#let go of what does not serve you
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Full moon tingz 🌕
The full worm moon is in Virgo, my rising sign.
The full moon brought me a want for self improvement, both with myself and my home. I feel motivated to put in the work and create a better reality for myself. I let go of the things that do not serve me and perfectionism.
I am already my highest self, my goal for this next cycle is to stay connected and focus on what I really want.
Everything always works out for me in divine timing✨
Steam chalices from JahSteamaz
#full moon#full moon water#spiritual healing#divine feminine#cannabliss#virgo moon#worm moon#self improvement#divine timing#highest self#let go of what does not serve you#SoundCloud#steamingfidihealing#gratitude#self love#connected#weed#blissful#clouds#me#peace
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For a moment, imagine yourself in Mithrun's brother shoes.
Your brother - stronger, prettier, more charismatic, but also distrustful and disdainful of everyone especially you - is to be sent to the Canaries. It is the rule, it is the duty of all noble houses. But you know what goes on there, Mithrun knows what happens there. Yet you see him off, bidding a temporary farewell as you do, because someone from the House has to go and it won't be definitely you. Mithrun knows this, you know this. And you wonder, very briefly, if Mithrun hates you now more than he does already.
Your brother - powerful, agile, a good soldier just as he is as an heir, if he could only be an heir - suddenly disappears. The unit he belonged to suddenly disappeared. And you're speechless because - how? why? No one wants to answer you; they will instead try to bring back a body, they promise to you. But that is not what you want. You grieve for your brother. but your own family doesn't grieve with you. Wasn't Mithrun family too?
Then you found out: MIthrun is alive.
Your brother - now weak, despondent, his eyes always looking for something that is not here nor there - is to be sent home where people can take care of him. It is not your first choice, you want him home. But he is - sick. Not quite there. He needs someone who can look after him and you look at yourself - your gait, your constitution - and you know it can't be you. So, you follow the advice of your family and pour out all your resources to find him the best of healers and caretakers. You ask yourself, almost daily, if Mithrun would ever return to who he once was.
Your brother - strong, pretty, uninterested of anything and anyone else aside from what he calls 'the demon' - is now better. He can walk on his own now, eats without throwing up on himself. The color on his skin is back and the scars of his injuries have faded into thick bumps and discolored skin. But he still isn't quite there; still needs help and probably will for the rest of his life. And you can live with that. You can provide that. Just as long as he comes home.
But doesn't. Your brother - now a husk of his former self, and you hate thinking of him that way, but you can't help yourself, the Mithrun you knew is gone - runs straight back to the Canaries. His mission is not over, he says. He doesn't care how long it takes, he says. And you see him off, again, because someone from the House has to go and it still can't be you. Mithrun knows this, you know this, and you can't help but wish, very briefly, if things would've been different if you went instead of him.
#mithrun dungeon meshi#mithrun#mithrun of the house of kerensil#mithrun's brother#dungeon meshi#this is so self-indulgent#because we don't know who or what kind of person mithrun's brother was#but he definitely cared for mithrun (more than their own parents probably)#and i can imagine the anguish of having the responsibility of serving the canaries#be placed on your brother instead of you because of your physical condition#then to make things worse#your brother comes home barely alive and not the person he was and when u ask#no one wants to answer you#then there's the anguish of helping him getter better; wondering if he'll get better#he does#in a way#and the first thing mithrun asks of his brother is 'i want to go back to the canaries'#there is no way mithrun's brother heard that and said 'ok' while smiling#that man would've gone into a hysterical fit just trying to tell mithrun that he was lucky enough to have survived#but he has to let mihrun go#mithrun's brother is probably weeping with joy learning that the canaries have disbanded#only to learn that his brother is staying in a tallman kingdom to slay monsters#he's still very conflicted about that#id say
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Leon being a veteran is actually so fucking sad to me. In a "you know Leon isn't actually allowed to say he used to be a soldier under Krauser because of red tape/secrecy" way... and so Leon probably also has never personally identified as a soldier. He never wanted to be. He was a cop. He was forced into the army, forced to join Krauser’s team. And then, when the team was wiped out (and then Krauser "died") the government looked at Leon (who they had just spent years training him as this special operations soldier) goes "okay, nevermind about that." And yoinks him into some secret, vague government agent position.
The government never wanted Leon to be a solider, either. It was just a means to an end. No way does the government consider Leon a soldier, either (you know Leon does not have any real fucking paperwork to get any kind of benefits through the VA or anything. He does not have a military ID, he doesn't fucking exist).
Even if Leon felt like he earned his veteran status... he doesn't have any way to prove it.
#also you know the government is expecting Leon to die before he retires#no way is the government going to give LEON S KENNEDY BENEFITS????#are you crazy?#the government has always wanted to chew him up and spit him out when he is done being useful to him#anyways... I need a worn out/fed up Leon breaking away from the government and going AWOL permanently#you know what would be funny as shit???#if Chris via the BSAA (or whatever organization Chris will make after burning the BSAA/blue umbrella to the ground after Re8...#as Chris and Jill deserve to do!!!) french foreign legion it for Leon somehow#ask Leon to “serve” and then give him a completely new identity#and the US government cannot “get Leon back legally” because legally Leon S Kennedy died in RC and all of Leon's documents#since then have been faked#Leon doesn’t exist to the US government (not the original Leon S Kennedy)#that would be so fucking funny#espscially if Chris turns around and retires Leon with full benefits after Leon barely does any real work#because Chris will NOT stand by and let Leon be put out to dry/work until he dies#re stuff#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#resident evil#reaidsnt evil 2#reaident evil 4#resident evil 2 remake#reaident evil 4 remake#resident evil 6
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wait, why can’t a decent amount of the members in proto-thunderclan not hunt?
A lot of them have serious physical disabilities! It's enough that it poses a logistical problem, which they are committed to overcoming together.
Thunder Storm's three legs makes him slower than his companions. He's ferociously powerful, but like a male lion, he has to rely on his "lionesses" to slow a large animal.
Bright Storm has asthma from her heroics trying to save SkyClan cats from a fire. She's taking that from Gray Wing, who is famously the first major death now. Like her son, she has a difficult time with chasing prey.
Bumble is dyspraxic. She's a terrible hunter and fighter and struggles with self-worth because OTHERS used it to dehumanize her, and continues to, even after an entire society forms out of love of her.
Sunlit Frost has permanent nerve damage in his arm from the fire, and ends up working so hard that it makes his disability worse. A bite on the good paw from Snake becomes infected after he refuses to sit out from digging graves after the First Battle; I am planning a chunky B-plot about Sunlit coming to terms with the fact he has to retire early.
That's FOUR major members of a small group with physical disabilities that make hunting hard or impossible. They have a lot of logistical problems that I will actually be exploring solutions to.
#One of the solutions will probably be a hog hunt which I'm excited for#As there's a bunch of things each person can do to help with that#It's really such a shame that canon is so hyperfixated on disabled cats feeling like they 'need to be useful' in a very well established--#Society where they CAN just be comfortably cared for#It frustrates me that the series keeps portraying that as a Good Thing and not either a tragedy of self-worth OR an exploration of--#SOCIAL ableism.#So for BB!DOTC I'm going to try and take aim at both#Ok then; let's TALK about a small underdog group who needs its members to contribute#And let's talk about how even THIS little group INNATELY values its members. How that is good and natural#And how there's NO excuse for the bigger group to be so cruel. It's not neccesity. It never was. It was spite.#Thunder Storm says 'The point of having a group at all is to care for each other. NOT to have it serve you.'#Man really comes out here like FROM EACH ACCORDING TO HIS ABILITY. TO EACH ACCORDING TO HIS NEED#And I am trying to think of how to stress how MUCH food SkyClan has. Like how I'll show that...#I'll definitely need to make sure to set up a lot during the time Thunder Storm is Clear Sky's acolyte.#Btw does that sound like a good word? Trying to figure out what Tribe cats call their apprentices#Because fuuuuck no I'm not calling them To-bes
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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Ok so I read the post on your thoughts on Gio and the American Dream and I hate to say it … as an immigrant, I understand him.
I also come from a culture where women tend to their male partner's needs and I don't believe he wants to turn Jo into a subservient wife. He fell in love with a lively, free, and wild Jo and loves that aspect of her.
At the end of the day she loves him too so why would she leave? I understand she doesn't like to be dependent of him but where else would she go? There are no parties or glamour, which was her whole thing, anymore. At least the farm offers stability in the economic crisis.
Point is, I understand Gio as an immigrant, but don't understand Jo as a woman.
BABES! We’ve got another one…
(As in me being touched and having no other means to say how much I love y’all takes other than to give them a standing ovation in GIF form).
But you know…there’s a whole lot to break down here, friend, especially about Jo. I think you know what that means! Under the cut we go….
First and foremost, I very much appreciate you saying you understand that aspect of Gio. I did in part write him as a commentary on the immigrant experience in America (filtered through his own personality/character of course), and so to know that is relatable means a lot to me. I don’t think it’s a spoiler to tell y’all his journey is far from over, and you can already see the cracks in his outlook beginning to form. Whenever Jo is depressed he says this quite vividly:
Because you are very, very correct. This isn’t about molding Jo into some subservient housewife, or even eroding those exact qualities that he loves in her. This is about Gio attempting to square what he’s been taught/believes will bring his life happiness and meaning with his own experience and emotions. It’s about the myth of the American dream and the perfect housewife and the very real struggle of those things existing as actual, lived realities.
Because at the root of it, Gio is amalgamating an understanding of his own family unit and what he knows he doesn’t want in this country. He has seen another methods of “making it” in America, and so he thinks if only he can make the “right” choices, he can avoid that, and become the respected and happy man that he wants to be.
Now onto Jo, boy oh boy, Jo….
I think one of the core misunderstandings here is that Jo wants stability. This is kind of the crux built into her desire for control and her never-ending failure to achieve it. She wants to control her surroundings, to make sure nothing and no one can hurt her, but she also wants to feel in a way that is hard to find in a stable, heavily domesticated life. On the flip side, despite whatever imaginary dream Gio has, he’s the same way. They both want a life filled with excitement and new experiences, new people and rushes of emotions. This is one of the ways they differ heavily from Antoine and Zelda.
Now on one level, this is simply the way Josephine is. She’s high energy, fun loving, and insatiable. But on a deeper level, this is tied into her experiences not only as a woman, but as a daughter. She has a brief moment of clarity in that last post where she realizes:
Now I have chosen not to go too in-depth on Josephine’s trauma, but you can see her lay out the course of events here and also her deep hesitation to any of it here. Josephine is still only a teenager in that second post. Her mother not only told her things like that (“this is the weight that prejudice and expectation have placed upon us”) but also “what do you want to be then? Some glorified maid to a man?” (Which, frankly, I can write another Ted Talk about the juxtaposition here, but I think ya'll can pull some threads).
So when you see Josephine’s struggle with control, this is heavily rooted in bodily autonomy. Now all things considered, Josephine has managed to make great strides toward reclaiming this and reasserting not only her sexuality, but also her sense of self in her body. Gio knows this. We see him recognize and respect it quite clearly in that last post. He’s been part of that process for her, and that only adds another element of love, trust, and safety between them.
But on a fundamental level, neither Gio nor Josephine has made the connection between that trauma, her own personality, and why she hates her life now so much:
Here’s the issue right now: Josephine doesn’t feel like she’s living her own life. We have seen how she would like to live in the 20s not just in the parties and glamour, but when she was managing bands. She wants to be fulfilled professionally, through helping people/places she believes in and bettering her own life by bettering theirs. That’s how she gets her joy, and that’s what she would chose to do if given the chance.
And right now, she does not feel like she gets to chose. You’re correct in that part of that is coming from the current economic situation. Again, she sees that herself here. She knows what demons are waiting outside her window, and how easily poverty can make them rearise. That only makes it worse. It doesn’t make the smell of bread (domestic security) any better or more comforting. It makes it bitter, because she didn’t chose it. She was backed into a corner by circumstance (and, as she can sense, by the choices men made for her without telling her), and now she feels like she can’t say no. That’s her ultimate trigger.
Now whether or not that loss of control is simply perceived, or should be offset by how “lucky” she is to be in a stable position in such precarious economic times, we might all have different options on. Even more, I’m sure each of us would answer differently for ourselves in that situation. I know I would. But for Josephine? Not only is this a life she will never find joy in, because even without her trauma, she is an ambitious, restless, and outgoing person with different goals for herself; but that added memory and pain makes her reaction to it all the more volatile.
Perhaps most importantly, Jo feels as though her life is being controlled again, whether by Gio, the reality of the world outside her window, or by her own guilt/love that makes her feel beholden to the people around her (just like it did to her mother). Because you’re right, she does love him. She wouldn’t leave because she doesn’t. If she leaves now, it would leave because she panicked, because she feels like she’s lost all the autonomy she worked so hard to regain and she’ll never feel the fulfillment she felt when she was successfully independent ever again. That’s the element I hope we can understand, even if it’s not what we would do.
#okay THAT might be my longest Ted Talk yet 🤣#which if you’re actually reading you really deserve a tshirt let’s be real#and I’m so very sorry they’re so long#I try and infuse them into all the posts but like to condense it and write it all out clearly can be so helpful sometimes#for me too let’s be real#and like I want them to have a real solid base before we move into ~the great unknown~#anywho there’s a number of threads I could have touched on here that I didn’t for ~time~#but if you’d like to go through the#Josephine Duplanchier extra#tag there’s some good stuff there too 😉#Giorgio Mistretta extra#also#*ahem*#does it REALLY offer stability in the economic crisis?#y’all remembering what I’m remembering? 😬#ain’t a true American dream without a healthy serving of debt aint it
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🎆✨
#splatoon#splatoon oc#sydney (oc)#shades (yen)#other's ocs#lizzy does art#this was a test in seeing how fast i can draw without overthinking... trying to exercise the storytelling muscles...!#i think that i have a lot i can work on but i've been feeling a real itch to do comics and im tryna find a style sustainable for that!#if i overthink about how everything looks there's no way im gonna be able to develop storytelling muscles LMAOOO. but anw.#it's been a lot more fun to draw quicker doodles that go together in sequential order than doing illustrations tbh 😭#want to take the time in the tags 2 remind everyone on the dash that we should all unlearn shame together. lets make silly little arts!!#remember that it is OK to discard parts of the process that dont serve you...!#let's make art that's in-line with our values and what we want to draw...! not what someone else expects out of us...!
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something about the way guilt is portrayed in beyond evil. guilt as a state, guilt as a place you're condemned to. 'i will go to hell' 'life is hell' 'you shouldn't even set foot in that hell' but it's not really the hell we think of, not in the traditional sense. hell is where you're supposed to be sent to suffer and repent forever but all of them go there willingly. (that's why han kihwan will never end up there as juwon wants because he feels no remorse over his actions) they choose to stay and let it scorch the life out of them until all that's left is someone hollow and brittle, real person buried beneath the surface in a grave they themselves dug. in that way it's not lee changjin or the water that killed nam sangbae. it's guilt. that's what doomed him in the end. that hell of his own making he never managed to escape. and as he drowned, he probably thought he deserved that too. jeongje's still there until the end but so much of him died long ago. he's a ghost haunting himself. he tells juwon 'if you don't get out quickly, every breath, every moment of your life becomes a nightmare' if you stay that hell alone long enough, that's what happens. at a certain point you can't wake up anymore. you forget how to leave
#there are these parallels between nsb jj and jw#how both of them give him advice that comes from experience#'don't do this you'll regret it' 'don't do this there's no coming back from it' and both times he doesn't listen and ends up just like them#jw's almost a ghost in the beginning like jj but ds and manyang yank him back to life#and then ds doesn't let jw become another nsb he refuses to let him stay in that hell alone he says as much#i think ds learned how to claw his way out a long time ago#what he says in ep14#'wouldn't regret be a luxury for me'#a luxury#he understands that guilt at its most extreme is ultimately self serving#because it keeps you in this woe me state where you become so obsessed with your own failure that everything else gets drowned out by it#ds does the opposite he decenters himself in his mind focuses on the pain of others instead of his own#'this is how he makes himself happy' this is how he survives#he knows that wallowing in guilt won't do any good won't change anything what's done is done he accepts it#he says 'if i could go back i WOULD do the same thing again because that's all he could ever do#he did what he thought was right at the time now he has to live with it#nsb can't figure that out can't accept his mistakes can't move on from them so he's stuck in the past#he dies stuck in the past#'you want to cry aloud for your mistakes but to tell the truth the world doesn't need any more of that sound' you know?#that i think is the point in the end#but does that ever fuck you up how jj nsb and jw (for a while) are driven by guilt but ds always acts out of love#he has so much of it despite everything#and juwon only surivives because he starts acting out of love and care and devotion instead of shame and remorse#beyond evil
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Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.
You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.
#i hate that i let that get to me lmao just ruined my fucking day ive been sitting here sobbing for like an hour#i cant tell anyone just how much i dont even want to try any more bc i dont see the point#medical issues and mental issues dont pair well and i dunno if im even gonna be able to survive the next flare up#i dont need fandom spaces telling me to die when im already telling myself that every fucking day#also why does my age always get brought up lmao i didnt choose to be born 30 years ago stop telling me im old#my body has been telling me im old since age 11 you dont know what ive fucking been thru#30 was just a formality and serves as another reminder of how ill never meet societys expectations for a 30yo lmao#my point is. you should try showing a little more kindness if telling someone to die comes so easily#ive literally never once told anyone to die in my life. you just dont fucking go there. what if they kill themself right after that?#can you live knowing they did so on your command?#i couldnt#thats just like beyond fucked up#anyway im gonna go try and stop crying#ill prob stay off tumblr today idk i feel real sick lol#delete later / /#i hate that i cant exist as myself either in person (too queer and closeted in a rural area) or online (too queer and weird ships)#anyway
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just ended up on a hellish rabbit hole so to reiterate: this is a firmly, lovingly, determinedly inclusive blog. if you have a problem with trans people -- if you have a problem with ace or aro people -- if you have a problem with nonbinary people -- if you believe that anyone (yes, that includes men) is inherently evil or flawed -- you know where the door is. this is not a place for you, and your small-mindedness will not be tolerated.
#sb and l rambles#intro post#we are all learning and growing through life. a gut feeling born of a lack of understanding does not make you a bad person#what is not acceptable is purposeful close-mindedness. what is not acceptable is taking that gut feeling--#--and creating arguments to justify your disgust or fear#in other words: let go of your anger and your hatred. it serves no one for you to divide the community--#--or to oppress others as you were oppressed#in other words: terfs get out.
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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Thoughts on season two of the bear so far: Carmy needs to bloom where he’s been planted.
#What is the point of this Claire arc?#What purpose does it serve other than to give us more scenes of Jeremy Allen White’s angelic-ugly face and magnificent acting?#What is Claire bringing to this show?#Anyway#my point is—Carmy’s trying to grow as an individual but apart from his involvement in community#Like. Claire is not your community fam.#You can’t use her to escape your problems.#You can invite her IN to your community#But you can’t attempt to grow with her when letting down your community to do so—it doesn’t work like that#It’s the same with his going to the support group meetings#It’s a good thing!!#But he’s also gotta face healing and growth in his work/personal community#He’s gotta make the sacrifices and take on the responsibilities and SEEK JOY in that sphere#Not just outside it#And furthermore—when I said bloom where you’re planted#I mean bloom where YOU chose to plant yourself!#Carmy has set his hand to the plow and it sure would be a shame to see him turn back#Peace watches stuff#The bear#the bear season two
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#there is a wide margin of interpretation you can take with Armand and I'd like ppl to understand that.#We just quite actually do not have all accurate or full information on him but what we have is enough to prove#he is capable and culpable of all the things he is shown and proven to have done#I think a lot of the writing this season also was intentionally meant to confuse and make you doubt what is happening there. like actually#where do the lies start?#Now are all of them equally valid? Absolutely not. But I'm not like going to judge heavily people who have a different one.#A lot of bad ones (poorly backed) I get where that conclusion gets drawn from and for me it's just kind of fun to theorize those things#People claiming it as the right interpretation are a little like... okay chill out. But I think there can be room for that.#That is unless your ideas somehow vindicate or paint him as somehow also a victim of Louis like wtf are you doing at that point don't defen#him the dude is a massive piece of shit let him be a piece of shit.#It also doesn't make much sense to make him some great mastermind or somehow winning over something he's clearly shown not wanting?#its easier for me to see him as someone who doesn't have very fixed intentions or judgements on anything#his moral compass is self serving even when those morals are aligned to good things or a desire to be good#like he can see something as bad even undesirable and still do it if it serves some larger or more stable benefit to him#with little regard for who gets hurt in the process and with low empathy to see they could be hurt by it#And thats the most consistent thing about him is he falls to whatever is most beneficial w/o regard to others even when regarding them#& those good things r performative even if he's not intending it to be when it aids in exploiting other peoples view of him to an advantage#Or like when he goes about hiding under that persona to meet bad ends intentionally. (These go back and forth)#and something something the purpose of a system is what is does#there's little point in getting into the intentions of Armand when he consistently fails to do what he's claiming be#Idk tho honestly might not post iwtv stuff for a while I'm tired#There's a an amount of interpretation you can take about any other character too just there is so much more speculation there than elsewher
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Avatar of the Web who keeps getting mistaken for an avatar of the Stranger because nobody cares to understand the nuance between marionettes and mannequins.
#she starts. like. shoving spiders into the gaps of her ball joints just to prove a point.#actually wait I love this idea#this bitch has everyone tangled in her strings abd playing the part she wants them to. but no matter WHAT she does she can't get ppl to know#what the actual Fear she serves is unless she directly tells them (and then they don't always believe her).#She'll have a hunter quite literally caught in her web and being eaten by spiders and they'll still b like#''hmmmm idk I could have sworn I heard a calliope around here.'' and she'll be like ''That was my ominous organ music u BITCH''#What if she hangs out at festivals and raves and clubs and the like bc of how heavy they tend to b with addiction and hot beds for gossip#but everyone thinks she goes bc of the performance aspect/seeing everyone and knowing no one/getting lost in a crowd/unfamiliarity/etc.#because both the Stranger and the Web can thrive in those areas for completely different reasons#Also she always has a running tape recorder at music performances bc she thinks the Mother of Puppets would appreciate her edm <3#It isn't particularly appreciated but as far as offerings go it's relatively sweet so the spiders let it slide#I cannot overstate how much this web avatar clashes with Annabelle. Oh they're polite enough and have the same goals but anyone who sees#them in a room together will immediately start bleeding from the eyes.#It's the pairing of an immaculate vintage gothic paired with neon mismatched ravewear.#Plus where Annabelle looks very alive and leans into the spider aspect the other avatar is a lifesized marionette with her#wooden body visible where her skin tone makeup has smeared#I picture this avatar as like. she wears the shortest and skimpiest clothing that can still be qualified as clothing n not underwear with#kandi to cover her ball joints.#She decorates her marionette strings in neon lights and dances with them so nobody notices a few of those are connected to her ''flesh''.#and she marks in many ways but esp by trading kandi. the connection formed by a kandi trade is far more literal in her case. if u have kandi#from her it is a mark for you to be tracted down later yo either be tormented or feasted upon (preferably both)
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#dang it do i have a new oc now
Sounds like!! I'd love to hear more if you've got it!
(referring to my tags on this post)
You will meet a stranger, sometimes, if you make a habit to frequent taverns, inns, halls for game, or even the one tree where the young Bracegirdle cousins sneak off to play marbles. Well, you will like as not meet many strangers, except in the last case, but this one will be different. Or perhaps you get lucky, and don't frequent such places, but find yourself in one unexpectedly, and meet them regardless.
Everyone in Gondor knows someone who knows someone who met Lady Luck, no one has met her themself. If you do, starry-eyed romantics say, you'll be blessed with good fortune for all your days. The pragmatists tell you you'll be blessed with the good sense to discern a scam.
He may smirk at you after winning a bet, some dark-haired man, using his earnings to buy a round for the bar. It's always a different man, but it always goes to Alwed's tab. It keeps the crowd from getting too rowdy, even if the more superstitious get on edge.
No one remembers meeting them the first time, but dwarves with common sense avoid Audr's shell games and silver-toothed smile- you always win, but it's never worth it.
A woman with greying-gold hair and stiff fingers might call herself Eadrun, and challenge you to a game of dice. Few decline, and far fewer win.
For as few elves remain in Middle Earth, the one who calls himself Herendil and laughs as though his name is a joke should be recognizable. He seems young and lighthearted in a way most have lost, but he will play you cards, win just as much as he loses, and disappear, never recognized.
A hobbit-lass may giggle, red curls gleaming in the sun, and introduce herself as Peony Sandheaver, her family is visiting from Bree, and she wants to see how Shire-hobbits play Jacks.
Sometimes an orc prays over a set of knucklebones, knowing that at least one god will hear one prayer. Orcs have little luck in battle, but uncanny luck with dice.
There are countless stories, just as many true as not. Countless names, far more unnamed figures, always just out of place enough wherever they are to be interesting and promise new tales, never enough to provoke suspicion, not at first.
Even those in the Blessed Realm may find this dark-eyed stranger. Always dark-eyed, like bottles of dark glass. They stop by Aulë's workshop on occasion, to learn and suggest and play new games. They never win the first round, but most have the sense not to bet anything they aren't willing to lose on the second.
Oromë's people call them Umbarnica with a laugh and a toast in welcome. They thrive in the drunken revels after a successful hunt, sharp as ever as they dance from game to game, cackling at ill-advised propositions offered as collateral for or against a bet. Usually this means them winning to avoid it, a frequent enough occurrence as-is, but every now and then they'll decide to let someone get lucky. The bragging rights are the real reward.
And there are no guarantees with this stranger. No way to ensure their favor, though many ways to get their attention, few good. They like irony, take pleasure in hubris reaching its fall. They love superstition, even if they don't always honor it, and they love stories. There are gods that can be mistaken for kind, they are not one of them, created to serve the king the Dark Lord could have been. Their favorites are fickle, their grudges subtle but long-held. They love cheaters, unless they're at the end of the attempt. They will always catch you, and you will always regret it. They slink through candle-shadows and pipe-smoke, grinning, dance in town squares turned to faire grounds, curl up on comfy chairs indoors on rainy days.
But sometimes, in these days, you won't meet a stranger at all. Sometimes your storyteller will get a bright-dark glint in their eyes, and some dice will roll strangely high and some dice will roll strangely low and either way the story will be better for it. And if the next time the group meets you need to take a moment to remind the storyteller exactly what happened last session, well. That's why you take notes.
So pray to the dice-god, card-master, quick-sighted. It might do you no good, but they love superstition, and they love stories. And when you play a dark-eyed stranger, don't cheat at cards.
#ask#cuarthol#umbarnica#my writing#my ocs#they play favorites with the orcs because they feel like they have bad enough luck as is so they throw them some bones#and they like the Narrative of it all#i had fun writing this#they're very amoral not in the sense of being Evil and Bad they just. don't have morals.#they're kinda like a trickster god i think. and they like underdogs but not as much as people think#in my headcanon a lot of powerful maiar were intended to serve melkor before he went all evil but not all of them also went evil#and that leaves a very interesting crack for them to fall through because they just don't really. fit. anywhere#my arien is also a case of this (sibling of the balrogs)#and ultimately the deciding factor in turning evil is mostly if they are able to find support and a purpose with people who care about them#even if they still don't quite fit in#so umbarnica is also a case of this but instead of arien who found her niche by following the formula as closely as possible#(find a vala- take a role under her doing something directly related- oh whoops Fate called so i'm going to be a good maia and do my duty)#(if i don't do everything right i'm going to go insane and then go evil. please for the love of eru let me just do my valar-damned job)#umbarnica went 'yeah you can't tell me what to do. if you try to keep me stuck here in aman i will go insane and then go evil.'#'is that what you want? no? then let me cause nice low level chaos and fun wherever i want and i'll stay out of your hair'#i think they like dnd a lot for the sheer novelty of it#a lot of their domain is gambling or adjacent so to have a game of chance that seeks to tell stories and build community is intriguing#namo is probably the one who has official jurisdiction over them? but mostly in the sense that fate and luck are tied up#he does the bare minimum to make sure they don't get out of hand. neither *likes* this arrangement but they're content with it by now#but yes i'm gonna be calling them umbarnica#is that their name? sure as much as anything can be.#i just thought that 'little doom' would be a really funny euphamism tbh
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straight up i was talking to my mom about inservice where we all had to swim a 200. no cap no goggles which is relevant to me as someone w 3 foot hair. and i was like yeah i almost beat everyone except a couple men because they have short hair lol. and my mom was like 'um.. and because theyre boys? 🙂' NO CHIEF lmfaoooo. and then she started yapping about lia thomas 🥴🥴
#the budget for her mothers day gift next year: 📉📉📉#i mean. what haha 😀#when i say this i mean the dudes that beat me were hitting flip turns and the first time i tried the end of my ponytail got in my face#it was drastic#ALSO on a more serious note.. how the fuck does this happen to you within like. 15 years of fox news#once again she used to be a bodybuilder 💀 why the fuck would she now be like#'it sucks that you had to swim with men instead of a special training for delicate little girls 🥺🥺' like?????#i think that she acts like i cant be strong/athletic because shes limiting herself to the role of sensible babysitter income source#but women especially older women/mothers can still be strong and thats a thing they can be known for/best at#shes just projecting her role in the family onto me because she doesnt feel satisfied in that role#but with all due respect thats not me.#im a fairly strong and independent teenager and i will not be stuck always second place to men#just because my mom has no faith in the strength of (perceived) women.#in addition i refuse to go into the role of the sensible babysitter because i dont have better self control by virtue of being a woman#that myth just serves to excuse the behavior of men lmao#and finally let the record show that i dont give a fuck about my moms perception of me#say it with me: i am objectively better than anyone who would tell a 16 year old that boys are always stronger than girls
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