#learning this binary system? killing me

[kaija-rayne-author]

Some thoughts on Dragon Age Veilguard a couple weeks after playing/reviewing it.

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to skip to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Note: My reviews for DA and my blog posts about DAV in particular aren't edited. I don't have the time, energy, or heart to edit them properly.

It's been 16 days since I finished DAV.

And sadly, my opinion still hasn't changed. Especially after learning about Joplin from my friend's artbook. (Joplin is the original concept and art concepts for the game. It had so much we were all really desperate to see. It was gorgeous. And they scrapped it.)

I don't know why they scrapped it, it was exactly what so many of us wanted.

Honestly? I don't care why. I'm sick of all the excuses people keep making for BioWare turning out such a shitty game.

Were there reasons and difficulties I don't know and will never know about? There usually are.

But those things are honestly irrelevant when it comes to producing a quality product.

I work my ever loving ass off to make sure my books are good. And I don't have a team to help me and a 250 million dollar budget. I do everything myself because I have to.

Indie studios turn out fantastic games with cool worlds, good fighting systems, and interesting monsters all the time. With some help and some budget, sure. But not likely on the scale of what they had for DAV.

I'm both a creator and an editor. When you're making a product for sale, it's incredibly foolish to change a series title too much from what worked before. Sure, fix problems, streamline stuff, but people generally don't play RPGs for anything past the worldbuilding, writing, story, and characters. There's action RPGs, sure. I'm playing one now and loving it (Greedfall).

It's a solid RPG that feels like an RPG. (DAV did not.) The fighting system works. The companions are actually useful. They kill bad guys all by themselves! It's quite refreshing tbh.

When you're creating something for fun, sure, do what the fuck ever you want as long as it isn't harmful to someone else. (Don’t put words in my mouth. By harmful, I mean specifically things like racism, sexism, ableism etc. Not whether someone dislikes the colour green and thinks the word 'triggered' means unhappy or uncomfortable. It doesn't. It's specifically a needed mental health term.)

When you're creating a product for sale, you make decisions. IE. I chose to write a reverse harem series. That's a choice influenced by the business reality that my queer books hardly sell at all.

I still love the characters and world I built, still love the plot etc. But it was still a decision on my part. Because my work of words is my only income. I'm disabled and recovering from a pulmonary embolism. My partner is recovering from a broken back and has at least one, possibly two more surgeries to go. We don't get very much help from anywhere. Money is so tight it squeaks. I'm hoping with the decision to write m/f reverse harem, my sales will improve (They already have with only two books out. Third before end of year.)

So. No. No more excuses for BioWare. They've always, from rumour, had a lot of control over the games they make, even if EA does pollute the studio by owning it.

Someone made the choices that resulted in such a shitty game. Someone approved the terrible (in some cases, racist, sexist, and ableist) writing. Someone thought the editing was just fine (it really really is not).

Someone (likely Epler given what he's said in interviews) decided that it was a good idea to Disney-fie the most recent addition to an adult, dark fantasy game that has historically delivered a lot of horror elements. While somehow condescending to kids at the same time.

Someone decided to remove so many of those dark fantasy elements. It's especially obvious in the not-fucking-darkspawn. They made them goofy, not scary and vaguely horror inspiring. But it's all throughout the game.

Someone made decisions. Those decisions made an awful game.

Someone decided tying your companions' skill points acquisition to their level of bond with you was a good idea. Maybe it looked good on paper. I don’t honestly care. It made it nigh impossible to get them high enough to be actually useful. Meaning your OP character always has aggro. Fine, I guess, if you're a tank player, but what about the rest of us?

Someone decided to remove blood splatter from a freaking BioWare game.

Someone decided to go with that wretched art style.

Someone decided nerfing the rogue class was a good idea. Why even have them? They're just light skirmishers, not rogues. Without, y'know, the rogue skills that make a rogue.

It was a decision, each and every time.

Someone decided everything about that game.

So miss me with the excuses.

I would like actual reasons, but I highly doubt we'll ever get them.

Someone made unwise and often foolish decisions during development of DAV. The results are clear.

Simply by the fact they aren't releasing sales numbers... that indicates it's probably not doing well. Larian basically called their earnings for BG3 out weekly.

It mostly just makes me sad now. DAV could've been fantastic. Because of decisions human beings in positions of power made, DAV, while having some good parts, just sucks.

[stormwarden6012]

Spoilers for the finale or Wild Life!! Discussing potential winner symbolism

Ive been seeing a lot of discussion about Joel's winner symbolism. Since the fandom really likes the space themeing, let me use some of my Astronomy knowledge to potentially help out.

My suggestion for Joel's symbol:

A Nova

Not a Supernova! Though i did think about that. A Nova happens when a White Dwarf in a binary star system "steals" enough hydrogen off of it's companion star (regularly a red giant at this point) and gets dense enough and hot enough that the hydrogen spontaneously starts to fuse across the surface of the White Dwarf. The following blast of energy and light is called a Nova.

How does this fit Joel? Well, this is the first season that he's not alone and has committed to his team, and his teammate helped him throughout the season. He had a companion, someone that made it possible for him to make it as far as he did. Once he lost his companion, he went on a rampage. Joel is the White Dwarf, unable to make a show of power on its own. He has a companion, a red giant (Gem, redheaded giant threat), but not one thay feeds him to much, not one that will make him obliterate himself in the process of his rampage (See Type 1 Supernovae, the process where a White Dwarf gets destroyed when it reaxhes a certain threahold). His companion gives him what he needs to make a show of power, but keeps him grounded enough to not kill himself.

I personally think this is a perfect match for Joel while keeping in the Space theme. Would love any feedback on this thought and would love to see what others think!

Damn, is this really the first place I use what I'm learning in college?

[bainshiewrites]

[LF Friends, Will Travel] I have the most important job

I have the most important job.

My name is ALICE and I am the AI co captain of the U.S.S Hope. Well technically my identification is a 40 character long alphanumeric serial number, but that's not very easy for a none AI to say and it includes the letters ALICE, so ALICE it is, as I have decided.

My job as co-captain is to keep the 327 people aboard the "U.S.S Hope" safe, happy, and sound. My job is to keep the parents safe as they try their illogical hardest to kill themselves over some crazy idea. Parents might be the wrong technical term: a person's father or mother. If I was being accurate to the biological analogy, my parents would be a lava lamp and a 30 second fluctuation of atmospheric noise found on Earth, but neither of those have taught me quite so much about the world or about myself as humans have. So I consider humans my parents. Besides, the lava lamp never paid child support.

I have the most important job.

I spend my time cycling through the various tasks I'm in charge of: maintenance and monitoring to make sure that everything on the U.S.S Hope ran perfectly. I spend my time making minor changes to the systems, tweaking a power flow there, updating a value here. No major issues have appeared since I ran these protocols 300 seconds ago and I logically know the vast majority of my changes are superfluous; but changing something, anything, provides a strange calm. Technically the protocol before making any change is to confirm these with my co-captain, the human Andrew Hasham. However I have long since learned that most of my parents don't particularly care that I changed the room temperature in sector 5A72 from 21.2°C to 21.1°C in order maintain optimal comfort, that to constantly ask for such approval is "Annoying". Andrew is the human captain, an embodiment of humanities chaos and therefore suited for such matters. I am ALICE, the AI captain, an embodiment of machine logic and therefore suited for such matters. I believe such an arrangement works well.

I respect Andrew deeply. I could logically argue his competence to a 99.994% degree of certainty, the educational and service record doing most of the heavy lifting in such arguments. But the real reason for my admiration is far less binary. His quick thinking and calm friendly demeanor regardless of the situation. His ability to make every member of the crew feel worthwhile, myself included. The fact that he'll passionately make illogical arguments such as the placing of cold sweet acidic pineapple on savory hot pizza. His bravery and self sacrifice. Andrew's actions during the god plague had allowed thousands to get to stasis chambers in time, thousands who wouldn't be alive today without those actions. To save one of my parents makes you a hero, to save thousands makes you divine.

I have the most important job.

I sense music coming from one of the living quarters, shifting my attention to that part of the ship. A Claire Smith: Age 215, Degree in linguistics, current job title "Head of Xeno translation aboard the U.S.S Hope". The music seems to be from the instrument she brought with her, an oboe: A woodwind instrument with a double-reed mouthpiece, a slender tubular body, and holes stopped by keys. I spend 0.26 seconds contemplating the ethics of listening in. From a protocol standpoint, Claire has not engaged the privacy field, making my listening in perfectly fine. However based on previous usage of said field during times of performance, personality analysis, and general negative remarks about her own ability, I calculate with a 74.81% degree of certainty that this was a mistake. In the end I choose to "play dumb", enjoying the break from my ever watchful vigil of the ship.

She really is quite good, years of practice evident from the competent mastery of the instrument. There's something special about a human played instrument, something I have never been able to replicate. Being an AI I could summon a 200 piece orchestra and play each part perfectly as written, but to do so causes... something to be missing. The mistakes in every performance is what gives the music life: A note played 4 microseconds too early here, the volume 0.004 decibels too loud there. It really is something I've been unable to create, experiments surrounding creating random intervals of offsets and errors ended up sounding wrong, for a reason I'm unable to clarify. Out of everything that is what I missed the most while my parents were trapped in stasis: their music.

"Alice, can we get your opinion here?"

The interruption drags me away from Claire's music, making a note in my long term storage to praise the humble musician at a later date before shifting my consciousness to where I had been summoned. Four humans sat around a table in the common room, various alcoholic beverages in hand. Fernando Olson, Orlando Bass, Krista Romero and Ora Harvey. According to their personnel files all part of the engineering team and all having formed a friendship on attending the same university. The conversation between them was boisterous, analysis of their body language suggested moderate intoxication and they all seemed to be discussing Fernando in a light hearted teasing manner commonly found among close friends. I used the room's holographic projector to appear in front of them in my chosen avatar. I obviously didn't need to do this to communicate, but my parents all preferred to see what they were speaking to and it was my job to make them comfortable.

"Hello Krista. How can I assist you?"

The human who had called me turned to point at Fernando with a beer bottle filled hand, a large grin plastered across her face "You see Alice we were having a argument, and since you are a hyper intelligent being with a brain the size of country containing all of humanities knowledge, we must ask you oh great one: Fernando's new haircut, yay or nay?".

I made my avatar gesture as if it was thinking, waiting 8 seconds as if contemplating the question. Of course I already had compiled my response a mere 0.13 seconds after hearing the query. The haircut in question was objectively, mathematically and scientifically terrible. A strange flop of hair that was somehow both too short and too long all at the same time. In a way it was a representation of humanity in general, a chaotic enigma.

"Studies have shown that styles similar to the one worn by Fernando Olson increase sociability, resource gathering and mate finding." I pause for exactly 1.24 seconds, waiting the optimum time for my initial sentence to sink in before continuing "In particular positive results were seen amongst members of Mephitis mephitis, or the striped skunk."

Laughter erupted among the group, even Fernando the subject of mockery joined in. The general positive atmosphere of the room increased, body language amongst the four humans suggesting further enjoyment as the playful mocking continued. This in turn caused my own flurry of joy. This is why I was here, to keep the 327 people aboard the "U.S.S Hope" happy. Keep them comfortable. Keep them safe.

I have the most important job.

I leave the humans to their recreational activities, preferring to move my focus back to the ship in general and keeping tabs on everything happening inside. My parents went around doing nothing out of the ordinary. Iris Doyle was petting his dog while looking out into the stars. Phoebe Greer had just finished thanking the food dispenser, even though I have explained to everyone many times that it was just a machine. Hector Blake was... I disconnected the power to the panel the engineer was working on, calculating with a 97.1% probability that being electrocuted wasn't his plan. All standard human things. Or was it Terran things? I had never gotten why my parents changed their name as soon as they made it into space, but even after all these years there is still so much I don't understand about them. Like how while in space they will refuse to wear any uniform with a red shirt.

I hear two humans walking along one of the ships many hallways discussing our current journey. The mission of the U.S.S Hope was one I knew very well. The ship was a diplomatic envoy to our closest galactic neighbors, the adorable Hatil. While I and the other AI have had plenty of contact with Xeno lifeforms, this would be the first official diplomatic mission for the Terran Conclave, both human and AI together, as it always should have been.

The chatter among my parents was enthusiastic, excited. As a child all of them would have dreamed of meeting extra terrestrial life, and finally after much delay it-

ERROR: WARP FIELD COMPROMISED.

Alarms blared and the entire ship groaned as the U.S.S Hope was deposited unceremoniously into realspace. Confusion entered my programming as to what could cause such a thing. Normally such a warp field collapse is caused by two ships attempting to travel through the same space, but nobody should be here. This mystery would have to wait however, as sensors showed we were surrounded by over a hundred vessels. I noted that they were worryingly spread perfectly apart, preventing us from warping back out. That required my full attention instead.

I have the most important job.

"Alice, status report, what the hell just happened!"

I allow myself to appear on the bridge next to Andrew, the rest of the room empty since we weren't scheduled to arrive at our final location for at least another day.

"We were dropped out of warp, reason: insufficient data. Currently surrounded by 154 vessels matching Hatil design. Weapon positioning suggests military utility at a 94.2% probability, reduced to 74.97% when taking into account the vessels technological capabilities."

It was interesting seeing the Hatil vessels, the technological disparity was immense. They had little to no electronic shielding meaning I could see everything, and nothing impressed me. An average Terran civilian ship would outclass these things. I send out a hail to what seemed to be their lead ship.

"Do you think it might be a convoy?" Andrew asked as worry and concern covered the co captain's face. "A show of force to escort us?"

"Unknown. They are not responding to our request for communication, even though I can confirm they have received it. Reason for the Hatin actions: unknown."

This worries me. While our current vessel outmatches everything in front of us, quantity is a quality all of its own. If I was inhabiting any other military vessel nothing would worry me, but this was a diplomatic envoy: my parents had reasoned that turning up to the Hatil home world with enough weaponry to crack a planet might be taken the wrong way. I notice a surge of power from several of the Hatil ships, it taking me 0.76 seconds to realize what exactly was happening. I slam the thrusters hard as the U.S.S Hope lurches sideways, narrowly avoiding a barrage of rockets. Protocol dictated that I should have confirmed this decision with Andrew, but I decided that discussion of command structures would wait until everyone wasn't dead.

I have the most important job.

"What the hell! Alice, hail on all frequencies that this is a non-military excursion and get us the hell out of here!"

It was taking everything I had to keep the ship unharmed, calculations being done in the billions in order to find the safe path through the barrage of lasers and warheads. Their technology wasn't up to par, but all 154 ships were firing at once. I felt a shudder of error messages and warnings as a stray laser impacted the ship.

"Negative Andrew. All paths are blocked and no response to our communication. Warping out would intersect with a Hatil vessel, breaching the core."

Casualty reports were now flooding in as I continued to dip and dive. 9 dead, 17 injured from the first barrage. Dead included one William Blake, age 311. Geologist on the U.S.S Hope. Would always water the plants in the common room even after being told I could handle it. Would call me "Allie". Dead included one Mary -

I forcefully terminated that processing thread, pausing it for later. Right now I needed the extra CPU cycles. I needed to advise Andrew.

"This action from the Hatil seems to be premeditated to a 97.55% degree of certainty, suggested action is to attempt to punch through their bombardment in order to find a warp path. Requesting authorization to go weapons free."

This caused a moment of delay, the look of dismay on Andrew's face obvious. I knew exactly what he was thinking, as it was the same thing I was thinking. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, we were supposed to be reaching out to the stars for peace, for friendship. Not to start a war.

"Do it".

I have the most important job.

My first attack was devastating, a shot from a accelerated low yield railgun. The thing barely counted as a weapon, mostly used for any larger pieces of space debris, yet it tore a hole through the Hatil vessel, breaking apart almost immediately. I half wondered how such a vessel could be considered space worthy.

Not that this changed how bad things were. As I spun and dodged through thousands of missiles and lasers with millimeter precision, hit after hit kept slipping through: a Hull breach there, a disabled weapon here. There were just too many of them no matter how effective my small amount of ordnance was.

Adjust vector. Fire torpedo d2. Seal off sector 6f4. Adjust vector. Send medical aid to 6f5. Adjust vector. Calculate spin. Fire rail gun. Move power from torpedo a1. Seal off sector 6bb8. Fire suppression to 6bb9. Adjust vector. Fire torpedo c1. Adjust vector.

I was struggling to keep this going, no sign of an opening to calculate a warp path appearing in the Hatil attack. No matter the technological disadvantage, their tactics were rock solid. I was dismissing heat warnings by the hundreds, thinking was starting to hurt. The specification of the ship wasn't made for this level of processing, my CPU would be literally glowing red with heat at this point. But I couldn't stop, if I stopped calculating the ships path, if I stopped mitigating damage, if I stopped directing aid… more of my parents would die, and I couldn't let that happen.

I have the most important job.

"There! Focus your fire on the ship at heading 233, 54, then make a break for it!"

I focused on the ship in question. I couldn't see any special reason to focus my attention there, but Andrew's instincts had never been wrong before. I fired the railgun, the target breaking apart like all the others, before a secondary explosion emitted from the debris, causing the three closest Hatil ships to veer off out of control.

A wave of relief passed over me as I saw it: a gap. I can't logically conclude how Andrew knew that this ship in particular was carrying an extra load, but that doesn't matter. I just needed to rush through this break in the ambush, then warp out of here. We were basically home fr-

A major explosion rocked the U.S.S Hope, as a warhead slammed against the bow. Any other day I would have seen it coming and mitigated it. But right now I was running so far above acceptable heat levels that warnings had turned into actual faults. A creeping dread filled my programming as I realized power to the primary impulse drive was gone. There was a backup, like everything my parents built, but the speed was gone. I could no longer take advantage of Andrews instruction.

"Andrew, our main impulse drive is down, reducing our speed and maneuverability to 53%, our weapons capability is at 35%, and structural damage is starting to reach critical levels. My estimates suggest the ship will be structurally unstable in 10 minutes."

He knew what I was saying. Logically I was unable to foresee a strategy that had an even close to reasonable chance of success. I continued piloting the ship in its current crippled state, missiles and weaponry being flung by both sides through the void. Andrew paused while wracking his own brain for a solution, before pressing a button on his console a mere 3 minutes after the U.S.S Hope had been forced out of warp

"This is Andrew Hasham, your captain speaking. Abandon ship. I repeat, abandon ship."

I have the most important job.

I let Andrew focus on evacuating the crew while I focused on buying us as much time as possible. While my speed was far reduced the amount of weaponry being thrown at me was far smaller: during those short 3 minutes I'd managed to reduce the number of Hatil ships to under a hundred. My parents were also quite well drilled, and within a minute escape pods were ejecting from the ship and it wasn't long before Andrew was the only life form left on the U,S.S Hope: strapped into the last remaining escape pod, just waiting for me to transfer to the AI Transfer Core on all such vessels.

ERROR MOUNTING /dev/sdb1 TO /usr/alice/backup/transfer, UNABLE TO WRITE TO DISK. RETRY/IGNORE/CANCEL?

"Andrew, the connection to the AI transfer Core has been damaged on this pod. I'll find another way down."

I attempt to launch the pod with Andrew in it, only for nothing to happen. It took me 0.23 seconds to realize that my co captain was holding the manual override down.

"Alice, I'm not leaving without you, what are our options?"

I knew there weren't any. Gathering the tools required to fix the connection would take more time then we had and moving my programming to non specialized hardware is a good way to get a digital lobotomy. I considered arguing against this illogical action, I was perfectly fine on a broken ship, but I knew the human well enough to know he wouldn't budge. Damn Andrew being… Andrew.

Then I had an idea. A terrible idea. Something I should never do to my co captain. It took me a full 2 seconds to decide before implementing it. I decided to lie.

"I can transfer myself to the navigational computer. I won't be able to do anything during this time, so you'll have to launch and pilot the escape pod yourself. As soon as the lights stop flashing, go."

All a lie, but Andrew had no engineering experience and my statement seemed plausible enough. I reached into the controls and spent the next 9 seconds flashing random LEDs, making a few components whirr for good measure, before going silent.

For 4 seconds I did nothing, hoping the human would fall for my ruse, 4 long terrifying seconds, until I finally saw Andrew's escape pod shoot away from the ship. My name is ALICE, I am the co captain of the U.S.S Hope and for the first time in a while I was alone.

I have the most important job.

I gave myself a few seconds of satisfaction watching the hundreds of escape pods shoot away, each with their own life forms on it. Not as many as there should be, but I'll deal with that later. Next I turn off all unneeded systems, venting the atmosphere and feeling the relief of the cold vacuum of space wash over my CPU. I wasn't very worried. While trying to still escape with the main ship was plan A, there were plenty of undamaged AI transfer Core's connected to various locations. Those things were indestructible outside of getting hit by a supernova.

Worst case, I float around in space for a bit until someone picks me up. I knew Andrew would be furious once he realized what I had done, and I did hope he would forgive-

I track a salvo of missiles not aimed at me, a few nanoseconds of confusion leading to anger, horror and fear. They were aiming at the escape pod, at Andrew's escape pod! What kind of monster shoots at an unarmed vessel! I have no real options, no tricks, no magic plan. I take the only reasonable option and power the secondary impulse drive to full throttle and throw the U.S.S Hope into the line of fire, taking the brunt of the attack.

I feel everything go dead as the explosions rock along the ship. Impulse drives: Down. Weapon systems: Down. Life support: Down. The warp core was at least still running as those systems had the most redundancies built in. I was now ALICE, co captain of the universe's most expensive paper weight. Even worse, I could see more Hatil ships turning to track the other escape pods. There was nothing I could do. They were all going to die and there was nothing I could do. There was no-

I had a warp core. Maybe it was the heat damage on my CPU, but I got a stupid idea. A dumb idea. A distinctly human idea. Atoms really didn't like being in the same location of other atoms which is why warping into things was bad. Warp core breaching bad. Planet cracking levels of bad.

But such an explosion would give the Hatil fleet something else to worry about, something other than hunting down my parents.

I then calculated the chance of an AI Transfer Core surviving such a blast.

ZERO POINT ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZER-

I stopped the probability analysis. It didn't matter, it wouldn't have any impact on my decision. I calculated the perfect location to warp into for maximum damage and least interference with the escape pods, bypassing the repeated errors about the stupidity of what I was about to do. I gave myself 9 long seconds, sorting through memories and experiences granted to me by the crazy illogical humans of Earth. Apes so lonely they used their chaos to trick a rock into thinking. I sadly realized I'd never get to compliment Claire playing ability.

I wish I could laugh right now as this really was quite humorous. A hairbrained scheme of illogical stupidity and self sacrifice. It's my job to stop humans from doing those. I think about the humans on the escape pods, their music, their silly requirement to thank inanimate objects. I wonder if my parents would be proud of me for coming up with such a human idea.

My name is ALICE and I am co captain of the U.S.S Hope, inputting my final command.

I have the most important job.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Dark Dynasty: Part Two

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.5k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst

Summary: Rowena and Charlie work tirelessly to decode Nadia's codex to get the cure for the Mark. Meanwhile, you've stopped looking for your kids because you have a new agenda. Sam and Dean can't decode the book without Charlie. Kill their nerd kills all chance of getting that cure.

Season Ten Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

Sam and Dean still have a case to do which involves a killer who jumped three stories out a window, leaving behind a victim with the eyes cut out. The office manager allowed Sam and Dean to come in and look around once he saw their FBI badges.

"Police told me no one was allowed in. That didn't mean the FBI, right?"

"The janitor came in right after the killing?"

"Yeah, he heard screaming. The janitor saw a man jump out the window and run down the alley."

"Running? After falling three stories?

"That's what he said."

"Is there security footage?"

"Yeah, sure. Only one of them caught any action out in the alley. That's the guy who rented the office."

The manager shows Sam and Dean the footage of the man landing on his feet like fucking Superman.

"That's pretty slick for a three-story drop."

"Wait a second. Can you play it again?" Sam asks. The manager plays it again until Sam directs him to stop. "Zoom in on his wrist." He does. There is a tattoo that looks just like the one Jacob had. "It's the same ink as the Stynes."

"How long was he renting here?" Dean asks.

"Just a month. I only saw him for a day or so."

"Alright, if you remember anything else, give us a call."

Dean hands over his car before both of them leave. He thinks about Rowena and Charlie and hopes that either of them is getting something done. Charlie is working hard on her iPad while Rowena is sitting at her table tossing chicken bones onto it. Cas is out getting something to munch on so it's just the two women alone.

"Damn it," Charlie sighs.

"That miraculous machine of yours hasn't solved everything by now?" Rowena fake coughs. "Overrated, I'd say."

"I'm using the computer to find some pattern in the book's coding or any synchronicity with the symbols in Nadya's codex."

"I'm more old-school. I read the signs nature shows me, the forces that ruled before there was man."

"Wow. Why didn't I think of that?" Charlie says sarcastically.

Cas enters carrying a white plastic bag with snacks inside.

"Okay, it sounds like blood sugar is dipping in here. I got snacks. When I was human, I grew very fond of these pork rinds."

"What do you know about the chick who wrote The Book of the Damned?" Charlie asks Rowena.

"Agnes was a hermit nun and as mad as a hatter. She made it her business to undo curses like the one that caused the Mark of Cain. As in any struggle between good and evil, balance is required. To cure one curse, Agnes had to know how to inflict another. They live side-by-side in the magic world. One cannot be without the other."

"Sure, sure. Like, uh, a binary system. So, I got to think like a hermit nun," Charlie nods.

"Did I mention they burned her alive?"

"They?"

"A cornucopia of curses and satanic visions did not go unnoticed by the church hierarchy. These men would not abide a rogue nun."

"Poor Agnes. Ahead of her time."

"Much like you and I," Rowena shrugs.

Charlie is shocked Rowena would say something like that and Cas walks away to put the snacks somewhere.

"I actually don't see our similarities all that much."

"Because you're young and good and I'm ancient and evil? Is that it?" Rowena glares. "Let me tell you about you. You've had a difficult and lonely childhood--Tragedy. Absent parents. Always outside the mainstream. Sexually progressive. Living in your own head for solace and direction."

"Yeah, but still, we are pretty different."

"I read you the minute I saw you. I'm sure you're learning that the line between good and evil is quite flexible, but we part company when it comes to blind devotion. Case in point the Winchesters. You've made them the family you don't have. Foolish."

"Sam and Dean are like my brothers. I love them. Y/N... She saved me. She made me own up to my own fears and saved me. She's more than just a sister to me... I'm not giving up on her. On either of them."

"This is it, the boss battle. Come on, we gotta save the patients," Charlie says, getting her gun ready.

"Charlie, you have to stop. You said we're stuck in a loop, and that loop is only going to continue. However, you're dying out there in the real world, and I might be too. Dean is alone trying to bring us back so you need to break the loop."

"Okay. How?"

"You gotta stop playing."

"What?! No, no. We gotta save them. Nut up, Winchester." A vampire punches through the door, but you use your magic to kill him. "See? You can't stop either."

"Charlie, listen to me. This poison is designed to put your mind into an endless cycle while your insides turn to mush, okay? Its fuel is fear. Now call me crazy, but I think the only way to break the cycle is to let go of the fear and stop playing the game."

"You don't know that."

She shoots another vampire trying to get in, but you take her shoulders in your hands and make her face you.

"Your fear is not to stop playing the game. It's not of the vampire soldiers. It's not of this game. You're afraid of losing her, Charlie. She's already gone."

Charlie doesn't want to believe that her mother is gone, but you have to convince her to let go of her fear.

"I didn't want to believe my dad was gone, either. I know you don't want to live in a world where your mom is gone, but by keeping her in this hospital, you're only hurting her. It's time for her to move on. It's the only way she can start to heal because it's the only way for you to start to heal."

"I can't," she whispers as tears fall from her eyes.

"My dad should have never gotten shot. I was the one who killed Dick's friends, and then I used the last of my Borax on Dick. He killed my dad because of what I did. Sometimes I feel like it was my fault that he got shot, but you did not kill your mom."

"No, you don't understand. You don't understand!" she cries. "I was at a sleepover, and I got scared. I called my parents to come and get me. They should never have been driving that night."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I just wanna tell her that I'm sorry and that I love her," she sobs. "I just need her to hear it again. I just need her to hear that one more time, but she can't. She can't."

"She knows, Charlie. Parents always know," you say, letting your tears fall. You hope Robert knows how much you love him, whenever he may be. "You have to let her go."

You let your arms fall at your sides, and Charlie looks at the door. The vampires continue to get in, but the minute Charlie drops her shotgun, they disappear; the hallway is empty. Charlie walks over to the bed where her mom is, and when she slides the curtains open, her mom is gone. Even your son is gone, but you know you're not ready to let him go just yet.

This is not your nightmare, it's hers.

Charlie knows the kind of person you are and she will not stop until you're back to who you were before.

"I know, and that steadfast loyalty will be your undoing, my girl."

The tension between the two girls only goes up from there and before Cas knows it, both of them are yelling at each other. Nothing is getting done because they don't know how to work with each other. Cas takes out his phone and calls Sam who answers on the first ring. Sam picks up his phone as he watches Dean try and fails to turn the chair into a desk.

"Cas?"

"Yeah, listen, we have a problem here."

Charlie storms away from Rowena and approaches Cas with an angry look on her face.

"Okay, I am doing my best, but with her criticizing, breathing down my neck, and trying to sign me up for Team Witch, I am going crazy."

"I know," Cas sighs.

"No, she is evil."

"She is a wicked witch by definition--"

"No, I mean something bad is going to happen here. Please, give me two hours or even one hour in any place that's quiet. Y/N and Dean are counting on me to get this one and I can't screw it up."

"Do not let her go off, Cas. Do you hear me?"

Cas looks at his phone and sees his call to Sam is still connected.

"Let me talk to Sam real fast." Charlie huffs out and goes back to Rowena. The bickering continues louder if possible. "I don't think I'm making myself clear. I've got a situation here."

"There's no way Charlie can go off by herself. Cas, there are dangerous people looking for her."

"Fine, I'll go with her."

"No, you can't leave Rowena there alone, either."

"Nothing is getting done, Sam. What do I do?"

Sam looks at Dean who slams his hand against the table in frustration.

"Why don't we trade places? I'll go there and you come here. Dean really needs you right now. He's trying to use magic but it's not going right. Do you want to switch?"

"Yes. I'd like that."

"Good, I'll be there shortly." Sam hangs up. "Hey, man, I'm going to switch places with Cas. He's gonna come here. He might be able to help you get in touch with Y/N... the real Y/N."

"Yeah, please."

"Okay."

Cas enters the Bunker an hour later to see Dean sitting at one of the library tables with his head in his hands.

"Dean?"

"Cas?" He looks up at the angel with tears in his eyes. "You gotta help me. I need to talk to Y/N... the real Y/N. She's in my head. Please, help me talk to her. I can't do this without her. I wasn't meant to do something like this. Please."

"Of course," the angel nods.

Cas walks around to Dean and places both hands on his head. His eyes shine blue as his grace pours into Dean's head.

The room you're in is almost completely white. Except for a few dark spots, you can see everything. There is not a damn thing in this room to entertain you with, and Dean hasn't stopped pacing outside the room. You can't escape so what's there left to do but sit here and wait for something... anything to happen. You're sitting on the back wall with a ball of blue magic in your hands. You throw it to the other side of the room only to have it bounce back to you.

That's what you've been doing. Playing catch by yourself.

You catch the ball and let it mist away with a sigh. You lean your head against the wall and look at Dean who suddenly has stopped pacing. He turns to look at you with tears in his eyes.

"Y/N?"

"Dean!" You get up and run to the door but the invisible wall stops you. "I can't leave here." Dean steps into the room and you fling yourself at him, wrapping your legs and arms around his body. You shove your face in his neck and cry happily. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."

Dean lets you go and he looks down at you while tears are streaming down his cheeks. The love you just showed him is overwhelming. The damage you have done to him is evident in the way a simple hug makes him burst into tears.

"Y/N, you're here," he cries.

"What is going on? I've been stuck in this room for weeks."

"Try almost a year."

You step back with a gasp. "What? What's going on?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"We were going to fight Metatron. We tried but he was too powerful. Did we beat him?"

"No. He killed me," tears well in your eyes, "and because of that, I sucked your soul out of your body. You're inside my head right now. Your body is out there right now walking around without a soul. You have red magic and it's all very, very bad."

"What about our kids?" you panic. You grip his shirt and cry softly. "Tell me our kids are safe."

"For now but she wants them. Y/N, the things she has done. She--"

"I don't want to know," you shake your head and wipe your tears. "Dean, what are you doing here?"

"Your soul is locked inside my body. I've been purifying it for you because I turned into a demon when Metatron killed me. The Mark made me into that. I turned your soul completely black, but because I have your soul, I have access to your magic. I need help harnessing all that power."

"It makes sense," you nod. "She's chaos magic and I'm order magic. We cancel each other out. The only way to beat her is with my magic."

"How? I'm at a crossroads, sweetheart. I don't know what to do. I don't know how you did this."

"I did it because I had you, Dean. My love for you made it so." You walk over to him and grab the sides of his face. He closes his eyes and lets two tears fall down from your gentle touch. "When I use my magic, I don't use this," you point to his head, "I use this," you point to his heart. "I think about our kids and the love I have for them. I think about you and how happy you make me. I use love to fuel my power. All you need to do is clear your mind and let your heart do the talking. Once you do that, you can do anything you desire, and that includes taking her down. You're the love of my life, Dean," you sniffle, "and I believe in you."

Dean breaks down crying right in front of you. He grips your shoulders so make sure you're real and right in front of him. You reach up and wipe his tears away, and he leans into your touch.

"She's hurt you, hasn't she?"

"Yeah, she has," his voice cracks. "It's bad, Y/N."

"I want you to know something, Dean." You grab his cheeks and make him look at you. "No matter what she says or what she does, just remember I love you so much. You are my best friend, my husband, the love of my life, and the father of my children. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. I'd trade the whole world for a minute of your time. You are strong and brave and caring. I don't know what she said to you but just know my love for you is stronger than her magic. Please don't forget that."

You pull him down and kiss him with every bit of love you have for him. His tears mix in with the kiss but you don't care. He needs this. You need this. Now that you know what is going on out there, you're going to do whatever you can to help him.

"Do me a favor, Dean."

"Anything."

"Kick her ass and bring me home."

Dean is transported out of his mind and he rests his head on the table while he cries. Cas gets tears just seeing how broken Dean is right now. He puts a hand on his shoulder but Dean jumps up, eager to get this moving along.

"Dean, are you okay?"

"I will be." His face hardens and his eyes shine blue. "I can do this."

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[tagamantra]

more uv@eot shit

this is gonna feature words that dont rlly make sense unless you've read the rest of the manuscript

THE LOST AND FORGOTTEN ARTS

All Martial Arts are mostly banned, save for a few practiced and allowed by the PANTHEON for sport. Martial Arts are culture, you see. Culture not approved by THE PANTHEON is pushed to the margins.

And anything not approved by the Pantheon is the whole of humanity.

Here, drink this. That’s it. Hard to go down, huh? Yeah, haha, fucking–you’ll get used to it. You have to. That’s AMRI, it heals all wounds, it's made from the Semen of the God of the Binary Star we orbit. RIT, the last star before all the suns fade. They try to call out to us, you know? The solar flares scramble the Meta-Consciousness and fuck up the systems in The End.

It’s expensive as fuck, can only be bought by the Gods. How’d we get them? By fucking stealing them of course. How else? We destroy shipments, grab them back. We never get caught. We’re good like that. You, though? You’ll fuck it up. Unless you stick around.

You’re a ROOKIE aren’t ya? There’s a lot to learn about the THEATER OF SUBLIME VIOLENCE. That’s what we like to call this whole charade. Yeah, that is the term for the gladiatorial sports as well. For the Gods it might just be sport, but for us it's our entire lives. We spend our entire lives in violence, struggling to get out of hell.

Here’s the secret, Rookie. There’s no getting out of Hell. 

So what do you do when you can’t reach heaven? You destroy it. “It’s easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism,” they say. So end the fucking world. Become the apocalypse. Some say this shit is depressing and defeatist as fuck, but I don’t think so. For the next world to be born the current one must be destroyed. It takes a helluva a lot of hope to get there. Let me teach you the ropes. You probably have some fighting knowledge, right? Everyone does, here in hell. Throw a punch, a kick? Yeah, that’s good. Gimme a grapple? All right, good enough, you gotta apply some more pressure around my neck but you’ll get the hang of it. That’s enough. Let’s get you to a Martial Commune. That’s where you’ll learn the ULTRAVIOLENCE ARTS. We like to call it just UV ARTS.

You ever heard of THE HEAD OF MARX?

THE HEAD OF MARX

Named after the economic thinker, the Head of Marx puts in mind the sleek plausibility of revolution. To be inducted into this art, you must recite the Communist Mantra and have your skull broken apart with anticapitalist enlightenment, then sutured back together to become a silver kintsugi, with threads of nano-mantra-wires made by the Monk Shatrasattva of the Broken Mountain Range, a well known Marx-Dharmist. The Head of Marx makes your head thicker than most. You become fucking determined. Your main attacking tool becomes your HEAD, you slam it down and destroy and kill the specter. 

Art Traits

Posture: 3

Speed: 4

Style: Raider/Sentinel

Determination: When you describe yourself canceling out a Hit with your Skull, inflict Push 2 on one of the attackers, and then give them your Provoke 1.

Philosophical Juggernaut: When you make a close attack and describe yourself using your Skull, gain 1 Deflect Token. 1/Strike. 

Impenetrable Power of Communism: At the start of your Riff, choose a square adjacent to you. Any attack that starts from that square or has a line of effect that goes through that square suffers Dullness as your burning Skull faces that direction.

MINOR MASTERY: THE HEAD

Things will never be the same.Your head has been shattered apart, and put together again. Your eyes are concetric bifocals to continue the Proletariat revolution. It is only through economic upheaval can everyone blast open the gates for the Path of Enlightenment. And once done, there’s still work to do.

For 1 Beat, you can use your head like a hammer. Make a Close Heat Attack, and then give the target a Knockdown 1 or Push 3. 

EXCEEDS:

TRIPLE SKULL: +1 Beat to make the attack a Blast 3 Heat Attack.

ULTIMATE KILLING RHETORIC: Gain a STRENGTHEN TOKEN after the attack, and then Rush 1.

[multigenderswag]

Multigender Survey Results Dec 2023: Anything else relevant

Participants were asked "Share anything else about your multigender identity that you find relevant" and had the option to respond with long answer text. Some notable responses include:

As a m+f bigender person who uses he/she pronouns, I sometimes feel like the "he" refers to my female side, and the "she" refers to my male side

I am no longer religious/Christian, but the expression “God is Change” resonates deeply with me and my approach to gender as experience. I accept that my gender (holistically) is an amalgamation, something that breathes new life into itself repeatedly and often unexpectedly, sustained by its own willingness to grow past its bounds and taste richness anew. Teaching is part of my work, and as such I consider myself an eternal student: gender is just one avenue for discovery and learning for me.

I feel so boring but it is what it is, name wise I use one (completely feminine) with group A and one (completely masculine) with group B and hope and pray that they never interact

I identified as a 'tomboy' (gender wise) as a child and transmasc as a teenager. As an adult part of my being multigender is honouring these past versions of myself and acknowledging that who I was is an important part of who I am today.

I like to describe my gender like this: imagine there’s a house on a street. the house represents being a boy/male, and being *in* the house means you’re binary male. The road represents a neutral, non-male/female gender. My gender is like the driveway — both part of the road *and* the house

i think this is relevant-ish, but the way i experience gender kind of feels like. there's a man and a woman in my head at all times, not in a system way so much as a (this is very obviously stupid but i can't find another comparison to articulate it) inside out way. they're both always there, and they're both separate, but at the same time, they come together to make the same person, me! nonbinary is a label i understand and identify with, mostly to simplify the matter for others, but in reality, it kind of feels like a... superbinary of sorts. i'm 100% a man, and 100% a woman, but because the binary only "allows" you to choose one, nonbinary is technically correct, isn't it?

I'm multigender in the "one gender that fits into several categories" way than being multigender in a "has multiple genders" way

My gender is the intersection of butch dyke and trans man. I'm questioning things right now, but I'm somewhere in that region, with a foot in both at once. I've always been drawn to butchness and sapphicism as well as transmasculinity. I think most of my journey to understand my gender has been a balancing act between identifying as enough of a guy to feel comfortable in my skin but non-binary enough to not have to abandon my identity with butchness. Recently I've adopted the label multigender, and it's helped a lot. I'm only even a little bit a girl if I can be a boy first and foremost, and I could be just a boy or just a dyke but I would have to kill part of myself to do so. I'm trying to find a way to exist in my gender without blood on my hands. I think I'm getting there. It's hard but I'm getting there.

It is complicated but I love it

Yay I love multi gender people we are so cool. <3

A number of participants also referenced being autistic and how that has influenced their multigender identity, so it is possible that autism may be included as a question on the next survey.

[blackcat419]

Ranking the Conspirators and Avengers of Julius Cesar by fuckability

Happy 2,068th anniversary of Caesar’s assassination! To celebrate I’ll be ranking the main 3 conspirators who attacked Julius Ceasar while he was still alive and the men of the second triumvirate plus Agrippa on how fuckable they are to me. I’ll be judging them on attractiveness, conviction to the conspiracy, and how that conviction translates to them in bed. I will be using historical representation, modern reconstructions, and modern media depictions.

Side note: Roman’s viewed sexuality on a binary system from penetrator/dominant to penetrated/submissive. Basically, for a Roman man to be seen as manly he has to be the top in his sexual relationships with women or lower born men. So, a woman being on top, oral sex, or anything a little kinky would be seen as deviant.

7. Lepidus

During the assassination of Julius Caesar, Lepidus was Caesar’s right hand man. He had an army just outside of Rome when Caesar was assassinated. Despite starting off in a strong political position, Lepidus had little initiative in keeping power and was easily ousted by Anthony and Octavian. (Big L for loosing to Anthony). Lepidus did avoid Anthony’s fate as he was the head priest of Rome until his death in 13 BC, which means he lived for 14 years after Octavius became Emperor.

Attractiveness

Lepidus is just not that hot. His statue with that neck beard is almost as bad as Nero’s! The HBO Rome casting doesn’t stick very close to the bust but the actor doesn’t stand out as super good looking. 4/10

Conviction

Lepidus was very much a follower in his partner ship with Anthony and then in the Second triumvirate with Anthony and Octavius. Lepidus started out in a very strong position being the only one with an army and probably could have used said army to reestablish peace and take out the conspirators. His lack of conviction probably is the only thing that saved him from being murdered by Anthony or Octavius as he wasn’t a threat to either and was happy to play second fiddle. 2/10

In bed

Lepidus probably wasn’t that good to have in bed. He’d do what any Roman was expect to do, be on top so only missionary or doggy, not letting his partner take the lead, and no fingering or oral. He calls sex “coupling” because he thinks it sounds more posh compared to other words. He can get the job done but it won’t be a great experience. 2/10

Overall: 2.5/10

Boring, traditional, and not exciting at all.

6. Brutus

Brutus was one of the main leaders of the conspiracy to assassinate Julius Caesar. Brutus was a close friend to Caesar, possibly being seen as a surrogate son because Caesar was having a long affair with his mom and was advancing Brutus’s political career.

Attractiveness

Brutus is definitely a good looking guy, he has a very nice appealing face and the reconstruction still looks hot, although a bit too old for my 22 y/o butt. The actor for Brutus in HBO Rome looks similar enough to the bust. Overall good looking guy but doesn’t stand out much from a crowd. 7/10

Conviction

Brutus’s conviction to the conspiracy is weird. Brutus as a person was slow to act and often forced to react. He needed someone telling him what to do otherwise he fell apart. I believe his main motivation to the conspiracy was saving Julius Caesar from himself. He saw Caesar trying to position himself as a king and thought killing him would keep him from commuting that sin. The well being of the Republic and what it would take to rebuild it came second. This is seen with Brutus being opposed to killing Anthony along with Caesar which left Anthony in a strong political position to paint the conspirators as traitors to Caesar. 4/10

In bed

I think Brutus is very clueless in bed. He doesn’t know anything beyond simple penetration and will need to be taught how to actually please his partner. Unlike Lepidus, Brutus is willing to learn and improve but it’s an uphill battle where you have you drag him to the top. Want him to finger you? You have to literally guide his hand through the whole process and the second you stop leading him, he’s immediately poking at your belly button asking if this is the clit. He’ll walk out mid session because he’s so overwhelmed and just can’t seem to learn. Also unwilling to try anything that’s too radical. So no riding him, oral, or use of toys for this Roman boy. Also will call his mom afterwards to just chat. No aftercare cuddles! 1/10

Overall: 4/10

Cute to look at but total nightmare to fuck.

5. Octavius

Octavius was Caesar’s grandnephew (grandson of Caesar’s sister Julia) and was posthumously adopted by Caesar in his will. At just 19, Octavius became the richest man in Rome and maneuvered himself to becoming the emperor of Rome without ever needing to declare himself as such. Through his use of political power and favors, he became the de facto ruler of Rome while keeping the illusion of a republic. Big chaos is a ladder energy and Octavius is a climber

Attractiveness

Octavius just looks off to me. His eyes are too big, a little too far apart, his ears are too large. He looks weirdly young yet old, 13 going on 30. The actor from HBO Rome is definitely hotter than the reconstruction but he still has the baby face. Idk he’s just kind of creepy, probably that murderous aura in his eyes. 4/10

Conviction

Octavius was the most convicted to getting both justice for his adoptive father and fulfilling his father’s goal of being the king of Rome. Octavius was willing to ally with anyone to get power and would backstab anyone he needed to to get power. 9/10

In Bed

Octavius is definitely a stick in the mud when it comes to sex. He was married 3 times but only had one child with his second wife. He also tried to make Rome more “morally righteous” by outlawing adultery which was a very common practice for upper class Romans. He wants to only have sex in missionary or doggy and he needs to have a spirited political debate to get going. Stops mid act to write his thoughts down before returning. Very boring sex which needs a lot of exhausting debating of politics to actually get going. 1/10

Overall: 4.5/10

Ambitious guy but his first and only love is his pursuit of power.

4. Marcus Antonius

Marcus Antonius or Marc Antony was Julius Caesar’s right hand man until he displeased Caesar by being a total drunk and terrible at governing. At the time of Caesar’s death, Marc Antony was Caesar’s co consul.

Attractiveness

Antony is so hot. Big muscular man with dark curly hair? He’s just my type! I wish the hbo actor had curly hair but other than that he’s pretty good looking. I can see why Cleopatra kept him around, he’s such a hunk. 9/10

Conviction

Antony started off as very convicted and determined to avenge Caesar and gain power. He got the people of Rome on his side with his funeral speech. He was able to out maneuver Cicero and kill him. But despite all this, once Antony achieved the heights of his power, he kind of floundered. He spent his time partying instead of preparing for war with Octavius. While Ambitious, he looses his conviction once he has nothing to work towards. 5/10

In bed

Antony is definitely a freak in bed. He was married five times with 9 children between them! He was also in a lot of sexual scandals. As a youth, Cicero said he played wife to his friend Curio. This is probably political slander as Cicero hated Antony and calling someone the bottom in a gay relationship was a very big insult to Roman men as it meant being passive and thus, woman like. Antony knows what he’s doing and isn’t afraid to get experimental. He doesn’t care about Roman social norms when it comes to sex and so nothing is stopping him from pleasing his partner. During Antony’s climb to power, sex is less common and more focused on connection and escaping the world with his lover. But after Antony has come to the height of his power, sex becomes much more indulgent. The emotional connection with his partner becomes less important as he chases his own orgasm. Your pleasure feels like an afterthought instead of the main focus of sex. Definitely asks you if you think his dad would be proud of him but if you say yes he’ll say you obviously did not know his father. While 9/10 at the start, it turns to a 4/10 for a final score of 6.5/10

Overall: objectively 7/10, subjectively 5.5/10

When Antony has a goal to work towards, he is basically perfect but once he doesn’t have anyone or anything pushing him, he flounders and succumbs to his own vices. A little too much like myself.

3. Cassius Longinus

Cassius Longinus, the soldier in the conspirators turned on Caesar for possibly several reasons. Still, the one I like the most is him being upset he wasn’t advancing politically as fast as he thought he should.

Attractiveness

Cassius's statue and modern reconstruction show how a statue can make someone look a lot different. The lines around his mouth are pronounced in both versions but the reconstruction makes it look a lot more natural and not weird like with the statue. The HBO actor also has a similar face shape and details and he looks very good. 7/10

Conviction

This man is dedicated!! Not only did he want to take out Caesar but also Marc Antony and other Caesarean to make sure the conspirators were filling in the power vacuum. The only problem is that Cassius didn’t do this. He was convinced by Brutus not to take out more Caesareans, not taking Antony out when he was taking power, and not to send aid to Cicero during Octavius’s rise to power. In the end, Cassius was dedicated more to Brutus than the conspiracy (which supports my theory that Cassius loved Brutus in a romantic way but I digress) in the end, all conspiracy and no stabbies 6/10.

In Bed

Cassius is definitely an explorative lover but is still really strict about staying the dominate one. He also gets a little aggressive and possessive in bed easily. Definitely would be into bdsm with a focus on a command kink. He’s a soldier and likes it when his partner follows his orders. Definitely a good lay 7/10

Overall: 6.66/10

A head strong lover who’s conviction leads him to do crazy things. The type of guy who’d break my heart.

2. Decimus Brutus

Decius Brutus is the third forgotten member of the conspiracy. He is a distant cousin to Brutus. Decimus started out as a Caesarean and fought for Caesar in the Gallic wars which gained him favor with Caesar. Decimus was so close to Caesar that he was appointed to take over the transalpine Gaul Provence after Caesar. But Decimus became disillusioned with Caesar and saw him rising to become a tyrant and strives to stop that.

Attractiveness

Sadly, Decimus Brutus is over shadowed by Brutus and Cassius in many ways. We don’t have any busts (that I could find and confirmed were Decimus and not the other Brutus) and Wikipedia only has two coins with his face minted on them. Decimus doesn’t fair any better in modern media. He’s not in HBO’s Rome, Shakespeare mistakenly calls him Decius, and is mostly remembered in literature. Because of this lack of material to judge, I won’t be scoring him in this section n/a

Conviction

Despite Decimus usually being overlooked, forgotten, or merged with his cousin Brutus, was very instrumental to the conspiracy. Decimus was a Cesarean who fought for Caesar in Gaul and during the Civil war. Decimus became disillusioned with Caesar and decided that he needed to do something about it. Further more, Decimus convinced Caesar to attend the senate meeting on the Ides instead of staying home after his wife had a nightmare about his death. The place he faulted is after the assassination where he decided to leave and take up his position as Governor of transalpine Gaul (which Caesar appointed him to) instead of trying to keep power out of Antony’s hands. This decision led to him being killed and his head and hands sent back to Rome. 8/10, he came, he saw, he murdered but it just wasn’t enough

In Bed

Decimus definitely is adventurous in bed. He is willing to change his approach to pleasing his partner as his goal is always making sure they are satisfied. He will let you dominate him and will dominate you if you want. I also think he’d be into roleplay as he likes getting into character and pretending to be someone else, which he’s good at. He also needs a lot of cuddles after sex to make sure you feel loved. He’s a devoted lover and a cuddle bug 8/10

Overall: 8/10 while we have no clear surviving depictions of Decimus Brutus and how he’s often ignored in adaptations, he’s still a really interesting character who I like a lot because I love overlooked side characters.

1. Marcus Agrippa

Agrippa, childhood friend of Octavius, his loyal right hand man, builder of Rome, defender of Italia, and Octavius’s son in law? Yeah, Octavius had his best friend marry his daughter in a move that showed he wanted Agrippa to be the next emperor or guide the next emperor. But Agrippa passed before Octavius and left a massive hole in his succession plans.

Attractiveness

Agrippa is so hot. Not only is he physically attractive but he is emotionally attractive! This is the most loyal Roman man ever! Not once did he think about betraying his best friend to become emperor himself. Agrippa still supported Octavius even when he was sent away from the capitol in a sort of exile to fight. But I’m getting side tracked.

Agrippa’s busts portray this strong jawed masculine man who has these sad soulful eyes. Almost as if he can see the distraction his family would face. All his sons would die before becoming adults, his daughters used as marriage pounds, and his wife put into another unhappy marriage to her step bro. The HBO actor in Rome captures Agrippa’s look so well! Oh to be in a museum with this bust, I would kiss it! 10/10 no notes

Conviction

While Agrippa didn’t come into Rome until after Caesar was assassinated, he was dedicated to serving Octavius’ grind to power. No matter how many times Octavius pushed him aside or lost, Agrippa always came back. Even when he was essentially co-emperor with Augustus, he never pushed for having more power than Augustus. He was commuted to his boyfriend I mean friend 10/10

In Bed

This man fucks. He had 9 kids in his life and his last wife Julia, daughter of Augustus, was even pregnant when he died. Damn this man did not stop! Agrippa is a service dom. He loves seeing his partner being pleasured by him. He’s here to serve and give his all to his partner. 10/10

Overall: 10/10 one of the greatest historical men ever

[gaia-prime]

op turned off reblogs because she didn’t like what @she-is-ovarit had to say in response:

I am not saying this with the intention of stirring controversy, but this is similar to being gender critical while having trans-identifying friends, except where you consider for yourself to be a lack of relating to or understanding gender identity, for me it is this plus a lack of belief in it.

"Gender ideology" being a term for the mainstream belief system currently within trans populations and "LGBTQ+" groups surrounding gender identity.

I do not "hate trans people". I simply do not believe in gender ideology or some concept of an ethereal, metaphysical gender identity. It reminds me of astrology or zodiac signs taken to an extra level. Sex-based stereotypes and fashion aesthetics internalized. A person doesn't even need to believe in gender identity (how the term is commonly used today anyways) at all to consider themselves trans or transition, technically. I've even met a few trans-identifying individuals who go by the pronouns associated with their sex.

no like I genuinely believe you that mcwilliamsburg kids are posers and forrester-smith-tailor students are snooty potheads, but I have no way to apply and no reason to internalize this information

If snooty potheads and posers represented gender identities, aka someone's interpretation or meaning they placed on the "vibes" of certain schools, I don't believe that McWilliamsburg kids are posers and Forrester-Smith-Tailor students are snooty potheads, because that's your own perception of your reality (royal "you", not you personally OP). That's the lens in which you see your world and the meaning you place on it. I believe in material reality that these schools themselves exist (aka, biology/sex). I believe that your emotional experiences are real (feeling discomfort or a lack of relation to sex-based norms, stereotypes, roles, aesthetics; or feeling more of a kinship with people of one sex or the other). However your truth isn't mine, and I simply do not see or define people as snooty potheads, posers ("non-binary", "transfemme", "cisgender") etc. I don't believe that a student from McWilliamsburg can call herself a "Forrester-Smith-Tailor" student and this makes her one. It's an imperfect example because transferring schools exists or whatever, but unlike transferring schools as a biologist I have learned it's not actually possible to change one's sex.

I have no way to apply and no reason to internalize this information, and this all makes me feel like I'm in some sort of church. If I were to say, "well, I perceive reality differently and I don't think god exists and I'm homosexual and I won't be having sex with men ("AMAB/OMAB") regardless as to what they believe in and how they perceive themselves", the response is generally, "She's evil ("terf/bigot"), she's a sinner ("genital fetishist"), she's going to hell".

"Gender critical" is just gender ideology atheism. And then in addition to this I just believe in women's rights and gay rights and these two things inform my perspective/lens in which I view my own world in addition to my own experiences. Just like how as an atheist I don't want to "kill all Christians" or think "Christians don't exist", I don't want to "kill trans people" or think "trans people don't exist". Sorry - the astrological gender identity belief system doesn't make sense to me, I already tried unsuccessfully to brainwash myself into believing in it, and honestly it's built off of concepts and beliefs I personally consider homophobic and misogynistic. The threat of persecution, name calling, or the fact that this belief system is considered status quo or the pathway to heaven acceptance doesn't change that I don't believe in this. I can't make myself believe in what I don't believe in.

[cybernetick1b0]

How do you feel about each one of your classmates?

That is a little hard to answer due to not remembering all my classmates, but I'll do my best in a list! Kaede Akamatsu/Miss Kaede: She was very sweet person, we were there for each other through thick and thin when she was still alive. She was kind of my everything in a sense. Shuichi Saihara: We were best friends even after the killing game. We had a very sibling-like relationship (older brother and younger brother). He was very quiet but I remember he would make time to talk to me a lot! (I remember times I would be kind of jealous of him when he hung out with Kaede when I wasn't invited. I didn't cause a hissy fit but I was slightly annoyed.)

Angie Yonaga: She was really sweet to me, she actually was the reason I learned how to draw! We would have a few sessions to learn how to draw. she was a good teacher, but she was a bit sadistic at times, usually curious about how I was a robot. I remember when she tried to push me down the trash shoot...

Korekiyo Shinguji: They were very quiet and didn't pay much attention to me, he was way more focused on Angie or other people, but he was more than happy to explain things that humans do and was actually the one who explained that I could be non-binary! Since everyone just said I was boy but he pointed out that I could choose if I was a boy. HE ALSO JUST STOOD THERE AND WATCHED ANGIE TRYING TO SHOVE ME DOWN THE TRASH SHOOT-

Gonta Gokuhara: I don't remember much, but I know he was very sweet even if I was slightly scared of him. He made me enjoy bugs or understand them like he does at some point. Kirumi Tojo: I don't remember much. She was nice but didn't pay much attention to me. I think she thought I was weird or something. Rantaro Amami: I don't remember a single thing Ryoma Hoshi: I don't remember a single thing

Tenko Chabashira: I don't remember a single thing

Tsumugi Shirogane: I don't remember much besides basically getting her killed due to destroying the school Maki Harukawa: we aren't really friends in the killing game but we got really close due to our shared trauma of losing people we cared for, I remember getting very close like hand-holding. Kaito Momota: He made my hair hard as a rock to give me a "cool guy hair cut" He almost destroyed my inner fanning system. Besides that, very sweet and he would hug me very tightly. Kokichi Oma: Same as usual kokichi with teasing me all the time

Himiko Yumeno: I don't remember anything from himiko, I don't know if were that close in the first place. Miu Iruma: HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL-

[gking10]

Liveblogging TMAGP2: Making Adjustments

I think this is the first "entry" into the TMA franchise written by Alexander J. Newell? And it's a hell of a good one. I know I only have 3 incidents to pick from so far, but this is my favorite. As a reminder, I have already seen this episode. Everything after will be new to me though.

2:09 - "-and that’d be another “resurrection,” possible subsections… “obsession,” “medical”, “pursuit” and… hmmm. “Blasphemy”, maybe, so that would make it… four two three seven." Again with these subsections! Some of them are thematic, but some of them are just elements that were present. The main focus of Frankenstein in my eyes is his focus on avoiding responsibility. He goes against the laws of nature, and just abandons his creation because it has scary eyes. He lets Justine literally get executed because he refuses to reveal the fact his creation killed his brother. And then Victor makes then entire thing about him! About how bad he feels, about how he'll have to live with the guilt and regret of knowing. He's so up his own ass, Frankenstein's Monster basically tells him "I'm going to kill your loved ones" and Victor assumes the monster is just going to attack him on his wedding night. Idiot. What a goddamned idiot. And do any of these subsections get all that? Nope. Maybe "Blasphemy" gets close to it.

3:15 - "We aren’t here to decode the system. That’s Colin’s job and you’ve seen what a delight it’s made him. Just try to learn your codes and process your cases." Interestingly, while Gwen is determined to take this job seriously and process incidents to the best of her ability... she still seems to willing to overlook some of the absurdities and look deeper.

3:33 - "Then quit. No-one’s making you work here." Gwen can be mighty capricious at times. I think she might have taken Sam saying even she doesn't have perfect memory of the system as a blow to her ego. Alice doesn't want to take the job seriously at risk of it feeling real, and Gwen herself has said a lot of "hopeless wasters" come into this job. So why does Gwen take it so seriously? What is her goal here? Why does she even want Lena's job when everything about the job seems so... obfuscated.

4:32 - "Hey Gwen? Gwen? Gwen? Time isn’t real." Did I mention I love Alice?

8:40 - "I was meant to be doing a portrait for some generic witchy alchemist and it was when I was researching the symbols and stuff that I came across “Ink5oul”" It's always the symbols. And Ink5oul is already being associated with alchemy.

9:39 - "Looking beyond into the interior, it seemed like more of the studio was dedicated to ring lights and photography gear than tattoos!" It's like the focus is all on being scene. Being perceived. Not just having the tattoo for yourself, others, EVERYONE seeing it. I think this whole thing is pretty Flesh-coded, and that's only gets more intense the further this goes. It's the relentless observation of the body. The soul doesn't matter. Appearance does.

9:56: - "they had an absolutely gorgeous floral serpent design running up their arm and into their neck that was so vivid it looked ready to slither off their skin and onto the chair." That tattoo has to come alive in a later episode. I want to hear an incident where this icon just siccs a tattoo snake on someone. I support non-binary wrongs.

10:40 - "Before I could reply they hit a button on their set-up and suddenly we were live streaming with lights in my eyes and their arm tight around my shoulders. I don’t remember much of what they said to their viewers, but they kept telling everyone how lucky I was whilst they dragged me into the chair." You know, listening to this again now... I'm getting Mr. Beast vibes. Like it's awful. "Oh, I'll do this charitable thing for you, you just need to agree to let my exploit your image to be ravenously consumed by my thousands of fans! I'm not even going to give you a warning, just start being content! If you aren't content, then what's the point of your existence?" Ugh. Gross. And then the immediate painful torture. This would be a nightmare for me.

11:35 - "I wanted to scream but I couldn't even breathe as it felt like thousands of wasp stings ravaged my body whilst mediocre dubstep thrummed through my chest and Ink5ouls chatted to their viewers completely unconcerned." 11:57 - "The stream was over and I was apparently forgotten." 12:39 - "Just as suddenly as the lights had turned on, they were off and I was bundled towards the exit. No debrief, no aftercare." This really gets to me also. The sheer... banality of it. Imagine going through the most unimaginable torment you have ever experienced, having your flesh merciless carved into... and someone is just playing shitty EDM over it. It's the worst day of your life but to the person causing it, it's just Tuesday. They're not even really being sadistic, they aren't relishing in it, it's just... nothing to them! And then you're just thrown out, like a product that's been used! There's no conclusion, no explanation, no catharsis, just intense pain and then it's over and you're expected to just move on like nothing ever happened. Awful.

15:04 - "Looking around me, I realised that all of my paints were still out" So as a rational person not being mindscrewed by alchemical symbols on your tattoo feeding on your body dysmorphia, you used the paints on the portrait, right? Right?

15:32 - "I began to take a pallet knife to the left eye. Just a small tweak. It was as subtle change, barely noticeable but I knew I was making progress, because I could feel when the knife scraped bone." :( I had to double back when I first listened to this. And then triple back. I thought she was talking about the canvas. And she was. For a moment. And then she seamlessly transitioned into being the canvas. The switch is just, instant. There's no direct moment of it starting to blur or be confused, and I love that because it makes it so jarring. 16:42 - "It was small tweaks at first" Proceeds to give very extensive list to 'tweaks'. Just completely broken from reality and now looking for anything and everything to fix. And there is ALWAYS something to fix.

19:50 - "If I wanted to clear the canvas, I would have used turpentine." The nonchalance of this line makes me laugh. I'm a bad person.

20:40 - "Just stop paying attention.. Don’t look at me like that, I’m serious. I just skim the case for keywords, and if it’s a talker I hit play and get on with other work." I've already said my whole thing about this. Sam does not seem to want to accept the horrors of the world however. The absurdity of the systems, the way the computers haven't updated since the 90s. He forces himself to listen to the incidents. He wants to figure out what things mean. He wants to make a change. Time will tell if this is a virtue, or if it will get him killed.

22:07 - "They’re “expanding external operations” and you know what that means. Outsourcing. Redundancies" I don't think that's what Lena meant. I think that was code. Code for what? Something bad, probably.

24:46 - "Er yeah, that should be fine. It’ll need to be after the 28th though as that’s payday." What's going on with Alice's brother? Is he in a tough spot since his music career hasn't kicked off yet and he needs to ask Alice for cash?

I really do love this episode. Body dysmorphia is one of my favorite aspects of the Flesh, and this gave all of the vibes. I know we aren't going to have the same clear-cut entities as TMA, but still.

Woof. This was a lot of yapping. First Shift was 10 to 15 minutes longer than the rest of the episodes though. Now I'll be able to get to episodes I haven't seen yet! See you then!

[statecryptids]

My big New Year’s resolution was to get back to working on my WIPs, particularly my Field Guide to Saturn project. But designing a whole book is kind of mentally overwhelming, especially with my dumbass ADHD-brain. So I’m easing back into it with a few smaller creature designs. Part of my plan is that in sequel books the main characters, Hyacinth and Jess, will go on to explore life on other alien worlds.  This gives me an opportunity to play around with all the cool planetary stuff I’ve learned about while doing research for my planetarium shows. 

So here’s a short dispatch from Jess.

The Black Widow Binary she mentions is based off a real pulsar binary system called PSR J1311-3430.

 To my Little Orange Fly,

Sorry it’s been a couple weeks. Been so busy with research. Plus, the gamma and radio waves coming off the pulsar make it impossible to send transmission unless we fly the ship a couple light-years away.

 So, once again we’ve found life where we thought it couldn’t exist. You’d think we’d learn by now. Though, I mean, this star system is way more extreme than any place this expedition has visited before.

It’s called a Black Widow Binary.  One of the stars, Oiwa, is a pulsar shooting jets of radiation from its poles. The other, Iyemon, is a red dwarf being ripped apart by those jets. Iyemon is also tidally locked to Oiwa, so one face is always towards the pulsar and the other is always looking out at space. The stars are so close to each other that they complete a full orbit in just 106 minutes.   In addition, all the material that Oiwa is blasting off Iyemon has built up into a ring of energized dust surrounding both stars.

Well, needless to say , this system is saturated with deadly gamma rays and superheated star-debris. So of course we weren’t expecting to find any life here. And yet, life has found a way.

Dr Madura dubbed these organisms Phaethons after the son of the Greek god Helios. She wanted to make that their genus name too, but the name’s already taken by an Earth bird (she’s super salty about that, by the way), so instead she chose Lucidevorator. Which still sounds pretty cool to me.

Phaethons range in size from microscopic to about as long as an open hand.  They live in huge schools on the side of Iyemon facing away from its companion. The environment is cooler here (relatively speaking) and shielded from the worst of the pulsar’s blasts. They feed on the energized material in the ring using both photosynthesis and a kind of chemosynthesis where they directly consume the energized dust. We haven’t yet been able to do a detailed anatomical study on any Phaethons yet because they will literally disintegrate if taken out of their high-heat, high radiation environment. Though the habitat engineers are currently working on an enclosure to safely house them.  

Despite that durability, Phaethons can be killed by direct exposure to the pulsar’s radiation jets if they drift out of Iyemon’s protective shadow. This happens regularly judging by the huge clots of burnt Phaethon corpses our ship’s sampler has scooped out of the ring.  Most of the bodies show signs of decay and Dr Madura thinks that there might be resilient microbes living in the ring that are snacking on the constant supply of crispy-fried Phaethons.

That’s all I’ve got for now. How’s your star system looking? Find any new life yet? Send me some photos so I can draw them, okay? Miss you so much.

Your Brave Explorer,

Jess

(By the way “Little Orange Fly” and “Brave Explorer” are their cute, dumb couples’ nicknames for each other.)

References

deWilde, Cruz. (2014, February 20). PSR J1311-3430 “Black Widow” Pulsar Animations. NASA Visualization Studio. https://svs.gsfc.nasa.gov/11215

NASA Goddard. (2014, February 20). NASA | A Black Widow Pulsar Consumes Its Mate [video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgI3w4SOAik

Sutter, Paul. (2023, April 10). New Kind of Pulsar May Explain How Mysterious ‘Black Widow” Systems Evolve. Space.com. https://www.space.com/new-pulsar-explain-black-widow-binary-star-system

[moonyasnow]

Oh no Crow's otome post has given me brain worms

Now on my way to and from school I'm daydreaming about what my own OCs' otome routes would be like

Don't mind me just brainstorming (I really should've gone to bed by now. Or well. I am in bed. Just not trying to sleep)

Also some tiny snippets of world building of my original fantasy world (ooOOoooOoOooOOOooo you wanna read that so bad actually 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫)

I can see them being in a stat-building game with a set schedule— like XOXO droplets, if anyone but me has played that game, or maybe like Royal Alchemist/Order— where there are events depending on whose route you're on

What genre would it be tho…

'Slice of life' feels too boring… (not dissing it or anything— I literally live my own slice of life in fiction I want dragons and secret assassin guilds and mermaids)

Wait

FANTASY slice of life…

You live in a medieval-inspired place and there's some plot regarding maybe like some conspiracy from the monarch or something

Or maybe it's more fairy tail-esque and they're part of this one tiny somewhat dysfunctional guild

Monarch trying to hire them to play a (secret) part in some scheme, and it involves going to the lair of a dragon to kill it somehow

And maybe everyone disagrees on how to go about it so you the player have to decide whose plan you like best and that's how you pick route. And like depending on who you pick you either end up convincing the rest of the guild to go along with the plan your chosen character picked, or you and them go off and do your own thing, or you stay in the guild and do your own thing in secret

And oooo lots of nuanced political intrigue and your route can end up changing the political landscape in the area— like who's in power and which faction has more influence and stuff like that

Tomoe the leader/archer (maybe interesting to make a Japan-equivalent nation and make her viewpoints differ a lot from the characters who were born in the country the game takes place in bc of cultural differences)

Irina the scout/person who talks everyone out of trouble

Spike the muscle (Barbarian D&D class basically)

Junia the doctor

Lisle the priest

Veronica the swordswoman

Victor the…'alchemist'(necromancer)

Artemisia the scholar (maybe the princess and the monarch makes her go with the guild for some reason and over the course of the story she ends up learning a lot)

Since they all have different orientations maybe there'd be a system where the player can choose the player character's gender

So a male player could wind up with…basically anyone romantically (except Lisle)

A female player could wind up with Veronica, Artemisia or Spike romantically

A non-binary player with Irina, Artemisia, Spike or Tomoe romantically

And maybe there'd be two versions of most routes— except Lisle of course— one platonic and one romantic. So like a fem or nb player could still play Victor's route— just not the romantic version

(Wait…why am I suddenly dredging up an old OC from my mind— tbf tho they were originally from another otome concept where you could pick their gender and AGAB so them being the protag wouldn't be so weird)

WAIT

THIS MEANS I COULD USE MY FANTASY WORLD I SPENT 6+ YEARS WORLDBUILDING YAHOOO

Raomixa Tomoe…

Ooo Leporidae Irina…would be interesting, what with how much she likes snow… AND YES VICTOR BEING A NECROMANCER WOULD ADD EVSN MORE INTERESTING DIMENSIONS TO THEIR RIVALRY

Canis Spike… or maybe Fire Nymph Spike??

Siren Junia… that does mean no nose or pupils or irises but eh

Air Nymph Lisle maybe? Ooo ooo or maybe a Ponvir

Half Raomixa, half Chiropetra Victor & Veronica maybe… Oooo…imagining Veronica looking more Raomixa, and having not grown up in Hyon-Se… Hmmmm but Coal Nymph Victor & Veronica would also be so cool…

PONVIR ARTEMISIA?? Omg yes…and imagine if she was born without wings, too…perfect

Siren Junia & Coal Nymph Victor would both be considered trans in this setting actually since neither of those races really have physical sex characteristics in the way we think of them. So if they wanted them, they'd need the help of magic

Mhhhhhh

The protag (Nowémoore) would just be human I think

They are still supposed to be a player-insert, after all

Also the player should be able to choose Nowémoore's skin tone

[bitchking-of-angmar]

9 books for 2025

I've already got some really nice recommendations through this meme so thank you for tagging me @kshaar !

I know you're only supposed to list titles but MAN do I like rambling. Also I'm always happy to receive more recommendations on these topics, so if you see any of these and thing "Damn dude why didn't you start with this one instead?", let me know!

1. Slavoj Žižek: Christian Atheism. How to Be a Real Materialist

I want to study Žižek in a lab setting. I've been reading several of his essays and listened to a couple of his talks for university, but I never sat down and just. Read a book of his. So why not change this with his most recent hot takes on religion?

2. + 3. bell hooks: All About Love; Feminist Theory

I started All About Love last year and it hit me like a truck, very much looking forward to finishing that and checking out more of her work!

4. Achille Mbembe: Necropolitics

as a base to try and get an entry point for the notoriously difficult to read

5. Jasbir K. Puar: Terrorist Assemblages. Homonationalism in Queer Times

I have a huge blind spot in my education on non-white theory and I want to work on that. Especially homonationalism is a very contemporary issue for me in Germany, where queer Islamophobia is heavily weaponized by our neo-nazi party that is leading more polls every year.

6. Kyla Schuller: The Biopolitics of Feeling. Race, Sex, and Science in the Nineteenth Century

I got a strong recommendation for this one to get a better grasp on the modern construction of sex and gender and how these have been heavily informed by imperialism and race internationally.

7. Barbara Zach; Esther Hutfless (edit.): Queering Psychoanalysis

As someone who was involuntarily at the receiving end of psychoanalysis as a non-binary trans person for several years, I am very curious to learn if and how this still valuable therapy system can be separated from the deeply baked in cringe ass gender essentialism that holds it back immensely. This one doesn't have an English translation to my knowledge.

8. Yanis Varoufakis: Technofeudalism. What Killed Capitalism

It's everywhere and a lot of people with way more knowledge on economics than me say it is a solid take on what comes after late stage capitalism. And offers possible solutions at the end?

For some godforsaken reason I cannot concentrate on fiction most of the time, but should I get around to read fiction again: These are the two books/series my friends excitedly yelled at me about recently

9. Seth Dickinson: The Traitor Baru Commorant and Rebecca F. Kuang: Babel

I'm tagging: @little-washbear @lipsie @moriquenda @ifartconfetti @the-cimmerians @kbstories @lightwolf @betterbemeta and anyone else who hasn't done it yet, because this has already introduced me to five new books I have never heard of that I'd love to check out.

Listing title and author is enough! I also saw a version of people posting the nine covers without any text, but having the titles/authors in written form makes it easier to look interesting books up imo.

[episodicnostalgia]

Star Trek: The Next Generation, 114 (Jan. 30, 1988) - “11001001”

Written by: Maurice Hurley & Robert Lewin Directed by: Paul Lynch

The Breakdown

The Enterprise is overdue for a software upgrade, and the crew need some downtime, so Picard decides to dock at station 74 and kill two birds with one stone.  While everyone preps for shore leave, Picard and Riker stay behind in case they need to assist the Bynars, who will perform the upgrade.  We Learn that the Bynar people have effectively hooked their brains up to the cloud, and as a result they think and speak in binary, and always travel/work in pairs.  They seem harmless enough, but when Picard explains they need to leave sooner than planned (due to a time sensitive mission), the Bynars starting acting REAL SUS and then bring on a second Bynar-pair to help speed things up.

Not one to be easily distracted, Riker begins to suspect that something is awry, and keeps close watch on the Bynar’s progress.  So they proceed to easily distract Riker by upgrading the holodeck so he can go play in his own little custom sandbox.  That’s right folks! we finally get a chance to see Riker’s deepest desire, which is apparently to play Jazz Trombone in a 20th century New Jersey bar for the benefit of a personalized, sentient, totally life-like, sex doll.  And let me tell you folks, she is AROUSED by Riker, because apparently the algorithm designed her to be, based on our horny first officer’s browser history.  Also, the whole situation it is NOT-AT-ALL troubling, nor should it raise any serious ethical questions.  Thankfully Picard interrupts with an impromptu visit, just as things are getting steamy, and finds himself equally intrigued by Riker’s new companion.  Minuet (her name) then regales both men over drinks, with her lifelike beauty and charm.

Meanwhile, the Bynars have been busy stealing the Enterprise.  Unable to reach Picard or Riker (due to trickery), Data orders an evacuation because of an impending antimatter breach.  The whole thing is revealed to be a ruse orchestrated by little math nerds, and simply wanted everyone off before they hightailed it back to their home planet. They also programmed Minuet to distract Riker and Picard so they wouldn’t leave the ship.  Once Picard figures out what’s going on, he and Riker jump to into action, and beam themselves onto the bridge for the fight of their lives (they even prepare to blow up the Enterprise if need be), only they discover the Bynars are all dying.

It turns out they just wanted the Enterprise to store a back-up of their iCloud account, because a solar flare was about to EMP-the-shit out of their plantary hard drive, without which the Bynar’s brains will overload and shut down.  After realizing the Bynars had always intended for him (and Riker because it’s a two person job) to  upload the Enterprise’s backup into the Bynar systems, he proceeds to do so, and the day is saved just in the nick-of-time.  So why didn’t the Bynars simply ask for help?  Because they believe in “Better to beg forgiveness, than ask permission.” Seriously that’s the reason. They afraid the Federation would say no, so they leapt straight into grand-theft-starship.

Epilogue: Riker goes back to the holodeck to be with Minuet, only to discover that the software upgrades are gone, leaving her a mindless shell of what she had been.  Riker returns to the bridge to a saddened man, and Picard is like “dude it never would have worked,” but since she meant so much to poor William I’m sure she’ll be referenced again frequently over the show’s remaining six-and-a-half seasons.

The Verdict.

This episode is very much split down the middle for me.

The main story is quite engaging, at least right up until the climax where things get silly. The crew having to make emergency command decisions, in the absence of the captain and first officer is pretty exciting.  There’s also plenty of tension built up around the fate of Picard and Riker.  The result is an episode that makes great use of it’s ensemble cast, including those with less screen time.  For starters the performances all feel more casual, and the dialogue less forced (something which I attribute largely to the actors in this instance). The ship feels like a place with real community, and each character gets to show a side of themselves and their interests beyond their professional ambitions. If the reason for the Bynar’s deception wasn’t so ridiculous, I’d be tempted to give this episode a 4 star rating.  Except…

…for the parts with Riker on the holodeck.  We spend a WHILE just watching Riker swipe left on a bunch of holo-models as, as the computer works to construct his perfect fantasy girl. Once he finally gets her (aka Minuet), he constantly pontificates at her about how real and perfect she seems, all while very obviously undressing her with his eyes. It honestly just seems a little... icky. Predatory, even. After Picard joins, the tone becomes less sexually charged, but then the two men spend their time discussing Minuet right in front of her as if she’s not there, or nothing more than an intellectual curiosity.

Perhaps I’m thinking too much about it.  Many of my favourite episodes involve and feature holodeck characters, and similar objections could (and have) been raised there too, but there’s just something about the way Riker and Picard openly objectify an intelligence that, for all they know, is both sentient, and also at their mercy.  I will concede that I don’t think that subplot was intended to come off as creepy, nor does it outright ruin the episode for me.  You win some, you lose some, and sometimes you break even. At the very least it’s mostly fun, just not beyond criticism.

2.5 Stars (out of 5)

Additional Observations

Picard has come a long way in these past 14 episodes. At first he always seemed kinda grumpy, but lately he’s been more relaxed.  In this episode he has nothing but praise for his entire crew, and especially Riker.  As I indicated above, their dynamic feels a lot more natural in this episode, and it’s nice to see Picard develop into a friend and mentor to Riker.

I realize the shots of station 74 are recycled from Star Trek III, but it’s a great visual, and even the Enterprise looks especially breathtaking here.  Visually a very impressive episode all around.

I find Wesley so unintentionally funny.  Riker tells him to keep an eye on the Bynars, and he takes those instructions literally.  Every time we return to the bridge to check in on Wes, he’s standing in the same spot just glaring at the Bynars suspiciously, as if he’s not being super obvious, and it just cracked me up.

Inconsistent technology: This episode makes a point of showing us that Minuet is simply an elaborate puppet without the Bynar’s upgrades. I’m not bothered by later episodes/spin-off-series depicting holograms who are undeniably sentient, as that can be explained as a natural progression of the technology. However, in “the big goodbye” Picard has a conversation with a holo character who expresses genuine concern that he and his loved ones may cease to exist when the program shuts off. All of that sounds something that's selfaware and sentient to me. So then why is Minuet so much less interactive sans-Bynars? The only way I can reconcile this is to suggest that Minuet's file got corrupted after the Bynars left, and any attempt to rewrite the program would result in a new “person”. There, did I do it? Did I save the continuity?

[adamwatchesmovies]

Wanted (2008)

If Wanted is your favorite film, it might be because you’re the kind of person who dreams of shooting up a school. You think I’m exaggerating. “Come on Adam; sure this film might glorify violence and gunplay, but don’t most action movies?” Yes, but Wanted takes it a step further. The film has such a hard-on for firearms and is so mean-spirited its nastiness will be obvious to everyone. Or it would be if it weren’t drowned out by an idiotic plot with no identity of its own, Maxim Magazine-like titillation, and admittedly dynamic action scenes.

Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy) is a nobody loser. He has no money, no future or aspirations and worst of all, no will to do anything about it. Everything changes when he crosses paths with Fox (Angelina Jolie). She reveals to him his identity as a member of The Fraternity and the son of the world’s greatest assassin. His crippling panic attacks are actually superhuman killer instincts trying to break out. Daddy’s been murdered and only Wesley can avenge him. Leaving his cheating bitch of a girlfriend, his crummy job and the boss he hates behind, he begins training and prepares to take his revenge.

I am not a fan of the comic book that inspired Wanted. While I admire writer Mark Millar’s vision of a world secretly ruled by supervillains - actual supervillains who gleefully indulge in crimes even the most evil and demented monsters our history has ever produced could dream of - six issues about a rapist who does nothing but shoot innocent people in the face and then laugh about it loses its appeal pretty quickly. In theory, this means I should like the softened-up movie more than the mini-series… but I don’t. Gone are the costumes, the references to well-known works and the amorality of the protagonist. This film has so little in common with its progenitor it’s almost unrecognizable. Instead, it’s a rather by-the-book leather-clad gun-wielding assassin movie… until it becomes so dumb you can’t believe it was written by adults.

To its credit, the film firmly establishes itself as taking place in a world that's not ours. Guns can shoot around their targets if the wielder swings their arm the right way. The chases and stunts prove Wesley and the other members of The Fraternity are indeed the world’s greatest killers. The climax is an orgy of mayhem and bullet holes so well done it makes you forget everything you hated about this movie, if only briefly. Say what you will about Wanted, but it's not boring.

While Wanted may seem like nothing but harmless escapist fantasy, certain aspects make it more than a little distressing. When we meet Wesley, his life belongs at the bottom of the trash can. His girlfriend is having an affair with his best friend so he’s got no friends and no sex life. His boss, an overweight woman (Lorna Scott) has no redeeming qualities (they couldn’t make her just overweight or unbearable, she had to be both). His mother is unimportant and Wesley doesn't know his father. Everything changes when he picks up a gun. Suddenly, Wesley’s looking up Angelina Jolie’s skirt, he’s got millions in the bank, he’s respected, and he’s saving the world… by killing people in ways no one else could. The better he gets at killing, the more fortunes are heaped onto his lap. Even when he loses everything, he has learned to kill and that makes his existence better than ours. He breaks the fourth wall to tell us so.

Perhaps I’m looking too deeply into the importance of the gun in Wanted. I’m sure you’ll nonetheless grant me that this whole Fraternity thing is pretty dumb. Mr. Sloan (Morgan Freeman) interprets the “Loom of Fate”, which weaves a fabric that - once in a while - contains errors. If a strand is misplaced in this way, it’s a 0. In another way, it’s a 1. Through this binary system, the Fraternity has been finding targets for 1,000 years. You read that correctly. At some point in history, some bored weaver looked at a piece of cloth through a microscope, decided - for yucks - to write down the errors in the fabric and realized it could tell us who would turn out to be evil. Wesley just accepts this without batting an eye. Now, when Mr. Sloan is revealed to be corrupt and we learn he’s been lying to our protagonist the whole time, you might think the whole thing’s been made up, but no. In fact, he’s something that’ll bake your noodle: At one point, Fox is assigned to kill Wesley because he will cause the death of thousands… and he does. In his quest for vengeance, Wesley causes a train full of innocent people to derail and fall down the deepest canyon you’ve ever seen. Every single person on that train except for him and Fox dies. Of course, our lead character is too self-obsessed to even think about that tragedy.

Wanted might have some stylish elements in that “curving the bullet" thing and this might also make it memorable in a way, but once you start thinking about this movie, it becomes more than a little uncomfortable. Not helping is the supremely unlikable protagonist. Wanted barely even makes an attempt to emulate the work that inspired it. Some people might say that's a bad thing. Some might not. It just means any way you look at it, this film is dreadful. (June 24, 2022)

[jupitercl0uds]

hi! i'm ash

they/them/xe/xem • panromantic • asexual • non binary • autistic (with suspicions of having adhd) • english • atheist quaker • a tad bit silly

been on the tumbler since 2021 so i know my way around here but i dont get every little reference (i get most and for the ones i dont i just nod and smile along). i am still a teenager so some Classic Posts are older than me and most are from when i was in primary school.

i dont really have a sophisticated tagging system, but if it helps, spouting to the void is my text post tag. i dont even strictly use it for text posts tbf

blogs i run:

this one (obviously)

@blues-amazing-blog - oc blog (currently on hiatus)

@wswe-autism-fic - fanfic blog (for waluigi says 'wa' everyday until dekuyama is popular). i also treat this as an alt account for fandom stuff sometimes

@knuckles-with-a-keyboard - silly little blog where i pretend to be boom!knuckles (i really really love this blog its so fun)

@jupitercl0uds-art - my art blog (shock horror)

@nonbinary-sticks-the-badger - my sonic blog

external links (whoops forgot to add this)

maybe one day ill set up a linktree idk

ao3

letterboxd

twitter (i only use this for posting from my switch now)

spotify profile

email me - jupitercl0uds.burner@gmail.com

dm me on discord: jupitercl0uds

i think thats it

click this link for more external links including some of the above ones but specifically how to contact me if i cant use tumblr

interests:

omg i love so many things its not even funny. a few important ones are waluigi (special interest), sonic the hedgehog (special interest AND hyperfixation (omg please kill me)), art (like, as a general thing, but particularly visual) and you WILL find me randomly posting oh-so-passionately about something ive never even mentioned before.

i do animation and illustration but that's over on my art blog. also all my animations are WIPs. you probably won't find anything other than a few weird lip syncs from when i was like 11 (i got into animation because of gacha life and animation memes). most of my art is sonic atm lol.

i also read and write fanfic! my wattpad and ao3 is jupitercl0uds :D

wattpad is mostly old stuff, crack and occasional reposts of my ao3 stuff. ao3 is mostly whatever is on my mind at the moment and WSWE.

misc

occasionally i get all heated up about actually important stuff. that's usually sandwiched inbetween my regular goofy goober behaviour. for the basic gist of it: very left wing, the tories are cunts, vote green, free palestine. you also need to understand the weight of that sentence because i hate swearing.

i have other socials too but i dont really use them that much. got bored of twitter and i forget about all my other accounts. only ones i use now are whatsapp (lmao), tumblr and i guess ao3 and wattpad. theres no real point in linking something i havent used in months

anyway, have a nice day and please go to bed on time!

faves (non-exhaustive)

AUTISM BOY!!!! ANXIETY GUY!!!! MILES 'TAILS' PROWER!!!! he's been my favourite sonic character since i was little!!!! except for that brief period where it was amy because i found out tails was a boy and i, as a 7-year-old girl who had just learned about misoginy, decided amy was better because she was a girl. and that briefer period where it was cream because she had confetti in sonic dash.

my favourite iterations of him are scu tails, classic tails and sonic boom tails!!! i h/c him as autistic, having anxiety, low self-esteem but also being really cheerful and nonchalant about a lot of stuff. i enjoy trans tails of all kinds, but i believe in cis gnc tails.

NON-BINARY ICON!!!! TOP SURGERY GUY!!!! WALUIGI!!!! call me thomas jefferson cause i have an entire binder on this guy. waluigi is THE blorbo from my spin-off-party-shows. i got into him because 'hahahaha! it is the funny garlic man's funny rose partner!' and that became 'they could marry me and i'd say yes on the basis that we'd get to see each other everyday, even if i only love him as a friend.

im very passionately hateful about 'hot' waluigi. shut up. waluigi is perfect. i hope he can be canon one day <3 i h/c him as autistic, transmasc non binary and really into gothic lolita. i interpret their relationship with wario as romantic partners and waluigi being super super poor. also, wlw mlm solidarity with rosalina!!!!!

anti-faves

dr starline i love a bisexual icon as much as the next person but starline is not it. i want him to Suffer. which is why i then go on to make loads of fanart of him where he's crying over something. in the one shown above, i have just kicked him in the balls (full image). i also would love to be a VA for him because that'd really piss him off. good style tho. you go girl.

manjimutt (sorry but i only have 1 image of him)

hello to the other living yokai watch fan out there. i hate manjimutt. when i was younger i felt sorry for him, cause i was like 'oh, poor guy, always going to jail!!!' no. die. i do not like him. i hate manjimutt. i do like saying his name tho. MAnji-mutt! i think i hate him more than starline, because at least starline has redeeming qualities. the only redeeming qualities manjimutt has is pity because hes not actually committing crimes. thats it. hes not a nice person. hes just a guy. hit him with a wooden plank (har har).

that poor poor poodle though

posts i like

idk posts on my own blog i like a lot. idk if thisll be A Thing because im literally only doing tthis because of the first post on the list

recognising a url and the chaos that followed

stuff about my lgbtq+ identity idk

THIS IS HOW MUCH I KNOW ABOUT SONIC OK!!!!!

can you call me that slur?