#let us have terms for once
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When people say Annabeth was an unreliable narrator and her stepmom was actually nice to her…
#annabeth chase#because percy met annabeths parents once and didn’t see how they were so bad but we then got her pov of it in MoA I think#but they’re choosing to say she was an unreliable narrator instead?#people use the term unreliable narrator too loosely#anything that they can’t understand is apparently the result of an unreliable narrato#or anything they don’t want to understand#yes her stepmom was concerned when percy told her what happened to her#but does that mean what annabeth said happened was false? no#it’s actually really simple#no thinking caps needed#pjo#I won’t tag as pro Annabeth post because I don’t think they are anti annabeth but that they refuse to let her have any trauma#bc they don’t like the idea of adding to her character and giving her character more than just being annabeth#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#heroes of olympus#hoo#leah sava jeffries#mark of athena#percabeth#the lightning thief#the titans curse#unreliable narrators#but people just throw that term around
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Little "bouquet" of random flowers I found growing wild in a yard
#flowers#photo diary#I think people are way too mean about ''''weeds'''' and not appreciative of them. Like.. dandelions are super nice looking#and bright and pretty.. forget me nots are so cute and a nice color.. etc. all of these random things that just spring up in the yard#are so neat. and it's evil that people tear them up and mow them down all the time#I guess maybe I get dandelions because they can kind of take over a space?? MAYBE?? but even then#if I was going to have a yard that is just a giant empty plot of blank grass. I would ratherit have a scattering of dandelions than#just like....... nothingness.#Also super cool that this person I know has columbines growing wildly in the yard. They hate them and pull them up#since they've kind of ''taken over'' a patch of grass near a bench they use#but they're soooo cool... Though they only have the single color ones just purple. My favorite columbines are the ones that are two colors#and almost look like two flowers in one or something.#There's a hill near a road around here where poppies seem to be growing wild.. ough... I wish I could go and take some or something#I've tried to transplant forget me nots everytime I'm in some realitive or friend's yard who has them and I ask to dig a few up but#I think theyre just not the type of flower that really grows long term on a deck lol.. but I wish they were... I just really like the blue#color. THOUGH this year in someone else's yard I found a very cool flower just randomly growing wildly that I had never seen#before. It's called Bethlehem Lungwort and it has spotted leaves and multi colored flowers and it looked like a flower out of a cartoon#at first. Since it was randomly growing wild in a yard the person let me dig one of them upand its' still aliveon my deck actualy#It's not blooming flowers anymore but the leaves are still prospering fine. Though it seems to really dislike the super hot sun#and will wilt in this heat wave if I'm not watering it at least once every other day lol.. anyway
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went to aussie for a week and apparently while I was over there a switch flipped and I am no longer on read-six-books-per-week sabbatical but have reached actually-think-about-the-future sabbatical which is a welcome if somewhat baffling switch
#no idea what prompted this but i do need to go here at some point so i guess we're doing this#...i also started a list of Research Essays I Want To Write (theology) today#after a long chat with the lecturer in office hours (no one else there)#and he offered to supervise me on either of the two i already have in mind#probs not. particularly soon? like that might be a 2026 plan (once i have some hebrew under my belt)#all my friends are doing the pastoral research essays like What Do We Do With Gender And Bible#i'm just like. what does this obscure term mean in the book of the twelve and does it mean the same thing throughout#please let me be a nerd#'why are you doing this study' idk because i'm a nerd 'what's the end goal' no#also LITERALLY in the office hours the lecturer got so excited he couldn't speak for a second there#(this was after my other friend showed up)#he was SO INTERESTED in the question that he just like. broke.#(fun fact we went to the same church for a bit when i lived in dunedin. neither of us remember each other but my other friend does)#currently what i want to do next year is study hebrew and biblical studies and not be a doctor but i also will need money at some point#rowena adventures
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sorry im just thinking about bcs but like. why not add a few smaller scenes of gus interacting with his own men? why does it seem like, in comparison, mike is almost immediately elevated to a higher status than those two in bcs purely because we actually get to see him having normal conversations with gus? like i understand they might not keep the plot moving as well because of the fact obviously if victor is currently doing something it’s because gus told him to etc. but for the most part all of the smaller interactions gus does have with those two ends up being in a somewhat high stress situation where it feels very tense between everyone. and it’s just like damn! is it always like that?? why do those two even care that much about their jobs if their boss is a bit of a dick? etc. i think even an additional scene or two with those guys (either alone or the both of them) talking with gus in a more normal situation could’ve both added a bit more depth into how gus treats his employees (we got a lot with how he treats lyle and co., but not a whole lot with the illegal side of things), how comfortable vic and tyrus feel around him in a calmer setting, and exactly why they both feel the need to be as loyal as they are to the guy.
and also on the other side of this i don't think it'd hurt to maybe elaborate on their pay just a bit..? i'm not saying to randomly put a number out into the atmosphere but i just mean some smaller things like. do they buy nicer things for themselves? what's their housing situation? what's their car situation? are the escalade / yukon their own vehicles or does gus just use those two for business situations? do they use them when they're doing their own stuff off the clock or do they have their own cars? etc. that can also help with understanding their motivations a bit. don't get me wrong i don't think they should be visibly rich or something because that's not what gus would want but just smaller things! cause it's easy to write their loyalty off as Well they probably get paid super well, which i'm sure is true, but if they don't show a single hint of that then what's the point. even something as simple as giving tyrus a nice watch, or maybe victor having a nicer looking gun, etc. something small like that. because as it stands right now the average 41 year old viewer who watched the show once only knows and will only ever know victor and tyrus as those two guys in the background who do random stuff for gus with no clear motivation. just the personification of "On it boss (salute emoji)". and to be honest this is true for a whole lot of fans who do watch the show multiple times and enjoy thinking about it more in depth, because on screen we barely have anything about the two.
and to be clear i'm not trying to say we should have an episode just for them or something like no i understand they're side characters. i understand we don't need all that. and i understand this is also primarily Jimmy's show. but it's not like these two are on the same level as like, arlo or paige and kevin etc. these guys have been around since brba. victor was literally introduced in the same episode gus was. and they are a huge part of gus's story, especially in brba. s4 wouldn't have been what it was without victor and tyrus. and in bcs, ignacio's situation wouldn't have been the same if it weren't for victor and tyrus as well. and i just personally believe that if their goal with gus in bcs was to go back and elaborate on how everything came to be and show what he was like a few years younger, they could've dragged victor and tyrus into that. and i think his character would've benefited from taking that extra step with those two.
#gray.txt#and you know. obviously i personally have my own clear ideas of everything. and i'm content with what i got. this isn't coming from a place#of Well victor is my favorite guy so everything should be about him LOL. i know what he is.#but thats only because i spent like what? 2 years now watching random interviews and analyzing the smallest details within the show that#genuinely meant nothing while they were writing the scripts. and then throwing some random ideas at the wall to see if they stick.#and i just dont think everybody should have to do that LOL. and i think gus's character gets a lot more interesting#when do you do have this clear idea of victor and tyrus in your head and how he interacts with them. but 99% of people dont have that!#nobody fucking knows everything giancarlo and vince ever said about box cutter. nobody knows about the interview where giancarlo referred t#his entire business (meth and restaurant) as his 'family'. and they'd never think of that in those terms#because with the exception of his restaurant workers and mike#it feels like he HATES them LMAO.#tldr all i'm saying is i think we could've benefited from at least one 1 minute long scene of victor and gus exchanging words#where it doesn't end in gus snapping the phone in half out of anger. and also let tyrus speak his mind and have gus agree with him once#also yeah sorry this is all over the place but it is somehow the most coherent i have felt in months so this is as good as its getting sorr#sorry .#also to be clear about my earlier statement that’s a lie my idea of those two is not clear in my head whatsoever i just meant in comparison#to literally the average viewer. and my own personal thoughts about them aren’t even true it’s just opinions and guesses.#and i love a character that i can just say shit about but at the same time i think it’s fun to have idk something in the source material#that you can actually use while thinking and not have to dig around 11 year old reddit AMAs#and that money paragraph sort of came out of order what i meant by saying all that is like#i feel those two could benefit from a clear motivation for why they do all the things they do#and if we have neither personal reasons nor monetary reasons then it just makes them feel like one dimensional henchmen or something#came out of no where* not order you dumb fuck (< me)#also it doesn’t have to be clear in our faces or anything whatever you know what i’m saying . this is too long i can’t keep elaborating
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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my period app being like ‘late for 38 days!!’
baby girl, i haven’t had a period, since this time in may, but alright <3
#surprise i’m pregnant!!!#imaoooooon nahhhh#but my body is weird and i don’t get super regular periods bc my weight is constantly up and down and for probably a whole host of other#reasons#i’ve never been regular in general#but like missing a month is considered pretty normal#i swear i didn’t have a period for like a year once#and it’s been like nearly four months(?) now soooo 🤷🏻♀️#like i’m fine otherwise#idk what my current weight is but like i don’t think it’s like dangerously bad rn#i don’t like to think about it too much bc my brain LOVES to latch on to that shit and not let go and make me feel like shit#just in general i have a hard time keeping weight on#and like it’s not that eat too little (except sometimes i do oops)#bc like half the time i eat the same as my brother and he’s like 10 stone or something#i have been flip flopping between 8 and 9 for the last couple years#but it’s not like all my problems would immediately be solved if i were heavier (using that term lightly)#but like not eating does my symptoms worse bc like obviously not eating = lack of energy#but like eating doesn’t make my body magically fixed and function like a able bodied person’s is what i mean#but anyways i don’t think i’ve had a normal menstrual cycle in like 5+ years#so hehe x#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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its 4 am and well, im not doomscrolling but i have thoughts lol... i should turn them off and go back to sleep
#minhmy rambles#for the record right now im completely fine like. im not gonna let this stupid orange stop me#thankfully im relatively safe in my state and im so so glad for it but y'know. you never know#but yesterday i was busy w work and also loads of other things like Being Sick so didn't have the mental fortitude to keep up w everything#and i think its helped me like. im not gonna dwell on it. i shouldn't. yeah things Suck but id rather live my life day by day and Not/#self-destruct over it. and this is just me as well. ik everyone else is freaking out and you all have a right to. i just have to keep going#like its not me trying to be callous or y'know high and mighty for feeling better over it than others i don't wanna come off like that but.#i just feel safe here in hawaii things obvs still suck like i said and things can get worse esp for us but i feel safe here ill be ok#and i worry for my friends and everyone whose lives are impacted way more strongly than me and have a lot to worry about#like it could just be me being ignorant. or whatever. but i know everything is bad i just can't let it affect me rn#me rambling as if someones gonna read this and judge me so harshly...!!!#but its just the truth. im sad for everyone but i can keep going and so should you. i have so much to live for and if the only reason you/#have now is spite then you should do it. hey maybe someone will successfully kill the guy. instead of missing. but once these 4 years/#of hell are over we won't have him again. it might be even worse then#like in terms of presidential canididates. i know this. but its okay itll be okay#and i cant ask that ppl will adopt the same attitude as me lol i know im an outlier for sure but. its gonna be okay regardless#ill be okay despite being afab poc and Also autistic (ig i shouldn't look to getting a diagnosis yet which sucks..) but i'll Be Okay#and i hope everyone else will be too; in time.
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you don’t have to answer this ask but wow how are you supposed to be the bad guy fucking apologizing for reacting badly to being told to kill yourself?? i hate this website
well okay hold up i never said i was the bad guy. i said there were misunderstandings on both sides and that i was sorry for an issue in one part of how i handled it. just one.
#ask tag#not counting#like um. i do understand that maybe this person's sense of humor is way different then mine okay#but like. they said that they didn't mean it legitimately and once they saw it was haarmful they apologized#for me to say ''i am glad i understand your side of the story and you understand mine'' i am not saying i'm the bad guy#there's really no ''bad guy'' in this situation as i see it because the world is more nuanced then that y'know#like. sometimes people have a sense of humor that you can't pick up on. it doesn't mean you shouldn't state your point of view#and say ''that wasn't how i want people to talk to me and i also won't let you do that''#also the only part i really ''apologized'' for was that i used a term for them that was uncomfortable#i assume for gender reasons. and i understand where that comes from. if someone called me ''girl'' while arguing i wouldn't like it#whenever i said sorry after that i did my best to try and word it in a way like ''i am sorry this happened but it's not my fault''#like how when. idk. someone's grandma dies and you say ''sorry for your loss'' you're not saying that you killed their grandma#you're just saying that you feel bad that the thing happened but not that it's your fault#and yes. i do agree that the situation may have been fixed if they just said it was a joke but hindsight is 20/20 right?#anyways. that's my take on the situation.#and like. idk. if they apologized and told me how they saw it. i'm gonna believe them because i have had WAY more malicious people here#like idk. there have been anons who have said wayy worse and there's no discernable reason for why they would#like that one anon who told me that i should get my arms chopped off or something. idk. i deleted it before i could commit it to memory#and that was on purpose#but like. my point is. there's worse people. and if i focus all of my energy about being mad over a person who made one joke in bad taste#idk just seems like a waste of time#at least that's my perspective on the situation. never said i was the bad guy. just sorry it happened#also sorry it happened so late at night for me! i need an ibuprofen and a bagel now
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death to america and to the west bloc if im being honest
#wvery day i see shit that makes me wanna leave#we need a strong communist party or i am defecting. i have no idea where to but i fucking hate it here#like capitalism (liberalism really) has such a chokehold on the world there truly is no salvation other than revolution but bc i live in#reformist hellhole numero fucking uno (sweden) there is no hope of it happening bc the strongest left party is currently doing#respectability politics to appease the fucking nazis!!!!!!!!#like the pattern keeps repeating. even in western countries with “socialist” histories we will always drift toward liberal and conservative#ideals bc in a society where the rich are powerful rich peoples ideals (the thing that lets them keep the most money) will always prosper#“true” democracies will never ever be in the peoples best interest even if wveryone woke up tomorrow and was magically motivated to go get#involved with political organizing#simply because the biggwst media outlets are liberal or conservative!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#staten och kapitalet sitter i samma jävla båt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! killing everyone with my mind#furthermore even if people would be interested in local politics it doesnt solve the issue with the system as it currently exists allowin#g and relying on companies that perpetrate neo colonialism like the wntire western society is a cancer and it will not die unless it all#dies at once#its all short term profits people and environment and self governance be damned i fucking hate the us and the eu so so so so so much#western states have been instruments to defend capital interests since their inception during the national romance i swear to god you have#o be blind not to see it
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Rewatching V5 is flaring up my disappointment with Raven's character. Introduced as mysterious, commanding, and perceptive with a strong family-first mentality that aligns her with the clan rather than her own blood
Yet by the end of the season she's reduced to a coward, not giving Vernal or the clan a second thought before abandoning them for... Tai, of all people
Raven is the weirdest mish mash of characteristics and narrative choices that don't mesh well at all in such inexperienced hands
#rwde#once again i ask does this seem like a woman who'd not only let herself get knocked up but carry the child to full term?#still pissed that she and qrow dont have their own language or code phrases to alert each other to dangers#and that she didn't use it to clue qrow into the whole 'salems up my ass' thing is just ughhhh#why did she leave the clan anyway?? she wouldn't be hunted as a maiden bc the relics gone#did she think her standing w the clan would be marred by vernals death? doubt it considering their mentality#none of it makes sense. every interesting nuanced wrinkle is flattened to be boring and easy to judge#just like everything in this damn show
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i remember i'd hear about how my state is one of the most dangerous places in terms of sex trafficking and i would think, what an awful thing. how terrible is it that my state has such an issue with trafficking that it's enough for it to be a well-known, well-documented serious danger/risk area.
and i still didn't think it would ever happen to me.
#familial trafficking is a very real thing and i am not okay :)#i still have a hard time coming to terms w it. i mean. thats what happened. i was trafficked. but it wasnt a stranger.#it was my fucking dad!! what the fuck!!!!!#he wouldnt stick around whenever hed bring me somewhere so it could happen. he literally left me w men he didnt even really know.#i remember one of them asked me once 'think your dad would let me keep you?' and all i could do was cry because well.#what exactly was stopping him from taking me? it sure as hell wasnt the law because me being seven fucking years old didnt matter.#im sure some of them thought about it. i just got lucky. i only got to go back home because of dumb luck. not everyone gets that chance.#sometimes i still feel like shit for using the word 'trafficking' to describe what happened to me because i know thats what it was#but it still doesnt feel like its *my* word to use. like im blowing it all out of proportion even though thats. literally what it was.#i dont know how to talk to anyone about it. just typing this made me have to put my phone down for a minute so i could try to calm down.#and then i also had to set it down for like an hour for the same reason. i just. im gonna go play minecraft for a few hours.#csa vent#trauma vent#actuallyabused#actuallytraumatized#tw trafficking#forgetting about this shit for years and having the memories come flooding back all of a sudden has been. SO difficult.#im so tired of thinking about it but i cant stop.
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'people should make weirder gender headcanons,' i say, looking at my main group of OCs, of which none of them use they/them except innocence (who is genderfluid)
#you have:#des (he/she bigender man/woman; no preference)#night (it/its; nonbinary butch lesbian [in a gender way])#silver (he/him agender with no gendered terms)#prayer (it/xe; some sort of genderweird)#grace (he/him in a vaguely transmasc way that isn't actually transmasc like he's not. binary. but he's also Not not binary??)#and moth (sae/sem/sair/sies/saeself; some flavor of transfem but in a very nonbinary way)#and innocence doesn't even Primarily use they/them. they cycle through Everything#i just use they/them for them because my brain shits itself if i try to rapid cycle through every pronoun possible#if you have two pronouns i'll alternate when i remember to. three i'll struggle but i'll try#4+ and i will probably give up and stick with one on any given day#i just cannot keep that much in my head and i cannot keep up with innocence's gender fuckery#this is why IWSY is second person! /hj#anyway i'm not biased at all why would you say that /s#IWSY#also yes i included innocence as an OC. let's be real past a certain point if you headcanon for them enough#they become an OC. mx 'has no canon dialogue and is mentioned exactly twice in vanilla and only once more in downpour' innocence#IWSY being second person is only partially a joke because that was a legitimate reason behind like. the design for the innocence of youth#i saw no canon pronouns for innocence and wind and was like. okay how do i write this in a way that completely avoids using pronouns#for innocence that ended up being writing their fic in second person#wind i did a funny thing of manipulating the narration to never use pronouns#i guess you could also say that in a way this influenced my all pronouns innocence and no pronouns wind#but that's not really it for innocence. genderfluidity just felt right for them
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Girl you gotta write your term paper and not cry about your poor life choices
#tw eating issues#seriously idk how much detail I'll go into but i had a full blown relapse of my eating disorder i thought I had overcome and i gotta cry#about it now so you've been warned#i didn't think it could get this bad again#I've been having ups and downs over the past 4 years and I've definitely had phases where i felt like I've relapsed more or less#but it was never as bad as it used to be#so now this is annoying#i avoided thinking about it the past few weeks telling myself it was fine even though i knew what I'm doing is stupid as hell#but yeah i guess crying about it isn't gonna solve anything either. i know exactly what helped me overcome it in the first place#and i know exactly why i couldn't get over it for so long. and unfortunately I'm currently in exactly that state of mind that doesn't want#to let me let go of it. i hate it. i hate myself for letting it come to this. i hate myself for everything I've done the past few weeks#i hate that i don't know what to do because one part of me just clings on to the obsession while the other part of me is just tired of my#shit. i don't know how to get myself out of it. it all might get better once I'm back home because food won't be as much of a problem there#I'm torn between not eating anything at all or obsessively calculating my calories and trying to get rid of every single one i consume by#running until my feet are bleeding and i just. don't. know. how. to. stop. it.#maybe deleting the three new food and exercise diary apps would be a start... but how do i delete these dumb arbitrary rules from my head#idk. i can't go home because of this obviously. i won't. but i don't want my remaining 3 months be consumed by obsessive thoughts and#self destructive behaviors either. i don't know#it's my fault so idk why I'm crying- i could at least wait until my term paper is done lmao#wasting precious time here#void screams#tbd probably
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I don't mean to offend any cishet people when I say this, because I have cishet friends myself who are very dear to me, but for the love of god if you are gay, you need gay friends. you need friends who understand that the trajectory of your life is just going to look different than theirs. you need people who get this and can genuinely gas you up and encourage you to keep going, to tell you that it's okay, because some days you're going to want to not keep going. some days you're going to want to give up and go back into the closet because life would be easier if you could just blend in. even if you think you never faced adversity because of your queerness, being any part of the lgbt+ community can be incredibly isolating when you don't actually feel that sense of community. when you're queer and your entire support system is cishet people, even allies with the best of intentions, you are alone. they will never understand you, not fully. if you don't have to take off the lenses of what society expects of you, why would you? it is nearly impossible for cishet people to see the lives of their gay friends any way other than the same image they were raised on: birth, childhood, teenage rebellion, experimentation, young adulthood, job, marriage, children, house, taxes, weddings and funerals, death. gay people often have wildly different timelines. deviation from the expected timeline is not bad, just different, but most straight people I know don't realize that even "I just want you to be happy" has an undertone of "I want you to be happy in the way people like me are happy, by doing what was expected of me." it's horseshit and it's a trap. do what feels right. be kind. love deeply (even your cishet friends). enjoy the grass. forgive. live.
#happy pride#once again#I tried to word this as sensitively as I could without sounding too robotic#but in case it isn't obvious I'm using ''gay'' very generally here#to mean anyone under the lgbtqia+ umbrella#cishet is firm though that was purpose because I've been yelled at before about being specific about that#goes without saying this absolutely includes trans and intersex people#queer people in general I feel like have much more complex relationships with our bodies and identities#and that naturally leads to variance from the ''norm'' in terms of behavior#sex. I'm talking about sex#wherever you're at with it is absolutely fine#mostly talking to myself here#but anyway. some thoughts. I think my ask is open if you have any questions as to why I felt the need to post this#thanks for letting me talk#it's 6am and I haven't slept#goodnight
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I came to terms with the Sol kinnie thing months ago now because honestly who gives a shit, but every now and then I'll find myself in a situation where I wonder if whatever it was I was about to do was/is a pre- or post-Guilty Gear interest lol
#textpost#Most of them have been pre-Guilty Gear interests which is honestly hilarious#Like of course I don't have proof for most of it but my fursona is the funniest one#He's basically bootleg furry Sol Badguy BUT he was like that MONTHS before I got into GG#I've been thinking about this over the last few days though#Because I was doing some Queen stuff and had a thought like 'am I only doing this because my brain's weird or do I actually care'#And went through like a checklist of things. I do actually care#Sol is like frighteningly relatable though and sometimes I wish he wasn't lol#I typed this at 2am last night but saved it to my drafts instead of publishing it haha Still kinda feeling it this morning though tbh#I wish I could better articulate or find a term that describes how I relate to Sol better because 'kin/fictionkin' feels too...#Hmm.... Psycho-religious? A lot of essays I read while initially figuring this out related the kin tag to something more like a-#-Philosophy or something similar to a religion#But for me it's more like my brain filling in empty spaces within itself because No One was like me growing up and#now that I'm also trans there are even LESS people who are like me#So my brain sees a character that's similar to me and is like 'oh holy shit it's us. Let's be like that' hahah#This got really long I should've put it up in the post sorry lmfao#Anyway this is something I've done my whole life and 'kinning' is really the only term that fits what it is even if it's not a 1:1 fit#It usually doesn't bother me but knowing that some of the things I enjoy now I probably won't later once my interests shift again does#I still keep waiting for it to happen with Guilty Gear but GG is so different from anything else I've been into I'm not sure it will#Since most of the things I like about GG were things I liked before getting into it. Like heavy metal & weird scifi/fantasy#I'm not going to elaborate on how exactly I relate to Sol also. My blog is too public for that#and this post is already a little too personal#kin tag
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IDK what exactly went down with the meeting with my supervisor and her boss today re: the fact my position doesn’t exist but I’m feeling... good? Very weird about it though.
Bossman once again brought up the possibility of me being the backup for his position, if I could get past not liking to speak in front of crowds or give presentations.
I am once again being tasked with training people in “higher” positions than me (bc my position title has not changed since I got hired in four years ago even though I know more than *cough*everyone*cough* a few people) but this time I was given actual pointers!!!! Bc I super suck at people skills of the professional level.
The more that I’ve been thinking about the meeting the more I’m actually kind of looking forward to doing the training. The hardest part (outside of the soon-to-be wildly changing work schedule) is that I’m gonna have to keep my bitchiness under control lmaoooo
But also like. My schedule is changing and i don’t fuckin know how it’s gonna work- and my boss even. Made a comment that is just now starting to sink in that I might not be able to come back to her shift after training is complete.
“When your schedule changes, I don’t know if you’ll be under me or [Bossman] so just make sure you inform both of us of your hour changes until it’s figured out.”
If I end up being transferred directly under Bossman, going back to my Sup is essentially impossible and like--- she’s the reason I bothered staying at this place as long as I have. If it weren’t for her, I’d’ve quit two years ago. It’d be a massive step forward for me in the company, sure, and I would be better off when it came to my salary but it’s sad to think that I might not be answering to her anymore;;;;
#arkayl rambles#she lets me bitch about anything and everything during work hours#she... lets me DO anything too??? my position doesnt exist and she's chill with me doing whatever as long as I'm working y'know#I pick my break times and I'm not in trouble if I take a lil extra time#she let me use headphones which are prohibited where I work once when I was super stressed out#anyways if things go smoothly and don't break down when I start getting my footing#I'm actually looking forward to being one of the pieces that might actually make my department one team#instead of a bunch of smaller teams fighting each other#uhhhh#long post#i guess? it is just work rambling I'm sorry guys lmao i have too many thoughts in my brain rn#OH THIS FEELS LIKE THE BEGINNING OF A GRADUATION TERM THATS WHAT THIS WEIRD FEELING IS OHHHH IDK IF I DIG THIS
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