#lets try new things he said
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im sorry, but was the kiss in a boss and a babe like bad buddy lvl wow? no. but is it on a constant loop in my mind cause Reasons? yes.
#what are those reasons?#i dont know#maybe its cher not even questioning himself#or that his ego refused to back down#or maybe its that boss felt excluded for so long and then here comes the one voice in the world that comforts him and its attached to#a person who refuses to exclude him from anything#eat with my friends he said#im here next to you since you seem upset he said#lets try new things he said#im not scared of you he said while stepping into boss's space#so in all the kiss was unexpected and yet made so much sense#but more than one kiss#its cher thinking about it and then kissing him back#and then its boss bringing their bodies closer#im feral#i cant wait to just see the fall asleep in the same bed after hours of cher getting to talk and help boss fall asleep#a boss and a babe the series#gmmtv#a boss and a babe
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man i love open endings. the fact that thanks to yuuji there might indeed be the next time sukuna talks about in case some idiot decides to eat a finger again. and we need fics where yuuji is that idiot
#hiding this in the tags but i think jjk and mha kinda conveyed the same concept#i havenāt mentioned it because sukuita always steals 100% of my attention but gojoās moment was great too! as i said i think gege stayed#true to his characters till the end and iāve always thought gojo coming back to life was absolute bs not because i didnāt want him back but#because it would completely ruin what was trying to be told through his story. he carried out the destiny he was doomed to carry out and#gege even specified this for us and /why/ itās going to be different for yuuji#it can also be found in the way gojo and sukuna fought vs yuuji and sukuna#and itās rly similar to horikoshiās concept of the new generation reaching out to the villains and trying to understand them & /that/ is#what āthe greatest heroā truly means#ok now iām digressing because gojo was more about himself and the title he was stuck with but itās all so similar you know#which brings me to my point (finally)#the fact that the villains always ālosesā in the end. and iām thinking that letting them live would be such a risky direction to take bc#itās so easy to make it either corny or unrealistic. if the whole thing is about succeeding in reaching out then itās going to happen at the#very last. and realistically itās going to be too late. theyāre going to be too far gone and it sucks but thatās how it is#shoto can discuss soba with touya but heās still slowly dying. you know#so the best we can hope for is that the battle the villain fought at least leaves a mark and they sure did#something something the bad guy changing the good guy as much as he changed him#so yeah um maybe i am making sense maybe i am not but i woke up this morning and kinda went insane because it dawned on me that yuuji gave#sukuna another chance to life taking himself out of the equation#UGH. CIGARETTE EMOJI#speaking of which iāve been (im)patiently waiting for olasketches and cruyuuās reactions#my fave people on tumblr are genuinely the first people i think about after something good happens#my post
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Ride 751: Hakogaku's preliminary inspection
Pag 1
1: Plunging into a new chapter!!
Pag 2
1: The rivals standing in their way in the Inter High!!
Pag 3
1: Kanagawa Prefecture, Hakone city
3: Huh, a preliminary inspection
4: for the Inter High!?
5: Yeah... well... it's a usual thing
Now, really? Really?
Pag 4
1: Gwaaa hoii!!
2: I'll go, I'll go, I'll go!!
Yeeah!!
4: Huh, preliminary inspection? I might be a little interested
He's suddenly acting cool!?
5: Ah
Pag 5
1: Coough
Waaaa
He's suddenly vomiting blood!?
2: He definitely bit his tongue while jumping around in excitement earlier....
3: 'm ohey
It's obvious that your tongue hurts....
Yeah...
This guy is always injured....
4: If nohing!!
I get it, I get it!!
5: 'en u we 'eave? (When do we leave?)
In thirty minutes, before the clubroom... you'll take a car to the train station
'aight!!
6: It's so obvious he's happy about it
7: Was that right? They didn't give us details
I guess, it's what Manami-san told us
First year Tobirama
Pag 6
1: Last month, in the club's tournament he won the F-group climber race
Pag 7
1: Yeah, I see, and he's gonna run in this year's Inter High as the sixth regular member of Hakogaku!!
2: Seriously, I
3: I want to be considered cool by everyone!!
4: What's up with him, he looks so cheerful
Cool, cool, Kyuushu~
That Tobirama is so festive
Pag 8
5: Huh!? It's just me and Manami-san!?
Isn't- like, Doubashi-san coming!?
6: Hn.... I told Jou-kun and Yuuto, too, but they had their practice menu, so they said ānoā
8: They said no!?
Huh!? But it's a preliminary inspection!?
9: For the Inter High!! A preliminary inspection, right!?
Yeah
Pag 9
1: A preliminary inspection for summer's great battle, right!?
2: That's right... the place we're going to now it's the biggest āmountainā.....
3: A mountain we absolutely have to overcome
4: And yet the other members didn't come!!
Ah... Manami... I'm seeing now that apparently the train stopped because of an accident
Ah
Should we just go there directly?
Is that okay? Thank you
5: Directly!? By car!?
Huh!?
6: To Kyuushu!?
7: The Inter High is in Kyuushu, right? How long will it take from here....
Hm? Around
Pag 10
1: Two hours and a half
Pag 11
4: Yeah... we arrived in two and a half hours, but- this is Chiba, isn't it!?
5: Where is Kyuushu!? Ah!? Is there a theme park like the park in Kyuushu here too?
And what abaout the splendid nature!? The big volcano...!!
6: Ah
7: Where will he have the preliminary inspection?
Cool
If you hurry up and get ready...?
Pag 12
1: We'll do our practice menu here, today
Pag 13
2: Our menu.... did you want to practice here just for a change of mood?
3: It's here, right? Where they do tournaments and stuff
It's Chiba's
4: Minegayama, right?
Yeah!!
5: Hakone is better though
6: I wanted to go to Kyuushu
7: Ah, by the way, speaking of Chiba, an acquaintance of mine lives here
Pag 14
1: You know, I was in the basketball club when I was in middle school
Ehh... I didn't know...
2: A good senpai of mine meddled with their basket club....
3: And apparently he was a good friend with my club's teacher advisor, and so they often organized practice matches with Chiba's middle school
4: I got injured a lot back then, too
So I often got injured and that guy from that middle school took care of me
5: He was so good at treating injuries that in my school they called him the āsuper managerā
6: I guess he's still in the basket club?
Pag 15
2: Ah, by the way, what's today's practice menu?
Fifteen minutes at a fixed output... three or something?
Nahh
3: Since they'll probably come, it's ādo your best to win against that guyā!!
3: Huh!?
Who's gonna come!? You organized this with someone?
4: Any time now... probably
But we didn't
5: Organize it
6: Huh!?
The sound of wheels.... from behind us!? A bike!? ā¦. no, more than one
Pag 16
2: They're here
Pag 17
1: Last year's champion, Sohoku High School!!
Pag 18
5: Teh!?
7: Yo
Pag 19
1: It's been a while, Sakamichi-kun
2: Hakogaku's captain, Manami Sangaku- why is he here!!
Pag 20
1: Wearing their jerseys and riding their bikes, there's no way they came here to sightsee!!
2: Manami-kun!!
3: The Inter High is next week already, isn't it? Bu before that.... I thought we should cross that āmountain*ā once
(*NdT.: here, the kanji say āmountain kingā, but the reading says āmountainā)
Pag 21
1: āMountainā.....!! āThat we absolutely have to overcomeā- so this is the āpreliminary inspectionā!!
2: How about... that summit over there?
Your team... we're at an overwhelmind disadvantage, but
3: We don't plan on losing
It's a āpreliminary battleā!?
5: Manami-san's concentration.....
Pag 22
1: it sprang up!!
Sounds interesting, doesn't it!?
Pag 23
1: A preliminary battle!?
He wants' to challenge us!?
2: Now!?
Here!?
3: You came here... on purpose... for this?
4: Yeah
5: I came here for this only?
7: Uh!! Sohoku's captain's.....
Pag 24
1: Onoda-san's concentration sprang up too!!
Got it!!
Pag 25
1: Onoda!!
2: Onoda-kun!!
3: Seriously!?
4: Waaa
5: We're starting a race against those two!? Teh!?
6: Oh, oh oh?
Pag 26
1: Really?
Those jerseys
2: It's Hakone Academy and Sohoku!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 751#THERES SO MUCH GOING ON IN THIS CHAPTER OH MY GOD#WATANABE YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN WHAAAAAAAT#okay okay in order: let's start from Tobirama who is sUCH AN ADORABLE DORK I LOVED HIM SINCE THE FIRST TIME HE APPEARED BUT NOW HE'S!!!!#ANOTHER ONE OF MY BABIES!!!#trying to act all cool when hes actually just a giant excited dork asdhaksfasjhdk now this is a kind of character that hakogaku missed#and he knows rokudaiiiiiiii the way i screamed when i read that page omg#d e s t i n e d r i v a l s im telling you#and theyre both climbers !!(i mean it was pretty obvious already that theyd be rivals and the new ge onoda and manami BUT!!!#it still makes me so excited#then!! Manami just straight up going to chiba and challenging onoda sadgjasf#he really said 'i want to have a nice chill race against you and if we cant have it at the IH then we'll have it here and ill take things*#*into my own hands' and i respect him for that#also excuse me my shippy sansaka heart but when onoda said 'you came here just bc of that'#and manami said 'yeah i only came here to do this'#and then onoda made that face- looked to me like he was kinda offended that manami didnt go there just to hang out with him asdasdghj lmao#AND THEN THE END OMG THEY WAY I YELLED WHEN I SAW THAT LAST PAGEEEEE#KIJIIIIIIIII MY LOOOVEEEEEE#i swear watanabe loves him more than we do he never misses a chance to make him show up#everybody say thank you watanabe!#is he gonna meet manami next chapter???? pleeeaseeee#at first i thought he would join the race but then i noticed he's riding a mtb and not a road race#soooooo :eyes emoji:
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It's competitive but I think my favorite Conan anecdote is when he told his therapist "Everyone hates me, they think I have no talent and they wish I would just go away," and his therapist said "That's called negative self-talk and you have to realize it's just the depression talking" and Conan said "Self-talk? I'm just quoting my latest review!"
#I know this sounds like a joke and it is but apparently it also really happened#Conan was telling his therapist he felt like everyone hated him and his therapist was trying to convince him it was all in his head#and he was like everything I just said was a direct quote from a review#this was at his lowpoint when he was like a hair's breadth from getting fired and the press was absolutely eating him alive#gotta respect a guy who's forced to eat shit on national TV and gets absolutely humiliated and ground into the dirt by someone he trusted-#-and he doesn't even bitch about it he just gets right back up and gets a new show and becomes even funnier#like he fully understood that his legacy wasn't about being liked it was about a) treating people right and b) being the funniest man alive#and he did both of those things and continues to do both of those things so I think he's going to be fine#or as he put it āI've been up and I've been down but I have a certain skillset and I'd like to be of use for as long as its viableā#I think he's letting go of acclaim at this point... or that's the impression I got from the nyt piece#not that he's not grateful but he no longer sees it as an objective or even an accomplishment to be loved and acclaimed#it's more about the act of creation and the creative output itself bc that's the part that continues to matter thirty years later#conan o'brien
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Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf
More context will be in the tags, for those interested!
#hollow knight#little ghost#hk ghost#the knight#hk hornet#hornet#alright. as of writing these tags it's been a week since the original dream so! let's see what i remember dgsgsgf#i was playing a game. which was a sequel to hollow knight ((Not silksong though))#there was some new sort of divine infection in hallownest and hornet had asked ghost to investigate it. they ended the last one after all!#the red glowy spike gate thingy is what you jumped into to enter the 'infected' areas#though it actually led directly to a hub world type of place. which was kinda like an expanded base for the grimm troupe?#more like an entire lair instead of a camp. also some greek gods were there for some reason lmao. they had their own special rooms too#so sidenote but- new headcanon that there are grimm troupe members named ares athena artemis &... venus lmao. not aphrodite for some reason#also monomon was there?? i think??? except she was cooking????? she had a sidequest to deliver something to someone though i dunno hdgfhdgh#i remember going back to the grimm troupe lair a couple times throughout my 'playthrough'#anyway. the 'infection' this time around was more of a glitchy physical corruption thing? rather than a mind corruption.#though there were still aggressive enemies to fight. but i remember getting a map from cornifer early on and he was. probably infected#i think part of his body was covered in electricity or something? so he wasn't fully visible? but he was still acting normally#there was also a moth who was the seer but then later wasn't the seer (but was still the same moth) dghgdhf. i delivered stuff to her#that glowing white wall thing in the drawing was like a one-way gate. you could only cross it from the other side and ghost came from there#i guess things looped back up somehow i dunno ghdgfhgf#anyway. ghost's red eyes. those are significant! those happened while i was walking through a corridor. it had pools of shallow water#(shallow enough to just walk through) and also creatures that were lightseeds but red.the implication was that they were full of Blood lmao#and as i went along killing them--as one does--as i walked through the hall. they started turning the water red too#there was also narration about this as it was happening ashdgsf. specifically the narrator said the water turned red before it actually did#ghost's eyes slowly turned red too. but aside from that they were fine! since. they're the player character and the player is perfectly fin#BUT. when they encountered hornet again. she thought they were infected. and that she lost the only family she had left </3#she didn't attack though. instead she just jumped into the red spike gate without a word. decided to try to fix everything herself#but eventually you'd encounter her again down below and she'd fight you. didn't actually get to that in the dream though#aand i'm out of tags </3 i wanted to talk about what i'd do to make this make more sense as an au or something now that i'm awake but. :c
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casey also talks about sepang 2015 what do you think of that
oh in that podcast? uh... lemme listen again...
yeah idk it's not really anything new I'd say? he's said basically all the same stuff in more interesting and extensive ways elsewhere. I think casey inevitably has a very 'well feuding is bad and helps nobody' point of view, has expressed that before in the past, does it here again, and he's also drawn a parallel between himself and marc on several occasions. which... well, of course there's similarities in terms of public discourse or whatever, but the parallel really falls apart whenever casey argues the feuds cost valentino. like, I do think it's sometimes important to just. keep in mind. it's interesting that casey draws this comparison in his mind but that doesn't necessarily means he's right about this. I'm not sure how you'd argue that starting a feud with casey cost valentino anything competitively? you can argue it didn't help him I guess, and then we can have a debate about the ins and outs of the 2008 season. we can also have an argument that in a hypothetical world where casey isn't ill in 2009, valentino doesn't break his leg and casey isn't on a piece of junk in 2010, and valentino isn't on a piece of junk in 2011-12, then actually maybe valentino sparking open animosity with casey COULD have cost him. but we don't know that! didn't happen! I wish we could have found out, but we never got the chance! as it stands, the tally on this is pretty straightforward: casey won the title when things were reasonably civil between them in 2007, and valentino took control of the following season at the exact moment he worsened the relationship between the pair of them in 2008. obviously, it's all more complicated than that and casey would of course argue laguna didn't negatively affect his subsequent performances... but it certainly didn't help them. like, at the very worst valentino escalating tensions in 2008 is a complete net neutral. after 2009, them being bitchy to each other every other tuesday was completely competitively irrelevant beyond maybe affecting how they approached occasionally fighting for a podium position. hey, maybe casey used that feud to fire himself up through sheer spite throughout the later stages of his career, but that doesn't actually support his anti-feud stance - it's basically the exact same thing as what valentino does. they're both quite similar in that regard! always so hungry to prove a point, to show how someone else is wrong. kinda half the point with this feuding business is to get yourself going, get yourself motivated, yeah. he straight up openly admits to using yamaha's repeat rejection of him as a way of giving himself motivation, and at the end of the day that's really not all that different?
anyway, what else does casey say... oh yeah, that him and the other aliens were already kinda prepared for this and had learned vale's tricks. that valentino had only been able to get into the minds of the previous generation. welllllll *wiggles hand* sure, I mean, he did clearly have to change his approach... he couldn't just use the exact same playbook to get to them, either on-track or off-track. but that's why he did change up the playbook... again, whether you want to believe valentino won his final two titles 'in the head' rather than just through pure pace kinda depends on how you assess the evidence, but it is at the very least a debate. and, y'know, it's always worth remembering that valentino's most important mind games with casey didn't happen in a press conference... it was on the track. and the on-track stuff really is just embedded in how valentino approaches winning. speaking of aliens, this is what dani and jorge have said:
like, valentino's entire approach to his riding, even to the way he's setting his bike up, is deliberately about directly fucking with you... he's not actually always trying to be faster than you as much as he's trying to give himself the tools to make your life miserable, to pressure you into mistakes, etc etc... and again, especially with casey (if anything because he was so mentally sturdy), the off-track stuff was really just window dressing. (I know they bicker a lot after 2009 but it's just so fundamentally irrelevant to actual on-track competition.) so you can be aware of those tricks, but it also doesn't necessarily help you when someone's being nasty to you on-track in a way you just fully do not enjoy. which is what it was like for casey! for casey, a lot of this comes back to the truly unpleasant context of how he was perceived by the public, how he was treated as mentally weak or 'broken' or whatever partly because he had the misfortune of coming up against a bloke who had the reputation for breaking rivals. I think it's quite natural to end up with a bit of a hardliner 'actually I've never been mentally affected by a result in my life' stance - and of course casey is a lot tougher than a lot of people give him credit for. that being said. sometimes your rivals affect you, shit happens, it's part of the game. it's fundamentally a nice idea to think that valentino's tactics weren't just morally wrong but also ineffective, which is kind of the appeal of this narrative, right? you want to believe you're above that, you want to believe you were adequately prepared and wise to valentino's tactic. it's unsurprising and understandable that casey does tend to tell the story that way, but again it's *wiggles hand* also hard to describe it as completely factual
uh. what else. oh I'm thrilled casey does canonically know valentino and marc were friends, he has said he wasn't following motogp too much during that time period so you couldn't be sure of that. does this mean anything? does it tell you anything? well, no, but it's just a pleasing thought to me. I like that. oh also 'provoking particularly aggressive riders isn't a good idea' is kinda a funny take from casey? like, he of all people would hate the idea of being cowed by someone's reputation like that... casey's right that provoking fast riders can potentially be dangerous, but y'know I do think that's probably not news to anyone almost nine years later. um. that's all I've got I think
#i will say idm getting asks like this AT ALL but i do hope that's not like. the only bit of the podcast people are paying attention to#my thing with sepang 2015 takes is that like... when's the last time anyone has said anything genuinely interesting about that event#which yes big words from the feud blogger... but in fairness a lot of the sepang 2015 stuff is from old notes. that's my excuse idc#but that's kinda the thing... i feel like i haven't really had a new original thought about the whole drama for three plus years#u do kinda run out. basically the takes say more about the person saying them than about the actual event at this point#which. yeah. casey's comments on sepang '15 are primarily interesting in what they tell you about how he feels towards valentino#mind u he's actually quite nice about valentino in this one? casey call him let's finally organise that dinner#heretic tag#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#oh casey does go on another spiel against riders who win at all costs. ships that passed in the night of feuds i always say#also he gets the age he enters the premier class at wrong. i held myself back in the last post from pointing this out for tonal reasons#but if people want my podcast hot takes. i do simply have to mention it. just to set the record straight here#'they battle for podium places after 2009' genuinely. twice. like the alien era giveth but a lot of the time it really does just taketh#somewhat ironically casey wins the duel when he's on the shitty ducati and vale wins the duel when he's on the even shittier ducati#whatever that tells you idk#casey was always promising the laguna rematch would've gone differently and I love that conceptually but also we just don't know#he was like next time I WON'T play nice and it's like?? omg what does that look like. casey what were you cooking#for ethical reasons it's probably fine but for character arc reasons it's objectively ass that casey ended up being able to do all his -#- racing in a way he was entirely comfortable with for his second title in 2011. like it's just a complete waste of a year#you have this whole thing building for four years and then 2010 comes along and it's like. well that's enough narrative intrigue now! <3#also casey/jorge are fundamentally too interesting as individuals to have had such an obscenely boring on-track rivalry and yet here we are#it KILLS me because if you rearranged it and made valentino's dogshit ducati years like. 2009 or something#and do a straight title fight between jorge and casey THEN I genuinely think it would've been way more interesting#the problem with valentino is that he is fundamentally the WORST imaginable character you could invent to be casey's foil#literally everything about valentino could have been designed to be a casey-specific nightmare#but unfortunately that also makes him objectively the most interesting rival casey could have gotten#like morally it's on the edge. but narratively? literally could not have gotten a better villain in casey's story#constantly dancing on this faustian line of having to imitate valentino to beat him while trying not to lose yourself... juicy
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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āāĖ.ā
#regret is a heavy and unproductive feeling but i feel so much of it now#i regret being too scared to send him pictures when he said he would def be ok w me using him as a diary#and even wanting me to share pics (and always when i managed to not be too scared he never made me feel unappriciated)#i regret being too scared to say yes when he talked abt having calls and video calls#i regret being too scared to share all of the things i wanted to share with him and ehat was wanted by him#i regret being too scared to easily and quickly actually listen to him when he said it's more than ok for me to send him lots of messages#and to ramble about things too him. i regret that i kept being too and too scared to do it even if i desperately wanted to#i regret that i took so long to try to face my fears and want to actually do and say and talk abt all of those things#i regret taking too long so bad... i just had never ever felt actually wanted and that my rambley words and my existence mattered to him#that was so so so new and odd for me that it took me so long to ease into#i regret being too scared to do all of it.... i regret it so much#im painfully aware of reality trust me.. and i know it will always be a 'what if'#but i regret that i was too cowardly to just be brave enough to try and tell him directly what i was thinking for 10 months#what i wanted to say was that if he just said the word i'd be all his and that i'd immediately look for any job#and use that paycheck to get a passport and a plane ticket and figure it all out with him#none of this is his fault. like trust me i understand that relationships and feelings and people and everything is complicated#and i actually know that he cares abt me... it what hurts sm ...#but i dont know what would have happened but i regret being too scared to even say it and see. bc i meant it. i really meant it :(((#but.... i know i cant live in this regret forever and that i have to learn how to accept it but#nothing has ever hurt or stung or been regretted this much for me like...#i feel like i fucked up the realest and truest connection and chance at love i've ever had and maybe ever will have? i dunno ... T-T#i regret being too scared to spam his blogs the way i wanted to and too scared to reply to him and interact with him#my fear is so stupid and god i regret letting it control me sm
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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FUCK i think i might have been cringe today
#was working with the new guy (who has been around for years but we never got a chance to work together before he started)#so we were doing a lot of the typical 'getting to know each other' stuff#and sometimes (often) ((always)) i add too much context to explain myself#so i said things like 'i try really hard not be judgemental and have a live and let live philosophy!'#and 'back when i was homeless-'#and 'so why did you decide not to become a doctor?' (DONT ASK PEOPLE THIS)#i can never go back
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today's lesson is teach your kids to use public transport so they do not end up like me bc holy shit
#took a bus to the capital. missed my stop. had to take a within the city bus#which i've never done. bc the town i grew up in doesn't have any. and i wasn't allowed to go anywhere alone as a child#couldn't figure out how to scan my ticket on the second bus i had to take in the direction i just came from#for some reason i defaulted to english. in a non english speaking country. to tell the driver idk how to fucking do this#he just waved me through. so that remains a mystery to me i guess#almost missed my appointment bc of the bus shenanigans. made it tho#then when going back the street my ticket said had 5 stops. the ticket didn't soecify which#straight up crossed the street back and forth 5+ times before i even figured out which side it was supposed to be on#that left 3. all of them only listed within the city routes and i was trying to leave the city#i had literally no fucking idea. i just took a guess#i was right!! but good god#i spent hours getting tattooed today and figuring the bus was the most excruciating part#i like the bus!!!! but no one tells me step by step how to do things like they're programming me and then idk what to do#and then i freeeze and miss my stop or start speaking a non native language for no reason. just tell me what to dooooo#anyway i love my new tattoo it's so fucking cool#it cost. too much it was almost a month's rent but let's say it was a treat. let's say it came out of my dad's life insurance#he would be so mad lmao
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watching ghost host ghost house episode 7 and currently wishing i knew exactly zero thai so that i could live in ignorant bliss about kevin and jake calling one another āiā and āyouā too
#ghost host ghost house#the implications of the comfort kevin put into pluem at that point!!#and what it means now when kevin says that he feels things for pluem - āāoverwhelmingly soā#he never meant to actually like pluem as much as he does!!!!#weāve been TOLD that kevin hadnāt coped well with losing jake#he changed his whole life and dedicated it to trying to see ghosts just to try and chase jake!!#he didnāt even cry when he lost jake - he immediately switched to that belief that theyād see each other again!!#oh this show is so fucking smart it IS bc like#kevin has been forced to go through the loss of his family#pluem even tells him that he SHOULD feel sad about it#bc we still see him not quite processing that feeling like he should#and now we also know that jake literally said heād stay until kevin found someone new#so pluemās entire presence is this threat to kevin being able to see jake again!!!#HE NEVER MEANT TO LIKE PLUEM AS MUCH AS HE DOES#THE COMFORT PLUEM OFFERED WAS TOO EASY FOR KEVIN TO TAKE THOUGH#AND SOMETHING KEVIN MAYBE HADNāT REALISED HE NEEDED#AND THEN!! THEN HE STARTS FEELING SO MUCH MORE FOR PLUEM!!#and pluem is SO devoted to him#pluem KNOWS that kevin needs to let jake go bc he clearly hasnāt#but kevin thinks he needs to break pluemās heart so that he can keep chasing a ghost who isnāt there anymore#guys iām obsessed with this show#but also i do feel like iāve been punched in the heart so . thereās also that.#show: ghost host ghost house
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it ššš#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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Rose Tico I am so sorry for what they did to you
#and by ātheyā haha well. Letās justr say. The writers and fandom#she was one of the best parts of last jedi and everyone hated her for what?? for what???#āweh weh she crashed into Finn he was going to save the resistanceā she saved his life??#that was a bad idea and she stopped it and said one of the hardest lines in the whole trilogy???#is it because she kissed him. girl whatever#Iām just saying that if my sister died and then I had to watch my new friend try to kill himself. I would not have been that put together#her friendship with Finn was the only thing she had besides the resistance atp of course she wanted to save him#rose shouldāve been a main character in rise of skywalker. she and phasma also shouldāve kissed sloppy style
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help I can't stop thinking about furniture. it's keeping me from thinking about the other way more important things I need to be thinking about (Jenkins, Dan Fielding, etc.)
#I could have just said John Larroquette but. I didn't#but anyway kitchens are expensive furniture is expensive paint is expensive#if we were rich I would be having the best time of my life. I'd love moving to a new place.#I'm having the best time playing with my 3d model of the apartment like it's a doll house#BUT actually buying things in real life is hell and it makes me so sad#god. imagine all the furniture I could assemble if I had money... sigh#trying to think about my guys to fall asleep but the furniture won't let me. ugh. I love furniture so much.#I know we're going to ikea next week and it's so bad how stupidly excited I am about it#ikea was probably my first hyperfixation as a kid and I haven't liked anything else for this long (it's been like. 27 years lol)#I cannot be normal about it#I will get to build shelves. and put things in shelves. organise things. build our wardrobe (for the third time in three years)#whenever we buy the kitchen I'll get to build most of that and then organise it too#I'm soooo excited!! and this time I'm only like... slightly chronically ill! and I won't have two surgeries right after we move (I hope....)#so maybe I'll have enough energy that it won't be awful this time!#anyway#need to sleep it's 6:30 and I'm so tired but my brain won't shut up#also my cat. he is yelling at me. I don't know what he's trying to say but he's very upset apparently#personal
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Processing some things
Also the fact that he's crouching with his hands on his knees is so cute to me for some reason?? He does this in another episode too - the one where Chakotay finds a symbol on an unknown planet...it's just so adorable to me. He could just lean down but no. Also of course his fingers are spread again - GOTTA utilize the whole hand whenever you do ANYTHING (if you're Tuvok)
#anyway. he's so pretty I'm gonna bite my arm off spongebob style.#Tuvok in the Maquis: I'm gonna spy on these criminals but also?? I'm gonna try out a new eyeshadow look.#Tuvok calling Neelix 'sir'....one and only time v_v treasure it Neelix#Do these replicators make clothing? (yes.) Will they make me a uniform like yours~?? (No. They most CERTAINLY will NOT. <3)#<- also Neelix is naked and Tuvok brought him a towel in a way that was very theatric but also very 'lets dry you off'#like...not just handing it to him#I love Neelix's scrappier early seasons vibe <3<3#I also like whenever he was like 'GOD these Starfleet people are a bunch of BABIES...eat the damn leola root. It's good for you~!'#I FROGOT KES WAS HELD CAPTIVE BY THE KAZON???? KES ARE YOU OK???#Kes: I'm told I'm too curious...it's my worst quality~ <- and then the writers never let her out of sickbay#In my ideal world Kes & Neelix are like brother and sister (harkens back to Neelix's lost family and gives a slightly more sympathetic#reason for his overprotectiveness which would now not be romantic jealousy but still something he had to let go of for them to truly be#friends) and also Kes tried every work station aboard Voyager...every episode she's somewhere new but her MAIN job is still in sickbay#Kes is in a pseudo cult and she said nu uh I believe in a different pseudo cult and I love that for her#Kes: I don't want to be dependent on the caretaker!! (reasonable) Our people have magical mind's abilities that allow us- (ok Kes)#just bc she was right doesn't mean it's not a WILD thing to think HEhehehe#SNRKEHEHEHE HARRY STOP TOM CAN'T TAKE THIS#Tom: How can I let down the only friend I've got~? / Harry: Friend? What makes you think I'm your friend~? / Tom: -sobbing into his pillow-#Neelix saying 'Well...the fool needs company!' ok <3 I'm twirling my hair a little....got a bit of rizz...#literally an hour ago he was willing to leave them all for dead and now look at him#OUG hTom Paris the racism....ough the racism...not even the fantasy alien kind.......oaaau ugh oh it hurts the real world racism.....#TOM NO STOP TALKING!!! TO M NO THE RACISM - TOM PARIS !! TOOOOM!!!!! <- walter white screaming meme#(remembers its Harry's FIRST mission) a different kind of pain....#Janeway and Tuvok holding hands: We're so fucking doomed. This is a terrible position and we have to do what's morally right but#by doing this we're going to be trapped here - maybe for the rest of our lives and not just us but the entire crew. But we have to#do this horrible thing BECAUSE we're good people.#<- not enough attention is paid (including by me bc I forgor) to the fact that Tuvok was with Janeway when she made that decision#and backed her up...just a sad little moment to themselves#OOF Tom...three for three on the racism....TOM#Neelix's sales pitch...yeeAAAH~!!
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