#because I like OG Cale as he is

[youngyoo-apologist]

When it comes to OG!Cale ships I like both OG!AlCale and OG!ChoiHan but it really depends on the scenario

For example, I like OG!AlCale in both regression aus and TBoaH adjacent timeline things because I think a huge thing I like in their dynamic is how mysterious they both are to the other party. The fun of their dynamic is them discovering more about each other and the various miscommunications they have cause of their own personalities, and I think that works very well no matter the universe.

But with OG!ChoiCale, I feel like I can really only enjoy it in TBoaH adjacent things or if they both have the memories of the first life.

To me, a big thing about OG!ChoiCale is about the life they lived together, how they hated eachother, how they both didn’t know eachother for years, how they could have spent time together during the war due to unfortunate circumstances(there not being enough people left)

Like, I think OG!ChoiCale can be such a cool dynamic, such a sad, but comforting one at the same time. It’s a little bitter how the man you thought you would hate forever became a close companion, how he’s more similar to you than your younger self woild have ever thought, but do you really hate it?

Can you really hate having a person who understands you, when so many people have died? When so many are gone?

Something about the sadness of it all, how it was tragedy that brought them against each other at first, but now it brings them together. How they could only ever grow to understand eachother because of the pain they face, the pain that they shared. At some point, can you really hate him, even until the end? After all those years? After coming to understand him? No, you cannot.

Like, it adds in extra layers when they both care about each other at some point mid-way through the war, but they still can’t really talk to eachother properly. They care, but they frustrate one another, anger each other. Choi Han doing increasingly more risky and self sacrificial things because ‘I’m a hero’ ‘I have to do it.’ ‘It is justice to save people’, despite the fact that it’s at the expense of himself

And Cale’s frustration at Choi Han’s attitude. He can never wrap his head around the fact that Choi Han destroys himself for the sake of other people, and believes it’s heroic(He knows Choi Han doesnt, he know Choi Han hates it too, but he doesn’t know what else to say to himself other than the fact that ‘it’s for the greater good’, because he will go crazy if he doesn’t)

He’s mad, but there’s some twisted sense of understanding in there too. Cale understands, because he became trash for his family, he became trash to protect them, he had to do it.

But that’s only what he thought.

He was older now, he had lost them all, and he had seen how his trash act hadn’t done anything to protect them. It only distanced him from them, and now they were gone, and he could never see them again, he could never make amends.

Cale is mad at Choi Han for sacrificing himself because while Choi Han is hurting himself, the people who he loves, and the people who love him, watch him do it over and over again and he doesn’t listen to their worried cries.

He’s mad, but he understands. It was frustrating to be on the other side, watching someone destroy themselves for the sake of others when the people who cared about them wanted the exact opposite. The only difference between him and Choi Han was that Choi Han was never a good liar, he could never hide how much pain he went through.

In a way, Cale thought it was better that way.

At some point, there is love that is there. Love that follows them, and it’s so painful because they both know the tragedy edy to it that is how they are doomed, how they can never be happy in the first time line where they knew each other.

Because as Cale and Choi Han, they can’t be happy. Not when so much has been lost, not when the world is falling apart, they may love each other, but loving each other as they are means being in a world where everything else they love is gone.

It is a cruel kind of love.

Like let’s say they do pursue these feelings, even though knowing those two I don’t think they’d ever say anything in that scenario. If they did it would probably be Cale going like:

“Choi Han, do you love me?”

Choi Han doesn’t say anything, but his silence in place of adamant refusal is enough of an answer.

“Do you love me, Cale?”

Cale doesn’t say anything either, only smiling at Choi Han with his signature, cynical and bitter smile.

He didn’t deny it either.

It was a confirmation of feelings, but unlike the confessions from romance novels and stories, the main character and lead do not end up together and live happily ever after.

They stay together, but the world around them is not happy, not at all. They are together, but not as partners or as lovers, but two people who live in their suffering because all they can do is live.

I feel like anything they do together would always have an air of melancholy to it. Maybe they kiss, once, and no more, because there is no point in making it a regular thing. Not when everything in their world will end, even if they keep on fighting for it to not be that way.

They kiss, and it’s short, but in that short moment, the world is nothing but Cale and Choi Han.

Isn’t that selfish? If it’s like this, then they could ignore how everything has gone so badly. But that is exactly why they cannot be together, there is no ignoring the reality of their situation, no matter how sweet it would be to live in a false dream and never wake up.

I like my OG!ChoiCale a little doomed.

[sadlynotthevoid]

Crack idea here: LCF modern AU with magic where og!Cale accidentally gains a swordmaster aura after way too many hours of playing beat saber.

Cale: *intensely playing the same game for 74th time this (new) year*

Cale's body: *starts exuding glowing mist*

Cale:

Hans, who just opened the door: Excuse me, young mas— Hhh...

Hans: Madam Violan!!!

[idontknowmyownmind]

RokCale brother AU:

KRS reincarnated as Cale's younger brother and because his first life is more fucked up than canon, he become unhinged in an obsessive way toward Cale, codependency and attachment issue at best

Cale is older by 5 years than Roksu and he basically Roksu's primary caretaker since their mother's death

Roksu is a sly and manipulative kid, always monopolize his hyung's time and attention

He doesn't like to share and want to keep his brother for himself, even from their family

Roksu resent Deruth who 'hurt' Cale, although not openly show it

He harbor ill feeling toward Basen and Violan who made Cale 'sacrifice' himself

But Roksu never trully hurt them, just make their life a 'little bit' difficult because he doesn't want to make his hyung sad or upset for seeing them 'hurt'

Ron is the only one who is aware of Roksu's darker side because he always with the brothers

Let's say that Roksu 'threatened' him to keep quiet

Roksu never let people get to close with Cale nor he let his hyung attached to someone other than him

It's subtle but Roksu always isolating Cale from other people whose not him

People know Roksu as a silent but good and obedient kid while they see Cale as the unruly brother

In a way, Roksu also adding fuel to rumor regarding Cale so no one ever approach him to take him away

[luffyrose]

A Field of Spider Lilies - TCF

So uh- Does anyone remember for like Nov last year where I mentioned a Twin AU for Trash of the Count's Family? Yeah, I was thinking about it again because it got buried in my notes and I recently uncovered it.

It took me FOREVER to think of a name for this AU but I wanted to give it one because I actually really do want to write this and would love to talk about it while I do so :D

Under the cut is gonna be just some info about the au as it stands and MAAAYYYBBBEEEEE a mini clip of what I had written/a plan I have for it.

First and foremost, bada dum! The title "Field of Spider Lilies" has been decided! It literally took me so many things to get to this lol- I was tempted to do "It Takes Two to Terrorize" as a play on "It Takes Two to Tango" but felt this was a bit better in general. I know many people will instantly think of red spider lilies, which is what I want!!! They are a dangerous and ill-thought flower, however, their meaning isn't always so dark.

Using this, since it is closest to my own interpretations of spider liles and their colors, I think each of them fits the twins. There is no specific color I will EVER assign to the lilies of the title, so you can imagine as you will with each part what coloring best fits the story at the time. If they're scamming they could be yellow. Injured? Red. Surrounded by those they love? White. Within a battle or something? Orange. It's all about the perception of the reader for the color, so you may all have fun with this :D

Also, Death would absolutely love if his children were represented by a flower that represented him so you know I'm going to fully use this to my advantage. No one will stop me and my bundle of flower meanings I've been holding onto since I learned they were a thing as a young child-

Kim Rok Soo has been named as well! He has now been dubbed our good boy Arlen! I always find the fact that Cale's name means dog as well as wholehearted fits both Og!Cale and KRS!Cale very well, so I wanted to find a name that also fit Twin!KRS as well. Then I found Arlen. Which means "hare land" (in a direct sense) but also if spelled with an "i" instead of an "e" it means "pledge/oath" which is also very fitting for our boy.

Also. Hare and the Hound. I couldn't not take the opportunity to have the twins be a reference to something. Let alone the fact that it's a story whose moral is essentially; "life is the most precious thing". I COULDN'T NOT DO IT ALRIGHT-

So their names are both a reference to a child's story that fits them as well as a name that fits our good boy KRS in general.

NOW ONTO SOME OF THE ACTUAL INFO ABOUT THE FIC TO BE!(I will be referring to KRS as Arlen, however, fear not, his middle name is Roksu, in reference to the more official translation, and he will be referred to by that as well since he's embarrassed that his name basically means bunny lol.)

ヾ( ○´ ･▿･ )ﾉﾞ

Arlen and Cale are telepathic. Not because of the typical 'time to have creepy telepathic twin time' because let's be real these two can and will learn how to communicate with nothing but staring at one another even if they weren't. They are telepathic though because the GoD felt a little bit bad about making them children again and wanted to give them a way to communicate early on. At least he only turned them into toddlers!

Jour, since her ancient power lets her see time, knows very well that something happened. She doesn't know what it is because even her power has its limits, but she knows she was only meant to have one child, but loves both her boys equally. The day they 'awaken' into their new bodies, she is also very aware that their time has yet again changed. She's worried, but still never tells anyone her plan.

Cale is an emotional mess but hides it. Arlen is an emotional mess but ignores it. Ron is about at his wit's end at this point between the two of them. And he's an assassin. He should have more patience than this-

They also cannot completely suppress their child-like instincts, which is both funny as if one cries the other probably will as well, but also horrible for when they're a bit older because oh y'know...trauma response from Arlen when he was Kim Rok Soo.

Cale is ever so slightly older and has decided despite their plan to stick close to the early plot up until Choi Han since nothing big happens before then(that they are aware of because Cale barely remembers half of what happened after his family died, he was kind of too numb to), that he is going to not let anyone hurt Arlen. Cause y'know. Telepathy. And Record. In a child's body.

I am very much not letting anyone forget Rok Soo grew up with that curse and if he ever had to be a younger child closer to the time he was around his uncle he probably wouldn't be able to help his instincts. Since even in canon he notes how trauma for a child is so scary for that very reason- Okay y'all get it I'll stop u-u

Anyway, Cale has seen some of the 'nightmares' his brother has and is wondering if after they ensure they can live peacefully even with the war that happens (Cale doesn't know they would have lost the war- he was too distracted and numb to truly care for much else than fighting those who wronged him!) if there is a way to get some petty revenge against those from another world.

In regards to Ancient Powers, I do have a plan, but if I share this, it t will be some major spoilers soooo maybe you'll have to wait for now >:3c

Finally, in this long tirade I've been on- I have a little snippet from when the first day they awoke!

I do have plans to do a bit of stuff pre-TCF plot with the twins since it will help build the dynamic I want as well as just give some fun interactions I believe we all deserve. Of course, there will be some serious, some fun, and some embarrassing childhood memories to be shown that Cale would will definitely get chased over if he told them.

Please feel free to ask/suggest/or just comment about this au!!!! I would love to talk about it more in general since I'm still fleshing out quite a bit of it :D

[sadlynotthevoid]

This is so teenage Og!Cale coded.

i like the term "gallows humor" because it always makes me think of someone getting sentenced to death and being like "i have GOT to be the funniest person at my public execution"

[asexual-levia-tan]

come to think of it, as much as it was good for him to get more powerful, i wonder if alberu ever feels sad about how he began to look more like a dark elf after taking that dragon's dead mana. since previously he would've looked more like his mother.

[unluckycactus]

You know, I've been thinking about OG!Cale's deal with GoD for a while now. And the more I think about it, the more unfair it is to me?

GoD literally reached out to Og!Cale when he was the most vulnerable, after he had lost everything and quite casually put the faith of the world on his shoulders.

GoD literally swept in in his time of need and went 'give up your life and I will save your world' like a total fraudulent bastard

For real tho, GoD literally put Og!Cale between a rock and a hard place. It was one of these instances in which the other side was presented with the illusion of freedom, because let's be real: Og!Cale was basically coerced into taking the deal.

It is presented to us as if Og!Cale really just threw away his world and life at the opportunity of reuniting with his mother, but that's not really what happened, is it? His mother's reincarnation was just an incentive to take said deal, but he only took the deal after being reassured that his world would be saved

Now, let's say Og!Cale still refused the deal. Then what?

Realistically speaking, what could've Og!Cale done by just regressing? GoD never offered him the same help he handed over KRS (aka the awfully descriptive and full of 'useless details' novel that set Cale's initial course of action) and thus that was never a path open for Og!Cale

Of course, I am by no means discrediting KRS, because the novel was just a guide and the results he got is all his own merit. He efficiently used the information provided, instead of doing a total redo like many other MCs do, and I love him for that

But that's the thing, it was never a matter of which soul was more competent to handle the task in the first place. It not that Og!Cale wasn't competent enough to save his own world

It was always about what would work best for GoD's own agenda and fix his own problems

Because, allow me to recap but:

Og!Cale got reverse isekaied, which is like ten times harder to pull off if you ask me.

We're talking about a literal fantasy boomer being thrown in the modern apocalyptic age, and worse, bro is in the body of someone pretty important (no matter how hard KRS tried to downplay it). If he half-asses his new job, it's gonna be a problem for sure

He has incomplete information on his hands. The impressive part is that, regardless, HeniRoksoo still manages to do KRS' work properly. Jang Sejong says so in the side stories

So it was never an issue of Og!Cale not being competent. The GoD definitely could have arranged a deal that didn't involve KRS at all, he just didn't do it that way because it wasn't convenient for him

I guess GoD did it this way to fix the problem with the White Star's curse affecting KRS, which I get, but idk

I'd like more people to acknowledge that Og!Cale didn't willingly screw KRS over, but was put in a difficult position himself

I know Og!Cale would take all the blame and paint himself as the selfish bastard who stole KRS!Cale's body, if asked, bc is very on brand on him, but I need more ppl to see through his bullshit and beat into Og!Cale skull that he got taken advantage of, too

[somber-cryptid]

WHY DO PEOPLE TREAT DERUTH LIKE HE'S THE EQUIVALENT OF KIM ROK SOO'S UNCLE????

LIKE HE'S TRYING, I'M SORRY HE DOESN'T HAVE THE HIGHEST EMOTIONAL EQ???

He's no track star of a father, but he's no deadbeat either?

I feel like y'all don't see parents as people. Because they are. They're flawed people who existed before you and carry their own burdens.

Yeah, there are some really shitty people out there who force their burdens on their children. There are parents out there who never let their children know they had a burden at all. Everyone is different. They carry their burdens differently, and some people crumple beneath them.

Deruth crumpled beneath the burden of his wife's death and failed to be an emotional support figure for his son.

I don't think this makes him evil, just weak.

Do I think this makes him a deadbeat shitty father who deserves the bizarre amount of condemnation he receives?

Er, no. I'll never promote Deruth as the father of the year, but the way people take what we don't know about the relationship between og!Cale and him to make Deruth the sole cause of Cale's problems...

you do a disservice to og!Cale's character. He had his own reasons for what he did, and he himself refers to them as his family when he spoke with krs!Cale. Why would he sign up for a war to avenge people who he felt neglected by? he wasn't just some victim, he played an active role in his life the same way krs played an active role in his og!life.

😗

[sadlynotthevoid]

Saw this post again and made me think:

Og!Cale that can purify despair/dead mana with the power of his soul using a bow to shoot an arrow (you know, a la Kagome) right into a golem's weak point.

The golem was still miles away from him.

Besides og!Cale there were Alver, Rok Soo, Lock and a bunch of soldiers. A few meters behind them there was the rest of their troop.

Two seconds after the arrow hits, the golem explodes. Shiny white snow-like remanents of purification power flying everywhere.

Everyone else: ...

Random rookie soldier: That was AMAZING! *rises hands*

Og!Cale: There. No more big bad golem. Now there's no need to do anything stupidly risky, right?

Alver, AKA Rok Soo's brain cell holder: *side eyes at Rok Soo who seems offended* *Toonka-speed covers his mouth* Thank you, young master Cale.

Alver, shocked but also suspicious about how the guy known to always fail his aim did this: so, those rumors about your aim—

Og!Cale: Oh. That was a lie. Well, more or less. I do never hit anyone, but I'm never targeting anyone either. I can't go around killing anyone who bothers me. People are fragil, you know?

Rok Soo, just released from Alver: See? I told you he was a softie.

Anyways, (whatever is the male equivalent of) miko-powers Og!Cale.

RANDOM THOUGHT ABOUT TCF

So there's a headcanon that Cale is actually has very good aim. Even when he's drunk. Since he doesn't hit anyone when he throws a bottle.

So imagine a scene, where Cale is either drunk or poisoned, and a bad guy was escaping and someone needs to stop them.

Cale, without hesitation, grabs a bottle and throws it at the guy, perfect aim, knocks the guy out cold.

This man, dizzy and fuzzy from either alcohol or poison, just threw a perfect shot at a moving target. Either that's terrifying or impressive, depends on the context. But now I want to see it.

[slackerlifewhere]

TCF is all about healing

- This is a review about the novel.

There's possible SPOILERS for readers who haven't finished reading the first volume.

___

When I first picked up the novel, I didn't have high expectations. After reading a lot of stories that end up disappointing me because of how the author eventually adds romance or harems into the story because their main character apparently needs a romantic relationship to feel good about themselves, I thought that Trash of the Count's Family will be the same thing further down the line.

But damn, did the author prove me wrong.

In the first few chapters, the novel's entire vibe was almost unnoticeable. Sure, there were some small details like him not being used to extravagant clothes or finding a simple meal delicious, but it wasn't obvious. It made me raise my eyebrow but I simply thought that he's a simple salaryman or something.

The first lines about him not having anyone who would miss him if he's gone in his previous world can be excused as him having no lingering attachments. And honestly, some transmigration/isekai stories do have their main characters having no attachments in their previous world. So it makes sense and it didn't alert me of what could've possibly happened to Cale, former Kim Rok Soo, for him to be so aloof and calm at the forced transmigration.

And then...he thought about poverty and pity when interacting with On and Hong. That was the first sign that he may have left a few lines out of his introduction.

It steadily got worse when he was talking to Choi Han about him being used to the cruelty of people like Venion. And then, at the first meeting with Raon, he appeared as if he understood the hopelessness of a child under an abusive adult's hand.

That's when I finally thought that TCF is a story about healing. And I was pleasantly surprised.

Sure, there's action, drama, and comedy, but TCF is mainly about moving on or healing from past hurts. There are moments when it can be called "cliche" but TCF is unique in the way it portrays Cale and his relationships. There's the found family trope that I love but what I love the most about the story is how these characters who have lost something or were about to lose something if OG Cale didn't make the deal with God of Death to have KRS replace him, is slowly understanding that they're not alone and that they can improve as a person if given the chance.

It's heart-warming and completely unexpected. I didn't read the first chapter expecting this fantasy-themed action novel to be about this.

OG Cale, Choi Han, Raon, On and Hong, Lock, Taylor and Cage, Alberu, the Dark Elves, Mary, and so many characters paved the way for me to completely fall in love with this novel.

If I sound like I'm exaggerating, then I don't care because this novel is just beautiful.

What completely blew my mind is the final reveal of Cale's past as Kim Rok Soo.

Listen, I have a love-hate relationship with KR survival novels involving monsters and dungeons and the freaking apocalypse. I love some of them and I can't stand the others. But I did not expect that Kim Rok Soo was in a world trying to survive from the effects of the apocalypse.

My first reaction was "What the actual fuck" because I 100% did not expect for the story to go that way. And my second thought was "So that's why!" Because it finally explains why he hates "papercuts"! This guy is so good at making big things about himself sound so small that it left me stunned when the big reveal happened!

I wanna slap him and hug him at the same time.

It explains why he's so good at being a commander. It explains why he's used to getting hurt or why he hates the thought of his friends and family dying with him as the survivor (I believe he has a survivor's guilt?). It explains everything.

He may be in a new world but he's still stuck in his past no matter how much he says about not thinking about what-ifs and his past. The time he spends in this new world is him slowly realizing that he's not alone and he doesn't have to be so scared.

And when I finally thought that I'm done being surprised, OG Cale appears and flips everything I knew about the character. They talk about how content they are with their new identities. They smile. They're happy. And that proves why this novel is about healing and not the simple transmigration novel full of action and comedy. Instead of getting angry at Kim Rok Soo, former Cale Henituse, for the deal with God of Death, he's just happy for the man and for himself. I just love how the author doesn't forget about Kim Rok Soo's sacrifices and rewards him with a happy life with his mother.

It's so hard not to finish the novel within weeks because of how good it is. It can be fast in some parts for the action, which makes sense since everything is happening at once. But there are also slow emotional moments that keep reminding me why I love this novel.

So yeah, this is my review about TCF. It's not a perfect novel but it's a good novel about healing and family. And I'm waiting for the second volume to be done so I can finally read the rest.

[youngyoo-apologist]

OG!Cale drawings, I love this guy.

[sadlynotthevoid]

I need og! Cale biblically, I need him in a way that's concerning to feminism.

Must be his fabulousness and cheeky charm.

Don't worry. It's a common decease.

Just the other day I had a dream where a bunch of nobles and Og!Cale where kidnapped and the kidnappers tried to use Og!Cale in a archaic ritual.

Why him? Because he realized the guy in charge was looking towards the children and he didn't want to take the risk to see if he was going to go towards them or not. So he pissed him off on purpose interrupting him and predicting what he was going to say, just to prove he was too predictable.

Everyone thought he was going to die when the guy grabbed him instead (just how he planned it). But he uno reversed card and hijacked their ritual to make an antique Thames coming of age ceremony.

For some reason, almost every Thames family thing has security measures against no-Thames beings (yes, beings). Which means Cale was fine, but the all the cultist guys passed out painfully.

Though, that was still a long not used ritual Og!Cale only heard about once and read parts about it. He didn't know what it was for, just that it wasn't noxious.

Knowing how strange his maternal family was, that didn't reduce it much. So, he was ready for almost anything coming off from it.

A make over and a question mark added to his humanity was quite light, actually.

"How—"

"No."

"Young mas—"

"Nu-uh."

"But—"

"Shhh. Not the time."

One would thought that kidnap victims— nobles or not— would have more important things to do than stare at him like he had grown a pair wings. Yes, he did. Two pairs, indeed. But there were still more urgent matters at hand.

Like getting out of here.

At least they could help searching their belongings. It's not like they couldn't see with all the glow he's radiating.

Ah.

"Lily, come here! I found the keys."

—

Anyways, he had a lot of shiny lines all over his skin that looked like liquid ink (no idea what the use for it was) and the dragon-fly long ass wings only dissapeared after he thought hard about it.

Have a nice day.

[sadlynotthevoid]

Maid 1: —and then he glared at John! I thought he was going to die.

Butler 1: *touches his heart* oh my god, that's so scary. Is John okay?

Servant!Rok Soo: what are you guys talking about?

Maid 2: Rok Soo, listen, listen. John tripped when he went to deliver young master Cale's new clothes and he almost fired him! Can you believe it?

Servant!Rok Soo, who was there for it: No? He didn't do it.

Maid 1: He did! John just told me when I went to take him his lunch. The poor isn't allowed to even step into the servants kitchen.

Servant!Rok Soo, already so done with this guys: Because he has the flu. And he wasn't getting fired— Young master Cale made him take the week off, because he looked sick.

Butler 1, in complete diabelief: How so?

Servant!Rok Soo: Like someone with flu. He even tripped with nothing because because of the fever and couldn't stand back again. Of course he told him to "go to his room and don't show his face until for the week". Is the logic thing to do, or do you want to get sick too?

Maid 1, 2 and butler: *shake heads*

Concept: servant who quit his job at the stens and started working for the henituse

Miss guy is so used to straight up murder attempts, threats, psychological torture and other gruesome stuff theyre just completely desensitized. He is just completely unbothered by cale the trash who never even actually hits anyone with the bottles he throws

Og cale is losing the idgaf war with this random new servant

[idontknowmyownmind]

You know that one hsr video where Acheron and Black Swan dancing?

Yeah, make it og!Cale with [WS/Adin/Clopeh/Reddika]

[cindythecyclops]

I have not watched the apothecary diaries but I heard the mc is a poison fanatic and it gave me an idea.

OG! Cale who eats poisons for fun.

In a version of this AU, he didn't need to act trashy, he just became very open about his obsession with poisons and how he wants to travel the world to injest different types of poison. That really put people off him becoming Count.

Or, he still acted like trash and indulged in his poison hobby in his free time, which he had a lot of.

I imagine that in a situation where he's at some place with the heroes, they're served wine and Cale drinks it and says: "Oh yeah, this is straight poison!" before taking another sip. Choi Han knocks the glass from his pout and complains to him that it was still good wine.

Alberu kept Cale as his personal poison tester because the guy was knowledgeable and immune to most poisons. Cale probably became a leader of poison specializing division in the military.

Let Cale have his poison.

[corvidaes-crow]

Deruth Henituse bashing ahead, you have been warned.

I finally figured out why I hate Deruth Henituse. The novel, through Kim Roksu, barely lingers on his failings as a parent. Which, fair enough, I understand from a characterisation perspective why that wouldn't be a main focus. It just means I linger on that in canon's place. Why is Deruth satisfied with giving his child some exorbitant allowance? Why doesn't he ask at any point what it was used for, even when he thinks their relationship has improved? Why can he be a good person to everyone except OG!Cale? What is stopping him except his own cowardice and guilt?

There is not a single thing in LCF that redeems him as a father. We see how Ron grows to care for (KRS!)Cale, as well as Eruhaben and Fredo in their own pseudo-fatherly ways. We see how Deruth has not changed since 'Cale Henituse' improved. If he had been more grief-stricken finding out about Cale on-screen, maybe that would have redeemed him a bit in my eyes, but alas.

I need a scene where Deruth wakes up in the middle of the night heaving, tears streaming down his face when he realises that his son does not exist in their universe any more. When he realises his son has disappeared from their timeline, and likely did so believing everyone would prefer it that way. When he realises that belief is not exactly wrong, because everyone does prefer it this way.

That last realisation, he struggles with, because bad parents will never understand what they did wrong without significant internal struggle and a self-driven desire to understand. I need someone (Eruhaben, Ron, or even Violan) to notice his internal conflict and sit him down and ask him, straightforward and simple, "Which one do you prefer?" And they won't let him tell them his answer, that's not for them to know. But Deruth finds himself repeating the question over and over, which do I prefer?

It starts with 'neither, obviously, how could I pick a favourite?' but the guilt gnaws at him; his reflexive answer is not what his son, his sons, deserve. So he disassembles it all from there. What would he feel if they swapped back? What would he do then? Shower Cale with love, of course - but would he? Or would he find himself taking a step back, guilty and avoidant as always when it comes to his son?

And then, why would Deruth feel guilty? Because he hungers after a son who he can interact with without fearing Cale's hatred or resentment. He knows and fears his own inadequacy to heal their relationship. And the new soul doesn't mind it. The new soul, Cale, holds no expectations for him. No resentment. He doesn't know how to reconcile, but is there any need to if Cale is no longer the son he wronged?

So the answer to such a cruel question, which do you prefer, is... this one. The new one. The Cale that Deruth can be a proud father of, that he can hold his head high when talking about and fret over when he coughs blood or faints or leaves for another dangerous mission. The Cale that he knows exactly how to make happy. It's not hard, either, just food, rest and gold.

Deruth will never know how he could have made the original Cale happy. There is too much strife between them for Deruth to dare try to unravel it all, so he'll settle for wishing him all the best in future endeavours. This is penance enough, the guilt he will carry forever for not noticing sooner the loss of his firstborn son.