#last year was bad. i don't wanna do that again | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rootspiral · 9 hours ago

Text

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 2 part 1

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1])

Hey tumblr queers and agathario enthusiasts (I see you guys in the comments! @crybabyheathen, sorry to cause you so much distress! @onceuponalegendbg: I KNOW, RIGHT?? @ragnarockz thank you for being a butch!Agatha truther ❤️❤️)

Let's start episode 2, Circle Sewn with Fate / Unlock Thy Hidden Gate. Which, yes, has no Rio. But it has Lilia! Se let's count our blessings!!

oh my god girl, calm down! she's gone! focus!

that's a beautiful composed shot, with billy's head next to the rabbit, already telling us that he's going to become a son to Agatha

lmao she's about to bolt

aaaand she stops dead in her tracks when Billy mentions the Road. Look at her reflection again! that's so deliberate and so intriguing. how would you guys interpret it?

the Ballad theme playing in the background again. Agatha takes a whole step back when she hears the words "the Witches' Road" and immediately says no. she might be despicable, but there's no way she's getting a kid involved. especially not this kid. because they are somehow connected, otherwise how would she know about the car crash? even without knowing that this is Billy, she already cares about him. and she doesn't lie to him, even the tarots will say so. she might just, you know, omit things or even tell the truth from a certain point of view (already working on her obi-wan ghost mentor tricks)

"The road is no place to a kid." and so he was christened

but I can't stop staring at that rabbit picture. were the set people told to find the brightest bunny they could find? they really want you to notice it

now he's hopping like a bunny too! yes his legs are still tied, but I'm telling you it's all deliberate!! (insert either the pepe silvia or the I've connected the dots meme here)

don't tell him THAT. now he's gonna internalize it and accidentally kill you all one by one. christ.

girl you just got thrown around the room like a rag doll. you put together that outfit in two minutes, didn't even take a shower. you have no make up on. are you wearing ralph's shoes. is that his hat. (her being so frazzled speaks of how shell-shocked she is, she would usually take time to perfect the way she looks, because her looks is her armor)

billy is bullshitting too, he just googled her last night. I mean, I'm 100% convinced he cares about Agatha, but he is faking at least some of that trust and innocence (and good for him because she's a menace)

great, she found the brooch and nicky's hair. who needs a heart anyway, here, tear it out of my chest why don't you

Lilia has such beautiful handwriting. what a multitalent

NO, agatha. BAD agatha. now she's decided she might as well throw a little Road together and kill two or three idiots while keeping the boy safe on the side, which HISTORICALLY HAS NOT WORKED WELL FOR HER. how can she be so smart and SO STUPID

this also goes in the Top 5 Funniest Things Agatha's Ever Done list. now picture again all the dramatic car scenes from episode 1

covens are drawn together by fate and are the truest form of sisterhood??? why is rewatching this show kind of like being repeatedly stabbed in the heart???!!!??

look billy, it's the house where you were born! it was incredibly weird. a stork was there. (oh god, I just realized Billy is 3 years old)

Agatha spits at Wanda's home because a) she hates wanda and b) she hates that people hate wanda. this is the equivalent of being a queer kid and seeing f-ggot written on a locker (do I need to censor words? do tiktok rules apply now? I haven't written tumblr posts in so long)

except that, as Lilia will tell you, agatha has done a lot to smear witches' reputations, so yeah. consequences of her own actions etc.

be cool, man. mama is having the worst hangover of her life.

oh yes, Billy's boyfriend, Boyf.

shut up agatha, you know you wanna protect that little twink with your whole life

I almost wish I had an extra hour so I could gif agatha throwing the pen out of the window.

don't steal other people's pearls you hooligan (but see? clothes and accessories are props to her)

(by the way you won't find any Billy hate here, because I adore parent-children, mentor-mentee and found family relationships. and I think he's a sweetheart)

agatha discreetly snatching the eviction notice from the door. always thinking ahead, always scheming. the con master at work

*angel choir*

✨✨LILIA CALDERU✨✨

this show gave me a tragic villainous middle aged lesbian, which is literally my catnip, and she's only like, my second favorite character. which tells you all you need to know about the powers of dame Patti LuPone (I know she's not technically a dame) (yet) (I don't care if she's american Chucks, get to it!)

that's all I have time for tonight, can't wait to get me some ✨✨✨✨Lilia scenes ✨✨✨✨

#agatha all along #agatha deep dive #agatha harkness #billy maximoff #character study #lilia calderu #kathryn hahn #patti lupone #joe locke

35 notes · View notes

kandikyssis · 1 year ago

Text

How do normal people handle being lonely?

#op #personal #i think im just missing my friendsand also being at a new store location for work #or maybe it's getting time to buy some vitamin D...#last year was bad. i don't wanna do that again

2 notes · View notes

soup-is-here · 28 days ago

Text

Mouthwashing Spoilers

TW: Addiction and Self Harm

I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though

It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?

Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!

And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there

We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.

I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.

I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?

Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.

But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.

#mouthwashing #tw addiction #tw self harm #It got a little personal in the end but I keep watching that scene cause it reminds me of a convo with my therapist #It's been a lil under a year since I last self harmed #but he told me that things like addictions and self harm are tools #they're neutral actions that either make you feel better or worse #and that's usually up to the circumstances around the action rather than the act itself #Taking narcotics might fill you with shame or make you feel giddy. Maybe even both #Self harm can make you feel embarrassed but cathartic #That's unhealthy #now what?#There needs to be something to replace that feeling or you'll just crave it until you can't stand the feeling anymore #And sure you can talk about will and self control but why? Who are they doing this for? Themselves? Friends? Family?#Cause there's so many factors that can make that difference and sometimes the answer is 'No one'#So you crave and is that healthier? I'm not saying to self harm again or break your sobriety #But there's gotta be something to replace it. AA and NA use a higher power and ppl use nicotine gum for smoking #Essentially what I'm saying is that it's not the end of the world to enjoy your addiction #Is it unhealthy? Absolutely. Wounds can get infected and drugs can be laced or you can OD #But is it morally wrong for Swansea to say those were the best days of his life?#Is it wrong for him to live the sober life and decide he preferred his alcoholism?#My therapist doesn't want me to harm myself. He'd prefer for me to learn new coping skills to replace it. And I did #The urges still come up for me sometimes. He says they come up for him too. Less so. But they do #He says a relapse could happen. What's wrong with that? You just start over with a new goal and a new skill. And if that skill is worse?#Well that original tool is there until you get a new one. It's not great but it feels better than a new bad tool #And maybe it's okay to fiddle with that old tool if you don't wanna bother with a new one again

17 notes · View notes

tardis--dreams · 9 months ago

Text

You know what? I give up on this paper once and for all. I'm not even ashamed anymore

#okay I'm a little ashamed #it's another 5 points i have to catch up with next semester #but it's making me want to kill myself and i don't even know if the professor would still accept it #(the original deadline was in October. i got an official extension until November. i guess it'd be just rude #to ask if it was still okay to send it #especially since i haven't done any substantial work on it #it's just bad. i hate the topic. i hate the way the professor views the subject 'language and emotion'#so that i cannot write what i want but would have to tailor it towards her views because otherwise I'd fail #and also i cannot write in german. i simply can not do it. )#it's better to move on and focus on my last paper for last semester (official deadline is end of March #so I'm not behind for once)#and i should do the assignments for a module i should have finished 1 year ago #so i don't have to do that next semester #and i should start studying korean again so i don't make a complete fool of myself next semester #I have my first day of work in 2 weeks so I'll also have to focus on working (for money) from there on #I've been paralyzed by the thought of having to write this paper for way too long #the professor is not my boss anymore (i still have to work off some hours though) and even if she was #I'm so done being ashamed of myself for not being able to do certain things #i wanna give it my best from now on but not for this paper. it's done.#void screams

10 notes · View notes

britneyshakespeare · 15 days ago

Text

Also wasn't the 2020 election so miserable with how we were all waiting for results for literal fucking days??? Oh my God...

#the suspense was agonizing #bc of the mail-in ballots taking so long #bc of the goddamn pandemic...#also aren't we all glad that trump wasn't in office when it was time to execute vaccine rollouts?#(sighs wistfully) yeah...#we literally weren't even vaxxed when we went to vote that cycle. literally crazy to think about #i almost can't believe we'll like almost certainly know by wednesday morning #like how elections should be!!!#idk how to feel bc the suspense gradually led to hope last time #but in 2016 i literally went to bed expecting everything to be fine and woke up at like 2am to see trump had won #nothing in my life could ever compare to the shock and dread i felt after that #tales from diana #and if i have to repeat that shock and dread now i have no idea what effect it'll have on me #i keep thinking of everything i can do to brace for the worst #to console myself in case this goes sideways again #and i keep thinking well maybe it won't hit as hard as it did for me 8 years ago...#but what if it does? i literally can't anticipate it #not that my feelings are what matters here obviously #but w something so consequential to the world and life as we know it. yeah ive got strong fuckin feelings #i don't wanna emotionally shut down in despair of how bad i expect a second trump term to be. and that's my personal fear #despair is inactionable but it is so so human and i want to be able to serve my community #to dare to hope for a better world!#hope is what's actionable especially if it dares to hope in the face of grim realities #but i know my hope is very fragile so i have to adapt either way #withdrawing from political action is never an option. so we all better vote the right way so i dont become useless #a traitor to myself

5 notes · View notes

daz4i · 6 months ago

Text

it's incredibly hard not to despair over all of this ngl

#i've been doing really bad in the last 2ish weeks #almost as if i'm having pms symptoms kinda #but usually they go away after a few days. certainly not stick for over a week #this is like how it was before i was on t. without the bleeding ig #(physical stuff also stand bc i feel so extra tired and my whole body hurts constantly)#and all the shit going on in real life isn't helping. both on a global scale and in my personal life #i don't want to exist genuinely i can't be left with my thoughts for even a second or i start spiraling #i don't want to sleep or take a break i want to just. stop. stop thinking. stop existing. i want to die bc it feels like the only choice #but ig i gotta wake up at 7 am and drive for an hour and walk up the hill again instead #and then be active until 6 pm. i'm already exhausted just thinking abt all this ngl #i wanna die i can't do this shit anymore i should've died 13 years ago. why even bother trying to live #vent #negative //#suicide //#ask to tag #sorry. sorry

2 notes · View notes

chrisbangs · 1 year ago

Text

.

#every now and then i think abt deleting every single social media and dying . like #i really genuinely think abt just dying fr like #👎👎👎#there's only 1 person i've been wanting to talk to lately #and like no one else lol #i just feel so fucking out of my head #why is everything so fucking bad #i barely leave the basement these days .. i just stay in bed and sleep #and i have less than a week to get the fuck over this random stupid rut i'm in #because fucking classes start on tuesday #i wanna kms so bad lol #like i would rather be dead than do another year of college rn #it's so fucking bad for me lmfao #i don't have any support or anyone to talk to and i feel like i'm going fucking crazy #i'm on academic probation is the best part so if i fuck up this semester i get kicked out which like part of me would love ik like #the part of me that's tired and exhausted and just done with everything i wouldn't mind being kicked out but #the ik . that my parents would fucking kill me knowing that i wasted 4 years worth of tuition money and just fucking flopped as a student #waking up wishing i hadn't woken up every fucking day... i feel sick inside...#my anxiety is spiking all over again and i can barely even organize my thoughts lately #i literally threw up last night cause i worked myself up into such hysterics . like lmfao...#i cant get a grip and i cant get the fuck over how bad i feel and no one fucking LISTENS when i saw i hate this and i'm not good enough for #this fucking subject i wanna fucking kill myself holy fuck it's crazy how much i wanna die..#i used to wonder abt that 4th year kid who killed himself when i was at my old uni like how fucking bad was it for him that in his last year #he just couldn't take it anymore and now i'm in the funniest position of literally understanding exactly where he was lol #last year... and i cant do it... i just cant fucking do it and i wanna kill myself i think about it every day i think about it 24/7 and #i'm just so... tired doesn't even encompass what i'm feeling right now i'm fucking exhausted and empty and i have nothing left man i cant #fucking do this... every day im dragging myself kicking and screaming to school and dealing with a 4 hr round trip commute in the shitty ass #weather that we get and getting verbally and emotionally abused by profs and getting 0 acknowledgment for ANYTHING and it's not like my work #is even GOOD enough to begin with so ofc it's not gonna get any acknowledgment like jdjdjdkdkskd i just dont . have it in me to do this #for another fucking year... i literally cannot do this... and i have no other thoughts in my head other than killing myself lmfao...

3 notes · View notes

dadbots · 1 year ago

Text

August… time to get spooky.

#dadbots.txt #this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL #been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often #and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat #though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽

3 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

Text

...

#we r caught back in the agony spiral yall. bc ive made no progress writing today bc its been a long week and im tired #and i cant focus. but i could probably. im just being a baby abt it #i should just go to sleep. ive gotta go do field work tomorrow and im kinda stressed abt it #or i should do something fun thwt will made me less miserable but i csnt do that. theres no timd #time. so i should sleep. but sleep is a waste of time and really i shoulf b writing #but im tired and my tummy hurt :-(#i hope tomorrow doesnt take long :-((#no sample collection pls 🙏#and ive got interview stuff to prep for. like thats a month away but i gotta convince ppl i understand photosynthesis #and its been a fucking minute since biochem :-(#ugh. im trying to make better decisions in this new year. less destructive decisions bc i have to convince ppl ive got my shit together #so ill get hired and also i dont wanna b an annoying bummer to exist around #still no joy for what i do tho. like i was working with a masters student last week and she was like oh yea it was fun #and im like *awkward pained smiled* bc it wasnt as bad as i thought but doing it for 2 weeks would kinda hurt s lot #so well see how much damage it does me #no joy. only tasks to do. things to accomplish. for what? why? who the fuck cares. not me #me. without feeling: it would b interesting to see if X and Y #interesting in a i don't gave a fuck sorta way. bleh. so bitter. burnout u never recover from #at least i feel better thsn i did in December. well see how long it takes to drive me under again.#its just weird to look back at the me of before who was excited abt things. i burned thr insides out of that person #but no tonight we r making better choices. no writing happening so we do something more fun #ugh. i just wanna think abt quantum l3ap. but no. other things to do. sigh... even in my fun time im not allowed too much fun :-(#unrelated

10 notes · View notes

supercantaloupe · 1 year ago

Text

finally got our damn concert program (we leave in less than two days lol.) i'm listed as a soloist on gabriel's oboe which is nice (and as it should be.) but not on the schindler's list

#to be fair they list the cello solo for the latter but c'mon.#they're making me bring my EH just for that number i should get listed for that too #am i being too demanding........eh i don't think so LOL. these people have been a pain in my ass this whole time #well the kids seem fine to me. it's mostly the organizers and director #man she is MEAN during rehearsals she is so rude to her fucking players #i feel so bad for these kids. they're getting micromanaged to hell and back and their instructors are so rude to them #it makes me really upset honestly. like i can deal with the bad communication and stupid expectations of me #cause like. i'm a whole adult. and i'm not affiliated with this group in any way other than as a ringer #like i am Showing Up. Playing. And Leaving. never have to deal with them again after this #but these fucking kids man. they don't get a choice and the adults are so unkind #i feel bad for them. i wish i could unionize them or smth but they're like 16 #not really much i can do about the situation unfortunately :/#anyway. uh #oboeposting #i guess #i wanna talk about me #sasha speaks #and yes. lucky me i'm finally being forced to play gabriel's oboe. i lasted twelve years but my time has come...#it's a fine piece it's just overdone and boring compared to our other rep. but whatever #gotta play The Mission(tm) on the mission trip i guess #well at least they spelled my name right!

4 notes · View notes

wildermouse · 2 years ago

Text

vent ii.

#so i guess i went over the tag limit and didn't realize so half of that vent post was cut off #cool cool #basically i said i think next year is gonna be a year of figuring shit out #probably not fixing anything but trying to figure out ways to make my life.. work better #i also really want to travel next year. because travel is the only thing that makes me feel sane and alive and happy #i already have a trip to amsterdam in the works to meet up with a bunch of online friends and i wanna make it work so bad #so i need to make sure i have enough money for that #but i also want to do a trip somewhere pretty that i haven't been like wales or scotland #or even a road trip somewhere in north america #but i cannot drive and so i can't go alone and also i like sharing my adventures with people #but i don't think anybody wants to travel with me so there's that #i need to figure out another way to make income apart from my shop bc i'm barely scraping by #and i WANT to do barn chores again #even tho it take a huge physical toll on my body i would rather do that than another job bc i can do things at my #own pace and i rarely have to interact with anyone and i can be around horses all day #but to do that i would have to move in with my mom and i don't think she wants me living there and idk how much she would charge me rent #it would also cause a lot of problems with my dad. he would be uspet and bitter and probably mad at me.#and would also try and convince me to stay like 'i'll drive you to the barn every week!' which would be 2+ hours of driving and #him driving me to work every day was part of why i had a breakdown and quit my last job bc he would cause so much anxiety #but my mom is literally surrounded by barns where she lives aND is on a bus route so #tbc

3 notes · View notes

burningcomputerpersona · 2 months ago

Text

how the fuck are ppl having actual social lives with this amount of courseload. i lose all my hobbies during the semester bc i don't have time for anything besides schoolwork but there are ppl out there hanging out with friends every day and having parties on the weekend. how.

#like. i knew my executive dysfunction was pretty bad but I've never realized just how disabling my disability was until now lol #my schedule has just been school homework and sleep with no time for hobbies and I'm still barely keeping up #also the lack of sleep has been fucking me up and i can't even concentrate in class anymore even with my meds #it's only the third week of the semester now and im so fucking exhausted #i was exhausted last semester and the semester before that too and i didn't even get to rest during the breaks #idk i can't even think abt what to do to improve this i just wanna kill myself so i don't have to deal with anything ever again #godddd it really has been years since I've been low like this huh lol #ngl i think it was easier back when i knew i was gonna die. like it sucked absolute ass but i also didn't have to do anything #now i gotta fucking. make my mind up or actually Do Shit so i don't end up getting kicked out #urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ykw i think this is the perfect time to start a drug addiction #i just want some teeny little positive emotion or motivation i can use to kickstart my executive function and start actually doing shit #rn i don't even have the energy to actually kill myself either which is just. the fucking worst.#mine #vent #nightblogging #suicide tw

1 note · View note

gibbearish · 11 months ago

Note

Congrats on sending that application!

THANK UUUUUU

#it was to a dominos and my partner is a gm in training at a different branch and i have over a year delivery driving experience #already and know Exactly How Low Their Standards Are so im not worried about getting it‚ mostly just that my brain will still be too mushy #to handle a job again #but i mean since it is just dominos and im only aiming for part time it hopefully shouldn't be too bad #and i do not care if they don't like me bc my resumes already pretty good as is i don't need a glowing review from dominos #esp bc i could just put my bf down as a dominos reference and theyd probably just Assume i worked for him and call him #instead of the store i actually worked at KWNDLABFKSBFJD #which is v good bc having seen a lot of what goes on behind the scenes on the manager side via my bf. i already know i am #going to cause problems LMAO #i have the Transgender Working In Very Liberal Area Right Next To Very Conservative Area Protection Aura #wherein the bosses here are So Very Scared of getting in trouble for bigotry and want to look sososososo woke. that i can get away #with being way more blunt abt when shit sucks lol #bosses don't really know what to do when The One Openly Transgender One directly calls out unfair expectations to their face #and to be clear i do mean liberal as in Liberal we're still very much in the North Idaho Splash Zone so like #open bigotry doesnt happen and the public will be on your side if it does. but boy do they know actually nothing about it #you know the type i mean kwbfksbfkd #like the best example i can think of is a couple ppl at my last job still she/her'd me long after i started passing as male #and me Being A Transgender™ had made the news rounds #and my other coworkers wouldnt correct them and would just he/him and they/them me back #which im fine w bc thats how my pronouns work is just. idk whatever you think‚ if you wanna she me you can just look dumb LMAO #but crucially 99% of my coworkers Didnt know thats how that worked‚ they just knew im A Transgender and look like a man #and that everyone else didn't use she/her for me anymore‚ so like an actually left place would rightly assume #they were doing it deliberately to be shitty and correct them‚ whereas here theyre just like. ah im sure they just havent noticed #since you went by she/her when you started here #and its like no i dont think the beard i grew halfway through working there went unnoticed actually #given that Thats When The Universal He Himming Started #im rambling again sorry for this word avalanche irt a simple congrats i got distracted JEBFKABFKSBFKDBFMD #anyways. tyvm it was stressful and i still dont want to do it but its out of my hands now so i have to follow through and at least give it #a try and i appreciate the encouragement‚ it rlly did make me feel a lot better just seeing the ask #gibberasks

0 notes

thoughtvoid · 11 months ago

Text

At least schedule more than one person the day after major sales and not just the day of (if that), you stupid sadists. Or, y'know. More than just two people for the entire day, trying to fill the pit you're providing excavators for.

#Black Friday? Three people per shift all day; actually wasn't a problem; so little work people did filler jobs #Cyber Monday? Like 150 fluctuating orders and manageable with the two people per shift #Literally the day /after/ Cyber Monday? When people are known to be ordering up until midnight?#One person in the morning shift; one person closing #With a 'surprise coupon that we don't even tell our storefronts about beforehand because f you'#We ran out of shipping boxes this past week. Our supply orders are delayed. Triple digit orders all day #Can barely dent it before the number goes up. Fucking UPS has just. Not picked up packages a few times.#One was after a weekend; when they don't pick up anyway; so an extra no show was just. Us drowning in packages #Why is it that the stress test I'm prepared for (Black Cyber) isn't what makes me want to commit arson #I told myself I wouldn't volunteer for the Hours ever again after last year but I have weak conviction and bad memory #Usually I go for it because it means I do overnights but we didn't even /get/ overnights this year #Instead I was bounced between openings and closings and having to work with /customers/ roaming around #Overnights have fucked up my family time and probably my mental state before #But not as badly as me having constant mental shutdowns because /there are people everywhere/#/And I hate getting stopped 10+ times per shift when I'm trying to focus on an already overwhelming task/#Price check? That's fine; I just scan something and leave. Bare minimum helpfulness #But 'do you have this product'; 'can you help me find my size'; 'when do you get [product] in'#Sometimes I wanna be honest instead of helpful #I wanna say 'I just know where to look for stuff; I don't actually know anything about this department or what we have'#'Do I work here; in the shoe area? No. I work at the store and search for very specific products'#'I can't even browse and shop for myself because I am laser focused on what I'm looking for for other people'#'I know we have nobody on the floor and I'm the only one wandering around for you to see'#'But I'm not wearing a nametag for two reasons and one is to dissuade people from flagging me down'#(I am not mean and do help people; but then there's also 'I want to help but I can't because you don't even know what you want')#('Or because what you want doesn't exist and I don't know how else I can say 'we don't even seem to have it online; sorry'')#(Which is also demoralizing on top of my social interaction tolerance already being drained)#(Please stop making online orders; people; you already missed the famously good sales; I don't even know why you bother)#/I/ feel like there should be a lull; we don't even have anything good right now #The next big sale is Soon; and really no one should feel like buying right this second #Please stop making me deal with hundreds of orders on my own for no discernible reason

0 notes

35253319 · 1 year ago

Text

Literally came here to rant about my mum and I see this. Plus decor cause felt like it teehee✨

#UGHH #got my assignment back and it's like hs ALL OVER AGAIN #nothing is good enough for them #I guess it is my fault but I tried to go above and beyond as best as I can. I just wanted to go and do it effectively but whatever I say #whatever I do it's always never good enough #it's always so harsh and unecessarily critiquey #and I have no energy to deal with this #makes me wanna shut everything and make myself fail everything else because I am so done #idek what people mean when they say oh ur so smart like who are we even talking about here #all I want is to just escape this stupid stuff I just don't wanna do anything anymore but SUGH #and this seems like over reacting but man it's not over reacting when you almost off yourself because of that stuff last yr and on top of #that my mum she didn't say something bad but like all of a sudden it's like me and her last year and she's weaponising her love and pride #in me because she can. making me beg for it #.tt #so what she said IS bad to me.#dumblr #I suppose I deserve it though the mark I mean. even tho I tried my best while my brain was in complete tatters. I hate this and idk what on #on this earth could ever convince me #otherwise #imagine crying over food #and I'm still crying over when I see sus stuff

1 note · View note

joelsgu4tar · 7 months ago

Text

JOEL MILLER FIC RECS

⇾ 18+ minors DNI, read at your own risk! ⇽

an appreciation to all my favourite writers out there you deserve all the love <3

Series

— Something To Fight For by @auteurdelabre | After a disastrous blind date you decide to stay away from the miserable Joel Miller forever...

— I Know Who You Are by @punkshort | A fall on patrol causes you to lose your long-term memory, forgetting the identities of your friends and loved ones. You have to learn all over again how to survive in a post-apocalyptic world, and you learn things about yourself along the way.

— The One You Need by @loliwrites | When you move into town hellbent on keeping everyone at arm’s length, your neighbour Joel finds his way into your life.

— By The Grit Of Sandpaper by @penvisions | An offhand comment from you inspires Joel to branch out and create helpful kitchen wares. And it seems everyone has been gifted one from him, except for you. It makes you rethink the casual friendship you had developed...

— I Wanna Be Your Lover by @shellshocklove | Miserable after losing your job, your friend drags you out to a club to dance away your sadness. on the dancefloor, you meet a handsome stranger, who then whisks you away into his fantasy world as his assistant for his porn career. what happens when the lines get blurred?

— If The Door Wasn't Shut by @heartpascal | months of travelling with Joel and Ellie come crashing down on you, the fear is suffocating.

— Stay In Bed by @psychedelic-ink | After your grandfather’s passing, you find yourself moving into his home in Texas. You meet the Millers; Tommy, his older brother Joel and his daughter Sarah. With time, you and Tommy become close friends and Sarah visits you often. But Joel…Joel keeps his distance.

— That's A Real Fucking Legacy by @wyn-n-tonic | When Tommy disappears in search of a better life with a promise to come back for you, his years of absence and the grief it leaves behind drives you and his brother closer together until the man you're sharing a bed and starting a family with is Joel Miller and not the one you always thought it would be.

One-Shots

— No Time To Die by @davosmymaster | The main difficulty of being Joel’s closest friend is not falling in love with him, but you still do. Those feelings are buried until you join him on a mission to trade supplies with Bill and Frank. With your life now hanging by a thread, Joel is determined to get you to safety, but the clock is ticking faster than he can run.

— White Lies by @poeticpascal | Joel would do anything for you. He does anything for you. And he makes sure you don't know a thing.

— Saying Thanks by @vivwritescrappythings | Joel is your grumpy patrol partner who doesn’t even talk to you in the streets of Jackson. But one night a man grabs your arm at the Tipsy Bison, and Joel’s decided he doesn’t like it.

— Soft & Sweet by @cavillscurls | You share your first kiss with the last man you ever expected: your older, grouchy, overly protective patrol partner, Joel Miller.

— Who We Are by @gracieheartspedro | Being stuck on the road with an older guy you've been crushing on for ages won't be so bad, right? wrong. because he's been pining after you, too. and one of you will have to give in eventually.

— Warm Me Up by @tightjeansjavi | While on patrol, you and Joel find yourselves caught in a treacherous snowstorm.

— Love In the Time Of Cordyceps by @sameheart-sameblood | When the world ends, you promise you'll never love again. Joel Miller makes that rule hard to stick to.

— Puppy Love by @absurdthirst | You always follow Joel Miller around, you've got his back. You're in love with him. Putting up with Tess's nickname of puppy dog, you don't realize that Joel feels for you until the end.

— Light The Flame by @yeollie-plz | Your mom moves the two of you back to Texas and attempts to reignite an old flame. What will happen when she learns his candle now burns for you?

— Best I Ever Had by @endlessthxxghts | Someone tries to hit on you on your night out with Joel, insulting your man in the process, and oh you don't like that. You blow off some steam in more ways than one.

— Make A Move On Me by @freelancearsonist | You've been teasing Joel every day since he started remodelling construction on your house. He finally works up the courage to do something about it - but not in the way you expect him to.

— Fire Walk by @motherofagony | A chance encounter at a motel has you crossing paths with a stranger in a blue t-shirt.

— Cry Baby by @psychedelic-ink | bodies have been dropping left and right in the most brutal ways in Jackson. As the relentless wave of deaths continues, your mind becomes increasingly restless. however, you find a sense of comfort and solace in the presence of Joel. who might be hiding secrets of his own.

3K notes · View notes