#I guess it is my fault but I tried to go above and beyond as best as I can. I just wanted to go and do it effectively but whatever I say

[35253319]

Literally came here to rant about my mum and I see this. Plus decor cause felt like it teehee✨

[miguelsfangservice]

BEYOND THE SPOTLIGHT V

Pairing: Miguel O'hara x F!Famous Idol Reader Warnings: Angst/comfort, fame has caused reader a lot of pressure and insecurities. Summary: It doesn't matter he's at HQ trying to keep the multiverse afloat, your face, your voice, your smile and laugh follows him everywhere. No, he is not losing it (yet); it's just that it’s kind of inevitable when most spiders under his command are... how did Gwen called it? Ah-staning you? Well, he can't really complain, it's his girlfriend, after all.

PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V

The days after the whole drama with Ashley are nothing but a PR nightmare, everyone gets slandered and just a whole war has started in comment sections all over social media; Miguel tries to distract you by trying to make you go to the HQ with him, but you are hell bent on staying home and, eventually, giving up and reading comments online about the hiatus your company announced just hours after the incident.

Most people are blaming the company, but many others go straight for your throat; and they attack the biggest insecurities you had since you decided to leave the group for a while and go solo.

Some of the girls that used to be your teammates reach out and try to comfort you, cursing Ashley under their breath and trying to make you feel better about the whole ordeal.

But nor Miguel’s or their words work to make you feel ok.

There’s a few comments that catch your eye while having breakfast with Miguel one morning a few weeks after the announcement:

<<Looks like #Y/N couldn't handle the pressure after all. Always thought she was just riding on the coattails of the group. Solo career? More like solo failure.>>

<< It's sad to see #Y/N crash and burn like this. Guess she wasn't as talented as she thought she was. #SoloFlopped #Embarrassing.>>

 “Cielo…”

Another one, with about a thousand likes says:

<<Who does #Y/N think she is, anyway? Leaving the group was the biggest mistake of her life. Now she's just another idol desperately trying to stay relevant. #Pathetic #GroupWasBetterWithoutHer>>.

You try to keep scrolling, tears pooling around your eyes. Miguel notices right away, he could see you getting pale and quiet while staring at the holographic display on your wrist.

He puts his hand on top of it, blocking whatever you were reading from you.

“You need to stop” he whispers. “Reading idiotic comments online won’t help”.

You nod, not looking at him, feeling a mix of emotions swirling within you; from sadness, to anger, to defeat and some bitterness towards Miguel. But the rational part of you and, above all, the love you have for him has been keeping you from lashing out on Miguel.

He’s been postponing his Spiderman things to hang up with you at home, but every time he had to leave the room to receive a call from his comrades you knew he was needed, which made you feel a bit guilty.

“You’re right” you put your hand on top of his. “It’s just hard not to… it feels like there’s an itch in my brain and the only way I can alleviate is by reading all that”.

Just when he is about to reply, someone starts calling him; Miguel curses, taps something on his watch and mutters ‘sorry’.

“Miggy, you need to get out of those pajamas and go be a hero”

“It’s fine, I­- Peter’s got everything under control”.

“That thing has been blowing up for the past few days; he may have it under control but maybe he needs a hand, love”

Miguel hangs his head a bit, defeated.

“This is my fault and I don’t know how to fix it”

“If you want to help me, I just need your support and trust on whatever decision I make” you try not to sound angry at him, but there’s probably an edge to your voice that he notices, because he lets go of your hand and tenses. “That’s what I need from you, Miggy; I know that even with what happened back at the company you were just trying to help, but I think what I need the most right now is you supporting me, even from afar while you help save the day.”

Miguel’s expression softens as he listens to your words, but still with a pang of guilt stabbing at his heart. He knows he hasn't been handling things perfectly; Miguel is aware his sanity is constantly hanging by a tread and that seeing you struggling with the pressure and schedule was just too much.

"I'm sorry” he murmurs, reaching out to cup your face gently. "I've been so focused on trying to fix things that I forgot to just be there for you, I guess I forget I don’t have to intervene on everything..."

You nod, a small smile tugging at your lips. "You have your hands full with several universes, you don’t need to carry my problems too, you know?"

Miguel nods, his eyes reflecting a mixture of relief and gratitude. "Thank you for understanding, cielo. But please know that I'm here for you, always. Even if I can't fix everything, I'll do my best to support you… without making another scene, I hope."

You lean into his touch, feeling a sense of reassurance wash over you. "I know you will, Miggy. And just knowing that you're here for me means the world, with a dramatic scene at my job and all."

In comfortable silence, the weight of the world seems to lift off your shoulders, if only for a moment. You find solace in Miguel's presence, grateful for his unwavering support. But despite the temporary reprieve, you know that the battle against the hurtful comments and relentless pressure is far from over; when he leaves to save the world, you’ll stay at the apartment with no one to stop you from reading, to keep you from your own negative thoughts.

“You should come with me today.” Miguel suddenly breaks the silence, he walks to your bathroom and opens the faucet. “I know you refused the last hundred times I asked but… I really would help you to meet them, it will take your mind away from all that”.

The idea of accompanying him to the headquarters has crossed your mind before, but the thought of facing the other spiders and being surrounded by the chaos of his world always filled you with anxiety; sneaking into the HQ had felt safer.

 You already did not feel good enough for your world, much less for a world full of superhumans.

But now, as you look at Miguel coming out of the bathroom with his face wet from washing it, a hopeful yet hesitant expression, you find yourself considering his suggestion. Maybe, just maybe, it could be a welcomed distraction from the constant onslaught of negative comments and thoughts.

Taking a deep breath, you finally nod, a small smile playing at your lips. "Okay, Miggy. I'll go with you today."

Miguel's eyes light up with genuine joy, a light you are sure no one has seen in years… only you. He is suddenly crossing the room to pull you into a tight embrace. "Thank you, cielo. I promise, it'll be good for both of us. But if they don’t let you breath you just need to tell me and I’ll…"

“Make a scene?”

He groans, embarrassed and you can’t help but laugh at his slightly rose tinted cheeks.

As you cling to him, a sense of relief washes over you. Maybe stepping out of your comfort zone and facing the world outside your apartment is exactly what you need right now.

❃❃❃❃

Every time you step into the HQ you can’t help but gawk at what Miguel has built. And you always get a sense of warmth in your heart, knowing he has people that goes through the same things he goes through…things that you can’t fully understand, no matter how much you want to; so it’s good he can go to his friends when you can’t help him with stuff like this.

This time, you enter the HQ without hiding, you go through the lobby and, just as you thought not everyone here would know who you are, you see in the corner of your eye, a Spiderman saying something to another one, looking directly at you, which has others doing the same.

You want to lower your head, a little embarrassed but as you are about to do it, you look at Miguel.

He always holds his head high, no matter what. And you notice how different he looks in this context, with all this amazing super heroes looking up to him and his leadership; even with the whole Miles fiasco, he was able to amend his bad choices and regain his peoples trust.

Seeing him walk proud around the place he has built with blood, sweat and tears makes you feel a bit better.

If Miguel can walk proudly, so can you. Specially while you are by his side.

As you continue walking, more super heroes start noticing and you can see some of them reacting like just regular fans; it’s cute seeing the lenses on their suits doing a half moon downturn, indicating their smiles.

Feeling a surge of determination, you straighten your posture and walk alongside Miguel with newfound confidence. Despite the curious glances and whispered conversations happening around you, you hold your head high, mirroring Miguel's unwavering pride.

As you make your way through the HQ, you can't help but marvel at the incredible diversity of the so called “Spider-Verse”. Each superhero you pass exudes strength and resilience, their unique abilities a testament to the countless battles they've fought to protect their respective universes. And, obviously, you can’t forget but admire their suits and gadgets you know they must make with all the love and care of the world.

“You got quite a few fans around here, you know?” he murmurs in your ear as he swings with you in his arms around the place; you make the mistake of looking down, it makes you dizzy and you have to press your body tighter to his, Miguel chuckles. “It all began with Hobie and then Miles spread your music here like wildfire.”

“Kids got a good a taste” you say smugly, but with a pink tint in your cheeks. It’s good to know that you got some support.

"And they have excellent taste indeed," Miguel agrees, his voice filled with pride. "But then again, how could they not be fans of yours? Your music has a way of touching people's hearts, no matter what universe they're from."

“Miguel, you adorable sap” You hear Peter yell behind you. Miguel groans and rolls his eyes. “Hello, miss. Nice to see you again.”

“Hi, Mr. Parker” you reply with a smile.

Peter makes a fake wounded sound. “Please, please no “Mister”, makes me feel old”

“That’s because you are” Miguel tells him just when you finally land on the hallway leading to Miguels office, you keep walking alongside him, but much closer when you start seeing all the anomalies in their respective cages. Some of them eye you up and down, as if you were the prey. If they were to break free, you know you would be. “Now we need to get to work, Parker.”

“Everything is under control; you shouldn’t be back from your days off so soon”

“If everything is under control why Jess wont’s stop sending messages and calling? So has Margo.” Miguel counters, his tone serious.

Before Peter can respond, an urgent message comes through on Miguel's communicator. His expression shifts, a mixture of concern and determination crossing his features. "We've got trouble," he says, glancing at you. "A Venom anomaly has been detected. I need to go with the others to check it out."

You nod, understanding the gravity of the situation. "Be careful," you tell him, squeezing his hand reassuringly. Your heart starts beating up fast; Miguel has told you a few things about the type of things he fights, so you are aware of how dangerous a venom anomaly can be.

Miguel nods, his gaze lingering on you for a moment before he turns to Peter. "Keep an eye on things her, Parker. We'll be back soon."

With that, Miguel rushes off, leaving you and Peter standing in the hallway, the weight of the impending danger hanging heavy in the air.

“Are you hungry?” Peter asks, trying to sound cheery again, but you can sense his concern. “There’s some really juicy ‘Migueburgers’ in the cafeteria”

“…Migue-what?”

[squealing-for-harusono-sensei]

Hirano to Kagiura Ch. 22 Reaction

NEW CHAPTER :D :D :D!!!

lmao why is the first page so funny to me? I do like Hirano setting boundaries whenever Kagiura tries to push too far.

THE CHAPTER COVER IS SO PRETTY!!

Dates are kinda weird, aren't they? There isn't really much difference between them and going out with a friend except that it's called a "date" and therefore has romantic connotations.

Oh right, Kagiura never actually told Hirano for how long he has liked him. Doesn't seem like he'll tell him for a good while. (Also, Kagiura looks kinda when he says it's a secret, which is always a treat.)

Oh, so he's making it telling it contingent on Hirano's feelings. DEFINITELY won't be telling him for a good while at the rate this is going.

I love Niibashi and Kagiura interactions. Also, can't really blame Niibashi for feeling a bit awkward when he's together with kagihira knowing what he knows.

NIIBASHI BEST WINGMAN!! I do suspect that Niibashi would have done a better job than Hirano is going to, though.

DEFINITELY would do a better job, lmao. Nice wingmanning, but it did mean that the only one who knows how to sew left lol

Hirano can be... kinda oversensitive when it comes to Kagiura. I don't feel like that's the right word for it, but he's so nervous about doing anything wrong way past the point of it being reasonable. Like, before even meeting Kagiura he was worried about being a good roommate and not scaring him. Which is perfectly reasonable! At the time. But it has almost been a year now, with Kagiura almost constantly talking about and showing how happy and grateful he is for Hirano. Hirano has seen how hard Kagiura worked for them to stay roommates. And yet he tries so hard to make up for perceived failures. Not that he shouldn't apologize and make up for things he does wrong, it's just... him sewing the button because he thinks it's his fault reminds me of why he accepted the touching–making up for hurting Kagiura's feelings–and it kinda rubs me the wrong way for some reason. Well, not so much the things he does to make it up to Kagiura, it's more the face he makes when this happens. He feels way worse for doing these things than he needs to and risks going above and beyond for it. I want him to do these things because he wants to, not because he feels guilty.

Well, it's still sweet. It's not like Hirano doesn't want to do these things for Kagiura, I just wish Hirano wouldn't feel so guilty when no one is blaming him for acting the way he does. But in the end, I guess Hirano simply isn't the type to be satisfied with a simple apology.

I KNEW Kagiura would want to touch him for this!

The domesticity of this whole scene is *chef's kiss*

THE SWEETNESS!

"...It doesn't make mine race, though."

THE BITTERSWEETNESS!

"But... It's still not bad at all."

THE SWEETNESS!

With how comfortable Hirano is with Kagiura touching him, I really think the only thing keeping him from being fine with adding cuddling to their relationship is the romantic connotation. It also reminded me of my relationship with my boyfriend. Not that we are anything like them, it's just that I'm aspec and he's not. (Realized that I was some kind of ace about five years into our relationship and some kind of aro about 10 years into our relationship. In my defense, we were 14 when we got together and I really wanted to reciprocate his sexual and romantic feelings for me, so I was kinda in denial. Autism and ADD also didn't help.) Point is, I love my boyfriend but not romantically. He knows and we chose to stay officially boyfriend and girlfriend, even though it's not really romantic on my part. (My boyfriend is the BEST.) Anyway, I just feel like they're at a point where that kind of relationship could work. But then again, I feel like Hirano would feel guilty for not loving Kagiura romantically if they did that.

Hirano's heart might not race, but his gaze sure does linger.

THE CASUAL SASAMIYA IN THE BACKGROUND LMAO

Miyano: Shipper mode, ON!

...Did it ever get mentioned that Miyano is in the Literary Club in Sasaki to Miyano?

It's kinda fun to see a longer scene of Hirano and Miyano interacting outside of the 4-koma format. Miyano: "I do not mix BL with my real life." Miyano with Hirano: "He is an uke!!!!"

There's something funny about Hirano seriously talking with Miyano about BL and reflecting on his feelings for Kagiura. There's something ESPECIALLY funny about how strongly Hirano jumps on anything that disproves that he has feelings for Kagiura lmao

Though what I'm really getting out of all of this is that Hirano's heart definitely raced when Kagiura hugged him.

Anyway, Miyano's rambling about how the heart racing is only for new couples and you feel calmer once they feel like family makes me think of how I've long felt that kagihira kinda just skipped the crush part and went to being married. (Or want from married to crush in Kagiura's case.)

THE WAY HIRANO SLAMMED THE WINDOW BECAUSE HE THOUGHT OF KAGIURA LMAO!!!!

Oh? Oh??

LMAO THE WAY HE WENT FROM HEARTPOUNDING TO PISSED, I CAN'T

Hirano is getting closer! He doesn't feel romantic love the that it's usually depicted, but he's getting there! ... Although I wouldn't be surprised if he manages to graduate before then...

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond! Scripting: Lingering Doubts

The night after the Rovina trinity was brought into the Quill Society HQ, Woody was having a nightmare following the lengthy events that went on, with a Sonic-esque figure floating at his eye level. Not Respiro, but Toxinfect himself.

Toxinfect: Ah, Woody, Woody, Woody. Such loyalty you have to your friends. Yet you have none now, and it's all your fault! Your jealousy towards Buzz so long ago destroyed everything, so to speak. And I couldn't be prouder. Because you amuse people in the great beyond with that! Even Oldum, your universal creator, is pleased that you wiped everything clean.

Woody: That's not true! That ISN'T true!

Toxinfect, on cue, shifted his body into a version of Woody, mostly intact save for one eye resembling what he looked like when he was possessed by Respiro.

Toxinfect: After all... THIS is what it's all about. To make a child happy. So... SMILE!

He cackled madly as Andy's head appeared in front of him, as he stretched Andy's lips forcefully upwards and ripping his face off as a loud, painful scream was heard. This culminated in Andy's head being torn out, the same way Woody's came off all those years ago. He woke up with a loud scream in his personalised dorm, breathing heavily as he looked at his surroundings.

Woody: O-Oh... Another nightmare, huh? Gosh, I really need some air.

He stepped out of his room and had a wander to one of the higher floors of the HQ, sitting down and gazing up at the stars above him. As he did, EV!Knuckles came by to see him.

EV!Knuckles: Woody?

Woody: Oh, er, hey.

EV!Knuckles: Are you feeling alright? Didn't Sonic ask you to try and get some sleep?

Woody: I wish I could, but... *sigh* It's been hard for me to ever since that incident so long ago. Have you ever felt what it's like to pretty much lose everything you once knew in a few short hours?

EV!Knuckles: Honestly? Yeah. That... creature with dual eyes almost laid our home to waste if not for a close friend of my Sonic helping put an end to it.

Woody: You saw that creature in my nightmare?

EV!Knuckles: You know him?

Woody: Well, through that nightmare, yes. He... tried making me think that everything that happened was my fault. It... feels like things could've been much different if I was more mature after Buzz came into the bedroom and I didn't harbour jealousy of him becoming Andy's new favourite toy.

O77!Blaze came by, having heard the conversation between the two.

O77!Blaze: I guess we've all had it rough, huh, Twigs?

Woody: You had one of those nightmares as well?

O77!Blaze: A different one... I saw a version of myself infected by Respiro and... a-and k-killing Cream over and o-over... The last thing I r... remembered was being force-fed her r-remains...

EV!Knuckles: Gosh... that scourge really left a harsh impact on you all. I guess it didn't help you were all stranded in that glitched place for 5 years.

O77!Blaze: And sitting around in Rovina's sanctuary for a few years prior to that... I feel i-it was my fault we were stuck in our worlds' ruins to begin with... I wanted to get it all back, but we failed and were stuck alone...

EV!Knuckles: Hey. What matters is that you guys are all safe from Respiro and whatever else might be planning to come after you now. After we got you guys out, we sealed off what was left of that space outside of certain travels.

Woody: Yeah, I know... You know, I wish I could just go back to the simpler days, when it was just me, the other toys and Andy, having fun together with barely anything to worry about. Even if I knew Andy was gonna eventually outgrow us, I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

O77!Blaze: And if Respiro never came to the dimension adjacent to my own... I guess I'd still have Cream and Marine to be around, but they're both gone for good...

EV!Knuckles: I... I know it isn't the same, Blaze, but there are other versions of Cream around here, and I'm sure they'd be just as worried about you as I am.

O77!Blaze: I know... I've just had little to no interaction outside of Twigs and Dusty for what's gotta be over a decade at this point...

EV!Knuckles: *sigh* I know I'm not really the best with advice, and Sonic would've been better at it than me, but I feel that it's a brighter future you should be looking towards now. Respiro's gone and he won't be bothering any of you guys anymore. I mean, isn't it what Cream and you guys' other friends would've wanted for you?

O77!Blaze: I mean...

Woody: Yeah, I guess so. Buzz wouldn't have wanted me to give up, even at this point. Same with Bo. You may not be the best with good advice, uh, Knuckles, but that means a lot coming from someone like you.

EV!Knuckles: Thanks. Social interaction's not been really easy for me, since I had been spending most of my time with the Master Emerald, though getting to see the world past my island has helped a bit.

O77!Blaze: We'll really be safe away from our homes?

EV!Knuckles: Yeah. This place is a stable hub for any heroes still willing to do good, but not quite ready to leave the business yet.

Woody: So why are me and Aladdin a part of this strike force now? From what I gathered, neither me nor him have any real connection to you guys aside from Respiro's forces invading our worlds.

EV!Knuckles: Well, Sonic said that, as long as a potential candidate has any form of connection to a SEGA character, be it through a mutual partnership with someone like Blaze, your tales being adaptations on a SEGA console, or even having relations to a SEGA character, that's more than enough criteria for a membership here, as long as you're willing to do the right thing.

Woody: Ah, interesting. I mean, it helps that I've accepted all toys in Andy's room after we drove off Respiro the first time. While it is nice to be a favourite, what matters most is being the best toy you can be!

O77!Blaze: Heh, glad you're starting to feel better.

EV!Knuckles: Ah, yeah! Considering you two's states, my Sonic got you three scheduled for some therapy sessions for the next week. Considering how much you've all been through, you look like you need it.

O77!Blaze: That's really appreciated, Knuckles. Thank you for that.

EV!Knuckles: Hey, don't thank me. I'm not the one keeping all these multiversal heroes linked together.

Woody: Still, you did a good thing coming to check on us both this late at night, and that's worth thanks enough.

EV!Knuckles: Heh, fine, you got me. Well, we'd better go get some sleep now.

O77!Blaze: Yeah, good thought. I'm gonna see about interacting more with another Cream to try and take my mind off Respiro's carnage tomorrow.

EV!Knuckles: Good idea! Well, rest well, you two!

Woody: Thanks.

EV!Knuckles headed off as Woody stood back up.

O77!Blaze: So, ready to get some better shut-eye now?

Woody: I mean, I guess so. Honestly, we wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn't for you, Blaze. Thank you.

O77!Blaze: Heh, don't mention it, Twigs.

They both headed off to get some sleep.

[raccoonfallsharder]

hey I'm sorry for doing this but you kinda feel like an older sister to me and I didn't really know where else to go

I lost a friend today. It was a long time coming. We'd been struggling to talk to each other for a really long time. She said some things that made me feel like a really bad person.

But I know I have a tendency to blame myself for everything and for once I didn't think that was right. I didn't think it was all my fault. I constantly told her what I was feeling and thinking and tried to be as transparent as I could and she still accused me of lying to her about it all. She made me miserable. Conversations with her felt like walking on a tightrope made of candy rocks.

She told me that she hated that she would miss me. I should have told her the only thing I'm going to miss is the person she was a year ago.

dear sweet lil sib nonnie, i read this before work and i’ve been thinking about it all day. i wanted to give your ask all my care and attention. i don’t know if any of this will be useful to you, but i hope it at least allows you to feel heard, supported, and loved. (and please don't apologize. there is nothing here to apologize for.)

i don’t know how familiar you are with gardening, but have you heard of something called “deadheading”? i mean it’s a phrase used for a lot of things, but in this case, i’m talking about a practice used to keep flowers (roses especially) healthy and happy and growing. If you don’t know (and apologies if you do), it’s when old blossoms and seed pods are clipped off the plant just above the next set of healthy leaves. the reason (which probably seems self-evident) is because the clinging, dying blooms will continue to draw on a plant’s nutrition and strength. when they’re clipped, the plant is able to redirect that energy into creating new blooms and blossoms for themselves and their pollinator friends. they can flourish again.

i’m sure you can see the analogy i’m trying to draw here. stepping away from a meaningful relationship – one that is no longer healthy – is one of the wisest and most difficult, painful things a person can do. it almost always takes a long time, even just to get to the stage of realizing that things aren’t right anymore. we so often want to hope beyond the time that hoping “makes sense,” and grief and anger and exhaustion are all normal parts of that process. i truly hope you’re proud of yourself because honestly, every piece of a journey like this is vulnerable and exhausting. it’s frustrating to still go unheard, and it hurts to give up the flower that you had imagined carrying with you into the future. 

i also want to draw your attention to another part of this analogy though. because you’ve done a lot of work in order to allow yourself a better chance to thrive and you should be so proud of yourself for that, and. we can still appreciate how beautiful that flower was before its time passed, before it became unhealthy and needed to be cut off. at some point, i’m sure your friendship was lovely and beautiful, and then nature and life happened, and you had to teach yourself to let it go. and that is all worth honoring and remembering – and even mourning, if you ever find yourself feeling sad or complicated about it.

i say this to encourage you to be gentle and kind with yourself, to be patient with yourself, and to be proud of yourself. 

i also want to respond to your last paragraph – about how you “should” have told her you’d only miss the person she was last year. you know, i think when people hurt us, it’s natural for us to walk away and then think of twenty things we wish we’d said. but i guess i’d ask why you think you should've said that. did she deserve it? it sounds like it. would it have made you feel better? i could be wrong but i kinda suspect not? it probably wouldn’t have made you feel worse, either, but i don’t think it would have given you any real relief or peace of mind. i think you probably would have walked away and just thought of something else you wish you would’ve said. it’s just the curse of these kinds of situations. and it doesn’t seem like she would have like, learned anything from that. 

i am NOT trying to say “oh, you shouldn’t say hard truths” because fuck that. sometimes you should say hard truths in the harshest way you possibly can (any day i can make a nazi-adjacent scumbag or abuser feel like shit is a good fucken day for example). but what i am saying is that i don’t think, in this case, it’s worth giving any extra time and energy to thinking about what you did or didn’t say. it wouldn’t have made a difference, and it doesn’t deserve to take up that kind of space in your head anymore. 

you did the best you could with what you had in every moment of this friendship, including its ending, and that is all that matters.

i’m sending you my love, nonnie. i’m wishing for you that today is better than yesterday, that the weather is lovely, that you get fresh air in your lungs, and that everything looks hopeful from where you’re standing.

[isca-tide]

6x10 aka I can go back to my life once I finish this episode and stop thinking about Chenford and Lucy and this show every 5 minutes, right? Right?! These hitpeople are really lucky no-one was looking out their window right then. Nolan and Bailey's habit of sitting on a chair and watching the other sleep is pretty creepy, I have to admit. There's nothing wrong with a tender loving sleep vigil when the other person is in hospital or sick and nothing sweeter than watching your partner sleep while you're cosied up in bed together. Or catching yourself gazing lovingly at their sleeping form while you're doing other things. But...sitting there is...yeah. You do you, Bailan. Whatever makes you happy. Blair, shut the fuck up you whiny little piece of shit. Ahem. Sorry. Is letting Blair out of their sight really a good idea?

Okay so I know the board changes through the shots, but they really couldn't have put Lucy's name on there? I know it's probably more related to cops who may have had contact with Blair or been on or involved with failed calls, but you really couldn't put Lucy on there? I will believe that Aaron was about to write her name when he got interrupted. Or that Lucy is so above and beyond reproach that they didn't even need to put her on the no list. I mean, there's a lot more officers who aren't in any of the columns but still. Come on. Also Nickerson you're still on my shit list for the betting pool. Smitty is too but ya know, Smitty. Where is my feral Tim worried about Lucy being potentially exposed with Monica and Blair both in the running and in connection with Bautista? Gimme them fics. He knows she's capable but surely last episode at least. Or just fretting to Angela and Nyla? C'mon. Give me a crumb. Charlie, just accidentally pretend to look the other way when someone tries to kill Monica. Please. Also why do I keep typing Monico instead of Monica. It's getting tiresome to retype. So the only solution is for Monica to disappear. Ugh, c'mon Oscar. I liked you but you're bringing more Bailan BS back into our lives? I mean, it's better than Monica I guess. I can deal with that. And again, I really don't hate Bailan as a couple or individually. Blair, shut up. Stop whining, yes it is your fault. Okay also yes, sorry actress playing the hitwoman, but that Irish accent is awful. Why would you want her using an accent that isn't hers? It's not vital to the story, is it? God these kids are so well behaved. Charlie, c'mon. You're better than this. Lucy coming in the save the day. Oh my god Tim's eyes. Aaron and Lopez at the helm of their favourite ship and sighting calmer waters. Aaagh. Charlie yes! Good girl. God I wish I could pull off a pixie cut like that. Nyla immediately cosying up under a blankie. I still love you, you're just minus some points, that's all. Oh, my heart. Look at them back in a car together again. They can't help but open up to each other when they're in a shop at work. Even if it's not an actual shop. It's so natural to them, being like this. Side by side. No matter what happens between them, this is their safe space. They're a perfect team when they've got a job to do. They can joke, they can smile. She even hits him a little off camera. You can hear it and see him jostle slightly in response. Those tactile little teasing moments. Ahhhhh. Lucy casually catching one of the hitmen and then swooping by to save her man. God she's amazing. I adore this chase scene so much. And not just because Lucy is a fucking badass. Okay, mainly because she's a fucking badass. The second she spots Tim in trouble there is no hesitation. She knows what she has to do and she is not going to fail. I hope that look in Angela's eyes is utter starstruck awe at how badass Lucy is. And though she doesn't get any recognition about what she did from anyone except Tim, I hope we get some mentions of it in S7. Just a little 'oh hey, didn't she jump out of a moving truck onto another, choke a hitman out and rescue another officer?' Also, it's insanely unfair how fucking gorgeous she looks in this entire scene. This scene really does slap though. The music and how it's shot. Perfect. Oh my god the looks between them. Lucy standing up there like a fucking boss. Tim can't help but keep looking back up to her, injured and exhausted as he is. She just lept in, fucking soared over, and choked out that guy to save his life. I'm sad we lose out people going nuts over how epic that was so we can get this scene but it is what it is. Where's the fanfic of everyone praising Lucy for her badassery, please and thank you? This is the last we'll see of Blair and Monica, right? Please? Please say yes. Pretty please? Nah, sorry fam, she's not Irish.

Nolan, Blair is a piece of work. Stop being so stupid. God, if they save Blair and she ends up back in the show I will do so peeved. She better be left in jail and never seen again I swear to god. Monica can go disappear and never return too. Please. Poor Aaron. Sweetie. Blair you're going to be the reason he leaves us in universe and I will never forgive you for that. I mean everything else you've done is awful too but yeah. Sincerely, never reappear. Oh the lift/elevator. Is this the new parking lot for scenes with them? What can I say about this scene that hasn't already been said? Their faces. Their eyes. His softest voice. I literally can't with these two. And I know for some people a love confession would've been perfect. I mean I wouldn't have said no to a 'I'm sorry, I love you and I always will' but this was good too. He knows he can't just leave her and then waltz back. He knows he has to go slowly and carefully. It has to be her choice this time. But god we better get some good adult conversations between them in S7. Lucy deserves a chance to talk to him about everything properly. I want to see the small doses but I also want to see the mature adult talks. I want to see them heal separately and together. I want to see them get all the good things that were taken away from them this season. I need to see Lucy being appreciated and recognised and respected. By Tim and by everyone else. It's the least she's owed. Give her her dues, give her some stripes, give her everything she's earned and worked for. I don't hate the idea of Oscar and Jason being the new S7 problem. Just make sure it involves everyone else and not just Bailan, okay? We've never actually seen Tim and Lucy interact with Oscar, right? Could be interesting. I did have a wild fic idea a while back that Jason would pay some guys to kidnap Bailey but Lucy ends up borrowing Bailey/John's car that day and gets taken instead. Short brunette, easy mistake. And then, ya know, we'd get feral Tim AND badass Lucy saving herself. Think about it.

Weird to be finish though. All caught up. I'm a little relieved honestly, I was dreading catching up to S6. It's weird knowing everything that happens for the most part, watching all the Lucy and Chenford scenes in advance, and then going through it episode by episode. It has been nice being able to ramble my thoughts out somewhere. I haven't hated it but it'll be kind of nice being in a fandom again as the episodes come out each week. Well, depending on the episodes. I guess we'll see. I may reappear for some fic prompts or even some half-baked awful attempts at fics if the mood strikes, but otherwise I'll mostly be reblogging gifs until January and maybe occasionally crying into the void. Now excuse me while I go rewatch DOD forever because that episode is just perfection.

[olderthannetfic]

This talk about nsfw channel ridiculousness reminds me of a situation I was in a few years ago.

Once I was in a fandom server and, because I was a regular, I became "friends" (looking back, I realize we were friendly acquaintances at most, not actual friends) with a few people. It was full of people who I don't want to say we're full on antis, but were definitely headed that way. We had to keep all dirty jokes in the nsfw channels--one for 18+ and one for minors (which. What.) Everyone had to send the moderators a screenshot of their Facebook showing their age if they wanted the 18+ roles.

So I, being over 18 and giving my personal Facebook, got access to the appropriate nsfw channel. Great. We made our dirty jokes and talked about sex and it was all fine. But then, I did the unforgivable: I made a joke about having daddy kink in said 18+ nsfw channel. The 18+ nsfw channel everyone had to prove they were over 18 to enter.

I was kicked within the hour due to an "accident". When I asked about it, the "friends" I were able to contact either said that I made minors who were in the 18+ nsfw channel uncomfortable, or they showed me screenshots of the other members making fun of me for my "degeneracy". That hurt a lot, given I'd mentioned that my biggest fear (and trigger) was knowing people talked about me behind my back. But I guess it didn't really count because I was shown the screenshots themselves /s.

Just to be clear: I have no problem with the people, minors or otherwise, who were uncomfortable with my joke. One of the people I asked said they were one of the minors made uncomfortable by my joke, but they didn't think I was being treated fairly. I apologized for making them uncomfortable and told them not to defend me. I didn't want to be an adult hiding behind a kid, and I definitely did not want a kid to be in the middle of a slap fight between adults.

I don't even give a shit anymore that they made fun of me. It definitely hurt at the time, and for a long time after (my biggest self delete trigger is friends mocking me behind my back), but I had irl support.

What upset me most--yes, even more than the triggering--is that I followed the rules. I kept my side of the bargain: I gave them my Facebook and kept dirty jokes in the 18+ nsfw server. Keeping kids safe online is one thing I'm extremely passionate about; like, "work in a career to keep kids safe online" kind of passionate. I WANT to keep kids safe. I don't want to interact with kids in sexual/nsfw contexts. *That's why I went to the nsfw 18+ channel IN THE FIRST PLACE.* But when the kids broke the rules and put themselves in an uncomfortable position, it became the adult's fault.

And even more fucked up: I still feel guilty for reaching out the friends I thought I made, because they made me feel like I was being inappropriate and crossing boundaries for simply asking why I was kicked. I got no warning, no explanation (because it was "accidental") as to why I was kicked; I was simply expected to know what I had done wrong and I was an awful predator for daring to ask what happened. I was a manipulating groomer for asking the above minor what's going on. I know intellectually that it's not wrong for me to want an explanation as to why my "friends" dropped me, but emotionally I feel like I should have known that was a "boundary" that I was "crossing".

So, because of that, every discord server I'm a member of now either: has a person who I know in real life there as well or I don't speak at all beyond asking for help (this is in game servers, because people don't make walkthrus anymore, they make discord servers). I avoid the nsfw and vent channels and I don't talk to anyone privately. It kind of sucks because I want to know people. I like talking to people about the things I like. But I'm terrified of anyone from that server finding me again and spreading around that I'm a "predator" and an "abuser" who tries to "manipulate minors". Because I made a dirty joke in the 18+ nsfw channel and privately DMed a minor to tell them not to defend me.

And the funniest part of all this shit?

I'm not even into ddlg anymore.

--

It's never about actual harm. It's always about control and PR and the idiocy of not kicking the under 18s out of the entire server for going in a channel they didn't belong in.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

Sorry but what exactly is up with the bad batch arc? I've heard people talk about the issues with echo's white skin but I haven't heard that many bad things about the arc itself? (ik you said you don't want to be negative on your blog so I would absolutely understand if you didn't answer this ask)

Oooooooooooh boy. Well I just had a long, long, LONG rant about it with someone, but I guess I’ve got an excuse to put all of my points onto a post and talk about it publicly now that I got an ask x) I’ll keep it under the cut so I don’t throw my salt in people’s face. I really don’t want to upset people who love that arc - it has redeeming qualities, but overall it pisses me off so much for so many reasons. So here:

The first issue is obviously two members of the Bad Batch (minus Echo) being being just about the furthest thing from maori no matter how much you're willing to stretch it. 

Like... yeah, nah. I wouldn’t even accept Crosshair and Tech (grey haired guy and goggles guy) as Jango’s natural biological sons, nevermind as his clones. 

The problem is that their different appearances are justified by them being described simply as clones with desirable mutations (i.e superpowers). But why the hell did the creators have to change their appearances for that to be a thing? How does that correlate? Sure, the concept of clones with different faces is interesting, except... no, no it’s not, and I’m gonna rant about it in a few secs. But basically it's like they thought giving them different faces would be a good substitute for having different personalities (another thing I’ll come back to). If they really wanted to have buff clones with super eyesight or whatnot they could have just done that, without making them lose what little melanin the lighting of the show had allowed the other Clones to keep. 

But the gigantic problem is... showing that the "regular" clones have VERY distinct identities despite their identical faces has been one of the themes of the show from episode 1. Literally, the first episode of TCW has Yoda taking time out of a mission with galactic stakes to tell the three clones he’s with (who tell him they’re all the same because they have the same faces) that they’re wrong, and that they’re very different in the Force, that their appearance doesn’t matter, that they’re all equally unique and important, and he lists all of their individual skills, strengths and weaknesses. 

And it’s not just me being bothered by that, here’s a post by @cacodaemonia​ saying the same thing. 

Introducing the Bad Batch as "unique" clones who are "different" and "not like their brothers" because they have different faces and skills completely breaks that theme of the show!! Because the entire point of the Clones in TCW is that their faces don't matter, they ARE unique! 

(Plus the Bad Batch’s character designs are so cliche and uninspired it’s just laughable to try and justify bleaching their freaking skin for the sake of visual diversity. 

This took like 10 seconds. I found the first guy by literally googling “soldier movies,” and the other two are Team Fortress characters that look a LOT like Wrecker and Crosshair. One is “Heavy” and one is “Sniper” lmao.

And behold:

The above picture is a Team Fortress reference that I found just by looking up “bad batch clone wars,” so I’m not the only person who sees it.) 

And the batchers don't even have personalities to justify calling them unique! They have no character traits beyond the most cliché american soldier tropes ever. We have a token loner sniper, a token "smart tech guy" who knows everything from xenoanthropology to biology to Separatist computers to sound waves to encryption, a token Badass Brooding Leader and a token “dumb muscle guy.”

I dare anyone to find more about their personalities than this: - Crosshair is the perpetually grumpy sniper who looks down on "regs,” - Wrecker likes to blow up stuff and doesn't like heights, - Hunter is the leader and is friends with Cody, - Tech is smart doesn't trust Echo. 

That’s it, that’s literally it. Four episodes about them and that's all we get. These character tropes are literally the least inventive ever. FFS, Hunter even has a freaking KNIFE! Not a vibroblade, mind you, like in kriffing Star Wars. A knife. Against metal droids. Why. They couldn’t make this more of an american-war-movies cliché fest if they tried. (And sure, he can feel electromagnetic waves so maybe it does make sense for him not to carry a vibroblade and maybe this is nitpicking, but he looks like a ripoff of a Predator character and it pisses me off).

Another thing is that when you introduce characters you have to make them likable - and them despising the normal Clones is a terrible way to do that! And they don't even grow from that because at the end of the 4 episodes arc they just see Rex as not bad "for a reg" and they see Echo as no longer a reg, and both of these things are infuriating! 

The worst thing imo is that Echo then becomes part of them (and irreparably loses his melanin in the process, uuuuuuuuugh) when there is nothing to justify this. 

The dialogue goes like this: 

ECHO: You coming? TECH: Not really our thing. CROSSHAIR: Accolades. WRECKER: Yeah, we're just in it for the thrill. Yo! HUNTER: You sure it's your thing? ECHO: What do you mean? HUNTER: Your path is different. Like ours. If you ever feel like you don't fit in with them, well, find us. (they leave) REX: Those are some of the finest troopers I've ever fought alongside. Echo. You and I go way back. If that's where you feel your place is, then that's where you belong.

Echo doesn't feel like he belongs anymore, okay, but why would he feel like he belongs with the assholes who up to the last five minutes of the mission thought he was probably a traitor, and also verbally expressed that he was not worth saving?? In all of the arc, Echo himself never voices that he feels he’s not ‘like the other Clones’ anymore and that he feels it’s a problem. His relationship with Rex immediately picks up where they left things off - the first thing he does upon being lucid again for the first in over a year is cracking a joke for Rex’s benefit. 

Why would Echo feel like he doesn’t belong in the 501st anymore, when we don't even see him interacting with anyone from his past life except for Rex and Anakin (who are both extremely very supportive of him)?? If there had been one scene of a “regular” Clone (ugh) looking at him with horror and disgust or something, or just Kix and Jesse cracking jokes with Echo awkwardly standing by the side not getting it, I could forgive the show trying to make it feel like he has an identity crisis, but this was so shallow!

The only thing that makes Echo and the Bad Batch’s experiences similar is that they *look* different. It’s so against the themes of the Clones I’m seething just from thinking about it. And what the hell? Echo ALREADY didn’t fit in. That was the WHOLE POINT of Domino Squad. They didn’t fit in because they thought they were better than anyone else because they had trouble getting along with their brothers, so obviously it had to be their brothers’ fault (ahem, Bad Batch?). And you know what happened? Domino Squad OVERCAME that. And Echo and Fives still didn’t “fit in” because their personalities were unique and creative, and they became ARC Troopers because Cody, Rex and the Jedi VALUED THEM FOR PRECISELY THAT. Echo having new and unique skills and a modified appearance is the most bs justification for him feeling like he doesn’t belong!! 

And that brings me to my biggest issue: Rex telling Echo the bad batch are some of the best troopers he's ever met. I'm sorry, based on WHAT? What Rex values above everything is loyalty and brotherhood, and the Bad Batch DOESN'T DISPLAY ANY OF THAT. We never see them even expressing concern for each other! Wrecker treats saving Cody’s life like a trivial issue, because it’s just ‘sO eAsY’ for him, and beyond that we never see them supporting each other or genuinely expressing affection for each other beyond boasting about each other’s skills... 

Sure they can destroy a lot of droids, but they're dismissive of Rex's brothers, and the entire Umbara arc and this arc showed what he thought of that. They keep saying things like "not bad for a reg,” don't show any trust in Rex's skills or experience (even though they can't have been fighting in the war for more than a year and a half when he’s been there from the beginning, and he outranks all of them), they are essentially guerilla fighters which has only minimal value in a galactic war, and they never grow beyond their views of what regs are, and can and can’t do. 

None of that should make them good troopers in Rex's book. Going back to Echo not fitting in, remember who taught the Domino Squad the importance of seeing all of your brothers as important and equally valuable? Shaak Ti, true, but more importantly? 99! The guy the Bad Batch are named after. He did have value and was important and was no less of a trooper than his brothers, even though his mutations made him LESS powerful, not more. (And btw, just from a writing standpoint, the batchers don’t have any weaknesses, which is shit.) Cody and Rex mourned 99 as a true soldier even though it wasn’t his sacrifice that brought them victory (which would have implied that he had value as a soldier and a brother because he saved them, as opposed to him having that value intrinsically), because that’s what a fine trooper is to them. A BROTHER first a foremost, someone altruistic, brave and loyal. The Bad Batch distort the meaning of 99's character with their behavior. They’re not altruistic, their bravery is mitigated by the fact that they’re freaking invincible, so of course they take risks (again, see Wrecker saving Cody without a care because it’s easy to him, as opposed to Rex being ready to run into a burning ship about to explode because his brother is in there, and having to be physically dragged away). The Bad Batch denigrate their brothers for being less skilled, thinking their own abilities make them unique somehow, when 99 could barely fight and was still the one who taught Hevy about being a good soldier. 

And again the batchers don't grow from that. Which is all the more frustrating because the original ending didn’t have Echo joining them, from what I remember of the unfinished episodes, and the arc actually ended with them receiving their medals in front of regular troopers who cheer for them, as opposed to them smugly ostracizing themselves and dismissing the ceremony as trivial and meaningless. (original ending vs s7 ending: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab1eCfzKamw) 

It’s so annoying. Do you know what characters never had an entire arc dedicated to them and still have far more personality and more interesting designs and more symbolic weight?? 

Jesse, for starters. Kix. Dogma. Cut. Slick. Keeli. Ponds. Rys, Jek and Thire. Commander Doom. Commander Fox. Wolffe. Hevy. Hardcase. 

Cody was a more interesting character just in his RotS appearances. 

Waxer and Boil had one episode about them and then only two cameos plus Waxer’s death, and they’re still some of the most memorable, beloved Clones of the whole show. And Boil was grouchy and prejudiced like Crosshair, but he has so much growth that we could make a whole thread about it. 

I'd say the last problem with the Bad Batch is that it has cash grabbing money hungry vibes. Different faces are more marketable, cliché personalities are more toy-friendly, and it's basically a big ad for the Bad Batch series. And they throw Echo in the Batch at the end for bs reasons (again, it wasn’t in the original ep from what I remember) and they tease Cody in the show to make sure fans will still watch even if they notice the lack of soul. And less melanin sells more at Disney apparently. 

So that’s my whole pissed rant. 

[babykatsu]

PAIRING: katsuki bakugou x gn!reader

RATING: nsfw

WARNINGS: jealous bakugou, sexual implications (no full on smut), kinda fluff?, strong language, aged-up of course

REQUEST: @anniebromberg tysmm for requesting<3 here’s a lil jealous bakugou fic!! it was really fun to finally write again. i really hope u like it <3 🤲🏻

WORDCOUNT: 1.6k

SYNPOSIS:

Katsuki, your boyfriend, made sure EVERYONE knew that you were his. Well, for the most part at least. He was not one for PDA since he still liked his privacy. You know, some things are better left just for the two of you to enjoy behind the scenes. But this habit of his led to something else... So when you were both out for a short coffee date that you had somehow managed to arrange amidst your busy schedules, Katsuki was beyond fuming to see an extra trying to flirt with you.

The smell of roasted coffee beans filled your nose as your boyfriend gently opened the door to the cafe you frequented. The rich bitter fragrance, with a hint of its inviting warmth, filled the atmosphere. It made your mouth water and yearn for that creamy, smooth drink. The subtle chatter of the customers, the clinking of cups, and other cutlery gently grazed your hearing. Nostalgic. That was the best way to put how you felt right now. It took you back to your first date with Katsuki, and though he will never admit it, this exact coffee shop is his favorite date spot. The subtle way his hand slipped out from yours as you two approached the counter interrupted your train of thought.

"Katsuki?" You questioned.

"I'll be back. I need to go to the toilet real quick. Don't order without me, okay?"

"Of course!"

With that, he shuffled his way through a couple of people before disappearing out of your vision. Awkwardly, you made your way off to the side elsewhere. In your little corner of the shop, you eyed people regularly coming in and out of the cafe. Admittedly, aimlessly standing there observing people was a tad bit uncomfortable and honestly creepy, but you knew Katsuki wouldn't take long. Well, you hoped so, at least.

Your solitude, however, did not last long. It took barely a couple of minutes before one of the people who had entered the establishment locked their eyes with yours. Not only did they maintain their gaze on you, but they even began making their way to you. In embarrassment, you glanced off to the side, eyes glued to where you last saw Katsuki go, awaiting to see his familiar face in the masses. To your disappointment, he wasn't there. And now this stranger was right next to you.

"waiting for your order, sweetheart?" A scratchy husk voice questioned, nudging their shoulder to yours almost in a joking manner. You didn't take lightly to the friendly gesture, feeling somewhat violated by the invasion of personal space.

"I haven't ordered yet" You smiled briskly, finally facing the person beside you. Your response only acted as an open invitation for this complete randomer to get even closer, their hand slithering around your waist.

"How about I buy you a drink, darling? How does that sound?" Though you tried to budge, it felt as though it only made the stranger cling to you tighter. 

As your heart drummed against your chest, you pleaded for Katsuki to get back soon. And to your delight, you heard his familiar voice as he obnoxiously cleared his throat.

The man's seemingly tight grasp on you loosened, taking a few steps back from you as he glanced back at your boyfriend.

"You with them?" The stranger asked, seemingly anxious. It didn't take long until Katsuki interlocked his fingers with yours, palms sweaty and his grip firm.

"The fuck do you think, dumbass?"

You knew Bakugou wanted to raise his voice, but you saw his restraint.  He was clenching his jaw as he spoke through gritted teeth. And worst of all, you could see the hazy distress in his eyes as he stared down at the man in front of him. Perhaps he was holding back to save you the humiliation of causing a stir in your favorite cafe, or maybe this was his breaking point. You never really knew what went through Katsuki's head, but the defeat you sensed come from him had you worried.

"Stop just looking at me and fuck off already." Katsuki spat out before dragging you out of the coffee shop.

Oddly enough, you'd think him aggressively yelling would depict his frustration more. Only, in this case, his silence was deafening. He marched around Tokyo's streets as you delayed behind him, his hand refusing to let go of yours

"Katsuki! Hold on!" You just barely let out. "We are going home." He spoke bluntly. "Do you not have to be back to work in 20 minutes?" With a frustrated sigh escaping his parted lips, he came to a halt.

"Then can we hurry up and get home, y/n?" Facing you, he spoke in a beaten tone.

He squeezed your hand tighter in reassurance before resuming his stride, only this time walking at a more manageable pace for you to keep up.

"You know I hate it when those extras try and talk to you. It's my fault for leaving you alone." He avoided eye contact as he stared up ahead, his car coming into view.

"And I know it's not your fault that dumbasses like that approach you but it still frustrates me, you know. Like, at least if you're with me, the bare minimum I could do is make sure those jerks know their place."

You always knew he was protective over you, usually never hesitating to bark out at those who tried to approach you, yet this time was different. This time felt like he was fed up beyond recognition. A random stranger flirting with you interrupted the date you two had managed to arrange after weeks of not having any alone time.

"Please don't stress yourself over that, baby! I promise you don't have to worry. I don't want anyone but you." You reassured, encircling yourself around his arm. Pulling out his car keys, you heard the familiar chime of his car unlocking.

"I know. It's still gonna annoy me nonetheless, though. How fucking hard is it for them to understand that you're mine and not theirs?"

Swiftly, he lowered you into the car seat as you unhooked yourself from his arm. You waited as he rounded the car, taking his seat next to you. Dropping his head back, he let out another frustrated sigh.

You didn’t know how exactly to break this tension that was between you two. You clasped his hand before saying the only thing that you knew that Katsuki could never turn down.

"Then make sure they know I'm yours." you challenged with a slight grin on your face.

He raised a brow at you, doubtingly but regardless, you could see him try and contain the smile that was growing in his face.

"Do you really want to challenge me to that?" His face lit up as he tilted it towards you.

"You have 15 minutes before you have to be back at work. Do your best-" But before you could fully complete your sentence, his lips had already fallen on yours. This wasn’t exactly the way you expected him to accept your challenge. But how could you deny him?

"I'll make sure everyone knows who you fucking belong to, darling." His breath trickled down your neck as he nibbled at your ear, causing goosebumps to dance down your skin. Butterflies swarmed your stomach as you began to feel excited for what he would do next.

His silky lips glided against every inch of  exposed skin and his hands didn't hesitate to caress everything his lips couldn't reach.  Lightly, he raised his head once more, his darkened crimson eyes peering at you with his signature stare. Gaze dipping lower down your face, he studied your lips, glazed in his previous embrace.

His plump mouth reconnected with yours, gently melting against you. The taste of caramel dripping from his tongue as it swiped your bottom lip. You savored every taste of him, granting him access. Delicate yet rough, he readily explored your mouth. Whirling his tongue around yours, before pulling away to tug at your lip. From gently pecks, to deep french kisses, he kept you guessing every time he leaned back in. And he continued to devour you, breathlessly pressing further into you as he only ventured you further. His hands crawling up your shirt, kneading your waist as he drove his chest towards yours. There was no space left between you two. The thrashing of his heart more noticeable than ever, you felt the adrenaline that ran around his body similarly to your own. Breathless, he parted from you. His cheeks scattered in a pink shimmer as his chest rose up and down as he panted for air.

"Hope on" He motioned to his lap.

And you did just that, throwing one leg over and repositioning yourself to rest above him.

His hands resumed their adventure, leisurely inching up your thighs as his thumbs rubbed in circles. Higher and higher Katsuki's hands reached, and you grew more feverish by the moment. Eyes fluttering to his lips and next down his body, you felt the pit of your stomach lust in anticipation and nervousness.

"Don't tease me now! You know we don't have time" You whined, rocking yourself against him before leaning in to meet his lips. But, he yanked away.

"Say please" He tipped his head, a taunting grin plastered across his face. You couldn't help but feel yourself get warm at his words, a drop of embarrassment streaming through you.

"P-please" You somewhat stammered, but Bakugou adhered to his word, cupping your face and drawing you back towards himself.

His hands slipped up your back, chilly fingers hovering just above your skin as they traced up and down the ridges of your spine. But these more satiny touches soon turned desperate once more. You were met by the clawing of his nails against your back. Down, his lips crept to your neck where he resumed his caresses. Gentle squirms and cries hung from your lips as you felt every lick his cushiony tongue made, every moment his teeth immersed into your skin, and every kiss he settled thereafter. There was no doubt he had left marks and it excited your body all over as you heaved for air. Tugging yourself to him, he bucked his hips up causing a groan to leave him, his breath lingering softly as it cascaded across the back of your neck. The feeling of his hardened cock leaving you craving for more.

But before you continue your endeavor, the sound of an alarm broke you from one another. Bakugou reached for his phone before being greeted with the message he wanted to see the least right now.

'work starts in 3 minutes'

This only meant you'd have to continue what you two had started after work, which only riled you two on more.

“I’ll finish you off at home. Got it?”

[midday0nightmares]

31 - a week later.

Previous chapter a rat.

m.list.

warnings: this series contains themes of yandere\mafia, blood, violence, mental health, drugs, non-con.

author note: this is pure fiction and it is not intended to romanticize any of the situations mentioned bellow.

3 days after.

“Jeno .. can I ask you something?” 

“Sure” he replied,

 jeno too has changed, he has become more caring towards you like he was stepping to fill jaemins place, while jaemin was occupied.

Jeno was more controlled, he didn’t show much, if you didn’t know what had happen you would have believed everything was fine.

“What’s gonna happen to me if..? You know” ,

you leave the questions unfinished, but jeno understands what you wanted to ask.

His mouth opens to speak but closes shut again, he takes a minute to think before he answers “I don’t know”.

His honesty although appreciated didn’t help at all.

 “but, I will do my best to make sure you’er taking care of” he reach to hold your hand over the table, gently squeezing it to reassure you.

.

.

.

5 days after.

You saw less and less of jaemin.

The stress of it all was getting to you too, you were agitated.. you blamed it all on jeno.

“Why don’t you just confess?”, 

your question was loaded with hostility.

He looked at you, a desperate look on his face, he told you over and over but still he tells you again,

”it’s complicated sera”.

You scoff, his answer seemed more like an excuse than a genuine answer. “what’s complicated? You did it, you are the one who should be facing life in prison not him” you pointed at jaemin’s closed door.

He exhales, his eyes close “you don’t know what you’er talking about”.

“You killed him!” You contain to argue but he gets up and leave, ending the conversation.

Tears of anger pooled in your eyes, this is another level of injustice. 

.

.

.

6 days after.

You were quietly munching on your cereal, jeno sat across form you sipping on his bitter coffee.

The mood was tense, unstable.

The neglected tv flashed a breaking news strip that caught your attention, it was about the murder in a diplomatic’s son house, “turn the volume up” you ushered jeno.

“.. it has been determined that the leased apartment falls under diplomatic amenity and no further investigations could be carried” 

You looked at jeno, “dose it mean that they’er closing the case?” You asked, carful not to get your hopes up, he remind quiet for a minute before he nods “ yup, I guess they are”.

You jumped out of your seat, squealing with happiness “yes! Yess thank god” you grabbed his arm to share the joy but he didn’t move.

He wasn’t happy, nor relieved.. he didn’t seems to feel any thing.

You top your small celebration, “what?” You asked.

“Nothing” he stood up ready to leave, “clean up when you’er done”.

he leaves you to your wild thoughts to run the worst case scenarios. 

.

.

.

Today

The week slowly rolled over with much tension and uncertainty, jaemin has been called to the police station couple more times, you swear each time he comes back, he has aged years.

You wanted to be by his side but he didn’t even look at you when you tried to call him this morning, if he’s not out then he’s locking himself in his room. you tried knocking on his door, to get him to at least eat a proper meal but he didn’t answer. Each attempt has been met with either complete silence or a sharp temper, he would lash at you then quickly apologize.

This is not how you wanted your first semester to begin, you attended the first week of your online classes but you couldn’t really focus on what has been said, not with a disaster hanging above your head ready to drop at any minute.

And as much as you wanted to blame it all on jeno, you couldn’t anymore. The case is closed, but why is jaemin still being investigated? Could it be because of you? Did the police knew you were taken? Was it your fault?.. you tossed and turned in your bed, it felt cold and empty without him, you missed him so much. After a long string of pillow thoughts, slumber finally took mercy over you.

“y\n..” 

An unfamiliar voice calls your name.

“y\n” 

the whisper gets louder, your body tip over and fall off of an edge to an endless darkness.. you jerk out of the nightmare, drenched in sweat and gasping for air.

You clam yourself and push the heavy covers off of you, dragging your feet to the kitchen for some water, you don’t bother turning the lights on, you open the fridge door and take a bottle. The icy water clears the clouds in your mind only for the grim reality to take its place, jaemin might be taken away.. you dwell on the scary thought. 

You turn your head to see the lights of jaemins room were on, your heart clinches, he’s still awake at this ungodly hour.

Opting not bother him, you head back to your lonely bed, but the dark figure in the balcony almost gave you a heart attack.

You recognize the man, it’s jaemin.. his tall figure was standing in the dark, the phone was pressed to his ear, his demeanor was agitated, shifting his weight form one foot to the other, you couldn’t hear anything but you can tell he wasn’t happy.

You turn to see if jeno was in his room, his lights were off and his shoes were by the door. you always had the impression that they were close, partners in crime. they did all their nasty work together, but why is it only jaemin who is in this mess right now?.

“You can’t be serious !” 

Jaemin’s loud voice comes clear through the thick glass, his hand running through his hair seemingly wanting to rip it from the roots out of frustration. You can tell he was angry, desperate.. he keeps shouting but you can’t make out what he was saying. you step closer, as close as you can without being seen by him, you try to decipher his muffled voice,

 “I am your son! Your only son” 

you’er not sure if that’s what he said.. 

He speaks in a lower voice before he removes the phone from his ear, ending the call. He punches the wall next to him, he was beyond pissed.

You move to hide behind the curtain to avid angering him more, he opens the door and steps inside slamming the glass door behind him.

“I can see you” he deadpan says in the dark, since there’s no one other than you, he must be talking to you and you make the quick decision of coming out before he losses his temper. 

“Im sorry, I had a nightmare and I got up to drink wa..” You try to explain yourself but he waves his hand with not much care “Yeah yeah” and you stop talking.. he walks to his room, the dull city lights illuminating his backside, his shoulders were slumped, his back hunched with heavy burden, the sight of him broken made your heart twist inside your ribcage.

“Jaemin” you call him without a plane, he stops and looks at you, “Are you okay?”, stupid question.. 

Although it’s dark, you can feel his eyes burning holes into your face.

“Do I look okay?” He retorts,

You answered him with a small “no”

he turns to walk to his room but you speak again, “I can help you if you tell me what wrong”, bold statement.

He stops again and heavy sighs, your heart thumbs in your chest as you wait for him to speak, but all you get was a scoff, “why don’t you just know your place huh?” he asks with much condecindence, although you know he didn’t mean it, his words still hurts. 

“Just stay out of my way, you have done enough already” he adds more sharp words, twisting the planted knife in your heart.

“I just wanted to help you and be here for you” your voice breaks and you hate yourself for it, but you chock and the tears starts to gather in your eyes, he huffs and looks up to the ceiling, impatiently waiting for you to recompose yourself. But his cold nonchalant demeanor triggers more eruptions inside of you.

 the words escapes your mouth before you have thought of them.. “all I wanted was to help you, but you keep me away form you! you don’t tell me anything, no one is telling me anything! I don’t know what is happing or if I will see you when wake up the next day” you rant through the sobs, your voice getting louder and louder, and when he was fed up with you he shuts you down with a loud scream “shut up”.

 Jeno comes out of his room, bewildered and alert.. he stands in the background watching the fight evolves.

“You are not my girlfriend” he walks towards you, making you feel small and insignificant, “I don’t own you anything” his tall stature looms over your short one, that cuts deep. 

you look at him, you stare into his eyes, challenging him to take what he said back but he doesn’t.

“Yeah?” Your voice barely comes out, “fine then I guess I have no reason to stay here anymore”. you turn and stomp to where your bed is to collect your few belongings, he follows behind, his steps shaking the ground beneath you.

“where the fuck do you think you’er doing?” He asks but you ignore him, more so you couldn’t speak due to the choking knot in your throat, but your lack or response angers him even more, he grabs your arm and turns you around with much force, that it almost dislocates your shoulder, you whimper at the pain but he doesn’t care, his grip tightening even more, his eyes glazed with a dark, sinister layer.

“Jaemin!” Jeno warns, but it does nothing as another screaming match breaks between you, with him asking you the same question, not really waiting for an answer, and you shouting whatever comes to your mind first, curses, accusation, anything to hurt him. you don’t know who started it first but hands were being thrown, jeno was trying to break you apart, but  eventually, jaemin overpowered you and threw you over his shoulder like a rag doll, your kicking and screaming did nothing against him.

 “Jaemin” jeno shouted at his friend who was in a trance, muttering the filthiest insults under his breath.

“Where are you going? Jaemin!” jeno tries to reason with him. at this point jaemin was like a robot, marching to his room, he kicks the door to his bedroom open, he slams you to his bed, knocking the wind out of you. 

“Jaemin! Calm down” jeno was trying to stop whatever jaemin was doing, he kneels and opens his safe, jeno’s voice getting louder, you were paralyzed with fear everything is happing so fast for your brain to form a response.

Jeno was trying to pry jaemin’s hands out of the safe, “come on! don’t do something you’ll regret”, jeno was almost begging him to stop.

jaemin finally broke out of his trance and turned to jeno “get out!”,

but jeno stood in his place like a pillar, his presence seems to clam jaemin, he takes a deep breath and pushes his hair back “I know what im doing” he speaks calmly this time before he turns back to you, you swallow the thick knot “jaemin please..” pleadings to spare your life were timid but loud enough to be heard, your body crawls as far away from him before the wall stops you.

He kneels down and reaches again inside the safe, for a second the time has stoped, everything moved in slow motion. 

He takes out a metal handcuffs out of the safe, the blood that was frozen in your vines moved again, you let go of a breath you didn’t know you were holding.. jeno does the same “fuck..” he must have thought the same, he too believed jaemin was about to kill you.

Your limbs fell weak and cold due to the withdrawal of the adrenaline that filled your bloodstream, you feel sick, dizzy.

The bed dips under jaemin’s weight next to you, your head falls back into his soft pillows, aimless tears rolls down your temples, you give him your hands to cuff. you are worn out, you surrender.

He takes both of your arms and cuffs them to the headboard of his bed, your eyes meet, you don’t look away and neither does he. He looks down at you.. his eyes pours inside of your soul.

Dark circles beneath his eyes, dry lips, heavy eyelids but still, still handsome as ever. he leans down to kiss your watery eyes, “for my sanity sake” he whispers between the kisses.

He throws his covers over you, and turns the lights off before he leaves and close the door behind him. 

[charliedawn]

How would they react to you sacrificing yourself for them ?

You are fighting next to Diana and see the breach to the other side widening enough to show Darkseid and his army. You know that any seconds longer, and they would enter this world. You look at Diana that seems to read your mind and shakes her head.

" My lady..There are other ways.."

She says while grabbing your arm, but you only smile with tears in your eyes before arguing.

" No, there are not."

You then get out of her grip and start running towards the portal before jumping inside, just when Cyborg closes the portal. Diana screams for them to wait..but it's too late. You're gone..Diana is shocked and finally falls on her knees, her eyes fixed to the exact spot where you had disappeared.

"Y/N..No.."

You look at the portal that enlarges enough for you to see Darkseid and his army on the other side. You know what you have to do and take a big shaky breath before pushing the button of your communication transmitter.

"I'm sorry, Barry..Seems like I have to steal the spotlight this time."

You can hear the confused and worried side of Barry's reply.

" Y/N..What are you talking about ?"

But you don't wait before running forward and jumping inside the portal with a loud scream. Barry runs to boost Cyborg that succeeds in closing the portal. He smiles widely at the end and does a little victory dance while searching you with his eyes.

" Y/N ! Did you see that ?! I was awesome !"

But, he doesn't find you and his smile falters as he sees the dark faces of the other members of the team.

" W..Where is Y/N ?"

He asks with a shaky voice, guessing the answer but still wanting to hear it. It's Batman that finally steps forward and confirms his worst nightmare come true.

" She's gone. I'm sorry, kid."

Barry thinks it's a joke at first and lets out a forced laugh.

" Ah ah. Very funny, Bruce. Now, Where is she, really ?"

But Batman only looks at him with a sorrowful gaze, making him understand that he wasn't joking.

" I'm sorry.."

He whispers while Barry stays silent for a while before falling on his knees, crying.

" No.."

Cyborg had tried many times to close the gate, but he needed power..and Barry was late. You know what you have to do and stand behind him before putting your hands on his shoulders. He wants to ask you what you're doing until he feels a wave of energy coursing through him..your energy.

" You know it's the only way..I'm sorry.."

When he understands what you intend to do, he wants to turn around and force you to let go, but you hold on and scream as you feel your last strengths leaving you.

" Save them !"

" Y/N ! Noooo !"

He screams with tears in his eyes, but you still give him everything and he manages to close the gate. He then hears you collapse on the floor and turns around to kneel beside you. He takes your body and cradles it tenderly.

" Y/N.."

He moans in pain and then, Barry appears. Cyborg glares up at him.

" It's your fault.."

He says, his voice dripping with hatred, but his eyes soften when he sees that Barry was shot in the leg. He sighs and looks back at your face before standing up with you, still in his arms. He flies up, not addressing another word to the rest of the team as to where he was taking your body.

You look at the widening portal and sigh loudly, knowing what you have to do. You put your communication transmitter on in order to talk to Arthur one last time.

" Hey Arthur..Please, look after the team for me, okay ?"

Arthur is flying in the air on the back of a dead alien, but he still answers you with confusion in his voice.

" What nonsense are you blabbering about now, woman ?"

You smile at his typical answer before whispering.

" I'm going to miss you.."

You then look at the portal and, before anyone can stop you, jump inside. The portal closes and Arthur arrives just in time to see you fighting the army on the other side. He runs to get to you, but too late. He falls head first in the ground. He groans in pain before getting up, panting. Cyborg puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, but Arthur shakes it off harshly. He then walks away, far enough for none of the members of the justice league to see him cry. When he is far enough, he leaves his trident fall to the floor and falls to his knees before letting out all of his rage and pain by a long loud scream, loud enough to shake the earth and the seas alike.

You see that the portal is nearly completely open and look at Batman that is looking at the portal as well. He knows that they will soon be able to enter this world..And you both know that someone has to get inside to hold them off as long as possible..However, what he doesn't know is that there is no way you're letting him get in there. You both run towards the portal, but you use your inhuman strength to push him out of the way. He looks up at you, shocked.

"Y/N..You don't have to do this. Please. I can't lose you too.."

Batman pleads, but you only smile reassuringly at him before replying in the most genuine way possible.

" Thank you for giving me a home, Bruce.."

You then run towards the portal and jump inside before he could stop you. He tries to follow you, but the portal closes and he only rolls in the dirt. He stays on the ground for a while before punching the dirt and shouting.

" No ! It wasn't supposed to end like that ! It was supposed to be me ! Me !"

He starts crying and takes off his mask to throw it away in frustration. Superman approaches to help him up and Bruce takes a moment before finally taking it. Diana tries to say something, but Bruce cuts her.

" I don't want to talk about it. Let's go home."

You see the portal closing and know that there is no other way to stop them from crossing.. You only look at him with tearful eyes, you know you can't say anything, as he would automatically know and stop you. You only smile one last time at him and run towards the portal to jump inside in order to hold the enemy back. Cyborg closes the portal at that moment, before you could get back. Clark is speechless for a moment, too shocked to react. He then falls to his knees and cries out.

" Noooooo !"

He punches the ground multiple times, creating some little earthquakes as a consequence. He finally stops when Diana comes behind him and uses the lasso on him.

" Stop, Superman. She wouldn't want this. Please, let her sacrifice not be in vain.."

He balls his knuckles into fists before looking up at Diana, ready to let his fury run unrestrained..until he sees the pain in her own eyes and the tears that are rolling down her cheeks. He calms down and only nods reluctantly. Diana finally frees him and he gets up without a word to suddenly fly up in the sky. When he is far above the clouds, he stops and looks down at the humans with, for the first time in his life, hatred and envy.

" You don't know how lucky you are that she was a good person..She saved you all, and you'll never even know it.."

He mutters with his heart tightening in his chest at the realization of his own words. In all the length of his existence, he has never felt jealousy towards humanity..However now, he must admit that he is jealous, jealous beyond anything of their ignorance. They all look up to him as if he is a god..You were the only one who saw him as who he really was: just a man with his insecurities and his emotions that could destroy the world if let out. But now that the only person who genuinely cared and understood him was gone..Who would make sure he doesn't lose his control ?

[redorich]

-slips into your inbox-

Hullo red, 'tis me, Fidget. Here to haunt your inbox because you have gravely wounded me with so many things today.

First of all, sad Phil. God, he guts me. 'Impulse has a family, he does not need Philza.' has ripped out my heart. Please, this man has been trough so much. Willbur died by his own hands, Tommy he almost killed because he believed dream, and apparently not even Techno trusts him. After all, he did keep Tommy's location a secret from even him for a long time. (That Techno is loyal to a fault does not matter in this horrible interpretation of things.)

And then.

And THEN you hit me with the replaced family bit? Bdkandjakyba. My heart is weak and fragile, please Red.. Please I just... Want this family to heal a little. Someone please teach Phil that he can not shoulder the burden of the world by himself, that he was just one man in a war torn world who did the best he could. And his best wasn't good enough, but that doesn't mean he wasn't trying, that he is a bad person for it.

Like, Tommy had a whole, peaceful Server of well adjusted adults looking out for him and Phil had his bootstraps and the voices of the blood god first in his own and then in Techno's head.

It must've been hard to keep sane (I don't think he quite managed either.)

And maybe Phil doesn't go to see impulse to help him. Because he can see that the hermits are doing a much better job than he ever could, can see that Impulse is getting better not worse like Phil did all that time ago.

But Impulse now helped to save two of his sons. Perhaps Phil ought to make the journey and thank him, shoulders heavy with broken wings and broken hopes. He couldn't give his family what they needed, but impulse could. The hermits could.

It would be rude to leave this deed unacknowledged. (Perhaps Impulse or another hermit who's around sees the Trauma that seems to cling to this family like tar and thinks: Oh, it's free real estate(for adoption). You did mention Xisuma likes to adopt sad people.)

Cleo keeps nudging Philza to talk to Impulse. Philza's friendship with Cleo is new, so he can't yet tell whether it's an "as an immortal I'm telling you not to make a mistake" thing or an "I'm a nosy little weasel" thing. Not that Philza would ever call Cleo a nosy little weasel to her face, even if she'd probably take it as a compliment.

So, he goes and says hello to Impulse in his giant quartz base, even though he doesn't want to. Impulse, for his part, looks a bit taken aback, but takes the visit in stride.

“Y’know, call me crazy, but I got the impression that you don’t like me much,” Impulse laughs awkwardly.

Philza tilts his head, recalling his interactions with Impulse-- or rather, lack thereof. “Oh, ‘cause I was avoiding you?”

Impulse starts, caught off guard by the blatant admission. “Uh, yeah, I guess. Did I do something? I’m sorry if I did.”

Waving off the concern, Philza speaks freely. “Nah mate, you’re fine. I’ve got no quarrel with you. Anyway, I was just stopping by to say thank you. For-- for taking care of Tommy, and Techno too.” Philza smiles wryly. “’S more than I ever did for them, I guess.”

“You did plenty,” Impulse protests with a furrowed brow. “Techno talks about you all the time.”

The immortal blond blinks, as if he didn’t expect to hear that. “Eh,” he says in lieu of addressing it. Instead, he changes the topic completely.

“I’m trying out this whole ‘Hermit Therapy’ thing,” he says with a shrug, “so I guess that means I’m supposed to talk about my feelings or something? And I’m a grown-ass man, so that feels more than a bit condescending, but I suppose I’ll tell you my opinion so I can at least say I tried.”

Impulse winces at the harsh, uncaring way Philza addresses the situation. Should Impulse be offering Philza a place to sit? For all the redstone farms in the base, there isn’t a chair to be found. Philza doesn’t seem to care.

“I tried raising my kids. Failed.” Philza runs a hand through the long feathers on one of his wings. “You came in and taught Tommy more about being a person than I ever did. That’s fine, he deserves it. I can’t hold it against you.”

“I--” Impulse tries to interject, but Philza talks over him.

“You helped Techno-- I never did figure out how to do that. Again, he needed that, and I’d be a petty fool to get upset just because the person who gave him what he needed wasn’t me.” Philza’s mouth flattens into a grim line.

“But then,” he says, “you went above and beyond. You saw Kharneth hurting Techno-- my boy. And you gave him hope that Kharneth could be killed. Do you know how long I spent, trying to help him come to terms with the fact that Kharneth isn’t someone-- something that can or should be killed?”

Impulse leans back, shoving his hands in his pockets. He knows that Philza tried killing Kharneth, the Blood God, and paid a price, but...

Philza runs a jittery hand through his hair. “And then you did it! You killed the Blood God. And I thought, oh, this poor man doesn’t know what he’s done. Surely the Blood God’s powers will break this man’s mind-- after all, if I couldn’t handle it, how could this soft human hope to?”

Wincing again, Impulse stays quiet. Obviously Philza needs to say his piece.

“Then you did,” the immortal says. “Why is it that everything I’ve ever done, everything I’ve ever tried to do, you’re better at it than me? You’ve got my sons wrapped around your finger, you’ve got better control of those powers than I ever did, you’re goddamn happy,” the man spits.

“...I’m sorry you feel that way,” Impulse says in mild shock, groping for the right words.

“And the worst part!” Philza steamrolls over Impulse’s apology, “Is that I don’t even hate you!”

Impulse blinks. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re just...” Philza sighs, holding a wing in front of him like a shield. “You’re everything I wish I was, and I’m jealous and I’m mature enough to recognize that, but... is it weird of me to want to be friends with you too?”

Licking his lips, Impulse chooses his words carefully. “I’d love to be friends with you. For what it’s worth... You’ve got your own strengths, it’s just... harder for you to see them? Because you’re looking at everyone else’s strengths, comparing yourself to them, and evidently, uh. Finding yourself falling short.” He chuckles awkwardly. “I’d never last a month in a hardcore world.”

Philza looks away. “Hardcore, the one thing I’m known for. Easy enough for you to say.” He frowns, not because he’s upset with Impulse, but because he realizes he’s being a cantankerous bastard.

“I’m afraid I don’t know you too well,” Impulse says diplomatically. “Maybe... Yeah, let’s be friends.” He claps his hands together with the air of a man making a plan. “I’ll get to know you better, and then I can tell you what you’re good at, until you can learn to see it for yourself.”

The immortal swipes at Impulse’s head with a wing, but pulls the swing so that he only barely brushes the man with feather-tips. “Good lad,” he says gruffly, but he can’t quite hide his smile.

[morganaspendragonss]

fall apart when it hurts too much

i had like three ideas for this fic so here’s all of them smashed together! ft. carlos and tk actually not being physically perfectly fine after being trapped in a fire, breakdowns in the shower, and an actual apology for that scene.

It's the smallest thing that breaks him, in the end. Ever since the fire, Carlos has been trying to keep a lid on everything, trying not to shatter even though he's been on the verge for hours now. He makes it to the shower, desperate to scrub the stench of smoke from his body, and then he just—

He drops the soap.

ao3 | 2.9k | 2.12 spoilers

Carlos barely makes it five steps from their house before his knees are hitting the tarmac, falling to all fours as his body heaves and shakes with coughing. He can’t catch his breath, and panic lights up in his chest, fingernails scrabbling at the ground despite the pain. Hands are on him, too big and rough to be TK’s, but Carlos doesn’t have a chance to work out who they belong to before they’re shifting under his arms, dragging him backwards even as their house explodes, a blast of intense heat washing over them.

If he had any breath left in him, Carlos is certain it would have abandoned him in that moment. Everything he’s spent years building for himself, all gone in the blink of an eye. It’s too much, and he collapses back down the second whoever’s holding him lets go. His eyes are streaming, a combination of irritation from the smoke, the tightness in his lungs, and a terror that he suspects won’t leave him for a long, long time. 

He gasps, forehead pressed to the concrete, and then hands are on him again, but these—these, he knows. Carlos sags gratefully into TK’s arms, allowing him to pull him close and resting his head on TK’s chest, right above his heart.

He still can’t really breathe, and judging by the ragged gasps from above him, TK isn’t faring much better. But his heart is beating. 

They’re alive.

Carlos closes his eyes, drifting away from himself as the fire continues to burn and the wail of sirens cut through the night air. TK curls his body around him and Carlos clings to that security with both hands. It means they made it out; somehow, they made it out.

TK’s lips press against his cheek, then his mouth shifts to his ear, voice rough yet still soothing when he speaks. “Baby, we need to move,” he says. “We gotta — They gotta check us out.”

Carlos feels himself nodding, but it’s the only movement he can manage. His entire body is trembling and his mind is frozen, replaying the last five minutes over and over on repeat.

God, had it only been five minutes?

“Come on.” TK tugs at his arm and, after a few tries, Carlos manages to get his limbs to cooperate long enough to begin to rise. A dizziness comes over him without warning and he stumbles, nearly pulling them both back to the ground; it occurs to Carlos that TK can’t be any more steady than he is. They’d been in there for the same time, after all.

Judd catches Carlos before he falls, and he sees through blurred vision Owen doing the same for TK. They’re led - or, rather, carried - to the ambulance, the flashing lights cutting through Carlos’s already pounding skull, and carefully lowered down onto the step. Unthinkingly, Carlos grabs TK’s hand, unsure if the tremor in the touch is coming from him or TK.

Oxygen masks are secured over both their faces and shock blankets wrapped around their shoulders, the soft material comforting. A kind-looking paramedic kneels in front of them, asking them questions about symptoms as she wraps burns Carlos didn’t even realise he’d acquired. He barely manages a nod or a head shake at the appropriate moments, his brain struggling to catch up with it all.

He’s so tired. All he wants is to be asleep in their bed, in TK’s arms, and for this to be a horrible nightmare he’s yet to wake from.

But their bed is gone. Their home is gone, ashes, only the twisted remnants of metal supporting beams left behind.

He’s shaking again, his chest constricting and causing him to cough despite the oxygen mask. Tears fall hot and fast down his cheeks and he practically falls onto TK, hands fisting in the blanket.

“I’m so sorry,” he sobs when he’s caught his breath enough to speak, pulling the mask down. “I’m so sorry.”

TK shushes him, hands running soothingly up and down his back. “It’s okay. This wasn’t your fault. We’re going to be okay.”

“But we almost weren’t.” He pulls back to meet TK’s eyes, the first time since Owen and Billy came bursting in. “I—I thought we weren’t going to make it. I should have had a fire extinguisher upstairs, this should never have… I...”

He cuts himself off, talking becoming an impossibility. TK cradles him close, kissing his head gently and whispering reassurances into his hair. Carlos hangs onto every word, not really believing them, but wanting to desperately.

By the time the paramedic ushers them into the ambulance, Carlos’s tears have eased, but the gaping pit in his chest has only grown. 

He wishes he could wake up now.

*

They’re at the hospital for a few hours, run through a myriad of tests before they’re both declared fit to leave. A smiling nurse gives them the news, telling them that they’ll be home before they know it. 

Neither of them have the energy or the ability to correct her.

Carlos’s parents come to pick them up, his mom producing a bag of fresh clothes for both of them. Where she got them from, Carlos doesn’t know, and he doesn’t ask. He hasn’t said much at all since the fire despite TK’s many attempts to get him to talk, leaning into the doctor’s advice not to do anything that might irritate his throat. He’s not sure what he’s even supposed to say; their house is gone, and that’s… That’s that.

His mom loops her arm through his and walks him through the corridors and out of the hospital. Carlos only half-listens to her talk about fixing up his room for them and what she’s planning on cooking for dinner tonight; he still feels the stench of smoke and ash clinging to his skin, even though they were able to clean up a little at the hospital. He itches with the need to wash it all off, to scrub until his skin cracks and bleeds and the pain eclipses that which lingers in his bones.

TK seems to sense how he’s feeling, constantly providing support in one form or another the entire drive to his parents’ house. Carlos feels guilty for not checking on him, but he’s seconds from shattering. If he tries to focus on anything other than holding himself together, he knows he’ll break.

He realises that makes him a shitty boyfriend, but… But.

His childhood home soon comes into view, a part of Carlos relaxing at the sight. He’s beyond grateful that they came here instead of going to Owen’s; he needs every comfort he can get right now, his mother’s cooking and his abuela’s stitched blanket second only to TK on that list. 

He turns to TK as the car comes to a stop, squeezing his hand gently. “This isn’t how I’d imagined bringing you home for the first time,” he jokes, trying for a smile, but it falls flat. TK gives him a token smile anyway, the same weariness Carlos is feeling heavy in his gaze. 

“I’m looking forward to seeing what teenage Carlos was like.”

“You already know,” Carlos points out. “I’m pretty sure my mom spilled every story there is the other night when we were… Well, you know.”

TK nods. “Yeah,” he says, his voice a mere whisper. Carlos doesn’t get it, how even the slightest thought of their house can send him spiralling, but he guesses that it’s just another thing he’ll have to deal with now. As if there wasn’t already enough.

He doesn’t get a chance to think on it any longer, his parents calling for them to come inside, his mother practically shoving the two of them upstairs. Carlos leads TK to his old room by the hand, the decorations almost untouched since he moved out.

“You can just…” He waves around, gesturing vaguely to the bed. “Make yourself comfortable, I guess. I’m going to shower, you can go in after me if you want, or I won’t mind if you just want to sleep. Bathroom is the door at the end of the hall.”

TK chews on his lip, not letting go of Carlos’s hand just yet. “I can join you?” he offers, but Carlos shakes his head.

“It’s pretty small in there. Better not.”

TK doesn’t look like he believes him (and why would he? it is a lie, after all) but he nods and lets go. Carlos lingers for a second, then leaves, grabbing the bag of clothes his mom left on his way.

He manages to scrub himself fully once before it happens. There’s still a slight tremble to his hands as he reaches for the soap again, the feeling of being unclean sticking to him, and he just—

He drops the soap.

It shouldn’t be a big deal. Carlos stares at where it’s fallen, willing himself to just pick it up and carry on, because that would be the sensible thing to do, right? The normal thing?

But he can’t. Everything—the fire, the house, the goddamn soap—is suddenly all too much, and Carlos has to brace himself against the tiles as emotions he’s tried so hard to ignore pour out of him in a wave of grief and sorrow and despair. He presses his fist to his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut, cries wrenching from his mouth, so loud that he doesn’t hear the gentle knocking at the door.

“Carlos?”

Carlos gasps, straightening as TK’s voice cuts through the noise. “I’m okay, I’ll just be a second,” he calls, but obviously he’s not convincing enough as the door creaks open, TK’s face falling when he catches sight of him.

“Oh, Carlos.”

TK steps into the room, silently undressing and stepping into the shower with him. He bends and grabs the soap from where it fell and creates a lather on his hands, looking to Carlos for permission before going any further.

Carlos wordlessly nods, so TK begins rubbing the suds over his body, touch soft and feather-light. They don’t say a word, and it’s not… It’s not relaxing, exactly - Carlos doesn’t think he can relax tonight - but it’s… It’s something. It means he’s not alone, which is all Carlos could ask for in this moment.

A slight pressure on his shoulder tells him to turn around, so Carlos puts his back to TK, facing the spray of the showerhead. He doesn’t know why, but not having to look at him makes it easier, somehow, to say the words that have been spinning in his mind since this nightmare began.

“I’m so sorry, TK,” he whispers. “If we had just had an extinguisher, then—”

“Then, nothing,” TK interrupts, not pausing in his motions. “I used to be a firefighter, Carlos; I know from experience that when a fire burns like that, nothing can stop it. My dad, Billy, and Judd all had extinguishers, and they barely made a dent.”

“I still should have done more. You were so calm, and I was just panicking.”

“Firefighter. I’ve been in plenty of burning buildings before; you haven’t. And, trust me, I was scared too.” TK sighs, his hands stilling on Carlos’s shoulders for a brief second before resuming. “Listen to me,” he whispers fiercely, planting a kiss between his shoulder blades. “You have nothing to apologise for, you hear me? Nothing.”

*

When Carlos wakes the next morning, TK is sitting on the edge of the bed, back to him, his hands twisting together in his lap. The set of his shoulders is tense, and Carlos can imagine the look on his face right now. He pushes himself up onto an elbow and reaches out, intending on comforting TK the way he’s done so many times over the course of their relationship.

What he’s not expecting is for TK to flinch away like his touch burns. Carlos frowns, sitting up fully and crawling over the bed to sit next to him. “Babe?” he asks. “What’s wrong?”

TK shakes his head, subtly—though, not subtle enough—shifting away from him until there’s a clear gap between their bodies. It’s so far removed from last night when they could barely stand to let go of each other, and Carlos has no idea what’s causing it.

“TK?” he tries, keeping his hands to himself this time. “Please, TK, talk to me.”

It takes another agonising minute before TK finally, slowly, turns his gaze to Carlos. His eyes are wet and red-rimmed, and he can’t seem to look directly at him for longer than a few seconds. He clears his throat roughly, rubbing the material of his borrowed sweats between his fingers.

“Remember last night?” he says quietly. “When I said you had nothing to apologise for? I meant that—you don’t, but I do.” TK takes a trembling breath, then turns to him with a gasp. “Carlos, I—”

“Stop,” Carlos interrupts, shaking his head. He thought they’d moved past this; he doesn’t want to think about it anymore. “I already told you, it’s okay. You were in shock, you were angry… I get it, okay? You don’t need to be sorry.”

“Yes, I do.”

“TK—”

“Carlos, please.” A couple of tears slip down TK’s cheeks and he doesn’t bother to wipe them away, a desperate look in his eyes. Carlos hesitates, then sighs and nods, gesturing for him to continue. “Thank you. I… If I thought it meant anything, I would say that I’m sorry a thousand times over. I mean, I am, of course I am, but they’re just words, right? The same as saying I wish it had never happened in the first place, because the point is that it did happen and I can’t ever take it back. You had done nothing but support me, and I just—I hit you. There’s no excusing that. I don’t even know if there’s any forgiving that.”

Carlos frowns. “Of course there is.”

“Well, maybe there shouldn’t be.” TK looks down at his lap, shoulders curved inwards. “I wanted to use so badly that night,” he admits. “I was going out of my mind over my dad, and I’d convinced myself that I’d lost you. That I was going to lose you both. It was so tempting to go to the nearest bar or dealer and make it all go away for a while.

“Then I realised that I would only be hurting more people if I did, and I couldn’t do that. I’m not… This isn’t me trying to excuse what I did to you. You don’t deserve that, and I understand completely if you can’t trust me anymore, or even if you want me to leave. I’ll do it, whatever you want, just say the word. I can’t take it back, but I’ll do anything so that you feel safe.”

TK sniffs, his head bowed so low he’s almost folding in half. Carlos hesitates, then slowly reaches out, taking TK’s hands in his own. “TK, look at me?” he asks softly.

TK does, pain written all over his face, and it breaks Carlos’s heart again. 

“I forgive you,” he says, squeezing as tight as he dares. “I forgive you. You might not think you deserve it, but I promise you that you do. I won’t pretend that what happened didn’t hurt me, but I understand why you did it.” He pauses, weighing his next words carefully before he speaks, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Not that he thinks TK will react like before again, but he refuses to make him feel any worse about the situation.

He makes sure he has TK’s eyes on him before speaking, keeping his voice as calm as possible. “But,” he starts, sighing heavily, “you are right. It’s not an excuse, and we are going to have to deal with this soon. Maybe not right now, but we need to have a conversation about these defence mechanisms of yours and how we can make sure you don’t feel the need to fall back on them again.”

TK nods. “I’m going to go to a meeting tomorrow, and I’ll talk to my therapist as soon as I can. I’ll… I’ll be better, Carlos, I swear.”

“I know you will.”

Carlos shifts closer so he can wrap an arm around TK. He stiffens at the touch, but slowly leans into it, carefully resting his head on Carlos’s shoulder.

“I don’t deserve this,” he mumbles.

“Everyone deserves a second chance,” Carlos counters.

TK snorts. “I think you’ve given me about thirty.”

“And you’ve deserved every single one.” He kisses the top of TK’s head and strokes his side. “I don’t think you could ever do anything bad enough to drive me away. That’s not who you are, TK. You’ve made mistakes, yes, but I love you and I will keep loving you even if you think I shouldn’t because I know my boyfriend and I know he’s a good man.”

TK sniffles, his arms coming up to wrap around him. He hesitates a second, a palm hovering over Carlos’s chest, trembling in mid-air as the seconds drag out. Carlos holds his breath, waiting, then smiles as TK slowly brings it down, letting it rest just over his heart.

The touch is light, barely there, but it’s something. It’s progress. 

They’re both more than a little broken, more than a little hurt, but they can heal. They will heal, as long as they’re together.

[andieperrie18]

back to you (part one)

Seeing Damian very affectionate was a commotion that rarely ever happens, those who witness it are very few which only consists of family and friends. So seeing so openly display softness towards another person, a civilian at that is a rare case. The spark and softness of his gaze towards her looked so different than those he was previously with in the with. Not that he had anymore than one love interest Rachel Roth. Y/n was a very different case.

She is Tim's ex-girlfriend and past babysitter of Damian, not that he ever needed one when he always claim that he has a mindset beyond his age. That didn’t stop Y/n to interact with him similarly to a child. Tim had devoted himself in being the very close sidekick of Batman which means he leaves Y/n alone all the time.

At the beginning, she was very understanding to a fault that she had let him of the hook for missing dates, movie nights and study sessions for almost two years. And in that time span, he became less affectionate than he was at the first year of their relationship. This left her nights of countless puffy nose and swollen eyes. Damian was the first to notice all the signs of her broken heart. From the her ear to ear smile that will slowly contort upside down as you mutter "oh, okay… may be next time then…", a phrase he has heard for too many times from you as it came out of your lips on a similar deteriorating tone like a broken record.

Damian knew to himself that he wasn't best person to find comfort with. But since then, he became more engaged in their routine together, no matter how childish some of them were. Missed out dates became random food trips and movie nights with Tim became movie nights with Damian.

Y/n poured all the wasted romantic affection she had for Tim into a platonic one through Damian. Teasing and messing with the blood son, to a point that no matter how aggressive his threats were to her, no longer moves nor scare her as he knows she trusts him too much that he never means anything he says.

"Let me guess, he forgot about it tonight?" a defeated sigh escaped Damian's lips, no longer taking a look towards the door to his room where her figure stood. Y/n simply tilted her head to the side, a gesture that meant, "Yes".

It took about five seconds before he stood from his study chair with Titus who was simply sleeping on the floor beside him followed him. "What movie will you be playing to compensate for wasting my time?" Y/n chuckled at his statement as she opens the door more widely. Her hands immediately travelled to the boy's four legged companion that openly welcomed her gesture.

"How does Godzilla vs Kong sounds?" she said.

"Not bad." he replied as she simply smiled as they both head to the movie room of the Wayne Manor.

The movie was good and they both opted for another movie. By the middle, Y/n had fallen asleep leaving the boy alone and awake. The sudden weight on his shoulder caught him off guard but he didn’t really flinch away. The more he admired her sleeping figure the more it was clear to him.

He loves you. Not in the platonic way. There was no way he can deny it. Despite their age gap and her status with his brother, there was no way he could stop his heart from falling over her.

Damian tried to push the idea that what he was feeling was pure platonic. But of course, the more the person denies, the more it only becomes true. The night they slept soundlessly, heads resting against each other with Alfred being the first person to find their defenseless state. Of course he had a camera.

Everything was well, you were still in love with Tim and remained understanding with Damian accepting the fact that he can never ask more of her and she loves another. He became content with just being with her and his feeling will remain to him only and him alone.

And then…

Y/n finds out that Tim started dating Stephanie. A relationship that everyone knew except her and Damian. When she found Tim, lips locked on the blonde vigilante, she didn't scream nor cry. The next thing that happened, Damian found out she left Gotham and Tim was dating Stephanie for three months now.

He turned cold to everyone from the point and everyone in the manor seem to have turn back to square one with regaining his relationship.

As years go by, relationships were fixed, but Damian never really warmed up to Tim quickly. He still blamed him for the wound he left him. Time past again, he met Rachel, they became together and they had good relationship. It was fun until it lasted, realizing that their similarities would also be their relationship major flaw.

----

Paris, the city of love.

It was cool morning in the city, the sun was slowly rising to meet the clouds above. It's gentle rays seeped into the window of a room.

The warmth between his arms never felt so complete before. His face nuzzled deeper on the nape of her neck, her scent was familiar yet new. Her head rests a top his head, her fingers gently running through his bed hair. They both laid beneath the comfort of the sheets.

She felt his arms tug her waist closer, she smiled feeling a tad bit ticklish. "You're squeezing the life out of me Damian," he didn't reply but started leaving pecks on her skin.

"I can't risk you leaving me again, beloved" Y/n's cheeks tinted at the nickname. He's been calling her that for six months and still, she can't help but feel light hearted and happy.

Ever since meeting Damian a year ago in the small town of Grindelwald, Switzerland, fate seems to find away for her to meet him again, whether at another country or city, she would always find him their even at the corner of her eye. She works as a CPA and business consultant in (your city) and the last straw of trying to ignore him was when she met him again at a local coffee shop near her apartment. In that meeting, he asked if its okay to stay in contact with him. A request she allowed despite half of her mind being against it.

After the surprise encounter, before leaving.

She hugged him, a simple acquaintance hug. A gesture that took Damian a while to return, but when he did, his warmth felt different and embrace meant something else. Its an embrace that one would receive from his significant other. A warmth all too familiar that she wants to be held into forever.

"I know I'd go back to you," he mumbled against her skin in the middle of their embrace.

Reminiscing, Y/n  pulled away to meet his eyes as they remain laid within the comforts of their skin and the bed. "I'm not going anywhere,"

Despite the reassuring statement, Damian's doubtful expression remained in tact.

"How do I know that's true?"

"Because I got you. The only reason I need to stay is you,"

[eirikaanemo]

Summoning the Wind: The Meeting

Part Two: Together, Part Three: The Finale

Venti x GN!Reader

1k Words

Warnings: Demon Summoning™

Notes: You guys remember those demon summoning AUs? Well guess what. You’re gonna get one. This was also originally going to be a one-shot, but it has turned into a series now. Whoops.

It all started the day you were to summon your demon partner. Every demon summoner is expected to have one and summoning them is usually the first summoning a summoner will perform. These partners set an upper limit to the kind of demons you can summon. They represent the pinnacle of your ability, the best you can do. So what you summon is kind of a big deal.

You steady your breath as you finish drawing your summoning circle. After setting down your mana conductive chalk, you take a minute to double check the circle. All the runes seem to be right. Special attention is given to the mana focuser, as it is really the only important rune.

For you, that rune is the Anemo rune. One of the first things any summoning student does is get their mana checked. Mana can be one of seven different types: Pyro, Hydro, Electro, Cryo, Dendro, Anemo, and Geo. Your mana type decides what kind of demons you will be able to summon. And your mana is Anemo type, so you use the Anemo focusing rune.

Assured that everything is as it should be, and after a teacher approves it, you place your fingers on the edge of the circle and start. Turquoise mana flows from your core, up your torso, down your arms, through your fingers, and into the circle. The circle flashes brightly and a pillar of teal smoke erupts from the center of your summoning.

The whole room seems to be holding their breath as you wait for the smoke to clear. A small flash and a little smoke, also called the flourish, are to be expected, but this was far beyond that. And the flourish tends to be greater the stronger the demon is. So when the smoke parts to show a little hooded figure, around the size of your hand, everyone's a little shocked. It chirps a little tune cheerfully, flying in circles above your head.

"Wind Sprite, tier five," your proctor announces. Still kneeling on the ground with your fingers on your circle, your eyes grew wide. tier five? You had heard of people getting tier four partners, though tier three is most common, but tier five? It’s the lowest tier! And you can only summon up to the tier below your partner's. In theory it means that you can't summon any more demons at all!

Still in shock, you make the partner contract, clean up your summoning circle and allow one of the teachers to walk you to the door. The sprite has picked up on your mood and follows you curiously out the door. You’re deep in thought the whole way and hardly notice its questioning chirps.

When you get home you head straight to your room and sit down. “Alright,” you sigh. “So I’m a low level summoner. That’s fine, it’s not your fault.” The little sprite lets out a concerned whine as it hovers nearby. “It’s not, I promise,” you insist. “In fact, I think you’re kind of cute! Maybe you are a tier five demon, but I’d still like to get to know my partner.”

You smile when the sprite hums happily, swirling around your head. “Do you have a name?” You ask, not really expecting an answer. When the sprite tries to reply in its own language you tilt your head in confusion. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

Its usual turquoise glow gains a pink tinge as it blushes. There's a pause as the sprite thinks about what to do, which is remarkable considering how sprites are more ditzy than anything. It nods decidedly before glowing brighter until you have to shield your eyes with your hands. When the light finally dies down and you peek through your fingers the sprite is nowhere to be seen. In its place stands a person, dressed in brown, green, white, and gold.

"Huh?" You utter, flabbergasted. "What in the world?" Tier five demons don’t have human forms! Those are only possible for higher level demons. What could this mean?

The person laughs so hard they fall over. "Your face!" They, a he, from the sound of his voice, laughs. "You should see your face! Priceless!" Now it's your turn to blush, and blush you did. Eventually he stops laughing and stumbles to his feet as you cross your arms across your chest. It still takes a minute for him to stop giggling whenever he sees your face but he gets there.

"Sorry, sorry," he apologizes. "It was just too funny! Anyway, call me Venti! What's your name, summoner?" Your glare softens as he introduces himself and you introduce yourself in return. "Well it's nice to meet you!" He replies. “I look forward to working with you. But, uh, how does this work exactly? I’ve never been summoned before, not to mention being a summoning partner!”

And wasn’t that odd? It’s not that there are tons and tons of tier five demons, they’re just summoned more often. So what are the chances that this one has never been summoned before? Between this, the flourish, and his gosh darn human form you’re starting to suspect that he is not, in fact, a tier five demon.

“Well,” you start. “Partners usually live together and I’ll need you to come to school with me. We’ll be picking what sort of work we’ll be doing as partners together tomorrow, so you’ll definitely want to be there. It does change some from partnership to partnership based on what each person wants out of the partnership. I’m happy to just be working with you, my dream has always been to be a summoner, but I haven’t really thought further than that. What do you want out of this?”

He hums thoughtfully for a moment, just like he did in sprite form. “I think I’d mostly just like something to do, some sort of entertainment. Things get pretty boring for me back home and I think this could be a lot of fun!” You nod understandingly. Boredom sucking seems to be a universal concept. “Let’s do our best then,” you proclaim, holding out your fist for him to bump. Grinning, he bumps it. “Let’s!”

[heywardsarchive]

Before You Go - [Harry Potter]

Warnings: angst, grief, death, insecurities, anxiety, sadness, alcohol, if I missed any pls let me know!

Summary: Harry lost his lover to the second wizarding war and his mind is uneasy and filled with regret and sadness as he goes through the last of her belongings.

a/n: Letters are in bold and italics, memories are in italics

Word count: 2.3k+

Based off of ‘before you go’ by Lewis Capaldi for @iliveiloveiwrite‘s songfic challenge! I hope you like it:)

Pairing: Harry Potter x female reader

*****

Harry sat on the sofa of his apartment, nursing a bottle of beer in one hand, staring, dazed at the television screen, not paying attention to the movements of the characters. His mind was wandering. The war was over but he was still reeling from the effects of it. He lost so many people he loved, it wasn't his fault but he couldn't help but blame himself. If only he was quicker, smarter. If he didn't let voldemort in he could have stopped sirius from dying. If he just surrendered himself to the dark lord, he could have stopped Fred's death, remus' and tonks too. So many others would have been saved.

The deaths of Fred, Sirius, Remus, Hedwig and others killed him inside but none hurt him as much as hers did. Y/n l/n. The only woman he truly loved. He loved her with every inch and fibre of his being. There was no part of him that didn't ache for her touch. He didn't want her to die. He would have done anything to stop her death, but he couldn't help it.

He tried convincing himself that he hated her. Hated her for leaving him, hated her for saving his life giving her own instead. Hated her for putting his life over her own, which in Harry's eyes was a hundred times more worthy then his. He tried, but he knew he was just kidding himself. How could he hate someone as perfect as her? She put everything above herself.

Every memory of her faded in his mind. All harry could think of was what he should have said when he had her in his arms, feeling her touch on skin. Staring into her (e/c) eyes. Shining with love looking into his emerald green ones, her fingers in his unruly raven hair. If he thought hard enough, he could still feel her lingering touch. But it wasn't enough. He thought of everything he could have said to her. How he could have told her that he loves her, how he wanted to marry her one day, have children of she wished, how he would give everything and everyone to the devil for her. But alas, there were many things that were left unspoken.

Regret. That was all Harry felt. No other emotion but sadness, grief and regret filled his body. He didn't know how much you were hurting inside, too wrapped up in his own head, forgetting the one he loved. Y/n took care of him although she herself was broken, beyond repair with the heartache she had suffered. Losing her older brother and parents to a death Eater attack wasn't easy on anyone. She smiled like nothing was wrong, it was as if everything was okay in her life, as if no pain filled her heart . Her smiling face plagued Harry's mind. They said time can heal, but that was a would that Harry doubted would ever heal.

Harry wished that there was something he could have said to her before she died and left him and all others behind, going to a happier and safer place, or so Harry liked to think. In his eyes, she deserved nothing but love and support. He wished he was more present in her life, wishing he could have done something to ease her pain.

He took another swig of the beer in his hand and closed his eyes. He thought that her death was worse than anything in the world, but in reality it was the idea that she died hurting inside, completely broken and with the thought that she was alone was what killed him more.

He walked to his room clumsily, not really drunk but a bit tipsy. He walked to his dressing table and removed a box  from the drawer. He lifted the lid and went through the contents. It was the last piece of y/n that he possessed. Having no kin left behind, she left all her belongings to Harry, Ron and Hermione.

In the box Harry pulled out a few letters addressed to him. He opened the first one and read it for the tenth time since he got it. It was dated 1994, their fourth year. As he read the contents, his mind flashed back to the day the incidents occured. He remembered it clear as day, the Yule ball. He was clumsy and didn't know how to dance, but with y/n as his date, how could he not have fun?

Dear Harry, I know I will never have the guts to send you this letter, but maybe one day you will get to read this.

Today you took me to the Yule ball, we went as friends, I guess we'll never be anything more than that. I guess that's ok though, atleast I can still be around you. Wait, that's creepy. But you get the picture right? I really like you Harry. I want nothing more than to be your girlfriend but I don't know if you even like me that way. Maybe I'll confess to you one day, who knows? You looked really good today Harry. In the green dress robes, they really bring out your eyes. We matched too! Mother sent me a dark green dress which I love. I hope I get to wear it soon. Hermione is calling me to sleep now, I will see you tomorrow Harry. Lots of love, Yours, Y/n.

Harry closed his eyes and a tear fell from his eyes onto the paper, blotting the ink. He missed the way you smiled when you read a good book, or danced along to sweet music, or how you convinced him to make a snow Angel when it snowed back in 5th year. The memories filled his mind, he didn't know if he was happy about it or if it was too painful to remember.

It was 4th year, the Yule ball was in a few days. Harry still had not got a date. There was only one girl he had eyes for but he was tok afraid to ask her. He saw multiple boys her out but she seemed to decline all of them. He gathered his gryffindor courage and walked up to y/n. "Hey, y/n do you wanna go to the ball with me?" She was about to reply when Harry's nerves kicked in and he quickly added, "as friends ofcourse." He noticed her face fall but he didn't think much of it. "Yes Harry, I'd love to." She smiled and walked to her next class. Harry stood there happy that she agreed but also internally slapping himself that he asked her as friends when he wanted more.

Harry then remembered the time her asked her out, it was their fifth year and y/n had stood up for him against the toad face umbridge. He had to resist the urge the urge to kiss her then and there during class.

Harry stopped y/n outside class. He grabbed her hand and pulled her aside. "Harry, what's up?" She asked him, cocking an eyebrow. "I actually have to ask you something."  She gestured for him to go on. "Willyougoonadatewithme?" Harry looked hopefully. "What did you say?" She looked confused. Harry took a deep breath. "Will you go on a date with me?" He repeated, slowly. "Yes." She grinned. "I have potions now, but I will catch you later." She kissed Harry's cheek and left. Harry watched her retreating figure with a smile on his face and his hand on the spot where she kissed him.

Harry was now lying on the bed rummaging through the box, finding y/n's belongings. His breath hitched when he found the pendant that he gave her in their sixth year for their one year anniversary. All their memories filled his mind and all he could think of was y/n's face, which in his opinion was the most beautiful face in the world.

He closed his eyes, dropping the box in the process. He bent down to pick up the contents when he saw a picture fall out of a book. It was a picture of him and y/n. He smiled at the sight of the picture. It was taken in their sixth year after he told her he loved her. He missed the old days when things were a bit better.

He opened the diary and flipped through the pages. It had notes on y/n's life, some random pictures here and there. Harry then reached the date may 25th 1997. It was the date she lost her whole family. He read the words written with blue ink. Each word on the paper was a gaping wound on his body issuing life blood.

I lost everything today. I don't know why I am writing this down but maybe it will help me cope. I can't break down now. I need to stay strong for Harry. For Ron and Hermione too. They're counting on me. I have to fight with my life against that horrid dark lord. I have to. To avenge the death of my family.

I can't be weak. Not now. I can deal with my own problems later on, after the war. I can't let my anxiety and insecurities take over my mind. Not now. Not now.

Once the war is over, things will get over. I know Harry can defeat him. I belive in him. He's so strong, faced so much loss at such a young age. I could never survive that much trauma. I admire his strength, I wish I was that strong. No point dwelling in my faults now, we have a war to win.

Harry shut the book, unable to read further. He didn't understand why y/n felt that way. She never showed it. He couldn't comprehend how someone so strong and brave could put themself down like that. She called him brave, when he was far from that. He kept lashing out, removing his anger on everyone. But she didn't do that, she didn't cry, kept everything inside for his sake. She was the strong one in the relationship not him.  Harry felt guilty  once again, like it was his fault. He felt he didn't do enough to help his love out of her cage of insecurity.

Harry wished he had done more, said more and stopped her hurting, or reduced it. He wished there was a way for him to reach her once and ask if he could have stopped her pain. He blamed himself for being distracted, leading her to let herself be taken instead.

Harry was dueling a death Eater, not paying attention to what was happening around him. Another death eater snuck behind up behind him and blasted the wall he was standing in front of. Y/n saw him and pushed Harry out of the way, taking the brunt of the falling bricks herself.

"No!" Harry cried, pushing the bricks away from her frail body. "No no no." He whispered. He finally freed her from the bricks and cracked her in his arms. A few tears rolled down his cheeks. "Don't cry Harry." This only made the tears fall faster. "I'm not worth your tears haz." She weakly reached up and wiped the tears off his dirty face. "Why?" Harry croaked. "You didn't have to die for me. I don't want you to die for me." He cried. "Oh Harry, I'd give my life a thousand times over to save yours. I'll love you forever and always. No matter what, I'll always watch over you."

"Don't leave me." Harry pressed a feverish kiss to y/n's lips, forehead, hair , cheeks. She was getting colder every minute. "I'll always be with you. In here." She placed her hand on his heart and smiled. Her hand become limp and dropped down. Her last breath of life taken. Harry freely cried over her dead body.

When voldemort called Harry to his death, he freely went, knowing it was right. He had to avenge the deaths of all those who were killed in the war. But a small part of him yearned to see y/n's smiling face again, and he hoped that he would see her again when he was no more. So he went, went with a brave face to the one he loved most.

Harry sat down on his bed, leaving the box aside. As he closed his eyes he wondered if there would have been a different outcome, a butterfly effect of sorts, if he hadn't been so closed off. If he let his walls down, been vulnerable around y/n, maybe she wouldn't have felt so alone and weak. If he let her in fully he could have let her know that he too was weak in a way, he too needed to let out his emotions. But it was too late now. She was gone and there was nothing Harry could do about it.

He drifted of to sleep, one thought lingered in his mind. If there was something he could have said to make it all stop hurting her. If he could have eased her mind before she went. It truly killed Harry how y/n's mind could make her feel so worthless.

But she was gone. There was a gaping hole in Harry's heart, one that could only be filled by love from y/n. But she was no more with him. He would never hear her voice again, never feel her touch, all that was left in him was guilt, regret and sadness and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. *** A/n: I am so sorry for the angst, I hope I didn't break y'all too much;) I will be posting a new year fic tomorrow!

It's new years eve y'all! I hope you guys have a fantastic new year and here's to hoping 2021 is better than 2020!