#last call for alterations!
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"So the commissions for the Villys are almost complete. Everyone's suits and dresses are ready all from a minor detail or two. I forgot how busy this event makes me.... and how stressed."
She takes a puff of her cigarette.
"I will need something to distress me when I have this all done. Maybe a night out with my peers? A crime spree? Torture? Not sure..."
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So what kind of gay people are in this game?
#is my question whenever i join a new fanfom related to video games#life is strange#rdr2#sadigail#sadie adler#charthur#stardew valley#mario#sonic the hedgehog#splatoon#splatoon 2#splatoon 3#anyways I always got gay vibes from the characters#the last of us#ellie x dina#tlou#apex legends too tbh#so#apex legends#hehhe the second time i posted smt on my hyperfixation tag#COD#call of duty#kingdom hearts#tell me if you have more games#im gonna do#alter apex legends#as a tag for that shes now confirmed ace!!!#cookie run kingdom#for my friend lmao#titanfall 2
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Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level#for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda#changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is#don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men#his transness wouldnt change that#only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically.#Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band#is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name;#over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had#he becomes more caring more supportive#it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind#and learns how to be a kinder man.#all of which have no contradictions with him being trans!#In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences#i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways#to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring.#Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL.#at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it#so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine#i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt#but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues#and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does#again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol#AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans#do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model#I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA
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i say this with my entire chest: “terry” is unironically one of the best bits of last life
#bigbst4tz2#last life smp#bigb sincerely carried last life. the dramatic betrayal. him going into hiding. TERRY. THE SUNGLASSES#bigb vs the cooler terry#the way everyone rolled with it#the way his alter ego is just called Terry
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finally drew my beloved es
Mostly her as is, with a couple doodles of her as Athena in my au
#ghost-rambles.txt#art#es alter ego#alter ego caramel column#pmmm & epic fusion#homura’s odyssey#(Last two tags due to Esthena)#(Yes that’s what I’m calling her lmao)#Fanart#alter ego es fanart
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i have genuinely so many thoughts about how the book Lieutenant Hornblower was adapted and how most of the changes work, when accounting for the fact it must necessarily leave Bush's POV in order to work as television, and how those changes end up fucking over Bush's character in the movies, and how he was further pilfered by the series' decision to maintain characters like Styles and Kennedy. There is so much going on in there. Unfortunately, I don't yet own a copy of Lieutenant Hornblower, and having to constantly borrow it from my library is a faff and prevents me using post its to mark important passages. :(
#i also last read lt hornblower over a year ago at this point#analysing the intersection of bush and kennedy is particularly ripe since kennedy DOES NOT EXIST in that book#and barely exists in the book prior. he's in two chapters. he has like 5 lines of dialogue. he probably gets killed in france#but in Lt you can understand the impulse! because other than bush and buckland? there are two other lts who arent important#so scrapping them in favour of an existing character you cobbled together for the series? yeah! yeah!!!#but they can't give archie the fate of either of the scrapped lts. bc itd be utterly ignomious#one of them gets cut in half by a cannonball. the other dies offscreen during the prisoners revolt on the renown#so they shift the circumstances of the firsts' death to a sequence with bush (the anchor thing)#and they alter the latter to remove archie from canon before he completely breaks the events of Hotspur#but THEY ALSO take actions from bush! and give them! to archie!#and it has a marked effect on bush's character in those two movies!#and when loyalty/duty are more “faithful” to the books re: bush's characterisation its jarring!#*shaking the books* i have so many thoughts#hornblower#“what does styles have to do with it” changes how he relates to the crew.#also they give the cradling bush scene to styles instead of horatio which is Funny as hell but also ;-;#it has a completely different tone but thats the stand in! for horatio calling for him tenderly!#but they couldn't give that scene to horatio because he was about to have a similar thing with archie. :(
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#i think i can finally see isotonicity on the horizon#had a volatile encounter with a woman in an altered state at the pizza parlor tonight which after the last two weeks is NOTHING#also she called me a lesbian which when youre a sometimes-insecure bisexual can really give you some uwu do you mean it vibes#you cant even get that mad when someone is insane at you after a period of eve moderate actual trial. lapis lazuli powers activate
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The man himself! Full of jokes..
#So ummm... We have a Barnaby alter! he's only been kicking around a lot more the last week or so... We don't really know why#But he drew himself today! There he is! now we have to figure out a tag...#Barnaby's art#Misiu's art#??#I have no idea#He's also had the worst luck and/or the funniest comedic timing of things... i can't say i should have expected.. any less?#ahh I have to update the alter list soon I bet!#Anyway#He goes by Barnaby- Teddy- AND Misiu#Though those last two are really just kind of the same. Misiu is just a name I (Dolly) call him affectionately! bc he is a big teddy bear!#There is so much to be said of him but he'll speak in his own time!#Our art#barnaby beagle#barnaby b beagle#welcome home#I'm taking a risk tagging this on the main tags but please know this isnt a “BARNABY BEAGLE REAL” we just have DID#He is an alter and he is just a guy with jokes of varying quality#Questions about all this is fine of course.. Please just dont think this is some kind of ask blog thing he is just a guy#dolly's rambles
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was anyone gonna give me a heads up about the Our Violent Ends epilogue or was i supposed to start desperately sobbing like a clown only to be fine minutes later all over again
#our violent ends#anyhoo.#this book#this book!#chloe gong i love you so much#i want her to adopt me#um. this book has altered my brain chemistry for the better#These Violent delights/Our Violent ends has changed my life for the better#i love all of them so much#also benmars dshuaodsboidbsbhshajbsccd#and um yea why does chloe need to make me extremely sad only for me to be actually great a few pages later like whats that all about girly#pop i look and feel like a clown#anyhoo#16/10. no notes#ALSO what's next is it last violent call or foul lady something or heartmans hunter or what#yelenaposts#secret shanghai#chloe gong#benmars#juliette cai#roma montagov#alisa montagova#celia lang
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sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg
#i was justttttt thinking that aw it's so sad that navratri music is playling everywhere and i don't have friends to go with#like last year atleast i had tuition sorta friends but now ive isolated them too it sucks#but i was like well it's okay ill do it when i grow up celebrate every festival i didn't get to in my house because we just never do#and then she calls and she's like let's go this club jahan every year famous hota hai full celebration#and i was like ehh i don't want to i don't even know how to play and ill have to convince dad for raat can't we just#go to a cafe or something dopahar mein uske liye i don't even need permission#and she even agreed but she sounded sad and disappointed about it so i was like well fuck it you want to go club na#and she was like yeahhh so i was like aagh okay and i asked and we're going tomorrow!!!!!#and it's so ridiculous like i just say i don't want to go but it's actually so exciting to go someplace other than a cafe!!!!#and i was complaining to her ki okay ill go but i won't dress up and five mins later me and mumma are making full outfit with dupatta#style decided jewellery she has saved for years that are specifically navratri types and she's like we'll get my blouse altered it's fine#you know being sick has really given me perspective on my parents#im not going to hate my mom anymore i never used to growing up i always thought she was brave but helpless#but a stupid day in 12th i realised when we were talking that technically she COULF get divorced she just#doesn't want to because she'll be alone and she thinks we're growing up and leaving anyway so why should she let go of financial#stability for us. which is wild to me because girl you can't buy anything you want without his permission so i don't understand what's the#point if he's rich or poor but whatever whatever she's been raised this way etc etc#but anyway being sick really made me realise who the real monster is😭 all dad did was shout horribly at me all the time#and was like don't you dare take meds they're fake this is all just junk food stop eating it and you'll be fine. when i was literally#having 103 FEVER.#and mom was the one who was making me different drinks juices cutting up fruits staying with me as i get my blood drawn#checking my fever sote jaagte#like wow i literally wouldn't have gotten better if it wasn't for her and i couldn't believe how attentive and nice she was being#like yes i understand she just thinks this is her duty she's just playing her role a mother a housewife but still#idk i just realized that okay atleast she's good at being a mother dad isn't even that why am i feeling good about him when his love#not even love his politeness is so fucking conditional#and mom healed me even tho i told her about clubbing and drinking lots of alcohol she's kinda against it because she's seen#horrible things in life family yucky men but still she understands ans trusts my sister mostly and know we just do it for fun and she#wasn't even mad!!!!!!! like wow ooay#moms love is actually not conditional for the first time in my life i felt like if i fall maybe she could be there to catch me and dad wld
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While I'm talking about DR3 and its handling of themes, does anyone else feel like danganronpa's ideas of 'hope' and 'despair' became a bit flanderised sometimes?
I could be reaching- the series has always been incredibly hammy in how it uses the terms- but in DR1 they still felt somewhat grounded in the words' actual definitions and in DR2 Komaeda fixating on an abstracted conflict between 'hope' and 'despair' was presented as a bad thing. Thinking 'hope' is synonymous with 'talent' was part of the problem, but even without that he'd feel like an intentional twisted parody of Naegi. He takes the thematic conflict between hope and despair too literally; to him the concepts were less states of mind, more grand causes, and so no amount of suffering became unacceptable to him if it made for a more interesting narrative in the end.
But sometimes later additions to the series... kind of sound like him? Maybe I should revisit DR3 and give it more of a chance, but I felt like the entire narrative approached 'hope' and 'despair' in some of the ways Komaeda does. Like it kept throwing those words at me as a substitute for actual depth, because hey, it's Danganronpa, right? That's what you're here for, right? Especially considering how little interest the writers showed in non-Ultimates besides Hinata as people, making 'hope' feel genuinely associated with talent to some degree.
Similarly, in DRV3, what did it mean for the survivors to reject both hope and despair? Stripped of those words, their choice was to break out of the narrative's control, not let their reality being potentially fake get to them, and face the unknown together. Is that not 'hope'? Is that not emotionally identical to both previous games' endings? Does that not make the game's use of 'hope' completely divorced from its meaning?
If the themes were handled more coherently I could see that being done intentionally- exploring whether the series started with a good message and lost its way, and/or asking whether 'hope' is hollow if your struggles, your eventual triumph over them, everything was contrived for others' entertainment- but I feel like if that was the case the DRV3 characters should reclaim hope and reject false definitions or exploitation of it instead of rejecting hope itself. Because again, with feeling, what does that mean???
#.txt#danganronpa#hope this is coherent LMAO#since i'm being really critical of dr3 no shade to anyone that likes it obviously (i feel like that should go without saying)#or drv3's ending but criticising that isn't a hot take at all#buuuut yeah! it's been years so definitely feel free to counter me if you feel like i'm being reductive#also i watched 2.5 for the first time last night and its handling of hope was... better? but it still runs into issues of like...#having all of this focus on komaeda as a character and confirming/elaborating on some nuances of him but then#not really doing anything with that. he has friends who care about him now but kind of had them handed to him via regained memories instead#of facing consequences for his actions in dr2 and/or being forced to unpack his coping mechanism at all.#that's a tangent but it frustrates me as a stan of his haha; i really really like how a fic called Equivalence handles dr2 postgame instead#it's unfortunately dead since 2016 but still altered my brain chemistry
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So.
#so remember that school that I didn't go to bc in the end it would just be way too expensive to take on and I kinda spiraled and lost#all sense of self and I've kinda been drifting for the last year trying to figure out what to do with my life#well apparently my parents have been talking with the school behind my back and for the last few months they have been working out#payment deals and financial aid and today they got a call back with an offer that they like feel happy with and idk what to do#I wanted to go so so badly this time last year that it was literally soul crushing that I couldn't go#but I've also spent the last year convincing myself that this was actually a good thing and I've been looking into new schools#and I don't fucking know someone tell me what to do bc I have no idea what I'm feeling I'm kinda shutting down and I have to make#a decision by the first#sstfu.txt#how am I supposed to make such a huge life altering choice in two weeks I'm gonna throw up#my best friend is states away and my other best friend is in the city I just want someone here to hug me and tell me what to do
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every now and again i wonder why izuru assigned me hajime kin so damn hard it came true like how did this motherfucker know everything like that. and then i remember the section of my pinned post asking that people please not use the word "talent" if they want to compliment me bc i have a rough history with the idea of inherent talent. and how that is a genuine fact about me and something that has deeply influenced who i am as a person. and that that has been in my pinned post for longer than i've been a danganronpa fan. and i understand
#marzi speaks#having self-worth issues in middle school is actually just the beginning stages of kinning hajime hinata#it's ok tho i'm at the point where i've accepted this about myself. i lean into it now#like last semester. when we had to make performance art projects about a facet of our identities#and i chose. my own lack of a self-perception. because i straight up do not know who i am#i even used the fucking beach as a metaphor. i went to the goddamn beach at night. the whole vibe was dissociative and stressed#it was a GREAT final piece too i'm still super proud of it. but like goddamn i really. i really did that huh#head in hands. it was authentic#i STILL don't know what my deal is. i dunno what it is ppl remember me for#but shit my friends love me. n that's enough i think. for now#being friends with systems is so fun bc sometimes an alter you barely know knows you better than you know yourself#i still haven't spoken to izuru since then afaik. mfer came to my inbox called me out and fucked off. kind of iconic#but it still keeps me up some nights. how.... how much did you know#I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE MY CRUSH ON KOMAEDA YET. HOW DID YOU KNOW
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There are few things worse, I think, than reading a call to action memoir that is so close to right but really should have been shelved for at least 5yrs before going to print so the author has time to learn enough to see all the false equivalencies that really hinder the point
#personal;#yeah fatphobia is bad but dont you dare act like people aren't asking disabled people to medically alter themselves every day???#you compare bariatric and gender affirming surgeries in such a way that makes the latter sound easy to get??#and in fact don't at ALL go into the struggles for transition care except for a nod at FL while comparing us (trans people)#to fat people like our lives are Much Easier instead of /oppressed by the same white colonial structures that enforce fatphobia/#but go off i guess#i was giving a lot of leeway when i was just side eyeing the comparisons with racism bc i'm not fat and i've not experienced enough racism#to say either way on those#but the MOMENT she started using trans and disabled comparisons i about lost it#and also randomly started calling it antisemitic (sure as much as it's violnt to all poc) in the last chapter with nothing supporting it#like you can tell it was written over the course of the last like 2 maybe 3 years without enough space to breathe#i have listened to a book on writing memoir so often i've got some of it all but memorized#and i agree that if it's more recent than a decade you're probably too close to be writing it#and this author's writing mostly about during pandemic times. this is more a journal and call to action than memoir#but its not polished enough to be a proper call to action bc there's not much it gives you to do other than 'stop dieting & dare to be fat'#which isn't an effective call to action when only those most harmed by fatphobia can act on it you know???#lots of complaints#3/10#edit: reiterting that i'm not saying it'#*it's not anti-semitic; just that a good published work of this kind doesn't make last second claims and certainly not ones#they haven't already explicitly supported in the text#i feel the need to clarify with the very very vocal rise of anti semitism esp in the left#like yes there are anti-Semitic ties. she didn't name them. just said 'they exist lol' and this went to print#great study in poor research slipping onto shelves bc topic matter is relevant
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#sega#pso2 ngs#phantasy star online#pso2ss#pso2 new genesis#pharia alter#rappy#I’m in love with this new look#it’s called Pharia Alter because her canon is that she’s from an AU#where Pharia lives in halpha and is raised by wild tames#last pic is her sleeping with her rappy family
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I feel like recently I've been kind of hyperaware of how touch-starved we are but also there's nobody we know in person that we'd be comfortable hugging or really touching at all so I don't know what to do about it but I feel like I'm losing my mind
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#we're having one hell of a night. then again we were also having one hell of a night last night too#anyway there's advice online for touch-starvation but it's all like ''have video calls'' and ''hug a pillow'' and ''listen to ASMR''#but I think if I'm at the point where thinking about hugging someone makes me cry#then maybe we're beyond the point where those things are gonna make much difference#but also like... it fucking sucks that cuddling with other alters in the same system doesn't count towards not being touch-starved#like what do you mean I can cuddle with my boyfriend multiple times a day and still be this desperate for physical affection#the only physical contact we've had in months has been from medical professionals and I still feel gross from it#and other than that in the last 2 and a half years I think we've had a grand total of 4 hugs from people we didn't want to hug#and those also just made us feel gross and uncomfortable
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