#latin pop save me

[sirianasims]

The Don Diaries

Don and Sidney have had a very eventful weekend. Sidney is befriending Jaime who is really into pranking him, but luckily Sidney actually enjoys that.

Meanwhile, Don is making a move on the blonde, Gina.

… right in front of Miracle who seems to just constantly hover near Don (although in this case he's in her room, so I guess that's fair!)

Don is a serial romantic and he needs to juggle 3 romantic relationships at once, while also kissing 10 different sims. Don, however, is not experienced enough to realise that it's a bad idea to get involved with people he literally lives with.

But that's a worry for later! For now, we manage to convince Gina that she needs help getting all that makeup washed off...

Well, this is awkward.

… Don, all signs point to getting involved with Gina was a bad idea.

Don persists, though.

Sunk cost fallacy probably plays a role. It always does.

Meanwhile, Ashley continues being the bane of Don's existence.

Which Ashley finds hilarious. Don looks more like he's considering murder.

I try to get Don away, but she randomly slaps him.

WHY ASHLEY?

WHY DO YOU HATE HIM SO MUCH?

Finally, Don flees to his room to hide distract himself from the issues at hand.

[aurae-rori]

Wanna ask if you have any headcannons for aventio modern au

( cause I am obsessed with modern aus)

hellyeah brother i'm here to serve the masses

hcs about ratio:

still a doctor still has 8 phds

knows about student debt and hates it with a burning passion

has a duck keychain that he puts on his keychain with all of his keys like the keys to his house

once crushed a soda can in his hands during his student years bcs he was that fucking mad about the homework questions not being stated in a clear manner (he just like me fr)

has several duck plushies in his bed and theyre all named after either greek philosophers or roman politicians

can speak latin fluently and mutters curse words and creative expressions in latin during the classes that he teaches because he is that pissed off

used to be a full time doctor, but decided to turn to teaching instead after some time

hyper-empathy due to childhood neglect (he just like me fr)

eyebags that he covers up with makeup, he still has those from his student years and cant fucking get them to leave no matter how many hours he sleeps for

enjoys occasionally a rum & coke

really likes lattes and london fogs

had a british accent once because he travelled to the uk and picked up on it, when he came back he was mortified

fucking loves ducks so much he has a camera roll dedicated to duck photos

he got to pet a duck once he was happy for the rest of the week thats how much he loves them

massive nerd & dork

undiagnosed autism with a side of gifted child trauma

really likes jazz and lofi it calms him down fast and makes him happy

wrings his hands when he's really happy

touch starved

makes really good soup

hopeless romantic

more mentally unstable than you think he is. he is actually suffering from burnout but doesnt want to let people around him down.

doing his best. sometimes on the weekends he just nestles into a cocoon of blankets and refuses to leave. texture....

cannot not wear socks he will die without them

cat magnet for some reason??? all neighbourhood cats are at his doorstep even when he and aven already have three. ig hes just cat dad now

aventurine hcs:

still has those glasses, his eyes are more sensitive to light too

really fucking likes fluffy stuff he loves the fluffy he loves the fluffy he-

big fan of sheep and peacocks

eternally terrified that ratio secretly hates him even when they start dating

bpd & adhd & probably autism (ALL BPD HAVERS FUCKING WIN WITH THIS ONE!!!!! I SEE YALL)

masks so often its insane

used to smoke and drink heavily, but has started to lay off ever since he met ratio

still an adrenaline junkie and still has his stupidly good good luck

really likes coffee too, coffee addict, has horrible eyebags, a shitty sleep schedule, and overworks himself half to death

cant fucking cook what the hell is a kitchen

very fond of stelle/caelus and sees them as his surrogate younger siblings. stelle taught him how to play video games and now he plays with them whenever his thoughts get really bitchy to him

horrible at relying on other people but is slowly unlearning that

can do a backflip (why? idk)

high pain tolerance

has a collection of sheep plushies that his friends bought for him

numby and him get along really well. he and topaz still have that sibling esque relationship.

i think he still works for the ipc in this au but its not as bad as it is in canon

starved of touch and does not really know what a healthy relationship is before ratio comes along

loves blankets he has like ten blankets on his bed at once idk why

once poured monster energy into coffee and then drank it. he suffered the consequences. even good luck can't save you from that

listens to generic pop (lie. he actually loves indie guitar)

MENTAL ILLNESS REP IN THIS MAN

accidentally big brothered some kids. help how does he deal with affection

buys stuff for stelle and caelus too. he buys them sheep plushies. they will defend said sheep plushies with their lives. they buy him racoon plushie in return. he does not cry.

his fingers shake so bad sometimes (PTSD goes hard)

motor skills can and will die on him occasionally

unhealthy coping mechanisms but hes getting better guys

he does relapse occasionally but hes putting in effort. finally got his ass to therapy thanks to ratio :)

second cat dad. he loves his cat children he will die for his cat children.

the cats like laying next to him as he eeps if ratio isnt there. they purr and help him with his nightmares.

(ily people w bpd you deserve this rep!!! enjoy :3)

them together hcs!!!!

ratio already had background information on bpd due to his psych degree beforehand but did more researching into it when he realized that aven had bpd because he wanted to support his partner as much as he could :)

ratio is big on physical touch but aven needed some time to get used to it and he was very big on it

aven really likes spoiling the absolute shit out of ratio and likes getting him gifts because sometimes he doesn't know how to word how much he appreciates ratio

aven likes to wash ratios hair for him and visa versa, non sexual intimacy always fucking wins

ratio still worries about aven and doesn't like him gambling all the time, aven makes an active effort to better himself for him even if it's really hard

at the start it was really fucking shitty between the two of them but eventually aven started to learn how to properly and safely communicate with ratio and ratio learned how to phrase his thoughts in a way that wouldn't trigger something, and although they both make mistakes they are doing their best for one another and generally have a good impact on one another's stages of healing (im not projecting im not projecting i-)

aven will hold ratio in his arms and tell him that he's good enough when the thoughts get really bad

they love cuddling, who's big spoon and small spoon switches regularly because they both like being held and holding the other

aven will stop by ratio after his classes and take him home when hes too tired

ratio shuts down sometimes and aven messes with his hair and just stays with him until he reboots

they kiss <33333333333

they cuddle so much they hold one another going to bed

ratio likes giving aven little headkisses and peppers his face with them

they are gay and in love and healthy actually

they were never toxic yaoi never will they be. they are healthy.

they get married <333

this is so much more than what you asked for probably but here you go.

[prontaentrega]

how to post songs as mp3 files and avoid copyright

a bunch of people were asking how to post music on tumblr so here's some kind of tutorial n_n there's probably a thousand better ways to do it out there but this is what i do and it works for me

Step 1: Acquiring music

Before you post any music you gotta have it as an mp3 file. Bunch of people mentioned mp3 converters but my favorite way has always been to just download discographies from blogs. You google "(band) complete discography free download" or something like that and something's bound to show up. If you've doing this for a while you'll skip this first part and go straight to the places you know will have it- here's some of my favorite blogspots for it - but they're all very specific to the stuff i listen to (mainly punk and latin american rock).

These type of sites tend to be genre-specific so if you're looking for, say, a prog rock band, maybe you'll have more luck searching for prog rock downloads websites. The older or more obscure the band, the easier it will be to find. And you'll find that a lot of these sites are not in english- you have to get comfortable visiting and downloading from sites in spanish, portuguese, russian or what have you and your life will get easier.

Don't limit yourself to blogs or music download-specific sites. Some people post album dl links on youtube. When i was in high school i downloaded The Black Parade from DeviantArt. The internet is far and wide and you can find stuff anywhere

But what if i can't find an album like this?

Alternative 1: Legally

Go find a record store and buy the album you want. You can also check the artist's bandcamp or any other website where you can buy their music and get it as a file on your pc (no streaming shit). Some albums are out there for free, legally! If you know an artist who uploads their music to tumblr you can just right click on their mp3 upload and download it directly :^)

Alternative 2: The classic

you can pretty much google youtube mp3 converter and click any link and it'll do the work. Here's a link from a safe piracy subreddit. You paste a youtube vid's link and hit convert/download etc.

I've also heard some people say Lucida is good (lets you download songs and albums by pasting the spotify/bandcamp/wtv link) but i can't say it has worked for me- always gives me a network error. But maybe it works for someone else.

Step 2: I got the music- now what?

Now you post it! Some songs (obscure or copyright-free enough) will just let you post them like that. Most songs won't. For a lot of them you'll have to add some silence or edit the metadata.

Adding silence to a song:

Option 1: Get audacity for free. Go to File > Open on the top bar and open the song you wanna add the silence to. Make sure you're at the start of the track (it says 00h00m00s at the bottom). Go to Generate > Silence... on the top bar also. Choose how long you want the silence to be, click "generate". You'll see a straight line appear at the start of the track- that means it worked. Go to File > Export > Export as MP3 to save it. You'll see a pop up where you can edit the metadata (things like artist, year, genre, etc.) i like having my audio files with metadata but for the purpose of tumblr posts you'll want to leave all that empty- if it's got that info erase it. Click "Ok". Done!

Option 2: Do it online on audiomass. Go to File > Load from Computer, open the song. Click on the white square with the S (insert silence button). Choose how long you want it to be, click "insert silence". You'll see a straight line appear at the start of the track- that means it worked. Go to File > Export/Download. Make sure it's mp3 format, i always save it as 256kbps but it's not neccessary. Click export. Done!

Some songs let you get away with only 5 or 8 seconds of silence. I try to have it be as short as possible, but most songs will need 10 seconds of silence. Sometimes even a little more, if even with the 10 seconds it doesn't let you post it try adding 0.25s more and checking.

I always play the file i just exported, to make sure everything's right.

Editing the metadata:

I'm gonna be honest i don't know how necessary this is but the audio post format works in mysterious ways so it's always better to be one step ahead. If you got it from youtube to mp3 or already added the silence then your file won't have any metadata, unless you didn't clear it when exporting from audacity. if you got it legally or pirated from any blogspot type site and didn't edit it at all it will probably have metadata. To edit it you have to right click the file > Properties, go to the "details" tab, and there you'll see things like title, author, year, genre, etc. You can just click on any section and change or erase it, then click "Ok".

As a last thing, it's generally better if the file is not saved as the song's name. Just name it anything else.

Compressing the file:

I almost forgot but there's also a size limit. I don't remember it at the moment because i've only had a problem with it once, but if you do just google "compress mp3 file" and go on any website to do it LOL

Step 3: Posting it

Now just go make a new audio post. Upload the file from your pc. If there's an error sometimes it'll tell you what it is (you don't own this song/the file is too heavy/etc) but sometimes it will just delete the audio post format and not tell you anything. If there's any error make sure you did everything (the silence, the metadata, the size, the file name). Maybe go back and add 0.5 or 1 more second of silence at the start. Sometimes tumblr just won't want you to post a song even with every step done right- nothing to do about that :( Sometimes you can try back after a while and it will let you post the song- sometimes it won't. There's no real logic to it tbh.

But if everything goes right it will upload correctly. Now you can add the song's title, artist and album info, and album art or whatever image you want n_n Hit post and done!

[reina-petrova]

You Have My Word ・❥・ Elejah

“Elena, you don’t have to just be a doppelgänger… you have to be a virgin. So, theoretically, if you lost it to someone, the ritual wouldn’t work.” “Are you serious?” “Yes, but there’s a catch…” “Of course there is. What is it, Bonnie?” “It has to be with an Original.” ↳AU where Elena discovers that Klaus’s hybrid ritual requires a virgin doppelgänger sacrifice and Elena never lost the V-card. Now her only hope is a certain Original. Set around season 3 during ripper!stefan and pining!Damon, post Elijah!haircut and post Elena's 18th birthday.

↳Warnings: Smut, virgin kink, dirty talk, light dom/sub undertones if you squint.

↳6.7k words

↳Cross-posted to AO3 here

↳Song rec: Terrible Thing by AG

↳ New! Part Two (A/N: this is just a silly AU fic that popped into my head, it’s only a vehicle for smut so be forewarned the canon details/timeline may be off 🤪)

・❥・

[text: 2:48pm] I found something. Call me l8tr. - Bonnie

Elena let out a shaky breath at the text in front of her. She finished putting the last of her books into her locker and slung her bag over her shoulder. She could hardly look away from the text as she shut the metal door closed, typing a quick response to Bonnie in the meantime.

[text: 2:49pm] I will. Thx B. - Elena

It almost seemed too good to be true, and as Elena returned to her car, she allowed herself a brief moment to envision a happy ending where Bonnie's new plan would actually work and they'd kill Klaus. Stefan would return to her. The Originals would be gone. Her town would be safe. She'd live.

Still, after so many run-ins with the supernatural, she'd learned to keep a healthy dose of reality mixed in with her positivity. Every plan was sure to work until it wasn't, and unfortunately, the last few indeed hadn't. It wasn't her life she was so worried about saving, it was everybody else's. With Klaus gone, they would be safe. But while Bonnie searched for any answers she could find, putting in all this time and effort, Elena had to at least try.

The moment she arrived home, she called Bonnie.

"Hey Elena,"

"Hi Bonnie, you said you found something? What's going on?" Elena sat down onto her bed with a small sigh.

"Yes and no. It's more of a loophole than anything else." Bonnie seemed a bit unsure, which gave rise to uncertainty in Elena. She prepared herself. Nothing was out of the question anymore.

"Okay, I'm ready."

"Like I said before, most of my grimoires don't go back far enough for the hybrid ritual, it's way too old. But I did find something in my oldest one, a description of it that included a word I've never seen before - virgino, in Latin."

Elena paused at that. She couldn't be hearing this correctly.

"As in...?"

"Yep. Virgin." Okay, so she had heard correctly.

"So what does that mean?"

“Elena, you don’t have to just be a doppelgänger… you have to be a virgin. So, theoretically, if you lost it, the ritual wouldn’t work.”

Elena's brows furrowed in confusion. She'd never heard that part of the ritual before. She wondered how accurate this description of the ritual could possibly be.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, but there’s a catch…” She heard Bonnie's voice grow more dim, and she knew it was nothing good.

“Of course there is. What is it, Bonnie?”

“Well... in order to ensure total loss of purity... it has to be with an Original.”

・❥・

“Thank you for meeting with me, Elijah.”

Elena’s fingers fidgeted around the coffee mug, her nails tracing over the width of it with anxiety. Elijah inclined his head politely, sitting opposite her at the Mystic Grill. It was far from a private place to speak, but Elena chose it for that very reason. Though the conversation was awkward at best, she didn’t know how she’d react if the two of them were alone. She didn’t even know how he’d react.

Despite all his wisdom, she knew he’d never guess why she’d asked to meet here.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Elena?”

He cut a handsome figure, wearing a perfectly tailored black suit that accentuated his shoulders with a matching black collared shirt underneath. The shirt opened at his throat and exposed the smallest peek of his clavicle. His hair was shorter now, brushed back and away from his face. A gold ring encircled one of his fingers. Noticing these details certainly wasn’t helping her nervousness. She swallowed the dryness in her throat at sound of the word pleasure.

Their “relationship” was built on shifting sands and she knew that, a tentative trust that both she and he tested the boundaries of. This would certainly cross the next three boundaries.

“Well, Bonnie was reading more into the hybrid ritual, trying to find a loophole. Trying to find our opportunity to kill Klaus.”

Elijah’s eyes searched hers but he said nothing in response, patiently waiting for her to continue. The words seem to spill out of her mouth as slowly as possible, yet her heart rammed in her rib cage. She was grateful he couldn't read her mind but doubtless he heard that at least.

What if he says no? How embarrassing would that be? And if it happened, how would she even explain to Stefan and Damon why suddenly the ritual wouldn’t work? Why it had to be Elijah?

“Yes.”

His smooth voice broke her from her reverie. She cleared her throat and tried again, taking another sip of her coffee. Matt had courteously slipped an extra something in her coffee when she’d asked, figuring even a drop of liquid courage would do her some good. It burned like a low ember in her stomach. Elijah’s tea stood in front of him, untouched.

“She found one other way that the ritual could be dismantled, apart from all the other options.” The other options being actually dying, becoming a vampire, etc. She’d gladly give her life if it meant her friends and town were safe, but killing Klaus would ensure safety forever. She had to at least try.

“Apparently, it’s not just the sacrifice of the doppelgänger… it’s the sacrifice of a virginal doppelgänger. So if the doppelgänger is no longer... you know, it won't work.”

Elijah’s brow furrowed, and she held some small victory in the fact that she was able to catch him so completely off guard. It made her feel less ridiculous in suggesting this, but also showed that not even the Originals knew all.

“But how can this be? I’ve never heard of such a requirement.”

“I guess it’s just one of the old failsafes from that era, tied in with the idea of innocence and purity in the face of…” She trailed off hesitantly.

“Evil.” He finished for her with a slow smile. She allowed herself a small smile in return.

When silence settled upon the conversation once more, Elijah took up the mantle, shifting to lean closer to her across the table. “And I assume you are a-“

“Yes.” The word was barely a whisper but she knew he heard it loud and clear.

Elijah raised his brows in some surprise, a smirk crossing his lips for the briefest of flashes. His hands quickly moved the teacup to the side of the table, the drink long forgotten. His fingers tapped slowly at the wooden table in thought, and Elena took a small breath into her lungs and held it.

“Forgive me, but with both Salvatore’s at your heels, and if I recall their history with Katerina-“ Elijah’s palm turned upwards, his eyes casting downwards for a moment.

“I am not Katherine.”

Then his gaze flickered up to hers, amusement clear in his warm brown eyes. She thought she saw a small look of admiration somewhere in those eyes.

“No. You are certainly not, Elena.”

Elena took another sip of the coffee, begging for the alcohol to provide some inspiration. As it was, her words were failing her and they hadn’t even gotten to the brunt of it. Part of her hoped he’d ascertain it himself without her even needing to say it. Though she wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to hear he’d say it either. Elijah was a noble man, and he ensured any and all terms of a deal were clear. He was the key to their plan to kill Klaus, and innuendos would never do, not when there was so much on the line. Thankfully, he wasn’t one for vulgarity either.

“So, if I’m understanding correctly, there’s only one thing left for you to do.” The amusement still never left Elijah’s eyes and it made her squirm in her chair. His gaze was so intent and heavy on her, his presence commanding. He was a man unlike she’d ever known. “But I’m assuming there’s a reason you called me here.”

"Yes." Here goes nothing. "The only way to ensure the total-“ she cleared her throat again. “-loss of purity is for it to be with an Original.”

Realization dawned on his features in the blink of an eye. Then, ever so slowly, she watched his face darken with something else. Her eyes dropped back to her fingers, nails digging into her nail beds. She wanted to disappear, to melt right into her chair.

“And further ensure the division of the family.” Elijah murmured. “If it can only be an Original, then only Niklaus’s own family can betray him.”

A small knot of fear tied itself in Elena’s stomach. If he refused, if he changed his mind about killing Klaus, all hope was lost. She tried her best to gauge his reaction, but he was unreadable at best, a stone statue at worst. Elijah never let his hand slip, and she could no more understand him than she could an ancient language.

Suddenly, her nerves got the better of her. The caffeine outweighed the alcohol, and she felt herself standing to her feet, grabbing her bag from the back of the chair.

“I’m sorry, this was a ridiculous idea. We’ll find another way-“ She took no more than a step away from the table, prepared to flee the building when she felt his hand take hers gently.

“Elena.”

He pulled on her hand slightly, just enough that she stepped back towards him and towards the table. Even in the smallest, most delicate of gestures, she felt his strength thrumming in his fingertips. She turned to face him, and he’d stood to his full height, his broad frame dwarfing hers.

It was then that she allowed herself the opportunity to even process what she was asking. She’d been so caught up in trying to kill Klaus, prevent any more innocent lives lost, that she hadn’t thought about what this would. mean. Her and Elijah. Together.

A flash of their bodies intertwining appeared in her mind, the heat of his hand on hers suddenly feeling like a searing flame on her skin. The knot of fear began to dissolve, and something else pooled in her lower stomach.

The same feeling she saw in his eyes just then.

Four little words, and despite herself, she felt her heart flutter.

“You have my word.”

・❥・

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Bonnie repeated for the fifth time that evening. Elena shot her a half annoyed glance, to which Bonnie grinned in response.

“I know.” Elena repeated for the sixth. All too well. Though she had a feeling she had no real idea.

Elena sat down into the bed with a quiet sigh. Bonnie had brought the grimoire where she found the loophole so Elena could see it for herself. Though her Latin was nonexistent, there was no denying that word. Virgin. She'd even brought a few extras she didn't have time to go through earlier in case they had any other information to offer. So far, nothing. The books shifted slightly towards Elena in their careful piles as her weight settled into the covers.

“What about Stefan? I thought you guys were waiting.”

The reminder of Stefan struck a chord in her heart, but one that had been struck too many times lately. She believed in her and Stefan’s love, but with him firmly in Klaus’s grasp, she could hardly recognize him. As it was, she had little time to wait.

“Stefan’s lost right now, Bonnie. And if this could get him away from Klaus and save his life, I’m going to try.”

“And Damon?” Bonnie offered quietly, with some note of derision in her voice. Elena knew how she felt about him, but there was also no denying Damon's obvious feelings for her, and how protective he'd become. It was almost too much to think about. Instead, she stood up and began aimlessly tidying the room, putting things away in random drawers. What does one do to prepare for this situation?

“He doesn’t know- he can’t know. He’ll lose it. He’ll say it’s a bad plan.” Along with a few choice words for Elijah and maybe a dagger dipped in white oak ash. Then they’d have no plan.

“Well I wouldn’t say it’s a good plan.” Bonnie responded sardonically.

Elena’s mouth dropped in fake disbelief as she put her diary away.

“This was your idea!”

“You’re the one going through with it! And I mean, Elijah? He’s kind of scary.”

“As opposed to who?” Elena responded with a mirthless laugh. “And he’s not that scary. He’s just… aristocratic."

“No? Oh.” Bonnie teased coyly. “I forgot how well you’re acquainted…" She cocked a brow at Elena's pattering around the room "Are you actually cleaning right now?”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” She admitted. “How does one seduce an Original?”

Bonnie started flipped some of the grimoires closed, and Elena looked up nervously at the clock. He would arrive in 30 minutes. Anticipation buzzed through her veins at the thought. Bonnie slid off the bed once the books allowed a path and stood in front of Elena, taking her hands in hers as a show of strength.

“I'm sorry, Elena, this is a big deal. Your first time but it comes with the caveat of saving your life and everybody else's. Not to mention it's happening with a thousand year old vampire. Just be your normal, charming self. This is a common interest of killing Klaus and nothing more.”

“Right,” Elena smiled. Nothing more. Right?

“But-“ Bonnie reached behind her and pulled one of the drawers she’d just shut open and retrieved her hair brush. With a shrug, she handed it to Elena. “Couldn’t hurt.”

Elena smirked and took the hairbrush from her hands, combing it through her locks gently.

・❥・

After Bonnie left, Elena paced for another ten minutes incessantly. She'd brushed her hair, done minimal makeup, but left herself in her usual outfit of jeans and a tank top. Anything else felt like it was trying too hard.

She sat down onto edge of the bed and glanced at her phone. A few messages from Damon and Caroline. Nothing from Stefan. She dropped the phone onto the bed and waited. With each passing minute, she felt her heart beginning to race faster and faster.

This is insane. How is this my life?

The fact that it was happening in her bedroom was even stranger. Elijah had been inside of her house before but this was something else entirely. He'd been perfectly gentlemanly in allowing her to choose the location, but there weren't many options. Elijah had no permanent domicile as of yet, and a hotel room felt too seedy, even the nicest one in town; though he'd even assured her he'd take care of the cost.

Only after she ensured Ric and Jeremy wouldn't be home did she suggest her place, a small level of familiarity in this situation. She wasn't afraid per se, but the way her body reacted to his was jarring. There was something deeply forbidden about it, and she couldn't help but be drawn to it. Being home would help ground her.

His knock came, short and sweet. Elena's heart nearly jumped out of her chest as she stood up and walked down the stairs to let him in. Her fingers curling around the knob, she took one more quiet breath. No going back now.

She opened the door to Elijah standing on her porch, clad in his usual tailored suit. The black fabric looked heavy and luxurious with the way it laid on his shoulders, accentuating his broad frame. The dark shirt he was wearing that afternoon was replaced with a crisp white one, and the tie he wore was black to match the jacket. There was stubble on his jaw, she noticed with a note of appreciation. It gave him a slightly more disheveled look than usual. Her nervousness began to melt away at the sight of his handsome face and his calm demeanour.

He was wearing the same gold ring as before, and she only noticed when she spotted the crimson red rose in his fingers. With a smile, he extended it to her. "Elena."

"Elijah." Elena reached out and took the rose from his hands, giving a slight smirk. "A flower. Very symbolic of you."

Elijah let out a quiet laugh. "I assure you, I meant no such innuendo. It didn't seem right to come without a gift."

"Well, it's beautiful. Please come in."

He stepped in as invited and she shut the door behind him. Now that they were well and truly alone, her heart picked up the pace once more, but she busied her fingers with the stem of the rose so as not to betray it. The man was a thousand years old and undoubtedly had known countless women. Her experience to his could not pale more in comparison. "I'm sorry, this is a bit... overwhelming."

"Undoubtedly."

Elijah stepped towards her slowly, closing the distance between them more than they ever had before. Elena stared upwards at him, her eyes barely at the level of his lips. His gaze was compelling but warm as it fell upon her, and she felt a breath hitch in her lungs at the nearness of him. "I want to make this experience comfortable for you, Elena. Your terms."

Elena nodded slowly, swallowing back her saliva. "Should we go upstairs?"

Elijah inclined his head with a small smile to which Elena smiled back. As intimidating as he could be, he was trying to put her at ease, and she appreciated it. She led the way up the stairs and to her bedroom, Elijah trailing behind. Once upstairs, she placed the rose delicately on the top of the dresser and then turned to face him.

Elijah looked incredibly out of place in her bedroom. Finely dressed and with an air of sophistication only a thousand years on earth could garner, he was like an ancient relic pulled straight from the history books. He looked better suited to a battlefield than a modern-day bedroom. But if he was ill at ease, he certainly never showed it.

His eyes met hers again and Elena's stomach flip-flopped. He had barely even touched her yet, and she was already reacting so viscerally to the vampire in front of her. Again, snapshots of their bodies entwining flashed in her mind like a promise of what was to come. Amusement crossed his chiseled features and he raised a hand to gently place his thumb and forefinger on her chin. "I can hear your heart beating, Elena."

Beating was an understatement. It felt like it was about to pop out of her chest. His touch on her face certainly wasn't helping that matter.

"Are you nervous?"

She thought before answering, their eyes searching each other, trying to gauge the other's feelings. But despite what she'd initially thought... she wasn't. Excitement thrummed within her, her arousal beginning to simmer at the seductive way he seemed to be looking down at her. He knew exactly what kind of power he held, and he enjoyed it. It was unnerving, but it was thrilling.

"No."

"Good. I want you to enjoy yourself, Elena. To let go and give in." To me, his eyes seemed to say. Give in to me completely. She managed a nod but found that words had escaped her completely. Was he moving in closer?

His fingers never dropped from her chin and she had nowhere to look but directly at him. Warmth bloomed from inside her stomach, her body signalling just how much she wanted to give in.

Using his other hand, he lifted a single finger to trace over the curvature of her neck, beginning from her collarbone all the way up to where her jaw began. His finger pressed just so behind her jawbone where her pulse was strongest, and she felt her blood sing in response to him.

"I meant what I said. Your terms. You're in complete control."

"I know..." Closer still. Their lips were a hairsbreadth apart.

"Yes?" She could feel the smile in his lips.

"Yes."

His lips met with hers and she felt herself crumble. His kiss was as captivating as she could've imagined, without a trace of insistence. He was telling the truth; the pace was in her hands. At first, shyness won out. Elena returned the kiss slowly at first, but as her lips deepened, so did his.

His hand had fallen from her face and instead, he pressed his palm to to her mid-back. It dipped no lower. Ever the gentleman, she thought, unable to supress the smile between their kiss.

He seemed to sense her amusement because his hand fell lower not a moment later, placing itself into the small of her back. He pressed her body closer to his, her chest landing flush with his as though he were challenging her.

Something sparked within Elena as the warmth of Elijah's hand spread through her hips. A need to know, a need to discover. She found the courage to touch him back, raising her hands to slip over his shoulders, fingers delicately tracing over the back of his neck. The fabric of his suit was soft to the touch, his skin softer still.

She'd done some things with Matt and Stefan before, but with Elijah, it felt as though she knew nothing at all. In this, she wanted him to take the lead. It seemed he intended to to some degree as both of his hands came down to her waist, the large expanse of his hands burning through her shirt. Desire began to take over, and their kisses grew deeper still. She ran her fingernails along the nape of his neck, coming down to scratch over his shoulders.

His hands pressed into her hips again before he broke the kiss. Elena felt how flushed she was, cheeks pink and lips swollen from his amorousness. She saw a muscle work in his jaw and he regarded her with half-lidded eyes. He raised a graceful hand and indicated towards the bed with a half-smirk.

"Please."

Elena pulled herself away from Elijah and obeyed, sitting on the side of the bed before lying down. Not once did she look away from him as he shrugged his jacket off, then loosened the knot of his tie. Desire pooled in the deepest parts of her at the sign of him so untidy. He looked like every woman's dream as he unbuttoned the cuffs of his white shirt and rolled them up slowly, exposing tanned forearms corded with lean muscle.

He returned to her, eyes appreciatively slipping from her neck downwards to her chest and her hips. "Good girl."

Slowly, he leaned down and captured her lips in a kiss again, his arms on either side of her head. The night had fallen in earnest now, the single lamp she left on providing a faint warm glow in the room. Elijah’s body swallowed her, the broadness of his shoulders and the dimness of the room entombed her in what felt like an eternity of him.

Elena reached up and twirled her fingers around his tie, giving an experimental tug to pull him down closer to her. He chuckled against her mouth and she did it again, pleased with the way his weight settling on her felt.

"Not that good." She whispered against his mouth.

"No? Show me."

Passion reignited, his mouth was suddenly everywhere. On hers, trailing kisses along her jaw, her collarbone, between the valley of her breasts. When his mouth stopped where her shirt ended, his fingers tugged upwards at the bottom of it, and she broke the kiss to pull it over her head.

With practiced ease, he unbuttoned her jeans and began to tug them down. She sat up slightly to help pull them off, then fell back in only her bra and underwear. Just before he could continue, she reached for one of his hands and tentatively placed it between her legs. Elijah raised his brows at her but acquiesced.

One arm outstretched between her thighs, the other bent as he hovered over her, he gazed down at her with darkened eyes. "I think you'll be good for me."

Elena's breathing pitched into a soft moan as she felt Elijah's fingers press against her underwear. Moving softly but with intent, his index and middle finger rubbed upwards, careful to barely brush against her covered clit, just where she needed him most. Her hips shifted at the pleasure, lips parting as another moan escaped her lips. His fingers were trained and precise.

"Won't you?" He asked, and she could hardly piece together a sentence. His voice was deep enough it reverberated in her chest. She felt herself growing wetter and she knew he could feel it too.

"Yes, Elijah."

"Mm."

She reached for his tie again to pull him down into another kiss. In the meantime, his fingers brushed the edge of her underwear aside and as his fingers slipped against her pussy, she gasped into his mouth. Finally, after a few moments, his fingers slowly came to her clit, and she felt every nerve sizzle in her body at the feeling.

He pressed another kiss to her lips as his fingers slowly slipped inside of her, and she suppressed another moan into his mouth. They moved slowly, collecting her wetness and teasing her. Her hips bucked lightly, chasing the feeling.

"So innocent... What do you want, Elena?" His fingers paused over her clit and she let out a soft whine at the cessation.

"I want you to touch me, Elijah. Please."

His touch felt like electricity as his fingers returned to run against her clit, and her body tensed as the pleasure swam through her. She already felt spent and yet he was still fully clothed.

Her hands reached for his shirt, but his hands captured hers before she could even the score. "Not yet. Not until I think you've had enough."

Her head and shoulders fell back onto the bed as his fingers picked up their pace. He alternated between slipping inside of her and pressing his thumb against her clit, until the energy building inside of her threatened to spill over. Her hands found his shoulders and her fingernails dug into his shirt at the pleasure, brow creasing as it threatened to overtake her.

Finally, with one last roll of his fingers, she felt the wave crash into her, sending ripples of sparks down to her very fingers and toes. If he were a mortal man, the grip she had on his body would've left marks. Elijah's mouth swallowed the last of the moans escaping from Elena's lips as his fingers rode out her orgasm, his thumb occasionally brushing against her sensitive clit, causing her to jump.

"I like the sight of you like this, sweet Elena. Undone, writhing. Your pleasure in my hands."

"And yours in mine." She panted.

Elena pushed up on Elijah's shoulders and he allowed it, the positions reversing until she straddled his hips. His hands came up to her waist, gripping it as she slowly rolled them over his. His desire was evident in the bulge of his pants, and it gave her immense satisfaction to know she had the same effect that he did on her.

Her fingers made quick work of his belt, unbuttoning while pressing her hand against the outline of him. He released a quiet groan at the feeling of her touch, and she wanted to hear more. His fingers came away from her hips to divest himself of his tie properly, slipping the satin from around his neck.

She slid from off his hips and stood at the foot of the bed, leaning over to tug him towards her by the loop of his trousers. He stood, his shirt half unbuttoned and creased, and his belt hanging around his hips. Elena felt herself grow wetter as she sank to her knees in front of him, and he watched with dark eyes as she began to pull his trousers and underwear down, just low enough to release his cock.

He was long and thick in her hand, and his head fell back as she leaned forward and licked a trail from shaft to tip. Slowly, she took him into her mouth, licking and sucking his heavy length until she could take him no more.

A deep growl emanated from Elijah’s chest, his hand coming up to rest against the back of her head. He let her set the pace, but his fingers knotted themselves in her hair as she swirled her tongue around his tip, tasting every last inch of him.

“You wicked little thing.” He sighed, his jaw clenching and his muscle tensing. She could see he desperately wanted to move his hips, but stayed in full control as she pressed him deeper into her mouth.

She placed her hands on his thighs, gripping the fabric of his trousers to give herself more balance, and she felt his fingers brush the hair away from her face and behind her ear before lightly collecting it into his grip. The small gesture made her heart skip as she set a quick rhythm.

He groaned again in pleasure, allowing himself a few more moments before delicately tugging on her hair to bring her back up to standing position. In a flash, the moment she stood, he had her trapped against the wall, his chest pressing into her shoulder blades. Her fingers bent and scratched against the wall, seeking purchase as her lungs seemed to give out. His scent enveloped her. His mouth was hot against her ear.

“So innocent and yet so wicked. So ready to be defiled. Will you give into me, Elena?” Give in, her mind whispered.

She found herself pushing back against the wall to be closer to him, the outline of his body providing delicious heat against hers. She felt his strength emanating from every muscle, both hands pressed on either side of her. Using one hand, he tilted her jaw until her neck was exposed to him. For a moment, she thought he would drink from her, but instead, he placed gentle half-kiss-half-bites along the slope of her neck. His hand then dipped to her back where he quickly unhooked her bra and slipped it off her shoulders. Her underwear was tugged down until it fell. Goosebumps rose all over her skin at the thought of being fully naked in front of Elijah Mikaelson.

“I want to give in, Elijah. Give me all of you.”

Her back was pressed into the mattress before she realized, her body softly settling on the bed. Elijah undid the last of the buttons on his shirt and pulled off his trousers.

“So beautiful.” He murmured, his hand coming up to cup her breast, thumb tracing over her pebbled nipple. Elena sighed at the feeling.

Elijah’s body was just as beautiful, she thought. The expanse of his chest was strong, his abdomen and arms both lean with taut muscle. A deep V-line followed into his hips, his cock erect.

Just as their lips moved to reconnect, Elena’s eyes met his again. Suddenly, this became more than just breaking a ritual. Both were entrenched in their desire, desperate to for release in the other’s body. Nervousness bubbled up inside of her again as she realized it was time. Everything else she had done before, but not this. She knew generally what to expect of sex, but certainly not when it came to a thousand year old vampire being her first.

“I’ll be gentle.”

Elena nodded at his kind words, fingers reaching up to his shoulders again. He balanced on one arm as the other reached out to touch her slick heat, and instantly, she felt the unreleased desire come flooding back. Satisfied, Elijah slowly guided himself between her legs.

Her chest arched upwards at the feeling. Heat spread from her hips as her pussy stretched to accommodate his length. True to his word, he moved slowly as he rolled his hips towards her, sinking deeper into her with every breath. She could feel him gauging her reaction and moving only so long as she allowed it.

Elena felt as though she might burst from the feeling, her breathing devolving into moans as he settled himself to the hilt inside of her. One of her legs was bent, the other laid straight, and one of his hands gripped her thigh as he used the other to balance himself over her, watching her face.

Once the burn of the stretch passed, pleasure began to trickle in. He felt immense inside of her, overwhelming in every aspect of his body as he stilled his hips against hers.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes- yes.” Her eyes fluttered closed.

“Does it feel good, Elena?”

He slowly rolled his hips back and she let out an involuntarily moan at the feeling of him moving inside of her. When he rolled his hips forward again, pleasure erupted from within her, and her nails dug into the skin of his shoulders.

“Yes, yes!“

Elijah pressed a kiss to her lips, and obeyed. He set a slow but sensual rhythm to his hips as he moved in and out of her with deliberate care. Any discomfort long forgotten, Elena felt her own hips moving in tandem, hissing in delight at the friction their hips created.

He chuckled at her reaction. “So good for me.”

The praise was like an extra douse of kerosene to the flame.

“Please, Elijah- more.”

“More what? Hm?”

All the while, he never stopped moving, his hips picking up a faster pace. In that moment, the hand resting on her thigh slipped between their two entwined bodies. His fingers immediately located her clit, and the combination of him pumping in and out of her, and his thumb pad rolling against her clit, her moan nearly turned into a scream. She could hardly think past her own name.

“Use your words, Elena. Tell me what you want.”

But she couldn’t. Her body shook with pleasure, her nails digging crescent shaped impressions into his skin.

“I’m so close, please…”

His fingers and hips slowed down ever so slightly, and she whined at the feeling of her release slowly ebbing away.

“Do you want more?” He asked again.

“Yes.” Her voice was thick with desperation. All she could think about was the way his hips moved in between her thighs. The length of him hit all of the most inner parts, sending shockwaves of pleasure up her spine. She wanted more of anything he would give her.

He slowly pulled out of her, releasing his grip on her and flipped their positions once more. He kneeled behind her on the bed while she lay flat on her stomach, then he slowly moved until his body hovered over hers.

She pressed her thighs together, trying to gain back some friction, frustrated at the loss of him. She felt him press a kiss to her shoulder blade and in the same moment, he lifted her hips and slowly slid back into her.

She gasped at the feeling, her hips rising to meet his, and he settled back onto his knees, gripping her hips as he set a quicker pace. She felt herself dripping between her thighs, moans slipping past her lips as Elijah thrusted in and out.

She was desperate for release, and as his hips stuttered a bit, she knew he was too. He reached forward for her, pulling her back towards him until her back was pressed to his chest once more. One arm encircled her waist while the other hand reached for her clit. She nearly folded at the feeling, but his arm kept her to him, and suddenly she was right at the precipice of her release once more.

“Will you be good for me, Elena?”

She managed a nod, fingers digging into his forearm. His cock and fingers were relentless against her, and she felt like she was about to scream.

“Yes, I’ll be good for you, Elijah, I’m so- so close.”

“So good...” He murmured. “Cum for me.”

The pleasure erupted inside of her, her hips stuttering and her pussy clenching around him as she reached the brink of orgasm. Elijah groaned at the feeling of her coming undone around him, his hand falling away from her clit. He gripped her to him and thrusted inside of her a handful more times before spilling inside of her. Elena relished in the feeling of him in those last moments before he released her.

It was done.

Elena collapsed onto the bed with Elijah close by, unable to move, to think, even to breathe. He shifted himself over so as not to crush her, the pair panting deeply in the thralls of their desire.

The phrase total loss of purity echoed in her mind as she opened her eyes and looked upon Elijah. The shameless way she begged for him, the way her hips moved in search of him. She had corrupted herself entirely. Defiled by an Original.

In more ways than one, they were linked together forever.

After a minute, their breathing settled into silence.

“Do you think it’ll work?” She whispered.

Elijah looked over at her, sitting up slightly. He raised a hand to gently move one of the strands of her hair away from her face. It felt as intimate as anything they'd just done. The heat having died down between them, there was nothing left to do but face the music.

"I have long learned to keep hope at bay whenever Niklaus is involved."

Elena nodded. Of course he was right, but she tried not to look too concerned. He seemed to notice.

"I hope you don't regret this night too deeply if it does not. I recognize what a sacrifice this must've been for you."

Elena shook her head, mirroring him as she slowly sat up as well.

"I don't regret it, Elijah."

He smiled softly, and she returned it.

"Neither do I."

・❥・

The next morning after Elijah left, Damon arrived at her house. She could tell he was relieved that she was indeed alive, but simultaneously annoyed at having been ignored. He wore his usual leather jacket, black jeans and boots, with a few strands of black hair falling into his eyes. She couldn't help but compare the two men that were at her door just a few hours apart. A leather jacket and a suit.

"Oh good, you're still standing. Would've been nice to know." He raised his cellphone up as he crossed the threshold. "You know these nifty little things called cellphones? I called like three times."

She'd passed out almost immediately after Elijah had left, though she'd only been able to sleep a few hours before she couldn't ignore Damon any longer.

"Sorry, I just fell asleep. Bonnie and I were going through some old grimoires trying to find something." I hope that's convincing enough. She'd even made sure to shower and change after Elijah had left, not wanting Damon to risk sensing anything had been awry. She led him upstairs back up to her bedroom, desperate to go back to sleep.

"And? Did our witchy encyclopedia find anything?"

"She did, actually."

"Mhm. I bet."

Elena looked over at Damon with a raised brow at his suspicion and he met it with a smirk.

"You hatched a plan, didn't you?" He did the eye thing. Elena blinked and turned away, giving a noncommittal shrug.

"Not really. It was barely a plan."

"Fine, don't tell me." Damon closed the space between them with a single stride until he was looking down at Elena. He gave another smirk. "Just promise me it wasn't anything stupid."

Elena smiled. "You have my w- I mean, I promise."

Damon nodded once, then reached over her shoulder to grab something from her dresser. Elena's heart dropped when Elijah's red rose came into view. Damon twirled it between his fingers with narrowed eyes and a crooked smile.

"What's this, then?"

・❥・

Part Two

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC: Your January Forecast 🎇❄🦢

Sup y'all, I'm back for the very last PAC I'm gonna write for 2023. By the end of the weekend, we will have shifted to a whole new year, with a new moon close in tow. I'm gonna be honest, this has been a rough year for me, but not without its bright spots. Like the birth of this blog, for one! I'm already planning the 1 Year Special.

The plan is only to expand from here to see what more there is to do! There was a lot I wanted to do this year but didn't get around to doing because of life, so I have a lot lined up for January.

Thank you for your support this past year in helping my blog grow! The circle is small, but each like and reblog makes a difference, especially to newcomers like me.

Please choose your swan ornament below to find out about how your January will look for the new year. Instead of Tarot today, I'll be using my Black Salt Lenormand deck and Astro Dice to get details along with oracles for advice.

Pile 1 - Black Swan Pile 2 - White Swan Pile 3 - Gold Swan

Pile 1 - Black Swan

Death, Sun; 49. Sun A♦, Cross 6♣, Crossroads Q♦; Uranus, 11th House, Aquarius

Hi, pile 1! Hope you're feeling alive and well for 2024. I kinda called this the "zombie pile" while drawing cause I'm getting this sluggish energy dragging along. Mumbling, creeping, hair disheveled. Goodness, this past year had you wiped out, didn't it? If you're feeling pressured for a resolution, I wouldn't, because for you I think simply sloughing off the old year like snake skin is your main priority for January. I'm hearing Usher's lyrics: "I feel like a zombie come back to life." Maybe you could treat this month like an extended New Year's Eve party. You can't force yourself to be excited for it, but you can slowly build up to it.

There is an emphasis on positive thinking with this pile. You have two Suns from different decks. Doing what brings you simple joy will be healing for you this month. Focusing on little joys can help you shift perspective. Being in the present is very important right now, and you're being asked not to think too much about last year as it will only drain you of further energy. You can't draw healing to yourself if you're spending all your Magic Points on looking backwards for answers. It it feels difficult to be positive, think outside the box at how you can move away from past thinking, like making a vision board for what you most desire to experience this year.

One of the real impressive things about your reading are the dice. You have Uranus, its natural house 11, and its sign Aquarius. Emphasis on CHANGE, much? You know how in movies, where the main character is falling into darkness and has relinquished all hope of being saved, and just as it fades to black someone swoops in to help them while casually laughing off "hah, yeah, I just happened to be in the neighborhood when I saw you falling into an infinite chasm, y'know?"

The word "Deus Ex Machina" is also popping up, or "god out of machine". It's a Latin term referring to an ancient Greek theater technique where a crane would lower an actor dressed as a deity onto the stage during the final act of a comedy, delivering sudden divine intervention and saving the day for the heroes. In other words, there is massive and very unexpected change for you, one that's gonna pull you out of the sluggish stupor of 2023. This is why resolutions aren't important for you now; whatever 2024 will be for you, it's coming in lightning hot and will do that for you.

And I think this change, however large and surprising, will be ultimately wonderful for you. There is so much sunlight emerging from this fog, new life will be breathed in for you by divine planning. It's going to help you work through some of the damage that last year left behind. It will also help you pivot to your next chapter in life. It may feel weird going into a new year with very little expectations, not knowing where you're going to end up next, but it'll be worth it. When the door swings open for you, it will BURST open, so stay on the bright side and focus on regenerating your health for now.

May your new year be shockingly bright, pile 1!

Pile 2 - White Swan

Strength, 25. Sapphire; Garden 8♠, Anchor 9♠, Person A♥; Gemini, 12th House, Pluto

Hello, pile 2! This month will be a quiet one for you, in a good way. This will be a time of retreat for you. If you found yourself being rather social at the end of 2023, expect the new year to start off with a whimper. I see you going into a hermit mode and disengaging from regular activities, especially involving other people. I get the sense that this pile is the type to want to overextend and please everyone around them. If you need a resolution suggestion from me, it's to put the brakes on now before you careen over the edge. January is putting a halt to this behavior.

Yes, you are strong. No, you do not always need to be strong for everybody else. It will wear you thin to even try, and you may end up resentful over it. It's not worth the struggle. I'm not asking you to snap at anyone who comes too close, but consider not adding more of other peoples' errands to your schedule. Consider saying, "actually, I can't go today," without feeling the need to explain why. You have a right to your own personal space away from distractions now.

This pile could belong to a group of people or community that's close to you, which could be going through a lot of hell or has been in the past year. They may have asked a lot from you with few other options. It's made you have to stand up and advocate, at the cost of your own issues being put on the back burner. It is not selfish to walk away for a while and take care of yourself, doubly so if the group in question deals with a lot of arguing and gossip. If it feels bad, trust your gut and keep your distance for now. Don't try to solve big arguments while Mercury is retrograding.

I know how Pluto in the 12th house is, as it's prominent in my chart. Imagine walking downstairs to get to your basement, only for the stairs to never end until you find yourself floating in a weird little wonderland. Somewhere, in that surreal underground mindscape, is a deeply entrenched karmic pattern that may elude you at first. Some shadow work may be required here to dig through the trenches for unpolished gems. If a pesky pattern is repeating in your life, it's time to withdraw and connect to your dreams and subconscious for clues. This pattern may have something to do with this group.

You're actually going to get more progress done by meditating and seeking out nature rather than getting too involved with these issues. The time will come when things can be handled with a clearer mindset. But your higher self is pulling you inward to help ground you through this, to remind you that you are your own amazing being even when you're separate from these people. You have the strength to stand on your own, otherwise there wouldn't be so many folks seeking you out in need. Sapphire wants you to marry your heart with your mind. It's a stone of wisdom guided by compassionate understanding and care. You spin your wheels overthinking an issue, when instead coming back to your heartspace will provide the key.

Take it easy this winter, pile 2, may your dreams give clarity and hope for 2024!

Pile 3 - Gold Swan

Protection, 15. Opal; Bouquet Q♠, Person A♥, Crossroads Q♦; 4th House, Capricorn, Mercury

What's going on, pile 3? Looks like somebody wants to enter hibernation mode, lol. I don't blame you one bit. As the full moon in Cancer has passed and the season changes, there's a strong desire to nestle into the home. Your house will be like your castle for you to improve during this month. You may feel up to redecorating or rearranging furniture to make it feel more cozy or season appropriate as you settle in. Or you may simply desire to clear out old things to decide what to keep.

You may want to do a spiritual cleansing of the house to ring in the New Year, too. Try infusing magic herbs like lemon verbena into your cleaning products, or toss cinnamon outside the front door while ringing a bell to invite prosperity in. A simple incense stick with a very fresh, mild scent like lavender can also do the trick. Does your family have a special trick or recipe they use? Whatever herb and scent combination brings out that "New Year New Me" feeling is best!

I heard loud and clearly, "YOU'RE PROTECTED!" for whomever needs to hear it most. Things might feel shaky and ungrounded at the moment. I wanna wrap a big blanket around y'all. You're being totally protected right now by your guides, so please don't let the uncertainties of 2024 leave your head dizzied. Yes, there's a lot of plans to be drawn out and a lot more work to be done, and you may not know where you're heading next, but perhaps there's a reason we like to begin the year at such a slow quiet time, after all the festivities have passed. It's not sound to start off in a rush.

You're being heavily affected by Sun in Capricorn doubled with the current Mercury retrograde, regardless of your chart placements. This is absolutely not a time for rash decision making, even if it feels you're not being your most productive. Our modern society doesn't like it when workers take a break or listen to their body's needs in any way. It will always have its excuses for its ruthless standards. After a while, though, you have to learn to shrug those expectations off and do what's right for you, or you'll risk burning out before the new year has even started.

Some of you might be thinking of even doing the Dry January trend as part of your resolution. If it's a serious issue, I'd talk to your doctor about how to do it sustainably. If you're already stressed and at risk of burnout, more pressure is not going to help. But a sober month could prove beneficial for you overall. This is not a command for you to have a Dry January if you're not interested; this message is for those who already plan on doing so. Try to take it one day at a time, keep your head free of self criticism, and don't guilt yourself over "cheat days". I will be doing one as well, so please reach out if you need a supporting voice.

Wishing you all the best to come this year pile 3, may you succeed in your resolutions!

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

Cards Used: Black Salt Lenormand, Prism Oracle, Crystal Healing Cards, Astro Dice.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[igglemouse]

It's only the first trimester but this pregnancy thing is already a bit rough, at least more than I imagined. I never expected it to be easy but I do get tired of having to run to the bathroom. Yeaaa, lets not talk about that!

Instead lets talk about waffles, more specifically, chicken and waffles! My appetite has definitely started to change as I find myself more likely to completely clean a plate but I don't think I've had any specific cravings yet? I mean, right now I'm craving golden waffles and slightly crisp fried chicken drenched in sweet syrup, does that count?

Naturally the scent of waffles wafting waffly through the house is enough to draw Pascal down to the kitchen. I'm pretty sure waffles are his favorite food and the way he lights up before digging into them tells me that I might be right.

He takes a few bites, makes a groan of approval, then turns his attention to me, a bit of concern on his face. "You okay?" He asks with his mouth half full. "You spent a lot of time in the restroom this morning and-"

"Yeaaah, just one of those things I guess?" I say trying to pass it off casually. The constant nausea is common during pregnancy, right? Probably nothing. "It'll be okay!"

"Yeah," he mumbles, getting right back to his meal.

That reminds me, Pascal hasn't really talked much about this whole 'we're going to be parents' thing too much and by too much I mean not really at all? He's told me that he'll be there for the baby and for me and that matters but I do wish he was a little more involved.

I think he saves most of his enthusiasm for mud baths. It's a ritual for him, I think. I can understand why, it can be very relaxing sinking yourself into a puddle of earthy mud and letting the world melt away. I understand he kicks a ball around for a living but it does take a lot out of him. Athletes really push their bodies past limits. It must be a ritual of his at this point.

As for me, I find my own way to unwind. Grooving to Latin pop, the infectious beats fill the room and gets my feet to move but not too much. Sure would hate to trip or something buuut I'm hoping my little one is vibing to the music too!

Doing laundry isn't in any way more fun than dancing but it has to get done. Even if the sun is bearing down on you, making you sweat, and...why doesn't Pascal have a washer and dryer again?

But I wasn't going to spend my entire day under the sun, especially when Sara decided to drop by again. She's been coming over more and more lately, I don't mind, but as I've mentioned before she's a bit nosy. Always asking questions and trying to pry, just a touch annoying actually, but there's something endearing to it? It's almost like little sister energy, if that makes sense? Maybe that's just me wishing I had a little sister.

She does remind me of an old friend I had back home, in Selva. A softer version of her, a less confident version of her, but a version of her all the same. Candela was her name but that's a story for another day.

As soon as we sit down Sara dives right into the topic of Pascal. Completely expected, remember, she's the nosy prying type after all but I decided to turn the tables back on her and ask her about her own love life.

"Umm, remember, I'm not so fortunate," her reply is hesitant and her voice cracks a little, letting me know this is more of a sensitive topic for her.

"Sara, you're way too hard on yourself! I know you've had some luck-"

"What's luck if I'm sitting here single," she interrupts, set on putting herself down I guess.

"Sara, you're young, we all are," I say, wanting to defend her from herself. "It's really not that big of a deal being single. Sometimes, it's better than being stuck with someone that's abusive."

"Yeah...well, for now, I'll live vicariously through your relationship so lets hear about it." The smile on her face is forced but I agree. I don't want to force her to talk about her.

So I tell her about Pascal and me but there really isn't any excitement because there isn't much to go on about? We are just sort of...living together? No big adventures or vacations, nothing overly romantic, we've just been sharing a space and going through life day by day I guess.

"You're going to have to pull him off the pitch long enough for you two to do more together," Sara suggests. It's a good idea. The SPL, which stands for Sims Premier League, has an offseason doesn't it?

After Sara leaves the house feels a little quieter. That's alright because I'll always have ice cream! It's the sort of thing that can bring joy to any evening and so I step right over to the kitchen and pull out my nifty ice cream making machine and make me a bowl of it. because, why not? Feels like a butter pecan kind of day to me and it's feeling like I'll be needing two bowls!

One thing I think I have to consider when it comes to living with Pascal is that I've been doing most of the chores. Whether its scrubbing countertops or washing the dishes or doing laundry out in near 100 degree heat, it's me doing it all and here I am vacuuming so that we're not inhaling dust. Makes me wonder how he was keeping this place clean before me? I'd ask Pascal to do it for tonight but...

The mechanical whir of the treadmill and the pounding of his feet had told me he was busy. I quietly slipped inside of his workout room, which, now that I think about it, looks like it would be better suited for a child but maybe that's a discussion for another day.

I have to squeal out a hello to get his attention and once I do; "Does the offer still stand?" I ask, voice raised to be heard of the rhythm of his workout.

"Huh?" He kinda shouts back, a little out of breath.

"Moving in, does it still stand?" and I shout right back.

"O-oh! Yeah! Of course! Of course it does!" He stammers back and gives me a smile. I'll leave him alone for now I guess.

So yeah, it looks like I've mad my decision or rather, fate has made it for me.

I do have some concerns but that's expected, right? No one is perfect.

Honestly, if I were not pregnant with his child I do not think I would have made this decision but now that I am I want to do everything right. That includes raising a child the usual way. Mother, father, a house, a family, that kind of thing. It's at least worth a try, it's more than what was done for me growing up.

I'll miss this place. I wasn't here for long but that's the story of my life. I don't tend to stay in places for too long. The universe always nudges me on to my next chapter and on to the next episode..

Frida Varela Index ~ Next Episode 6 'Familiar Connections'

[zeevoidlight]

Why didn't he protected them

Is actually difficult for me to discern because Vegeta and Bulma went from getting close to each other and starting to trust each other enough to be intimate, even if it was just for the sex, to Vegeta not caring if she and baby Trunks died at all, and Bulma being very distant from Vegeta while still being in a relationship. And I don't believe the thing some say that he didn't actually cared for her or didn't actually noticed her in a deeper way until much later (basically the idea that Vegeta was just Trunks sperm donor and only was with Bulma for the sex), nah. diss's moch complcated, i swear (nah not really, I just want an excuse to talk more about my obsession). (Note that I watched the latin version so my interpretation of the characters and context might be different from the English version).

I'll talk about these event and about saiyan culture regarding babies, Vegeta and Bulma's relationship during the Cell saga, and how Vegeta might have felt towards Baby Trunks and Future Trunks.

//////////

Saiyans, family and culture

The popular idea is that yes, he was a major jerk by letting Bulma and Baby Trunks almost die at the start of the Android saga, and yeah, he actually was. But one thing that people often forget is that he is not human, he is a saiyan, and that kind of behavior wasn't that abnormal for his culture/species. Is actually expected.

I mean, Saiyan's used to send their babies (the weak ones) in capsules to other planets to pop out of the ship, project an artificial moon into the sky and start making havoc for months until everyone was dead. If the baby survives they will later go to the planet for him eventually to claim the planet and sell it, and I guess later reintegrate the little saiyan into their society again. Like a rite of passage just to acquire the right to live, otherwise they just die unceremoniously. (And it was a way to try to hide and justify mass child genocide by taking out the "weak genes" out of their population just like a Spartans would... *clears throat").

Even Bardock was like that (pre retcon because i will use the saiyan lore of the era to explain something of the same time period of it's creation). While the others were like "hey! You got a baby kid! Aren't you going to go to planet Vegeta to check on him? How about a celebration or something", and Bardock is like "NO. Who would want to visit a low class soldier like that, I'm not r-[redacted]" (man... DBZ Bardock was a different animal entirely, i freaking loved him). (I have the theory that Raditz was actually in the lower end of high class soldiers. maybe will talk about it in another post).

Anyway, yeah, that's basically the way of thinking of saiyans. A little bit like Piccolo's tough love type of survival training with Gohan but even more savage and detached because if they died and it was their kid it was gonna suck really bad and hurt a lot their pride but what had to happen happened since they cannot get involved in those first years and cannot go save them, end of story, make another baby, maybe the next one will be stronger. They just had babies to send them off, and they have a blood relation with each other but they didn't had the concept of a family, not exactly, like humans would have, usually though, because once again the royal family did had those kinds of bonds to precisely preserve their lineage and secure their babies would born powerful above everyone else.

Of course we all know Bardock was still worried about Kakarott and he wanted to appear tougher with his teammates, he was worried the same way every other saiyan does it in a very distant manner to not get their feelings get in the way of their job as warriors (I mean, he did passed by the nursery in his hurry and stopped to check on Goku while he was there after all). Much like King Vegeta himself who said that he didn't care about what happened to his son, Vegeta, after some saiyan royal adviser (or knight, idk) asks him if it's true that he will have to give his son to Frieza because Vegeta was going to be real in danger if he did in the flashback in the Frieza saga. He wasn't going to say "yes i do feel terrible for my son and it hurts me deeply" even if he was absolutely devastated, he says that he doesn't care because he cannot appear weak, and because it was also true what he said about being more angered by how Frieza had them under his thumb, in that moment he was decided to confront Frieza so he couldn't let himself feel.

And later Vegeta himself said he didn't cared about his race or his father to Dodoria when he was revealing the truth about their planet's destruction while at the same time is true that he was angered about being lied to and about being kept in their control since childhood . The thing is Vegeta doesn't care about the actual people of his race but more about what they represent and are supposed to be, only those who are saiyan in blood and meaning are worthy of calling themselves saiyan, that's why he doesn't revive them but he does care deeply and is proud of it, just in another level. And regarding his father we know he was lying because every time he remembers him in the series he does it fondly and with a lot of pride, like when he's outright telling Goku to avenge their parents, or when remembering him to give himself confidence that he will be able to become Ssj. Is not like they don't "care", but they have to be intelligent about what to reveal so it cannot be taken against them later and to a degree convince themselves on getting detached from many things to keep their fighting instincts up front and take decisions with their heads cold whatever had to happen. Just like we hear him say all terrified in Namek when Krillin got impaled by Frieza "What an idot!...That's what happened to him for paying attention to that Namekuseijin! (Dende)", and then after Gohan looses his mind and knocks Frieza down momentarily Vegeta tells Gohan "Don't loose your time worrying about him! [Krillin]. Do you think Frieza was going to die with that?!". Is what they don't say and try to hide (as we see explicitly with Vegeta when confronting Frieza he purposefully hid the existence of Goku from him and lied, making Frieza believe that Vegeta himself was the only saiyan survivor left but in his thoughts we hear him say "and Kakarott...").

Vegeta's priorities

Same can be said of Vegeta with baby Trunks, i would believe. Their children are their legacy in a way after all, and like an extension of themselves and their own ego. But what made Vegeta forget the feelings and pride he might have had with Bulma and Trunks to not even being a thing that was important is literally everything else going on around him at the same time in those years. It was a very conflicting era for him in several fronts, specially related to his place in the world, his newfound freedom from Frieza's hand since he was a child, him getting used to a new life in another culture, another planet, other type of people, his love relationship, his place as a saiyan in relation to the other few of his species, his title as prince among the low class saiyans that had surpassed him by this point and not by little, his twice stolen destiny to be the the legendary super saiyan that now that he became one as well he had to demonstrate he was the better Ssj among them, the news of him getting killed in the near future in another timeline by just some rando earthling androids that somehow were stronger than Frieza and that the android he defeated (19) alongside the other one (Gero) weren't the right ones, he was really pissed about it and starting to get worried, they couldn't sense the androids by their chi (ki), it was becoming a mess, and he absolutely HAD to be the one that would kill all the androids all on his own to go back to his rightful place in the power scale. Is quite the heavy burden.

So, family? his son? Bulma? ultimately they were at the end of the list of his priorities. And that is very clear thorough this entire first part, even when he was officially in his relationship with Bulma.

Bulma

That's partially why Bulma was attracted to him in the first place though, because he was extremely determined in his ambitions, she respects that, and saw how deeply it was hurting him when he had that training accident and was subconsciously talking in his sleep. She was going to carry that responsibility for him so he could focus on himself. That's why she doesn't reclaim him anything or judges him on things related to that other than jokingly. She knew what she was getting into and has always known. Unfortunately she isn't that responsible of a person herself though. That's why she herself puts her own life and Baby Trunks life in danger, because she is just as determined and obstinate, and Vegeta knows that as well, that's why he doesn't "care", because he respects her decisions as well (and ultimately can't do much about it either). If she wants to put their own lives in danger because she thinks she's up to their game is her responsibility then, not his, and he cannot get involved because he has a job to do regarding himself and his own battles, he had to be detached. Also he was annoyed and fed up with Bulma's stubbornness since he already told her not to be a stupid and do stupid things like put herself in danger way before when Frieza went to Earth, and now she's doing it again (the first time he thought it was hot though (it was so funny that he looks back at her and then talks to himself all thoughtful like "Not only she's vulgar but she's aggressive/daring too", translation -> 'I might like this chick'), but this time is a not cute at all). I don't think it was something personal, not even the "[..] foolish woman and her blasted child" thing, like he says in the english dub, he had more important things he had to worry about. What he says to Trunks in the latin dub is "What stupidities are you saying. I don't care in the slightest, you idiot" (i wish I could have found the japanese one but it is what it is and is the closest I have to it) so he doesn't say mean things to Bulma or Trunks specifically. The interesting part here is to think if Vegeta was saying "I don't care" because he actually didn't care, or "I don't care" not because he didn't but because he couldn't. Vegeta is terrified of feeling and has always been. And yes, I say he was absolutely right because what saiyans try to avoid by giving too information and care is exactly what happened and Gero used her as a distraction, blasted the place and with it Bulma's ship and escaped thinking that they were going to be too busy saving her to notice where he ran to. Still a dick move but I cannot blame him too much. So yeah, it is very much in the tone of if Bulma thinks she can be in the middle of the battle field then so be it, if they survive they'll prove themselves not to be to useless after all, if they die it will suck but it had to be for being idiots.

Being a warrior

Vegeta is a warrior first and foremost. And him being a warrior is why later he is excited to see Cell's perfect form, just like Goku (being a pure blooded saiyan) he cannot contain himself from seeing what immense power looks like, and dares Future Trunks to attack him if Trunks had the balls to do it in order to stop him. Like "bro, are you really gonna to go against your pops? prove it. That's why Future Trunks cannot comprehend him, because Trunks is part earthling and cannot fathom someone getting excited about fighting for the sake of fighting itself and proving one's self where power is the only thing that matters. And why Vegeta cannot stand Future Trunks either, because F Trunks fights for justice and peace.

Baby Trunks

About Baby Trunks, we can only speculate of course but I would assume baby Trunks was conceived right after Vegeta became super saiyan (?) because later in the Buu saga kid Trunks was able to become Ssj without any effort just like Goten (who was definitely conceived during that week Goku was in Ssj the whole time), while present/future Gohan and Future Trunks had to get the transformation the OG hard way like their fathers. I guess future Trunks did accidentally change the time where he would be conceived in the present timeline by just a bit since we do see that Vegeta becomes Ssj in future timeline, probably after Goku dies (he was present with the others in Goku's house when he died and Bulma already had Baby Future Trunks with her) and before the androids appear in the future timeline as we see him transformed to fight, though that's still my speculation.

I think even though Trunks was still a baby maybe there was a way for Vegeta to sense his initial power level (? I'm just assuming some things here). And I don't remember exactly when did saiyan babies were packed and sent to planets to conquer them (maybe a few months old and expected to destroy the people in the planet in around 6 months from arrival having Goku and Earth as an example in the Bardock special) but Baby Trunks definitely doesn't look powerful or very strong regardless, not compared to Vegeta himself as a baby. And Vegeta knew that the mix between saiyans with earthlings produced a stronger breed but just look at this little guy, he looks more earthling than saiyan without much promises, might as well not have much saiyan blood in him, he didn't had his black/dark hair, he wasn't even born with a tail. And also was being treated... well like a baby but an earthling one.

He probably was conflicted about the whole baby thing, specially by how he was taught on his saiyan side despite being from the royal family (since the royal family is one of the few that can actually have familial ties similar to humans), and how being now on Earth his perfectly normal for a saiyan actions were taken from an earthling perspective as not being adequate, but he couldn't entertain the thought for too long since the androids were gonna kill everyone if the warning was true anyways.

Vegeta didn't really considered Baby Trunks to be someone he should put any attention to. Although deep down he cared to a degree as in being an extension of his pride and how Trunks was ultimately "representing him" as his son. How that affected his relationship with Bulma too in this time period is important. Like, he seems angry that Bulma tells him that his presence made Trunks cry after his fight 19, and that is quite mean for her to say that to him, but he can't reply anything to her and just tch's and looks away all annoyed but doesn't say anything or fights her on it, so i can imagine he was feeling conflicted about how to act or respond on top of everything that he had to think about.

Pride on Future Trunks and school of hard knocks

Only when he discovered that the mysterious badass warrior from the future was his own son, the one that he was dismissing, then he started to quietly and secretly take pride on who he would become and started to pay attention to both F Trunks (in his own saiyan way) and much later to Baby Trunks because babies are not viewed as important in saiyan culture, still focusing on the battle first. Much like Bardock when he started to have his visions of Goku right at the very end of his life he started to view grown up F Trunks as more of an equal rather than competition, and seeing him grown up made it easier for him to bond. And so Vegs is like ".... Fuck yeah".

"Look at my son, Cell. He's not as cool as me but he's damn close" lol

He of course was also very prideful and wouldn't bother with any family related stuff the way Bulma (and F Trunks) were pressuring him to be, and she kinda was ridiculing him about it (jokingly though, never seriously) just to evidence him and kinda "hit him over the head" for his behavior. And his natural reaction is of course to appear tough in front of everyone else, like Bardock, like King Vegeta, and like his usual self, and throw all that family nonsense out the window. He still was very prideful and had to keep a face, but that is what would come bite him in the ass hard later on.

(look at Krillin's face though. In the latin version Bulma yells here and tells Vegeta "What are you trying to do Vegeta! If you get close with that 'few friends' face Trunks will start crying again like before!", and Krillin looks at Vegeta with a face that says -Dude, she hits you back at home, doesn't she- (that's not funny... but it's kinda funny))

Trunks took the wrong way Vegeta's actions. He wasn't purposefully ignoring him, he didn't had time to bond or make him understand his methods, or teach him spelling everything out for him, at least the way he knew how to do it which is by the saiyan way, which was never going to work the way he remembered it because Trunks is half earthling, and that's something Goku also partially fumbled up with Gohan and his Rage form, but Vegeta was actually trying to teach Trunks the hard way. Vegeta was trying to actually come up with strategies, occupied on bringing solutions to the table that Trunks couldn't come up with for years in just the few days they had. Goku definitely knew it. Trunks is all "my dad has been on that rock for 3 days and he doesn't even look at me or train me" and Goku is like "shit! Vegeta is a Genius! He's trying to find a way to surpass the super saiyan", and Trunks can't understand what's happening while the two pure blood adult saiyans are talking. Like, remember the scene where F Trunks attacked Vegeta? Vegeta was actually trying to parent as a saiyan there, and feeling proud of Trunks before and after Trunks attacked him because he actually did it. He called him stupid and all but it was always accompanied with a lesson he wanted Trunks to learn, even if it was only to make him learn respect Vegeta's place as his father (and Trunks eventually came to respect him despite his shortcomings).

Vegeta and Bulma

Anyway... regarding Vegeta and Bulma though, I love how Vegeta talks to Bulma with such familiarity during the Cell saga (i just wished... the time skips didn't happen so quickly because it would have been excellent for character development outside of battle with small everyday stuff and hijinks...), and it does feel like he recognizes Bulma's intelligence and respects that aspect of her, he calls her by her name (which after 3 years I would hope he does but last time we just hear him call her "woman" so it was nice to hear him call her by her name), but then when Bulma starts to spit toxicity towards him or starts to act like she has her ego through the roof (which funnily enough is very similar to Vegeta himself when he feels confident and with his ego higher than the sky), he just looks like he's thinking "well you just can't find the off button, do you" (lol, it reminds me of home).

It actually reminds me a little bit of how Bulma and Yamcha's relationship was, on and off of Bulma being angry and with Yamcha and re-conciliating again, just this time is with Vegeta, but in Yamcha's relationship he was the one that just got all the (maybe undeserved) anger from Bulma and he didn't really had the balls to confront her because he's Yamcha and he's a nice guy but he doesn't have spice (like he used to as a bandit), while on the other hand with Vegeta is a constant battle for power in the relationship. They both act mean with each other, and even if it's not actually meant to seriously cause harm they can get get hurt and often do simply by the nature of how they relate to each other and communicate, with insults, sarcasm, back handed comments, ironic remarks, double meaning, either is to twist the knife where it hurts or even to be playful and flirt in a friendly manner, is almost never straight forward and i really can't picture them, specially Vegeta, saying that they love each other directly and explicitly but they don't have to. That's just how they are, is their game, because neither of them is willing to back out, they are both asses, though Vegeta is the one that normally does back out in the end in favor of keeping peace because he is the one that has more to loose even if it's by convenience and to keep his access to Capsule Corp and all the commodities at this point, and because he respects and admires Bulma too, he does love her in his own saiyan way and doesn't want to loose that bond he's made with her as the only other person he managed to trust and be open with (the other being Goku). (this scene is priceless and i just wanted to put it here. Is filler but i just don't care, it officially exists and is part of the collective that is DB and is good).

Bulma was ok with Vegeta not being present in their lives and only focusing on her baby, encouraging little Trunks in small ways to start developing some strength. She's always been her own woman after all, independent, confident, intelligent all on her own, always being in the middle of the conflicts since time immemorial to be part of the team too against whatever is menacing Earth. While at the same time is clear that Bulma is proud that her baby is Vegeta's because is a symbol of their deeper connection (and love if you will at this point), aaaaand because of the potential he has as a fighter and the status he gives her among the ones that know who Vegeta is (bragging rights, lol), and also brag about his perfect very cool and handsome son's genes. She was like "yeah Yayirobe, drop the child if you want, but be ware that that child is Vegeta's". (I swear that sometimes I wonder if Vegeta is the one in an abusive relationship full of toxicity, lol, the answer is they both are but flawed as it was it's what they both needed and what worked for them). (and i love this bit where Trunks falls to the ground trying to learn to walk and Bulma looks at him like "i'm not gonna do anything about it, get up on your own". Some of Vegeta is rubbing off on her, hehe).

Trunks was an accident?

About the baby, in a way Bulma and Vegeta, ever since they decided to engage sexually, were aware of the possibility of a child being born from both of them but had already accepted whatever outcome destiny had in it's plans regarding a possible offspring (when before Vegeta was very clearly against it for the fear of having a child that could be stronger than him to usurp his title and place). And to that i want to add that Trunks wasn't really planned by Vegeta in particular (I'm more sure that Bulma might have desired a baby from him after a certain point because she always fantasized with Goku once she saw him all grown up but "lost her chance" as she puts it, and now Vegeta represented another chance to have a badass baby), but that doesn't mean Trunks wasn't expected like many people believe (that Trunks was an accident). Vegeta had agreed with the consequences long before he knew they were pregnant, so no, i don't believe he was an accident as if they didn't thought having a baby wasn't going to eventually happen simply because they were having sex and a baby is to be an expected high chance result, but neither planned exactly. He just naturally happened and that was ok.

They are fine (Trunks is not fine)

Like, both Vegeta and Bulma seem actually pretty ok with the whole thing of being kinda distant kinda separate and on their own at that point while still being together as an official couple. Vegeta concentrating on his own things and not letting anything get in his way, being very saiyan about not letting himself feel (because otherwise his obvious parental instincts when Trunks gets killed and him later accepting his love for Bulma wouldn't make much sense if he actually didn't ultimately cared). Bulma seems pretty ok with putting herself and her child in danger while knowing she still has a job to do to help save the Earth just like Vegeta was doing in a way. Like, during the saga they are actually both working together, Vegeta asking her info on Dr Gero and her looking into her investigation about him in her memory, him asking if she brought the armors he requested for the z fighters and Bulma actually did made them and brought them with her. They are actually working together when it comes to the war against the androds and Vegeta is 100% concentratd on that and his issues while Bulma is enduring and helping as well, growing up from the brat she was into someone more mature but both still with things they need to work on.

The only one that cannot comprehend the dynamic here is Future Trunks. No one else feels it out of place or out of logic because it's Vegeta and it's Bulma. But like, Future Trunks gives too much credit to Vegeta for putting his Baby Trunks self in danger when it's very much Bulma's fault in this particular case. But that is because F Trunks made some high assumptions and probably fantasized with who his father might have been and was hit with the reality that he was not the way he imagined him, so he's putting a lot of expectations on Vegeta that when not met he gets angry but Vegeta is just like "dude i don't have time for this bs". And on the other hand Trunks also didn't knew how his mother was before she had to grow into someone more careful and responsible, so he cannot see his mother's faults because his love for her is blinding him from her wrong doings. (funny thing is that when she had the plane accident no one went to save Bulma either, lol). He has to learn to know his parents because he doesn't know them. Poor Trunks though XD.

////

Ultimately Vegeta changes his attitude during the end of the saga for the sake of both of them, and after having been smacked full force in the face with the realization that he did messed up in multiple ways during the saga after all, with the androids, with Cell, with Trunks too because of his cultural baggage. At the end he's much closer to Bulma and Baby Trunks, having accepted his role as father, not only the type of father Vegeta wanted to be but the father Trunks needed him to be, which still had a lot of room for improvement but it was a start, and he did changed quite a lot. Even caving in with some earthling behaviors for the better. Unnggh! is so beautiful!

[queenieverity]

dead poets society but they're all girls

I walked across the campus, not taking in my surroundings, lost in a haze of worry—that’s the moment I ran into Cornelia Perry. I didn’t know who she was in that moment, but I would soon. She wore a pastel blue dress and a simple white cardigan. Her long brown hair was perfectly curled, and she was beautiful, but that wasn’t quite the point. There was a confidence in the casual smile on her face, in the carefree way she had been leaning on a column, and the way she quickly shook my hand: “So I hear we’re going to be roommates. Cornelia Perry.” 

I was processing all this, much too slow, but after an awkward pause, I mumbled, “Dorothy Anderson.” In situations like this, there is much you think you are supposed to say, but nothing that you really know to say. 

I kept walking, slowly, to my dorm, but stopped when I heard Cornelia say, “Why’d you leave Balincrest?”

So, she knew some things about me. I didn’t exactly know how to feel about that. In general, I liked not to be perceived. “My sister went here.”

“Oh, so you’re that Anderson.”

I didn’t say anything in response—what was there to say? I was used to being compared to my sister. 

Especially by my parents.

***

I finally got to my dorm. It’s simple. You know, what you would expect out of a dorm: two single beds, two closets, two desks, a window. I stood near my desk, unpacking my suitcases and wishing I could hide there forever, but then I heard footsteps coming from the hallway. I heard the door creak open and turned my head sharply to see Cornelia walking in. I didn’t say anything to her, just turned my head back down to my desk. 

I heard a voice, making my head jolt. I must have looked rather ridiculous, what with all the head-turning I was doing. A girl with reddish-brown hair and similarly-colored freckles popped her head in. “Cornelia, study group tonight?” 

Cornelia responded, “Yeah sure.”

“Business as usual, eh? Hey, hear you got the new kid. Looks like a stiff!” The girl started laughing before catching my eye. “Oops,” she said awkwardly, though not as awkward as I felt, before walking away down the hall. 

Cornelia smiled at me somewhat sheepishly, and I got the feeling she was trying not to laugh. “Listen, don’t listen to Cameron. She was born with her foot in her mouth, you know what I mean?” 

I did not, in fact, know what she meant, but I was saved by a group of girls appearing in the doorway. Why did I have to be roommates with the popular one? 

Two of the girls both had long, brown hair, and the other short, curly blonde hair. Focusing on the hair was easier than looking them in the eye. One of the brown-haired girls leaned on the doorway and pointed at Cornelia. She had a smug expression on her face when she says, “Rumor has it, you did summer school.”

Cornelia smiled. “Yep. Chemistry. My father thought I should get ahead.” She moved her eyes as if she wanted to roll them but stopped herself. “How was your summer, slick?” She smirked on that word: slick.

“Keen.”

The girls entered the room. The smug girl whipped around and told the blonde, “Meeks. Door. Closed.” 

Meeks nodded dutifully, closing the door while saying, playfully, “Yes, ma’am.”

Cornelia leaned casually on the window sill before saying, “Ladies, what are the four pillars?”

“Travesty. Horror. Decadence. Excrement,”  they all said in unison before laughing. The familarity between them all was obvious, and I stuck out like a sore thumb. Well, not really. I was too invisible to stick out at all. I just kept unpacking my luggage. 

The smug girl said, “Okay, study group. Meeks aced Latin. I didn’t quite flunk English. So, if you want, we’ve got our study group.”

Cornelia shrugged. “Sure. Cameron asked me too. Anyone mind including her?”

Smug girl seemed to pretend to consider this for a moment. “Hmm. Well. What’s her specialty, boot-licking?” She plopped herself down on Corneila’s bed. 

“Come on, she’s your roommate.”

Smug girl scoffed. “That’s not my fault.”

Meeks seemed to notice me for the first time. She smiled at me. She had a lopsided sort of smile. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m Stephanie Meeks.” She pushed her glasses up her nose.

Cornelia got up from her place on the window sill and wrapped her arm around me. I was noticeably uncomfortable. Well, I thought it’s noticeable, but Cornelia didn't seem to notice. “This is Dorothy Anderson.”

“Nice to meet you,” Meeks said.

“Nice to meet you,” I mumbled.

“Charlotte Dalton,” smug girl offered. “But everyone calls me Charlie. Suits me much better.”

The other brown-haired girl offers her hand to me. “Knoxleigh Overstreet.” I shook her hand.

“Dorothy’s sister was Elizabeth Anderson,” Cornelia explained, sitting down at the window again.

“Oh, yeah. Valedictorian. National merit scholar,” Charlie said.

“Well,” Meeks said with a slightly defeated tone of voice. “Welcome to Hell-ton.”

“It’s every bit as tough as they say,” Charlie warned, “unless you’re a genius like Meeks.” Her smirk seemed to grow when she mentioned Meeks.

“She flatters me. That’s why I help her with Latin.”

Charlie coughed. “And English. And trig.”

Well, they’re nice enough, I thought. I’ll just stay out of their way, and it should be fine.

There’s a knock on the door. “It’s open,” Cornelia called out.

The door opened, and a woman with a stern expression and even sterner eyes walked in. Cornelia practically jolted up from the window, her posture suddenly going rigid. “Mother, I’d thought you’d gone.” There’s a slight voice crack on gone. The other girls stood up too.

“Keep your seats, keep your seats,” Mrs. Perry said. “Cornelia, I've just spoken to Mrs. Nolan. I think that you're taking too many extracurricular activities this semester, and I've decided that you should drop the school annual.”

Cornelia shifted uncomfortably. “But I’m the assistant editor this year.”

Mrs. Perry’s expression seemed to soften. “Well, I’m sorry, Cornelia.”

“But, mother. I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair.”

Mrs. Perry’s expression turned cold again, and she walked out to the hallway. Cornelia hesitantly followed.

I could hear their conversation, and I couldn't help but eavesdrop. Sometimes that’s all my life was—existing, observing, and having no choice but to eavesdrop on conversations nobody cared if I listened in to or not.  

“Don’t ever dispute me in public. Do you understand?”

“Mother, I wasn’t disputing—” Cornelia’s tone was bordering on frustration, but I could tell she was trying to keep it in check.

“After you've finished school and find a suitable man to marry, you're on your own, then you can do as you damn well please. But until then, you do as I tell you. Is that clear?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.” Cornelia’s tone turned empty.

“You know how much this means to your father, don’t you?”

“Yes, mother. You know me, always taking on too much.”

“Well, that’s my girl. Now, listen, you need anything, you let us know, huh?”

“Yes, mother.”

There’s a moment of silence, then Cornelia walked back into the dorm, face expressionless. 

Charlie was visibly irritated. “Why doesn’t she just let you do what you want?”

Knoxleigh nodded. “Yeah, Cornelia, tell her off. It can’t get any worse.”

Cornelia scoffed. “Oh, that’s rich. Like you tell your parents off, Ms. Pre-Law and Ms. Pre-Med, even though neither of you actually get to become lawyers or doctors.”

Charlie shrugged, defeated. “Okay, so I don’t like it anymore than you do.”

“Well, just don’t tell me how to talk to my mother. You guys are the same way.”

“Alright, alright. Jesus,” Knoxleigh said. “So. What are you going to do?”

Cornelia slumped against the window. “What I have to do. Drop the annual.”

“Well, I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it. It’s just a bunch of jerks trying to impress Nolan,” Charlie said.

Cornelia crossed her arms. “I don’t care. I don’t give a damn about any of it.”

Meeks looked awkwardly around before saying, “Well, uh, Latin, eight o’clock in my room?”

“Yes,” Cornelia said, a bit too forcefully and gruffly.

“Dorothy, you’re welcome to join us,” Meeks said. 

I twisted my hands together, nervous at her mention of me.

“Yeah, come along,” Knoxleigh agreed.

I finally peeled my eyes off the spot on the floor I had been staring at. “Thanks,” I said, even though, of course, I wouldn’t be going, and I knew very well none of them would care.

[ @jamroses you asked to be tagged so there you go :)]

[paullovescomics]

Many moons ago, when (I think it was) the fifth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was airing on TV, I decided it might be fun to join some mailing lists dedicated to the show, so I'd have more people to talk about the show with. (Mailing lists were pre-social media vehicles for fandom, somewhere between USENET and MySpace; imagine a chain of comments on a Tumblr post, but it's sent to you in email.) It definitely let me talk to more people about a show that I loved, but it also taught me that online fandom can take just as easily as it gives. [SPOILERS if you're just starting to watch the show, i think it might be having a minor resurgence atm.]

It wasn't a terribly negative experience. I didn't get bullied or even have my ideas shit on. That season had the show's typical mystery of what's the deal with this season's Big Bad and how are Buffy and the Scoobies going to defeat them, but it also had the mystery of Buffy's previously unseen sister, Dawn. Where did she come from? Howcome all the characters act like she's been there all along when she totally hasn't been? Et cetera, et cetera, et wtf.

There had been cryptic hints dropped in the previous season (Little Miss Muffet, counting down from 7-3-0), but they were very cryptic. Babylon 5 had concluded not too long ago, and HBO's mainstreaming of the "tv show as novel" concept had not quite kicked into gear yet, so nerdy fannish brains were hungry for a well-planned-out tv narrative to sink their teeth into. This mailing list was full of speculation, sometimes based on those aforementioned hints, sometimes based on the bits of Latin and German text seen in the opening credits (the show is full of mystical tomes), to all those sorts of background details and clever quips that supposedly have hidden meanings. You know how it can get.

Of course I had my own theories, which I do not remember. That's suspiciously convenient, because I do remember that they were wrong. (Good job, super ego. You saved me from an embarrassing memory for once. That doesn't mean we're okay about all the other stuff.) Whatever my wrong predictions were, it really bugged me when they turned out to be wrong. And before they were proved to be wrong, it also bugged me when I would watch the show and someone else's theory, usually one I didn't like so much, would pop into my head. Oh, that one character did that thing that supposedly proves that such-and-such will happen. There was a mention of that so-called clue that means Dawn will turn out to be whatever annoying thing that one poster said that I didn't like. My pet theory being wrong was just the stink on top of the turd pie.

So at the end of that season, I thought, this deeper involvement in fandom has made the show less fun to watch. And that sucked, because I really liked that show. I'd found it at the beginning, and my enjoyment of it had grown from a very simplistic "hey, there's an attractive lady kicking vampires" to a real appreciation of all the character growth and the good acting and the smart metaphors and the playing with tropes, all the stuff that makes a tv show good. And one of my best friends had recently gotten into the show, though they were still catching up via my obsessive video taping (a lost art, folks). All that enjoyment was diminished, if only a bit, by my participation is a particular aspect of fandom. I unsubbed from the mailing lists and decided I wouldn't go down that path again.

Obviously, I didn't completely give up on online fandom, because here I am. But I have tried to be much more careful in how I engage with that fandom. Speculation isn't for me. It might be for you. Digging into behind-the-scenes details, and examining statements that creators have made about a story is not for me. It might be for you. What is for me is finding those stories--whatever medium they may be told in--that appeal to me, taking them in, letting myself get lost in the details that catch my attention, talking about those things with friends, and occasionally posting something here. Similar vibes seem to attract each other here. Most of the interaction is just a like, which I can interpret as appreciation for the thing that I enjoy or maybe my rambling about it, and that's nice. When folks do reply with more than a like, it's almost always thoughtful and written in a chill, conversational way.

I reckon the moral is, it's worthwhile to notice how your interaction with fandom affects your enjoyment of the art that brought you there in the first place, and it can be helpful to tailor that interaction so that you get the most positive and the least negative out of it.

[ihavedonenothingright]

Captive Prince: Historical References and Naming Conventions

Part 2

And I'm back! Last post I looked at Vere and Akielos; today we're onto Patras. I was originally going to tackle Isthima and Artes here as well, but then things got. Long. So we'll save them for next time. You might notice I'm not touching Vask or Kempt—that's because I lack the background to do so properly. I'm currently studying Greek and Latin, and I speak okay-ish French, so I feel pretty comfy looking at names derived from those three, but not other languages. And with that little preamble, let's jump right in!

Patras

Patras' historical inspiration is a little less cut-and-dry than Vere and Akielos. We're told it's culturally similar to Akielos, and it shares its name with Πάτρα/Patras—the regional capital of the Peloponnese and one of the largest cities in Greece—but the two Patran given names we have access to—Torveld and Torgeir—are both Scandinavian. You could also probably make a good case that its capital "Bazal" is a slightly corrupted version of "Basel," the third most populated city in Switzerland. I don't really think we see enough of it to fully label its culture one thing or the other, but for my purposes here, I'm going to label it a mix. So then, why do I feel fine analyzing the name?

I did a quick search to see if any words similar to Patras pop up in Old Norse or derivative languages, and came up empty. So I feel pretty comfortable assuming that the country name is Hellenic/Romantic in origin, regardless of its other names. Feel free to correct me in the notes if that's not the case. But with that in mind, where does Πάτρα come from?

Well, first, from its Ancient Greek name, Πάτραι (Patrai). And that comes (supposedly; we're dealing with mytho-history here) from this guy, Patreus, who conquered it. I have not been able to find anything solid on where his name comes from, but what it reminds me of is the noun ��ατήρ (pater), or 'father.' This is partially because the word for one's native country in Greek is πάτρα, itself derived from πατήρ, and that is, I think, one possible interpretation of the country's name.

Patras' role in the story, from start to end, is to remind Damen of his home country. In book 1 this is a positive association—Patras' cultural similarities to Akielos are what allow Damen to 'save' Erasmus and the other Akielon slaves—and in book 3, when Torveld and Erasmus make their appearance, it's negative. Patras and Torveld effectively function as foils for Damen and his attitude towards Akielos, so having the country's name evoke that idea is nice. It works.

The other thing I associate it with is kind of related, but not entirely. It's important to note that Greek and Latin share a word for 'father'; πατήρ and pater. And particularly in Latin, the word pater lends itself to several other terms and associations that are, I feel, relevant to Patras's role as a foil. The main one I'm going to talk about is the patrōnus-cliēns relationship, which played a very important role in Roman society. 

Patrōnus, derived from pater (stem: patr-), can be translated as patron, advocate, or protector depending on context. The most common usage of it that I've encountered is in describing a social designation in which a wealthy Roman (typically a man) would take on clients and dependents (called cliēns) in exchange for some form of benefit. That benefit might be monetary—"I'll give you the money to maintain your farm if you trade xyz on my behalf"—or social and political; clients were typically obligated to vote for their patroni or his immediate family in elections. While not a legal institution, this kind of relationship was deeply ingrained in Roman society. And it was also the default relationship between freed slaves and their former masters. 

On the one hand, such an arrangement does help keep new freedmen (liberti) from becoming destitute; on the other, continued obligations to one's former owner meant that, functionally, the freedom afforded by manumission was never true freedom. Akielon attitudes towards slavery are, in my opinion, more in line with Roman sensibilities about slavery than Greek ones (take a peek at Martial's Epigrams if you want to understand what I mean, but it's not pretty), and Patras is the picture of Roman slavery. Torveld embodies the ideal of a Roman patrōnus: by the standards of his society, he is a protector and an advocate, and we see him exercise his power on behalf of dependents like Erasmus… but he is still, ultimately, in an unearned, hierarchical position that gives him the power of life-or-death over everyone he owns. And that's what really stands out to me about the name Patras: its associations with this state of protection and exploitation that are themselves associated with Damen's homeland. It's very, very good.

That's it for today's analysis; tune in tomorrow for Isthima and Artes! Please let me know if there's anything in particular you'd like me to look at. I'm open to anything linguistic or historical; in fact, I'll probably make a more comprehensive post about the similarities between Akielon and Roman slavery at a later point in time anyway. For Part 1, see below.

<< Part 1 Part 3 >>

(Note: for convenience, I'm making a tag for these posts. You can find them all on #capri name analysis)

[sirianasims]

The Don Diaries

As some of you OG readers of the Duchelli legacy knows, I will always insist that Don Lothario is a misunderstood character with a lot of depth, and secretly a family man.

Before I joined our beloved tumblr dot com, I created a save to just have fun between writing Duchelli chapters, and decided to explore Don's past. This is not the same Don as in my legacy, this is a new Don. A worse better Don.

I apologise for the crunchy screenshots, these were before Reshade and never meant for Tumblr, only to entertain my besties on Discord.

And so, the quaint neighbourhood of San Sequoia has gotten 3 new residents.

This is Nicolo Lothario, husband, father and politician - in that order.

We also have his gorgeous wife, the love of his life, Adriana Lothario. She used to be a sommelier but quit her job when she and Nicolo had their son and has stayed home ever since.

And finally, and arguably most importantly, we have their son, Don.

Nicolo and Adriana are very devoted to their son, and since he's their only child, it honestly gets a bit much with all the expectations. He's just trying to pass math and find a date for prom, dammit!

Things start out very wholesome.

However, I have not played with autonomy on for quite a while, so I'm quickly a bit overwhelmed with these people just wandering off to do whatever.

But I have decided to see what happens, and…

oh no

Well, that was quick. Apparently, the Lothario genes are just Like That™️

So Don's parents, uh, go off, apparently completely forgetting that they have curtains, or maybe they really hope the neighbours will see them, I have no idea.

Don's reaction to this, however, is to autonomously go to his room, exercise, and turn on his radio - to latin pop.

"LATIN POP WILL DISTRACT ME FROM THE ISSUE AT HAND" - Don, probably.

I'll leave you with these two lovebirds who are now dressed and adorably slow-dancing in the kitchen. You might as well get used to it, because they will do this a lot.

[raccoonsrummagerostrum]

Can you do a yautja reaction to Reggaeton or bachata? 🥺💜💜

Yautja reacts to your taste in music

A/N1: Good for you for expanding my world. I had never heard of either of these before, and it was a lot of fun listening to something new.

Yautja x GN!reader

Word count: 558

Warnings: Nothing (Let me know if you find anything)

Summary: Your lover discovers music, and immediately does not like it, or so they think.

A/N2: I tried listening to a reggaeton mix while writing this, but I prefer soft lofi ambience when writing, so I found it a bit distracting 😅I’ll save it for my party mix though. 

The yautja do not have music. They do have ceremonial displays with percussion and vocalization, but nothing that you would recognize as music. 

They first found out about music as the two of you were watching TV. They asked about the noise playing in the background. Wondering what they meant, you asked them to point it out next time they heard it. When they did it was during the opening of the episode, thus you quickly realized that they were referring to the music. 

“Noise?” you asked them “Noise! That isn’t noise, that's music. Here.” You promptly switched off the TV, getting up you grabbed your phone and put on your favorite music. It was smooth, leisurely but not too slow, and you bobbed your head to the tresillo rhythm (3+3+2). 

Your lover, still on the couch tilted their head back and forth. They had never seen you like this. It was almost as if this strange noise was controlling you. You moved in a completely new way, swaying your hips and moving your arms. They weren't sure what was going on and what had happened to you. You noticed your lover again, and laughed. Still enjoying the beat, you turned and asked them.

“Do the yautja not have music?” They shook their head.

“We have nothing like…” Their eyes raked across you as they stalled for a moment, “This.” That earned another laugh from you. “What even is this, and why?”

“It's music, it just is and it doesn't need a why. We oomans just like it.” Your giggling rapidly fell out of your control as you threw your lover's word for humans back at them. The song faded into its end, your movement slowed then stopped and you stood watching them. Their mandibles twitched and biceps bulged as they crossed their arms. “You’ll like it eventually,” you said while shaking your head. 

“Fat. Chance.” Was your lover’s response. 

From then on out you played your music every chance you got. While cleaning, while working, while cuddling, much to your lover's irritation. You carried this on for weeks. You even tried different genres, reggaeton and bachata, latin pop for its broader appeal. You even tried to get them to dance with some classic tango and salsa. 

Eventually all your hard work paid off. You were cooking with your lover's help. In order to avoid overheating you went to your closet to change to a cooler shirt, only to return to hear your lover humming. At first you weren't sure what you were hearing. It was deep and scratchy, and badly off key. Turning the corner and looking into the kitchen revealed your lover gently nodding their head to the rhythm, and listening closer you could hear the humming lining up with the song. At first you wanted to call them out. The ‘I told you so’ urge was very strong. But you knew that if you did, this would never happen again. 

You calmly walked back into the kitchen, making sure that they saw you. Curiously they didn’t stop. The two of you continued on like nothing was happening. When the song ended you heard a small whine from your love, before a sigh of relief when the next one came on. You smiled to yourself, and repeated in your own head, ‘I told you so.’

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in: April 15, 2024 🎀

I know I said I was switching themes, but I didn't get any good pictures yesterday so the theme switch will occur once I learn how to take pictures that I find acceptable!

Anywho, Monday started off good, then got bad, and I'm hoping Tuesday will be better. Got a lot done, but got off work super late. Anxious about lots of job and financial stuff. It's hard being a girl in this economy.

🩷 What I Accomplished:

completed my online psyc assignment

completed chapters 3 and 4 of Latin American Spanish Busuu

Listened to 2 spanish podcast episodes of ABC la Productividad

studied through some Spanish flashcards

completed my medical terminology lecture, flashcards, self test, and timed test

rescheduled an appointment

worked an ~8 hour shift

read a chapter of The Untethered Soul

got to eat some yummy leftover chicken alfredo pasta for dinner at work

shipped off the shoes I sold on depop

🩷 Good Things That Happened:

my co-worker friend brought me some of her K-pop merch she didn't want!

talked to my dad on the phone

had a really nice morning routine

my pasta was still super yummy

made a berry banan smoothie and an avo bagel with an egg for breakfast, it was devine

cleaned my station at work extra good (detailed the stainless steel, cleaned out some fridges, scrubbed my floors, etc)

my friend got a 2nd coffee for free at work and gave it to me (iced Caramel macchiato for the win!)

🩷 What Could've Been Better:

my boyfriend and I are having major issues and I'm struggling emotionally at the moment

went to bed super late because of work

didn't shower before bed (gross, I know but I made sure to shower Tuesday morning and am going tk wash my sheets on Sunday)

didn't pay much attention in my chem lecture

spent money that I didn't need to have spent

🩷 Stuff For Tuesday:

complete my Spanish study tasks

read a chapter of a book

email psyc doc about doing appointment over zoom this week

study chemistry

complete chemistry assignment

possibly finish chem lab stuff that's due tomorrow afternoon

work a ~7.5 hour shift

keep looking for possible 2nd summer job if the 8 week work thing doesn't happen

apply for one or two scholarships for next school year

Here's to having some better days, hopefully.

til next time, lovelies 🩷

p.s Check Out My Depop Shop! I still have some more lostings to upload!

💕 Song of The Day

Hozier - Too Sweet

This songs vibe seems fitting for me right now.

[fennthetalkingdog]

I'm just figuring out how important music is in my life! This is coming from a long while trying to cut down on my music use, mostly because I was listening to it so much that it felt more like I couldn't do anything without popping in some earbuds, and partially because of other personal reasons. Some of my routines changed, forcing me to not listen to music while doing certain things, and it ended up becoming that besides working on homework or drawing, I didn't listen to music at all. But I've given myself a break today since I have nothing to do and since, for reasons, I'm feeling just a lil crappy today—and boy, I'm starting to realize again just why I love music!!

I love the diverse music taste I've developed over the years! My family is not only big about music but big about listening to it loud, so the majority of my music taste for most of my life has just been Christian hiphop (Lecrae, KB, Andy Mineo, Trip Lee, and ironically Tonex, whose album where he was struggling hard with his gayness has been my favorite concert movie since I was 5) and gospel music (Kirk Franklin, Tye Tribbett, etc.). And music was one of the few connections between me and my race (I grew up feeling pretty estranged from my blackness as a kid, but the popular songs they played at the YMCA in the 2010s were some of the few things I could use to feel more connected) and between me and my classmates/friends at the Y (I still have fond memories of playing FNAF songs in mat forts and reciting lyrics at pool parties). But I got tired of knowing I could never bond with anyone besides family friends music taste-wise when I was in high school, and so I started listening to secular music on my own time. And that's how I first found Ghost and Pals, a vocaloid artist and one of the first secular music folks I listened to as a kid (can you smell the religious trauma yet? Lol), and that's how I bonded with one of my best friends in early college (ironically, also my first time being publically queer). Now I listen to Kpop, anime songs, songs from warriors MAPs, songs from musicals (Hamilton and In the Heights <3), latin songs, metal songs, and even some secular songs young me would've been too scared to listen to.

And music has always been one of my biggest sources of stimming! I can't dance to save my life, but music will sure get me to flick my fingers and hit my fist against my shoulder furiously. Music was one of the first clues that I like stimming with vibration too (since I love laying against the car door and turning up the music loud enough to feel the world shake around me). And music was one of the first things that made me look into ADHD or autism (specifically, listening to Ghost and Pals songs for a month straight and getting my friend at early college [who also has ADHD] to start looking at me funny when I was discovered doing chores and listening to one of three songs for the fifth time). Music is so cool it'll get me to wax poetically. It was one of the things that kept me together during my roughest times and soothed me during my best. I listen to it while I write, while I cry, while I hang out with my friends and family and while I chill by myself. It's how I relax after a long day, and it's how I feel safe. I feel kinda emotional finally having music hit that spot in me without feeling like I need it to do stuff.

[timptoe]

And I Know It

For @bigplaceexchange this year, I got to write for the lovely Viggorrah on Ao3 about Ashley and Kaidan and how much I love their friendship. This fic is based on a tumblr post I saw once and stupidly didn't save that's stuck with me; ping me if you know the one I'm talking about.

Because sometimes, the way forward is a silly t-shirt, a good friend, and a little bit of Latin.

----

We headed to the bar, baby Don’t be nervous No shoes, no shirt And I still get service Watch

 - LMFAO, “Sexy and I Know It”

——

“What.”

“Hm?”

Kaidan pops his head up out of his reverie, turning to look at whatever it is that’s pissing Ashley off in this particular moment. 

“What. Is. That.”

Her flat growl immediately puts him on high alert. He scans for threats in a quick, sharp glance around the area. The salarian working that kiosk? Looks harmless. The batarians reading at that tea shop? Maybe, but they seem pretty engaged in their books. That guy crossing the promenade with the mustache? Tacky, but non-threatening.

He furrows his brow. Nothing in particular stands out to him amongst the crowds and bric-a-brac of Zakera Ward. 

Focus, Alenko. Put Eletania out of your mind. You’re an officer, never off duty. Try again.

He sweeps their surroundings again in an instant, coming up empty. But the look on Ashley’s frozen, gobsmacked face is unmistakable. What is he missing?

“Williams, what’s—“

She pushes past him, rushing toward the kiosk, and for a fraction of a second, he preps for combat. He squares his shoulders, plants his feet, feels the hair on the back of neck stand up as he begins reaching for the biotic energy inside him. Whatever that salarian’s up to, he’s got Ashley’s back.

And then she turns around, and he sees the unrestrained glee on her face.

“LT, look! Look at this!”

She waves him over. The blue aura around his fingertips fades as he walks forward, utterly confused. The kiosk itself isn't particularly remarkable, reminding him of those kitschy, ticky-tacky souvenir stands in every mall in Vancouver. Apparently some things are universal. Mugs with asari quotes he guesses are famous, keychains with turian names that must be common, hats of various sizes to fit the heads of various species all gathered together in a garish display of consumerism and unnecessary excess.

But Ashley is focused on a single shirt.

She holds it up proudly, looking at it in wonder. “What is this?” she squeaks. Actually squeaks. He hasn’t known her that long, but he would’ve bet the Normandy itself that Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was incapable of squeaking in something like pure delight. She turns it around, holding it up to her torso to show it off. Dark blue background, bright gold letters. At first he thinks it’s a misprint. “SEC-C?” he says cautiously, brow furrowing.

All at once, the pun hits him like a geth stalker falling from the ceiling.

“SEC-C!” Ashley shouts with laughter.

Kaidan groans.

“Oh, c’mon LT,” she says, impish mischief all over her face. “Get your head outta whatever funk it’s been since we left the planet of the apes and bask in the glorious mess of this shirt with me.”

He rolls his eyes, not at all in the mood for this. “‘Mess’ is the right word.”

She sticks her tongue out at him.

“And surely that pun doesn’t translate, I mean do turians even have—“

“That one’s been pretty popular with our human patrons, sir,” pipes up the annoyingly helpful salarian. “Shall I ring it up for you?”

“No.”

“Yes,” Ashley says enthusiastically, pushing between them and eagerly proffering her omnitool. 

In moments, the transaction completed, the pair are standing in the center of the promenade, alternately admiring and abhorring the piece of fabric in Ashley’s hands.

“Is this not the greatest thing you’ve ever seen?” Ashley says, voice full of awe.

Kaidan levels a look at her. “You can’t be serious.”

“It’s incredible,” she murmurs, taking in every inch of her prize.

“Please tell me you’re not going to wear it.”

Without a word, she strips off her regulation uniform tunic, throwing it over Kaidan’s shoulder. He barely has time to blush, avert his eyes, decide if he even should avert his eyes, before she dons the new shirt. She pulls at it, testing the fit, the feel, the way it drapes over her lithe, solid shoulders.

“Something’s not quite right.”

“No kidding,” he mutters, idly folding her uniform tunic and tucking it under one arm.

She ignores him, looking down at the shirt with a critical, almost tactical eye. Suddenly, she snaps her fingers, nodding once.

And without a word, she reaches up and tears off both sleeves.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Kaidan says.

Ashley strikes a pose, bare arms flexing with her balled-up fists on her hips. “What do you think?”

He won’t deny that she looks good. Really good. Well, he won’t deny it to himself, but out loud? Absolutely. “You look ridiculous.”

She grins, dangerous sparkle in her eye. “C’mon. Don’t you think I look—“

“Please don’t say—“

“SEC-C?”

The sound of his deep sigh is thoroughly drowned out by her joyous, I-am-too-pleased-with-myself cackle.

He sits down on a nearby bench, watching his fellow soldier delight in accosting random passers-by with manic enthusiasm. His exasperation is mostly feigned, if he’s honest with himself. It’s good to see Ashley happy, unburdened, for even just a moment on this tour. So much of what they’ve seen, the evil they’re up against, is hard to process. Might as well enjoy the little spaces of joy they can find.

He watches in horror as Shepard, wide eyes unseeing, crumples to the ground.

Kaidan takes a deep breath, willing the panic tightening his chest to ease. Shepard’s fine, he’s up in the Council chambers. Stop it.

“C’mon. Your turn.”

He snaps his head up, Ashley’s outstretched hand dominating his field of vision. “Huh?”

She pauses for a second, and when he doesn’t take her hand fast enough, she reaches down, grabs his arm, and roughly hauls him to his feet. “Your turn,” she repeats.

“For what?”

“This was for me,” she says, gesturing to the ridiculous shirt. “Now we do something for you.”

He shakes his head. “No, we don’t—“

“That wasn’t a suggestion, LT.” Her grip on his arm tightens. 

He purses his lips, bemused. “You know I outrank you, right,” he says flatly.

She shrugs. “Fuck that. We’re off duty.”

“Ashley—“

“You need a drink. More than one.” She tugs his arm, not letting go, but with little enough force that he could easily stand his ground if he wanted to. My choice, he realizes, genuinely touched by the veiled tenderness of the gesture.

So he allows her to move him. A little. A grin lights up her face, infectious in a different way from the one at the kiosk.

He can’t help but grin back.

Read the rest on Ao3.

[the-tenth-arcanum]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Tagged by @emozionidinchiostro ages ago

1. Are you named after anyone? My dad wanted to give me his little sister's name as a middle name, and I did have it on some early pediatric reports when I was a baby, but it's not on any actual official document, so technically I do not have a middle name, even though my parents convinced me I did. I mentioned my unofficial middle name to some friends at school when I was around 12 or something, and it became my nickname forever. Everyone called me that. The friends I've kept in touch from back then still call me that. Even my mom has me saved under that name on her phone. But it's, like, only 3 people now. // tl;dr: kinda.

2. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember to be honest. This might come as a surprise to you guys but I'm not a big crier. I'm just sad and whiny.

3. Do you have kids? No and I don't want any.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I don't think so?

5. What sports do you play/have played? NONE, I suck at sports and have always hated playing them. I mean, I've tried a few but never for any significant amount of time.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? Whether they're nice/friendly, I guess. If someone is kind to me I will fall in love with them. I love kind people.

7. What's your eye color? Dark brown. I-almost-can't-make-out-your-pupil kind of brown.

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Neither? Happy endings if I have to choose, but I like drama. (I mean, comedy too, big fan. But sometimes you just want to watch a film that makes you think about the human condition and despair, you know?)

9. Any special talents? Misplacing things. Forgetting about events in the recent past. Petting cats.

10. Where were you born? Italy.

11. What are your hobbies? Not doing a lot these days to be honest :( Fannish activities (fanfic writing and the like). I'm in a funky pop-rock choir which I attend semi-regularly. I have attempted to learn Spanish at various points in my life and failed miserably, not always for reasons within my control (I enrolled on a Spanish course organised by the local library a while ago, and the teacher quit after my first term. He had been there for years. But I think the main issue is that after studying Russian for 5 years at uni, I look at Spanish and think, "surely it won't be that hard". And then I just... don't study it. I think I can learn it by osmosis or something, just by virtue of being Italian. Which doesn't fucking work).

12. Do you have pets? Not currently. I had a cat. I shall have one again some day.

13. How tall are you? About 168 cm.

14. Favorite subject in school? Italian Lit always, and in later years (high school) Latin and English Lit. At uni — I think English phonetics & phonology, weirdly enough; also pragmatics and anything related to sociolinguistics.

15. Dream job? Something to do with creative writing, in an ideal world. Or even "just writing", but not the kind that makes me want to kms (don't ask). Copywriter or radio scriptwriter both sound cool.

No pressure tagging: @nevergonnasaygoodbi @sapphicdragonlord @ayebydan @marki9 @yeetthedragon @valsansretovr @groundbreakingdot872 @vi-visected @crunchy-soup222 @fuckyeahsnackables

(ETA: sorry it's not 15 people and it's not even all mutuals, which I think was the point of the game, but *turns around and starts running away*)