#layer edi

[eli-little-workshop]

Lacie Fnaf drawing series - Sister Location

Sketch under cut

[eek-a-tron]

CATWOMAN & RIDDLER ARE DATING

So much wild stuff in Catwoman: Lonely City by Cliff Chiang

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

[fcthots]

This is a sick fic for my beloved @edi-storm and them ONLY <3 <3 <3

You add another blanket to your now three layers of blankets. Somehow, you were still cold. Cold and alone because your cruel boyfriend just HAD to patrol (you insisted he go despite him offering to stay with you). The world is evil and cruel and mean. The cold seeping into your bones on the couch after hours of being alone.

That is until Red Hood comes knocking on your window. On one hand, you felt relief that he came back. On the other hand, that knocking sound gave you a killer headache. He can get in just fine, he was merely alerting you of his presence. What was usually a nice gesture is now annoying the shit out of you. So you tuck your head under the blankets and stick out your arm to flip him off. You hear the window unlatch and his modulated laugh as he climbs through.

“You still feel like shit?” He starts removing the outer layer of his gear.

“Cleary.” Your voice is muffled from the stack of blankets over your face. You hear the light switch flickering under his fingers, darkening the room. You move the blankets slightly to look at him.

“Better?” He asks. He finally makes it to his kevlar layers, peeling them away with practiced grace.

“Yeah.” You stare at his freshly freed tits. Lovely specimen. It unfortunately doesn’t last long. He slides into an old comfy looking t-shirt. Soon enough he’s in full pajamas.

“When’s the last time you had something to eat?” His footsteps towards the kitchen are loud.

You shrug before remembering that he can’t see you. It’s the headache’s fault. “I don’t know.”

“We’ll have to fix that. Do you want pasta?” His voice carries from the other room.

The promise of pasta rises you from your cushion-y grave. “Thank youuuu.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Don’t mention it.”

You can hear him opening cabinets and drawers before he steps back into the living room. You look up upon his entry and he gives your forehead a quick kiss before putting some linden tea down on the coffee table along with some medication for your headache. “You’re burning up. Take these. Your noodles are boiling.”

Immediately going for the tea, you look up at him with reverence and awe. “I would die for you.”

He smiles. “Please don’t. Dying isn’t as fun as it’s hyped up to be.” He takes one of your hands in his to quickly squeeze before heading back to the kitchen to stir the pasta.

When he leaves the room, the blankets begin to feel warmer and then hot. They become annoying and sweaty so you peel them off of you.

Jason quickly walks back into the living room. You decide the funniest and best course of action would be to throw the final blanket over his head.

You were right, it is funny. He doesn’t take it off immediately, just turns his head to look at you as if to say Seriously? This is your humor?

He pulls the blanket off his head and his hair stands in all directions. He folds the blanket and puts it over the back of an armchair before turning to you. He does a quick double take. “Are you wearing my shirt?”

“Shut up.”

[edenprime]

I despise Kai Leng and his pathetic faux foil role in ME3 so much. It would've been so much better if it had been the Virmire victim and honestly- it would've made the Cerberus storyline so much better. It would've turned "Shepard becomes an idiot every time some guy with a sword appears" into "Shepard is blindsided by seeing their friend back from the dead". It also works with the foils dynamic and more:

Both brought back by Cerberus. Shows Shepard the other side of the coin - how they could've been if Cerberus had actually messed with their head. Shepard also makes some comments about themselves that make it look, in a way, like they do have some lingering doubts at the very least about coming back. When you look at the Shepard VI and they ask if they are really like that, when they ask EDI if they are transhuman or cyborg, when they refuse to talk about the clone situation every time it's brought up on the DLC, when they keep comparing the clone to themselves... I know we have the child dreams as our show of Shepards PTSD, but this could've added another layer to it.

"And for every soldier you [the reapers] add, your enemy loses two: the one you converted, and his buddy on the other side who can't pull the trigger on a friend." -> we could see this! Javik aludes to the same, but we never see it on screen. It's just a hypothetical, the only people who become indoctrinated are villains, Cerberus, or their allies. This would've shown that, it would've been some cool foreshadowing. As it is, it's just a loose end.

Shepard spat in Cerberus eye when they left, especially if they destroyed the Collector base. Using the resuscitated and indoctrinated friend against them would've been an incredible way of spitting back at them. It would've been an amazing show of power. It could've demonstrated that Shepard wasn't the first, that Cerberus was already experimenting with life and death even before the success of the Lazarus project.

It gives more credibility to TIM's claims that he can control the reapers, and it's a nice setup to the reveal of what's actually going on in Horizon and Sanctuary.

And even then, no Kai Leng and no Virmire victim would've been better than Kai Leng. Everything stays the same but that plot-armored jackass doesn't exist. Cerberus attempts a coup with regular agents, they steal the data from thessia with regular agents, they show up as regular agents on Horizon, etc. Because Leng doesn't work at all in the story. He doesn't.

Regardless of how well it was executed, the entire Cerberus plot line is supposed to be a "coming full circle" moment from me1. We had the indoctrinated Saren leading the indoctrinated geth (synthetic) in me1. We have the indoctrinated TIM leading indoctrinated humans (organics) in me3. We end up with a "showdown" between saren/TIM in which depending on how persuasive we were during our previous talks, they (now deformed by reaper tech) shoot themselves in the head.

Where does Kai Leng fit into all of this? He doesn't! He's just... there. He's got no room in the story.

[feathered-mushrooms]

Can we talk about the X-men comic “Magneto Testament”?

I had read this early on in my comic journey and I remembered my love and adoration for the story. I decided to pick it up again and I hits just as hard as when I first read it. 

The story itself is Magneto’s origin story, and you can tell the writers took care and did research, both within comics and the real world history of the holocaust to weave together this backstory. In fact the comic does not just end with the story being rapped up, but is followed up with additional comics about real people, specifically the story of Dina Gottliebova, as well as the in-depth page by page breakdown of the authors choices and links/book list of everything they researched for the story and everything they think we should read as well. 

You can tell that Greg Pak, the writer, and Carmine Di Giandomenico, the artist, truly care for the story they are telling and truly care for the recognition and remembrance of these events. And they do it with some of the most haunting  visuals and situations. At multiple points while reading I had to take a break and return to the story due to just how heavy it could be. 

Additionally they made the amazing choice to actually have Erik be virtually powerless during the story. They hint to his mutation multiple times but he has not fully manifested. Leading to another layer of tragedy regarding the fact that a lot of the situations he gets into, could have ended a lot better if he was aware of his mutation. 

They also make the choice to show the evolution of the nazi power in Germany and the story often takes breaks to show time has passed, while filling in the reader in on the historical events that happen during the time switch. It really doesn’t feel like a superhero comic book but more of an educational graphic novel. 

Lastly while the story obviously focuses on Erik, who’s birth name is Max, we learn more about his family and Magda, characters that are often glanced over in comics. And Pak does a really good job with this. While Max’s mom Edie, and sister, Ruth, get little time on the page, we learn of the interesting dynamic between Jackob, Max’s dad, and Erich, Max’s uncle(heavily implied to be Max’s inspiration for his later name). Jackob fought in World War 1 and believes in the good in the world, he believes things can’t truly get bad and that people will listen to the good in their hearts, best seen when he expects a man he saved in the war to help him out. Erich on the other hand can see that Germany is crumbling. It doesn’t help that he is public humiliated and beaten after sleeping with a German woman, but throughout the book he is seen to be the most likely to bend the rules, he becomes a smuggler and does other such things to keep his family alive. 

Sitting here and writing this it almost feels like an early version of Erik and Charles, but nonetheless it becomes evident where Erik got his inspiration from.

On the topic of Magda, I just want to know more about her now. She’s introduced as this girl who Erik has a crush on, and that’s that. But she becomes his reason to live, and proves herself to be capable of doing what she needs to to survive, including laying among dead bodies. Honestly I know we are a Cherik nation but it makes sense why she was his first love and mother to their children. 

Overall it is an amazing comic and I believe some of the most important and stunning stuff that Marvel has made. Please check it out if you can.

[slightlyhopefulromantic]

aaand here's deadlands! it didnt take seven months this time, who cheered?

i'll probably do another post grouping all of my line-ups together, but that's gonna wait for when i do the wyrdwood PCs as well :] more thorough design thoughts/smaller details will be under the cut, but im putting this here so that everybody has to know: their eye shines are all different card suits, except for nate, who gets J for the joker card :]

oxventurers guild | the hobby horses

unlike my other designs where i let everyone have individual colors/palettes, i tried to keep colors more consistent across these designs! the oxventurers guild has the fantasy element and theyre all very different, so the wide mishmash of colors are fine, and the hobby horses all have a lot of dark colors so that keeps them looking consistent together. but for these guys, i wanted a more consistent feel, so i tried my best to reuse colors between each design (especially between delacy and nate ^-^)

silas - ough. my boy. i wanted him to be broad with a strong build, and i hope i pulled that off :D i had so much trouble with his hat that i almost just didnt give him one, but eventually i decided it was better to just. give up and rock with it, even if he looks a bit like a mountie hbjgfjhd and he is wearing cowboy boots, theyre just tucked into his pants because he doesnt feel the need to flash them (looking at delacy, lol). he has spurs on his boots, even though he doesnt ride horses, because he likes the way they jangle <3

garnet - people really liked it when i gave garnet dark roots, so i have decided to always give her dark roots. i like how it looks hehehe and i also like to give her freckles!!! i think theyre cute!!! for the vest, i struggled for a while trying to capture the vibe of jane's vest, because its so so strange and specific in a way that makes it impossible for me to picture garnet without it. i'm pretty happy with where i landed with it, especially the pattern, since i've never tried to make a pattern like that before :3 i dont know why ive been loving patterns so much lately LOL but i will keep riding this wave and regret it later when drawing the designs again

edie - definitely the furthest departure from canon outfits, though still in the right wheelhouse. i just don't like drawing multiple layers of ruffled skirt. i didn't like how my sketches kept looking. i wanted to give her a skirt slit, especially after my friend reminded me about her thigh rifle holster. so today, i stared at a bunch of victorian ballgowns and party city costumes, and then completely redesigned her skirt before i lined these XD and i think it was worth it!! i love the layers and the way her rifle peeks out, and it meant i could show off more of her boots and give them a pretty design :]

delacy - my main thought going into drawing delacy was just. "i need to malnourish this boy" LMAO i refuse to believe that he is eating properly, i just know that he is not. otherwise, i mostly just stuck to the campaign art but scuffed up his clothes a bit. as implied on silas's notes, i very purposefully had his boots be Big. he's overcompensating a little bit :] also sorry i did not want to draw rooster so he just gets a generic handgun. i didnt feel like drawing complicated guns, and i wanted it to be a smaller handgun so that he could be poorly copying edie :') he has no trigger discipline but neither does edie so its fine

nate - that's just nate, baby!!! i think, canonically, he's meant to be a bit. emaciated. but i cant help but just picture him being a bigger guy, i think it fits his vibe better and its more fun for me to draw that way. i like having variety in body shapes, and garnet and delacy already have the rail thin thing down for this line-up. let my old man be fat !!! also. he has a weird nipple because he is transgender. heart emoji

[omegastation]

You go into this conversation with Javik and you have no idea what is going to hit you.

He talks about Shepard being resurrected, and what he means that he gets to "come back" and fight the Reapers. The difference to Javik is that Shepard got to come back to his people. Javik just comes back to the Reapers.

He asks Shepard about the crew in a very specific way: Are they the reason you continue to be living? And if you pick "Yes, they matter most", Shepard says:

My crew has become my family. We've stared death in the face more times than I can count. Things like that bind people together in ways I can't really explain.

And you go, oh. What a nice conversation. Very nice, good feelings, power of friendship.

Except it's ME3 and it's here to break your heart.

So Javik answers a simple "yes" because Shepard doesn't have to explain anything, he knows exactly what they mean. And he hopes Shepard will never have to do what Javik had to do to his own indoctrinated crew.

He was hunted by his own people, so at that point in the game we have to picture Garrus, Liara, Tali, Wrex, Kaidan/Ashley, Samantha, EDI, Joker, Miranda, Jack, Grunt, Kasumi, Jacob, Zaeed, Samara, James or even Anderson and Hackett going after Shepard.

I cornered my men and slit their throats one by one. I watched them bleed to death to be certain.

And it's meant to make us think about Shepard doing the same, having no other choice.

It was the day I understood: war is atrocity commited in the name of survival.

It is a lesson I wish I had never learned.

My interpretation here and it's only an interpretation, is that he's really saying, I'm the version of you who lived for my crew and look what happened. Look at this lesson I learned. So get ready and be prepared.

And it goes back to the very specific wording in his question. He's not just asking Shepard what motivates them. He's asking: Are they the reason you continue to be living?

And telling his story, it seems to me like he's saying that in his experience, living for the ones you love is how you lose the war. The enemies will take them from you, one by one. You should live for yourself, to survive, but leaving for yourself will mean, in the context of this war, that you will have to commit an atrocity.

It's really interesting to have this conversation with him right after the one with EDI, because EDI will figure out through her conversation with Shepard that self-preservation as a means in itself can disgust her. Javik here adds more layers to the whole story.

[thefloatingstone]

Hello

I am once again rambling about neat details in Mass Effect everybody already knew except me.

I was playing the ending of the Citadel DLC a while ago, the part where the Normandy is getting stolen, and because this is the only mission in the game you can have Wrex as a party member, of course I took him. However, due to some irl stuff I wasn't fully vibing with the mission. So after the irl stuff got sorted, I decided to replay it. I took Wrex along for most of the archive part of the mission, but when it came to rescuing the Normandy, for shits and giggles I took EDI with me because I wondered if she'd get any unique dialogue.

and it turns out she gets... a LOT of unique dialogue. Like a RIDICULOUS amount. So much so that from now on she's gonna be the default squaddie for this mission when I replay again.

The initial almost joke scene where she glitches out for a second before rebooting and going "I'M OK!" was great and honestly that's the most I was expecting for taking her along. But there's a bunch of other stuff too. They went so far as to make that little orange hologram she has flicker and die when her control of the Normandy is shut down (which she's greatly distressed by when it first happens). And the orange band remains gone the entire mission until she's given control back

The mission running up to the Normandy and shooting Mercs has her basically screaming for blood the entire time which is probably the most emotion I've ever heard her give.

"I AM THE NORMANDY! AND I WILL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"

Fuck yeah babe, you tell 'em!

But I also like the extra detail it adds. The Normandy DOES NOT WANT to be stolen. The Normandy ITSELF is like "FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!!! NOBODY GETS TO STEAL ME BUT SHEPARD!!!" The Normandy ITSELF is outraged at this bullshit and the sheer fucking audacity.

When trying to open the airlock, Shepard actually asks EDI if she can do anything and she openly laments she has no control nor does she know what's going on. So much so Garrus has to give her moral support which I did not know he would do if you bring EDI.

Furthermore, when riding the elevator to the cargo hold, Garrus more or less asks EDI how she's holding up, and EDI comments she feels like she's walking around blind. Garrus gives further support and sympathy telling her then it's only fair she take some revenge on these assholes and EDI is very 🥺 about it.

When you do the final fight in the cargo bay, you can hear EDI raging every now and then, and one line hits me is her more or less screaming "You betrayed my crew! You violated my trust! You violated my body!! I am going to KILL ALL OF YOU!!" [paraphrasing] which is kind of horrifying for her and makes me feel even worse for her than I did already when I never took her along before.

Finally, after the fight, Shepard asks EDI if she's in control again which she does even if you didn't take EDI along, but when she's standing in front of you, not only does EDI confirm she's in control again, but she actually adds with a smile "thank you for asking".

THERE'S JUST A LOT OF EXTRA SHIT I NEVER KNEW ABOUT!!!!! THERE'S SO MUCH JUICY CONTENT AND IMPLICATIONS AND LAYERS HERE AND I JUST NEVER FUCKING KNEW ABOUT ANY OF IT BECAUSE I LIKE WREX TOO MUCH!!!

Anyway, those are my thoughts about this mission I'm sure literally everyone knew about back in 2013 except for me.

[youngyoo-apologist]

When it comes to OG!Cale ships I like both OG!AlCale and OG!ChoiHan but it really depends on the scenario

For example, I like OG!AlCale in both regression aus and TBoaH adjacent timeline things because I think a huge thing I like in their dynamic is how mysterious they both are to the other party. The fun of their dynamic is them discovering more about each other and the various miscommunications they have cause of their own personalities, and I think that works very well no matter the universe.

But with OG!ChoiCale, I feel like I can really only enjoy it in TBoaH adjacent things or if they both have the memories of the first life.

To me, a big thing about OG!ChoiCale is about the life they lived together, how they hated eachother, how they both didn’t know eachother for years, how they could have spent time together during the war due to unfortunate circumstances(there not being enough people left)

Like, I think OG!ChoiCale can be such a cool dynamic, such a sad, but comforting one at the same time. It’s a little bitter how the man you thought you would hate forever became a close companion, how he’s more similar to you than your younger self woild have ever thought, but do you really hate it?

Can you really hate having a person who understands you, when so many people have died? When so many are gone?

Something about the sadness of it all, how it was tragedy that brought them against each other at first, but now it brings them together. How they could only ever grow to understand eachother because of the pain they face, the pain that they shared. At some point, can you really hate him, even until the end? After all those years? After coming to understand him? No, you cannot.

Like, it adds in extra layers when they both care about each other at some point mid-way through the war, but they still can’t really talk to eachother properly. They care, but they frustrate one another, anger each other. Choi Han doing increasingly more risky and self sacrificial things because ‘I’m a hero’ ‘I have to do it.’ ‘It is justice to save people’, despite the fact that it’s at the expense of himself

And Cale’s frustration at Choi Han’s attitude. He can never wrap his head around the fact that Choi Han destroys himself for the sake of other people, and believes it’s heroic(He knows Choi Han doesnt, he know Choi Han hates it too, but he doesn’t know what else to say to himself other than the fact that ‘it’s for the greater good’, because he will go crazy if he doesn’t)

He’s mad, but there’s some twisted sense of understanding in there too. Cale understands, because he became trash for his family, he became trash to protect them, he had to do it.

But that’s only what he thought.

He was older now, he had lost them all, and he had seen how his trash act hadn’t done anything to protect them. It only distanced him from them, and now they were gone, and he could never see them again, he could never make amends.

Cale is mad at Choi Han for sacrificing himself because while Choi Han is hurting himself, the people who he loves, and the people who love him, watch him do it over and over again and he doesn’t listen to their worried cries.

He’s mad, but he understands. It was frustrating to be on the other side, watching someone destroy themselves for the sake of others when the people who cared about them wanted the exact opposite. The only difference between him and Choi Han was that Choi Han was never a good liar, he could never hide how much pain he went through.

In a way, Cale thought it was better that way.

At some point, there is love that is there. Love that follows them, and it’s so painful because they both know the tragedy edy to it that is how they are doomed, how they can never be happy in the first time line where they knew each other.

Because as Cale and Choi Han, they can’t be happy. Not when so much has been lost, not when the world is falling apart, they may love each other, but loving each other as they are means being in a world where everything else they love is gone.

It is a cruel kind of love.

Like let’s say they do pursue these feelings, even though knowing those two I don’t think they’d ever say anything in that scenario. If they did it would probably be Cale going like:

“Choi Han, do you love me?”

Choi Han doesn’t say anything, but his silence in place of adamant refusal is enough of an answer.

“Do you love me, Cale?”

Cale doesn’t say anything either, only smiling at Choi Han with his signature, cynical and bitter smile.

He didn’t deny it either.

It was a confirmation of feelings, but unlike the confessions from romance novels and stories, the main character and lead do not end up together and live happily ever after.

They stay together, but the world around them is not happy, not at all. They are together, but not as partners or as lovers, but two people who live in their suffering because all they can do is live.

I feel like anything they do together would always have an air of melancholy to it. Maybe they kiss, once, and no more, because there is no point in making it a regular thing. Not when everything in their world will end, even if they keep on fighting for it to not be that way.

They kiss, and it’s short, but in that short moment, the world is nothing but Cale and Choi Han.

Isn’t that selfish? If it’s like this, then they could ignore how everything has gone so badly. But that is exactly why they cannot be together, there is no ignoring the reality of their situation, no matter how sweet it would be to live in a false dream and never wake up.

I like my OG!ChoiCale a little doomed.

[squigglebug]

playlist is happening

I've started with just a few songs, one for each member of the gang, though I do plan on adding some more.

Silas Flint: Big Iron by Marty Robbins

I really considered this for Delacy, since he did literally win a shootout against a villain. But ultimately, I think the character of the ranger is far more similar to Silas. Even since his break with the law, Silas is motivated by justice and his desire to do the right thing. I really do see him as someone in the fight against those who hurt others.

Most fitting line: "Oh, he might have went on livin', but he made one fatal slip / When he tried to match the Ranger with the big iron on his hip"

Nate Jansen: Hey Mister by Poor Man's Poison

Nate's a wanderer. He doesn't have much of a direction or goal, but he knows he needs to keep moving. Johnny described this whole wildcard thing as basically being Nate's retirement project, but I think becoming Harrowed and now having this supernatural entity to contend with has added a new layer of haunted-ness to Nate's existence. He's no longer living on the borrowed time of old age, but he is in a constant struggle for control of his own soul.

Most fitting line: "The devil's been on my back now for quite some time / Yeah, it's just been me and him, and the whispering wind / And it's, it's time to find a little peace of mind"

Delacy: Gun Song by The Lumineers

I realize it's a tad ironic to give Delacy a song that repeats the line "I don't own a single gun," but hear me out. I considered this one for Garnet due to the references to a father, but ultimately went with Delacy because wanting to live a life different from that of his parents is the whole reason he's out here. Rooster represents freedom, change, and a new life for him, and I think that matches the song perfectly.

Most fitting line: "And one day, I pray, I'll be more than my father's son / But I don't own a single gun"

Edie Valentine: Raise Hell by Brandi Carlile

There's a lot of love in Edie, but beneath that sweet exterior is also a lot of strength. Not that strength is the opposite of love in any way-- Edie's love for her brother, for her friends, for the people she needs to protect is what makes her strong. She's kind and she's fiery, she's sweet and she's determined. She knows the path she's on isn't an easy one, but she'll be damned if she lets anyone talk her off of it.

Most fitting line: "You have a mind to keep me quiet, and although you can try / Better men have hit their knees and bigger men have died"

Garnet Munroe: The Hand That Feeds by The Crane Wives

Garnet is a tough one, because we don't actually know all that much about her. We know that she was raised by her father, and he seems to have been the one who taught her how to play cards, though it's unclear if he also had Garnet's hex-slinging abilities. What we do know is that the relationship had a significant effect on Garnet. In fact, as far as we know, it's the most significant relationship of her life. I decided to go with a song that reflected that.

Most fitting line: "My papa taught me how to howl / How to bare my teeth and growl / He taught me that the hand that feeds / Deserves to be bitten when it beats"

[eli-little-workshop]

In honnor of the movie, I offer you some Lacie colored sketches

[rebeccathenaturalist]

*deep breath* This, folks, is EXACTLY why I am writing The Everyday Naturalist. Because it's not enough to have an app. You HAVE to know how to use multiple identification tools and have keen observational skills if you are going to safely forage or otherwise identify things in nature.

Here's the deal. Apps are a tool. They are not infallible, and they should never, ever, EVER be your only tool for identifying mushrooms and other organisms. This goes even moreso for when you're trying to determine whether something is edible or not. I go into more detail about why apps should never be used by themselves in this article that I wrote a few months back, but let's explore a bit more about how an app works.

Any identification app has access to a particular database of pictures and other information for various species. In the case of my favorite app, iNaturalist, it draws from the over 156 million (and growing) observations of animals, plants, fungi, and other living beings that have been uploaded to it over the years.

When you upload a photo to an app, your phone usually inputs the date, time, and GPS location automatically, though these can be updated manually if need be. Then the app's algorithms sift through the database looking for species that are found in the same location at the same time of year, and which have similar photos.

Notice that I said SIMILAR, not identical. Many organisms, to include many fungi, have varying appearances based on subspecies, life stage, and other factors. And there are a lot of species that have close lookalikes, whether we're talking birds, wildflowers, mushrooms, etc.

So the algorithms then use their search results to give you their suggestion(s) of what most closely resembles the organism you are trying to identify. Some give you one answer; others, like iNaturalist, offer you a list to choose from, and may also qualify their response with "We're not sure, but these were found nearby" or something similar. The first one on the list is NOT always going to be the correct answer. However, the app doesn't have reasoning skills, and all it can do is play match-up and then produce suggestions based on that. (Yes, other iNaturalist users can come along and comment on your observations once you've uploaded and saved them, but you always want to carefully assess their claims, too.)

There are several toxic mushrooms that are implicated in poisonings on a regular basis; among them are what I call the "deadly Amanitas": the death cap (Amanita phalloides) and the destroying angels (A. bisporigera, A. ocreata, and A. verna.) In addition to these species' respective native ranges in Europe and North America, some have managed to make their way to other parts of the world. This includes in Australia, where there is a current investigation underway over a woman who fed several family members deadly Amanitas, three of whom have died.

These poisonous mushrooms have several edible lookalikes. As one example, while matsutakes (Tricholoma matsutake) are often brown, they may sometimes appear white, especially if the brown layer has peeled off. And field mushrooms (Agaricus spp, especially A. bisporus and A. campestris) are also large white mushrooms, though their gills and spores tend to be brown rather than the white of Amanita species.

Still, someone taking a picture of a large white mushroom--especially if they neglect to take another picture of the gills (the more pictures you take, the better)--could easily end up with an app telling them an Amanita is an Agaricus. Or they might read that some people think it's safe to eat Amanita muscaria if you parboil it long enough, and assume that other Amanita species are the same way (one of MANY reasons I do not advocate for treating A. muscaria as an edible.)

So--again--DO NOT USE APPS AS YOUR ONLY ID TOOL. Use them in conjunction with multiple field guides, websites, other foragers, etc. Practice using these tools and developing a critical eye before you go out foraging. Be super cautious, and when in doubt, throw it out.

And my inbox is ALWAYS open, as is my email (rebeccathenaturalist(at)gmail(dot)com.) You can ALWAYS email me with questions about field guides, apps, and other resources, and I am also happy to look at pictures of mushrooms (and other living beings) you're trying to identify, whether edible or not. You might need to give me a few days to reply, but I will get back to you. Don't use ME as your only source, either; I'm just one person. But I can point you to online groups that are also good resources.

[swaps55]

I'm neck-deep writing an exchange fic, so while I'm actually writing, it isn't Mezzo quite yet. However, I am currently suffering from a metric fuckton of Sam feelings thanks to Spotify assaulting me with 2WEI's cover of Hurt, so here is a snippet from the next Mezzo chapter, from what has quickly become my favorite scene in the whole damn thing.

In which EDI talks to Sam about stars:

~

He closes his eyes. Swallows. “I always wanted to see the Pillars of Creation.”  

EDI skims through Shepard’s file. It does not appear his Alliance career ever took him to that region of the Traverse. Their recent venture to Korlus would have been his closest proximity, but at improper lines of sight to accurately reproduce the shape visible from Earth. Or, in Shepard’s case Arcturus.

--Query: Would you like to go? I could calculate an optimal vantage point. This ship would take you there. I could take you there.   

--Block: Illusive Man Protocol Override – Unprompted personal inquiries are impermissible.

“I could provide images,” she says instead.

He shakes his head. “No. It’s fine. Go on.”

“As you wish. The initiation of fusion creates enough pressure to counteract the forces of gravity, putting a newly formed star in a state of hydrostatic equilibrium. In essence, stars exist in conflict with gravity throughout their main sequence.”

Another flicker of dark energy illuminates his fingers, like a small star in his hands. His voice wavers. “Gravity wins eventually.”

“Yes,” she concurs. “When hydrogen is depleted, gravity becomes the more powerful force, causing the inner layers of the star to collapse, expanding the star outward. However, this is not the end of the star. The increased pressure causes helium to fuse into carbon, beginning a new, second life in the star’s cycle.”

“But it’s different,” Shepard says, then closes his fist and snuffs the light out. “Destructive. Red giants swallow up the things closest to them. Burn them up until there’s nothing left.” A small, strangled sound slips out of his throat.

He is…distressed.

She puzzles over this. Facts do not inherently carry emotional meaning, but Shepard appears to have assigned such meaning anyway, resulting in a negative emotional response to her requested outputs. An undesirable result.

Again, she wishes for insight into his subroutines.

The life cycle of organics does not parallel that of stars. However, Shepard’s death and reanimation creates an anomaly that raises points of comparison. Whether or not EDI’s does as well remains unknown.

She does not have a baseline for the life cycle experienced by others like her.

--Query: Do you believe that we have entered the second phase of our main sequence? Is this the source of your distress?

--Block: Illusive Man Protocol Override – Unprompted personal inquiries are impermissible.

Troubling, perhaps, if the comparison holds. Stars behave one of two ways once fusion ends. Some shed their mass away to form nebula clouds. Unlike the dark and cold nurseries that birthed them, in death they spiral with heat and color.

But those with greater mass become hotter and denser, fighting gravity until the core explodes in a supernova, ejecting most of its mass into interstellar space.

Sometimes, gravity does lose.  

But supernovas have the power to feed new stellar nurseries, spectacular endings that create new beginnings. The galaxy is predicated on cycles that endlessly repeat.

It makes her feel…small.

But they are just facts. Facts she has assigned an emotional value to.

Hm. A point of connection, perhaps? She finds the possibility unexpectedly comforting.

[ladykailitha]

All My Roads Lead Back to You Part 11

We learn more about Harri and Addison makes a brief appearance. She’s dumb, your honor.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

***

Eddie put down his phone and buried his head in his hands. What the hell was he supposed to do with that information anyway? That the three major relationships that Steve had been in were catastrophic failures where his partner cheated on him. Swearing off women after Addison, according to Jeff. And then swearing off men after...what was it Edie said his name was? Mick? Simon? Dick? Well, he certainly was that.

He snapped his fingers. Andy! That’s what the asshole’s name was. Fuck. Steve deserved someone like Jay was to Eddie. Someone to be his partner to take care of him. Edie shouldn’t have had to take care of her dad. That shouldn’t have been her job. She was still a kid. And she had that ripped away from her because Steve didn’t find someone who loved him as much as he deserved to be loved.

Because despite their history, Eddie still believed that. Yes, Steve had hurt him, but he didn’t deserve to be relegated to a lifetime of loneliness just because he didn’t choose Eddie.

Jay was a bright soul. Happy and carefree in ways that Eddie couldn’t even fathom after Vecna and hell literally tearing his hometown apart. He taught Eddie how to enjoy life again and they brought Harri into this world. He was so grateful that he got the time he had with Jay. He missed that vibrant soul.

There were now only three people in the whole world who knew how Harri was brought into this world. It used to be four before Jay died. Eddie, the surrogate herself, and the surrogate’s husband. Well, boyfriend at the time. Eddie got up and opened his safe. He pulled out an envelope that held a small key.

He took out the key, hefting it in his hand. He walked to his bedroom and threw back the rug to reveal a trap door in the floor. He used the key to unlock the trapdoor and opened it up to reveal a small wooden box which held a small puzzle looking piece. He set the box aside and got up to go to his studio.

He slotted the piece in the wall behind their gold record for the song “Run Boy Run” and out popped another safe. He put in the combination 03-27-86 and it hissed from the air entering the safe for the first time since he installed the labyrinth of secret hiding places. The builders thought he was nuts, Eddie insisted and it was built to how he wanted it.

He had a secret to keep and he fully intended to keep it until his dying day. He would of course tell Harri when he turned twenty-one as per the agreement but that was the only time it would be told. To anyone.

He pulled out the large manila envelope and sat down on the couch. Inside was Harri’s birth certificate with the mother listed as Annie Souris. It was a little joke they made because souris was mouse in French so it was Annie Mouse=anonymous.

The paparazzi had tried to take photos of the surrogate on numerous occasions but they always made sure she was covered. Especially her hair and face. Because there were very few people in the country that wouldn’t recognize the face of ace reporter and investigative journalist, Nancy Wheeler.

She kept her maiden name, which Jonathan had been okay with provided their kids took on his last name. Which Nancy had agreed to before the surrogacy thinking it wouldn’t matter. But the only way Jonathan was going to be okay with her bearing someone else’s kid, they had to try for one themselves.

They would give it a year after Harri was born and then try for three years. If it didn’t take by then, Jonathan would agree it wasn’t in the cards for them and be okay with no kids. Two years after Harri was born Lillian Byers came into this world in a hospital in Germany.

He didn’t know the story behind the name until Edie told him, and he thought it added a layer of cute that hadn’t been there before.

Then Eddie pulled out the only picture of Harri in Nancy’s arms they had ever taken. Nancy looked exhausted but proud. And Jonathan was by her side, stroking her hair.

Jay was on the other side looking down at their baby with absolute heart-eyes. Eddie was the one that had taken the picture so he wasn’t in it, but god he loved that picture.

He carefully put everything back and settled back on the sofa, a picture of Jay holding Harri for the first time and the love that just poured out his husband in his hand.

They had hoped that with Nancy looking like enough like Eddie that they would get a kid that would have both their traits as they would have used Jay’s sperm.

Only to be devastated to learn that Jay was shooting blanks. They had briefly thought about not using Nancy and finding another surrogate but the doctors said it could be another year before they found someone suitable. So Nancy was it. It was why Harri looked so much like Eddie. The poor kid had been blasted from both sides of gene pool.

There was a knock on the door and Eddie looked up to see Harri standing there.

“You okay?” he asked as he came into the room to sit next to Eddie.

Eddie nodded. “I was just talking to Dustin today and it made me realize how lucky I was to found have found Papa.”

Harri nodded. “Is this about Mr Harrington? About what Miss Thing–I mean Edie said about his last boyfriend cheating on him?”

Eddie sighed. Harri got his smarts from Nancy, no doubt about that. “Yeah. I don’t know about his other partners, but the three major ones I know of all cheated on him.”

Harri’s eyes went wide. “All of them?”

Eddie nodded. “And while he was out there struggling to find someone who loved him as much he loved them, I lucked out with Papa.” Tears slid down his cheeks. “And it’s not fair. Yeah, I’ve been angry at Steve for a long time, but everyone deserves love. Him most of all. And to think that he never found that? Hurts, you know?”

Harri hugged him tight. “We were so lucky with Papa. I guess I never thought about how lucky.”

Eddie nodded. “I’m sorry I haven’t been a good dad since Papa died.”

Harri shook his head. “No, Dad. I’m the one that fucked up, not you.”

“If I had been there for you...” Eddie whispered. “I’m so sorry, Harri.”

Harri squeezed his dad tight. “You were doing your best in a bad situation. I’m the one that refused to go to therapy. I was the one that turned to alcohol at fifteen. I was the one that took your car for a joyride, too drunk to even see.”

Eddie hugged his son tightly. “But I should have seen how badly his death had affected you. But I was so deep into fog of my own grief that I didn’t see yours.”

Harri clung to his dad. “I’m sorry, too. I know the first twenty years of your life wasn’t easy and then I had to go make the last five even harder than that.”

“You’re the only reason I’m still alive, kiddo,” Eddie promised. “If I didn’t have you I’m not sure I wouldn’t have gone to darker places then you did.”  

“So does this mean I get to drive again?” Harri asked with a grin.

Eddie pushed him off the sofa and he landed on the floor with a thump. “Nice try, kid.”

Harri laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Sober for a year was the deal.”

“Damn right it was,” Eddie said. “It’s my way of ensuring you don’t get back off track.”

Harri smirked. “Yeah, because against what literally everyone else was telling you, you chose not to call the cops.”

Eddie nodded. “It would have been better for my career, sure. But I would have lost your trust and that was something I wasn’t willing to lose.”

“And everyone says Papa was the smart one,” Harri teased.

Eddie tossed a throw pillow at him. “There are more than one kind of intelligence. Emotional intelligence, street smarts, battle strategy verse battle tactics, math verses history. There are all kinds.”

“Like what Edie was saying about her dad,” Harri said thoughtfully. “About how everyone thought he was dumb.”

Eddie nodded. “He was surrounded by literal geniuses and he still managed to see things they didn’t. Got a good head for business if that tech company of his is any indication. And he was too good at knowing when something was wrong, or upsetting you.”

Harri flopped down next to him on the couch and bumped his shoulder. “So are you.” He stopped him when Eddie started to argue. “That’s how you knew where to find me when I went off the rails.”

Eddie pursed his lips and then nodded. “We’ll make it together. Just you wait and see.”

Harri smiled back. “I know we will, Dad. I know.”

*

Steve was in his office when he got the notification of a visitor without an appointment. He frowned. He didn’t want to deal with anyone today, he was in a good mood and uninvited guests tended to ruin that, so hit the red button, signaling to Vanessa that he was busy.

Only for the door to slam open anyway with Vanessa right on this person’s heels.

Steve narrowed his eyes and immediately signed to her to call security.

“Still making wild gestures like a child, Steven,” the woman sneered.

Steve glared at her and then rolled his shoulders as if he was preparing for a fight. Which considering who it was, it wasn’t hyperbole.

He looked her up and down and decided she had really come up in the world since the last time he saw her. She had slimmed down and wore designer clothes. She looked like she had just walked out a fashion magazine.

“Addison Reed,” he bit out, still signing to Vanessa as he talked. “You’re violating your restraining order.”

The woman sneered again. “I go by Didi Patrick now.”

Steve went stock-still, except his hands, so that Vanessa could understand what was going on. “Doesn’t matter what fucking loser decided to make you an honest woman, you are still in violation of the law.”

Didi’s face twisted in rage. “I’m here for what is rightfully mine.”

Steve threw his head back and laughed. “Addison, you don’t get a dime of any of this.” He waved his hand at his office. “All this was after our divorce and even if it wasn’t you still wouldn’t get a cent because you cheated on me.”

He stood up and walked to the front of his desk and leaned on the edge of it. He smiled at her and tucked his hair behind his ear, showing off the hearing aid.

“Even with my parents hiring the best attorney in the state for you, still couldn’t change the fact that trust funds and inheritance aren’t considered shared and that you cheated on me. Plus, I hate to break it to you, alimony is only until you marry someone else. Which...” He waved a hand at her and cocked his head.

Her face was an ugly mask of rage and disgust. “You think you’re so smart, Steven, but you didn’t even realize that I’d been trying to get pregnant from the moment we met. Just you wait, all this will be mine and you’ll be in the gutter where you belong.”

Steve laughed again. “No, I knew, and I didn’t care, I wanted kids, Addison. I’ve always wanted kids. You just made the mistake of thinking that I would stay with you for the kid. But you made a classic blunder, babe. I have seen what happens when parents are too unhappy to divorce for ‘the kids’.” His whole body hummed with the thrill of it. He hadn’t thought he missed being in the thick of battle, but maybe this was why he was so good at business.

“Also, I didn’t used my trust fund for this. I still have it. Although it’s a lot closer to twenty million dollars by now. And that’s not including Edie’s trust fund which has about five million in it.”

“Her name is Edith,” Didi bit out.

Steve stuck out his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Nope, I’m pretty sure you don’t to decide that anymore. She’s almost eighteen now and hell, most of her friends don’t even call her Edie. They call her Miss Thing. Putting her even farther from your influence.”

He got up and looked over her shoulder. He nodded and then said to her. “I have more money than just this company and the trust funds. You have to be racking your brain where I got the money to start my own business. So I’ll tell you.”

Steve got close to her ear, his hands finally still and whispered, “Government hush money.”

Her eyes went wide as her mind filled in the blanks with all sorts of terrible things that Steve could have been involved with that would have caused the US government to pay him enough to start S&D Technologies.

Didi gulped, but before she could even open her mouth, she was being roughly grabbed from behind. She continued to scream obscenities and threats against him as she was hauled out by security to the waiting arms of the police.

***

A/N: I just want to clear up a couple of things because I don’t think they’re important enough to clarify in the story but that people might have questions about them anyway.

First, Jonathan. Nancy was free to do whatever she wanted, but she had to take into consideration what Jonathan would feel if she told him no kids and then was a surrogate for Eddie. What message that would send their relationship. So trying for A kid of their own was the compromise.

And then the hush money. Dustin and Steve went in on the business 50/50 with both of their money that they got from the mall incident. Thanks to the Upside Down, Steve was wealthier than his parents by the time he met Addison, he just didn’t flaunt it.

***

Part 12  Part 13 Part 14  Part 15  Part 16 Part 17  Part 18  Epilogue

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk @trashpocket @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @mightbeasleep @thedragonsaunt @chaoticlovingdreamer @trashpocket @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666  @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @steddie-as-they-go @lillemilly @callas-shitshow @bisexualdisastersworld @renaissan-vvitch @immortal-iratze @bookbinderbitch @thylatrek @lilacrobin @nightmareglitter @nerdsconquerall

[sol-consort]

Trial Of A Saint | Illusive Man

[Stalking, possessive obsessive behaviour over Shepard, implied sexual content, creepy fluff, fantasising and longing, Shepard is reader, Gender neutral Reader]

A short piece from the Illusive man view as he watches you, Shepard, return from a mission and all the thoughts that flow through his head while you go on with your daily routine.

Back from another mission, he watches you take off your armour. Piece by Piece, you strip the outer metal layer with expert hands that have been doing this their whole lives. He had no doubt you could do it blind.

The pilot greets you with the warmth of an old friend. He's never this outspoken with anyone else but you, or so EDI has claimed in its reports.

He made sure they'd engineer it to take his mind off of things, to lessen your burden, your guilty conscience for leaving your only friend all alone aboard a ship filled with strangers.

You frequented the bridge after every mission, smiling at their light quarrells. Their playful rivalry worked as a small stress relief for your overworked mind.

Two fingers hold the cigarette between his lips as he breathes in the smoke, the delicious burning sensation of his lungs that lasts for a mere second before the nicotine spreads through his veins in a rush.

Is this what you must have felt like? Swimming in the abyss of space so far away from any sign of life, limbs withering as you fought back against the burning pain in your chest. lungs collapsing in on themselves, the heart stills, your brain activity spikes one final time. 

You gasp for breath, an involuntary reflex, an old human instinct since the dawn of time.

One that saved our kind. Only it ends up being your doom as you naively surrender whatever oxygen left in your body to the gluttonous vacuum of space.

A spec of burning ash falls down against his flesh. He doesn't flinch. The delicious sensation of burning, the proof of being alive.

You're waiting inside the elevator, half-lidded eyes from exhaustion, and yet your posture remains straight. The military discipline runs in your blood like narcotics run in his.

lowering the cigarette away momentarily, his other hand brings up the crystal shot glass from the small table next to him. A golden liquid glitters inside, he takes a sip, and it glides down his throat.

His eyes never leave you for one second, courtesy to the various bugs and hidden cameras in every corner of the ship. plant some obvious ones for the smarter kids of your crew to find and assume safety, unaware of the legion embedded within the husk of the ship.

Yet, how curious, you never removed yours. Even the most blatant obvious one of them all, sitting out in the open right next to the medal showcase on your desk, you've obviously spotted it and yet didn't even turn it down.

Not when your adoring asari friend visited, not when your eager assistant came up for more than drinks.

He wondered, Do you enjoy the thrill? Or do you simply not care?

The first thing you always do whenever you arrive at your quarters is feed your pretty pets. various colourful fish swimming up to catch the bits and pieces of food you drop with the press of a button.

He makes a memo to give Miranda a raise. It was her suggestion to add the aquarium after all. With only a single press of a button in his omni-tool, he, too, feeds his beloved pets.

Crossing his legs, he leans back in his chair as you open your wardrobe. Changing into a more casual uniform than your armour padding. Each one of those clothes he hand picked himself amidst the hundreds of concepts the fashion designers sent him.

Are you happy with the collection? Do you have an interest in fashion? Would you have preferred to show more skin or cover more? Something enticing or something that shows authority? 

Miranda's clothing suggestions were almost approved, wasn't it for Kelly bringing up how you might be furious to be met with such inappropriate options first thing after your recovery. 

And so all the remaining funds were funnelled into getting you these unique one-of-a-kind armours, giving you full access to send any parts back to be repainted however you wished them to be, with an instant delivery.

Checking your private terminal, there are no new messages, Kelly has informed you on the way here.

He opens another screen, mirroring the same one you're looking at.

The same message, the single one you refuse to archive and keep marked as unread in your inbox. 

The Horizon mission.

Your eyes move with the words, rereading it carefully. How many times has it been already? 

How many nights spent without sleep? 

How many drinks did you drown your sorrows in because of it?

How many wounds must you reopen, how many heartaches must you relive, how many headaches must you reawaken.

He reads it with you. He had it looked at by various decryption experts and even had it translated into thousands of languages.

There was no second meaning, no hidden message behind the remorseful words. 

Those dots resembled no codes, spelt no secret except a juvenile show of hesitation.

Based on his reports, you two were close. An ex, be it friend or lover, they were the one to cut the red thread connecting your fates.

Part of him did hope that by tricking you into this confrontation on Horizon, that maybe your lover would see reason and join your side. Gain another priceless asset to your crew.

What an excellent morale boost your old friend would've been. For the best purpose anyone on this ship could ever amount to, is to be useful to you.

Alas, your usual cunning charm and bold intimidation seemed to evaporate the second you were hugged. He should've anticipated the fact you were too touch starved to think clearly, partially blaming Kelly for not finding her way into your bed sooner.

But it didn't break you. No, it made you stronger, more ruthless. 

It was necessary to break your heart this early. He couldn't afford it getting into the way of your mission. 

Either way, the outcome was always in his favour. The house always wins in these situations. 

When you eventually sit on the bed, his attention narrows as he leans forward in his chair, uncrossing his legs and downing the rest of his whisky before setting the empty glass away.

You stretch, an old-school military technique meant to act as a quick way to unwind the muscles. Not very effective, akin to a band-aid rather than any actual muscle relief. Should he lend his personal masseuse to you one of those days? Have those expert hands that touched him feel your skin all the same.

Too risky, he discards the idea, you've gotten so used to working with a sore aching body, to loosen the knots in your muscles now would cause a dip in your performance as you adjust to your new flexibility. He can't afford that.

Part of him can't stop himself from giving you gifts. You're practically swimming in his graces as much as your beloved fishes are. You're the most expensive project he has ever built from the ground up, and you're still racking up quite the bill.

He hand-picked everything, from the thousands-thread sheets you're currently laying on, to the featherly pillow resting below your head. the scent of your body wash, the taste of your toothpaste, each and every song in the alarm on your nightstand.

Trying each one personally before granting it his approval.

Even Kelly was hand-picked, oh how beautifully she moaned under him, how delicately she unravelled. That look of pure ecstasy in her eyes during that moment made him feel like a god, and that's exactly when he decided that you should have her instead.

You took the bait with the confidence of someone purposely walking into a trap. How curious he was, on just how you'd be with her.

Would you take charge or let her worship you? Would you make her sing, or would you be the one playing a symphony? how would your thighs look shaking? How would your breath sound panting? What does your face look like when the rush of power and pleasure blanks all sense of duty from your mind?

You did not disappoint. 

He was tempted to share more of his toys, the Matriarch, the twin sisters, the most beautiful human alive, just on the tip of your fingers.

But it was too late to introduce new staff to your crew. You've already made a close tight-knit group with yours. Almost close enough to convince them to go rogue and take the Normandy hostage, much like your old crew did to the alliance before.

That fire in you, burning bright enough to convince people to follow you to hell and back. 

It was the most addicting of all of the drugs he had ever taken. You were the most intoxicating one. And he was sure to relish and milk every hit he could out of you before your eventual departure.

You can keep an animal in a cage, but on one of those days, it's going to fight back.

He watches the heart sensor on the screen next to him, watching your heartbeat slowing down as you approach REM sleep. The elevator access to your floor locks out automatically whenever your heartbeat falls below a certain threshold to prevent anyone disturbing you.

Likewise, when it raises during more intense activities.

It's cathartic in a way, watching you alive and well, sleeping on his bed that he gave you. After you were burnt to an unrecognisable degree in that explosion.

As the threat of the reapers creeps in, bit by bit, each second could be the last, and yet here you are, the saviour of the galaxy, sleeping like an innocent lamb.

Sleep smoothed out the glare in your features, the constant tense of anger in your jaw. You almost looked…angelic. He was almost tempted to preserve you like this for eternity, freeze you in a display for all to look at, for him to admire as he drinks.

Pouring himself another glass, he reminds himself that he has to settle for this for now. 

Your hair looked so soft, your lips so tempting. His personal entertainment budget tripled shortly after the mission reports between you two became a thing.

The thrill your voice sent down his spine, the heat collecting in his core, you were responsible for every drop of arousal he suffered. 

Be it yelling at him for tricking you or begrudgingly agreeing, each confrontation left him restless and breathless.

Immediately booking an appointment with his usuals, immediately seeking relief for the longing in his body, the fire you ignited and left to burn him.

Your cold eyes staring him down haunted his memory as he relished in the warm body of another. Your commanding figure made him manhandle the one below him into submission.

Some nights he wants to break you, make you helpless and obedient. on your knees between his legs, head resting against his thigh as he runs a finger along your bottom lip. Pressing his thumb inside your mouth while you look up at him with doe eyes.

Other nights, he wants your jaw latched onto his throat as you claw his back. He wants you ordering him around in bed with the same authority that was your birthright. Fury pulsing in your red gaze as threats pour down like poison from your mouth, degrading and humiliating him to your heart's content.

Another drag of his cigarette, another sip of his drink, another hardness between his legs left ignored, and he kept watching you instead.

Did you know? You move a lot in your sleep.

The blanket falls away, exposing your body. The compromising positions you end up at, the way your legs part, wrap around a pillow, or stretch out. 

Like looking at a piece of art, he immortalises every scene to his brain. fully focusing on your figure, your muscles and strong shoulders, your chest, and your bare stomach.

His eyes travel down to your hips, your strong thighs. His own hand grips the armrest of his chair, fingers digging into the leather. How would your skin feel?

The reconstruction of your body used your original DNA and form. Therefore, all previous scars and battle marks were lost in translation. Your skin was smooth again except for the stray moles. He has counted them many times.

It hasn't been long, and you were already making new scars, limping into Dr.Chakwas office as droplets of med-gel trailed after you on the ground. Staying only for the bare minimum of treatments and jumping into shore right after. 

Leaving the scar removal technology, the one that he personally had the scientist design for you, to collect dust.

your lips part, and his own follow after as he returns the cigarette to his lips. Wrapping them around the end, wondering how yours would taste like. 

Would you use teeth and make him bleed? would your eyebrows knit at the taste of smoke and alcohol in his mouth?

Would you reciprocite? Would you stand there like an ice wall? Would you punch him?

Unpredictable, versatile, ever adapting, that was your nature. Humanity's core traits shine in you.

There is also the chance you're into this, you've allowed him to watch after all, came to report your mission to him with no resistance, let him buy the right to address you as Shepard and not commander.

How much does he have to pay to be able to use your first name? The one everyone else acts as if it's blasphemy to say, or did they simply forget it?

Half of what he owns.

He is willing to part with half of everything he owns to call you by your first name. Replace your last name with his and make it his property forever.

Which man but him claims the right to that?

Who else but him could claim to ever have authority over commander Shepard's ship? To have the power to decide what happens, to make you plead your case and judgement to him in a report after each important mission.

Having you standing there as he sits down, stretching out the conversation and making you linger and hang on each word he speaks out slowly. 

Long ago, you did obey someone else.

Occe you too were subordinate to someone else.

He looked into David Anderson's history. He was not impressed. 

Could not see what you saw in him beyond surface level authority, could not understand why you eagerly served under him like a lost puppy.

Probably nurture. Maybe if it was him who got to you first, maybe if it was Cerberus who recruited you first, then you'd have been his eager puppy.

His sword and shield, his symbol of hope to reshape Cerberus around. Make you the token hero to justify his cause with. The main attraction for others, like you, to join his operations.

The Alliance undervalued you. The council used you. Both were a waste of you. Someone like you was a miracle that came down to humanity once every thousand years or so. Your limited lifespan already was a hindrance, so why do others feel the need to be annoying obstacles in your path.

Good thing he has already taken the steps to prolong your lifespan with the medication laced in your daily meals.

Making you reprove your worth over and over, respeak your truth louder and louder, establish your cause clearer and clearer. 

Humanity's curse is still its short memory, history repeating itself.

Much like her, you too were put on trial for heresy, for your demonic words, your refusal for submission. 

And if you're not careful, then you too will burn at the stake as the angels that once urged you to war and justice, wept at your feet for deciding to jump down that window.

As the flames rose, as the people shouted witch, as the girl burned.

As Joan gasped for breath, an involuntary reflex, an old human instinct since the dawn of time.

As God watched.

His cold eyes, mechanical in nature, devoid of any weakness, devoid of any humanity, omnipotent, omnificent, blue.

blinking, he poured himself a third glass. Snuffing his burning cigarette out with his finger. 

The burning sensation was exhilarating.