#under the aro umbrella either. the definition wad closer to aplatonic. which is what we relate to way more. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nebula-nonhuman · 4 days ago

Text

Hey guys what does it mean when you relate to a sexuality but also feel immensely distressed by it and don't want to be the sexuality at all haha asking for a friend

#dhhdhdjejdjdh #we don't. we don't consider ourselves on the aromantic spectrum at all. like we don't relate to anything aro people say #which is why we don't consider ourselves aro even though we're nebularomantic. the coiner of the term didn't consider it to be #under the aro umbrella either. the definition wad closer to aplatonic. which is what we relate to way more.#but uh. we have a lot of obsessive thoughts about our identity and sexuality and it's usually solved through rumination #so we took an aro spectrum quiz yesterday. and got a tie between allo greyromantic and lithoromantic #*lithromantic #and uh. well. well the lithromantic experience sure do be relatable #but we don't like that at all?#what i mean is we consider ourselves a pretty romantic person with feelings so strong that the line between platonic and romantic does not #exist. We've always daydreamed about being a good wife or husband and about raising children with our love #but if you asked about it irl we'd say that we do not want children. because we're scared that we'd give them trauma #and that's the same reason for our experience matching the lithromantic one #like. yes when someone initiates we lose all feelings. because it's incredibly suspicious when someone initiates #because we are inherently unlikeable and then we usually switch and someone who doesn't experience most emotions at all fronts #to distance ourselves from the threat. when someone reciprocates we also lose all feelings because reciprocating is weird #and dangerous. why do you want us? what is your goal? we're sure you want to hurt us and we won't let you.#we love the idea of being a knight hopelessly in love with a lady or a lord #it a strong dramatic love that will never come to fruition. the knight never gets hurt. the knight is a service and a tool.#the knight has it all without ever being known. without being hurt. without being close and vulnerable. the knight can sing ballads #and cry tears of doom and the knight is an artist in his own right eternally inspired by his torment and he dreams and he yearns and he #serves selflessly and he never gets hurt. not emotionally. he might die in service of his lord but that's good. there is no better #way to die than for the ones you love. but the knight will never die emotionally and he will never be known and he will never be weak #and the thing is we feel like this about platonic relationships too???#when someone wants to be our friend we bolt. like that's suspicious and weird. go away.#when someone doesn't initiate at all we want to be their friend but as soon as they express that they like us it's time to run away #like auuuuuuuuugh that's weird and dangerous and you want to hurt us. or you have bad taste in friends and we'll hurt you.#either way we need to put more distance between us #and the thing is being this way distresses us. we don't WANT to be this way. we want what we want. we want to feel comfortable #and safe in relationships but we don't. love has always been our only life goal and dream.

5 notes · View notes