#i just want to be okay

[adharastarlight]

i want to go back to being a baby when crying all day was considered normal and not a "psychiatric meltdown"

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

I've been putting too much pressure on myself that I just can't seem to write anything at the moment. I kind of feel lost with not having a way to let out some of my emotions. I feel like I'm bursting at the seems and I feel like have to pretend that there is nothing that is affecting me around other people, when all I want to do is scream. Shout out that I need time to collect my broken self, put myself together and heal from my mind. But there is no time for that as the year comes to an end and it gets harder and harder to pretend that I'm okay. I just want to be okay.

[missazura]

i hope in my lifetime i'll get to experience what its really like being physically surrounded by people who love me because i can't fucking take it anymore man

[3-lavender]

I’ve been fighting myself for as long as I can remember. I’m so tired of fighting.

[scoutingthetrooper]

I'm in such an awful way that even stuff that I'd usually find funny is making me angry😮‍💨

[gay-xylophone]

why can’t i fucking think without it hurting

it’s like my brain is being ripped in two every time i try to talk

in other news: i fucking love hemingway right now

[sunflawyer]

vent.

im genuinely tired of being shoved with jimmy's canon ship here and there. (you know who.) i tried so hard to ignore it, but lately it's gotten into my mind a little bit too much. i genuinely hate feeling like this, but everytime i see that canon ship, i get reminded of the trauma of being attacked by their hardcore shippers just because i selfship with him.

its been bugging my mind a lot lately. i just wish they'd leave me alone. especially with people who comment like, "i cant see jimmy with someone else," "abby is boring", "youre replacing her with your character" etc. god, my head hurts.

all i want to do is just give him the love he deserves in my own way.

someone please reassure me he loves abby and sunflawyer is valid. please. please.

[vskitty]

[thisiswhatmakesusgirrls]

[emmy101118]

Back to depression

[incoherentyearning]

Sitting at work wondering why I'm in such a good mood today and then remembering that I took a hit off of my pen with my antidepressants this morning "to spice things up". Don't feel high or anything, it was just one puff & got me in a good mood. Shit honestly works 10x better than the SSRIs my doc has me on. Thinking about doing this every morning, but at the same time that seems like speedrunning psychological addiction.

[spiced-demon]

I just want everything to work out

[psycho-freitag]

How do you heal when every time you think you've moved on, one tiny little insignificant thing brings it all right back and you're trapped again even though you're free?

[tefeckincraicen]

These past two months have been really... Eye opening?

I knew I was disabled, but I always just pushed it down and pushed through it. I guess I was stuck in my own ableist mindset against myself. "It's not that bad." But it is. And I don't really know what that means for my life.

I have to do this for the rest of my life :)

[besavvy]

Any man could walk into a doctor’s office with the exact same symptoms as me and any doctor would be falling all over themselves trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong. The words “it’s just anxiety” would never even cross their mind.

But I, a woman, walk through that door and that asshole ignores all my abnormal test results, all my concerns, refuses to even consider the obvious diagnosis that my regular doctor (a woman) as well as multiple family members who are doctors and nurses all agree it likely is. Because “it’s really popular in the internet right now and I think it’s overdiagnosed. You’re just getting anxious because of that.”

BECAUSE THERES MORE INFORMATION NOW AND PEOPLE ARE FINALLY GETTING A FUCKING DIAGNOISIS YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! On top of that fact that a lot of people who had covid and got over it are ending up with it! I know what a fucking anxiety or panic attack feels like moron. This ain’t that! I’m literally passing out all the time that is not because of my anxiety. But it makes me pretty fucking anxious to worry if I’m going to randomly pass out while I’m out in public alone.

He literally almost made me pass out in his office while doing his own version of a tilt table test and I kid you not, looked me up and down, stared at my thick thighs for an extra few seconds (I was in shorts and already self conscious) scoffed, and told me I just need to do some squats and lunges and that will fix all my problems.

Wow! Thankyou! You cured my feinting and my atrial fibrillation! You told a girl who is extremely physically active every day all day to do a few squats. I’m sure that’s magically going to fix everything.

I wanted to cry or scream at him by the time I left I was so frustrated.

[electricalmayhemical]

I really being go through it emotionally rn huh