that, I can continue IRL too! The chapter Daniel went on forever. 🥵😔I noticed that I can’t let go of Daniel, neither in Sims nor in my reality. I just wanted to move on and finally close Daniel's & my chapter. But it was hard. IRL I started to withdraw. I didn’t let anyone get to me. All the feelings and emotions that have been triggered by writing my story have made something clear to me. I had to see Daniel! And I swear, seeing him and having him with me, helped me get out of my depression. The darkness that surrounded me faded, thanks to him. ❤️

So yes, writing about my life definitely brought up emotions in me and also opened up old wounds. But some wounds that I thought would never heal, are gone. Just because I told and wrote about it, I was able to reflect on some experiences and conclude with them. Especially my relationship with Nico has become more stable.❤️

Anyway, telling my story taught me one thing! After every difficult, hard life phase, follows a good one. Last year was hell, but I managed to take care of myself and my health. And I also got good news about my illness last month. My leukemia levels stabilized and I didn’t have to change my medication. Even if everything seems hopeless, small miracles can happen. And so that these little miracles don’t fall into oblivion, I write about them. Certainly not perfect and flawless. I am still learning. And I lost a lot of time last year, because I wrote and posted so irregularly, but I hope that I will get better in the future and my posts will be shorter again. 😬

Thank you sm for this ask. You also inspired me to improve my storytelling skills, reading your stories helped me a lot and I love Delilah. I’m always excited when I click on your posts to catch up on Deli’s life.💜🤗

[kirstythejetblackgoldfish]

[chimchiri]

Small Update

Talking about death made me realize I never gave an update on my dad. For anyone wondering, he's still on cytostatic drugs this year. So far he's doing pretty well. His hair came in nicely again and he's almost back to normal. Except for side effects from the cytostatics and his stamina not being back to normal again (due to the drugs obv). But overall it's good so far.

Me, I'm struggling with work again since our team has been understaffed due to resignations for a while now. It should go back to normal again in September/October but yeah. Life's kinda tough right now, not gonna lie. My batteries are drained.

[klausinamarink]

Easy Promises

rating: T | cw: cancer, mentioned child abuse | tags: pre-relationship, Steve has good parents, childhood friends, reunion, Theodore is Eddie’s full name agenda | wc: 956

written for @steddieholidaydrabbles | Dec 14: Angst with happy ending

When Steve was eleven, he was told that he was going to die. Naturally, he burst into tears. His mother immediately pulled him to her chest, shushing him gently while his father yelled at their doctor.

“He’s just a child!”

“It’s important for your son to know that leukemia isn’t possible to survive-”

“Bullshit!”

Steve cried harder in his mother’s arms, even after they left the office.

Back home, his mother knelt down, looked Steve in the eye, and said, “You are going to live, baby. You are still going to grow up to be a smart, healthy man. You will fight that cancer and live.”

It was easy to make a promise. It was harder to follow through it.

After the urgent move to Indianapolis, Steve’s days fell into a blur of check-ups, medicine, throwing up, and exhaustion. He spent more days at the hospital than at his new school. He wasn’t sure which place was worse. The clinical words and smells with thin blankets and more sick children like him or the classrooms where apologetic teachers gave him too many lavish gifts while the other kids avoided him.

But there was one boy who declared himself as Steve’s buddy. Steve thought he would hate Theodore Munson, but he didn’t. Theodore (“Just Teddy! My full name makes me feel like I’m Roosevelt.”) never stared at Steve or asked about his leukemia or poked at his thin arms. Instead, Teddy always asked how his day went and listened to every word, even if it was a foggy repetition of hospital visits. If Steve said he was tired, Teddy never announced it to their teachers and just silently offered some cookies or juice under their desks. During recess and lunch, Teddy sat next to him and spoke excitedly about the new comics or movies Steve never had the chance to check himself.

It was always nice listening to Teddy talk. Way better than a doctor reading his statistics aloud like it was an eulogy.

When the chemotherapy inevitably snuck into his schedule, Steve cried and begged everyone to keep his hair. He was already The Kid With Cancer. He didn’t want his hair shaved off.

Nobody listened to him.

A couple days later, Steve wore a Reds cap. He refused to wear the knitted wool hat his Nana had made for him like he was five again. That would just push his classmates into bullying him for real.

He came to school late, not wanting to join the student crowd. He stopped when he saw Teddy sitting on the steps, his shaven head in his arms.

For a second, Steve thought that Teddy somehow knew and wanted to shave his hair in solidarity. And then Teddy looked up and he saw a nasty black eye. They stared at each other for a long time until both of their eyes welled up in tears.

“Your hair’s gone.” Teddy said wetly after they ran into each other for a hug.

“So ‘s yours.” Steve sniffs, daring himself to pat the buzzed scalp.

“My dad got mad last night.”

Teddy told him about his dad enough that his muffled words made Steve tighten his grip. “At least you’re not dying.”

Teddy barked out a wet laugh, “Just don’t leave me first.”

It was an easy promise to accept. Except it was already broken when Teddy never showed at school the next day. And then Steve was alone again.

—

I’m in remission. I still have a future. I’m going to live. Steve repeated that mantra to himself in his car, staring from afar at the ominous entrance of Hawkins High.

It had been a good year and a half since the doctors finally gave the good news. Steve was always a crier, but he’d only stared up at the ceiling in silent disbelief while his parents wept joyfully. The news never really hit him until two months later, when he touched an inch of new hair in the bathroom, and then sobbed and thanked God for letting him live.

Even if that little what if it comes back lingered in the back of his mind.

Now, he was thrown back to Hawkins, which included starting his sophomore year in person.

But old habits still stayed. Steve kept seated in his car and watched the other students walk inside while they laughed with healthy smiles. Even after the bell rang, he stayed. After a good five minutes, Steve’s courage returned and he stepped out.

He only took three steps when a van suddenly appeared, scaring the shit out of him with a blaring honk. Steve jumped back and flipped the driver off. “Watch it, asshole!” He stomped away, his mood broken further by the van’s door opening. Great, now he’s gonna be in a shouting match in front of the school-

“Steve?”

He froze. Turned around slowly.

Teddy, all dressed in some dark clothes with long hair. Teddy, who stared back at him with wide eyes. Teddy, Teddy, Teddy-

Steve wasn’t sure who ran towards the other first, but it was Steve who hugged the tightest and cried first.

“Holy shit,” Teddy laughed wetly in his ear, “Your hair-” He leaned away so his hands were placed on both sides of Steve’s head. They felt warm and oddly right. “You look so much healthier…”

Steve just smiled, a little blush in his cheeks as he said, “I got better.” He watched as the realization dropped on Teddy in real time. Then he was pulled into a more tighter and fiercer hug, already feeling a wet patch on his shoulder.

There were definitely lots of things they needed to catch up on. But Steve’s more contempt in sharing his warmth with his friend.

[littleprincessfawn]

I wanna cry in happiness but I can't because my emotions are all messed up about the whole leukemia thing. I've had good news!

My latest BCR-ABL test is showing my counts of those cells in my blood to be just 4.5%!! That's REALLY good.

My timeline of my blood cells that were leukemiaed:

19th of Feb '24 = 21%

1st of Mar '24 = 47.8% (yes that's 11 days later, yikes)

7th of Mar '24 = 1st dose of Dasatinib medication taken!

9th of Apr '24 = 4.5%

I am officially kicking leukemias BUTT! ... Well I mean obviously the medicine is. But I'm helping a bit, I'm sure!

Also I have not missed a SINGLE dose, not even on my worst days - as a sad disorganized ADHD lady that's no small feat!

*wraps arms around my knees and hugs myself happily*

*whispers* I'm gonna make leukemia my bitch

[wingedquill]

@steddiemicrofic prompt for september! | "charm" wc 548 | rating: T | cw: (non-terminal) cancer I couldn't get this universe out of my head so I wrote a prequel of sorts.

Eddie thinks he should be feeling lighter.

Like an innocent man freed from death row, he should be walking out of the hospital with wings on his feet and a list of things to do, and see, and be now that he has a future. He should be dancing around the parking lot, and finding the nearest payphone to call all of his friends, and breaking down into sobs that it’s finally, finally over.

But it’s not over.

And he’s so fucking tired.

He gets in his car, tosses the follow-up schedule his oncologist had given him into the passenger’s seat—a blaring reminder that remission doesn’t mean gone forever. He’ll read it when he doesn’t feel like he’s about to fall asleep on his steering wheel.

He swallows back a yawn and starts driving to Steve’s house, stopping at the gas station for two terrible cups of coffee on the way. 

Steve’s slow to answer the door. He often is these days—the chemo’s been wreaking havoc on the nerves in his feet, leaving his legs constantly full of pins and needles. Eddie’s been lucky enough to avoid that particular symptom.

“Oh hey, thanks,” Steve says, as Eddie presses a cup into his hand wordlessly. He takes a long sip, glancing at Eddie over the lid. His face twitches.

“What’s wrong?” he asks at last. He takes Eddie’s hand in his, pulls him away from the doorway. 

“S’a kitchen kinda talk,” Eddie grunts. Steve closes his eyes. Nods.

Steve’s kitchen is one of the warmest rooms that Eddie’s ever been in. Maybe that’s what makes it the best place for cold conversations. It’s where Eddie told Steve he had leukemia. And a month later, it’s where Steve told Eddie he was experiencing all the same fucking symptoms. It’s where they pieced together, slow and horrified, that the bats had fucked them up way, way worse than they thought.

It’s also where Steve told Eddie that he loved him.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asks again, when they’re situated across the counter from each other. There’s a stubborn kind of dread in his thin face. A whatever this is, I’m not letting you do it alone kind of look. It makes him want to start sobbing, to beg for forgiveness.

He’s too tired.

“It’s gone,” he says instead, quietly. “The cancer. I’m…I’m in remission.”

Steve flings his arms around him immediately, stifling a scream of joy against his neck.

“Holy shit,” he says. “Oh thank God, I thought…why are you so upset?”

“I’m leaving you,” Eddie whispers. “To do this alone.”

“Oh, baby, no.”

He leans back, eyes big and soft, and he’s starting another round of chemo tomorrow, and it’s not fucking fair.

“You’re not,” Steve says. “You’re right here.”

He puts his hand on Eddie’s chest, fingers brushing against his guitar pick, and—

“Take it,” Eddie says, without even thinking about it. He yanks it over his head, shoves it into Steve’s hand with no panache whatsoever. “It’s my lucky charm. It…it got me this far, it’ll bring you the rest of the way. Please.”

It feels like a spell. A little bit of magic. Wear this and the next round will work. It has to work. You have to live.

“Okay,” Steve whispers, and drapes it around his neck.