#less and less likely every day lol
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i NEED to stop telling mutuals about fic ideas i never intend to write it doesn't end well for me!!! (still love u big bullies tho @danielsousa @shitouttabuck @jamietarts <3)
#sami rambles#elke's bully me into writing it fic is already complete so update for u two#ash: i have written the first 3 paragraphs even tho im supposed to be working on the safe haven baby fics#nina: i am PLANNING it but i already know its gonna take over my life so im trying to be Responsible about it#buddie wips#i will finish the safe haven baby fic probably in the next couple of days Then i shall write the no rizz kink foc#Then i shall see about the secret seventh wip#i still have 5 other ideas i was so excited about when i came up with them that i never got around to writing but they look#less and less likely every day lol
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Lanns n Starks lineups/costumes sketches that I will probably add other houses to. Tywin and Joff & the rest aren't here because I was lazy and Cerseis dress took all of my energy. Don't ask me about inspiration or historical basis for these
#I AM NO FASHION HISTORIAN!!! I ONLY DRAW WHAT I THINK FITS THE VIBE!!!!#the lanns are more or less fitting with each other but the starks are a mess lol#ned is wearing like an every day stark attire ig#cat is more Traditional Tully#for sansa i had absolutely no idea what to do so she doesnt really look connected to neither ned nor cat#her dress is just slavic adjacent. you decide what it is. def not kl or alayne stone eras tho#with robb i wanted to draw completely different armor than i did for jaime so theres both chainmail#AND iron chest plate(s) that look central asian a little lol#arya has her worn out dirty ass riding attire that was given to her by lady smallwood#and jon is nw but i couldnt think of shit so hell be probably getting a seperate post with his costume#all in all this was. something. i dont think im really good at costume design lmao so you can just look at their faces to see my Vision#of everyone there. yea okay thats it#jon snow#eddard stark#catelyn stark#catelyn tully#sansa stark#robb stark#arya stark#house stark#jaime lannister#cersei lannister#tyrion lannister#house lannister#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#🧩
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#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#ichiban kasuga#ryo aoki#masato arakawa#snap sketches#beat y7 for the first time in Ever last night with kayla so i was legally required to draw something#also i wouldve just rb'd the og post but it had less than 100 notes and i didnt want op seeing me be cringe so early in that posts life#theyre brothers your honor this is simply shit ichi would do every day had it not been for The Horrors#ok bye i should eat#steadily trying to post art again cause my comm list is FINALLY looking vaguely normal so i dont have much left to do#ill probably shotgun a good chunk of them tomorrow even tho tomorrows suppoed to be a rest day but lol#ok bye bye
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– this whole - the dancing, singing, pole...raising. it is all rather ridiculous... 'midsummer'. i fail to... see the point of this human... invention. for once.
arvo's words were slurred, uneven - as if merely letting them past his lips was a great effort... this was, no doubt, influenced by the drink in his hand, resting on his stomach. folke, who had, in fact, brewed the alcohol that they were drinking, giggled - not exactly sober himself.
– i'm... the only human here, arvo. remember...
– no kraksi, or crakam, in sartrill, raises a huge, leafy pole for long summer days, that much i know.
– okay, haha - the pole thing... the pole thing is entirely human, probably. but... gullmar - tomtar, celebrate 'solvarvir' around the same time... trolls celebrate, uh... oh, curses, i'll butcher it... 'rawr - owa'... rawrr - oh wra? rawr... haha!
arvo opened one of his eyes slowly, fighting against some kind of weight that has, somehow, been set upon them - in order to look at the human beside him, still struggling to pronounce the foreign word correctly. a corner of the basilisk's lips twitched upwards.
– hm. nevermind what i said. there is a certain element of entertainment present, i suppose...
#oc#original character#fantasy#midsummer#illustration#art#i would tag midsommar but. i know theres the movie so dont think thatll be very useful...#folklore#fantasy art#oc art#pareidolia tag#oc: folke#oc: arvo#oc: selma#oc: klint#oc: adrian#oc: ylvarg#oc: gullmar#oc: faství#frida and håkan are there too but theyre so small LOL#this is a bit late for a midsummer illustration but whatever#(one day late. LOL)#i kinda wanna mmake it a THing to draw a silly midsummer drawing every year. thing is#will there be a year where im 100% happy with the illustration afterwards. bcs im not satisfied with this but. WHATEVER#shoutout to anyone who remembers the drawing i did last year........#in universe btw some swedish holidays were definitely infuenced by the tomte/human connection#things like midsummer probably came to independently but their traditions got mixed once humans and tomtar began to intermingle a bit#trolls have their own summer celebrations but they tend to be less “1 day” and more like “several weeks” in length#also. this pic is a post story pic...#which is why arvo is actually expressing his befuddlement with human customs
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sometimes i feel little sad it took me nearly 23 years to fully realize that i’m a trans guy for so many reasons but also. i’m just so so happy to have realized it at all, yknow? like. idk. i just spent so much of my life hating myself and being uncomfortable with some aspect of basically every facet of myself and my identity and for the first time in my life… i actually don’t really feel like that anymore. i mean, yes, the self esteem issues haven’t gone away and yes im still very uncomfortable with myself and my body sometimes (shoutout dysphoria) but like. the sudden increase in comfortability in my body? the way i dont just want to strive to take up as little space as possible anymore? the way i get excited to put on clothes that affirm how i feel rather than hide my entire self? the nervous excitement i feel at the prospect of hopefully starting t soon? like holy fuck… i feel like im actually living my life a little instead of just surviving for the first time ever and it’s just… very very cool
#slightly inebriated rambling lol i’m just… having such gender thoughts#mentally i am still so so unwell and the dysphoria is also worse than ever lately but i am still so fucking happy and grateful to be me#sometimes#i love being a trans guy#i love being a boy#i love discovering who i am more and more every day#like who i actually am#bc for so long i’ve felt like no matter what i couldn’t quite figure out who i was#and idk… if nothing else i’m really realizing that i truly can be whoever i want and it’s okay for me to try new styles#and interests and hobbies and stuff#and identities ofc#i’ve literally identified as a lesbian since i was like 13 and more or less p much never gone back#and suddenly i’m transmasc and questioning potential bisexuality?? crazy#life really does go on huh#transgender#trans#trans pride#transgender pride#tboy#tboy swag#trans masc#trans community#transblr#ftm#ftm trans#transmasculine#trans guy#trans joy#trans positivity#queer
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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.
We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.
@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)
If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.
(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)
We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.
Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.
By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.
But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)
One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)
With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.
To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)
At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.
TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.
I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.
#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot#this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day#where she relayed an argument she had with her partner#who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes#and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see#and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence#when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it#(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post#again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so#also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive#being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire#it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed#she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it#because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them#whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner#in her adult life at least#and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted
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genuinely am not sure how I'm expected to get enough sleep, go to school, do all my assignments, study, exercise, keep up with dishes and laundry, keep my house clean, shower everyday, buy groceries, prepare 3 (healthy) meals a day and eat them, and not explode in the process???
#I am in school 50+ hours a week#it takes me 35 minutes to walk to school every day#i have sleep apnea and losing any amount of sleep catches up with me insanely quickly#like?! what?#this is not even including 'accessory' tasks like taking care of my cats and like. spending any amount of time at all with my partner?#days need to be longer or expectations of me need to be less!!!#oh also. find any time to go to the doctor if i need lol#inescapable hell#not even including hobbies! or getting therapy! or anything to keep my mental health in check!
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i think people on twitter have a fighting fetish because otherwise what explains this nonsense
it's genuinely unbelievable at this point i swear they're inventing new things to argue about
#and the discourse about getting multiple m&gs is so tired#cause the answer is there just is no correct answer and you will argue anout it until you drop dead if you're looking for one#personally i stuck to one m&g for my own sanity lmao i value not getting yelled at over meeting dnp mutiple times#it IS selfish to get a whole bunch of them but that's not... evil? like being selfish is a morally neutral thing imo lol#cause you got those tickets fair and square and to say you don't ''deserve'' to meet them several times is dumb as fuck#it does mean less tickets for others who haven't gotten to meet them at all though and you also can't really be mad people are upset by it#because obviously they are going to be#but again you have every right to go to idk 30 m&gs if so be#am i making sense#like. no side is more in the right than the other here#the stupid part is arguing about it for days on end#cause once you're done arguing nothing will have changed#answered
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Ryuji is so anxious in the beginning of the game :( hes so caught up in his head during the kamoshida arc; makes me think hes been like that for awhile, at least until u get a bit further in the game. The rumors, the self loathing, the whole stint w kamoshida; hes got too much on his brain and its kinda nice (and a little sad) that he starts sharing those anxieties and doubts the second hes in a safe space to do so.
#chattin#ryuji#hes definitely more relaxed by the madarame arc#like he got friends and a purpose and he just bounced back immediately#but i am thinking of like. the year everything went to shit for him#like it wasnt his fault but also hes the center of all the controversy#and he went from being very popular (im SURE he was; hes called a track STAR)#to being completely alone w failing grades and a broken leg. like he had alot of time to sit and think#and all the stuff w his home life being so disruptive#like despite what the school body will say he does think before he acts#he had a grown man rile him up to make him act; he didnt just go in guns blazin#i dunno where im going w this lol. i just think he gets alot of flak for being loud and annoying#but just like w everyone else; u get to see their real personality when theyre supported and loved#and ryuji is just loud and brash and he loves w his whole heart#just like ann became super vocal and silly about so many things after u help her w shiho#All the thieves are like this. ryuji is a ball of anxiety#but its quieted down when he has real support and purpose in his life again#and its less that hes ‘quiet’ about his worries; if anything hes more vocal about it#but bc hes so vocal about it; u can see the difference between him messaging u every day worrying about kamoshida#to him going w the flow and putting more trust in u and the team#he loves them sm !!!!
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"likes don't do anything" they do
"there's no algorithm" there is
"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do
"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.
#if I make art of my ocs who I'm personally fond of and spent a few days drawing just right and it gets 3 reblogs then it gets 3 reblogs#it's rational to feel a little disappointed sure. but I can't do anything about that. it's just luck#and I got Very lucky accumulating a few thousand followers on my main-turned-art-only blog off the back of when m.oomin was very popular#(tho realistically many of those users are probably inactive/passive followers now)#and having this number of people tuned into my posts Still only gets me a couple dozen notes on original stuff.#every 3 years or so something might blow up. like that bugs bunny comic lol. and I did Not expect it to#especially bc it happened about a year after I shared it as well.#it can happen any time. so don't feel discouraged when your art doesn't get noticed right away#the one advantage this website has is that there's far less of a fomo culture compared to other socials where trends come and go in a week#and people will still interact with older posts. especially bc it's easier to find what you want through the tagging system. sort of.#there's really no way to predict this or aim for large engagement! oh unless you're specifically catering to the current hot topic#like d.unmeshi is wiiiildly popular right now. I've seen comics get 5-digit notes in under 48 hours 'cause more eyes are on it.#but if it's not something you personally like and you're only creating things for the attention then you're gonna be unhappy#and people will inevitably move on.#I'd much rather swing my art back around every few months or so until it finds someone it resonates with#than make people who were never planning to engage with it feel bad for no reason
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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Day 26. On one hand I like how this art month event has pushed me to finalize and share drawings I'm not proud of, and be less harsh on what I deem "good enough" to post. On the other hand, this is a drawing I'm not proud of
#rain world#rain world fanart#RW Art Month#the quality of these vary so much#it's very easy to see in which days I was more tired and less motivated#but also these art month has some of my favorite drawings of mine in recent time#it's like that one post about doing something once every week and doing something as often as possible#the latter often yealds both extremes of quality because of how much you worry or something idk#Even if I'm not a big fan of this one I still think it looks ok#ok enough rambling lol
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Man if Marcy keeps ending up with like child protection services in all these fics over her parents being slightly distant then my parents should be in JAIL
#idk if I'm wording it correctly but this goes hand in hand with some posts I#I've made abt Marcy's parents not being super great but also not being like...#like i didn't imagine them as outright abusive or deserving of losing custody over her#and people kept reblogging them and tagging them as abuse?? 😭😭#like if THAT is abuse. then what the fuck what up at my house#c'mon! her parents growing to kinda hate her because they couldn't stand her personality and failing to fulfill her emotional needs#while still always making sure she always had her material needs met#and doing their best not to blow up at her#resulting in them always acting mildly annoyed towards her#is not *really* abuse. right? like that's just how pretty much every parent feels tbh#like i've never seen a parent who genuinely likes their kids. every parent i know is either sick of them or morbidly depressed#like wondering why the hell they chose this life for themselves#some parents are just better at being optimistic and focusing on the nice parts than others#but not all have the mental fortitude to smile through the disgust and resentment they feel all the time#which tbh is an inhumane thing to ask from a person. parents are humans too and there's only so much a person can repress#i'm convinced parents like the boonchuys only exist in fiction#i just imagine Marcy's parents as being average parents who just don't always have the patience a kid like Marcy needs#like over here my parents are breaking my assistive devices and spying on me while i'm in the bathroom and I never considered that abuse#i just used to drive them insaneeeee back in the day lol#just like with friends and couples. sometimes parents and their kids aren't meant for each other y'know? and maybe that's just Marcy's case#i do know that's my case#but strangers online are here crying abuse for less#so now i'm like. hehehehe. say what now#personal
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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HEY DIDU GET A LOT OF VOTING MAIL?
this is what the ACTUAL absentee ballot envelope looks like if you've been waiting for it and aren't sure if it's in the pile of other shit they send out!!!
it will have this logo on it and also specify that it is "official absentee balloting material"
every 'official' looking piece of mail i got for weeks i thought would be it and wasn't, my ballot was returned to the city clerk office so i went in and picked up a new one in person
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YOU CAN DO THIS TOO!! i am holding your hand, i am prepping a blanket fort for you to crawl into and hide once you get back, it's ok, we can do this<3
IF YOU'RE MISSING YOUR BALLOT, check vote dot org, or, just google your city/town and 'election office' or 'municipal clerk', you can go in and let them know you don't have your ballot yet and would like to cancel what they sent out and pick up a new one in person, you may even be able to just fill it out there and hand it back to them all in one trip!
i'll rebagel with some links i can get a better pic also if anyone needs sorry i was just sending it to the gc but then decided to also post ;w;'
#remembering now i saw another post that had this logo on it#but id forgotten OTL#im not sure if the envelope may look a little different if its actually Mailed and not Handed over the counter but prob just addresses#vote#just me#fucking FINALLY have this thing it was expected the FIRST WEEK OF OCT#i dont want to go up there a Third time but i refuse to just mail it back i dont trust it i am Handing this to a physical person#dont be complacent- remember hillary was 'so far ahead she doesnt think about trump' IDC WHAT THE STATS LOOK LIKE RN#we need to assume that Every asshole and racist and malicious bastard out there who can vote are going to because they Will#because its just another day to them just another act of bigotry whereas anyone with a#conscience is having a fucking nightmare of a time about it AND THATS OK me too bud but thats why we gota do it<3#a lesser evil is still less evil#pick the one that wont make it even More impossible to ever be able to get ranked choice voting so we dont *have* to pick between evils#we can pick good#but rn we just have to pick as good as is possible to Get there#im doing it you can too<3#there are so many step by step posts out there and vote.org really does make it ez but if you got any questions lmk#anon asks are on u can message u can email whatever lol idc if u need help to get this done i will do my damndest
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7 days sober wtf !!!!!!!!!!! :D
#genuinely would’ve thought this would’ve been IMPOSSIBLE last week#but im sleeping better anxiety is soooo down confidence is higher#and im not unbelievably unintelligibly fatigued every second of every day which is genuinely INSANE & so nice 🙂↕️😭#my emotions are a lil weird like im not in peaks & valleys anymore like I don’t feel BIGLY anymore#but tbh id rather feel a little less than feel so anxious & depressed & just like a walking zombie 99% of the time#so it’s a good trade off lol#& still a learning process too who knows what will happen as my brain adapts!!!!#the more I’m sober im like ohhhh yea i am 50% addict on my mom’s side like should’ve done this a minute ago😭😭😭😭#sorry for the rant just excited !!!!#hope y’all are having a good week ❤️
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