#and we have to relearn how to be okay again

[doctorsiren]

thinking about ???%…but…but with adult mob :(

[pyrriax]

hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing

[queertransetc]

- ED trigger warning -

Being skinny ruined my life. If you’re thin and think to yourself, “why don’t fat people just lose weight?” Please read this

I was the “ideal fat” in the sense that I did everything skinny people wanted me to do. I tried every diet in the book. I exercised regularly. I worked with doctors and dietitians to figure out the best way to lose weight. But nothing worked. I did everything “right” to lose weight, and my weight stayed the same

But the thin people in my life kept telling me that I wouldn’t be happy, attractive, healthy, etc. until I lost weight. So, heartbroken, I came to the conclusion that anorexia was the only option left. It felt safer than bariatric surgery, and was obviously much more affordable

I became the perfect anorexic. 700 cal a day or less, except once a week I allowed myself 1400 cal. For reference, my body required at least 2800 to maintain weight, and at least 1800 to keep my organs and stuff fully functioning. Still, 700 a day, I persisted because everyone in my life told me weight loss was all that mattered. If dieting didn’t work, anorexia had to

And it did. My weight dropped all the way down to 110 pounds. I was skinny - underweight, even - in all sense of the word. The people in my life saw it as a miracle. The ultimate success story. My mother, my “friends,” my doctors, they all congratulated me on my accomplishment

When I confessed my eating disorder to my doctor, he told me, “that’s not the best way to go about it, but I’m glad you lost the weight.” My mother took pictures of me and sent them to relatives to brag

Okay, great. I was skinny. I did what I set out to do. But there were severe consequences

The most obvious was my joint pain doubled, maybe even tripled, to the point that I couldn’t leave the house without a wheelchair

I also developed several health complications, including fatty liver disease and extremely painful GERD. I had to see a handful of specialists and get an endoscopy because of severe stomach pain

My partner, who was the only person who saw my weight loss for what it was (a horrible thing that only happened because of an eating disorder), convinced me to enter a recovery program

For nearly a year, I relearned how to feed myself. I ate everything I was told to eat, nothing more and nothing less. My diet was 100% in the hands of somebody else

And I gained back every pound I has lost. All of the work to become thin went right out the window. It was proven to me that thinness and health were incompatible with my body. If I wanted to be thin, I had to forgo my physical and mental well-being. And vise-versa

Prior to the anorexia, I never once struggled with binge eating. I was naturally an intuitive eater, and I did a good job of having a well rounded diet. After the anorexia, after recovery, I developed a binge eating disorder. I had spent so long starving myself, that my brain and body got stuck in survival mode, desperate to consume any and all calories out of fear that I might starve again. To this day I struggle with binge eating

I did everything thin people wanted of me. I dieted. I exercised. And when all else failed, I starved myself. Now I have liver disease, stomach issues, and BED. Not to mention the loads of mental issues that accumulated as a result of my weight loss journey. During the throes of my anorexia, I had to be hospitalized for suicidal ideation

When you tell fat people to “just lose weight” you are suggesting they give themselves illnesses for which treatments are not always effective. You are asking fat people to destroy their stomachs and livers. When a fat person loses so much weight that they become skinny, they are likely giving up so much of their health in efforts to be treated like a human being

If you’re thin, do your part. Treat fat people like people before we tear our bodies apart

[luvkyu]

babygirl ( kim mingyu ) part two

synopsis : it's been a while since you and mingyu made it official. now, he's eager to take a new step with you.

content : 4.8k words, male reader, fluff/smut 18+!!, baby/babe petnames, semi power bottom reader, first time together, handjob (gyu doesn't last long lmao), oral, face fucking, lots of praise, consent checks, fingering, a little chest play, anal, mating press, aftercare, written w/o the use of condoms but safe sex is implied in the form of other preventatives

note : alright, i only went through this once to edit it so sorry if i missed anything. but anyways i basically always post fluff so enjoy the smut!! idk when it'll happen again!!!!

minors go away pls,, im serious lmao

part one

mingyu stared at you from across the table. his cheek was propped up against his hand and his back was slouched. he watched your eyes in fascination. they were locked on your laptop screen, darting here and there while your hands typed away. your eyebrows kept furrowing again and again, which mingyu found amusing to watch.

the two of you had taken things pretty slowly with your new relationship. being friends first, it took some time to get used to things and relearn how you fit together. if you were honest, you couldn't believe you hadn't seen mingyu's feelings for you sooner. his continued patience and understanding made you realize just how invested he was in you.

"i gotta get going soon. i have a lecture to get to," you finally broke the peaceful silence.

mingyu nodded, hiding the small frown on his lips. he knew you'd have to go eventually.

"okay, that's fine," he replied. "could i come over tonight?"

you finally looked up from your computer to see mingyu gazing at you with hope flickering in his eyes.

"sure, yeah. i didn't have any plans so that sounds great. we can watch a movie or play games or something if you want."

mingyu nodded and looked down at his hands.

"..well, i meant could i stay the night?" he clarified. you watched him play with his fingers, a shy smile on his lips. you quietly laughed to yourself. he was too cute.

"are you asking me if we can have sex tonight?"

mingyu's eyes went wide. he looked around to make sure no one in the coffee shop heard you.

"don't say it so carelessly!"

you chuckled again, "you're the one who brought it up!"

"yeah, but i was trying to be subtle," he whispered as he tried to hide his own laughter.

"mingyu, we've literally already talked about sex. and we already went to the doctor together."

"well, yeah, but it hasn't happened yet.. we only talked about being safe and.. about what we like," he said bashfully, "and i didn't wanna make you uncomfortable if it's not the right time yet."

you looked back at your computer, blushing.

"..why are you so sweet?" you muttered. mingyu's smile grew as he watched the pink tint on your cheeks darken.

"i really don't mind waiting. i just wanted to ask y-"

"babe," you stopped him. "i'll see you at my place tonight."

you didn't think you'd ever seen mingyu smile so big. his pretty canines showed before he looked down at his hands again.

you started to pack your things and stand up with your bag over your shoulder. you leaned over him and gave him a quick kiss.

"text me whatever time works for you?" he asked as you began to part from him.

"i will. see you later, gyu."

an eager smile curved on mingyu's lips as he walked to your front door. he could feel his steps speeding up involuntarily, excited by just the thought of seeing you.

he knocked a couple times on your door, but it remained closed, and he couldn't hear any movement from inside either. he double checked the time. it was around eight o'clock - the time you had agreed on in your texts.

confused and a little worried even, mingyu let himself into your place instead of waiting. he figured it would be unlocked - you were terrible at remembering to lock it.

"y/n?" mingyu called softly. still nothing. he frowned and walked further in search of you.

"y/nnnn.." mingyu stopped when he got to your bedroom. your room was dark, but still lowly lit with a few candles you had placed around. he smiled when he finally saw you curled up on your bed, sleeping in the hoodie that he left last time.

"dummy. why didn't you get under the covers," mingyu mumbled. he was about to get a spare blanket, but stopped when you started to stir and your eyes opened drowsily.

"oh, hi baby," you greeted quietly upon seeing him. mingyu grinned at you, moving to sit on the other side of the bed. "sorry, i drifted off after i took a shower earlier," you explained.

mingyu just shook his head at the apology. he got settled beside you, sitting and just staring at you with a smitten smile. he looked at the hoodie that draped over your shoulders and torso, then the thin shorts that laid underneath.

"looks good on you," he complimented as he tugged on the bottom of the hoodie. his hand slowly let go and trailed down to your thigh instead, mesmerized by you.

he watched you then stand up to stretch a bit after your accidental nap. you stretched your arms up and stood on your tip-toes, letting out a quiet groan. mingyu couldn't look away. the hoodie lifted just over your lower stomach and your leg muscles flexed.

"god," mingyu muttered, "you drive me crazy.." he was sure his ears were completely red by now, and he could feel some heat begin to rush toward his crotch. he felt pathetically desperate.

"what?" you asked while letting your arms fall back to your sides. you were still a little out of it, sleepy and cloudy eyed. mingyu flopped down onto the pillows with a heavy sigh.

"i'm just.. really into you."

you smiled and got back on the bed, climbing onto mingyu's lap to straddle him. his head instantly jerked up as his eyes went wide.

"good thing i'm your boyfriend then, huh?" you teased, sifting your hands through his hair. mingyu could only nod and look up at you.

you could tell from the way his mouth drifted open just the slightest bit that he was dying for a kiss. the look in his eyes was growing more impatient by the second. you slowly leaned down, your torsos pressing against each other, and let your lips hover over his. you stayed in place for a minute to enjoy the view of your boyfriend underneath you. before your lips could touch at all, you sat back up straight on his lap. mingyu groaned helplessly.

"y/nnn.." he complained.

"hm?"

mingyu let out a huff of air and stared at the ceiling.

"what is it, baby?"

"..i don't know how much longer i can stay like this," he admitted. he continued to stare at the ceiling to avoid your eyes.

a small smirk formed on your face as you started moving your hips against his. you went slow, watching mingyu's face change in pleasure. his own hips lifted upwards just the tiniest bit in an embarrassing need for more. his hands shifted from your thighs to your backside, trying to urge you to move faster.

"better?" you asked.

"mm.." mingyu didn't know if he meant yes or no, he could barely form words in his head let alone out loud.

you looked down at his grey sweatpants and moved a little faster. seeing his erection fighting against the fabric of his pants made your mind foggy.

mingyu let out a quiet moan when your hands slid beneath his t-shirt and gently moved along his chest. your hands were a little cold, it made his stomach tense up and his mouth fall open a bit more. when your fingers barely missed his nipples, the faintest whimper escaped his lips. you smiled at the reaction.

"sorry, gyu. you're just really cute all worked up like this."

mingyu tried to ignore the blush creeping up on his cheeks again.

"..keep going, please."

you smiled at the breathy words you finally got out of him. your hips were moving faster with his now, grinding against each other at a matched speed. mingyu's gaze kept going to you, watching almost in awe. seeing the tent in your shorts was getting him all the more worked up.

your hands soon traveled back down his chest and waist before settling firmly on his clothed cock. mingyu felt his heart skip a beat, meeting your eyes again.

"can i?" you asked. mingyu instantly nodded, causing you to pull the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers down. you took his wet length in your hand and started stroking. he finally gave up and let his head completely fall back onto his pillow, mouth agape and letting all his softest sounds out. maybe he'd been waiting for this longer than he realized.

"just like that.." mingyu's voice was quiet. he shut his eyes as he breathed heavily and enjoyed the attention he was getting. before he knew it, he was thrusting into your hand, losing the embarrassment he'd felt earlier.

you could tell mingyu was close already. from the way his eyebrows furrowed, to the way his fingers curled tightly around the hemline of your shorts, to the way his dick twitched and throbbed as you kept pumping him faster. you found it cute how quickly he could get off when it was you handling him.

"almost there, baby?" you asked, watching some of his pre slide down your fingers.

"g-god, yes..!"

you worked your hand faster around him, bringing your other hand down to fondle his balls. you leaned over him again to finally give him the kiss he'd been wanting. your lips moved sloppily, both of you still focused on the handjob you were giving.

you then pulled away from his mouth and looked down at him with a drunken smile.

"such a good boy.. gonna cum for me?"

it was over for mingyu the second he heard those words leave your mouth. he wasn't even able to utter some kind of verbal answer. his back arched and he let out a loud moan as ropes of cum shot onto his stomach, some dribbling down your hands.

you watched mingyu's stomach rise and fall with his unsteady breathing. his groans died down with his high before your hand finally came to a stop. mingyu couldn't speak, he could only close his eyes and try to catch his breath. you smiled proudly while you unmounted his legs and watched the cum seep into his white t-shirt.

"sorry i should've taken your shirt off, gyu."

mingyu shook his head while sitting up. "it's just a shirt," he replied as he smiled and took your face in his hands, kissing you deeply.

"i can't stop smiling," he whispered, his beaming smile forcing him to stop kissing you. "still wanna keep going?"

you nodded and resumed kissing in what became a messy make-out. mingyu shakily began discarding his sweatpants and boxers, followed by his your hoodie. your hands traveled to his waist and under his shirt again before taking it off completely. he got chills as he felt you pull the shirt over his head, and then admire his tanned skin and perfect muscles.

"you're so pretty, baby," you complimented. you kneeled in between his legs as he sat on your bed. he looked up at you with blushing cheeks while your hands went through his wavy locks.

mingyu's hands caressed your legs, the two of you just gazing at each other in content. his hands ran up and down your thighs again before sneaking up your shorts. his brows twitched upwards in intrigue when he realized you weren't wearing anything underneath the thin piece of clothing.

"no underwear?"

you shook your head, "i figured it'd just slow us down."

mingyu laughed quietly at that response. you certainly weren't wrong. he slid your shorts down and finally laid eyes on your naked form. you continued to look down at him until noticing his longing stare at your half hard length.

"what is it, gyu?"

mingyu swallowed hard. he looked up at you with eyes you'd never seen from him.

"can i suck you?"

your dick immediately jumped at such a question. you mumbled some inaudible curse word and nodded, watching your boyfriend's attention go right back to your cock as he began to stroke you slowly.

you let out small sighs and moans as you watched him become entranced in what he was doing. before long, his mouth hovered over your cock as he looked up at you, as if asking for permission again.

"go ahead, baby."

mingyu smiled before taking you in his mouth. he didn't start slow either. he took as much of you down his throat as he could, tongue massaging your skin.

"fuck-!" you felt your body take a screenshot. your nails dug into the skin of his shoulders as you knelt in front of him.

you had never seen mingyu like this before. his attention was completely fixed on pleasing you. his eyelids looked heavy and he seemed to just keep moving his head faster. before you knew it, you could hear the wet sounds of his mouth and see some saliva slide down his chin.

"holy shit, mingyu," you moaned as your mouth fell agape. you could feel your hips start to snap forward, but you stopped yourself. you pushed mingyu's hair back, bringing him to look up at you again as he deep throated you.

"fuck, that's good.." your head fell back as you closed your eyes and let him work you. all his pretty, muffled moans paired with the lewd sounds of his mouth on your drenched cock would sooner than later be enough to break you.

mingyu pulled off of your dick after another second. his eyes drooped closed as he sat back and tried to breathe.

"you okay, baby?"

mingyu nodded, "just need a second."

"okay, take your time," you comforted.

you decided to take a rest as well. despite mingyu's otherworldly blowjob, your knees were starting to kill you from kneeling in the same spot. you moved to sit on the edge of your bed and propped yourself up with your hands. your cock still stood tall, glistening with mingyu's saliva.

after a minute, you felt mingyu's weight shift on the mattress. you turned to see him getting off of your bed and instead get in front of you on the floor. he gave you a mischievous smile and leveled himself with your crotch.

"babe," mingyu started, "you know you can fuck my face right?" he smiled again when your dick twitched at the question. he slowly started to take you in his mouth again, all while keeping intense eye contact with you.

"..are you sure?" you asked. mingyu nodded, taking you deeper.

"shit." you tangled your hands in his hair again and watched your cock disappear into his mouth. "just tap out if it becomes too much, okay?"

mingyu only moaned in response. he closed his eyes as you began to thrust into him. if you were honest, you were afraid of hurting him, but he seemed perfectly fine. excited even. you looked down at him with cloudy eyes and mouth fallen open yet again. the bed started to move and creak quietly as your thrusts quickened. you tightened your grip on his hair and let out a loud moan at the feeling of your cock hitting the back of his throat.

"fuck, you're taking me so well, gyu.." you were getting way too close, and you knew he could feel it. you pulled out of his mouth and let go of his hair while giving him a soft smile. mingyu didn't waste any time though. his hand instantly went to your leaking cock and started pumping you.

you fell back a bit onto the mattress, eyebrows knitting together and hips bucking up into his hand. you came with a loud groan and a yell of his name. you couldn't bother to worry about where your cum landed, you just let your boyfriend finish you off.

mingyu stood up with a proud smile and hovered over your laying body, giving you a short kiss. he then went off to your bathroom and came back with a wet rag to clean both of yourselves up.

"babe," you called softly. mingyu met your eyes as he wiped your body down.

"hm?"

"if i had known you could suck dick like that.."

mingyu chuckled. "what? you would've locked it in with me years ago?"

you laughed and nodded. mingyu couldn't help but blush. he stood in front of you and began wiping himself down from earlier. you watched him in intrigue. he was just so perfect. when he finally looked up and caught you staring, he instantly looked away with an embarrassed smile.

"stop looking at me," he mumbled. you could've sworn you heard a faint giggle leave his lips.

"okay, sorry babygirl," you responded sarcastically.

mingyu rolled his eyes at the nickname. he turned away from you completely to hide his flustered state.

"babe, you literally just let me fuck your face. but now you get all shy when all i'm doing is looking at you?"

mingyu finally turned back to give you a side eye. he huffed dramatically and set the rag down before joining you back on your bed, laying beside you.

"and it might be your first and last from me if you're not careful."

you laughed before pressing your lips into a thin line, showing him they were 'zipped'. mingyu nodded in approval.

"in all seriousness," you began again, "that really was amazing. i'm sorry it took us so long to do this kind of stuff. i just.. i like going slow."

mingyu shook his head, "don't apologize. i'd wait even longer for you. i want you to feel comfortable with me.. and safe with me."

you rolled over a little to face him better. your hand reached over to cup his cheek, thumb grazing over his skin. his eyes were locked on yours as his lips stretched into another idiotic smile.

"i've never known a man like you, gyu."

mingyu felt every part of him tingle. he leaned in to connect your lips again. your kisses started off slow and soft, as if pouring out every emotion you had for each other. but each kiss got more intense and sensual. he slowly climbed on top of you as your tongues met messily.

as he hovered over you, you realized he looked even bigger and broader this way. his arms flexed and his hair fell out of place, his pretty skin glistened with the finest layer of sweat, and his knee settling in between your legs was getting more and more dangerous.

mingyu stopped kissing you after realizing you were a little distracted. he continued to hover over you with concerned eyes.

"are you okay?"

"hm? yes! sorry.. was just, um.."

his hand came up to gently hold your cheek. "what is it?"

you smiled, "i was just admiring you."

"ah, i see," mingyu chuckled. "you were checking out how hot your boyfriend is, right?"

you rolled your eyes at him. although he was right on the money, he was still a dork. you wrapped your hand around the back of his neck and brought him back down to keep kissing you.

his lips started to travel down from your lips to your neck, his knee finally pushing up against your dick. your mouth fell open at the feeling. mingyu could've sworn he even heard the faintest whine manage to escape from you, and it just about drove him insane. he didn't bother to keep going slow, he chose a spot on your neck to suck and bite while his knee rubbed against your cock.

by the time you were fully hard again, your whimpers and heavy breaths were fueling mingyu's ego completely. he moved your legs to hook around his waist before crashing back into your lips as if he'd been starving for them. his hands caressed around your hips and down to your ass.

"you have lube right?" he asked with staggered breaths. you nodded and pointed to the drawer of your nightstand, to which he left the warmth of your leg lock to reach for.

you watched him pour the lube onto his fingers before bringing his hand down to your backside. he carefully began to spread the substance around before inserting a finger.

"is this still okay?" he asked softly. you couldn't stop the moan that left your lips. and if that didn't answer his question, you still nodded and managed to utter out a 'keep going' in between the sighs of pleasure.

mingyu's lips were on yours again before you knew it. his body felt warm and safe, and the constant, loving kisses as he took his time working you open added a level of intimacy that you didn't think you'd felt before.

you realized that your eyes had been closed for a while. you finally opened them to meet mingyu's gaze. he smiled at you, giving you another kiss. he had three fingers in you now, scissoring and thrusting as he soothingly rubbed the skin of your thigh with his free hand.

"i'm gonna keep going. just let me know when you're good, baby," mingyu said again. you nodded while his lips traveled back down to your neck. you could see his dick hovering over your own. it made your stomach turn in excitement.

mingyu pulled his fingers away from your stretched hole, about to add more lube when you spoke up.

"..i'm good now, gyu."

mingyu looked at you, "are you sure? i can prep you more."

you only shook your head and gave him a dazed smile. you watched his composure straighten out as he grabbed the lube again to start coating his cock. a dumb, eager, smitten smile was stuck on his face again, but you still found it adorable. how someone so impossibly hot could also be so disgustingly cute was beyond you.

"you look so good like this, baby," you complimented. you rested your arms over your head as you watched him stroke himself. he was getting all flustered again.

"are you seriously talking about me when i have you laying under me like this? all spread out and ready for my cock."

alright, he clocked you.

"..shit, don't talk like that, i might cum on the spot."

"noted." he kissed you one more time and lined himself up with your entrance. your legs naturally wrapped around him again before he began to enter you. his eyes instantly shut as he bit his lip in an effort to hold back his groans. he then took both of your hands and raised them above your head, tightly intertwining your fingers against the sheets.

he stopped to let you adjust before looking at you with glossy eyes. "still okay?"

you nodded quickly in response. squeezing his hands in yours, you lifted your head up to kiss him passionately. it was in that moment that it really hit you - mingyu may be your baby, but he was still a hunk who was realistically much stronger than you.

"keep going, baby," you told him. "you're doing so good for me."

a small moan left mingyu's lips as he let his hips snap forward a little too much. his forehead fell into the curve of your neck, his cock a little more than halfway into you now.

"..you feel so good," he whimpered into your skin.

your staggered breathing filled his ears as he tried to keep still, scared of hurting you if he pushed into you any further. you kept whispering praises to him as you let go of his hands and instead began to caress his arms and back.

"you can keep moving, gyu. i'm okay."

he didn't need to be told again. he looked down and watched as his cock disappeared all the way inside you. he smiled when he earned a guttural moan from you.

"ngh..that's it, baby. good boy," you mumbled, voice a little weak.

mingyu finally began to steadily slide in and out of you. he littered kisses all along your neck and down to your chest by your collarbones.

"fuck, that's good, gyu.. faster."

you heard a grunt from him as he gripped the sheets and started to pound into you. the quick change from gentle to rough made your mouth fall agape for the nth time that night. your legs became weak, falling wider to the sides around mingyu.

you could feel the bed moving with him, his thrusts just getting harder and rougher. you let your head fall back as more moans spilled out. the veins in his arms were popping and his pecs bounced with every thrust. you let your hands wander to his chest, squeezing as you fell into a trance. he looked down at your hands and smirked.

"like my chest, baby?"

you could barely put a sentence together. you just nodded and kept touching him as he fucked you.

mingyu soon needed more of you. he paused to move your legs, bending them up against your body and hooking them over his shoulders. the stretch made you choke out a whimper as he resumed his thrusts.

"m-mingyu..!"

he smirked again as he watched your eyes roll to the back of your head. "what? you like when i fuck you silly like this?" he taunted between grunts.

you nodded frantically, muttering out 'yes's under your breath. your eyes were glassed over, mouth still hanging and hole clenching around him. the sounds of skin slapping and your bed beginning to creak again just drove mingyu to go harder.

"right there-!" you suddenly yelled out just as you saw stars. "right there, baby!"

both of your moans filled the bedroom, mingyu drilling into your prostate. you met his eyes - his gaze was intense. but you couldn't hold the contact for much longer. soon, your eyes rolled back up to just stare at the ceiling, fucked out.

"pretty boy.. can't even look at me. am i making you feel that good?"

his words sent chills down your body as you sputtered out more 'yes's and 'don't stop's. mingyu was quite proud of himself, to say the least. you were always the one teasing him and babying him. but now, here you were, a moaning mess underneath him.

he leaned down closer to you, making your legs burn from the stretch, then managed to take your throbbing cock in his hand.

"y/n- fuck.. i'm gonna cum soon," mingyu groaned out.

"mmh.. me too," your voice almost sounded broken from the pleasure. you held onto his shoulders, hands sliding over his back and leaving reddening scratch marks.

the sound of mingyu's moans got louder and heavier as he chased his high. he continued to fuck you into the sheets, but his hips began to stutter with how close he was getting.

he pulled out with a sly smirk and started jerking himself. your legs fell back down as his eyes locked onto yours.

"let's cum together, yeah?" he prompted.

your jaw hung open as he took your leaking cock in his hand and joined it against his own, stroking both of you at an increasingly fast pace. you couldn't decide where to keep your eyes - mingyu's lewd face or your cocks being pumped together.

mingyu's orgasm hit with the longest moan you'd heard from him yet. you started to finish with him, humping up into his hands as your mixed cum landed across your body and the sheets beneath you.

he kept stroking until your climaxes subsided, leaning down to kiss you softly before falling beside you on the bed. you closed your eyes and tried to steady your breathing while mingyu reached over to get the rag from earlier. he wiped you down once again, cleaning you the best he could.

"don't worry about it, babe. we can just go clean up in the shower," you stopped him. mingyu nodded and gave you another kiss on your cheek instead. you laughed quietly at the smile he couldn't wipe off his face.

"sorry," he laughed with you as he covered his mouth. "i keep smiling too much."

"no, i like when you smile. just confirms that you like me."

he scoffed and looked over at you. "as if we didn't know that already."

pulling you in toward his body, he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your head. your legs tangled together as you hugged him tightly. he let out a satisfied sigh while gently caressing your back, then looked down at you.

"shower now?"

"yes please." you left his embrace and got up from your bed. you started to trudge to the bathroom, but mingyu rushed up to follow behind you.

"wait, wait, wait," he squeaked out as he caught up to you. you stopped in the doorway of the bathroom to look at him in confusion.

"what is it?"

mingyu blushed. "nothing. just wanted to stay with you."

you shook your head at him, although he didn't miss the stupid grin that grew across your cheeks.

"you're such a baby, gyu."

he turned the water on before moving closer to you, hovering just over your lips.

"babygirl, right?" he asked.

you laughed and kissed him, "mhm."

[buckyalpine]

Needy Dark!Bucky

Feel like I should issue a warning for this - PLS scroll all the way past this if this isn’t your thing. Maybe this should have stayed in the drafts or be deleted. But I can’t help the absolute headlock, deception, corruption, dub con, mommy and innocence kink has on me rn. 

This is fucked and dirty. 

Heed the warnings. 

Please. 

Imagine dark!Bucky taking advantage of your sweetness. You’re so soft and kind with him, helping him adjust to the new world, hardly realizing he’s damn well adjusted already and doesn’t need anyone to baby him.

But he loves when you do.

Maybe it’s because of all the shit he’s been through, touch starved, deprived of care and softness, that’s how he justifies the need to be utterly babied and taken care of by you. Fuck you’re so soft when you do it, cooing and walking him through everything, as if he doesn’t know a thing, he’s poor little fried brain.

It started with him pouting at dinner, happy to have you feed him instead. Sometimes you help him wash his hair so the shampoo doesn’t sting his eyes, sitting on the edge of the tub with a bowl of water, not minding one bit your clothes would get wet in the process. You even hold him in his sleep like a little boy because his nightmares are so scary. 

He’d taken to calling you mommy when no one else was around. 

But then he wanted more.

So much more.

“Mommy, it’s hard” he frowns with puppy eyes, standing at the doorway in just his boxer briefs', hair still dripping from the shower. His cock is straining against the fabric from the way you had massaged his scalp and gently rinsed with conditioner; the entire time you helped him, he wanted to pull your hand off his head and have you shove them down his shorts. 

“Aww, Jamie” You don’t want him to feel embarrassed over something natural, getting up and taking his hand, sitting him down on the bed, “it’s normal baby, are you feeling little right now?”

Daddy is feeling a lot of things, mommy

You’d noticed he’d slip into a different headspace when it was just you and him though you didn’t mind. He deserved a safe place to heal and relearn everything in a way that helped him. 

How he loved it. 

“A little” he shrugs, “Why is it hard?” He asks innocently, palming himself, whimpering at the feeling, spreading his legs more. He lets out a surprised moan when his hand brushes over his clothed cockhead, feigning innocence, touching himself there more at the foreign sensation. 

“Help me mommy” he takes your hand, placing it on his raging cock, “Please? Hurts, how do I make it normal” 

“Um-” You bit your lip, unsure of how to answer his questions while he continued to confusedly touch himself, rubbing his erection. “You- 

“It’s getting harder, why is my thinggy so hard” 

Go on mama, tell me why my cock is so fucking hard

“It happens sometimes baby, it’s normal though” You cup his cheek trying to comfort and reassure him. That isn’t enough for him though. 

“What-what do I call it?” He pouts, smirking on the inside, proud of his fat fucking cock that hes imagined in your hand, your mouth, your tight little pussy-

“How about we just call it your special spot for now, hm?” You rub the side of his thigh to see if helps ease him but his cock twitches instead, thigh muscles tensed under your finger tips. 

Wonder what you’d actually call it, come play with my special spot, mommy 

“Mommy, its getting wet” He looked like he’s going to cry and you can’t help but want to help him in some way, hushing him gently. 

“Okay, let me see baby” You sit across from him between his wide spread legs. He slips his thumbs into the waistband of his brief's, just enough to free his cock, his thick curved length slapping against his tummy. He pouts again, looking down at the leaky pink tip, his balls full and heavy, every part of him wishing he could just stuff himself into your cunt but he has to do this carefully. 

He’d get that eventually. 

After all, you’d never deny your baby boy. 

“Mommy is going to help you, okay?” You carefully wrap your hand around his shaft, stroking his cock up and down, focused on taking care of him, not once noticing the dark gaze he has on you while you work at his length. “You okay, Jamie?” 

“It’s all tingly, it feels good mommy” His cheeks are flushed, hips every so slightly rocking up into your hand, meeting your strokes. He only lets out soft little whimpers and babbles but his mind is screaming everything else.

That’s it mama, stroke my fucking cock. 

Jerk my dick, get all my cum out, balls are so heavy right now

Would paint that pretty face if I could, you’d look gorgeous covered in my cum

What daddy wouldn’t give to have you slobber and suck his “special spot” 

Bet your cunt is tight as fuck, wish you were a slut sometimes mommy, I’ll make you a whore soon

“I- I feel something” he pants out, pearls of precum beading at the tip, dribbling down over your fingers. You avoid stroking him too fast or hard, not wanting to overstimulate him, avoiding the tip of his cock. “It’s getting so wet, I’m making a mess” He looks down at the head of his cock with glassy eyes, another dribble of silky liquid coating your fingers. 

“You’re gonna be sensitive there baby, it’s okay, that’s just how your special spot is support to be, okay?”

“Touch- can you touch the pink part?” He whispers shyly, letting out a high pitched white when you twist your wrist around his glistening cockhead, “Don’t stop, keep touching me there” He pleads and you shift closer to him, cooing while he squirms. He takes advantage of how close you are to him, pulling you to his side and hiding his face against your neck. 

“Mommy, it feels good, I feel something-I-it feels heavy down there-” He lets his hand go down to his balls, tugging at them, sighing happily when you pull his hand away and gently cup them instead, softy massaging them with just the right pressure. 

“You can let it all out, let go Jamie, it’s okay, let it all out” You start to stroke him faster, more focused on the tip just like he asked, kissing his temple while he continues to shy away from you. 

“Let it out?” He pulls away and gives you a confused expression, seemingly not understanding, his body still thrusting into your hand while you grip him a little harder. 

“There’s gonna be lots of stuff that comes out, okay? It’ll help you feel better, I’ll clean you right up after baby, just let it all out” 

Damn right m’gonna cum hard for you, babydoll, not gonna hold back a single drop

He moans against your neck, body covered in sweat, rutting into your hand while you twist around the tip, his cock growing harder. 

“AH-MOMMY!” He practically wails, cum shooting out in hot white streams, his whole body shuddering and trembling, and endless stream of his cream getting the dark curls at the base of his cock all wet and messy. “OH MOMMMY-it’s -it’s so much”  You whisper sweet nothings to him, telling him he was so good, carefully removing your hand, letting his throbbing length slap against his belly. 

He knows he already got what he wanted but he can’t help himself, wanting just a bit more, putting his sweet pout back on, looking at you with teary eyes. 

“Kiss it better?” He’s tugging you close again, bucking his hips up a little to where he wants attention, “Please” He pleads, his softening cock still dripping with cum. 

C’mon mommy, lick me up, just suck it a little 

You know how needy he can get, and your heart hurts thinking about how different his body must be feeling, overwhelmed and overstimulated. You hush him again with a kiss to his forehead before moving down to give him affection where he needed it. His eyes grow wide, biting back a smirk, gripping the sheets to make sure he didn’t shove your head down.  

“Oh kiss it better mommy” He moans, back arching off the bed when your soft lips brush on top of his tip, pecking the sweetest comforting kiss on his frenulum, making his body jolt. 

Just put it in your mouth

“Can-can you do it again?” He asks innocently, chewing his bottom lip raw. 

“Just one more, then I have to clean you up” You place a firm kiss onto his now spent cock, before getting up and wiping him down, letting him spend the night cuddled to your chest. At some point, he asks to nurse and you can’t tell him no. He doesn’t waste a second taking your top off and latching onto your nipple, hitching his leg over you while his lips suckle. 

Sometimes you have a feeling in the back of your mind, wondering if he truly has no clue what’s happening. Then he looks at you with such innocence, there’s no way, not with those baby blue eyes and sweet pouty pink lips. 

How could you ever doubt him. 

-

On the other hand, imagine one day he catches you in an intimate moment with your hands between your legs, not realizing he was still home. He goes feral on the inside but on the outside, he’s just a lost puppy who wants to know what your doing. You struggle to explain to him what was happening, not catching the flash of hunger that he’s struggling to hide while you’re now wrapped up in your sheet to cover yourself. 

All he knows is mommy was feeling like he was that day and had to take care of her private special spot too. With that cute button he’d love to suck. 

Should’ve asked me mommy, if only you knew how good my fingers are 

“It looks like my thinggy” He points out to your toy, which you snatch away and feel your body heating up further. “Mommy, can I put my special spot inside yours?” He doesn’t give you a lot of room to protest, pleading with you, showing you how hard he is again. 

He starts off with begging, rutting himself against you, humping you like an animal while you try to soothe him but it doesn’t work. He’s thrown his clothes off lying top of you with his bare cock against your folds, desperately rubbing himself, wanting to push it in. 

“Just the pink part, please, I need it, wanna empty everything, it’s leaking mommy” 

You don’t know how or when but at some point he presses his tip into you and shoves his entire length all at once, moaning loudly and thrusting without a care in the world. You’re body and might screams that something isn’t right, unable to stop the moans that slip out of you when he hits your cunt just right, pleasure trying to drown you from reality. 

Imagine the utter filth that spills from his mouth after while your blood runs cold, realizing something doesn’t add up.

“Mommy, your special spot feels so good, so good, so. fucking. good” 

“I wanna fuck you all night mommy, your pussy is perfect”

“I touched myself thinking about you and how you stroked my dick baby, wished you would’ve just sucked my cum out instead. 

“Oh fuck, you’re tight, choking my cock baby, make me wanna bust in you so bad” 

“J-James?” You whisper, eyes growing wide, how the fuck did he know those words, what was happening. Bucky loses himself in how good you feel, no longer giving a fuck. “What-what are you saying-”

“It’s Jamie” He lets out a dark chuckle, mocking your sweet tone, dropping the act, now that he’s deep in your cunt. “Your Jamie’s cock” 

“Cock?” 

“Yeah, cock mama, my cock in your little special spot” 

Bruh I’m so sorry tf is wrong with me 💀

[peachhcs]

all eyes on you

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

will and samy have to relearn how to be in a relationship together on top of will's new found fame as an nhl player

2.6k words

MAKING MY RETURN ONCE AGAIN! here's something i wrote that i didn't hate!! so sorry it's been so long i keep getting writer's block lol anyways writing hate comments is lowkey so fun hahaha but here's will and samy navigating their relationship after getting back together :)

au masterlist

will was beyond excited to finally get a weekend off. he'd been going, going, going since preseason back in august and now with it being almost november, the sharks didn't have any weekend games for once. as soon as thursday night hit, will was packing his bag for michigan to see guess who? samy.

he did feel a little bad he wasn't using the weekend to go home to boston, but his parents assured him it was okay he flew out to michigan instead. it had been months since the couple saw one another, so the blonde wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to see his girlfriend for a few days.

samy waited patiently in the arrival line of cars, eyes scanning the doors for her boyfriend. she was bouncing off the walls all week getting the place ready for him and rambling on to hannah and her other roommates about their weekend plans—surely talking their ears off about the particular blonde.

she spotted him first when the doors slid open. samy jumped up, waving her hands around to catch his attention as he scanned the line of people for her. when their gazes finally met will quite literally rushed into her arms. he scooped her up into a tight hug, her feet lifting off the concrete as the two spun around.

"i missed you so much," will mumbled into her shoulder, her hold getting even tighter.

"i missed you, too. it's so good to see you," samy beamed up at him, her hands already threading through his longer curls.

"god, it's been so long," will embraced her again, the couple melting into one another when a click caught their attention and someone tapping the boy's shoulder.

will turned, confusion on his features when two girls stood behind him with large smiles, "will smith, right? we're big fans."

the blonde flushed, eyes flicking around—he didn't quite expect running into fans at the airport, but he sported a smile nonetheless.

"yeah, hi. it's good to meet you guys."

samy watched from behind will as he signed their hats, a gentle smile on her lips. she loved watching her boyfriend interacting with fans knowing how many people looked up to him nowadays.

"thank you so much!" the girls grinned before hurrying away. will watched them run back to their own car, eyes turning back to his girlfriend.

"okay, big shot," she poked his chest, another flush spreading across his cheeks.

"sorry about that," he murmured, slightly embarrassed that their moment was interrupted.

"i gotta remember my boyfriend's a big star now," she flicked will's cap before climbing back into the car.

the embarrassment was quickly washed away hearing samy's appraisal. to will, she would always be his number one fan. they pulled out of the line and began driving back to the university. his hand slipped over her thigh, squeezing lightly while leaning back in his seat. for a moment, everything felt like before—before the nhl, before the fame, before college when they were still young.

"ryan and gabe are jealous i get to see you this weekend and they don't," samy joked.

for a second will frowned, the guilt that he didn't go home to boston still lingering in the back of his head, "i wish we could all be together."

"i know, i told them they should fly out, but they have a game tomorrow so they can't miss it. i said we could facetime or something," the brunette giggled and will chuckled.

"hopefully i'll see them in a few weeks. i'm going to boston on the next weekend off," the blonde hummed and he felt samy squeeze his hand resting on her leg.

"has it been everything you've dreamed of?" samy wondered, her gaze meeting will's briefly.

"yeah, it has. it's really great. the guys are awesome. i love san jose. it's cool doing it with macklin. really couldn't have asked for anything better except wishing you were there or that everyone was there," the nhl seemed like a dream so far away for will and it was still hard to believe he was actually living it.

"i'm really proud of you. you're really glowing there, literally and figuratively," she pinched the boy's cheeks meaning the nice tan he acquired.

"thank you. i still miss all of this though. i wish i could do both," as they got closer to umich, will couldn't help but think about boston and how fast everything went. too fast.

"well, i guess this weekend can be your three day escape back into it. eth and mark are excited to see you too," the brunette grinned and will laughed.

"figured, but i'm surprised to hear that considering last time i was around they hated my guts."

"i mean, rightfully so. don't worry, they're cool now. they might rough you up, but they're excited to see you," the couple exchanged a smile and will squeezed samy's thigh, all of the stress from the last three months finally leaving his system for the weekend—and will couldn't be more relieved.

—

with any high profile job, there was always the negatives. it couldn't be escaped no matter how hard one tried to get rid of it. will knew all the fame would bring its critics. it was kind of a given that there would be haters and negative comments here and there. his agent prepared him for it, or at least tried to. he just had to ignore them and not engage knowing anything he said online could be used against him.

it was a whole thing the blonde was still getting used to. he had to watch what he said, posted, liked, commented on—he basically couldn't really breathe on the internet anymore knowing someone was always watching.

it was easy until will was scrolling through his feed and landed on a photo of him and samy at the airport.

the boy sat up, scanning the photo closer. it was zoomed in like whoever took it was further away. he could see the two fans about to come up to them. a somewhat uneasy feeling settled into will's stomach not really liking that there was someone watching that entire interaction between him and samy.

it was the caption and all the comments that got him though. there was about 200 since the photo was posted an hour ago and the caption said: first weekend off for the san jose sharks and newest prospect will smith is spotted in michigan visiting his girlfriend. spotted talking with fans!

will was told not to read the comments on things like this because if they were bad, it'd send him into a spiral he couldn't get out of. usually, he didn't and just scrolled past but the ones showing up in the preview wouldn't let will tear his eyes away.

user1: HUH i thought he broke up with her??

user2: goddd he's back with her?? thought he was over her for good.

user3: he could do so much better than her jesus. i literally thought she cheated on him🤨

user4: ignoring fans for a worthless girl 😭😭

user5: woah these comments did not pass the vibe check why is there so much hate??

user6: i actually hate their relationship sorry. people think she's so great because she's quinn and jack's little sister. she only got into umich bc of her brothers. she actually sucks ass at soccer    | user9: uh hello?? this is crazy she's actually really talented and really smart. she got into umich all on her own    | user6: nahhh bro u crazy fans are so brainwashed into thinking that just bc she's a hughes    | user10: uh her last name has nothing to do with anything. she's good on her own wtf u on??    | user6: i'm just being real. she's been leaching off smith for YEARS and y'all don't even realize it    | user9: leaching?? wtf she was way more known than will she is not leaching. who hurt u wtf

user7: GET HER OUTTA HERE BRUHHHH

user8: samy hughes they could never make me like you

user11: he's probably only with her bc he gets to get a taste of that 🍑🍑

will shut his phone off, eyes blurry. he couldn't believe people were saying those things about samy or how they could even post those things knowing others were reading it. suddenly, the blonde worried samy would see those comments.

"okay, i'm off to practice. you gonna be okay here alone? hannah should be back around 6:30?" samy walked into the living room dressed in her practice uniform.

"yeah, yeah. i'll be good. have a good practice," will put on his best smile, leaning up to place a gentle kiss to the girl's lips.

"thanks, i will. are you okay?" samy saw her boyfriend's flushed state.

"hmm? oh, yeah. i'm good," the blonde nodded.

"okay, i'll see you later then. i love you," will grinned, waving to her as she slipped out the door.

will grabbed his phone again, going back onto the post. there were even more comments than when he just looked at it, his breath catching in his chest. he couldn't believe there was so much hate and how people were taking the context out of proportion.

it didn't help either that will and samy were still relearning how to be in a relationship with one another. they were still working out their kinks which wasn't easy being across the country from one another and now there was this.

hannah walked into the apartment an hour later, gaze on her best friend's boyfriend staring at his phone. she raised her eyebrow, "hey will?" 

her voice startled the boy as he jumped up, but calming when he saw that it was only hannah as she shut the door behind her. "oh, hey. sorry. you scared me," will mumbled, sitting back down. 

"are you okay? you looked stressed," the brunette set her keys and backpack on the counter, reaching for the cabinets for a snack. 

"oh, i'm fine," unfortunately, hannah didn't believe him. 

"you sure? you look like you've seen a ghost," the younger duke sibling laughed. 

will knew he could trust hannah, so he motioned her over to look at his phone where he hadn't stopped reading all the comments. he let her look it over, the girl slowly scrolling through all the comments under the post. 

"jesus, these people are so ruthless," hannah mumbled. 

"i can't believe they're saying that stuff. how could people be so rude?" will said in disbelief. 

"they're just jealous and petty that you're not their boyfriend. don't let it get under your skin," hannah handed him his phone back, but her words didn't ease the boy's worries. 

"how are you so cool about this?" will didn't get how hannah seemed so chill about what people were saying unlike him who was ready to punch someone in the face. the girl shrugged. 

"i don't know. i mean i hate that they're saying that shit and it's really gross, but you gotta remember samy and i are kind of used to it. samy more than me i guess. we've been in our brother's shadows our whole lives. people have always had shit to say about us," she had a point that will didn't think about. he settled back into the couch. 

"okay, fair, but i still hate it. they know nothing about my life and shouldn't be disrespecting my girlfriend like that," will stated. 

"maybe you could say something? from what i've learned, haters will stop when they hear it from the source." 

will considered hannah's words until samy got back from practice. she smiled when she saw her boyfriend in the same spot she left him in, going over to kiss him on the forehead as she shedded herself of her bags. 

"hi, get bored while i was gone?" samy chuckled. 

"no. how was praactice?" will pulled samy down to the couch with him for a bit. 

"it was good. we ran some drills and a possible new formation coach wants us to try at the next game," the girl explained. 

"sounds just like hockey practice," the blonde chuckled. 

"yeah, sometimes i feel like i'm at hockey practice," samy hummed, pulling her phone out to look at since she hadn't since practice ended. 

will quickly grew nervous again. he was scared samy would see the post knowing people were starting to mention her in the comments. even though hannah told him they were used to it, it still made him feel uneasy that all of those strangers were saying such horrid things about them. 

"you okay? you've been looking like that since we got here," samy noticed her boyfriend's expression again. 

"yeah, fine," will nodded, but samy gave him a look because she knew he was lying. 

"will, i know you're lying. you're so easy to read," she poked at him with a tiny smile, the boy flushing in embarrassment. 

"i promise it's nothing," he said. 

"it has to be something if you keep looking like you saw a ghost," samy poked some more and will knew he couldn't keep this from her. they were being honest with one another now. 

"i just..there's this post on instagram. i guess someone saw us at the airport and took a photo and now everyone's commenting on it saying some pretty mean things," will finally explained himself, studying samy's reaction as she digested his words. 

"oh." 

will pulled his phone out so he could show her, cringing as samy began scrolling through some of the comments. she read a few of them and will kept studying her expression, yet her features stayed fairly neutral. 

"i swear, some people just really like to say anything," the girl shook her head, handing will's phone back. 

"you're not upset?" he was surprised at her calm disposition. 

"i mean, it's gross and weird they're saying that stuff, but i'm not like overly hurt by it," the brunette shrugged. 

"oh." it was will's turn to be shocked now. 

"did you think i would be more hurt by it?" samy pinched the boy's cheeks and he flushed under her touch.

"i was just scared you'd see them and i didn't want you to be hurt by them because it's just nonsense and i don't agree with any of it," will admitted a bit shyly. samy's lips tipped up into a smile as she cuddled herself closer to him. 

"you're sweet, but trust me, that stuff doesn't bother me as much anymore. i'm pretty used to it. you forget i've been compared to quinn, jack, and luke all my life. it just kind of rolls off my back," samy said exactly what hannah told him earlier. hearing it from her though made will feel a bit more relieved than last time. 

"i just bothers me that people think it's okay to say that stuff. i guess i was worried you'd like..not wanna keep doing this because everyone has something to say about my life now," the blonde frowned and so did samy. 

"i'm not gonna leave you just because i can't take hate comments. i get that this is a lot now with more eyes on you, but i can take it. don't worry. i've been doing this since i was like ten," they shared a laugh. 

will leaned his head onto her shoulder, the worry in his chest much better than it was two hours ago. "how'd i get so lucky?" he pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

"i don't know, but i'm hungry. mark and eth said they'd pay for our dinner tonight," samy jumped up, arm outstretched to grab will off the couch too. 

"oh, goody. i'll take free food," the blonde grinned, following his girlfriend back out of the apartment to meet the guys. 

[invaderzia1]

You want to talk about Astarion? Well ask and you shall receive😏

This one is a little NSFW so just a warning. But I think Astarion has a thing for necks. Of course, yes he is a vampire and all that, but feeling his partner tenderly brush the sides of his neck or planting kisses on it? He's putty.

Not that it even needs to be sexual or during sex. It could just be while cuddling and he feels soft kisses going up his neck just filled with unconditional love and support. Maybe it's because his partner is a bit shorter than him, so they kiss his neck when they can't reach his face. It reminds him that someone loves him no matter what.

However, he is absolutely a big fan of it in bed. Deep thrusts and moans that are from deep within the soul and he starts to feel them kiss and lick at his neck. It starts off so soft, clearly kisses made of love. Then it starts to evolving into sucking, leaving light hickeys that weren't thought about too much in the heat of the moment. Some of them are deep and more visible, sometimes of accident and other times on purpose. It doesn't really matter to him other than you're marking him in a way he's okay with receiving.

He can't see the hickeys left on him, so he doesn't bother to cover them up. He enjoys it even more of his partner is embarrassed by it.

Not to forget, but he loves doing the same to his partner. We all know this man bites and the bite marks are hot. He could leave them in other places (and he does) but his partner's neck is his favorite. Getting to mark his love as his, AND getting a little snack out of it? What's not to love?

When relearning intimacy, he definitely tries choking. It's not his favourite, but he does enjoy it from time to time. This one took quite a while till he was comfortable in experimenting with, but he ended up liking it. He doesn't need to breath, being a vampire and all, but it's mostly the principle of it to him. Watching his partner above him move their hands from his shoulders to his neck for a comfortable position gets him going pretty hard. Not to forget the fact his neck is just a little bit more sensitive than other's, so it's definitely an erroneous zone for him. He likes giving it to his partner, but only for brief amounts of time. He doesn't exactly remember how long a person can hold their breath for and he'd rather not find out the hard way.

Aftercare is as always, caring, soft and adoring. He takes extra time checking his partner, especially around their neck. He usually just takes a moment afterwards to stare at it, seeing the marks he left, it gives him a wonderful new look on life. It tells him, "I own this, this belongs to me and I wouldn't want it any other way."

MDNI

About his own neck, he’s so cautious about it. Both because it’s sensitive but also it’s where he was bit, so he needs to deeply trust you to let you near it. I would say it takes a few years for him to allow you anywhere near it.

Your neck, is another story. Loves to leave marks and nip at it, especially if yours is also sensitive. God, if you make cute sounds when he kisses at your neck it gives him such an ego boost. It isn’t even completely sexual either. There’s something about seeing his teeth marks in your neck that gets him as well, seeing you not cover them up completely and walk around town with them fuels him.

Literally loves aftercare and it’s one of his big rules for being intimate again is aftercare! I stand by this!!!! But anyways, he’s always making sure you are alright. Especially if things were more intense, so he keeps an eye on your neck if he had been feeding on you. He probably reads so much on how much air a person needs and throat muscles and tries to get super technical so he can better understand.

God, could you imagine giving him neck kisses, it would have to be soft at first. Can’t overwhelm him and have to go at his pace, but the first one. How breathless (I know vampires don’t NEED to breath but) he gets and so soft. It just feels so good to feel your lips there AND to trust you won’t hurt him. He would be putty in your hands, all that attitude he has melts away and he can’t form a sentence for a bit.

[valeriehalla]

I don’t know what to do about the internet. It’s getting worse, and getting worse faster than I think any of us ever could have imagined even just six years ago. Tumblr shot itself in the heart at the behest of Apple, at the behest of whichever nameless evangelical finance perverts are in charge of credit card policy, whereupon people like me (artists and people who like art) fled in droves to Twitter, the present state of which I don’t have it in me to be funny about.

Even after that one-two punch, Twitter and Tumblr are still the only (major) social media platforms I can stand to use. I mean, they’re the last ones left where you can, for example, see posts that your friends have made. I might have said that that seemed like the whole point of social media; every digital elsewhere has now collectively agreed that it is, in fact, social media’s greatest flaw. Your friends like to hang out and post weird jokes and titty drawings — they don’t know the first thing about your favorite marketing trends, let alone your unslakable thirst for 30-second phone videos. We have to move on: I’ll die if I think about it.

Uh — I wanna let you in a little. Here’s where I’m at, okay? I’m working on this project. I like it a lot: it’s a writing thing and an art thing and a music thing all at the same time. I’m still struggling with art burnout, but every day I get to sit down and write or compose for this thing is an unending delight, so on the balance it’s been great to work on. It’s taken me a while to get here, though — I’ve blown past all my estimates about when it’d be done. Still, it won’t be much longer.

In the mean time, I keep having these compulsive worries. I feel that I should be posting, but the nature of a long-form project like this is that I don’t have anything to post. I tweet complete nothings now and then, as if to announce my presence, like a lighthouse pulsing in the distance. And every week the websites get worse. They’re bleeding out, and it feels like some of my blood’s in there, maybe. Like, maybe you’d call me naïve, but it wasn’t that long ago that I really, really liked all this online stuff. I never had the hustle culture mindset about it: by good luck alone I managed to make a living posting the stuff I wanted to post on the places I wanted to post it.

The places I liked to post don’t exist anymore. My experience of using the internet feels hostile, alien. The ground beneath all our feet feels eggshell-thin.

But I have to use the internet: it’s where my stuff goes. It’s where all of you are. Here is where art and artists and art-likers live.

The things I love live here, in precarity, as the saw blades and lava traps of our digital dungeon grow every day more numerous.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that the web sucks now, but as long as we’re here — and we will be here — I want to try loving it again anyway. I want to untangle myself from all this disappointment and expectation and try simply “vibing” again. I wanna use cohost more: I’ll even crosspost stuff to Tumblr like I keep saying I should. I’m making a cool thing and I should show it off! I should relearn how to draw a little doodle and post it without feeling like it’s a suboptimal use of my time or whatever!! I want to believe in what joy may find us, though our world be a dumpster.

[snapghoul]

Why Twisters is an amazing movie

Brought to you by snapghoul and their film degree

I really love analyzing films and I need to talk about this movie so badly. Get cozy, grab a nice drink because this is a long one.

Spoilers below

[ Part 2 ]

1) Disaster film - Human vs Nature

Disasters films are one of the most difficult movies to write and shoot because it’s human vs nature and people can only do so much. They are to remind us that we are very fragile, nature very dangerous, and a visual metaphor for the illusion of control. Making a film like this also requires a lot of CGI or a balanced mix of practical effects which in most films today is not as common due to budget.

When looking at films like San Andres (2015) or Day After Tomorrow (2004), both films are more action based. San Andres is written worse to worse before it gets better which is externally common in films like these, the earth quakes that lead to a tsunami and so on. The film also ends with the hopeful “we won” with the American flag and everyone recovering.

What makes Twisters stand out is the presence of the disasters are there but they aren’t what drive the characters solely, the tornadoes themselves are actually a subplot. It’s not tragedy after tragedy, like there’s an ungodly amount of tornadoes at once and people are dying left and right. And when people died it wasn’t graphic, I appreciated that very much that it was only people being swept away and not bloody. The tornadoes themselves only take up about 30 minutes of the 2 hour movie, which is very little compared to other storm films.

The main story is Kate working to overcome her trauma and relearning how to love chasing and being in the field again. They are an obstacle that do end being the “antagonist” towards the end of the film where Kate drives into the EF5 to stop it. Twisters is more written in a way to respect nature, to see the beauty and the power of the earth. Twisters also ends more ambiguous, there is the moment of triumph but it’s very short lived before the resolution of Javi, Kate and Tyler at the airport.

2) Kate’s Character & Relationships

Kate is one of the best written female protagonists I’ve seen in a very long time. Through the film she is struggling to over come a lot of trauma while also trying to juggle her crumbled friendship with Javi and her disconnection with her mother. Her struggles are very real, they weren’t played down or exaggerated, she had realistic response to being in a tornado again after the death of her friends. They also show her reliving that event many times, in the beginning we see a “ghost” of Jeb telling she’s okay, the moment she sees a tornado with Javi up close, she stumbles back and the voices of Jeb as they’re riding out the storm in the pool and how she grabs Tyler’s hand for a second to see if he was still there.

I personally loved that she refused to acknowledge her fear when around others because that is a very human thing, many people do it which makes her very dimensional and relatable. How she didn’t give Ben her last name, how she told Riggs she wasn’t scared. It’s such a real things that it makes me froth at the mouth because it such good writing.

As many people are upset that Kate and Tyler didn’t kiss, I actually agree on why they cut it out, it’s not about their budding romance. In movies there are many different subplots, in Twisters, Kate and Tyler are I would say around subplot C. Which I LOVED, i loved that they didn’t have all her problems fixed by a love interest or how his character downplayed her intelligence. In fact he elevated her character, Tyler is there to remind her the passion and fun of their field, he is also a blank slate with Kate, he has no preconceptions about her or history which allows her to open up and reignite her passion she had before.

And her hair symbolism! How we see it slowly gets more brown and less bright beach blonde that we see in New York.

Kate and Javi’s relationship I would also place at subplot B, Javi trying to get Kate back in the field but doing it in a not so right way. They have some unresolved issues between them regarding the trauma they share and it rears its head multiple times. The line “three of my best friends died while you were trying to land a big fat grant.” Was a real nail in the coffin for them but also it opened Javi’s character development up for the end of the film. Not only that but they and audience known that he agreed to getting the money at the beginning. So them splitting up was good because neither of them could get what they wanted or process anything when they were together. And in the end the come back together when they grow and change.

Also have to mention Kate and her mom, because it’s more growth for Kate, her mom comes in as the mentor character type, she refused to let Kate throw anything away and pushed her and Tyler together because she saw what he was doing.

3) Tyler Owens & The Wranglers

Of course I have to talk about our favorite tornado cowboy. His character is so interesting, he adds so much to each character, like a said above he only lifted Kate up.

But what I loved most about him was the infectious enthusiasm and passion he just oozed about weather. Even with the cocky YouTube personality he was having fun which was a contrast to Javi and Kate who were there on business. He is also very bright, instead of having a self taught chaser he had a degree, he knows what he’s doing and how to be safe while doing stupid stuff. The scenes where we see him showing her science side were some of my favorites, seeing him geek out over the storms and setting up models just showed he’s as much as a nerd and Kate.

His character is also very compassionate as well as the wranglers. We learn they sell merch so they can provide free food and water to survivors, that Tyler and Boone spent a while looking for a dog and that Lilly offered Kate food before she left. We see Tyler put himself in danger for the safety of others many times but not in a hero archetype way, he’s not a hero in any way, he’s a man who deeply cares, understands tragedy and knows how important friends and family are.

4) Music & Sound

Oh my god, the music in the film is phenomenal. Sound makes up a good majority of a movie, without good sound a film can flop. What I loved most about it was a lot of the music was diegetic: taking place in the world and can be heard by the characters. Seen(or heard) Ain’t No Love In Oklahoma playing through the speakers as the wranglers roll up, accompanied by a shot of the loud speakers on the motor home and the audio editing to make it sound like it’s coming from said speakers. (Ghost) Riders in the Sky blasting while they go to shoot fireworks, seeing Tyler whipping the truck through the field very recklessly also sets up that these characters are wild and obnoxious. Boone singing along to Dead End Road while loading flares, it adds another element of fun for them to interact with the music instead of it there so let for aesthetics.

If there was music for the action scenes, it wasn’t overpowering, in fact i barely noticed it until my third watch through.

The soundtrack is also really good, I’m not a huge country fan but my god did I by that OST vinyl so fast.

5) The Trucks

This is an honorable mention, but the red sped up dually ram was a character in its self. Once again showing the rugged and fun loving wranglers when put next to StormPAR’s pristine white trucks which is also a metaphor for Javi that we see it gets dirtier and dirtier as the film progresses and his character changes. But also how the red ram represents Tyler, he’s very safety oriented and the truck is a part of him and protects Kate during the final storm. She puts her trust in it and lets nature run it course instead of fighting it, something Tyler was trying to teach her. Not to run from it but to ride it.

But also Tyler ripping that rig through fields going 75mph is also just so funny to me.

I love symbolism.

I’m gonna stop it here before I write a whole essay about this which I might. But if you haven’t seen this movie I highly recommend it, it’s PG-13 so I suggest being careful watching this with little ones if you have them, the CGI storms can get a little freaky.

(Please let me know if you want more, I will gladly talk more)

[sorcerous-caress]

Hello!! I love your writing 😍 Would it be okay if you wrote Karlach, Lae'zel and whomever you wish with a tiefling!Tav that loses both a horn and an eye during a battle and can't quite find balance in their fighting afterwards bc of it?

Reacting to Tav losing a horn/eye

[Hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, nb!reader, Tiefling!reader]

[Karlach, Laezel, Wyll, Halsin]

Karlach

She swears she can still hear it, your agonised scream, the splatter of blood, the crunch of bone being torn apart.

As if the world slowed down for a moment, an eerie quietness surrounding the battlefield for the uncomfortable stretched out seconds. Your companions turning to look at you, clutching your eye with your back hunched.

Dread filled her stomach, one of your horns laid on the bloody floor next to your feet.

She doesn't remember the rest. Only when she stood atop the burnt rubble of what used to be the battlefield, did the all-consuming rage fade away from her mind.

Karlach is immediately at your side after, apologising for not being there sooner.

She's by your side as you heal, making sure to bring you anything you might need. As your struggles to adjust to combat again in the aftermath become more and more evadint, she is one of the first people to suggest fully leaving combat to her.

Yes, you are capable. Yes, she has seen how strong you are. But sometimes life just doesn't go the way we plan it. You can relay on her instead.

You don't have to go back to the cruel world. You can let her take care of it. Karlach really can't afford losing you. She'd claw her way up the heavens and steal you away if your fate took a turn to the worse.

Laezel

She completely disagrees with Karlach. This is nothing but a minor setback if anything. Laezel completely has faith in you to relearn how to find your balance, and she'll teach you if she has to.

As long as you can still stand on your feet and carry a sword, then you can fight in her eyes. She will give her sincere apologies for letting you down in battle and not doing something before enemeis got the chance to best you, but besides it, you'll get no pity from her.

Why is everyone acting as if you died? You're clearly still the same strong and capable person she knows. If anything, each scar is evidence of how your enemies' failure to put you down, you should show your broken horn with pride.

She has enough self awareness not to impose her views on you, no matter how much she thinks her companions are being dramatic and oversensitive, is she noticed you being fully uncomfortable with her approach she will take her leave from your bedside.

But you got fed up with people infantlising you, then she will be the first to 6pull you back into an intense daily training routine until you regain your footing.

Wyll

While Karlach and Laezel were too busy arguing about your own fate, Wyll was there for you throughout every stage of healing. He knows what it's it like losing an eye. He can relate to the horror and dissociation that happens whenever you look at the mirror to see a piece of yourself missing.

He still hasn't gotten used to his own horns himself, and losing one of yours must have been painful to bear. He will stay by your side until you feel better, no pressure to discuss the future or your fighting abilities or anything.

Wyll will make sure you don't feel alone, that the dark thoughts don't consume you too much. Share you worries with him, let him help carry your burdens, please. It kills him seeing someone so dear to him suffer when he can't do anything or help.

Halsin

His heart breaks, seeing you coming back to camp limbing and bloodied that day. He prays to Silvanus to ease your pain as he takes shift with Shadowheart to nurse you back to health with healing spells.

Nature can be so unforgiving sometimes, to some animals, losing an eye or horn can be a death sentence.

But he has seen even the most withered of plants suddenly flourish and regain their strength, he has personally stayed up countless nights to care for the weak kittens that their mother refused to even acknowledge.

He has seen them grow, nurtured them into a strong healthy state.

Don't surrendered to the darkness, when the abyss starts whispering about how this is your end and how your potential was wasted you yell at the abyss, bite, claw and fight your way out of this rut.

True strength lies in the heart, give yourself time to rest, and don't rush your healing. Eventually, you'll be back on your own two feet with a new view on the world before you can realise it.

[vigilskeep]

okay i’ll stop lucanis posting after this one bc i’m aware i’m being intolerable but why did corinne say that he needs to relearn how to trust. relearn?? who betrayed him??? illario? caterina? someone we don’t know? someone that magister tricked him with? why would you say relearn unless someone did trust but then found out they shouldn’t have and now has to learn again. corinne why did you say relearn. corinne

[flameishstudios]

Thinking about C!Centross’ character development and how much he goes through cause like we see him go from this literal farmer dude with a missing horse to finding out that his family were the leaders of a cult, to quickly up-taking that mantel and restarting the cult that they ran. To becoming the goddess of the cults right hand man, her solder, her speaker, her Violet reaper. To him killing thousands for her, and planing for his last act to be a sacrifice killing himself and the entire town to give her information. To her pulling him out of the explosion and him getting a second chance, but loosing contact with his goddess.

To him having to re-team up with a past friends, and current enemy to try and get his goddess back and him learning through that that maybe he doesn’t have to be as bad as he was and starting to try and mend his old relationships. To him going into the End blind in desperation to get back into contact with his goddess and getting trapped there with nothing from her, causing him to commit slaughter once again out of rage. To eventually after months trapped there with nothing but the souls of those he’d killed and a dog given to him by a husked god planning to give up, but being stoped by Rae finally finding him and dragging him back, making sure that he knew that people cared. To him going to the person he believed he had hurt the most and letting them imprison him, letting them hurt him, letting them almost kill him, not because he believed that he deserved it, but because he knew they weren’t okay and wanted them to be. To helping Rae with the sculk. To falling in love. To finally being happy with himself and forgiving himself and then killing someone in self defense and re-angering the souls around him. To finding out they were hired to kill him. To killing the warden to protect his friend, but fearing that that means he killed that friend.

To waking up in a new reset with the guilt eating him alive. To realizing that he doesn’t want to fight anymore. To building an entire town in order to make it up to the souls. To getting the weapon back that he used to kill the souls that follow him. To finding out how his life will end. To desperately trying to change his ending. To becoming reckless with his life while he still has it. To falling in love once again. To adopting a son. To having to relearn his life’s value. To building things for people to remember him by and to ensure that the souls are remembered. To writing letters to the four most important people in his life. To finding the place that he would die while drunk with his best friend. To dying while stoping a god from killing his best friend and taking the gods immortality.

To ascending and having to hide from his lovers and family as it wasn’t safe for them to know he was still around. To being able to see them again. To getting his weapon back. To finally getting to live freely with his family.

Throughout Fable, he goes from the full antagonist in season one, the only person who willingly and intentionally committed those crimes for his own benefit to someone who truly just wants the best for his family and is willing to give himself up to insure that

[demonadelem]

Fandom discourse is the worst when it gets too character focused rather then plot focused.

I took an adult course in English and a large part of it was media literacy. I remember reading the first short story assigned to me in class and in my first draft I kept trying to materially justify that the landlady killed the protagonist in the story.

I was overly focuses on clues like the how he tasted almond in the tea he drank because cyanide tastes like that. What was the thing I was supposed to use as evidence was how the author set up the atmosphere, the language used to describe the hotel and the lady and the weather. All of it.

I had a media illiterate fandom passerby in my head arguing with me that "oh but that doesn't mean the landlady is a serial killer just because the wind is howling and biting" I had to relearn media literacy.

I learned to read implication again and be okay with indirect non-literal interpretations. Let go of the idea that confirmation is everything. Story language is as strong evidence as the words that the characters say because characters aren't people, they have no thoughts and feelings. How they dress does say something about them other then "they just like the style." as what we would assume with real people.

The lack of media literacy that disturbs me the most in fandom is how the potential thoughts and feelings of a character are prioritized over their function in the story.

[remuswriting]

I WANT TO PROMISE YOU ETERNITY; KUROO TETSUROU

Kuroo finds a letter you never meant for him to read.

TAGS: Epistolary; Love Confessions; Pining; University AU; Male Reader

WORD COUNT: 1,846 words

NOTES: Let's hope my days of writing love letters back in high school somehow translates to now. They're both yappers but they're just guys in love, so it's okay. One day I'll write an actual fic for Kuroo, but today is not that day.

Also, I don't think pronouns are mentioned, but this is mlm. Two pathetic, down bad men in love with each other. (It makes it more enjoyable knowing that)

Dear my love,

The anonymity of calling you my love is exciting, but it’s also heart wrenching in the way that you don’t know how I think about you. You don’t know how I sit next to you praying to every God that you will look at me how I look at you; with love in your heart and desperation for me in your veins. Some days I feel like I need to be embarrassed for the intensity of these feelings, but I can’t be when you’re involved. You are the one thing my heart wants, and I accepted it long ago.

Do you remember the day everyone came over to my apartment to drink shitty beer and watch terrible movies? You and I gravitated towards each other, finding our spots next to each other like we always had. Four years of knowing each other, and the spots in my living room are assigned at this point. It brings me joy that you accepted the assigned seat next to me without hesitation. It makes me feel wanted.

But that night we got drunk and laid on the bathroom floor since you couldn’t stop throwing up. You’ve never been able to hold your alcohol, even though you constantly say you can. Whenever I pull your glass away, you reach for it as you tell me this time is different. I never believe you, but I still indulge you because I can’t stand seeing you pout. That night had been like any other, though, where you had begged me to let you have another drink and I caved like the pathetic man I am. So, we laid on the bathroom floor, staring at the ceiling, and that’s when you asked me about reincarnation.

“Do you believe in it?” you asked, and I remember looking at you. Your side profile is so stunning, especially when your hair is out of your face. It makes it easier to see the light freckles from the sun underneath your eyes.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never thought much of it.”

You didn’t say anything for a long time, and I looked back at the ceiling. We stuck glow in the dark stickers up there years ago when Bokuto-san complained about how scary my apartment could be at night. Akaashi-san corrected him, saying that Bokuto-san is simply scared of the dark and that was it. I didn’t mind putting the stars up, really it matches me in a way, and I never took them down, especially after you grew fond of looking up at them as if they were real.

“I think I do,” you said, and I felt you looking at me before I saw it. “I think reincarnation happens until we find our soulmate.”

I’ve always loved your eyes, the hazel of them so striking it takes me by surprise every time. They were focused on me and nothing else. It was just a little hard to breathe.

“Or what if we reincarnate so we can spend more time with our soulmate? What if it’s meant to give us all the time in the universe to relearn them and love them again and again?” I asked, and I didn’t really believe what I was saying. I was still tipsy, but the idea of you really listening to me was intoxicating.

You slowly nodded, as if you’ve never considered that before. “I think I prefer that way more,” you said with a faint smile. “You know, being able to love the one you’re meant to in every lifetime. It sounds better than being lonely for who knows how long.”

I hummed in agreement, but I wanted to tell you that I didn’t care about reincarnation if it meant you weren’t the one I’d love for countless lifetimes. Honestly, I think I’d damn my soulmate before I ever stopped loving you, no matter when or where we met. Ever since we met in Japanese Literature our second year of university, I knew you would consume my entire heart and soul, never letting go even if you didn’t even know you were holding on.

Our conversation ended there when you quickly sat back up and grabbed the toilet seat to throw up. I hurried to your side to make sure your hair didn’t get in the way, because although I’d clean the vomit out of your hair, I wasn’t eager to do it.

But I’ve been thinking about soulmates and reincarnation ever since, and I have things I want to say but don’t know how to. I’ve never known how to bring things up to you without the fear that I’m revealing my feelings for you. What I feel for you is desperation to be seen and loved. I want to hold your attention to where you can’t look away and pray that you never have to. Hold me close to you, kissing my forehead before placing your chin on top of my head. I know my hair would tickle your nose, and you’d feel the urge to pull away but find you can’t.

I don’t know if we’re soulmates, and it’s okay if we’re not, but I would pick you over anyone the universe assigned to me. If I were to have someone else, then it’s clear the universe doesn’t know me or my heart well enough to know it’s you, Tetsurou. You’re the person who I’d choose in a million lifetimes. You’re the person I’d be reincarnated for centuries just so I could see you smile once. The concept of it being anyone else is so ridiculous to me, because I fell hard and fast for you. Our friends tell me to make my move, that maybe you feel the same, but I can’t. I resign myself to writing these letters and imagining a world where one of us confesses because I don’t know if it’ll ever happen in this one.

Any confession between us will have to be from you, because the words are always lodged in my throat. I could never confess through a letter, because I don’t want you to know how deeply I love you. Or at least I don’t want you to know yet. Maybe one day you’ll confess and eventually I’ll share the entirety of my heart with you like I want to. It’s a dream I doubt I’ll ever see come true.

Just know that if soulmates exist, then you’re the one I’d pick. I would intertwine my soul with yours for the rest of eternity if I could, just so we would always meet in every lifetime.

With love,

Y/N

Dear Y/N,

Bokuto found this letter and saw my name written at the bottom. He didn’t read it, but he gave it to me to read. Don’t be mad at him, because he didn’t know what he was doing. All he thought was that he was giving me something that belonged to me, even though that’s not what this is. I am not gifted with words like you are. You’re able to convey feelings in a way I don’t think I even know how to, but I’ll try. I’m really going to try.

My crush on you started three weeks into knowing you. We ran into each other at the library when I was looking for a table and you had all of your stuff spread across one. I recognized you from class, so I asked if I could sit with you. Honestly, I was terrified that you’d tell me to go away, even though you didn’t seem like that kind of person. Instead, you smiled and moved your stuff over so I could sit down. That’s when you officially asked my name, and the way you said it made my heart do flips.

Although I don’t entirely remember the conversation about reincarnation, which I doubt you’ll be surprised if I don’t remember since I forget half of what happens when I’m drunk, I believe in us. I don’t really care about soulmates and reincarnation if I have you, because being fulfilled in this life is more important to me than in the previous or future. I just know I want to spend this life with you for as long as I can. Even if it’s full of laying on the bathroom floor drunk or going to those festivals you love so much or going to the library and watching you study for hours on end. I don’t care what we fill it with as long as it’s filled with you.

Kenma constantly tells me that I need to get my head out of my ass and talk to you, but I don't know how. You’re someone I care about so much, and I don’t want to lose you. The idea of losing you scares me so much I feel sick if I think about it for too long. So I’ve kept all these feelings to myself, even though I’ve known how I feel.

I remember when I realized I loved you. It was at the library again, but this time you had come looking for me. I’d been there for I don’t know how long, running off no sleep and not eating for way too long. You stomped over to my table and gave me a look that scared me. I really thought you were going to kill me for a second, if I’m being honest. But then you started putting my stuff up and said, “We’re leaving.”

I fought with you over it, and we nearly got kicked out of the library, but you didn’t flinch. You just continued on, putting my stuff in my backpack, and the moment I realized I loved you was when you looked at me and asked me when the last time I ate was, and when I didn’t have an answer, you said “that’s exactly why we’re leaving.” My friends care about me, I know they do, but they’ve never cared for me the way you do. They never marched into the library because I wasn’t answering their texts or calls and wasn’t eating or sleeping. Did they show their concern? Yes, but not like you did. I wanted to feel loved like that for the rest of my life.

So, please call me your love. Please tell me how you feel, because I’ve felt this way for so long that it’s grown painful at this point holding it in. I don’t know how to tell you in beautiful words like you can, but I love you, Y/N. I love you so much, it may be just a little embarrassing. I just never knew I could say it aloud without the fear of it ruining everything. Now I know it won’t ruin anything. It’ll actually be the start of something I’ve been wanting for so long.

I will be at our spot in the park on Wednesday at 13:00. Please meet me there so we can actually talk in person, because letters make it difficult to kiss you and hug you.

With love,

Tetsurou

[semperama]

[knock knock knock] trick or treat !!

Hi, happy Halloween!! So...I've had this idea in my head for a while of a fic where Buck kind of has a moment of temporary insanity and forgets he and Eddie aren't actually together and absent-mindedly kisses him one day, but every time I've tried to start it, I haven't liked how it's turned out? I still want to write it someday, but for now, have the beginning of my last attempt, which will likely get scrapped and rewritten several more times lol.

----

One week after Christopher comes home from Texas, Buck briefly loses his mind.

It’s been a long summer—trying to hold Eddie together, trying to hold himself together. It fucking sucked, but he managed to grit his teeth and handle it. He got reacquainted with all the lumps and bumps in Eddie’s couch, kept his fridge stocked, added a dozen new recipes to his repertoire just to get Eddie to eat something. He learned how to respond to texts from Christopher with a straight face, learned how ignore the impulse to punch Gerrard, learned not to flinch at Eddie’s half-hearted attempts to get him to fight or flee, barbs that might have hit harder if they weren’t flung a little too wide.

So yeah, it’s no surprise that he goes a little crazy. What’s surprising is how it happens.

The last few days have been…perfect. Perfect in a way Buck never thought they’d have again. He has hugged Christopher a hundred times and Eddie almost as much. He has posted up in the Diaz living room and played hours of video games and gorged himself on pizza and takeout, the three of them relearning how to move together and be together and paint over all the bad shit that happened with new memories. Buck and Eddie have made it through two whole shifts where Buck didn’t feel like he had to stay in arm’s reach of Eddie the whole time to make sure he didn’t do something stupid. They went to the zoo. They went to Santa Monica. They had a homecoming party for Chris at Maddie and Chim’s.

All of it is like a dream. Or maybe it’s like finally being awake, rousing from a nightmare that felt like it would never end. Either way, Buck feels like he’s drunk on it, his mind playing the same refrain of, we did it, we made it, we’re okay, on loop.

Which is probably why it happens. Why he wakes up on Eddie’s couch one morning and stumbles into the kitchen, following the smell of coffee. Why he moves easily into Eddie’s space like he does it all the time, comes right up behind him and wraps an arm around his waist, tucking his nose into his neck.

Why he kisses Eddie’s neck. His jaw.

Why his lips are grazing the stubble at the corner of Eddie’s mouth before he stops, time stops.

Buck doesn’t know how long it takes him to move. It feels like minutes, long enough for him to register the way Eddie’s body feels pressed against his, the smell of his toothpaste, the softness of the skin on his cheek. The horror comes over him slowly, melting away all the warm contentment he woke up with. And Eddie is—not moving, not even breathing, so unnaturally still against him.

That stillness is what finally gets Buck moving, jerking backward and stumbling until the corner of the fridge catches him between the shoulder blades, making him hiss in pain. “Fuck, Eddie, I—”

“Buck,” Eddie says, a croak. He’s holding a mug in his hand, has been this whole time, but he sets it down now, the ceramic rattling against the counter. He looks—first at Buck’s mouth, then up to his eyes. “What—”

“I don’t know what I—” Buck wants to turn into mist, fade backward out of the room. “I swear, Eddie, I don’t—”

Eventually one of them is going to have to get a whole sentence out, but right now Buck barely has enough connection with his brain to keep his lungs working.

[avatar-anna]

Aaaah i am so deep in my Harry feels and you write him so perfectly…

So i have a request !

Something i cannot get out of my mind are the lines from as it was “Answer the phone, "Harry, you're no good alone why are you sittin' at home on the floor?What kind of pills are you on?" … and maybe the reader just got home and she’s the one saying that to Harry? Idk …

Anyway i love how you write ❤️ stay golden !

Grief Fic, Part One

so, this turned into a really long fic that's full of angst (perhaps too much). part of me wanted to make it even longer, but i think i ended it at the right point where i could come back to it if people wanted me to.

Part Two

tw: mentions of death, depression, grieving

"Harry? You here?" you called, walking across the threshold of your friend's house. Looking down, you ruffled the hair of the little girl who came in with you. Her hands gripped the straps of her backpack as she skipped into the house, clearly not bothered by the band-aid on her knee or the cut beneath it.

She looked around and called out for her dad, who either didn't hear it or couldn't find it on him to respond. When the skip in her step faltered and a look of confusion and hurt began to creep onto her face, you helped her out of her backpack and said, "Why don't you go upstairs, kiddo? Change out of your uniform? We can decide what to do for dinner after. Your pick."

You hoped that the distraction of getting to pick what they ate for dinner tonight would be enough, but she still seemed rather subdued compared to how cheery she sounded as she talked about her day at school on the drive home. "Okay."

She scurried off to her room upstairs, leaving you alone in the big kitchen that hardly got used anymore. When the young girl was gone, you called out to Harry again, stepping further into the house. You eventually found him in his studio, but he wasn't working.

"Jesus, H. I can't leave you alone for five minutes," you muttered, picking the bottle of whiskey off the floor and screwing the cap back on before setting it on a high shelf where he wouldn't think to reach for it.

Harry himself was sitting on the carpeted floor of his studio, staring blankly at nothing in particular. This wouldn't be the first time you found him in a similar state, but each time you hoped it would be the last.

"Is Harper alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, she's upstairs," you said.

"Thank you for picking her up again today," he said, still not looking at you.

You sat down next to him, draping your arms over your knees as you crossed your legs together. "No problem. I knew you were supposed to be working today, which leads me to my next question. Why are you sitting in here alone? I thought today was a writing session?"

"Cancelled. Didn't feel up to it today."

Harry didn't feel up to much of anything these days. It was understandable, to an extent. You knew he was going through a lot, but it wasn't just him he had to look out for. Harper needed her dad, now more than ever.

"Was it...anything in particular?" you asked gently. Sometimes Harry got cagey when you asked him about his current situation. He would snap or get defensive or ignore you completely. You'd known him for so many years, but in the span of a few months, you had to relearn how to talk to him. "Yesterday you seemed excited to work."

Harry shrugged, which drew your attention to his narrow shoulders. He hasn't been eating, you thought. You quickly scanned his face, and looking past the obvious unkempt facial hair and dark circles, you noticed his features were more pronounced, eyes sunken in some. You thought he was doing better, you thought he was healing.

"Harry," you said when he didn't respond.

Ever so gently, you rested a hand on his arm. His skin was cold as ice, and pale. So unlike the warmth and sunny glow it used to carry. The person in front of you was a shell of the man he once was, and you didn't know how to bring him back.

"Do you know what kind of pills you're on? If they're not working, the doctor can prescribe something else," you said.

"It's not the pills," he murmured. "I just...I just don't know how to function without her."

So you're not taking them, you thought but didn't say. Instead, you gave Harry's hand a gentle squeeze. "I know."

"I don't want to function without her. I—I can't do anything else but exist, and even that's exhausting."

Harry's voice was heavy with emotion, his eyes downcast as he stared at the band around his finger.

You were aware of the dangerous waters he was wading into, and the pressure to keep him from drowning suddenly crushed your chest. You'd already said all the typical platitudes—it'll get better with time, she wouldn't want you to live like this, Harper needs you. Sometimes they were enough to get him out of the house or to sit down on the couch with Harper to watch a movie, but it would only last so long, and recently Harry's mood improvement would dwindle faster and faster. You did what you could to help by taking care of Harper and checking in on Harry everyday, but he was starting to scare you.

"Daddy?"

Your head whipped around to where Harper was standing by the door of the studio. At eight years old, she looked just like Harry with bright green eyes and dimpled cheeks and curly hair. But she looked like her mother too, and though it was nearly imperceptible, you saw the bob of Harry's Adam's apple when he looked at her.

"Hi sweetheart," he said, not standing up to go over to her.

Harper waited by the door, waiting for Harry to do more. To ask about her day or tell her about his or go over to her or something. But he didn't, like he was too exhausted to move.

"Can we—Can we go to the park? The sun is still out and I finished all my homework."

"Y/n can take you," Harry said.

"Or we can watch a movie? Or—"

"Harper, I think Dad is tired. Why don't we—"

"He's always tired!" Harper said suddenly. "He never wants to spend time with me or talk to me! Why are you acting like this!" She went over to Harry and began to shake his shoulders, her cheeks red and eyes imploring. "Wake up! Wake up!"

Harry didn't do anything at first, letting his daughter shake him and pound her fists against his chest. Your eyes welled with tears and your throat tightened as you watched, caught between pulling Harper off and letting her get her emotions out, half hoping it would stir something in her father. It didn't.

"I hate you! I want mom!" she finally said when Harry was still practically catatonic.

He said nothing, but you could see the tears in his eyes as she stormed off, flinching when he heard the door to her room slam two floors up. His shoulders shook of their own volition then, accompanied by tears and sobbing.

"She didn't mean it," you said, pulling him into your chest. Harry's grip was tight despite his lack of nourishment as he continued to cry, warm tears bleeding through your shirt. "She's dealing with this too."

"I don't know how to be what she needs," he sobbed. "I don't think I can."

Your heart broke for the two people you loved most in this world. You'd tried so hard to help Harry and Harper, to take care of her while he got back on his feet. But he hadn't, and now you felt like you were standing at a crossroads.

"I think it might be time to—" you stopped, getting choked up yourself, "to maybe go somewhere."

That got his attention enough to stop crying for a moment. "Go somewhere?"

"I've...looked into a couple places," you said gingerly. "Facilities. Where you can rest and get better and meet with grief counselors and groups. Get the help that you need, you know?"

When Harry's wife died, you obviously didn't expect him to bounce back right away, but you also didn't anticipate the state he was in now. Everyone grieved differently, you knew that, but his grief was all-consuming, slowly eating away at him and leaving him hollow. You did what you could to support him and Harper, but you had your own life, your own job, which was starting to become less and less understanding every time you left early to pick Harper up from school. You did it all happily and willingly because you loved both of them, but none of you could keep going like this.

"I'm not sick," he said. "I'm not an addict. I don't need to go to rehab."

"I love you, H, and I'm worried about you," you said. You put your hands on either side of his face so he had to look you directly in the eye. "Harper loves you, and she wants you to be her dad. You have so many people that love and care for you, Harry, and we all want you to be okay again."

"My wife died, Y/n. I'm never going to be okay again," he said, pulling away from you harshly, voice sharp. "How can you say that? You really think it's so easy? The mother of my child is gone, and she can never come back, and you what? You want me to just forget about her? Forget what we had? I bet you'd love that wouldn't you. That's probably why you've been so eager to 'help' Harper and me. Don't think for one second that you could ever replace her. So just go!"

It didn't matter that you knew this outburst was one of rage filled grief, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. You felt like you'd been slapped, like Harry had reached his hand into your chest and crushed your heart. That was never your intention. Harry was a friend, a dear one, but a friend just the same. And Harper was your goddaughter. You couldn't just sit by and let the two people you considered family fall apart.

But maybe you weren't who he needed.

"I know you think you'll never be okay again, but you will," you said quietly. "Because you love Harper, you will be. One day you'll stop resenting her for not being Sophia, and one day you'll stop resenting Sophia for leaving you. It'll always hurt, I know that, but one day it'll hurt a little less."

You stood up from the floor and smoothed your trousers, sniffling a little. Harry had gone back to staring blankly, but the tight clench of his jaw told you he was listening. "Bye, H."

You didn't leave right away. You made a phone call to his mom first, asking her to stay with Harry and Harper, not explaining why you couldn't be the one to check up on them anymore. Anne had asked you to keep an eye on the pair after she went back home after staying at Harry's place for a month. You'd already planned on doing so, but you agreed. Now the tough love needed to come from someone else. When Anne told you she was on her way, you went upstairs to Harper's room to check on her.

She was crying on her bed, her body curled into a ball around a stuffed animal. Sighing, you walked over to her and sat on the corner of her bed and soothed her back with your hand. "I know you didn't mean that, Harper Rose."

"Why is he acting like that?" she cried, not looking up at you. "Why won't he play with me anymore? Or take me to school?"

"He..." You didn't even know what to say to make this better. "Your dad is...sick."

"Like my mom was?" Harper asked. She sat up, her little face red from crying.

"Not—Not quite," you said, trying not to get choked up. Sophia had been a dear friend to you too. "His heart hurts so much that he can't, or doesn't know how to...function properly. Does that make sense?"

Harper nodded as she wiped a tear from her eye. "He's heartbroken."

"I think so."

She didn't say anything for a minute, as if she was processing that information about Harry. Then, "Does that mean I love my mom less if I'm not heartbroken like that?"

Her words made you pinch your arm to hold back your tears. It wasn't fair to Harper that she had to deal with all of this at a young age; she didn't deserve to have these thoughts or ask these questions, and selfishly, a part of you deep down felt you didn't deserve to answer them.

"No, of course not, kiddo. Your dad just—you and your dad loved her differently. And I think part of him is sad that you lost your mom and not just that he lost his wife."

"I don't understand," she said, her voice trembling. "When will he be normal again?"

"Do you think you'll feel normal again?" you asked her gently. Harper shrugged, more tears silently leaking out of the corners of her eyes. "People's hearts and minds react differently when someone dies. And right now, your dad's mind is telling him not to get out of bed or take care of himself or take care of you. It doesn't make sense to you or me, but it makes sense to him."

"Oh." Harper looked contemplative again, her eyes trained on the yellow patterned bedspread beneath her. Everything in her room was some shade of yellow—walls, curtains, lampshades, the sun behind the bedframe that Sophia painted—everything was made to feel warm and inviting. "What do we do now? How do we help him?"

"Well, what do you do when you're sick?"

"Go to a doctor."

"That's right," you said. "He's gonna go to the doctor, and the doctor will tell us what we should do. And in the meantime, you just keep loving your dad, okay? You're allowed to be angry and frustrated and sad, but never stop loving him. It might not look like it, but knowing you love him helps."

"Okay," Harper said.

"I called your grandma. She's gonna come stay with you for a little while while your dad gets better. She'll take you to school and pick you up and make you all sorts of treats with you."

"Why can't you take me to school?" she asked.

"I have to work," you explained. "But, if you need anything, you know my number. Just call me and I'll be there, okay? But you and Grandma will have fun, you always do."

You stayed in Harper's room until she fell asleep, smoothing her hair with your hand once more before standing up from the bed. You planned to stay until Anne arrived, but you figured you could tidy up and get the guest bedroom ready in the meantime. By the time she walked through the door, the guest room had been made up and the kitchen was squeaky clean. Harry never came out of his studio, or he went up to his room without you noticing but you were fine with that. You wouldn't have known what to say to him anyway.

You gave Anne the names of doctors and grief groups for Harry, and the name of a good child psychiatrist for Harper. You'd been meaning to set up a meeting for her, but you hadn't had the time, and it also wasn't really your place and you didn't want to overstep. Anne gave you a long hug before you left, thanking you for taking care of her family. Having someone hug you for once instead of the other way around was overwhelming, and you almost started crying right there in her arms.

But you held yourself together for a few more minutes as you pulled away. You promised to check in and help wherever and whenever you could, then you left, slightly relieved that Harry and Harper's well-being wasn't solely on your shoulders anymore and partly sad that you weren't able to help them more.

The first few weeks, you didn't come around the house as much, giving Harry his space. You met Harper at the park when your work schedule allowed it and had her over to your place for sleepovers when she asked.

Anne kept you in the loop, even when there wasn't much to report—Harper met regularly with a counselor and Harry didn't, Harper didn't wake up crying in the middle of the night as much and Harry still wasn't going back to work. Part of you felt like Harry needed more tough love than coddling at this point. You knew he wouldn't actually go to therapy unless you dragged him by the ear or eat something if you didn't sit with him until he was done. But it wasn't your place to dictate how he was helped, so you kept your mouth shut whenever Anne said he wasn't getting any better.

However, that all changed when Harry collapsed. He was so weak from not eating, he physically couldn't hold himself up. Or so Anne claimed. You didn't want to, but part of you thought there might have been some intention behind Harry's actions, or lack thereof. That was when you knew things had to change. If this were a movie, then that moment was the point of no return, and you weren't going to let Harry destroy himself anymore.

"If you get him in a car, I'll take care of the rest," you said to Anne the day after. She'd been apprehensive, but you insisted that this was the right choice. "He can't just sit alone on the floor of his studio all day. Either we do this now or his grief wins."

So it was settled. You didn't know how she did it, but Anne somehow got Harry up and in the passenger seat of your car. He clearly was not pleased by the whole thing, but with his lack of eating, he was no match for you or his mother.

"Where are we going?" he asked, arms folded angrily.

"My place."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not going to let Harper witness your path of self-destruction. You wanna die? You don't want to take care of yourself? Then you can do it at my place instead of in front of your daughter."

It was harsh, but Harry hadn't been particularly amicable these last few days. According to Anne, instead of catatonic, he was rude, his words sharp as a knife and just as cutting. His mother didn't deserve to deal with that, and neither did Harper, but you could handle him. Whether he liked it or not.

"Fuck you," he muttered.

"Fuck you," you replied simply.

Harry didn't say anything else the rest of the ride to your house, which was completely fine by you. You had a plan in place for Harry's stay, but you went over it again and again in your head, hoping it would work. You had Harry's meds, which he had not been taking, you picked out a grief group for him to attend, or one-on-one counseling if he didn't want to go to group therapy, you worked out a schedule that made sure Harry was constantly doing something rather than withering away on your couch. But first...

"You need a shower. I'm not living with you while you smell like that. And brush your teeth too."

"I thought you didn't care what I did," he said, begrudgingly following you into your house. It was much smaller than his, but that was for the better. It would be easier to keep an eye on him in close quarters.

"Don't be ridiculous, Harry. We all care about what happens to you," you said, leading him down the hall to your small guest room and bathroom were.

You gestured toward the bathroom when he set his small duffle bag on the bed, but he stayed where he was. "No."

"No?"

"You and my mum can drag me around and make me sleep in a different bed, but you can't force me to take medication, you can't force me to go to therapy, you can't force me to live," Harry spat. You took it on the chin, eyeing the way it seemed exhausting for him to just raise his voice at you. "I'm not a child, and I'm not one of your patients, so leave me the fuck alone."

"Lord, give me strength," you muttered to yourself before storming over to him.

You grabbed Harry by the collar of his sweatshirt and pulled him into the bathroom, where you promptly began to pull his layers off one by one.

"What the fuck?" Harry said, too surprised to fend you off, and too weak as well. "Get off of me!"

"You are a stubborn asshole," you spat, letting all the anger and frustration from the last few weeks seep into your voice. Once Harry was down to his underwear and socks, you quickly turned the shower on and pushed him in, holding your forearm against his chest as water sprayed both of you. "And selfish. You are a parent, Harry, you can't afford to fall apart, especially not in front of Harper. You can't do this to her. I won't let you."

Harry struggled against you, but not as much. He looked furious for having brought up Harper, though. But you kept going, needing to say everything that had been rattling around in your brain since he snapped at you.

"Sophia is gone, H," you said, voice gentle but firm.

"Shut up—"

"And it hurts. I can't imagine how much it hurts to lose your wife, but I—I know how it feels to lose a parent." Your voice began to waver, but you willed yourself to calm down. You didn't talk about it much, but you could relate to the situation at hand better than most. It was part of the reason why you helped Harry and Harper out so much. "Harper is strong and brave and charismatic. She's all the good things Soph was. Stop punishing her for it and celebrate it. She needs you, H. If you can't find it in yourself to get better for you, do it for your daughter. Don't do this to her."

Harry was crying by then, and you were too. Water sprayed the both of you, but he wasn't straining against you anymore. When it felt like he was starting to slide against the tiles to sit down, you didn't let him. "Don't do that," you said, using all your strength to hold him up. "Don't let it consume you. Lean on me if you have to, but don't—don't sit down."

To your surprise, he didn't. Harry let you give him a scrub down, starting with his hair and then sponging his body with soap. You left his briefs on for his sake. As a nurse, you were used to seeing every part of the body, but Harry was your friend, not a patient. When you were done, you left him to dry off with a towel and dress with the instruction to be in the kitchen for dinner in twenty minutes. You didn't have to say what you would do if he didn't come. Harry got a dose of how forceful you could be very quickly.

So he came out of his room, and the two of you ate in complete silence. You didn't mind the quiet and were content to let Harry figure out whatever was going on in his head. You did keep an eye on him, though, making sure he didn't push his food around and actually ate it. He did, thankfully; you really didn't want to have to spoon-feed him too.

"Tomorrow I set up a group therapy session in town. It's super confidential, so you don't have to worry about that, but—"

"No."

"No? Really? We're doing this again?" you asked, only half joking.

"I don't want to go to group therapy," he said, and you could practically taste his displeasure for it across the table.

"Well, I thought you might say that, so I also scheduled one-on-one counseling, though I thought you might prefer the group. Less opportunities to talk when there are multiple people in one session." You picked up and quickly washed your plate before setting it down on the drying rack. "Tomorrow's session is at ten. Let me know what you want to do before then, but you're going to one of them. Oh, and you're responsible for cleaning up after yourself. Night."

You left Harry to his own devices after that, deciding to get ready for bed. It was going to be a long few weeks, or however long to get your friend back up on his feet, and you were going to need all the peace of mind you could get.

Three weeks later, Harry was still irritable. You knew he resented you for making him do, well, anything, but he still did them. He went to his group therapy sessions and cleaned up after himself in the kitchen. He just didn't like talking to you. Or acknowledging you. Or looking at you. You were pretty sure all the anger he had about Sophia dying and having to take care of Harper alone was now directed at you. You didn't necessarily mind being his outlet if it meant he was getting out of the house, but it did get exhausting at times. And it made for a very awkward car ride.

"I...can't pick you up from group today," you said as you neared the building where Harry's group sessions were.

"What the hell am I supposed to do then?" he huffed, crossing his arms across his chest like a child.

You gripped the steering wheel tighter so as not to whack him repeatedly on the arm. "Are you really that much of a pampered celebrity that you can't use public transportation? Or your own two feet?"

"Well why the fuck are you signing me up for this shit if you can't take me. I don't even want to go to these stupid meetings."

In a split second, you pulled over and put the car in park. "Get out."

"What?"

"You heard me," you said, the frustration you'd been pushing down the last three weeks finally bubbling to the surface. You'd been patient, you'd done what you thought was right for Harry and his family, but you couldn't be his punching bag anymore. "I've been taking you to these meetings because I want to help you, because I want to help Harper, but you have...kicked and screamed like a child every step of the way, and I—I want you to be better. I want you to be able to handle your emotions in a healthy way, but I—" I give up, you wanted to say, but even you weren't that mean in the midst of your anger. "You're an adult, Harry. I can't force you to go to therapy, so don't. Get out. Do whatever the hell you want."

Harry looked at you for a moment, surprised by your outburst. His mouth was pressed into a hard line, his eyes roving around your face. Searching for what, you weren't sure. Maybe he didn't think you would ever actually kick him out. You gave him as good as he got when he snapped at you, but you never expressly kicked him out. You were pretty sure he was deciding if you were serious or not.

"Out!" you said when he still hadn't opened the door. Now you were going to be late to work.

"Fuck! Fine," he said, then he was opening the door and getting out of the car. It shut with a definitive slam, but you didn't wait around to see Harry glare at you as you rushed back onto the street.

Work sucked, which made your mood that much worse. You normally liked your job at the hospital. It was busy and made you feel like a zombie at the end of most shifts, but the work was rewarding, and you were good at it too. You ran the Labor and Delivery room like a tight ship, everything and everyone had a place. But tonight you were slammed, one issue after another for you to solve. Normally you could handle the stress, but your nerves had been frayed for weeks, and every minor inconvenience didn't feel so minor right now.

Nothing was going your way, patients' families were being bigger assholes than usual, and the charting system was being glitchy. Not to mention you were pulling a double shift, so it was safe to say you were tired out of your mind, irritated, and not as chipper as you normally were amongst the normal amount of stress.

"Y/n, have you taken your lunch yet?"

You looked up from the computer at the nurses' station where one of your coworkers was standing on the other side. "Look at this place, Miranda. When would I have the time?"

The Labor and Delivery wing of the hospital was full of patients, excited family members in the waiting room, OB interns, and nurses trying to maintain order. You could always expect a good number of people in this wing of the hospital, but today was more crowded than usual. In-laws that wanted to be in the delivery room were driving you crazy in a way that they normally didn't, and a surgical intern tried to talk down to you, which tried your practically non-existent patience. It was safe to say that your pink scrubs were very misleading about your disposition today.

Miranda narrowed her eyes at you. "It's thirty minutes."

"I can't. I have to get these charts updated because these idiots we call interns don't know how to—"

"Y/n?"

"God, tell me this is not happening," you muttered before looking up from the computer again. Harry was standing at the nurses' station next to Miranda, who was staring at him with wide eyes. "I can't do this with you right now."

"I know. I just wanted to—"

"I can take your bitching at home, but not here," you said, going back to your computer. Everything you'd felt this morning was still simmering in you, and you didn't want to make a scene at work.

"I just came to apologize," he said, his voice lacking the harsh edge it'd had since he'd been staying with you.

You shook your head and picked up a chart as you began to walk away. "Honestly? I don't have time for that, either, H."

Perhaps you shouldn't have been so flippant, but you were at work, for one. You got into a certain headspace to keep everything and everyone in order, and you couldn't compromise that on a hectic day like this, even if Harry had come to say he was sorry.

"But, Y/n, you still have to take your lunch!" Miranda said.

Stopping in your tracks, you turned back around. Your arms were crossed as you gave Miranda a look, but she just stared right back. She was always the one who looked after you while you looked after everyone else. Sighing, you walked back over to the nurses' station to hand over the chart on your hands. "Ten minutes."

"The law says thirty."

"Fifteen," you amended, then left before Miranda could argue with you. You heard footsteps behind you, and while you knew they were Harry's, you didn't do anything to stop him from following.

The break room was small, just big enough to hold a refrigerator, some cupboards, and a table with a few chairs. You didn't spend much time here, but it did see a lot of foot traffic despite its size.

Sitting down at the table, you rested your head in your hands, your eyes closing for a few seconds now that you let yourself have this short break. Your feet hurt and your head pounded, but you managed to stand up anyway and make yourself a cup of coffee.

"What are you doing here?" you asked, though you weren't really sure you cared. Not right now anyway.

"I wanted to apologize," he said right away, like he was afraid you weren't going to let him speak.

You laughed a little. "Oh? What for?"

You knew you were being difficult, but you couldn't help it. The way Harry treated you had all come to a head this morning, and the shit day at work didn't help your mood, either. Staring at him over the rim of your coffee mug, your heart softened the tiniest bit. He looked like a scolded puppy with his head tilted down and his hands behind his back. It was hard for you to balance the anger you felt for the way he treated you and acknowledge the fact that it was his grief that was making him act this way. There's no wrong way to grieve. It was something you knew and understood, but Harry's grief process didn't make your life any easier.

"I've been...horrible to you," he said, though he still wouldn't look at you. "I—I know you've been trying to help Harper and me, and all I've done was take everything I've felt out on you."

It was hard to find the right words to say. You didn't want to just excuse his behavior by saying he was grieving, but you knew he would never treat you the way he had been otherwise. But that didn't make it hurt any less.

"What made you come to this conclusion?" you decided to ask, curious to know the answer.

Harry smiled sheepishly and chuckled to himself in a way that was embarrassed more than amused. "Therapy. I went after you kicked me out this morning. Thanks for that, by the way."

You couldn't help but grin a little, at the very least because you hadn't seen Harry smile in months. "You're welcome."

"I'm really, really sorry, Y/n," he said once the air in the room sobered again. "I don't know if I could ever say it enough, or express how thankful I am to you for being there for Harper when I couldn't. I'm sorry for all the horrible things I've said and the way I've acted. I, um, I don't magically feel better, but for the first time since Soph died, I want to be."

You believed him when he said that. There was an air about Harry that seemed different than the last few months. And the fact that he was apologizing at all and seemed to have a small grasp of his feelings said a lot. And you wanted to believe him too, for the sake of his own health and happiness as well as Harper's.

"I know it was your grief that made you...act a certain way, but thank you for apologizing," you said.

"Things won't immediately go back to the way they were, I know that, but," Harry said, wiping the corner of his eye. "I wanted to take Harper out to dinner tomorrow night, and I'm hoping you'll join us."

"Not tonight?"

"No. I think I just want to go home and be with my daughter tonight," he said, sounding a little nervous and a little hopeful. "And I'm sure you're sick of me, so I thought I'd let you have a night to yourself."

You took a moment to look at your friend, really look at him. Harry's frame was still narrow, he was paler than usual, and the angles were still a little too sharp and pronounced, but his hair was neat and his eyes were clear, and he just looked different overall.

Standing up, you walked to where Harry was still standing by the entrance to the break room and threw your arms around him. A wave of emotion hit you the second his arms wrapped around you, and you couldn't help the sob that escaped your lips as you held him tight. He felt so frail, like he could blow away with the next breeze. It pained you to feel how everything affected him physically.

"You scared me," you said. Perhaps it was too soon to admit, but you needed to say what had been weighing on your heart since he collapsed. "You pissed me of and drove me insane, but above everything, I was terrified."

Terrified of losing him, terrified of not doing what was right by him or Harper, terrified that he'd never be the same. The fear of losing Harry to his grief kept you up most nights. More than the poisonous words or cold shoulders or childish behavior, you'd been so scared of every worst case scenario it nearly made you sick.

"I'm sorry I've put you through so much. You lost her too."

That made you squeeze Harry even harder. You'd known Sophia first and had been the one to introduce her to Harry. The three of you had been friends for a long time before Harry and Soph had even started dating, and you stayed friends long after. She wasn't your sister, but in a lot of ways she was family, and so were Harry and Harper.

Eventually you pulled away, wiping your eyes and stepping back from his embrace. You felt a little awkward, but lighter too, and hopeful for the future.

"So you'll come? To dinner?" Harry asked, his own eyes lined with tears.

Harry wasn't magically healed. He still had a long road ahead of him to be healthy again, not to mention mending his relationship with Harper. But you decided to believe that he was on the mend, that he was open to getting proper help and taking the right steps to manage his depression.

"It would be my pleasure."