#basically i said i think next year is gonna be a year of figuring shit out

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

UPDATE What's up, it's the proposal guy. You said you wanted to know how this turned out, so I figured I'd tell you. First some context though, because I'm mean and I wanna keep you in suspense longer.

1- I don't wanna doxx us so I'm not telling you where we live, but suffice to say, neither of us are American, and gay marriage has been legal here for less than five years. For both of us, this is the first relationship we've had where marriage was even an OPTION, and I think that's where we've been getting some of that whole 'this has to be a REAL proposal with EVERYTHING' idea.

2- I gotta figure out how to explain this properly. So, I'm pretty used to being the GUY guy in relationships? I was always the one who did the nice gestures, not the one they got done for. Before I met my dream guy, I didn't really notice or care that it was such a thing, I just assumed that's how shit worked. Also, I promised I wouldn't talk a lot about his stuff here, but his last boyfriend before me SUCKED. Anyway point here is, it turns out we both REALLY like feeling swept off our feet sometimes, and a big part of finding each other has been getting to feel special for once? That's a stupid sappy way of putting it the point here is I think all that's what morphed into "I need to be the one getting proposed to, also it has to be completely perfect", and then our Petty & Extra genes got involved.

So I'm sitting in bed thinking about all that up there, and watching all the comments coming in basically being like "Dude, you are BLOWING this" on repeat, and telling me to compromise, and I look up and see him flossing in the bathroom and making all these doofy faces at the mirror, and it's like a switch just flips in my brain, and I'm like "Oh, I'd rather he gets to have his perfect proposal than we both have an okay one". I'm gonna do it.

Morning rolls around, and while I'm 'out for my jog like normal' I hit up a pawn shop for a temp ring (the ring pop thing is cute but NOT HIM). I found one I was at least confident wouldn't get ruined the first time he got his hands greasy (he fixes old machines as a hobby it's hot as hell), got back home, and hid the box in the toe of my nasty ass workout shoes in the bedroom closet, since I figured he'd check there last.

He was still asleep, because he stays up late no matter what and then is SHOCKED he's tired the next day, so I called and booked a table at our usual anniversary spot. (Side note about the 'he picks bad restaurants' thing. This isn't an 'I like Greek, you like Chinese' situation, dude's just BAD at finding places. He either assumes pricey is tasty and I get to eat some overrated gourmet bullshit, or he'll try and find something hip and underground and risk giving us food poisoning again, and he REFUSES to give up and pick somewhere we've been before when it's his turn to plan date night. I'm obsessed with him <3.) Date was set, I'd propose on the 21st.

Some of you might have noticed this, but fun fact! It's currently the 16th.

Last night I'm doing dishes and he's been sent to our room for mug collection duty, and he's taking FOREVER, so I go check just in case he found the ring, because the man's a gift tracking BLOODHOUND. Turns out he hasn't, he's found my Angry Box.

I assume other people have an Angry Box? Basically, we had this huge messy fight right when we first moved in together, and I never wanna let it get that bad again, so I have this shoebox where I keep a bunch of our stuff I can look at if we're fighting and hopefully cool off. There's one of those photo booth roll things, letters we wrote when he moved back with his parents for COVID, the wine cork from our first date, shit like that. Anyway, he's just sitting on the floor staring at it, and I explain about the Angry Box, and then he! Proposes!!! Kind of.

He definitely didn't have anything prepared, because by 'propose' I mean 'ugly cried & rambled at me for several minutes before I figured out it WAS a proposal', but once I got on the same page it was amazing. I said yes, and he had to admit he didn't have a ring for me because he was CONVINCED he'd win and I'd do it, so I grabbed mine because, yeah, he was right. He was like "this is the ugliest ring I've ever seen" and I was like yeah well the plan is to replace it later and he went "No. You can pry this off my cold dead fingers. After I'm buried with it." So I guess it's not a temporary ring anymore.

I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to this morning. I pointed out we still have the reservation, and he said I should propose there anyway because "We can get a free dessert. They have those creme brulee shot glasses you like. And for love, or something" and I said ok deal, but that means you gotta get me a ring to keep it fair, and his eyes LIT UP. When I swung by his work for lunch he was still on the phone with a jeweler and he had a whole page of notes on three other ones. Pray for me.

OH PS: I was RIGHT that he'd been the one behind the cat biting me, but it wasn't about the proposal stuff, it's because I paid my baby sister three dollars to shout 'fuck you' every single time he enters a room she's in for (if you ask me, he should be madder at my sister for charging so little), and he did it by giving her a bunch of treats for biting his hands too, so now neither of us can pet our baby girl without oven mitts on. HOLY SHIT I love this man.

Oh my goddddddd I love everything about this <333 I awwww'd out loud on a voice call, like, six times while reading. You two are friggin perfect for each other and so obviously smitten with each other and I wish y'all all the happiness in the world

PS Are y'all planning to have a big wedding? If so oh boy I can't WAIT to get that one in the inbox

Original post

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Imagine taking Rayleigh and Shakky out on a date

This is part 2 of this post

Rayleigh: so you want to take us out on a pretend date to spite your first mate and captain for bullying you?

Reader: I know how it sounds, but I figured it'd be a good way to get back at them.

Shakky: While I'm all for helping you get revenge, I don't understand your logic.

You: well, Rayleigh is Shanks's father figure.

Rayleigh: That's not how I'd put it, but I suppose I'm the closest thing he's got.

You: And while I know you two have an open relationship, I thought fucking my captain's father figure would be crossing a line.

Shakky: probably a wise move.

You: And I wanted you to go on a fake date with you, Shakky because Benn has had a crush on you for years, but has been too nervous to ask you out on a date.

Rayleigh: so a date, with both of us, would be two birds with one stone.

Shakky: Oh, I know about his little crush, his poker face is terrible

You: I know, right? I saw him in here earlier, looking at you, he was about as subtle as a sea train.

Rayleigh: *turns to his wife,* What do you think?

Shakky: I dunno.

You: I'll pay for dinner.

Shakky: Deal.

Rayleigh: Pick us up at six thirty tonight.

That night during dinner

Rayleigh: *drinking straight from the wine bottle you ordered*, So how's the brat supposed to know you took us on a date?

You: Well, he planned on dining here at seven, so by the time our food arrives, he should be here. But you know him, he's not good at sticking to plans. If he doesn't come, we could take a picture as a backup plan.

Shakky: Sounds like a plan, in the meantime, we should have a proper date.

Rayleigh: yes, tell us about yourself.

An hour later

You: And Shanks, buck ass naked, slips on the wet rocks, falls, and smacks against the surface of the water!

Shanks: (y/n)?

You: *looks over to notice Shanks and his inner circle gawking at you*

Rayleigh: hey sport

Shanks: what's going on here?

Shakky: what does it look like? We're having a date with this little cutie. *wraps her arms around you and rests her head on your shoulder, giving a pointed smirk at Benn*

Rayleigh: *puts his arm around both you and Shakky and pulls you into his side,* They were just telling us about your skinny sipping mishap on Koala Island.

Shanks: No

You: yep

Benn: *glaring daggers at you,* You little shit, how long has this been going on?

You: Not long, this is the first date.

Shanks: Is this because of what we said two weeks ago?

You: a little

Shanks: *pouts,* We were just teasing.

Shakky: You're interrupting our date, it's quite rude.

Shanks: Fine, enjoy your evening.

Later

Shanks: *alone, passed out drunk on his table*

Rayleigh: *sighs* this boy I swear.

Shakky: Want to ditch him with our tab?

You: Yeah, but we're not gonna leave him without the cash, *pulls out his wallet and puts the Berry you brought along inside before sliding it back into his pocket*

The next day on the Red Force

You: *walks onto the ship only for everyone to stare at you*

Benn: You have some explaining to do.

Shanks: *bursts out of his cabin,* Did you fuck them?

You: no, I thought that'd be crossing a line.

Shanks: then where did you stay last night?

You: In their guest room, I helped Shakky open this morning because Rayleigh had wandered off after our date... Look, it wasn't a real date, Boss, I was upfront with them about my intentions.

Shanks: We didn't bully you.

You: It certainly felt like it to me, and when I voiced that hurt, you didn't apologize, and basically told me to stop sulking. So I wanted you to know how it felt, so I asked Rayleigh and Shakky to help me get back at you for bullying me.

Shanks: I see, *reflects on his behavior for a moment* I'm sorry we teased you, it was supposed to be a joke but ended up hurting your feelings.

You: Apology accepted.

Shanks: Now, please never date any of my former crew mates from my time with Roger.

You: I promise I won't knowingly date any of them.

Shanks: I don't like the way you phrased that, but fine, I guess.

Benn: Now that that's done, tell me how in the hell you got Shakky to go on a date with you.

You: Again, it was a fake date, but I simply asked.

Benn: I was afraid you were gonna say that.

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[chuuya-kisser]

im finally free so that i can fucking scream abt bsd 117 and tell my thoughts on this heartbreaker of a chapter (will def make another post feeding my delusions)

(spoilers utc)

firstly.

ASAGIRI. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUXK ASAGIRI. ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU ASAGIRI I THOUGHT YOU WERE KILLING-YOUR-CHARACTERS-PHOBIC?????? NOW YOUVE MELTED TWO IMPORTANT CHARACTERS IN TWO CHAPTERS???? WHOS GONNA GO NEXT CHAPTER HUH WHO'S NEXT IN YOUR DEATH NOTE

well

Uh yeah so anyways basically heart broken for multiple reasons so we'll go in order

1- aya. oh my gosh aya. shes what, a ten year old?????? and in the span of a day, she has found out about a vampire lord who is responsible for destroying or saving the whole world, shouldered the responsibility of getting said vampire lord away from the enemy to save the world, developed a father-daughter relationship with said vampire lord, sacrificed herself and got saved by him, believed that the world could be saved now, saw her new father figure's body be torn apart and replaced by a greasy ratass who wants to destroy everything or whatever, with said new father's last words telling her to run to save herself, being saved by said father, then having him dissolve and die again in front of her eyes again. shes a ten year old. what the actual fuck. oh and don't forget, she doesn't know that she lost her other father figure too!

gosh she is going to be SO traumatised and even that is an understatement i really hope she has the strength to recover

2- so akutagawa is back huh? about time, about time (though im not very happy about the cost it took- but atleast he's back?)and he has agreed to protect aya on brams wish? thats surprising honestly, so im wondering if the stuff atsushi told him while fighting him at the airport or whatever affected his subconscious or something so that he consciously wants to start protecting people?

OR maybe! he sees a bit of himself in aya or smth? i mean look i dont exactly remember what happened before he met dazai and was taken in by him okay, dont come at me. but maybe he sees that terrified little kid and something stirs in him or smth anyways go akutagawa go you're her third father figure please dont die again ‼️

(also he looks so good-)

3- and the biggest bombshell

kunikida.

KUNIKIDA‼️‼️ NO NO NO THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY HAPPENING PEOPLE THIS IS NOT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT I AM IN DENIAL

just- THINK ABOUT EVERYONE. think about atsushi and tanizaki. who saw him disappear slowly in front of their eyes, to buy them time. think about fukuzawa. who wished for kunikida to be the next president because he was the most ideal. who cares so much, even if he doesnt show it as much. think about aya. she has such a deep bond with kunikida, and now she'll have to face the devastating news that one of the only people who truly believed in her is gone too. think about ranpo and yosano.

think about dazai. who is much too far away to do anything right now, who miscalculated once which led to him being too far to stop fyodors rampage in any way. who was truly doing all this because he wanted to keep the detective agency safe. who, when he realises what will happen next, his first thought is to warn them. who was his new partner, kept him alive, even made him a part of his schedules. who i think he must have to care for, even a little bit.

dazai, who thinks that anything worth wanting is always lost the moment he obtains it. and its happened again. and by the looks of it, it will happen again.

i genuinely want to know how he'll react but i dont want to at the same time. gods i cant fucking do this man

like huhhh asagiri are you tryna make me cry or some shit???? Because youre succeesing SPECTACULARLY

also- are we gonna see tanizaki get liquefied too next chapter? because this panel sure looks like it

im scared for september now like what else are you gonna throw at us, huh asagiri? and what do you mean i have to wait a whole month this is crazy

and i am STILL in denial and will continue to be in denial guys wdym, ofc kunikida is alive and well! hes coparenting aya with bram, having fun at the agency and stuff ‼️‼️ hes perfectly peachy theres no helicopter singularity out for everyone's lives!!! (wow this post is LONG)

[graciegoeskrazy]

mine

matty healy + teen!daughter!reader

cw: mommy issues, lil yelling, crying, cursing, family secrets

an: i’m back. my b. the beginning is mid but the rest is not bad it gets better basically lol. ty to the anon who requested this. hope u enjoy :)))))

“Can I ask you something?” You asked George in the car.

“Anything.” He said.

You turned down the music and faced George over the armrest. “Who is my mother?”

“Anything but that,” he said, turning the music back up.

“George!” You said, stopping his hand. “C’mon. Just a name?”

“I should not be the one telling you who she is.”

“So you do know who she is…”

He looked at you for a second, knowing you caught him. He sighed and replied. “Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Ask your father.”

You sighed. “I’ve done that my whole life! He’s never given me anything. Not even a name.”

“Then what makes you think I would.”

He thought then turned to him. “Because you love me and I’m your favorite?”

“No.” He said too quickly.

He reached a red light and you reached over the armrests closer to him, trying to get him to answer and to annoy him.

“George, I’m turning 16 next week. I'm going to have a big party with all my friends over and have the time of my life, and I’m going to plan it all without my mom there.”

“Not the sob story.” He said, hands over his eyes.

“Yes, the sob story! Next year I’m gonna go to prom, and she's not gonna be there to help pick out my dress. Same for when I get married. She’s not gonna be there. I’m going to go through all of these milestones and she's not gonna be there and I will never know why. I don’t even know if she’s alive! I’ve spent the past nearly 16 years of my life wondering what she's like. Is she alive? Is she dead? Did she die during childbirth? Did she kill herself? Does she live back home? Have I met her? Is it someone that I know? I don’t fucking know because my overprotective father won't tell me shit!”

He looked at you for a minute then back at the road. You could tell you were about to break him.

“If she's alive and she doesn’t want to be a part of all those things, then at least I know that she's a bitch who didn't want to be there, instead of lying awake at night wondering.”

He sighed, and you grew hopeful.

“I don’t know much about her-”

“But you know some things…”

He looked at you, “Yeah.”

“Well?”

He pulled over. “You, my dear sweet girl, were unexpected.”

“I figured.”

“Your father had been dating someone during the end of school. We had met her a couple of times, he brought her around. It was whatever. One night, he showed up at my house, it was late. He was a sobbing mess. He told me she was pregnant and he was the father. No one knew except me and the boys. He eventually told your grandparents but they didn’t even know he had a girlfriend so that was a funny conversation.”

You held onto every word.

“She wanted to get rid of the pregnancy but she was already nearly halfway through the whole term before she found out so it was already too late. She said she wanted nothing to do with the baby so it was up to your dad to make a decision.”

“Was he gonna get rid of me?”

“He was torn. He wanted to keep going and do what he could but he also didn’t know if he could give you what you truly deserved then.”

He sighed.

“Your mother left right after she gave birth.”

Tears started forming in your eyes as you looked at George.

“Oh, bubs-”

“I’m fine- keep going.”

He sighed again. “Meanwhile, your dad took one look at his girl and fell in love. He vowed to give you everything he had and more.”

You gave him a suggesting look. He looked outside the window and the roof of the car. Anywhere but at you.

“Her name is Ayla. That’s all I know about her I swear. She never mentioned a job or a family or anything.”

You did it…

He turned to you with a serious look. “Promise me - you won’t go and look her up or cause any trouble.”

You held out your pinky.

“I promise.”

…

It’s crazy what a teenager can do with a name, the internet, and some time. It only took 15 minutes before you found her. Ayla Anderson. Age 33. Born in Manchester, lives in New York City. You were fully aware that George told you to do the exact opposite of what you were currently doing. You were also fully aware that your dad was playing Madison Square Garden in a couple of weeks and you would be in NYC along with him for 2 weeks. It was too perfect. You kept the info in tabs on your computer, occasionally looking over at it whenever you were bored. When the day came a mixture of adrenaline and anxiety took over you, not sure how to feel. Your breathing became incredibly shaky. The freezing New York City air combined with your uncontrollable anxiety became a recipe for unease once you got off the subway in Brooklyn. The 10-minute walk to the unfamiliar address was filled with emotions and questions. What if I got the person and place wrong? What if she recognizes my face instantly? What if she has kids? What if she pulls a gun on me before I speak? What if she just slams the door in my face? In a way, it made the walk seem to go by faster, but you couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing.

The entire apartment building was filthy. Nasty floors that were covered with dirt that hadn’t been cleaned in years, walls that were filled head to toe with writings, graffiti, dirt, and even some spots of blood. The lights that were supposed to fill the hallway either had burnt-out bulbs or had broken pieces on the floor. When you arrived at the door and prepared to knock you heard the sound of cries that only could’ve been coming from a young child. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes, and knocked on the door, hoping that whatever came next would give you some answers.

“Coming.” A man’s voice answered. The door swung open and revealed a man who appeared to be in his forties wearing khakis, some band tee shirt, with a flask in hand.

You stood in shock. You had no idea who this man was. After a moment of not answering and just staring at his face, he spoke. “Can I help you?” He asked harshly.

“Um- yeah. Hi. I’m looking for Ayla Anderson.”

He nodded and walked back inside, slightly closing the door while doing so. “BABE! DOOR!”

As he disappeared from your eyesight, a woman came into view. You knew instantly. It was her.

You and your dad always looked like twins so to speak. You were the epitome of a mini Matty, but there were always some things that never made sense in terms of you inheriting them from your dad. For instance, your face shape and bone structure were completely different, your nose had a slightly different shape, and your skin tone was completely different than Matty’s. Those 3 things imparticular were staring right back at you when she opened the door.

She looked at you and spoke, obviously not recognizing who you were.

“Hi. Can I help you?”

You swallowed. “Um. Yes- are you Ayla Anderson?”

She tilted her head. “Depends.”

You smiled. Hopeful. Then spoke. “My name is y/n Healy.”

Her eyes widened when she realized your last name. You noticed the change on her face then hesitantly continued.

“Are you-“

“Please go away.” She said cutting you off.

“Are you my mom?” You said it quite loudly but you didn’t think anything of it until she shushed you and spoke in a hushed tone.

“My husband doesn’t know-“ She said, closing the door a little more as she stepped outside, hoping the man in the other room wouldn’t hear anything.

“Are you?” You asked again. Your eyes were glued to her.

“Listen, kid, you need to leave.” She went to reach for the door but you helped it open with a firm grasp.

“Are you my mother?” Your eyes and voice were full of tension.

She sighed, “Biologically…yes.” You softened just a bit. It was her. No more daydreams or fantasies of what she is or could be. It was her.

“But, in every other way shape, or form, I am nothing to you.” Her tone grew serious as she caught you off guard.

Before you could even think of how to respond, a cry coming from inside the apartment cut you off. She sighed and turned back to you. “That’s my kid, listen I-“

“You have a kid?” You asked, cutting her off.

She gave a very sad smile. She felt a wave of sadness when she realized she was handing you life-changing news. “I have 2. Yeah.” She gave a weak smile. “2 Boys.”

You slowly nodded while trying to peek inside the door. “So they’re-“

“And they don’t know you exist.” She said, cutting you off. She got serious again. “And as far as I’m concerned, they never will.”

She crossed her arms and whispered. “I’ve done so good at reshaping my past, the last thing I need is some kid coming and fucking it up.”

You stood in disbelief. How could she be this cruel?

“Why are you even here anyway? Money? You think I got money?”

“I’m not here for money.” Your voice was hoarse with tears.

“Then why are you here?”

You shrugged while continuing to cry. “To see you.” You whipped the tears and straightened up. “I wanted to see you.”

She sighed. “Yeah, well, that makes one of us.”

You were heartbroken.

She looked back into the apartment and then back to you, sighing. “Listen, kid, uh…what was your name?”

She doesn’t even know my name.

“Y/n.” You said, sadly.

“Y/n! Right. Listen, y/n. I’m sorry you came all this way for nothing. I’m sorry I can’t be the mother of your dreams or whatever the fuck you had planned in the little head of yours. Whatever you want, I can’t be that for you. Frankly, I don’t want to be.” She shook her head and sighed. “I’m being honest when I say I wish you the best of luck in life. But I truly don’t want any part in that.”

You swallowed and nodded, not having the courage to look up at her.

“Get home safely.” She said, slamming the door.

…

In the thousands of ways you pictured your mom since you were little, it sure wasn’t like this. The ride back to your and your dad’s Airbnb was faster than the ride over there. Time seems to always go faster when you are in your head. Some gave you looks as you sat quietly on the subway back, either of concern or confusion. It was New York City after all so seeing a young woman like you in your state is nothing new for some of these people. You got to your place sooner than expected and quickly wiped your tears before stepping inside. You were hopping to walk in quietly so no one would notice you but that goal was shot down when Mayhem loudly greeted you at the door. Like always, your father and George were sat at the kitchen table doing work. They said hi, not noticing your fragile state at first,

“Hey, bubs!” George said.

You mumbled a weak “Hey.” after getting up from petting the pup.

Your father took notice of your tone, as well as the dried tear stains of your cheeks. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, fine. I’m gonna go take a nap.” You said, as nonchalantly as possible. It didn't fool your dad and uncle though.

“What’s up with her?” George asked.

“I don’t know?” he furrowed his brows before adding, “I’ll go talk to her.”

…

As soon as you got upstairs you put your backpack down and jumped on your bed, letting out a plethora of tears you didn't know were there. You couldn't get her words out of your head, they just kept repeating in your mind. So much so that you never hear the footsteps your dad made while walking up the stairs and to your room. His knocking on the door took you out of your trance.

“Darling?” he asked.

“One sec.” You grabbed a tissue and wiped your tears quickly before going to the door and unlocking it.

He smiled at you, not saying a word.

You let out a small confused smirk. “What’s up?”

He sighed and leaned against the door frame. “How was your adventure?”

“Fine.” You replied. You held the door slightly closed, not wanting to let him in, Also giving short answers in the hope of this conversation ending quickly. You couldn't hold your emotions sin for that long.

“Fine?” He asked.

You swallowed “Yeah. Fine.”

He hummed before asking, “Where’d you go?”

“Brooklyn.” You said.

“Hm. What’s there?”

“Boring stuff. I just walked around, you know?”

He knew you were full of shit, but this felt different. He could push you the same way he was used to. This felt different. You felt…fragile. “Hm. You okay?”

“Yeah. Peachy,” you said, with a small, obviously fake, smile.

He straightened up and asked again. “You sure?”

You swallowed and slammed the door.

Matty’s suspensions were correct. “Darling, open the door.”

You were already sobbing. You locked the door and slid down it, sitting on the other side. “I can’t.”

His voice got sweet, laced with concern. “Why, love? What happened?”

At this point, George started heading up the stairs. They just heard your weeping and grew even more worried. “Please tell me, love.”

No answer.

“Darling, whatever it is, we'll figure it out. I won’t be mad I promise.”

Still, no answer.

“Are you safe? Are you hurt?”

Matty was now fearing every terrible scenario. “Y/n, please just-“

“I found her.”

He took a breath and thought before speaking, already connecting some dots.

He sighed, “Found who?” He asked, pretty confident he already knew the answer.

“Ayla.” You said, through tears,

“Y/n Healy-“

“I’m sorry! George told me her name-”

“George Daniel!”

George started to turn away but Matty grabbed him by the collar.

You spoke before he had a chance to get mad at your uncle. “She’s 33. Moved to the U.S. right after she gave birth. She lives on 1924 Larklin Street Apartment 4C in Brooklyn, New York where she lives with her two sons and husband.”

He sighed. “Oh my god-“

“George only told me her name. Don't get mad at him. I’m the one who did the research.”

He glared at George as he dropped his grip. “Did you visit her?” He asked.

“Yeah.” You hesitantly said.

“And what happened?”

The tears you thought were starting to disappear came back again at the thought of her words. “She told me to leave. Told me she doesn’t want any part in my life.”

“Fuck.” He knocked his head on the door, sighing.”

Your tears were now at a full 10 and you were slightly struggling to catch your breath. “Why was I not good enough, Dad?”

“Baby-”

“Why does she hate me?”

He sighed.

“What did I do?”

“You did nothing wrong, y/n-”

“Then why don't I have a mom?”

Matty thought then continued. “Because you don’t need her. The universe or whoever is up there knew that I and your entire family were more than capable of raising the best girl known to mankind. They knew that you were exactly what I needed, so they sent you my way with the help of some bitch named Ayla.”

“You don’t believe that do you?”

“The point is, you were sent my way for a reason, and that reason never involved Ayla.”

“You were meant for me. No one else.”

“You thought about those words for a bit and eventually your cries turned into sniffles.

“Can you open the door now?” He asked hesitantly.

You moved next to the door reached up and turned the handle, opening and unlocking it.

His heart winced when he saw you in your crying state. “Oh, my baby.”

He reached his arms out and you fell into his embrace immediately. Your head falls onto his chest. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise you.”

He pressed a kiss on your forehead.

You sat up after catching your breath. “Thank you for being mom and dad.”

He smiled and took you into another tight hug.

George appeared from around the corner and your dad playfully frowned at him.

“Never trusting your ass with family secrets again.”

You and George smiled. “Sorry mate.”

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day ten

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : smut (p in v, dirty talk, oral (f and m receiving), hints at anal play), angst, fluff

length : 10k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens

a/n : Hope you enjoy this one!! Comments and reblogs keep the writer writing 💕

•••

day ten

I was getting tired of unexpected knocks on my hotel room door. Especially when it was much too early and I was already rushing to get ready after something had prevented me from properly packing my suitcase last night. Now I had mere minutes until I needed to be downstairs with the rest of the crew and the band because Bring Me had an awfully early bus call to get to Sheffield. I couldn’t blame them for that - it was home, after all. Most of them were using the day off to visit friends and family, but Oli and, as far as I knew Matt too, were heading for the store for the day.

I ripped the door open as much as I could under the weight to find none other than Oli himself standing in the hallway, an amused smirk on his face.

“I don’t know how well you slept last night, but this hotel really has to work on soundproofing their walls,” he chuckled, letting himself in just past the doorway as I stood frozen. “‘Cause I was definitely wide awake hearing two people have the fuck of their lives. Like, holy shit, staying quiet definitely wasn’t part of their vocabulary at all. Did you hear them at all?”

“I…”

“Not gonna lie, it sounded pretty hot, I was almost a little tempted to, you know.”

He raised his eyebrows at me as he motioned toward his crotch.

“Oli-”

“Did you really not hear anything?”

The bathroom door opened so abruptly I almost jumped at the sound. Noah had freshened up but was still very much in yesterday’s clothes and extremely sleepy. I could basically see the gears turning in Oli’s head as he looked back and forth between us.

“That was you! Oh you dirty, dirty kids,” he laughed. Noah looked thoroughly confused, still standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Oli gave another chuckle, but something was amiss. I’d known him for years. I knew Oli’s teasing face, the way he sounded, the way his eyes crinkled in earnest. This wasn’t it. And it kept me silent, somehow.

“Well, bus call’s soon, so no time for a second round, eh?” His voice didn’t match his words. I couldn’t quite figure it out just yet, but it made me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Noah seemed to think the same as he stayed suspiciously silent, toying with the hem of his shirt.

“Yeah, no, I’ll… I’ll catch you downstairs, yeah?” I finally managed to vomit out. Oli simply nodded, raised his hand in what I assumed should be a form of goodbye and then vanished back into the hallway.

It was only when the door clicked back into its lock that Noah moved next to me. Grabbing whatever he had left in the room - he briefly paused as he saw the bottle of Hennessey, but ultimately decided not to touch it - he got ready as if his bus call was imminent.

“I keep fucking up,” he said, more to himself than anything else as he moved past me to put on his shoes.

“Noah, you’re-”

“No, I am. It’s- it’s fine, I just need to-”

My hand on his arm stopped him just before he reached the door. He looked so conflicted, so torn, that it broke my heart along with his. I wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, that we could be okay, that Oli would be okay, but even in my head it sounded like a lie. I couldn’t promise him something like that. All I could do was allow myself to be his for the taking if he ever decided to, well, take me on.

I pulled him down with a hand on his neck and put my lips on it and I hoped it would tell him everything I couldn’t say.

•••

Oli wasn’t waiting for me when I arrived downstairs. He wasn’t in the parking lot either. Or downstairs in the bus, or in the lounge. But the curtain of his bunk was pulled tightly shut and it worried me beyond belief. I wasn’t quite sure what exactly had caused him to withdraw, but my brain was providing me with a multitude of options, spinning through all of them at lighting speed as if it could make me decide on one of them, and it made me dizzy.

Especially because simply pulling away was so out of character for him. I’d expected him to make a fuss, pick a fight, get mean, argue with either me or Noah or both of us at such a volume that the rest of the hotel voluntarily evacuated, but none of that had happened. Not even a tiny remark shot our way. Not a single item thrown around the bus in frustration.

Either way, I was just so over not communicating.

Aubrey u up?

I was almost shaking waiting for his reply. It seemed silly, texting him the very thing he’d texted me that first night before the tour had really started, but I hoped he would recognise it and not consider my joking offensive when he was dealing with… something. When my phone displayed a new message, I almost threw it away in surprise, as if I’d been expecting radio silence.

Oli Is this a bootycall?

So - he didn’t hate me. And he remembered. It was a relief, really. With a slight smile playing on my face, I walked back towards his bunk and pulled the curtain back. He didn’t noticeably react, simply kept lying with his back turned to me. He did, however, shuffle forward just the tiniest bit and I took it as an invitation to climb in and shut the curtain behind me.

It was a tight fit, both of us in his bunk, especially since Oli had gotten noticeably more buff than the last time we’d done this on a tour, but with a bit of rearranging and me spooning him closely, we made it work. I placed my hand over his heart, feeling it beat underneath my fingertips, so fast it was almost concerning.

“Hey,” I whispered, quietly, as if anyone else could overhear us, as if it would matter if they did. Oli didn’t answer in words, but put his hand over mine, stroking the skin delicately. “Talk to me.”

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled, like a stubborn little child. I couldn’t see his face, but I imagined him to be pouting as he spoke. Was this better than the explosions we usually faced when he got mad? I decided yes.

“Oli,” I replied, hoping his name in my mouth would sound vaguely scolding. “We talked about that. Communication and all that? Come on. I can’t bear it when you withdraw like this.”

He sighed so heavily it moved my body along with his.

“It’s embarrassing though.”

“And you can blush all you like, but you’re going to tell me. I’m not even looking at you. It literally won’t get better than this. And I won’t let you off the hook any time soon, I hope you know that.”

He grumbled for a little bit longer but I sat it out, knowing he’d come around sooner or later. The sooner was reached a lot more quickly than expected. I had been well prepared to spend most of the drive to Sheffield here, in silence, just holding him and waiting it out.

“It’s stupid, really, but seeing you with Noah this morning, knowing what you’d done…” He took a deep breath. I didn’t interrupt him even though the thoughts were already running through my head at high speed again. “I don’t mind that you fucked, you know. It just feels like… like he got something from you before I did and… it makes me feel like a leftover. Like the two of you don’t need me.”

I desperately tried to wrap my mind around what Oli was telling me. He was jealous that Noah got to have me first? That I’d decided - although it wasn’t much of a planned decision, but he couldn’t know that - to sleep with him before I considered Oli? That maybe I desired the other man more? Wanted him closer, in a more intimate setting, than Oli?

“And I know we’ve, like, done stuff before, all of us,” he continued. It seemed like now that he’d started, he barely managed to stop. “But I don’t just sleep with anyone and, fuck, this sounds so stupid, but I thought it might be special, sleeping with you for the first time, sleeping with both of you, and now I feel like I’m not really part of it anymore…”

He wasn’t just thinking about Noah being the first one to sleep with me. He was also thinking about me being the first one to sleep with Noah. I gave myself some time to think during the moments he stayed quiet. How would I have felt if they’d gotten together first? Leaving me as the odd one out, the one that hadn’t been present when they shared this new level of intimacy.

I probably would have felt rejected too.

“If it helps at all, neither of us planned to have sex last night,” I explained. “It was very much a spur of the moment thing after he crashed at mine because he’d been drinking. I think… I think I would have preferred it with you around as well.”

I hadn’t realised it until the words left my mouth, but it was true. Sleeping with Noah had been amazing - but if we’d shared that experience as a threesome, all sober and fully awake, it would have been phenomenal. I had no doubt about that.

“And you’re not second best. Not at all. You and Noah… I have so much love for both of you, in such different and such similar ways all at once. I could never prefer him over you, just like I could never prefer you over him. I’m sorry that it happened like this and that you had to find out like that.”

I didn’t know what else to say. How else to make him understand. I couldn’t take back what had happened. I couldn’t magically turn back time and turn Noah down, or make Oli appear in the room too. I could only try to make up for it moving forward. And I planned to.

“Dinner’s still on tonight, right? The three of us?”

Oli nodded. I wouldn’t have noticed if we’d not been so close. I pressed a kiss into his dark locks.

“We’ll make it up to you. Noah and I. Promise. Will you let us?”

It took a moment of Oli struggling for me to realise he was attempting to turn around. I almost slid off the edge, already imagining myself falling to the floor in the little walkway between bunks, but Oli quickly shifted and put an arm around me in the most complicated way to keep me safe. There was a lot more shuffling, trying to keep our limbs intact and our hair from getting caught up somewhere, until we settled on a final position, our legs intertwined, foreheads pressed against each other.

“As if I could ever resist you, Aubrey. You and Noah, both.”

•••

As it turned out, I didn’t have all that much to do when I travelled to the store with Oli and Mat. Most of the organisational matters had been taken care of by the local workers, those in charge of Drop Dead and everything around it, and I was barely much more than a glorified babysitter as I ushered Oli back and forth to where he was needed.

At least his mood had improved considerably. I hoped I had played some sort of part in it. When he talked to the people around him, waved to a couple of fans, studied the designs he’d helped with, I knew it wasn’t a facade. He was truly happy here, and I caught myself thinking that maybe he could be truly happy with me and Noah, too.

“I don’t really know how long this will take, but it might be a while, so if you want to leave, I don’t know, walk through the city, get a nap, you really don’t have to stay here,” Oli told me when I managed to catch up with him. I knew he meant it. He wasn’t one for playing games like that. “I can text you and Noah the address of the place I reserved at, and the time. How’s that sound?”

I agreed, not because I was bored but because I felt wholly unneeded and kept standing in the way. The question of what I was going to do with my time was answered much quicker than expected as I ran into Becky on the way out.

“You know, I think we get a discount on this stuff. And if not I’ll make Oli give you one,” I grinned as I watched her flip through some of the shirts.

“Thank god, because this shit is expensive,” she replied, immediately letting go of the fabric in ther hands. “What do you say we go for an equally as overpriced coffee instead?”

“I do love me a good dose of caffeine,” I admitted.

Becky held out her arm for me to take it and I complied with a giggle, leaving the store with her and wandering the streets, making small talk as we tried to find a coffee shop to our liking. When we finally located one, ordered and sat down, I felt all the exhaustion I’d been carrying with me take over. I sank deeper into the comfortable armchair, wondering if it’d be inappropriate to get in a little cat nap.

“Looks like Oli is keeping you up. Or was that Noah?”

I briefly panicked, wondering if, somehow, word had gotten around that I’d slept with Noah.

“You’re hanging out with both of them a lot. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted trying to keep my one man at home happy, never mind two. And those two out of everyone! You truly picked the most exhausting ones to be friends with.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, hoping it wasn’t too visible and took a quick sip of coffee to hide my embarrassment.

“Yeah, they're… a handful. But I doubt it's much better for them, I'm sure I can be just as exhausting,” I laughed. “So you got a man at home, hm? Is he gonna visit on tour or has he already and I've simply missed him?”

“Oh no, he's going to be around in Dublin. It's where we live, actually. Got abducted to the other isle by an Irishman. In my defence though, he looks like Hozier's younger brother and he's just as tall, so really, how could I have resisted!”

“Tall men, eh,” I agreed, moving my cup to cheers with hers.

“Tall men, indeed.”

We stayed quiet for a moment, both of us lost in thoughts, but I wasn't a fan of the silence for long.

“Are you looking forward to going home then? We only have four more dates left, right?”

“So much. Unfortunately it's not for long. I'm leaving again on the 26th for the Bad Omens tour.”

“You’re heading on their tour with them?” This was news to me. I was well aware Bad Omens were still going to be in Europe for a while and I had absolutely been staring at those tour dates as they were selling out one by one, tempted to make a trip somewhere to see them headline, but with no work lined up it was impossible to plan. The fact that Becky had been hired by them hadn’t been relayed to me.

“Yeah, apparently they were looking for someone local and Bring Me suggested me since I’d already worked a few shows with them before. No rest for the wicked, eh!”

“No rest indeed,” I sighed. I wished I wouldn’t be getting any rest either. Maybe I should beg someone for a merch job on that tour. They probably had all their positions filled, but I was getting desperate at this point. Being away would also give me some time to find a new place to live. But did I have the guts to straight up beg for it, knownig I’d probably only get it because they took pity on me and not because they really needed me?

“So, you’re basically in a long-distance relationship then, with you being away so much, aren’t you?”

Becky exhaled into her cup of coffee. “We make it work, you know? It was tough in the beginning. He has a very steady, reliable, boring day job and I’m just all over the continent but we’ve accepted that about each other. We check in and I usually video call him in the evening. And, well you can get creative with what you do on video, too.”

I almost spewed out the coffee at her remark, knowing fully well by the tone in her voice what she was referring to. The wiggling eyebrows sealed the deal.

“Sorry,” she giggled. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“By all means, I’m glad you’re having a good sex life still.”

I put the cup back on the table. I wasn’t sure how long it had been empty for, but I knew I’d been holding onto it for no obvious reason.

“Did he ever mind? Knowing that being with you would mean being away from you for a long time?” I paused for a moment, suddenly feeling self-conscious about my questions. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that, I’m just sitting here interrogating you like you’re on trial.”

“Oh, don’t worry about, darling. Ask all you want. For us, it was never a question, really. What can I say? We fell hard and fast. I could have moved to Australia and he would have made it work.”

I didn’t know why I felt like crying. I tried to hide the tears that were on the edge of emerging by organising the items on the little table in front of us until they had straightened out and seemed in order. Maybe that was more suspicious than me getting emotional.

“So, it’s all about love, isn’t it,” I said, trying hard not to sniffle. “As long as you love them enough, you make it happen.”

I only looked up when Becky put her hand over mine. Her eyes were soft, but there was no pity in them and I silently thanked her for it.

“Sometimes you have to realise just how in love you are first. Or allow yourself to admit it.”

•••

By pure luck and what I could only call a miracle, I bumped into Noah in the hallway of the hotel, on the way back to my room. He stopped immediately, and then let me into his room, assuring me it was empty for now, when he realised I didn’t want to have this conversation where we could possibly be overheard.

“Aubrey, I’m sorry,” he started but I held my hand up to stop him before he got any farther.

“I know. I know you are. I don’t know what kind of stuff you need to figure out for yourself, but I’m giving you the time to do it, okay? You’re always welcome in my room and, well, in my bed and just about everywhere else and if there’s things you want to discuss, I’ll make time for you. I’m just asking you not to keep going back and forth and changing your opinion and treating me like someone you’re dating as long as you’re not. Dating me that is. Alright?”

I took a deep breath, holding my head up high. Somewhere in the edges of my brain, I could almost hear Lia cheering me on, congratulating me for speaking my mind and putting up boundaries. I knew it was the right thing to do. For myself, for once.

“Alright,” he simply said. He deserved a little more space to think over what I’d just told him. I hoped he would.

“Well, in completely contrasting news, I hope you know we’re going out for dinner with Oli tonight?”

Noah nodded.

“Good. Because we’re going to treat him right, okay? He’s been… well, he feels a little left out of whatever the three of us have going on and that’s not happening on my watch. So we’re going to be real good to him tonight, whatever that entails and wherever we end up with. Anything to let him know he’s just as important and cherished. Is that something you can do?”

“Yeah… yeah, I think I can.”

“Good.” I gave him a smile, feeling the energy leave me as I finally got everything out I had come here to say. “Put on something nice. Apparently it’s a place that needed a reservation.” I walked a little closer, putting my hand on his chest. “I think we’d all enjoy the turtleneck a lot.”

•••

Oli and Noah looked positively divine when we met up at the restaurant later that night. Noah was every bit as gorgeous as I had hoped he’d be in the turtleneck. Even Oli gave him an appreciative whistle as he saw him, which once again caused Noah to sport a lovely little blush. Oli himself was wearing a white shirt that accentuated his broad shoulders and had entirely too few buttons opened. I briefly considered ignoring our dinner reservation as just taking them back to the hotel immediately and by the way the two of them were mustering me, those thoughts seemed to be mutual.

I’d made an effort. My black dress, thin, with lace and spaghetti straps, had an asymmetrical cut, showing off much more of my right thigh than my left. It was a shame I couldn’t wear it without tights, but the January cold simply wasn’t allowing it. The heels were the only ones I could walk in confidently, with a wide block heel, velvety and sexy. Both men still towered over me.

I’d also put on my dark red lipstick, at Oli’s request. The one that would smudge if touched. It might make dinner a little more complicated, but that was a challenge I was willing to accept.

Luckily, the place didn’t turn out to be too fancy, I realised as a waiter showed us to our seats, Oli’s hand on the small of my back and his other resting on Noah’s arm. Oli hadn’t needed a reservation because it was so impossibly packed during a random Thursday in January. He had needed one because he had asked for a very special table.

The waiter led us to a little platform on which sat what I could only describe as a bird-cage-esque structure, a hexagon of lightly coloured, wooden walls, two of them completely open and leading in and out of the main restaurant area, the other four adorned with a grid of windows. It seemed like there was a spotlight on it, right in the middle of the room, but as soon as I stepped inside and took my seat, I realised it also came with a lot of privacy. It was perfect.

“Bottle of wine?” Oli asked as we flipped through the drinks menu.

I looked over at Noah, but even before he could have seen me stare, he shook his head. “None for me today. I’s rather be sober.”

I wanted to tell him thank you and I know why but either would have opened up questions about what had happened the last two nights, things Oli wasn’t in the loop about, and it didn’t feel like my place to tell. Either way, Oli accepted quickly, ordering some water and and mocktails for the table, claiming that just because we were abstaining from alcohol didn’t mean we couldn’t have some fancy looking drinks.

“I can’t believe we only have four more shows on this run,” I sighed. I hadn’t meant to mention it really, but it was starting to weigh on my mind after my talk with Becky earlier. It had made me realise just how close we were to saying goodbye, going our separate ways. Oli back to recording the album, Noah still on tour, me… well, I’d have to figure that one out, too. So far my search for both a job and a place to stay hadn’t been very successful.

“Hey,” Oli interrupted my pondering, putting his hand over mine. Noah seemed to briefly feel left out, grabbing my other hand to mirror the sentiment. “No being sad at our date. It’s not like we’ll never see each other after.”

I wasn’t quite that confident in the future, but he was right. Now was not the time or place to start overthinking.

“Date, eh?” I joked instead. Deep down, I wanted confirmation, but I was too cowardly to ask outright. Then I remembered Noah’s hesitation to the idea of us going on a date before, but he was simply sipping his newly arrived drink, either ignoring the underlying question or being at peace with it. I couldn’t quite figure it out yet.

“I figured it should be one, you know,” Oli mused in fake contemplation. “Only seems fair to take you two out for dinner before I fuck you.”

If Noah had been slightly apathetic at the conversation before, he now put himself in the middle of it as he did a literal spit take, droplets of his mocktail landing on the wooden table. I was quick to mop it up with my napkin, trying to hold the laughter at bay. Oli didn’t care. He gave a bark that was loud enough to be heard by just about everyone in the restaurant. There were some spots on Noah’s turtleneck too and even though they would probably dry to be invisible on the dark shirt, I reached out to pat at it too.

He stood up a little abruptly, feeling the wet fabric with his fingers. “I’m just gonna head to the bathroom. Order me the chickenburger, yeah?”

Oli and I were still giggling by the time he disappeared from view.

“Should I go after him?” he questioned with a smirk. “Or is that gonna make things worse?”

“The latter probably,” I giggled. “He might think you’re trying to fuck him in the bathroom stalls.” Oli made a face that suggested he was thinking about it. I smacked my hand against his shoulder. “I’ll go check on him. Order me whatever, you know what I like.”

By the time I’d reached the toilets, Noah was already exiting the room again. I approached him slowly, a hand coming to rest on his chest when I was close enough.

“Oli a bit much for you?”

“When is he not,” he sighed but immediately followed it up with a smile. “It just came a little unexpectedly.”

His hand reached for mine, again, playing with my fingers and stroking the back of it as I kept it on his chest, heavy breathing underneath.

“You know he doesn’t expect anything of you, right? You don’t have to go home with him, or us. And if you do, no one’s making you do anything. He knows you’ve never, you know… been with a man like that.”

“I want to,” Noah stated, voice much more steadfast that I would have expected. “I really do. I’m just… nervous I won’t be any good.”

“Oli’s so into you, I don’t think he’d care even if you did everything wrong your possibly could,” I giggled. Relief flooded my veins when he joined in. “Besides, he’s no better off. He talks a lot of shit and he’s really good at pretending, but unless he has a whole other life he hasn’t shared with me, his experience with men doesn’t go further than some drunken make-out sessions either.”

Noah nodded, perhaps slightly unconvinced, but a lot less jittery than before. I pressed a kiss to his lips, delighted by the fact that I didn’t have to get on my usual tiptoes with the heels I was wearing. He kept me there, for a moment, with his hand at the nape of my neck, even when the kiss had ended. Simply breathing each other in. I allowed him to decide when to break the contact. I figured he needed it.

“Thank you”, he whispered.

“What for?”

“Just being you.”

•••

The rest of our outing continued much less dramatically, but filled with laughter and little flirts. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so good, just by being around these two. Oli had ordered for all of us as the waiter had indeed come by while Noah and I were gone. There was a good chance I was making heart eyes at him when a plate of curry appeared in front of me. He’d known it was my favourite. He seemed to know it all, I realised.

We ended up squeezed in the backseat of a cab, each of us with a to-go back with desserts on our laps. Oli insisted on taking them, even though neither of us were thinking very much about eating right about now. The tension in the backseat was thick - not necessarily bad, considering growing arousal and excitement were pumping through my veins as I tried to imagine what was to come.

The car took a sharp turn, prompting a low gasp from Noah when my body pressed closer to his. On his exhale, a soft hum was pulled from his throat. A reminder that I wasn’t the only one who was about to benefit from this.

The scenery outside changed, restaurants and cafés and shops giving way to a residential area, little blocks of flat, small houses with tiny gardens in front. Not the industrial complexes, the hotels, the high-rise buildings I was expecting.

“This isn’t the way to the hotel.”

As I turned to Oli, I was caught off guard by the smirk on his face. That fucker. He had ordered the cab, he had planned this. Planned - what, though? He let out a chuckle at my confusion, clearly pleased with my reaction.

“Because we’re not going there.” Oli leaned in, lips brushing my ear, yet speaking loudly enough that Noah wouldn’t be left out of the conversation. “Did you really think I’d let you bed me in a random hotel room and not my place when we’re in Sheffield?”

Noah tensed next to me. As I turned to look at him, Oli’s lips once again brushing my skin, I realised he was clutching the takeaway container a little more desperately. He’d definitely heard. And by the way he was trying to press the box down against his crotch, it had gotten him just as hot as it had gotten me.

The driver announcing our arrival saved either of us from reacting to the fact that Oli had just all but told the driver we were going to hook up in some capacity or other. All of us scrambled to get out into the cold night, no thoughts left but to get inside as quickly as possible. All I wanted was to get those two undressed, get my hands on them, my lips, I didn’t care if it was going to be a bedroom or not. I was beyond superficial details like that.

Noah wrapped an arm around me as I shivered in my coat, both of us careful not to drop the desserts. The building towered over us, several stories high and quite obviously new. Much more expensive than I could ever afford. I hoped it would have more soul once we were inside. Oli unlocked the door, the little Powerpuff Girls charm dangling from his key ring, and led us to the lift. It went all the way to the top floor where he let us into his apartment.

It was… perfectly Oli. The place had a homely feel to it, not small enough to feel cramped, not big enough to get lost in the feeling of its vastness. I wanted to stay forever, go through his things, study the way he decorated, how he sorted his stuff, what he had kept over the years and what had gotten moved into a faraway closet that never got opened. All the things that made him tick.

The large bookcase was filled with novels that called out for me to leaf through, study their contents, let my fingers run along their spines, ask him which ones he had read yet, see how his collection compared to my much smaller one. Little trinkets and souvenirs from all over the world were placed in between. So many stories to tell. So many anecdotes I hadn’t gotten to hear yet.

My eyes fell on the floor-length windows. They provided a stunning view all over the city, lights twinkling in the dark. I could stay here and watch forever. If I could afford it, I’d surely get a place like this too. As I stepped closer, trying to avoid the glare from inside lights, the container in my hands almost bumped into the window pane. Right. The desserts.

“Oli, where do-”

While I had been exploring Oli’s living room, Noah had apparently started exploring Oli’s body. The takeaway boxes safely set on the counter of the open kitchen, the two of them were tightly intertwined. Oli was holding Noah close, his arms wrapped around the other’s waist as Noah perfectly molded himself to Oli’s chest. His own hands were impatiently touching his back, his arse, his shoulders, as if they couldn’t get enough of what they were feeling. It was a familiar sentiment.

I approached the pair, dropping the takeaway next to theirs, allowing my fingers to trail over both of their bodies. Noah pulled back when he realised, lips already red from the intense kiss.

“Bedroom?” I simply asked. Noah nodded enthusiastically as Oli untangled himself with a smirk. He led us through a short hallway, past his bathroom which seemed even more luxurious than the hotel ones I’d been fawning over, and into his bedroom, the second to last door.

It was much less decorated than the living area, but still drew me in. The dark carpet, heavy curtains that hid the window, the plush bed - the bed was large enough that, if I hadn’t known better, I would have assumed Oli had ordered it specifically for the three of us. We’d fit in much better than at the hotel which was more than an advantage for what we were planning to do that night.

Noah seemed to have the same thought as he pushed Oli onto the mattress, immediately dropping to his knees in front of him and starting to work on removing Oli’s trousers. Not wanting to be left out, I moved onto the bed as well, slowly unbuttoning Oli’s dress shirt, one by one, my fingers tracing over every inch of hot skin that revealed itself. Oli was already growing restless, one of his hands covering mine to speed up my movements, but I remained relentless.

I didn’t care to remove the shirt completely as I pushed the fabric away, revealing a chest full of tattoos I would never get sick of staring at. Oli’s breathing quickened as I let my fingertips run over the lines, his nipples, up his neck.

“Aubrey, I swear to god, if you don’t kiss me soon-”

I leaned down, letting my lips touch the shell of his ear, just as he had done in the cab.

“Yeah? Then what?”

I didn’t torture him by waiting for an answer, instead putting my lips on his with no further warning, immediately catching him in a passionate kiss. He sighed, then gasped into it, leaving me to wonder what Noah was currently up to, but when Oli tried to get me to open my mouth, deepen our connection further, I pulled back. His lips were tinted red now, a slight stain of my lipstick even on the skin around his mouth.

I wasn’t quite sure why yet, but it was a sight that utterly captivated me and made me adore him more. I wanted to kiss him stupid, leave my mark all over, see my lips all over his body, every day. I pressed another kiss on his cheek, then in the middle of the rose on his neck, where the red was losing itself in between the thicker, black lines, a colouring book I wanted to try all my shades on.

Looking behind me, I watched as Noah pulled Oli’s underwear down his legs, discarding them without much care, much too preoccupied with the way Oli’s dick bounced upward as it was freed from the fabric, already considerably hard and mouth-wateringly delicious. Feeling my stare on him, he managed to tear his gaze away, only to grin at me in the most devilish way, motioning for me to join him on the floor. I did without hesitation.

He pulled me in for a quick kiss, allowing me to leave more of my lipstick on him too, even though the marks were already becoming more faint in their intensity. I could only imagine the way my own face looked, colour shifting around my mouth, no precision left in the outline.

“Help me treat Oli right?” Noah whispered against my lips. “I bet he’ll love two mouths on his dick even more than one.”

He did. He couldn’t be blamed - I wasn’t sure how I’d cope if I had two pairs of lips, two tongues, playing with my pussy at the same time. As soon as Noah and I both started leaving teasing little kisses on Oli’s length, he dissolved into a puddle of moans. He was still propped up on his elbows, watching the two of us on our knees, so it was impossible to tell if it was just the feeling of it or the visual as well.

It wasn’t the most technically perfect blowjob in history as Noah and I kept clashing, getting more and more lost in our own lust of getting our mouths on Oli, tasting him, swallowing him, then licking him while the other person swallowed him. Oli’s hands were all over the place, completely uncoordinated as they grasped at the backs of our heads, our hair, the bedsheets, anything they could find. One of my hands had travelled to Noah’s crotch.

I was much too distracted to do much but enjoy the way he was growing in his trousers. Or how my knees were uncomfortably rubbing against the hard floor. My brain was clouded with lust and the need to get Oli to come. Tonight was going to be all about him, in away he’d let it, and just the thought of spending a few more hours with my hands on Oli, getting him high again and again, hopefully finally feeling his dick inside me, had me delirious.

“Fuck, I’m not gonna last,” Oli mumbled. When his hand found the back of my head again, gripping my hair and pulling me off him, it was with intention. His eyes were almost pleading when I looked up. “Can I-?”

I nodded before he posed the complete question. He could. In fact, I was gagging for it. As much as I’d enjoyed blowjobs before in my life, never had I been craving for their smells, their taste, their cum as much as I did with these two.

Noah pulled away, letting his fingers play with the part I wouldn’t manage to get in my mouth, fondling his balls, as I slowly took Oli as deep as I could without gagging, still missing a good portion, but all aspirations to swallow him whole would have to wait another day.

Oli wasn’t lying when he said he was close. His hips were starting to shift off the bed, fighting a losing battle as he tried to keep himself from fucking my mouth, his noises an amalgamation I wanted to record and put in a song. When he came, he did so with a punched-out sound, shallow thrusts that slowly stopped as I swallowed as much as I could. When I let him drop from my mouth, I could feel some of it dripping from my lips still. Noah caught me in a kiss, greedily licking at them until there was nothing left.

“Jesus Christ, you two are nasty,” Oli groaned, but all of us knew it was the opposite of a complaint. He sat up a little more, face flushed, looking utterly satisfied. “Now why the fuck are you still dressed?”

I stood up eagerly. The whole scene between the three of us had gotten me uncomfortably wet, my panties noticeably sticky. I didn’t care what exactly would follow, as long as it included an orgasm of my own sooner or later. I’d barely grasped the seam of my dress when Noah’s hands appeared on my legs. Their warmth seeped through my tights, mixing with the hotness of my own skin.

“Let me,” he whispered, still on his knees, hands travelling upward, slowly and teasingly, until they reached the hem of my tights. He rolled down the fabric, over my thighs, where he paused to press a kiss to the snake tattoo, over my knees, my shins. He only stopped to take off my boots, then resumed his task, until my feet and legs were bare.

For a moment, as I looked down, Noah on his knees before me, those big brown eyes staring up at me, adoration radiating from his whole being, his hands under my dress, it felt like a worship I wasn’t deserving of.

Then, he got up to pull the dress over my head before I could ruminate on it or start to cry. Noah never let me miss his touch for too long, toying with the clasp of my bra as he peppered kisses all over the side of my neck, finally unhooking and removing it completely, only for his lips to attach themselves to my nipples. I couldn’t seem to do much but take it all in, sighing at each and every touch, purely giving into pleasure.

His fingers were tracing over the fabric, so lightly I could barely feel it at all, but it was enough to cause my knees to buckle and my hands to grasp onto his body for fear of falling. I was so hopelessly turned on, every tiny thing had me losing my mind.

“She’s so fucking wet, she’s basically dripping on my fingers,” Noah chuckled. “Where do you want her?”

“Right here, on my face.”

I stiffened immediately, eyes snapping open and staring at Oli, who had gotten comfortable on the bed, in all his naked glory, motioning for me to join him. I felt equal parts insecure and excited - I’d never sat on anyone’s face. Not only had no one ever offered, I was also terrified of being too much. My thighs suffocating the other person. Looking awful from their angle. Not being able to come because I was so tense from holding myself up so desperately.

But Oli… Oli wasn’t just looking at me with lust. He wasn’t doing this for any reason but because he craved it. Because he knew he could make it good for me. And, even if my heart was beating out of my chest with nerves, I trusted him.

“I thought tonight was going to be all about you?” I teased, still stalling. Noah was busy pulling my underwear down my legs, tapping on each ankle in turn so I would lift my feet, aiding him in removing the item.

“Who said this is anything but a treat for me?”

Somehow, that sealed the deal. On slightly shaky legs, I crossed the short distance, climbed on the bed and then hesitated as I kneeled next to Oli’s body.

“How-”

I didn’t need to finish the question. Oli, once again, knew exactly what I was thinking.

“Face that way,” he ordered, motioning toward the room, toward the other man. “I’m sure Noah can think of something to make it even better for you.”

With a nod, I awkwardly climbed over Oli’s body, trying to position myself over his face, much too preoccupied with what I was doing and how it would look and whether I might squish Oli to watch the other man. I found myself shuffling, again and again, the muscles in my thighs straining as I held myself up. I didn’t know where to put my hands, or whether to lean in any particular way. Even Noah removing his tight turtleneck and shoving down his trousers couldn’t sufficiently distract me.

“Aubrey, what the fuck are you doing,” Oli mumbled from underneath me, making me halt in my movements.

“I just-”

“It’s called sitting on someone’s face, not hovering.”

I was about to protest, but then his hands heavily grasped onto my thighs, pulling me down so decidedly that I had no option to fight against it, and then, the words still on my tongue, he licked through my wetness and I was so over convincing him of anything that didn’t include his mouth on me.

A moan was ripped from my throat as I dropped my hands forward onto Oli’s chest. Fuck. I’d severely underestimated just how turned on I was. His tongue was flicking my clit ever so slightly, every now and then, before going back to explore the rest of my pussy, and I was already throbbing.

Noah crawled onto the bed next to us, fully naked now, his hard cock standing proudly, and somehow, the pure sight of it heightened my arousal. I ground my hips downward, unable to get enough of Oli, but his hands, clasped tightly on my thighs, kept me exactly where he wanted me. It was as exhilarating as it was frustrating.

I was desperate to come now. I was desperate to feel something inside of me, too, in addition to Oli’s tongue on my clit, but I didn’t want to beg. Not yet. And this night was about Oli - if he’d wanted his fingers in me, they would already be there. All I could do was let myself fall into the sensations, trust that his teasing would result in an orgasm, and study Noah, who was now climbing onto Oli’s frame as well.

I watched as he took his own cock in his hand, admiring the way his fingers looked wrapped around it, then he ground his hips against Oli’s. Oli’s dick gave a twitch in response, ready to grow hard once again, and the moan vibrated through me so deliciously that I felt like screaming. I kept eye contact with Noah through it, as difficult as it was becoming. His smile told me he knew exactly what he was doing - both to Oli and to me.

With a sly grin, Noah repeated his action. His whole body shuddered at the contact, obviously desperate for release, but his focus was solely on Oli and me. Oli moaned again, loud enough that I could both hear and feel it, and it was good, it was so much more than good, and I needed it badly, so, so badly. Noah knew. He grasped onto both of their dicks now, wrapping his long fingers about him and Oli, getting the other more and more hard, jacking both of them off.

Oli was growing restless again, his hips thrusting upward to meet Noah’s movements, his mouth now constantly moaning against me, his vibrations ever increasing. He closed his lips around my clit now, so delicately and yet strongly enough and I came, shouting and screaming and clawing at his chest as my legs trembled and then gave in, almost dropping fully on Oli’s body.

Noah was quicker, though, catching me easily, strong hands holding me up until I managed to drop onto the mattress as all of my muscles refused to work. Then he bent down toward Oli and I turned my head just quickly enough to see the wetness I had left on Oli’s face and how Noah proceeded to kiss all of it away.

Oli lost himself in it for a moment, but he wouldn’t let Noah have the upper hand for long. With a quick move, he turned the two of them around, trapping Noah against the mattress. Noah, so tall and broad, suddenly looked utterly smitten and small underneath him.

“How have we gone so long without my mouth on your dick,” Oli mused as he kissed his way down Noah’s chest. “You already got to suck me off twice.” He was now palming Noah’s dick, his mouth stilling somewhere along his hips. “Now it’s time for me to get mine. You gonna be a good boy, Noah? Keep your hips still so I can blow you? You better be or this is gonna be over before you know it.”

Noah nodded, eagerly, falling into this submissive role with ease, which I couldn’t help but take note of. It was fascinating watching him, who was always so self-assured and in control on stage, let go of it all and simply put himself into Oli’s hands, knowing and trusting he would get exactly what he needed, if not always what he wanted.

Oli’s mouth hovered over Noah’s dick now, his breath already hitting the tip, but before he gave into Noah’s wishes, he turned his head toward me. I’d since sat up, craving nothing more than a front-row seat to the spectacle as my body slowly came back to life.

“And you be a good girl too and prepare yourself for me, yeah? I’m going to fuck you when he’s finished and I’m not going to put any fingers in you first.”

My face was heating up with such intensity, I could only imagine how red it was. But I, too, nodded, shifting my body slightly and parting my legs, ready to do as he asked. What I was seeing in front of me would drench me once again in no time anyway.

Oli engulfed Noah’s tip without any further hesitation now. Noah’s hands flew to the back of Oli’s head, halting in their movements immediately but then relaxing into his hair as he realised Oli wasn’t going to scold him for it. I let my fingers wander between my thighs, another wave of wetness hitting me as I watched the two men. Oli had clearly done his research, expertly bobbing his head, taking Noah a little deeper, but keeping to the rules he had put to Noah just days before to save his voice for the rest of the tour and moving his hand to pleasure all of him.

When I slipped a finger inside of me, I found no resistance, just slick walls begging for more, begging to be filled properly, so I let another finger join. The noises of me pumping my fingers in and out were impossible to ignore, but they still paled in comparison to Noah’s low groans and the way Oli was starting to drool around Noah’s cock.

The third finger was a stretch, but Oli was big enough that I knew I needed it to take him comfortably. I didn’t mind it. I enjoyed it just that bit more if it was a little too much, a little too intense, a little too fast. I would probably love taking Oli without any preparation at all. I pushed the thought away for another day.

Noah was close now. I could tell from the noises that escaped his mouth, the way his fingers were all but tearing at Oli’s hair. He had trouble keeping his hips down, but if there was one thing to know about Oli is that his threats usually weren’t empty. Oli sped up further, both his mouth and his hand. I quickly removed my fingers from my pussy, just in time, as Noah came, moaning so beautifully, unable to stop thrusting into Oli’s mouth once, twice. I would have come on the spot too if I’d still been touching myself.

Oli pulled himself off, licking up everything that had escaped him from Noah’s cock, who whined pitifully. The way he wiped his mouth on his hand almost seemed obscene. Even after all that had transpired already. Noah was busy catching his breath, eyes closed, looking utterly satisfied. Oli, however, was far from done.

Crawling over to the bedside table, he opened the uppermost drawer. Filled with condoms, lube and wipes, as far as I could see, it obviously served as his closest assembly of anything he could need for spontaneous sex. Though I didn’t doubt he’d have a much bigger collection of things somewhere else. He blindly grabbed one of the condoms, tearing it open and rolling it onto his thick, hard erection. My mouth was watering already. In an instant, he was on me, pulling me into a bruising kiss.

“How did he fuck you, Aubrey?” His lips was wandering from my neck down to my chest, pushing me backwards until I was lying flat, then letting his teeth graze over my nipples. I cried out at the feeling, sensitive to a fault and yet not getting anywhere near enough. “Did you do it missionary, like an old couple? Did he make you ride him, watch your pretty tits bounce? No… He did you from behind, didn’t he?”

His hands harshly grabbed onto my hips and before I knew it, Oli had turned me on my front, pulling me up to my knees in front of him. I propped myself up on my elbows, ready to let him do whatever he wanted to me as long as it involved his dick in me. His fingertips were digging into my flesh now, hard enough that I knew it would leave bruises. I couldn’t wait to see them.

“Let’s see who can do it better, doll.”

I didn’t have any more time to prepare as he pushed in roughly, not stopping until he was entirely buried in me and I was crying out at the delicious stretch. He felt amazing in me, even without moving, but when he finally did, it brought me to new heights without any trouble at all. He didn’t show any mercy, thrusting so hard that the bed was moving along with us, the sound of skin slapping echoing the room. I gave myself over to him completely, allowing him to treat me however he liked, utterly brainless, unable to care about anything but the fire in my lower belly burning hotter and hotter.

I barely realised Noah was moving, much too distracted by the way Oli was fucking me to take note of anything else, until he appeared in my field of vision, fumbling with the drawer Oli had left open. Curious, I tried my best to lift my head to see what his plan was, but Oli gave me another hard thrust that caused my arms to falter completely, my chest hitting the mattress. I didn’t try to hoist myself up again.

I heard a click, some shuffling behind me, then-

“Fuck!” Oli exclaimed, pushing into me again with a shudder. “Oh, fuck.”

I didn’t know what had just changed, but suddenly, Oli was a mess, irregular in how he fucked me. I pushed back into him, missing the rhythm he had established, but he was still slightly distracted.

“Fuck, Noah, that’s-”

I allowed myself to turn my head, struggling with the position, but managing just enough to see Noah standing behind Oli. There was no way to see exactly what was happening, but with the way Oli was now arching both toward me and toward Noah, his body seemingly unable to decide which way to go and-

“Did Noah just put a finger in your arse?”

“Two, love. Two;” Oli moaned, losing control at the treatment. Then, as if remembering his main goal, he crowded against my back, positioning me just the way he liked and fucked me hard, again, bringing me to the brink of my orgasm in a matter of moments.

I was loving the sounds in the room, the filthy atmosphere, the way Oli and I were chasing our heights, the way Noah made himself part of it, how Oli faltered under it. It was only a matter of moments, my own hand reaching between my legs, and then I was clenching around Oli, crying out at the force that hit me, riding it until I felt utterly spent, letting Oli, who was now nothing but a sweaty mess against my back, fuck me harshly until he came too, shooting into the condom with high-pitched moans.

Oli just about managed to pull out before collapsing on my back, pressing me into the mattress, until I started struggling underneath him, his ever heavier growing figure leaving me gasping for a breath I wasn’t able to catch yet anyway. Noah was the one who ended up providing the most aftercare, stashing the lube he’d used on Oli, passing around wipes and water he got from somewhere I couldn’t quite follow, but he was also the only one out of us whose brain still seemed to work at least a little.

I ended up making grabby hands at him like a little child as the sweat on my body slowly turned cold, leaving an entirely different type of goosebumps to wreak havoc on my skin. Noah saw, pulling the plush blanket up with him as he got into bed next to me, making sure to tuck both me and Oli in before hugging close to me.

Oli was still on his back, staring at the ceiling, apparently questioning… his life, maybe? He certainly looked like it. I figured it might have had something to do with the surprise action he got from behind this time. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a first for him.

Oli, who always seemed so experience, never showed any hesitation or shyness about anything we did, surely had his boundaries too. And letting someone finger his arse surely wasn’t something he casually shared with a lot of people. What would that mean for the two of them? Noah had taken a brave step today. All I could hope was that it would open a door to more between the two of them. I knew they wanted it; they simply needed to admit it too.

Noah was still nestled into my side when Oli finally decided it was time to cuddle for him as well. There was no room for talking, not tonight. All of the unspoken things were going to be left to fester in our brains for a little while more, threatening to become more clear as the post-orgasmic haze lifted bit by bit, but I was hoping we’d be drifting off to sleep before it engulfed us. Talking was for tomorrow. No travelling, very few things on the agenda, a hometown show at night. It could wait.

Oli’s mouth was on my neck, nuzzling his nose into my hair. But this time, his warm breath was comforting instead of arousing. Until he left a much-too-hard bite on my earlobe, obnoxious as usual, and I blindly swatted at his head.

I was just about to drift off, fully comfortable sandwiched between the two men, when Oli spoke up.

“So, who fucked you better, doll, me or Noah?”

I wanted to be appalled, offended or at least pretend I was, but all that happened was that an insane giggle left my mouth, shaking my whole body until it had spread to the sides and taken Oli and Noah as well. Noah buried his head into the other side of my neck as I awkwardly slung my arm around him. Turning my face toward Oli, I grabbed onto his chin just enough to move his mouth to mine, pressing a short but heavy kiss against it.

“Guess you’ll both have to fuck me during the same evening for optimal comparisons.”

[canirove]

Canary boy | Chapter 5

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Masterlist

“I know that smile.”

“Holy shit, Inés!” Carla says, her phone almost falling from her hands. “Was that necessary?”

“Yes, it was. Who is he?”

“Who is who?”

“The guy you are texting with, Carla.”

“I'm not texting with anyone” she says with a nervous laugh.

“Of course… not!” I say, snatching her phone from her hands.

“Inés!” she complains. “What are you doing?”

“It sucks, doesn't it? Now you know how I feel when you do it” I say, sticking out my tongue and unlocking her phone. She says I need a password, but she's had the same one for years. “Wait, Mario?”

“Give me that!” she says, managing to retrieve her phone before I can read any of their messages.

“Are you texting with Mario? With Pedri's friend?”

“No.”

“Carla…”

“Ok, fine, yes. I am. Is there any problem with that?”

“No, no. But I thought nothing had happened between you two the night we met him.”

“And it didn't” she says. 

“You exchanged numbers, tho.”

“Yes, we did. But that's it.” 

“I knew you had liked him” I smile. “Cute.”

“Yeah, whatever” she says, hiding her phone and starting to get changed. 

While I'm doing the same, it's my phone the one that pings. A new message from… Pedri? Why is he texting me today? He is supposed to be on his romantic getaway with Nerea. 

Good luck, Inés. Show them what you've got 😉💙❤️

“Now you are the one smiling” Carla says. “What does canary boy say?”

“He's Canarian, not a canary” I reply, rolling my eyes. “And he is just wishing me luck.”

“He is texting you while away with his girlfriend?”

“Yeah” I shrug, sitting down to put on my boots.

I had had to tell Carla about everything that had happened during my visit to the campus. About how possessive Nerea had been with Pedri while he was cold and basically trying to avoid her. About how she had talked to me and hinted about knowing that I liked him, something that had made Carla scream an “I told you” so loud I'm sure my neighbours heard her. About how he had been a completely different person with her and when he had said goodbye to me. And, of course, about what Vic had said: that Nerea was jealous of me, which was something I still didn't understand. 

Why would someone like her be jealous of someone like me? She is clever, confident, beautiful. People turn their heads to look at her when she walks by and leave fire emojis on her photos, something I have never seen on mine. And even though I know I'm not stupid in any sense or an orc from the depths of Mordor, no one looks twice at me or leaves fire emojis in my photos. Not even Víctor has left something like that when he comments. The closest thing you could probably get to seeing one, is if I posted a photo of my face after a preseason training session or Pedri winking at me. 

“Inés, if she finds out, this is gonna get messy.”

“It's just a friend wishing luck to another.”

“Yeah, but one of those friends happens to be her boyfriend, and the other fancies him” Carla says. “And if things don't seem to be ok between them according to what you told me the other day, and she can't  stand you, her finding out about this can make it all be very…”

“Messy” I sigh. 

“Exactly. So maybe, until they figure things out, you should take a step back and stop texting him. Because Inés, I know you, and you've definitely started to get your hopes up after finding out that things with his girlfriend aren't what they seem on Instagram, and to think about your own love story with Pedri. And don't try to deny it, I know it is true.” 

Of course it is true. I mean, I've been imagining my life with him since the moment I met him. Though this time, knowing what I know and what I've felt when I've been alone with him, when he has touched me, when he has almost kissed me… It all feels more real. And more dangerous too. Because if it hurt when I found out he had started dating Nerea, if now they somehow managed to fix things…

“I just don't want him to break your heart, Inés” Carla says, taking my hand on hers. 

“I know” I smile.

“Good” she smiles back. “Now let's finish getting ready, we have a clásico to win.”

“We do. And Carla…” I say, stopping her before she gets up from her seat. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Inés” she says, kissing my cheek. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Tell us, Inés. How does it feel to score your first goal with Barcelona’s first team, doing it against Real Madrid, and to win the game?”

“Honestly? I have no words” I laugh.

Because I had just done everything that the reporter had mentioned. That, and also be named player of the match. Someone please come and pinch me. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Inés, we need to go inside. It's getting late and you still haven't showered.”

“Just two more people, please” I say to the staff member that has stayed with me while I sign autographs and take photos with the fans after finishing all my interviews. 

“Fine” she sighs. “Two more.”

“Thank you” I smile before turning back to the stands and to signing t-shirts, posters and whatever you could think of. And while I'm signing the last t-shirt…

“Fancy some churros, Inés?”

“I beg your pardon?” I say, looking up at the owner of that voice. “Pedri?”

“Hello” he says with that smile of his that makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

“What… What are you doing here? I thought you were away!”

“I was.”

“You… you…”

“Inés, we have to go” the staff member says behind me.

“Just one second, please.”

“We can't, Inés. C'mon.”

“But…”

“I'll be outside waiting for you. Now be a good girl and do as you are being told” he smirks.

“I… I…” I mumble, opening and closing my mouth like a fish. If my face had stopped being as red as a tomato after the game, now it was back to burning. 

“Inés?”

“Yes, sorry. Sorry” I say, following the staff member. But before we disappear through the tunnel, I look back one last time at Pedri. And there he is, smiling and…

“Inés, are you ok?”

“Yes, yes. I just tripped with a water bottle someone left over there” I quickly say. A water bottle, or Pedri's wink. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Did you know he was coming?” I say to Carla the moment I walk into the changing room. 

“What?” 

“Pedri.”

“He's here?” she gasps.

“On the stands, yes. We just talked while I finished signing some autographs.”

“But that's… that's not possible! He was away with Nerea! He… Mario.”

“What?”

“Mario asked me for a ticket for the game, but then this morning said he couldn't come because he wasn't feeling well.”

“So you think…”

“That he gave it to Pedri.”

But why? Why would he give him his ticket? And why would Pedri ask for it in the first place? But most importantly… Why wasn't he with Nerea?

“Inés… Inés!” Carla says, snapping her fingers in front of my face.

“Hi, yes, what.”

“Come back to earth and focus. Because this doesn't change anything and things can still end up getting messy, ok?”

“Yed” I nod. “But he told me he was going to wait for me outside.”

“Then you go say hello and then back home. Alone.”

“Alone” I repeat.

“Good. Now go shower, you stink.”

“Hey, show some respect to the player of the match” I say, hitting her arm.

“Meh meh meh” she replies, sticking out her tongue and making me laugh. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Hello, Inés.”

“Hi” I say when I meet Pedri in the car park. He's leaning against a car with his hands in his pockets, looking… well. Looking like he does basically 24/7: hot as fuck. 

“May I drive you home?”

“Since when do you have a car?” I ask him.

“I rented it for the weekend, and since it got cut short…” he shrugs.

“Did something happen?”

“Nerea got that virus we talked about the other day.”

“And Mario?”

“Uh?”

“Did Mario also get it?”

“He… no” he says with a shy smile. “That was a little white lie. Hope you and Carla aren't too mad at us.”

“I'm not. But Carla… you may have just lost your roommate.”

“Oh, well” he shrugs again, making us both laugh. “Anyway, may I give the player of the match a ride home?” Pedri says with his most charming smile.

“You may” I giggle. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

Flash forward a few hours. We are now in my kitchen, Pedri carefully putting some olives on his pizza while I just stare at his mouth. Because when he is focused, he pouts. And if his lips look very kissable just by existing, now they look… well, you can imagine.

“Done” he smiles after putting the last olive. “Can you open the oven for me, please?”

“Of course” I say. “Now what?” I ask him after he's put the pizzas inside and closed it.

“Now while we wait, we clean.”

“Are you seriously telling me that after the day I've had, now I have to clean? That the player of the match has to clean her kitchen?” I ask him with a teasing smile.

This is the joke we have had going on since leaving the stadium. That since I had been the player of the match, I deserved to be treated like a princess, and that was why he had offered to drive me home or to make me dinner. 

Remember what Carla said about taking a step back? Yeah, not happening.

“If your kitchen is a mess, it's your fault, Inés” Pedri says.

“Mine?”

“Who was the one who knocked the flour bag?” he asks me.

“Ok, yes, that was me. But it was your fault.”

“Mine?” he laughs.

“Yes, you. I was focused on my pizza, and you scared me when you walked past me.” When he walked past me, and when he touched my waist. My t-shirt was twisted on my apron (this time I had convinced him to wear one), and my skin was showing. So when I felt his fingers touching me…

“Not my fault that you are clumsy, Inés” he shrugs. 

“Me? Clumsy?” I say, taking a step forward towards him.

“Yes, you” he says, doing the same.

“Ummm…”

“Inés!” he gasps when I quickly cover my finger on flour and run it over his cheek.

“Sorry. I'm just a clumsy girl” I shrug, trying really hard not to smile. Who are you and where is shy Inés?

“Clumsy… clumsy…” 

“Pedri!” I gasp when instead of just one finger, he covers his whole hand on flour and rubs it all over my face.

“Now you look like a Real Madrid t-shirt” he laughs.

“Like a… You asked for this!” I say, taking a handful of flour and throwing it at him, starting what from now on will be known in history books as “the flour war”. 

“Inés… Inés, stop. I need a break” Pedri says after running like crazy around my kitchen throwing flour and each other, both of us laughing like two little kids. 

“Already?” I tease him.

“Yes, already. Only one of us is a professional athlete, you know?” he says, grabbing a glass and pouring himself some water.

“Weak.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said… weak” I smirk.

“That was so rude, Inés. So so rude” he says, pouring himself more water. But this time he isn't drinking it. He is walking towards me with the glass full to the rim.

“Pedri, what are you doing with that water?”

“What do you think?” he asks with a mischievous smile.

“You won't dare throwing it at me, will you? I'm covered in flour!”

“And so am I, Inés. Right now I look like a Targaryen.”

“So do I.”

“You do. But white hair doesn't suit you, so it's time we wash it.”

“Pedri, don't. Please don't do it, don't… Pedri!” I scream, closing my eyes and waiting for the water. Though it never comes. 

“You can open your eyes, Inés. I'm not going to do anything, I was just teasing you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Ok” I say, slowly opening my eyes. “Pedri!” I gasp when he splashes my face. 

“Sorry. Couldn't help myself.”

“You… You…” I say, looking for something I can use against him.

“Inés, did you just throw an olive to my face?”

“Maybe” I shrug. 

“That hurt!”

“Oh, c'mon. Don't be a baby, Pedro” I smirk. Seriously, tho. Who is this woman and where has my usual shy persona gone?

“You asked for this.”

“No, Pedri. Pedri!” I yell, when he threatens to empty the glass of water in my head. But like he said, I happen to be a professional athlete and manage to dodge it. “That was so sad” I laugh. 

“Don't make fun of me, Inés.”

“Or what? Will you throw another glass of water at me and miserably miss?” I chuckle.

“I may do this instead” he says, putting the glass down and pinning me against the wall with such speed that I only have time to gasp as I feel his body against mine, his hands resting at each side of my head. “Now who is the one laughing?”

“I… I…” I gulp. He is so close, that our noses are almost touching, his chest squeezing mine. And when I say mine, I say my boobs. And I'm wearing the thinest of bras, so he is definitely feeling it all. 

“You've been a very bad girl, Inés” he smirks, pushing me a bit more against the wall. “We are gonna have to do something about that.”

“Something?” I manage to say.

“Yes. Some kind of punishment” he says, looking at me in a way he had never done before, his eyes almost black. “And I think I know the perfect one” he says as he moves his hands from the wall behind me, one resting on my waist while the other caresses my jaw down to my neck and to my collarbone, making me gasp. 

“Pedri…” I whisper, my whole body already on fire.

“It's gonna be ok, Inés. Don't worry” he says before biting my skin where my neck and shoulder meet, making me gasp once again, my hands moving on their own and grabbing his t-shirt. But he doesn't stop there. He keeps moving up my neck, biting, sucking and kissing my skin, noises I didn't know I could make leaving my mouth. “Inés…” he whispers against my neck, pushing his body against mine even more. We are so close now, that I can feel all of him. All of him. Jesus fucking Christ. 

“Pedri” I hear myself moan when he kisses me somewhere close to my ear. Who knew being kissed there could feel so damn good?

“God, Inés…” he says as he starts kissing my jaw, now both his hands on my waist, grabbing it with such intensity that I'm pretty sure I'll have bruises tomorrow. There, and all over my neck. Though I may burst into flames first, because the heat I'm feeling is not normal. 

“Pe��� ah!” I scream when someone rings my apartment’s doorbell.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Pedri asks in my ear, the feeling making me gasp for the millionth time in the past few minutes. 

“No.”

“Then ignore it” he says. But as those words leave his mouth, the doorbell sounds again. 

“I should probably go check who it is.”

“Urgh” he groans, kissing that first spot he had bitten and taking a step back, the heat I was feeling leaving with him. At least part of it, because I don't think this is going anywhere any time soon. 

“It'll be just a minute” I tell him before leaving the kitchen to answer the intercom, taking deep breaths to somehow make myself relax. Ha! Good luck, Inés.

“And?” he asks me when I'm back, already busy cleaning the kitchen. 

“Someone has sent me flowers.”

“What?”

“Yeah” I shrug. “The delivery guy is coming up.”

“And are you planning on answering the door looking like that?” he chuckles.

“Looking like… shit” I say, looking down at my apron and my clothes. I still am covered in flour.

“Here, let me help you” Pedri says, picking a kitchen towel and holding my face by the chin while he cleans it, my skin burning where he is touching me. See? That heat wasn't going anywhere. “There, much better” he smiles. “Though we must do something about the hair too” he says as he moves to stand behind me, first untying my apron and taking it off me, and then undoing the braid I was wearing, running his hands through my hair as flour surrounds us everywhere. Why is all this turning on me as much as everything he did before? “Now. Perfect” he smiles again as he moves to be in front of me, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. It's a miracle that I am still standing. “Go open the door.”

“What?”

“The door, Inés. The delivery guy just rang.”

“Yes, the door. Yes. Sorry” I say, my brain remembering how to function and making me walk.

“Who has sent you flowers? A secret admirer?” Pedri asks me when I'm back again. 

“My family” I say. “Neither of them could be at the game, and they've sent me this.”

“Oh, that's nice. You have two older sisters, don't you?” he says while cleaning around the kitchen. “I think you posted about them recently on Instagram.” There he is again, paying attention to what I post and remembering it. But why? Why, why, why. 

“Yes, for their birthday. Ingrid and Irene.”

“The three of you have names that start with an i?” he chuckles.

“Yeah” I shrug. 

“Are you close?” 

“Could be worse.”

“What does that mean?”

“They are ten years older than me, and they are twins. They didn't need anyone else, they already had each other.”

“Wait, ten years?” Pedri says after checking the oven. I had completely forgotten about the pizzas. “What happened there?”

“My parents tried to save their marriage. It didn't work.”

“Oh. I'm sorry, Inés.”

“Nah, it's ok. They got divorced when I was three and I don't have memories of them together, so” I shrug.

“Have any of them remarried?”

“My mother. She married when I was eighteen and moved to Manchester, her husband is from there.”

“So you stayed with your father?”

“Not really. He's constantly traveling because of his job, so since one of my sisters works in Madrid and the other in Paris, I've basically been on my own.”

“Welcome to the club” he smiles. “And the pizzas are ready. Can you bring a couple of plates, please?”

“Sure” I say, doing as he has asked me. “What about you?”

“Uh?”

“Your family.”

“I'll tell you about them the day you come to my place and cook and clean for me.”

“What?” I laugh.

“I think it's fair” Pedri shrugs. “These have to cool down before we can eat them, so while they do it, I'm gonna wash myself a bit and stop looking like I just came from filming “House of the Dragon”. Don't touch them, ok?”

“I won't.”

“I'm serious, Inés. They say fire can't kill a dragon, but we aren't real Targaryens” he smirks.

“I didn't know you were a “Game of Thrones” fan” I chuckle.

“I'm full of surprises” Pedri winks before leaving the kitchen and me, obviously, trying to remember how to breathe. 

He's seriously gonna be the death of me.

[posttexasstressdisorder]

To my tumblr homies...

...and y'all know who y'all are...

Let's hope the coming year isn't nearly as bad as we think it's gonna be.

Something tells me there may be something out of the ordinary happen in this shitshow that we can't see because reasons.

Reasons like doomscroll propaganda, like Yet Another Influx of Bots...pornbots, russian psyop bots. liking posts from 3 or 4 years ago, and following.

Case in point, one I blocked yesterday: seemed to be someone "on our side", with multiple posts generally supportive of the Good Guys, but in their one-page-blog, there was 1) an antimask post, and 2) an antivax post, and 3) a political post basically saying we're doomed.

I'd advise everyone to block all unfamiliar usernames, especially those with obvious pornbot names like "sweetemily98", etc. See unfamiliar usernames in your likes or follows? Nuke-em!

These past ten days away from posting have been odd and rough. One of our number, my brother-from-another-mother in eastern OR called me out of the blue two days after xmas to tell me his wife had passed away that morning. This one hit hard...wonderful lady, he and I have been bros for 25+ years now...the two of them were beyond kind when I went on my big road trip in '13. They loaned me their vanagon to camp in for a week...just wonderful folks. And she made a damn fine breakfast. Please send some love to my bro. He'll know.

As for my situation, I tried to just let myself collapse for a few days. Tried. Downstairs neighbor situation gone DefCon4. Banging/thumping long into the night, and all day. Noxious chemical smells, several different ones, wafting up through the floorboards. Sometimes I wake up with my bronchs completely closed, especially when she uses one particular one.

I am, essentially, being poisoned in my own bed. They refuse to change their behavior, except to maybe bang less loudly. Chemical fumes come up through the floor like they are IN MY BEDROOM.

I did some googlin', and I think I figured out what they're doing: the daughter is probably making fake braids and "weaves" out of synthetic hair. google the dangers of that shit. I'm at wits end. I've had the manager up here a couple times to listen and smell but they always stop what they're doing when he's here...they see him walk up the stairwell.

She came up and screamed lies at my front door, trying to make all the other neighbors think I was the bad guy. She says the noise I hear is "children next door running up and down their livingroom". Bullshit. Bitch responds when I say something loud enough for her to hear: either gets mad and slams it all harder, or takes whatever it is into the bathroom, which is just as bad, and makes worse smells.

A few times she tried to bang softer, but every thump hits me in the kidneys. My PTSD is off the hook. I could not sleep for four straight nights. She went until 3:30 am one night, regularly goes until after 1am. Absolutley unresponsive. Absolutely not taking responsibility for endangering my health. I have asthma. These fumes are literally killing me in my sleep.

She refuses to do this in another part of the apartment, like the living room, or the kitchen where there is a VENTILATION hood, no no no she HAS to do it right under my fucking bed.

I am a nervous fucking wreck. I just re-added up bills for January and now I am gonna be like $45 short. I put one fucking gallon of gas in my truck, afraid to put more. I will have to only partially pay the Electric bill, I guess.

Living in abject poverty, in what is essentially an un-safe place that costs $2800/mo. And the agency that is trying to find me a roommate said i needed to "lower my price" to $1300/mo, but that won't pay the fucking rent.

I got notified in October that I am on the "waiting list" for a really cool "seniors only" subsidized complex in Berkeley that is on a creek, next to a park, run by a nonprofit org, that will take 1/3 of my SSI as the rent. I might actually be able to...you know, LIVE.

But it may be literally YEARS before I can actually end up there. I went back to the listing, and they say "no previous evictions", so if I finally am evicted for being broke, I won't be able to get into that complex.

I have no idea where i am on the list, I have no idea how many old people would essentially have to die for me to finally get an apartment there. I've been doing my best to just keep repeating a little mantra of "my new address is..." all the way down to the zip code. Over and over. I don't know what the fuck else to do.

The stress of this shit, plus the incoming shitshow that we all know is gonna happen, feels fucking lethal. But I'm a PTSD-stricken, broken old autistic nearly 66 year old man who can't really keep up the energy to "mask" enough to leave the house and get groceries, so what do I know.

I know I woke up screaming from a nightmare this morning.

I feel like I'm being hyper-acutely "Spidey-Sensed" to death. And as I typed that, the thumping from downstairs started in again.

Drums. Drums in the deep. That never stop. I am living in the fucking Chamber of Mazarbul. Literally.

I am gonna wait until tomorrow to start posting "regularly" again. My energy levels are not gonna allow me to do the three radio show posts, I will have to cut it back to one a day. So that brings me to another point:

All the shows are on my archive page.

I made this a week-long poll, to get as many responses as possible before I make a firm decision.

To wrap this post up, thank you to all of y'all who have been so loving and supportive. Y'all are essentially all I got right now.

As we approach this symbolically "new" year, I hope we all wind up in better, safer, more humane circumstances.

Love y'all,

PTSD (aka Mr. Baggins)

[tragedy-peanut-gallery]

do you have any headcanons about daeron ii's and myriah's daughter-in-laws?

Oh boy DO I!!!!! I’m gonna organize them in lil bullet point forms cause I have so many thoughts abt them!

Jena:

- Honestly I think it might be a bit weird to say but I think she was the westerosi equivalent of a goth skater girl. Like, there’s probably some old painting of her in Blackhaven as a teenager where she has dyed black streaks in her hair and way too much eyeshadow with a medieval skateboard (horse). I need this to be true in my life

- Her betrothal to Baelor I imagine was to ease up relations with the marcher lords since they probably weren’t too happy about the Dornish having a strong influence on the throne. I wouldn’t be surprised if Myriah suggested the match, and they happened to pick Jena because she was the closest to Baelor’s age

- That being said though, their match went pretty well! I mean for a while it was pretty obvious that Jena and Baelor were basically a pr relationship but over time they did come to care for each other! They didn’t really have the slow burn romance that Daeron and Myriah had but they still had some kind of affection

- She did have her kids pretty young, but not really early in the marriage because I have to believe her weird late teens goth angst was why she named her kids Valarr and Matarys of all things or it might kill me

- If I could give her a friendship with any of her sisters in laws it would probably be Aelinor? But they weren’t like friends friends, they were just able to get along pretty well because they grew up in the same region even though their interests are wayyyy different from one another

- Ngl she probably had some crazyyy beef with Dyanna. Like, those ladies could not sit next to each other at the family function cause it either ended with them fighting (mostly about who’s kids are the worst),or them ganging up to bully another noble while absolutely hammered on some of that dornish red

- Also it needs to be said, Jena was probably absolutely a stunt queen when she had to grow out of her goth phase. Like, she went to the Alyssa T school of Being a Bad Bitch because she probably went riding and sailing with her kids all the time while they were still babies. If Baelor had a dragon she’d be bullying him to take her flying literally every day and get it to shit on the roofs of people she doesn’t like. Myriah’s mentality was “Oh I’m gonna be queen so I have to be careful about what I do” while hers was “Whoah I’m gonna be queen I can do (almost) whatever the hell I want!!”

- Unfortunately tho, it’s highly likely she died with her kids during the great Spring Sickness, but to add tragedy for flavour I think she died after both her sons. Rip queen :(

Aelinor:

- Okay so figuring out the whole timeline/relation with her kinda drove me insane, but my theory for the time being is that she’s Elaena’s stepdaughter through Ronnel, which does make her technically cousins with Aerys through marriage? I think she’s still probably a few years younger than him tho

- I also kinda think Elaena’s behind this betrothal a bit tbh- I think Aelinor really liked Elaena but saw her a lot more as a mentor she aspired to be like rather than any kind of surrogate mother figure

- Personality-wise girlie’s a completeee introvert. Like, I think she wants to be social and charming and all that, but she got that social anxiety that makes it so she’s scared to talk to people and spends most of her day inside reading

- For her hobbies….. I can see her being big into reading and research but idk I also really like the idea of her being big into poems, she likes really analyzing people from a distance and writing lil blurbs about them to spend the time. She’d literally rather die than share any of her works with anyone though, even if it’s really flattering to them lol

- So, I think her social circle’s kindaaa limited to the royal family, I think her best friends would be Aerys, Alys and Shiera cause I think that’d be kinda fun (and also I think she had a bit of a thing for Alys cause….. yuh) :)

- She and Aerys probably slept together like, once on their wedding cause they were completely convinced they would only have to do it one time…. They both regretted it

- And ngl despite the Horrors™️, and the whole of house Targaryen dropping like flies I think she was a lilll glad that Aelora was heir? Not because everyone else before her died, mostly due to the fact that she really liked Aelora specifically and maybe liked to pretend she was her daughter whoops

- Anyways my fun lil tragedy for her is that she outlives pretty much everyone she loves <3 she’d still be kicking during Maekar’s reign as a sorta dowager queen but she’s not doing much with that title, I diagnose her with…… death via heart attack while trying to write her will

Alys:

- Honestly this lady reads as a complete social butterfly to me lmao. Like, really bubbly, charismatic, and likeable as a person- I think she came in as a companion for Daenerys and both Daeron and Myriah decided to set her up with Rhaegel just cause she was really kind (and being from a major house definitely didn’t hurt either)

- For hobbies I can absolutely see her as a lady that was just crazy for birds lol- and that’s an interest I could see her bonding with Daeron over! She loves hawking and keeping some pet songbirds and feeding ravens, ngl I could see her and Aelinor working on a giant bird encyclopedia together lol

- When it comes to her and Rhaegel, I don’t think it was really love at first sight? Like, I think they got along and did eventually bond after the twins were born, but they only fell in love a few years into their marriage

- Speaking of the twins though! I really don’t think she was cool with the idea of them marrying, honestly it kinda horrified her but she saw how weirdly close they became and tried to cope by justifying that they’d be better together than apart with other people cause…. Tbh how the hell else can she get over the fact that her own children are marrying when that hasn’t really been the norm for a bit-

- Oh and she was especially nottt at all happy about Daenora marrying Aerion. Since by then I can imagine she’s lost both her husband and oldest children, she would be f u r i o u s that Maekar would even allow her last daughter to marry his craziest son, even if he wasn’t the one who suggested the match in the first place

- Girlie probably didn’t stay after Aerion died, like- she was quick to pack Daenora and Maegor and haul ass back to the Vale. No she didn’t give a flying fuck that they were considering her grandson as heir, they’re living in the Eeryie forever now!

- She did miss Aelinor after she left though (clueless about Aelinor’s kinda gay feelings rip) so the two probably shared a lot of letters, but I think Alys passed not too long after being back in the Vale from….. honestly imma say slipping on a toy and cracking her head open. At least one of these gals gotta have a sorta silly death

Dyanna:

- Ngl she’s probably second to Alys in being one of the sweetest in the group, but she takes NO bullshit from anyone. As stated before, she’s ready to throw down with Jena at the drop of a hat but tries not to start too many fights

- She and Maekar married out of love. To me!!! Like, idk they don’t seem like a politically advantageous match, so in my brain Dyanna was probably the daughter of one of Myriah’s ladies in waiting and the two ended up falling in love as teens cause idkkkkkk that’s kinda cute <3

- As for hobbies: absolutely cracked at weaving. 85% of the decorations at Summerhall are her tapestries and the other 15% are crafts by other artists that she really liked. She probably weaved most of her childrens’ baby clothes herself and regularly gifts handmade crafts to her family and friends

- Idk if she really had a favourite with any of her kids, but I can kinda say for certain that she definitely had a hard time with Aerion because she felt like she needed to be overly strict with him specifically which….. probably maybe perhaps gave Aerion some mommy issues idkkkkkkkk

- I like to think she had a cat at some point too, and when it had kittens she gifted them to each of her kids but they mostly became general household cats over time (except for Egg’s cat, that was his own and it…. Found itself at the bottom of the well whoops-)

- Canonically she died first out of the gang, and the narrative implies that she died giving birth to Rhae but I’m ignoring it because one fic I read a while ago had her die from breast cancer and honestly while it’s still tragic it also makes it so Dyanna’s not reduced to “woman who died in childbirth #67” which gets some originality points from me

Idk these are all my headcanons, I hope you like them! <3

[colorisbyshe]

Not to go back to this but I think what is so tired about the "Why am I expected to know ___? I wasn't taught this at school" or "My family was racist, how was I supposed to know that?" is that it's just so endlessly defensive that it seems to imply that being expected to unlearn bad behaviour, bad beliefs is an undue burden.

Like, even if you grow up in a town of five people who all look like you and act like you and believe what you believe, even if you had no access to the internet or to media that might broaden your horizons, and you have literally every excuse in the book to not know even the basics about other cultures or about what is or is not appropriate to verbalize or ask questions about--

The truth of the matter is... at a certain point... you gotta learn that information anyways if you want to participate in the world. So, if you haven't learned it yet, saying "WHY WAS I EXPECTED TO KNOW THIS? DON'T SHAME ME" is never going to work. You did or said something hurtful. The only proper response is, "I'm sorry." You can maybe tack on "I genuinely didn't know" (Which might sometimes be true! But, if we're being honest, often, it isn't) and then "I'll do better next time."

When you say or do something prejudiced or unempathetic, you are not the victim when you're called out for it. The person you hurt is. And, sometimes, that person won't even forgive you and that's okay. You change anyways so the next person doesn't get hurt and doesn't have to decide if they forgive you or not. You learn.

Also, at a certain point, lack of education from school or family or anyone else stops even being a part of the equation for your excuses. Because what's actually happening is a lack of curiosity. As you hit your teen years, your young adult years, and just full adulthood, ignorance of the law doesn't exempt you from the consequences for breaking the law. Why are you 17 and you've never pondered the humanity of the people around you or maybe the people far away from you?

"I was raised by bigots!" "Propaganda this" "American education system that."

Okay, no one raised you make a tumblr account but you sure did figure that out. No one taught you about fandom or AO3, yet you got there. Your bio has "If you voted for Trump, DNI!" despite America being full of pro-Trump propaganda.

Why is it that the only propaganda you can't shake off is the racist shit or the xenophobic shit or the transmisogynistic shit?

You are a person with autonomy and the capacity to question shit. It is normal to feel shame when you realize maybe you were a bit slow on the uptake of common knowledge (and common fucking decency). If you experience that shame and instead lash out, that's your fault. You chose to do that. That's reactionary behaviour.

You aren't entitled to be coddled through your personal growth. Sometimes, it's going to be embarrassing that you're not always a great person. Embarrassment can be a positive emotion. It should make you want to do better so you're embarrassed less. And, if you're actually the good person you claim to be, not wanting to hurt other people should be motivation enough.

I'm gonna be real with you--if you are in a place of privilege but even if you aren't, life is going to be FULL of unlearning shit and relearning shit the right way or finding out shit has changed and some things are no longer acceptable or maybe NEVER were acceptable, and you NEED to learn that take that entire process on the chin. You fucked up, okay, be better next time.

It's scary to find out you were hurting people or were wrong or stupid or embarrassing yourself. What's scarier is not growing from that knowledge.

[fuck-customers]

Holy shit, today was wild.

So after our previous general manager left, O came in as a temporary replacement. I’m not sure if he’s staying on as permanent at this point or what; idk if anyone knows. For some reason, not all of his managerial privileges (idk if that’s the right word) are working in the system. So like he can’t make schedules and whatever other stuff it is that managers do (I’m just a cashier I have no clue). S, the highest up assistant manager (idk if that’s actually a thing but there’s always been one at our store), decides to do O a favor and make the schedules until things get sorted out. O’s been here around two months, with S still doing the schedule and other duties that O should be doing all the while—with O being paid the general manager’s wages and S getting paid his regular wages—and like at this point idk if O just has decided he’s fine with having S do the heavy lifting or if our company is just having some wild issue that can’t get this system error with his account fixed.

Our last person who worked print on weekends left, leaving us scrambling on the weekends. Finally, we get a new guy who’s gonna take the weekends. Store opens, and the guy doesn’t show up (apparently he misremembered/misread his schedule and ended up coming in an hour or two late). So I’m at the register, assistant manager K is at shipping, and S is at print. All S and K know how to do with print is give people stuff they’ve already ordered, and I know jack and shit about print so I’m staying over in my corner. A woman comes in, and she got her order yesterday, but it’s the wrong size. She’s upset and is on a deadline and needs the right size ASAP. S says he can give her a refund and transfer her order to a nearby store, and we’re all apologizing coz yeah that’s definitely a rough situation. 

Idk exactly what happens next, but more customers start coming in and going towards print after a while, with that first woman still there. S is getting overwhelmed, so he calls O and asks for his advice. O tells him that this is all his fault, and that it’s his responsibility to make the schedules and make sure that there is someone at every station. So S just leaves the print station, tells us he’s done for the day, and goes into the manager’s office (which is basically his office at this point because—as we’ve established—he’s doing everything O should be doing), leaving K and I kinda freaking out as we try to figure out what to do. At one point K even goes into the office and starts arguing and yelling at S (K’s super chill and I’ve never heard him yell before).

Eventually S cools off. Between O and that first customer (who I heard another customer refer to as “the devil” on her way out when talking to her husband), he just couldn’t put up with all that shit. S is a very calm and nice guy. When I found out there’d been an error on my part that meant I’d been getting paid for my lunch breaks for a YEAR (this was between the previous GM leaving and O arriving), S told me that it was okay because I’m worth it and now I know what happened I can make sure it won’t happen again.

I’m good friends with another assistant manager, and she received a text from O that we think was meant for S saying that he’s a leader and needs to learn to take responsibility and own up and whatnot. To top it all off, my friend also shows me a text O sent in the manager group chat:

“To be an effective leader, you have to be a really good listener and not to what's being said, but to what's not being said. You have to be really observant. That was a big transition for me.” — Kobe Bryant

S is still working here, but any GM duties are now O’s problem. He’s done with doing him favors.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[lmh8903]

Benny Rodriguez x Reader Pt 3

Y/N's POV

"Phillips, there's something I need to tell you," I said, taking a deep breath. Phillips's expression changed. "I needed to talk to you too Y/N," he said. "You can go first, Phillips," I say, hopeful that I can think of an easier way to say what I'm about to say. "Can we sit down?" He asks.

I nod and follow him to the porch swing. He takes my hand and looks me in the eye. "I know things got weird between us today," he begins, "and I want to fix that. I love you, Y/N, and I don't want to lose you."

I feel a pang of guilt in my chest. How could I have let myself get into this situation? "Phillips, I love you too," I reply, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. "But here's the thing I need to tell you."

"I...I kissed Benny today," I blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer.

Phillips's eyes widened in shock. "What? Why?"

"I don't know. It just happened. And now I'm so confused," I said, tears welling up in my eyes.

Phillips stood up, looking angry and hurt. "You kissed him? After everything, he did to you? After he kicked you off the team and didn't talk to you for a year?"

"I know, I know. It was stupid. But I can't help how I feel," I said, feeling more and more guilty by the second.

Phillips shook his head. "I can't do this, Y/N. I can't be with someone so confused and indecisive. I need someone who knows what they want."

"I understand," I said, feeling defeated.

"I think it's best if we take a break. Figure things out. Maybe we can try again in the future, but for now, I need some space," he said, his voice softening slightly.

I nodded, feeling a mix of sadness and relief. It was over. But at the same time, I knew I had to figure out my feelings for Benny before I could continue anything with Phillips, so maybe it's for the best.

As Phillips walked towards his car, I sat down on my front porch, feeling lost and alone.

Phillips's POV

I was walking to my car dumbfounded. I knew Rodriguez would steal Y/N from me one day. Anger just boiled up inside of me. I knew what I had to do, I had to confront him. Instead of going home, I found myself at the crusty-ass Sandlot where I knew he would be. He basically lives there. Sure enough, I was right, there he was practicing and looking like a goddamn idiot.

I approached him, trying to keep my anger in check. "Rodriguez," I said, my tone cold and angry.

Benny looked up, surprised to see me. "Phillips, what are you doing here?" he asked, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"I need to talk to you," I said, my voice low.

Benny raised an eyebrow. "About what?"

"Y/N," I replied, my anger starting to boil over.

Benny's face fell, and I could see the guilt in his eyes. "Oh shit."

"You kissed her," I said, my voice shaking with anger. "After everything you did to her, you had the audacity to kiss her."

Benny looked down, and then back up. "Yeah? What the hell are you gonna do about it, Phillips?"

My fists clenched at my sides as I took a step closer to him. "Don't push me, Rodriguez. You know damn well what I'm capable of."

Benny smirked, stifling a laugh. "Oh, I know. You're the big, bad captain of the baseball team. Big deal. So what, Phillips? You don't own Y/N. She's not your property."

I gritted my teeth, trying to control my temper. "I know that, Rodriguez. But you know what? I love her. And I'm not gonna let you or anyone else come between us."

Benny's smirk faded, replaced by a look of surprise. "You love her? Since when? You don't know shit about her."

I smirked, "Maybe I don't know as much about her as you do, but remember, I'm the one she's been sleeping next to for almost a year". Benny storms over to me I feel a sharp pain shooting through my nose. That son of a bitch punched me. I then feel the warm and thick liquid dripping down my face.

I stumbled back, holding my nose as I felt the blood gushing out. Benny stood in front of me, his fists clenched and his eyes blazing with anger.

"You don't love her, Phillips. You're just possessive. You think you can own her because she's been sleeping with you? You're a selfish bastard," he spat out.

I wiped the blood off my face and lunged at him, my anger finally getting the best of me. We exchanged blows, hitting each other in a blind rage.

Y/N's POV

As Phillips walked towards his car, I sat down on my front porch, feeling lost and alone. I start to cry. I cannot fathom my thoughts at this moment in time. I can't even go inside and risk waking Yeah-Yeah up, I don't want to talk to my brother about this situation. He's always been so supportive but I don't want to burden him with my problems.

As I sit there, I hear a commotion coming from the Sandlot. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I walk over to see what's going on.

When I arrive, I see Benny and Phillips in the middle of a fight, their fists flying as they exchange blows. I gasp in shock, unable to believe what I'm seeing.

Suddenly, Benny gets the upper hand and delivers a final blow to Phillips, sending him to the ground. I rush over to Phillips, who is lying there bleeding, but still conscious.

"What the hell happened?" I ask, my voice shaking with fear and anger.

Benny looks up at me, his face contorted with pain and regret. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't mean for it to get like this." 

I shake my head, tears streaming down my face. I kneel next to Phillips, feeling guilty and heartbroken. This was all my fault. If I hadn't kissed Benny, none of this would have happened. "I should have never kissed you, Rodriguez. None of this would have happened if it weren't for me" I said in between sobs. 

"Y/n you know that's not true. Phillips had it coming for a long time anyways" Benny said as if he was trying to lighten up the situation. 

"Benny, this isn't funny. I'm going to take him home" I say as I give Benny a sad expression. 

"Y/N, I-" Benny says and then stops. 

"You what Benny?" I ask.

"You know" He responds cockily.

I just nod, because I do know. It's what caused this entire thing in the first place. I obviously couldn't say it back, Phillips was there and with everything that just happened, I need time to think about things. 

As I help Phillips up and guide him toward his car, I can feel Benny's eyes on me. It's like he's trying to say something but holding back. I want to turn around and confront him, but I can't right now. I need to focus on getting Phillips home and making sure he's okay.

Once I get Phillips home and settled in his bed, I sit beside him and hold his hand. "I'm sorry, Phillips. I never meant for things to get out of hand like this."

"It's not your fault, Y/N. I started it. I kept egging Benny on. I was pissed, he kissed you, I needed to take out my frustration. You know, he actually really cares about you...I said some things I shouldn't have and it lead to this" Phillips says, his voice strained from the pain.

I nod, but I can't help feeling guilty. Now, because of my actions, Phillips is hurt and our relationship may never be the same. "I'm so sorry Phillips, I love you, I do. I just-" I say, but not being able to finish my sentence. 

"You love him too," Phillips responds softly. "It's okay, I've always known. I knew you only started dating me because Rodriguez wasn't interested in you. I just wanted to believe someone as beautiful and perfect as you could want me more" He says hazily. 

Tears are streaming down my face right now, I look over to see Phillips sleeping. I give him a light peck on the forehead and walk down the stairs to the front door. 

I head out the front door and of course, that's when I see Benny in Phillips's driveway. 

As I approach him, he stands up straight, looking at me with a mix of concern and guilt. "How is he?" He asks quietly.

"He's hurt. In more ways than one, but if you're referring to the pain you caused him, he'll live"  I say completely monotone. 

"I'm glad he'll be okay," Benny says, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I noticed you didn't drive to the Sandlot, do you want me to walk you home?" Benny offered sweetly. 

I wanted to turn him down, but I also didn't want to be alone at this moment, so I reluctantly accepted. 

We were walking home in silence until Benny had the courage to break it. 

"I know you're probably angry with me right now, but I want you to know that I never intended for things to turn out this way," Benny says, his voice full of remorse.

"I don't know what to think, Benny" I respond, my voice still quiet. 

"Then you don't have to," Benny said. 

Before I could even respond, his lips were on mine. It felt just as magical as it did the first time. 

As magical as it felt, I knew I had to pull away from him. "Benny, Phillips is hurt because of us. This, right now, it just feels wrong." 

Benny nods with his gaze lowered. "I know. I'm sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't have done that. It was selfish of me," he says, sounding defeated.

We walk in silence until we reach my porch. "Thanks for walking me home Benny", I say finally breaking the awkward silence. 

"Of course Y/N, try to get some sleep", Benny responds, his voice soft and somber as he starts walking to his house, which was just a block over. 

I can't stop thinking about what happened as I lay in bed that night. I feel guilty for hurting Phillips and confused about my feelings for Benny. But one thing is clear - I need to figure out what I want and do it soon. The longer I wait, the more damage I could cause.

[queen-morgana91]

Why do you think grrm is "pro Rhaegar"?

I mean, because he's serving cunt in life and in death lol

Jokes aside, he's a central figure in the books. Many characters are still obsessing over him 20 years after his death, he was so beautiful that Cersei (!) gave a fleet to a guy just because he almost looked like him.

Two viewpoint characters are in love with him (Cersei and JonCon). Other three idolized/respected him (Dany, Jaime and Barristan)

Ned, another viewpoint character, compared Robert and Rhaegar and ROBERT come out lacking (against the guy who "kidnapped and raped" his sister, basically)

Jaime calls him "King" and says Robert was no true King.

Wyman Manderly says Rhaegar Frey is a smirking worm “with a dragon’s name" (he was offended lol)

Daenerys is compared multiple times to him in a positive way

And look at what happened to the rebellion's leaders. Robert was butchered by a pig, Tywin was Killed by his own son while shitting, Jon Arryn was poisoned by his wife…..and the guy who died as a warrior (and with a tragic poetic death) was Rhaegar lol

"Rubies flew like drops of blood from the chest of a dying prince, and he sank to his knees in the water and with his last breath murmured a woman's name.”

Annnd……he wasn't a rapist. Lyanna and Rhaegar's relationship was consensual, as i've said here

He wasn't perfect or a hero, no. Nobody is perfect in this series. "The human heart in conflict with itself" and "Love is death of duty" very much defines Rhaegar. The struggle between his marriage to Elia and love for Lyanna, his conflict with his father, the prophecy and the threat of the Others. He couldn’t anticipated that the Lannisters would betray his father, or that his wife and children would both be killed.

He made mistakes like....99% of asoiaf characters. He's a conflicted character with flaws and virtues.

He wasn't the "spawn of Satan" like many people want to believe. GRRM will never acknowledge the nonsensical fandom headcanons and he's not gonna change his books.

So yeah, he’s 100% pro-Rhaegar and the fandom will get a rude awakening with the next books

[deltaromeo3]

ɴᴏ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ #3 - Daniel Ricciardo

pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x childhood!bestfriend reader

summary: Finally returning home after a few years, she reunites with her long time bestfriend; the all too famous Formula 1 driver, Daniel Ricciardo. Will things rehash between them or will it take a turn for the worst?

✮ previous chapters: #1 | #2

✮ my ask box is open!

“Daniel Joseph Ricciardo! Get up and get dressed!” My mom barges into my room, tossing a towel at me.

“Wha-“

“Aunt Mia’s birthday today. Look your best will you?”

Aunt Mia. Oh yeah right… theres gonna be a small gathering between our families. I guess that’s a given since she’s been friends with my mom ever since I was in nappies.

In my groggy state, I got up, showered and got ready. As usual, I put on a party shirt and paired it with denim shorts; my go-to outfit. Everyone was basically ready, they were seated in the living room waiting for me.

“Ready?” My mom asks.

“Yeah.”

★ ★ ★

After leaving McLaren, Daniel had more than enough time on his hands. So, he decides to come back home to spend more time with his family, why not right? Also he much more prefers the peace and quiet over the hustle and bustle of Monaco so he figured this was a win-win.

But at the back of his mind, Daniel knew he didn’t come back home just for that. He came back home in hopes you would be there too. There would have some sort of gathering and your mother would always invite his family. Deep down, he hoped that he would spot you in the crowd somewhere.

As soon as he enters your house, right after greeting your parents, his eyes immediately scans the living room. You weren’t there. But he was still hopeful that you would be somewhere in the backyard, sitting down laughing about something Ella said.

And like always, his feet brings him to the backyard, and his eyes scans all around for you.

He spots your sister chatting away with Ella but to his dismay, you weren’t there. He sighs to himself and shakes his head thinking “why do I even try? It’s the same every fucking time.”

So off he goes, grabbing himself a beer from the esky and sitting down on the steps of the porch, quietly sipping it just like he does every time there’s a gathering. He spots Caleb from afar, waving at him, making his presence known. Caleb waves back and walks over to him, doing the same thing he does; grabbing a beer and sitting down next to Daniel.

“How ya holding up?” He asks.

“What? In life? In general? But eh, i’m good both ways.“

“That’s good to hear. It’s good you’re taking a break. Good on ya, mate.”

Daniel was someone true to himself, if he wasn’t happy, there wasn’t a reason to stay. And McLaren proved just that, that there was no point putting your all into something that made you unhappy. Don’t get me wrong, racing does make him happy, but this was more like a “if you plant a good seed in bad soil, it will affect how it roots and grows.”

“Yeah… I’m happy with my decision. In a better place now.” He sips his beer.

“Staying for long this time?” Caleb asks.

“Maybe. We’ll see,” He takes another sip of his beer.

Caleb laughs, “Well, if you ever change your mind, come ov-“

“Ma! I’ve got the ice. Where should I put it?!” The familiar voice booms through the whole house.

Is that who I think that is? Is that…? Nah, it can’t be. It’s just my mind playing fucking tricks on me.

“In the esky! Down by the porch!”

“Okay!”

Daniel hears a set of footsteps making their way down to the porch. He doesn’t turn his head to look, afraid his suspicions might be right.

What is he gonna say to you after all these years? How should he start a conversation?

Instead, he just keeps sipping on his beer like it’s bottomless, zoned out…more like trying to not pay much attention to the voice he just heard. Her voice. Your voice.

“Goddamn this woman has me doing shit-“

Daniel hears you mutter to yourself. He chuckles, thinking “she hasn’t changed one bit”.

He notices that you were struggling to carry the ice pack when you pass by Caleb and then himself, which you don’t even realise is there, inches away from you.

“Hey, let me help you with that.” Daniel stands up, hands outreached to take the ice pack off of you. You still don’t realise it’s him.

“Are you su-“

You finally look up to the bloke who offered you help. Finally your eyes meet. You knew that voice sounded familiar, even though you hadn’t heard it in a while.

You froze like a deer caught in headlights when you finally face to look up at him.

The ice pack drops to the floor. “Daniel?” Was all you managed to croak out.

Oh how he hated hearing that name.

Daniel? You know how much I hate it when you call me that. So please, it’s Danny… He thought to himself.

For some reason, hearing ‘Daniel’ roll off your tongue hurt way more than McLaren betraying him.

“Y/N.”

A/N: oof this took me a whiiileee to publish!! life’s been keeping me busy. thank you for the wait! hope you enjoyed this chapter :) as always, feedback (good/bad) is appreciated! <3

🏷️: @zendayabelova @rizzciardo @charlespear

[naoknowswhat]

I made a Clover sketch tonight, look at him I love him (and i also really like how it turned out wth)

and IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ITTY BITTY TINY MAN. i would NOT hesitate to die for him in a situation where such methods are needed.

Now before you continue I warn you the following is basically me rambling about how much I fucking love undertale yellow heheheh (Also a lot of spoilers ahead).

I have spent the whole day playing this stupid (fantastic, amazing, marvelous) game, I kid you not that I went from the end of the ruins to the fucking steamworks, which said out loud doesn't sound like a lot of time but uhhh for me it was if you consider that I've investigated EVERY FUCKING INCH OF THE MAP.

I'm not complaining, oh ho ho (merry Xmas) I'm not complaining because its been the most fun I've had playing a game in a WHILE, its made my life better and now im gonna spend the rest of the year (and probably more) obsessed over all the characters and their stories (mostly Clover and Martlet ngl).

But I gotta admit that even if I find the Ut yellow's characters a lot different than the ones from the original game, I can't help but love them the same. Look, I'm no expert on character design but I smile every time I see Martlet comment something or simply being on screen, I start laughing whenever I see a hint of Mo on any frame, heck you mention any of the characters and I immediately start smiling like an idiot, and the whole scene with North Star? The Feisty Five?? CEROBA?? I died, the moment I stepped on the town I fucking died.

I remember being really, REALLY into undertale when I was like 10-11 years old, and suddenly opening yt one day and watching my favourite YouTuber play the demo of this fan game, and i remember thinking "oh wow that game looks really cool!" Simply because of the concept of watching how it was like for any of the other souls to go through the underground, instead of Frisk. AND NOW, YEARS LATER I GET TO PLAY IT BY MYSELF, you don't know how special this game is for me.

For me it isn't only a fan game, or the story of another fallen human, for me it's getting an opportunity to enjoy the main thing that inspired me back the from zero, getting to learn about new characters, about new stories, and new perspectives. For me it's also getting an opportunity to meet them all, to be their "friend" and to live an adventure all by myself because back then i could only sit and watch everyone else do all the things i wanted to do, because back then i could only look at them all having fun, laughing with the good things and crying with the bad memories while separated through a screen.

Today I got to meet them all and to laugh with the unexpected dialogue, while learning that even in a fictional story not everything is painted in bright pink, I saw them get into trouble and also helped them overcome it, and it was amazing.

I also got to die and die and die again and again because I realised at the beginning of the game that I'm really bad at it (i cant blame the controller, I know it :( ), but it also made me promise myself that i would keep going no matter what, because i really wanted to see what's next. Heck you could say I kept going because of my determination ;).

I haven't finished the game yet, but I already know I'm gonna replay it over and over, I wanna catch every detail, investigate and discover every mystery, and i wanna make so many theories already, I CAN'T WAIT TO LOVE THIS GAME.

So for now have a not-so-quick sketch of Clover, the bearer of the yellow soul, the one who has quickly made way into my heart, and it seems the little shit is now living there rent free.

If you've read all the way to the end wth is wrong with you, and also thanks a lot for the attention, I was really excited to talk about this game to someone but didn't know how to do it, so I figured tumblr was the place pla to write for an hour, so the short-drawing post is now my review of the game hehehehe.

Anyway thanks for reading to the very end, I hope you have an amazing rest of the year, and most importantly a great begining of the new one <3.

[cats-mayhem]

Ein MyStreet isn't a compelling villain to me.

Please note how I said ME in the title. This is just how I feel. You're entitled to your own opinions. Also this isn't the most professional analysis, I am just saying what's on my mind in the moment. Anyway, let's get into it.

OK so basically: Ein had a lot of potential. In the first half of season 1 he was a cute "bad" boy who just wanted to not be the Omega of the school whilst also having a crush on Aphmau. Then Aphmau made him Alpha Male and then he stopped being a character.

It's framed that everything he did with Aphmau was just a ploy to get the position of Alpha but like... He was so genuine so many times? He was blushing and all, he helped her out with the hair dye. He was a good boy who actually had a thing for Aph.

But ok, let's just ignore his characterization up until the twist because ooohhh he's actually really mean and manipulative. Maybe it's because of the power he now has after being bullied for so long but it's SUCH a jarring shift in character for him.

I guess Jessica wanted to make an actual Villain character since Gene and Balto weren't the most threatening and evil but like... They're in high school? They're not gonna be evil masterminds like what she was trying to do with Ein.

Gene and Balto were just bullies and that fit for PDH S1. Ein being evil is to shut down any romantic progression he would have with Aphmau since Kai got character assassinated and was a dick to her on a date (+ Ein's meddling)

All so that Aaron can come "save the day" and beat up Ein and save Aphmau from an evil man that she never figured out was evil. The most Evil things Ein did was pick an Omega without Aph and also ruin her date.

Ein didn't want to be the omega anymore since he was sick of being seen as weak and being bullied and ignored, and the teacher WANTED him to take that title willingly, even after everything he's gone through with it. And he KNOWS that Aph would try and convince him To take it on as well, so that's why he picked one by himself. And the date thing... Yeah idk why he did that maybe he was just jealous idk i forgor.

OH YEAH and he beat the shit out of Kasey so that Katelyn can have a reason to be racist towards werewolves when the Ultima Reveal. Completely forgot about that.

I honestly think PDH S2 had an interesting set up with the love triangle. Kai has Aaron's personality whilst Ein has Aaron's attitude. (Aph & Aaron's romance is awful but i'm just pointing out symbolism).

Ein was also racist towards Humans since he is a werewolf supremacist and he wanted to make Aphmau a werewolf so that she'd be perfect. Also werewolves are a minority that's discriminated against so this character trait is a bit uh... Yikes!

Also I just remembered this but Ein was working with Gene to get close to Aphmau and Gene wanted pictures of Aphmau for some fucking reason?? What was that about. We get no context on this other than 1 scene btw.

So the next time we see Ein is in Emerald Secret! Oh boy, I got some words.

So about 15 years pass since PDH S2 and everyone is an adult in their late 20s. What has Ein been doing in all that time? Obsessing over a girl he met in high school, researching heavily into a folk lore in order to turn her into a werewolf. Also he's been doing illegal potion making and used one of those potions to turn an actual wolf, human, so that he can be the alpha of her wolf pack.

Also he's working with the biggest bad of them all, Micheal! But we don't meet him until Season 6 or something. He also may or may not be mind controlling Ein during Emerald Secret we don't know.

So what else does Ein do this season now that he's the big bad again? Other than the wolf thing, he also brainwashes Aphmau's friends into thinking he's their brother, makes Aphmau obey his every word and love him whilst also despising Aaron.

And makes her attempt to kill Aaron. Despite the fact that he needs Aaron to turn her into a werewolf first, after he denies when he's asked, Ein was like "Ok well. Aph kill him lmao."

He also "dies" in the end by getting mauled by the pack of wolves he made himself Alpha of.

I don't think it takes that much brainpower to see why this is an awful twist (he was also a twist villain btw we didn't know it was him until midway). His motivation is stupid, why are you still obsessed with some girl from high school, you're 28.

Why does he even still have those pictures of her in high school? Like if you're gonna be obsessed with her, at least stalk her so you can get the modern update???

Also, his werewolf supremacy is played up big time here to the point it makes you question why he wasn't obsessing over Aaron like Xavier was. Maybe Jessica didn't wanna repeat motivation? But Ein & Xavier are very different characters, you could make it work.

He was just a mess of a villain once you think about his motivation for 2 seconds. And then he shows up in When Angels Fall!! This one is shorter I promise.

So in WAF Ein uses another illegal potion to make werewolves (who were in hiding since the Government is taking every single one of them and interrogating them because they might be some ancient folklore beast). And makes them all obey his every word and call him Alpha.

It's confirmed that after High School, werewolf packs and Alphas don't matter in the real world so it's weird that he was obsessed with it in Emerald Secret.

Anyway after that, he kidnaps Aphmau to hold Aaron ransom and when he gets his werewolf ears back (Aaron took them away in ES) he kills Aphmau because he was being mind controlled by Micheal.

And then Aaron and Ein fight on a bridge, Aaron kills his mind controlled friends, and then kills Ein. So let's talk about it.

the thing with this is that... It just shows that Ein COULD'VE been written well if he was mind controlled by Micheal with the illegal potions. Since Micheal had 100% access to Ein at any time and Ein played a major role in Micheal's plan to trauma trigger Aaron.

And honestly it would've made Ein a much more compelling character if he just... Didn't have control over his actions. One theme with the main group is that they decide what to do with their lives and how to move forward.

But that wouldn't apply to someone who was controlled, now, would it? And since we know that the person under the effects of a forever potion still have a conscious, and can see all the acts that they don't have control over, it would've made Ein a tragic villain.

And if he was mind controlled by Micheal during Emerald Secret it would explain why Ein was obessed with Aphmau despite it being so weird. Because guess what, Ein & Aphmau are half siblings! So that re-contextualizes every interaction they ever had.

I think that Ein should've had an actual character instead of being a cartoon villain like Micheal was. Ein is the only character to have so much DIRECT action towards the main cast. Why would you make him so messy and one dimensional?

And the whole Mind Control thing is something that can be easily done. Ein uses forever potions to make people Obey Him, and since Micheal doesn't have enough power to mind control Ein 24/7, him using a potion like that on Ein would make so much sense.

Since Ein is shown to be decent at potion making and magic by the time we meet him. Micheal is the only one who could've taught him all of that. And the thing is: IT'S CANNON ONLY IN WAH. They met before ES but it's left so vague on what their relationship was that you could say Ein did everything in Emerald Secret by his own volition and you'd be right since nothing is confirmed.

If Jessica wanted to make this a serious story, WHY WOULD YOU STOP AT THE MOST RELEVANT VILLAIN??? He's literally related to Aphmau and was apart of the experimentation in some way but we don't know because he's not a character enough for him to be lore relevant other than him being a plot device. I'm so upset on the way Jessica wrote him since he could've been so much more than he actually was.

I wanna add something: The mind controlled by Micheal thing is only one possibility with his character. You can do a whole lot of other things. The reason why I focused on the mind-control thing is that it's an easy cop-out Jessica could do in order to make Ein an actual character.

Jessica isn't the best writer and loves tropes & cop-outs so it very well could've been done in story. But instead she let Ein be vague as hell and also tying him so closely into the lore.

I just want Ein to be a coherent character with understandable motivations behind his actions. There is no excuse for him to be this important and yet so messily written.

And now he's dead. RIP Ein MyStreet. You could've been one of the greatest.

[mrsnancywheeler]

YESS GET ‘EM DAISY, CALL THEM OUT!!!

Ahhh! I love love love protective daisy! Especially when she’s calling billy AND eddie out on their bullshit, literally love her <3. Having daisy constantly shit on eddie and billy over muse’s age gives me life cause its what i’ve been saying since my first rants on eddie and billy. Muse was quite literally too young to be getting caught up in the bermuda triangle personified that is billy and eddie. Any responsible adult would’ve said so, but the fact that they brushed over it so often and it did so much damage in the long run. Also, where’s teddy in all of this, what are teddy’s thoughts on the whole billy/muse/eddie mess. I wanna know what teddy thinks about this, does he ever talk about with billy? What does billy say if teddy does talk about it? I know it’d hit billy hard, like canonically, teddy is the only opinion billy actually gives two fucks about.

(side note on the whole purity ring/calling billy out for being a slut. I can totally see daisy and billy mid-argument and daisy pulls the ‘she’s only been with you, you man-slut’ card and muse just there right next to daisy so before daisy can say anything else she has to whisper in her ear and let her know that she’s actually slept with eddie too and daisy’s just like that doesn’t matter rn but remind me to yell at him later and muse just nods along with it cause she’s not getting in daisy’s way.)

-eddie hate anon

p.s. can i be ❤️‍🩹 anon?

ofc you can be ❤️‍🩹 anon pookie

your thoughts give me life babes, I get so excited every damn time

every five seconds daisy's just like, "yeah remember when you dated a 19 year old and then were the biggest, most toxic asshole ever, billy?" and "you remember manipulating said 19 year old by acting like a trusted friend because you wanted to fuck her too, eddie?" and everyone is gagged, and yk it doesn't upset muse too much bc having someone stand up for her without ulterior motive is so nice. like karen tries occasionally but graham and warren not much at all. so adding daisy to the picture is just a whole new world of possibilities so ofc they're the real besties.

daisy and muse going out for girls days, it would be so precious, and imagining billy and muse having a huge blowout fight right before the band has a break for a few weeks so daisy just takes muse to greece with her, where they write songs and have beach days and oh my god, my shayla

anyways yes yes let's talk about teddy!! he's definitely the concerned father figure especially bc muses father doesn't seem to really care how toxic this is for her. yeah, she's an adult, but the outlook is so focused in letting her be young and make a name for herself that he doesn't realize it's tearing her apart. but teddy does, and he also knows it's tearing billy apart, but damn does it make some good fucking songs and add to his performances. But, at end of the day it's not gonna keep being good records if this and the addiction tears the band apart as well. So he definitely has talks with Billy. Some about how if being with muse at this point in time is going to lead to so many breakdowns then he should pick between focusing on the band or the relationship for a period of time. Billy does take that to heart and it's the only time he's in a calm mood and breaks it off with muse, citing that he needs to focus on his work, and they're bad for each other, which obviously breaks her (someone remind me to write that out in a different post) but all he does during that time is fuck more groupies, do more drugs, write sad songs about missing her, and love songs about loving her, and want to real thing rather than his memories. So, he gives up after less than two weeks of the split. And Teddy realizes being apart doesn't make it any better, but that doesn't mean he's fully okay with it. I think at some point there's just a realization that the band is gonna fall apart and getting better is the only think that could make it start again. It's basically just Teddy being forced to watch a slow train crash and burn. Also Teddy definitely has talked with Billy about how he can't be actively saying and doing things that encourage the public to slander muse, in the long run not only is it bad for him and the band's image, but muse is a popular songwriter for other artists to get their songs from, so Billy is making enemies in the music world amongst her artist friends.

Yes, Daisy is just tearing into Billy, all, "You took her virginity and go around fucking any girl you please, and then have the fucking nerve to call her the slut! You're out of your goddamn mind, Billy, when she's only ever been with you."

And muse is pulling a face that Daisy notices and then she remembers like oh shit and the two are just kind of speaking with their eyes that Daisy is also gonna give Eddie shit later too

Oh I love my pookies