naeemajusthasthoughts

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Honour

I searched for you in the depths A mess be it any less, A thought A life A simple lie But you were nowhere inside, Only the shame created by a man.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

I think I have something.

unsure it's kinda funny,

not the laughing kind of funny

but the I just can't believe it kind,

bouncing full of life, it has to be a lie.

I think I have something

a name, a pray, a win,

it's something to me

even when doubts creeps in

it's still all of me

It kinda feels like free.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

I've been putting too much pressure on myself that I just can't seem to write anything at the moment. I kind of feel lost with not having a way to let out some of my emotions. I feel like I'm bursting at the seems and I feel like have to pretend that there is nothing that is affecting me around other people, when all I want to do is scream. Shout out that I need time to collect my broken self, put myself together and heal from my mind. But there is no time for that as the year comes to an end and it gets harder and harder to pretend that I'm okay. I just want to be okay.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Today,

I bought a bag of dog food

I couldn't help but shed some tears.

it lasted way too long

made me remember the day I got you.

What a small thing, I hope you could feel my love

That small beady eyes filled with hope,

somehow you stole all of my heart

never really stopped it

but I didn't really know it, till the day

you wouldn't be there when I call your name.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

I don't want to know it's name anymore,

I want to feel it as though it is a memory

Leave it and forget it,

like the seasons of my life.

Honestly I have ran out of time.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Solace in your arms

I regret telling you I don't care,

be it your heart or your eyes

I found some peace there.

Now a cold bed is all I have.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Whispers of the Broken

I've kept my truth too close to my heart. If ever asked; the lies would spew affecting everything in its path, holding my emotions apart I created my lonely tower out of all my broken parts.

All alone in my ever wonder I lied when I spoke of my lover, honestly, there was never ever none just a lonely heart solving a sum, unknown to the depths of my lungs my heart will never be young.

If I ever told you my secrets I promise you, you'll run. Apart from broken, I will succumb I will be resolved in my attempts grappling with a truth unkempt. And then… I will know, that my mind was always right.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Can I leave this world in peace

at least let my heart know love again

and send me away with a smile

placed gently on my face.

It's the only wish I ever had.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Dismalness

Countless hours are broken. unable to leave, unspoken To a life unresolved in the open.

an unreliable heart unable to let go reading a memory unprovoked. forgotten hardships left on their own , silence as golden brought in their own hope.

The heart was a silly instrument. violence on a violin shuttered melodies rested on slighted shoulders, Heavy without any burdens it broke that hope all on its own.

Sorrow travelled and settled in the heart so far down, it became lost. a hole formed at last black to the touch, consumed even the very soul. Now nothing can go there anymore.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Written (somewhere)

I don't understand

your poetry either you said wearing a curiously configured grimace

on your striking face or, at least, that is what I thought it was.

'Turns out it was a way of communicating we'd yet to encounter

like the key to an alien transportation device which could be activated by a wink or a genial smile

delivering us to where the cypher to my poetry was surely to be found buried underneath a mountain

of bewitching undergarments.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

It's Not Your Fault

I blocked out all the bad memories, stored them so far back, I couldn’t even find my way back. Lost in the darkest part of my mind for so long, your light became so frightening. No understanding could break through.

Couldn't hold back the crying, made myself stronger than I looked. That heart of stone was a lie— it still breaks like gold, hidden behind a legion of coal. If only the cracks could disappear, perhaps there would be something to repair.

I couldn't walk out of this alive. The tongue could only ever lie, and the pain was the one driving to a destination unknown, only to me. So out of reach, it's hard to breathe. If only I could have found some peace, perhaps I could have saved the last piece of me.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Hidden

Breathing is hard, countless indicators are meaningless. When death came knocking, I thought I saw it in the mirror: a face that was not mine.

I broke the mirror, replaced it, but that face never changed. A cold-hearted constant, reminder of the broken, endlessly suffering.

My heart never stood a chance. I cannot breathe; my lungs are full. The choice was blinding, my love the catalyst.

I don't want any reminding, but the truth stood fixed, unchanging. Even when meaning was lost, you stared at me, unnerving.

I stood there, broken, not knowing that the last image of you would wreck my heart thoroughly.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

I can't believe that I have to face a day without you...

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

I don't love you

But you run after me

As though I am your happy ending

I'm selfish

And used you just as you thought.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

The Words has a Mind of Its Own

Been grappling with words recently.

A broken mind in a distressed time

don’t know what to write

it doesn’t always come out right

was it supposed to sound like that?

not happy with the end results

I think I lost myself

in an isolated time

no one in and on one out

just an endless options of words

and a lonely blank page.

The heart beats cannot even explain

the brain can only watch in distaste

detached like the rest

it just cannot seem to rest

wide awake in the endless seems

and the moon doesn’t ever sing.

That doesn’t sound right

should it have ended like that?

I am sure I am right

these words doesn’t even make sense

when they all in my head,

It only ever taste like dust

the moment the words touch the page

is this the moment I would combust?

I just want to let it all out

so why am I in this fight?

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Waiting for You

I lost again. I thought of you once more broke the last piece of me as though it was a decree only to live through heartache once more.

Sacrifice the pain let it lay there in the storm, perhaps I would remember that part of us in december where the embers was still warmer leaving the heart to wander in the evergreens hills in wonder and never ever be deceived or even a little bit naive, but there is still a part of me dispiritedly still wanting to be with you once more.

Though those thoughts should be abandon I don't even want to imagine myself ever trying to forget the days of my happy fate only ever being in my dreamer’s state now my heart is confused once more.

That should be me by your side and not searching for little bits of lights that was solely left out of sight, yet I still desperately wait with wanting for the day that you would come back with your happy smile that should only be mine and not only living in my mind.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

#poetry #beautifulpoems

Reflections at Dawn

Laying in my bed, and losing track of time, when i visit my mind, so many thoughts, new and old, keeps me cold, and exhausted, analyzing each and every action, or planning every meeting, that could possibly go wrong.

shadows of my past, wants to visit me all the time, just waiting for me to have my guard down, so they can haunt me, whenever i have these reflections at dawn.

©Pen_Pain_Poetry