#last time I had the opportunity (at the house alone) I couldn't get myself to do it

[death-rebirth-senshi]

I may have overdone it a bit today but it's so nice to have a Productive High Energy day I was so overdue for one

[ddejavvu]

Doctor's Note - Sodapop Curtis x Reader

summary: you stand soda up, accidentally

contents/warnings: soda is somewhere around 18-19, mentions of his failed relationship w sandy, distrust/miscommunication, angst -> fluff. based on my very painful experience this morning with crippling back pain

send me requests for the outsiders!

Selfishly, sometimes you wonder what it would have been like to date Sodapop before he'd met Sandy. When he was more carefree, when he wasn't glancing at any man you talked to just a second too long. He's not possessive- and even if he is, he doesn't enforce it. But you know he's wary, and you know it's her fault.

Darrel had warned Soda to stay away from girls for a while, to give himself a break. And he had. Two long years later his hiatus was broken when you'd come into the DX fiending for a coke, and when you'd asked, 'Do you know where I could find a soda 'round here?' his eyes had glimmered with opportunity, and he'd pointed proudly to his nametag.

"Right here, ma'am. No caffeine in me but I could keep 'ya up all night if you want me to."

It had been so wildly crass, so insanely audacious that you'd burst out laughing, both from the absurdity of his name and the brashness of his comment. He'd apologized for it, too, twenty minutes into your conversation that lasted an hour.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier. I mean- I don't usually come on strong like that. Couldn't stop myself- prolly got it from my friend Two-Bit, he's always crackin' jokes like that. Hope you didn't think it was greasy."

"I think it was very greasy," You'd laughed, tilting your chin towards the tin of hair grease abandoned at the other end of the counter, "I thought that was the whole point."

"That's my buddy Steve's", Soda had told you, light dancing in his eyes as he readjusted his elbows on the counter to lean further towards you, "He does these real fancy swirls in his hair, and I've been able to do 'em a few times, but mainly I just slick mine back, and half the time I don't even grease it anyways because I'm just bummin' round the house so there's no need. My other friend-"

He was a natural-born talker, and you'd been just as caught up with talking yourself as you were with listening to him. It had taken the reappearance of his aforementioned coworker, Steve, for you to glance at the clock, and realize that you were 40 minutes past the time you should have been back at work from your lunch break.

You're surprised you hadn't scared Sodapop off with your swearing alone, but you'd managed to scribble your number onto his hand before you'd left. You hadn't even remembered to buy a drink, but he'd brought you one when he showed up for your first date.

Now, three weeks later, you're getting ready to show up to his house. This is a big thing: you're meeting his brothers. He's told you so much about them you feel like you know them, and he's also given you your fair share of warnings, too. Darry's too stern sometimes, and it might take a while for him to warm up to you. Ponyboy's an awkward teen, and on top of it, he'd trusted Sandy- they all had. You know you've gotta prove yourself better than her, and you're starting with some sweet perfume and a bundle of flowers for their dining table.

--

"Get your bum ass off the couch and vacuum," Soda's hands shove roughly at Ponyboy's thighs, "She's gonna be here in thirty minutes!"

"Jeez, Soda, she's not my girlfriend," Ponyboy grumbles, but he stands and heads for the closet where the vacuum lies all the same, "Don't understand why I have to be the one cleanin'."

"'Cause Darry's the one cookin'." Soda glares at him, "And I'm cleaning too. I've been cleaning for days."

"Bathroom looks good, little man." Darry voices his approval from the kitchen, "Thought I was gonna die of shock when I realized you'd scrubbed down the toilet."

Not much conversation is heard over Ponyboy's aggressive vacuuming, but Soda calls the cleaning at five minutes to your arrival time.

"Okay. Rules again?" He looks expectantly at his brothers, and Darry looks irritated that he's being grilled this time.

"No judging." Ponyboy grumbles, but he doesn't think it's fair, because Sandy had seemed so nice and sweet, and she'd run right out on Sodapop. So he feels like he has to judge, because maybe Soda's gonna get hurt again. He doesn't want that.

"No grilling." Darry continues, equally put-out by Soda's request. He wants what's best for his brother. Sodapop's two-year long relationship drought was refreshing, and he's seen the boy blossom into a wonderful man. Still, he can't help feeling some lingering resentment towards Sandy, and he knows it's not fair to attach it to you, but he doesn't know what else to do with it.

"And no arguing at the table." He glances between Darry and Pony both warily, "I mean it, this isn't the night to discuss grades or curfew or chores. Just- be nice to her. Treat her like a real guest."

"Alright, little buddy." Darry secedes, squeezing Soda's flannel-clad shoulder slightly, "Now, you gonna go wait by the door for her?"

"No! I'm not that desperate." Soda scoffs, but Darry notices the way he flops down into his eldest brother's armchair, the only seat in the house with a view of the front walkway. Ponyboy settles himself awkwardly on the couch, watching cartoons even though there's an anxious tension in his skinny shoulders.

You're set to arrive in two minutes, and Soda's practically vibrating out of his seat. There's no sign of the cute little sundress you said you'd wear today, but that's okay, because he thinks it's so considerate of you to show up punctually versus early. if you'd come fifteen minutes earlier you would have seen him near-tears over the spot of chocolate that wouldn't rub out of the wall behind the television. Ponyboy had pointed out that there's no way you would have seen it unless you'd been wedged between their tv and the wall, but Soda was not going to invite you into a messy home.

One minute goes by, and Soda's cuticles hurt from where his nails tear at them. He tries to stop himself- after all, you wouldn't want to hold his hand if his was bleeding. But his next nervous habit becomes fiddling with the hem of his shirt, which isn't nearly as satisfying for his fingers.

He waits for what he's sure is more than a minute, which means you're due to flounce up the stairs in seconds. But he doesn't see you, and he knows Pony's watching him crane his neck every three seconds to look for you. So he tones it down- after all, he's got a 10-minute grace period at the DX for his shifts. If he can clock in at 8:10 and still be 'on time', you can show up a few minutes late.

"Any sign of her?" Darry pokes his head out of the kitchen, seeing the front door still shut. Soda shakes his head- then he catches a glimpse of your hair color outside the window. Upon further inspection, it's a stray cat. Ponyboy snorts at him, and Soda sinks back into the recliner.

Okay, so you've used up your grace period. But Soda gets it- you probably sang one too many love songs about him in the shower, and now you're tripping over your own feet trying to run to his house. Or the bus was late, or you missed it entirely, and you'll show up before the food goes cold.

Fifteen minutes go by, and Darry hovers over the finished meal, wondering whether he should plate it or not.

Twenty minutes go by, and Darry considers removing one plate from the table.

Thirty minutes go by, and Darry turns off the stove.

An hour goes by, and Pony retreats to his room for some homework time. Darry's meticulously cleaning the kitchen, but Sodapop thinks it's more because he doesn't know what to say than because he thinks you'll judge them for a grease stain on the wall.

When Darry's scrubbed the kitchen raw nearly an hour later, he pads softly over to Soda where he still rests in his armchair.

"Soda, I- listen, I don't think she's comin' tonight."

"I told her today." Soda's got his fingernail pinched between his teeth, his leg having long-since stopped its nervous bouncing, "I- I know I told her tonight, and she said she'd be here, but I-"

Darry's hand squeezes his shoulder again, this time tighter, and something awfully familiar resurges in Soda's chest where it's laid dormant for two years.

"C'mon, little buddy." Darry urges him up out of the chair, "Let's turn in early tonight."

--

Soda's not doing his best work despite having gotten eleven hours of sleep the night prior. He's sluggish and mopey, and Steve sticks him on the register so that no one risks a foolish mistake to their car. Soda stares at a knot in the wood grain, chewing on the inside of his cheek, and doesn't look up even when the entrance bell dings.

"Soda-" He hears a voice, one that he'd been waiting since last evening to hear, one that exacerbates that sickly feeling in his chest. He hasn't been able to shake it, and your face had blended with Sandy's in his nightmares last night.

"Soda, I'm- I'm so sorry."

"Why didn't you show?" He barely has the courage to look up at you, but he does, because last time he'd groveled. He'd begged, pleaded, bargained with her to stay with him, and he wasn't going to do that this time. He was going to be the man Darry wanted him to be.

"I'm sorry." You repeat, clutching a paper in your hands, brows permanently furrowed, "It was an emergency. I was getting ready, and- and all of a sudden my back started hurtin'. Real bad, Soda, I- I had to lie down on the ground."

Soda watches, interest piqued, as you stagger towards the counter, clearly limping. Sickness is replaced with worry in his chest, and he watches as you brace yourself against the register.

"My folks didn't get home for hours. I was just laying there, I- I couldn't reach the phone, I couldn't move my legs, I was just stranded there." Your voice thickens at the memory, and you sniffle absentmindedly, "Soda, I would have called you, I just- I couldn't move. I swear. I tried, Soda, I swear I tried to get to the phone, but it was so painful. And then when my parents got home they had to carry me to the car 'n all, and the emergency room took forever, and- and we didn't get home until three in the morning, and I knew you'd be sleepin' so I didn't call, and I felt so bad because I knew you'd be waiting on me, and- and I'm so sorry, Sodapop."

All at once yours and Sandy's faces come undone in his mind, and hers is cast aside as he studies yours. There's tears, big shiny ones lining your eyes, and your chin trembles slightly. You're still clutching the paper, and when you realize he's glancing at it, you gasp.

"Oh! I- um, I got you a doctor's note. I didn't want you to think I was lyin'."

You push the page towards him on the counter, and he takes it with trembling hands.

'Patient Y/N Y/L/N admitted to emergency services at 8:49 PM Wednesday, 30th July. Diagnosed with severe lumbar muscle strain. This patient is placed off of work from 7/30/1968 through 8/05/1968.

Patient would like to add that she did not intend to stand up her date with one Sodapop Patrick Curtis on Wednesday, 30th July. Patient would like to reschedule for another night. Doctor prescribes a calm, laid-back dinner date until patient recovers.'

"Had one hell of a time trying to get him to put that in there." Your sheepish voice pipes up from where Soda's reading the last words on the page, "But I told him you were a nice boy and he said there's not many of those around here. I'm sorry, again. I'm so sorry."

Lumbar muscle strain rings a bell in Soda's head. It's something Darry's definitely mentioned before, the few times they've bullied him into seeking medical attention for all of his blue collar aches and pains. He's sure if you're hurting the way Darry does sometimes, that you weren't lying about not being able to move.

You're staring at him like you're worried he'll send you away, and the piece of paper in his hands is the only thing stopping him from doing just that. But he glances down at it again, and takes a deep breath.

"It's okay. I believe you. My brother Darry, he- he pulls muscles sometimes. Don't usually see him cry, but I do when that happens. Are you okay?'

You visibly relax at his words, but something in your back must have protested the movement, because your face pinches up again.

"Um- yeah. Mostly. It hurts when I move too much." You admit, "But I had to make it down here to see you. I'm so sorry. Were you- were you angry at me?"

He doesn't think so- he was offended, he was disappointed, but most of all, he's pretty sure he was beating up on himself more than he was beating up on you. It felt like it did the first time, and he was the common denominator in both.

"No." He answers honestly, "But- uh, I think Darry probably is."

You wince, and he doesn't blame you. But he holds the note a little tighter, "But I'll tell him what happened. Like I said, he knows what that feels like. Don't worry about it, honey. You- uh, did you want to still meet them?"

"Of course! Of course," You nod eagerly, bracing your weight against the counter, "Do you still... want me to meet them?"

"Of course." He echoes, finally breaking his stoicism with a grin, a shy one as he reaches for your hand over the counter, still clutching the note in his other hand, "Can't argue with the doctor's orders."

[portraitofalinkonfyre]

12 Days of Christmas: 2024 Christmas Event

Day 9: Mistletoe

Pairing: Warriors x Reader

Warning(s): N/A

Notes: This is probably my second favorite piece (the Wind one is 1st lol) in this event!

Main Masterlist | Event Masterlist | Previous Day | Next Day

You knew something was up as soon as you noticed Wind hanging that blasted plant above the stable entrance on Lon Lon Ranch.

The notion that Hyrule, of all places, was also blessed with the demented gift that was mistletoe was a strange one, but you chalked it up to fate or, perhaps, some form of karmic retribution for all the times you had stepped to avoid the accursed fungus-shrub.

"Hey, bud, what'cha got there?" you feigned curiosity, glancing up at the plant with a befuddled expression. Wind placed his hands on his hips, grinning proudly, and you supposed he deserved it, because the arch was nearly three times his height and not even you and your totally jacked body could manage that alone.

"It's called mistletoe!" the Sailor proclaimed. "Warriors told me to hang it up! For the holidays!"

"Is that so?" you mused, though your mind was anything but quiet. What the heck, Warriors? "Is Time okay with this?"

"I showed him and Malon and they just giggled," the youngest hero explained with a shrug, and you were eternally grateful he didn't know the true meaning behind the plant.

"Well, I think it looks great," you smiled, patting him on the head. "Very sophisticated."

Wind's eyes sparkled. "You think so?"

"So do I," a new voice joined the conversation, heralded by the crunch of boots against gravel, and you leveled Warriors with the flattest look you could muster, though it only seemed to encourage the shit-eating grin the Captain currently sported. His gaze flicked to the arch where the mistletoe hung. "Wow, I couldn't have done it better myself, Sailor."

If Wind had a tail, you were positive it would be wagging. He turned his gaze to you, expression pleading. "Can we hang some in the house too?"

"I don't see why not," you acquiesced, the corners of your lips ticking up when the youngest hero beamed, turning tail and sprinting to the house before you could get another word out, which provided the perfect opportunity to fix Warriors with another look. "You're a terrible influence, you know that?"

And, like the bastard he was, the Captain only grinned. "Says the person who just gave him permission to deck the halls."

Fuck, that was actually good. How appalling. You rolled your eyes. "Case and point, you little shit."

Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, it did. Warriors placed his elbow against the wooden plank of the arch, hip cocked in a position that you guessed was supposed to be some flavor of enticing. "You love me," he said, smooth as silk, dangerous as a viper.

"Don't flatter yourself," you crossed your arms over your chest with a borderline glare. This wasn't the first time he had pulled the moves on you, and it wouldn't be the last, consider how, with each teasing rejection, he only seemed more persistent in getting you to crack. Consensually, of course, but your point stood. "I'd sooner kiss a cuckoo, I'll have you know."

It was when Warriors' grin turned sharp and he treated you to the most Hylia-awful wink that you realized the error of that particular quip. "Who said anything about kissing?" oh god, oh fuck. "But since you're obviously in need–"

"Nope, nope, there are children and innocent farm animals around," you cut him off before the situation could get any more maddening than it already was. You placed a hand by your ear, mentally preparing for the mental anguish that was adding to this bullshit. "Oh my Hylia, I think I hear Sky calling me!"

But Warriors was not so easily defeated. "...Have I ever told you how much I love your perfect bullshitting–"

"Oh no, he's definitely calling me!" you exclaimed, already beginning to powerwalk towards the house. "I'm literally so wanted right now!"

"By the Royal Guard," came his deadpan response, and you had to pause to come to terms with the fact that he had actually passed on an opportunity to make a bad joke.

Hands on your hips, you faced him once more. If anything, you were almost offended. "Why?"

Warriors pushed himself off the plank, grin returning with a passion. "Because you're under arrest," he stepped closer, until the two of you were nary a foot apart.

You bit your lip. "Do I dare ask why?"

"For," he paused, likely for comedic effect, and you said your prayers. "Stealing my heart."

You blinked once. Then twice. "...You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"You're smiling."

Fuck, you were. To remedy this horrible slip-up, you did the only correct thing and slapped a hand over your mouth like it would fix all your problems. "Nope, I'm not."

"Yessss."

"Noooo."

There was silence. It didn't last long.

The Captain's expression shifted to what could only be described as a pout, which was such a bizarre look that you had to physically hold yourself back from letting loose in front of the poor man. "You're mean."

You were unmoved. "And you're an asshole."

Phew, perfect deflection; you were obviously a master at this.

"Actually, I'm Link–"

"Fuck no," you hissed as your tolerance for bad humor reached its daily limit, just as Warriors' shoulders began to shake as his laughter made itself known, the lovable asshole. "Go harass Legend. He's actually into that."

"Wow, tough crowd," the Captain held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Good," unsympathetically, you paused, your mind reminding you of a certain set of recent grievances against him. "And stop sneaking up on me! Someone ought to put a bell on you."

–Until you froze, realizing your mistake as soon as the words fell from your mouth.

Warriors grin was diabolical.

It happened the next morning.

You were in the stable, helping Twilight lug a large shipment of hay to a place that wasn't in the middle of the floor. A sneeze escaped you, nose beyond red from the rather maddening overabundance of dust swirling in the dry air.

"Bless ya, darlin'," the Rancher said, tossing another bale over his bare shoulder, his arms and chest flexing to accommodate its weight. You rubbed your nose, glancing over with mild jealousy; you knew they were all fit, but this was getting ridiculous. "Yer lookin' a bit red, sure ya don't need a break?"

"Thanks, but I'm fine, Twi," you waved him off, not unkindly, and paced to the steadily-shrinking pile of bales. You grabbed one by the chord and grunted. Fuck, these were heavy! You stole a baleful (ha ha) glance in the Rancher's direction. "Nothing? Seriously? Save some seasonal imperviousness for the rest of us, Rancher!"

Twilight laughed, unaffected nose wrinkling in an expression of mirth. You half-heartedly wondered if shoving his face into one of the bales would change that. "No need ta get salty, darl'," he chortled, and your budding scowl deepened. Fucking ranchhand. "Happens ta the best o' us."

"Says you," you huffed, suddenly glad for the tunic you'd been forced to retain by society and a need to keep Warriors' jokes at bay. A glance was spared outside the barn, and you sighed. "Man, I can't believe there's supposed to be snow outside."

Twilight's ears perked up. "Ya don't say?"

"No, I'm serious," you defended, tossing the bale into the appropriate corner. "Back home, we're practically drowning, but here, it's like summer never left."

A soft chuckle left the Rancher's mouth. He grabbed another bale. You considered praying for bigger biceps for the holidays. "An' yer complaining?"

"Yes," you grunted, the thought of removing your shirt becoming more and more appealing. Hylia, you'd seen Wild in all his naked glory before–accidentally, of course–and Four had an annoying habit of removing his tunic to 'concentrate', so you were sure whatever you did would pale in comparison to the shenanigans they employed. "It's fucking hot in here."

"Really? Ah didn't notice–"

"One more word and it'll be your last, Rancher," you warned, and he appropriately shut up. Must be that dog in him. You fiddled with the hem of your tunic. "You mind if I take this off? I think I might pass out."

Twilight paused, looking contemplative before he nodded, shooting you a kind smile. "Go right ahead, darlin', ah don't mind."

"You're a saint, Twilight," you breathed, pulling the offending garment over your head, leaving you in nothing but a tank-top-esque garment that began just under your ribs, a pair of trousers, and your boots. Almost immediately, a breeze whistled through the barn doors, and you nearly groaned when cool air hit the exposed skin of your stomach and arms. It felt heavenly, you thought as you tied the tunic around your waist, ready to continue. Until you turned around, froze, and realized Twilight had snagged the last two bales, regarding you with a smile that was nothing if not smug.

"Looking fer somethin'?" The bastard had the decency to ask, though it was kind of ruined with that grin of his.

"Really?" you deadpanned, realizing that you had just been played. "I take everything back, you're a menace."

"Ah'm glad ya realized," said Twilight in what was quite possibly the most self-satisfied tone you'd heard in your life.

"Fuck off," you hissed, wholly unimpressed. "Where's a pitchfork when you need it?"

Warriors was waiting under the arch when you were finally relieved of bale duty, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, feet tilted upwards in a position that made you want to simultaneously roll your eyes and strike up a conversation.

"Hey," you called, drawing closer. The Captain blinked, ears perking as he was torn from whatever world he had been lost inside. He too was shirtless, skin slightly shiny from the heat, but you didn't know that. You weren't looking. Obviously. "Didn't the army teach you it's a bad idea to sleep in the sun?"

"Hm? But you just got here," was his response, punctuated by a famously terrible wink, and you felt your will to live crumble a bit more.

"What was that?" you placed both hands behind your ears. "Did you hear that? I could have sworn I heard someone talking to me."

"Har, har," Warriors pushed off the wall, standing to his full heSight. Like Twilight, he was shirtless. Unlike Twilight, you found yourself stealing glances for a completely different reason than muscle jealousy. While his smile never faltered, only a fool would miss the newer, sharper glint in his eyes. "You're quite sassy for the person under the mistletoe."

Fuck.

You glanced up to confirm that the blasted plant was still there.

Double fuck.

"So are you," you shot back before you could stop yourself. "Suck it, Wars."

A snort left the Captain's lips. He was getting closer, nary a few feet away, and you became distinctly aware of the fact that your tunic was still tied around your waist. "...Do you really want to hear my answer to that?"

You grimaced, but it wasn't from disgust. Far from it, actually. "Sorry, but I'm going to have to choose my mental health on this one."

A gasp. "What??"

You couldn't hold back a delighted giggle at the betrayed expression on Warriors' face.

"I'm wounded, mortally," the Captain continued, sparing no expense in being as dramatic as possible. He was practically on the verge of laying a hand on his forehead and reenacting select maidens from the novels you just knew he had stashed in his pack. "To think that you would cast me aside so cruelly... for sanity! For shame!"

"Oh, please," you snorted. The mistletoe dangled above. "The only thing I should be apologizing for is not doing it sooner."

"Oh, my heart..."

Again, you snorted. Not again, you wondered how bad kissing him would be. "Hylia knows you've got dozens more, hero."

Cerulean eyes turned to you. A foot more, and he would practically be on top of you. "And what of love??"

"Aren't I supposed to be the sassy one?"

"Love is dead, I tell you!" the Captain bemoaned, throwing his arms wide. You wondered how they would feel wrapped around you. "slain by none other than–"

Okay, this was getting out of hand. You crossed your arms over your chest, thankful that the breeze was still kicking up. "Are we still talking about the mistletoe or do you need a minute?"

The dramatics stopped abruptly, and Warriors cleared his throat. He began to speak, but none of it shone in his eyes. "Ah, yes, about that. Lunch is almost ready, so I would recommend heading over soon."

Then, he took your hand, pressed a chaste kiss to your knuckles, and began to amble away.

You blinked, a bit surprised by the disappointment flooding your veins. Where was the determination? The annoyingly attractive swagger that only someone as vain as him could master?

The words tumbled off your tongue before you could stop them.

"Where are you going?"

Warriors paused. He turned around, an eyebrow raised, though it was far from judging. "...To the house?"

"Seriously?" Fuck, why were you so upset? Your hands balled loosely, and, before you knew it, you were marching forward, close enough to gently jam your finger against his sternum. "All that and you're going to just walk away?"

Confusion flooded the Captain's expression, but he didn't dare move away. In fact, he seemed to lean into your touch. "I thought you wanted–?"

"I don't," you cut him off, too far gone to bother being embarrassed. He wasn't the type of person you pegged doing things halfway, and you hoped to Hylia you were right. "Are you going to finish what you started or do I need to do it myself?"

The confusion morphed into realization, and, suddenly, there were arms around your bare waist and a pair of lips on yours. Your hands tangled in sandy blonde locks, and the world all but melted away when you pressed yourself to his chest, the flow of time quickening to the staccato-y rhythm of your heart. Fuck the heat, because you had all the warmth you needed right here.

Seconds passed, then m– then, you were separating, panting for stolen air. Warriors' eyes fluttered open, and your lungs stuttered at the pure adoration dancing in the bluebell irises. Then came a smile sweeter than any sunset, until you felt like the combined heat could strike you down at any moment. "There," he murmured, still holding you close.

"We should do that again," you blurted, cheeks flushing hotly. "I mean– for the holidays, obviously."

"I'd love nothing more," the Captain smiled–genuinely, wholly–and it was the last thing said between the two of you before his lips were on yours again, fingers tracing delicate circles on the flesh of your waist.

Maybe mistletoe wasn't so bad, after all.

Hope y'all enjoyed the witty banter; it's definitely my favorite thing to include in my stories <33

[gaytamorfosi]

What effect does this have on you?

🇬🇧 ("Che effetto ti fa?" Versione Inglese)

A frightening sense of dizziness won't let me be on this sultry August morning. A small taste of supernatural experience, it lasted a handful of minutes and it was enough. There's no turning back from something like this. That scene repeats itself incessantly before my eyes, my stomach churns and I feel like I'm lacking oxygen, like I'm on the verge of fainting. It is not a fleeting sensation, but a prolonged one, which has clouded my mind for hours while the room seems to slowly turn on itself. 

I met Dario thanks to a mutual friend. I couldn't believe that a person with fantasies so similar to mine lived near me. For years I had considered my kinks as an absolutely private and intimate thing, not thinking that I would ever find someone with my same tastes who understood me fully. When I saw Dario, I was pleasantly surprised: he was very handsome, definitely out of my league. Gathering courage, I asked him out. I don't think a bald, overweight bear like me has much of a chance with a guy with a perfect body like Dario, but considering we had several things in common, I thought it was a great opportunity and stepped forward. I was surprised when he said yes; maybe I had a small chance with him. 

Last night we went out together and had a wonderful evening. Time flew by and in an instant we found ourselves alone in my house. It was too good to be true. I asked myself if we would have sex, fearing I was rushing things too much: I didn't want to waste this precious opportunity; I really like him a lot. 

“We ended up not talking about our fantasies,” he said. “What would you do if you were faced with a person who was actually capable of changing their appearance and becoming someone else?” I had never asked myself this question. "It's a hot fantasy, but I have no idea on how I would react in reality," I replied. At that point, Dario began to undress. I remained a few meters away, surprised and embarrassed. Left with only a pair of shorts on, Dario sank into the armchair and his massive, virile body began to shrink and rejuvenate. In a few seconds he had become a guy who was about twenty years old. I had dreamed of a scene like that many times, but living it was something else entirely. I was speechless in front of that impossible scene. "Don't you like Thomas?" he asked, reading the confusion in my eyes. "He's an English TikToker, as handsome as he is useless and arrogant."

That Thomas wasn't really my type, but I couldn't deny that he was a hot guy. In any case, all that came out of my mouth was an awkward, meaningless babble, and then silence fell. I hadn't yet wrapped my mind around the transformation when Dario's appearance changed again, this time replicating mine, in every way. The only difference was that Dario was standing there wearing only his shorts and with his legs wide open. "What effect does this have on you?" he asked. Once again I didn't know how to respond: it was a scenario I had never even imagined. A sense of excitement mixed with euphoria pervaded me. I had never found myself particularly attractive, but Dario's attitude in my body made it exciting, against all odds. Even before my head could make sense of all this, my body started sending me clear signals: seeing my self-confident copy made me hard. Like a mirror, Dario began to get excited in the same way, while smiling smugly. 

I wonder what turned me on... The transformation itself? My reflection? The idea that someone could find me attractive enough to take my shape? I only know that when Dario got up from the chair and his lips touched mine, it was as if the world began to spin in reverse. From that moment on, nothing was the same as before; my heart remained in that room and Dario, by leaving, took with him every possibility of reasoning in a clear and coherent way, leaving me in this state. I never wanted to let him go again, but he promised he'd be back: "I just started rocking your world," he said before disappearing through the door.

[agirlwithdemonblood]

Breaking Free: Chapter 1- Hearts & Tires

Pairings: AU! Mechanic Dean x Reader

Chapter Summary: Y/N is navigating her new life, alone when she meets Dean, a mechanic who is too kind already.

Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse, threats, abusive ex fiance.

Series Masterlist here!! & Main masterlist here!

Dean Winchester had seen her around for months now. The shy, reserved woman who always walked alone to the coffee shop every morning. Every morning around the same time, there she was, smiling polietly yet nervously as she walked by.

He didn't know much about her, except that she was engaged to Andrew Wilson, a well known reporter in town, and sometimes he swore he could see bruises peeking out from beneath her makeup, but he never asked. He just nodded politely back when she greeted him.

He wasn't sure why he felt drawn to her. Maybe it was the vulnerability in her eyes, or the way she seemed to be the most beautiful girl he's ever laid his eyes on.

Either way, every morning when she walked by, that little smile of hers made his heart beat faster in his chest, and it was something he was excited to see.

But for the past week, she didn't appear at the coffee shop and Dean couldn't stop his concern when he realized there was no sign of her. He asked around discreetly, but no one seemed to know where she had gone.

I once saw a quote hanging on my therapist's wall "As long as you're still alive, you always have a chance to start again."

At the time, it seemed absurd. Why would anyone need to start over when they could just move on?

But now, here I am, needing that chance to start a new life. I barely escaped alive, and now I have the opportunity to make things better for myself. The problem is, I have no idea how to begin.

A few months ago, my life was completely different. I had everything-A fiance, a beautiful house, a life. It was supposed to be our fresh start together. But within days after our engagement, I discovered he was cheating on me.

Without thinking, I stayed, wanting my relationship to work so badly but it got worse and he showed his true colours.

Confronting him only made things worse. He denied everything, accessed me of lies and blamed me for his indiscretions. He turned the tables to make me seem like the one who was crazy and abusive.

I followed him to this new town because of his career, I gave up everything for him, and I endured his abuse because I believed i deserved no better.

A month ago, I knew I needed to leave. I stood up to him, telling him I deserved better, and he hit me-brutally, mercilessly. Not stopping until my blood was on his fists and I was laying there, broken and beaten down.

He told me he could continue, he could hurt me any time he wanted because nobody would ever believe me. He was a respected citizen and people knew him as so.

That's when I realized, I had to run. Because the moment he realized he could hurt me in such brutal ways and get away with it, that's when I knew if I didn't leave-he was going to kill me.

And nobody would do anything about it.

Now, I found myself homeless, with only a few bills and my car to my name. The money in my account, once shared, has been emptied by Andrew.

I was stranded, with no one to turn to except distant parents who have their own issues and blamed me for not making the relationship work. I was alone, and broken.

The next morning, I woke in a motel room, drained and uncertain of my future. The weight of my situation laid down on me like a heavy blanket I couldn't shake off.

A loud thump on the door made me jump as I cautiously opened it. My heart skipped a beat when I found myself face-to-face with Andrew, wearing a mocking smile. All I wanted to do was slam the door in his face, but fear stopped me.

"Y/N, I was surprised you didn't come home last night." he taunted.

"Why would I come home after what you did?" I shot back, crossing my arms to hide the panic within.

He laughed sarcastically. "You still think you hold the cards here. I didn't do anything to you that you didn't deserve. Nobody would ever believe you. Half our neighbors already think you're the toxic one. Your story isn't going to match up. You have nobody on your side."

Swallowing hard, I dropped my arms. "I don't care if nobody believes me. I know what happened, and I'm going to tell my truth."

He stepped closer, and I froze, regretting pushing him. "He pressed his forehead against mine, his gaze intense and threatening. "You do that. I'm thrilled to see what happens when you start opening your mouth."

I backed away, turning from him, afraid he might strike again. He chuckled and left, his footsteps echoing down the hallway. As the door slammed shut behind him, I finally felt a moment of relief, like i could breath again. I didn't care about exposing him or proving anything to the world. All that mattered was being safe from him and finding a way forward.

Stepping outside to grab some breakfast, I halted in shock. All four of my tires were slashed, a knife laying on the ground nearby.

"Fucking Andrew," I muttered, realizing he wasn't done tormenting me. He wanted to see me broken, crawling back to him with nothing. But I refused to let him hurt me anymore-physically or emotionally.

There was an auto shop not far away, and I figured that was my best shot at getting help with my car.

Walking towards the shop, I spotted a mechanic underneath a car, engrossed in his work. "Um, excuse me, sir?" I called out shyly.

Startled, he cursed softly and slid out from beneath the car. My breath caught as I met his gaze. It was him, the man I said hi to every morning. I couldn't deny that I always found him cute, but up close he was more like a model out of a magazine-bright green eyes, a face streaked with grease that somehow looked good on him.

His eyes focused on mine, recognition on his features as his breathing hitched slightly, before a flirty smile appeared. "Ma'am? What can I help you with?"

I blushed and dropped my head, which only made him chuckle softly, causing my cheeks to burn even hotter. Quickly collecting myself, I explained, "I need new tires, all four are empty and I'm looking for the cheapest option."

He frowned but chuckled underneath his breath, leaning against his car and wiping his hands, eying me with a hint of curiosity.

"Is it here?" he asked, gesturing toward my car.

I shook my head, feeling suddenly self-conscious under his gaze. "No, it's at the motel I'm staying at."

"Okay, can you bring it in? I can give you a better estimate once I see the car," he suggested.

"I was just going to buy the tires, and bring them back." I admitted, feeling a bit embarrassed at my idea.

He raised an eyebrow, surprised. "No offense sweetheart, but how were you planning to bring four tires back to the motel? I'm not sure I could even manage that."

I sighed, realized he was right-it was a stupid plan.

"I can't afford a tow truck," I confessed quietly.

Understanding and pity crossed his face and he nodded sympathetically. "Well, if you want, I can get my truck and come with you-for free."

I blinked in surprise and stared back, unsure if i heard him correctly.

Grinning, he grabbed his keys and gestured for me to climb into the truck beside him. The ride was surprisingly comfortable, with occasional glances exchanged that sent my heart fluttering.

As we arrived back at the motel parking lot, I felt a strange sadness knowing our time together was ending. I barely knew him, yet I already missed him. It was crazy-I couldn't be developing feelings for someone new, especially fresh out of a toxic relationship.

He stepped out of the car and I quickly followed, standing a good distance away from him as he observed the mess from this morning. "Oh.. Wow." He muttered, eying the tires.

"What?"

He cleared his throat and looked back towards me, "Nothing it's just... when you said your tires were empty I thought you meant they popped not this... You don't seem like the type of person who would have somebody slash all four of your tires."

I smiled to myself shyly, trying to keep the anxiety at bay. "I must have pissed somebody off, I guess."

He chuckled lightly and leaned down to check the wheels, focusing on what type I would need. I leaned against the truck and snuck a glance at hi; god, he was the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen.

He stood from his spot and nodded, "Luckily, we have the right type at the shop. I can bring it back with me and drop your car off tomorrow?"

I smiled gently and nodded in response. It's not like I could really speak right now while he was standing right there in front of me, his beautiful green eyes shining in the light.

He smirked in response and got to work hooking up my car, taking the keys and getting back into his truck. I was about to turn and leave when his voice called me back.

"Hey, wait!"

I turned and came back to his truck, leaning on the window to face him. He swallowed hard, and he looked... nervous?"

"I uh... Your name.. I need your name for the... papers."

I bit my lip to hold back a laugh, "The bill?"

He laughed to himself and dropped his head, "Yeah, that would have sounded better."

"What?"

He blushed and lifted his head, "Nothing, sorry. Um, your name is?"

My cheeks burned red, and for a split second I felt like I couldn't breathe. The way he was staring at me was different than before; it was intimidating and filled me with desire for this random man.

"Y/N.. My name is Y/N."

He breathed in as a relaxed smile erupted on his face. "That's a gorgeous name."

I could feel the heat spreading all down my body; the nerves were kicking in. Why was he flirting with me of all people? Did he know about me?

"And your name?"

"Oh right." he laughed, sticking his hand out to shake mine. "I'm Dean."

I smirked as his name left his lips. Dean-now there's a name I wouldn't mind screaming out. No, wait, stop.

"Dean.. What a unique name, I like it."

This time his cheeks burned red, and god, he was so cute when he blushed. He cleared his throat and nodded before starting the car, a small wink sent my way making my stomach do backflips.

"I'll see you tomorrow Y/N."

I smiled in response, "Thanks for everything. See you tomorrow, Dean."

I watched the truck leave the parking lot, and strangely enough, I felt sad. I didn't even really know Dean, yet my heart missed him. It was crazy-really frigging crazy.

Is the universe messing with me? Is he?

Dean couldn't quite understand it, but he found himself strangely drawn to her. Everything about her seemed to captivate him; the way she looked at him, the effortless way her hair fell across her shoulders in the truck, her attitude, her infectious laugh and her smile that could light up a room.

As he parked the truck and began to unhook the car, his father appeared, wearing his usual grumpy expression.

"What are you doing?" his father questioned with a hint of disapproval.

"Changing the tires," Dean replied, glancing at the car and then back at his father.

His father scoffed, visibly annoyed. "With her. Haven't you heard the rumours about her and Andrew?"

"Yeah, but she seems alright. They are rumours, Dad."

"You do realize that by helping her out, Winchester Mechanics could lose our opportunity to go on the news? Andrew promised us some TV time, but that could change once he finds out you're getting cozy with his ex."

Dean rolled his eyes, frustrated by his father's stubbornness and self-centeredness. Despite his good intentions, his father often looked down on his choices.

"Dad, I'm just fixing her car. We just met, it's not that big of a deal."

"Sure," his father muttered skeptically. "I saw how you looked at her. Just... be smart, Dean."

After his father left, Dean leaned against her car and couldn't help but smile to himself. He knew he had lied to his dad—it was a bigger deal than he let on. There was something about her that had taken hold of him, something he couldn't quite explain. Deep down, he knew this was just the beginning. Maybe he was crazy, or maybe, just maybe, she felt it too.

He would find out tomorrow for sure.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter  coming soon stay tuned!

Like, comment, and reblog, feedback is my fuel 💕

[queeniecook]

January 27

Seven months. It had been over seven months since Count Vladislaus Straud had gotten a chance to be in the same space as Lilith Vatore. She had been crafty. He had been watching. She had been keeping to her home or leaving town completely to go who knows where. But tonight. Tonight she had ventured out into the snow covered land of Forgotten Hollow and the Count seized his opportunity. He couldn't decide what he wanted to do the most - kiss her or wring her neck.

So many things he wanted to say, not all of them good - but instead he just stared at her as she stared at him. Lilith had a feeling he'd follow her when she left her house that night. She knew Vlad had been watching and waiting to get her alone.

"You know, I didn't come out here for company. I wanted some time to myself." Lilith says rudely to the vampire next to her. Ever since she had walked in on what looked like to be a moment between Jackson and Olivia, she had kept her offspring close. Very close. She knew she had gotten more than overly possessive with Jackson but she couldn't seem to help herself. She made him into a vampire and therefor it feels like he belongs to her. The whole thing had given her new thoughts about Count Straud. Is that why he gravitates to her and she to him? Is it all just the bond between maker and offspring? Or is there more to it?

The Count didn't rise to her bait to bicker, he just simply kept staring at Lilith. It was almost like he had to convince himself she's real. Lilith let's out an annoyed huff and turns to leave. Vladislaus seems to be a step ahead of her and catches her before she can leave.

Lilith can't seem to find her will to fight him. Something about him touching her again feels natural and her body has missed it. Her hand seems to act on its own accord and begins caressing him in return.

"You miss me." Vladislaus whispers into her ear as he moves his hand from her chest to begin to remove her coat. Lilith says nothing but seems to be joining him in his thought process. Her gloved hand starts grasping at the buttons on his coat, despite not being able to see what she's doing. 

A ringtone breaks through the silent winter air. The two vampires break apart faster than the human eye can track. Lilith is gone in an instant and the Count is angrily hunting down the source of the ringtone.

"I suggest you forget what you saw or I'll make sure you never see anything ever again!" Count Straud threatens the woman. He's seen her twice. Once when she went into the Vatore Estate to visit Jackson. The other time she was taking pictures around Forgotten Hollow. Normally he'd just kill her but clearly she knows Jackson, which could cause problems if she ends up drained of blood laying in the snow or mysteriously vanishes. 

Olivia is scared. It's obvious to her that the man is a vampire, she had seen enough between him and Lilith to know it's true. She hadn't meant to spy on them at all, she had come to town to take a few more photos. She wasn't even planning to visit Jackson while she's in town, given what happened the last time. But no, she had to come across Lilith locked in some kind of embrace with another male. Part of her wanted to run and tell Jackson what his precious Lilith has been up to but she'd rather live. "I didn't mean to see....that."

The Count lets out an undignified snort. He doesn't care if she meant to or not. The fact is she did see him with Lilith and what's worse, she ruined their moment. If she hadn't been around, he would have had his Lilith in the snow or taken her back to his bed or coffin.

"I won't say anything. I promise." Olivia promises, meaning it. 

[pleasantglitterflower]

BREAKING MY HEART (JOE BURROW x OC)

A/N : I had already published this story on my old account, but as I was the victim of attacks from unhappy people who think they own the fandom, my account was deactivated. Just a warning to these people that : I swing but I don't fall, I'm back

Dinner time. The only noises that could be heard were those of the cutlery and the typical children's games. That deafening silence became routine in the house for months, I can't explain what happened for such a drastic change.

 How was the training? - I decide to ask 

 Good- he replied 

 How were the shooting tactics? Do you already feel comfortable throwing the ball? - I ask again 

 Yes- he replied monosyllabically again

 I let out a long sigh, and take the dishes off the table to wash. As I prepare to wash the dishes, I see him playing with our children, that beautiful and genuine smile that he only showed to me and the children, but in the last few months, all I receive are cold and distant looks.

Well, I just realized I didn't introduce myself, come on, my name is Anna Verstappen Burrow. Yes, I am  Max Verstappen’s twin sister, three-time Formula 1 world champion, and Joe Burrow’s wife, quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals. 

Joe and I met at Ohio State, we took a few classes together and I can say it was love at first sight. He was always very affectionate, protective and a gentleman towards me, I couldn't resist his charms, and it didn't take long for us to start dating. Joe proposed to me after a year of dating, when we went to Barcelona to watch my brother's race, and to make that weekend even more special, Max won what would be the first of many of his victories in Formula 1.

We got married after our graduation, it was the best two days of my life, yes, two days, as we had two wedding ceremonies, both in Ohio and in Netherlands, so that all the special people in our lives could be present. However, shortly after our wedding, Joe managed to transfer to LSU, and this was the chance he would have to show his football, as unfortunately at Ohio State he didn't have many chances, but despite that we built strong bonds of friendship there. . 

Obviously I supported my husband and we embarked on this new journey together. I graduated in visual arts, and was working at a museum in Ohio in the area of ​​conservation and restoration of artistic and cultural heritage, but with our move to Louisiana, I resigned and it didn't take long for me to get a new job in the new city, This time she would work with graphic design, and the best part is that it would be from home office and the hours were flexible, which meant that Anna could follow Joe at LSU more closely.

A few months later, I found out she was pregnant. Joe was very excited and happy when he found out he was going to be a father, and he started to be very careful with me, he wouldn't even let me fix my meal alone, we were living the best time of our lives, until in October 2019, Joshua  Lee Burrow was born.Joe was very emotional at our son's birth, he couldn't stop crying, which made some of the medical staff cry too. In 2020, a difficult year for the whole world, after all we began to face the Covid pandemic, but we had many joys, as Joe was drafted and would be the new quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals, and I was pregnant again.

Everything was going perfectly well when I started receiving messages from people at LSU saying that Joe cheated on me several times during the time he was there, that when I went to games he was the faithful husband, but when I was away, He took the opportunity to be with as many women as he wanted, especially at team parties and after games. Some of the women he was with sent me proof, such as photos and messages, and the whole puzzle began to be put together, I was cheated on throughout my first pregnancy.

I went to some games until the fourth month of pregnancy, after which Joe banned me from going to busy places, as he wanted me to not run any risk of hurting myself or the baby. I thought it was zeal and care, but in reality he wanted more peace of mind to practice his promiscuity. When he got home after another workout, I confronted him.

- Really Joe? While I was at home like an asshole waiting for you, you were having sex with several people like there was no tomorrow, and I was pregnant with your son Joe, your son. Don't you have shame on your face, you idiot? - I shouted

- Anna my love, forgive me, please forgive me, I don't know where my head was, I love you so much Anna won't leave me, there were moments when I let success go to my head, I was drunk most of the time times, I don't even remember - he was desperate

- There are no excuses Joe, you are already an adult who is aware of your actions, this justification with me doesn't work, you had no respect for our family Joe I hate you - I start hitting his chest, until I feel a strong pain in my belly and I start to cry and scream

Joe gets desperate and quickly takes her to the hospital, if something happened to Anna and the baby he would never forgive himself. He was crying non-stop at the reception and thinking about all the stupid things he did. Joe began to be increasingly harassed during his time at LSU for being the quarterback of the football team, this in itself attracts attention, but his physical appearance was always attractive to female eyes, and he ended up not being able to deal with all this harassment, having momentary affairs, but he forgot that he had a wife who was carrying his child who truly loved him, who had no interest in his status or appearance, and he was unable to value that.

Anna's health was stabilized and she was allowed to go home. Joe started doing everything he could to make Anna forgive him, she was still very weakened by the discovery of his betrayals, but she was very passionate about him and decided to give him a second chance. When the Verstappen family finds out about what happened, a scandal ensues. Max and his father became obsessed, they wanted to come to Ohio to attack Joe, Victoria, Anna and Max's younger sister, who was also pregnant at the same time, sent an audio to the quarterback calling him unpronounceable names, Sophie, the mother , begs Anna to separate from him, but the Dutch woman had already made the decision to give Joe another chance, even if the whole family was against it, but the truce happened in November 2020, when Amelie Lisa Burrow came into the world, and less than a month later, Victoria's son Luka was born.

 Time passed, and the Burrow family managed to strengthen themselves in the face of adversity, for them communication was the key to all problem resolutions. Even though Anna and Joe were very discreet, it was very difficult for them not to be filmed in the stands at Bengals games or at Max's races, they were a very happy and healthy family.

ANNA’S POV

After we managed to overcome the crisis in our marriage and build a healthy family dynamic for ourselves and our children, things seemed to fall into place. I finally realized my dream of having my own art studio, where I spent most of my time producing my paintings, sculptures and various works, and Joe was increasingly consolidated as one of the main players in the NFL, it's undeniable to talk about how he changed the Bengals team, for a long time they were unable to compete for higher positions, but since then, they managed to reach the playoffs and the Super Bowl, I couldn't describe how happy I was for my husband, but for a while now, I started to see how Joe got carried away by fame. More and more he began to be requested for events, parties, million-dollar advertising contracts, and the harassment from the media and fans tripled, but I began to get to know a side of my husband that is not cool at all. Being the daughter of a former pilot father and having a brother who is the current Formula 1 champion, I can say that neither of them let fame go to their heads. Max Verstappen Formula 1 world champion is still the same Max I grew up with, he hasn't changed his personal tastes or personality because of fame, if it were Max's will he wouldn't even have social media, he hates it a lot. However, I feel Joe slowly distancing himself from me, as a father I have nothing to complain about, he would give his life for Joshua and Amelie, he does everything for them, but I feel like I'm losing my husband.

 After the injury he suffered to his hand in the game against the Ravens, which left him out for the rest of the season again, Joe closed himself off into his own world and started refusing to talk to me, I at first tried to understand, because fuck, Once again he faces a serious injury that prevents him from playing football, since his first season in the NFL he has suffered some type of injury, but I would like him to be more transparent with me.

At the beginning of 2024 our distance becomes increasingly greater, with him more focused on treating the injury in his hand and him choosing to go to different events with his friends, and until then he, who was attentive to his children, became more absent, that's when I got tired of being silent, and we were increasingly fighting. I never stopped Joe from going out with his friends, who were also my friends from Ohio State, but I would like him to think more about our family, but Joe thought I was annoying, he said he needed to go out with his friends so he wouldn't be only thinking about the injury, and he still made a point of telling me that I was going to Europe frequently even when he needed me, and yet he always accepted the situation. By the way, I was born and lived until I was 18 in the Netherlands, and I have family and many friends there, right? And I make sure Joshua and Amelie are connected to my European roots, so much so that I teach them to speak Dutch.

I didn't know what else to do, I decided to call my sister-in-law Kelly to ask for advice. Kelly Piquet is like my older sister from another mother, she was always there for me and always helped me with advice, how grateful I am to have her in my life. The haters who criticize her are idiots, they feel entitled to criticize people they have never met in their lives.

- Kel, I don't know what to do anymore. It's been really hard to see photos of Joe at parties and events with his friends, enjoying himself like there's no tomorrow, meanwhile I have to deal with two children calling for their father and I'm not much different, I'm crying every day. 

- Anna, it's past time for you to be more combative in confrontations with him. Does this idiot not realize that he is destroying your family again? He forgets that you forgave him that time, is he doing the same thing again? Look..

- What do you mean Kelly, what is he doing again? What do you know, say it???

- Oh shit, I was thinking about the right way to tell you Anna. You know that my sister lives in Miami, right?

- Yes, I know, but what does that have to do with it?

- So... Anna, I don't know how I'm going to tell you

- Speak up, Kelly! The older woman sighs before making the revelation - she was with her fiancé at a club in Miami, and when she went to get a drink at the bar, she saw Joe in a circle with several women, one of them She was even sitting on his lap. His friends were also there, she was in disbelief when she saw that the woman who was on his lap wasn't you and was willing to go to him to ask questions, but her fiance didn't let her, she ended up taking a photo to prove it. -Kelly then sends the photo to Anna, who is so shocked to see the photo, that she freezes

- Anna, Anna, are you feeling ill? Answer me- Kelly speaks desperately 

- He broke my trust…again

- Anna, I received the photo on the same day as the party, but I was so confused about how to tell you, that it took me days. I didn't even show Max, you know what he would be able to do, since when I started dating his brother, I only hear him talk about how he hates Joe and that if he could he would break his legs.

- I don't even know if Max needs to know these details, all I don't want is more problems. Kelly, I just know that I need to get out of Cincinnati urgently, I need to think about how I'm going to confront Joe again.

- You know that our house is always open for you here in Monaco, right? Penelope loves Joshua and Amelie, she will love them here to play together

- You're right, I'll arrange my ticket now. It won't do any good now, Joe is going to stay out of the house most of the time, why can't I?

- That's my girl. Let me know the day of your departure, let me pick you up at the airport

Anna packed her and the children's bags and headed to Monaco, where she would stay at Max and Kelly's house. She warned Joe about the trip, on the pretext of taking her children to visit her family and go watch Max's races, and to no surprise, Burrow was indifferent. 

 The Dutchwoman felt very light and happy on the European continent, she was able to see her family and friends, and went to watch several of Max's races, but she had a mission, and Kelly was her assistant on this journey. They were willing to prove that Joe was cheating again, and came up with a very meticulous plan. They hired a private detective to follow Joe's every step, tracked his cell phone, and, in addition, got access to the list of events he was going to be a guest at, and, as Kelly already lived in the USA and had friends there, she called her acquaintances to be at these events as informants on Joe's every move. And it didn't take long for the evidence to appear, the detective sent several photos of Joe at secret parties with many women, they had access to messages of him talking to many women, be they anonymous women, sub-celebrities and even high-ranking Hollywood celebrities, in addition to the reports of informants. To improve the situation, the famous gossip profile Deuxmoi began publishing information about Joe's betrayals, not surprising Anna and Kelly, who already knew everything that was happening, but when the news reached Max, he became possessed and called to Joe, sparking a huge argument.

- I'm going to kill you son of a bitch, you get ready when I see you. I'm going to bring my sister and nephews back to Europe, they won't stay in Cincinnati for another second.- The driver shouts into the phone

- It's a situation that your sister and I have to resolve alone, you don't get involved, understand? Take charge of your own life, as a public person you also know that people make up rumors.- Joe says irritated 

- Anyone who doesn't know you should buy you Joe, your good guy mask has fallen off a long time ago, only deluded idiots believe in you. You're shit, trash, a failure who won't get anywhere, meanwhile Mahomes is winning titles after titles, that's it, character is for few. - the Dutchman continues arguing with Joe.

The exposure of Joe's betrayals gains another chapter, when Deuxmoi again publishes information from a source in which Joe was seen with an Onlyfans model called a babydoll in Los Angeles. Again, no surprise for Anna, she had access to hot photos of them in a luxurious motel and trying to be as discreet as possible, but the attempt failed, as they had no idea that an elaborate scheme was in action to capture the betrayals. After the exposure, Joe immediately stopped following Babydoll, but the woman had a bad conscience and looked for Anna and revealed the whole truth, that she and Joe had been seeing each other for months, that she ended up hooking up with both him and Nick Bosa in Florida, but Joe had told her he was divorced. This was the last straw for Anna to prove that Joe was really a scoundrel and that he hadn't changed at all. 

 With all the evidence recorded and captured, Anna knew that she needed to face Joe again and end this toxic marriage once and for all, because she didn't deserve it and didn't need to go through this, she knew she didn't need to. When she gets home, Joe is sitting on the couch shaking, she walks past him, puts the kids in their room and turns on the television for them, and when she comes back, he starts to explain himself.

- Honey, about the gossip, no.

- Joe, there's no point in explaining my love. I already know everything.

- How do you know? - he says stuttering

- Well, let's say that during this time away from home, I discovered myself as a true CSI, devised a sensational investigation plan and got all the evidence? - when she finishes her response, she throws a huge folder at him, containing the entire dossier of photos, prints of messages and reports from the informants who were following him. As he turned each page, Joe became more and more white, he couldn't believe it, Anna did a heavy investigation on him.

- Funny, I was trying to understand why my husband was being so rude to me, but then everything became very clear to me, it was his guilty conscience, no no, I was wrong, it's because there was too much vagina to handle, right Joe?

- Anna…

- Shut up, I'm the one talking now. You had no respect for me when I was pregnant with your children, I almost lost Amelie because of you, and again you have no shame in your disgusting face when you expose us to ridicule again, but this time Joe, for me it is final , it's over, that's enough, now our conversation is in court, in a little while I'll call my lawyer to speed up the divorce process. IT'S OVER- you scream at him

-Anna listen to me please- he starts to cry

- I can't believe your Judas tears Joe, it was you who destroyed your family just for promiscuous moments of pleasure, now you have to bear the consequences. Now our conversation is in court, we have to look at the pension values, shared custody and the sharing of assets. And I'm warning you, pack your bags and get out, this is my house and the children's, if you want, you can go live with your thousands of lovers, now you have several houses. Come on, come on, go away, bye- she pushes him to the stairs.

Joe goes upstairs crying compulsively, he deeply regretted hurting and hurting Anna, but it was too late, now that he woke up to the reality that his family was destroyed as a result of his actions, and now he would have to deal with this burden for himself. the rest of your life. Anna was left alone in that huge mansion, with two young children and a broken heart, but she has enough strength to pick herself up and move forward, and with the support of her family, true friends, her children and her work, she was going to get by find yourself and be happy again.

[kindnessisweakness2]

5

"Oh my god! No you never!" Emily's laughter echoed around the empty house. " No Jax, I call bullshit!" She struggled to get the words out in between giggles. A red faced Jax was a sight for sure. He was never the type to get embarrassed, not easily anyway. But he could feel the warm glow on his cheeks as he told Emily the story of him falling victim to one of Opies pranks. "No seriously! I had to walk back from the lake Naked Em! Fucker stole my clothes while I was swimming with a girl. Wouldn't have been as bad but I had to walk through town in the middle of the day! My mom wasn't impressed." That spurred on another round of laughter from Emily as she imagined a naked Jax strolling down Main Street. They sat curled up on either end of Emily's plush sofa. Both comfy under the fluffy blankets she kept within arms reach. The TV played in the back ground, a movie neither of them had paid attention to. Instead they sat and actually talked. About any thing and everything, childhood memories, family and what they want from life. Jax's kutte hung on the hook by the front door, his phone in the pocket, giving Emily his full attention. And for the first time in a long time Jax felt disconnected from the stress and worry of the club. It felt weird to say but being there with Emily, it felt homely. Safe. "So you know all about my disastrous love life. It's only fair I learn about yours." Emily smiled at Jax over the top of her mug of tea as she took a sip. He shifted against the side of the sofa, always uncomfortable at the mention of Tara, but she was right it was only fair. "That was a mess, to say the least. First love, high school sweethearts. Felt like I had to be with her every minute of every day or id lose my mind. She just took over everything ya know? Couldn't see myself with anyone else. But her and club never mixed. She just couldn't understand my connection to it. My future has always been laid out for me, I'm gonna be at the head of that table, with alot of men's lives in my hands one day. My responsibility to keep them safe, to make the right decisions and get them back to their families. My mom always said it was flawed from day one. Said Tara wasn't strong enough. And looking back she was right, she pulled me away every opportunity she got. She had bigger dreams. Wanted to be a successful doctor with a cookie cutter house and a white picket fence. But I couldn't give her that. And so came the ultimatum. Her or club." Jax's eyes never left Emily as she listened to him talk. The way her face twisted he could see she wanted to say something. "Did you ever consider it? Leaving club for her I mean?" Jax smiled at her. "Of course I did. Packed a bag and everything. But then I quickly realised that I couldn't go. Look, ever since I was a kid all I wanted was a Harley and a Kutte. If I left with her I would be giving that up. Plus, what the fuck was I gonna do? I'm an okay mechanic who barely got his GED. How the fuck was I meant to provide for us, or even think of starting a family? I'm not Noah. I won't sit on my arse and let my girl bust hers to pay for everything." Emily nodded as Jax spoke. She couldn't help but think how nice it was. To sit here and just talk, be open. " Sorry for that last comment. But you must get what I mean? What kind of man would I be if I can't provide for my own." Emily smiled as she placed her now empty cup on the coffee table. "Don't worry. I know i was stupid when it came to Noah. I only have myself to blame for letting him do me dirty like that. I didn't want to see what was infront of my face. Like I said before, love blind." Emily quickly brushed the comment away, not wanting to reveal the truth. The truth was ugly and painful, and she didn't want to admit it to anyone, let alone Jax Teller. Noah had broken her, but she wouldnt admit it to anyone. She wouldnt give him the satisfaction of knowing he made her weak. Anyone asked she was fine, like always. Emily was a pro at masking how she really felt.

Jax sat looking at Emily. He could tell she wasnt as okay as she was trying to make out. Nobody could be in a relationship for that long, go through a betrayal like that and just be fine. Jax's phone rang, cutting through the comfortable silence. "You should probably get that." Emily smiled as she grabbed their cups and headed into the kitchen to give him some privacy. Jax's eyes widened in suprise. Most girls would go moody at their time being cut short, or atleast wanted to listen into the call. Being privy to club information is only an old lady perk. While he took the call from Chibs, Emily quickly tidied her kitchen packing a to go box of the meatball subs she had made them earlier, along with some victoria sponge cake. Making sure they were wrapped good she quickly popped them in a bag as Jax appeared in the kitchen. "Im sorry, i've got to go. Club shit." Emily smiled at him and handed him the bag of food. "Its okay. I get it dont worry. I packed you some left overs from earlier. If it turns out to be a late night atleast you'll have some decent food." For the second time that night Jax's eyes widened in suprise. Taking care of people clearly came natural to her. "I had a really nice time tonight Em." Jax smiled at her as she followed behind him to the front door. "Me too." She pulled him in to a hug before opening her door for him. "Look Jax, i dont know what club business your going to deal with. Its not my place to know. But just be careful." He smirked at her concern as he leaned against her door frame. "Always am Babe." Rolling her eyes, but unable to wipe the smile from her face at the blatant flirting from the blonde adonis, Emily watched as Jax rode away on his Harley.

Butterflies still flew around her stomach long after Jax had gone, but she did her best to ignore them. He flirted with everyone. From what she knew about this town he had slept his way through most of it after Tara and never settled down. She would just be another notch on his bedpost if she gave in to the temptation. Another woman silly enough to swoon over THE Jaxon Teller.

Or would she?

[my-own-walker]

summary: It's the morning after and you're regretting it. That is until someone's beautiful brown eyes make you melt.

evan peters x fem!reader

warnings: some spiciness.. but really none for now...I still don't know how to write sm*t...

+++

It's not often that I wake up in someone else's bed, let alone a stranger's.

It's not entirely my fault. When I ended up at some party in some house with my friend Annie, I knew something was bound to happen. But these things usually happen to her, not me.

+

Annie has always been a live-wire. She was the one that convinced me to move out to LA with her. A coworker-turned-best-friend. She became the first person to truly make me open up.

All-in-all, I'm a filthy fucking introvert. Always have been. There has never been a way to make me anything more. I know how to step out of my shell when I need to, but I'm a square at heart.

I drank underage but with adult supervision. I waited until 20 to lose my virginity. I cried when I got high for the first time because I thought everyone was making fun of me. Real life-of-the-party vibes from me, huh?

Annie, however, was, and is, fearless. She's done it all, seen it all, and is already bored. She had been to rehab before 17. When we met, she lived in a really dangerous spot in the city. So dangerous that she actually witnessed an arson on her street. But she didn't care.

You get the gist. She's cool. I'm not.

+

It was a Tuesday morning at work when she came to me with the crazy idea.

'Chapter meeting.' she texted. That was the signal that she had something to say. Someone, or something, to gossip about. In past meetings, we had discussed creepy coworkers, breakups, and the like.

So when I walked from my desk to hers, the last thing I expected to see was an apartment listing on her desktop.

'What is that?' I asked, prompting a smirk to form on her face.

'An opportunity. A new start.'

So off we went. I put up a fight, I truly did. I had never moved in my life and I was NOT prepared to. What about a job? Our families? The deal was to try it for a year. So reluctantly, I agreed.

Now, for another factor in all of this: I'm newly single. And so is she. My longtime boyfriend and I broke up when I broke the news that I was moving. Annie's boyfriend, too.

I get where they're coming from, I do. Long distance is impossible. But all I knew was that relationship. It had been so long, I forgot entirely how to be myself. He was my everything, and now he's gone. and I have to cope.

+

The only thing I know is long-term. That's why the situation I'm in is so foreign.

How was I to know that the party I was showing up at was at a celebrity's house? Annie made all the plans, and I just followed. You'll learn that about me. I follow.

The party was in some sort of swanky apartment building. A bit upscale from what I was used to, but again, Annie knew what she was doing. As she always does.

We opened the door to an apartment on the 5th floor and were immediately met with faces and bodies clogging the main artery of the entrance. The small hallway opened into a larger common area with high ceilings and gorgeous windows. Outside was a decent view of the city. The buildings were illuminated by the lights inside them.

'Fuck,' I turned to Annie, 'this is some rich asshole's place.'

'I know, that's why we're here,' she replied and ventured further into the space.

Loud music filled the room, much like the individuals that continued to stand in the way of us joining the fun. That is if there was any fun. I couldn't tell. I couldn't see over the sea of people.

Finally finding a kitchen, I think, we nestled into the crook of a counter. Right next to the fridge. As soon as we settled, we had to move multiple times for droves of people getting drinks. The spot was a hub, and we were in the way.

'Great,' I shouted over the music, 'this is just great...'

'Oh, loosen up. I promise there's a reason we're here,' she shouted back, 'It's an afterparty. I want to see who I can spot!' Annie loved celebrity spotting.

'Afterparty for what? How the hell did you get an invite?!'

Instead of answering, she turned to the fridge to make a drink. She practically threw a glass in my hand. I winced as I sipped it. Tequila. she knows me too well. Tequila always made me happier.

+

After many drinks, and hearing a few songs we both liked, both of us (so basically me) loosened up enough to enjoy the party. Finally. We had relocated to what I guessed was a living room. There were couches. I don't know. I was drunk and there were too many people.

Annie still hadn't spotted anyone she knew of, at least. But I don't think she cared anymore. She was too faded.

I lost her at some point. I think she went to the bathroom, leaving me alone to stare at my phone and awkwardly sip my drink. I looked up and began to look around for her. It was getting late and I wanted to leave.

As if on cue, I locked eyes with the most enchanting pair of brown eyes I'd ever seen. His lips curled into a soft smile. I mustered one back. I was actually so flustered.

I was so sure I looked HIT. Possibly the worst I'd ever looked. It was busy, I was drunk, and I turn red when I'm hot and drunk. It simply wasn't fair that I was in the presence of the most beautiful human I'd ever seen. I'm still not used to having to mind what I look like in public. After being taken for 4 years, you start to care less about how you look to others.

Immediately self-conscious, I turned on my heel. After all, I still needed to find Annie.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I silently died inside, screwing my eyes shut and pursing my lips. Drawing a big sigh, I turned around, trying to look as chill as possible. I was met with a curly mop of brown-blond hair and a pair of the sweetest eyes.

'Hey," he started.

I couldn't help but giggle. How is this my life?

'Hi," I breathed.

'I don’t think we've met,' he said.

'No, I'm sure we haven't,' I replied, embarrassed. 'I'm nobody. I mean- you just- you wouldn't know me.'

He smiled wider. My stomach fell out of my ass. Why is he still talking to me? I'm being weird. Please just leave me be, beautiful man.

But he didn't. 'I'm Evan,' he laughed.

'Y/N. Uh, I'm here wit-' I started

'Y/N? That's a really pretty name.'

What the fuck, this guy is hitting on me. What is even happening right now? And where the fuck is Annie?

'You're funny. I always thought it kinda sucked. Boring. I don't know...' I shrugged.

'No, I like it, seriously,' he replied. His eyes tracked my face, looking from my lips, to my eyes, back to my lips. 'You know, it's really loud in here...' he started. His left hand reached back to scratch the back of his head. He looked around slyly as if to say, 'Let's go somewhere more private.'

Once again, my stomach dropped. No idea if it was the tequila or Annie's influence getting to me, but I simply giggled and nodded.

Being newly single, it's nice to feel like someone's interested in me. Even after all these years, I still got it.

He stuck out his right hand and motioned for me to grab it. What the fuck was I thinking? I shoved my phone into my pocket and switched the hand my drink was in. Then I grabbed his palm and began to follow him.

The crowd seemed to part for him. He led me through the sea of people further back into the apartment. Down a small hallway was a door, then a set of stairs. There were far fewer people back there. The lights were even dimmer. Even, still, there were bodies on the stairs, all engaged in various activities. That was when I spotted Annie. Making out with some rando. Typical.

'Annie!' I exclaimed. Her head snapped up.

'Hey baby,' she drunkenly slurred.

'Oh, hey Annie,' Evan said. And my mind was thoroughly blown.

'Wh-what?' I began to stammer, looking back and forth between the two of them. Annie threw me a thumbs up and Evan continued to lead me upwards.

In my drunken stupor, I quickly stopped caring.

Evan led me down a hall, stopping at the second door on the left. He fumbled for some keys in his pocket and unlocked the door. Is this his apartment? What is my life?

Inside was a bedroom with another pretty view of the city. A large plush bed with a beige duvet and a dark-toned wood headboard sat to the left. Another door with an en-suite bathroom on the right. It was dark and cozy and smelled like lavender.

He shut the door and dropped his key on the bedside table, kicking his shoes off and sitting on the bed. He patted it, inviting me to come sit.

Me and my lowered inhibitions. I did it. I was in a stranger's bedroom. And I was on his bed.

'Now, where were we?' he asked, beaming his 5-star smile once again.

Suddenly super embarrassed, I looked away, laughing.

'Y/N...Y/N,' he tutted, 'you're gorgeous. Did you know that? There's no way you don't.'

'You must be blind...' I blushed.

'No. 20/20 vision, thanks. I know beauty when I see it. I knew when I saw you...I needed to have you.'

My face dropped. Subconsciously, I was super scared. This was my first time doing anything like this. With a stranger. I trusted him, but he was a stranger. He sensed the shift.

'Hey, hey. Are you okay?' he asked. 'If you're uncomfortable, just tell me. I promise I actually want to get to know you. I'm not just trying to get some. I promise.' He placed a reassuring hand on my forearm, making a point to meet my gaze. Something about his eye contact calmed me. He was genuine.

After talking for a bit, a gap in the conversation led to a natural moment to strike. Both of us seemed to just, lean in. His eyes were firmly focused on my lips. His hand reached up and grabbed my jawline, leading my face toward his. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his.

Sparks flew. It was almost in an instant that small kisses led to more and more passionate ones. His breath became heavy and uneven as he repositioned himself to face me better. I crawled onto his lap and held his face so as to say 'Don't stop.' With his face below mine I felt I had more control. So much more that when his hands reached to pull my shirt over my head, I didn't object.

I ran my hands through his curly hair and pulled. He let out a gentle moan and turned his attention to my neck, peppering kisses all the way down to my chest.

He pulled away and I whined. He began fumbling with the hem of his own shirt, trying to get it off. I looked down and helped, pulling his shirt over his head and pushing him into a laying position on the bed.

He continued to kiss me as he pushed his way on top of me, gently maneuvering me onto my back.

'You are so fucking beautiful,' he breathed as he looked down at my form.

And you will have to imagine the smut from here...maybe I will write it some other time. I still need more practice...

+

And now here I lay. Remembering it all. Playing it all over in my head. I turn my head and see the mess of curly hair I came to know sprawled across a pristine white pillow. His head is turned away from me, but his steady, even breaths remind me he's real. I watch his bare chest rise and fall.

My heart swells. This was a mistake. I'm catching feelings, but we both know this was just a dumb hookup. I panic internally and begin to gather enough courage to bolt. As soon as I sit up to grab my bra, though, he stirs.

I cover myself with the duvet, red in the face. He smiles softly up at me.

'Good morning,' he rasps. His morning voice. God. 'Going so soon?'

'Uh, haha, I guess?' I reply.

'No,' he whines. He sits up. 'Stay?' His puppy-dog brown eyes plead with me.

'A-are you sure?' I ask. There is no way this is happening.

'I think we both know this wasn't a one-time thing, Y/N. I need to see you again. But for now, please don't run? Just, stay here?' He extends his arm and snakes it around my bare waist.

I smile and give in to his gentle touch, laying down and resting my head on his chest. His fingers run through my hair idly.

'Wait, how do you know Annie...?' I began.

Maybe this is the start of something good.

+++

OKAYYYYY HAHAHAH thanks for reading. Much love. Sorry if this sucked. Suggestions are encouraged and requests are open! Love ya!

[gayf1hoe]

Part 18

The famous poet Oscar Auliq-Ice once said "Things don't always go as planned, but it's when you make a plan out of the unplanned and make the best of the unlikely things In life."

I guess that's how I would describe the trajectory of my life, nothing ever goes to plan, as a child I used to wonder what my life would be like when I grew up and I would draw photos of what I envisaged. A house, with a dog, a regular 9-5 job, lots of friends and all my family together. But growing up I have realised life isn't a destination you can just plan a journey to there is always going to alterations and things that change the way things work out.

Stepping into Formula 1 I never imagined I would be the first openly gay driver, the first gay world Champion in F1, the first rookie World Champion since the sport started.

Marrying the most kind, thoughtful, intelligent and selfless man I have ever met.

Moving away from the country I called home for so long leaving behind my family to start a new life.

None of this was part of my life plan but it goes to show you don't need to enter life with a preconceived idea, you just need to live in the moment and take whatever life throws at you and make the best of it with a positive outlook because at the end of the day we are human and we are merely guests on planet earth not immortal inhabitants.

"Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the final race of the formula 1 season for this year, Aston Martin have had a strong neck hold on the championship standings M/N Leclerc is top of the standings for the second year running and no matter what the result today he will be the World Champion he is 29 points ahead of his teammate Lance Stroll who is in P2. Now we will head down to the paddock where the drivers are gearing up for the season finale here in Monaco".

Reporter: M/N it's been a great season for you, you have a 29 point lead so no matter who wins today you are the World Champion how does that feel?

M/N: It feels great, you know the team has worked so hard this year and I don't think we could have done anything more and I think that our performance has been really strong.

Reporter: So we saw the team have added a 4 year extension to your contract. Are you planning on staying at Aston Martin for your entire career?

M/N: At this moment in time Aston Martin is where I feel most comfortable, I really like having Lance as a teammate and I think the team has a great camaraderie.

Reporter: Lastly before we let you go, you and Charles announced you are in the process of adopting a child, would you want him or her to follow in both of your footsteps?

M/N: Of course we will give him or her the opportunity to go into karting and let them decide if they like racing or not, we aren't going to force them to do anything they don't enjoy.

Walking away from the reporter I go over to my car which is surrounded by engineers who provide me with a few last words of encouragement.

"Fucking smash it".

I lift my legs over the halo and slide into my seat, this season has been great not just for me, Lance has won a few races and so has Charles which has been great for their self esteem but the same can't be said for their egos which received a much to big of a boost.

I am sitting in pole position for the final time this year, and the anticipation around Monaco intensifies.

"5 lights out and away we go, Leclerc gets a great start and leads going into turn 1 Lance Stroll is fighting off Charles Leclerc for P2 it's neck and neck as they go into turn 3 but Stroll just manages to get ahead."

Monaco has always been the place which holds the most memories and I have learnt to call it home, leaving behind Italy very prematurely and relocating to the dazzling streets of Monte Carlo felt appropriate, and me and Chalres decided Monaco is the place that is best to raise a child, that too was not part of my life plan, up until about a year ago I couldn't look after myself let alone another human being.

The meandering track of Monaco has always been the most difficult and annoying because as a racing driver I have the urge to push the accelerator flat out but this track makes it impossible to do that. Lap after lap I increase the gap to the cars behind and I'm totally unaware of who is actually behind me.

All I know is I'm in the lead and I want to win, race by race my statistics have been getting better and better and I feel happy to know that I'm doing Fernando justice in replacing him.

Crossing the line for the last time for this year in P1 I feel elated, proud and indescribably relieved that I have bagged another championship.

"M/N that's P1 for the final time this year, Lance was P3 and Leclerc P2"

I couldn't have asked for a better result a 1-2 for me and Charles, I'm happy that we get to share the podium on the final race in his home country.

Jumping out of the car, Charles and Lance all embrace each other in a hug before removing our helmets and desperately trying to catch our breath. "You just had to beat me didn't you" Charles says whilst pulling off his balaclava.

"Well I couldn't just go easy on you it would have been cheating" I say, placing a quick kiss on his lips before walking to the cool down room. As I enter I see Lance sitting on one of the chairs. I congratulate him one more time and he congratulates me in return and we speak about our team's performance this year and how his dad is really happy with our results this year which is really good because I'm still petrified of his dad despite getting to know him over the year.

Reporter: So M/N Leclerc 2 time world Champion, How does it feel?

M/N: It feels great to add another championship to my collection.

Reporter: How was your car performing out there? We saw you fighting the urge to push flat out.

M/N: Yes the car had a lot of energy today which is a shame it was wasted but it felt great to have that power.

Reporter: Now Aston Martin are constructors champions you are Champion Lance is P2 and your old Team Mercedes are P3 in constructors and George is P5 Kimi P7. Do you think you made the right choice to move teams?

M/N: I believe I did make the right choice but it was always going to be a gamble and I think it paid off.

Reporter: What do you think the team did well today and what could you have done better?

M/N: We really capitalised on tyre management in terms of things to improve on better strategies. Maybe with a better strategy it would have been a 1-2 podium for us but nevertheless a great result today.

Reporter: Now before we let you go and celebrate on the podium, what advice do you have for the young people out there who aspire to be like you or get into racing?

M/N: Firstly be who you are, don't try and be something you're not, don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something and have patience good things don't come right away.

The podium ceremony feels more special than any other with both mine and Charles' family in the crowd cheering us on.

As I step down from the podium I head back over to my garage and start packing all my belongings from my room and shift through all the photos from the season when there is a light knock on my door. "Come in" I called out, I turn around to see my mum, Danill and Mick all standing there with gift bags.

"What's all this?" I ask

"Well they are congratulatory gifts for winning a second world championship and your upcoming fatherhood" Mick says.

I invite them all in and they place the gifts on my table next to the boxes of my personal belongings and I hand them the remaining drinks from my fridge and get them to help me take all the stuff out to my car.

Carrying all the stuff out of the garage Charles spots us and comes running over "here comes your husband" Danill says in a childish tone. Charles immediately takes a bag off my hand and helps us carry the stuff to the car.

"So there's a party tonight to celebrate the last race of the season. Are you going?" he asks.

"Of course, I have just got to go home and get changed into more appropriate clothes and then I will be there". Upon reaching the car we place all the items on the back seat and I say goodbye to them all including Charles and say I will see them at the party and start to drive back to our apartment.

I somehow manage to carry all the stuff up the stairs with the help of one of my neighbours, I fumble around trying to find the right key and eventually manage to swing the door open.

I place all of the stuff in the office and quickly place the stuff for the child in their bedroom which is almost complete.

I rummage around the closet trying to find formal attire and decide to wear a white shirt with navy blue trousers and no sooner that I arrive I'm heading back out and fast walking to the bar which is only down the road.

It isn't hard to find, the parking lot full of expensive flashy sports cars is a massive giveaway. I manage to push past the thick line of people by the entrance and make my way to the bar where Charles is standing with Pierre.

As I approach the smell of alcohol and sweat intoxicates me and I manage to eventually get to the counter avoiding any injury.

Everyone is here from the engineers and strategists to the drivers partners and family. The only people not here are the team principals which is just as well because I don't think I could have fun if Mike or Toto was here watching what we were doing.

Mick and Danill are also here which is a massive relief because I know Charles will be with Max for half of the evening so it means I won't be alone, I would speak to Yuki but he wasn't feeling well after the race so he decided to go back to his hotel room instead.

Most of the drivers are downing shots and are pretty drunk.

I on the other hand have to be the "responsible parent" for around 15 grown children.

A few months later:

"Jules be careful" I say running over to him and pulling him away from the edge of the pool for a 5 year old he is so curious and adventurous that if you don't watch him for a split second he's off doing something he probably shouldn't be.

For the past few months mine and Charles' time has been devoted to caring for Jules. We adopted him about 3 weeks after the season came to an end and we thought it would only be right to call him Jules for obvious reasons and I was never going to contest such a thoughtful name.

We have been dividing our time between training and having fun with him, luckily when we go to the gym Jules enjoys playing with the exercise balls or playing on the gymnastic mats which puts both me and Charles at ease.

The Formula 1 season starts later next year which plays in our favour as we can spend more time with Jules, he has already shown an interest in racing. He has so many toy race cars and he loves sitting down and watching them. We also took him to the Silverstone museum when we went to England and he got to sit in the Mercedes that I won my first World championship in and he was fascinated by the whole thing.

It feels weird being someone's parent, I was scared going into it. I always wondered what could go wrong but as all my family said with being a parent "you just have to go with the flow" and apparently there is no so called right way of being a parent which makes the whole experience very daunting and very vague.

Everyone has met Jules and they have loved him and he loves Yuki the most. I think it's because they have so much in common and Yuki Is trying to already turn him into a Red Bull supporter. I suppose it's all very conflicting when his parents race for two opposing teams.

I'm packing a bag to head to the beach, living in Monaco is great for getting out and not being stuck in the house. Having 2 parents who love to be on the beach has started to rub off on Jules and he now loves going to the beach and building sand castles and dipping his feet into the ocean.

We walk down the quiet streets of Monaco, me and Charles holding each of his hands and eventually we reach the beach and we sit down on the sand.

Jules insists on getting some water so he can make sand castles so we let him go up to the shore line where we can see him and watching him run back and forth from the sea with his small red bucket of sea water is an adorable sight for me and Charles.

"He's so adorable" Charles comments "He really is" I reply in admiration.

We help him build plenty of sand castles and go into the sea with him and play a splash war on Charles but Jules betrays me mid way through and joins Charles' side causing me to be defeated.

We decide to dry off the salt water so me and Charles are sitting on the sand with our towels wrapped around our shoulders whilst Jules is still making stuff out of the sand with his multicoloured shapes.

"How is it that I ended up with such an amazing husband and child?" Charles asks.

"I guess it was just a curve of fate"

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

There is only me

“I want to write you a poem.”

There it was. Stuck in the middle of us. The happiness is just a moment and then your hand slides down to your side. I was hungry, I remember saying but you only stared. I wish I knew what you were thinking then but now I can only guess. That empty space seemed like the only place I found you in. I wanted to join you but your hands were too cold. There was nothing more to bring you in but the willingness to let go of my heart.

“Is that so?”

Can we begin again? Is that a valid question or do I need to explain myself once again? I could almost feel the heat of your body but still couldn't find the opportunity for myself to fall into it. I wished you pulled me into your hold. I would have forgiven every incident in the past. My mind would have made up excuses and I would have followed you to the end. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done just to feel close to you but still you were too far from me. Even as you stood in front of me.

“If Daniel says no, I would leave this place alone.”

There was no going back. I cannot unsee what I saw. There is only an empty house and the warmth has left you. It was so dull that my mind seemed to start to make believe. I needed to know how you felt that time but all I got was nothing but a house with no lights on. The dust settled as I walked in and the emptiness seemed like a new friend. Am I going crazy? Or am I just experiencing your emptiness for the first time?

“There is nothing that's keeping you here.”

You are the only man I ever wanted. There was no one before you and I doubt I want anyone after you. I didn't know I was not living until I met you. You opened my eyes to a whole new world. I was nothing, a speck of dust then you breathed life into me. Now I feel like I am drowning, packing your clothes in the laundry. If begging was an option would you hear me? Tell me how to live now without you with me? If I need to go on my knees would it show my sincerity?

“If I wait? Would you like to hear it?”

“It’s over…”

Fall in the depth of water. It is the only way I can feel like I am at home. The heat of my tears doesn't bother me, doesn't remind me of the heat you emitted with every hug you gave me. That crazy sound of your laugh doesn't comfort me anymore. Why am I alone? Let me hold the flowers and be perfect. Show the world that somehow I know how to be on my own. My crooked smile and the dead look of the eyes is nothing compared to what is going on in the mind. Is it really how it is supposed to be? A little weed pulled out and left to the wind.

“If I say no, would you listen to me?”

“Came back… don't you see…”

Peach blossoms are my favourite. A trip we planned left on the table unopened. The smell of that perfume you bought brings too many hurtful memories that get in the way. The touch of your cold hand doesn't hold mine like it used to. There is no company in the world that can replace you. This body has too many burdens to bear as I pack the last of your clothes in a bag that's going somewhere, nowhere that I can see. Is it alright if I keep this last t-shirt you wore? it still smells like you. It will be my last reminder of you.

“Goodbye I guess…?”

Words left unsaid. Heart burning. Nothing lurking. Flowers falling. That tree looks like it had enough. Reminds me of the last summer of you and me. Bring me peace and say it was all a joke. Lurking about in the garden. No herbs can heal this type of pain but still I am searching. Forgetting feels like a never ending hole. Is this what it feels like? Is this what it looks like? A deep abyss or is it a blackhole? My empty chest is quiet and the pain is numbing. This home is too suffocating.

“I am truly sorry. It wasn't supposed to be like this.”

“I know…”

One sentence. Eleven words. Fifty one characters. I don't think I saw it but it's too late now. Is this what it is supposed to be? Me staring in and my heart is missing. The police laughed when I phoned them but they didn't know. It was the last part of me to go. I think I heard the phone but it was deafening. The last light was the desperate plea of my brain holding me till you barged through the door. It was the last hope but you were not there. Just a reminder of how alone this life has become. Nothing but the numbing of once upon a time in love.

“It is okay. I am fine now. Go home.”

The conversation was officially done. The number disconnected to some. The trip is the last part that is shredded to parts. No goodbyes is ever as heart-warming as the goodbye of the person you love.

[creatureactivist]

So I've finally finished Persona 4 Golden, amd with it I've now completed all 3 modern Persona games. I can't overstate how much these games mean to me; I really feel like they helped me through the roughest time in my life this far.

Thinking back to when I picked up Persona 5 Royal on a whim in January, I was at such a low point. I was deeply unhappy in my long term relationship and overall dissatisfied with life. A few weeks in, my neighbor passed away suddenly, and P5R kept me sane through all of that upheaval. I had never played a game like it before, and I was so taken in by the aesthetic and story, I knew it was going to be one of favorite games of all time pretty quickly.

I started Persona 3 Reload after my birthday in February. The darker themes were oddly comforting as I felt the biggest cracks form in the life I'd built for myself. You would think that the depressing themes would have been tough to handle, but somehow they were comforting. I knew though when I started literally fantasizing about the evokers that I was at a horrible breaking point mentally. Halfway through the game I ended my relationship and started a period of time living with friends. I started to regain hope for the first time in years. I finished the game while living at my friends apartment. The ending of P3R was so painful, but cathartic. It felt symbolic, like with the death my old life comes the opportunity for new things.

Finally, this brings me to Persona 4 Golden. This spring I made a hard decision to admit that I didn't have the means to live alone, amd I couldn't bear to keep relying on the generosity of my friends. I packed the rest of my belongings that hadn't been donated, lost or thrown away, and I drove thousands of miles across the country to my parents house.

As I started Persona 4, I knew immediately that it would hit me the hardest. IRL, I had just arrived in a small town, with no local friends, with plans to stay with my family for one year to get on my feet. I'm still working on it. But P4's themes of finding truth, forming bonds, and accepting one's true self to move forward have resonated so much. I honestly didn't expect this one to be my favorite, but here we are. I finished it today and cried more than I have since the day I left my friends apartment.

I guess I don't know where I'm going with this. These games have been with me through such upheaval that I almost feel lost now that it's over. I finished each of them in a different home. The last 6 months have been so extremely transformative for me. By this time next year I hope I'm in a home that is all my own. And selfishly, I hope Persona 6 is out by then so that I can fill my new home with new adventures.

If you read this far, then thanks for listening to my rambles.

[alcamcat]

Sam’s fraternal support

The brothers have a very strong bond and have always tried to support each other, even in the Abyssal Plains. Now that they are in the human world, they are freer in their actions and they continue to help each other even without magic. How does Sam show his support? A glimpse at how he uses his own skills to help his brothers. (The other brothers get their own scenarios)       

-I don't own the game or the characters-     

Sam was famous in the Abyssal Plains for being strong. Not just in battle, but in his physical form alone. He was powerful, resilient and tough. And he was proud of it. Now that he has left their former world with his brothers, he doesn't really have many opportunities to live out and show his true strength and speed. But every now and then his brothers benefit from it. Most of the time it's James who, even if he's the one who gets on Sam’s nerves the most with having to control his power, appreciates his brother's strength. Sam helps him to lift heavy objects or carry different things from one place to another. He doesn't do this because his brother couldn't do it himself, as they are all physically stronger than humans, but he knows that this way he can take work off his brother's shoulders and if he's being honest with himself, helping James is better than quarreling with a cranky older brother. A win-win situation, but he won’t do it without grumbling, of course. He has a reputation to uphold. And even if Sam doesn't appear to be a peaceful character at first glance, he has a very calm inner pole. He's often the one who's by Damien's side when things get too rough for him. Of course, the new life in the human world is the best thing that could have happened to his little brother, but he still has to struggle with adapting to human rules and customs. Not to mention that he's still struggling with not being able to control his mind reading. So, when Sam notices that Damien is retreating, uncomfortable or just needs a break, he's there to take him on a little trip. Just somewhere quiet with as few people as possible to distract Damien while being outside for some fresh air. They go for a walk together, mostly in silence, and Sam will do his best to keep his own thoughts under control enough for Damien to really get some rest.

Sam stood indecisively on the doorstep of their current home, looking down at the sacks of potting soil and plants delivered to James. He really couldn't understand his eldest brother's obsession with flowers and gardening, but who cares? "And why do we need them again?" The annoyed undertone could hardly be overheard and if Sam had something better to do he probably would have been really annoyed, but as it was, it was just a way to keep his attitude up. Admitting that he didn't mind didn't even cross his mind.

"I just explained it and I don't want to repeat myself..." came his brother's answer from inside the house, apparently, he was already on his way to the small garden at the back. "Because they are very pretty and the scent is supposed to have a calming effect." Damien explained, who was leaning against the door and grinning at Sam in amusement. Sam groaned in mock irritation before turning to Damien and rolling his eyes. His brother returned his gaze unperturbed, then backed away from the door, "Hurry, James is waiting for you." Before Sam could add anything, he heard James' voice, "Sam!" "Yeah, yeah, I'm on it." He called back, turned to the sacks and shouldered the first three.

While Sam brought one sack after the other through the house into the garden and everything was piled up more or less neatly, his brother was already busy filling the bed that he had only marked out a week ago with soil. After Sam placed the last two plants with the others, he turned to James who was about to open another sack of potting soil. "Let me do that." This time his voice sounded grumpier than he intended, but James didn't seem to mind. He just slid sideways to make room for Sam, who was now filling the big sacks into the bed one by one.

The two didn't really speak, but worked quietly side by side. It wasn't that they weren't able to hold a conversation, it was more that the two got along best when they weren't speaking. Their way of expressing themselves was too different and even if Sam knew that James didn't do it on purpose, his way of speaking often got on his nerves more than a little bit.

"Was that it?" Sam crossed his arms over his chest when he had emptied the last sack and looked down at his brother, who was kneeling in front of the bed with a plant in his hand. "Yeah, thanks Sam." "Not worth mentioning," Sam murmured as he turned to go back into the house. And he meant what he said. A relaxed James would be cooking up a delicious meal tonight, and maybe this time he wouldn't risk a rebuke for his poor table manners when he was hungry. The chance was slim, but it was there.

The next day Sam felt something heavy in the air. Matthew, Erik and Damien had spent the evening at a club and while Matthew and Erik had enjoyed the evening to the fullest, the visit had apparently been a bit too much for Damien. His youngest brother enjoyed being among people, much more than Sam did himself, but sometimes it got to be too much for his brother due to the accumulation of voices in his head in large crowds. Sam could tell by the way Damien was even quieter than he used to be, he didn't participate much in conversations between the brothers and his posture seemed more tense than normal.

And exactly this behavior observed Sam at breakfast. For a moment he debated with himself whether he should wait and see, but when Erik suggested going to the mall and Damien refused with a lame excuse, he knew he had to act. He leaned back in his chair. “I was thinking more about taking a walk through the park. You're coming with me, Damien, aren't you?” he asked as casually as possible. All of his brothers knew it wasn't a question and even Damien, who seemed hesitant, finally nodded while James steered the conversation with Erik and Matthew to another topic.

A little later, Sam and Damien were strolling along a small lake and while Sam was watching his brother, Damien seemed to have focused his attention on a couple of ducklings waddling happily behind their mother to the water. Even if Sam really tried, he couldn't completely hide the worries he had about his little brother. "Don't worry." Damien's voice snapped him out of his own thoughts and he was immediately annoyed that he hadn't controlled his thoughts better. "Sure?" Sam asked, and when Damien didn't respond immediately, he added, "It's not like I can read your mind too... You've got to tell me what's wrong!"

A sincere smile crossed Damien's features, "Thank you Sam. But it's all right." "If you say so. If you don't want to talk okay, but if you do, I'm here to listen!" "And I really appreciate that!" They went both silent for a moment and Sam guessed that Damien was thinking about how to put his thoughts into words. But when Damien didn't speak again, Sam realized he was just trying to end this topic. Not very effective, but Sam was the last person who would force someone to talk about something they didn't want to talk about.

He wasn't good with words himself, had trouble expressing himself. But he would always be there, listening to his brothers. Or just being with them, like now, to take their mind off things when the going gets tough. And he knew Damien of all people appreciated that very much. Previously he had protected him from attacks, now he protected him from his own thoughts. Both had become second nature to him and he would do both for the rest of his life. He had come to this world to be with them and he would do anything in his power to make them happy!

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

It's been 3 years since I've written to you. Every time I write, I feel like I'm a different person. Life feels like a complete mess but I'm also okay ish? I stress about work, money, family, relationships, the usual things. But it feels manageable. Hard as fuck, but manageable. I'm trying to be a better person. My parents really fucked me up, and now I can see how that has made me a not-great-person at times. Christ, I have a sharp tongue. And I wield it carelessly, and it hurts people I love. But I am trying. I don't want to be like them so I have to work at it. It's harder than I thought it would be. So often I don't even realize that what I'm doing is not only harmful/unhealthy, let alone recognize that I sound just like my mother/acting like my father. It's so hard trying to have a good relationship with them. I love them, I recognize that they're flawed people who have traumas of their own, and I have endless empathy for them. But I'm still so fucking mad at them. Its like there is this anger at the core of my being that I'll never shake. I'm so fucking fucked up and how they treated me was so wrong and they were so irresponsible all of the time. When I was a year old, they took me on a trip to New Orleans w my mom's parents. There's an adorable picture of me riding on my dad's shoulders from this trip, I've heard funny stories from it all my life. Then I find out that when they went on that trip, they were nearly 6 months behind on their mortgage payments. And that kinda encapsulates the irresponsibility and the instability it caused. They couldn't afford that house, but they bought it anyways. I don't know how many times we had our water or electricity shut off because they couldn't pay the bills. Showering by the light of a fucking oil lamp. I was a kid, but I knew something was wrong and this shouldn't be happening. We lost that house in the 2011 housing crisis. There are thousands of other examples but yeah :) all that bullshit, and then immediately afterwards the turmoil of 2011-2015 started.

Anyways, Charlie, I'm working to be better. Need to find a new therapist but I started reading this book about how emotionally immature parents can fuck their kids up. Christ, Charlie, every page is like a punch in the face. An over developed sense of empathy?? Emotionally dissatisfying romantic partners?? Extreme anger that turns inward, causing thoughts of SH???? It's like reading a book about myself and while I hate feeling known, it's really helping.

As a life update: love where I work and my coworkers, but things are...complicated w management and I'm struggling so I'm considering leaving which kinda blows. My little brother has been living somewhat close to me for the last two years but he'll be moving away soon :( I wish I'd taken more opportunities to go see him while he was within a days driving distance. I miss him a lot. He's one of my best friends. I don't think there's been more than a week (at the most) since the day he was born that we haven't interacted in some way. So yeah, kicking myself for not visiting him way more. The relationship is much stronger, but there are still things we have to work through. Unfortunately he has been on the receiving end of my sharp tongue to say the least, which has given me the much needed kick in the ass to get serious about being better. Leo is good, he got some teeth taken out in January but he adjusted very quickly and it was a quick healing process. Words cannot describe how thankful I am for this cat. He is a momentous comfort in hard times, he never fails to bring a smile to my face and peace to my heart. He's laying on the bed with me right now, and when I'm done writing I am going to scratch his belly.

Life is weird, Charlie. There's a Nauhtl proverb that says the earth is slippery. It's hard to be a good person, life is full of shit that will trip you up. You have to work hard at remaining upright. It hasn't been an easy road getting here. I didn't want to live past 17. I'm nearly 27 now. It's been hard and a lot of things still hurt, but it gets better. I would have missed out on so many incredible moments had I ended at 17. I'm glad that I'm still here.

Thank you for being here for so long, Charlie. You'll always hold a special place in my heart ❤️

Love,

J

[justkeepwalkingnothinghere]

1 year. 1 year. Wow. Has it really been that long? Has it really been that long since The Owl House bid us farewell? Since the final "Byeee!" that was heard 'round the world? We learnd the story of The Collector, we saw Luz die and get revived, we met Papa Titan. That night, every last one of us got the opportunity to witness Luz, Eda, King and Raine all come together to kick Belos's ass and take him down once and for all. We all watched as every last character came together to build a brighter future for the Boiling Isles. It was an emotional night for everyone. All of that was 1 year ago. And it's hard for me to believe. It doesn't feel real.

To this day, I can still recall how my night went. My parents were at my aunt and uncle's wedding. Adults only, small ceremony in their backyard, I could understand. Only problem is that it left me with no other option but to stay at home, alone with my thoughts, dread, worry and fear over the finale as the minutes ticked by. Waiting until the world would say byeee to a show like no other. At 5 in the afternoon, what would become the most emotional night of my life began with me going to my music, and listening to Lacrimosa on loop for 45 minutes. I listened as I went through Reddit, Tumblr, Discord, YouTube, seeing everyone get ready to watch the finale that I don't think anyone was ready for. I made one last post here wishing everyone good luck before I cut myself off from Tumblr for the rest of the night, not wanting to get any spoilers, as I was waiting until Easter morning to watch it myself. I decided to watch a bit of YouTube to maybe clear my mind and cheer me up, especially once I saw Zeez Vov Gee's TOH video contest was up. I had made a submission of my own, so I was excited to find out if mine had made it in (it did not, sadly). By the time I had finished watching, it was 8:20. 5 minutes away from air time. So, I said good luck to some friends in a TOH Discord I'm in, muted said server until the morning, and was about to switch to watching something else, as YouTube was also a no go. Until a farewell video appeared in my feed. I watched it, being met with the chorus of the song "As The World Caves In".

And I watched it again. And again. And again. One last viewing, this time singing along to the chorus in the literal seconds before the finale aired. A fitting event that was unintentionally timed to perfection. Couldn't have given a better last second send off if I wanted to. For nearly the entirety of the finale's runtime, I listened to the full song on loop, singing along, crying at the thought of getting a hug from Luz as it was really the only thing I wanted then, doing literal shots of milk, sitting and walking while everything swirled within me. Before long, it was past 9, and I hadn't eaten dinner. Stouffer's meatloaf and mashed potatoes. And you wanna know what I did? I ate it while venting to this claymation mouse. Just the two of us, enjoying our meals. For a bit, it felt like that mouse was listening as he chomped down on his chocolate. It was oddly nice. I at least got a break from my anxiety. Turning to dessert, a mini double chocolate bundt cake while watching 30 Rock and drawing glyph doodles, a pleasure that lasted for a short while before my parents made their eventual return. At 11 o'clock at night.

But my entertainment wasn't over just yet. After cleanup, I still had one last thing up my sleeve. I laid on my bedroom floor, in the dark, with my phone brightness turned all the way up. Caramelldansen played through my headphones as the strobe lights danced on the ceiling, getting in one last silent breakdown before heading to bed. My night had concluded after many hours of nothing but dread and anxiety, me constantly trying to keep myself sane. My parents and I had McDonald's for breakfast the next morning, witnessing a masterpiece of animation. And I was happy at the end! Belos was dead, the coven system erradicated, everyone was at the best places in their lives! It was peace and love in the Boiling Isles! How could I not be happy about that? Unfortunately, the joy wouldn't last long. Things settled in soon enough. At first, it felt like the show wasn't over yet. It felt like there were still some stories to tell. But the reality set in before I knew it and I was left sad. I kept thinking about how much the show meant to me, to many. All it had done for me in the handful of months that I had known it. I still wasn't ready for it's end.

Nowadays, a year later, I still haven't fully recovered. This time around feels a bit dark. My 2024 has been nothing but a mess so far, although I am getting through it. But with such a stark contrast to where I was last year, I can't help but feel like things are too different. Almost like a royal fallen from grace. Life in itself hasn't felt the same since Watching and Dreaming. I can't bring myself to watch it again. Today feels weird, and I'm probably not alone. Wherever your emotions stand on this anniversary, just rememeber this:

Us weirdoes have to stick together.

[samplepsychadelic]

getting a spritual kick in the nuts on NY. 5g shrooms (1/1/24)

(missing pictures)

for the last month of 2023, I was feeling a call for a heroic dose shroom trip. I practically jumped at the opportunity, buying 7 grams of jedi from my usual shop, planning out a time, place and setting. I was granted an opportunity to be alone at my mom's house to dog-sit, of course I took the offer (though I didn't really have a choice otherwise).

fast-forward to new year's eve, my sister, kip, had come over to share a bottle of champagne and watch tv. I asked him to trip-sit for me, which he agreed. kip had trip-sat me a few times previously and was surprisingly quite skilled at it. we both headed to bed around 9pm.

my sister had gone back to our apartment early in the morning, and so my preparation began. I outlined my intentions and contingencies I needed in case things went south. I had kip's number readily available on my phone, cartoons on standby on the television, and had no plans to go anywhere. looking at my 7 grams of capsules, I felt apprehension. I had been feeling a looming sense of slight anxiety towards this trip, due to the high dose and strain I had little experience with; one of my handful of mistakes when going into this trip. I decided to listen to instinct and cut the dose down to 5.5 grams (a smart choice on my end).

I lay on the couch for about 30 minutes after taking the capsules, preparing myself for whatever was about to come. that small, persistent voice of uncertainty had found its way into my thoughts again, repeating “what if something goes wrong?”. I tried my hardest to sideline this thought, though I probably should have investigated the source of it rather than simply ignore it.

I managed to calm myself down right as the mushrooms hit, though now I was slightly anxious about the nausea I was experiencing. I told myself over and over “it's alright, just relax and let things pass. there's no need to fight it, that will make things worse” I slowly calmed down enough to survey my, strangely familiar, surroundings. I started to feel a sense of unfamiliarity with my surroundings and sensory input, though I couldn't place why they all felt as though I'd seen it before. had I seen this before? I tried not to worry too much about it, still aware of myself and what I had taken.

the visuals began to intensify. everything was in motion: the floor was a flowing liquid trapped underneath a see-through solid. the christmas tree's plastic branches and needles all waved as if being moved by an unseen wind, even patterns themselves all flowed and warped incomprehensibly the more I looked at them. I remember thinking to myself “huh, so those shroom visual replication videos are accurate after all,”. though still, that voice in the back of my mind continued to sow uncertainty into my mind no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. even though things were still good, I decided to give my sister a call and asked him to come over, feeling that small anxiety-riddled thought peek through. luckily for me, he has the day off due to the holiday and told me he would come over. he also told me that our mom was going to be coming home soon, around 1:30. I needed to get out of here, but there was nothing I could do right now as I was alone. I didn't let this cause panic, I had other things to focus on at the moment, fractals and kaleidoscopic patterns clouded my peripheral vision.

I closed my eyes and focused on what I was seeing. I've had complex closed eye visuals before, but what I was experiencing in that moment was beyond words, I remember thinking those words to myself. complex shimmering gold and white tubing covered in an eye-adjacent patterning, every few seconds shifting into something else entirely. for some reason, even though I had wanted to break through, I fought to keep my eyes open. I wasn't sure why I was resisting so hard, I was enjoying the patterns and impossible shapes.

I remember closing my eyes again and becoming part of a hexagonal grid; solid black with a slight purple tint and rainbow outlining each hexagon. I fell into place perfectly in sync with the others. “what does this have to do with my set intentions? is there a meaning to this?”, I thought to myself, attempting to try and connect dots that weren't there. “it doesn't matter anymore. focus on what's happening now,” the hexagon next to me telepathically gave me a gentle scolding. this time, even when I opened my eyes, I would always find myself back on this grid. every time drifting back into my designated place.

I hear the door to the garage open and shut, bringing me back to my body. my sister had arrived, the dogs were outside so he let them in (a bit of context, my mom has 2 dogs: a pyrenees (pop) and a pekingese + shih tzu mix (tucker)). I got off the couch to come greet him, which made pop jump up on me. keep in mind, he's taller than me and when he jumps he puts his paws on my shoulders. of course, being under the influence and having a 120lb dog jump on me knocks me back a touch. the two dogs look very strange to me, tucker's fur was flowing backwards and pop, just for a short moment, was green and had an extra leg. below is a gross approximation of what I mean, I’m no painter but it gets my point across.

I sat back down on the couch with my sister as he put on a cooking show to watch. the best way to describe what the TV looked like to me is an AI generated video. the resolution was somehow both lower and higher at the same time, with people on the screen having very defined outer edges to their shape yet missing textures and details. we didn't watch TV for very long; I don't think we got through even a single episode of the show he had put on. instead, I was asked to start gathering my things so we could go home. getting up, let alone walking while the floor melts under you is already a difficult task, not to mention I had to go upstairs to grab my things. I somehow managed to make it up the stairs despite them wobbling beneath me. and, albeit very slowly, started to gather my clothes. once I had everything, we hopped in the car and headed home. I had my earbuds in listening to music for the 15-minute drive. my favorite song at the moment was 13 minutes long, so I didn't have to fuss with the music much.

I very much enjoyed being in the car while I was peaking, everything was shifting, warping, disappearing and reappearing. the dashboard was green and bubbling as if it were a liquid. for the first half of the ride, however, I was starting to worry I had gotten stuck in a time loop, we passed the same stoplights multiple times (or so I believed, the road we were on has many very similar stoplight placements) and I even made sure to make note of what buildings we were passing. I was relieved when we didn't pass them a second time. it was strange, everything seemed as if I had seen it before, but I could swear I hadn't. it was as if my consciousness had been replaced by someone else, someone new who had never been in this reality before. was I dead? how could I be dead and alive at the same time? I tried not to let the experience bother me. I knew it was a pretty common effect of mushrooms. I drew my attention towards the window. watching cars pass in front of us while we were stopped was intriguing, they looked more futuristic, their tires having no rims and not even touching the frame. the cars left trails behind them as they passed, I wondered how fast they were going. even the car my sister and I were in was entirely different. instead of black, it became mostly a cream-white, with red and blue accents as well as yellow star accents. it was no longer a car, it was a comet, a bringer of both light and afterlife, but what was it doing here? I didn't let it bother me. I didn't die, I knew I wasn't going to die, I would be home soon.

we finally arrived at the apartment building, much to my disappointment (I wanted to be in the car for a little longer). I, again, was very slow to gather my things and head towards the stairs. the texture of the sidewalk below me was morphing and swirling in a way that was beautiful, in a sense. we live on the third floor, so the stairs were slightly more difficult this time, even sober, I get winded going up them. following kip felt like being led by a stranger to a place you've never been, however not in a negative sense. as we got through our door, I headed straight to my room to, finally, lay down again.

it wasn't long before kip came into my room and asked if I wanted to go to the store with him. of course, I declined as I wasn't willing to trip in public, that would not have ended well for either of us, especially on such a high dose. he asked if it would be okay for him to go by himself, and, while not really able to pay attention to what was happening, I told him it was okay. this was one mistake I had made on my part that had led to my downfall at the end of the trip.

kip said to call if I needed anything and left. I decided to close my eyes and put some music on again. I started having the same problem as earlier, resisting closing my eyes for too long. I started to get anxious. kip had been gone for a while and I was still tripping. the anxiety worsened, was I going to be high forever? why has it not worn off by now? where is kip? at this point I had started to lose control of the situation, I was completely freaked out. in a panic, I tried to give kip a call, no answer. I try again, no answer. I text him asking where he is, no answer. I cried. I needed to talk to someone, anyone. I gave my grandparents a call, of course, they didn't answer. I ended up calling my mom, who, thankfully, picked up. she and her boyfriend were driving home from somewhere, so I was able to talk to both of them. however, I had to be very particular about what I did and did not mention. ironically, my mom had given me a “don't do drugs” spiel on christmas eve. instead, I said I was anxious because I felt sick which, admittedly, wasn't a lie. I just needed to talk to someone. they talked to me for awhile, as I listened while sobbing and panicked. I didn't know who I was, where I was or what was happening, I was scared and alone. I just wanted kip to come home. eventually, my grandpa had called me back, I ended my call with my mom and talked with him instead. I was still very upset, and it didn't seem like I would calm down unless kip came home.

finally, after about 30 or so minutes, kip called me. I immediately answered. he asked me if I was okay, I answered with a very upset and tearful “nooo….”. everything was still morphing and shifting, the floor was still moving, and the kinetic sand I was playing with still spiraled infinitely into fractals. I never thought I would feel so afraid of seeing fractals. kip told me he was on his way home, which helped alleviate some anxiety. I asked him about 3 or 4 times when he would be home as I watched the minutes on my phone pass slowly.

after a very long and tear-filled 10 minutes, I finally saw kip's car pull into his parking spot. his car seemed to clip into another car as he reversed, I had to ask him afterward if the cars I saw there were even real. I watched him get out from my window and waved to him, he waved back. I was happy to see him come home, I had been alone for what felt like multiple hours (it was in fact 1 hour). he and I hung out in my room for awhile, long enough for me to calm down and stop crying. luckily, I was coming down and, subtly, everything had stopped moving and gone back to normal. I felt like my consciousness was suddenly thrust back into my body, where it belonged. it took a good hour of getting used to being me again, I was having intense tunnel vision and still felt slightly displaced.

while I did make a few very disastrous mistakes during this trip- being moved while peaking, my trip sitter leaving and resisting the trip- I feel like overall this was a positive experience. it was extremely good, then extremely bad, then fine. and while I most likely won't be repeating this experience soon, I feel like there's still more for me to learn from psychedelics, and I plan on doing so with more respect for them than I had before this trip.