#lets show them what matters to us
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Killing the white supremacist inside you. Easy mode. From one whitey to another.
Disclaimer: I am not an academic or an expert. Just a white person who's life was changed for the radically better during the BLM protests of 2020 who wants to share what worked for them.
Below is a non-comprehensive list of first steps you can take to begin the hard work of unpicking the layers upon layers of white supremacist bullshit baked into you from birth by the culture we live in (even if you grew up progressive or in a big city you are not exempt from this).
I made this list because POC in the phandom have been doing a lot of heavy lifting the past few days. I figured the least I could do is share what worked for me to understand what racism is and how its more subtle forms can manifest.
I hope we can all use the below as a starting point to help make the phandom a less racist and more welcoming place.
(btw I do think we are generally more self ware than many fandoms but as we are a mostly white space we have to keep ourselves accountable as white supremacy is an insidious bastard that will catch you unawares if you let it.)
So. Without further ado.
- read this article
- Read "Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race" by Reni Eddo Lodge (how you choose to source this book I will not judge but consider supporting a local book store)
- Stop being so afraid of being called racist. - Hopefully, if you are engaging in good faith then you already accept that racism is baked into our society. Racist is not a dogwhistle for "evil person". It is a descriptor of very specific behavior that we can all fall into if we don't keep ourselves sharp. So part 2 of this step is -
- Look back on your life and identify a time when you have participated in racism. My go to example is my 14 year old "never met a black person in real life" self, yelling along to N****s in Paris (uncensored, duh) at a house party with a bunch of other white 14 year olds. If you're getting really introspective you'll probably have multiple of these such moments. Sit with them, feel the cringe, think about what you might say to that version of yourself now, how you might have acted differently had you been aware the behavior was problematic. And then forgive yourself. Self flagellation does nothing good, the thing to do now is learn and progress. But you can't know what to change/avoid if you don't have examples to work off of. (This one is lowkey hard mode but worth doing early on so you can see your own progress over time. Also, if the examples you are thinking of were directly harmful you may also want to consider making amends in some way).
- Look at your playlists/album collection. If you don't see many/any POC musicians make a conscious effort to change that. Seek out interviews with your favourite artists and see which black artists have influenced them. Add them to your rotation.
- Do this with youtubers, authors, actors, screenwriters etc, etc. In all forms or art and entertainment, look at what you consume and if you find it overerall skewing white, make an effort to fill it with colour.
(Kill the voice inside you that says "I just prefer - blank-", or "the stuff they make just isn't for me, I prefer stuff I can relate to". This is the white supremacy talking, POC are not a monolith, look harder, you will find artists you connect with)
- Every time a POC points something out to you that seems off to them (I often refer to this as "this doesn't pass the sniff test") before jumping in to defend your fave/point of view/TV show etc. really sit with what they have said and try to consider why what they are pointing out, while not a big deal to you, could be a big deal to them.
Like I said up top, this is a non comprehensive list and is only intended as a starting point.
I usually wouldn't post something like this as I prefer to stay out of discourse but the conversation going on this past few days has really disappointed me. So many people are being dismissive toward POC fans and completely missing the points they are trying to make. So here's my two cents. Hope it's helpful.
#not even touching dnp's own past racism here#thats a topic i definetly have THOUGHTS on but at the end of the day anything i have to say has been said better by POC fans#plus I'm still here and giving them my money so clearly I've made my peace with it on some level#but yeah#not trying to be preachy but i think we could all do with being a little more intentional around how we approach conversations about race#dnp#dan and phil#yapping#as i said in the tags of another post the other day#dnp are entertainers who we do not know and cannot speak for#but we can set expectations as a fandom and create a culture that encourages anti-racism#we have seen how in touch dnp are#lets show them what matters to us#phan#phandom
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Minthara says “in Her name” when you first meet her and she’s following the Absolute but when you recruit her and she expresses that she no longer follows any god, but she still has an intact paladin oath, and she says “in your name” occasionally because she’s no longer Lolth’s paladin or the Absolute’s paladin, she’s your paladin
#😭#she might not think you’re a god or whatever but you’re the only one that ever came to save her#and if you let her read your mind you’re the only one she knows has no intention to hurt or use her#like I feel like what Minthara wants most of all is to not have to look over her shoulder or wait for the shoe to drop#like every relationship she’s had as a lolthsworn drow has come with the caveat that everyone will take her out if they have the chance#and if it benefits them even a little#lolth literally encourages this so long as you aren’t obvious about it#and lolth will 100% punish you the second she has an excuse to#and then the absolute like while she was being controlled probably felt more like genuine love than Minthara ever experienced#but it came with Orin and punishments for failing#and her being literallly mind controlled into her#so it’s still violent and threatening even if the extent of that is only realized after she’s pulled out of it#but then there’s you who pulled her out of that#who can clearly and plainly show her that you have no intention of hurting her even if it benefits you#and who went out of your way to rescue her when no one else she was devoted to ever would#and you offered her the means to not only stay safe from the absolute but to get revenge on it#of course it’s ‘in your name’ now you’re the only person that gave Minthara a reason for her to follow you#that wasn’t threats of violence and suffering#you literally gave her the opposite#she’s YOUR paladin it doesn’t matter if aren’t a god#you could be tho#Minthara#minthara baenre#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.
#3 am queer discourse take <3#anyways hot take number two. cishets do belong at pride. everyone who wants to celebrate queerness should be welcomed at pride#if a completely cishet business major fratboy wants to come to pride and vibe with us then he should be welcomed!#not even like. oh he has a queer sibling. no. if he's just a cishet dude who wants to spend his saturday at a parade then hell yeah#like completely ignoring that you have no way to tell he's definitively those things. it shouldn't matter regardless imo#pride is not a secretive club you need to be let into. it's a feeling and a celebration and a statement and a state of being#and whatever you want it to be#burying my other related hot take under the tags readmore ksdjksdjksdj#idk. i'm just tired of a lot of the things people seem to think about bisexuality's validity relating to bi women specifically#this is frustration with the gatekeepy and straight-passing discourse of it all#I'm tired of people being expected to act and to preform and to BE queer enough for others' opinions.#am I still welcome if I haven't been with a woman in a few years? if I dress boring? if I like m/f? if I don't listen to chappell roan?#joking on that last one but like. idk. never straight enough for the straights but never gay enough for the gays#constantly some mercurial in-between that offers no comfortable easy group to put us in.#what do i have to do to not be judged as a filthy hettie? are my doc martens enough for you yet?#like oh sorry let me cuff my jeans and have a bob and wear a button up over a cami and wear etsy earrings. am I visually bi enough yet?#let me apologize for the cardinal sin of liking men too. let me wash my hands of any time a cishet man has held them.#if it was a bisexual man then just hand sanitizer is fine right? where do you draw the line on my queerness?#let me preform for you in a way that makes me queer enough.#anyways. sarcasm aside. I think I've made my distaste for this whole affair evident#if you don't want cishets at pride then what happens to those you incorrectly deem as cishet? do I need to prove myself to you?#am I passing as straight? am I passing as gay? am I enough for onlookers?#is it not enough to just show up at pride and celebrate? anyone and everyone who wants to?
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even if i didnt love botw as much as i do, totk drives me nuts bc, similarly to pokemon, this series is so SO SO full of potential, they have so many games they can pull from, theres so many themes, characters and worldbuilding thats just left to rot, you dont need to connect anything with a chain to old titles, you dont need to bring back any things that already had their ending, but PLEASE harness at least a fraction of all this!!!! and they just refuse to do it beyond shallow references
totk jsut drives it all home to me, bc this isnt just the next game in the franchise, but a DIRECT SEQUEL no 10 years apart from botw, yet they cant even, they REFUSE to even keep the continuity with its OWN lore it established in botw together, and that, i think, is what truly makes me so insane (derogatory) about totk
it PROVES they do not care, they dont care to build on anything of the lore of old titles beyond references in form of amiibos or whatever, they dont even care to make a sequel to their most successful game in the franchise coherent with its own lore
botw established a captivating detailed world full of potential, while lacking in active storytelling, it had environmental storytelling, characters and ideas that were the perfect ground to build on-
and then they do away with it bc idk .. they want you to build mechs and make videos of it that go viral and thats all they care about or something
shiekah tech? forget that existed character being the character you know? act as if you are seeing them for the first time just like they are lame story? dont think about that just be distracted by the epic presentation of it lore the previous title established? forget that, all that matters is what is here and now beloved character from old games beign brought back? hes a new guy and has no background and no lore and just sits waiting for you at the end to have a flashy fight with references from old titles and their lore? just here for nostalgie bait, dont you remember? you LOVE this series, now give me 70 bucks for a glorified DLC that ruins what you loved about the series and makes you realize that nothign matters and nothing is interesting anymore
you are supposed to take it all at face value, to not think about anything, to see a character say something and just go with it, and forget it the second its over, be distracted by good music and pretty visuals, but dont think about, dont think about anything but what is directly said to you like you have no critical thinking skills, forget there was a game before this one, only the one you play matters, empty your skull and dont let yourself feel anything but what the game tells you to feel
if they dont even care to make the sequel to their most successful game actually build on the previous title, dont even care to keep their continuity of two games supposedly directly happening one after the other in tact- maybe they never cared, and all the meaning we thought we saw them build into their games was all accidental and meaningless
and that is absolutely soul crushing for fans like me to discover
its a game. its not a story, its not a world, its not themes, its not characters, its not lore. its a product made to make you pay money, not to make you think about anything.
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#i know it sounds silly to say this game makes me mad bc its so clearly a game#but do you get what i mean??#and the worst part is#they dont even keep the lore said in the SAME GAME in line#the people in hateno where links HOUSE used to be that is now ZELDAS not remembering him#the children acting like they dont know him#where has link been?#did zelda put him into the forest and just let him live with the boars?#even so the house is here so link must have been here to buy it-#but no forget that#its somethign that happened in botw and that never actually happened or mattered remember?#to have balloons and rocktes and people with WINGS in this world but none of them going up to the sky islands everyone is obsessed about`?#well its for YOU to play around with with meaningless rewards not for the NPCs living in this world#the godly goat guy and the hylian priestress directly saying zelda is their distant descendant to her and then#not show nor say not even hint at them having any offspring and then both die a stupid meaningless death to try and make you feel something#“doing the dragon transformation robs you of your soul forever and you will never return”#*returns via deus ex machina without even letting the player take any part in it but by -getting to the end tm-*#also i HATE how totk constantly dangles set ups in front of you#only to NOT follow up on them#the intro giving you a taste of what you might expect for- NOPE zelda is gone immediately its jsut botw but worse again lol#zelda getting the hang of her time powers so she might return to her time on her ow- NOPE dragon lol her powers are irrelevant actually#impa being the only one you can tell about zelda being a dragon and her going oh no im gonna search for a way to bring her back- LOL NOPE#its solves itself and you dont even do anything for it and just watch a cutscene#oh no link lost his arm and its beyond repair- LOL NOPE have your arm back like it was freshly made no matter how few of the light things-#you actually got- the things that where supposedly to battle back the thing destroying your arm#also howt he game gives you endless busy work without any good reward#krogs - mayoi signa - poes - scematics - lightroots - sign guy
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pick an object to your right and tell me about it
#keep screaming. keep calling for help.#if you can do donate. join local protests. boycott companies funding israel. show your support in every way possible#in case you can't. it doesn't matter if you can't help through money or physical means#let your voice be heard#there's nothing more terrifying than getting used to what's going on#don't let it become a number#don't let them become an object#please. please.#save palestine#free palestine#also. do tell me if anything i've said comes off as insensitive#that was never my intention and i would gladly take it down if it seems that way#my writing#poetry#prose poetry
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Hear me out (or don't... it's fine I'm just venting and mean) yeah um I don't believe Chakotay was saved in Prod*gy s2.
#the 'time travel' makes no sense when you think on it. What happened to Prime Chakotay? He got killed they showed that.#At the end s1 Janeway finds an 'alternate chakotay in an alternate timeline' and that's the one they go and get#we saw the original get merc'd in the message. That ACTUALLY happened. Lmao.....#They didn't prevent THAT death because they didn't go to THAT Solum with the Infinity and stop it from happening#instead it was 'ALTERNATE#' implying other.#OG Chakotay wasn't taken over by the alternative one either nothing suggests that was the direction for him in s2#they didn't do anything like 'well you see chakotay because at the end of s2 when we converged timestreams you have merged with your other'#if they did want to recover the original from s1 then keep that clear instead of being convoluted dont use an alternate timeline wtf#instead the plot was focused on gywns stupid fucking paradox plot and her being fixed#chakotay was the one in a paradox too did that not matter nah dw about it he had to die for this outcome or someshit lmao why#In the extended message given to admiral janeway it shows him clearly getting left behind and surrounded. Sadly no one intervened.#I dont understand why they couldnt have just made s2 about his rescue alone IF they took their time it wouldnt be so difficult#to follow#above that the one they rescued was ruined by the 10 year gap so he wasn't 'saved' at all. God i hate s2 when you break it apart#I dunno the more i look at s2 Janeway and Chakotay the more upsetting it is. Janeway would NOT have settled for an imposter.#everyone going goo-goo gaa gaa over s2 but it's sloppy af imo and undermines a huge portion voyagers struggles#id really like them to flatly lay out their ideas because literally nothing ive heard explains the story or choices of s2 with conviction#instead it's oh clap for wesley or the new vulcan and other references yay#describe to me your timetravel clearly and i'll happily take a seat on it (there is still other crap stuff mind you)#this is the most repressed shit i my head i swear#im angry because s1 is so clearly mapped out to a brilliant degree and for whatever reason it's not in s2#i can see through it#insultingly people are eating it up and claiming it's better than ever nah dawg embarrassing#there are nice ideas inside s2 but they arent adequately rewarded#it doesnt compare to the timetravel in other trek because they kept it clear#i mean it could have been an interesting parallel to endgame but in the end janeway didnt even rescue him lmao they dropped her#why bother building up this mission only for her to give up and go 'i'll hand it over because im told to'. Janeway had fuck all this season#let alone settle for not fixing her own timeline and her own friends deadly circumstance dw just grab another one from the shelf i guess#the emotional fallout was absolutely missed because they didnt elaborate on anything. Plenty of show but no substance from the characters
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Day 347 | id in alt
Kugisaki hasn't been around Gojo enough to gaf about him LMAO.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#shoko ieri#okay rant time yall#i know some folkos might be mad that i make it seem like shoko is a wet fucking rag which she kinda is kinda isn't#shes clearly capable in her area although in a very she's using what she knows in a different way than shes used to#Shoko unfortunately was EXTREMELY dependent on Gojo's decisions and i hate gege for showing that#most of her actions included gojo in some degree which unfortunately made the decisions in which she needed to say things#she made those decisions based around what gojo would do#letting getos body go uncremated letting gojo killed geto himself ect ect#she didn't involve herself because gojo was gonna do it anyway and i think that mentally effected her bad#so turned herself into her work. somebody that deals with corpses becoming a single minded corpse herself. funny aint it#she has jokes but she isn't very used to having somebody focused on her for a decision she made#because Okkotsu didn't even fucking say a thing about her when his ass came back so i think it would be funny if Kugisaki kinda loathed her#like yes Shoko. your decisions effect others that arnt Gojo did you get jumpscared and then shoved back into reality? i hope you did#she dosent speak. words arnt really her thing where actions mostly are.#so shes trying to do things that help and thats funny because shes kinda ass at it#like helping burying somebody and like preparing for the worst after you fucked somebody over#shoko i see you#also girl why is the only version of self care you have ever done FLINGING YOUR FUCKING CIGARETTE AWAY#why is that your only version of self care and not getting over your damn alcoholism. weirdoooo#Kugisaki using herself as a frame of reference for bad shit. girl i see you LOL#hope that Shoko shit makes sense because she definitely does shit. she knows what she's doin#but before gojo died. well gojo was sort of like a fucked up version of a higher up for her idk#Shoko isn't a pushover. Kugisaki is just mad as hell.#shoko is an asshole that sucks at walking forward but she hurts while healing too so...girl what the fuck#she cant do much or anything with the kids except heal them in a way that dosent quite matter anymore
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i’ve decided that post-canon Ed and Winry keep a little flock of chickens and it’s mostly a bunch of sweet hens that they and the kids dote on, but they also have a tiny yellow bantam rooster which Ed is in a FEUD with. they are NEMESES. this creature keeps escaping from the run and getting into things he shouldn’t and pecking at Ed’s ankles every chance he gets. the kids love him and ‘accidentally’ let him into the house where he causes utter chaos. Ed insists this is the most vile creature in the world. but of course everyone else who sees their altercations is just like “Ah. He has found a kindred spirit.”
#was contemplating a fic last night#for my 'Ed develops chronic fatigue as a result of that one time he used his own life energy as a power source' headcanon#but got very sidetracked thinking about chickens#they all have names that are either very specific mechanical engineering terms or elements/alchemical compounds#they call the rooster Pete but it's short for 'Saltpeter'#Ed did not think he was going to get attached to the chickens because he's not an Animal Person the way Al is#but in true dad-who-insisted-he-didn't-want-a-pet fashion it takes him like two weeks to become utterly smitten#fusses over 'the girls' and brings them the *good* weeds from other parts of the yard#has been seen chasing predators away from the coop brandishing a frying pan#has to go sit with them for a bit in the morning when he lets them out#(until the rooster attacks him)#gives effusive speeches about how marvelous it is that eggs exist#Winry finds it all deeply amusing#i'm not very fandom about this show i mostly just point at it and go 'wow! a good story!'#but this is what matters to me i guess#Edward Elric has chronic fatigue and chickens#fma
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i couldnt upload the audio like a normal person so heres this. gonna try to animate to it tomorrow :P
#my post#i love making audiossssssssssss#i have it like mapped out i just havent drawn anything yet#so the beginning 'i may not live to see out glory' n all that- thats diagetic thats all of em in lmanberg. rev era.#'raise a glass to freedom' is them going off to fight. 'something they can never take away' is the big battle#'no matter what they tell you (it was never meant to be)' is the fcr#(the short intrumental is tommy picking himself up looking furious)#'raise a glass to the four of us' is them getting their independance. 'tomorrow therell be more of us' yay niki n jack are here!!#'telling the story of tonight' is them all around a campfire having a good time. 'theyll tell the story of tonight' is a more closeup of#cwil still in this same moment and he just looks tired.#'raise a glass to freedom' is the election#'something they can never take away ( dear citizens tonight that changes)' is schlatt winning and banishing tommy n will#'no matter what they tell you' is wilbur in the button room#'(this isnt over) lets have another round tonight' uhhh idk man pogtopia things#'raise a glass to the four of us' is the four of em coming back together#'tomorrow therell be more of us' is the bit on the 16th where theyre charging off to battle on the railway. and wilbur lags behind and#watches them all run ahead.#'(it was never meant to be) telling the story of tonight' is wilbur pressing the button and lmanberg exploding#then its just the general chaos of the battle#'if we dont win this fight there will be no tomorrow' is a shot of tommy n tubbo sticking together. as they always do in a fight.#'let me tell you a story tommy' is technos big speech (i know it happens before wilbur pressed the button let me have this)#'nothing beside remains' is fundy standing over the ruins. and he looks up to see phil kill wilbur#the last 'story of tonight' shows the camarvan in old rev era lmanberg. at night. the lights are on and you can see people inside.#smilessss
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the current state of the arg
sorry guys the art isnt arting D:
(btw if youre confused on why i drew turnip like that i was referencing the picrew he did ages ago bc idk it looked fun to draw anddd i dont like taking reference off real life images)
#i felt like just a lillll bit of a creep relistening to voice messages over and over to find a good quote but. yk what. it was worth it#i totally didnt take reference from the really cool face i used in that animation because im still really proud of it#idk if emi or TD have a sona but if they do im not aware of it and i didnt feel like asking so i just drew both of them as blank characters#im too stressed to scheme lol#maybe#just maybe#i need to stop drinking tea because the caffiene makes me anxious#...#naaaaahhhh#i dont really know what to do with myself atm because i dont want to work on the animation unless turnon is ok out of pure spite#this morning i was absolutely radiating stress#i have a friend who shows up so we can walk together to school and she could tell smth was off lol#i literally could not hide it at all even if i wanted too#i kept pulling my hat over my face thats the main way you can tell that im stressed#not that it really matters that you know that bc none of you are ever gonna witness that but. fun fact abt me ig#ugh#if turnon dies i am gonna cry so hard <333#and i wont finish the animation <333333333#(at this point just trying anything to get turnon back)#im gonna make a word doc#i make word docs when im stressed /hj#quick question turnip : is there a way to get turnon out of the situation he is in or is he just gonna die and theres nothing we can do#about it /gen#because i have a sneaky suspicion that we cant actually do anything about this#i swear to god#LETS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!!#A DEFRAG MIGHT COME OUT TMR!!#its been 21 days and a defrag takes on average 20-25 days#ough#turnip and addon im gonna find where you live and i will burn your respective houses down
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the particular bad guy of this episode, a little apprehensively: the audience wants to see me die?
nate, with more sincerity than anything he's said to anyone in her presence before: like you wouldn't believe
#and he's not wrong#leverage#my favorite#tv shows#watching the stork job and the way that parker instantly goes 'we have to bail' after seeing the kids has me Feeling a Certain Way#bc i think it's partially like. i think she knows the feeling of 'the known sucks but at least it's the known'#how many times was she let down? was her hope that things would get better left to die?#i know she goes to save them all later but maybe at the time she was just thinking... 'don't give them false hope'#her insistent use of the phrase 'we can't save them' is just. augh. parker bb no#and eliot saying to sophie 'he's right' re nate's sticking to the plan of saving one vs trying to save all of them on the fly is smarter...#just ouch. reminds me of the fishing job where eliot's goal is 'GET HARDISON OUT' and the very clear reluctance with which he tells hardiso#'yeah. i have an idea what they're gonna do. it's gonna be bad. are people gonna die? probably'#bc he doesn't want that! he doesn't want to leave people in the lurch! but GET HARDISON OUT takes precedent for him#and he's doing the same thing here. GET LUKA OUT is taking precedent. he doesn't like it any more than sophie does#i just. ghenghnehganf. i have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about eliot's priorities and how they intersect with his job as the hitter#he's the physical guy. he has to be not just realistic he has to be the pessimist bc if he doesn't plan well enough? he friggin dies man#eliot's always thinking of 'what can a human being survive' bc AS THE HITTER that's HIS weakest point#GHENFGHENFGGHGHEWLAFHGGLRHGI#i have normal feelings of normal intensity about eliot spencer#and parker for that matter! very normal#eliot spencer#parker#you pierce my soul#personal#abbie needs a twitter
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my art from the na vs art party!! took me a lil bit cuz i wanted to color it and that meant cleaning up the sketches and then i wanted to shade them and hajsksldhaflk
the characters from left to right:
Quinn Teeling - @sunsrefuge
Ambrose Wolfsbane - @commander-gloryforge
Finnegän - @pinecone-enthusiast
Astrëllä - @ohpollenpowder
#vsartparty#gw2#guild wars 2#others ocs#my art#also!!! please let me know if i got any of the names or tumblrs wrong!! especially ambrose cuz i didn’t get the name in my ref screenshot#i did go thru the art party tag to find the character i drew and i’m like 99% sure it’s ambrose but if it’s not him i’m SO SORRY#ahhh i hope people like them ajhsjalakf#like i know that getting art of ur oc is usually great no matter what but i get anxious lol#also i used a new shading technique and idk how i feel about it#like i like how i blended out the edges and stuff#but i might have to play with using different colors in different areas instead of just using the same purple lol#really happy with how i did the hair this time tho!! i feel like i usually like hair better in the sketching phase#cuz it’s all loose and rough and messy#i just feel like i get the shape and idk vibe? of the hair better then#and when i get to lines or shading i feel like i end up making the hair too solid? like i lose the flowy-ness of the hair and stuff#anyway i think i did pretty good with it this time tho!! i liked adding the highlights a lot :)#…i actually kinda was referencing an old how to draw manga book i got when i was 11#listen. it was one of the good ones and had actually good tips and info#and the way it showed shading hair kinda influenced me here and i think it worked!#oh wow i really rambled in the tags this time#there’s a reason my personal texts posts (at least on my main) are tagged as ‘regan rambles’
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the amount of time i spend thinking about Even carrying the metacrisis doctor’s fob watch is really quite disproportionate to how much ive fleshed out that part of the story in my head
#i still find myself not caring if the metacrisis doctor couldnt use one. he can because i said so and because donna shouldn’t get amnesiaed#alone.#but anyway. even. its just something about like.#here is your best friend. the man who showed you how big the universe could be. its still him human or not. its still the doctor.#can’t call him that. have to watch your tongue always because no matter how familiar their faces are. these two people do not remember#everything you did together and never can. at least they still love each other. nothing could change that. that’s what matters. you steer#them into each other’s lives so carefully and watch to see if they’re going to get hurt. but they don’t. it’s okay.#and still. and still. you carry your best friend’s life. everything that he is. you can hold it in the palm of your hand. he gave it to you.#he entrusted it to you. well. that’s not entirely true. technically you volunteered. but how else could you say thank you.#you made your world so so small again. for him. larger than you would’ve been used to once but you know what galaxies feel like to fly#across. and now you’re stuck in time and space. this is for love too. this is for the life you hold in your hands.#or wear around your neck on a chain. and because you chose this. you can never see him again. or you see him every day and he doesn’t#recognize all of you.#that would make anyone desperate wouldn’t it? make you do something stupid. make you turn to someone you shouldn’t.#even makes bad choices when they are cornered. i think.#dw oc#the important bit is of course that the only way they can ever get rid of it is by their own choice. which they never would choose to do.#(because tentoo won’t take it back. he’s his own person. impressions of the doctor influencing him. but the part of him that is donna doing#so as well. a whole new person. who does not want her memories back and to be unmade.)#but the point is that the moment even takes it. they will never let it go. they will lose it. on painful occasion. but it always finds its#way back. depending on the context this presence and responsibility is either comforting in its constancy.#or. in a less kind world. a horrifying reminder of how far they have fallen from who they tried to be for him.
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Thinking about my Rook hours </3
#i did not mean to get so attached to this character so immediately#but god the scenes with harding and taash and solas have given me so much to chew on#like. first of all raised in the mournwatch as an orphan fully removed from her culture as a qunari#but also being very aware she didnt look like any of the other young mournwatch recruits and there was something Different about her#being genuinely invested in the work they do but also being so afraid to step out of line and be ousted#only for that to exactly happen the one time she pushed back against the nobility#then she's throwing herself into her new job helping varric search the realms for solas#and suddenly because of a call she made he's too weak to fight and she has solas in her head telling her how badly she fucked everything up#and she just feels so small and worthless#but no. she cant let her emotions get anyone else hurt#fuck solas. fuck him for trying to pin this on her.#as a matter of fact fuck anyone trying to undermine her while she's doing what needs to be done#she sees how harding is blaming herself for what happened and she tells her she cant blame herself#'blame me' she says secretly in her head#'im the reason you got hurt'#but she knows harding would see right through her#so she puts on a happy face for her and stays optimistic when she starts showing signs of being the first dwarf to cast magic#but deep inside rook is panicking because what if something is changing her harding? what if something is going to take her away from her?#she compensates by trying to seem as laid back as possible#and then they meet emmrich and rook is launched back into her mournwatch mindset#she stands up straighter and uses bigger fancier words to keep up with the professor#and harding calls her on it and suddenly she realizes how much shes been compartmentalizing everything#fully shifting her personality around her friends based on what she thinks they need#she realizes with horror that solas of all people has seen the most unfiltered version of her#the version that is angry and frustrated with how unfair everything is#but is also very aware that no matter what she does she will be seen as a villain in the eyes of some#simply because she cannot save everyone#and then she hangs out with taash and sees someone who also compartmentalizes to hell and seems like. okay about it#and taash doesnt need anyone to take care of them. sihu feels oddly relaxed around their no-nonsense approach to socialization#datv spoilers
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#im so tired of everything of living no matter what i do its always the wrong thing#i make everyone so uncomfortable and unsafe and i dont know how to stop it#everyday i stop myself from listing who i want to gift my hideous belongings#because im tired#others will find more use. more joy of them#meanwhile they are only getting dirtied by me#i must have been terrible in a past life. to be such a hideous person now#i just want to improve and change but its like everything just makes me fall deeper into this hole#i have depression but i cannot show symptoms. im the idiot trying to stop myself because i dont want others to feel bad#but its the others that make me feel like this#sorrows should not be shown. happiness cannot be shared. i have to be the perfect unemotional puppet to be loved#but my body and mind keep decaying and making it so much harder everyday#i fear soon i will be too weak to keep trying. and that the last thing i will hear will be total silence (from being ignored)#or a constant onslaught of guiltripping for letting myself get to such a state#i await the decaying with resignation because i have nothing else#haunted.txt
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