#learning how to come back

[infinitedoorsystem]

Growing up in a household where eating disorders were not a thing and very “normalized” has been something im realizing is affecting me and has affected me my whole life in various ways,

The psychology behind “beauty” in society.

Not having routine or positive guidance around food as a child.

Diet culture influenced home.

Not knowing how to or what to eat “healthy”

In every form of that word

Too much,

Too little,

Anxiety around that and anger associated with food.

A household where my guardians copied my behavior instead of helping me learn that innreality IT’S NOT HEALTHY OR NICE

being shamed when expressing why things are popping up now.

Facing underlying shame and understanding what is right and wrong

I’m an adult now,

an adult realizing that my childhood was warped around parents who have un healed trauma of their own,

I do not wish to be like that.

But, I see so many traits coming out in my adult form.

*reprogramming* *relearning*

Going into a fitness career with these realizations has been really challenging to navigate around, becoming triggered and voicing the wrong thing,

*rethinking* *unlearning*

Everyday im reprogramming my psychology from learned behavior.

It’s not fair.

It was never.

But now I have to live that knowledge,

And own that truth.

And accept that I can’t go back and re live it.

*only relearn* *rethink* *reprogram*

Honestly, I want to voice what I know now to the child that was learning from observation.

*unlearn*

And the worst part is, I feel those words and “lessons” from my childhood, from now constantly trying to change me,

pulling me away from what I KNOW NOW.

It was my truth for a while,

Generational trauma,

And the

healing of parts that succumbed to survive.

NAM

[anneapocalypse]

So, just curious how many writers and creators will have to be forcibly outed by relentless harassment before we acknowledge that "This queer characters was written by a cishet person and that's why they're bad" is not good criticism.

[lucabyte]

sometimes everything just sucks real real real bad

[serv0z]

GO SUPPORT THE INDIGO PARK KICKSTARTER !!

[aulerean]

gem's angler fish? pretty cool.

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

[brighteuphony]

I love Chiyo- and I kind of headcanon her as a Witch of the Woods (Sands???) archetype- a bitter old woman who has sacrificed too much, experienced and committed more atrocities than anyone can imagine, and who knows the truth about what lies in the hearts of men to live among the villages anymore.

In my AU she's got a pretty dark backstory. Back in time when Villages were just getting established, women weren't allowed to be shinobi in the same capacity as men. There was too much warring and death among the clans to risk women, so they were only ever allowed to serve as spies or medics. (Chiyo started off as a medic).

And like any military/fascist dictatorship, serving the state was more important than anything else- so women who were kunoichi were given missions to steal and return with powerful bloodlines. Even before villages, this was a common fear among clans (which is why so many of them have protective measures and inbreed/arrange matches very carefully).

Chiyo was one such woman, who took a X-rated mission in her youth because she was told it would 'serve her nation'. There was a powerful bloodline whose Kekkei Genkai could harden sand to something akin to Steel- something Suna very desperately wanted.

Chiyo succeeded in her mission, but despite the veneer of 'serving your nation', when she returned, she was considered, in her words, "Just another whore."

Then when her son didn't manifest the bloodline- it was worse, but Chiyo was happy because that meant her son was HERS. (This is when she met Enji, and he saved her son's life at great cost- so Chiyo owes him a blood/life debt.)

Then the war came, and they needed women to fight so now serving the nation meant something different, and Chiyo became a full fledged 'shinobi' and turned her healing towards poison and death- especially when she had to fight the Salamander.

Then she sealed Gaara and that was the atrocity straw that broke the camel's back and she dipped out Suna and retired to an oasis. She's still a healer, but adamantly refuses to serve shinobi.

Once again, thank you so much for these asks and all the support for this AU?

@youngpeacearbiter

[lemongogo]

they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think

[botslayer9000]

I've been itching to draw folk costumes for a while now so i figured i'd jump on the international Miku trend! These Mikus are from Ternopil, Ukraine; and Tula, Russia - one for each side of my family <3

Here are the sources I used for each costume:

TERNOPIL -

TULA:

[deoidesign]

Time and Time Again comes back tonight!

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.

My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!

So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.

[bobacupcake]

white dawn's eye - from soulsov

soulsov is sso good please play soulsov please play soulsov please pl

[doctorsiren]

thinking about ???%…but…but with adult mob :(

[art-is-kayos]

K corp's director

[lucabyte]

Taking pride in One's own appearance.

[fatedroses]

And some days, I just wish you wouldn't look at me at all.

[skunkes]

reposting some old doodles i still enjoy a bit